SOCIAL MEDIA

Connecting, Filtering and Thriving:

How Women Are Using Social Media to Live Better Online

By Emily Cunningham

When Facebook launched in 2004, it was intended exclusively for students at Harvard. Eventually, other Ivy League schools began to use it, and, by 2006, it was open to anyone over the age of 13. Now, 15 years and 2.8 billion users later, it’s one of the biggest sources of digital “connectedness,” along with Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and others. Social media connects everyone in genuine and “filtered” ways on any day at any time and any place.

Thriving “Kayla” (not her real name) founded a Facebook group in 2019 to help herself cope with anxiety and PTSD. She constructed a health-focused semester in college, attending classes on general wellness, yoga and psychology to learn how to live “a better life with intentionality.” When she discovered Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) scores and the Seven Dimensions of Wellness, she felt compelled to share her newfound information with others.

“I desperately wanted to figure out how to thrive, and I knew that other people around me felt the same way,” she says. “I wanted to create an environment where we could help each other do that in a way that was healthy and safe.”

Fitness influencer Whitney Perez (@whitp.fit) adopted social media usage for personal accountability and to inspire others to take better care of themselves. She now represents a wellness supplement company and two fitness apparel companies.

“My social media presence is what ultimately aligned those companies and myself. . . . I have people I’ve never physically met become close friends as part of my support system,” she says. “Their different perspectives and levels of education as well as just being genuine humans have only encouraged me to be the best version of myself.”

Both women point out that social media has provided a way for them to connect with other women like themselves: moms, small business owners and supporters, trauma survivors, and strong individuals fighting to be better.

Filtered Reality However, the problem with “connecting” is social media often shape shifts into a “highlight reel” instead of an honest portrait of people’s lives. Kayla points out the environments on social media can be unforgiving, and it’s easy to filter not only our photos, but our emotions as well.

“We treat social media like a display case for the parts of ourselves we think are good enough to be seen … We take the dopamine hit when the likes roll in. But we are left lonely and fragmented.”

She noted popular terms like “GirlBoss,” which at first glance feels empowering and ambitious, highlights the issue of why “girl” needs to be asserted. Men don’t write “BoyBoss.” However, women in charge are often viewed as masculine and intimidating, so highlighting “girl” softens the blow that a woman is in control. This, sentiments like “good vibes only” and referring to any form of criticism – even constructive – as “hating” is considered toxic positivity and leaves no room for setting boundaries or actual positivity.

“Society has placed such an expectation of what a “successful” woman should be,” said Whitney. “There are always negative interactions and bad apples, but there is so much love and support shared as well.”

I don’t believe we can thrive until we start learning how to be ourselves, regardless of how that looks.

For more information on ACE scores and the Seven Dimensions of Wellness, see: cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/ and yourhealthandwellbeing.org/about/sevendimensions/. Z

Emily Cunningham is a freelance magazine writer with a passion for wildlife conservation, civil and societal issues, and artistic pursuits including dance, creative writing, and handmade art.

Women share what they love about connecting on social media.

“It’s so freeing to have a safe space where anything goes, and no men are watching and giving their opinions.” - Estleen P.

“[It’s] the ability to express myself openly with strangers who are there to give me perspective instead of a fight.” – Anne Marie B.

“My pregnancy was rough, and I wouldn’t have gotten through it without the support of the friends I made in the group.” – Emily J. “I feel safer when I meet a woman in a Facebook group for an online game than when I meet a character in a game who just says they’re a woman.” – Sarah H.

“Social media has helped me find communities of other women with invisible diseases, just like me! It makes me feel seen.” – Anna E.

“Body norms such as stretch marks being shared and acknowledged as normal and beautiful.” – Emily P. “I love keeping up with a few friends from childhood and high school.” – Sasha K.

“It’s done wonders for my mental health to have [my friends] feel so close when we can’t be near one another.” – Ogimaa I.