LEFTOVERS By Lydia Marchant This short play was commissioned by Hull Truck Theatre to be part of the 2018 Grow Festival. Premiering in Hull Truck Theatre’s Studio, audiences were able to see three punchy 15-minute plays by Hull writers Lydia, Jim English and Josh Overton Plot This play follows the challenges faced by Molly and her girlfriend Becca as they attempt to save up money to buy a house. Notes: Recommended for 14+. This play contains some mild swearing with the references to sex. When a character speaks it says their name in bold on the left side of the page with their dialogue on the right. A straight black horizontal line may represent a change in topic, location or lapse in time. About the playwright: Lydia Marchant wrote her first play for Hull Truck Theatre’s Young Writers Festival when she was 13. She was Young Writer in Residence between 2012 and 2015 and is now an Affiliate Artist. Her work for Hull Truck Theatre includes THE EXPENDABLES (2012), SPLIT (2015), DEFIANCE (2017), LEFTOVERS (2018), TEN PLAYS (2019) and MUMSY (2019). Lydia is part of the BBC’s Writers Academy, led by John Yorke, for which she is writing episodes of EASTENDERS, CASUALTY and HOLBY CITY. She also has work in development with Cuba Pictures and BBC Factual. She is Associate Writer of The Roaring Girls, with whom she developed BEACH BODY READY, and has also worked with companies including Middle Child, Silent Uproar, York Theatre Royal, Derby Theatre and Paines Plough. She has a Distinction in MA Writing for Stage and Broadcast Media from the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama, and trained on writers programmes including Writing Squad, Leeds Playhouse, National Theatre, Soho Theatre, Royal Court and BFI.
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LEFTOVERS Short play performed at Hull Truck Theatre as part of a trilogy in May 2018, directed by Mark Babych.
Molly, late 20’s Becca, early 30's Molly’s mum’s kitchen. Molly
So it’s 10 to 2 in the morning and I’m stood in my mum’s kitchen. Well, it’s around 10 to 2. Mum does this thing where she sets all the clocks in the house 5 minutes forwards to make us think we’re more late than we actually are. Makes us get our arses in gear. I’ve stress-mopped the lino -dead quiet- bleached the tea stains off all Mum’s mugs and chain-drunk 8 cups of Tesco Value camomile. Because the thing that I don’t understand about all this is, this isn’t just me, is it? We both want this. This has always been the plan. We came up with it together.
Becca
Hmm pretty sure that int-
Molly
Well no, technically I came up with it. But she was really into it. Like, we even-
Becca
Ugh. To be clear this was a bottle and a half of Pino in.
Molly
This is like 8 months ago? We’re in the Raj Pavilion. Becca’s a real one for eating out.
Becca
Form an orderly queue ladies.
Molly
Before we started dating I was a bit like, why spend £11.95 on a Main when Mum’s put yesterday’s Cottage Pie in the freezer?
Becca
Yeah but I converted her to Raj Pavilion.
Molly
So it’s a Friday night. AndPage 2 of 15
——————————9 months earlier. Raj Pavillion. Becca
Yeah no literally dirty bastard landlord’s stealing our pants.
Molly
I just cannot believe-
Becca
Tuesday, yeah? Me, Jess Hannah Rachel, we was bunging a wash on. They stuck a load of thongs in and I had you know the real nice lacy matching set?
Molly
Oh yeah, I know.
Becca
We stuck ‘em all in the washer before work Tuesday morning. And I come back round half 6 there int no pants. Well, none ‘cept the big white ones with the time-of-the-month stain.
Molly
Oh come on, surely Jess, Hannah or Rachel will have-
Becca
That’s what I think. So I go to them- where’s all my thongs? They don’t know owt about it. Turns out the dirty fucker’s gone and let himself in with his own key. Dint touch the broken boiler - just helped himself all our undies.
Molly
God. I mean, you need to speak to someone, complain.
Becca
I have. Been on to the fucking Letting Agent all week. 6 emails I sent them, ‘here, you wanna come do summat ‘bout Harvey Weinstein?’
Molly
And?
Becca
Hant even bothered to reply. Bet he does this with all his tenants all his tenants. Probably in his bath tub right now, covered in oil, rubbing half of Hull’s pants over all his hairy chest.
Molly gets the giggles. Molly
No no no. Aw I’m so sorry Becca, this isn’t funny. You’ve got to go back there. Page 3 of 15
The giggles don’t stop. Becca catches them too. Becca
Yeah, gonna I wake up one night and he’ll be there, in my underwear drawer, sniffing.
Molly
Well I suppose, we could always, um… You know, only if you wanted to… And if you don’t that’s completely…
Becca
You’re blathering.
Molly
I’m not, I’m just, making sure.
Becca
Definitely blathering.
Molly
Alright. OK. OK.
Molly gets down on one knee. And takes a box out her pocket. Becca excitedly opens the box - and takes out a key. Becca
Is that a key?
Molly
Becca Crawley. Will you buy a 2 bedroom terrace with a small courtyard garden and good transport links to the City Centre? Like, with me? Together? Page 4 of 15
——————————Molly’s mum’s kitchen. Molly
Should I text her? Kitchen clock says 5 past 2 now. Yeah, I should text her. ‘Hope you’re ok’ / ‘hope everything’s ok’ / ‘I’m, sorry’ / something like that? So I type out a message to her in the Notes section on my phone. And I try and make it sound casual, like I’m definitely not standing in the middle of my mum’s kitchen at 2 in the morning, waiting. But then I think about it. And I think I’ve been working my arse off, haven’t I? Budgeting for the both of us because she’s completely useless. Going round 4 different supermarkets every Saturday night for first dibs on all the mark downs. Going to bed a 7pm nights she’s doing a shift and it’s just yesterday’s frozen beef cobbler, meAm Mum telling me again about how she’d ‘bought a lovely little semi on Sunningdale by the time she was 26’ And it’s ‘just a case of cutting down on the little fripperies. No need for all your Frappe-chino’s, cosmopolitans and waxes down below….’ All that so we can save for a place of our own, start a life together, properly. And know what? I’m not apologising for that. So I delete the message, slip open the fridge door and start re-arranging all the food into Mum’s special order- shortest dates to the front. ——————————-
8 months earlier. Molly and Becca crowded round a phone. Molly
Ugh. OK. Take the ‘minimum beds’ down to 1. And ‘must have a garden,’ untick that, just for now. Page 5 of 15
Becca Molly
Aw but I thought we was getting an family of Cockerpoo’s though! Er don’t get all- I promise you I’m not compromising on that-
Becca
Better fucking not be.
Molly
Might have to be just the one Cockerpoo that’s all… Oh and search area. Make that a little wider- say, Wetwang to Thorngumbald.
Becca
There.
Molly
Oh my- how? How? How the- fuck is there still nothing?
Beat. Molly
It’s never going to happen, is it? I’m gonna be one of those 50 year olds still living with their mums. What if I cancel my gym membership?
Becca
Yeah no, you already have.
Molly
Amazon Prime?
Becca
Gone.
Molly
Oh God. Oh God oh God oh God.
Becca
Aw Mol, come here. It’s alright.
Beat. You know, I could always move in with you and your mum. For a bit. Save us £300 a month that, plus bills. If she’d have me. Molly
You’d- you’d do that? Leave your place?
Becca
I mean it int exactly Kensington Palace Mol.
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Molly
Yeah but you know what I mean. Jess, Hannah and Rachel-
Becca
Yeah well, it’ll only be a couple of months, won’t it? And if it helps us save for our own flat. You know, our own little place, just me and my best mate in the whole world-
Molly
Aww! Becca! That’s literally the single cutest thing you’ve ever said about me.
Becca
Er was talking about me and our future dog actually.
Molly hits Becca (playfully). ——————————Molly’s mum’s kitchen. Molly
What if she’s not coming back? Just, argument’s sake - what if she’s not coming back? What if tomorrow she shows up here when I’m at work? Stuffs all her half-dirty clothes into her suitcase? What if I turn my phone off aeroplane mode after my shift there’s just a message, no kisses, saying she’s sorry? What if I get home and Mum’s done a deep clean of the house so everything reeks of Mr Muscle Power and Shine? And she’s got Cottage Pie already plated up, set 2 places at the table. And we sit and eat in silence, just the 2 of us. Fuck. ——————————-
3 months earlier.
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Molly’s mum’s. Molly
Um… Becca? Becca? Couldn’t just have a quick word could I? Just a really quick word, little thing.
Becca
Everything ok hun?
Molly
No. Fine. Mum um… she just wanted to check you’re OK?
Becca
Why?
Molly
Becca Molly
Oh, no literally she just… just heard you up and down in the night a bit, using the loo, and she wanted she check you were OK? I went once. Molly honestly being serious I went once. No, no, no, well that’s fine. That’s great then, as long as everything’sIt’s just the only thing with it is -little thing- is we don’t flush the loo between 10 and 6.
Becca
What?
Molly
Nothing to do with you. At all. It’s just, really annoying thing, we’ve got an especially noisy ball-cock so if you could-
Becca
I aren’t allowed to-
Molly
Maybe just not flush it, between 10 and 6.
Becca
I’m 30-fucking-3 Mol. I can flush a lav when I wanna flush a lav.
Molly
Can you not swear please? She’s only downstairs.
Becca
Sorry I just can’t believe you’re asking me-
Molly
Look, she letting us live here, everything included, £25 a week. I really don’t think little bit of flushing etiquette is too much to ask. Page 8 of 15
——————————Molly’s mum’s kitchen. Molly
Suddenly I feel like my head’s stuck in a plastic bag And every time I try to breathe It just sucks more and more air out of me. Becca, where the fuck are you? ——————————-
7 days earlier. Molly’s mum’s. Becca
Let’s go out.
Molly
No.
Becca
Tonight, come on. Get away from- everything.
Molly
Becca, there is no social money left on our Monzo card this week. Not after that coffee you had with Hannah-
Becca
Adelphi! Or Raj Pavilion? Just get, a couple of popadoms. And a Bhuna.
Molly
What, for £11.95? Anyway, I thought you had work tonight?
Becca
God, what’s happened to you?
Molly
Becca, I thought you had work. Scott texted you yesterday about an extra shift going, remember? Page 9 of 15
Becca
Yeah. Look I had to-
Molly
Oh my God. You turned it down.
Becca
Just- it’s Friday. Work’s been mental this week. Boss’s been really on at me. My brain’s fried. The idea of going and doing a bar shift after that-
Molly
Oh right so it’s fine for me to do double shifts, just me, Julie and 25 poorly kids. Put in all the overtime going so I can save for our home. A place of our own, just the two of us. And you can’t go pull a few pints? That right is it? ——————————-
Molly’s mum’s kitchen. Molly
Fuck! It wasSo, was in the freezer, re-ordering all the drawers. You know Bottom shelf - vegetables, middle shelf battered products, fish fingers / smiley faces, top shelfTomorrow’s frozen leftoversAnd I’m holding this drawer, that Mum’s packed with row-after-row-after-row of identical Tupperware boxes, all neatly labelled and dated and it’s likeLike my brain just forgets to tell my hands to keep holdAnd I let goThis loud, shatteringShards of pork casserole, Oxtail soup, toad-in-the-hole, cottage pie… Smashed. Everywhere. Page 10 of 15
Oh God, oh God, what have I done? Fuck, what have I done? Got to be £15, maybe £20 worth of Mum’s leftovers just, smashed across the kitchen. For a second I’m just like, stillNot really believing what’s happened. And then I imagine Her, Mum, the look she’s give me. Her Look. And I’m just likeFuck this. So I justI justI——————————9 hours earlier. Molly’s mum’s. Becca
I don’t think I can do this anymore. This the whole like living with your mum thingI mean fuck- I’m 33. By the time she was my age my mam had me and my sister. Whereas meI’m at my girlfriend’s mum’s. All cramped up in that tiny single bed, poster of fuckingHayley-from-Paramore watching us sleep.
Molly
Er, don’t talk like that about my first love.
Becca
This is serious Mol. You don’t see it d’ya? You don’t see how serious-
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Like the other night when we was fucking. And you shoved a pillow over my head. Don’t try and pretend you was being kinky, Mol. Molly
I just wanted to try out something, new-
Becca
Nah, what you did is heard your Auntie Sue ring the doorbell.
Molly
Look, are we done here?
Becca
Nah, nah, ‘cause you’re not listening to me Mol. This, it’s everything. I mean, the fucking tea towels-
Molly
What’re you talking about?
Becca
All them tea towels I took straight out the dryer into the drawer. And SheShe fucking- got them all out again. One by One. Dint even look at me just got them all out. And then you jump up- start ironing them.
Molly
Well yes, you always iron tea towels.
Becca
Listen to yourself, Mol! Look, what if we-
Molly
Don’t say it. Please don’t say it.
Becca
Yeah but what if we did though? Rented somewhere just for a bit. Surely the only thing that matters is we’re you know - together?
Molly
No. We want to buy, remember? We want a place that’s ours. Everything we’ve talked about - the real-wood floor, the eau de nil walls, throughkitchen-diner. Having friends over and cooking for them. That Cockerpoo. We start renting again now and we’ll never afford to buy-
Becca
We’re never gonna buy though anyway are we? I mean, it’s bullshit, Molly. How can you not see it’s all bullshit?
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Molly
Becca-
Becca
The working 2 jobs. Overtime. No Friday night pub. No Saturday morning hangover breakfast. Pie-ing off all our mates every weekend ‘cause ‘we’re saving.’ No holidays. No gym. No Netflix. Having to live back here. Like £7 a month and the price of a round is gonna buy us a house?
Molly
It all adds up, like Mum says-
Becca
Not to 20 fucking grand it dunt. 8 months we’ve been here. 8 months and we’re miles off even the deposit. But that dunt matter to you, does it? Nah. Because for you it’s the feeling, int it? It’s the punishing ourselves what matters. Long as we aren’t having no fun. Long as we feel like we’re ‘saving’ for a house every single day ’Til we just- die. Say something.
Molly
….
Beat. Becca
I’m off out.
Molly
No-
Becca
Jess Hannah Rachel’re probably going Adelphi. Gonna message them - tag along. And I’m gonna buy a £3 pint. Maybe 5. And then maybe a round of jaeger bombs for everyone £8 and then if I’m fucked enough maybe £5 entry to Fuel because I’m a fucking grown up and I can go out when I bloody wanna go out. And then- I think it might be best if I stay over at theirs.
Molly
Becca, please. We need this. I need this. Place of our own. I really need thisPage 13 of 15
Becca
I can’t stay here. I can’t do it. I can’t.
Becca storms out. Maybe leaves her key? ——————————Molly’s mum’s kitchen. Molly
So, know what, I justI justI just leave the smashed up dregs of 1 pot dinnersIn fact, no, no. I crunch them with my slippers ’til the lino’s laced with pea and tomato-y splintersAnd I strip naked Take the stairs in two’sNot giving a, a shit if it makes the picture frames shakeGo into my little single room. Start crashing round, shoving tops and jeans into my suitcase. Snog the face off Hayley-from-Paramore one last time and then IOh God, II go into the bathroom and flush the lav… Twice! And I slam the door behind me. Because all I want right now is Becca’s stinking old flat on Grafton Street with the slugs and the broken boiler and the pervy landlord and the weird smell under the fridge… And Becca. Page 14 of 15
Becca.
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