Personal Excellence May 2022

MAY 2022 • Vol. 27 • No. 05 (ISSN 2564-1948)

Growth Comes In Many Forms – Are You Ready?

- Anja van Beek,

Agile Talent Strategist & Leadership Coach, Anja van Beek Consulting & Coaching

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Coaching Character In The Workplace

Addressing Imposter Syndrome

Excellence presented by HR.com -Personal Terri Jacke,

Inspired Training Institute

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- Susanne Tedrick, May 2022 1 Microsoft

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6 Keys To Develop LifeReview Your Thoughts, Changing Relationships Actions, And Impact - Dr. Thomas Epperson, With Your Mentees Leadership Submit Your InnerWill Articles - Dr. Adam C. Bandelli, Bandelli & Associates

Institute

INDEX

Personal Excellence MAY 2022

Vol.27

No.05

(ISSN 2564-1948)

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Growth Comes In Many Forms – Are You Ready?

We are what we repeatedly do

- Anja van Beek,

On the Cover

Agile Talent Strategist & Leadership Coach, Anja van Beek Consulting & Coaching

Articles 14 3 Ways A Mental ‘Road Map’ Can Manifest Your Success Shifting from a focus on fear and limitations to empowerment fueled by faith, intuition, and tenacity

- Merilee Kern, Founder, Executive Editor, and Producer, “The Luxe List”

18 Build Your Dream Team With Wise And Talented Friends Winning and losing

- Jim Stovall, President, Narrative Television Network 22 How To Improve Productivity In The Workplace Small changes that can make a difference

- Hope Kirk, Associate Director – Consultancy, Peninsula Canada

27 The Fastest Way To Disengage Your Team Why aligned expectations can make or break your leadership

- Jackie (Hertz) , Founder, Executive and Team Dynamics Coach, Insinger Insights

29 A Practice In Perspective Doing our part for an inclusive workplace

- Lilli Parks, Demand Gen. Manager, The Nova Collective

Top Picks

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INDEX

Coaching Character In The Workplace Coaches can also serve as invaluable character development guides - Terri Jacke, President, Inspired Training Institute

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Addressing Imposter Syndrome What decision-makers, others need to know to know - Susanne Tedrick, Infrastructure

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Specialist, Azure for Sports, Microsoft

6 Keys To Develop Life-Changing Relationships With Your Mentees The relationally intelligent mentor - Dr. Adam C. Bandelli, Director, Bandelli & Associates

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Review Your Thoughts, Actions, And Impact Reflect on 4 key questions - Dr. Thomas Epperson, President, InnerWill Leadership Institute

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EDITOR’S NOTE Editorial Purpose Babitha Balakrishnan

Debbie Mcgrath

Our mission is to promote personal and

Publisher, HR.com

professional development based on

Editor, Personal Excellence

constructive values, sound ethics, and timeless principles.

Excellence Publications Debbie McGrath

CEO, HR.com - Publisher

Dawn Jeffers VP, Sales

Sue Kelley

Director (Product, Marketing, and Research)

Babitha Balakrishnan and Deepa Damodaran

Excellence Publications Managers and Editors

Deepak S

Focus on Your Strengths for Success

D

uring the past two years, people have become more self-aware about personal growth and wellness.

Why self-development matters and how to get started? How to focus on your strengths and build on them? The May issue of Personal Excellence includes expert articles that focus on ways to improve one’s personal and professional growth and wellness.

Senior - Design and Layout

Personal Excellence Team Babitha Balakrishnan Editor

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Design and Layout (Digital Magazine)

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Magazine (Online Version)

Submissions & Correspondence Please send any correspondence, articles, letters to the editor, and requests to reprint, republish, or excerpt articles to ePubEditors@hr.com.

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Dream big of who you want to be, and what you want to achieve, and then have the drive and discipline to make this a reality. Wondering how to start? Check out the cover article

by Anja van Beek, Growth Comes In Many Forms – Are You Ready? that talks about the importance of taking the first steps and remaining in action.

Coaching others to reach for and achieve greater performance levels is a rare gift possessed by outstanding coaches. Terri Jacke’s article, Coaching Character In The Workplace talks about how coaches can serve as invaluable character development guides along an individual’s career journey.

doubts about their abilities. How to address imposter syndrome when it rears its ugly head? Susanne Tedrick’s article, Addressing Imposter Syndrome, offers six helpful tips.

When we know our greatest strengths and where we as individuals can add the most value, we can better focus on the opportunities, roles, and career paths in areas where success will likely occur, says Merilee Kern in her article, 3 Ways A Mental ‘Road Map’ Can Manifest Your Success.

Success in life is much like a series of competitive events. Jim Stovall in his article, Build Your Dream Team With Wise And Talented Friends highlights the fact that we win or lose based on our effort, preparation, and the team we have around us.

In brief, we have hand-picked 10 articles that can help you as you begin, or continue your journey toward personal and professional excellence. We hope you enjoy reading all the articles and get back to us with your valuable feedback.

Happy Reading!

Write to the Editor at ePubEditors@hr.com

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COVER ARTICLE

Growth Comes In Many Forms – Are You Ready?

We are what we repeatedly do

By Anja van Beek, Anja van Beek Consulting & Coaching

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ne thing we know for certain is that we can’t solve today’s challenges with yesterday’s wisdom. We need to choose a growth mindset.

But what does this mean? How do you embrace a growth mindset?

Reframe and look at “failure” in a different light.

What I have seen in my coaching practice is that if we don’t stretch ourselves, we are often nudged by some external event to be stretched to grow.

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This requires us to look for the lesson in any interaction.

Instead of saying “I have failed” you say, “I’m not there yet, and I have learned this lesson in this process”.

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Growth Comes In Many Forms – Are You Ready?

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

It can be helpful to complete an assessment to understand yourself better and why you react in certain ways; there are many options available. A simple exercise is to track what daily activities you love -- those where you get lost in time are a good indication of your natural talents.

Having a thinking partner, either a sister, good friend or coach, can support you with this journey. If we want to grow, we need to have an end goal in mind.

Be specific on what you want to achieve, by when are you planning to achieve this and how are you going to measure success?

Consider what is the first step and remain in action.

When building new habits, a tip is to allow yourself “it is fine to skip a day”. It is also good to use the days that didn’t go so well as data points and insights into what needs adjustment.

Acknowledge what you have achieved even if it is just saying “I’m still working toward achieving this”.

To build a growth mindset we need to be agile.

This implies we need to be nimble and fluid in the challenges we face. We adapt to change by experimenting and seeing what is working and what needs tweaking. It is a continuous cycle of trying something, assessing the impact, and adjusting where needed and repeating.

As women, we can be unnecessarily cruel with ourselves. We often are lenient with other people, yet, we expect “to be perfect” ourselves. This can be a big blind spot, putting needless pressure on ourselves. This awareness is vital when building new capabilities… a good starting point is to have grace and kindness towards yourself and not from a place of judgment and “I need to be better”.

Focus on your strengths and build on them instead of focusing on weaknesses. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying we should ignore our weaknesses; I want to emphasize that we get a better yield when we build on our natural talents.

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Dream big of who you want to be, and what you want to achieve, and then have the drive and discipline to make this a reality. Baby steps and you will be amazed at what you can achieve. We are what we repeatedly do.

Anja van Beek is a Talent Strategist, Leadership Expert and Executive Coach. Anja was one of the first to be authorized as an Agile People professional and facilitator. The exSage HR Director now consults with leaders and HR teams on all peoplerelated aspects with a specific focus on integrating agile principles and practices. She is a leadership coach and an expert in supporting teams to remain relevant and thrive in the future of work.

She also works for various companies as a facilitator focusing on leadership development, mentoring, and change management.

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Top Pick

Coaching Character In The Workplace Coaches can also serve as invaluable character development guides

By Terri Jacke, Inspired Training Institute

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he ability to coach others to reach for and achieve greater performance levels is a rare gift possessed by outstanding coaches, men and women with familiar names like Vince Lombardi (since I live in Green Bay, Wisconsin, it’s a requirement that I list Coach Lombardi first), Bill Belichick, John Wooden, Pat Summitt, Tony Robbins, John Maxwell, and Ali Brown, to name a few. They are able to see potential in others even if those individuals or teams can’t yet see it in themselves. They quickly recognize gifts and talents that, if nurtured, can develop into remarkable strengths.

My particular coaching expertise lies in developing employees and leaders in the workplace. So, for the sake of this article, I’ll stay in my lane, although I have many opinions about football coaches!

Over the last few decades, I’ve coached front-line employees, front-line leaders, mid-level leaders, and executives across a wide variety of industries. It’s

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been a pleasure and an honor to work with a diverse group of individuals in an equally diverse group of companies and cultures. At some point, though, I noticed similarities in the development needs of my clients at certain points in their careers. Initially, I thought the similarities were limited to where these men and women were in their career journeys – early career, mid-career, or late-career.

Over time, though, I recognized the similarities in development needs didn’t necessarily align with specific points in their career journeys. Eventually, I saw that individual needs were based on character, not the number of years in the workplace.

As it turns out, character develops differently for each individual and isn’t earned or measured by career milestones.

Rather, our character develops and evolves slowly as we mark meaningful mental and moral growth and maturation. Once we reach adulthood, our ongoing character development largely

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comes from what we learn through lived experiences, our challenges, victories, mistakes, and achievements. Invariably, our work lives offer a rich supply of those, but we all experience them at different times and in different ways. So, character development inspired by our work is unique to our individual career paths, our willingness to take risks, our capacity for reflection, and our desire to do better.

Once I began to assess the pattern of development needs in relation to character, I delineated distinct stages that my clients were moving through. Eventually, I narrowed the stages to a total of seven: Beginning, Yuckiness (the least offensive word I could think of for this stage), Fear, Authenticity, Boundaries, Love, and Exit. Using the first letter of each stage, I dubbed my little framework the BY FABLE model.

Each stage of BY FABLE appeared to have a key lesson learned through its own challenges and growth requirements.

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Coaching Character In The Workplace

When my work with a client began, I used the BY FABLE model to assess the stage of mental and moral development, or character development. When I was able to identify the character development stage, I could move more quickly toward a relevant and effective coaching strategy that accelerated the person’s development.

This framework added a layer of intentionality and fullness to the coaching objectives for each client. While developing specific skills remained a focus, my strategies often targeted the growth of specific mental qualities such as the ability to reason, make decisions, choose responses, create, adapt, and so on. In addition, I often pinpointed maturation opportunities for pertinent moral qualities, such as integrity, fairness, courage, fortitude, and others.

For several years now, I’ve used the BY FABLE model to develop robust coaching strategies that have consistently yielded positive results for my clients. I invite you to use it as well! I’ve outlined my handy framework that enables leaders and coaches to assess the current stage of your employee/coachee’s character development. It’s then up to you to determine which particular mental and/or moral qualities your coaching strategy will address.

The Beginning stage, as the name implies, is the first stage and starts when a person enters the workforce and tries to acclimate

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to the world of work and their place in it. At this stage, the most important focus of a leader or coach is to first orient these individuals to their roles and then guide them to be teachable, which is the key lesson of this stage.

Yuckiness is the second stage and occurs whenever we have become oriented to the world of work and have learned to be teachable. It requires us to acknowledge the challenging people and unpleasant – or, well, yucky – situations around us, including the demands of the job, whatever they may be. At this stage, the leader or coach should encourage the coachee to pay attention and learn to be observant. At this stage, employees can learn a lot about how to do things and not to do things through keen observation and awareness.

The Fear stage comes in at number three and is one of the two most difficult stages. In fact, the majority of my coaching clients reach out to me from the Fear stage, because it’s during this critical point in character development that individuals most often feel stuck, disengaged, or disillusioned. Employees learn to be observant and pay attention in the Yuckiness stage, but many, usually still somewhat early in their careers, are overwhelmed or intimidated by some aspect of the work world. In fear, they put up protective shields to keep themselves and their egos safe.

Therefore, rather than learning from challenges and mistakes,

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the Fear stage keeps people trapped inside their protective bubbles. Coaches and leaders add the most value by teaching employees how to be cautious and thoughtful about how they work with others, create change, strive for more, and so forth. This is the invaluable lesson of the Fear stage.

Done well, the Fear stage helps us develop humility, courage, respect for self, and respect for others.

Sadly, however, some people can’t find their way out of protective bubbles or get the coaching needed to move forward. They may endure the remainder of their work lives stuck in the Fear stage.

If and when we’ve learned the lesson of the Fear stage, we inevitably decide to spread our wings in some manner, big or small. That decision represents an intentional movement to the fourth stage, Authenticity. At this point, we have chosen to carve our own path to being real, to bringing our authentic selves to work, which is the lesson of the Authenticity stage. We then choose to drop the protective shields of the Fear stage in order to engage more fully at work.

At this point, leaders or coaches can offer ideas and support as our coachees figure out how to bring their fullest expression to work, how to choose responses to situations in ways that align with their values, share opinions effectively, and bring gifts and talents to the fore.

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Coaching Character In The Workplace

Inevitably, the authenticity-driven butterflies will encounter some workplace challenges that leave them battered and bruised, which will eventually inspire movement to the other of the two most difficult stages, Boundaries.

During this stage of character development, individuals learn how to set boundaries to protect authenticity and to respect others’ boundaries, among other things.

The leader or coach provides the greatest guidance by providing psycho-social resources (many exist) about boundaries and how to set them.

The coach/leader can also share insights into how individuals can take responsibility for themselves, the key lesson of this stage.

If appropriate, the leader or coach may also provide greater clarity about subtle-but-powerful nuances of roles and processes within the organization. At this stage, leaders and coaches often also educate employees about acceptable influence, persuasion, and collaboration practices within the organization.

Outstanding leaders and coaches understand character development throughout work-life and realize that, beyond coaching other skills, they can also serve as invaluable character development guides along an individual’s career journey.

Terri Jacke is the author of Is This A Lousy Job Or Is It Just Me?: A Real-Life Guide For Achieving Success At Work and serves as the president of Inspired Training Institute, an executive consulting firm she founded nearly 20 years ago.

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The seventh and last stage is Exit, a time when individuals leave the world of work. As

Once we learn to be responsible for ourselves and for others,

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we often yearn to make more meaningful contributions that benefit coworkers and customers.

This marks entry into the Love stage of character development.

This stage may be episodic. I often see employees/coachees rotate back and forth between the Boundaries stage and the Love stage for several years, usually later in their careers.

However, during the Love stage, we bear the fruits of the character development work we’ve undertaken for so many years.

Those in this stage usually have become powerful and positive regardless of their circumstances.

They live the fullest expression of their mental and moral character qualities, and exercise sincerity and commitment, frequently checking their intentions to ensure personal honesty. And, their actions, behaviors, and decisions are rooted in love. Leaders and coaches best serve individuals in the Love stage by helping them identify more meaningful ways to be of service, which is the lesson of this stage.

you can imagine, the Exit stage currently looks much different than it did even 50 years ago, because so many people continue to work in some fashion well beyond retirement from their full-time careers. The lessons of the Exit stage, gratitude and inner peace, await those who no longer work primarily for income. Our post-work lives are richer if we enter into them with well-developed mental and moral qualities.

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3 Ways A Mental ‘Road Map’ Can Manifest Your Success Shifting from a focus on fear and limitations to empowerment fueled by faith, intuition, and tenacity

By Merilee Kern, The Luxe List

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or entrepreneur, professional speaker, and success coach Sheryl Grant, transformational leadership through personal development and community building is the name of the game. A Ms. Olympia at over the age of 50, Grant clearly knows what it takes to realize over-and-above achievement both in life and in business. Today, through her eponymous company Sheryl Grant Enterprises, this powerhouse is helping CEOs, executives and other entrepreneurs master key areas of their careers and lives overall.

A key aspect of Grant’s various F.I.T. presentations and webinars is a focus on developing mental strength through neuro-training, whereby she offers a variety of tactical techniques related thereto. With this having piqued my curiosity, I recently connected with Grant for insight on some of her mind-bolstering methodologies that, as she explains, can help us cultivate a greater awareness of who we are, develop a road map of where we need and want to go, and conceptualize how we intend to get there:

Her secret sauce? Grant taps into a trifecta of neurotraining, physical fitness, and increased productivity to unlock personal ambition, revenue potential, and self-confidence. Grant urges that success-minded individuals must aspire to be F.I.T., heavily leaning on “Faith, Intuition, and Tenacity” to reach their goals.

Start a Dialogue with Yourself

“F.I.T. cultivates your inner ability to push through any of life’s perceived obstacles, breakthrough barriers, and manifest your heart’s dreams and desires,” Grant said. “Whether you seek a job promotion, new business endeavor or a healthier body, F.I.T. helps establish a mindset and emotional framework that will nurture, uplift, and inspire these and other areas of your life.”

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Begin by asking yourself some basic questions: Who are you? What are you good at? What do people you care about see in you? When have you felt the most alive? What can you learn from others who have a strong purpose and who are inspirational to you? Ultimately, living with purpose means focusing on what matters most to you. And following the money and following your heart need not have to be mutually exclusive. There’s not much mystery as to why most people work: to earn money. However, there are a lot of ways to pay the bills. The “why” refers to the underlying, personal reasons you are choosing a particular business and what you are trying to accomplish. Knowing where you are going

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3 Ways A Mental ‘Road Map’ Can Manifest Your Success

and, as importantly, why it will inform and strengthen both your personal and career identities and help you reach your goals quicker. Such self-awareness also fosters drive, confidence and self-esteem that can transform you into an unstoppable force—giving you the strength to persist ... even through failure and adversity. You’ll likely be happier, too, and an inspiration to those around you.

Identify ALL of Your Inner Strengths

When people are living in their “sweet spot,” they are more productive and naturally add value to the world around them. Accordingly, this “mode” is when people also tend to make more money! What are the things you’ve always been good at? What motivates and inspires you? Perhaps it’s things that come naturally to you, to the point that you wonder why others struggle in the same area? While passion can also certainly blossom from areas in which you aren’t naturally talented, Grant’s personal and professional experiences have shown that we rarely aspire toward ambitions for which we have no natural talent to achieve. As civil rights leader Howard Thurman once wrote, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive, then go do that.

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Indeed they do.

Know Where You Add Value

Doing work that you’re good at, but which holds no passion for you, is not a pathway to fulfillment. When we know our greatest strengths and where we as individuals can add the most value, we can better focus on the opportunities, roles, and career paths in areas where success will likely occur. These are usually the same avenues where a person finds the greatest sense of accomplishment and contribution.

All too often we undervalue our strengths, skills, and the expertise that we naturally acquire over time. A great way to discover this for ourselves is to discern what we’re equipped to help solve in the workplace, career, organization, or industry. Also, uncovering what problems we enjoy solving, and what problems we feel passionate about attempting to solve. The answers to these questions can help people focus and develop a much clearer series of intentions that are based on natural strengths, and those tasks one

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innately excels at, rather than trying to bolster or eliminate weaknesses.

Through overcoming personal challenges in multiple areas in her life spearheaded by employing the strategies above, Grant says she quickly learned that her biggest difficulty was not the obstacles in front of her, but rather the lack of belief and trust in herself. By her shifting from a focus on fear and limitations to a focus on empowerment fueled by faith, intuition, and tenacity (F.I.T.), she reached greater heights than ever before ... and continues to do so.

In summarizing the above, Grant also conveyed her belief that, ultimately, unlocking one’s inner presence makes leaders the best business people and human beings that they can be. Grant suffered in her own life until she established, and wholeheartedly practiced, her F.I.T. philosophy. In doing so, she not only realized extreme changes but also actually enjoyed the process ... and the people around her enjoyed her more as well. I, for one, will certainly relish my own journey striving to get F.I.T.

Forbes Business Council, Newsweek Expert Forum, and Rolling Stone Culture Council Member Merilee Kern, MBA is an internationally-regarded brand strategist and analyst who reports on noteworthy industry change makers, movers, shakers, and innovators across all B2B and B2C categories.

This includes field experts and thought leaders, brands, products, services, destinations, and events. Merilee is the Founder, Executive Editor, and Producer of “The Luxe List” as well as the Host of both the “Savvy Living” lifestyle and travel and “Savvy Ventures” business TV shows.

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Top Pick

Addressing Imposter Syndrome What decision-makers, others need to know

By Susanne Tedrick, Microsoft

T

here is a big difference between being nervous about starting a new job or work responsibility versus having imposter syndrome. For most people, feelings of insecurity and anxiety pass, as there is still a fundamental belief in being able to complete the task at hand.

On the other hand, someone with imposter syndrome has pervasive, serious doubts about their abilities. They feel like a fraud and find it difficult to accept their accomplishments.

The phenomenon is especially prominent among high-achieving people and those with underrepresented identities.

The following are six key tips for addressing imposter syndrome when it rears its ugly head.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

In a post-covid world, where working remotely has become commonplace, asking for assistance has never been more important. Asking for help is actually a sign of strength, not weakness. It really is okay not

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to know how to do something.

Pretending like you do ends up getting you in more trouble as the issue has now likely gotten worse.

No one is totally self-sufficient so admit you don’t know something, address it, and then move on.

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Acknowledging you don’t know everything also opens up new opportunities for learning.

Examine Your Feeling

Consider what is driving your suspicions. Do you set extremely

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Addressing Imposter Syndrome

challenging goals and then feel disappointed when you fall short? Are you highly sensitive to constructive criticism? Do you agonize over even the smallest mistakes in your work? By examining your emotions and fears, you can understand where they are coming from and gauge the best means of addressing them. Also, let go of perfectionism, as attaining it is an impossible goal. Rather, celebrate the small win, victories and progress that you make in your professional and personal development.

Share Your Feelings

If you don’t trust your own emotions, enlist help – but be careful who you ask for assistance. Airing imposter struggles with peers can actually promote comparison and increase imposter feelings. Conversely, soliciting the help of a trusted colleague can reduce feelings of loneliness and open doors for others to share what they see in you that you may not.

An honorable coworker may also be able to offer a different perspective on how to approach a problem or suggest resources that you may not have been aware were available.

Never Dismiss Compliments

People who struggle with imposter feelings tend to minimize their accomplishments. They attribute their success to others or chalk it up to luck. If someone congratulates you, don’t be so quick to move on. Pay attention to how you respond and strive

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to speak more positively about yourself. It’s one thing to not be boastful and dwell on praise. It’s quite another to dismiss compliments as being unimportant.

Celebrate Success

Whether it’s earning a credential, publishing a paper or having a client speak well of you, taking time to applaud yourself can help internalize success – and thus drive away imposter feelings. External, concrete reminders of success are also vital. If you receive an email with positive feedback, save it or print it for future reference.

The accomplishment need not feel significant. The little things, taken together, can demonstrate that you are a highly competent professional.

and skills by observing those around you in action.

In conclusion, avoid comparing yourself to others, confide in a trusted colleague about imposter feelings, question negative thinking and replace it with confident, positive thoughts about your abilities.

Additional information: ● Chris Palmer, “How to overcome imposter phenomenon,” American Psychological Association, June 1, 2021, accessed March 23, 2022 ● Arlin Cuncic, “What Is Imposter Syndrome?” Verywellmind, November 23, 2021, accessed March 23, 2022

Focus on Helping Colleagues

Feelings of inadequacy are more common in the workplace than you might think. No one is good at everything; we all have different strengths and weaknesses and bring different skills and experiences to the workforce.

For instance, you might be adept at presentations even though it takes several readings of the new tech manual before you “get it.”

A colleague, on the other hand, might be proficient technically but struggle communicating in social situations. You can mentor this person to help address skill gaps; in turn you will build confidence in your own skills. Learning from your peers and colleagues. You can learn many valuable lessons

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Susanne Tedrick is an infrastructure specialist for Azure, Microsoft’s cloud computing platform. In her work, Susanne helps her clients address needs and challenges surrounding cloud adoption, cost optimization and migration. Susanne is the author of the critically acclaimed “Women of Color in Tech” and the upcoming “Innovating For Diversity”.

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Build Your Dream Team With Wise And Talented Friends Winning and losing

By Jim Stovall, Narrative Television Network

S

uccess in life is much like a series of competitive events. We win or lose based on our effort, preparation, and the team we have around us. Shortly after I started my business, I realized I needed to develop an all-star team if I was going to win in the business world. Among others, I needed a banker, an accountant, a marketing specialist, technical people, as well as a great attorney. My father introduced

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me to one of his best friends, who happened to be his lawyer.

I was very fortunate that, over the next several decades, he became my lawyer as well as a great friend. Initially, I was excited to meet him because I knew that he had played on one of the greatest college football teams ever assembled. He had been a member of the legendary Oklahoma Sooners football

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Build Your Dream Team With Wise And Talented Friends

team that had won 47 straight games. This record will likely never be equaled or even approached in the future.

agreements based on a handshake. The underlying contract simply formalizes what we’ve agreed to and serves as a reminder of the commitments we made.

Knowing that he had been a part of one of the greatest teams of all time, I assumed he would have a lot of great advice on winning, losing, and defeating opponents.

As he passed his 80th birthday, he told me he would be spending less time in the office, so I might want to get another attorney. I explained that, thanks to his sage advice, I needed very little legal counsel because my business conflicts were avoided instead of won or lost. When he passed away, I lost a friend much more than a lawyer. His legacy remains in my life and in my business as I have never sued anyone, been sued, or done business with anyone I couldn’t do business with again. Great attorneys are valuable, and great friends are priceless.

Instead of advising me on becoming a fierce competitor or combatant in the business or legal arena, this gentleman advised me to avoid conflict, create win/win relationships, and resolve all conflicts amicably. He explained that we should enter into agreements that benefit all parties, create contracts that reflect a win/win spirit, and conduct ourselves in ways that would keep us free from conflict and legal entanglements.

He taught me and showed me that the best way to win an argument is to avoid it completely. If the terms of an agreement are fair and benefit everyone, and the contract is clear and concise, rarely, if ever, will you have to clean up a mess or invest time, effort, and money in a court battle.

While my attorney seemed like a kindly, mild-mannered gentleman, he could turn into a raging lion if our rights were violated or others chose not to honor their commitments. He showed me the higher road available in business that allows us to enter into

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As you go through your day today, build your dream team with wise and talented friends.

Today’s the day!

Jim Stovall is the President of Narrative Television Network as well as a published author of many books including The Ultimate Gift. He is also a columnist and motivational speaker.

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6 Keys To Develop LifeChanging Relationships With Your Mentees The relationally intelligent mentor

By Dr. Adam C. Bandelli, Bandelli & Associates

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he great film director and movie producer Steven Spielberg once said, “the delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your image but in giving them the opportunity to create their own.” In many organizations today, mentoring is used to develop team members and ensure that employees feel connected to their companies. It provides a sense of community, which leads to higher levels of employee engagement, retention of talent, and enhanced organizational commitment. Mentors can be valuable resources to employees in providing them with guidance on career management and navigating organizational politics.

One of the most important factors when it comes to mentoring is how to build a successful mentor-mentee relationship. There are many things that come into play when building these types of relationships. Mentees need to be clear about their personal goals and what they hope to get out of the relationship. They must be committed to learning and growth, and be proactive in taking the initiative to begin a mentoring relationship. Mentors, on the other hand, need to set clear time-management expectations and what they can offer to the mentee. They need to be engaged and open to sharing their knowledge, expertise, and experience.

And most importantly, they must practice the skills of relational intelligence.

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Relational intelligence is the ability to successfully connect with people and build strong, long-lasting relationships. Relationally intelligent mentors practice five specific skills that enable them to have a life-changing impact on their mentees. They know how to establish rapport in the early stages of the relationship to create an initial positive connection.

They take time to understand others by putting in the time and effort needed on a consistent basis to get to know their mentees on a deep level. They embrace individual differences by acknowledging and accepting various backgrounds and experiences of others. They develop trust by showing vulnerability and authenticity when strengthening their mentoring relationships over time. And lastly, they cultivate influence by having a genuine and sincere desire to help their mentees grow.

Here are six ways that great relationally intelligent mentors build strong partnerships with their mentees:

Building the Foundation

Relationally intelligent mentors know the importance of establishing rapport in the early stages of forming connections with their mentees. They take the initiative to create a time and safe space for the initial conversations. They know the importance of making a good first impression so that their mentees understand that they are fully committed to the relationship. They use eye contact, body language,

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6 Keys To Develop Life-Changing Relationships With Your Mentees

and nonverbal behaviors to indicate how interested they are in making the partnership work. And they know how to make things fun. They use humor to keep things light so that their mentees will relax, let their guard down, and be comfortable opening up more.

Regular Consistent Communication

Understanding others takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. Relationally intelligent mentors are fully committed to getting to know their mentees on a deep level. They have great EQ and can pick up on the feelings or emotions of both themselves and others.

They ask probing questions to get at some of the underlying passions, interests, and motivations of their mentees. They listen more than they speak. This requires strong active listening skills. When mentors dominate the conversation, it can shut their mentees down and limits the long-term influence they can have on the relationship.

Authenticity and Transparency

Relationally intelligent mentors are authentic. They have open and transparent conversations, which gives mentees the freedom to be themselves while they learn and grow. Relationally intelligent mentors do this because they embrace the individual differences of others. They value diversity and look to build cultures that are inclusive. This shows up in their mentor-mentee relationships by making others feel that they matter regardless of race/ethnicity, gender, age, sexual orientation, personality, cross-cultural factors, or spiritual and religious beliefs.

Trust that Promotes Psychological Safety

Developing trust is the most important factor in any mentor-mentee relationship. To practice this skill, mentors must first be comfortable in their own skin.

They cannot let ego, pride, or arrogance interfere with the relationship. The partnership is about helping the mentee grow, and to do this, they must trust the mentor’s intentions. This creates the psychological safety needed for a mentee to feel that it is ok to be vulnerable. It also gives mentees permission to share deeper thoughts, concerns, or reflections that they may not be comfortable sharing with a manager or peer.

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Guidance, Insight, & Knowledge

Relationally intelligent mentors know how to strike the right balance between providing guidance and insight, and when to let their mentees search for the answers on their own. They can do this because they’ve invested enough in the relationship that their mentees know they have their best interests at heart.

Part of growth and self-development is trying out new things, sometimes failing, and then learning from those mistakes. Great relationally intelligent mentors encourage mentees to take chances and calculated risks. They are there to support their efforts and will serve as partner to brainstorm and problem solve together when it is needed.

Genuine Interest in the Mentees Development

Relationally intelligent mentors know how to cultivate influence. This is the ability to have a positive and meaningful impact on the lives of others. Most mentors want the best for their mentees; however, great relationally intelligent mentors help people see things in themselves that they didn’t even know was there. Servant leaders make great relationally intelligent mentors. That because they put others first.

When mentors do this, and their mentees experience it, dynamic life-changing relationships take place. The types of relationships that can span a mentee’s entire career.

Adam C. Bandelli, PhD, is the Managing Director of Bandelli & Associates, a boutique consulting firm focusing on leadership advisory services and organizational effectiveness. He is the author of the book, Relational Intelligence: The Five Essential Skills You Need to Build Life-Changing Relationships, which will be available everywhere books are sold in May.

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How To Improve Productivity In The Workplace Small changes that can make a difference

By Hope Kirk, Peninsula Canada

E

mployers may be wondering what they can do to boost staff morale. Productivity is key to every successful business, but it must be done right. A few small changes may be all that is needed to maximize productivity in the workplace.

Check out a few important pieces of advice on how to improve productivity in the workplace.

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Encourage Open Communication

If employers are wondering how to improve workplace productivity, why not ask employees? They can shed light on areas for improvement and share ideas on how they can be resolved. Additionally, asking employees for recommendations and their opinion will make them feel heard and valued, which also plays a major role in productivity.

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How To Improve Productivity In The Workplace

Provide the Necessary Tools

Staff cannot do their jobs successfully without the proper tools and equipment. Outdated technology can often cause staff to feel frustrated, slowing down their work, and leaving them feeling unmotivated. The right tools keep workers productive by showing you are invested in their success.

Consider Offering Flexible Working Options

Consider giving employees flexible options to best fit their lifestyle. This can entail working from home, 4-day work weeks, or allowing them to work their required working hours anytime during the day. This can help employees work during the hours or space where they feel the most productive.

Acknowledge Hard Work

Awards are a great way to recognize great achievements within the workplace. Providing incentives to all employees to meet certain targets or expectations is a great way to encourage great performance.

staff feel more energized and motivated to get the job done.

As the Associate Director – Consultancy at Peninsula Canada, Hope Kirk leads the health and safety advisory and consultancy team to deliver solutions for small businesses. Hope joined Peninsula in 2020 from Air Canada, one of the world’s biggest airlines, where she was a senior health and safety professional. Besides 10 years in the field of health and safety, Hope’s expertise includes business logistics and operations, HR management, and liaising and developing relationships with governing bodies. Hope has an excellent record of accomplishment in developing new wellness initiatives to help organizations achieve above the expected ROI. Her authoritative health and safety commentary is regularly featured in industry magazines, websites, blogs, and newspapers.

Encourage Work Breaks

If employees work nonstop, it can lead to burnout. To prevent this from happening, encourage employees to go on a quick 15-min walk or create a break room where they can relax and recharge. This will make

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Top Pick

Review Your Thoughts, Actions, And Impact Reflect on 4 key questions

By Dr. Thomas Epperson, InnerWill Leadership Institute

H

ow often do you pause to learn? If you’re like most people, you probably think about what happened during the day— maybe on your ride home, maybe at home with your spouse or your friends, maybe in the middle of the night when you are trying to sleep but can’t seem to turn your brain off.

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However, just thinking about what happened during the day, and probably beating yourself up about it, is not learning. That takes an additional step: reflection.

Athletes, actors, and musicians record their performances and watch the tape. They look at their performance and make notes

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about what they can do to improve.

Some organizations and military groups use an after-action report as a way to debrief what happened, what they learned, and how they want to apply those lessons in the future.

This act of reflection—a pause before moving on to the next

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Review Your Thoughts, Actions, And Impact

I’m burned out or tired or hungry.

In these situations, my negative thoughts can spiral out of control.

When we review our thoughts, actions, and impact, we want to reflect on what is going on for us.

In a mindfulness practice such as meditation, we might notice our thoughts and nonjudgmentally allow them to pass.

thing—gives us a chance to grow from our experiences. This is especially important for leaders, because it’s one of the best tools available to us if we want to learn from our successes, learn from our mistakes, and learn from the example of others.

Ultimately, to get the most out of the lessons that life teaches us, you must reflect. You must review your thoughts, actions, and impact.

How do you do that? By asking yourself four key questions.

Review Your Thoughts, Actions, and Impact

Why is it important to review our thoughts, actions, and impact?

First of all, our actions impact others, whether we recognize it or not. Our actions can lift others up, leaving them inspired and standing a bit taller, or we can knock them down, leaving them feeling hurt or more diminished than we found them.

We don’t have to end up in the principal’s office to be reminded that our actions have

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consequences. The question is not just what impact do we want to have on other people, but what impact are we actually having?

Not only do our actions have an impact, but our thoughts do as well. Our thoughts and emotional responses to an event influence the choices we make, which influence the actions we take, which result in an impact. Our thoughts and resulting actions have an impact in the moment and over time.

To realize our potential, we must pause a little more. That gives us space to make a few more conscious choices that align with the impact we want to have on others. Make those choices over a lifetime, and imagine the impact you could have.

Your Thoughts Matter

Our thoughts can be a source of emotional well-being. When my thinking grows negative and I think everything is terrible and everyone is evil and the universe has it in for me, that is a good sign that

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In other cases, we may mentally discipline ourselves to stop our negative thinking. According to Dr. Jacques Dallaire, our conscious minds have a great deal of influence over our unconscious minds. Rather than focusing on all the things we can’t control, he recommends that in the moment, we focus on what is under our control, including our thoughts.

When you have a negative thought, Dallaire recommends redirecting it to something you can impact.

When we focus too much on the things we can’t control and we begin to feel stress, our view narrows. We begin to miss things in the wide view that may be incredibly important. If we are not reviewing our thoughts, actions, and impact, we might not realize we are too narrow or too wide at the wrong times.

Ask Yourself 4 Questions

There are many ways to review our thoughts, actions, and impact.

Some people like to reflect on their drive home. Some like to reflect while they are doing an activity that does not need a lot of mental horsepower, like folding laundry or mowing the lawn.

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Review Your Thoughts, Actions, And Impact

However and whenever you choose to reflect, you can ask yourself several questions to help guide and frame your reflection: ●● What did you do? Did your actions align with your values? With your purpose? ●● What did you think and feel?

(Remember, strong emotions reflect our deepest held values and give us insight into, well, us.) ●● What impact did you have?

Did the impact align with what you want to achieve in the moment and over time? ●● How might you act more aligned with what you have identified as your purpose in life and your core values?

Some people love to journal as they consider these questions.

Sit down with a piece of paper, or a computer, or a fancy spiral notebook and take notes on what happened. What did you do? How did you respond to others?

Another technique is simply to notice your thoughts, feelings, and actions throughout the day and describe them in your journal.

Once you have amassed a few weeks of data, go through it looking for trends. It’s a great way to build your skill of mindfulness, to notice what you are thinking and feeling at any given moment. By noticing our habits of mind, we can consciously choose our thoughts versus unconsciously allowing those thoughts to run roughshod over us.

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Other Ways to Reflect Of course, there are other ways to reflect.

Some people keep a pad beside their bed so when they wake up in the middle of the night with a thought or a fear or a to-do, they can jot it down and go back to dreamland.

I am not one of those people. If I start writing, I won’t stop until daylight when I get up and go to work. I have a more extroverted method of reflecting: talking to other people and reflecting out loud. My brain works better when I engage with others who can help me sort through my thoughts and emotions and nonjudgmentally help me recognize my own thinking.

Coaches are a great resource for this, as are people who nonjudgmentally listen and reflect what they hear. So often when we engage others, we try to solve their problems or tell them what they should do, or we tsk and harrumph and judge, but when we have really good listeners, they help us reflect.

Find a Technique That Works for You

thoughts, actions, and impact.

That works, because it gives her a chance to reflect. Long story short, be ruthlessly pragmatic in your reflection: do what works for you.

The article is adapted from the book, InnerWill.

Dr. Thomas Epperson is the President of InnerWill Leadership Institute, a 501(c)3 nonprofit that has helped hundreds of organizations and the thousands of people who work there, actualize potential, maximize performance and elevate impact.

With a doctorate in leadership from The George Washington University and over 20 years of experience as a leadership coach, facilitator, and speaker, he has helped more than 300 organizations transform their leadership—and their results.

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To review your thoughts, actions, and impact, find a technique that works for you. If having a pretty journal filled with inspirational quotes is your thing, do it. If you’d rather start a blog, do so. If you’d rather talk to other people and take a few notes, great.

My wife is a graphic recorder and facilitator, so she draws pictures as a way of reflecting on her

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The Fastest Way To Disengage Your Team Why aligned expectations can make or break your leadership

By Jackie (Hertz) Insinger, Insinger Insights

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ifty percent of managers don’t set effective employee expectations.

Fifty percent.

That number comes from a Towers Watson survey, and to me, it’s staggering. Half of all leaders out there are trying to drive results with a team that isn’t clear on what they’re supposed to be doing.

Yet hardly ever do I hear from leaders that the people they lead aren’t “meeting expectations.” The word “expectations” usually only comes up in a positive context: something like, “I have high expectations for my team.” Typically, when expressing dissatisfaction, leaders I coach are more apt to say that they “aren’t seeing” results, behaviors, or actions they want to see from their reports.

My answer is always the same: Are you sure they know what you’re looking for?

Expectations are subject to perspective. It’s entirely possible that leaders believe they’re being crystal clear with expectations, while employees feel those expectations are murky at best.

Vague, unclear—or even more commonly, unspoken— expectations set off a cascade of emotional challenges for employees. Deep down, the majority of people in an organization want to succeed. They want

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to do their best. They want to pull their weight, they want to contribute, and they want to perform. Without clearly delineated expectations from their leader, employees have no way of knowing which direction they should aim their efforts; they’re essentially flying blind, using their own GPS as their guide.

The problem is less that employees have no idea what their job is, or how to do it exceptionally well. It’s more that they’re unclear on what success in that job looks like, according to their leader.

That’s the key part. Success, like everything else, is a matter of perspective. Without a leader who clearly states what they’re looking for, employees are left to determine what success looks like via their own background of experience. They might draw their idea of success from previous jobs, and previous bosses.

On a fundamental level, expectations diverge in ways neither party is aware of.

“Unclear expectations” is the top source of employee frustration cited in study after study. A recent Gallup study validates the 50 percent finding from the Towers Watson survey, but from the other direction: worldwide, 50 percent of employees disagree that they know what’s expected of them at work. In the same study, Gallup measured the engagement of those employees.

They asked employees if they agree with the statement My manager helps me set work priorities. Of those who disagreed, only 4 percent ranked high in employee

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The Fastest Way To Disengage Your Team

3. Order of Priority: Once you’ve gotten clear on the details and given the context for your expectations, ask your team for their plan to tackle it. Take the time to discuss and mutually agree on a plan for how they’re going to get things done. From there, they have a clear runway to take off.

engagement (answering “agree” or “strongly agree” to statements like “I recommend this company as a good place to work”).

This means that 96 percent of employees who are unclear on expectations are disengaged. They’re likely not as invested in their work or committed to their role, and they are far more likely to be looking elsewhere for their next job.

A disengaged team is dead in the water when it comes to performance. Forget brilliance—any spark your team had at all is going to fizzle right out.

Fixing this scenario involves the following three key actions. As the leader, these actions begin with you.

1. Clarity Is Kind: Getting clear on expectations with your team begins with getting clear on the details. This looks like, first, making sure you yourself are clear on those details. After all, it begins with you. Can you write down a clear bullet list of expectations you feel you’ve set with team members recently?

2. Context Is Key: People want to understand not just what they’re doing, but why they’re doing it. Understanding the full picture of exactly how they’re contributing to a goal reignites their motivation even when a goal seems too lofty.

Context grounds something that feels impossible in real terms, bringing the person into the vision as a player, rather than a spectator.

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Aligned expectations feel like flow. Everyone is clear, motivated, and moving in the same direction.

Productivity soars; people feel like they’re doing their best. You’ll see people spark in ways you hadn’t anticipated. Remember—they want to perform. They just need you to clearly lay out what performance means to you, help them envision the why behind the goals, and determine a structure of priorities that sets them up for success.

Individually, with each team member, get on the same page when it comes to both of your perspectives on the goals, details, and priorities of the company, the team, and their own unique role. What they share might surprise you—and help you reach the next level of your own leadership journey.

Throughout her career, Jackie (Hertz) Insinger has brought her expertise in Cognitive Psychology and Interpersonal Dynamics to the business world as a sought-after Executive and Team Dynamics Coach. Using her researchbased, action-oriented methodology, Jackie helps leaders and teams focus on unique strengths and authentic connections in order to increase performance, results, and fulfillment.

Her Positive Psychology-led framework, Platinum Leadership, has been a game-changer for thousands of people and businesses throughout the world.

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A Practice In Perspective Doing our part for an inclusive workplace

By Lilli Parks, The Nova Collective

A

change in perspective can have a major impact on how we navigate the world. Seeing solely from our own lens, we limit our understanding, appreciation, and capacity for the dynamic and diverse society we live in.

Expanding our perspective is a practice of compassion for others and their life experiences. This builds communication, understanding, and rapport, which all contribute to the culture of your workplace. It creates a more inclusive work environment, as well as a more productive and efficient team. Here are some ways to nurture perspective-building:

Avoid Making Assumptions

Assumptions are one of the primary roadblocks to a compassionate work environment. Take the time to

listen and ask questions to understand the full scope of any situation or circumstances. Be curious. Seek context.

Get Out of Your Own Way

We are all unique individuals formed by our life experiences. Our social identities; race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, gender, etc., contribute to how we respond in any given situation. Be mindful that there are lived experiences drastically different from our own, and your lens is not necessarily the same as your colleague’s.

Cultivate Compassion

While we may not be able to directly relate to some others’ experiences, we can offer our compassion and open our minds and hearts to embrace and validate their reality. No one person has a monopoly on “truth” and a huge part of this journey is learning to hold space for multiple truths.

When we’re able to see things from another person’s lens, we gain a deeper understanding and value for their perspective. This cultivates an inclusive work environment; a stronger team, higher workplace morale, and generally better results for an organization. Remember, this work is a marathon - not a sprint.

Lilli Parks is Demand Gen. Manager at The Nova Collective.

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