Idaho Family 12 2018 by Idaho Family Magazine

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December 2018

CHANGES AT HOLIDAYS Helping kids cope

VETERANSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; MEMORIES Record them now

MARLA SPENCE

EMT, adoptive mom

Contents Features

Volume 6, Number 12

Publisher J.J. Plew Editor Gaye Bunderson editorgaye@gmail.com Sales & Marketing J.J. Plew jjplew82@gmail.com 208-697-2043 Contributors Daniel Bobinski Jessie Horney Macaile Hutt Sandy McDaniel Graphic Design Carol Smiley csmileydesign@gmail.com

December 2018

No-package gifts

5 12 The Horney

Holiday changes

Veterans’ memories

Village

Show some love

At Christmas, remember

Helping kids cope

In Each Edition

Record them now

4 Editor’s Intro

Distribution Shauna Howard, Doris Evans

Idaho Family Magazine, published monthly by Gem Production Co., LLC, is committed to providing readers with informative and entertaining information to help them in maintaining healthy families and positive lifestyles. It is distributed throughout the valley as a free publication. Idaho Family Magazine does not assume responsibility for statements or opinions expressed by editorial contributors or advertisers. The acceptance of advertising does not constitute an endorsement of the products, services or information. Idaho Family Magazine does not knowingly present any product or service which is fraudulent or misleading in nature. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without express written consent of the publisher. Reader correspondence and editorial submissions are welcome. Idaho Family Magazine reserves the right to edit or reject all materials submitted. All rights reserved. Copyright 2018 by Gem Production Co., LLC.

Columns

Family board games

Let’s Go Luna! Explore the world

IDeal

Turn presents into futures

Marla Spence

EMT, adoptive mom

10 Family Events Calendar

Idaho Family Magazine | DECEMBER 2018 3

EDITOR’S Intro

Board games: not just play

ost families seem to enjoy playing board games together, especially around the holidays, and there are a lot of good reasons for doing that beyond just having a great time. Maybe the chip-and-dip snacks and the sodas aren’t all that healthful, but experts agree that family game time offers some valuable benefits. Sylvia Rimm, Ph.D., an American psychologist specializing in parenting, child development and learning, wrote in an article with the somewhat predictable headline “Families that play together, stay together” that, “Board games are an effective tool for family communication. It’s easy to make conversation over a board game. Games set up a relaxing atmosphere, so laughing and sharing stories about school, work, friends and life in general flow easily from parent to child, and child to parent.” Some of the games she suggested are Mad Gab, Blurt, TriBond and Malarky, emphasizing that while also being fun, these games increase thinking and verbal skills. Of course, attention must be paid to age-appropriate games, especially if there are younger children in the family. Rimm and others who wrote on the topic of family board games also stressed that they are valuable in teaching lessons in sportsmanship — even life skills. Writer Catherine Jones, on the website 10MinutesofQualityTime.com, wrote in an article titled “4 ways playing board games benefit the whole family” that, “Board games are one way to help children learn cause and effect. They understand each time they take a turn it will have an outcome on the overall game. Kids also learn to interact with others in appropriate ways. My son has had a few meltdowns while playing board games, but is learning how to be a gracious winner and loser.”

Okay, let’s discuss the inevitable human desire to win rather then lose. How do you handle children’s feelings when playing board games? Is it okay to let children win on purpose? Probably yes, at least the littlest ones. And then just sometimes, not all the time. It’s important to learn to be a good sport, and nobody wins all the time. Purposely letting a little child win from time to time will probably boast his or her self-confidence and make that child feel skillful. And eventually the child WILL have the requisite skills as he or she grows up. If they lose sometimes, teach them by example to shrug it off and handle it well. U.K. child psychologist Richard Gilham, in a babycentre. co.uk article titled “Should I Let My Child Win at Games?”, wrote, “There’s no harm in letting your preschooler win at games now and then. Don’t let her win every time though. Playing games together is a great opportunity to teach her that it’s okay to lose sometimes. You can help her be a good loser by teaching her some helpful phrases when she loses, such as, ‘Good game!’ or ‘Well played!’ Encourage her to be a good winner, too, by showing her how to be considerate, rather than gloating.” So try family board games to learn about winning and losing. Pick up some knowledge along the way and have some fun. I’ve always felt that, if kids can’t have fun at home, they’ll find fun somewhere else — and you may not like what they find away from those four safe, comfortable family walls. Note: Many libraries have family game nights. Boise Public Library, for instance, has a program every second Thursday of the month, with games like Apples to Apples, Bingo, and Uno. Check out your local library’s website.

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SHOW YOUR love

Not all gifts come in packages By Sandy McDaniel

oday it seems as if we measure love to an elderly couple. As my father would remind by how expensive a gift might be, me, “I was unhappy because I had no shoes until rather than measuring the amount I saw a man who had no feet.” Whatever you of love in the gift. Last Halloween have, it is more than someone, somewhere has. my grandchicks collected lots of Reese’s And love does not come in packages. Peanut Butter Cups and dumped them all at One year, my children and I made our gifts for my feet. I gathered them up and was hugging each other. I still cherish a walking stick carved them dearly when Chelsea asked, “What are out by my son, and a photo album with all the you doing?” I responded, “I’m taking all the sayings (“Kindness is the bridge to every heart”) I love out of these chocolates and then, because had taught them. We don’t make things for each I am on a diet, I will give them back to you.” other anymore. We buy them and they all look When a child gives you something that you alike. Take your kids looking for heart-shaped neither want nor need (or might not even rocks around town. Have a child draw a picture Sandy McDaniel recognize!), it is important to remember and of fall leaves for a grandparent in another state. acknowledge the love that is in any gift. Photos, too, are always cherished. If you are a part of an extra large family, it will seem as Nothing is better than a hand-written note with memories of if your children receive an entire toy store for the holidays. times you shared with someone. And remember, the best gift Family drawings narrow down the spending circumference of all is TIME WITH YOU! A coupon for a special date is a and create reasonable gift receiving. One family I know gave wonderful way to say I love you. each child two gifts and a gift card to a store after they donated Whatever your religious beliefs, the holidays are a time when to a group that helps bring the holidays to families. My we celebrate love in its purest form. If we are to survive as a grandchicks go with me every year to purchase toys to be put nation, we simply must love each other and care about all people. into the box of toys for other kids. I think it is very important That’s a gift we give ourselves and the world. Happy holidays! that a family reaches out to others during the holidays. For more than 55 years, Sandy has been an international speaker and There are dozens of military families who are left without recognized authority on families and children. Author of five books, columnist, one adult during the holidays. Have them to dinner, or buy founder of parentingsos.com, she is a resident of Meridian and loves spending their children gifts, or make them a holiday meal in which time with her three Idaho grandchicks. Semi-retired, she speaks to schools, churches, and MOPS groups and provides parent coaching sessions in person your children bake cookies or otherwise participate. We used and on the phone. She is available for parenting talks/trainings in the Treasure to invite three officers from the local military base for dinner. Valley and may be reached at sandy@parentingsos.com. Also, go to YouTube: My children always took a full holiday dinner across the street Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel to see videos on specific parenting issues.

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Idaho Family Magazine | DECEMBER 2018 5

CHANGES at holidays

Preparing kids for breaks in routine By Macaile Hutt

he holidays are an exciting time filled with fun events, fancy decorations, and family traditions. They are also a time that is often filled with changes in routine, unexpected meltdowns, and unrealistic expectations. I took a continuing education course last year that talked about the pediatric brain and all of the different factors that come into play when determining a child’s current state of alertness, regulation, and overall mood. Things like lacking sleep, differences in diet, and even changes in their bowel/bladder schedule can all have a significant impact on a child’s overall Macaile Hutt state of well-being. This change can be so significant that it can even have an impact on their balance, coordination, and emotional regulation. I will notice that a child is acting differently in a therapy session, and I’m never surprised when I chat with mom or dad to hear that the child went to bed later than normal, went out to eat at a new restaurant, or hasn’t had a bowel movement in a few days, as these are all very common factors that come into play when determining a child’s demeanor each and every day. As we age, we learn how to habituate and adjust to these changes, and we even learn how to cope and perform in spite of these changes; but children often need help being successful when these changes occur. I’ve listed a few strategies and tips that I’ve learned over the years to help your holiday season (hopefully) go over more smoothly.

1. Use a visual schedule or visual feedback tool whenever available.

Giving children warnings and information in the form of visual input has been proven to decrease anxiety about that event, as well as give them a second form of clarification that a change is going to occur. Sometimes simply telling a child about a change or event doesn’t provide enough feedback to prepare him or her for the event or change that is about to take place. With the increase in technology use, many children respond better to visual input and display an increased understanding when they can “see” the change coming rather than only hear about it. This might look like drawing pictures together about what you’ll be doing, showing pictures online or on your phone about where you will be going and the expected behaviors associated with that event, and even showing pictures of people they will be spending time with (family members you might not see frequently, children that will be at the work holiday party, etc.) can help alleviate anxiety and prepare a child for changes in routine that are going to take place.

6 DECEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

2. Schedule sensory and “body breaks” frequently.

Perform 10 jumping jacks together before walking into the mall to see Santa, hop from the car to grandma’s doorstep in single file line, or wheelbarrow walk down the hall and back when little bodies start to get fidgety in the middle of sister’s holiday play. These small breaks can make a BIG difference. Even if the child isn’t displaying seeking or avoiding behaviors, adding these small bursts of input throughout the day can actually prevent a meltdown or tantrum before it even happens. Ideally, enough sensory or body breaks will be provided throughout the day that those seeking or avoiding behaviors don’t have the chance to emerge.

3. Come prepared!

Bringing a small bag or box of fidgets and other sensory tools and toys can make a big difference as behaviors and over-stimulation starts to emerge. I recommend small finger fidgets like an elastic bead string, a squeeze ball, or theraputty; oral motor fidgets such as gum, a chewee tube, or crunchy snacks; and visual motor fidgets such as a clear tube filled with alphabet beads, beans, and other “seek and find” objects, mazes, and glitter/sensory hourglasses. I also recommend keeping a few strips of theraband in this kit to tie around the base of chairs and allow children to either place their feet behind to kick into, or place their feet on top of to bounce while sitting, as well as to pull on if they are seeking heavier input through their arms while sitting. This is also a great place to keep a weighted lap band, headphones, and a wide-brimmed hat to put on if the environment becomes too loud or too bright. These types of objects can allow your child to be physically present in the environment while still escaping some of the sensory input that might be too much to take in all at once.

4. Try to keep as much regularity as possible.

Sticking to a similar bedtime, similar nutrition when possible, and other similar morning/night routines will allow a child to feel “grounded” even when other daily routines are changing. This gives them something to expect and count on even when other changes are taking place. Even keeping a bag of preferred food “car snacks” can help with the familiarity, as well as keeping nutrition consistent while on-the-go during the holidays. Know where to pick your battles and when it’s more important for the child’s presence to be the focus. If you struggle with feeding and mealtime on a regular basis, the www.idahofamilymagazine.com

holidays might not be the best time to present a ton of new foods and increase expectations associated with mealtime. It might be best to present accepted, preferred foods in order to keep anxiety low, in order to increase the child’s ability to remain present and engaged while also keeping meltdowns or negative behaviors low.

5. Come up with an escape plan.

Discussing some of the changes that are about to occur is a start, but providing your child with a safe and acceptable “escape plan” can also decrease some of the fear and anxiety surrounding the new situations they are about to face. I suggest taking a picture of the child in various states of regulation, such as a picture smiling, a picture frowning, a picture crying or yelling, and a picture of them when angry or frustrated. From there, you can work together to create a list of tools and “escapes” to utilize when the child is feeling each emotion. For example, on the back of the angry/frustrated picture, it might say “take a 5-minute walk, listen to a favorite song, get deep pressure/squeezes, or have a snack,” so when the child is feeling this emotion, you can present them with the card and they can choose which escape they are needing at that moment. These cards can be kept with you for easy reference even after the holidays are over to make these coping strategies and tools become second nature.

6. Give yourself a break!

The holidays are stressful — for everyone involved. Maybe you’ve always felt tension with your sister-in-law or dread

playing referee to all of the sleep-deprived cousins on New Year’s Eve. Perhaps you get in a fight with your spouse every single Christmas Eve and the holidays bring out every ugly emotion your 4-year-old possesses. Regardless of your personal and current situation, the holidays are a time of love and connectedness, but they are also a time of sadness, expectation, disappointment, and unresolved issues. Giving yourself grace throughout this time is essential to finding joy throughout the holiday season. At the end of the day, it’s just a day. And if it doesn’t go as planned, you can always try again tomorrow. Try not to set so much expectation and worth on the outcome and, instead, enjoy the process. And as a last little reminder, nobody’s life looks the way it appears on social media. So let this be the season that you stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. Sending you all of my love, gratitude, hope, and patience this holiday season. Macaile Hutt is an occupational therapist in Boise, as well as a writer and contributor for The Sensory Project. Her therapy style takes a holistic and child-directed approach, with the goal of children succeeding across multiple environments. She holds a master’s degree in occupational therapy from A.T. Still University and has received continuing education in Handwriting Without Tears, pediatric kinesiotaping, Interactive Metronome, and Beckman Oral Motor. She is co-owner of the company Human Code, a candle and retail company with a larger purpose of promoting kindness and generosity. In her free time, she enjoys creative writing, backpacking, and traveling.

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SENIORS’stories

Recording memories from our veterans By Daniel Bobinski

daho families. That’s the focus of this chosen to be the US flagship during Japan’s magazine. Normally when the words surrender. “We led the whole convoy into “Idaho families” leave my mouth, I’m Tokyo Bay,” he says. And, the USS San Diego speaking about mom, dad, and the kids. was the only Allied ship to dock. Ray was I must confess, I am often guilty of forgetting an eyewitness when all the Japanese officials about the grandparents. And with Veteran’s arrived for the formal surrender. “I got to see Day just past on November 11 and Pearl a lot of that because I was on guard duty on Harbor Remembrance Day on December 7, the gang plank. Every one of those Japanese I am nudged to make up for my oversights by admirals and generals had to come up that gang Ray Sulfridge highlighting the story of my wife’s grandfather, Ray plank, get on our ship, and then go down the Sulfridge, a resident of Mountain Home. other side to get on the captain’s gig to take them Why Ray? Because Ray is a veteran with interesting to the [battleship] Missouri. Truman was President, and stories, and Thanksgiving and Christmas already get a lot of he said, ‘It will be signed on the Missouri,’ so that’s where they airplay. I thought a veteran’s story should be highlighted in a signed the treaty.” publication other than VFW magazine. Not long after the war Ray was discharged and he returned Not long ago, some of us in Ray’s family gathered to home. However, he soon learned he was in trouble. His dad “interview” him and record it on video. This is something told him, “The draft board is hunting for you. They’re sending anyone can do, and I highly recommend that more families threatening letters.” When Ray went down to their office, they do this, especially with our veterans. What follows are some said, “Where have you been? We’ve been looking for you for six interesting stories from Ray that we now have on video. months.” Things got cleared up after Ray told them he’d been Ray was 15 years old when Pearl Harbor was attacked. serving in the South Pacific and had already been discharged. Although he was young, Ray was tall for his age. “I turned 16 Finding steady work after the war was difficult. At age 18 Ray in June [of 1943], and that September, instead of me going taught himself how to drive, and he hauled coal and logs for a to school I was taking my physical to join the service. But the while. But he didn’t like the work, so he ended up enlisting in the recruiter didn’t quite believe I was old enough, even though I Army. The Army put him in the then-nascent Army Air Corps was bigger than he was.” Ray says that after the physical, “[The at Langley, Virginia, and before long that became the Air Force. recruiter] reached into his briefcase and pulled out my birth Ray then spent several decades in multiple roles, both receiving certificate. I guess my chin dropped about six inches, but he and delivering much training along the way. He laughs as he looked up at me and said, ‘You’re big enough, and you’re ugly says, “Here I was, a high school dropout, and I retired as the enough. If you’ll keep your mouth shut, I’ll keep my mouth education and training superintendent.” shut.’ And then he shipped me out.” We now have Ray’s interview on DVD and many family Ray went to basic training and then reported to the USS San members have copies. Diego five months before his 17th birthday. “I thought it was a If you have grandparents who are veterans, no doubt they battleship,” he says. “It was an anti-aircraft cruiser, but I’d never have stories, too. If not a grandparent, maybe your own seen a ship before, so I thought it was a battleship when I saw all parent, aunt, or uncle served our country in uniform. These those guns.” are family members with a unique part of America’s history in Ray first saw action off the Marshall Islands. Because of his their memories, and I want to encourage you to capture those size, he was soon assigned to loading 5-inch shells with the team memories. in gun turret #3, right under the bridge, and he stayed with that Doing an interview is not difficult. Just set up your camera on team throughout the duration of the war. a small tripod and have a conversation. Your family members When you get him talking, Ray gives you the inside scoop on may not want to talk about everything they did in the service, what was going on during many battles, including the Battles but by recording these conversations of Midway and Okinawa. You can pull up the Wikipedia entry you can capture their stories to on his ship and start reading about the different battles his ship was in, and he’ll interrupt you to explain with good detail what share with your children and your happened at each of those engagements. Ray is like a living children’s children. The technology is history book sitting across from you, filling in the details that no available. Don’t wait until it’s too late. book can possibly do. Amazingly, Ray’s ship was the only Pacific Fleet ship not to Daniel Bobinski, M.Ed. is a certified sustain any battle damage during the war, despite being in 18 behavioral analyst, a best-selling author and battles. “From Guadalcanal all the way to Tokyo Bay we didn’t a popular speaker at conferences and retreats. have one hit from the enemy. Not one bomb. I’ve seen ‘em He loves teaching teams and individuals splash in the water beside us — that’s how close they were. And how to use Emotional Intelligence, and I saw torpedoes go through the water in front of us and behind his videos and blogs on that topic appear us, but we never did get hit.” regularly at www.eqfactor.net. Reach him at As a result of that amazing battle record, Ray’s ship was Daniel Bobinski daniel@eqfactor.net or (208) 375-7606.

8 DECEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

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daho Public Television is proud to add a new animated program to its lineup. Let’s Go Luna! encourages young viewers to get excited about geography and world cultures. The new show launched with an hourlong premiere on Wednesday, November 21, and continues with half-hour episodes each weekday at 8 a.m. and 2 p.m. on IdahoPTV’s Idaho Channel. The show will also air at various times throughout the week on the PBS Kids Channel. Let’s Go Luna! follows the hilarious adventures of three friends — Leo, a wombat from Australia; Carmen, a butterfly from Mexico; and Andy, a frog from the U.S. — as they traverse the globe with their parents’ traveling performance troupe, “Circo Fabuloso.” At each of the Circo’s stops, Luna the Moon guides the trio as they get to know the local region, its people and their culture. The gang’s adventures take them through cities around the globe — from London to Cairo to Beijing — where they explore the food, music, art, architecture and other features that make each place distinctive. Let’s Go Luna! will offer a variety of games at pbskids.org and on the PBS KIDS Games app. Parent resources will be available at pbs.org/parents, and pbslearningmedia.org will offer classroom-ready materials for teachers.

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Idaho Family Magazine | DECEMBER 2018 9

CALENDAR Winter Garden aGlow

This year’s Winter Garden aGlow will be open from 5:30 to 9:30 p.m. through Tuesday, January 1, at the Idaho Botanical Garden. There will be a dazzling display of more than 380,000 lights. On select nights: Santa will visit from the North Pole; a Holiday Express G-scale model train will wind its way through the garden; and local choirs will fill the air with music. Visit the Garden Store for special “holiday specs” to turn the twinkling lights into holiday symbols and characters. Go to idahobotanicalgarden.org for more information.

Indian Creek Christmas light show in Caldwell

Downtown Caldwell’s annual Indian Creek light display will be shown throughout the holiday season. The beautiful Christmas light show is free to view and is one of the best light displays in the valley. Go to cityofcaldwell.org for more information.

Millennial Choirs & Orchestra

Millennial Choirs & Orchestras will present “A Child Is Born” at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, December 4, at the Morrison Center. This inspiring Christmas program will feature hundreds of musicians, a youth choir, a grand chorus, and a symphony orchestra. For tickets and more information, go to morrisoncenter.com.

21st anniversary of Boise Cotillion

The Boise Cotillion is marking its 21st anniversary, and many events are planned for 2018-2019. The next program on the schedule is the Holiday Gala on Tuesday, December 4. Then, there will be a Nifty 50’s Dance on January 10. For more information or to enroll, go to www.boisecotillion. com. Questions may be directed to Cotillion Director Denise Hodges at boisecotillion@aol.com or 208-371-7410.

Nutcracker Ballet in Caldwell

Caldwell Fine Arts will present Eugene Ballet’s performance of “The Nutcracker” at 7 p.m. Tuesday, December 4, and Wednesday, December 5, in Jewett Auditorium. “Nutcracker Jr.,” a shorter version of the acclaimed classic, is set for 1 p.m. and 6 p.m. Thursday, December 6, in Jewett; and Clara’s Tea Party, always held in conjunction with “The Nutcracker,” will take place on the following days and times: 5:30 p.m. Tuesday, December 4; 5:30 p.m. Wednesday, December 5; and 11:30 a.m., 2 p.m., 4:30 p.m. and 7 p.m. Thursday, December 6. The Tea Party is held in the Langroise Center. For tickets to any of the above, or for more information, go to caldwellfinearts.org.

Christmas in Meridian 2018

The Twilight Christmas Market will take place from noon to 8 p.m. Wednesday, December 5, at Meridian City Hall; admission is free. Children’s Winterland Festival will be held from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday, December 8, at the Meridian Boys & Girls Club, 911 N. Meridian Rd.; admission

is free with a donation of canned food or cash for the Meridian Food Bank. This event features Christmas-themed games, crafts, pictures with Santa, ornament making, trolley rides, and other fun activities. A park-n-ride shuttle will circulate from nearby Meridian City Hall. For more information about this and other holiday events in Meridian, go to christmasinmeridian.org.

“The Magic of Christmas”

Treasure Valley’s premiere all-woman singing group, The Musettes, will present “The Magic of Christmas” at 2 p.m. and again at 7 p.m. on Saturday, December 8, at the Nampa Civic Center. This is a free concert, suitable for the whole family. A goodwill collection will be made to help fund productions and scholarships. This season’s concerts include music that is fun and traditional, as well as sacred and uplifting. Tunes such as “Deck the Hall,” “Let Him In” and “In the Stable” will be performed. For more information, go to nampaciviccenter.com or call 208-468-5500.

City Santa

Come tell Santa your Christmas wishes and get your picture taken with him at DL Evans Bank, 890 W. Main St. in downtown Boise. Dates and times include: 6 to 8 p.m. Thursday, December 6; 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday, December 8; and 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday, December 15. Donations will be accepted and will benefit the Women’s & Children’s Alliance.

Foster/adoption meetings

The first step in finding out more about being a foster or adoptive parent in the State of Idaho is by attending an information or orientation meeting. Meetings are set for 6:30 to 8 p.m. Thursday, December 6, in the Baker Room of the Nampa Police Department, 820 2nd St. S.; and 6:30 to 8 p.m. Wednesday, February 13, in the Idaho Room of Caldwell Public Library, 1010 Dearborn St. For more information, contact Monique Layton, recruitment coordinator, at 208249-0180 or mlayton4@ewu.edu, or visit www. fosteringidaho.org.

Adoption webinars

A New Beginnings Adoption Agency will host two webinars on infant adoption, foster-adoption and international adoption in December. Webinars are set for (MST) 1 to 2 p.m. December 6 and 6:30 to 7:30 p.m. December 13. RSVP at admin@ adoptanewbeginning.org. You will receive call-in and login information about the seminar via email.

Ada Library Activities

Ada County Library branches feature a number of family- and youth-friendly programs. Following is a brief list of events for December: Hidden Springs Branch Library, www.adalib. org/hiddensprings, 208-229-2665 • December 7, 3:30 p.m., Cotton Candy Day;

10 DECEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

cotton candy and a fun experiment, ages 5+ Lake Hazel Branch Library, www.adalib.org/ lakehazel, 208-297-6700 • December 17, 4:30 p.m., Garden Lab; gingerbread house meets chia pet, ages 5-11 Victory Branch Library, www.adalib.org/victory, 208-362-0181 • December 15, 2 p.m., Holiday Graham Cracker Cottage, all ages

Boise Phil’s Holiday Pops

Boise Philharmonic will present its annual Holiday Pops programs, with a performance on December 7 at 7:30 p.m. at NNU’s Brandt Center in Nampa and again on December 8 at 7:30 p.m. in the Morrison Center on the BSU campus in Boise. Both concerts will feature the full orchestra, as well as the Boise Phil Master Chorale. Tickets sell out quickly for both shows. Go to boisephil.org or call 208-344-7849.

Cookie Bear Pankcake Breakfast & Gingerbread Festival

This first annual Treasure Valley event is set for 9 to 11 a.m. Saturday, December 8, at the Galaxy Event Center at Wahooz, 1385 S. Blue Marlin Ln. in Meridian. Decorate pancakes, make holiday crafts, and meet the Cookie Bear character for storytime, dancing, and photos at his life-sized gingerbread house. Tickets are available at www.idahopress.com/ events/cookiebear.

Santa’s Workshop

Children ages 3-12 are invited to spend two hours making holiday crafts, playing games and decorating cookies from noon to 2 p.m. Saturday, December 8, at the Nampa Rec Center. (Santa will be making an appearance.) Cost is $5 for members and $6 for nonmembers. Advance registration is recommended. Call 208-468-5858 for more information.

Eagle Country Christmas

Eagle Country Christmas events will take place from 1 to 6 p.m. Saturday, December 8, in Heritage Park, 185 E. State St. For more information, go to cityofeagle.org.

Christmas at the Library

Santa and Mrs. Claus will be at the Nampa Public Library from 10:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday, December 8. All are welcome to drop by and visit with them. Go to nampalibrary.libcal.com for more information.

Interfaith Community Christmas Concert

Mayor Tammy deWeerd’s Interfaith Council has organized an Interfaith Community Christmas Concert set for Sunday, December 9, at 6575 S. Eagle Rd. in Meridian. Doors open at 6:15 p.m., with a string quartet prelude at 6:40 p.m. The concert will begin promptly at 7 p.m. The concert is free, family-friendly and will benefit the Meridian Food Bank. Anyone who wishes may bring a nonperishable food item to the event. Church choirs and

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of Events groups from several denominations in the valley are participating in the program. Questions may be directed to Shannon Smurthwaite, event organizer, at shannonisitalian@gmail.com.

Month of December Please send family-related calendar items to editorgaye@gmail.com

Outdoor Christmas Concert & Bonfire

brother or whomever for donuts, hot chocolate,

games and holiday fun at the Eagle Public Library The Church in the Dirt in Homedale will hold its annual Outdoor Christmas Concert & Bonfire from 10:30 to 11:30 a.m. Saturday, December 22. Go to libcal.eaglepubliclibrary.org. beginning at 6 p.m. Saturday, December 15, in the parking lot at Badiola Arena, 402 U.S. Hwy. New Year’s Eve Parties at Pinz & Wahooz Free community Christmas party 95 in Homedale. There will be kids roasting • There will be a Countdown Party at Z-Lounge The Christmas lights at the Scentsy Commons marshmallows, as well as s’mores, hot chocolate, in Pinz Bowling Center at Wahooz in Meridian at 2901 E. Pine Ave. in Meridian were turned on November 16 and are on display through the holidays. eggnog, and chorizo wraps. Santa will be passing out on Monday, December 31. Events include: old-fashioned candy bags, and there will be hayrides Cosmic Bowling, 9 p.m. to 1 a.m.; nacho bar and There are 724,000 lights in all on the grounds of for everyone. Blaine and Molly Lilly, co-leaders of dessert buffet, 9:30 to 10:30 p.m.; a countdown the Scentsy headquarters. Everyone is welcome to at midnight with party favors and champagne stroll around the display, take photos and have fun. A Church in the Dirt, are professional musicians and or sparkling cider; and more. Only eight lanes community Christmas party will take place over three will play music throughout the event. nights, December 10-12, from 6 to 8:30 p.m. There 2nd Annual Procrastinators Dream Christmas Event are available, and they sell out fast. Make your reservations as soon as possible by calling 208-898will be festive music, a live nativity, Clyde the Camel, An event for the late-shoppers is set for 9 a.m. to 3 0900, ext. 0. hot chocolate, cookies, and Santa Claus — all for free. p.m. Saturday, December 15, at the Center in the • There will also be a Noon Year’s Eve Party at the Go to scentsy.com for more information. Park, 1920 N. Records Way in Meridian. There Indoor Adventure Park at Wahooz, no matter the be a wide range of handmade crafts and goods, Paige Moore presents “The Nutcracker Adventure” will weather, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. on December 31. custom arts and jewelry, décor for both inside and Paige Moore offers fun and engaging music and outdoors, boutiques and accessories for all ages. Food There will be a countdown at noon with a balloon movement programs for children 0-12 years old. drop and bubblewrap stomp, as well as an all-youtrucks will be on site. For more information, call Beginning at 6 p.m. Thursday, December 13, in the can-eat pizza buffet from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. For 208-353-2678. large conference room at the Cherry Lane branch of more information, go to wahoozfunzone.com. Gift Wrapping and Ornament Making the Meridian Library District, she will present “The • A Wahooz New Year’s Eve Party will be held from Nutcracker Adventure.” Meet Clara, conquer the Mouse Bring your holiday gifts and wrap them at the 5 p.m. to midnight on December 31 at Wahooz Library! at Cole and Ustick from 2 to 4 p.m. King, travel with the snowflakes, and dance with the Family Fun Zone and the Indoor Adventure Park. Saturday, December 15. While there, you may Sugar Plum Fairy. Go to mld.org for more information. For more information, go to wahoozfunzone.com. also create an ornament to take home with you. Santa’s Rock Shop Wrapping and ornament supplies will be provided, Drop by the Idaho Museum of Mining and Geology, and all ages are welcome. 2455 Old Penitentiary Rd. in Boise, on Friday, December 14, from noon to 4:30 p.m. There will be Children’s Reading Series Boise Contemporary Theater’s Children’s Reading plenty of things to see or buy for your favorite rock Series is a popular program that presents the best hound, including books, jewelry, polished stones, FUN FOR FAMILIES! fossils and more. Admission is free, and the museum of contemporary children’s theater in a creative environment, allowing children ages 6 and up to is heated. (This event takes place on the same day “hear a play.” Professional actors bring compelling HOLIDAY CARDS as Dollar Day at the Old Penitentiary.) For more stories to life — and there are free goodies. The Community Workshop information, go to www.idahomuseum.org or check performances are presented at 2 p.m. one Sunday a it out on Facebook. Saturday, December 1, 2018 month (see BCT website for more information). A Christmas Light Tour Noon - 4:00 p.m. (drop-in) performance is set for December 16. To purchase Join the Nampa Rec Center’s Christmas Light Tour tickets, go to bctheater.org or call the BCT Box Explore the art of collage at the Boise December 14 or 15. The tour will visit spectacular Office at 208-331-9224. Art Museum! This drop-in workshop will light displays throughout Nampa, and the tour bus “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree with provide step-by-step instructions for will make a stop at Starbucks for warm beverages. participants to make their own original Boarding of the bus begins at 5:45 p.m. and departs Darci Lynne and Friends” collaged greeting cards. Great for holiday at 6 p.m. from the Rec Center. Cost is $6 per person. Ventriloquist Darci Lynne is the youngest contestant gifts! Allow one hour per set of cards. to ever win “America’s Got Talent.” She was WaterShed Weekend Fall Festival Program named winner in 2017 in front of a huge television Join the Boise WaterShed every third Saturday of $10 per 6 cards (includes one regular admission) audience. She and her puppet friends will present the month for nature and art activities the whole a holiday program at 7 p.m. Friday, December family may enjoy. Activities take place from 10 21, at the Morrison Center. For tickets or more a.m. to 1 p.m. A one-hour outdoor tour of the information, go to morrisoncenter.com. water renewal facility is offered from 11:30-12:30, Bowling with Santa weather-permitting. (The tour is not recommended Let the good times roll with Santa and Mrs. Claus from for children under the age of 4; closed-toe shoes 10 to 11 a.m. Saturday, December 22, at Pinz Bowling are required.) Admission is free, and no preCenter, 1385 S. Blue Marlin Ln. in Meridian. Go to registration is needed. On December 15, the theme pinzbowlingidaho.com for more information. is Handmade Holiday; the program will be held at www.boiseartmuseum.org the Dick Eardley Boise Senior Center, 690 Robbins 670 Julia Davis Drive, 83702 Holiday Donuts with Dads Rd., on that day. For more information, go to www. 208.345.8330 Give your mom time to finish last-minute holiday BoiseEnvironmentalEducation.org. preparations and bring your dad, grandfather, uncle,

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Idaho Family Magazine | DECEMBER 2018 11

THE HORNEY village

At Christmas, we remember each other By Jessie Horney

y husband’s family is full of wonderful, generous, beautiful, insane people who open their stockings on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning. While it’s cozy to gather around the fire on a cold Christmas Eve and open stockings together — because it’s like a taste of the magic coming the next morning — it’s not what I grew up doing. And I didn’t mind the new tradition at all until we had kids. Then I looked at my own little family and the idea of my kids opening their stockings on Christmas Eve instead of just crawling into bed in their new flannel pajamas was, in a word, ludicrous. And besides this 12-hours-too-early stocking theory, my husband also thinks Christmas trees should be fake. Less mess, he (rightly) claims. It’s like Christmas tyranny. Might as well throw out the cocoa and drink kombucha, clean up the garland and do some yardwork instead of snuggling on the couch and crying when Kevin McCallister finally sees his mom again. I had no idea that we needed to make all of these decisions as our family grew. I thought that families came with holiday traditions instantly established, Thanksgiving dinner menus chiseled on stone tablets, the children all smiling participants in the rituals as years pass by. What really happened was this: We got married, made a family, and had no idea what to do next. Fake tree or real? Hang Christmas lights on the house or avoid a huge power bill? Do we believe in Santa? Do we believe in traveling in December? Do we give lots of gifts, or are we minimalists? Is eggnog actually a thing and do we drink it? What’s strange about this side of the holidays, the grown-up side, is the newness of our family culture versus the established expectations of our parents and the people around us. In our effort to set the tone for how we celebrate any holiday, Christmas or otherwise, we must contend with ingrained notions of normal while wrestling with the fact that our children will also go their own way and make their own decisions, which may or may not

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12 DECEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

hearken back to their childhood with us and our fake (real? — still haven’t decided) Christmas trees. What if they convert to Judaism and ask for Hanukkah gifts? What if they marry someone who always spends the holidays in New Jersey? Or worst and most annoying of all, what if someday they announce they are glutenfree and won’t even eat my Christmas morning waffles? What we do on a holiday is merely an attempt to hold beauty in our hands for a longer moment than usual. We wake up on Christmas morning and kiss Audrey’s soft round cheeks, pink and creased from her pillow. I touch Clara’s curls resting on the collar of her Christmas nightgown. We catch Sammy in our arms as he leaps down the stairs. I kiss my husband as he pours our coffee. I slide bacon into the oven, wipe maple syrup off little fingers, talk over the rumbling furnace as the vents wake up, pour waffle batter sizzling into the press, and smile in satisfaction as our kids open their gifts. I form these traditions, the waffles and the singing and the prayers and the matching pajamas, knowing that while the details are incidental, those details are also scaffolding in the history we build. It’s like squinting at a house trimmed with white lights, softening your focus until all you see is a glow. Each light matters, but the wonder is what they display all together. The traditions are why we keep coming home, even when it’s hard. The stability of home, the aggregate of family stories and inside jokes, the shared pain of loss and grief, exist in the house we build out of memories. And as a mother, I am the memory keeper. I am the magic maker. That’s the pressure I feel with my young family, I suppose, the pressure of what we will say to each other about these days in years to come, the dream of a future where my family loves each other and continues to gather under the covering of what we built. In a world of dark shadows and cold hearts, on a planet full of one sorrow after another, personal and global pain barking like an angry dog at the boundaries of our lives... in this hard place, I believe that mothers and fathers are co-creators with the source of Love, creating goodness with traditions clothed in generosity. Like a heartbeat thrumming in the background of our lives, the way we celebrate sets a rhythm for how we remember. Because in the end, that is what we do at Christmas. We remember each other. We remember those who have been forgotten. We remember what we’ve done, we remember who we’ve lost, and we find ways to stand shoulder to shoulder and face the same direction, if only for a few days at the end of each year. We make dinner rolls from tattered recipe cards. We sing songs that we can’t remember learning. We hold each other up to the light and whisper, in the tender tones of forgiveness and invitation that seem to come a little easier in the season of giving, “You matter to me. Today and all the days.” Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and from my heart to yours: Truly, dear ones, you matter. Today and all the days. So be generous, and build something good to cover the ones you love. Jessie Horney is a freelance writer and poet. Find her at www.horneymomtellsall.com.

Jessie Horney

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IDEAL: Idaho College Savings Program

Turn presents into futures Submitted by IDeal

or many families, the words “save” and “holidays” don’t usually go together. After all, it’s a time of year filled with travel, feasts, and gift-giving. All that fun can add up to a lot of spending! On the flip side, this can be a perfect time to start discussing the future, and taking steps to begin saving for big dreams and goals such as education. IDeal – Idaho’s 529 College Savings Program was created to help Idaho families plan and save for higher education in a tax-advantaged way. Here are some ideas to help turn presents into dreams this holiday season. Initiate Smart Money 101 conversations with kids. During the holidays children may receive monetary gifts from family and will be excited to spend them. This is a great opportunity to help your children start developing smart money habits by encouraging them to save and perhaps even share a portion of their funds with a charity or important organization. Make saving money a fun task rather than a chore for your children by helping them designate and decorate three jars for keeping their money safe, labeled “save,” “spend,” and “share.” Use the decorating time to talk about how earning and saving money is part of being grown up. Explain that the money your children save will be put into an account to help pay for their education dreams.

Ask for the gift of college savings. If you have friends or family who regularly give your child money for the holidays, or if your child has plenty of possessions, consider asking those loved ones to give the gift of college savings instead. We all need a little help with gift ideas from time to time and this requires no holiday shopping lines, batteries or gift receipts! It’s a gift that has the potential to grow with your child’s dreams. Give a gift, take an Idaho state tax deduction. If you or a loved one contributes to your child’s IDeal account this year, it’s potentially an opportunity to save some money on taxes — a win-win! All Idaho taxpayers can take a 2018 tax deduction (up to $6,000 for single filers and up to $12,000 for those who are married and filing jointly) for contributions to any IDeal–Idaho 529 College Savings Program account by December 31*. Whether the goal is to be a firefighter, a teacher or a scientist, we encourage your family to dream big for the future this holiday season! Getting started only takes 15 minutes and $25 to set up an IDeal 529 College Savings account. Learn more at idsaves.org.

* Contributions to the IDeal–Idaho College Savings Program are deductible from Idaho state income tax, subject to recapture in certain circumstances, such as a non-qualified withdrawal or a rollover to another state’s qualified tuition program in the year of the rollover and the prior tax year

Your present can be his future . Give the gift of college savings. idsaves.org

#DreamBigIdaho

For more information about the Idaho College Savings Program (“IDeal”), call 1.866.433.2533 or visit www.idsaves.org to obtain a Disclosure Statement. The Disclosure Statement discusses investment objectives, risks, charges, expenses, and other important information. Because investing in IDeal is an important decision for you and your family, you should read and consider the Disclosure Statement carefully before investing. Before you invest, consider whether your or the beneficiary’s home state offers any state tax or other state benefits such as financial aid, scholarship funds, and protection from creditors that are only available for investments in that state’s qualified tuition program. IDeal is administered by the Idaho College Savings Program Board (Board). Ascensus Broker Dealer Services, LLC (“ABD”), the program manager, and its affiliates, have overall responsibility for the day-to-day operations, including investment advisory and recordkeeping and administrative services. The Vanguard Group, Inc. (Vanguard) serves as Investment Manager for IDeal. Sallie Mae Bank serves as the Savings Portfolio Manager for IDeal. IDeal’s Portfolios invest in either: (i) mutual funds offered or managed by Vanguard; or (ii) an FDIC-insured omnibus savings account held in trust by the Board at Sallie Mae Bank. Except for the Savings Portfolio, investments in IDeal are not insured by the FDIC. Units of the Portfolios are municipal securities and the value of units will vary with market conditions. CSIDD_06042E 1018

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Idaho Family Magazine | DECEMBER 2018 13

THE NEW INDOOR ADVENTURE PARK 14 DECEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

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MARLA SPENCE

EMT becomes adoptive mom By Gaye Bunderson

here is a saying that goes, “If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.” While the origins of the quote are under dispute, there is something about it that rings true on occasion. Marla Spence, 54, of Mountain Home has her hands full, and yet she manages to keep her work as an EMT on track and her home life as an adoptive single mom of four running well. As of early November, she was going through the process of adopting a fifth child. Like her dad, Marla has lived in Mountain Home her entire life. She attended Mountain Home High School, and shortly after graduation began studying to become an emergency medical technician, or EMT. She has rung up 35 years as an EMT and currently works a shift covering both Glenns Ferry and Mountain Home. At one point in her life, she did the following jobs and volunteer work all at once: EMT, coroner, reserve deputy (volunteer), and a job at Summers Funeral Home. Formerly married, she has a 32-year-son son named John. She said she always wanted more children but at 27 found herself unable to have anymore kids. It was her work as an EMT that ultimately motivated her to start looking at fostering children and then adopting some of them. “In my work, I see a lot of injuries and abuse,” she said. So, in 2005, she opened her home to children who needed care. She studied with the state to learn fostering and adoptive parenting skills and underwent a broad background check. She can’t come up with an exact figure for how many kids she’s fostered since then, but said, “It’s quite a few.” Some of those children were traumatized and came from extremely difficult backgrounds. Of the four children who now call her Mom, she adopted all of them when they were just babies. “I had four kids all in diapers at once,” she said. There are two sets of siblings, and three boys and one girl. Two of the children were born to Marla’s third cousin and include Michelle, age 13, and Taylor, age 11. Michelle was taken from her birth mom at only 3 days old. Now an eighth grader, she’s doing well in school, Marla said. Taylor is developmentally disabled but making progress. The other siblings were removed from their parents at Mountain Home Air Force Base and include Ryan, 12, and Dante, age 10. When Marla was asked by the Idaho Department of Health and Welfare if she would take Ryan (being the firstborn of the two), she replied: “I’ll take him in a heartbeat — I’ll make him a happy kid.” Later, she adopted his younger brother.

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Marla Spence’s four adopted children and the baby she is in the process of adopting are shown at the Discovery Center of Boise. The girl on the far left is Marla’s cousin Jesse, while her adopted children include Michelle, Dante, Ryan and Taylor. The baby is named Ken. (Courtesy photo) Marla also offers respite care to foster parents. This is a program that allows for temporary care of children when foster parents have an emergency or need a brief time away from the children for other reasons. “One-and-a-half years ago, I had nine kids all at once for four days,” Marla said. That included her own four children, as well as five others. She said she was able to care for the houseful of youngsters with her “ton of toys.” In fact, she said, the visiting kids didn’t want to leave after four days; they had had a lot of fun playing with Marla’s brood and all the toys at the Spence residence. Marla has help with her foursome. “It’s challenging, but I have family support. My parents and sister live right next door, and my brother lives behind me.” She also has an aunt who will help out on occasion, since her mom is 83 and a caregiver to Marla’s dad, who has dementia. The kids sometimes need discipline, like all kids, and Marla reverts to time-out in the corner or withholding their electronic devices from them for a given amount of time. She receives a subsidy from the state to help financially support the young ones. Still, she heads off to work, pulling straight, unbroken 24-hour shifts on Thursdays and Fridays and heading home on Saturday mornings. Because she may be called out at any time on her workdays, she must stay in an EMT facility away from her children; but they are looked after, and family is able to contact her if needed. She then has five days off. “When I get home, the kids run up and give me hugs, and say, ‘We missed you!’” Marla’s fifth adoption, when it is finalized, will add a little boy called Ken to the Spence family. Marla first saw him in a neo-natal intensive care unit when he was only 24 days old. She said Michelle sometimes tells her mom she’d like a sister, too, but Marla won’t make any promises about that. The state caps adoptions at six children, and Marla isn’t prepared to say she’ll max out that figure. She’s working day and night (literally) to provide for the children she has and to make all of them — just like she told H&W about Ryan — happy and healthy kids.

Idaho Family Magazine | DECEMBER 2018 15

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WE BELIEVE money is a thing. It’s not everything. 16 DECEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine