Plugged-In Parent Newsletter (February 2015) by Immanuel Baptist Church

FEBRUARY 2015

PLUGGED IN A MONTHLY PUBLICATIONTO HELP PARENTS BETTER PLUG INTOTHE SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT OFTHEIR STUDENT

February Issue THIS MONTH

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MISSION ARLINGTON DEADLINE (2/11)

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GIRLS MINISTRY (2/15) WILD GAME DINNER (2/26)

COMING SOON

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GO: NYC INFO MEETING (3/1) GO:VIETNAM INFO MEETING (3/1) DODGEBALL (3/11) MISSION ARLINGTON (3/22-27)

PR AY ER FOR MY TEEN

THE BATTLE IS HERE... MOM…DAD…WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT, THE BATTLE IS HERE AND YOU ARE ALREADY FULLY ENGAGED BECAUSE GOD HAS CHOSEN YOUR TEEN…YOUR FAMILY…TO BE PART OF SOMETHING HUGE…A GOD-STIRRING…FOR THE KINGDOM, FOR HIS RENOWN! EVERY MIGHTY MOVE OF GOD IS ACCOMPANIED BY A LESS THAN, BUT STILL MIGHTY MOVE OF THE EVIL ONE! IT IS TIME TO LOCK ARMS, FALL ON OUR KNEES, AND PRESS FORWARD! REVIVAL IS COMING!

SETTING LIMITS AND LETTING GO

EQUIP

RULES FOR BIBLICAL DATING

ENGAGE

LEGAL CONSEQUENCES OF SEXTING

ENGAGE

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY… ALMOST HERE

STUDENT MINISTRY STAFF

Matt Hubbard

Melissa Sponer

Ross Spigner

Amanda Beach

Lead Student Pastor

Girls Ministry Associate

Middle School Pastor

Ministry Assistant

WHAT IS THE BEST OR WORST VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED:    WORST—AN UNWANTED KISS.

WHAT IS THE BEST OR WORST VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED:    WORST—RIDICULOUSLY, OVERSIZED TEDDY BEAR

WHAT IS THE BEST OR WORST VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED:    BEST—5 POUND BAG OF STARBURST JELLY BEANS

WHAT IS THE BEST OR WORST VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED:    BEST—TRUCK DECORATED BY 6 DOZEN ROSES IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART

From Our Heart I could not be more excited about what God is doing! God is clearly stirring in the lives of our students and families! As you’ve already heard from Pastor Gary and myself, historically speaking, nearly every revival or spiritual awakening that has happened on this planet, whether minor or major, has been ignited through young people. This is not to say that revival cannot be experienced by the old, but it has been most often ignited in the young. I truly believe God is doing this here…among our students…in our church! Sadly, every mighty move of God is accompanied by a mighty move of the Evil One! This is called spiritual warfare, and it is currently taking place in our student ministry…in our families…in our marriages…even among our staff. On the one hand, we can batten down the hatches, board up the windows, barricade the doors, stockpile every resource we might need to survive (at least for a little while), and retreat into hiding to fight another day. Or, on the other hand, we can lock arms, trudge forward, pray mightily, and press harder into the darkness with the light of Christ that is in us. Regardless of whether revival and awakening happen during my day or not, I am…our student staff is…choosing to do the latter and we need your help! In Ephesians 6, Paul writes to the believers in Ephesus about the Armor of God. This part of the letter was not written to prepare them for a future spiritual battle, but to equip them, daily, for the war that was already raging. Paul writes, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. (Read entire passage here)” Mom…dad…whether you like it or not, you are already engaged in this spiritual battle because God has chosen your teen…your family…to be part of something huge…a God-stirring…for the Kingdom, for His Renown! So, would you join me, each day, in praying on the Armor of God for yourself and for your teen also? Would you also pray the same for our student staff…Ross, Melissa, Amanda, Kasey, myself? Maybe even send us a periodic text, email, phone call, or, who knows, maybe even grab us in the hallway and pray right then and there? I…we…have already been doing this for you! Let’s lock arms together! The battle is REAL, but so is the Prize—the Glory of His Name! A publication of IBC Student Ministr y.  www.ibclrstudents.org © 2014

NT: IN PRI

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amilies  g for F in k a m Peace Sande  by Ken

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of God e Fear h t in nes  Paul Jo Trained Timothy y by Rand

Stinson

and

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nts  r Pare o f s a Ide ck k Matlo by Mar

PR AYER FOR MY TEEN This is an excerpt on Setting Limits and Letting Go in “31 Days of Prayer for My Teen” by Susan Alexander Yates (Baker Books). SO OFTEN IT SEEMS THAT EVERY ISSUE WITH OUR TEEN TURNS INTO A MAJOR DEBATE. THINGS AREN’T AS BLACK-AND -WHITE AS THEY WERE WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE. IT WAS SO MUCH SIMPLER WHEN SHE WAS TWO AND THREW A TEMPER TANTRUM . THEN WE WON THE BATTLE. NOW HER ARGUMENTS ARE SO MUCH SMARTER. HOW DO I SET LIMITS AND YET LET GO AT THE SAME TIME? LOR D, TODAY I’M HE AR ING, “WHY CAN’T YOU TRUST ME? YOU JUST DON’T UNDER STAND. EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO …” LOR D, SHE’S R IGHT . I DON’T ALWAYS TRUST HER, BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T HAVE THE WISDOM OR E XPER IENCE YET. I DON’T UNDER STAND EVERYTHING. AND YES, SOME OF HER FR IENDS GET TO…. BUT I’M NOT HER FR IEND’S PARENT, I’M HER S. AND SHE IS MY RESPONSIBILITY. YOU HAVE GIVEN HER TO ME TO R AISE. (SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU WERE THINK ING CLEAR LY WHEN YOU DID THAT, LOR D!) I K NOW I HAVE TO SET LIMITS AND YET BEGIN TO LET GO. IT’S SO HAR D. SHE DOESN’T LIK E ME AT THESE TIMES. I K NOW I’M NOT RUNNING FOR THE MOST POPULAR PARENT IN TOWN. BUT TODAY, I FEEL LIK E THE WOR ST! I REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT WHAT SHE THINK S OF ME NOW IS NOT NE AR LY AS IMPORTANT AS WHAT SHE’LL THINK OF ME TEN YEAR S FROM NOW. EVEN C. S. LEWIS SAID, “BEING BROUGHT UP, NO MAT TER HOW GR ACIOUSLY DONE, IS BOUND TO OFFEND.” FATHER, YOU HAVE GIVEN ME THIS PARTICULAR CHILD. YOU HAVE PROMISED THAT YOU WILL GIVE ME WHAT I NEED TO R AISE HER.* LOR D, I K NOW SHE WILL BE MORE LIK ELY TO WANT TO OBEY YOU IF I HAVE TAUGHT HER TO OBEY ME. THE LOVE AND HUGS I GIVE HER ARE IMPORTANT, BUT YOU LOVE HER EVEN MORE THAN I DO.* PLEASE SHOW ME THE AREAS IN WHICH I NEED TO BE FIR M AND THE ARE AS IN WHICH I NEED TO BEGIN TO LET GO.* THANK YOU THAT LOVE AND DISCIPLINE ARE NOT OPPOSITES BUT PARTNER S AND THAT EVEN THOUGH DISCIPLINE IS PAINF UL AT THE MOMENT, IT IS FOR OUR OWN GOOD AND WILL RESULT IN R IGHTEOUSNESS AND PE ACE.*

NO DISCIPLINE SEEMS PLEASANT AT THE TIME, BUT PAINFUL. LATER ON, HOWEVER, IT PRODUCES A HARVEST OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND PEACE FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN TRAINED BY IT. HEBREWS 12:11 SCRIPTURE REFERENCES (IN ORDER OF STARRED REFERENCES IN PRAYER): 1 THESSALONIANS 5:24; EXODUS 34:6 ; PROVERBS 19:18 AND 23:12; HEBREWS 12:11

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2015 / February 1

The Gathering 5:45-7:30

MS / HS worship/meal

Girls Ministry Event 12 - 2

Mission Arlington Deadline

Happy

MS / HS 19 worship/meal

MS / HS 26 worship/meal

March 1 March 8 March 11

COMING SOON

March 15 March 15 March 15 March 22-27

Valentine’s Day

Wild Game Dinner

GO: NYC (9/10th Grade) and GO: Vietnam(11/12th Grade) Info Meeting Daylight Savings Time - Spring Forward! Dodgeball Event at War Memorial Stadium in place of Wed. Night Student Worship Home 22:6 Parenting Event with Dr. Richard Ross Girls Ministry Event HS GO Trip Registration Deadline Mission Arlington Middle School GO Trip

EQUIP

WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME? RULES FOR BIBLICAL DATING Many of us date poorly. A high view of true, biblical manhood and womanhood leads us to a high view of dating. May we date well, intentionally, and for the glory of God.

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With Spring just around the corner I thought it would be a great time to give you aspiring lovers out there some tips on dating. Now I know what you are thinking isn’t this guy a pastor? Who wants to get dating advice from a pastor? But my hope in this is only to help you, after all God created relationships, and so you would be a fool to not at least consider his a perspective on dating that is grounded in scripture.

RULE NUMBER TWO: You can’t go halfway in dating. From the beginning of time men and women have tried to enter into some sort of dating relationship “casually.” Where the relationship “wasn’t so defined” or where “they were just going to take it day by day.”

In the end, 100% of the time, these “casual dating configurations” leave somebody hurt, because one person is more committed to the relationship than the other. Dating doesn’t exist to have someone that you can hang out with or “make out” with on the side, dating is designed for the pursuit of marriage.

Dating is a serious game and one that you should enter into with prayer and with humility. Any time someone else’s heart is in your hands that is a huge responsibility and you should

And beyond Biblical perspective, this advice also comes from experience, if I have to be honest when I was single and dating I broke every one of these rules in one way or another and it always cost me. So if you are “single and looking” I hope this list will help you avoid some of the major pitfalls so many people find themselves in, and I hope it will help you to glorify God in your relationships.

RULE NUMBER ONE: Don’t follow your heart. If you watch any TV show aimed at an audience of 12-25 year olds you will hear at some point on any given episode the phrase: “follow your heart,” or “I just had to follow my heart.” This idea of “living in the now” and “following your heart” pervades our culture and can be very dangerous.

Now, don’t get me wrong, emotion and compatibility are important in relationships but they are not the most important things.

Often times the phrase “follow your heart” really only means “follow your youthful lusts.” The Bible actually gives us some great insight into the heart, as we read in Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” Better advice when dating someone would be, “listen to the counsel of others,” or “seek to be wise in your relationships.” These phrases aren’t as cool or as much fun as “follow your heart” but in the end they will lead you to much more joy and fulfillment.

ENGAGE

LEGAL CONSEQUENCES OF SEXTING  Sexting among youth is more prevalent than previously thought, according to a new study from Drexel University that was based on a survey of undergraduate students at a large northeastern university. More than 50 percent of those surveyed reported that they had exchanged sexually explicit text messages, with or without photographic images, as minors.

The study also found that the majority of young people are not aware of the legal ramifications of underage sexting. In fact, most respondents were unaware that many jurisdictions consider sexting among minors – particularly when it involves harassment or other aggravating factors – to be child pornography, a prosecutable offense. Convictions of these offenses carry steep punishments, including jail time and sex offender registration. “This is a scary and disturbing combination,” said researcher David DeMatteo, JD, PhD. “Given the harsh legal penalties sometimes associated with youth sexting and the apparent frequency with which youth are engaging in it, the lack of comprehension regarding such penalties poses a significant problem.”

never seek to use another person in order to fulfill your own desires.

RULE NUMBER THREE: Always return your date home “more holy” than she was when you picked her up. This rule really applies more to men than it does to women, and it is something that my college buddies and I used to tell each other whenever we took a girl out.

Ultimately people date in order to pursue marriage (see rule #2) so then our dating should be a reflection of marriage. The call of men in scripture (Ephesians 5) is to wash our women with God’s Word so that she might be holy and without blemish. Is that your goal when you take a girl out? To help sanctify her? That is what God desires of you every time you go out with a girl (men) and women that is what you should desire when a guy takes you out.

BY JASON DEES, SENIOR PASTOR,VALLEYDALE CHURCH, BIRMINGHAM,AL ABAMA

The study, entitled “Youth Sexting: Prevalence Rates, Driving Motivations, and the Deterrent Eﬀect of Legal Consequences,” was published online in June 2014 by the journal entitled Sexuality Research and Social Policy. The full article is available here.

In addition to DeMatteo, an associate professor of psychology and law and director of Drexel’s joint JD/PhD program in psychology and law in the College of Arts and Sciences and School of Law, the study was conducted by lead author Heidi Strohmaier, a PhD candidate in psychology, and Megan Murphy, a JD/PhD candidate.

The study, in which undergraduate students from a large northeastern university completed an anonymous online survey concerning their engagement in sexting as minors, revealed a significant relationship between awareness of legal consequences and sexting behavior as minors.

Those who were aware of the potential legal consequences reported sexting as a minor significantly less than those who were not aware of the legal consequences. Additionally, most respondents who reported being unaware of the potential legal consequences of sexting expressed the belief that they may have been deterred from sexting as a minor if they had known.

The finding that legal consequences may deter youth from sexting has important policy implications, according to the researchers.

In many jurisdictions, the law has yet to catch up with youth sexting behavior and technological advances. Until recently, most states did not have a legal mechanism in place to handle cases of teenage sexting. Instead, they were required to fit this new teenage subculture into the existing legal framework. As a result, youth sexting was often subsumed under laws governing serious child pornography and child exploitation offenses. Convictions of these offenses carry steep punishments, including jail time and sex offender registration—punishments that many lawyers and legislatures have deemed too harsh for adolescent sexting.

Notable figures:

‣ More than half of respondents (54 percent) reported sexting as minors. However, only 28 percent sent photographic sexts.

‣ The majority of respondents (61 percent) were not aware that sending texts could be considered child pornography.

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In the study, 59 percent of respondents reported that knowledge of legal consequences “would have” or “probably would have” deterred them from sexting.

Although participants generally reported experiencing few negative social or legal consequences as a result of sexting, 71 percent reported knowing other teens who experienced negative consequences.

Only 2 percent of respondents reported that they notified a parent or teacher about a sext that they received.

While many states have joined the movement toward creating youth sexting legislation, there is currently no federal sexting-specific legislation in the United States.

“It's a major concern that many states do not have laws that specifically address sexting,” said DeMatteo. “Sexting specific laws would be beneficial because they – ideally – would clearly define what constitutes sexting and outline potential penalties. To the latter point, these laws would make it possible for judges to avoid imposing overly harsh sentences on those who are prosecuted under sexting laws.”

The rapidly changing legal landscape further underscores the need to educate youth about current sexting laws. According to the researchers, an important step in addressing this issue would be to develop educational initiatives aimed at providing basic information to youth about legal consequences of sexting and other

negative consequences such as humiliation, a tarnished reputation and bullying/taunting.

“Young people need to be educated about the potential consequences of sexting—legal, social and psychological,” DeMatteo said. “The education should come from many sources – the more young people hear the message, the more likely it will be to sink in – so they should be educated by their parents, schools and perhaps even law enforcement.”

The study also examined motivations for sexting, the frequency respondents engaged in this behavior, the number of partners with whom they exchanged sexts, gender diﬀerences with regard to sexting and opinions about what appropriate consequences should be for engaging in illegal forms of this behavior.  BY ALEX MCKECHNIE, DREXEL UNIVERSIT Y

ENGAGE

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY… ALMOST HERE Some of the most frightening words in the Bible are these words from the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians: “Flee from sexual immorality” (I Corinthians 6:18). I remember talking to a room full of curious middle school students in the mid-1980’s. Our little middle school youth group had gathered and I was speaking openly and

honestly to them about things they were all feeling, discovering, and wondering about as they were experiencing the dawn of one of the most incredible, good, and glorious gifts God has given to humanity.

But like all other human beings, they were living in a world that encouraged them to indulge the good gift of their sexuality without borders and boundaries. My job was to communicate the words of a diﬀerent voice as clearly as possible. . . specifically the Designer’s plan for how to indulge their sexuality to His glory. I also knew that every adult in that room could attest to the goodness of that plan, especially as we communicated that our knowledge of that goodness came not only from knowing the plan’s Source, but from the ways each of us had strayed from that plan – in thought, word, and deed – over the course of our own lives. And so, we talked about Paul’s command to “flee,” likening the sin of indulging our sexuality without borders or boundaries to eagerly seeking and choosing to stay in a burning building. I’m not sure it’s the best metaphor, but it was the best we could muster at the time.

My newspaper, television, the Internet, and that book store display I saw the other day in the airport are all telling me that over the course of the coming days, we will all have the opportunity to choose to walk into a burning building. The long anticipated film, Fifty Shades of Grey, is set to release. Yes, there will be plenty of men who willingly venture into the flames. But the largest draw by far, will be for the women. . . young and old alike. . . who will go to see the film.

I don’t think that we should be at all surprised that Fifty Shades of Grey will be dubbed “blockbuster” after it’s first few days of release. After all, all those voices I was warning those impressionable young middle schoolers about thirty years ago have been convincing. But for the Christian, the one who has chosen the costly life of following Jesus, making the choice to read or watch the story is flat-out foolishness and compromise. Still, the power of those cultural voices and the choices to which they have and will lead (choosing a movie and at least some level of life style), is already clear from the fact that the debate over the movie among Christian women has gone public, especially in the blogosphere. We’re hearing of more and more Christian women who are eagerly and almost girlishly giggling with eager anticipation over the film’s release. Is there no desire, sense, or wisdom to even consider Paul’s loving warning to “flee from sexual immorality?”

Over the coming days, I hope to oﬀer some thoughts that I hope will serve to add to the conversation for the simple reason that the decisions we make on this matter. For today, I thought I would re-post the words from my first blog on Fifty Shades of Grey…a post from almost three years ago.

Here’s that post. . .

The conversation was between me and two of the women in my life. . . my wife and one of my adult daughters. We were driving from church to Costco. The conversation began with some comments and questions about Fifty Shades of Grey, the first book in E.L. James’ best-selling fiction trilogy. The books are all over the New York Times’ Bestseller List and it seems like women everywhere are devouring them.

I listened as the ladies discussed the literary phenomena. None of us have read the books. But like everyone else, we’ve heard about them. During our short drive and conversation we talked about the content. We talked about the plot. And we talked how curious and disturbing it is that so many women are immersing themselves with reckless abandon in a work of erotic fiction that sounds like a Harlequin romance novel on steroids.

In case you haven’t heard, Fifty Shades of Grey is about the exploits of a young college graduate and a businessman.

The story is summarized on Wikipedia this way: “The plot traces the relationship between recent college graduate Anastasia Steele and manipulative billionaire Christian Grey. Steele is required by Grey to sign a contract allowing him complete control over her life. As she gets to know him she learns that his sexual tastes involve bondage, domination and sadism, and that childhood abuse left him a deeply damaged individual. In order to be his partner she agrees to experiment with bondage/discipline/sadism/ masochism, but struggles to reconcile who she is (a virgin who has never previously had a boyfriend) with whom Christian wants her to be: his submissive, to-do-with-as-he-pleases partner in his ‘Red Room of Pain.'”

As we discussed this current cultural trend, I wondered out loud about doing what I always think is the responsible thing when it comes to evaluating and commenting on a cultural artifact. In this case, the responsible thing is to read the book. The response from my wife and daughter was immediate and direct. . . and I’m glad it was. They told me I didn’t need to go there. I was reminded of what I tell youth workers all the time. . . “Don’t cross the line. . . and you know where the line is for you.”

Sometimes we need others to remind us of where our lines should be. I know that the directive of these two ladies was good advice. I’m not going to read this book. . . . for the simple reason that I don’t need to look at pornography to know what it’s about. And from everything I hear, Fifty Shades of Grey is literary pornography.

Upon arriving at Costco, I bee-lined to my favorite place in the store. . . the book table. It’s a regular habit. As always, the book table was surrounded by browsers. The browsing was particularly dense on one side of the table. It was dense with women. What they were looking at

and loading up on was a fast-diminishing pile of books. . . which happened to be the E.L. James trilogy. I eaves-dropped and quickly realized that everything I had been hearing and everything we had been talking about in our car was true.

One conversation in particular rattled me. A younger woman was holding the book and pondering the purchase. She had an inquisitive and slightly guilty look on her face. An older women standing nearby happened to see the same inquisitive and guilty look and decided to engage the younger lady in conversation. . . . a conversation that pushed the latter to a tipping point. “Thinking about reading it?”, the older woman asked. “Yes, but I hear it’s a little dirty,” the younger woman replied. At that point, the young woman’s husband appeared behind her with their cart. Noticing her husband was now privy to the conversation, the young woman turned a little red and muttered something about her husband showing up. . . as if the conversation needed to come to an end. She looked like a guilty kid who had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. The older woman. . . probably in her mid-60s by my estimation. . . looked at her, gave her a little wink, and said, “It’s ten dollars well spent.” With that, the young woman placed the book in her cart. . . . and I watched her exchange a sly little smile with her husband. That was an interesting mentoring moment that says a lot about who we are and what we’re becoming as a culture.

I’ve mentioned before that research shows that on any given Sunday, our church pews in evangelical churches hold people who struggle Faceb with pornography. That research says that 50% ook of the women in those of the men and 20% pews are addicted to pornography. My friends at Harvest USA define pornography as “anything the heart uses to find sexual expression outside Instagr of God’s intended design for relational intimacy. It is anything that tempts andam corrupts the human heart into desiring sensual pleasure in sinful ways.” (It’s well worth your time to read the full article that this definition comes from). In general, men are drawn to visual pornography. Twitter And in general, women are engaging with literary pornography. Fifty Shades of Grey seems to fit the bill.

And so we seek it out, we read it, we love it. . . and we don’t see much wrong with doing any of those things. We’re in trouble folks. Al Qaeda might as well just sit back and wait. . . we’re doing a fine job of taking ourselves down. Anyone else hear Paul Simon quietly singing “Slip Slidin’ Away”?  BY WALT MUELLER, FOUNDER AND PRESIDENT OF CENTER FOR PARENT AND YOUTH UNDERSTANDING ( WWW.CPYU.ORG)

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