The Story of the Ocampo Family

A second family

The Story of the Ocampo Family

The Ocampo family live in the urban poor community of Payatas, Quezon City. Natalie and her husband, Ben, have four children. From eldest to youngest, they are Mark, who lived away from their home in Quezon City and resides in the province; Joseph, who ran a lending business; Sam, their only daughter; and Johnny, their adopted child and the only minor among the siblings when the incident happened in 2016.

The second son, Joseph, was killed on his way home. Joseph, despite only being able to finish second year high school, was known as a generous provider to the family. He has repeatedly volunteered to help family members or give gifts despite the financial difficulties their family was facing.

Circumstances of Death It was December 11, 2016. Natalie and her family were looking forward to an enjoyable Saturday evening together after a productive work week. It was during Saturday evenings that her family members would all be home. The elder siblings would usually bring their own ulam (viand) to add to their family feast. Joseph was expected to come home in time for dinner. They did their best to wait for Joseph; however, when dinnertime had long passed, the family opted to properly store Joseph’s portion of the food so he could eat once he came home. However, Natalie felt that there was something wrong. She was the only one left awake and, after struggling with anxiety, she woke her husband so that they could look for Joseph together:

Nanuod lang ako ng TV. Tapos natulog na sila. Medyo gabi na, parang kinakabahan na ako. Ako nalang ang gising. Bilang ina parang kinakabahan ako. Bakit gabi na, hindi pa umuwi, mag-e-eleven na. Ginising ko yung asawa ko, ‘Pa, puntahan natin, Pa. Saan na kaya, gabi na eh.’ (I was watching TV and the others were already asleep. It was getting late at night, so I was feeling nervous. I was the only one left awake. As a mother, I was anxious. How come it was already evening and nearing eleven, and he still wasn’t home? I woke my husband, ‘Pa, let us go to him, Pa. I wonder where he is, it’s late already’.)

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Adding to her fears was Natalie’s knowledge that killings were rampant during those months. When her husband was done preparing himself and they were about to go out, a knock was heard on their door. There was an initial feeling of relief and then irritation at the thought that Joseph had finally arrived so late. However, it was not Joseph, but his cousin.

‘Wag kayong mabigla auntie, uncle, si Joseph, binaril.’ ... Sabi [ng asawa ko], ‘Bakit pumunta ka pa dito? Dapat diniretso mong dala sa hospital.’ Sabi niya, ‘Wala uncle, on the spot daw, patay na daw.’ Edi biglang nagising yung mga anak ko. Sigawan na kami, sigawan pa nung time na yun. (‘Don’t be shocked auntie, uncle, Joseph was shot.’ [My husband] said, ‘Why did you come here? You should have just brought him straight to the hospital.’ He said, ‘He’s gone, uncle, dead on the spot. He’s dead.’ And so, my children suddenly woke up. We were all wailing during that time).

To the family’s surprise, a man from a funeral parlor came by their house and offered to bring Ben to the crime scene. While Natalie was not allowed to come along for her safety, Sam was able to tag along with their father to the crime scene. Upon seeing the body of her elder brother bathed in blood, Sam passed out. Meanwhile, Ben still tried to look for vital signs in the hopes that his son was still alive, but the police shooed him away.

“Yung asawa ko... niyapos, pinulsuhan [si Joseph]. Sinaway pa siya sa mga pulis na, ‘Wag mong hawakan!’. [Sagot ng asawa ko] ‘Bakit? Anak ko ‘to. Baka humihinga pa ito, itakbo na ‘to sa ospital!” (My husband… he caressed and checked the pulse [of Joseph]. He was told off by the police. ‘Hands off!’ [My husband replied,] ‘Why? This is my son. He might still be breathing, get him to the hospital!’)

Death Notification Since the incident happened while Joseph was on his way home, none of the family members had any direct knowledge on how the killing transpired. Later, the details of the actual killing were recounted by an old woman with physical disabilities. The old woman, despite the possible danger, visited Joseph’s wake to pay her respects. She said she was grateful for Joseph who constantly treated her to breakfast. According to her, Joseph just handed her soft drinks and was in a hurry to go home. As he was having his drink, there were two people who drew near him, shot Joseph, and then ran away. Natalie was finally able to see her son’s body after it was treated and put into a casket. Upon seeing her son’s face, Joseph’s pain during his last moments of life became palpable to her, since most of the bullets hit Joseph on his face.

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“Iyong anak ko puro ulo yung tama. Noon paghatid noong nasa kabaong na, nakita ko... parang hindi ko kayang tingnan kasi sobrang nahalata ko sa mukha niya na sobrang sakit…” (My son was mostly shot in the head… It was during the time he was already in a casket when I saw... it was as if I could not bear to look because it was so obvious in his face that he went through so much pain…)

According to Natalie, Joseph’s wake was like many other victims of EJK in Payatas; visitors were few, if ever. Even Joseph’s friends were forced to take the extra precaution of visiting the wake and then leaving in a hurry, as their own parents were protective of them. News about killing sprees and police quotas were rampant.

“Natatakot sila kaya nung time na yun, maraming usapan na mga pulis kumokota. Kahit yung mga tambay [binabaril]. Bigla lang aakyat, mambabaril. Ang dami talaga dito [mga insidente]... nung time na iyon. (They were afraid during those times, there were many rumors that the police were trying to meet their quota. Even bums were targeted. They would just suddenly go in and start shooting. There were just so many [incidents]... during those times.)

Impact of EJK and Legal Justice According to her, Natalie’s initial reaction was that of sheer anger. She verbally cursed the killers by wishing their entire lineage would die. She desired for the same grief she had experienced to the parents of the killers. She also blamed the government, citing the president as the instigator of the killings due to his landmark campaign against drugs. For her, Joseph’s life was of immeasurable value, that she is willing to risk her life to demand justice, or even live a life of service to her son just so she could take care of him. Even if Joseph had been physically incapacitated, she said would care for him as long as she lived.

... kasi diba si Duterte yung nagpapatupad ng ganyan... Sabi ko talaga kung may... magra-rally… [para] pabagsakin si Duterte, kahit ikamatay ko pa, sasama talaga ako. Kasi ang iniisip ko, oo nga, halimbawa gumagamit iyong anak ko, bakit naman nila pinatay? Hindi naman talaga tama iyan. Pinakulong na lang sana. Sabi ko nga dapat [buhay pa] iyong anak ko eh. Kahit-mag alaga ako habang buhay, nandiyan, nakikita ko eh. Kahit alagaan ko. Wala silang karapatan pumatay… (... well was it not Duterte who had that implemented… I said that if there were rallies [for] the overthrow of Duterte, even if I were to die, I would really join. Because what’s on my mind is that, even if for instance my son were a user, why did they have to kill him? That really is not right. They should have just sent him to jail. As I have said my son should [still be alive]. Even if I were to take care of him for the rest of my life, at least he would still be there; I could see him. They do not have the right to kill…)

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She added,

“Malaman ko lang kung sino nagpatay ng anak ko, wala ng ano ano-ano… gagantihan ko sila. Wala na akong pakialam kung sino. Basta isa sa pamilya nila.” (If I were to just find out who killed my son, without any hesitation… Whatever they took from me… I would do the same. I do not care whoever it might be. As long as at it is one from their family.)

Community response Adding to the climate of fear was the stigma associated with being killed by EJK or being related to a victim. Natalie found it very hurtful to hear how some members of the community were in favor of the killings. Some said: “Yan, mga salot sa mundo nabawasan na” (There, the scourges of the earth are being lessened).

Perception of Legal Justice Both Natalie and Ben were determined to fight for justice on behalf of their son. However, since the 2016 incident, they were unable to file for legal action. Natalie summarized the main challenge that prevents her from fully pursuing justice as the absence of any leads for the investigation, saying,

“Wala naman akong testigo. Takot din yung mga ano, tsaka naka-bonnet. Yun lang ang sabi nila, nakita nila ganun dinescribe pero hindi naman nakita yung mukha, nakabonet, naka-gwantes.” (There are no witnesses. People were scared too, and the perpetrators were wearing bonnets. That’s all they could say… they described them as wearing bonnets and gloves, but they were unable to see their faces).

Moreover, witnesses from the area of the killing remained in fear and they simply did not trust that law enforcement agents would fulfill their supposed mandate to investigate and track down suspects. Ben and Natalie were also warned by community members that they could be killed as well if they were to pursue justice, especially since Ben had been verbally cursing his son’s unknown killers.

Even during the more recent period after the incident, she did not opt to try to attain a police report because even her community knew it would be too difficult to acquire one when the case is connected to the anti-illegal drug campaign. She does not think attaining justice is possible during the current administration and feels despair. “Yung tumatak sa isip ko wala yung gobyerno ngayon. Wala kang pag-asa, [‘wag] ka umasa.” (What was imprinted in my mind was there is no government now. You have no hope, you [shouldn’t] hope.)

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External Resources Natalie’s family was able to receive Php 5,000 (USD 100) from the DSWD as burial assistance, which could be considered an unexpected success. Compared to others, she was able to provide accurate and necessary documentation required for her to avail of the services. Other survivor families were not as fortunate as Natalie in filing for financial assistance from the government; they were forced to change the cause of death of their loved ones just so they would be able to avail limited financial assistance. Natalie attributes this positive outcome to the empathy the DSWD employee showed, most likely influenced by the fact that they share the same local language.

External Support Despite certain community members ostracizing Natalie and her family, she remains thankful for the kindness shown to her by some of her neighbors, friends, and the church. One such kindness was when her neighbor and friend who served as a teacher borrowed a copy of Joseph’s death certificate to assist the family by soliciting donations from the school where she teaches. Another example was when a male friend asked for his colleagues’ help in soliciting money for the funeral expenses from their own extended networks. During afternoons, Natalie’s friend would bring whatever they could get from their friends to donate to the Ocampo family.

Biopsychosocial-spiritual Impact on the Surviving families It was through the local church that Natalie and her family were able to be provided with spiritual guidance. Due to the incident, she experienced moments of extreme anger and the desire for vengeance. She also admitted to having questions on why her family had to undergo such pain and with justice beyond their reach. Through her sessions at the church and with fellow survivors, she personally realized how, though her feelings are valid, it was not right to wish harm against her son’s killers and their families. Additionally, the church provided rice and groceries for their family, which contributed to more manageable expenses, as well as helped them fulfill their biological needs. And apart from the skills-training in sewing, they were also eventually provided with capital to encourage them into becoming grassroots entrepreneurs.

Coping as a means of Survival On the individual level, Natalie is able to express her grief through crying. However, she is careful about it so as not to affect her grandchildren. Constant communication also helps her; she is grateful for her pamangkin (niece or nephew), cousin, and husband who have been her constant confidantes. On the other hand, her husband and son were able to cope better by taking a vacation to their province. Aside from healing, the new environment helped address the issue of security as the family was still fearful for her husband who has been vocal about his desire for vengeance against Joseph’s killers and for their eldest son who might be considered as the next target as killings were still rampant.

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Also, of great significance to Natalie’s coping and healing is her involvement in Project SOW where, aside from being provided with biopsychosocial-spiritual needs, she believes she has gained a new and extended family through the deep connections she has established with fellow surviving families.

Aspirations to address the EJKs For Natalie, she should have processed the documents she would have needed for when she would want to file a case against the perpetrators. She realized that these documents, such as police reports and autopsy reports, are important should she decide to take legal steps or if reparations are possible in the future. “Pagdating daw ng araw, sa oras na bababa si Duterte, may papel ka na katunayan na yung anak mo pinatay sa ganyan, na-[patay] sa karahasan. Kaya nag-iipon na ako kapag halimbawa na magkatotoo yan.” (Once the time comes, once Duterte steps down, you have to have a paper that proves that your child was killed [during the drug war], and that he suffered from violence. This is why I’m collecting [these documents] once this were to come true.)

Hindrances in Attaining Resolutions Despite all the facilitating factors that aided Natalie’s coping, there were still those that made her coping harder. When it comes to their health, Natalie claimed that her body gave up on her due to a combination of her grief and the immense exhaustion of having to continue her job. This made her unable to continue working for a while, making her negative emotions even worse. She also shared instances of overthinking which then resulted in more sleepless nights. She said that overthinking also resulted in the festering of her desire to take revenge on those who killed her son.

Parang ayaw ko na gumabi nung time na yun kasi dyan na... hindi ako makatulog, lagi ko na syang maalala, lagi ko nang naalala na sino kayang gantihan ko ngayon? Sino kaya ang nagpatay? May pamilya ba siya? Naisip ba niya na inalisan niya yung isang pamilya ng anak, yun ang breadwinner. Yun ang palagi kong naiisip. Yung pagpatay kaya niya pinapatulog ba kaya siya? May mga anak ba siya? (I did not want the night to arrive because I couldn’t sleep, I always remember my son. I always think about who should I take revenge on. Who killed him? Does he have a family? Did he ever think that the family whose son he killed, was the breadwinner? That’s what I always think about. Did his act of murder ever let him sleep? Does he even have a child?)

In their community, there had also been rumors and negative words from her neighbors.

“Marami ang humusga sa amin. Hindi lang ako ma’am eh, pati yung mga kasamahan namin, pag nagtipon kami, ganiyan din ang kwento nila. Sinabi ‘Ayun, buti namatay’” (There were a lot who judged us. It was not just me, even other members; every time we were together, that was what they always say. They say

‘That’s right, it’s good that they died’).

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During Joseph’s wake, there was also the apparent lack of visitors, which meant that the family was unable to gather donations from their neighbors. They also accumulated debts due to the burial costs, having to provide for their basic needs, and the loss of their breadwinner, which resulted in them having to wear their body out just to work overtime. For a while, her anger towards God disabled her from coping as all she felt were pure negative emotions.

Social Services accessibility during COVID-19 Pandemic The current pandemic COVID-19 prevents the family from fully recovering and getting back up. There is always the risk of contracting the virus, especially for Natalie’s husband who has asthma, and the pandemic brings anxiety to the family as they fear that they might get infected. They also feel worried over the pandemic since they know that they do not have the money should one of them get sick with the virus, which is why they get extra cautious in cleaning up after themselves. Their sewing program also closed for a while, which affected the family’s finances, but it was quick to re-open and now the family is still able to provide for their basic needs albeit with more difficulty.

Journey towards Recovery Natalie was and is able to continue recovering from the loss of her child. Natalie’s main source of strength is her family. She makes sure that she is able to take care of herself and her family. Natalie’s daughter thinks that they cannot afford to get sick since the children rely on them, which is why the family puts great importance in taking care of each other. Natalie also started taking care of plants which became a hobby. Looking after her plants, her children, and her grandchildren would always boost Natalie’s mood and emotions. Moreover, the family has a strong support system in the form of SOW, which Natalie considers as her second family. The organization is able to provide the family with relief assistance, livelihood opportunities which is now the family’s main source of income, and psychological-spiritual support. She also feels assured that there are people she can fall back on when her emotions get too much. When it comes to Natalie’s faith, SOW has also been a great help in bringing back her belief in God.

“Hindi ko man masabi na okay ka, pero sa tulong nila Father [Danny at SOW], medyo gumaan yung pakiramdam, naliliwanagan kami [tungkol sa aming pinagdaanan at sa aming pananampalataya]. Hindi mo masabi na okay ka na talaga. Lalo na pag ganyan na mabanggit [yung insidente], medyo may kirot talaga. Pero hindi kagaya nung una Ma’am na talagang halos hindi... kami makapagsalita.” (I may not be able to say that we are fully okay, but with the help of Father [Danny and SOW], our feelings got lighter and we were enlightened [about our situation and our belief]. We are not yet fully okay, especially if we talk about [the incident]. We still feel hurt, but it’s not the same as before when we were unable to talk at all).

Other unnamed CSOs, aside from SOW, also provide the family with food packs and other financial assistance.

Catalyst for Change Being a member of SOW allowed Natalie to freely express her emotions and share her experiences with other HRV survivors. She was able to inspire other members and help victims cope and recover from the tragedy they experienced.

“Alam namin na sa tulong ng kwento namin, sa sinasabi din namin sa kanila, parang naibsan man lang yung sakit nila na nararamdaman kasi maisip nila, ‘Oh kung sila nga ganyan din na nangyari, ganyan naramdaman, ngayon okay na.’” (We know that through our stories, through the things we say to them, the pain they are going through can be lessened even for a bit because they think, ‘Oh, they experienced the same thing as us yet they are able to cope now’).

Natalie serves as an example to others on how people who underwent so much pain can still stand up and survive.

Significance of Healing and Recovery It is important that one copes and recovers properly, according to Natalie. For her, if one is to continue suffering, other people will suffer as well: first is one’s family, and soon, the people around the person. Thus, for the sake of the people around, especially the children, one must fully recover.

“Apektado din kasi [sila sa] sakit na naramdaman ko—maramdaman din nila lalo na mga bata pa sila. Mararanasan nila yung sakit, at ‘yan naman ang ayaw kong maranasan nila lalo na mga bata pa sila.” ([They are] also affected by the pain I am going through—they will feel it too, especially the children. They will go through it as well, and that is something I do not want them to feel since they are still young.).

Natalie wants to be a better version of herself, for her and her family’s sake.

Hopes and aspirations For herself, Natalie wishes to make a stable livelihood out of SOW’s sewing project; for her grandchildren, to finish school; and for her children, not to undergo the same hardships she experienced. She also wishes for her community to stop experiencing HRVs such that no one has to suffer the same way she did, and for the government to straighten itself out.

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“Mawala na yung dapat mawala. Yung mga malaking ano na mahirap kasi banggain sa gobyerno eh. Kagaya ng sabi ko dapat inuna na yung puno, pero yung mga sanga--yun lang ang kaya nila eh.” (Those who need to disappear should really disappear. Those big personalities in the government who are hard to contest. Like I said, we should focus on the tree, but what is happening is the branches are the only thing the government is focusing on).

Natalie thinks that the government is unable to tackle the root cause of the drug problem and is instead just targeting the small and powerless individuals. For the country, Natalie wishes for peace, and for the world, she wishes for the end of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Natalie plans to continue working, aided by prayer. Though she feels that she is not fully recovered, she still believes that she is “parating na sa pagbangon” (on the path to rising).

Symbol of journey Natalie related her journey to the church. With their help, particularly SOW, her feelings and thoughts have been enlightened. She was able to find joy and peace with SOW. She summarized it with the words “Pagbabago... Dito ako bumangon; dito unti-unting nawawala yung sakit.” (Change… This is where I was able to stand up; this is where the pain slowly eases).