I started high school...

I started high school as a confident, kind, and fun girl. I had my crew and the four of us conquered freshman year together. I felt secure in who I was—but my friends did not. They wanted popularity and started making decisions I didn’t agree with. I stood my ground and told them I wasn’t willing to do certain things to seem cool.

My friendships with them began to feel like a roller coaster. I never knew if they liked me or wanted me out of their sight. Sometimes they’d want to talk with me and other times I was given the silent treatment. Mostly, they pointed out how to ‘fix’ me and how I was ‘such a drag’ to them. It shattered my confidence. I couldn’t imagine losing my only high school friends. I began being willing to do or say anything to remain friends with them. I had a choice to put up with them or choose to be alone. Loneliness in high school was my ultimate fear.

Shortly after, my friends asked to meet with me and told me that, behind my back, they had agreed to “throw me out” of our friend group. All of a sudden, I was given a new set of rules. No longer could I speak with them, sit with them at lunch, or hang out with them outside of school. I felt betrayed. It worsened when they began to bully me, spread rumors, and even turn classmates and teachers against me. My worst nightmare had happened—I was all alone and people were believing all sorts of lies about me. What could be worse?

I felt the urge to lose myself in relationships with boys and superficial things to mask the pain. I wanted to show everyone they couldn’t get the best of me. I was desperate to be accepted because I had been hurt.

Thankfully, I realized that if I chose to hook up with boys because of the pain I was in, the effect of those decisions would last far beyond high school. They’d be reminders I’d carry with me all my life from this broken time. With this perspective, I felt the courage to persevere through this tough time. I didn’t want it to ruin the life I was just beginning!

Instead of losing myself in things that would bring me further down, I channeled the pain and loneliness into an opportunity for something new. I courageously made new friends and found genuine and supportive people that allowed me to be myself. I dove into hobbies I always loved: photography and cooking. I even turned my photography into a business.

I became grateful I was no longer with my old friends. I learned that friends who tear you down aren’t real friends. The loneliness I was terrified of wasn’t as scary as I thought. To my surprise, it opened unexpected doors. I also learned how resilient, brave, and strong I was through that experience and it made me a more confident woman.

- Mackenzie