Bayou
Catholic
Marriage HOUMA, LA ~ MARCH 2014
Jessica Brenner Photography
Contents Original Innocence
Tough economy
Marriage and the theology of the body
Can strain or strengthen today’s marriages
68
64 Marriage
Sacrament
Ten promises for a happy marriage
Marriage as a sacrament
66
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Remember ... You’re marrying into a family
For more articles on strengthening your marriage, visit
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www.foryourmarriage.org
74 Social Media Have you chosen a ‘tweet’ of honor?
76 Coordinating suits for the groom and wedding party. Why rent when you can own.
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Marriage
JESSICA BRENNER PHOTOGRAPHY
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Ten promises
for a happy marriage
Guest Columnist
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Nancy Diedrich LPC, LMFT
Love is not just about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship. It’s not about how much love you have in the beginning of your relationship, but how much love you build until the end. For a relationship to be healthy, it should be compassionate, loving, honest,
Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • March 2014
trusting and positive. It should make your smile a little wider and your life a little brighter. Happy, healthy marriages are one of the greatest joys of life. So start today to grow stronger together through love, loyalty, respect and gratitude for each other. Here are 10 promises to follow together. 1. We will remember that every person and marriage is different. We are not perfect for everyone; we are only perfect for those select few people that really take the time to get to know us and love us for who we really are. Being our imperfectly perfect self is what they love most about us. Don’t compare your marriage to anyone else’s – not your parent’s, your friend’s or your co-worker’s.
Don’t fall for that old “grass is greener” saying. The neighbor’s marriage may seem happier, but you cannot compare your relationship to anyone else’s. What looks “perfect” from the outside may be very far from it on the inside. Every couple makes their own love rules, love agreements and love habits. Stay focused on your own relationship and make your marriage the best it can be. We will listen to each other 2. openly, without judgment. Never judge. Learn to respect and acknowledge the feelings of your spouse. Pay close attention to them. Be present. We don’t always need advice. Sometimes all we need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen and a heart to understand. There is a time to speak out and a
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time to remain silent. True wisdom comes from knowing the difference. And this difference can make or break a healthy relationship. 3. We will say what we mean and mean what we say. Open communication and honesty is vital to healthy relationships. Share what is going on in your mind and heart. Share your deepest thoughts, needs, wishes, hopes and dreams. Start communicating clearly. Don’t try to read other people’s minds and don’t make other people, especially your spouse, try to read yours. 4. We will support each other through good times and bad. Always be there for each other, and be available not only when it’s convenient, but when you need each other the most. Trust that you can count on your spouse for loving moral support. Be there through the good, bad, happy and sad times – no matter what. Be willing to provide a listening ear, a hug and emotional support in all circumstances. 5. We will be faithful. Loving, loyal marriages are about two people being true to each other even when they have to be apart. Whether it’s for work, recreation or other obligation, a husband and a wife cannot spend every minute together. Time apart should be time spent in complete trust for one another. When it comes to strong marriages remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority. Loyalty is everything. 6. We will live by the truth. Always live your life with the inner peace of knowing that you have been honest to everyone with whom you have connected each day. It will be easy to rest your head on your pillow knowing that your day was spent being open, honest and faithful. Lies run sprints, but the truth
runs marathons. Please be a person that runs marathons, especially in your marriage. That’s the race that really matters. 7. We will spend quality time with each other. Make time for each other. With our busy schedules we often forget to relax and enjoy the great company we have. In human relationships distance is not measured in miles, but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. So don’t ignore someone you care about because lack of concern
Ten promises for a happy marriage hurts more than angry words. Carve out special time for just the two of you once a week. Do something fun. Spend time together talking, going on dates and making each other laugh. Sharing time, laughter and affection makes a marriage strong. 8. We will appreciate each other and help each other grow. Show appreciation of how amazing your spouse is by being happy for them when they succeed and grow. Cheer for their victories. Celebrate
their accomplishments and encourage their goals and ambitions. Challenge them to be the best they can be. And be openly thankful for their blessings. Gratitude is contagious – your spouse will feel gratitude for you when you show appreciation for them. What comes around goes around … and when it’s gratitude that is coming and going around in a marriage, the marriage grows stronger and more resilient. 9. We will settle disputes peacefully. Not much is worth fighting about. Heated arguments are a waste of time. If you can avoid it, don’t fight. Step back from arguments with your loved ones. When you feel anger surging up and you feel a war brewing, just close your mouth and walk away and think about what you really feel and want to say. Don’t let your anger get the best of you. You don’t always have to be right or to win every argument. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation. 10. We will always choose love. Throughout your marriage you will experience many situations that will cause you to feel a widespread range of emotions. Sometimes you 65 will be ecstatically happy, but there will undoubtedly be times of great sadness also. There will be times of pain, anger and bewilderment, as well as phases of joy, appreciation and delight. Whatever you go through in your marriage choose to love each other through it. Be there, hand and hand, thick or thin, good or bad … loving each other through all the days of your marriage. Remember a loving marriage is not just about finding the right person; it’s also about being the right person and together nurturing and appreciating your lifetime together.
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Marriage
Guest Columnist
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Father Joseph Tregre
What is the biggest day of your life? Many would say the day of their marriage. As a newly ordained priest, I have been able to preside over many Catholic weddings; in fact, my first wedding was for a couple with whom I graduated at Vandebilt! What a joy weddings have been in my first two years of priesthood, each one having a new sense of excitement. Marriage is an exciting moment of people’s lives, and the Catholic Church has an equally exciting vision of marriage! Blessed John Paul II renewed the church’s teaching on marriage in his theological time-bomb Man and Woman He Created Them. In his teaching, known as the “Theology of the Body,” John Paul II takes us to “in the beginning” when “God created man ... male and female he created them.” In his original state, man and woman are seen in their original innocence; sin has not entered the picture yet. Next, the serpent, known as Satan, enters and tempts Adam and Eve to reject their trust in God. Confused by this lie, the original couple seeks the good but falls into an empty promise. What was the lie that they believed? That their plan for happiness was better than God’s plan for their happiness. What is God’s plan for our happiness? Joy! Joy! Joy! Pope Francis says, “With Christ joy is constantly born anew,” and “Those who accept his offer of salvation are set free from sin, sorrow, inner emptiness and loneliness.” How do we receive this joy? From Christ who is Joy, and from the face of Christ present in each of our loved ones, especially our spouses. Do you see the face of Christ in your spouse? I hope so, because he or she is the
Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • March 2014
Marriage and the Theology of the Body
means to your salvation! The purpose of marriage is to get our spouse to heaven. In no other relationship does a person become as well known or vulnerable to another as in marriage. This can be viewed as a negative but should be a positive! We desire to be known and valued by another, and marriage provides an opportunity for us to divest ourselves of our masks and become transparent to another person. In this way, we can return to that echo of our original innocence. What is original innocence? It was the experience of Adam and Eve before the fall, before they
needed fig leaves to cover the shame of their ‘nakedness.’ What happened here? Adam, whom God gave dominion over creation, and Eve, the masterpiece of creation, shared original solitude with God and saw each other in the ‘image and likeliness’ of God. Sin blurred this vision, and they could no longer see each other as a whole person created by God but saw each other’s body as separate from their spirit and were faced with lust and shame. Marriage becomes the opportunity for this blurred vision of man and woman to be healed and
restored into the original vision of man ‘naked without shame.’ Who else knows you better than your spouse? Marriage becomes a moment to be profoundly accepted or rejected by another, precisely because of how well they know you. Christ profoundly loved us by mercifully consoling our hearts through his forgiveness and by absorbing our shame by his love. Christ reaches from the cross and lowers himself to embrace our shame in the ‘nakedness’ of our heart. As spouses, we have the same opportunity to embrace each other with the love of forgiveness that knows no judgment and fully accept the other for who they are. Such a love removes our fear and shame so that we may be ‘re-created anew’ in original innocence. In conclusion, we return to the garden. Our marriage is a garden which needs to be cared for. Christ is the gardener who is tilling the soil of our soul through the toil of life, its blessings and its curses. Our spouse is our helpmate in the garden of life, and together we till, plant and grow and reap the fruits of our garden. Are we tending our garden? An abandoned garden grows weeds and bears little fruit, but a garden that has been tended to carefully and diligently with much patience and love bears much fruit. Marriage is a privileged moment for growth and conversion because we trust the other person will not leave us. Through the intercession of Blessed John Paul II, may all marriages grow in holiness and grant a safe place for our own vulnerability as we become the fruit of original innocence in the garden. For a more extensive presentation of Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body, a Lenten Series will be hosted at Annunziata Church in Houma. For more info visit (www.facebook.com/ searchhere).
Marriage
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Marriage as a sacrament
JESSICA BRENNER PHOTOGRAPHY
Marriage as a Sacrament Marriage as a sacrament is a serious and sacred commitment that calls a couple to each other in the most profound and permanent way. Their mutual love is a reminder of the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ. By the grace of their sacrament, they become able Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • March 2014
to love one another as Christ has loved them. As a married couple, they become a visible sign and reminder of Christ’s sacrificial love for all people.
The Engaged Couple A couple desiring to be married is encouraged to contact their priest/
deacon at least six (6) months (or more) prior to the proposed date of their wedding. This interval allows time to prepare well for such a sacred commitment. The engaged couple must take an active part in all the steps of these guidelines which apply to them. With the assistance of their
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priest/deacon, they are to: t Identify and cultivate their strengths, t Deal with the areas of difficulty in their relationship, t Participate in assessment and preparation, t Recognize that marriage is essentially characterized by unity, fidelity, permanence and an openness to children, t Attend a formal marriage preparation program, t Participate in premarital evaluation and counseling when recommended. A tentative wedding date may be set at the time of this initial contact with the priest/deacon. When the couple has completed phase two of the marriage preparation process, the tentative wedding date will be confirmed or changed.
Responsibilities 1. Priest/Deacon The church has the pastoral obligation to assist those desiring to marry to make a prayerful and mature judgment concerning their marriage. In particular, the priest/
deacon, who plans to witness a marriage, is personally responsible for the complete marriage preparation process. He has the serious moral and ministerial responsibility to assist the engaged couple in understanding the meaning of Christian marriage in its human, spiritual, canonical and sacramental aspects, and to provide a liturgical experience that truly celebrates and manifests the momentous step that the couple is taking. 2. Community The faithful in each parish share in the pastoral responsibility to help engaged couples prepare for their life together. Married couples have a particular responsibility to witness the holiness of their sacramental life of intimacy, unity, self-sacrificing love and commitment. They may therefore be invited to participate actively in the marriage preparation of engaged couples in their parish. 3. Parents The church recognizes the unique and vital role of parents in the psychological, social, moral
and spiritual development of their children. Renewal in the church has included attempts to make sacramental preparation more family centered. Parents are therefore encouraged to respond to the invitation of the priest/ deacon to participate actively in the assessment and preparation of their children for marriage in the church whenever possible.
The Marriage Preparation Process All engaged couples are required to receive sacramental preparation and must meet with their priest/ deacon at least six months (or more) prior to the desired wedding date. This marriage preparation process consists of four phases. 1. Phase One: Initial contact with priest/deacon will: t Establish rapport with you in order to support and counsel you at this most important time in your life. t Examine your motives for marriage. t Explore any
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Marriage
Marriage as a sacrament
special circumstances that may affect marriage, e.g., age, cultural background, pregnancy, military service, physical or emotional problems, levels of faith and religious issues. t Explain the marriage preparation process. t Obtain personal information, explain what other documentation is needed, and determine whether any dispensations or permissions will be necessary. 2. Phase Two: Assessment process with priest/deacon will: t Administer a Premarital Instrument* to assist in beginning the assessment of your readiness to marry. t Discuss the results of the FOCCUS instrument. t Discuss the strengths and weaknesses of your communication process. t Examine the sacramental aspects of your human 70 covenant. t Assess your readiness for marriage and complete the prenuptial questionnaire. t Begin the liturgical wedding plans and present to you the parish guidelines. Inform you of the cost and suggested offering. *A premarital instrument is a tool designed to help you assess your readiness for marriage. It is not a pass/ fail indicator. Instead it is meant to help you discover more about yourselves and each other in a nonthreatening and objective way. Our diocese utilizes the FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding and Study) instrument to help you identify issues that need to be discussed, reflected on, understood, studied for problem-solving, skill-building and decision-making. Your priest/deacon will give you more information at your initial meeting. During phase two, the priest/deacon will make the decision to proceed or delay the marriage. If he proceeds, the wedding date will be confirmed and the process continues. If his decision is to delay the marriage, he will follow the procedure found in Delay of Marriage. 3. Phase Three: Formal marriage preparation This instructional phase, formal marriage preparation, presents the essential human and Christian aspects of marriage so that the couple becomes aware of the total dimensions of the marriage covenant. Formal marriage preparation includes reflection on the nature and sacramentality of marriage, married love and family life, couple prayer, marital responsibilities, communication within marriage, personal expectations, natural family planning and other practical considerations. Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • March 2014
JESSICA BRENNER PHOTOGRAPHY
There are two approved options in the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux. If you are unable to attend such a formal marriage preparation program, you must discuss this with your priest/deacon immediately. These are the approved options: t Diocesan Marriage Preparation program t Engaged Encounter Weekend Retreat in the surrounding dioceses
Schedule of the Day for Marriage Preparation in the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux t Location: 2779 Hwy 311 - Schriever, LA 70395 Pastoral Center Conference Hall t Arrival Time: 8:45 a.m. (The day begins promptly at 9 a.m.) t Dismissal Time: 3:15 p.m. t Registration Fee: $100 (check or money order) If you are engaged and would like to begin your marriage preparation, you will need to meet with your parish priest or deacon at least six months before your desired wedding date. The priest/deacon will give you a marriage preparation booklet which will include
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all of this marriage prep information and a registration form to attend the diocese’s marriage prep, “Day for the Engaged.” Complete the registration form, detach it and mail the form with your registration fee at least three months before the date you would like to attend. Your fee can be paid with a check or money order made payable to the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux. Do not send cash! Come dressed comfortably. Saturday, April 5 Sunday, May 4 Saturday, June 7 Saturday, Aug. 9 Sunday, Sept. 7 Sunday, Nov. 9 4. Phase Four: Completion of marriage prep process with priest/deacon will: t Discuss with you what you have learned and experienced at your formal marriage preparation program. t Discuss with you your understanding of sacrament in light of your formal marriage preparation. t Discuss with you your responsibilities as members of God’s people, as spouses and future parents. t Complete all documentary requirements. As appropriate, grant permission for mixed marriage and/ or apply for appropriate permissions or dispensations. t Discuss the reception of penance and holy Eucharist as a fitting preparation for the sacrament of matrimony. t Finalize the wedding liturgy and discuss the wedding rehearsal.
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Marriage Marriage
Tough economy can strain or strengthen today’s marriages BY LIZ O’CONNOR
Catholic News Service
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How couples deal with finances often mirror the ways they deal with other stress factors in marriage, but in today’s tough financial climate, money can be a particularly difficult hurdle for a couple to overcome. Markie Blumer, assistant professor in the department of marriage and family therapy at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas, said her department recently set up a pilot project to counsel couples having difficulties in their marriages. The Las Vegas area has been particularly hard-hit by the recession, with an unemployment rate of about 15 percent. Of couples who came for help, 54 percent were earning less than $25,000 per year and 75 percent less than $35,000 per year, putting them in or on the edge of poverty. Many of them, she said, were couples who’d been married many years and had solidly middle-class lifestyles before one or both partners became unemployed. The worst problems were caused by “a change in the power dynamics and roles within the couple relationship,” Blumer said, a finding that was echoed by other researchers. What was found to be most damaging to the marriages was one partner blaming another; most helpful was pointing out to them ways in which they had together “weathered other storms” in the course of their married lives. The Nevada researchers found that if the couple used the financial Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • March 2014
difficulties as an occasion to build each other up, if they “really took the tack that ‘We’re in this together,’” it could strengthen the marital bond. Blumer also said it was helpful if a couple had the support of a community such as a church or other organization. Father Guillermo Garcia, assistant professor of religious studies at Mount St. Mary’s College in Los Angeles, said couples can get through financial stress if they’re committed to making the marriage work and to “love each other intensely,” if they have, “in spite of all this mess, a commitment to stick together.” He suggested that couples look at how previous generations handled hard times. “You have to recall those lessons now.” A lot of today’s young couples are the children of the relatively affluent baby-boomer generation who wanted to give their children the best of everything. “This generation has to learn to live without” all the material things they may want and focus instead on “the small things that bring people together.” Communities, including churches, can help pass on this wisdom that young people may not have witnessed firsthand. Donna Tonrey, who teaches marriage and family therapy at LaSalle University in Philadelphia, said dealing with financial difficulties calls for a high level of trust between the couple which could ultimately strengthen the relationship. Conversely, she said: “If they don’t deal with the stress” of financial
issues, “the stress deals with them,” pointing out that effective communication is essential. She also said it is important that each member of the couple have some money of his or her own as well as having “couple money” in their shared budget. Tonrey said it’s important to recognize financial stress for what it is, because otherwise it is apt to permeate other areas of the couple’s lives. So, for example, if there is an unresolved disagreement about money the couple might get “kind of snippy” with each other, which hurts feelings, which in turn affects the intimacy which might have been enhanced by openly talking about their concerns. Randall Woodard, who teaches undergraduate theology of marriage in the department of philosophy, theology, and religious studies at St. Leo University near Tampa, Fla., said financial stress “amplifies what already exists” in a marriage. He said dealing with it well will make strong marriages stronger, while marriages that already are faltering will find that money issues only exacerbate problems.
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Marriage
Have you chosen a
BY CAROL ZIMMERMANN Catholic News Service
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Modern brides and grooms might have a hard time balancing the adage that they need “something old, something new” at their weddings since the new is at every corner. What’s new -- and getting newer by the minute -- is technology’s
role in today’s weddings from the first day a couple announces their engagement on Facebook to blog posts about their honeymoon and everything in between such as online sites for wedding vendors and apps for wedding hairstyles, dresses and budget calculators. Social media sites also allow members of the wedding party to “meet” prior to the big day while Twitter or live video streaming allows guests who couldn’t make the ceremony to follow along. For Catholic couples, the Internet is also a source for online marriage preparation programs and the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ website foryourmarriage.org provides advice not only for the wedding day but for married life. Wedding sites such as theknot.
com offer engaged couples advice about how to navigate the myriad of new technological tools on the Emily Post Institute spells out some wedding etiquette technology rules on its website, www.emilypost.com. This is all relatively new territory and certainly was never anticipated in 1922 when Emily Post wrote: “Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home.” Today the etiquette go-to site acknowledges that many engaged couples use wedding websites, often called “wed-sites” to post photos, information on travel and lodging for the wedding, updates, electronic RSVP options and links to store gift registries. It doesn’t frown on these sites; it just advises couples to use them with discretion and not post too much information on them. As far as emails go, the
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‘tweet’ of honor? site emphatically emphasizes that invitations and thank you notes can never, ever, be sent electronically. It stipulates that emails can be used for “save the date” notices, wedding invitation replies, announcements to uninvited friends and family, invitations to pre-wedding gettogethers and lodging information. In emails, just as with wedding websites, the Emily Post folks once again stress the need for discretion. The site says couples may send wedding updates through emails but urges them not to “flood the in-boxes” of their guest list with regular updates and not to share “overly personal details.” To manage social media at weddings before it becomes akin to an unruly wedding crasher, wedding websites offer the following tips: n Wedding guests and certainly
the bride and groom need to stay offline during the ceremony. n To limit the number of updates right after the ceremony or during the reception, appoint an official “tweeter” or one or more “Tweet of Honor” so everyone isn’t preoccupied with sending wedding updates. n Do away with disposable cameras and set up a shared online photo account such as Flickr so guests can upload photos they take. n Don’t post a photo of the bride until she posts one -- which falls under the category of this is the couple’s day, not the guests. Technology’s place in the modern wedding is clearly not leaving. According to a “What’s on Brides’ Minds” by David’s Bridal, a wedding gown retailer, nearly half of today’s brides update their Facebook account with new name
or relationship status within a day of taking their vows. And 44 percent of brides are interested in doing whatever it takes to get their fifteen minutes of YouTube fame, such as a choreographed dance down the aisle or first dance. At Catholic weddings, bridal parties walking or even dancing down the aisle to popular music, just isn’t going to happen. Father Joseph Gagnon, a senior priest in the Archdiocese of Detroit, who has officiated hundreds of w e d d i n g s , stressed that marriage, just like any sacrament, is in large part “communication it its heart.” That communica-tion -- without any flashy updates-- might be just what couples need for the “something old” balance.
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Marriage
Marrying into a family BY LIZ O’CONNOR
Catholic News Service
As newly married couples get ready to spend their lives together they soon realize they are not just gaining a spouse but a whole new set of family members. Marriage experts urge couples to get to know the family they are marrying into for clues about their spouse, a sense of future family responsibilities and even to tap into potential support. Father Guillermo Garcia, assistant professor of religious studies at Mount St. Mary’s College in Los Angeles, said it’s important for couples thinking about marriage to see how the prospective partner reacts with his or her family of origin. “We fall in love, and it’s a little like getting married ‘under the influence,’” he joked. Irritations that come up at the beginning of a relationship may be quickly forgotten, but they become problems later on. In his own Hispanic community, he said, adult children are expected to continue to take responsibility for their parents and siblings. For a good marriage, it’s important that there be a general understanding ahead of time that parents will take a back seat to the 76 primacy of the marriage relationship, so that couples can work things out “without the orchestra of the family playing in the background.” It’s also important for couples to know their in-laws so they can understand each other, he said. “I am convinced that we parent as we were parented,” Father Garcia said, adding that it is helpful to “build a bond of friendship and frankness” with one’s spouse’s parents. Donna Tonrey, director of the marriage and family therapy program at LaSalle University in Philadelphia, said one of the most important elements of beginning a good marriage is for each of the parties to have a good understanding of his or her family of origin. Understanding the impact that their families had on who they are makes them better able “to
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foster emotional growth as individuals and as a couple,” and she said a couple can’t do one without the other. The most common pitfall she sees for newly married couples is when one or both members process whatever’s happening through their own experience of family. The “default” setting tends to be “Well, in my family…” but that way of doing things may not work for the new family formed by the couple. Today’s couples are less likely to know their in-laws well than couples in years past who married within the communities where they grew up, said Gail Risch who teaches Christian ethics and theology of Christian marriage at Creighton University in Omaha, Neb. Although in-laws tend to get a bad reputation, Scott Browning, a psychology professor at Chestnut Hill College in Philadelphia, points out that they can be incredibly helpful. “They’re the people you lean on most when you’re in need,” he said. The biggest pitfall, he said, comes up when a spouse feels neglected because his or her partner is too connected to a parent or other family member. To avoid this situation, he advises couples to set up boundaries even around simple things such as telling parents to call before they come over to visit. On a more positive note, Browning said that grandchildren are an incredible elixir, often smoothing over rough spots that may have existed between inlaws and spouses.
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Marriage
What you won’t BY MARYLYNN G. HEWITT
SEE HEAR or
Catholic News Service
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Although it’s a standard wedding scene in movies, there’s a good reason why you won’t hear the phrase: “With this ring, I thee wed” at a Catholic marriage ceremony. “You are wed by your promise” and not by the exchange of rings, said Father Joseph Gagnon, a senior priest in the Archdiocese of Detroit. In Catholic weddings the priest will say a blessing over the rings that couples exchange but the actual moment of the marriage takes place during with vows. The rings symbolize the union that has already taken place.
Asking the question “Who gives this woman to be married?” is another common phrase one would not hear at a Catholic wedding, said Father Gagnon, who has officiated hundreds of marriage ceremonies. The priest said these words go back to “kind of an ancient formula from the days when women were thought of as chattel or the property of their families, especially her father’s family. That is not the present attitude, gratefully.” “It is her choice and his choice,” he said of the bride and groom and their decision to come together. No one gives anyone away at a Catholic marriage ceremony. A common practice highlighting
at a Catholic wedding
the couple’s decision to join together as husband and wife is the entrance practice where the groom is escorted down the aisle by his parents. After he joins the groomsmen at the altar, the bride is escorted down the aisle either by her father or both her parents. Father Gagnon, a priest for 50 years, said in recent years he’s celebrated an increasing numbers of weddings where the bride and groom walk into church and down the aisle together. Many times they also stand at the entrance to the church and welcome family and friends as they arrive to celebrate their special day. Then there is the statement:
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“If anyone knows any reason why these two should not be wed, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace.” While that has been the turning point in many a movie, you won’t hear it at a Catholic wedding. Father Gagnon said publishing the wedding banns in the parish bulletin for the three weeks before the big day can serve the same purpose, although he can’t recall any instance where that has ever caused an issue. Another common tradition of bridal parties walking or even dancing down the aisle to popular music just isn’t going to happen at a Catholic wedding. Father Gagnon noted that while personal touches are nice, they need to be worked out in advance with the priest, deacon or marriage coordinator. No matter how much a particular song means to a couple, all elements of the ceremony must fit with the sacredness of the moment. His own uncle, a parish organist, was fired “way back in time, for playing ‘Turkey in the Straw’” at one wedding, he said. “Weddings are very powerful times,” Father Gagnon said. To stand before family and friends and say: ‘“I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life,’ is a serious step. It’s a very joyful step, too.” The priest pointed out that marriage, just like any sacrament, is in large part “communication at its heart.” “In marriage, the value of the public vows affirms before 200 people that this is the one I am taking to be my wife or my husband and to make a home and marriage together,” he added. “I’ve seen a lot of sheepish people come to weddings and hear these powerful statements that really affirm what a family is and what a marriage is and see it become like a wake-up call.” He said for everyone in the congregation it becomes “a catechetical moment, a teaching moment.” “That’s a very powerful thing,” he added.
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