Bayou
Catholic
Mar riage HOUMA, LA ~ SEPTEMBER 2012
KRISTIN GUIN PHOTOGRAPHY
Contents Relationships
Music
Important reminders for couples
Choosing good wedding music
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48 Marriage
Sacrament
‘And the two shall become one’
Mutual love: Reminder of Jesus’ love
50
56
Listen!
Decisions
Advice for the groom
Seven reasons not to marry
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46
62
?
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Questions, questions Frequently asked questions by engaged couples
Many of our articles are courtesy of USCCB, www.foryourmarriage.org
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Marriage
Guest Columnist Catherine Klingman, L.C.S.W.
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When couples follow their call to marriage and begin their journey to marital unity they bring with them everything they’ve learned, everything they’ve experienced, and lots of expectations from their family of origin. Their personalities have been influenced by their family, their culture, their environment and society. These beliefs, feelings and assumptions accompany them into this new union and family unit. We don’t expect couples to be “cookie cutters” of each other. There will be times when they are very much alike and have the same ideas or traditions, but other times will be filled with differences. These differences can be a blessing or a source of stress. One of the most enjoyable activities we have during our marriage preparation class deals with the similarities and the differences in a couple’s personalities and expectations. What is the “baggage” they bring into their marriage? This “baggage” comes from their family where they had their beginning – physically, spiritually, psychologically and emotionally. They will be accustomed to doing things a certain way with everyday tasks and chores; as well as how they celebrate holidays and family traditions. Couples need to work together, respecting each other and their family of origin, to decide how they want to live their lives together as one. What will they change? What will they keep? What will they create or blend? It can be a wonderfully exciting and humorous time in couples’ lives as they discover themselves,
‘And the two shall become their ideas and each other. They soon learn they have very distinct ways of doing things. They may discover they have the same goals, but their way of accomplishing them may be very different. If their parents taught them not to be wasteful with the toothpaste and they were taught to always squeeze the tube from bottom, they may struggle with their spouse’s inability to do this simple task. Did his or her spouse also learn the same lesson from his/her parents, but they only squeezed the tube from the end once it was low? Couples often times have the same learned beliefs or values, but the pathway they take may be very different. Through generations, they pass on traditions, values, patterns of behavior and ways of interacting. These learned patterns and habits often times are repeated without question or examination. The story of the old lady and the ham is one example of traditions and patterns being passed down from one generation to another. “There is an old story concerning a lady who was cooking a ham for Easter dinner. As always, when she was getting ready to put the ham in the pan, she cut two inches off the end of the ham. Her husband had watched this same procedure each time she cooked a ham throughout their married life. He asked, ‘Why do you always cut the end off before you cook it?’ She replied, ‘My mother did it that way.’ ‘Well, why?’ he asked. ‘I don’t know.’ After some exploration and discussion, they soon learned that Grandma cooked her ham that way because her pan was too small.” Cutting two inches off a ham had been passed down from generation to generation with no particular thought or evaluation. Today, this lady was repeating the same pattern for no reason other than that was what she had learned to do. The habit, the pattern of cutting two inches off the ham, had never been examined or questioned.
Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2012
one’
Married couples often think their way of doing things is the “right” way and this tightly held belief often leads to tension between them. It is important that they learn how to openly discuss their ideas and ways of doing things. Learning how to welcome and allow their differences can help them find true compromise and a balance in their lives together. Understanding their differences is a vital part of this marital journey. Once couples can understand each other and how they are “wired,” it will be easier to understand why they do the things they do. If they keep open communication with each other and express their concerns while working together to build their family and their traditions; their everyday lives will be more balanced, more fulfilling and enriched. Married couples must learn to maneuver carefully around these areas of disagreement while deciding, together, what will be the “right” thing for “their” family. (Catherine Klingman, L.C.S.W., is the diocesan director of the Office of Family Ministries.)
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Marriage
Important reminders for a strong relationship
Guest Columnist Nancy Diedrich, L.P.C., L.M.F.T.
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It’s easy to make your relationships more complicated than they are. As a matter of fact, people often make more nervous mistakes in a relationship that they really value. They want it “to work out” so much, that they fumble with their own words and behaviors, until they truly reach their “comfort zone” as a couple. Here are 12 simple reminders to help keep you on the right course in a valued relationship. 1. All successful relationships require some work. – They don’t just happen or maintain themselves. They exist and thrive when the parties involved take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their minds and hearts. Open communication and honesty is not just the key; it is a necessity. 2. Most of the time you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. It’s a simple practice that works … Give and receive equally. 3. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. – Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they know your worth, they will create a meaningful place for you. 4. There is a purpose for everyone you meet. – Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you. Learn to see and accept the differences between these people, and carry on accordingly. 5. We all change, and that’s okay. – Our needs change with time. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it just means you stopped living your life their
KRISTIN GUIN PHOTOGRAPHY
way. Don’t apologize for it. 6. You are in full control of your own happiness. – If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different. Nobody else in this world can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else. Your partner can never ‘complete’ you because you are already whole. The longing for completion that you feel inside comes from being out of touch with who you are. 7. Forgiving others helps YOU. – Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life. 8. You can’t change people; they can only change themselves. If there’s a specific behavior someone
Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2012
you love has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows what you need them to do. 9. Heated arguments are a waste of time. – The less time you spend arguing with the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you. And if you happen to find yourself arguing with someone you love, don’t let your anger get the best of you. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation. 10. You are better off without some people. – When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you. If someone continuously mistreats you or pushes you in the wrong direction, have enough respect for yourself to walk away from them. It may hurt for a little while, but it’ll be ok. You’ll be okay and far better off in the long run. 11. Small gestures of kindness go a long way. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get. Every day you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by making small gestures to show your appreciation and affection. Remember, making one person smile can change the world. 12. Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – People don’t live forever. Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you. And remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while. (Nancy Diedrich, L.P.C., L.M.F.T., a national board certified counselor, is a marriage and family counselor for the diocesan Office of Family Ministries.)
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Marriage
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Mar riage
KRISTIN GUIN PHOTOGRAPHY
as a sacrament
Marriage as a Sacrament Marriage as a sacrament is a serious and sacred commitment that calls a couple to each other in the most profound and permanent way. Their mutual love is a reminder of the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ. By the grace of their sacrament, they become able to love one another as Christ has loved them. As a married couple, they become a visible sign and reminder of Christ’s sacrificial love for all people. The Engaged Couple A couple desiring to be married is encouraged to contact their priest/ deacon at least six (6) months (or more) prior to the proposed date of
their wedding. This interval allows time to prepare well for such a sacred commitment. The engaged couple must take an active part in all the steps of these guidelines which apply to them. With the assistance of their priest/ deacon, they are to: n Identify and cultivate their strengths, n Deal with the areas of difficulty in their relationship, n Participate in assessment and preparation, n Recognize that marriage is essentially characterized by unity, fidelity, permanence and an openness to children, n Attend a formal marriage preparation program,
Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2012
n Participate in premarital evaluation and counseling when recommended. A tentative wedding date may be set at the time of this initial contact with the priest/deacon. When the couple has completed phase two of the marriage preparation process, the tentative wedding date will be confirmed or changed. Responsibilities 1. Priest/Deacon The church has the pastoral obligation to assist those desiring to marry to make a prayerful and mature judgment concerning their marriage. In particular, the priest/ deacon, who plans to witness a marriage, is personally
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responsible for the complete marriage preparation process. He has the serious moral and ministerial responsibility to assist the engaged couple in understanding the meaning of Christian marriage in its human, spiritual, canonical and sacramental aspects, and to provide a liturgical experience that truly celebrates and manifests the momentous step that the couple is taking. 2. Community The faithful in each parish share in the pastoral responsibility to help engaged couples prepare for their life together. Married couples have a particular responsibility to witness the holiness of their sacramental life of intimacy, unity, self-sacrificing love and commitment. They may therefore be invited to participate actively in the marriage preparation of engaged couples in their parish. 3. Parents The church recognizes the unique and vital role of parents in the psychological, social, moral and spiritual development of their children. Renewal in the
church has included attempts to make sacramental preparation more family centered. Parents are therefore encouraged to respond to the invitation of the priest/ deacon to participate actively in the assessment and preparation of their children for marriage in the church whenever possible. The Marriage Preparation Process All engaged couples are required to receive sacramental preparation and must meet with their priest/ deacon at least six months (or more) prior to the desired wedding date. This marriage preparation process consists of four phases. 1. Phase One: Initial contact with priest/deacon will: n Establish rapport with you in order to support and counsel you at this most important time in your life. n Examine your motives for marriage. n Explore any special circumstances that may affect marriage, e.g., age, cultural background, pregnancy, military
service, physical or emotional problems, levels of faith and religious issues. n Explain the marriage preparation process. n Obtain personal information, explain what other documentation is needed, and determine whether any dispensations or permissions will be necessary. 2. Phase Two: Assessment process with priest/deacon will: n Administer a Premarital Instrument* to assist in beginning the assessment of your readiness to marry. n Discuss the results of the FOCCUS instrument. n Discuss the strengths and weaknesses of your communication process. n Examine the sacramental aspects of your human covenant. n Assess your readiness for marriage and complete the prenuptial questionnaire. n Begin the liturgical wedding plans and present to you the parish guidelines. Inform you of the cost and suggested offering. *A premarital instrument
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Marriage
Mar riage
is a tool designed to help you assess your readiness for marriage. It is not a pass/fail indicator. Instead it is meant to help you discover more about yourselves and each other in a non-threatening and objective way. Our diocese utilizes the FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding and Study) instrument to help you identify issues that need to be discussed, reflected on, understood, studied for problem-solving, skillbuilding and decision-making. Your priest/deacon will give you more information at your initial meeting. During phase two, the priest/ deacon will make the decision to proceed or delay the marriage. If he proceeds, the wedding date will be confirmed and the process continues. If his decision is to delay the marriage, he will follow 54 the procedure found in Delay of Marriage. 3. Phase Three: Formal marriage preparation This instructional phase, formal marriage preparation, presents the essential human and Christian aspects of marriage so that the couple becomes aware of the total dimensions of the marriage covenant. Formal marriage preparation includes reflection on the nature and sacramentality of marriage, married love and family life, couple prayer, marital responsibilities, communication
as a sacrament
within marriage, personal expectations, natural family planning and other practical considerations. There are two approved options in the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux. If you are unable to attend such a formal marriage preparation program, you must discuss this with your priest/deacon immediately. These are the approved options: n Diocesan Marriage Preparation program n Engaged Encounter Weekend Retreat in the surrounding dioceses Schedule of the Day for Marriage Preparation in the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux n Location: 2779 Hwy 311 Schriever, LA 70395 - Pastoral Center Conference Hall n Arrival Time: 8:45 a.m. (The day begins promptly at 9 a.m.) n Dismissal Time: 3:15 p.m. n Registration Fee: $100 (check or money order) If you are engaged and would like to begin your marriage preparation, you will need to meet with your parish priest or deacon at least six months before your desired wedding date. The priest/ deacon will give you a marriage preparation booklet which will include all of this marriage prep information and a registration form to attend the diocese’s marriage prep, “Day for the Engaged.” Complete the registration form,
detach it and mail the form with your registration fee at least three months before the date you would like to attend. Your fee can be paid with a check or money order made payable to the Diocese of HoumaThibodaux. Do not send cash! Come dressed comfortably. n Sunday, Sept. 16 n Saturday, Nov. 10 n Sunday, Jan. 6, 2013 n Saturday, March 16 n Saturday, April 13 4. Phase Four: Completion of marriage prep process with priest/ deacon will: n Discuss with you what you have learned and experienced at your formal marriage preparation program. n Discuss with you your understanding of sacrament in light of your formal marriage preparation. n Discuss with you your responsibilities as members of God’s people, as spouses and future parents. n Complete all documentary requirements. As appropriate, grant permission for mixed marriage and/or apply for appropriate permissions or dispensations. n Discuss the reception of penance and holy Eucharist as a fitting preparation for the sacrament of matrimony. n Finalize the wedding liturgy and discuss the wedding rehearsal.
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‘
Marriage as a sacrament is a serious and sacred commitment that calls a couple to each other in the most profound and permanent way. Their mutual love is a reminder of the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ. By the grace of their sacrament, they become able to love one another as Christ has loved them. As a married couple, they become a visible sign and reminder of Christ’s sacrificial love for all people.
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Marriage
Guest Columnist Father Glenn LeCompte
Choosing good wedding music
P 56
People put a lot of time and effort into planning a wedding. A lot of energy is expended on decisions about a reception hall, the type of tuxedos for the men and the color of the dresses for bridesmaids, what food will be served at the reception, the flower arrangements, and, of course, the wedding dress itself. For those seeking to be married in the Catholic Church, however, the wedding liturgy itself is, hopefully, the most important aspect of planning a wedding. One of the crucial details in planning a Catholic wedding liturgy is the music. All couples want to have good quality music at their weddings, but what exactly is good wedding liturgy music? Very often couples come to a wedding liturgy planning session with criteria very different from those of the priest, deacon or lay liturgical planner with whom they meet. Those differing expectations can lead to confusion and even frustration. However, a proper understanding of standards of good liturgical wedding music should lend itself to a more satisfying meeting between the couple and liturgy planner and, ultimately, to a truly beautiful and prayerful wedding ceremony. Before we consider what good wedding music is, we have to consider the occasion for which we are planning the music. Notice the number of times I used either “liturgy” or “liturgical” in the above paragraph. I employed these words deliberately because we are talking about planning music for a liturgy. Very often people speak of a wedding as “the bride’s day.” While everyone is certainly happy for the bride, what about the groom? And what do we say of the attendants, families and other participants (I avoid calling them guests) who have not only set aside precious time to attend the wedding liturgy, but likewise share in the joy of the moment? In fact, the primary reason the church has a wedding liturgy is, as is the case with any other liturgy, to offer thanks and praise to God for the wonderful things God has done and still does in our midst. Holy matrimony is a sacramental celebration, an encounter with the presence and action of God in a specific way–God manifests his love for all
Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2012
humanity through the visible love of the couple. In a wedding liturgy we recognize that not only is it a natural instinct of a man and a woman to marry for the purposes of unity and procreation, but marriage is a divinely ordained institution. What are the characteristics of this love of God manifested in the love of the couple? God’s love is faithful, enduring, forgiving, unitive and, most of all, self-giving. Ephesians 5:31-32 says that the love of a husband and wife symbolizes Christ’s love for his bride, the church. Truly, the bride, and the groom as well, have a special role to play, but in a Catholic wedding liturgy that role is not about being celebrities. The bride and groom are the ministers of the sacrament of holy matrimony. The priest or deacon is the official witness of the church and those assembled for the liturgy have the important role of expressing thanks and praise to God for the wonderful work God does to unite the couple and to manifest his love through them. Liturgical wedding music, then, has to give expression to what we are truly celebrating. Additionally, liturgical music strengthens our faith (USCCB, Sing to the Lord, nos. 13-14). That is why a person’s favorite love song on the radio is not an appropriate song for a wedding liturgy. Such songs, while perhaps appropriate for the wedding reception, do not give expression to what we truly believe. As is the case with the prayers of the Mass, the music at a wedding liturgy must convey and articulate our common faith. Moreover, the aspect of faith that is articulated
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in a wedding liturgy must be specific to the liturgical celebration. Not any religious song or even one’s favorite church song is appropriate for the wedding liturgy. The music we choose for a wedding liturgy must speak about the attributes of God’s love mentioned earlier, or God’s act of establishing the marriage covenant, or it may reflect the Scriptures read at the wedding liturgy. However, since all liturgies are expressions of praise and thanks to God general songs of praise and thanksgiving are fitting. In addition, the full, conscious and active participation of the assembly in all liturgies has, since Vatican II, been one of the most significant goals to be fostered in executing a liturgy. This is true of every liturgy, and wedding liturgies are no exception. Therefore, a wedding should not be a concert; people should be enabled and expected to participate in the music. Those who sing at weddings should think of themselves less as “wedding singers” and more as cantors, liturgical ministers whose primary goal is to lead the assembly in singing. Also, recently it has become popular in weddings to have instrumental classical music throughout. First, caution is in order because not all instrumental music is appropriate to the liturgy. Secondly, to have instrumental music throughout the wedding disables the participation of the faithful. So how do we go about planning liturgical wedding music? My first advice is to avoid “wedding music planning” sites on the internet. These sites usually do not offer choices or suggestions that are in concert with the purpose of Catholic liturgical wedding music. Secondly, we need to consider what must be sung. Sing to the Lord, no. 115 specifies the priority of which parts of the Mass should be sung in the following order: 1) Dialogs (the short interchanges between the priest or deacon and the people, such as “The Lord be with you,” “And with your spirit”) and Acclamations (Alleluia, Holy, Holy; Memorial Acclamation and Great Amen), 2) Antiphons (such as those for the Entrance and Communion Rites, although appropriate hymns are permitted in place of these antiphons), and the Responsorial Psalm, 3) Refrains and Repeated Responses (such as the “Lord, have mercy” or “Lamb of God”), 4) Hymns at the Preparation of the Gifts and Recessional (in addition to hymns which may be used at the Entrance and Communion Antiphons). While the Lord’s Prayer may be sung, it is necessary that the whole assembly be able to sing it; it should never be done as a solo. A further elaboration on music for the “entrance” or what is more properly called the “Gathering Rite” is in order here. The Entrance Antiphon is part of the rite of any Mass and therefore is not to be omitted or obscured even at a wedding liturgy. What usually happens in Catholic weddings is that either instrumental classical music, such as Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” or a song done as a performance piece, such as Bach’s “Jesus, Joy of Man’s Desiring,” are performed as the attendants and bride walk up the aisle. As a result, the Entrance Antiphon is either completely omitted or people cannot participate in it. If pieces such as Pachelbel’s “Canon” or Bach’s “Jesu” are desired during the procession of the bridal party, then an Entrance Antiphon or hymn in which the assembly may collectively participate
should be sung as soon as the entrance procession is ended and before the opening dialog of the Mass is chanted. Otherwise, a communal song should attend the procession. The same holds true for the Communion Antiphon. During a Catholic wedding liturgy the Communion procession is to be accompanied by music which gives expression either to the sacrament of Holy Matrimony or the mystery of the Holy Eucharist. If a hymn is used, it would be best if it had a short refrain in which the people may join. Music is often done at wedding liturgies during the Sign of Peace, the lighting of the unity candle, the presentation of flowers to the Blessed Mother and the signing of the marriage license. Among those just mentioned, only the Sign of Peace is a part of the rite of the Mass, and no music is designated for it. The other practices mentioned above are not parts of the rite of the wedding Mass and have simply been inserted into it. The U.S. Bishops’ Conference is in the process of revising the Rite of Marriage, and what will happen to
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these customs remains to be seen. Where does one find suggestions for liturgical wedding music? Hymnals such as G.I.A. Publications’ Gather, Lead Me, Guide Me, or Worship, Oregon Catholic Press’ Glory and Praise, second edition, or Spirit and Song, and World Library Publications’ We Celebrate contain indexes which list suggestions for weddings. If you are unfamiliar with the songs, probably the easiest and most economical way to get a sense of them is to have a musician sing excerpts from them. One helpful way to choose wedding music is to consider the readings of the day and find songs which reflect what the readings say. A wedding is indeed a special event, not only in the lives of the bride and groom, but of the entire community. To celebrate the sacrament of Holy Matrimony with song that is as prayerful as it is beautiful will enrich the celebration immensely. After all, song is our highest form of expression, and we can do nothing greater with the gift of music that God has given us than to offer it back to God in praise and thanksgiving. (Father Glenn LeCompte is the spiritual director of Lumen Christi Retreat Center, and diocesan director of the Offices of Worship and Continuing Education of the Clergy.) www.bayoucatholic.com
Marriage
Advice to the groom
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By JOHN PRZYBYSZ Dear Dave, When your mother and I got married, we used the standard vows right out of the book. I did not even know what my promises would be until the priest read them to me at the rehearsal. Just in case you have not read ahead, they go like this: “I, David, take you, Lisa, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” No trick phrases. No hidden clauses. These vows are simple enough for Forrest Gump. “I take you to be my wife,” is a very vague job description. Who will cook? Who will clean? Fix the car? Mow the lawn? Change the diapers? Different couples work it out different ways. It is not about who does what. The important thing is with whom you do it.
In the Song of Songs, the groom says, “There are sixty queens, eighty concubines, and maidens without number. One alone is my dove, my perfect one.” (Songs 6:89) There are beauty queens, video stars, and girls everywhere you look. This vow says, “Of all the girls, in all the world, you are the one for me. I take you” “I promise to be true.” No cheating. No fooling around. Enough said. “I will love you.” Do not confuse romance with love. Romance is an unreliable feeling that incites romantic notions such as, “I will climb the highest mountain for you. I will fight dragons for you. I will die for you.” Real life poses a different challenge: You are sitting on the couch, watching TV, and go looking for a snack during a commercial. You find some apples in the refrigerator and pick out a good one. Then you call, “Lisa, do you want an apple?” “Sure, Dave. Thanks.” But there is no second apple that looks good. Heading back to the couch, you ponder which apple to give her.
Romance says, “I will die for you.” Real life asks, “Are you going to give her the good apple?” Love says, “Yes, give her the best.” “I will honor you.” This was the surprise vow for me. I did not expect to make a promise to honor her. But I gave it a try, and it worked out well. I stopped teasing her and made it a habit to defend her and take her side when friends or family wanted to pick on her. Honor is the most unappreciated vow. Some husbands make jokes about their wives, with little putdowns that are supposed to be funny. These are bad jokes. They cut, they wound, and they destroy trust. A marriage can die the death of a thousand tiny cuts. Avoid negative humor. It is not funny. Honor is about respect. Treat her like a queen. Make your children respect their mother. Don’t let anyone put her down. She is your lady, and your lady always gets treated with respect. God bless you, Dave. Love, Dad
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Marriage
Seven reasons
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By SUSAN STITH The decision to marry is the biggest decision that most people make in a lifetime. Following is a list of danger signs. If any of these are present in your relationship now, it is best to postpone the marriage until the issue is resolved. Marriage itself will not make these problems disappear. In fact, these problems almost always get worse after marriage. Marrying to get out of the house. This is simply trading one set of problems for another. Other options exist to get away from a troubled home. A counselor can help you find them. No one better will ask me to
NOT
to marry
marry him/her. This kind of thinking suggests that you don’t think much of yourself. People who think this way aren’t sure enough of themselves to hold their own in marriage and are generally unhappy when they do find their true self. Postponing or canceling your wedding is a good idea. Some good counseling can help, too. It’s just time to get married. Actually, what is needed is the right time AND the right person. Being hit, slapped, threatened or intimidated, verbally put down, or forced to do things you don’t want to do by your partner. Being treated like this is wrong and you should not put up with it. This is not the normal way that engaged or married couples relate
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to one another. Marriage is based on respect, not fear and force. Don’t be fooled by your partner’s promise to stop. You or your partner are dependent on drugs and/or alcohol. Some of the symptoms of dependence include: One of you uses drugs or alcohol to escape from problems or worries. Getting drugs or alcohol is always on your mind. You can’t have fun or relax without drugs or alcohol. You become careless with important relationships. You drink alone or in secret. A person dependent on drugs and alcohol is not a free person. Their love affair is with the bottle or drugs – not with you! You and your partner have
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God’s Promises Books and Gifts Gifts for Baptism and other Sacramental and Special Occasions
We Carry a Large Selection of: Books • Bibles • Crucifixes • Rosaries Jewelry • Indoor Statues • Prayer Cards Also Available for Churches: Candles • Altar Breads • Vestments Stoles • Vessels & Other Church Supplies Gift Certificates Available Free Gift Wrapping with any In-Store Purchase 648 B Corporate Drive (Behind Target) Houma, LA 70360 (985) 876-1283 Donald & Tammy Plaisance, owners Hours: Mon. - Sat. 9-6 Serving the Diocese since 1991
Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2012
major items which you avoid talking about because it might upset your relationship. For example: children, money management, division of responsibility for home and children, whether to keep both careers, religious identity of children in an interfaith marriage. You need to talk about all important issues openly before marriage. The wedding ceremony itself will not eliminate the issues
or the effects of your disagreements. Consider enlisting the help of a priest, minister, or counselor if these issues seem too threatening to handle alone. Marriage just seems like the next logical step. This sometimes happens to couples who are living together. They slide into marriage not because they have fully explored the idea of a permanent commitment and freely choose that for themselves,
but because getting married is the next thing to do. Or they slide into marriage to fix a relationship that is limping along, thinking that having their families’ or church’s stamp of approval will fix their relationship. If this describes your relationship, slow down and look more carefully at what marriage is. Are you ready, willing, and able to fulfill its responsibilities? (Stith is the family life director for 61 the Diocese of Altoona-Johnstown.)
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Marriage
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How do I know if I’m ready to marry? Do you love this other person so much that you are willing to lay down your life for him or her and are ready to put their happiness before your own? Are you marrying out of strength (I know who I am and am happy with myself) rather than weakness (I need someone to fill the gaps in my personality)? Have you had more than one serious love relationship so that you can tell the difference between love and infatuation? Have you lived independently (supporting yourself) for at least a year? Are you financially stable? This doesn’t mean you have to be rich and out of debt, but at least have a steady employment that is not a dead end job. Do most people consider you emotionally mature, able to compromise, share your feelings, and handle anger constructively? Are you able to keep commitments and delay gratification?
Frequently asked questions by engaged couples How much income should we have between us to marry? You need enough income so that you’re not living week to week. More important than a specific annual income, however, is to have a reliable job that has potential. It’s not bad to struggle a bit as you start your life together but if lack of income is causing you to live in an unsafe environment, not eat nutritiously, or not have health or auto insurance, you’re probably cutting it too close. How much does a typical wedding cost? Many wedding planners will tell you that the average wedding costs between $20,000-$30,000, but it doesn’t have to. Remember that these are people whose business it is to help you spend money on your wedding. Although the ante has been rising as to what is considered “typical” for a wedding, simplicity can be elegant. Don’t let wedding debt keep you from financial solvency. Remember, a wedding is a day; a marriage is a life time.
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Creating Catholic Legacies
To begin your own legacy, contact:
The Catholic Foundation of South Louisiana P. O. Box 505 Schriever, LA 70395 985-850-3116 www.catholicfoundationsl.org