May 2017 • Estd. 1892 • Vol.124 #9 • Published Monthly • www.ihstattler.com Ithaca High School, 1401 North Cayuga Street, Ithaca, NY 14850 • FREE
INSIDE THIS ISSUE
INTERNET
LOVE LETTER
CONQUERING
page 4
page 6
page 11
POLICY UPDATE
TO IHS
Continuing Discussion About Incorporating Fine Arts Grades into GPA By MADELINE TURNER
IHS students who take music classes work for hours a week, practicing and participating in extracurricular activities that directly involve musical skills. Many spend free periods in A-building playing their instrument, singing, or writing to improve their skills as musicians. Others simply enjoy participating in their daily music classes as an escape from the rest of the stressful school day. Many students assume that the time they spend in A-building counts as part of their GPA. However, grades for music classes are not factored into the grade point average. The IHS Student Council and a team of administrators and teachers are actively working to change this policy. Including music classes in students’ GPA is a popular initiative for many students taking these classes. Music department teachers Nicki Zawel, Kristin Zaryski, and Bill Makin—directors of the band, choir, and orchestra respectively—also believe that these classes should count towards student GPAs. The music programs offered at IHS are already well-renowned, but including music grades in GPA could clearly send the message that IHS is committed to its Music department. Music classes operate on a spiral curriculum in which students explore new pieces and musical skills each year, building off of accomplishments and artistry achieved the previous year. Musical concepts do not change, similar to grammar concepts in language classes, but musicians are constantly growing and improving their skills with daily practice and exposure to new repertoire. The new two-ensemble system for Band, Choir, and Orchestra allows even more room for growth and achievement. Recently, IHS Band Director Nicki Zawel, ICSD Superintendent Luvelle Brown, Art Department Head Carol Spence, and IHS Principal Jason Trumble met to discuss this initiative. “We are headed in a very positive direction and we have administrative support,” Zawel said. Brown will be meeting with Chief Academic Officer Liddy Coyle to discuss whether adding music to a student’s’ GPA would have a negative impact on weighted GPA. Trumble commented on the situation, saying that the team has “looked back 20 years, and seen that IHS has never included music in GPA before, although the stars are aligning in the conversation to make it happen.” On the next steps of the initiative, Trumble said that “Ms. Spence is reaching out to other schools to identify downsides to the issue, though it seems CONTINUED ON PAGE 5
SENIORITIS
An Update on Teacher Evaluations By FRANCESCA CHU
Every year, teachers are evaluated two or three times on their lesson preparation, classroom environment, quality of instruction, and fulfillment of professional responsibilities. New York State requires school districts to conduct teacher evaluations and ICSD tries to hold its teachers to a high standard. However, The Tattler and teachers themselves have questioned the effectiveness of these teacher evaluations in improving the quality of teaching throughout ICSD. Last fall, a committee of teachers from the Ithaca Teachers Association met with district administrators to revise the system for teacher evaluations. This committee regularly meets with administrators—typically after state requirements change—to discuss how evaluations will be conducted. According to the procedural manual developed by the committee and administrators, the goal of the current evaluation system is to provide an objective way to help teachers grow professionally. Under the current system, 50 percent of teachers’ scores on evaluations are based on observations, leaving the other 50 percent based on student test scores. Staff members who are certified in administration—who may be teachers or administrators—make announced observations of each tenured teacher once a year and of each non-tenured teacher twice a year. Every year, each teacher also receives one unannounced obCONTINUED ON PAGE 5
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OPINION
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
Editorial
The Dangers of the School Voucher System On January 17, the world was left stunned in the aftermath of the Senate confirmation hearing of Betsy DeVos, the Trump cabinet pick for Secretary of Education. Little-known to anyone outside of political circles prior to her hearing, DeVos made an immediate impression by announcing her intention to roll out a national school voucher fund to allow for school choice. Her remarks, which can only be described as radical, have begun an intense national debate about the best way to advance public education in America. The school voucher system, envisioned in its current form by Milton Friedman and intended for use in urban communities, was devised with the intent of creating competition for failing neighborhood schools and eventually resulting in lowered costs, better staff hirings, and an overall increase in quality of education. In essence, the voucher system reimburses parents with the public funds that would have been allocated to their child in the public school system. States allocate an average of $15,000 per student, which is redirected from public schools to parents so that they can afford to send their children to a school of their choice under the voucher system. Parents can use this rebate to cover the cost of open-enrollment at different school districts, to cover private school tuitions, or, in some states, even to pay for religiously affiliated schools. As many urban communities have found out the hard way, the application of free-market economic theory to public education has yielded unprecedented consequences. The first shortcoming of school vouchers is that they simply don’t work to improve public schools. Most students who take advantage of voucher programs to attend private schools are an elite minority, and taking money out of public schools, typically ones that are already failing, only reduces their chances at survival. Increases in student to teacher ratios, worsening teacher shortages, and inabilities to acquire technology have all been plaguing public schools for years, and pretending that diverting already-scarce funds to small institutions is a long-term solution is simply false. While in theory, competition could work to lower costs and increase quality at public schools, it is clear that the current approach is at best putting off the problem of insufficient funding to public schools, and at worst severely crippling the ability of many urban school districts to educate their current generation of students. The second problem with the use of school vouchers is that while in theory, they level the playing field for children in disadvantaged districts, they actually are oriented only to help the wealthy. Not only do school vouchers take away from needy public schools, but they rarely cover the price of high-quality private schools for poorer families. Many states can only provide voucher amounts subsidizing $1,000 or less of a private school tuition: clearly not a large enough portion of the cost to make vouchers a viable alternative to failing public schools. As a result, voucher systems today are often used by the wealthy for a tax break or tuition discount for schools that they could otherwise still afford, while poorer families are stuck in public schools with dwindling
budgets. A striking example of the voucher system’s adverse effects on public education has been in the Detroit Public Schools Community District (DPSCD). DPSCD has been in extensive financial troubles since 1994, when Michigan decided to approve a massive charter and private school campaign, in no small part due to the lobbying efforts of a then-unknown millionaire named Betsy DeVos. Now, the situation is dire. In September 2016, a group of high-school students went as far as to sue Michigan Governor Rick Snyder and education officials, claiming that the state was depriving them of a constitutional right to literacy that they interpreted the 14th Amendment to uphold. The state’s response was even more unexpected—it claimed that there was “no fundamental right to literacy” instead of seeking to rectify the situation. The fact that students are going to such extremes not only shows the negative impact of vouchers on public schools, but is also a testament to the inability of the voucher system to provide high-quality alternatives for lower-income students. Even more alarming is the impact the rollout of a national school voucher program could have on rural and small-town districts such as ICSD. Districts around the country are already feeling the impact of a loss of population and its accompanying loss of funding. Given the popularity of alternative education in Ithaca, a voucher program could significantly decrease IHS’s student population. Cutting AP courses, electives and extracurriculars, and staff have been the only ways of counteracting the drastic losses in funding that come with decreased enrollment, and these would be acutely felt at IHS. For reference, a loss of even 20 students at IHS under current conditions would result in a loss of $400,000 in funding from the state. It is clear that rolling out a national school voucher program would be detrimental to public education nationwide, and especially in rural communities. The solution to fixing underfunded public schools is not to further siphon off their funding or to write them off altogether; private schools and charter schools are all short-term solutions. We must at once address a much-needed national conversation about what is necessary to provide high-quality, free education for all.
The Tattler is the monthly student-run newspaper of Ithaca High School. All currently-enrolled students at Ithaca High School are welcome to submit writing and photographs. As an open forum, The Tattler invites opinion submissions and letters to the editor from all community members. Email submissions to editor@ihstattler.com or mail letters to: The Tattler 1401 North Cayuga Street Ithaca, NY 14850 Send submissions by May 12 to be included in the June issue. The Tattler reserves the right to edit all submissions. All articles, columns, and advertisements do not necessarily reflect the views of editorial staff. To read The Tattler online, visit our website at www.ihstattler.com.
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
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NEWS Staff 2016 – 2017 Editor-in-Chief
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Upcoming STEM Exhibition Planned to Have More Extreme STEM for High Schoolers By TRISTAN ENGST Recently, several teachers and an IPEI member have been planning a STEM fair to take place at IHS after school on May 15. The fair is planned as a continuation of events focused on making middle-school students more aware of the STEM opportunities available in the district. These events have all been fairly similar in the past. Code Red would often show up and drive around one or two of their large robots. IHS’s Technology Student Association (TSA) chapter would bring a sometimes-operational catapult, a few CO2 dragsters, and many of its past trophies. Other STEM-oriented clubs at IHS, as well as DeWitt Middle School’s TSA chapter, were also frequent participants. The gatherings drew mostly parents and younger kids. In this vein, a major motivation for IHS’s upcoming STEM exhibition—called “Growing STEM in ICSD”—is “to strengthen understanding and vision of STEM possibilities for middle-school students so that students see the range and richness of possibilities available to them as they head into high school, college, and beyond,” according to Ms. Wilkie, a teacher working on a special assignment to promote interdisciplinary curriculum. Wilkie is a primary organizer of the exhibition. However, Growing STEM in ICSD is planned to be far more ambitious than its predecessors. “We are broadening our outreach to high-school students this year, in order to get more of them exposed to the local college organizations and businesses that are engaged in STEM work,” Wilke said. In addition to the regular crowd of IHS clubs, Wilkie is expecting a slew of local businesses such as MiTeGen, which designs and builds devices used in seeing on the molecular scale through crystallography and X-ray diffraction; GrammaTech, which creates cybersecurity products; and Quinn Energy, which according to its website performs “optimization of distributed energy resources at the microgrid scale and nanogrid scale.” Cornell University’s Biomedical Engineering Society and Xraise, which promotes science for pre-college students, as well as Ithaca College’s Department of Physics and Astronomy and Department of Computer Science, all plan to make an appearance, among many other organizations. All told, Wilkie expects at least 20 organizations to come. Past STEM events have been about more than just showing off Ithaca’s STEM resources. “Having all of the folks in one place for an afternoon last year allowed some terrific connections to take place; people came to know each other and those conversations led to new understandings and possibilities among all of us,” Wilkie said. It was also evident that an exceptional amount of work is going into Growing STEM in ICSD. In addition to Wilkie, Ms. Gray, who heads IHS’s Science department, Ms. Kiechle, who co-advises IHS’s TSA chapter, and Illa Burbank of IPEI’s Ithaca STEM Advocates were all involved. Wilkie said that “we also depend on local organizations to support this event with… snack food donations,” and that “ICSD transportation is helping make it possible for all students to have transportation home after the event.” Growing STEM in ICSD will be held at IHS on Monday, May 15, from after school until 5:15 p.m. “We are working on a comprehensive plan to improve and grow the opportunities for kids, and this is part of that effort,” Wilkie said.
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NEWS
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
A Clarification of ICSD Internet Policy By RUTH SILCOFF and MADELINE TURNER
Ever since students were given free Chromebooks at the start of the 2015–16 school year, there have been questions regarding new practices, such as what students can access on their Chromebooks, as well as questions about Internet policies that have been in place for years. The IHS Student Council took the initiative to ask Chief Academic Advisor Liddy Coyle and IT Administrator Zachary Lind some questions brought up by IHS students. Inquiries were raised about how websites are blocked, how students can get them unblocked, the rationale behind the district’s policies, and general Chromebook care. In response to many of these recurring questions, Lind explained that two major software programs are used to block websites: GoGuardian and Lightspeed. These programs blacklist sites that the administration can easily choose to unblock. Any time a student finds that an educational site is blocked, they can request to unblock it through the Chromebook help page that appears upon restarting the computer. Since third-party vendors are used to assist in blocking websites, whenever these programs change which sites they blacklist, the websites students are able to use can also change. This is why an article may be accessible one day and be restricted from access the next. At home, the websites students access only go through one filter on the Chromebooks, but at school, they also go through another filter on the school WiFi. This is why the sites students can access change when at home versus at school. In regards to why the district uses these programs, the simple answer is that they are forced to follow the Child Internet Protection Safety Act (CIPA). That being said, CIPA has vague guidelines. The main criteria written under the CIPA states that any inappropriate material that minors have access to should be restricted, but this can be interpreted in many different ways. The ICSD Board of Education is willing to bend as much as possible to find a balance between regulations, education, and pleasing students. Lind and Coyle also responded to many of the concerns students had regarding Chromebook usage and, more commonly, Chromebook breakage. One member of Student Council pointed out that it would be beneficial for students to have an FAQ page that contains answers regarding small problems that students could easily fix on their own, a link to the website unblock form, and more general information regarding district Internet and computer use policy. Such a feature would also be helpful for graduating seniors who wish to preserve documents from the Google Drive linked to their school account. Two to three months after a student graduates, their school email is discontinued, but the district keeps Google Drives on file for seven years after graduation. With an FAQ page, former students could email the district and request two days of access in order to copy files from their old Drive into a personal Drive. Internet privacy in the school district was also discussed. Nothing ICSD students send in their school emails or search on their Chromebooks is private. Administrators reserve the right to access all of students’ Internet activity. However, this rarely happens and students have little to worry about. The administration does not have the ability, time, or interest to access cameras on the Chromebook, so students do not need to cover up their cameras with stickers.
Student Council also discussed the future of Chromebooks and Internet policy at IHS. One representative brought up the idea of unblocking the video feature of Google Hangouts for study sessions. Student Council unblocked the chat feature earlier this year, but the video feature is still unusable. Both administrators agreed that this would be a feasible course of action. Coyle and Lind also discussed the future of the devices themselves. The Chromebooks students received in 2015 have a lifespan of three years, and newer, sturdier Chromebooks have already begun replacing the more breakable older model. Lind said that it was possible that Android and Chrome would merge in the next few years, which would mean the future of these devices lies in more touchscreen usage. Finally, Lind and Coyle mentioned that Chromebooks are here to stay. They said that, although many students complain about the downsides of Chromebooks, the vast majority of students would protest if the program were discontinued. Lind said that Chromebooks are a big factor in preparing students for college and careers that require digital literacy. These skills can only be learned from practice and exposure to such devices. The biggest lesson that Student Council learned was that the ICSD administration is there to help them. The administrators acknowledged that many restrictions students face can be somewhat ridiculous, but they also have to enforce policy and deal with some situations on a case-by-case basis. Zachary Lind and Liddy Coyle are open to further meetings with small groups of students to continue making changes in Internet and computer use policy.
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
NEWS
“MUSIC AND GPA” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1
like a win-win.” Trumble said that the music in GPA initiative is a bigger decision than just a “yes” from the principal. He said that the issue “has been looked at historically, and now it is time to look at it moving forward.” Select students have expressed concern that including music in GPA would lower their weighted GPA. The team involved has taken this factor into account and have started doing further research on the issue. An option that was suggested was the possibility of classifying Wind Ensemble, Symphony Orchestra, and Chorale, the higher-level ensembles, as Honors classes. Brown will be meeting with Coyle to further discuss the actual implications of this concern. One factor to consider is that all IHS students are required to take Health and Participation in Government, two classes not weighted as Honors classes. “TEACHER EVALUATIONS” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1
servation, or “walk-through,” in which an administrator drops by and observes the class for just 15 minutes. Teachers are also evaluated on student test scores, though the process varies depending on whether the class ends in a Regents exam. By the summer, teachers receive their evaluation scores from the previous year and find out whether they are highly effective, effective, developing, or ineffective in their teaching. In accordance with its goals to help teachers improve, ICSD offers mandatory Teacher Improvement Plans (TIPs) to teachers who receive low scores. TIPs include workshops and mentorship programs, as well as a TIP coach who helps teachers to plan lessons and develop strategies, such as those for increasing student engagement. In March 2015, The Tattler published an editorial examining the teacher evaluation system in place at the time. The Tattler editorial board had several complaints about the evaluation system and offered some solutions. Despite the recent revisions to the evaluation system, it seems that many complaints regarding teacher evaluations remain unaddressed. Inter-departmental Observations One issue with the current evaluation system is that observers may end up evaluating a teacher in an unfamiliar subject. For example, a history teacher who ends up observing a math teacher might not have enough knowledge of the math curriculum to tell how effective the math teacher’s instruction is. Deborah Lynn, IHS physics teacher and member of the committee that helped create the current guidelines for evaluations, explained that some teachers still have this complaint. Steve Weissburg, a math teacher at IHS, noted that he has not been evaluated by someone with a math, or even STEM, background in over six years. “All my observations are based on pedagogy, not content,” Weissburg said. “This is not appropriate for secondary education, where content mastery is important.” Despite these complaints, there have been no recent changes to the policy regarding these inter-departmental observations. However, there is currently a system by which teachers can challenge the observation report if they feel they were not evaluated fairly. Duration of Observations Another problem that teachers observe with the current system is that too little time is allotted for observations. Lynn said that 15-minute walkthroughs do not provide enough time for
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The music program at IHS already has a reputation for excellence, as shown by the amount of people who attend concerts, performances, and showcases, as well as the dedication that students show by participating in music classes. However, many believe that including the grade students receive to count towards college and academic life further validates the amount of time and effort put in by students and educators towards artistic excellence, especially for those wanting to go to college to pursue a career in the arts, as well as for students who participate in multiple ensembles. Student Council is concerned about and involved in this issue because their job is to take issues that students show interest in and make them a reality. Many students have shown enthusiastic support for including music classes in GPA, so Student Council has pursued this policy. If you want to get involved or comment on the initiative, contact Student Council officers Samson McKinley ’18, Ruth Silcoff ’17, Ania Pracel ’18, or Tilden Chao ’19. observers to make an accurate evaluation of the instruction—a complaint that The Tattler also brought up two years ago. The policy for the length of the observations has not changed significantly since then.
Lack of Student Feedback One of The Tattler’s main complaints about teacher evaluations in 2015 was that student opinions were not factored into teacher evaluations at all. Weissburg explained that the lack of student feedback in teacher evaluations is still a problem. “In my experience students give much more meaningful and useful feedback than administrators who just observe one class period,” Weissburg said. There is currently no official way for students to submit feedback regarding their teachers’ instruction, though some teachers ask for feedback informally from their students.
Lack of Teacher Input on Criteria Teachers have also expressed a desire to have more of a say about the criteria on which they are evaluated. Lynn said that teachers used to be evaluated more on the achievement of their self-determined professional goals. “[This system] helped me be reflective and think about what aspects of my profession I wanted to improve and what I could do in that direction. However, the state no longer approves of this practice,” Lynn said. Jean Amodeo, IHS English teacher, also noted that the rubric for evaluating teachers is unnecessarily long and redundant. In spite of these issues, some teachers think that the current system for teacher evaluations is acceptable. Lynn said that the system in place is “reasonable.” Amodeo explained that the effectiveness of the current system depends on how teachers receive the feedback. “Personally, I think the usefulness of teacher evaluation feedback and student performance data is completely dependent on educators’ attitudes towards it and the ways in which they choose to respond to it. If viewed solely as a ‘grade,’ evaluations are not at all useful. If seen as a couple of pieces of information which feed into a desire to improve, evaluations can be useful,” Amodeo said. However, other teachers think that there are still too many weaknesses with the current system for it to be effective. The system has changed little overall in the past few years, leaving issues such as inter-departmental observation, student feedback, and others largely unaddressed.
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THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
OPINION
Love Letter to IHS By STERLING WILLIAMS-CECI
IMAGE FROM ITHACA WEEK
This is it. My last ever article for The IHS Tattler. It feels like just yesterday when I wrote my first! For days now, all I could think of was this moment. Now that it’s here, I have to make this article my best. So here it goes. I love IHS. There, a brilliant thesis statement—well, maybe I should give some context first. With this being my last ever article for a newspaper I hold close to my heart, I wouldn’t want to write anything other than a tribute to this school. For four years, I have looked forward to walking in the doors every morning. There is a unique feeling of walking through the halls of IHS that I simply cannot explain. You only know what I mean if you’ve felt it yourself. The environment here is so special. There are many teachers here who are hidden gems, unbelievable characters who come to life when their students enter their classrooms. This is their life, and they are devoted to interacting and forming positive relationships with their students. They also, however, have values of their own and are not afraid to share them, and the respect they give their students is only a compensation for the respect their students give them. I can name specific teachers who have impacted my life in unimaginably positive ways, and I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to learn from them at IHS—I know that there aren’t teachers like them at any other high school. My absolute favorite part of my days at IHS has been the beautiful, smart, unique individuals whom I am honored to call my friends. The people who have accepted me and whom I’ve grown to know and love. This wasn’t something that I experienced in any part of my life before. In elementary and middle school, people were generally shallow and could not be trusted. At IHS, however,
everyone has matured in some way, and almost everyone I have met here over the years has become an amazing person. I respect these people, and while friendships like these are formed at most high schools, I know that the people I have bonded with could never be found anywhere else. It is mind-blowing to think about, and it makes me so grateful. Granted, I am being naïve here; there have been boring days, bad teachers, and rude people. I definitely have my own examples, and I have considered them thoughtfully. However, as an optimist and a positive person, I have chosen to generalize from all of the glorious days I’ve had here that have vastly outnumbered the worse. I know that the exceptions to my wonderful days at IHS are worth neither the time, nor the thought. One thing that is particularly special to me about my experience here is that, while there have been subpar times, not once have I felt threatened or sad to go to school. Not once. When I think of all the kids around the world who feel these ways about school, I feel so grateful that IHS has been such an amazing experience for me overall. When I think of yet more children who are deprived of schooling so that they can work to support their families, I am yet more grateful for this opportunity. While many people can and will disagree with what I’ve just written, I hope that this resonates with others. All in all, I have absolutely adored my time at this school, and if I could redo it all over again, I wouldn’t skip a beat. These four years have been a time of immense intellectual, social, and emotional growth for me and for many others, and if I can persuade anyone to just be grateful and recognize all of the beauty of IHS, then I will have done my job. I love you, IHS.
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
OPINION
PAGE 7
The BEST
Way to Start Your Day By FIONA BOTZ, Staff Writer
Every individual begins their morning differently. Some of us wake up to the sound of an iPhone alarm set for seven o’clock each morning, while others are woken up by the sound of mom making breakfast downstairs in the kitchen, and a few wake up naturally from the rays of sunshine streaming through curtained windows. The way we begin our mornings sets the tone for our day. But just because there isn’t a fresh hot stack of banana chocolate chip pancakes waiting for you on the kitchen table when you finally roll out of bed, or it’s a cloudy day outside, doesn’t mean the day won’t be awesome. Here are a few of my favorite things I do each morning to start my day off on the right foot, feeling prepared and excited to take on whatever IHS has in store for me. The first thing is, if you are not lucky enough to have a family member wake you up each morning, set an alarm for the right time. If you are up late the previous night and you know you won’t get as much sleep as usual, I recommend setting your alarm a little later than you usually would so you can squeeze in those extra z’s, even if it means sacrificing some time to do your hair. Adding just an additional ten minutes can make a big difference! So plan out the night before what wake up time will leave you feeling the best, while still giving you enough time to get ready. Waking up at the perfect time usually leaves one feeling refreshed, recharged, and ready to seize the day. Secondly, if you make your own breakfast, and you can, make it the night before or make sure it’s something that you can whip up quickly. I like making overnight oats so I can simply take it
out of the refrigerator in the morning and eat it right away. This cuts breakfast time in half, which means the mornings go a lot smoother. Or make something quick, like eggs, a smoothie, or instant oatmeal. Whatever it is, make sure it doesn’t take up too much time and is delicious and nutritious! Your body and mind will thank you during that math test second period and later during your soccer practice. Third, listening to music while you are getting ready and/or traveling to school is another great way to start the morning because it gets you excited and in a good mood. It does not matter what the genre is, just choose whatever you like! I believe playing the music you like and getting a few quality dance moves in before arriving to school is a must. It almost always gets me in a great mood and lightens up any stress I might have. Finally, and most importantly, find gratitude that you even get to go to school. Some people don’t have the opportunity to learn from teachers at a school, to be involved in extracurriculars, or to be surrounded by friends and people they admire. Each and every day at IHS provides a chance to meet someone new, to enhance a relationship with a friend, and of course, to educate yourself about the world. Do not take this for granted, and you may start to find yourself viewing the typical school day in a more positive way. Being grateful and realizing how fortunate you are to be at such a diverse and accepting place of learning truly tops those pancakes, even though that seems impossible.
Take a Stand By JULIAN PERRY
We all remember it. November 9, 2016: The mood in IHS that day was characterized by a complete lack of optimism for the future among most students, for many of whom it was the first time experiencing the loss of a presidential candidate they supported. Almost half a year later, major developments have occurred in D.C., including the establishment of a new cabinet, the confirmation of a Supreme Court Justice, and major proposed cuts to the budgets of agencies such as the EPA in favor of increased military spending. However, also present so far in the administration has been vocal opposition to all of these actions. While some of those who dislike Trump have taken matters into their own hands and become more politically engaged, others have entered a state of complacency since the election, opting to give up efforts to stand up for what they believe in. To those angry with the administration who seem to think that nothing they can do will matter, I would argue that the political liberalism that most Ithacans favor has had a number of victories already, in what so far has been a
presidency characterized not by what Trump and his party have done, but by opposition in the form of an increasing number of Americans getting up and taking a stand for what they believe in. As early as January of this year it became clear that protests and demonstrations would be a powerful tool for change in the new era. On January 21, the day after the inauguration, millions of people around the country were involved in large organized demonstrations. This alone seemed to have impacted Trump, whose staff went to great efforts to deny the fact that the crowds of protesters in Washington greatly outnumbered those at the inauguration the day earlier. More significantly, the millions of people marching showed how powerful communities can be when rallied together for a common cause. While January 20 marked the start of Trump’s presidency, the 21st was the beginning of a movement that has already (and hopefully will continue) to shape government policy. CONTINUED ON PAGE 9
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OPINION
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
Trump’s Dangerous Disregard for Diplomacy By CASEY WETHERBEE
In March, President Trump proposed a new budget to Congress, one that demonstrates his complete lack of foreign policy knowhow and that, if passed, would drastically reorder the nation’s priorities. It is worth noting that the budget’s chance of passing is slim. Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said in late February, when the outline of the budget was released, that the proposal would be “dead on arrival” in Congress (The Hill). Though comforting, this does not change the fact that our President and his administration constitute a foreign policy nightmare. The most egregious downfall of the proposal is a 29 percent reduction in the State Department budget, coupled with a 10 percent increase in the Pentagon’s budget (New York Times). Simply, this means that Trump believes that replacing soft power—a term that describes diplomacy, foreign aid, and other civilian aspects of national security—with hard power—coercion through military might or economic sanctions—is a good idea, which it isn’t. In fact, in the present day and age, we need soft power more than ever. Consider the current situation in Syria. While forces supporting President Assad wage war against rebel forces, ISIS still maintains a looming presence in the region. It is clear that ISIS needs to be stopped, but we can’t do it alone. Counterterrorism is based on trust, and a multilateral approach is the only approach that will work. Scaling down diplomacy and increasing military spending communicates to the rest of the world that we don’t need them, and that America intends to carry out a unilateral plan that will surely fail. It seems that many of Trump’s supporters believe that they have been short-changed by foreign countries that have taken advantage of the U.S.’s generosity and goodwill. As Senator Mick Mulvaney (R-VA) put it, Trump’s budget is an “America first” budget. This, of course, implies that America hasn’t been putting itself first for the last century. According to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, the U.S. ranks 20th out of 28 wealthy democracies in percentage of GDP it devotes to developmental assistance. By contrast, the U.S. spends much more on its military than any other country in the world. This isn’t to say that Trump is completely in the wrong when he implores other countries to “pay their fair share.” However, the U.S. certainly isn’t straining itself to hold up its end either. Even if America hadn’t been putting itself first as much as it could have been, slashing soft power would still be misguided and morally wrong. The budget demonstrates a woeful lack of empathy in the form of regrettable and unnecessary cuts, such as completely eliminating funding for UN climate change efforts, the Emergency Refugee and Migration Assistance program, and the Food for Peace program, among numerous others (Council on Foreign Relations). These programs work to combat hunger and disease, clean the environment, and rehabilitate people at risk of persecution and death. Until recently, these aims were consistent with American values. However, it seems that our government no longer stands for compassion and freedom, and this is something that Americans must resist.
There may be some who do not care about being compassionate or empathetic—those people still should not support this budget or the sentiment it symbolizes. It is simply in the U.S.’s best interest to invest in soft power so that we may advance our interests in the developing world and end conflicts that directly affect American citizens. The Foreign Service, not the Pentagon, is key to negotiating directly with foreign governments about these interests. Additionally, bolstering relationships with these countries through foreign aid is not charity—where we withdraw, other world powers such as Russia and China can easily exert influence. So long as the U.S. maintains its firm presence in the international community, it can continue to leverage the goals of supranational organizations to promote peace and prosperity throughout the world, as well as combat pandemics or other potential crises that could endanger U.S. citizens. The U.S. is not being weak when it lends a helping hand to those in need, nor is it even acting against its interests. Every country needs a healthy balance of hard power and soft power to achieve its goals. In our case, our scale is already heavily tipped towards the former, and we must reject all attempts to worsen this. Greed and indulgence have taken root in the White House, and it is the job of every one of us to weed it out.
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
OPINION
What Triggered Jacob This Month
On Punishing Criminals By JACOB SILCOFF, Staff Writer
According to the National Institute of Justice, more than 75 percent of all prisoners are arrested within five years after release from prison. While there are hundreds of factors that play a role in this horrifying failure of our criminal justice system, there is one factor that is particularly worrying and which goes against the principles of due process of law. This problem essentially boils down to the fact that ex-convicts are being punished after they have finished serving their sentence, not by the state, but by individual citizens. These people, who take it into their own hands to punish prisoners beyond the amount deemed fair by the state, are the employers across the country who require job applicants to disclose their criminal record at the expense of both fairness and the safety of our country. There is a principle in criminal justice that the sentence given by the state is the one you serve; that whether or not you think we punish our criminals too much or too little, that once a criminal has served their time, they should have finished paying the price for their actions and be safe to return to society. If either of these things were not the case as determined by an objective system (our courts), then the sentence would be longer, meaning that when an individual is released from prison, they will have finished making up for their crime and will not pose a threat to society—at least according to the government, which we trust enough to let take away the rights of our fellow citizens. This implies that an employer denying a potential employee work because of their record is an unfair punishment, because it is taking someone who is considered to have paid for their actions and to have been rehabilitated and punishing them some more. This is not the fault of an employer, who may be acting in their own interest, but rather the state, which allows employers to use an individual’s criminal record in the first place. If we truly believed as a country that those who were found guilty of a crime are still dangerous in some way, then we should keep them locked up for longer and work on a prison system that does a better job with rehabilitation, not delegate the task of protecting society from criminals to employers. What makes this practice particularly dangerous isn’t just the ethics of it, but rather the fact that what is beneficial for an employer can be extremely harmful for society as a whole. Failure to find work as an ex-con is cited as one of the major causes for recidivism, leading to two distinct harms: the first is that there is an increase in crime, because people without jobs will turn to harmful alternatives to make ends meet when given no other options; the second is the huge financial cost of housing and feeding millions of prisoners sucked into perpetual imprisonment. The same logic can be applied to sex offender registries, which are a more dangerous version of the same thing. The logic behind these registries is that people might want to know, for their own safety or the safety of their children, who sex offenders are in their neighborhood. The clear issue here is that if an sex offender posed any significant risk of reoffending, it makes little to no sense that the state is releasing them into the public and telling people to worry about protecting themselves by means of this list of offenders. Knowing who the sex offenders are shouldn’t make you feel safer—it should make you feel substantially less safe because it implies that our government believes that the people it is choosing to release into society pose a threat to you. “But wait!” you may shout, “Employers deserve the right to know who they’re hiring.” Fine, you may believe this, but just as you wouldn’t want your employer to be able to read every email you’ve ever sent, or to be able to tap your phone for a month to make sure you’re not doing any crime, you can agree that there is some limit to what an employer should be allowed to know. When their knowledge is costing society millions of dollars and increasing crime, all while violating the rights of criminals to due process, that line has certainly been crossed.
PAGE 9 “TAKE A STAND” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 7
At this point in the administration, the influence that the resistors possess can no longer be denied. When Trump issued executive orders restricting immigration in ways some judges saw as unconstitutional, those judges took a stand for what they believed in. When the GOP announced their plan to repeal the Affordable Care Act, enough people contacted their representatives and showed they cared to successfully prevent the repeal, despite the Republican majority in both houses of Congress. When scandals arose surrounding advisors to the President on issues of national security, enough people spoke out to cause those advisors to be removed from their positions. Throughout these past few months, the influence of those who have said enough is enough and spoken out against problems with the administration has been unequivocally clear, leaving no excuses for those trying to justify their inaction. In the months since the inauguration of Donald Trump, those unhappy with the administration have been able to make their voices heard such that even with the White House, Supreme Court, and both houses of Congress being held by the GOP, legislation and executive orders in favor of what is not supported by the majority have failed to pass. The Trump administration has been so heavily shaped by activists, protesters, and people simply telling their representatives that there is no excuse for idle hopelessness. To those unhappy with the administration who have stayed silent, I remind you that you have not only a right but a responsibility to take a stand for what you believe in.
Write for The Tattler! Send submissions to editor@ihstattler.com.
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THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
FEATURES
Reddit’s r/place: How a Joke Turned Into a Glorious Microcosm of the Internet By JUSTIN HEITZMAN
Plenty of corporations over the years have tried playing April Fools’ “jokes” on the public in recent years, and whether ill-advised or not, they continue to get attention from the media. This year’s batch, for example, included the “Google Gnome” (a spoof on Google Home) and an announcement from Virgin Airlines stating that they would be employing dogs on their planes as a “canine crew.” However, the king of internet April Fools’ jokes just might be the social media website Reddit, which has managed to specialize in getting users to unite towards a common goal, whatever that goal may be. The first main instance of an April Fools’ joke on Reddit was known as “The Button,” launched on April 1, 2015. This was a subreddit (a segment of Reddit devoted to a certain topic), known as “r/thebutton,” in which only a countdown timer and a simple button were displayed on the user’s screen. Every time the button was pressed, the countdown clock would return to sixty seconds remaining. Each account on the site could only press the button once, which is why it was particularly impressive that the timer never actually went to zero. This “social experiment” continued until June 5, 2015, likely due to website administrators realizing the unlikelihood of the countdown reaching zero at any point in the near future. Ever since, the subreddit has had a continuing legacy on the website as one of its potential “seven wonders.”
r/thebutton would essentially be the predecessor of this year’s Reddit April Fools’ joke. On April 1, 2017, users of Reddit awoke to see that there was a new subreddit called r/place that had gained significant traction (or, if you’re like me, you didn’t realize its existence until it was practically over). This subreddit featured a large pixel mosaic (1000 x 1000) on which users could change the pixels’ colors in order to create larger images. The catch, however, was that similarly to “The Button,” users would be locked out of placing another pixel for five minutes after placing just one, meaning that users had to think outside the box. Reddit users quickly began working with other users of the subreddits that they frequented to create and maintain images on the pixel mosaic. All of this collaboration and cooperation had an amazing final result. Some highlights of the pixel mosaic included various national flags of countries such as France, Brazil, and India; banners and logos of various colleges and universities; a “green lattice” covering the entire top-right corner; and my personal favorite, a scoreboard reading “ATL 28– NE 3,” which referred to the Atlanta Falcons blowing a 25-point lead in the Super Bowl. Overall, this was a fascinating social experiment, and as one Reddit user so eloquently put it, “It was another fun diversion on the slow march to the grave.”
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
FEATURES
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IMAGE FROM THINKTANK LEARNING
That Sounds Like a You Problem
Conquering Senioritis (If You Feel Like It) By ABBY KATZ, Staff Writer
Q: Hi Abby. So it’s my last semester of high school, and I’m pretty sure that I’m starting to develop senioritis. I’m so ready to graduate that I can’t seem to concentrate on schoolwork, and I never have the motivation to finish anyth Signed, [think of a clever pseudonym later]
A: Well hello there, [clever pseudonym]! Seeing as you couldn’t even be bothered to ask me a question that I am by no means qualified to answer, I think it’d be a fair assessment to say that you’ve got at least some of the most common symptoms of senioritis. There’s no need to panic about this fact, however. Senioritis is kind of like herpes: most people have it, a lot of them are completely unaware of their status, and the severity of the condition can vary considerably depending on what strain has infected you. For this reason, I’ve decided to break down the different levels of this pre-graduation disease into three stages. The course of action you should take (assuming you want to do anything at all) depends on just where you fall on this motivationless continuum. *A note to seniors: seeing as most of you probably aren’t going to want to read this whole thing, I’ll be bolding the most important words of this article for your skimming convenience.* For those of you underclassmen who are still reading, allow me to briefly clarify what senioritis is and isn’t. Some juniors and even sophomores, my past self included, seem to be convinced that they already possess an early-onset form of the condition. I promise you, you don’t. Everybody loses motivation and finds it difficult to truly care about trivial high-school things from time to time, but true senioritis is a much more chronic and deeply-rooted phenomenon than these fleeting feelings of disinterest. It’s a hard distinction to convey to those who have yet to experience senioritis for themselves, but once it sets in, I guarantee you’ll understand. Generally speaking, the first symptoms of senioritis begin appearing in January, once the first semester of the year has come to a close and the majority of regular-decision college applications have been submitted. The cold weather allows these students to easily slip into the habit of dressing exclusively in sweatpants, hoodies, and flannel pajama pants, a trend that many of them will
continue for the rest of the year. I’ve been told by numerous IHS alums that midterms week is widely regarded to be the unofficial last semester of high school for seniors, and for me that’s certainly been the case. If you find yourself wearing the same pair of pants for weeks at a time, skim any reading longer than five pages, or have begun using your free periods as power naps, you’re probably stuck in the first stage of senioritis. Secondary and tertiary waves of senioritis emerge throughout March and April, as college-bound students receive their acceptances. With the future and the “real world” now within reach, it becomes even harder for these students to feign interest in the bubble they’re so quickly outgrowing. A student who was once mortified of not turning in work on time may now shrug off even the most doable of homework assignments. Coffee runs during free periods often turn into afternoon-long excursions during this stage. The most potent form of senioritis tends to rear its head in early May, once the weather begins cooperating and AP students are done with finals. If you see a senior on campus who isn’t lounging in the quad, napping in H Courtyard, or on their way to pick up take-out, run—they’ve either become delusional in their post-testing haze or are plotting something that is definitely not “any form of a prank.” If you’ve already decided that just reading the Sparknotes summary of last night’s reading is too much work or if waking up five minutes after your alarm leads you to decide to take the day off, then congratulations, you’ve made it to the lowest point on the senioritis spectrum. There’s no real cure so you’re just gonna have to roll with it (not like you would have done anything if you could have). To conclude, I’m already over my one-page limit and my deadline is 15 minutes away so instead of going back and editing down I’m just going to stop mid sente Don’t be like me. Except let’s be real, you already are. You’re welcome. —Abby
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Scientific Abstracts By HAYK SHAKHZADYAN The following is a small collection of recent scientific research and discoveries.
1. Applications of cell phagocytosis A recent study done by Harvard University concluded that cells, through phagocytosis, can engulf silicon nanowires, after which the nanowire resides near the nucleus of the cell. Normally, phagocytosis is a process where cells contort and stretch to consume waste and debris, and for the immune system, pathogens. So far, people have yet to discover which cells do or do not perform phagocytosis, and more complex machines as of yet haven’t been tested. Previously, silicon nanowires, along with other electrical parts, were able to be placed inside cells by creating a hole in the cell with electricity. With this new method, nanowires can be introduced more easily, like a drug. Although these are only the first steps according to John Zimmerman, a biophysicist at Harvard, the discovery could lead toward introducing electronical devices into cells. Applications of such a feat include cell control and even replacing current electronics for brain stimulation. In this research, scientists tested umbilical vein cells, rat nerve cells, and immune cells of mice, which all used phagocytosis.
2. Emulating human speech in monkeys In many aspects, monkeys have always had close ties with humans. They have been known to be somewhat intelligent relative to other animals, using tools and communicating with one another. There is one species, the macaque, that in theory could sound out enough vowels to speak English, among other languages. Despite its adept vocal chords, the macaque’s brain capability is inadequate for enabling its airways to form words. Researchers have studied X-rays of these monkeys during several activities—such as grunting, cooing, and eating various foods—and used that data to make a computer model based off how the primates could potentially talk and what it would sound like. There is some debate over whether a macaque trying to speak English would actually be distinguishable. Recent computer models show, however, that although macaque speech is not nearly as clear as human speech, it would still be somewhat understandable. 3. Safer painkillers There is a major flaw that is present in some drugs and medications: body tolerance. After some time, the body will start to become immune to the effects of drugs, meaning that in order for a drug to continue being effective, it will have to be consumed in increasingly larger doses. This is a problem that is currently plaguing users of morphine, an opioid that is widely regarded as the best painkiller. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, morphine addiction killed around two million Americans in 2014. The negative side effects of morphine happen when mu, the brain receptor type for painkilling, activates, causing two kinds of chemical cascades: Gi and beta-arrestin. Gi causes the pain relief, while beta-arrestin causes constipation and slowed breathing. What researchers are trying to do is find a drug that can trigger one cascade without the other. Bryan Roth at the University of North Carolina, after screening around 3 million compounds through mice, narrowed the range of possible solutions to 23 and found PMZ21, a painkiller that doesn’t have the other side effects of morphine. Of course, this just means that it is an effective painkiller for mice, and it would need to go though further testing to be applicable to humans.
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
From the Archives
Excerpts from the Tattlers of Yesteryear By THEA CLARKBERG
December 1911 W.W.H. (in public speaking): “That won’t do, Mr. Howell, you must leave the platform on tiptoe.” Sid: “What’s that for?” W.W.H.: “Otherwise you might awaken the audience.”
May 1912 Typewriting Some people wonder why the system of touch typewriting is being used and why the regents requires thirty-five words per minute… By the old methods the typist would get a few words in his head, look at the keyboard, print the words and then look back at the manuscript… The touch system is said to have been originated by a young man who had 300 letters of a private nature to write for his employer, in a very short time. His eyes became tied in glancing back and forth so he learned the key-board. He tried writing without looking at the keys and found it not only easier but quicker. The international championship in typewriting is held by H. O. Blaisdell of New York. He writes 109 words per minute. It is noticeable that many of those who hold championships use the touch system. A story is told of a young woman at the Pan-American in Buffalo. This operator, a touch writer, wrote from dictation at a very rapid rate, watched the crowds coming in and out, and chewed gum… If you want to increase your salary, all you have to do is to increase your speed. May 1915 “What’s the matter, little boy?” “M-maw’s gone and drowned all the kittens.” “Dear, dear, that’s too bad.” “Yep, and she p-promised-boo-hoo- that I cud [sic] do it.” May 1928 Teacher: A biped is anything that goes on two feet. John, you name one? John: Yes, ma’am, a pair of stockings.
May 1946 What Do We Want In Germany? Over a year has passed since the surrender of Germany, yet the future of that country is still one of the greatest problems in the world today. At present she is a devastated country, occupied by four differ-
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com ent powers… Her people are without jobs, without food, without a sense of unity. They are ready to follow the lead of any party or individual who will give them these things… The future of Germany now depends largely on [the actions of the U.S.]. If from the present state of confusion, frustration, and instability, American democracy can bring the German people prosperity and security, Germany will be a democratic nation. But the Germans will not wait for democracy. They will follow the first government that guarantees them that prosperity and security they are craving for-- be it Communism, socialism, or Bolshevism. Now is the time for America to act, not 25 years from now when she’s faced with another Nazi Germany.
Views on the News by John Schappi Post-war America must face the problem of racial and religious discrimination which looms as an imposing threat to our hope for real peace on the domestic front. Many Americans seem even more susceptible to prejudices today than before the war. Unless this trend is halted soon, we will again see race riots in Detroit and “zoot suit” fights on the West Coast… Our nation is at this time swallowing the same sort of propaganda that the German people listened to and believed during the preceding decade… Certainly no child is born disliking Negroes, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, “foreigners,” or any other religious or racial group… The negro child and the white child may be something of a novelty to each other at first, but in their simplicity each accepts the other
FEATURES as an equal being. When is it then that the prejudices begin? If we could delve far enough back into our memories, we would probably recall a family scene where we first discovered that our elders and “betters” considered that one cultural group was different from-- and, therefore, superior to-- other groups. Perhaps you were told not to play with a particular child again, or at least not to become too friendly with him, because he was “different”... If the adults of today (and tomorrow) would keep their prejudices to themselves, if all of us would practice consideration, we would soon have a new generation, free from all hatred for their fellow men. It does not require much imagination to visualize the better community, nation, and world that would be created without the curse of hatred among men. February 12, 1970 Black Students Want Counselors, Holidays by Dick Hipolit Black students… feel that IHS is geared to white students and is not doing enough to help blacks. One demand of IHS blacks is that there be more black teachers and black guidance counselors. They feel that since blacks come from a unique home environment and face different problems than white students, white teachers and counselors cannot understand and help them sufficiently…. There is now only one full-time black teacher at IHS, Mrs. Kennedy in the physical education department… Another idea with broad support among blacks is to have school holidays honoring
PAGE 13 black individuals… Among the nine holidays which have been suggested to the administration are Martin Luther King’s birthday… [and] similar days honoring Malcolm X… American Indians Must Become Militant by Dianna Visek In our attempts to remedy racial discrimination in America, we have forgotten the people who originally ruled the land… [American Indian] illiteracy and dropout rates are the highest in the nation’s… Indian youths commit three and a half times more suicides than other Americans… Although the modern Indians’ situation is much worse than that of other minority groups, they have not rioted, marched, burned or looted. “Read Power” has made little headway, perhaps due to a traditional attitude of accepting and living in harmony with the environment. It is time, however, that Indians become more militant and demand at least those rights that are usually granted to minority groups. Apparently our society is so structured and inflexible that it cannot recognise and treat social ills unless they are frequently and forcefully proclaimed by the news media. We find it so necessary to be shocked by militant minority tactics that the Indians go unnoticed. Without their recent campin of Alcatraz Island, most Americans would have assumed that Indians went out with Sitting bull. Unless American Indians quickly learn and use modern techniques of social warfare, they will find themselves close to extinction and relegated only to history books.
A 1970 Tattler advertisement for McDonalds (note: The Tattler does not endorse McDonald’s).
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FEATURES
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
Trevor Noah at Ithaca College: Analyzing Politics and Society Through a Comedic Lens By AUSTIN LAMB, Staff Writer
On April 8, comedian Trevor Noah, host of The Daily Show since 2015, performed at the Ithaca College Athletics and Events Center. The venue, unfortunately, left much to be desired, with its classroom-style seating arrangement for an audience of around 4,000 people—as someone who stands at 5’3”, the lack of elevated seating was an issue. I was fortunate enough to have an aisle-row seat, but many people ended up watching the large screen above the stage. Seating issues aside, the show itself was refreshingly hilarious. As soon as Trevor Noah came onto the stage, he immediately expressed one of his first impressions of Ithaca upon arrival: that it looked like a town straight out of a horror movie, referencing the 2017 comedy horror movie Get Out. Noah then demonstrated his ability to quickly find humor in everyday occurrences by telling the audience his initial reaction to watching lacrosse for the first time. Noah, born in South Africa, got a chance to witness the IC women’s lacrosse team outside of the venue right before entering the stage. At first, he thought it looked like everyone was aggressively catching butterflies. However, eventually he pieced everything together and realized that it was in fact a sport that we play here in North America, although he incorrectly assumed that lacrosse was invented by white people, instead of being a sport originating in Native American culture. This bit of observational humor was a good start to the show, but then Noah shifted to something that he’s one of the best in the business at: political and social satire. While some might argue that political and social satire is merely critiquing an issue without providing a solution, humor can also be a way of making sense of modern issues that are inherently farcical. During the rest of the show, Trevor Noah addressed many current societal issues and hypocrisies—all pertinent to the United States—by either recounting experiences in his life using expert impersonations and impressions or through the use of comedic metaphors. During the show, or any type of show or public event for that matter, it can be alarming when one realizes how much of a distraction cell phones can be. Admittedly, I was a victim of this, as I missed a joke or two while taking notes on the show on my phone. Early on, Noah singled out an audience member who was on their phone. Noah explained that while he didn’t personally have a problem with it, despite IC discouraging it, he brought attention to how much of an impact a single electronic device can have in a public setting. Noah noted how first, the beholder of the device is focused on the screen rather than on the performer. Then, those seated behind the audience member with the phone are the watching device’s screen, which then causes the next group of people back to wonder what everyone is looking at in front of them. In the end, Noah observed, an entire section of the audience is captivated by one single device. He elaborated more on the subject of how cell phones are increasingly dominating our lives by suggesting that we are devolving as a result of them. Noah provided an example of this with his term “cell phone neck.” Noah stated that because humans are spending so much time texting nowadays, with their heads and necks bent forward, we are in a way returning to the anatomical state of our very distant ancestors. Another example is present when humans accidentally drop their phones. To demonstrate our
common reaction when this happens, Noah acted out a mother gorilla mistakenly dropping her baby, screeching and hopping around like our primate relatives. This enactment was actually surprisingly realistic, and further supported Noah’s point that cell phones are causing our devolution, while at the same making the crowd roar with laughter. Trevor Noah addressed the nativist and anti-immigrant sentiment that is present in our society today by using tacos as an example. He noted how tacos are prevalent in America today and enjoyed by a variety of people, regardless of their political beliefs. However, there is still a portion of the nation that has a bias towards Mexican immigrants. Noah found it peculiar and ironic how these people have a hatred towards Mexicans, yet have an affinity for their food. And tacos aren’t the only food that reflect the impact of immigration on the U.S. Trevor Noah made a very great point that without immigrants, we wouldn’t have any spice. Instead, we’d only have potatoes. Noah also emphasized that the anti-immigrant sentiment was not invented by Donald Trump. Noah said that hatred of immigrants was a pair of “pants America always had in its closet.” Trump, whom Noah described as simultaneously simple, hilarious, and scary, “wanted to do president but not be president.” Instead, he suggested that Trump should’ve just had a Fisher-Price president play set so he could write bills and declare war without any real consequences. Noah pointed out that we are learning about the presidency at the same time as Trump, likening him to an airline pilot who has not undergone proper training, while likening American citizens to passengers on the plane frantically scrambling for a flight handbook. One last important issue that Noah covered was racism. As a someone who grew up with apartheid, Noah claimed that he had experienced racism unlike anything the U.S. has today. With this experience, Noah made several important points. To white people, he said that they should not be afraid of saying “black,” because there’s nothing wrong with being black, much to the delight of the audience. And instead of fearing that one might come across as racist, it is more important to have conversations about racism and to address such a significant issue as opposed to ignoring it. Lastly, Noah instructed to not worry about seeing color, but instead worry how to treat color, and also to treat racism with love. What makes America unique is a comedian like Trevor Noah being able to use comedy to critique the flaws in our government, free of consequences. Having lived part of his youth under apartheid, the privilege of freedom of speech is not at all taken for granted by Noah, who is a perfect example of how comedy can be more than just a relief from everyday worries or a passion that has no real impact. Comedy can be a way of making sense of ridiculous-but-important issues that can only be understood with humor, but it can also provide a method of analyzing and comprehending relevant political and social issues by exposing the hypocrisies and stereotypes that are present in our society and culture today. I realize that in no way does my retelling of Trevor Noah’s performance fully convey his comedic and satirical expertise. So, if you haven’t already, take the time to watch some of his material. It’s definitely worth your while.
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
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IMAGE PROVIDED
ARTS
The Decemberists performed at Ithaca’s State Theater on April 7.
The Decemberists at The State By CHLOE WRAY, Staff Writer
The Decemberists are an indie-rock band hailing from Portland, Oregon. Founded in 2000, with the release of their initial EP 5 Songs in 2001, it makes sense that the audience at the band’s April 7 show at Ithaca’s State Theater was mainly eager millennials and Gen X-ers. Sitting down, my friends and I found ourselves surrounded by a crowd with “a mode age of approximately 32,” guesstimated Amalia Walker ’17. The funny thing about a band of moms and dads is the other parents that they attract: the once teens and young adults who were fans at the very beginning of the band’s career. Audience members toted plastic cups filled with beer, giving the theater a smell all-too-realistic for a crowd looking to rock out and relive their glory days. Not only did I pin myself out of place in terms of age, but I was severely unversed in my knowledge of the band’s repertoire. Walking into the show, I was familiar with the band name and had heard some songs of theirs here and there. By no means was I a fan in comparison to this audience of megafans. The show was likely the best-attended show I had ever seen at The State at which a majority of the crowd genuinely knew every single lyric. Walking in, I was excited to determine my opinion of the band through live performance, the best indicator of their talent, and to get to know their music. The opening act, singer-songwriter Julien Baker, was a bit of a turn-off. Her soft, breathy, ultra-lyrical songs all sounded like the twelfth track of an album, slow and tender. Once The Decemberists began, however, I woke up from the trance the opening lullabies had inflicted. The enthusiasm of the audience not only heightened my overall interest throughout the event, but brought my attention to The Decemberists’ legitimacy as a group and talent as confirmed by their fans’ devotion. The band itself described one song as dad rock, and it certainly fit the bill, as dads all around me clapped their hands and danced.
But the music was not cringeworthy. The band of two guitarists, a bassist, drummer, organist, part-time backup singers, part-time percussionists, and an occasional trumpeter brought a full and complex arrangement to each song. Their lyrics reflected the instrumentals, telling tales of historical significance and sagas of love. Right off the bat, the band stomped on stage and stormed the audience with a song reminiscent of an epic viking battle, a dynamic theme that carried on throughout the set. Unlike bands of today dubbed “indie-rock,” The Decemberists compromised neither their lyrical or instrumental compositions in favor of a hint of techno electronica: they were old-school in their following and sense of musical self-respect, and new-school in their unique instrumental experiments and on-stage enactments of their songs. The show was well-paced for the most part, primarily fast and upbeat with the exception of a few slow songs thoughtfully interspersed throughout the lineup. Only towards the end of an almost two-hour set did the show become slightly tired for me. The encore ran for a solid 10 minutes. It was in the midst of this encore that Walker’s jaw dropped and she exclaimed that she had just witnessed the performance of the most vulgar lyrics she had ever heard outside of rap. It came as a complete surprise, keeping us on our toes at the end of an exciting, but nonetheless PG, show up until that point. As the first show in their current tour “The Shuffling Off to Ragnarӧk,” there were some inherent and expected kinks, bound to be worked out during the following weeks over the course of which the band will promote new and old music alike. Although the show had its technical flaws, I felt privy to a new set and lucky to have been able to get to know such a talented, revered, and eclectic band as The Decemberists live at The State.
Class Officer Campaign Statements Jordan Lu ’18
Hey juniors! I’m Jordan Lu, and I am running for Class President. I am ready to make our last year count by coordinating and fundraising for all inclusive and awesome events for our class. I plan on building upon the social media platform that we have created this year, which was an easy and effective way for students and parents to stay connected. I’m ready to continue the achievements we’ve made this year and organize new activities, like new merch, our senior trip, and prom. Senior year can be stressful, but I plan on creating events where we can let loose and have some fun. Vote for me, and let’s make senior year our best year yet!
Hi juniors! I’m Cynthia, and I am re-running for Vice President. With three years of experience, I believe that I have the ability and dedication to make our senior year memorable. As our last year together, it is important that we make memories last and our last year here a blast. Once again, I am ready to take on this role and put in the time and dedication to organize class-bonding events, whether they be senior prom or our senior trip. This year, we have raised thousands of dollars and increased class spirit through donut sales, barbeques, and class breakfasts. From talking to you in person, organizing class meetings, collecting surveys, and utilizing social media, I will continue to reach out to incorporate your voice and your input because I believe that your opinion matters and your experience here at IHS matters. Thank you for your consideration!
Sveta Reddy ’18
Hey guys, I’m Sveta Reddy, the current Class of 2018 Secretary, and I am running again for Secretary. I’ve been in this position for the past three years and have developed in many different areas, so I feel as if I would fulfill this position well. I always look for new ways to improve our school, and will continue to do so if elected. I believe that everyone's opinion should be considered during decisions made about our class, so I will continue to take all students' voices into account. These past years, from bake sales to a pancake breakfast, class spirit and fundraising have increased significantly. I am super excited to plan prom for both junior and senior year, and also to take part in making these next two years something to remember. So vote for Sveta Reddy if you're ready to make the school a better place.
Hi Class of 2018! I’m Marilyn, and I’m running again to represent you as your Class Treasurer. I have been your Treasurer for the past three years and I hope to continue to serve our class as a senior. Due to my experience, I know I have the responsibility to handle our financial matters. Next year, I will strive to work harder to make contributions that will benefit the entire Senior Class, including organizing unforgettable class events like senior prom and the senior trip. This year, my fellow officers and I worked diligently to try to create a spectacular junior prom. We organized fundraisers and events and have raised thousands of dollars. However, we want to make senior year even more memorable and to do so we need your help! I hope you will consider voting for me as your class treasurer. I am determined to contribute to an extraordinary senior year.
Jisoo Ha ’19
Cynthia Chen ’18
Marilyn Pereboom ’18
Hi, my name is Jisoo Ha and I am running to be your Class of 2019 President. As class officers, we are here to unite, encourage school spirit, and represent our class. I believe that I am the right candidate for this position because I’m an approachable person, which allows me to connect with all social groups. Having past experience as VP, I will be able to use prior knowledge to fundraise in order to plan accordingly for big events, such as prom. As president, I plan to organize tournaments, movie nights, and beautification projects in order to create class unity and spirit. Moreover, I believe that I stick to my word and that I work to the best of my ability. As president, I will continue to work towards creating a class where everyone’s opinions are heard, represented, and made true. Don’t forget to vote Jisoo for your Class President!
Vaynu Kadiyali ’19
I’m Vaynu, and I’m running to be the President of the Junior Class of 2019. As your class president this year, I have fundraised extensively to triple our class budget to prepare for class events and our upcoming junior prom. I have also created a Google Classroom so that we can effectively communicate about our weekly activities, and we have launched a successful merchandise sale to promote class spirit. I hope to continue this legacy as your president next school year. I’ll continue my efforts to organize a high quality, inclusive Junior prom, and we’ll organize a class volunteering opportunity and a classwide fundraiser. Most importantly, I’ll make the same effort as I have this year to facilitate your opinions getting heard. I hope that you see and share my vision, and that you choose me to represent you next year. Contact me if you have any questions!
Hello, Sophomore Class of 2019! My name is Sankofa McLaurin and I am running for vice president of our class. I am running for this position because I believe I have what it takes to make our junior year at IHS an impactful yet enjoyable experience. My goal is to bring the sophomore class together as a community and use my platform to be a voice for all students. This includes being active on social-media sites that would allow others to be informed about events, as well as being included in decisions that would impact our high-school careers. I would like to spend more time on class-based fundraisers to raise money for events like prom. If elected vice president, I vow to always listen to what you have to say while working towards positive changes.
Irena Rosenberg ’19
What’s up, students of IHS. I am Irena Rosenberg and I wish to be your Class of 2019 Vice President. You may be wondering, what exactly is the role of a VP? As a class officer, I intend to boost enthusiasm for class spirit and involvement. I feel I am overly organized and would be very passionate about planning events, such as the all-important junior prom. Additionally, I feel I can connect with people from a variety of backgrounds, as I have participated in school sports, music, and clubs. I plan to coordinate events that give students the opportunity to really be a part of their class as a whole, specifically, tournaments, movie nights, and food fundraisers. IHS is where we spend four years of our lives, so why not make the most of it? Remember to vote Irena Rosenberg for Class of 2019 Vice President!
Hi! I’m Joseph, and I am running again for Secretary of the Class of 2019. So far this year, I, among the other class officers, have worked very hard to extend our reach throughout the class, experimenting with methods of communication and planning for our future as IHS students. Next year, I will continue our progress to form a more tightly-knit and unified community, bringing to attention all of your concerns regarding our actions. Through class-wide events such as volunteering and community service, with the addition of fundraisers, we will be able to foster our cherished class spirit, further allowing us to enjoy a more productive and valuable experience throughout the year. You, the Class of 2019, deserve a leader who is dedicated and capable of planning, organization, and real action, so vote Joseph Yoon for Secretary. Thank you.
Andrew Kim ’19
Sankofa McLaurin ’19
Joseph Yoon ’19
Hey! My name is Andrew Kim and I’m running for Treasurer of the Class of 2019. As Treasurer, I would work to efficiently raise money and give attention to your concerns about our spending. I believe that I am qualified for this position because I am part of many activities in our school, from the music department to the Varsity Hockey team. Being around numerous other students so often makes it possible for me to listen to the input of others and take them into consideration. A previous athletic director once said that student athletes should have a high level of individual discipline and decision making, overall being held to higher standards. As a student athlete myself, who is able to communicate openly and precisely with others, I am prepared for this role. Thank you. I hope you vote for me, Andrew Kim, as Treasurer of the Class of 2019.
Hello! My name is Tony Yang, and I am running for Treasurer of the Class of 2019. As treasurer, I will continue to help the class manage its finances and develop new strategies for effective fundraising. Additionally, I will try my best along with the officer team to voice your diverse concerns and suggestions to the entire class. I’ve helped the class raise over $600 this school year, and we will continue to fundraise even more to help make junior prom and other class events successful. I will help strengthen class unity by organizing a community service event for the entire class. Lastly, I will help increase communication between the class officers and the rest of the class by creating a forum and posting more frequently on Google Classroom in order to notify the class about class updates and future events. Please vote Tony Yang for Class Treasurer!
Tony Yang ’19
Hello everyone. My name is Alex Whitehead, and I am running for re-election so that I may be the Class of 2020 President. I am a good fit to lead our class, since I have a lot of knowledge when it comes to leading. Also, as many people may know, I am not part of any specific group of people; I enjoy talking to everyone. This means I can represent everyone. This year, I plan to continue to fundraise, and raise even more money. Now that we have a Google Classroom, I plan to continue to reach out for student opinions, so that our fundraisers will gain our class money, and be enjoyable. Also, be ready for a movie night that should be sometime in May. If you have not yet joined our Google Classroom, email me at alexander. whitehead@icsd.k12.ny.us. Thank you for your consideration.
Garret Breen ’20
Hello, my name is Garrett Breen and I am running for Vice President of the Class of 2020. By having the role as your vice president, my goal is to represent the entire Class of 2020 rather than just individuals. I would hope to do this by allowing my peers to express their suggestions on various topics that would impact our entire class. As Vice President, I would ensure that I have open ears to any ideas that my classmates may present to me. Also, events created would be available to all members of the Class of 2020, not just some individuals. As Vice President, I hope to improve class spirit, promote classwide activities, and encourage fundraising to enhance our senior-year activities. Thank you, and I hope you considering voting for me.
Hello everyone, my name is Justin Heitzman, and I am running for Secretary of the Class of 2020. In this position, I hope to be able to work to positively impact our entire class, as I can reach out through Google Classroom and other online platforms to discuss opinions that the student body may have. My main goal as Secretary will be to help organize fundraisers. I feel that this is the best function of our class government, and it is the function that we most need to improve. I will work to build a strong base of support for our class, which will ultimately go towards ensuring that the Class of 2020 has many fun events planned. I also hope to establish a better system of communications with ICSD administrators on issues our student body finds important. Thank you for your support!
Kelvin Wang ’20
Alex Whitehead ’20
Justin Heitzman ’20
Hello everyone, my name is Kelvin Wang and I’m running for the position of Class Treasurer. I believe that I will be able to represent our entire grade by continuing the usage of our Google Classroom. This will enable everyone to actively participate in anything that the class officers plan to do. Additionally, I plan on making the Google Classroom a discussion-based forum that will allow everyone to include suggestions about what the class as a whole should do. My main goal as Treasurer will be to increase our class balance and save it for future events such as prom. I also plan on using some of those funds to host classwide events to increase class camaraderie and spirit. This will, hopefully, be a great year for our class. I thank everyone for listening.
Hi! My name is Asha Duhan and I am running for Representative to the Board. As Representative, I would work to be a voice for all students. I am in numerous extracurricular activities and play Varsity Tennis, and am fully immersed in the IHS community. I believe that I am well-qualified to represent the student body. One of my goals is to increase transparency between the Board of Education and the students by communicating how the actions taken by the Board affect students specifically. I would do this by delegating a part of the morning announcements to fulfilling this task and writing articles for The Tattler. In addition, I would work jointly with both Student Council and class officers to identify reforms and concerns of the students, and communicate them to the Board. Thank you, and I hope I can count on your vote.
Asha Duhan ’19
Meera Bai Singh ’19
Hello IHS! My name is Meera Bai Singh, and I’m running to be your next Representative to the Board. My primary goal as Board Rep would be to create transparency between the Board and the students at IHS. To foster this much needed connection, I will work with the other representatives to write monthly Tattler articles concerning Board decisions. Not only will I strive to foster better communication between the Board and the students at IHS, but I will also work to make sure that I fully represent the multitude of unique voices here at IHS. I will accomplish this by collaborating with Student Council, as well as creating a Representative-run Twitter account. The Twitter account will update students regarding the the decisions of the Board, as well as allow students to share their ideas with me and my fellow representatives.
MAKE ITHACA GREAT AGAIN (without the wall)! Hi, my name is Myeong and I am running for the Representative to the Board. Instead of rambling about details that you guys neither are interested in nor will remember, I will make it very clear what I hope to achieve as a Rep to the Board. My goal is to be the bridge between IHS and the Board of Education. High school is the last stage of life as a teenager, and I want everyone to be able to have the best experience possible. No, I can’t make a new basketball court or serve steaks for lunch (unless I get adopted by Bill Gates), but I will make your voice heard. Leo Song ’18
Hello IHS. My name is Leo Song, and I am a junior. I am running for Representative to the Board. I have been in Student Council since freshman year, and I was the Vice President in my sophomore year. I strongly believe that these three years of experience have developed my skills working with school administration to tackle real, pressing issues. Using my experiences, I will be your voice at Board meetings. I plan to engage students by sending out biweekly surveys to find out what people want and implementing a Board report in every Tattler issue in order to keep you up-to-date with news. Furthermore, I will emphasize more funding towards our horrible school bathrooms to improve their conditions and make your school experience more comfortable. I have a strong passion for improving student life, and I hope you can give me this opportunity to serve IHS again.
Hi, I’m Ania Pracel and I’m running for Student Council President. As Treasurer of Student Council this year and head of my committee last year, I understand what makes Student Council work. I am also a commissioner of Link Crew and a section leader in band. These positions have allowed me to build leadership skills vital to successfully leading the council, and have helped me build relationships with people from all different grade levels and social groups. This year, I have worked tirelessly with the council to incorporate music classes into students’ GPAs. This initiative would impact around a quarter of the IHS student body. My goal for the council next year is to work to connect with the greater Ithaca community, as well as advocate for the entire student body. I hope that you find me qualified to become your Student Council President next year.
Tilden Chao ’19
Myeonghak Lee ’18
Ania Pracel ’18
This year, as the Secretary of Student Council, I am proud to say that we’ve accomplished a lot—helping get Google Hangouts unblocked, granting over $400 to clubs around the high school, and contributing significantly to the motion to get music classes incorporated into GPA. However, there’s still so much left to do. I really want to focus on student engagement in Student Council. We will create an online forum where student ideas can be posted, debated, and brought into action, and have weekly announcements on Fridays updating the school on what we’ve accomplished throughout the year. This will go in conjunction with a distribution of reusable water bottles for every student in the school. Thousands of plastic cups go to the trash every year—these water bottles will offer a sustainable and green solution. Add me on Snapchat @tildenchao to ask about my work in Student Council! Thank you!
My name is Veda Chickermane, and I would like to be your Student Council Secretary. In the past two years at IHS, I have been an active member of the Council, also serving as the head of fundraising. This year, the fundraising committee has raised over $400 to fund several clubs and improve our school. We have given this money to clubs such as Model UN and Science Olympiad for trips to conferences and materials, among others. As your Student Council secretary, I would like to help inform our school on several positive developments and create a more inclusive environment. It’s important to ensure that every voice is heard and student concerns are raised to those in positions of authority. With your support, I want to be the catalyst for the positive changes that Student Council can to offer to IHS.
Veda Chickermane ’19
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Celebrating Coffee By AMALIA WALKER On April 7, Ithaca College hosted a festival to celebrate the achievements of some alumni in film studies, as well as the subject of their short films: coffee. In the basement of Center Ithaca—a now-remote destination, but one that once housed Cinemapolis—Ithaca College owns a small, well-equipped space known as The Studio. There, students can experiment with films and transmedia projects and present their creations to the public. It’s fairly difficult to find, and the event was under-attended for the amount of free coffee and pastries available, but the small theater space didn’t seem empty as two short films played. Both films, Seed to Cup (McKinleigh Lair) and Coffee in the Cloud Forest (Daniel Masciari, Jacob Beil), were beautifully filmed and quite effective at exposing the challenges that South American coffee growers face. Neither film was over 10 minutes long. The former, filmed in Guatemala, eloquently illustrates the difficulty that comes with growing the specialty coffees we snobbishly consume in praise of the roast and not of the plant. Coffee in the Cloud Forest centers around a particular coffee-growing community in Ecuador dedicated to sustainable production but struggling with infringement on their resources by the mining industry. Its intimate focus on one community was appropriate for the length of the film; its lesson, though, is applicable to farming communities all over the world whose methods are being explicitly and implicitly hurt by encroaching multinational corporations. The short documentaries were also optimistic. There exists dedication to preservation of traditional and sustainable methods of coffee growing, and young people with journalistic skill are out there looking to build bonds between consumers and their producers. Some local roasters sampled their goods in a schmoozing room outside the small theater, making the message of the films seem especially close to home as I watched, sipping coffee from Guatemala and Ecuador. Gimme! Coffee sampled a light brew, Ithaca Coffee Company featured its nitro cold brew (a trend of pumping nitrogen gas into coffee—a technique borrowed from breweries that makes the coffee taste and feel almost more like beer), and Argueta’s Coffee displayed a generous spectrum of coffees of all different roasts including the flowery special reserve “Elephant Bean” roast. We are often encouraged to disconnect the commodities we consume from the conditions of their production, so it is a privilege to drink coffee from roasters who care about and develop relationships with their growers such that we can counteract these pressures.
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
Reggae Favorites of an Aspiring Reggae Artist By RAFAEL ENCISO Finna bump during that special time of the day between 4:19 and 4:21? Well, some reggae vibes are sure to get you in the mood, jah know? “Natural Mystic”: Bob Marley and the Wailers Bob Marley is the king of reggae. Hands down. If I made a playlist of my all-time favorite reggae songs, all 10 would be from Exodus, his dub-style album. This song’s lyrical, melodic, and instrumental content come together in perfect synergy. “Any Colour You Like”: Easy Star All-Stars Damn. Bufford O’Sullivan’s trombone solo is crazy. “Respectness”: Seeed Hip hop and reggae… a match made in heaven. “Guiltiness”: Bob Marley and the Wailers …Why is Bob so good?!?!?
“Badman”: John Brown’s Body Dan Africano’s bass line in “Badman” is truly amazing. It carries its own melody the entire song, and it ends up being all that I listen to. Elliot Martin’s vocals also contrast perfectly with Jay Sparker’s rap lyrics. The icing on the cake? The band is Ithaca-based!
“Tribute to Gadman”: Israel Vibration Dub has never been done like Israel Vibration does it. The melodies of these songs are almost entirely centered around the groove that the drummer and the bassist create, with little interjections from the vocalists and some keyboardists. The vibe of the song is out of this world. “Warrior”: Arise Roots Arise Roots’ liberal use of the II chord transitioning into the I chord creates a harmonic dichotomy that transcends other grooves, and it’s timeless. That in combination with Rodolfo Covarrubias’ deep bass lines really resonate with the soul. This song is perfect to bump to while driving.
“Vibes Alive”: Groundation Groundation generally produces some of the most jazz-rooted reggae ever. There are plenty of improvised solos, and even more 9 chords. This is my favorite of theirs, and it is probably the highest energy song on this list. “Don’t Look Back”: Peter Tosh You can’t have a reggae playlist without Peter Tosh. He created the reggae guitar, and this is his best song. “Shakes Up The Place”: 10 Ft. Ganja Plant Did you know that 10 Ft. Ganja Plant started in Ithaca? Well, now you do. And they’re great.
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
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Nearly 13 Reasons to Watch 13 Reasons Why By VEDA CHICKERMANE
Katherine Langford stars as high schooler Hannah Baker in 13 Reasons Why.
On March 30, Netflix released an original show called 13 Reasons Why based on the best-selling book of the same title by Jay Asher. The series follows the story of a high-school student, Hannah Baker (Katherine Langford), who commits suicide, stunning her parents, friends, and teachers. No one had realized that she was so tormented that she would be driven to do such a thing. Directed by pop star and showbiz celebrity Selena Gomez, 13 Reasons Why is now officially considered Netflix’s most popular show, with its complicated plot, powerful visuals, and impactful message to which many high schoolers can easily relate. Before she dies, Hannah records 13 tapes directed at the individuals responsible for her mental anguish that explain what went so horribly wrong. She threatens that if they don’t follow through with her instructions to find clues about her demise, their secrets will be publicly divulged. How Hannah could possibly impose this posthumous punishment keeps the audience binging. Hannah’s messages from the grave are sent to friends, acquaintances, boyfriends, and classmates, who listen to the tapes each in turn. Even her crush, Clay, played by the mild-mannered Dylan Minnette, receives a box of these tapes and has to listen to them all before passing them on to the next person. Perspectives switch back and forth along with tension. The past is bathed in a bright hue of warm colors, while the present has a cold, dark mood. This method of filmography makes it clear that Hannah enriched Clay’s life, which is now without levity, adding to the overall dark
tone the show is trying to give off. It turns out that Hannah’s nightmare began with one photo posted on social media without her permission that forever brands her as a “slut.” This leads to a downward spiral of insults and humiliations, spread by rumormongers and bathroom graffiti artists. She loses her close friends and becomes an object of lust for many boys. In no way does this justify taking one’s own life, but it does demand a thoughtful analysis of the consequences of a small misstep and its snowball effect. What can a free society do to prevent such a terrible outcome without regulating everyone’s right to free expression? The actors were natural in their performance, and the characters were relatable, not all stereotypical bullies or freaks. They don’t stick out as perpetrators of toxic gossip; they make you think twice, and their normalcy makes the series compelling. I could easily relate to the show’s stark message. Hannah Baker killed herself because of the accumulation of all the small and large insults from people whom she thought were her friends. Teens are capable of understanding that snarky comments can have a lasting and intense effect, so it’s important to realize the unintended consequences of even small acts of unkindness to prevent people from feeling bullied and humiliated. 13 Reasons Why left audiences stunned and yearning for a second season. This show is by far one of the best and most pertinent shows that Netflix has produced.
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Let Them Down Easy: A Playlist By JULIA LUNA
Of all the methods of breaking up with someone, texting is cowardly, talking is hard, and emailing is unheard of. How about sending a song? Shakespeare once wrote, “If music be the food of love, play on.” However, what this playlist suggests is that if music can be the food to extinguish such love once and for all, then for all that is good in the world, play on. 1. “Irreplaceable”: Beyoncé (2006) Queen Bey really hit the nail on the head with this one. Not only does she remind your no-longer-loved-one of their irrelevant status in the world, but she also facilitates the awkward process of taking your things back. Everything you own in a box to the left.
2. “You’ve Been a Good Ole Wagon”: Bessie Smith (1925) …but Daddy, but you’ve done broke down. So we should break up. Leave all the feelin’ blue to the Empress of Blues herself because now you are as free as can be; and go shop for wagons, durable ones this time, please.
3. “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off”: Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong (1957) Disagree on the small things? He always wants Asia Cuisine and you want Taste of Thai? Time to call the whole thing off. I highly suggest an accompanying text that says, “Don’t they make a great pair? Ella and Louis. They were never together though. You know who else shouldn’t be together?”
5. “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do”:The Carpenters (1976) “Wow, contrary to what the lyrics suggest, this catchy tune really does make breaking up seem pretty groovy. Wanna run an experiment and see if they’re right?”
Seniors Pursue Artistic Dreams through WISE By FRANCESCA CHU
Writing a cookbook, producing an album, or learning to tightrope walk might not seem like the things you’d do in an English class, but the WISE program at IHS makes it possible for you to undertake almost any project you want to earn an English credit. Seniors have been working hard on these projects since the beginning of the second semester. In WISE, students begin the second half of the year by researching any topic they choose. They meet with mentors and keep a digital or physical journal of their progress. Then, they put their research and experience into action and work on their projects independently. Many of the seniors in WISE emphasize how different this class is from other classes at IHS because of its self-guided, hands-on nature and the way that it encourages creativity. Here is a taste of some of the art-oriented WISE projects of current seniors at IHS.
Getting Hammered (Blacksmithing) Harper Lyon ’17 says that he has “always been interested in the smith’s almost magical ability to shape glowing hot steel into new and useful shapes.” For his WISE project, he decided to seek out that magical ability for himself. He has spent most of his time so far setting up a forge, which has involved acquiring all the necessary materials, an experience that he says has taken him “everywhere from junkyards to Amazon.” According to Lyon, one of the best parts of the project was going to visit Cornell’s farrier shop, where he watched dozens of students hammer horseshoes. He also talked to Professor Kraus, who runs the program, and was able to get personalized advice. Lyon is also working on creating his own tools and pieces that his family can use. IMAGE BY HARPER LYON
4. “Go Your Own Way”: Fleetwood Mac (1976) Straightforward, only one direction. But not like One Direction because that’s “One Way or Another.” No no no, this is only one way, your way, your own way. The path will be illuminated in case of power shortage. It leads to the exit sign of the room and, coincidentally, of my life.
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
6. “Jessie’s Girl”: Rick Springfield (1981) Now, I will admit this is not for every breakup situation. However, if you really are in love with Jessie’s or Andrew’s or Jennifer’s or whoever’s girl, the situation is weird enough. Just send the song and send the name. Cross your fingers and hope it ends there.
7. “Second Best”: The Horses (eh, they play around) Is your lovey dovey convinced he is Polo Ralph Lauren material? Is he so vain? Clouds in your coffee? Time to say goodbye to that not-so-gallant guy by dumping him, equestrian style.
Harper Lyon visited Cornell’s farrier shop.
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during the winter, and [he] just thought: ‘WISE project.’” Since then, John has learned about the tools and hardware needed for tightrope walking and has been perfecting his balance. Though getting the tension of the ropes just right has taken hours of practice, John said that the best part of the experience has been tinkering with the many ropes and cables involved in constructing a tightrope.
IMAGE BY ALEX DEROOS
The Future of Fashion: 3D Printing For her WISE project, Alex de Roos ’17 is exploring the intersection of STEM and fashion. She has been using CAD software and 3D printing technology to create clothing designs. She has been working on several designs and hopes to be able to print them by the end of the year. Though de Roos has always loved clothes, she had little experience in fashion design and 3D printing at the beginning of the year. She has learned a lot about both subjects through research and tours at Cornell. Among the highlights of her journey was interviewing Professor Ashtown, a Cornell professor who works in the Fiber Science and Apparel Department at Cornell. Professor Ashtown offered to help de Roos do a 3D scan of her own body, and then she worked with Mr. Breigle and one of her friends to make a 3D print of herself. De Roos has also been researching the environmental impacts of fashion and the ethics of the fashion industry.
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THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
IMAGE BY RAFAEL ENCISO
Nick John practices tightrope walking in his backyard.
Alex DeRoos used a 3D printer like this one to make a 3D print of her body.
The Reggae Voyage According to Rafael Enciso ’17, “Reggae is the best dance music there is.” Though Enciso has always been an avid reggae listener, his expertise on the bass did not extend to the genre, and this was one of the reasons he chose to explore it and create and publish his own album of reggae music. Additionally, he wanted to learn more about the process of recording an album because he thinks it will be an important skill to have as he pursues a career in music. Enciso’s album is called Metropolitan Zigzag, and it will include 10 original tracks. He rehearses with the musicians, including IHS students, with whom he will record his compositions. In addition to composing and recording the music, he has designed an album cover, transformed a part of his house into a recording studio, and listened to hours of reggae music for inspiration, which he says has been the best part of the project. Mastering the Art of Tightrope Walking Nick John ’17 says that the idea of a WISE project focused on tightrope walking occurred to him when “[He] walked on a rope
Rafael Enciso designed this cover for his reggae album.
If you want to learn more about WISE projects, you can find links to many of the seniors’ websites at https://sites.google.com/ site/ihswiseprogram/services. The seniors will also give presentations of their completed WISE projects at the end of the year.
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ARTS
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
Why You Should Watch Samurai Jack: Season 5 By JAMES PARK
ning. Aesthetic remains an essential part of the spirit of Samurai Jack, and the art team has made every effort to maintain its previous look and feel. Scenes of intense fighting are generously separated by those of nature and open landscapes, providing an interesting juxtaposition of tranquility and action. Shadows, subtle lighting, sweeping camera shots; every trick in the book is utilized to maximum effect to make each shot fluid and alive. The second half of the second episode had virtually no dialogue, yet it is one of the best I have ever seen on television, so masterfully did the scenes reflect Jack’s own situation and feelings as he struggled to survive. The soundtrack, too, is on point, providing the perfect undercurrent of emotion to completely draw the viewer in. Perhaps the most substantial change from previous seasons, and the most worthwhile reason to watch Samurai Jack again, is that it tells a story. In past seasons, continuity was somewhat limited, with the scope of an adventure rarely exceeding a single episode. Here, the 10-part series forms a cohesive story that has the ability to explore more deeper, mature themes that the old Samurai Jack could not. Jack becomes more than the meditative, enigmatic fighter our younger selves were so used to: he is now world-weary and full of regret, and so becomes a figure that reflects how its audience has grown as well. What Tartakovsky has brought back is no half-hearted attempt relying only on nostalgia to appeal to its viewers, but instead a passionate revival that combines an old show with new spirit and potential. A few more weeks remain before the final episode is revealed, but I have no doubt that whatever ending is to come will be a worthy one to conclude this long-revered series.
In Samurai Jack, “scenes of intense fighting are generously separated by those of nature and open landscapes.”
IMAGE PROVIDED
Gotta get back, back to the past. Eleven years after its fourth season ended on an ambiguous note, this March kicked off the final season of Samurai Jack. The series was one of my favorites as a child, featuring the mysterious hero Jack as he fought through various adventures in order to fulfill his goal of defeating Aku, master of darkness. The producer, Genndy Tartakovsky, also known for Dexter’s Laboratory and Star Wars: The Clone Wars, had always promised that he would return to the show in one way or another, the promise was only fulfilled this year with the release of 10 weekly episodes meant to bring the series to a fitting conclusion. The revival is better than the Cartoon Network–animated series you may remember, and I recommend even to those who aren’t yet fans at least the first three episodes. Having been picked up by Adult Swim, the new season is substantially darker than previous ones and has been bumped up from a Y-7 to a Y-14 rating. Fifty years have passed since Jack (Phil LaMarr) began his crusade against Aku, but the two have been forced into an intractable stalemate in which neither can kill the other. Jack’s previous mentality of hope and determination is gone, and he finds an enemy in himself as he struggles with guilt and despair. The violence has also been significantly upped: while old episodes would frequently feature disemboweled robots and aliens as they fell to Jack’s sword, the series was at heart a children’s show and never (explicitly) portrayed human blood or death. Now, any notion of kid-friendly censorship is gone, but the violence is not gratuitous. The fight scenes remain focused on the action rather than messy KOs or fatalities. Speaking of which, the cinematography is absolutely stun-
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
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SPORTS IMAGE PROVIDED
Why Russell Westbrook Deserves the MVP Award By MATT MACKENZIE
As basketball season nears its end, the debate has inevitably begun over who should win the most coveted awards, especially the Most Valuable Player (MVP) award, and the controversy always seems to be stronger in the NBA than in other professional sports (baseball, for instance). Beyond the usual questions about the most deserving candidate, there are also differing views regarding the way the award should be defined—simply to the best player overall, or the one who is most valuable to his team? Despite a loaded field, strong campaigns from LeBron James, Anthony Davis, Kevin Durant, Isaiah Thomas, and James Harden, as well as the inherent subjectivity of the award voting, there should be no dispute this year. Regardless of how one defines the MVP award, Russell Westbrook should be the clear winner. He’s the most valuable to his team. With Kevin Durant now a member of the Golden State Warriors and Serge Ibaka having taken his talents north of the border, Westbrook is now the only member of the Oklahoma City Thunder who has ever been named to an All-Star team. Additionally, of the aforementioned candidates, Durant and James have the benefit of playing in star-studded lineups, Davis shares the frontcourt with fellow All-Star DeMarcus Cousins, and even Harden and Thomas have relatively strong supporting casts. Westbrook, meanwhile, is supported by league-average players such as Victor Oladipo, Enes Kanter, and Steven Adams. He is relied upon to shoulder the load on a nightly basis, and at the end of the regular season, leads the team in all four major stat categories (points, assists, rebounds, and steals), an unheard-of achievement at the professional level. If the Cavaliers did not have James, they would still contend for a postseason spot, and Golden State would likely challenge for the championship without Durant. If Oklahoma City did not have Russell Westbrook, they would indisputably be the worst team in
the Western Conference.
He’s been the best player in the league this season. The average modern basketball fan does not know much about Oscar Robertson, but he serves as an important historical point of comparison here, as Westbrook is the only player to average a triple-double (10 or more points, rebounds, and assists) over the course of a full season since Robertson did so over 50 years ago. Westbrook has scored 30 points on an almost-nightly basis and set up his teammates for high-percentage shots at the same time, and as if that weren’t enough, he leads his team in rebounding, going up against forwards and centers who have as much as a seven-inch height advantage. He has obliterated the rest of the field according to ESPN’s PER (Player Efficiency Rating), an advanced statistical rating system that attempts to condense all of a player’s contributions into one number. Additionally, and perhaps most important, he has accomplished all this against double, and sometimes triple teams on most nights due to his subpar supporting cast. It may seem laudable to reward a player on a championship contender by voting him MVP, and one might argue that James and Davis have performed better on defense this season, but rebounding is also a part of defense and Westbrook leads his team in that area. Russell Westbrook has accomplished something that had not been done since 1961, when the three-point line and shot clock did not exist. Without him, the playoff-bound Oklahoma City Thunder would be headed for a very high pick in the draft and a very low spot in the standings. Westbrook deserves to be recognized in a class of his own as the NBA’s Most Valuable Player for 2017.
SPORTS
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THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
Why AP Students Should Play Sports
How to Fix the Knicks 2.0
By ASHA DUHAN
By PATRICK YUAN
Many AP students do not have time for sports. With homework for hours on end and excess extracurriculars to put on their college applications, playing a sport may seem like an unnecessary burden that would prevent them from achieving their high-school goals. However, sports may be the unexplored medium that leads to higher achievement in academics yet to have been discovered by many AP students. There are numerous physical, mental, and social benefits that can result from participating in sports. For the most part, sports provide a welcoming social environment after a stress-filled school day. By allowing students to not go directly home after school to start the endless cycle of homework, sports provide a release from school, and also help boost physical and mental health. Sports can also help to improve your mood and increase relaxation levels. When doing physical activity, the brain releases neurotransmitters such as endorphins and dopamine, creating a euphoric feeling and significantly improving mood and mentality. Furthermore, sports can introduce you to all different types of people who may not have been part of your established social sphere. Sports can also help to create strong inter-grade friendships and cement already-existing relations. By playing alongside team captains and upperclassmen on sports teams, underclassmen can have role-model figures to look up to and approachable teammates to seek guidance from. Sports can enrich one’s high-school experience while providing a break from stressful academics. The most obvious benefit to participating in sports is improved physical health, which in turn improves mental health. Most people become less active as they get older, so by participating in sports during high school, students are keeping ahead of the curve in fitness and health and staying in shape. The competition and subsequent pressure imbued in the majority of sports can also help further a student’s drive to succeed. By learning how to adapt to pressure on the field or court, students can learn to better handle pressure and stress overall in school. Additionally, values ingrained in sports, such as sportsmanship and teamwork, can positively affect students and help develop their character in years to come. Sports teach life lessons of discipline, responsibility, and hard work. Sports can also help refine skills such as concentration and focus that are necessary to perform well in school. In addition, a more short-term benefit of sports is that they can lead to better sleeping habits. Students tend to be more tired after strenuous physical exercise, and thus have more uniform and longer sleeping hours. Lastly, playing sports can help a student’s time management skills. Students invest a lot of time in sports, and must learn how to balance sports and school. These skills of time management and organization can be applied throughout the rest of their lives. There’s no reason that AP students—and all students— shouldn’t expand their horizons and take part in a sport. Not only are sports an opportunity to better the player both physically and mentally, but the lessons learned from the camaraderie and teamwork in sports will remain even after high school. IHS students who aren’t involved should try a sport before they depart for college wishing that they had.
Note: Tanking is the process of losing games intentionally to achieve higher draft picks. For the last few years, the New York Knicks have been the laughingstock of the NBA and perhaps the most dysfunctional franchise in sports history. The president of the Knicks continually trashes his star player and refuses to speak with the media, while the owner publicly suggests that random people have alcohol addictions to satisfy his own insecurities. This extreme dysfunction carries onto the court, on which players almost never pass the ball and play as if they don’t care. Every game, players chuck up brick after brick in their mission to build a wall while complaining to referees the same way Trump complains about the media. The Knicks aren’t making the playoffs this year or the next, and will never be title contenders until the organization is cleared out from top to bottom and begins “The Process” of tanking. The first step in starting “The Process” is to remove the owner, James Dolan. Under Dolan, the Knicks have made horrible decision after horrible decision as a result of his narcissism, stupidity, and extreme incompetence. He traded away draft picks for washed-up old players on bad contracts, plunging the Knicks into nearly a decade of losing and embarrassment (kind of like the Nets right now). After 14 years of failure, Dolan finally realized he is incapable of leading even a pee-wee third grade basketball team, let alone the New York Knicks. He decided to hire a new President of Basketball Operations: Phil Jackson, an 11-time NBA champion. Sadly, Dolan managed to screw this up as well, as he failed to realize that while Jackson is a legendary coach, he is even more incompetent at managing than Dolan himself because he has never managed a basketball team. He only took the job for the money. Adam Silver, the commissioner of the NBA, has to realize that James Dolan is a plague in Knicks and a cancer to the league and should immediately force him to sell the team. The Knicks are the most valuable basketball team in the world; when it succeeds, the league succeeds. Next to go has to be Jackson. Jackson has made one good move in his three-year tenure with the Knicks, which was drafting Kristaps Porzingis, a power forward/center who has immense potential and could develop into a star. However, reports have emerged that Jackson actually wanted to draft Jahlil Okafor, a renowned scrub, and only drafted Porzingis because there were no other players left that he liked. His basketball decisions have been terrible at best and mind-numbingly idiotic at worst; a three-year-old child picking his nose and playing with his toy choo-choo train could have done a better job by simply doing nothing. Jackson signed Joakim Noah, who is too injury-prone to do anything, to a four-year, $72 million contract. Then, he traded away some solid role players for Derrick Rose, a former MVP who suffered through numerous injuries and is now a (borderline) scrub. Finally, after realizing that he screwed up big time, Phil Jackson decided
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
SPORTS
to put all the blame on his star player, Carmelo Anthony, and hide from the media in a cowardly move. Though he has good intentions, Jackson doesn’t know what he is doing and needs to go. A replacement such as former 76ers General Manager Sam Hinkie, master of “The Process,” would be an excellent choice to take his place. As for the coaching staff, they all need to be fired. They have done a terrible job; players aren’t motivated to play well, and regardless of whether their failures have been due to the Knicks’ terribleness or just their own incompetence. Finally, in order to start the process of tanking, all of the players have to be traded, starting with the star player, Carmelo Anthony. Anthony is an excellent isolation scorer who almost never passes the ball and doesn’t even try to pretend to play defense. His prime days are well past him, and he needs to be traded before he becomes yet another bad contract. A midfirst-round pick (10 to 15) in in the 2017 draft would suffice. Trading every single role player still on a contract of value such as Courtney Lee or Lance Thomas for second- or first-round picks would be necessary as well. There is no use for them, as role players simply help win games;
scrubs from the NBA development league are what the Knicks actually need. Joakim Noah can be traded to the Nets or Kings for nothing; both of those teams are as idiotic as the Knicks, though not nearly as dysfunctional. Finally, the (few) young players on the Knicks must be traded for picks while their value is still high. This is a painful, yet necessary step in tanking correctly. Kristaps Porzingis, despite having immense potential due to his height and skill, hasn’t improved on any of his weaknesses over the offseason. His rebounds and blocks have actually regressed, while his weaknesses, such as post moves and perimeter defense, have not been improved on. His shooting numbers are the only things that have improved, and only slightly. As a result, Porzingis’ work ethic should be called into question; he spent his all-star break messaging swimsuit models on Instagram and went to none of the Knicks’ optional practices. A player with a real work ethic is Karl-Anthony Towns, who was in the same draft class as Porzingis. Towns spent all offseason working on his game and has progressed into arguably the best center in the league in just his second year. Additionally, Porzingis doesn’t look assertive or
PAGE 27 even interested when on the floor. He’s a tall guy who can shoot, but may never become much more; thus, Porzingis needs to be traded for a top-five pick in this year’s draft and perhaps a future pick as well. While nearly all Knicks fans have already fallen in love with Porzingis, fans should be reminded of the tale of Michael Carter Williams, a former Rookie of the Year for the 76ers. After Williams’ first year, Sam Hinkie saw that his potential was drastically overrated, and traded him immediately while his value was astronomically high; Williams went on to regress into a role player at best. Hernangomez, the other young player, also needs to be traded. His potential is overrated, as he can’t shoot or play defense and travels every five seconds; a top-15 pick would do. If the NBA forces the New York Knicks make these changes, they will be title contenders in six to eight years. The only proven way to achieve success in the NBA is by tanking, but the Knicks have been too caught up in their own defectiveness and have failed to see the light. To postpone tanking any longer would mean another year of excruciating mediocrity and embarrassment for everyone in the organization, especially fans. IMAGE PROVIDED
Tanking works; just ask Joel “The Process” Embiid and the Philadelphia 76ers, who will be running the NBA in five years after enduring “The Process.”
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THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
LITERARY
PAPERLAND By Emily Hong
The wind goes in one direction All at once It moves against me As I walk ahead It pushes me backwards Taking me to a different path I am given a colorless road Leading to paper mountains A trophy of numbers Lies at the top The inglorious prize forces me To pass by what I once thought was necessary Sacrifice is a virtue I move like the wind In one direction To a place full of paper people All one shape All one color
MEMORIA By Aliza Ellner
I saw her stand there on the shore And watch the current flowing by On and on, forever more Beyond the sight of mortal eyes I saw her lift her arms before And raise her hands to cloudy sky As if to quell its eternal roar As if to ward off its haunting cry I saw her fall down to her knees Her shoulders bent in wracking sighs And reach out once more as if to seize Something snatched away without goodbyes I saw her rise and walk away Lost in the creeping shades of night The words she found no voice to say Fading with the dying light Naïve, I wondered at the crime That drove her there that gloomy day Now I too stand by the River Time The tide that bears all things away
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
LITERARY
PAGE 29
COMMONALITIES OF THE ONES I HAVE LOVED By Andreanna Downing Zheng
wounded souls are drawn to their kin. jagged edges crash together, slicing each other apart in vain hopes that through this, they can be made whole again. is this not what love is? i have found light in their eyes and home in the warmth of their voices, the hollows of their bodies and hearts dutifully memorized. is this not what love is? devotion unending is my offering, bared fully in both soul and body. is this not what love is? they have partaken of me as they wish, and i have allowed it. is this not what love is?
A LOSS OF LIGHT By Zachary Foley Can’t find any light A loss of order on Earth People start to fight
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LITERARY
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
By Lilia Rose
A FAMILY UNDONE AND UNKNOWN
An angel A ghost A flame A wolf A cat And a tree As hard as I try I can’t change this My family It keeps going An evil genie A dinosaur A gamer An inventor A squirrel A thief This is my family They aren’t real to anyone Anyone but me These people listen They help me Even if they aren’t there I get all my inspiration from them From our name Our last one Azure
IDENTITY By Zachary Foley Is it the classes I take Is it the yards that I rake Is it my town by the lake Is it my dinner of steak Is it the risks I take Is it the art that I make Is it the clubs in which I partake How long does it take To realize identity?
THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
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PENULTIMATE
Tristan’s Angst: Student Council to Take Revolutionary Action to Improve IHS, Situation Unresolved By TRISTAN ENGST
Following years of grandiose statements about being part of student democracy and allowing for leadership, the IHS Student Council voted to “become more important.” According to Student Council Vice President Ruth Silcoff ’17, under the adopted resolution, Student Council would do whatever it took to “get senior privileges extended to juniors, get a microwave in the library, and have the library let students leave the library to go to the cafeteria and back,” all goals that had previously been blocked at least in part due to the administration. Although the administration often helps Student Council, “There are many instances where they are downright obstructionist” and “CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED,” said Ruth’s brother, Student Council member Jacob “Silky J” Silcoff ’17. “By actually following through with ameliorating IHS, we hope to set an important historical precedent,” he added. While at the time the Student Council had no idea how the administration would react, the reaction turned out to be far from, or rather overly, rosy: the face of Billy Bozawkowitz, the district spokesperson, was already an unhealthy color of tomato-esque red before he began speaking. “Students can want what they want, but the authority of the Department of Unilateral Mindless Bureaucracy (DUMB) is absolute! Unquestionable! Adamantine!” He paused, panting awkwardly, to catch his breath and search for more adjectives, and came up with “Uhhh” and “ummmmm,” which are both linguistically termed filler, instead. “ICSD, whose policy is the realm of the DUMB,” he continued, “finds no reason to question pseudo-legal precedents even when students have pretty much unanimously agreed that district policy is obstructionist or unhelpful.” Afterwards, in what many took as an effort to not take questions, he resorted to loudly intoning “Engage, Educate, Empower!” through a megaphone. The Student Council debate over the response was extremely heated. While most students were in favor of peaceful arbitration, an extremist fringe group in the corner was donning face paint, preparing protest signs, and loudly chanting “Down with the crony hyenas!” Meanwhile, a group favoring not questioning the administration noted that the effort would likely jeopardize a current useful cooperation between Student Council and the administration to make music classes count towards students’ GPAs. Jacob and Ruth Silcoff ‘17 proposed having a formal debate on district policy, reminiscent to the one that the administration backed out on during Social Justice week, forcing the twins to change their presentation. However, they were shouted down after other students pointed out that the administration could simply back out again. Others proposed methods of protest: a group of tech-savvy
students proposed a neat hack of the WiFi to remove all of ICSD’s Internet censorship and redirect attempts to visit the ICSD website to an online Tetris game, while a senior proposed spiking the drinking water with vodka or another hard liquor, which at the time seemed due to his being salty over his rejection from Cornell. Later, he told me that “If the district can secretly put lead in our water for years, I can damn well dump in some juice!” Afterwards, most of the representatives of each social studies class to Student Council didn’t report back anything. At last week’s BoE meeting, Representative to the Board Max Fink ’17 changed out his normal impeccably formal dress in favor of a stained T-shirt and a sweatpants. “I stand in solidarity with Student Council!” he declared. When news of all this reached LACS, the school was taken with a wave of laughter. “Here, students have REAL power!” exclaimed one LACS student. “Still, we wish our comrades at IHS luck in their glorious endeavor!”
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THE TATTLER • MAY 2017 • ihstattler.com
BACK PAGE
Horoscopes: Pick-Up Lines at a Baseball Game By ABE MESSING
Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19): I’ve been striking out all night but I think I’m about to make some solid connection with you; hey the name’s Mike. Taurus (Apr. 20–May 20): Maybe I’m just swinging for the fences because you’re so far out of my league, but I figured I’d step up to bat anyway; hey the name’s Lombard.
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22): Now I don’t normally experiment with men, but I’d be willing to switch hit for you tonight; hey the name’s Rodney.
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21): They say baseball is a game of inches, I’d say that is true for a lot of things; hey the name’s Kelly.
The COOLNESS SPECTRUM
COOL Symmetry
New Tattler editors
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): I’m gonGemini (May 21–June 20): I like older na be honest, I’m looking to go all the Science March women, they’re a whole different ball way around the bases with someone togame if ya know what I’m saying; hey the night; hey the name’s Larry. AP classes after AP tests name’s Keaton. Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19): Baseball is Cancer (June 21–July 22): Ya know right America’s favorite pastime, but I’d say Cinco de Mayo off the bat I could tell you were a 7, but it's far past time we got to touch base that’s just a ballpark figure; hey the with each other; hey the name’s Osman. name’s Colin. Cardboard that tastes like Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18): Excuse me school pizza Leo (July 23–Aug. 22): Whoa whoa whoa, if I sound like I’m a little out in left field, looks like I’ve been thrown a real curve- but I’ve had my eye on the ball all night; ball, ha ha wanna come home with me? hey the name’s Jeremy. Suntans Hey the name’s Roger. (Senior) Pisces (Feb. 19–Mar. 20): I just turned PROM!!!!!! Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22): Ya know I don’t 14 so I understand these are the big (Junior) always wind up in a pickle, but when I do leagues now; hey the name’s Sam. I always end up stealing second base; hey Sunburns the name’s Steve.
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Graduating Tattler editors Asymmetry
UNCOOL