Facilitating Factors To Grieving

while dealing with the death of a loved one. This double burden further hinders the family from processing the incident and their thoughts and emotions about it.

The stigma and discrimination in some communities and in the Philippines’ setting also significantly affect the grieving process of the EJK survivors. There are similar stories across the interviews of this research and the lifted cases from Philippine Human Rights Information Center (PhilRights) (2017), Human Rights Watch (2020), and other human rights advocacy groups that highlighted the stigma and discrimination most families face for losing a family member to the government’s WoD. The families were often subject to gossip in the communities and children were even bullied in school or by their playmates.

Facilitating Factors To Grieving As discussed earlier, there are various factors that are hindering the grieving process of the affected families of EJK. Despite all those elements, however, there are factors that facilitate and support them to move forward in their grieving process.

BIOLOGICAL FACTORS

Table 13

Biological Factors that Facilitate Grieving

Main themes Family support Sub-themes 1.

Refuge and shelter from family members

Two of the respondents shared that support from their families have encouraged them to attend to the needs of their bodies that is also beneficial for their grieving.

“Natalie” shares the inside joke in their family, “Bawal ako magkasakit, may mga umaasa sa akin. Kapag ako nagka-sakit, gutom din ‘yung mga junakis ko.” (I cannot get sick, there are people relying on me. If I get sick, my children will go hungry.)

Three of the participants have sought refuge and safety for their family. Their fear for their safety made them decide to stay in a different place temporarily or permanently.

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PSYCHOLOGICAL FACTORS

Table 14

Psychological Factors that Facilitate Grieving

Main themes Emotional expression Sub-themes 1.

Letting out of emotions through crying

Family’s physical and emotional presence 1. External support

All the respondents shared that external support and letting their emotions out have helped them grieve. Five of them shared that showing and expressing their emotions through crying were helpful to their grieving process, and eight respondents also expressed that the family’s physical and emotional presence encouraged them to continue fighting and living. “Kristina” shared,

‘Yan ngang kapitbahay ko na malapit sa akin may magdala ng pagkain ‘Kumain ka parang awa mo na kumain ka… mga apo mo…’ Nung parang narealize ko lang pag sabi nila sa’kin mga apo ko parang naisip ko kawawa nga apo ko, kawawa nga mga apo ko kapag ako ang mawala. (My neighbor who lives nearby, they would bring food, ‘For goodness’ sake you should eat, for your grandchildren.’ When they said that, I realized that my grandchildren would indeed suffer if I am gone).

Her children will also say, “Mama alalahanin mo nandito pa kami.” (Mama, you should remember, we are still here) to remind her that she can rely on them.

“Tina” was also able to provide support to her daughter, “Pag nakikita ko siyang umiyak, yayakapin ko na lang siya hanggang sa tumahan na lang siya, wala na.” (When I see her cry, I will just hug her until she stops crying, until it is gone).

Six of the respondents have been vocal in expressing their emotions to grieve and make themselves feel better. “Claire” shared that whenever their family remembers her husband, they would express their emotions through crying, “Oo, nag-iiyakan kami (mga anak) niyan.” (Yes, we all cry).

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SOCIAL FACTORS

Table 15

Social Factors that Facilitate Grieving

Main themes External support Sub-themes 1. 2.

Positive community feedback of the victim’s character

Neighbors took care of family

Six of the 10 respondents shared that external support in terms of economic and social aspects helped facilitate their grieving. Four of the respondents received the community’s emotional support; one respondent expressed that their community was supportive and willing to be a character reference to prove the victim’s kindness; and five respondents received support from their neighbors through food and financial assistance, reminding them to sleep and eat properly, and others that contributed to the betterment of the affected families’ well-being.

“Kristina”’s friends would remind her to take care of herself and offer emotional support,

“Nandito lang kami mga kaibigan mo mga kapitbahay mo. Hindi kami maga-ano sa’yo, hindi kami maniwala na ganyan ang ginagawa ng mga anak mo at saka nung mga maliit pa kilala namin sila.” (We are here for you, your friends, your neighbors. We will not [judge] you, we would not believe that your child can do such things since we knew them since they were little).

She added that her neighbors even offered to cry on her behalf. These forms of support have helped the affected families to have an additional source of strength and courage to continue to survive.

As discussed earlier, there were evident necessities to supply the survival needs of the affected families of EJK. These transcend to the factors that could hinder and facilitate the family’s grieving process. The external support systems were a significant factor that assists the families to adjust and grieve as they receive material aid and refuge from their family to feel safer and more secure, both physically and emotionally.

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SPIRITUAL FACTORS

Table 16

Spiritual Factors that Facilitate Grieving

Main themes Spiritual guidance Sub-themes 1.

Spiritual support from church

Three of the respondents were able to receive spiritual support that guided the surviving families to reconcile their beliefs and faith after the incident. They discussed the significance of receiving emotional and spiritual support from their church, whether it be from the figures in their parish such as priests or from the surviving families affected by EJK.

There are various organizations and institutions that were established specifically to cater to the needs of the EJK surviving families. In Edmund and Bland’s (2011) study, they recognize the need of these individuals to receive support systems and be connected with other people, groups, and other organizations with a similar advocacy to build a safe space and sense of security while they grieve or are in the process of grieving. These were the experiences of most of the respondents as they were able to be supported by various humanitarian organizations throughout the process of grieving.

Respondents’ faith and spiritual beliefs may differ from one another, but the similarity from the research result and the study of Edmund and Bland (2011) is that the faith and belief of an individual provides an additional source of strength and hope for them.

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Figure 10

Hindering and Facilitating Factors to Grieving