2018 By Josh Overton This play was commissioned as part of TEN and first performed in March 2019 by 55 members of Hull Truck Theatre’s Young Company. TEN featured 10 ten-minute plays, each based on a year in the decade since Hull Truck Theatre moved in to its Ferensway home. This play was inspired by 2018 and the challenge of remaining optimistic in politically uncertain times. Plot This play follows three friends as they attempt to stream a television episode online. Notes: Recommended for 14+. This play contains bad language. If you see a character name on the left, then the dialogue on the right should be spoken by that character. Text in [brackets] or italics describes what the audience sees or hears on stage that
isn’t dialogue. About the playwright: Josh Overton is a playwright, poet and bartender in that order. Working with companies up and down the country from his home in Hull he has created work ranging from the dark, violent and political to goofy family friendly nonsense. His latest work includes Dungeons and Dragons: An unofficial adventure (2019) a choose your own adventure family show and Thank You for Doing Nothing (2020) a comedy musical about the spin doctors convincing us to destroy the planet.
2018 By Josh Overton ENID sits with headphones in, scrolling through a laptop. ELI and JO stand ELI: They gave me some cake, left it in the kitchen if you guys want any. JO: Sweet I will definitely want some. Oh your mum couldn’t be bothered to stay up, says to tell you goodnight and sleep well. ELI: Urgh don’t say it like that, sounds like you're my weird stepdad JO: Haha ‘Come on champ let’s go play catch outside.’ JO scruffs ELI’s hair. ELI: Argh. JO: ‘And talk about our feelings.’ ELI: I feel sick JO: ‘I know you miss you real dad but I’m here now’ ELI: I will kill you in your sleep. JO: Haha, how was the gig dude? ELI: Yeah, yeah it was alright man, it went- you know... It wasn’t exactly what I was expecting JO: No? ELI: Well, no, it was exactly what I was expecting, I just- You know when you’re picturing something in the build up to it, JO: Aye? ELI: And you sort of purposefully over-egg the pudding, you imagine like the craziest most extreme version just, you know, cuz it’s interesting. But you don’t really think its gonna be like that? JO: Yeah? ELI: They had T.V.s in the toilets JO: What? ELI: On the walls like, hanging on JO: What? ELI: On the walls like, hanging on the walls in the toilets, they had T.V. sets. JO: Mental, ELI: Not mental, unnecessary. Thats some dangerous stuff man I promise ye. No one needs that.
JO: Well if you’re super-rich i don’t see why not, do whatever crazy thought pops into your head. I would. ELI: Nah you’re missing my point, there’s buying a yacht and then there’s installing a swimming pool on that yacht so you can drive a smaller yacht around in it. Gotta come a point where you’re just unhealthily wealthy. JO: [‘Unhealthily wealthy’] Nice one. This doesn’t sound like one of those though, it’s like a fancy version of taking your phone to the toilet, for weirdos. ELI: There was 6 of them though, 6 bathrooms and the T.V.s played jazz while you pissed. I felt like I was at the world’s saddest fairground. It’s not a bloody hotel, no one needs that many pissers and that many tvs in their house - there’s only like four of them in the family. JO: And what if they have 2 very private guests? ENID takes her headphones out and puts her laptop down, grinning. ENID: Can’t find it anywhere, at least not a version that isn’t made entirely of ads or a secret a Russian plot to steal my credit card number. Job go well then? ELI: Yeah, I was just helping him set up the gear this time, didn’t get a chance to play. It was a bunch of new money 20-year olds having a birthday party, fake tans and tiaras you know? So he was only playing like whiney teen musicENID: You’re a whiney teen ELI: This is true, but I like good music and as you can plainly see my fake tan is immaculate. JO: He was moaning that the place was too fancy ENID: Oh yeah? Did it offend your gentle moral sensibilities comrade? ELI: Yeah a bit, JO: Ha ELI: A lot. You know when you see some ridiculous cash flashing wealth like, and you look at it and try to figure out whether there’s any point to it other than to show off how rich ye are? ENID: I get ye ELI: And then as you’re wondering you realise that if you even have to question it its definitely already too fancy. ENID: Yeah ELI: And then yer man tells you he’s got 5 more ENID: Aha, you have truly suffered, my condolences. ELI: You’re feeling sarky today eh? They are both enjoying the back and forth, escalating on purpose. JO watches, amused maybe they exit and return with a mouthful of cake.
ENID: Definitely not/ ELI: They had a statue/ ENID: I am deeply offended on your behalf/ ELI: Inside the house they had a statue. ENID: Scoundrels. ELI: You’re killing me. ENID: Definitely am. ELI: Whatya tryin’ to find? ENID: Walking Dead, new series innit. ELI: You a fan? ENID: No, if I was a fan I’d pay for it. JO: I’m a fan. ENID: But he convinced me we should stick it on, ELI: Yeah? ENID: I haven’t seen it in years but apparently its got a tiger in it that eats people now so I couldn’t really ignore the offer. ELI: Sweet ENID: Will ye pirate bay it for us? JO: That I can do He sits at the laptop ENID: Kinda excited now, Its weird when you really like something and then you just get bored of it without warning. Used to watch it religiously like first four series then just meh. ELI: Never my thing. JO: Fighting off hordes of semi-conscious, drooly monsters with their mouths open, making weird noises and pulling funny faces..? Thats basically your job to be fair. ELI: Urgh ENID: Oh you’ve set him off again now. ELI: C’mon, they annoyed me. How can it not drive you mental? They live on a different planet man, ENID: Universe more like ELI: Exactly, its like, advertising to the world that you have no idea what it’s like to be human, you’re a different species, a better species, you don’t struggle with daily life
stuff like the disgusting swamp people that work in your diamond factories or whatever. ENID: Or DJ their daughter’s birthdays ELI: Or help set up the gear for the DJ at their daughter’s birthdays yeah. Makes ye think ENID: Makes you think maybe. JO: It’s downloading. ELI: Oh do one. You know them idiots who’re like ‘Oh my cat is really the boss of the house’ but they’re obviously lying cause they would’ve never paid rent, died and then been eaten by that cat if that was true? ENID: They’re always called Mr. Whiskers. Or Mrs. Tiddybonbons JO: Knew a cat named Lemon once, and a dog named Panda, always find it weird when people name animals after other things that they aren’t. ELI: Okay yeah, cool. But I’m saying those ‘I’m owned by my cat’ freaks are just how we are with the queen here. We no its all rubbish. We just pamper them and occasionally trot them out when the President comes round to visit you know? ENID: You’re losing me ELI: Point being, that other than that poor old lady we dress up as a queen for fun and those angry Saudi princes who massively need to chill out, we basically have no monarchy any more anywhere these days. ENID: Now you’re boring me. ELI: Because we really don’t like the idea that people can have that kind of power and that kind of importance when compared to your everyday man. So we all got together all over the world and went “this ain’t healthy for us or for you, so we’re gonna chop your head off and move on with our lives. Pinch democracy off the Greeks and find a way to ruin that too’’ ENID: Are you having a mental breakdown? – ELI: But now there’s millions of kings and queens all over the world mate, richer, fancier but they have no obligation to even pretend they care at all about you and me. JO: - Because of fancy toilets? ED: Pretty much, yeah. JO: Want some cake? ENID: There’s cake? ELI: There is indeed cake, ENID: Ah I’m starving ELI: Then I shall let you eat cake. ENID: Cheers nobhead ENID bounds off Beat ELI: I’m knackered mate-
JO: Are you alright? ELI: Uh- yeah, I’m just tired dude. Always forget howJO: Cause I’ve never seen ye rant like that. ELI: Thought it was funnyJO: Ye got real angry bud. ELI: NahJO: Doing that little bounce on the balls of ye feet thing you doELI: NoJO: -whenever something’s up. ELI: What? JO: Tell me what’s eating your brain. ELI: I’m fine JO leans on him annoyingly JO: Teeeeeeell meeeee ELI: No sod off JO: Alright JO swings both arms around ELI from behind, crossing over his neck, effectively cuddling his head. He then jumps onto his back and and crosses his legs as high up over ELI’s chest as he can forcing a kindof reluctant piggyback. He then un-tenses and applies as much of his weight to ELI as possible. ELI attempts to resist, seemingly extremely pissed off about the whole situation, JO is laughing and being as irritating as possible, eventually they collapse under his weight with JO still holding on for dear life. ELI: Get off me JO: Nope. ELI: I’m notJO: Ye will. ELI: I’m gonna vomit JO: Nah you’re fine. There is a moment of silence where they just lie there in a weird bromantic tangle. ELI: If I promise to tell you stuff
JO: Stuff? ELI: Stuff and things JO: Stuff and things yes ELI: Will ye get the hell off me? JO: No ELI: Bastard, why not? JO: Don’t believe you. Talk first, freedom after. ELI: Jesus. JO: Where? ELI: I hate you so much. JO: Love you too. ELI: It’s just something Jonno said. JO: Aye? ELI: Tonight when we were packing up, it was- something stupid, I don’t even remember, he was goin’ on about like, it was a compliment ye know an ego boost. He was saying like, next time we do a gig I could take the lead, do a bit more, play the longer set. And I was real hyped for it man, that’s what I wanna be doing. And he makes this joke about him being a retired old bastard coming to see me play gigs in 30 years and- ye know he meant it in a good way- he meant like, he believed in me but it just got to me a little bit. All the way home I was just thinking like, is that it? Already? Have I just sortof found my thing now that I’m gonna do forever. Cause I could ye know, would be easy to just keep working with Jonno then start out on my own. Just do it til I die or whatever. But is that, I dunno, good? Or crap? Should I be signing on to just being ‘sortof alright’ forever? Makes you feel like lifes kinda over, just gets on my tits that the one thing im into and good at is now bumming me out. Oh my God will you just let go of me? JO: Soon. ELI: This is definitely illegal JO: Oh most certainly. ELI: Urgh. JO: My mum used to say, when you’re young you spend your time being angry at everyone whose got it better than you and then at some point you start to get angry at yourself for not being better than you, and that’s how you know you’re getting old. ENID enters, cake in hand and mouth. ELI: I do not like the idea of growing old in your arms. ENID: [through a mouthful of cake] Wassup guys? JO: Hugging out the troubles
ELI: Oh Jesus JO: C’mon bud, wanna watch a tiger eat people? ***** ELI: ...yeah. JO: Wanna watch a badly animated tiger eat people? ELI: Haha yeah. He wiggles and JO relents, they both sit up ENID: Lotta love. Stick it on then, JO moves to the laptop JO: My neck hurts. ENID: It’ll get better ELI: My entire self hurts ENID: That’ll get worse, then better. Then probably worse again. The exciting thing is it is always a fresh, new, horrible pain. ELI: That is most encouraging. ENID: I like to think so. It’s definitely worth it. Sometimes. The laptop makes noise they watch as the lights fade until it is all that lights them. ELI: I’m already bored. ENID: Do summin else? JO/ELI: Yup END