It's ok to cry

Our regular columnist Natalie Barker, Head of Transformation at Southern Cross Health Insurance, shares what she’s most grateful for in her life and her work.

I performance review. Not because I was upset or processing confronting feedback, but simply because my leader asked me to share reflections from the past year, and some of those reflections carried strong emotions. I cried at an executive planning day, too. The meeting began with a check-in from each person, and I started crying before I even started speaking. I cried catching up with one of my colleagues last week. She was having a tough time, and her experiences triggered something in me.

I didn’t use to shed tears at work. I’m sure the younger me would’ve been mortified to lose control in the way I’m quite comfortable doing now. It’s not just that I’m older and, with it, less self-conscious; it’s that our workplaces allow us to be more vulnerable, more human than in the past. And I’m very grateful for that.

The past couple of years have been tough for my family (as they have for many of us). My husband is going through some pretty difficult mental health challenges, and it’s been a rocky road for us all. Personally, I’ve moved all over the wellbeing spectrum, struggling some days, thriving on others, but mostly I just feel grateful. I’m grateful for the support available to me.

I feel grateful my leader asks me how I’m doing and makes it clear that I can share as little or as much as I like. I’m grateful she listens without judgement and offers support without telling me what to do.

I’m grateful I work for an organisation that encourages me to look after myself, finding ways to make it easier to care for my own physical and mental wellbeing, in turn giving me resilience to face what comes my way.

I’m grateful for my work friends who’ve made it their business to learn more about mental health and persisted in making their support known.

I’m grateful for my husband’s employer, too. They continue to offer empathy and patience, making it clear that everyone deserves a pathway to recovery and fulfilment.

I’m grateful the stigma around mental illness and mental health conditions has reduced over recent years, especially in good workplaces. We’ve still got a long way to go. As leaders, we have a critical role to ensure this continues and that all our people have the opportunity to flourish.

I strive to be more like my own leader, balancing her care for me and my whānau with a respect for privacy. As a leader, I choose to start conversations that invite other people to be open and vulnerable. I choose to notice when things aren’t okay and offer a safe space to share what’s going on.

As a leader, I choose to cry at work when things matter to me, and to be accepting and supportive when other people do the same.

Natalie Barker is Head of Transformation at Southern Cross Health Insurance. She has been leading people for 15 years and believes that leveraging people’s strengths and passions is the best way to drive engagement and get stuff done.