2009 By Lydia Marchant This play was commissioned as part of TEN and first performed in March 2019 by 55 members of Hull Truck Theatre’s Young Company. TEN featured 10 ten-minute plays, each based on a year in the decade since Hull Truck Theatre moved in to its Ferensway home. This play was inspired by Hull City’s promotion to the premiere league in 2009. Plot This play follows Ryan, a player for Hull City’s youth team as he tries to balance teenage life with his aspiration to be a professional athlete. Notes: Recommended for 12+. This play contains some mild swearing. When a character speaks it says their name in bold on the left side of the page with their dialogue on the right. The play was written to feature of chorus of young performers, their lines are set out as bold bullet points and can split amongst the company in anyway. A straight black horizontal line may represent a change in topic or lapse in time. About the playwright: Lydia Marchant wrote her first play for Hull Truck Theatre’s Young Writers Festival when she was 13. She was Young Writer in Residence between 2012 and 2015 and is now an Affiliate Artist. Her work for Hull Truck Theatre includes THE EXPENDABLES (2012), SPLIT (2015), DEFIANCE (2017), LEFTOVERS (2018), TEN PLAYS (2019) and MUMSY (2019). Lydia is part of the BBC’s Writers Academy, led by John Yorke, for which she is writing episodes of EASTENDERS, CASUALTY and HOLBY CITY. She also has work in development with Cuba Pictures and BBC Factual. She is Associate Writer of The Roaring Girls, with whom she developed BEACH BODY READY, and has also worked with companies including Middle Child, Silent Uproar, York Theatre Royal, Derby Theatre and Paines Plough. She has a Distinction in MA Writing for Stage and Broadcast Media from the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama, and trained on writers programmes including Writing Squad, Leeds Playhouse, National Theatre, Soho Theatre, Royal Court and BFI.
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2009: HULL CITY’S FIRST SEASON IN THE PREMIER LEAGUE • • • • •
100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat.
• • • • •
100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat.
Ryan:
Could do without this to be honest. House party o’ this guy from my BTEC Science. Jordan. Lanky get. He’s been going off all week bout how tonight’s gonna be mental. Acting like by 7pm the place was gonna be wall-to-wall model-types. Or at least some lasses from Year 13. Keeps banging on in the group chat like:
Jordan:
You gonna be able to handle Friday night, Smidget?
Ryan:
But we’re all here. Nursing Smirnoff Ices in the kitchen cause his mam’s watching Corrie. Hear her pacing about outside the door whenever it sounds like summat's getting broke. And she’s made, you know them butterfly buns? Yeah, real ‘mental.’
• •
Oi oi. Smidget. Hull City let you off for a night? How come we hant seen you on Match of the Day yet, Smidget?
Ryan:
The lads go to me, second I walk in. Then Jordan’s coming over. All cocky.
Jordan:
Smidget! Your mam coming for ya at 10pm then?
Ryan:
Like this is some kinda endurance test.
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Then he goes and ruffles my effing hair. I wanna stick one in his jaw. Ram a bottle of Bulmer’s down his skinny throat But he int worth it. Cause thing is, this is gonna sound bad Ugh, yeah this does sound real bad but I look at the guys here, giving it Billy-Big-Balls, downing 12 cans of empty calories 10 years time, yeah? They’re all gonna be stuck in a crappy flat round here. Beer gut. Child support bill. And like, fine. Know what? You do you. But that int my life. ————————— • • • • •
Ryan:
100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat. First realised I was a footballer - 8 year old. Cause in lessons, other kids, they’d just geddit. But the black squiggles on the worksheets dint make no sense to me. Chest’d start panicking. Swear I could see my own heart through my ribs. Panicking. Had to get out. One time went off to toilet n’ flooded the full corridor with water. Just cause. Or split my head open I banged it so hard on the desk. But at break on the footie pitch… I was something else. Rest of the kids’d be tripping over their flashing trainers. And I could just plough through ‘em. Ball glued to my feet. So yeah, 8 years old, City Youth sign me up. Me. 3
Before they was Premier League stars, this was. Way before. Still in Boothferry Park. Third Division. Biggest team in England never to of played in the top flight. (Like they’re playing crap). ‘Come on you Hull. Come on you Hull.’ But if Man U’d offered me a place I wunt of been more buzzing. Being serious. This was The Hull City. My Hull City. Other kids rock up in the kits. School non uniform days and that. Like they was playing dress up. But me? That’s my work-wear. I’m doing this for real. • • • • •
100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat. —————————
Lauren:
Hey Smidget! I am so glad you’re here.
Ryan:
Lauren! She’s here. Oh God. I dint know she was Um I mean she is looking Yeah, she.. Me and Lauren used sit to next to each other. Listening to Black Eyed Peas on her iPod classic when we was meant to be doing PHSCE. Used to lean in close to smell her hair. Dunno if it’s shampoo. Or more like her, natural smell. But it’s proper banging. She done really well. Int in Form J no more 4
So we never really… Cause I don’t have the time for going out so we never really… But she’s one of them people - when see her it’s like the time hant passed. Ugh sound like a right melt, don’t I? Lauren:
How tame is this party? ‘Night of the year,’ that’s what I got told. I mean this? Not even the night of my week.
Ryan:
But, like I’m in the gym 6 every morning before school. Training 4 nights a week. I hant got time to be replying to paragraphs. Know what I mean? Imagine 10 years time, being stood in the stands with a pie thinking, ‘could of been me that. If I hant chucked it all away over Her. Nah, no missus till I sign pro contracts. Need to concentrate Especially now After Yeah, after everything. Even if her hair does smell Like, proper banging.
Lauren:
Ugh, Jordan is doing my head in. Wanna go somewhere and chat? —————————
• • • • •
Ryan:
100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat. Winning’s only thing what matters. Last season V Colchester, I clash heads so hard I go deaf for 60 minutes. Can’t hear a thing. But I run straight back on the field. Stone deaf.
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School teachers’re still saying ‘lazy,’ ‘disinterested, ’disruptive.’ At City it’s ‘dedicated,’ ‘brave,’ ’hungry.’ Nowadays other lads might have the flair. Fancy footwork. All that. But I’m the hardest grafter there. First on the training pitch on a night. Asking coach for extra work out routines. Hant eaten a takeaway in 3 years. Twagging school for full day gym seshes. Benching 250 pounds. But it’s worth it. Cause I’m gonna have a house in Brough. Audi R8. Dubai 3 times a year. Walking out, my name on the back of a Tigers shirt, every Saturday. My life int gonna be a waste. ————————— Lauren:
Why don’t we hang out more?
Ryan:
Lauren’s smiling at me Stroking the middle of my back Making eye contact that bit longer Leans in Crap. I’m leaning in Her lips. Her hair. Can see my own heart through my ribs. All this. It’s so Feels so Right. And I don’t tell her Nah, nah.
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Don’t tell her.. I mean, 3 days ago I was stood in the stands at Wembley, watching Dean Windass’ 38th minute volley from the edge of the box. Lost it at the final whistle. ‘We are Premier League. Said we are Premier League.’ The Hull City. My Hull City. And then this morning… Don’t tell her… Can’t tell her… This morning I get into training And coach sits me down. Says they won’t be offering my a scholarship. Says - Premier League now. Need quality to help them stay there. Pace. Technique. Flare. Says I simply don’t make the cut. 8 years at the club. Turning in week in week out. 8 years. Need quality. And I simply don’t make the cut. Beat. Lauren:
Who’s that?
Ryan:
Phone starts up buzzing. Then a horn’s going off. Oh God. Mam’s outside.
• • • • •
100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat.
Lauren:
Tell her to come back later. You can stay at mine - if you want.
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Ryan:
Lauren she dunt She dunt geddit
Lauren:
I mean, we’re kinda in the middle of something. Aren’t we?
Ryan:
I gotta get up tomorrow. 5am. Gotta hit the ground running Got this new training routine: 100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat. Gotta stay in shape. On form. Gotta work harder. Harder. Find a new team Sign pro contracts
• • • • •
Ryan:
100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat. I'm zipping up my trackie top, quick as I can. Making a run for the car This it all I’ve got. Like if If I don’t If it dunt happen If… Then who the hell am I?
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• • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat. 100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat. 100 squats 100 lunges 100 press ups 100 pull ups Repeat.
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