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Table of Stay contents connected 4
Parent resources
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Parent’s Weekend
7
Parent Q&A
8
Family guide
10
IU parents through the years
12
Words of wisdom
14
Sibling Q&A
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Financial aid
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Parental grief
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Mail 101
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EDITOR’S NOTE
IDS AN INDIANA DAILY STUDENT SPECIAL PUBLICATION
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Tristan Jackson MANAGING EDITOR Annie Aguiar CREATIVE DIRECTOR Madelyn Powers NEWS EDITOR Lilly St. Angelo SPORTS EDITOR Tyler Tachman ARTS EDITOR Kevin Chrisco COPY EDITOR Kara Williams
TRISTAN JACKSON is a rising junior in journalism.
Our Orienter magazine is how we at IU Student Media welcome new students to campus, and along with that is this Parent Survival Guide for parents sending their students off to college.
CONTACT US idsnews.com Newsroom 812-855-0760
My freshman year I tried my best not to rely on my mom. I did my best to be self-sufficient and take care of myself, but an occasional trip home and phone calls when I was stressed were necessary. Even two hours away, my mom was my rock during my freshman year. Now more than ever, your kids are going to need you. Most students don’t have to deal with a pandemic their freshman year, but that is the reality we are
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in. Still, I hope the advice and resources in this magazine give you some peace of mind that your student will be OK. Also, echoing my note from Orienter, I hope you and your student are being observant of the world around you and doing your part in kicking this pandemic.
Tristan Jackson Summer 2020 IDS editor-in-chief di i hi f
Business office 812-855-0763 Fax 812-855-8009
Stay in the know with what’s going on in your student’s life and in Bloomington. Get the IDS Headlines email sent straight to your inbox. Subscribe online at idsnews.com/subscribe.
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FILE PHOTO BY COLIN KULPA | IDS
Freshman Morgan Sell smiles Aug. 19, 2019 as her parents help her move into Spruce Hall. They smiled and laughed after Sell accidentally hit her mom in the head with a rolled-up blanket. No one was injured by the incident.
How to keep up with your student while they’re at IU You’ve packed up the car, made three extra trips to Target to pick up things you forgot and fruitlessly organized a dorm room that will be messy again within the week. Now you’re standing outside your kid’s new home and hugging them tightly one last time before you make your way back home. They promised they would call every weekend, and sometimes they do, but the conversations usually
consist of, “Can I have a few bucks for groceries?” or “I forgot my basketball shoes at home, could you send them?" It’s not always easy keeping up with your college student, but there are resources available to help you stay connected to the IU community from afar. Here are a few ways parents can keep track of their students and the university life at IU and in Bloomington.
IU Notify Sometimes bad things happen. Whether it’s a tornado warning or an assault near campus, be in the know with IU Notify. Just go to one.iu.edu and search for IU Notify to sign up. Students can also opt in for these notifications to be sent via phone calls or text messages.
Indiana Daily Student We’ll bring you the news right to your email. Sign up for our daily and weekly newsletters at idsnews.com and always know what’s going on at IU and in Bloomington. You can follow us on Instagram and Twitter @idsnews or on Facebook, and also sign up for our Facebook notifications.
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Social Media
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The easiest way to keep up with both people and places these days is through social media. Even if your kid won’t accept your friend request, you can still like IU on Facebook to see what the big University news is. IU also has a dedicated Facebook page for major crime and weather alerts, IU Emergency Updates.
The Division of Student Affairs has a Parents Association to act as a bridge between you and life at IU. At the end of orientation your student should have enrolled you (or his or her other parent or guardian) as a member. If you’re not a member, you can sign up for the IU Family Connection newsletter at https://provost.indiana.edu/ parent-resources/newsletter/ index.html.
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Resources that can answer questions There are plenty of resources to help students in Bloomington, but there are also resources available to answer questions for parents. Here are some important resources for parents. Parents Advisory Board Indiana Memorial Union IMU M088 900 E. Seventh Street 812-855-8187 mykidis@indiana.edu The Parents Advisory Board keeps parents informed about everything in Bloomington. The board updates parents on the university’s policies and procedures, keeps them informed on important dates and connects them to other resources on campus. The Parents Advisory Board is free to join. First Year Experiences Eigenmann Hall 219 1900 E. Tenth Street 812-855-4357 fye@indiana.edu The Office of First Year Experiences is an excellent resource for students navigating their first year on campus, but it can be a great resource for parents too. The office sends out newsletters with important dates and advice for issues that students experience. Additionally, there is a calendar of FYE events that students can attend.
Student Central on Union 408 N. Union St. 812-855-6500 https://studentcentral.indiana.edu/pay-for-college/ pay-bill/payment-options/ index.html Student Central is the place to handle business. The office helps with paying bills and offers help with financial aid. Disability Services for Students Wells Library W302 1320 E. Tenth Street Bloomington, IN 47405 812-855-7578 iubdss@indiana.edu Parents can get information about how students can receive disability support services and other support services at IU. Office of International Services Poplars 221 400 E. Seventh Street 812-855-9086 ois@iu.edu The Office of International Services is dedicated to helping international students succeed at IU. They have multiple resource books printed in different languages detailing multiple aspects of life in Bloomington to help parents. LGBTQ+ Culture Center 705 E 7th St. Bloomington, Indiana 47408 812-855-4212
glbtserv@indiana.edu The LGBTQ+ Culture Center is a resource for students and the Bloomington community. The culture center provides mentorship, events and support within the LGBTQ+ community. IU Health Center 600 N. Jordan Avenue 812-855-7688 https://healthcenter.indiana .edu/contact/index . html If your student is sick, needs to refill a prescription, needs physical therapy or wants to see a counselor send them to IU’s on-campus Health Center. IU Visitor Information Center 900 E. 7th St. Bloomington, IN 47405 (812) 856-4648 iuvis@indiana.edu The IU Visitor Information Center provides valuable information and assistance to new or returning visitors. The center provides maps and directions, lists of campus events and information on dining and hotels. Residential Programs and Services Nelson Administration Building 801 N. Jordan Avenue 812-855-1764 RPS covers all on-campus living, including dorm living, meal plans and parking.
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Parent’s Weekend uncertain By Lilly St. Angelo lstangel@iu.edu | @lilly_st_ang
According to the Office of First Year Experience Programs, plans for Parent’s Weekend have not been decided. The decision relies heavily on what the plan for the IU football season will be, which has not yet been released. The weekend usually revolves around a home game, and the office said if there is no football, there will likely be no Parent’s Weekend. The office has concerns about inviting parents onto campus with the coronavirus still being a present threat as well. Visit the Office of First Year Experience Programs website for updates.
Q&A: IU mom shares difficulties and joys of sending her daughter off to school Reporter Grace Opinker talked to her mom about her going away to school. By Grace Opinker gopinker@iu.edu
Ever since I was little, my mom encouraged me to go away for college. Although I’m only a few hours away from home, I knew going away to college would be difficult for the both of us. Since I am the only child, my mom and I had to prepare for the adjustment of me living on my own. It was a significant change to not depend on each other like we had the previous 18 years of my life. What was the hardest part when dropping me off at IU? The hardest part for me when dropping you off was letting you go to be on your
own. If you were sad or scared, I wasn’t going to be there to protect you. I was leaving you to be independent, and I would no longer be able to watch over you. What was the biggest adjustment you had to make after I left for school? The biggest adjustment for me was living on my own. Being a single mother, I wasn’t able to rely on you for everything I previously did. What do you wish you would have known about the transition to being apart? I wish someone would have told me you leaving would be OK, and we would both grow from being apart. Once I saw you happy and becoming more independent, it
made me proud. What advice would you give to parents sending off their children to college for the first time? Although it is difficult, you should be confident in yourself for the job you’ve done raising your child. You are giving your child a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go away to school, and many others aren’t able to experience that. It gets easier seeing your children happy and watching them grow. Is there anything specific you would have gotten me for my dorm? If there was one thing I wish you would have had for your dorm is a larger mini fridge. I wouldn’t rent a mini fridge from
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the school only because it’s so small. It would have been nicer if you and your roommate would have had more space. How did our relationship change when I went to college? Our relationship matured because I was no longer taking care of you. I feel like you appreciated me more in ways because I’ve taught you how to be strong and independent. What kept us close? Constant communication kept us close. I talked to you every day, and it became a routine for us. I wouldn’t recommend parents visiting their child too much, but communicating on the phone is always OK. COURTESY PHOTO
Grace Opinker and her mother spend time together at an IU tailgate.
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Family guide to dining, staying the night in town By Joy Burton joyburt@iu.edu | @joybur10
Are you planning to visit IU-Bloomington but unsure of where to eat, snack and stay? Maybe you need a coffee fix, or you’re looking for somewhere with killer milk tea and boba. Do you just want to find the perfect place to rest your head? Look no further than this guide. Note restaurants and hotels might be closed or subject to adjusted hours due to the coronavirus pandemic. Breakfast: the Village Deli If you haven’t been to the Village Deli, have you really been to IU? The authentic family eatery features food for the whole family to enjoy. Its specialty is breakfast food. You need to try their Hoosier Scramble, made of two scrambled eggs, cheddar cheese and a heaping portion of gravy on an English muffin. Lines can get long on weekends, especially IU football game days, so take the time to explore some of the nearby shops while you wait. American Food: FARM Bloomington If you’re in for a meal that says Indiana, look no further than FARM. Located above the Root Cellar bar on Kirkwood Avenue, FARM delivers hearty meals that not only taste good, but are environmentally friendly. FARM features breakfast, lunch and dinner options and houses a full-service bar. The salads are delightful and range from the light Autumn Orchard to the filling Bavarian dinner salad. The Lugar burger will satisfy your cravings, and if you haven’t tried the homemade french fries, you’re in for a treat! Italian Food: Grazie Italiano This restaurant located on the downtown square is perfect for a fancy night out with the family. Its decadent appetizers are served with bread and butter. The expertly crafted main courses include wild mushroom tortellini and pan-roasted chicken marsala. Fabulous desserts such as the Torte della Nonna and Tiramisu make this dinner worth the price. Fancy Cuisine: Uptown Cafe It’s your first day in Bloomington, and you
SAM HOUSE | IDS
Runcible Spoon is located at 412 E. Sixth St. The restaurant’s name comes from a line in Edward Lear’s poem “The Owl and the Pussy-Cat.”
want to live it up. Where do you go? Uptown Cafe, of course! Located beside the Uptown Bar, this is the place to go if you’re hoping to see the fancier side of Indiana. From steak to seafood, this is one of the most extravagant places you can find, and it’s right on Kirkwood. The restaurant features a wide variety of meals ranging from sandwiches and salads to an array of Cajun creole cuisine, steakhouse favorites and pasta. For those over 21, the wine list is worth skimming through. Homecooked Meal: Runcible Spoon If you’re looking for a hearty breakfast or an adventurous lunch, this quirky restaurant named after a nursery rhyme will do the trick. The restaurant is located in what looks like an old house and features outdoor seating and good eating. There’s a long menu of hot and cold beverages to wake you up in the morning such as their frothy, cinnamon-kissed chai tea. The pancakes are so large they nearly fall
off the plate, and the Eggs Benedict is divine. Coffee: Hopscotch Everyone has a friend who is careful to only drink the best coffee, and that friend is bound to love Hopscotch. With an abundance of low-calorie and vegan options, Hopscotch is the ideal coffee destination for anyone with a keen palate and a need for something warm. Hopscotch’s matcha green tea smoothie made of vanilla, banana, matcha and almond milk is one of the best cold drinks served in Bloomington. If you’re also looking for food, Hopscotch offers sweet treats from Rainbow Bakery, a nearby bakery well-known for its vegan doughnuts. Best Ice Cream: The Chocolate Moose Located along South Walnut Street, this local ice cream giant has been a Bloomington staple since 1983. Whether you’re craving a malt, milkshake, cone or float, The Chocolate
Moose is the place to go. Some of the best flavors include the classic chocolate ice cream and Grasshopper, a variation on mint chip. Add melted marshmallow to any dish for a treat. Bubble tea: Bapu Teahouse Yes, you can get your fix of bubble tea here in Bloomington. This restaurant is located off Indiana Avenue just across from the Sample Gates for easy access. Everything can be adjusted to include less or more sugar. The honeydew milk tea is a classic. Bapu offers a combination of fruit teas, bubble teas, smoothies and snack items to help make the long day of walking around campus pay off. Traditional place to stay: The Biddle Hotel If you’ve never been, you must stay in the Biddle Hotel at least once. Located at IU’s central student building building — the Indiana Memorial Union, which was constructed in
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1932 — the Biddle Hotel is IU’s most historic home away from home. Look out your window and feel the sense that you are in the center of where everything is happening on campus. It should be noted that reservations must be made far in advance for this location, especially for big events such as Little 500 or graduation. Modern place to stay: Graduate Bloomington This new hotel is one of the most popular destinations in downtown Bloomington and perfect for delivering the full IU treatment. With intricate IU decor and the Poindexter Coffee located on the bottom floor, this is a wonderful place to stay the night away from campus but still feel like you’re a part of IU. You’ll pass classic IU athletics photos, an old set of bleachers and a copy of the first edition of the Indiana Daily Student newspaper before you even reach the elevator. HALEY KLEZMER | IDS The Graduate Hotel is located at 210 E. Kirkwood Ave.
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IU parents through the years
Families will have years to share college experiences while their students are at school. To keep up to date on events and the campus response to the COVID-19 pandemic during your student’s freshman year, visit https://studentaffairs.indiana.edu.
FILE PHOTO BY STEPH AARONSON | IDS Anna Mackinnon hugs her mother after the undergraduate commencement ceremony at Assembly Hall in 2012.
FILE PHOTO BY BOBBY GODDIN | ARBUTUS Then-senior guard Robert Johnson thanks his father, grandfather and mother in his senior day speech after the IU v. Ohio State basketball game at Simon Skjodt Assembly Hall on Feb. 23, 2018. Johnson was one of five seniors on IU’s team. He played in the inaugural 3X3U Championship, and he scored the game-winning shot.
IU ARCHIVES Most outstanding law student Jean Seidel Miller, with husband and parents, receives an award for having the highest GPA in her class in 1948.
FILE PHOTO BY CHRIS PICKRELL | IDS Then-senior Mia Dalglish and her mother Judy Klein look at artwork during the 10th Anniversary BFA Photography Alternative Show in 2008. Friends and family of the student artists came from all over the country to see the event.
IU ARCHIVES Bill Houghton was a fourth generation IU graduate on his mother’s side and a third generation IU graduate on his father’s side in 1940. His parents, Mary and Howard, were both graduates in the class of 1917.
FILE PHOTO BY ALEX FARRIS | IDS Then-freshman Ashik Shah moves in to his new dorm room in Ashton Center in 2010 with the help of his father, Bhartesh, and his mother, Rekha.
PARENTS SURVIVAL GUIDE 2020
FILE PHOTO BY BRITTANY MASON | IDS Kim Davis shakes the hand of the Herman B Wells statue during an orientation tour in 2010 on behalf of her son. Wells was a long-time, much-admired president and chancellor at IU. It’s a tradition to shake hands with his statue for good luck.
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FILE PHOTO BY BOBBY GODDIN | ARBUTUS Then-senior Todd Yeagley shares a moment with Jerry Yeagley, his father and head coach, following the Hoosiers victory over the University of California in the Final Four of the 1994 NCAA Soccer Championships. Todd Yeagley is now coach of the men’s soccer team.
FILE PHOTO BY LYDIA GERIKE | IDS Then-freshman Elizabeth Ketzner and her father, Brian, laugh while listening to a recording of Elizabeth’s grandfather in Wells Library in 2017. Elizabeth was a baby when her grandfather died and had no memory of what he sounded like.
IU President Herman B Wells greets parents during a Founders Day celebration in 1961. The event marked the 141st anniversary of the university. FILE PHOTO | ARBUTUS
FILE PHOTO BY ANNA TIPLICK | IDS On Senior Day 2018, then-senior softball infielder Taylor Uden walks down the field with her parents and her younger sister, Madison, a player for the University of Michigan. The Hoosiers lost the April 29 match to Michigan 2-0 in extra innings.
Graduate Latroy Hampton hugs his mother, Eunice Foley, following spring commencement May 8, 2010, at Assembly Hall. IU ARCHIVES Students at an IU football game in the 1970s send a message to their parents.
FILE PHOTO BY BRUCE CARVER | ARBUTUS
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Words of advice for parents Leaders around IU give their advice to parents of incoming freshmen. Ky Freeman,
Rachel Aranyi,
President, Black Student Union
President, IU Student Government
“Respect your student’s independence It is now time for you to allow your student to invite you into their life and not force.”
“People adjust to college differently. Your child may call you every day or once a semester. Either way, be supportive and let your child know you are there for them.”
Idalene Kesner,
Melanie Castillo-Cullather,
Dean, Kelley School of Business
Director, IU Asian Culture Center
“For curricular and co-curricular activities, allow your students to find their own way, make their own mistakes, and learn from those mistakes. The college experience isn’t just about the knowledge and skills that students gain, it’s also about the maturity that happens. Allow this developmental process to flourish, and your student will be better for the experience.”
“We are parents too, and we know how hard it is to glance into an empty bedroom or am empty chair in the dining table and to realize how your child has grown, so quickly. There will be tears and it’s fine to feel uncomfortable as your young person moves on to the next stage in their lives. Rest assured, a new community of caring people is here at IU who are ready to support and take care of your student.”
Scott Dolson, Director, IU Athletics “Be proud of your child and of yourselves. Indiana University is one of the premier academic institutions in the world, and it’s taken a lifetime of dedication in the classroom for your child to get to this point. Be proud of them for this accomplishment, and let them know how proud you are of them. Secondly, be proud of yourselves. Very few individuals can reach this level of academic success without a tremendous amount of support from home. Their opportunity at Indiana University is also a reflection of all that you have done for them.”
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Miriam Haque,
Jill Lees,
President, Muslim Student Association
Chief of Police, IU Police Department
“Don’t think of your freshman starting college as a departure, think of it as an arrival to the beginning of a fresh start that will help pave the path for their bright future.�
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“Congratulations! You are now a proud parent of a Hoosier! Please Connect with IUPD via social media to see our safety information and campus community engagement. Also, please review important safety information on the Protect IU website (protect.iu.edu) with your student. IUPD is here to support your student’s success!�
FACT: Building technology skills will boost your student’s academic and career success. Encourage your student to connect with us today and begin expanding their tech experience. Technology is essential in all careers, so now is the time to start!
womenandtech.indiana.edu/tech-at-iu
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Q&A: Siblings talk college, parental best practices Arts editor Kevin Chrisco talks with his sister Katie about being freshmen, her going to college before him By Kevin Chrisco kmchrisc@iu.edu | @beatsbykevv
I was a lowly, pimply sophomore in high school when my sister, Katie, went off to college. I missed her a lot — although I’d never tell her this at the time — and eagerly awaited our family visits to Bloomington. Katie, 24, is now graduated, and I’m in my last year of undergrad at IU. We’ve both been the nervous freshman, terrified of the massive campus and nameless faces in the halls of our dorms. We’ve both been the upperclassmen, fielding incessant questions about our futures beyond Bloomington. And we can both advise parents on how to help their new college students. What was it like being the oldest sibling and going to college first? It was kind of scary. I didn’t have anyone
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15 didn’t join a lot of clubs and stuff until later on because I was, like, just nervous and adjusting to everything, but I probably should’ve joined things earlier.
that had been to college recently that I could ask about it. Even though I knew people from home who were going to Bloomington, it was gonna be such a different experience than high school. So I was pretty nervous about moving, meeting people on my floor and living in a dorm and just being on such a big campus.
What do you think is a good time for parents to make their first appearance on campus? They should come up for a tailgate — or some fun activity — but maybe not the first one.
Did you talk to mom and dad about being nervous? No, not until they went to leave me at my dorm, and I was like, “please don’t go.” Do you wish you had talked to them about being nervous before? Like before that moment where they’re leaving? No, I think I’m a person that doesn’t really realize how nervous I am about something until it’s staring me in the face. I didn’t realize how nervous I was. What was it like coming home the first time? When I would come home at first, it felt like that was like my home where I’d grown up and everything. Bloomington didn’t start feeling like my home until I’d been there for
Parents want to get in with their kids, right? So they want to take them to a nice place. So what’s the spot? Farm, maybe? There’s so many good restaurants.
about a year. So going home felt really familiar and comfortable. And then as I started enjoying college more and just like getting used to Bloomington and the campus and everything, that started feeling more like home. Once you’re at college for a while, is there anything that mom and dad could have done to like help? Anything that they did do
Keep your student’s data secure. Don’t ask for their passphrase. Set up third-party access to pay a bursar bill or check financial aid.
or could have done to kind of help you in that first semester? No, you kind of have to learn. It’s a trial by fire. So just finding people you have things in common with, and, you know, you might make some friends initially in college and you might realize that they are long-term friends. But it’s more something you have to do yourself. Mom and dad encouraged me to join things, but I
Care packages? Yes or no? Yes. Send all the snacks. Any advice for parents? Don’t freak out if your child doesn’t text you every day. What’s a good TV show you’ve been watching? What does that have to do with anything?
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Helping students with the financial aid process Making the money work for school can sometimes be hard. Even after finding ways to pay, you still might miss an important step in the set-up process. We spoke to Jackie Kennedy-Fletcher, the director of the office of student financial assistance, to help your student successfully find and keep financial aid. Papers, papers everywhere Applying to college comes with a long paper trail, but some are more important than others. Kennedy-Fletcher stressed the financial reward letter and packet is of utmost importance. You should have received this letter sometime in March. She recommends students and parents carefully read the letter and make sure they have enough funding to cover IU. The letter includes for how much financial aid their student qualifies, how much it costs to attend IU and the leftover amount parents and students will have to pay. The letter comes in a packet with information on financial aid definitions and a guide on how to receive more financial aid. Finally, any emails or letters from the Office of the Bursar or Student Central are important for
parents to read over carefully because they often require some sort of action, Kennedy-Fletcher said. Need more money? If your student didn’t receive enough financial aid to cover school and you don’t have enough to cover the bill, there are a few options. Students and parents can apply for additional student loans or private loans. However, Kennedy-Fletcher warns parents to highly consider how much loan debt they and/or their child is willing to take on. She encourages parents and students to look into other sources of money such as employment or additional scholarships. Student Central on Union can also help advise parents and students about their best financial options. It also provides information about student and private loan options on its website under the financial aid tab, at studentcentral.indiana.edu. Impending deadlines Another key aspect of financial aid is making sure you pay by the right date. Not paying on time
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can result in late fees. Eventually, if the payments aren’t made, the university can put a hold on your student’s records and prevent them from enrolling in the next semester. First, it is highly recommended students apply for financial aid before March 10. This ensures you will get the most possible funding. If your student hasn’t applied yet, he or she still can, but funds are limited. The financial aid application must be filled out each year and for the 2018-19 academic year the application will be open sometime in October.The next big deadline for payments will be for the first tuition and room and board payment. This will be billed to your student’s bursar account in late August and will be due Sept. 10. All bursar bills are due the 10th of the month. For example, if your student visits the health center in October, the bill will likely be due Nov. 10. If the payment can’t be made, students and parents can also set up a payment plan, which would change dates that payments are due. To set up a payment plan, call Student Central for help at (812) 855-6500. Deadlines are another important reason to stay on top of emails and letters,
because many of the actions required will have deadlines that could have bad consequences if not met on time. Keeping tabs Finally, and possibly most importantly, parents should have their student set them up as a third party user on their bursar account. This allows parents to monitor activity and track financial aid progress. It will also send the parents email alerts of bill payments and grades to parents upon request. To sign up as a third party user, follow the instructions below. Log in to One.IU. Read FERPA disclosure agreement (only presented first time you access page). Click I accept. Provide a username, password and first and last names for your user. Note: password must be at least eight characters, contain one number and is case sensitive. Click Bursar Balances and Bills box. Enter Third party user’s email address; confirm address by entering again. Click Save user.
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PARENTS SURVIVAL GUIDE 2020
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IDS FILE PHOTO ILLUSTRATION
How to cope with parental grief, sending your student off By Laurin McLaughlin lrmclaug@iu.edu | @l_mclaughlin8
Whether you are going home to an empty nest or to your other children, you will likely experience some sadness when you return from moving your student in. Parenting a young adult is different from parenting a teenager, said Brenda Yoder, life coach and author of the Christian-based parenting book “Fledge: Launching Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind.” For those with more children at home, parents might be dealing with both. Yoder has four kids of her own, the youngest being college age. “There’s a lot of grief in one of your children or more of your children leaving to go to college or moving out,” Yoder said. This is what Yoder calls “mom grief.” There
are multiple kinds, she said. Parents may miss the physical presence of their children or the parent process. “Some parents just really love being part of their children’s everyday lives and making meals for them and going to their events,” Yoder said. Others have grief full of regret, she said. Some parents might regret not having a stronger relationship with their child before they left or parenting decisions they made in the past. Dads have grief too, and the kind of grief depends on the relationship between the child and their father. Every family is different, Yoder said. Yoder said one way to help get over the grief is to identify it. “I think the more that parents can identify
what’s happening to them, what they’re feeling and what the different grief is, the change in the loss, it helps them not feel so much like they’re going through an identity crisis as they’re just going through a transition,” she said. Parents should realize that they are still parents but they are renegotiating their role, Yoder said. They are like coaches. They are still able to support, but they cannot make all the decisions. “We rob them of their ability to make decisions that are decisions they need to learn from,” Yoder said. “Children are made to be independent and autonomous. Through adolescence, it’s about growing from the parents, it’s about detaching their identity from their parents, not detaching from a relationship but starting to become independent and sep-
arate people.” Some parents have a hard time letting go of control of their child’s life. Yoder said the goal is to help your child become independent, which means relinquishing control. “Relationship isn’t about controlling or manipulation,” she said. “It really is about respecting the other person’s contributions to their own story.” Parents also worry about their children’s safety and choices at college. She suggested making safety plans, speaking from the heart on these matters and keeping open communication. “That actually builds that bridge,” she said. “Then they know that they can go to that parent and they’re going to get that support and it’s not going to be wrapped in shame and accusation and blame and things like that.”
PARENTS SURVIVAL GUIDE 2020
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MAIL 101 Keep your postal service happy
How to address the mail Student’s Name Residence hall name, Building name, Room number Residence hall address Bloomington, IN 47406 EXAMPLE Joe Smith McNutt Bocobo 123 1101 N. Fee Lane Bloomington, IN 47406
McNutt 1101 N. Fee Lane Foster 1000 N. Fee Lane
Eigenmann 1900 E. 10th St.
Collins 541 N. Woodlawn Ave.
Forest 1725 E. Third St.
Central Neighborhood
Read 125 S. Jordan Ave.
Wright 501 N. Jordan Ave.
RESIDENCE HALL ADDRESSES
Teter 501 N. Sunrise Dr.
Northwest Neighborhood
Ashton 1800 E. 10th St.
Briscoe 1225 N. Fee Lane
Southeast Neighborhood
Spruce 1801 E. Jones Ave. Willkie 150 N. Rose Ave.
Union Street 445 N. Union St.
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529 COLLEGE SAVINGS P L A N S It’s never too late—or too early—to start saving for college. By investing in a 529 college savings plan now, you’re investing in a brighter future.
GET STARTED AT 529.IU.EDU One of the Best Ways to Save for College Did you know that opening a regular savings account at your bank may not be your best option when it comes to saving for anyone—your child, your grandchild, your niece, your nephew, or even yourself.
Is Indiana’s 529 Plan Right for You?
fees and a state income tax credit equal to 20% of your contributions, up to $1,000 maximum per year. Bottom line—no matter what state’s plan you sign up for, a 529 savings plan is a smart choice. Visit 529.IU.EDU for more information and to learn how IU employees can save automatically through IU Payroll direct deposit.
MONEYSMARTS
Stay connected no matter what. Join the IU Parents Circle. iuf.iu.edu/parents