Henrietta

“Henrietta”, called DL from her cushy faux fur desk chair and over-botoxed face, “I’ve been thinking” (this is where I should have left the room), “that we need to embrace going GREEN.” Hmf. Well, the fire-breathing dragon actually has an ounce of fun hidden in that spaghetti noodle of hers, otherwise known as her brain. I didn’t think she had it in her, but yes, she might just redeem herself by offering to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Visions immediately came to mind of GREEN Beer, GREENIES for all, little leprechauns dancing about for my enjoyment and Penelope not participating because according to her, “wearing GREEN makes her fur have an aura of peakedness”. Yes, I can see how the celebration of GREEN could be filled with scrumptious food and beverage so I quickly replied, “Yes mother, that is an excellent idea! I need to think about what to wear, because you know what they say: “The luck of the Irish comes to those who wear GREEN.” DL appeared puzzled as I added, “Plus, the Irish are the authors of my favorite saying: ‘As you slide down the bannister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way," I retorted over my shoulder as I merrily skipped toward my room to find the most bedazzled GREEN garment in my closet.

But before I could escape the clutches of my tormenter, she said, “Henrietta, what in the dickens are you talking about? What does going GREEN have to do with the Irish?” She is so daft at times. I tried to hide my “you’re so stupid voice” as I patiently explained that St. Patrick’s Day is about everything GREEN, most importantly, the beer.

The next thing that happened was somewhere between tragedy and horror. DL broke out into a fit of laughter, rare as it is, and unfortunately the laughter was at my expense.

“My dear little Henrietta”, (she NEVER calls me that so I know something awful is happen-