Resolve fall2005

Resolve of Oregon t h e n at i o n a l i n f e rt i l i t y a s s o c i at i o n

vo l u m e I X • F a l l 2 0 0 5

Chapter Mission & Policies Mission: The mission of RESOLVE is to provide timely, compassionate support and information to people who are experiencing infertility and to increase awareness of family-building issues through public education and advocacy.

Chapter Policies: The policy of RESOLVE of Oregon is to provide members the most up-to-date information available in the fields of infertility, adoption and childfree living. We protect the privacy rights of members at all times.

Reprints: Other RESOLVE chapters may reprint articles without obtaining written permission unless otherwise stated. We ask that credit be given to the original author and RESOLVE of Oregon.

All others must obtain written permission.

Article Submissions: We encourage infertility providers, adoption professionals, and members to submit original articles dealing with all aspects of infertil-

ity. All material submitted will be printed at the discretion of the editors and we reserve the right to edit. Submissions are accepted by mail to the chapter address or via e-mail to resolve_oregon@yahoo.com. The article can be printed anonymously or with a pseudonym if requested, but please provide your name and telephone or e-mail address in case we need to reach you.

Advertising: Advertisers in this newsletter are unscreened

by RESOLVE. Acceptance of a paid advertisement should not be viewed as a recommendation or endorsement, express or implied,

by RESOLVE. The consumer is advised to research any organization or product to make a determination of its personal usefulness. The RESOLVE board will consider advertisements from individuals and organizations that wish to provide information regarding services available to members. Please call or email RESOLVE of Oregon for more information.

i n s i d e t h i s i ss u e :

A Tribute to Adoption Month. November is recognized as National Adoption Awareness Month. During the month, states, communities, public and private organizations, businesses, families, and individuals celebrate adoption as a positive way to build families.

Community Calendar Board of Directors & Volunteers Chapter Notes Volunteer Opportunities President’s Message Adoption News

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Medic al Invitro: A Personal Story

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adoption Life With A View Reflections of a Catholic Charities Adoptive Mother Becoming Craig’s Mother

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M i n d, B o dy, & S p i r i t Approaching the Holidays

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a dvo c ac y Survey Results

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RESOLVE of Oregon NOW Accepts Advertising Quarterly Newsletter If interested or if there are any questions, contact us at Resolve_Oregon@yahoo.com.

Space is limited, so call today and show the infertility community that you support RESOLVE. Website Starting in 2005 we will be offering advertising options for our website.

3 months $ 200.00 6 months $ 350.00 1 year $ 600.00 Professional members will receive a 15% discount from the rates shown above. Combine website advertising with advertising in our newsletter and receive an additional 25% discount. Website address only listed on our Links page — $50 per year. Infertility related links for non-profit organizations and professional association will be free of charge.

Classes/Seminars/News - FREE As always, information on upcoming classes, seminars or news about changes at your clinic/office will be published free of charge depending on space available.

Email/Mail Dissemination Do you want us to send out a brochure or an email notice to our membership regarding an upcoming event?

Email Mail

$50 per email (one email to the entire database) $50 per mailing PLUS cost of envelopes, labels and postage

Brochure/Flyers to be provided by the advertiser and delivered to RESOLVE at the advertiser’s expense. Brochure and email content subject to editing at the sole discretion of RESOLVE of Oregon.

RESOLVE of Oregon Newsletter Advertising Rates and Info: Professional Member

Non-Member

Business Card (2.5” x 3”)

$50

$100

Quarter Page, Horizontal (5” x 3”)

$100

$175

5” x 3” Quarter Page, Vertical (3” x 5“)

$100

$175

Half Page, Horizontal (8” x 5”)

$200

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Half Page, Vertical (5” x 7”)

$200

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Full Page – Sponsorship*

$500

$700

Ad Size (width x height)

*Sponsor Spotlight includes announcement of your sponsorship on front page, limited to one per issue Multiple Issue Discount 2 consecutive issues

5%

NA

4 consecutive issues

10%

5%

Guidelines: • No endorsement by RESOLVE of Oregon is made or implied as a result of advertisement • Payment is expected with submission of ad • Please make checks payable to: RESOLVE of Oregon Production Specifications: Acceptable digital file formats (in order of preference): 1. Illustrator, (text converted to outlines) 2. EPS or TIFF (at 150 dpi or higher, prefer 300 dpi) 3. MS Word

4. PDF (as last resort due to low resolution) • One color: B&W • Include print-out or PDF file as a proof • Send files electronically to:

Resolve_Oregon@yahoo.com. If sending

electronically, place in single folder and compress to keep under 3MB. Mail Ad and Check to: RESOLVE of Oregon PO Box 23804 Portland, OR 97281 Questions: Resolve_Oregon@yahoo.com

Membership Benefits

Join now to take advantage of …

Help Lines

National: 888-623-0744 Mon-Fri: 6-9 a.m. and 10 a.m.-1 p.m. PST Mondays 4-8 p.m. PST

Medical: 888-623-0744 Wednesdays 10 a.m.-1 p.m. PST

Oregon: 503-762-0449 A 24-hour message number provides information about local services and support.

Family Building Magazine The latest information on infertility treatments, adoption, and childfree living.

Explore the issues surrounding infertility, your health and wellness, insurance and legal issues and much more.

Local Newsletter Quarterly newsletter will contains information on upcoming meetings for a variety of organizations; articles relating to infertility issues, good news from members who have resolved their infertility; and much more.

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Member-to-Member Contact System Members serve as contacts on topics ranging from adoption to assisted reproductive technologies. Call the National Help Line or the Oregon Help Line to connect with another member who has shared your problem or for peer support on making family-building decisions.

Discount on RESOLVE Literature As a new member, you will also receive a new member kit from National.

Advocacy Resources For legislative and insurance reforms.

To become a member, sign up at: www.resolve.org

Community Calendar RESOLVE of Oregon P.O. Box 23804 Portland, OR 97281 503-762-0449 resolve_oregon@yahoo.com www.resolve.org/main/resolveOR/index.htm RESOLVE of Oregon newsletter is published quarterly.

Board of Directors & Volunteers President Colleen Smith Secretary/Vice President Yvonne Kersek Treasurer Lori Strong Advocacy Tanya Chappelle Kirsten Solberg Nicole Heller Colleen Smith Amy Paterson-Sandie Yvonne Kersek E-mail Coordinator Alisa Pallister

Portland Peer Group Meetings December 20 January 17 February 21 March 21

Eugene Peer Group Meetings December 19 January 16 February 20 March 20

The Portland Peer Group has an informal get-together the first Monday each month at BJ's Pizza at 6:00 p.m. 825 NE Weidler St, Portland OR 97232 (Lloyd Center) (503) 288-0111 Yoga for Pregnancy — Catherine Fixe-Chapin, MSW Call Catherine for schedule at 503/232-4350.

Facilitation for voluntary meetings with Egg Donors — Paula Acker LCSW is offering egg donor programs the opportunity to allow meetings between their donors and recipients. Couples first meet with her, then she coordinates a meeting between the donor and the recipients. She has facilitated many meetings between birth and adoptive families for years and has counseled in reproductive medicine for 17 years. Contact Paula at 503-940-5777.

Coping with the Challenges of Infertility: — A 10 Week Therapy Group for Women. Interpersonal and Experiential Mind-Body approach. Addressing topics such as emotional awareness, self esteem, coping skills, body image, and female identity within the context of infertility. Mindfulness and relaxation skills component. Contact Britta Dinsmore, Ph.D. (503) 913-4791 for more information.

Online Calendar For transcripts of past chats, visit http://www.resolve.org/main/national/bboard/transcripts.jsp Date

Time

Presenter

Topic

Newsletter Coordinator M. Hsieh

Wed 11/30/2005

8pm ET / 5pm PT

Peter Nagy, MD

Understanding Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) and How it Treats Infertility, Sponsored by Halozym

Web Site Coordinator Amy Paterson-Sandie / Geoff Burling

Wed 12/14/2005

8pm ET / 5pm PT

Dian Clapp, BSN, RN

Coping with the Holidays

Wed 1/25

8pm ET / 5pm PT

Bill Yee, MD

Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

Help Line Volunteers Lisa Kulkarni Membership Coordinator Open Volunteer Coordinator Open Newsletter Editor/Graphic Design Newsletter Associates Barbara Saunders, 503-282-3694 www.Newsletters-Inc.com Web Site Coordinator Open Peer Group Coordinators Yvette Burling Nicole Heller

* No endorsement by RESOLVE of Oregon is made or implied by this advertisement

Provider Coordinator Open Fundraiser Coordinator Open

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Medic al

Invitro: A Personal Story

By Tanya Chappelle

M

y husband and I idealized starting a family. We held the unquestioned belief that by age 29 I would have our first child, then another child two years later. As a course of nature, we would have our perfect family. Unfortunately life is seldom simple.

As I was comfortable with my body’s ovulation cycle, I assumed becoming pregnant would be easy. After six months of trying to get pregnant without success, my husband and I were not concerned. We decided to take a break in our attempts and travel on snowboarding vacations. After the season ended, we started again—this time with an ovulation predictor kit which showed I was ovulating monthly—yet again six months passed without luck. Our concern grew.

We met with a reproductive endocrinologist who set us up on series of tests. I had a hysterosalpingogram, where dye is inserted into my uterus and fallopian tubes to check for blockages. The ultraviolet light identified one questionable area so I had a hysteroscopy, which determined there was no problem. My husband visited the urologist who told him there was nothing wrong. He then had a sperm analysis which determined his sperm to be healthy, yet with low motility and count.

With this information the doctor recommended five intrauterine inseminations in hope of becoming pregnant the easy 4

way. It did not work. Our disappointment grew, but so did our resolve. Our next option was invitro fertilization [IVF].

The first step was shutting down my ovaries using Lupron.

I was injected with this medication for two weeks. Next, my ovaries were stimulated over ten days with injections of Repronex and Gonal-F. Lastly, I was given a shot of hCG to induce egg maturation. About thirty eggs were then harvested through ultrasound guided vaginal retrieval; a thin needle passed a short distance into my ovaries to suction the eggs.

Fertilization began by replicating nature and introducing sperm through intracytoplasmic sperm insemination. Under normal conditions the embryo is observed for 3 to 6 days, then transferred by catheter through the cervix into the uterus. Nothing was normal for us.

I gained 10 pounds in one day. My clothes were suddenly too small. I struggled to breathe—even sitting at the kitchen table took away my breath. I immediately went to the doctor.

Fluid was accumulating in my abdomen causing horrible swelling and shortness of breath. I had ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome. In reaction to the fertility drugs, my ovaries were pulling fluid from my circulatory system. The doctor disqualified me for embryo transfer. We accepted the reality of the situation, nevertheless we were heartbroken. We froze our embryos, which at this point we had five, to preserve them

for future attempts. Our worry was that the success rate of frozen embryos is only 50% compared to 80% with fresh.

My weight continued to increase and therefore breathing grew evermore difficult. In an ironic turn of events, with my ovaries depositing so much fluid in my abdomen, I became severely dehydrated. It took 3 liters of I.V. fluids to restore liquids and balance electrolytes.

It took another two months until I was healthy enough to attempt a transfer. We decided to use three of our five frozen embryos.

Finally, we caught a break. Ten days after the transfer, we learned I was pregnant. Two weeks later I was ready for my first ultrasound.

We had twins.

I remained under close observation to mark my babies’ development and my health. We had yet another setback seven weeks into the pregnancy when one of the babies died in the womb. This condition, dubbed “disappearing twin”, was not uncommon in any pregnancy, and not particular to IVF. The fact that it was a normal occurrence was little comfort; I had lost one of my babies. I took solace that I was still carrying a strong, healthy baby who needed my focus. During the remainder of my pregnancy I experienced the changes and challenges of any expectant mother. Then in February of this year, I delivered a healthy baby boy.

Now that we are past the complications and our son is here, it has been nice just to be a mother. He is truly our blessing and the light of our lives.

As we look to the future, we know that two frozen embryos are available should we wish to have another child. Of course, there is the possibility our embryos will fail upon transfer, in which case I would have to start IVF from the beginning. I am certain of this: I will not go through IVF again. With the complications I had last time, I could not properly care for myself and my son during the process. To me, being my son’s mommy comes first.

It can also help determine your chances of having that baby.

If sperm’s DNA is fragmented, the chances of a successful pregnancy can be significantly reduced. A high-technology test, developed and tested for over 20 years, is now available to measure the integrity of sperm DNA. The patented SCSA®, provided by SCSA® Diagnostics, was pioneered by some of the world’s foremost sperm DNA scientists. The SCSA® is a powerful tool enabling the patient and physician to choose the best method for the patient’s infertility treatment.

A semen sample can be collected with our SCSA® collection kit in a physician’s office or in the privacy of the patient’s home. This sample is then sent by overnight courier to SCSA® Diagnostics in a customized shipping container.

Remember to ask for SCSA® Diagnostics. Just look for the Gold Seal.

Visit www.SCSADiagnostics.com/Resolve or call 1-866-219-1338 for more information.

The Gold Standard For Sperm DNA Fragmentation Analysis Since 1980.

SCSA® and SCSAsoft® are internationally registered trademarks of SCSA Diagnostics, Inc.

* No endorsement by RESOLVE of Oregon is made or implied by this advertisement

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Adoption

Life With a View

By Shari Levine

Gabriel and Adrie are immensely precious to their adoptive parents

I

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t was a rare day in the Northwest: clear and beautiful.

My husband, Cam, and I decided to seize the opportunity and climbed to the top of Spencer's Butte in Eugene. The peak offered a panoramic view; you could see for miles. But as I tried to absorb the beauty that surrounded me, my world felt painfully dark and small. Six and a half years of infertility treatments had weakened my spirit. As we sat on the mountain's edge, I told Cam that I had reached an impasse. The optimism that was so customary to my nature was slipping from my grasp. He took my hand and said that he too felt the toll it had taken had become too great. It was time to choose another path. As we hiked down the mountain, my steps began to feel lighter and the surrounding landscape slowly came into focus.

choosing parents for her unborn child. The description of her immediately caught our attention. We were perpetually drawn to Faith as we completed our paperwork and the home study process. Next we left for a trip to Canada we had planned and came home to the news that Faith had chosen us. We were elated! Our path, which had been previously marked by repeated disappointment, was suddenly grounded in hope.

The next day we began researching adoption. Our search led us to Open Adoption & Family Services. The agency's philosophy was rooted in a profound belief that birth parents and adoptive parents have the innate ability to create a lasting friendship based on trust and kindness.

Their approach made sense to me. What I didn't realize was how soon my life would begin to make sense to me again. At the Agency's seminar in Portland, we learned about a birth mother named Faith, who would soon be

Faith squeezed our hands as she pushed Gabriel into the world. I was awestruck by the immensity of the gift she placed in our arms. Cam and I have spent every moment since that day, five and a half years ago, falling deeply in love with little Gabriel. The experience of being Gabriel's mom has been more joyful than I could have possibly imagined.

Over the years, I have come to realize, with amazing clarity, that what I waited for, during those long and painful years, was not a pregnancy, but the opportunity to be Gabriel's

When we arrived in Portland to meet Faith, we found an intelligent, compassionate, vulnerable young woman.

Within seconds, I knew our paths were meant to merge.

As we formed a close and unwavering bond, my vision of the relationship that lay before us became crystal clear. I felt pure affection, admiration and respect for Faith.

mom. At the point of that realization, the difficult and convoluted path I had taken prior to adopting was completely and entirely worth it.

Faith has become a natural part of our family. Loving Faith has been an easy extension of loving Gabriel. Six years ago, Faith chose, and helped to create, a family for Gabriel. Every action she has taken since that moment has supported her decision and our family. Faith has given us not only the gift of Gabriel, but the gift of her blessing of his adoption as well. Without that, the experience would have been forever incomplete. This year for Mother's Day, after handing me a bouquet of flowers, Faith hugged me and said, "You are the best mom I know." My heart overflowed.

Gabriel has had an uneventful adoption. There are no secrets, no mystery, no drama in his life. Gabriel's open adoption has given him a deeply rooted sense of security.

We all take great pleasure in watching this caring, bright, sweet, confident little boy grow and flourish.

Now Cam and I plan to adopt again. This time, as we climb gently towards new heights, the scenery comes gradually and magnificently into view.

Epilogue: So much has happened since we took that journey up the mountain so many years ago. Our baby boy is 14 now. Gabriel is a deep thinker, who is kind and patient.

Seven years later we adopted again, this time a baby girl named Adrie. Adrie is imaginative, bubbly and affectionate.

Her birth mom Jaque who shares her traits, lives in Montana so we don’t see her often. But our connection to her remains close through phone calls and email. Our children are immensely precious to us. My husband and I feel like the luckiest parents in the world.

Northwest Fertility Center 1750 SW Harbor Way, Suite 200 Portland, Oregon 97201 (503) 227-7799 www.drstoelkdelivers.com

Where dreams are delivered by people who care

* No endorsement by RESOLVE of Oregon is made or implied by this advertisement

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A W ARENE S S

Reflections of a Catholic Charities Adoptive Mother

By Rhana Mather

T

he adoption process has been the most important journey of our lives. My husband and I had always known that if we could not conceive a child naturally, we would adopt. After years of trying to conceive, we made our way to Catholic Charities. Shortly after our home study was completed, we were blessed with a 14month-old little girl. What a joyful experience! Like all parents, once she toddled into our home, we could not imagine life without her. She was “ours” instantly. Then four and a half years later, we were blessed with a 2-dayold baby boy. Again, what had we ever done without him?

Most people assume that our children were born to us biologically and our daughter and son have a stronger sibling bond than many biological siblings.

We are so grateful for our children and as they grow we continue to be in awe of their birth mothers who sacrificed so much for them. We are fortunate to know our daughter’s birth mother. She is a loving, giving person who was not able to raise a child at the time of the adoption.

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Even though she has moved out of state, we remain in contact with her through telephone calls and emails. She never misses a holiday, including Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, and not only remembers our daughter’s birthday (her birth child) but our son’s birthday as well. We did not have the opportunity to meet our son’s birth mother since she requested no contact. Although this saddens us and we have less information to share with him, we can assure him that he was extremely loved by her.

Before we adopted our children we never understood the saying “everything happens for a reason.” Now we understand that our family was handpicked by God who knew that we were meant to be together. We have recently reentered the Catholic Charities pool of waiting families hoping for a third child. I overheard my daughter explaining the adoption process to her cousin saying that we would be getting a new baby, but we had to wait until “God found the right one for us.” I couldn’t have explained it better.

Chapter Notes Dates to Remember See Coalition of Oregon Adoption Agencies website: www.oregonadoptionagencies.org/events.html Endometriosis Association http://www.portlandendo.org

Embryology to Psychology and more. So don't miss it. We strive to make every year better than the last and to bring new and thought provoking ideas and achievements in this, still very much debated, medical specialty. Please visit http://www.ovoinfodon.org for previous Conferences and topics covered.”

There will be a special meeting on Monday, January 9th from 7-9 pm N/S Conference Room on 1st floor of the Good Samaritan Medical Bldg, 1040 NW 22nd, Portland, Oregon.

February 4th and 5th – 2006 Temple University Student Faculty Center 3340 North Broad Street Philadelphia, PA 19140

Dr. Rick Rosenfield, gynecologist from the Pearl Women's Center will come speak to us about Pelvic Pain and Endometriosis. He will give presentation and encourage audience participation and discussion.

Keenan Bartscher, L.AC. Practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) who utilizes acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine as well as massage, nutritional counseling and lifestyle advice to help people maximize their health and restore their body's normal function. Keenan has had experience treating people with TCM alone or in combination with Western medical treatments such as IVF or IUI. For more information about White Crane Acupuncture, please visit www.whitecrane.cc, or email to info@whitecrane.cc or call (503)522-2872.

Dr. Rosenfield is trained in minimally invasive surgery.

He is Stanford trained and worked with some of the well known pioneers in endometriosis treatment such as doctors Camran Nezhat, Deborah Metzger and Arnold Kresch.

4th International Egg Donation Conference “Our Unique Conferences cover Egg Donation focused topics from all angles, from Medical to Ethics, from

Positions Currently Open

vo l u n t e e r o p p o rt u n i t i e s

Help Yourself … Help Others … Volunteer Advertising Coordinator Hours per month 3-5 NEW! We are now accepting advertisements to help pay for the newsletter. This position will need to contact local providers and solicit their ads for upcoming issues; coordinate their material and review it following chapter guidelines; and forward all approved material to Newsletter Associates for inclusion in the newsletter. Work closely with Newsletter Coordinator so that each issue is fully funded. Computer and internet access required.

Must attend quarterly planning sessions or at least report directly to President.

HelpLine Volunteer Hours per month 3-5 Must live in Portland Metro area. Retrieve phone messages from voice mail once a week and return calls within requested period of time. Follow-up with material as needed. Training and HelpLine manual provided. At times will need to make copies and mail items to callers as needed.

Educational Program Coordinator Hours per month 3-5 + Event quarterly Organize quarterly educational programs on topics decided at quarterly planning sessions. Coordinate location, speakers; create flyers; work with volunteers to distribute/mail/email; write articles for newsletter of upcoming event; find sponsors if necessary to cover costs; and coordinate actual event.

Computer and internet access required. Must attend quarterly planning sessions or at least report directly to President.

Outreach Hours per month 3-5 Choose between: OB/Gyn, RE & Infertility Clinics, Counselors, Adoption Professionals (Agencies, Associations & Lawyers), Alternative Care (Acupuncturist, Naturopathic etc). Several volunteers needed to help increase public awareness which is crucial for the advocacy effort. Quarterly phone calls to inquire on publication (brochures, newsletters, posters etc) needs and mail as required; research Oregon and SW Washington for NEW contacts – make initial contact and forward info to President. May attend quarterly planning sessions if desired – must keep President up to date on activities.

Fundraiser Coordinator Hours per month 3-5 Computer and internet access required. Research and develop fundraiser plan for the chapter. Ideas and information will be provided regarding what other chapters are doing. As fundraiser ideas are approved by board, this position will coordinate them and follow-up as needed with newsletter articles, bulk e-mail distribution, mailings and website updates. May attend quarterly planning sessions if desired – must keep President up to date on activities.

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adoption

Becoming Craig’s Mother

By Genevieve Choate

Jared, 10, holds his little brother, Craig, for the first time.

M

y younger son’s arrival signaled the end to a decade of heartache due to secondary infertility.

So why was I so sad?

posed to be the happiest expectant parents on the planet.

I had a difficult time explaining that my tears were for my unborn son’s mother.

Would he love me? At this time last year, waiting for my son to be born, I worried that he wouldn’t return my love. Would he respond as I pulled him close, or would he strain to hear the song of his birth mother instead? Would he feel fear and heartbreak and try to keep it all locked tight in his body, unable to communicate anything more than a cry?

Jimmy and I had been trying to conceive a second time since our son, Jared, was a toddler. It was a decade of waiting, hoping, and soul-crushing heartache. There were days I felt I couldn’t live through it; other times, I said, “Fine, we’ll be a happy family of three.” Mourning infertility was like mourning a child, dwelling on what could have been. I didn’t have memories of sweet dimples and a saucy laugh, only images of all that would never be.

I also wondered about myself. Would I possess a mother’s sense with a child who was not biologically mine? At night, when the baby whimpered or cried, would it be his birth mother, 50 miles away, who would instinctively reach for him while I slept?

In the month leading up to his birth, the obstacle of grief blocked out much of my joy. My husband didn’t understand why I experienced such emotions. We were sup10

Now, I felt as if I were trading my grief for my new son’s biological mother’s happiness. She was going to give me my dreams, and I was going to give her nothing but empty arms. She wouldn’t have to imagine, she would know. She could picture exactly how this baby looked, smelled, and felt. The pain I had carried from infertility felt suddenly shallow, compared to what I bet she’d be feeling.

2222 NW Lovejoy, Suite 304 Portland, OR 97210 P: 503-274-4994 F: 503-274-4946 www.portlandivf.net

John S. Hesla, M.D. Robert K. Matteri, M.D. Alison Coates, BSc Director of Embryology Rebecca Matthews, PhD Embryologist * No endorsement by RESOLVE of Oregon is made or implied by this advertisement

The arrival My younger son was born on the first day of winter, with stick-straight blond hair and flashy blue eyes. I stood in the back of the room and watched as he emerged, saw the doctor as he gripped his head with firm, gentle hands that twisted and tugged to pull the baby’s shoulders out.

Upon his arrival, the baby cried softly and briefly; my cries were loud gulps. His grandmother, who’d just met me that day, came over and hugged me.

“Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?” she asked a minute later, relaying her daughter’s question.

I hadn’t considered being the one to do this, but it felt right. I knew then that I wasn’t cutting the baby’s link to his birth family. His biological mother placed him with us, as the life and family she wanted for him. She was stronger than I, and now she trusted me to be strong to raise my son.

Ours is an open adoption, so the farewells we said the

next day weren’t to be the last. When I realized I could no more truly understand her depth of emotion than others could understand what I felt experiencing secondary infertility, I no longer sought to try to heal her pain with the “right” words. My role in this triad is to be Craig’s mother.

Later that night, with all of us tucked in safely at home, I woke from a deep sleep and reached out instinctively for Craig. He was in my arms before the first cry of hunger. I held him close and he turned his head to me and latched on to his bottle. I rocked us both back to sleep and momentary peace.

Genevieve Choate is a writer and mom in Modesto, California. She is currently in the process of adopting a second time.

Reprinted with permission from Adoptive Families magazine.

For more articles like this one, to subscribe, or to sign up for a free monthly e-newsletter, visit www.adoptivefamilies.com.

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b o dy, m i n d , & s p i r i t

Approaching the Holidays by

A

s the autumn leaves fall in buckets around the yard, as the sun sets long before I manage to get dinner on the table, and as the T.V. season looks suspiciously like the last one, I begin to sense the presence of that most ominous purveyor of bad news to any infertile couple — The Holiday Season.

The drop in temperature signals the beginning of family-oriented rituals. First, you encounter hordes of precociously attired children invading your doorway for treats while their proud parents linger out on the sidewalk. You have barely recovered from that emotional assault when supermarkets become laden with turkeys, cranberries and various cornucopia all waiting to be consumed in a day-long ritualistic orgy of gastric delights. Families gather around tables overflowing with the bountiful harvest of fall to give thanks for the blessings of life, which of course include the fruit of the womb.

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By Laraine Tripl

Barbara Eck Menning

These two holidays are only adolescent foreplay compared to what comes next. Even before Thanksgiving is over, the carols ring forth from muzak stations nationwide, decorations adorn shop windows, ads proclaim the fourmember family and Santa is firmly ensconced in every neighborhood mall. Our culture reflects the value that Christmas is children — period. We celebrate Christmas because a child was born. Since the ad men want to make sure that we spend hundreds of dollars throughout the season, we are besieged with advertisements of a young son hugging Daddy; a pretty daughter hugging Daddy; both children hugging Mommy; Daddy hugging Mommy‌ I think you get my drift.

Where does the infertile couple fit into all this familial gaiety? Better yet, how does the infertile couple manage to get through these next two months without hiding in the closet or succumbing to acute depression?

lett and

Kathy Ems

COPING WITH HOLIDAY BLUES

For those who have reasons to give thanks and who relish the festivities and family get-togethers, this is indeed a special season of the year. But what about those who feel no reason to be thankful, no joy in festivities and no eagerness to be celebrating family traditions filled with other people's children. For many, holiday times are a season of pain, depression and tension as people struggle to keep up with the merriment all about them. I remember those feelings very well.The Christmas tree had just 2 gifts under it, eyes brimming with tears as the children's choir sang at Christmas Eve service; the forced smile and a few too many glasses of punch to get through the holiday parties.

1. Limit the parties and gatherings to a minimum.

2. Don’t feel you need to be the life of the party.

3. Be a friend to yourself. Give yourself extra love, understanding and some special treats like a luxurious bath or a ski weekend.

4. What feels good, do more of it. What feels bad, do less.

5. Remember, the holidays will pass.

The holidays are filled with moments for which people really want to perform well. They simply can’t take to their beds and weep for a month straight. Here are a few thoughts on coping with holiday blues:

Reprinted from Resolve’s fact sheets

Unfortunately, there is no quick remedy for the childless couple. Here are some suggestions to help ease the bumpy road to January.

5. Spend time alone as a couple; enjoy each other.

1. Don’t do the things you would if you had a child.

Without the child there will be a void.

7. Plan a trip, if at all possible, during the holidays or immediately afterwards.

2. Do what appeals to you. Ignore the holidays as much as you want or go all the way. Shop the boutiques and decorate with all the beautiful fragile things you'd have to put away if a baby came.

8. Get tickets to a concert or plan a special dinner out If you can't get completely away.

3. Don’t shop the malls filled with pregnant women, babies and Santa. Shop at smaller specialty shops.

4. Plan time with relatives. Stay only as long as you feel comfortable and pick the time that will be least painful. Talk to people ahead of time who might say things that hurt.

6. Schedule activities with friends who don’t have kids.

9. Consider having a pet. They will think the decorations are just for them, their joy is contagious and they give you something to love.

10. Don't spend the holidays just as you did as a child.

Select special things from the past, but begin your own ways of celebrating.

11. Do something for someone else.

13

ADVOCACY

NATIONAL SURVEY RESULTS REVEAL STARTLING LACK OF AWARENESS OF INFERTILITY EVEN AS NUMBERS CLIMB TO 7.3 MILLION Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples of child-bearing age in the U.S., yet more than half of respondents claim they know no one with the disease.

At the height of National Infertility Awareness Week, RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association (http:// www.resolve.org/) today announced the results of its national opinion poll on infertility, the first U.S. survey to capture men and women's perceptions of the disease.

Survey respondents revealed a surprising lack of awareness of the prevalence of infertility, a disease affecting 7.3 million people in the U.S., according to new data from 2002 that will be soon be released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). This "It is shocking to see, in represents a significant increase this day and age … that so in infertility in the United States; few Americans are aware of the last CDC data, in 1995, how prevalent the disease is identified 6.1 million infertile in our society."

Americans.

"It is shocking to see, in this day and age with 1 in 8 couples of childbearing age in this country battling infertility and more media coverage than ever on reproductive health issues, that so few Americans are aware of how prevalent the disease is in our society," said RESOLVE President and CEO Joseph Isaacs. "While much of this can be attributed to the stigma still assigned to infertility, a lot of responsibility lies in the way in which we, as a society, fear talking about or being associated with the disease. Only about one-fourth of men or women knew fertility was a disease afflicting several million. Most thought it was far rarer, affecting several hundred thousand, and couldn't agree on how the disease is defined."

Only 44% of the women and 36% of the men acknowledged infertility as a reproductive system disease and less than a third in each gender knew that a history of multiple miscarriages was a sign of infertility. Only about half the re14

spondents were able to cite the most often used criteria for infertility i.e., not being able to get pregnant after one year of regular intercourse (or six months after a female reaches the age of 35).

One of the most staggering of RESOLVE's survey findings was that even amid the sharp increase in infertility in the United States, of the 1,000 people polled (500 men and 500 women), more than 66 percent of men and 54 percent of women do not think they know anyone who is infertile. Results from the poll underscore the need for further education to increase awareness of infertility and broaden the discussion around its causes, prevention, and treatment, as well as other family building options available.

"What we've discovered from this poll is that until Americans — men and women alike — understand the causes and options around infertility, we will be fighting an uphill battle to help them through their situations," said Isaacs.

"RESOLVE is committed to providing support and education to the increasing number of people struggling with infertility and promoting accessible treatment, insurance and adoption options for those with this disease. Recognition of infertility goes back to biblical times. Yet, in the 21 st century, it is still stigmatized and misunderstood and the millions afflicted are unable to get the effective care they need to help them to resolve their family building pursuits. The time has come to recognize the disease, break the silence surrounding it and treat it as the serious, debilitating disease it is!"

Reprinted in partial form. For more information, visit the RESOLVE Web site at http://www.resolve.org/, which receives more than 70 million hits per year.

* No endorsement by RESOLVE of Oregon is made or implied by this advertisement

President’s Message An Update from RESOLVE President and CEO, Joe Isaacs October 28, 2005 Dear RESOLVE Members, Chapter Leaders, Corporate Council Members, Sponsors and Friends: Greetings! While the temperature has fallen outdoors, the heat at RESOLVE continues to rise as we complete exciting activities in the remaining months of the year. It is a testament to our staff, volunteer leaders and supporters that following our headquarters' move to the Washington, DC, area, we have not only been able to maintain smooth operations, but also have elevated our activities in such areas as public awareness and advocacy and achieved measurable returns for those we serve. In this report, I will update you on our accomplishments since my summer letter and offer a preview of the unique and inspirational events ahead during the last quarter of 2005.

will continue to earn their support and attract new supporters. Every day, we work to make a genuine difference in the lives of more than 7.3 million women in the United States afflicted with the disease of infertility. We remain steadfast in our efforts to provide compassionate support to women and men in this country, to breaking down the unfair barriers to their family building options and to playing a positive role in global efforts to address infertility.

I again thank those of you who were engaged with us in our National Infertility Awareness Week ® activities and participated in our ASRM awards reception in Montreal.

And, as always, I thank each of you for your generosity of heart and invite your feedback at jisaacs@resolve.org on this communication and ways RESOLVE can continue to enhance its service.

With best regards, Joe

At RESOLVE, we deeply appreciate the kindness of our donors and sponsors and believe our good work

RESOLVE of Oregon

Salutes

Britta Dinsmore, Ph.D. Laura Greenberg, MD John Hesla, MD Sandra Hodgson, Attorney Christine Hurst, NP

Neuropsychological Assessment Medical Psychology

Our Professional Members

Robert Matteri, MD Northwest Surrogacy Center LLC Susan Rosenthall, MSW Gisella Sherrill, RN

Adult Psychotherapy Infertility Consultation

Trish J. Wyers, Ph.D Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Adoption law lhspiegel@msn.com

Laurence H. Spiegel Attorney at Law

1923 N.E. Broadway Suite LL Portland, OR 97232

Toll Free 866-552-9343 Local 503-552-9343 Fax 503-522-9355 E-mail tywyers@qwest.net

* No endorsement by RESOLVE of Oregon is made or implied by this advertisement

4040 SW Douglas Way Lake Oswego, OR 97035

503.635.7773 Fax: 503.635.1526

* No endorsement by RESOLVE of Oregon is made or implied by this advertisement

15

Call the Experts •

Infertility Pregnancy Care Women’s Health

The leaders in open adoption since 1985, with more than 900 placements

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More domestic infant placements per year than any other agency in the Northwest

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Free adoption information meetings held monthly in Portland and quarterly in Eugene and Corvallis

503-226-4870 1-800-722-1115 www.openadopt.org

Average wait for adoptive parents is 9 months * No endorsement by RESOLVE of Oregon is made or implied by this advertisement

Lisa Tongel Licensed Acupuncturist, P.C.

3526 NE 57th Ave. (at Fremont) Portland, OR 97213 503 281-0030 acudance@comcast.net * No endorsement by RESOLVE of Oregon is made or implied by this advertisement

ADOPTION NEWS Catholic Charities Free Information Night. The meetings are held on the 1st Wednesday of every other month (Jan, March, May, July, Sept., Nov.) at 7 PM at their office in Portland.

Waiting Family Gathering

December 7, 2005

Adoption Orientation Class February 3&4, 2006. Call Emily for more details 503-238-5196.

Open Adoption & Family Services Information Meetings - Free meetings every month in Portland and quarterly in Eugene, Corvallis, Bend, and Medford.

Call 1-800-772-1115 for more information.

Holt International Children’s Services Information Meetings - every month in Portland and quarterly in Eugene, Bend, Medford and Eastern Oregon.

Please call 503-224-2440 or email Oregon@holtinternational.org for more information.

See Coalition of Oregon Adoption Agencies website: www.oregonadoptionagencies.org/events.html