Personal Excellence - August 2022

AUGUST 2022 • Vol. 27 • No. 08 (ISSN 2564-1948)

Emotions Are Superpowers - Carolyn Stern, President and CEO, EI Experience

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16

- Jonathan H. Westover,

- Dr. Ridgely Salter,

- Alexandra McGroarty,

Utah Valley University

WellSpan Health

McGroarty & Co. Consulting

5 Tips On Building Developing Our Love Emotional Wellness At Quotient (LQ) As A Work 1 Leader Personal Excellence presented by HR.com August 2022

22

Imposter Syndrome: It’s Not You, It’s Them

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Triggered? What You Should Do Instead Of Reacting Submit Your Articles - Anja van Beek,

Anja van Beek Consulting & Coaching

INDEX

Personal Excellence AUGUST 2022

Vol.27

No.08

(ISSN 2564-1948)

07

Emotions Are Superpowers

On the Cover

Emotions should not be feared but celebrated

- Carolyn Stern,

President and CEO, EI Experience

Articles 14 Master The Expectations Creating an environment where everyone wins

- Jim Stovall, President, Narrative Television Network 18 How To Overcome The Lack Of On-The-Job Support And Seek Help Contacting the right person and other ideas

- Susanne Tedrick, Infrastructure Specialist for Azure, Microsoft

24 Embracing A Culture Of Empathy Flexibility and empathy are fundamental to any approach

- Kelli Koschmann, Chief People Officer, Showpad 29 Mentor/Mentee Relationships: Everyone Needs To Be “All In” It’s time that we rewrite the rulebook on mentor/ mentee relationships

- Dr. William Kane, Global HR Executive & Dr. Rosina Racioppi, WOMEN Unlimited Inc

31 Mentally Fit Leaders: How Do You Find Them?

Mental fitness increases your capacity, impact, and influence as a leader

- Jody Michael, CEO, Jody Michael Associates

Top Picks

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Developing Our Love Quotient (LQ) As A Leader As we develop our LQ, it can help attract and retain the best talent - Jonathan H. Westover, Chair, Organizational

Leadership Department, Utah Valley University

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5 Tips On Building Emotional Wellness At Work Ward off burnout and make emotional wellness a priority - Dr. Ridgely Salter, Physician,

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WellSpan Health

Imposter Syndrome: It’s Not You, It’s Them Check out the tactics for dealing with feelings of imposter phenomenon - Alexandra McGroarty, Managing Partner & HR Consultant, McGroarty & Co. Consulting, LLC

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Triggered? What You Should Do Instead Of Reacting The 4 S’ of EQ - Anja van Beek, Agile Talent

Strategist & Leadership Coach, Anja van Beek Consulting & Coaching

INDEX

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Personal Excellence

Care for Yourself While Caring for Others

O

ur lives have drastically shifted in the past two years, as our routines were disrupted at home and on the job.

Thanks to a combination of technology and the new realities brought by Covid-19, we no longer have to be in the same country as our colleagues, never mind the same office.

Over the course of the pandemic, we had to learn (and relearn) many hard lessons, as we struggled to respond to the uncertainty around us. For most of us, the biggest challenge may be just regularly taking the time to take care of our mental health. But most of the time, we forget about ourselves.

Practicing self-care helps us to be the best version of ourselves and help others. We need to learn to be patient (with ourselves and others) and quick to forgive (ourselves and others).

If you’re looking for some motivation and ways to be emotionally strong, check out the August issue of Personal Excellence.

In her article, Emotions Are Superpowers, Carolyn Stern explains why emotions should not be feared but celebrated. According to Carolyn, if we learn to identify our feelings, accept them, and act accordingly, it can become the superpower we need to thrive, personally and professionally.

Check out Dr. Ridgely Salter’s article, 5 Tips On Building Emotional Wellness At Work, to learn about ways to ward off burnout and make emotional wellness a priority at work.

Do you feel like an imposter? Alexandra McGroarty’s article, Imposter Syndrome: It’s Not You, It’s Them, highlights tactics for dealing with feelings of imposter phenomenon.

When you are triggered, you are in a fight, flight, freeze or fawn state.

Instead of reacting to a certain moment or heated argument, what should you do? Read Anja van Beek’s article, Triggered? What You Should Do Instead Of Reacting, to learn that and more.

In brief, we have hand-picked 10 articles that can help you, as you begin, or continue your journey toward personal and professional excellence.

We hope you enjoy reading all the articles and get back to us with your valuable feedback.

Happy Reading!

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(ISSN 2564-1948)

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COVER ARTICLE

Emotions Are Superpowers Emotions should not be feared but celebrated

By Carolyn Stern, EI Experience

T

oday’s leaders are managing the most complex workforce at the most demanding time in history. Our labor force is made up of people from multiple generations, across different ethnicities, religions, genders, sexual orientations, and cultural backgrounds, people who bring their life experiences and expectations from global environments with them to the job.

The work environment has also drastically shifted, thanks to a combination of technology and the new realities brought by Covid-19. We no longer have to be in the same country as our colleagues, never mind

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the same office. Today’s employees are less willing to spend their lives commuting to crowded offices and instead want to work remotely and in virtual teams.

Isn’t it fitting then that when dealing with such fractious, uncertain, and challenging times, we have, inside each of us, a superpower that can create trust bonds and make us happier, healthier, and more likely to succeed?

Before we are employees, managers, or senior leaders, we are human. As humans, we have feelings, and those feelings—if we learn to identify them,

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Emotions Are Superpowers

accept them, and act accordingly with them—can become the superpower we need to thrive, personally and professionally. This superpower can be the factor that leads to more engagement, collaboration, creativity, innovation, and happiness.

An emotionally intelligent leader realizes this underappreciated and unrecognized potential inside themselves and their colleagues and treats their employees as humans first and foremost. People are not simply task completers; they are emotionally complex and remarkably resilient.

Learning cognitive strategies to be bigger than our emotions is critical for success in school, business, and life. We need to learn to be observers of our emotions and take the emotional charge out of situations.

We need to learn to look for the incredible gift emotions provide us and what they tell us about ourselves, others, and the world. And we need to learn to be in command of our emotions, so we have the strength and stamina to be more powerful than our feelings, learn mental strategies on how to regulate them, and not let them take over our life.

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Emotions should not be feared but celebrated. A wealth of amazing possibilities are available if we learn to harness our superpower.

Excerpted from The Emotionally Strong Leader: An Inside-Out Journey to Transformational Leadership by Carolyn Stern. Copyright © 2022 by Carolyn Stern & Associates Inc. Excerpted with permission from Figure 1 Publishing. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Carolyn Stern is the President and CEO of EI Experience—an executive leadership development and emotional intelligence training firm. She is a certified Emotional Intelligence and Leadership Development Expert, professional speaker, and university professor.

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Top Pick

Developing Our Love Quotient (LQ) As A Leader As we develop our LQ, it can help attract and retain the best talent

By Jonathan H. Westover, PhD, Utah Valley University

O

ver the past 20-plus months, the entire world has had to respond to increasing levels of economic, political, and social uncertainty, thanks largely to the Covid-19 pandemic. Back in the spring of 2020, seemingly overnight, many employers had to immediately pivot and learn how to run their organization with a remote team. Some leaders and organizations were better prepared and equipped for

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this rapid change, while many had to struggle just to keep the doors open.

Over the course of the pandemic, leaders have had to learn (and relearn) many hard lessons, as they have struggled to respond to the uncertainty around them and the rapidly shifting nature of work. Among the many challenges they have faced, there has been the

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Developing Our Love Quotient (LQ) As A Leader

necessity to show greater caring and support for their people, who often were grappling with a combination of complex work-from-home arrangements, homeschooling, and child/elder care, as well as all of the health concerns and social and political upheaval.

Rising to the challenge of showing great concern, empathy, love and support for their people has helped leaders and organizations survive the economic challenges of the pandemic.

IQ Vs. EQ Vs. LQ

We know about intelligence quotient or IQ, and there has been plenty of research to cast a shadow of doubt upon its efficacy and ability to predict the likelihood of one’s life and career success. In fact, often it is those with a higher IQ that struggle to effectively relate to and connect with their people, and while they may be great individual contributors, they can struggle in collaborative settings.

In response to the limitations of IQ over the past decade, more and more leaders have been focusing on the role of EQ, or emotional quotient (also termed emotional intelligence), in predicting the likelihood of success. In fact, EQ has become a commonly accepted competency and set of capabilities needed

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for the ever-shifting and rapidly changing future of work.

Extending the idea of EQ, another construct has begun to gain traction in leadership circles: LQ, or love quotient.

The Importance Of LQ

Recently, I was interviewing Chris Wise, an organizational leadership thought leader, for my podcast. Among the many topics discussed, Wise introduced me to the idea of LQ. On his website, Wise explains, “Love quotient is all about improving our ability to love ourselves and others. LQ is redefining and expanding what love means. It is humanity’s tool for understanding our own capacity to love and highlights the necessity for us to do so.”

Personally, this idea of LQ deeply resonates with me.

As a firm believer in servant leadership, with genuine caring for others at its core, LQ seems to fit perfectly with this approach. Additionally, the pandemic has demonstrated the necessity of organizational leaders who can better connect with their people and show genuine empathy and meaningful support during incredibly trying times.

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Developing Our Love Quotient (LQ) As A Leader

Additionally, as we find ourselves in the middle of the “Great Resignation,” where employees have lots of options in an incredibly tight labor market, employees aren’t quick to forget how their organization and their boss treated them over the past two years. Some have risen to the occasion, while others have not been up to the challenge, ill-equipped for the new empathic leadership requirements. While the concept of EQ gets at much of what is needed from our leaders, particularly during trying times, LQ is an even better fit, providing a razor-sharp focus on both the importance of self-care, as well providing genuine love, caring and support for our people.

How To Develop Greater LQ How can we best develop our LQ-related competencies?

Focus on self-care. In order to develop a genuine love for those around us, we first need to learn to love ourselves. As we love ourselves and practice consistent self-care, our own cup will be filled and we will have a greater capacity to support, lift and love those around us. The more genuine love we have for those around us, the more we will feel uplifted and can quickly find ourselves in a mutual reciprocal upward spiral of love and support.

Practice genuine empathy. Similarly, as we see those around us for who they are (blemishes and all), we can develop and practice greater empathy for our colleagues’ lived experiences. We need to learn to be patient (with ourselves and others) and quick to forgive (ourselves and others). As we show an increase in genuine compassion and caring, others will learn to trust us.

Develop meaningful relationships. Developing mutual accountability and trust is essential in the development of any meaningful relationship. Practice appropriate vulnerability with colleagues and it gives them permission to be vulnerable with you. Over time, a trusting relationship will develop that can provide support during difficult and trying times.

energy that we can expend. While extroverts often get recharged through interactions with others, introverts will quickly feel depleted. Learn and practice the regular activities and routines that will help you recharge your own batteries, so you are ready to love and support those around you. Remember, you can’t draw from an empty well.

In conclusion, if we want to develop and sustain highperforming teams, we need to recognize the necessity of showing genuine empathy and love for the people in our organizations. We need to acknowledge their innate value and worth and always treat our people with dignity and respect. As we develop our LQ, it can help to both attract and retain the best talent, as well as better motivate and engage our people to perform at higher levels.

Jonathan H. Westover, Ph.D. is an award-winning US-based Amazon. com #1 Best Selling Author, ranked # 1 HR, Innovation, and Future of Work Global Thought Leader & Influencer (Thinkers360), ranked in the Top 30 in Management and Organizational Culture (Global Gurus), and has been included on LeadersHum’s Power List of the Top 200 Biggest Voices in Leadership to watch for in 2022. He is an entrepreneur, management consultant, teacher, and research academic based in Orem, Utah. He is the host and producer of the popular Human Capital Innovations (HCI) Podcast, Chief Academic & Learning Officer of the HCI Academy, and serves on a host of nonprofit, community, and association boards and committees and has received numerous awards for his teaching, research, and service to the community.

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Recharge your batteries. There is only so much time in the day and so much physical and emotional

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Master The Expectations Creating an environment where everyone wins

By Jim Stovall, Narrative Television Network

W

e all live with expectations, whether we’re conscious of them or not. In any given situation, we may find ourselves pleased or disappointed.

Our reactions are based on the conscious or subconscious expectations we had in our minds regarding the situation. We may think of people as managing money, employees, processes, or

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communications, but in reality, the individuals who manage these elements of our personal and professional lives really only manage expectations.

If a doctor tells us that a certain procedure “won’t hurt a bit,” we will be dissatisfied or disappointed if we experience the slightest pain or discomfort. On

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Master The Expectations

the other hand, if the same doctor says, “This will be uncomfortable and hurt a little bit,” we will likely be pleased if we have a minimal amount of pain or discomfort. The sensation didn’t change, but our reaction was very different based on our expectations.

I have flown over two million miles with one airline, so I thought I had experienced everything a passenger could deal with on a commercial flight. However, not long ago, the pilot announced on the intercom that one of the fuel tanks located in a wing had been overfilled, and the other tank in the opposite wing had not yet been filled. Instead of delaying the flight to handle this with the fuel truck, he would simply use the fuel pump to move some of the fuel from one tank to the other. This process seemed reasonable to me, and when I heard a noise I had never heard before, I was pleased that he had informed us because it met my expectation. Otherwise, my fellow passengers and I would have been very nervous about the strange noise.

Whether it’s our products, services, ideas, or ourselves, we all sell something in our personal or professional lives. There are two ways to handle a sales or marketing encounter. We can either oversell and under-deliver, or we can undersell and over-deliver.

Those who oversell their products or services may meet with temporary success, but they will inevitably fail as they don’t meet the expectations of the people

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they serve. Those who undersell and over-deliver exceed expectations and create an environment where everyone wins.

As in most areas of life, there are a few people who are masters, some who perform adequately, and many people who are unaware of anything going on around them. If we are going to succeed, we need to become masters of our own expectations and be masters of creating expectations in everyone around us.

As you go through your day today, master the expectations.

Jim Stovall is the president of Narrative Television Network as well as a published author of many books including The Ultimate Gift. He is also a columnist and motivational speaker.

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Top Pick

5 Tips On Building Emotional Wellness At Work Ward off burnout and make emotional wellness a priority

By Dr. Ridgely Salter, WellSpan Health

T

he pandemic challenged the resolve of all of us.

Our routines were disrupted at home and on the job. The issue of work-life balance made many people reconsider their own goals and even led some to quit their jobs, leading to a phenomenon some called “the great resignation.”

Businesses have been challenged to meet the needs of their team members in the past two years. Many are heeding the call to prioritize the well-being of their employees.

How do businesses do this? By addressing their employees’ needs at the moment with added resources such as childcare benefits and access to mental health support that is stigma-free. Many employers are also looking at it through initiatives like compensation, benefits packages, and programs that address work-life balance.

The pandemic has given businesses and employees an unexpected gift as we move forward: the opportunity to rethink and recalibrate what we want in a workplace where we spend so much of our day.

For most of us, the biggest challenge may be just regularly taking the time to take care of our mental health. Hold on to easy-to-remember phrases like “put

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your own oxygen mask on first” or “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” Caring for yourself is not being selfish. It helps us to be the best version of ourselves so that we can give of ourselves to others and to our work.

As we move on from the darkest years of the pandemic, this is something we should continue to do, and make a habit in our daily lives.

Use these top five tips to ward off burnout and make emotional wellness a priority at work:

1. Create Space and Time for Self-care Outside of Work

Make sure you are meeting basic needs, such as getting adequate sleep, eating a healthy diet, and even drinking enough water. Sleep is especially critical. It should be seven to eight hours every night for adults. It’s also important to find time to take care of your emotional needs as well, through exercise, meditation, spiritual time/ prayer, or yoga.

2. Invest in Relationships, Both in Your Personal and Your Work Life

Social interactions are an important part of our lives. Find time to connect with a loved one you

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5 Tips On Building Emotional Wellness At Work

haven’t talked to in a while, even if it’s just a phone call. Ask a co-worker to take 10 minutes for coffee, even if it’s a virtual gathering. You’ll be surprised how important that interaction may be to your day, or even your week.

5. Forgive Yourself and Others

Mistakes present opportunities for growth, selfdiscovery, and learning. Be realistic with your expectations.

Learn more about emotional wellness at work here.

3. Cultivate Gratitude

Get your daily dose of “Vitamin G” by sharing what you are grateful for at the first meeting of the day or even at break with your colleagues. Savor the small positive experiences.

4. Try an End-of-Day Checklist to Help You Transition from Work Toward Home

Literally, carry a piece of paper in your pocket with these steps as a daily reminder for the end of your workday: ●● Pause and be proud of the work you did today.

Dr. Ridgely Salter is a family physician, the medical director of the primary care service line, and WellBeing Council chairman at WellSpan Health, an integrated delivery system focused on leading in value-based care in South Central Pennsylvania and northern Maryland.

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●● Consider three things that went well. ●● Acknowledge a difficulty and let it go. ●● Have a compassion check. Are you OK? Are your colleagues OK? If not, talk to someone. ●● Finally, switch your attention to home so that you can rest and recharge.

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How To Overcome The Lack Of On-The-Job Support And Seek Help Contacting the right person and other ideas

By Susanne Tedrick, Microsoft

N

o single person, no matter how intelligent or experienced, can understand everything there is to know about a given job. Questions will come up, and when they do, the individual – whether a software developer, project manager, sales engineer – or any other title, needs to have a handle on the specific support that is needed, and how to ask for it.

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With more people working remotely than ever before, this topic is emerging as a persistent issue. This is particularly true in fields like tech, in which teams must understand how to quickly resolve network and other systemic breakdowns and problems.

Here are some ideas on how to overcome the lack of on-the-job support and seek help:

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How To Overcome The Lack Of On-The-Job Support And Seek Help

Be Sure to Reach Out to the Right Person

Many times, unhelpful or unsupportive people are acting out of a lack of knowledge. Before you text, email, or phone, consider if you are contacting the correct individual. This person may have taken a different position in the company and is no longer current on the issues you need. If you require specific examples of what to do, reach out to someone good at providing practical advice – not someone who offers platitudes like, “You’re smart, you’ll figure it out.”

Understand the Support You Need and Ask For It

Make it clear to colleagues and supervisors alike where you need help. Do you need support on a particular problem? Do you require assistance to better understand the project in its entirety? Perhaps you need to just grasp your specific role in it? Maybe you need greater flexibility to make a deadline.

What is it, exactly, that you need? It’s not a good idea to assume that people will automatically know.

Tell them.

Set Realistic Expectations of Others

Many times, people are weathering enough challenges of their own to help out. They may not have the time or resources to be as supportive as you’d like them to be. Is it possible you’re asking for too much? This is where realistic expectations come in. Be sure you’re asking for assistance, nothing more. If your requests are excessive, you will need to start giving back before you can expect any support in return.

Lack of Support Often Means a Lack of Communication

It can prove difficult to obtain the help you need if there is a big gap in communication. An outgoing person may be happy to talk at length about your problem. But if you assimilate information better by watching a video that explains the issue, contact a colleague who will use a platform like this to help. You may not “get” what the other person is saying or the individual you’re asking might not understand your request because of a communication gap.

company and you’ve relied on him exclusively, what then? The plain fact is that people move away, retire, etc. As noted earlier, no single person knows everything. A network of trusted friends, coworkers, mentors, and the like can help in areas where help and support may be lacking. A change of perspective may be what you need instead of relying on the same person.

Finally, Be Sure You Are Willing to Accept Criticism We all like to give good advice but we are sometimes awful at accepting the advice of others as it forces us to admit our weaknesses. It’s normal for an individual to think they know more than they actually do. Remember, there is a reason you asked for assistance. Don’t take their suggestion personally.

Consider if doing what the person advises will help you professionally. If it will, do it!

In conclusion, never assume a colleague, supervisor or manager understands what you are asking. Don’t rely on a single coworker for assistance and be sure to reach out to the person who can address your problem best. Good luck.

Susanne Tedrick is an infrastructure specialist for Azure, Microsoft’s cloud computing platform. In her work, Susanne helps her clients address the needs and challenges surrounding cloud adoption, cost optimization, and migration. Susanne is the author of the critically acclaimed “Women of Color in Tech” and the upcoming “Innovating For Diversity”.

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Top Pick

Imposter Syndrome: It’s Not You, It’s Them Check out the tactics for dealing with feelings of imposter phenomenon

By Alexandra McGroarty, McGroarty & Co. Consulting

I

was in a Vice President position at a large professional services organization before the age of thirty. I found myself sitting around a table of 40+-year-old men, wrestling with my thoughts.

I don’t belong here. I don’t know enough; I’m not tough enough.

Any minute now, they’ll figure out that a mistake has been made.

No, wait – they already know.

Everyone knows! And now, they’re just humoring me. When I leave the room, they exchange glances and somebody chuckles, quietly.

This is imposter syndrome. This feeling can happen to anyone. It is quite common in high achievers, those with tremendous personal drive and desire. Such people tend to forget the sheer amount of effort and time they have devoted to a cause because they look forward only to what is next, to what is unfinished, to what they have not yet done. There is a funny paradox in this feeling, too, because people who genuinely are imposters (meaning they have acquired some measure of

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success by outright deception), seldom worry about that fact.

The condition of feeling imposter syndrome is a solid clue that you are no imposter. As you might expect, the phenomenon is prominently seen in underrepresented populations.

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Imposter syndrome is that anxious, lurking feeling that you have somehow gotten into a position, a place, a room, a level, that you do not deserve, and though imposter syndrome is not limited to women or to working, it has become a popular workplace

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Imposter Syndrome: It’s Not You, It’s Them

diagnosis for working women in the past couple of decades.

The concept of “imposter syndrome” really came to life in the 70s. A 1978 study by Pauline Rose Clance and Suzane Imes, which focused on an extremely limited pool of high-achieving women. They took the normal phenomenon of second-guessing one’s experiences in an uncomfortable situation, then labeled it as a shady-sounding pathology (“imposter” sounds like a crime, and “syndrome” sounds like a mental illness), and finally pinned it specifically to women. It is, in effect, blaming the victim.

things such as the abuse of power and outright discrimination, as well as a variety of microaggressions that are difficult to pinpoint.

The workplace often falsely assumes that confidence equals competence – but thing is, arrogance and overconfidence have little to do with leadership, building teams, or inspiring others.

This is especially problematic in toxic workplace cultures where they value individualism and overwork.

Tactics for dealing with feelings of imposter phenomenon include:

Women have plenty of good reasons to doubt their success, and those reasons have nothing to do with their own internal landscapes. They are in work environments that need to change. Men also feel insecure about their abilities sometimes.

However, their work environment is typically reassuring to them.

Our perception of “what is professional” (Eurocentric, masculine, and heteronormative) is simply biased and skewed to favor white men in leadership roles. Therefore, those men are validated enough that their feelings of doubt quickly disappear. They have more role models showing them how to overcome challenges and succeed.

Women do not get that benefit of the doubt. We, instead, prompt them to turn the blame inward, rather than dealing with the dynamic that exists at work,

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●● Learning and recognizing the facts of the situation.

The imposter phenomenon is a cognitive distortion that happens when we forget how hard we have worked to get somewhere. ●● Sharing your worries and/ or discussing your “failures” with trusted persons outside the situation. Sharing your worries with peers in the same environment can promote further imposter syndrome, because it leads to comparison. Seek the fresh and reliable opinion of someone who has some distance to the situation. ●● Celebrating successes. High achievers are bad about this!

They discount their victories and obsess over their missteps.

accomplishments as simply “good luck” or “being in the right place at the right time.” ●● Remembering that perfection is not the goal.

This doesn’t mean lowering your standards. ●● Taking it easy on yourself!

When imposter phenomenon creeps up, examine where it is originating. Turning a mindful eye on your emotions can reduce their impact. ●● Recognizing that the problem may not be you.

If you are in an underrepresented population, and you feel imposter syndrome, do not be too quick to internalize the causes and blame yourself.

Alexandra McGroarty runs McGroarty & Co. Consulting as the lead Human Resources consultant and serves as a certified diversity professional as well as a certified professional coach.

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Embracing A Culture Of Empathy Flexibility and empathy are fundamental to any approach

By Kelli Koschmann, Showpad

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onesty, trust, and empathy are at the heart of every effective working environment. Empathy is essential to building trust, and together, they are integral to fostering employee happiness and long-term retention.

When organizations lead with empathy, employees feel committed to their values and aligned with the organizational purpose. And, when employees value a company’s culture, it translates into the quality of their work.

An empathetic approach is also a competitive advantage for service-driven organizations; it shapes customers’ interactions with and perceptions of the organization, cultivating a better experience overall.

The Importance of a Listening Culture

The world around us impacts how we show up for work every day. From social injustice and war to the pandemic and matters in our personal lives – every employee is affected differently. As business leaders, it’s crucial to acknowledge to all employees that, in times of change and challenge, it simply isn’t business as usual. Leading with empathy, and encouraging employees to make space for themselves to process their personal lives and the state of the world makes all the difference.

To ensure this is standard practice, managers should be equipped with resources so they can learn how to talk to and listen to employees during

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times of tumult and turbulence. Employees want to be heard, and when leaders engage in two-way active communication and listen intently, they can better understand their state of mind and are better equipped to help meet their needs. Providing effective communication training to managers and leaders as well as a wide variety of well-being solutions to employees can help meet ever-changing needs.

As leaders, adopting a culture where you listen first and act second is central to cementing trust and nurturing happiness in the workplace. Once that culture is implemented, leaders can begin an honest conversation, and employees can feel safe in their workplace to share their truths. As empathetic leaders, creating a culture of active communication is vital for employees to thrive in the workplace. For instance, companies should consider conducting internal employee surveys with employees before any organization-wide decision is made.

Especially in today’s new era of work, where offices are being reopened, it’s important for leaders to reflect on what employees believe would be best for them. Many geographically-distributed companies are navigating the nuances and unique circumstances of every employee. And, flexibility and empathy are fundamental to any approach.

Mental Health and Support from the Top Mental health and well-being are paramount in an empathetic culture. Leaders need to acknowledge

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Embracing A Culture Of Empathy

Creating an Inclusive Workplace

that every employee has a different way of coping with things beyond their control. Companies should consider creating a Mental Wellbeing Committee to offer well-being solutions that resonate with all and respond to the needs of employees. The committee could focus on sharing facts and resources centered around monthly themes that help destigmatize mental health and promote discussions around well-being.

Organizations should also consider offering listening circles hosted by trained counselors, as some employees heal best when getting the chance to share or listen in a group setting.

Supporting leaders’ mental health is vital to supporting all employees. HR should ask, “how do we support ourselves as leaders?” to show up better for their people. In doing so, we’ve invested in adaptivity and resilience training for our leadership team and all our employees. This program uses a mindfulnessbased approach to build behaviors, mental habits, and practices that promote a culture of resilience.

Providing flexible working options to employees ensures they can reap the benefits of resting and recharging. Employees should be encouraged to take time off for themselves whenever needed. By providing collective breaks, like Summer Fridays and the holidays, and empowering employees to unplug following any major life or world events creates a culture of support from the top. Organizational leaders and managers should not only lead by example, but also lead with empathy, encouraging colleagues to take time for themselves.

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Inclusivity is the backbone of an empathetic workplace; it shows that an organization embraces and celebrates the differences employees bring to the table. Regardless of backgrounds, experiences, or ways of thinking, an inclusive culture ensures everyone feels seen and heard. That said, inclusivity becomes a moving target as an organization grows. Therefore, two-way dialogue is essential for organizations to keep pace with upholding a culture of inclusivity. Leaders must be able to put themselves in others’ shoes and act with compassion. As the traditional framework for the workplace is being redesigned, empathetic leaders are needed now more than ever.

Companies can host and engage in informal conversations related to mental health, inclusivity, and allyship. And, they may find conversations like these to be highly impactful and invigorating for employees. Connection in the workplace is essential, but in today’s globally dispersed, hybrid, or remote workplaces, it’s become even more challenging. As such, organizations should consider utilizing Future of Work resources that can help navigate hybrid ways of work. For leaders, it’s a key responsibility to drive real connection moments for employees, regardless of their physical location.

When organizations make empathy a core tenet of culture, they shore themselves up to thrive for the long haul. With training programs to help employees grow soft skills and active communication to ensure employee-organization alignment, companies will successfully grow leaders of tomorrow. Regardless of how workplace dynamics shift, empathy should always be a cornerstone.

Kelli Koschmann is Chief People Officer at Showpad.

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Top Pick

Triggered? What You Should Do Instead Of Reacting The 4 S’ of EQ

By Anja van Beek, Anja van Beek Consulting & Coaching

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t is often said that culture is the competitive edge for any organization. Culture is also referred to as the personality or character of the business, so it leaves us with the question: “Where does emotional intelligence (EQ) fit in?”

When working with people in a workplace or any setting, for example, people respond differently.

The “how” they respond to that specific situation or matter, is what sets the tone for what can be seen as acceptable behavior. This will then drive the culture of the business – which are the unwritten rules driving behaviors.

The organization, the culture, and ultimately the bottom line will suffer when executives and team members act and respond in a less-than-emotionallymature manner in the workplace.

EQ - A Critical Skill in the Knowledge Economy

The term, emotional intelligence was coined in the 1990’s and popularised by psychologist and author Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ”.

EQ, in short, is to better recognize and manage emotions. It can provide insight into triggers and most importantly, it is the ability to not only recognize, name, and understand the emotion but also to

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manage the impact of emotions on the behavior in your life. It is also the ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior, relationships, and your interactions with others.

TalentSmart tested emotional intelligence alongside 33 other important workplace skills and found that emotional intelligence is the strongest predictor of performance, explaining a full 58% of success in all types of jobs.

Therefore, emotional intelligence has an impact on all interactions among groups, friends, and family. When these encounters are founded on emotionally mature behaviors, better outcomes, improved performance, or greater team traditions can emerge, all of which contribute to the development of a stronger culture.

The 4 S’ of EQ Daniel Goleman divides EQ into: ●● Self-awareness – the competency to understand the impact of your emotions ●● Self-regulation – the ability to manage your emotions in a healthy way ●● Social awareness – to have empathy and awareness of others ●● Social skills – to build strong relationships, inspire and motivate people

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Triggered? What You Should Do Instead Of Reacting

In the technology-driven world that we live in, workplaces must have the following main ingredients: ●● Having a (strong) sense of belonging, ●● Vulnerability to building a psychologically safe workplace and ●● Having a shared purpose.

Humans are hard-wired for connection. We are also triggered by internal or external sources -- some conscious and others subconscious, many times during the day.

Self-leadership is therefore essential for the workplace of the future. Through our interactions and the development of any company’s culture, we all contribute to the development of these unwritten norms – and we should ensure it is positive.

foster an environment and culture that allows them to bring their best selves to the table. Leaders must constantly remember that the way you lead, the things you do and say, affect how others feel on the inside.

As we enter year three of the pandemic and confront global difficulties that force us to live in a state of uncertainty, empathy in the workplace is now taking on a new level of significance and necessity.

EQ becomes crucial. What do you say when a coworker has missed a deadline three times in a row in the past week? What should you do if the team feels unmotivated because you decided to go back to the office full-time? Or when they are waiting for someone else to act rather than taking responsibility for improving a client’s situation. On the other hand, do you acknowledge the team’s modest gains and not just focus on the big stuff?

Leaders – How Are You Showing Up for Your Teams?

Since you are the group’s most powerful individual, your teams will pay close attention to everything you say and do.

One of my favorite quotes is Viktor Frankl’s words “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” This is sometimes easier said than done.

For team members to excel, be challenged, and feel like they have a purpose in their job, leaders must

So, instead of reacting to a certain moment or heated argument, what should you do?

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Triggered? What You Should Do Instead Of Reacting

1. Take a pause. Never underestimate the impact of taking a few deep breaths to slow down your heartbeat and be able to evaluate what is happening and what will be the best way to respond to this situation.

2. Be aware of the 4 F’s. When you are triggered, you are in n fight, flight, freeze or fawn state. A chemical reaction results in our neocortex (thriving, problemsolving part of the brain) to not functioning optimally.

Instead of allowing an unconscious habit to drive your reaction, reactivate the neocortex and be mindful in choosing how you want to respond. To reactivate your neocortex, ask yourself questions (such as: What is the real issue for me? What might support a different explanation? What if this was someone else behaving in this way? What is my behavior communicating? ) to notice what is really going on in the moment.

3. Name the emotion. It is helpful to be able to name the emotion you are experiencing and consider what is the emotion trying to tell you. Instead of being angry, perhaps you are disappointed with how your idea wasn’t taken despite you being verbally told that your idea was the best idea.

4. Reframe your thinking. We often jump to a conclusion and easily take things personally. Reframe your thinking by considering what other possible reasons may be for the person to act the way they are behaving. A level of self-awareness is also hugely beneficial. For example: ‘What is my role in this scenario? How has my behavior impacted the other person’s view – without being aware of it?’

5. Tactfully share what you are experiencing.

Remember, an experience is made up of four elements – what am I observing, thinking, feeling, and wanting.

When sharing your experience, a good start is to start with the “I”. For example, when the project’s team leader did not schedule sufficient time on the agenda: “I noticed that this is the third time that we didn’t have sufficient time allocated to the brainstorming topic.

I feel disappointed that my idea wasn’t heard after the request to make the research a priority. How can we ensure we have sufficient time allocated to this agenda point moving forward?”

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6. Remain curious. Ask questions to truly understand the other person’s perspective. Help me understand why you want to achieve XYZ. What is the real issue for you? If you choose X what are you saying no to?

The Sweet Spot for Raising EQ Awareness in Teams It is when…

Leaders understand that their behavior and words impact the internal state of their team members.

Employees take ownership of the emotions they experience in the workplace and at the same time feel safe to voice them.

We all choose to respond in an emotionally intelligent way, and we care and connect with colleagues as humans so that we can grow and contribute to the overall purpose of the business.

When the above is in place, we will create organizational cultures that make team members want to go to work in the mornings and WILLINGLY share their talents to help the business grow. Those are the businesses that reach the balance of profit and purpose and create a space where people can be successful.

As an international, highly soughtafter coach, speaker, trainer, and published author, Anja van Beek, has more than 20 years of experience enhancing the performance of individual executives, teams, and organizations. She is an Agile Talent Strategist, Leadership & HR Expert, and Executive Coach. Anja was one of the first to be authorized as an Agile People professional and facilitator.

She partners with leaders and HR teams on all people-related aspects with a specific focus on integrating agile principles and practices.

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Mentor/Mentee Relationships: Everyone Needs To Be “All In” It’s time that we rewrite the rulebook on mentor/mentee relationships

By Dr. William Kane, Global HR Executive & Dr. Rosina Racioppi, WOMEN Unlimited Inc.

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s it becomes clear that remote and hybrid work is here to stay, it’s time that we rewrite the rulebook on mentor/mentee relationships. Casual coffee and lunch-time connections have been replaced by infrequent Zoom calls – which, at times, can feel awkward and forced. As a mentor, it’s understandable that you may want to help, but feel disconnected from your mentee.

Particularly for female mentees, who have traditionally experienced barriers to upward mobility at work, it’s important not to lose these valuable relationships. So, how can mentors and mentees return to a relationship that works for both of them, even in today’s changing work-life world? According to What Mentees Want, a new study from WOMEN Unlimited Inc., the answer is simpler than you might think: go back to the basics.

Overthinking your role as a mentor can put a strain on your relationship. If you are feeling like you haven’t been connecting lately, it can be helpful to take a step back and ask yourself one key question: “What are the most important attributes and activities I can provide as a mentor?”

In other words: what qualities or personality attributes are most important for my mentee to see from me?

And what activities or takeaways will give them the

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most value out of our relationship? Answering these questions will help to both give you a framework for your mentoring relationship, and eliminate gray areas that can limit positive growth.

Attributes: The Importance of Honesty

While there are so many important attributes a mentor can focus on, one of the most vital is honesty. In fact, this recent study found that honesty was ranked first as the paramount attribute mentees want in an external mentor.

While this tip may sound obvious, being honest can be more difficult than it appears on the surface.

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Mentor/Mentee Relationships: Everyone Needs To Be “All In”

Discussing your mentees’ strengths, but also being truthful about their weaknesses, for example, can be challenging – especially if you don’t have the baseline connection of an in-person conversation. Yet, honesty can not only help your mentee identify potential shortcomings but help bring the two of you closer together by building trust.

Activities: Helping Your Mentee Advance

Honesty actively promotes the giving and accepting of feedback. Especially in a remote environment, mentees can be lacking honest feedback in their day-to-day career relationships – so a mentor can provide important perspectives on the mentee’s improvement.

Our research found that “Developing or Enhancing Management/Leadership Skills,” was the most crucial ‘activity’ of the mentor/mentee relationship.

By ensuring that both mentors and mentees are intentional in their relationship and focused on the career-advancing needs of the mentee, the value of the relationship can increase exponentially. Providing mentees with actionable tips on how to lead, and acting as a role model for future manager-manage relationships, can give mentees both the confidence and tools they need to advance.

Buoyed by honesty and trust, mentees can accept suggestions and respond positively, knowing their mentors have their best interests at heart. A likely outcome: mentees become more willing to exhibit the kind of vulnerability that often results in embracing career-advancing behaviors and perspectives.

This can have noticeable advantages for the mentee’s career: research shows that career-advancing mentor relationships are those in which the mentee is straightforward about her needs and aspirations, and the mentor is equally forthcoming about needed skills and required behavior changes to achieve those desired goals.

Particularly for women, moving up the corporate ladder can be difficult. Many understand how to work hard, but can struggle with knowing how to lead or manage without many female role models above them to show them the ropes. That’s where a good mentor comes in.

Research on mentoring relationships can help inform the growth and development of female talent and, as a result, provide significant benefits to mentees, mentors and their organizations. With trust and honesty as the basis of the relationship; and with both mentors and mentees fully committed to developing the mentee’s leadership skills, mentoring can assume a significantly greater role in growing a diverse talent pipeline.

Dr. William Kane is Global HR Executive, Organizational Change Expert and Author. With specific expertise in leading, planning, and executing people strategies associated with profitable business transformations, he has been a trusted advisor to CEOs, leadership teams, and boards.

As President and CEO of WOMEN Unlimited Inc. (WUI), Dr. Rosina Racioppi leads initiatives to help Fortune 1000 companies cultivate the culture and talent needed to achieve greater growth and profitability. Under her direction, WUI successfully partners with organizations across a wide range of industries to develop high-potential women and to build diverse talent pipelines.

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Mentally Fit Leaders: How Do You Find Them?

Mental fitness increases your capacity, impact, and influence as a leader

By Jody Michael, Jody Michael Associates

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f you’re like many leaders, your brain is often running on autopilot as it rapidly executes your well-worn patterns of thought, mood, and behavior. That’s the default path that we all take most of the time without any awareness of it. That default approach can be fine, or good enough. After all, it has gotten you to this point in your life and career. But it locks you into your current ways of thinking. Not only does that make growth difficult, it virtually guarantees that the things

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that trigger emotional distress for you today, will continue to do so tomorrow and the next day, and the next, and the next, keeping you from being the best you can be.

But the other option—always available to you—is much more revolutionary and transformative. You can pause. You can think. And then you can choose to follow a different and better path, when applicable.

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Mentally Fit Leaders: How Do You Find Them?

Your ability to leverage these thousands of choice points throughout each day—to sustainably create high performance no matter what may be going on—is what I call “mental fitness.” Mental fitness increases your capacity, impact, and influence as a leader.

You’ve likely heard politicians or the news media use the term “mental fitness” to indicate a requisite level of cognitive capability. However, I define it by focusing on optimized performance.

Here’s my definition:

Mental fitness™ is your measurable ability to engage constructively in life and work every day, no matter what stressors you encounter. It is your capacity to consistently respond to challenges with optimal performance at the moment and minimal recovery time afterward.

at a deep level that they must be a powerful observer of themselves, other people, and the cultural, political, psychological, and business complexity of any given situation. Because they are present, and observing, when you are with them you are not going to see a lot of visible signs of mental fitness. The tell will be in the quality of your experience with them. You are likely to be your best self when you are around them. That’s a natural outcome of mental fitness and anabolic energy. It lifts everyone, creating conditions and relationships that make it easier for everyone to perform at a higher level.

Here are some of the notable characteristics of mentally fit leaders: ●● They drive results with sustained commitment and execution. They initiate and move toward what’s possible, toward creating something new.

Mental fitness is most critical and transformative whenever you feel stressed, frustrated, or hindered in any way by your environment or by the people around you. In these situations, you inadvertently become triggered, and you default to behaviors that, to say it kindly, may not be optimal.

●● They do not deny or avoid reality, or merely focus on the positive. Whatever needs to be addressed is faced head-on.

Mentally Fit Leaders in Your Workplace

●● They own their thoughts, moods, and actions, including their communications. They take accountability for their failures.

Take a moment to reflect on the people you have encountered throughout your life. Notice who stands out in a positive way. Over these years, how many mentally fit teachers and leaders have you worked with? If you can think of just a few, that’s about right.

They’re rare.

How do we find this type of leader, these high performers who maintain primarily anabolic energy throughout each day? Not surprisingly, they don’t walk around with a neon sign that advertises their mental fitness. In fact, the more that someone has developed mental fitness, the less their ego needs other people to actually know or acknowledge it. They are grounded and solid within themselves.

Mentally fit leaders are extremely powerful creators.

They understand that their true leadership power lies within their awareness and their ability to be adaptable and agile in perception and perspective. They know

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●● They believe that they have the power or capacity within themselves to impact change. They are not looking for others to fix things.

●● They are committed to their own growth and learning. ●● They don’t give in to fear or panic. They are willing to step into those emotional states and move through them. These states do not impede them. ●● They have a strong sense of self, an internal compass that guides them. They trust themselves to “do the right thing.” ●● They are empathic to others and others’ perspectives. They create followership because they lead with high emotional intelligence and thoughtfulness. ●● They understand what is and is not within their control, and they respond appropriately.

When necessary, they are willing to accept circumstances and reality—“what is.”

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Mentally Fit Leaders: How Do You Find Them?

with the flow in the room. She is open and transparent; she is not guarding herself. But she is appropriate too—she has high EQ.

Let’s look at some examples.

Aware Alice

Alice represents the first level of awareness of mental fitness, i.e., the beginning phase. She is aware—“my God, I am always defensive”—but she doesn’t know how to change. She lacks the skill.

Aware Alice has more awareness than most people because she’s excellent at hearing, understanding, and processing other people’s points of view. She is accepting of differences, can evaluate what she hears, and can process it. All that is good, but she can be reactive—defensive, in her case—when confronted with positions that are counter to her own.

Curious Carl

Carl represents the second level of awareness of mental fitness. He is aware and has some correction capacity, but does not always catch the problem at the onset.

Carl does all of what Aware Alice does but adds a dimension. Curious Carl is not extremely attached to his own perspective but is profoundly curious as to how the other arrived at their point of view. He wants more granularity in understanding. Carl’s intent is not to pull from what he hears in order to build an argument against it, he actually wants to understand other people’s perspectives: “Wow, that is such a different viewpoint than what I was thinking! It is diametrically opposed! How interesting! How did they come to that? What am I missing, I must be missing something. What pieces can I pull in to understand my own view and what I’m not seeing?” He is anything but threatened. Curious Carl is creating, growing, learning, and sometimes changing.

Presence Patty

Presence Patty can understand what will trigger or threaten each person in the room. She is contemplative about what’s good for the organization and team. She is selfless in her own needs. She is not a martyr. Rather she has the perspective that “this is the least of your worries, there are bigger fish to fry.” She elevates others by what she says, the perspectives she shares, and the alignment she creates.

Leaders who perform at the highest level are mature, reflective, and secure. They’re not clouded by emotion, reactivity, and ruminating. They’re present in the moment. Their mental fitness lays the foundation for optimizing their performance. They have the capacity to handle myriad leadership challenges and conversations that come up moment by moment, both positive and negative. This is a state that minimizes pain for oneself and for other people. It minimizes stress, and it’s anchored in resilience—something that we all absolutely need today.

Jody Michael is the CEO of Jody Michael Associates, a premier coaching company specializing in executive coaching, leadership development, and career coaching. She is recognized as one of the top 4% of coaches worldwide and is an internationally credentialed Master Certified Coach, Board Certified Coach, University of Chicago trained psychotherapist, and Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She is the author of Leading Lightly: Lower Your Stress, Think with Clarity, and Lead with Ease.

Patty represents the third level of mental fitness. She not only has the capacity to change but has changed.

Presence Patty is Teflon. It is rare for her to get threatened and feel triggered. Whatever is in the room—competitive presence, divergent opinions, emotional states all over—Patty can take it all in. She can process and synthesize at a high level. She goes

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Publications

13 Targeted Publications to Reach Your Audience Informing, Educating, Enlightening and Assisting HR professionals in their personal and professional development, the Excellence series offers high-quality content through the publications!

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