November 2016

November 2016• Estd. 1892 • Vol. 124 #3 • Published Monthly • www.ihstattler.com Ithaca High School, 1401 North Cayuga Street, Ithaca, NY 14850 • FREE

INSIDE THIS ISSUE

WHY STUDENTS SILKY J HAVE NO POWER

IS NOT OKAY

SCHOOL LUNCH

page 4

page 15

page 19

REVIEW

IHS Teachers Weigh In On Common Core Revamp Back in September, the New York State Education Department (SED) released a draft of the state’s new math and English learning standards and opened comments and suggestions to the public until mid-November. The draft recommended changes to about 60 percent of the English Language Arts (ELA) standards and 55 percent of the math. It was the culmination of a year-long effort to gather feedback from teachers and parents after Governor Andrew Cuomo’s overhaul of the Common Core standards and pausing of testbased teacher evaluations in December 2015, due to a public outcry.

In the fall of 2015, the SED sent out an online survey of the standards at the time. According to the SED, more than 10,000 people responded to the survey and provided over 700,000 pieces of feedback. The next phase of revising the 2015 standards started in the spring of 2016, when the SED assembled ELA and Mathematics Standards Review Committees. Over 1,700 educators and 300 parents applied for committee spots and a total of 138 parents and teachers were selected.

For many educators, however, these numbers seem too good to be true. The new draft and its proposed changes raise many issues that leave the effectiveness of the Common Core in question. Teachers at IHS weighed in on these issues.

Teachers feel that they lacked a voice.

A public update from the SED claimed that the committees reviewed each standard for every grade level and the feedback from the online survey. But not all NYS teachers feel that

their voices were being heard.

Steve Weissburg, a math teacher from IHS, said, “Even though [the SED makes] a big deal about inviting teacher comment, I’ve never met a teacher who participated in a panel and felt that anyone listened to what they said. And every now and then, I’ll meet someone who has volunteered and ask them, well, what did you do? And they’d say that it was a total waste of time; that he or she made suggestions and the committee totally ignored them.”

IMAGE BY JAMES YOON

By JAMES YOON

“I like most of the Common Core, but there are some small standards that are totally misplaced,” math teacher Steve Weissburg said.

Along similar lines, Benjamin Kirk, also a math teacher from IHS who submitted comments about the new draft of CONTINUED ON PAGE 6

OPINION

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

Editorial

Athletes Should Be Exempt from Gym It is only human nature to be resistant to change. But as it happens, humans are flawed.

Being resistant to a much needed change and using tradition as a shield is a dangerous game, and in the case of gym class, administrators are doing just that. While gym classes do have some merit, their role in future academic schedules needs to be questioned.

In-season student athletes must be exempt from taking gym class.

For years, Education Law Section 803 has mandated student participation in physical education. But why? The most common argument among gym class champions (as opposed to gym class heroes) is that gym class promotes valuable physical exercise that translates into better performance in academic courses and exposes students to healthier lifestyles. A popular study from the California Department of Education offers the idea that “3–5 days of moderate to vigorous exercise” per week helps improve brain functions such as memory, concentration, mood, and classroom behavior. Granted, “moderate to vigorous physical exercise” certainly does yield some advantages in the classroom. If the period were offered as a study hall, however, moderate to vigorous studying would improve these qualities to a much higher degree. Student athletes already exceed any physical education standards by far, and their time spent in gym class could be better used to make up for time lost playing sports.

Letting in-season student athletes opt out of gym class will increase grade point averages (GPAs) and create an incentive to play a sport, among other benefits. High-school athletes typically practice five to six days a week for two to three hours a day, leaving little time to study and complete classroom assignments. Obviously, these students are meeting their physical requirements. Highschool sports are exponentially more challenging and demanding than activities in gym class, and with the hours that are required to play them, gym class is no more than a burden. Windows of opportunity to complete actual schoolwork are lessened, and gym class remains an unmovable obstacle in athletes’ schedules. The concern that gym teachers would lose their jobs can also be quelled by the fact that not all students

will be accepted onto sports teams. The only visible change would be shrinking gym class enrollment. Teachers don’t lose their jobs, kids are motivated to join a sports team, athletes can manage their time better, and GPAs are bound to increase.

Tricking ourselves into believing that students in gym class are exercising to a level that could even generously be considered moderate to vigorous is a bold-faced lie. More than half of students’ gym grades are based on whether they show up and are dressed appropriately. With an added jog or a kick of a soccer ball, a student’s grade winds up being 100 percent. On paper, that student is meeting the intended goals of the state, or in other words, “exercising moderately to vigorously,” convincing the state that gym class is effective. This is not the case.

Gym classes are graded on effort; there is no actual standard that students are expected to work towards. Granted, tests such as the PACER assess students, but a student who scores lower on the PACER will not necessarily receive a lower grade in gym class. Gym class also maintains the reputation of being one of the most widely skipped classes, and for good reason. In a class that is not calculated into GPAs, real-world education is virtually nonexistent, and the fear of bullying and humiliation is imminent, it is not a surprise some students opt out of gym class.

Even with everything considered, districts still consider gym class absences when determining if a student can graduate or not. Outrageously, schools count infractions in gym class against you, but do not count excellence for you, leaving behind a class of unenthusiastic teenagers. It is reckless and embarrassing to our posterity to not significantly change the role of gym classes in the lives of student athletes.

The Tattler is the monthly student-run newspaper of Ithaca High School. All currently-enrolled students at Ithaca High School are welcome to submit writing and photographs. As an open forum, The Tattler invites opinion submissions and letters to the editor from all community members. Email submissions to editor@ihstattler.com or mail letters to: The Tattler 1401 North Cayuga Street Ithaca, NY 14850 Send submissions by November 15 to be included in the December issue. The Tattler reserves the right to edit all submissions. All articles, columns, and advertisements do not necessarily reflect the views of editorial staff.

To read The Tattler online, visit our website at www.ihstattler.com.

Staff 2016 – 2017 Editor-in-Chief

Daniel Xu ’17

editor@ihstattler.com

News Editor

James Yoon ’17 news@ihstattler.com

Opinion Editor

Luca Greenspun ’17 opinion@ihstattler.com

Features Editor

James Park ’17

features@ihstattler.com

Literary Editor

Emma Karnes ’17 literary@ihstattler.com

Arts Editor

Amalia Walker ’17 arts@ihstattler.com

Sports Editor

Benjamin Salomon ’17 sports@ihstattler.com

Back Page Editor

Abe Messing ’17 backpage@ihstattler.com

Center Spread Editor

Vaynu Kadiyali ’19 centerspread@ihstattler.com

Copy Editor

Casey Wetherbee ’17 copy@ihstattler.com

Photography Editor

Magda Kossowska ’19 photo@ihstattler.com

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Olivia Moreland ’17 graphics@ihstattler.com

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Francesca Chu ’18 layout@ihstattler.com

Business and Advertising Manager

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Tristan Engst ’17 web@ihstattler.com

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Faculty Advisor

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

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NEWS

German Exchange Program Returns to IHS

BoE Updates

By MAGDA KOSSOWSKA

By LISA YOO

Every other October, the halls of IHS are graced by the presence of about 25 German exchange students for three weeks. Since the 1980s, IHS students have participated in the German-American Partnership Program (GAPP) to host and visit students in Tuttlingen, a town in the south of Germany. Ithaca is the last school out of several in the area to continue participation in the exchange. Every other July, rising juniors and seniors are sent to Tuttlingen with German teachers Sabine O’Dell and David Isley.

The German exchange students arrived in New York City and spent three days there to see landmarks such as Times Square and the Empire State Building before taking a bus to Ithaca, where their host students anxiously waited. They shadowed their American hosts’ schedules for three weeks of school, listening and speaking English while experiencing the American school system. They were given tours of Cornell University, the Corning Museum of Glass, and Niagara Falls, and shown American traditions such as the homecoming football game and dance. Likewise, the Americans will be exposed to the German high school in Tuttlingen and practice the German language. At the end of the Americans’ stay in Germany, they will spend a few days in the city of Munich to visit famous places such as the Englischer Garten and the Nymphenburg Palace.

The German students are at an advantage in their extent of foreign language study over the Americans. While American students begin studying German in seventh grade, in Germany students begin studying English in the third grade, on top of other foreign languages such as Spanish and French. This makes it less challenging for the Germans to be immersed in the English language than vice versa.

This isn’t the only difference between German and American school systems. The German students have a block schedule that allows them to take about 10 to 13 classes each year. Some subjects are repeated for multiple years at different levels so that knowledge of a specific subject is not lost after only taking it for one year. Depending on a student’s schedule, the school day may end earlier on some days than others. Since teachers are not allowed to assign homework due the next day when students have a longer school day, German students have a substantially lower amount of homework than the typical American student. At the end of high school, students all take a final called the Abitur, choosing some of the subjects for which they will take an exam. Lastly, in German schools, students stay with the same classmates in the same classroom while teachers change rooms between class periods.

Before leaving Tuttlingen for the United States, the German participants in the exchange created projects on subjects ranging from the factories in their town to German culture to the capital, Berlin. During their visit, the students presented their unique projects and topics to the German classes at IHS, Boynton Middle School and DeWitt Middle School. The German teachers also incorporated the visiting students into their class lessons, in which the American students tested their knowledge of German by attempting to converse with the native speakers. Additionally, some teachers at IHS attempted to have the visiting German students participate in classroom activities, discussions, labs and even tests.

In previous years, the GAPP hadn’t seen so many American applicants, though it encouraged students to begin studying German in middle school. This was the first year more Americans applied than could go, forcing the organizing teachers to choose students by hand and by lottery. However, this is not the case for the German students, since everyone is required to study English and there are more potential applicants.

The Tuttlingen high school has two exchanges every other year just for 10th graders. In the years Tuttlingen does not send students to Ithaca, it sends its 10th graders to Seattle. Applicants are chosen by lottery to participate in the exchange programs.

After getting to know their German exchange partners and then seeing them leave, the American participants eagerly await their visit to Tuttlingen—where school will still be in session—to see their friends, experience a new culture, and put their German language skills to the test.

Audit Report Over the past few years, ICSD has had a significant budget deficit due to cuts in state funding and local tax caps. The BoE especially credits the Gap Elimination Adjustment (GEA, 2010), which ironically had the purpose of closing budget deficits across New York State schools, for its deficit. Large expenditures paired with lower revenue has forced the district to dip into fund balance reserves, which are usually reserved for emergencies.

There was some discussion over the impact of the GEA on other school districts.

Some neighboring districts have been less affected by the GEA, not having to dip in their fund balance, even though they have smaller budgets. Additionally, our schools did not lay off as much as others, which contributed to the financial troubles. With decreasing state aid, the burden has been moved to local taxpayers.

However, things are looking up with the 2015–2016 school year record. The fund reserve balance is on the way up again.

With the lack of snow days last year, the mild weather meant less overtime spending for ICSD. The district has gotten better about correcting for low state aid to underestimate revenue, and it seems like it is on the right track to improve our financial standing.

2015 Building Survey The Building Condition Survey is mandated every five years and carried out by a Horseheads-based company, HUNT. The bulk of what HUNT does is making recommendations based on campus inspection.

Some of the suggestions that have been made include expanding video-camera surveillance and making entrances more secure.

During conversation about this survey, the issue of lead in plumbing was brought up. In order for something to be covered by the state, it needs to be mentioned in the survey. Lead testing was touched on, but plumbing repair and repiping were not explicitly mentioned in the report. However, it seemed like the state would be willing to cover these implicated costs.

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NEWS

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

Despite its Name, Student Power Has None

By DANIEL XU Every year, IHS holds elections to select students as representatives to the Board of Education (BoE), Student Council members, and class officers in our system of student power. The elections have no shortage of exposure: the positions and the names of those running are reiterated over the announcements; posters touting individual candidates line the halls; classes watch the candidates make speeches on Little Red TV. But when it comes to what student power has accomplished, and indeed the breadth of its range, many still have no idea. For the majority of students at IHS, student elections are little more than popularity contests with no ramification other than to promote figureheads who enjoy increased exposure but won’t—or can’t—accomplish anything. From the perspective of students involved in the system of student power, the truth of their situation leans towards the latter.

These students overwhelmingly claim that the bounds of student power in all categories are very tight. Rather than failing to fulfill their official role or duties, elected students simply may not have the resources or influence necessary to be prime movers in the school community.

Representatives to the BoE Student representatives (reps) to the BoE are officially supposed to “prepare reports with student input about issues and events at IHS and present them at biweekly BoE meetings,” according to rep Lisa Yoo ’17. The reps take notes at the meetings and relay important information and takeaways back to IHS. In communicating ideas between the student body and the BoE, reps theoretically should be able to make the BoE aware of any pressing concerns IHS students have and in turn immediately provide students with an official stance on those matters.

That’s not how it works in practice, however.

“There are limitations to what we can say at board meetings—it’s a very formal environment, so we have to make sure everything we say is correct and respectful,” Yoo said. She said that during past meetings when the reps brought up controversial topics, they were “corrected” and told to speak to IHS administrators for more

accurate or comprehensive information on those topics before returning to the BoE. Jacob Silcoff ’17, who was elected BoE rep in September, corroborated Yoo concerning the atmosphere of the meetings that he has thus far attended. “I wish we had more say at the meetings, because it often feels awkward asking questions, let alone raising legitimate concerns or arguments,” he said.

Both reps acknowledged that a major issue with reporting concerns to the BoE was the lack of properly researched arguments, as well as little proof of support from the student body. The reps are unlikely to be taken very seriously without substantial material and time to present it.

Because of the lack of perceived change or effect BoE reps have instigated over recent years, many students have questioned the purpose of having such a role in the first place. Any student in ICSD has the ability to attend and speak at BoE meetings, as the meetings are open to the general public. In addition, videos of every BoE meeting are livestreamed and available on YouTube to be watched by anyone at any time. The sentiment has been echoed by longtime rep Max Fink ’17: according to Fink, aside from their figurehead designation, reps to the BoE currently have no power whatsoever.

As a possible fix to this, Yoo suggested that the reps set up meetings with IHS administrators to ensure they bring appropriate criticism to BoE meetings. Silcoff said he wants to focus on establishing a democratic method of gathering input from students by forming stronger ties with Student Council, whom reps are technically intended to liaison with. “I think that is something that is easily attainable,” he said.

Student Council Student Council is “IHS’s student government,” according to the 2015–16 IHS Student Handbook. The Handbook says Student Council serves the purpose of a forum where students can discuss matters of concern and relay information and proposals to teachers and administration. As the official representation of the student body, the council could be expected to have meaningful influence in the school community, especially with its command of a siz-

able amount of money.

By nature of its role, though, Student Council is heavily limited by an inability to easily facilitate transfer of information through the school hierarchy, from students to administrators. In addition, the requirement that the council submit any and all proposals to the administration and wait on a response slows processes to a crawl.

Ruth Silcoff ’17, former head of the council’s School Works Committee and its current vice-president, was especially vocal in expressing her frustrations. “I couldn’t get anything done without multiple meetings with school and district administrators, and also the IT department when problems involved technology. Even as an officer, I still had almost no power and couldn’t make any changes without permission. I can’t even send out school emails without them being approved first,” she said. Silcoff added that because any student at IHS is able to set up meetings with administrators, she, in effect, has no more power than any of them with incentive to change something.

Asked about the council’s money, Silcoff acknowledged that Student Council is more or less free to donate and use the money as it pleases—so long as the usage conforms to existing school rules. A significant portion of this money is given away to clubs who request it for trips or activities.

With the rest, the council has been able to accomplish at least a few things: last year, Silcoff said, Student Council influenced the library to implement a scanner sign-in system, put traffic tape in the halls to dilute congestion, and spoke to the ICSD social media manager about unblocking the chat feature on Google Hangouts, receiving an affirmative. The chat feature remains blocked at the time of writing.

Silcoff was emphatic about expanding Student Council’s influence this school year. To do this, she said, the council’s foremost goal is to realize a reliable form of communication between BoE reps, the IHS community, and the BoE in the form of a school-wide Google Classroom or website. This could potentially solve many of the problems outlined above, such as the inability to smoothly gather democratic inCONTINUED ON PAGE 8

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

NEWS

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Creating Healthy Relationships: A Possible New Course at IHS

By JAMES PARK

Maintaining healthy relationships with others is an invaluable skill in high school and beyond. However, despite its importance, mental and emotional well-being is frequently overlooked from an educational standpoint. Especially in recent years, several people have pushed to introduce new curriculum into IHS to address this issue.

The strongest of voice of support is Dianea Kohl, a Cornell graduate and psychotherapist of 25 years. Working with dysfunctional relationships for so long has made Kohl highly aware of the difficulty that many have in expressing their feelings, and she believes that high school is the best time to teach about these issues.

“Having a healthy, loving relationship in your life is a fundamental desire of every human being. But we have no place to teach it,” she said in a recent interview. Since the 1990s, Kohl has pushed for adding a relationships course at IHS, but has faced some difficulty from both limited awareness and the administration.

Several questions arise with the concept of a new course. How would such a class be taught? Wouldn’t many topics already be covered through the school’s mandatory Health course? One easy and well-tested solution would be through the Relationship Foundation, a non-profit organization that seeks to “build a safe, more harmonious society by establishing Social and Emotional Learning as a core component of the educational process.”

Originally founded in NYC, the foundation established the relationships course in 16 schools throughout the city and has since expanded nationwide. Class curriculum and materials would be provided for by the foundation, covering a large range of skills including collaborative communication, empathy, and identifying healthy relationships.

As for the Health course question, Kohl admitted that while Health does provide a basic overview of relationships, the semester-long course was much too short to provide meaningful assistance. “Ideally, the high school would provide multiple courses to be taken throughout, with each year focusing on a specific aspect.

Self-concept for the first year, relationship skills for the next, parenting for the third, and so on,” she said. A 1991 course description submitted by Kohl outlined a four-year plan that would be mandatory for all students, but the idea never branched out: the course was taught for three years with limited success. “The students were interested,” Kohl said, “but they just didn’t have time due to other classes…. There were too many constraints.” Later test runs, including a semester course carried out at LACS, also provided promising results, but Kohl wanted to make it clear that IHS was her primary goal: “I want this course to affect as many people as possible. And IHS has such a large population; it should be the main focus,” she said.

Kohl’s sentiments seem to be echoed by several in ICSD. In particular, Superintendent Luvelle Brown has frequently stressed his goal of creating a “culture of love” within the district. “We are working to create a personalized experience for each student so that they can achieve…. If I am a great superintendent, it is because I am a great dad first,” Brown said. “My goal for the next

six years is to make sure that the culture of love is firmly embedded throughout the organization and community.” According to the Ithaca Times, support for the course has also come from staff members at IHS, including teachers James Slattery, Kelley Purcell, and Bradley Benjamin. A petition was even started at one point to generate interest, but it failed to gather momentum.

The strongest voice of support is Dianea Kohl, a Cornell graduate and psychotherapist of 25 years.

The relationships course has encountered some degree of resistance. Meetings with IHS Principal Mr. Trumble and Chief Officer of Academics Liddy Coyle in recent years have brought few changes. While the administration has largely agreed with Kohl’s plans, they nonetheless held off from implementing the course, or even trying a pilot run. “They kept on telling me, there has to be interest from the students,” Kohl said. “And I get that, but it should be… these teachers and staff that set an example for these kids.” Disappointed with the administration’s lack of initiative, she has nonetheless continued to press the issue. “People are afraid of these feelings, don’t know what to do with them, and students are reluctant to share,” she said. “We need to change that.”

NEWS

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The Fate of New Roots

By ABE MESSING

A public hearing was held on September 13 to address the concerns of Ithaca residents about the New Roots Charter School. While it is not necessarily up to Ithaca’s taxpayers to decide the fate of New Roots, there are certainly some strong feelings both for and against the renewal of New Roots’ charter. New Roots was originally granted a charter from the state, providing that it would work to encourage innovation, improve student achievement, and provide families with greater educational choice. Although these goals may seem virtuous in nature, some people believe that New Roots is wasteful in practice and failing to meet these goals.

At the hearing, only two passionate members of the public defended their strong opinions against renewing the charter school. This is very low, considering the previous meetings where 42 people spoke—35 of them being in favor of renewing the charter. Nonetheless, the latest hearing indicated a major change in sentiment towards the charter.

Corrine Frantz and Pat Ehrich represented the Coalition for Sustainable Schools and made sure to create some friction before the ultimate decision regarding New Roots would be concluded. Aside from Frantz and Ehrich, several members of the ICSD Board of Education (BoE) also spoke, further criticizing New Roots. BoE member Pat Wasyliw in particular condemned New Roots for not meeting certain academic thresholds set by the state, such as attendance and academics. Charter schools are often expected to outperform local public schools; however, New Roots falls short by a noticeable percentage in virtually every regard. In 2015, New Roots graduated 79 percent of its students while IHS graduated 94 percent. Despite this increase from the 51 percent grad rate that New Roots had in 2010, people are still wary of the school’s value to the community. Rob Ainslie, president of the BoE, was the last to speak, and also voiced negative sentiments towards the school. “It’s an institution that is declining enrollment… I’m not sure, frankly, how they can keep the doors open and pay their bills,” Ainslie said.

The vehement opponents of New Roots’ renewal as a whole are primarily concerned about two things: the future of the students who currently attend New Roots and the money that goes into supporting this allegedly ineffective school. Funding for charter schools does come from taxpayer money, and more and more people are feeling as though they are feeding a dying animal. ICSD gives New Roots one million dollars each year; naturally, people are wondering if that money would be put to better use elsewhere.

Even with these staggering statistics, New Roots’ principal, Tina Nielsen-Hodge, maintains high hope for the school. “In the last two years, we’ve had our highest graduation rates ever at New Roots, and we have very stable enrollment that’s allowing us to support the school in a fiscally responsible way,” she said. “There’s all kinds of wonderful things happening with the young people that chose New Roots, and many of our Class of 2012 are just now graduating from college and going on to great things.” Nielsen-Hodge said that she remains confident New Roots’ charter will be renewed.

The charter school’s future is still undetermined, but the final decision will be made in the coming months by the SUNY Charter Schools Institute. For now, New Roots remains a precarious charter on the edge of a major change.

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com “COMMON CORE” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

the standards, said, “I’m not entirely optimistic that we’re going to hear anything…. However, I always try to caution myself from assuming that that’s the case because although it feels like it, I also think it can’t possibly be true.”

Clearly, there is uncertainty among teachers concerning the extent to which their comments are heard and taken into consideration by those actively involved in developing the Common Core standards. “I feel that, yes, you have a voice; it doesn’t mean anyone’s going to listen,” Weissburg said.

The changes in the new draft were mostly positive and undramatic.

“In Algebra I, the changes are minimal. There are not any substantial changes to the curriculum. There are a couple of topics that are either being moved to different levels or removed completely. But beyond that, most of the standards are just changes to language,” Kirk said. In some cases, wording was tweaked and in others, an existing standard was made more specific.

Lorraine Tino, an English teacher at IHS, saw a similar trend in the high school ELA curricula: “When the English teachers [at IHS] looked at the standards as they first came out, we said: ‘Oh, well, that’s what we do.’ There were no surprises.”

On the other hand, Kirk, who teaches Algebra I, was pleasantly surprised by some of the proposed changes. “They’ve now completely gotten rid of residuals in any math level. And the exact language, which I kind of appreciated, for the justification of the change, was ‘the analysis of residuals is a skill not needed for Algebra I and is a topic that deserves to be developed more appropriately in a statistics class,’ which I totally agree with. There was very little reason to cover topics like that, except for the fact that it was on the Regents exam. And that’s not a good enough reason to have something as a part of a curriculum.”

But that is not to say that there weren’t flaws with the new standards. One of the major changes to the Algebra II curriculum was that it didn’t include the law of sines and the law of cosines, concepts that Weissburg said were “a huge chunk of the course.” Weissburg added, “It makes it very hard for precalculus teachers now, because students will come in with very little background. And when it comes to understanding these concepts, I think it’s nice to have two years to be exposed to the idea, so that one year, you can get introduced to the idea and do basic problems in the next, therefore revisiting it and understanding the concepts a little better.”

Bill Asklar, an English teacher at IHS, also observed flaws with the new standards. “I feel like the mods [modules] used in some schools—Ithaca does not use mods for ELA instruction, thankfully—need to be thrown out. The mods were too analytical,” Asklar said. “The new standards did not address the larger problem; our students are not reading enough and the mods make reading seem intolerable for many stuCONTINUED ON PAGE 7

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

NEWS

“COMMON CORE” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 6

IMAGE BY JAMES YOON

dents. The decision makers need to think of more ways to promote literacy and encourage students to read.”

“A lot of the standards [in 2014] were dumped onto teachers’ laps and there was little time devoted or attention paid to helping teachers learn what the new standards were,” math teacher Benjamin Kirk said.

Teachers are torn on whether the new Common Core would help teachers design curricula. Kirk said, “There are still places where I don’t think there’s enough clarity, but for the most part, it’s improvement. I think it’ll be easier for teachers to know what examples to use for instruction in order to best prepare their students for the tests.” Still, the extent to which the Common Core is effective is not clear-cut. “I’ve heard that in struggling districts, teachers and administration did feel that the Common Core did help them improve instruction because it did give teachers concrete, tangible goals,” Tino said.

“But teachers may not have the professional confidence to know how to bring students to the learning objectives. If the goal for the Common Core is to improve instruction, which it is, there’s a giant hole that needs to be mended.”

Most teachers like the Common Core, just not the way it is implemented and the way standards are tested.

Most teacher complaints arose not from the Common Core standards themselves, but the way they were implemented.

“I actually think the standards are pretty reasonable. I like most of the Common Core,” Weissburg said. “But there are some small standards that are totally misplaced. And I think that in 2005, [the SED] was trying to raise the bar and all of the new standards were implemented in the state simultaneously. And I think that’s not a good way to bring new standards to schools, because it creates gaps all over the place.”

Weissburg said that students learning the new standards for the first time were not prepared for new courses because in previous years, they had not built up the foundational skills and knowledge that the Common Core required. “That’s what happens when you phase it in like that.”

Teachers are also unhappy about the way Common Core standards are tested, and a lot of that sentiment can be attributed to the grading rubrics. “Teachers go crazy when grading, because the rubrics penalize kids for the wrong things,” Weissburg said. “There was a two-point geometry

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question in which students had to model something mathematically by coming up with a function f(x). Kids who got the equation completely right except that they wrote ‘y’ instead of ‘f(x)’ lost one of the two points: a 50 percent loss for something totally trivial. I would never take points off for that even in Precalculus.” It is the same case for English tests as well. “A lot of the rubric was totally unexplained,” Tino said.

There is also the frequent complaint among teachers that standardized tests remove a lot of freedom: “the whole point of a standardized curriculum is that it lays out more or less what the entire course looks like, which means that there isn’t as much time to teach other things that aren’t in the standardized curriculum,” Kirk said. As a result, Tino observed, “You end up being a test coach in many ways.” And Kirk emphasized that this can be “hard for teachers because they can feel that they don’t have the ability to decide what to teach.”

And the problem is exacerbated in math tests because teachers have different methods of teaching different skills or concepts. Weissburg said, “The questions should be framed such that a student who learned any single method well should be able to get all of the points. But instead, you get questions where students are in good shape only if they were lucky enough to have a teacher who did things one way.”

But that does not necessarily mean that teachers are entirely against having standardized state tests. They believe that there needs to be a way to track student performance.

“It’s really important to know how students are progressing and to be able to compare them across the spectrum,” Weissburg said. Besides, standardized tests can also help students.

“It makes movement from school to school easier. If a student needs to transfer within a state, the student can be sure that the Algebra I in one school will be the same in another,” Kirk said.

Setting the Common Core standards alone are insufficient in effectively guiding teachers in the curriculum-building process.

“The Common Core just helps [teachers] understand what they should be doing, but [does] not give good guidelines for how they could help students reach the learning standards.

Fortunately, many districts provide teacher training. There are professional development and mentorship programs, while in many other districts, I’m sure, there aren’t,” Tino said. “Having mentors or professional development can effectively guide teachers in creating curricula and in finding ways to help students with different needs. That’s what we need more of.”

Teachers also believe that the SED should do more in making sure NYS teachers have the appropriate supports they need. “Certainly, the State Department should have a role, although it’s hard to say exactly what role that should be. It does have to be locally based, because we’re the ones who are going to plan curricula according to the specific circumstances of the students we’re dealing with. The needs that students in Ithaca have may be different from those students in Rochester might have, for example. But that’s not to say that there doesn’t need to be state oversight or regulation,” Tino said.

Kirk agrees that NYS teachers should have accessible professional development. “A lot of the standards [in 2014] were dumped onto teachers’ laps and there was little time devoted or attention paid to helping teachers learn what the new standards were. Being able to have had some professional development with the Common Core transition would have been very helpful.”

NEWS

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

“STUDENT POWER” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 4

put and the lack of quick response from administration. With an avenue of fluid call-and-response opened, Student Council could begin to think about more ambitious projects and play a larger role in the IHS community than it currently is.

Such a prospect is still considered unrealistic by Silcoff. “I think that there needs to be a clear outline for what we can and cannot do, because right now we have to ask the administration about everything and half of it is a waste of time. I also think having an admin at all of our meetings would help. Honestly, student power is kind of a joke, and I don’t think it will ever be achieved with the strict laws that our school enforces,” she said.

Most students at IHS understandably care little about these elected bodies; they both are seen to do nothing and are very niche role-players in reality. An important question to answer is whether IHS as a whole wants student power to play a larger part going forward. While the school community is vibrant and has no shortage of perks, we remain bereft of a way to effectively delegate the flaws students see to representatives. It will take action from all corners of IHS and beyond to collaborate and implement a system in which student voice can impact the decision-making process that ultimately affects our education in the years ahead.

Submit your creative writing!

Send works of short fiction, creative nonfiction, and poetry to literary@ihstattler.com to be included in our literary section.

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

OPINION OPINION

PAGE 9

Final Electoral College Prediction

By VAYNU KADIYALI

thought was going to vote Republican. A major factor pulling in favor of Trump in Ohio was the highly successful reelection campaign of GOP Senator Rob Portman. This factor was pulling Trump’s margin in the state up significantly, but is no longer in play in the aftermath of the released 2005 tape.

The other major change since my last prediction is the outcome of three battleground states: Arizona, Georgia, and Iowa.

Arizona and Georgia were both seen as lower priority states for Clinton; ones where she could produce a win, but where she would have to put in significant effort to do so. It originally seemed like the Clinton campaign was trying to keep both Iowa and Georgia in play, but after weeks of polling indicated Trump’s lead in both states was steady at 2–3 points, they gave up. I think that while the outcome in Iowa and Georgia will be close, the substantial rural vote will push Trump to victory in these perennial swing states. However, as Georgia and Iowa have gone back to Trump, Arizona may go historically to Clinton. In spite of Trump’s poor relationship with Arizona Senator John McCain and his controversial support of Mariposa County’s radical Sheriff Joe Arpaio, he has taken for granted his slight polling lead in Arizona. It is an alarming reality for the Trump campaign and for the RNC that Arizona is now steadily polling towards a Clinton win. The largely educated and suburban electorate in Arizona is one that Democrats have been targeting for years, and putting it into play this year will be a boon for Democratic nominees in the future.

While the magnitude of a Clinton win this year may vary, it is now clear that she will be our next president. Polling in several states has been close, but she realistically doesn’t have to do very much to win. The states I have projected as non-swing states that will go for Clinton are themselves enough to garner her the necessary 270 electoral votes to be the next president. This, combined with her dominance in most swing states, makes it clear that she has thwarted Trump’s chances of becoming the next Commander-in-Chief.

It’s been a long and arduous election cycle that our country has been embroiled in for almost two years, so it’s a reassuring reality for most Americans that Trump’s chances at becoming the next president are so low. The Democratic Party will be poised for greater successes in the future if Clinton is able to narrow margins in red states and win most swing states.

IMAGE PROVIDED

Our fateful election is now only days away. Twenty-one failed campaigns and a whole year and a half of vicious rhetoric and cynicism later, the end is in sight. What remains now is the significant election that will decide our next Commander-in-Chief.

Who will win? Will it be the frontrunner Hillary Clinton, or the seemingly imploding but energized campaign of Donald Trump? Will a third party present a significant challenge this cycle?

To understand my election map, you must understand my color coding. I have made all states I expect Clinton to win black and all expected Trump wins dark grey. The close contests I expect Clinton to win are black with grey crosshatches and the close contests I expect Trump to win are grey with black crosshatches.

Perhaps my most significant prediction is for Utah, which, as you can see, is white with black crosshatches. Following the release of several polls showing Evan McMullin, an independent, in a close third place in the state, I think that Utah will not vote for the Republican nominee for the first time since 1964.

The largely Mormon electorate in the state has been vehemently opposed to Trump and his cynicism; Ted Cruz defeated him soundly in Utah during the Republican primaries, winning all of its delegates, and since then both Gary Johnson (of the Libertarian Party) and Clinton have been seen as possible winners there. Trump’s released tapes in which he joked about sexual assault were probably the final factor that doomed his chances in Utah, and I expect some Trump support, most of Johnson’s base, and the current plurality of undecided voters in the Beehive state to eventually come around to the conservative alternative McMullin, handing him his only win in this election cycle.

McMullin is a candidate who is perfect for the Utah electorate; himself a Mormon, he embraces many of the values that have been prevalent in Utah politics for the past half-century. If you haven’t heard of McMullin yet, I urge you to do your research, as he may make the greatest political statement of this election cycle by being the first third-party electoral college vote winner since 1968.

Despite this major change, I still think that the outcome of this election is an easy one to predict: Hillary Clinton will be elected as the 45th President of the United States. Her path will be made significantly easier with her current lead in Ohio, a state which, prior to the release of Trump’s lewd comments, I

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OPINION

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

The Case for Clinton

By VAYNU KADIYALI ise to the poor is to “Make America Great Again” when there is a choice with a track record of service for the working class and a legitimate plan to broaden their opportunities?

The last, and perhaps most important, case for Clinton in the election cycle is that this election is less about politics and policies and more about the moral values of the nation. Yes, Clinton has her shortcomings and is far from a perfect candidate. However, when our only other option is a man who is serially dishonest, crude, and disparaging to every segment of American society, and who has outlined radically unconstitutional policies, we have to make the right choice. In choosing Hillary Clinton this election, we will have elected a rational, reasonable and sane candidate who will fulfill the duties of her office. She has proven throughout her career that she embodies each of these qualities, and if you aren’t convinced by her comprehensive domestic policy, track record on helping the poor, sound foreign policies, or past experience, then you should still be supporting Clinton simply because she is not reckless or megalomaniacal.

The realization that presidential politics has gone from “Ask what you can do for your country” to “[Mexico is] not sending their best… they’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists,” in a span of 60 years is a shocking and depressing reality.

Sure, our country has undergone huge economic and ideological changes in this time, but we are fundamentally the same optimistic, hardworking, and forward-thinking people. When we look back at this election in 20 years, we should look back at it as a time in which the state of our country was distorted by a candidate, in which a candidate insulted and made low blows at his opponents, and in which he gave ridiculous and unserious solutions to our nation’s problems.

But we should also remember it as a year in which we rejected this cynical view of our nation in favor of a candidate who stood for and represented the unity and strength that is and always will be abundant in our country.

ILLUSTRATION BY JOSEPH YOON

Later this month, our country will be going to the polls and choosing the next leader of the United States. The field of candidates can be best described as underwhelming. The Republican Party’s radical choice in Donald Trump is unreasonable, irrational and unpredictable. The Democratic Party chose Hillary Clinton, who has years of baggage and cringeworthy moments which have been, and will continue to be, circulated by the right wing to try to unseat her current dominance in the race. And while the Libertarian Party had substantial momentum for a third party in the slow month of September, nominee Gary Johnson has effectively erased all chance of an upset with his alarming lapses of knowledge regarding global issues. Since one of these nominees is going to be our next Commander-in-Chief, we have to select the candidate who has the best judgment, knowledge, and plan for our country. Hillary Clinton is the only candidate in the race with a reasonable plan for this nation’s future.

Clinton’s first strength is her domestic policy. Republicans and Democrats alike have been in a cycle of hypocritically promising both tax and spending cuts while simultaneously promising drastic increases in spending to the military and social services. Now, it’s blatantly obvious that you can’t shrink the national budget and pay for more services without going into debt, and Clinton’s pragmatic and reasonable plans for our government’s budget have been the only ones in the election cycle to be fiscally responsible.

Her plans to spend on renewable energy and infrastructure are expenditures which will over time result in a government profit, and the rest of her policies, including replenishing social security funds, will be met by appropriate increases to corporate tax rates and will also be compensated for by ending tax loopholes for the very wealthy. It’s about time we stop hoping that the budget deficit is going to be cut by empty promises and we elect a leader with a legitimate plan.

Clinton’s next important attribute is her plan for the underprivileged in this country. Poor Americans have been taking blows to their livelihoods for the past 20 years. Companies have outsourced labor, communities have gotten weaker and more unsafe, and the quality of education and employment in traditional working-class areas has been in decline. While Trump has kept the plight of the working class at the forefront of his campaign, his shocking ignorance and negative misinterpretations of their condition is far from laudable. Clinton, on the other hand, from going undercover in schools in impoverished regions of Arkansas to scope out and end segregation and insufficient education standards, to fighting for the Children’s Health Insurance Program to provide millions of children in poverty with access to health care, has demonstrated throughout her professional career that she cares about all segments of society and that she’s committed to making a positive change for those in poverty. Additionally, Clinton provides a solid plan to bring better jobs to communities. In outlining her “Make it in America” plan, which highlights significant tax incentives to companies who stay and manufacture in the United States, and by promising infrastructure renovations in impoverished communities nationwide, Clinton has made it clear that the working class would have increased prospects under her presidency. Why should we choose a candidate whose only prom-

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

OPINION

ILLUSTRATION BY JOSEPH YOON

The Case for Trump

PAGE 11

By ISAIAH KADIYALI

Author’s Note: The views and opinions expressed in the article do not reflect those of the author.

This election year has truly been a crazy one. Just the mere fact that the two major party candidates are the most disliked candidates in election history tells you that we may have screwed up as a nation. And while I know many voters think that no change is better than possible negative change, I am here to tell you that this is wrong.

Trump is the better choice for president due in large part to his willingness to be politically incorrect, to voice concerns to which others may be tepid, and to be candid about problems that no one wants to admit exist.

First of all, Trump may be seen as a better option by many liberals mainly because of his opponent. There have been countless scandals surrounding Hillary Clinton, including her emails, the Clinton Foundation, her handling of the accusers of her husband, and her conduct in the wartime Middle East. In fact, a recent poll shows that a majority of Trump supporters are against Clinton more than they are for him. This goes to show how repellent Clinton is to so many, and for good reason. She has lied many times in the past about important issues, changed her views on certain issues mysteriously as public opinion shifted, and has covered up many scandals, at least one of which could have been compromising to national security. Even on policy, she is toxic to liberals in many areas. She has consistently blamed Russia for many of her struggles lately, sounding more and more like someone out of the 50s or 60s. She also has downplayed the threat of jihadism as caused by Islam, claiming that “Muslims… have nothing whatsoever to do with terrorism.” It is blatant denial of reality such as this that has undoubtedly swayed many to Trump’s side. She also has two different policy positions for private and public appearances, as revealed by the release of the transcripts of her speeches to Goldman Sachs. If Clinton doesn’t trust us enough to tell us her real positions, why should we trust her with the most powerful position in the world?

Another reason potential voters should seriously consider voting Trump is his realistic view on the economy and trade policy. Trump has repeatedly voiced support for deregulating the economy, which would increase competition, driving down prices and promoting innovation. Contrast this with Clinton, who touts her plan to take on Wall Street as the “toughest” while chumming up with Wall Street execs at the same time. Trump has years of experience dealing with Wall Street, and he will bring his business savvy to the White House.

Trump will also dramatically reduce taxes for all citizens, putting more money in the pockets of the masses and enabling more economic growth. Trump also wants to incentivize companies to stay in the U.S. by eliminating the corporate alternative minimum tax, and wants to help small businesses stay open by reducing the business tax from 35 percent to 15 percent. More importantly, he wants to identify the trade deals that are hurting our workers and put a stop to them. This is starkly different from Clinton’s history of supporting disastrous deals such as NAFTA and TPP. Now, I know it has become a bit of a meme, but Trump is also strong on China, and will better stand up to them than Clinton. Unlike Russia, China does actually hold values very much in opposition to ours and does not act like a moral, modern government. Altogether, on trade and the economy,

Trump is much more frank and straightforward than Clinton and has better policy proposals as well.

Two more issues on which Trump is superior to Clinton in ideas and more direct are those of Islamic terrorism and immigration in general. Clinton is unwilling to recognize the problem at hand with Islamic terrorism, saying it has no connection to Muslims or the religion they practice. Trump is much more willing to make this connection and wants to address the issue by banning immigration from nations that have had their citizens participate in terror attacks. This is quite possibly Trump’s strongest issue, as he is clearly the only one in the election who is willing to speak plainly about the great troubles ahead that our nation will face if we continue to refuse to confront the root cause of terrorism. Islamic extremism has far and away the most global terrorist attacks to its name, and this is no accident. Islam itself fosters extremism as is seen all over the world in the sheer numbers of Muslims who believe in frankly insane and incredibly hostile ideas, especially surrounding women’s rights and homosexuality. Trump wants to protect the American populace from attack, unlike Clinton, who wants to increase the number of refugees coming in fivefold. This willful ignorance cannot be let alone to affect our country and our security. Another issue on which Trump is largely logical is that of immigration. He sees that letting illegal, unskilled immigrants into the country will not improve anything. He knows that they are nothing but a burden on our economy, taxpayers, and border control agents. While his wall proposal may be a bit farfetched, he seems to have the right idea in letting more skilled and wealthy immigrants into the country, ensuring we won’t have to put them on welfare that comes out of our pockets. Clinton instead wants a path to citizenship for these people, which would only disadvantage our country. All in all, Trump is the sole candidate to speak anything even resembling a truth on the core issues of Islamic terrorism and immigration.

In this farcical election, we have witnessed perhaps the most inane candidates of recent memory, and the utter ignorance of the general public has been put on display. Supporters of all candidates have engaged in dishonest activities, and I’m sure most of America is tired of this election. However, if there is a lesser of the two evils, it may well be Trump. While Clinton has engaged in actions that affect the fate of American citizens, Trump has only said some questionable things now and then. Can you spot the difference? If we are to save our country and make it into something better, we should choose the candidate who actually has a chance of changing things up, instead of one who wants to keep our plainly broken system.

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OPINION

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

What is Aleppo?

Don’t Ask Gary Johnson!

By MATT MACKENZIE, Staff Writer

consumption tax. This would allow corporations to run wild and exploit whomever they want, finding loopholes in almost every part of an overly simplistic plan. Economic inequality is a serious problem in the United States. Turning American tax policy into a disjointed rummage sale and letting the swamp monster of big business strangle the federal government will only widen the world’s largest wealth gap and drive the stakes of a major national issue into the ground for the foreseeable future.

Finally, it is important to remember that a protest vote does the country no good when the protest candidate has no chance to win the election. Whether you think Clinton is more qualified than Trump, or vice-versa, a vote for Johnson is as good as a vote for the worse mainstream candidate. Some say that your vote doesn’t matter in an obvious blue state like New York, but every vote does indeed count, and one should be aware of what they’re really voting for before they cast their ballots on November 8. If Johnson’s embarrassing slip-ups and impractical policies aren’t enough to sway you, imagine the candidate that pushed you towards the third party in the first place giving their acceptance speech on election night. Clinton and Trump may not hit the bullseye, but Gary Johnson misses the target altogether.

ILLUSTRATION BY JOSEPH YOON

Many people rightfully think that the 2016 election cycle has been one of the worst in American history, and voters are reacting accordingly. Most commonly in the younger voter base, people are refusing to pick between what they consider “the lesser of two evils” and expanding their sights to include the two biggest third-party candidates: Green Party candidate Jill Stein and Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson. In Johnson (as well as in Stein), voters are seeing a candidate that isn’t embroiled in an email scandal and hasn’t made headlines for all the wrong reasons almost every day. Disillusioned and angry at the establishment after eight years of gridlock and economic turmoil, they are jumping at the chance to elect a candidate who, for one thing, is an ardent fan of small government, and also not Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

It may seem like an admirable cause to fight big government and vote for one’s values instead of voting for one of the two major party options, but people who choose Johnson are ignoring the fact that he is unfit to lead the country. Johnson’s main claim to fame in recent months has been his embarrassing on-air blunders, which have drawn even more attention than his wildly unrealistic policies. Many people will remember his “Aleppo moment,” and another equally disconcerting gaffe in which he was asked to name his favorite foreign leader and could not think of a single one. It may be setting the bar too high to ask Johnson to interact with leaders of other countries and settle disputes diplomatically if he cannot name even one such leader that he respects, let alone stay up-to-date on major world issues.

Of course, every political candidate makes mistakes on the campaign trail, and to judge someone only on their botched interviews and non-answers would be selling them short. Still, Johnson seems to have almost no plan for implementing his policies, and his ideas for how he should run the country involve very little substance beyond simply blowing up big government. He has been open about his plan to torch major government departments, and when he was asked what he would get rid of, Johnson replied “Education, the Department of Commerce, and the Department of Housing and Urban Development, for starters.”

All three departments are integral parts of our country, and leaving education or infrastructure at the mercy of the private sector would be a horrible idea at best. A safe and reliable infrastructure and an education are rights, so to delegate them to large, private companies would risk denying people what should be naturally theirs, given the tendencies of corporate America to favor rich white people over poor minorities. Moreover, when Johnson says he would abolish three extremely important parts of the federal government, and finishes off his proposal with “for starters,” he sounds more like an anarchist ideologue than a rational presidential candidate.

Johnson’s small government approach to tax policy is just as unrealistic, and risks being unfair to the lower socioeconomic bracket. He advocates for abolishment of federal income tax, corporate tax, and the IRS, consolidating everything into one federal

ILLUSTRATION BY JOSEPH YOON

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

OPINION

PAGE 13

Jill Stein: America’s Best Bet? “Voting for the lesser of two evils doesn’t only help elect an evil, it also perpetuates a choice limited to two evils.”

—the Green Party Twitter account, posted October 5, 2016

With Donald J. Trump and Hillary R. Clinton duking it out to be the President of the United States, many people feel stuck on who to vote for. The 2016 presidential election is widely viewed in a negative light due to the unprofessional and arguably immoral behavior on the part of both major party candidates. As a result, there are many voters who don’t support either candidate and don’t know who to vote for. In fact, some who would normally vote are unsure if they should vote at all. I honestly don’t blame them. So what is a well-meaning citizen to do? Has it come down to choosing the lesser of two evils? How can the American voter emerge victorious during this season of mudslinging and the quagmire of dirty politics?

Donald Trump comes across as unpredictable, emotional, and very irrational at times, believing that America should build a 1000-mile-long wall and “make Mexico pay for it” in order to keep out illegal immigrants. There are also serious questions about his payment of taxes—or, rather, his lack thereof. To her detractors, Hillary is in the pocket of big businesses (recall her delivering private speeches at events hosted by Goldman Sachs and other big banking companies) and seems to have the opposite of the “Midas Touch”—many of the things she’s touched have become scandals, such as the Clinton Foundation, which has been accused of “pay for play” to get official government access. Hillary was also dishonest about her usage of a private email server for classified emails. To make matters worse, she arranged for the deletion of thousands of emails from this server after receiving a court subpoena.

Bernie Sanders attracted the enthusiasm of many young people, but he did not have the support of the Democratic Party and in the end dropped out to endorse Hillary, to the great disappointment of his supporters.

So what does that leave us with? For those who want to vote, but do not like either Trump or Clinton, there is a viable option.

Introducing: Jill Stein!

Jill Stein is a presidential candidate nominated by the Green Party, with Ajamu Baraka as the vice-presidential nominee. She and her running mate are on the ballot in 44 states and have write-in access in 3 more. Rooted in the Green Party are the concepts of equality, pacifism, and environmentalism. It also happens to be a self-proclaimed left-wing and “eco-socialist” party. But enough with the Green Party’s spiel; let’s get into discussing who Jill Stein really is.

Born in Chicago, Stein went to college at Harvard University and continued on to Harvard Medical School. After graduation she fought, and still fights for, the rights of the environment and the rights of people who could be negatively affected by environmen-

By RYAN CUNNINGHAM

tal issues. She co-founded the Massachusetts Coalition for Healthy Communities (a not-for-profit organization with a multitude of programs that benefit the people of Massachusetts, including “funding for public health” and “environmental health”) along with the Lexington Solid Waste Action Team. For her efforts, Stein has received a multitude of awards, which include the Salem State College “Friend of the Earth Award” and Clean Water Action’s “Not in Anyone’s Backyard Award”. She heavily emphasizes the core concepts of “climate change, peace, and justice” in her campaign.

“But where is her political background? Is she an experienced politician? Does she even know what she is doing?” some may ask. While those are all very valid concerns, Jill Stein does have a background in politics—sort of. While she didn’t go to law school to train as a politician, she has been a political activist for quite a while. In addition, she was also a local legislator in Lexington, Massachusetts, although she resigned in order to attempt to land a role as Governor of Massachusetts.

The real reason I consider Jill Stein a supreme pick is that she has a clean record and seems to legitimately care about the American people and the environment, instead of being a demagogue that simply seeks to appeal to the general public. Jill Stein’s long history of being a political activist and her establishment of a number of environment-related groups supports this.

For those who might say “Oh, but nobody is voting for Jill Stein in the polls! My vote is totally going to be wasted if she doesn’t have a serious chance, I can’t let that happen!” There happen to be multiple flaws with that argument, not to mention the mentality behind it. Voting should be an act of good conscience, not just picking a winner. If everybody thought that you should pick a winner from the beginning, it would reduce participation in our democratic system. You need people to step up and vote for who they believe in, no matter the chances of them winning. Not only this, but even if Jill Stein doesn’t win, you’re voting for a cause; you’re showing future candidates and voters alike that it is not necessary to be a demagogue or a supporter of big corporations to run for president. Most importantly, running under a third party can help us overcome the tyranny of the two major parties.

Speaking of independent candidates, there are choices apart from Jill Stein as well, such as Gary Johnson. Johnson, the former Republican governor of New Mexico, is running as a Libertarian, and presents a conservative option if you want to avoid voting for candidates from the two major parties. He’s polling at about 7 percent nationally and has even attracted attention in Ithaca. The Cornell University Student Republican Club has decided to endorse Gary Johnson due to their dislike of Donald Trump (much to the disappointment of the New York Federation of College Republicans). As a result, they had their credentials taken away by the Federation.

When it comes to the independent voter with progressive views, I believe that Jill Stein is the way to go. She has the support of prominent intellectuals such as Cornell West and Chris Hedges, not to mention environmentalists and believers in social justice nationwide. If IHS students could vote, I wonder what the result would be. Would the lesser of two evils win the day, or would we vote for whom we truly believe in?

OPINION

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

IMAGE PROVIDED

PAGE 14

Top Five Reasons to Catch More Shut-Eye

By FIONA BOTZ

It’s no secret that everybody loves feeling well-rested. But often, many students don’t get enough. Whether it’s due to copious amounts of studying the night before or binge-watching their favorite TV show all night, these students complain about fatigue during the school day. Here are just a few of the reasons why students should catch more shut-eye.

1) More focus in the classroom.

Daydreaming in class while your teacher is discussing what will be on next Tuesday’s test is pretty tempting when you just can’t seem to focus! According to a resource from the Division of Sleep Medicine at Harvard Medical School, getting the proper amount of sleep each night has “a role in the consolidation of memory, which is essential for learning new information.” In other words, sleep has profound effects on your ability to retain new information. Because your brain is extremely dependent on remembering and storing unfamiliar material, which can be impacted by the amount of sleep you get, one can see how valuable and influential the quantity and quality of your sleep is.

2) Better mood.

Due to the fact that sleep regulates your hormones, which influence your mood and behavior, getting more shut-eye helps if you have issues with stress or if you want to improve your mood.

When you don’t provide your body with the amount of sleep it needs, your hormones can become imbalanced, and when this happens the sleep-deprived person can feel the consequences almost immediately the next day—they become cranky, irritable, and moody. In these situations, the answer is usually pretty straightforward: increase the amount of sleep you get, and you will begin to see the benefits of a happier mood. You also may cope with stress better, which is especially important in high school.

3) Improved grades.

You may begin to see the benefits of sleep shine through your grades after you start getting proper rest each night. But don’t get too excited; I’m not promising that you can ace all of your midterms just by hitting the snooze button. Sleep will mainly help you retain information that you have already studied and practiced.

As seen in a study by scientists at McGill University and the Douglas Mental Health University Institute in Montreal, and discussed in a Time article, “children who had a better quality sleep performed better in math and languages.” This shows that taking the time out of your night to squeeze in those extra hours of sleep can positively affect your grades at school, possibly even more than

staying up late cramming for a test.

4) Enhanced performance on the field.

Sleep plays a big role in a student athlete’s ability, coordination, and energy level on the field or court. An article published by the National Sleep Foundation suggests that focus at a game may decrease if an athlete is sleep-deprived. In addition, the article discusses how, without enough sleep, one may not be able to make the best decisions in moments of a game where they must make quick choices with swift consequences. For example, an athlete may not be able to correctly choose which teammate would be most logical to pass the soccer ball to, or where the most strategic place to hit the tennis ball would be. According to the article, “Serena Williams told a UK publication that she usually sleeps well and enjoys going to bed early around 7:00.” This is quite early for an adult, let alone a high-school student, as some of us are just getting home at 7:00 p.m., but the idea of how her performance greatly depends on her energy level is very evident here.

5) Appear more attractive.

The last, but certainly not least important reason you should consider making an early bedtime part of your daily routine is because of how it will affect your appearance. We have all experienced the sleepy looking eyes—surrounded by dark circles, puffiness, and dull skin as a result of staying up too late. Not only will sleep improve these physical characteristics of your face, it can also gradually reduce acne and discoloration in the skin. When you get the right amount of sleep, you also receive all the restorative properties that come along with it, and the skin is definitely one of the first places where it shows. In an article published by WebMD titled “The Truth About Beauty Sleep,” the author states, “Your body boosts blood flow to the skin while you snooze, which means you wake to a healthy glow.” This excerpt from the article briefly sums up how your skin can show just how well-rested you are and why our skin looks better after a good night’s sleep.

You don’t have to start going to bed at 7:00 p.m. every night like Williams, nor do you have to depend on sleep to be in a good mood, but you may want to reevaluate your sleeping habits. Perhaps going to bed 10 minutes earlier every night for a week until you work your way down to a time that is more beneficial, yet realistic, is the way to go. Or try going for a 20-minute walk after dinner to improve the quality of your sleep. Whatever it is, and whatever adjustments you make to your lifestyle, take your time.

And remember that these things don’t just happen overnight.

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

OPINION

PAGE 15

Silky J Is Not Okay: An Open Letter

Open Letter to Yearbook Club

By LUC WETHERBEE

By JACOB SILCOFF, Staff Writer

Disclaimer: This was written with the full consent of Jacob Silcoff ’17 and does not reflect the honest opinions of the author or The Tattler. We love you, Silky J.

Have you ever heard someone say, “You know what’s stupid?” over three times in rapid succession in the halls, followed by the groans of the souls of the damned? Maybe you’ve seen some weird kid frantically looking about because he heard someone praising Star Wars: Episode VII. Perhaps you have come across someone conspicuously adjusting his smartwatch as though he is the only kid in the world who does that (because he is). Chances are you have had the misfortune of being within 30 meters of Jacob Silcoff. If you do not know who Jacob is, stop reading this article immediately. Tear this page out if you must. Some things are better left unknown. For those of you who do: I’m sorry.

As we all know by now, Jacob Silcoff—having gained notoriety under the nickname “Silky J”—is known for his articles, which include such titles as “Let Them Watch Porn” and “Why I’ll Never Spend Another Penny At Regal Cinemas.”

When not debating unsuspecting children into oblivion, he is busy subverting modern American paradigms. He even has the entire staff of The Tattler under his unwavering control, as they have now given him his own column, called “What Triggered Jacob This Month.” Well you know what, Jacob? I’m triggered because you’re up in arms about everything. Yes, everything.

There is literally nothing that this man has not lambasted or supported in a provocative, contrarian way.

I think it is time to say “Hey Silky J, that’s enough.” Students in IHS are physically fatigued by your relentless rage. Grades are dropping.

College essays are left unfinished. Lives are literally being ruined. This should not be the cost of repeating how much you hate the Chromebooks or the dress code, but you, Jacob of the Silk, continue. No newspaper is meant to suffer the full force of your roiling hatred for our societal standards. It’s kind of like your hair: nobody knows what you’re trying to do with it, and stop.

When Jacob Silcoff leaves the proud community of IHS, there will be some big, ugly, homemade shoes to fill. Don’t be tempted to fill them.

They’re gross.

Dear Yearbook Club, At some point in elementary school, students start being taught the dangerous lie that in order to decide something fairly, all you have to do is vote.

The classic head-down-hands-up has become a decision-making strategy that is synonymous with fairness and student representation. If only we lived in a world where things were that easy.

A crash course on voting systems: there are a lot more ways than one to run a vote. The most common system is called “first past the post.” Each person gets one vote, and the option with the most votes wins. This system disenfranchises people with unpopular opinions, creating a dilemma that has most Republicans squirming; as much as they hate Trump, if they vote for a third-party conservative and said candidate doesn’t receive a plurality (more votes than any other category), then their vote is essentially forgotten, and the effect is that they don’t really get a vote at all. History shows that vote-splitting, where multiple candidates run with very similar platforms, almost certainly guarantees the loss of said candidates, even if the majority of citizens would prefer either of them over the alternative. This encourages bipartisan politics and polarization, which is good for the reigning political parties (they don’t have to worry about the Green Party or the Libertarians or the Neonazis or anything like that) but terrible for the American people. Additionally, if a candidate is eliminated (let’s say Clinton dies of pneumonia before the election), everyone who cast an early ballot essentially loses their vote.

Thankfully, there’s a way better system. It’s called single transferable vote, and it allows people to rank their options in order of preference. If you vote for a candidate who doesn’t get a majority, your vote is transferred to your second-favorite choice, and so on and so forth until a candidate has a majority of votes.

This is all very easy to automate digitally, and is used in many countries such as Northern Ireland, India, and New Zealand. In this system, people with views not aligning with major political parties aren’t disenfranchised, and people won’t have to worry about voting for a candidate they’re unhappy with simply because not doing so is a vote for someone worse.

This brings us to Senior Superlatives and the voting procedure created by your club. Your first major error was failing to remember the right to abstention, or your right to not vote. In order to nominate someone for a superlative or to vote for someone already nominated, you had to vote in every single category.

That would be like if in order to vote for president, you also had to choose between Jermaine Bagnall-Graham and James L. Seward for New York State Senate. Don’t know who either of those guys are? Then maybe you see my point.

The result is that categories people are not interested in will result in random selection and even more of a popularity contest than the vote already is.

Worse still, your voting system used first past the post, which meant that I voted for some people simply because I didn’t want their opponents to win the superlative, even if I liked the third option better.

Then, to further degrade my ability to have my voice heard, you decided to remove candidates running for multiple positions based on their initial nomination survey. The result was that the most popular candidates were not available for positions in which people would like to see them. For instance, James Yoon ’17 might have been both the most likely to be president and best dressed, but people might have prefered him in one position over the other, and because of your voting procedure, people weren’t able to get that choice.

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OPINION

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

What Triggered Jacob This Month

CYA Rules

By JACOB SILCOFF, Staff Writer

Editor’s Note: Any and all who take issue with or disagree with statements made in this column (or past columns by the same author) are highly encouraged to submit their thoughts in written form to opinion@ihstattler.com for publication in next month’s issue.

There exists, in almost every set of rules made by any organization, a few that are designed simply to cover the organization’s “rear end” (I recognize that “rear end” is poor diction, but the editors would censor the word “[censored by the editors]”). Let’s call these rules CYA rules (short for Cover Your Rear End). Such rules include the classic “no illegal drugs past this gate” sign, as well as rules that we don’t think about in this light, such as speed limits, or, as I touched upon last edition, dress codes. If you want to check if a rule or law falls into this category, just ask yourself whether or not it would be enforced every time someone was caught breaking it. So, for example, if the entire cheerleading team breaks dress code in front of literally every administrator in the school, and none of them are punished, you have yourself a CYA rule.

CYA rules are not just limited to district policy, although I’ve included a list at the end of the article of some good ones that I found leafing through the Student Handbook (which, by the way, is up there with the Bible in terms of books most likely to trigger me). Even federal law is plagued with such restrictions. For instance, you probably knew it’s illegal to deface currency, which means the labs we did in Chemistry where we zinc-plated pennies required us to commit a federal crime. Jaywalking is also illegal, and as a result in order for me to cross the street to get to my bus stop, I have to walk five miles from my house to get to the nearest crosswalk, and then another five miles to get back to my street (this time on the other side of the road).

CYA rules also include some regulations that people generally think make sense, at least at the surface. For instance, pirating music and software, as well as speeding and gambling, is illegal. So why

are these laws of the CYA variety? Simply put, even the people who advocate for these restrictions would not want everyone breaking them to be caught. The government could easily stop all speeding overnight—just put a speedometer in every car that would know when you’re speeding and issue a ticket immediately.

Going 46 in a 45? You get a ticket. Not just once, but every single time you go a fraction of a mile-per-hour over. We have the technology to do it, but the result would be chaos, and most people would either refuse to pay the tickets or speeding laws would be rewritten amidst public outrage. So too with piracy; if everyone who ever did it were arrested, people would be outraged, and within days our piracy law would be cut down dramatically. On the subject of copyright law, if someone were arrested for singing “Happy Birthday” in public (which until very recently was a crime), people would lose their minds. And I’m sure you can imagine how people would feel if poker night among friends ended with a SWAT team breaking into the house and arresting everyone involved. Note that none of this applies for laws that prohibit murder, arson, robbery, or tax evasion, where people in favor of the laws generally agree that everyone who does it should be caught. I’m sure you can come up with your own examples, and I highly encourage you to leave them in the comments section of this article at ihstattler.com.

These laws exist because people who write rules are lazy. There. I said it. Rather than dealing with the fact that legislation isn’t easy, and that nuance exists everywhere, regulators decide you need to just CYA. It wouldn’t be terribly complicated to come up with an algorithm for who to arrest for speeding. I would suggest some z-score value, so that people have to drive at or near the average rate of traffic. In this model, police at speeding traps would record everyone’s speed for a while and a computer program would tell them who to pull over instead of having them use their personal judgment.

The result of the inability of rulemakers to be decisive is that now those in charge

of enforcement get to write in the nuance themselves, and sometimes that nuance has more to do with the color of one’s skin than the severity of their offense.

Take speeding once again; because legislators failed to make a law that could be reasonably enforced every time someone was caught violating it, police get to decide when someone speeding is worthy of being pulled over. And guess what—being “worthy of being pulled over” has a lot to do with race. The New York Times explains this issue, writing: “Officers pulled over African-American drivers for traffic violations at a rate far out of proportion with their share of the local driving population. They used their discretion to search black drivers or their cars more than twice as often as white motorists—even though they found drugs and weapons significantly more often when the driver was white.”

We all know how far too many of those traffic stops end. It’s easy for someone with privilege to shrug off CYA laws, but for the victims of the biased enforcement of these laws, the impact can be devastating.

And so it triggers the living heck out of me when my classmates try to tell me that the dress code is never enforced. Because maybe it isn’t for them. But the harsh reality is that, as The Atlantic explains, enforcement often falls heavily on LGBT communities, especially those who are not cisgender.

So to rulemakers everywhere, I submit the following: stop worrying about CYA and start making rules that people would actually be comfortable enforcing.

CYA rules in district policy: • Almost everything about the dress code.

• No throwing of balls/frisbees in the Quad. Hahahahahaha.

• Seniors may not drive other students during the school day. Good one guys.

• Off-Campus Misconduct rules. These would allow an administrator to punish a student for dress-code violations while walking through the CONTINUED ON PAGE 18

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

OPINION

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The BEST Holiday:

Thanksgiving

By JOSEPH YOON, Staff Writer

There’s nothing better than a moist and fluffy turkey sitting at the center of the family dinner table, brimming with the perfect steaming stuffing. As the year nears its close, calming down from the Halloween craze, there needs to be a transition; something to fill us with satisfaction to finish the year feeling accomplished. Thanksgiving Day, celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November, is the perfect holiday for Americans to set aside sadness and negativity and instead be thankful for everything they have, like family, friends, and especially food.

Thanksgiving is the only holiday during which you can appreciate family time without worrying about being sweaty all day, or becoming too cold to want to stay home. It is the perfect day to take in the vibrant foliage and the smell of pungent spices. Situated right between summer and winter, the environment is brisk but satisfying; a perfect temperature for enjoying sports, whether you’re watching football with your family or tossing one back and forth with your friends.

As Thanksgiving is a secular national holiday, others are unlikely to be offended when you wish them a happy Thanksgiving.

It is often considered one of the most American holidays and is one of the very few holidays Americans celebrate simply for the acknowledgement of its meaning: the importance of being appre-

ciative of what you have, even if you don’t have much.

Not only is Thanksgiving a perfect time for being with family, this holiday gives you a guaranteed four-day weekend, with an occasional quintuple if you’re lucky. That brings enough time to take a break from school and readjust. However, if you’re feeling extra adventurous, you can burn off all of the extra calories by shopping during Black Friday the next day (and if you don’t feel like going out, you can still shop online on Cyber Monday).

A Thanksgiving without good food is like a slice of pumpkin pie without whipped cream on top. From buttery mashed potatoes to homemade cranberry sauce, you can eat all the best food your family can offer. This day gives you an excuse to eat whatever you want and just have fun. And if you have leftovers, you get to have the same great food for the next couple of days.

Thanksgiving is a time when we can take some days off to stop and step away from our chaotic lives and think about the things we love. Thanksgiving is a day when we can appreciate nature and the food we eat. Thanksgiving is a day when we can spend time with family and friends and renew faded memories.

So don’t take Thanksgiving for granted; savor the moment, be thankful, and eat lots of food.

“OPEN LETTER TO YEARBOOK CLUB” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 15

You decided to choose the candidates in each category based on an original survey in which people were asked to nominate someone by writing them in for each position—remember, they were forced to write something in every category, which is guaranteed to lead to people voting for things they don’t want or don’t care about. The results of this survey, while necessary to choose initial candidates, should not have been used to cut people out of categories in which they were popular. The entire point of nominations is for people to be inspired by candidates they didn’t think of. For instance, I personally didn’t think of Yoon for best dressed, but when I saw he was nominated, I realize he was a very qualified candidate because his clothing choice is so good that you don’t necessarily notice it (he just looks very professional and put together). At the very least, the fact that some candidates on the final list got as few as two nominations to push off popular candidates should give you an idea of just how worthless the results of the nomination survey were in determining rank.

Worse still, even with this final voting procedure, which was specifically designed to prevent people from winning multiple offices, you still managed to have repeats on this list—Sophie Clavel ’17, Sophie Partington ’17, Kristen Reid ’17, and Annika Browning ’17 were all under two categories each.

All of this meant that my voice regarding superlative quali-

fications was no longer able to be heard, which made me feel disenfranchised just as it should make all seniors feel disenfranchised.

The solution to all of this is incredibly simple. Use a single transferable vote using the candidates nominated, and don’t arbitrarily remove people who are popular in multiple categories.

People would rank whom they preferred, in order of preference for each category, so that voting for an unpopular candidate wouldn’t strip you of your vote. If a candidate won multiple positions, then give them the position in which they won the largest percentage of votes and transfer their votes in any other categories they were in the running for to whomever their supporters ranked as their second choice. And of course, don’t force everyone to vote in every category! If no one is interested in voting for a category, maybe you guys should come up with some better superlatives.

Yearbook Club is clearly an organization resistant to change (even in 2016, you refuse to sell digital copies of the book, which would save students thousands of dollars in net spending), but when it comes to ensuring that democracy is done fairly, there can be no excuses.

Warm regards, Jacob Silcoff

OPINION

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&

Heroes

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

Villains

IMAGE PROVIDED

IMAGE PROVIDED

Luciano Servetto ’15 (pictured), a friend to all, who recently passed away in a car crash on October 13.

MetLife Insurance Agency (pictured), for recently grounding Snoopy, the longtime face of the company, from their blimps and commercials.

Documentary film maker Deia Schlosberg, who is facing decades in prison for recording protests against the Dakota Access Pipeline.

Bob Dylan, winner of the 2016 Nobel Prize in Literature (though his only acknowledgement of the award has been removing its mention from his website).

Ithaca College adjunct professors, who are continuing to unite in their fight for just compensation and benefits despite negotiations seeming to break down.

Bad hombres. Which hombres, exactly, are bad, though?

Kate Brennan, a very tall junior at Union-Endicott, who single-handedly ruined IHS volleyball senior night.

Yahya Jammeh, the current dictator of the Gambia, who has declared that “protesters will not be spared” in the face of public frustration over widespread voter intimidation and fraud. He took power in a military coup and has been “elected” every five years since 1996.

“CYA RULES” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 16

• • • • • •

Commons.

Bans of “electronic games” in the library (when it comes to people violating this rule, the district certainly isn’t “catching them all” if you know what I mean).

No touching the ground during a school dance. If you drop your wallet, you’re screwed.

No stacking Chromebooks. There are only two sets of Jenga in the library, and the librarians don’t like it when you get creative.

The requirement to have a school ID on one’s person at all times.

The rule against participation in “unauthorized” sit-ins or boycotts, or encouraging others to do so. This rule literally means the school district can punish you for, say, not shopping at Hobby Lobby, and it also means that I can’t tell you not to shop at Hobby Lobby. But I will anyways. Don’t shop at Hobby Lobby, kids.

Multiple vague rules about disrupting pedagogical imperatives, which essentially give admins the right to punish anyone they want for anything they don’t like.

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

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IMAGE BY DANIEL XU

FEATURES

School Lunch Review A list of the many meal selections at the IHS Cafeteria.

By JULIA LUNA

As someone who had never before bought school lunch, I decided that it would be embarrassing to graduate high school without having a little taste of the great American lunch system. With a fierce heart and a growling stomach I took up the challenge.

On the first day, I waited until about 10 minutes into the period, then embarked on my journey across the cafeteria sea towards the land of lunch lines. Soft pretzels and three sides. “Hummus or cheese sauce?” I was asked. Hummus was the obvious choice. Anyone who knows me is aware of my love for the stuff.

The pretzels were just as you would expect them to be. However, I was very surprised by the superior quality of hummus served at IHS! I would definitely take our hummus over half the store-bought brands. The boxed chocolate milk was not so great, rather thick but not creamy. I had serious problems with the salad, which tasted like the styrofoam cup it was in. The brownie-cupcake-muffin was quite tasty except the icing, which just tasted like a sad mixture of sugar and skim milk.

On the second day I went for the classic, picturesque American lunch: a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich and some white milk. All I needed was one of those cute tin lunchboxes. I guess this was the first time I tried real jelly rather than jam. I like jam better. That being said, I do understand the financial incentives for using jelly. All in all, I really enjoyed my classic American moment. The milk is essential.

Also, does anyone else crack up at the fact that it is one-and-a-half sandwiches? Is that a compromise between the football players who eat three sandwiches and the people like me who prefer to eat just one?

Additional comments The popcorn chicken had no pop or chicken. It tasted like cold fried bits with pepper. There was one day where I didn’t know exactly what I was eating, but it tasted like something I would eat on a Saturday night while watching Freaks and Geeks. Perhaps it was fried polenta?

Was it stuffed with cheese? It was a little spicy and very fried. I also noticed that IHS serves a large variety of potatoes. I personally am a fan of the crinkle-cut fries.

The thing I found most attractive about buying school lunch, besides the hummus, was its practicality. I didn’t have to spend time making my lunch or carrying around a lunch box. I will admit that the school lunch wasn’t as horrible as I originally thought. That being said, I remain loyal to the packed-lunch party. When busy days meet tired minds in the future, however, I’ll welcomingly grab a PB&J and a carton of milk.

That Sounds Like a You Problem

How to Make the Most of a Rough Start to the School Year

By ABBY KATZ

Q: Hi Abby. I’m in 10th grade, and I’m worried that I’m getting off on the wrong foot with my English teacher this year. I’ve been busy with sports so I’ve turned in a lot of assignments late, and haven’t been able to keep up with the reading too well. I know I should have taken more initiative before now, but is there any way I can still turn this around?

Signed, Slacking off on Shakespeare

A: Thanks for your question, Slacking! Believe it or not, it sounds like you’re already doing everything that you need to do in order to succeed in English this year. Yes, you’ve gotten off to a bit of a rocky start and your first-quarter grades are probably going to suffer because of that, but once we’ve gotten these first 10 weeks out of the way, you’ve got a blank slate to work with and nothing but room for improvement.

One of the most fatal mistakes that students make in the beginning of a new school year is setting the bar too high for themselves. In order to get on their teachers’ good side right away, many students misguidedly put a lot of effort into making a good impression early on. This can benefit you for a week or two, but before too long you’ll inevitably start to slip back into your usual habits, saving your homework for the period before it’s due and demonstrating a subpar-at-best understanding of the assigned material.

With this in mind, the best thing you can do to set yourself up for success in any class is to establish yourself as a lazy, scatterbrained, and unmotivated student as quickly as possible. This will result in your teachers expecting virtually nothing from you, meaning that once you start putting even the smallest amount of effort into your work, they’ll be incredibly impressed by your newfound ambition and capacity for growth. You don’t want to go from zero to 100 too quickly, however; slow and steady is key here.

From what you’ve told me, it seems like you’ve got phase one of this approach almost completely down. The only thing I’d recommend adding to your routine—if you aren’t already doing this—is a daily power nap in your English class. If your teacher isn’t aware just how low on your list of priorities their class is, doing this will definitely get the message across, loud and clear.

Once this routine has been clearly established, it’s time to start altering it. Gradually starting paying more and more attention in class, and maybe make a half-hearted attempt at taking notes during lectures a couple of times a week. Make more of a concerted effort to turn in your homework on time CONTINUED ON PAGE 24

FEATURES

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

Becoming a Social Butterfly

By THEA CLARKBERG This summer, I, a shy 16-year-old, went alone to Germany to live with strangers. As I waited to meet my first German hosts, I realized that these people knew almost nothing about me. If I greeted them boldly and talked nonstop, they would never know that wasn’t really “me.” And so I decided to test my hypothesis—could I become someone different? Apparently, I could! I experimented with being a giggly girl in a bikini, being 17 years old (although I discovered that you don’t get that much more respect for being a year older and lying to people who became close friends wasn’t as fun as it seemed), and grinning wildly at everyone who passed by. I could just decide who I wanted to be.

Near the end of my time in Germany, after a long day walking around Berlin, I sat down in a youth hostel bar. I was tired, but I tried to make conversation. It fizzled as the girls I was talking to turned their attention to some talkative college boys. Then, all of a sudden, a woman plopped down at the table. “How many pitchers of beer are you boys going to drink?” she asked, amused.

Immediately, the attention of all seven boys turned in the direction of this 30-year-old professor from Texas as they practically assaulted her with questions. She made lively conversation with the whole table—me included. I stared in awe. I wanted to be that.

Back home in Ithaca and facing a new school year, I set about being a person with confidence who could make new friends with ease. I decided to tackle this in an infamously difficult place for making friends: the school lunchroom. Over the course of four weeks, I sat at eight different tables, accompanied most of the time by two friends, trying to discover the keys to becoming a social butterfly. As a fan of Humans of New York (HONY), a blog run by Brandon Stanton featuring impressively personal stories collected from strangers in NYC, I am attracted to the idea of meeting new people, listening to their stories, and figuring out what makes them tick. As my dad says, “Each person is a whole world.” Meeting new people is like exploring the solar system. On days when I successfully integrated myself into a new friend group for a period, I felt elated. Self-confident. Just plain happy. Over the years, I’ve spent quite a few lunch periods alone, and this was so much

better. It’s not just me. One of my friends said, “[People] all have lives that are so different. It’s nice to get to know people I see every day and pass in the halls,” and the other commented, “[When sitting at new tables], you get to have conversations you wouldn’t normally have and connect with people that you wouldn’t, normally.” And even if you have a table of awesome friends to sit with, it could be an educational experience to make new ones. While you should be careful to keep your old friends, it’s so important as a human being to understand the other human beings who live on this planet, even if—or especially if—they have different opinions and philosophies.

For anyone daring enough to take the leap of joining a new table, start at the beginning. Ask if you can sit down. Or don’t.

Sometimes, I knew the people a little bit, and didn’t feel the need. Although I was never directly refused, I can imagine that some tables would say “no” as a joking reaction to over-politeness, and it might be easier to just not ask—it’s on a case-bycase basis. Brandon Stanton of HONY has mastered this: the initial instant of intruding into the lives of strangers. He explains that it is important to be as calm and nonthreatening as possible, for example, by not approaching someone from behind or surprising them. After sitting down at a table, make sure to immediately say “hello” and draw attention to yourself—a tip I learned from the Texan professor in Berlin. Some people might automatically feel compelled to do this, but as an introvert at heart, I tend to let myself recede into the background and then get frustrated when I can’t work my way back into the foreground. Maybe your tablemates don’t even intend to ignore you, but having conversation with a shy person takes effort they might not be willing to invest, so start out by showing them that you know how to contribute to discussion. Then, ask them their names.

It seems trivial, but using people’s names makes them feel that they are important to you. I thought I was bad at remembering names, but I tried to put in a conscious effort by asking them to spell their name, repeating it to myself, and using memorization techniques. I found it was a lot easier than I had imagined. Before, I think I simply hadn’t cared enough to remember.

Conversation with people you don’t know is hard. The key here is to let your curiosity have full rein. Stanton says that it’s good to start with broad questions like, “What is your biggest struggle right now?” and use those answers as starting points to springboard into conversation, where you may learn something interestingly unique about that person or find some common ground. However, asking out of the blue “What is your biggest struggle?” is going to sound strange, so I try to be metacognitive about how I converse. If the way I say something is awkward, I say it differently next time and then make sure to learn from it. For example, the “struggle” question could be inserted into a conversation by prefacing it with “Ohmygoodness, I am really struggling right now with my precalc class. What is your biggest struggle?”

Think of conversation as an art that needs to be perfected and remember your basic manners: show that you’re listening and don’t interrupt. Overall, make sure to be yourself. Let them see what’s unique about you just as you want to know what’s unique about them. Don’t just be a friendly robot; be passionate and happy if you feel like it or grumble together about how horrible the world is. Just make sure to always be kind. Social butterflies see that everyone is human inside and love that humanity.

My commitment to sitting at different tables was bolstered by the companionship of my two open-minded friends. This impetus to branch out can be hard to find, though. My compatriots said that it was nerve-wracking and the thought, “What if they’re really rude?” often came up before sitting down. Ultimately, they said they wouldn’t have done it alone, and honestly, I’m not sure I would have either. One way to avoid this while still developing social skills is to skip the lunch room meet-andgreet and experiment on people in more relaxed situations; in class, in clubs, or just as you meet people in everyday life outside of school. I found that having developed a mind that was open to meeting new people, this attitude prevailed through my whole day, in gym class, for example, or at my dad’s bike shop. The lunch period, however, is a great place for uninterrupted CONTINUED ON PAGE 25

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

FEATURES

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Restaurant Review: Mitsuba

By FRANCESCA CHU

IMAGE BY FRANCESCA CHU

To celebrate my dad’s birthday last month, my family and I made our way to Mitsuba Japanese Cuisine for dinner. At first glance, Mitsuba might not seem like the ideal place for a celebratory meal. The small restaurant is tucked away next to Applebee’s and Tops on Triphammer Road, where another Japanese restaurant went out of business a few years ago.

However, despite the fake bamboo, floral wallpaper, and cheap-looking tables and chairs, Mitsuba is not your typical Japanese restaurant. In fact, to call it simply a Japanese restaurant does not do justice to the food offered there, which includes some of the best Szechuan dishes you can find in Ithaca. Mitsuba even serves some Korean and southeast-Asian style dishes.

Mitsuba has two menus. The first is the Japanese one that is featured on Mitsuba’s website and offers a wide variety of fairly standard Japanese dishes, including teriyaki, udon, and dozens of types of sushi. The second menu, which offers strongly-flavored Szechuan dishes like potatoes in vinegar sauce, frog legs, and spicy mapo tofu, is sometimes available only on request, even though it is what makes Mitsuba special.

We ordered enough dishes to make our meal into a feast. As we waited for our food to come, we ate complimentary peanuts and some kind of pickled vegetable. My parents also went to get free salad from the small salad bar identified by a makeshift sign of neon paper hanging in the back.

The first dish that came was our sweet potato roll sushi.

The sweet potato had been dipped in tempura batter and fried, which made it wonderfully crispy.

The sushi came in a good-sized portion that the four of us were able to share.

My only complaint was that the sweet brown sauce drizzled over the sushi seemed unnecessary and distracting.

The next dish that came, the spicy cold Szechuan noodles, A dish of Szechuan noodles from Mitsuba was my personal faJapanese Cuisine. vorite. The soft noodles were covered in a spicy sesame sauce with plenty of crushed peanuts and chopped cilantro, which made the dish balanced and exciting.

My brother and my dad also ordered Korean-style chicken wings and twice-cooked pork. Upon sinking his teeth into one of the heavily battered, deeply golden-brown chicken wings, my dad loudly declared, “This is the best fried chicken I have ever eaten!”

My dad and brother found the thick, fatty pieces of pork belly in the twice-cooked pork dish to be a little too decadent, though they

were still glad that they had ordered it.

Finally, we had cabbage in vinegar sauce and a spicy tofu skin dish. The cabbage in vinegar sauce came as a steaming plate of sour, slightly spicy napa cabbage, and while a pile of soft cabbage might not sound like the most appealing thing to eat, I enjoyed the flavor of the vinegar sauce and the texture of the cabbage, which was cooked perfectly. The tofu skin seemed strange to me at first; the pieces were tan and flat with a rough surface from having been pressed, and they were cut into small parallelograms. However, I soon found their chewy texture to be deeply satisfying, and the perfect medium for the sauce, which carried the delicious, distinctive flavors of Szechuan peppercorns and a well-seasoned wok.

We left Mitsuba feeling very full, carrying plenty of leftovers, and congratulating ourselves on having chosen to go there for my dad’s birthday meal.

Despite its tacky decor and slightly depressing location, Mitsuba is a great place to go with friends and family when you want delicious, unique food. Mitsuba is an especially good option for people who live in the Northeast area who want to be able to get good food without going all the way downtown. I recommend going with other people so that you can try a variety of dishes, but the great thing about Mitsuba is that it has something for everyone, whether you prefer Chinese food or Japanese food, meat or vegetarian options, spicy or mild seasonings, or familiar or unusual dishes.

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Nobel Laureates from Ithaca Octavio Paz

By VEDA CHICKERMANE

Octavio Paz was a famed Mexican writer and poet who won the 1990 Nobel Prize in Literature. He is considered one of the greatest Spanish poets of all time, as well as a highly influential writer of prose. Paz started to write at a very young age, taking inspiration from all aspects of his working-class upbringing in 1920s Mexico. In 1933, he published his first collection of poems, Luna Silvestre. Before winning his Nobel Prize, Paz served as the ambassador of Mexico in India. A defining moment of Paz’s legacy was when he quit the post following the Mexican government’s brutal crackdown on a student protest. Paz garnered his Nobel Prize in 1990, not for a particular work, but instead for his lifetime achievement of “impassioned writing with wide horizons, characterized by sensuous intelligence and humanistic integrity.”

Paz resided in Ithaca for two years. from 1972–74. while serving as the White Professor-at-Large for Literature at Cornell University. He is said to have greatly enjoyed Ithaca’s natural beauty.

Fritz Lipmann

By JEFFERSON SHENG

In 1953, Cornell’s very own research associate, Fritz Lipmann, won the Physiology or Medicine Nobel for the discovery of Coenzyme A. This vital enzyme is the catalyst that facilitates the cellular conversion of food into energy. In addition, Lipmann is known for his 1941 free-energy coupling theory, which greatly influenced the science community as it elucidated the activities that thermodynamically power the organelles of animate organisms.

As a proud Cornellian, Lipmann came to America during the cruel wake of anti-Semitism in Nazi Germany to join the research staff at the highly advanced Department of Biochemistry of the Cornell Medical College in 1939. He spent time at Cornell’s laboratories in both New York and in Ithaca, and throughout his career, Cornell facilitated many of his successful investigations and put him on the road to prosperity in America.

Kenneth Wilson

By VAYNU KADIYALI

Kenneth G. Wilson was a longtime Cornell faculty member who redefined many aspects of the field of physics. He spent his tenure at Cornell experimenting with phase changes of various elements. It had long been a goal of physicists to create a formula or model for predicting the phase changes and magnetic properties for elements. Through trial and error, Wilson finally succeeded through a process called renormalization: solving the multivariable problem one piece at a time. After solving this complex puzzle, Wilson was individually awarded the 1982 Nobel Prize in Physics.

Wilson is one of few Cornell affiliates to have won the Nobel Prize while serving as a faculty member at Cornell.

He had a distinguished tenure at Cornell’s campus from 1963–1988 and has legacy in a namesake particle accelerator, the cutting-edge Wilson Synchrotron Laboratory, which is located under Cornell’s Schoellkopf Field.

Richard Feynman

By JOSEPH YOON and VAYNU KADIYALI

Richard Feynman is perhaps the most celebrated and recognizable Nobel laureate to have ever worked at Cornell.

His lifetime’s work revolved around the study of particle physics; notably, the particle-wave duality of both photons and electrons. Attempting to model and explain this strange phenomenon was the basis of all of the work that Feynman did in academia, in the process of which he invented his namesake Feynman diagrams. The culmination of Feynman’s work resulted in his team winning the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1965 for work in quantum electrodynamics.

In February 1944, Feynman was endorsed by Robert Bacher to become a professor of theoretical physics at Cornell University, which he was from 1945 to 1950. Feynman said that “it’s [in Ithaca] that I did my fundamental work.”

Hans Bethe

By ISAIAH GUTMAN

Hans Bethe was one of the most accomplished theoretical physicists in the U.S., if not the world.

In 1935, he joined the staff of Cornell University after fleeing Nazi Germany due to his Jewish background. He published what came to be known as “Bethe’s Bible,” a work summarizing the current nuclear physics knowledge. After attending a conference with other great minds of his time, Bethe eventually discovered the CNO (carbon-nitrogen-oxygen) cycle, one way stars convert hydrogen to helium.

Becoming a naturalized citizen in 1941 freed Bethe up to contribute to the war effort. He was appointed to the Los Alamos Theoretical Division, of which he was director. After the war, Bethe continued his work at Cornell. In 1967, he was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics for his previous work on stars, which he conducted at Cornell. Throughout his life, Bethe continued to work on his passion of the positive use of nuclear energy and researched theoretical astrophysics until he was in his late 90s. Any way you cut it, Hans Bethe was an incredible man who fought for what he believed in and has had huge impacts on the scientific community.

Norman Borlaug

By VEDA CHICKERMANE

Norman Borlaug is considered to have "saved more lives than any other person who has ever lived” through his agricultural discoveries, and for this he won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1970. Borlaug spent his lifetime working to more efficiently and consistently feed the hungry through technological advancement in agricultural techniques around the world.

Through the use of plant pathology and agronomy, Borlaug innovated upon the method by which wheat was grown. He theorized a “double season” that doubled wheat output, and strengthened varieties of wheat through disease resistance and crop rotations. These discoveries, when implemented in Asian and South American nations, were so drastic in their impact that Borlaug was called the father of a “Green Revolution.” After the effects of his work were realized, he was awarded several honors, the most notable of which was his 1970 Peace Prize.

Borlaug lived and worked in Ithaca for six years as the A.D. White Professor-At-Large for Agriculture from 1982 to 1988. He is said to have influenced a new generation of Cornellians who have contributed to more recent agricultural discoveries, such as developing GMOs.

Otto Hahn

By LELAND XU

While our community has been home to many scientific trailblazers, few were as significant as Otto Hahn, Nobel Prize winner in Chemistry in 1944 and the father of nuclear chemistry and applied radiochemistry. After discovering five new elements, on December 17, 1938, Hahn and his assistant made the groundbreaking discovery of nuclear fission. On November 15, 1945, the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences proclaimed Hahn the 1944 Chemistry Nobel Prize winner, immortalizing him. However, the greatest moment in Hahn’s life was also one of the world’s worst, for the discovery of nuclear fission led to the necessity and creation of the atomic bomb, the grandest and deadliest weapon of the 21st century.

Hahn’s connection to Ithaca was quite intimate. After writing his masterpiece Applied Radiochemistry, Hahn gave a compilation of lectures for a whole year in 1933 as a Visiting Professor at our very own Big Red, Cornell University.

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

Orange Pistachio Layer Cake Recipe IMAGE BY LILY COWEN

By LILY COWEN

Delectable.

Chocolate creations, cakes especially, have always had a special place in my heart and in my gut. If I could eat chocolate cake for breakfast every day I would. But this love affair of mine has escalated quickly to the point where cake has become synonymous with chocolate. When I make a cake it’s chocolate. When I eat a cake it’s chocolate. When I think about cake I think about chocolate cake. Disastrous. There are too many good cakes in the world to relegate oneself to just one flavor, so today I bring you a very appropriate fall delight that tastes like the crisp autumn air we are all craving—orange, pistachio, olive oil, oh my! This

cake sounds more daring than it is, with a great floral citrus flavor accompanied by nutty undertones, packaged in a light sponge speckled with green pistachio meat. With three layers and naked presentation (no frosting on the sides), this is the kind of cake that gets heads turning and mouths asking for more.

Ingredients For the cake 1 cup of pistachios ground into a fine meal, plus some to sprinkle on top 3 cups cake flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 tablespoon baking powder 1 teaspoon salt

1 ¼ cup olive oil 1 cup sugar Zest of two oranges 1 tablespoon of orange juice 3 eggs ½ teaspoon vanilla 1 cup buttermilk

For the frosting 8 oz cream cheese (at room temperature) 4 tablespoons unsalted butter (at room temperature) 1 cup sifted powdered sugar 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon of orange juice 3–4 tablespoons of milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare three eight-inch cake pans (if you only have two, bake the first two and last layers separately) by placing discs of parchment paper on the bottom of each and greasing the sides.

Grind the pistachios in a food processor and combine with flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl. In the bowl of a standard mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat together olive oil and sugar until pale. Mix in the orange juice, zest, vanilla extract, and eggs. Add the flour mixture in three stages, alter-

nating each with half of the buttermilk.

Divide the batter evenly among the pans and bake for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. While the cakes are still warm, remove them from the pans and allow to cool completely before frosting.

Prepare the frosting by whipping the cream cheese until fluffy. Add the butter and whip until well combined.

Beat in sifted powdered sugar followed by orange juice. Add milk one tablespoon at a time until desired consistency is achieved.

To frost the cake, set the first layer on four strips of parchment to protect the serving dish as you frost. Spread a third of the frosting on top of the first layer and stack the second on top. Spread with another third of the frosting and add the final layer. Spoon remaining icing on top, allowing it to drip down the sides.

Sprinkle with pistachio meal, remove the parchment strips, and enjoy!

This recipe was adapted from the blog Meats and Sweets.

“THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 19

from now on, but only do this every other time work is assigned. Keep this semi-destructive pattern of behavior going for about a month or so, and from there start gradually putting in more and more effort until, sometime around the middle of quarter three, you’re operating at what’s close to your full potential. Using this trajectory, you should be able to constantly “exceed expectations” throughout the year while exerting as little effort as possible.

Although my years of experience and utter lack of bias concerning this issue lead me to believe that this plan is virtually foolproof, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have a backup plan, just in case. If your teacher catches wind of these subtle tactics, just drop the subtlety!

Straight up bribe your teachers; it’s a win-win for everybody and I guarantee nothing about it could go badly. I supposed you could always start with this approach if you’re the no-nonsense, straightforward type, but I do find that it’s best to try to preserve a shred of dignity when approaching problems like these. But hey, maybe that’s just me.

Congratulations on your (probably) passing grades!

You’re welcome.

—Abby

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

FEATURES

“SOCIAL BUTTERFLY” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 20

conversation, and it’s such a shame to waste it.

There are a few things to keep in mind that might lessen any anxiety. First of all, choose a good table. Maybe even scout it for a few days until you are reassured that they are nice people. Frankly, it is really hard to sit at a table where everyone at the table has a different sex, or race, or is in a different grade. Maybe don’t start there. However, sitting at that table could be the most valuable experience you could get. It might seem easier to sit next to someone who is alone, but that too has its disadvantages. That person might be sitting alone because they have homework to do, or are just not feeling social that day and want to be left alone. Or, that person might be offended at your apparent pity of their “lame loner” status. To avoid this, don’t act like you’re doing them a favor by sitting with them, but instead, act like they’re doing you a favor. In the end, we are social creatures, and even though they might feel embarrassed, it usually makes someone’s day better, not worse, to make new friends.

Maybe we should change the system a little bit to make this easier. While I am proud of the IHS community for the fact that my friends and I were welcomed (with some degree of enthusiasm) at every table we joined, it might not always be the case. That was

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the experience of Natalie Hampton, a high-school junior from Sherman Oaks, California. At her school, people told her outright, “No, you can’t sit with us.” This experience led Natalie to create an app called “Sit With Us,” which quickly skyrocketed to viral fame in September after the release of an NPR article about it. According to the article, people can “Post ‘open lunches’ so that anyone who has the app and has nowhere to go can find a table and hopefully make some new friends…. You know that you’re not going to be rejected once you get to the table.” As soon as I saw the article, I downloaded the app but found that no one else at IHS was on it. I would encourage people to get the app so maybe we can create a community of people with “open tables” so that no one has to sit alone unless they want to. I got the amazing opportunity to interview Natalie Hampton herself about the app (to be published in the December 2016 issue).

Thank you, to all the people I sat with. Thank you, Texan professor. As I said excitedly to my best friend the day after “the experiment” started, “I’m a social butterfly now!” There isn’t some intrinsic quality to people that turns them into butterflies. You just need to open your eyes.

One day, maybe tomorrow, I will walk up to a table full of highschool boys. “How many bottles of Snapple a day do you guys drink?!” I’ll say. They’ll all look at me. And I’ll know just what to do.

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

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Sitting Down with an Artist: IHS’s New Murals IMAGE BY PATRICIA MARQUES LIMA VIEIRA

By BENJAMIN SALOMON wanted to make something that looks pretty and takes the students away from the school and their environment.

BS: Did you paint them alone? Who helped you?

LV: Jay Barnes and I painted five of the murals with the help of a couple of students who came in once or twice to help finalize them. It took anywhere between five hours to two months to paint them. The first one took us around two months, and the other ones took us up to about three days, but some took only a few hours. We met once a week for a few months, so it wasn’t every day.

BS: How many are there?

LV: There are seven, two of them made by seniors who graduated last year, spread all around the school.

BS: Which is your favorite?

LV: Carnival, the one by the ramp in G. I like it because it has bright colors and I like the idea of silhouettes in front of the sunset. Also, I like the fireworks. I’m very proud of them because I wasn’t sure if I could paint fireworks, but they came out really nice.

BS: How did you decide where to hang them? Were specific paintings placed in specific hallways for a reason?

LV: Not really, we were just looking for open spaces where we could add more color to the building. We didn’t like the plain white walls so we spread them throughout the hallways.

Luiza diligently finalizes “Carnival.”

Our hallways are looking a bit brighter these days, thanks to Luiza Vieira ’17 and Jay Barnes. Here’s the artist’s story behind the beautification efforts.

Ben Salomon ’17: Who or what inspired you to create the murals?

Luiza Vieira ’17: It wasn’t my idea. Jay Barnes came to me and asked if I would be interested in this idea that Student Council had of putting murals up around the school.

BS: What were you trying to accomplish or convey?

LV: In the first one I did, the one with a bunch of flowers, I was trying to convey the message of students growing; that’s why the word “growing” is spelled in the painting. After that one, I just

BS: Is there anything else you’d like us to know about them?

LV: The most fun thing about doing the murals was that me and Jay would get to eat pizza each time we met to paint. It didn’t really feel like a community service; it was more fun. I would do it again.

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

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On Bob Dylan’s Unexpected Coronation

By AMALIA WALKER

IMAGE PROVIDED

In an unprecedented move, the Nobel Committee for Literature has honored Bob Dylan as the first songwriter to be chosen as the Nobel Prize in Literature laureate “for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition.” On several fronts, this decision was met with resistance, even resentment.

What at first seemed like Dylan’s Blonde on Blonde album cover a bit of bright news (it’s (1966). certainly not every year that a fellow American is awarded a Nobel Prize!) quickly became a controversy. Does Dylan, a musician of the same generation as, for example, the renowned novelist Philip Roth, who has yet to win such an award, deserve this commemoration? Was the decision simply one of nostalgia, as Dylan’s counterculture contemporaries approach their deathbeds?

Possibly. In accord with his buzzkill tendencies, Dylan’s only recognition of the award has been the removal of any mention of it from his website. He has yet to return the call of Nobel officials. Despite having performed several times since the news of the award, he has neglected to acknowledge his new title of Nobel laureate. Perhaps he feels the sentiment that his peer Leonard Cohen has expressed: “To me, [the Nobel Prize] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the tallest mountain.”

Dylan’s popularity is another reason many commentators have expressed opposition. Nobel prizes often, though not always, expose upcoming brilliant writers, or otherwise underappreciated

writers. Was the selection of Bob Dylan motivated merely by sentimentality?

While I am willing to consider and understand the backlash, I don’t think it’s so catastrophic that Dylan’s phenomenal lyricism be recognized by an internationally respected award. I think that the most legitimate criticism is that involving Dylan in this conventional tradition counters his persona, in which he works by his own standards and not to please anyone but himself. However, this is petty. As these things go, it will likely lead those with minimal tolerance for his peculiar voice to proclaim themselves the original Dylan fans, or other hyperbolic claims regarding their connections to the man. This is unfortunate, but the same thing will happen when he kicks the bucket; it’s inevitable.

The variability of Bob Dylan’s repertoire coupled with its consistent success isn’t exactly unique to him; all successful artists go through this evolution as the times change and they gain experience. But right off the bat, Dylan’s lyrics stuck out. Unlike, for example, the Beatles, who underwent equally dramatic changes, it wasn’t Dylan’s charisma or even his sound that exposed him.

His first Phil Ochs-esque pieces of social commentary like “Only a Pawn in Their Game” and “With God on Our Side” have lyrics as evocative as his later, increasingly bizarre works, such as “Ballad of a Thin Man,” a surreal, unsettling, second-person narrative in which Dylan takes a stab at you, the perplexed wannabe, trying to assimilate into his exclusive Chelsea-Hotel-residing counterculture.

But perhaps most deserving of mention is “Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands,” an 11-minute 22-second finale to Blonde on Blonde, Dylan’s seventh studio album (1966). This track (or maybe “Visions of Johanna,” also from Blonde on Blonde) is the stream-of-consciousness love song you wish were about you (but it’s about Sara Lownds, as is hinted in “Sara” on Desire. And “Visions of Johanna” is probably about Joan Baez). In my mind, these songs alone are enough to merit an award in literature. But I suppose it’s a matter of taste.

Write for us – anyone can!

Visit www.ihstattler.com/write to subscribe to the online Tattler Writers’ Group.

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

Playlist: Television’s Greatest Hits

By BENJAMIN SALOMON

Television shows are 30 percent about the content, 5 percent about the ads, 25 percent about the cute boy in the show, and 40 percent about the theme song. Movies may be more widely recognized by their theme songs (think Jurassic Park, Star Wars, or James Bond), but theme songs are absolutely integral to television shows. Which shows have the intro that you don’t skip when you’re watching Netflix, the ones you sing in the car, the ones that you’ll always remember? Look no further, I’ve got it all right here.

“The Pink Panther Theme” (The Pink Panther): Henry Mancini Duh nuh, duh nuh, duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh duh nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh dununununuh.

“Tuyo” (Narcos): Rodrigo Amarante Pablo Escobar is an eccentric, emotional man, so it is fitting that the main title for Narcos has just as much heart. “Tuyo” (Spanish for “yours”) may be in Spanish, and I may have taken German, but I can’t resist that silky guitar and those passionate vocals. It makes me feel like I should be putting back shots of tequila and getting into a fight in a back alley bar in Medellín. It truly takes you places.

Daredevil Opening Titles: John Paesano Mysterious, silky, and dramatic: high pitches combine with deep bass to create a superhero feel. If you were to close your eyes while listening, you would feel powerful, as if you were the true hero of the story. It is far superior to its Netflix-original-superhero-show counterparts Luke Cage and Jessica Jones, whose theme songs are decent enough, but you’ll still skip them to get to the show 30 seconds faster.

Game of Thrones Theme: Ramin Djawadi Game of Thrones may be the most popular television show in the world (or at least the most frequently pirated), and being so, it requires a memorable title sequence. The song moves you in multiple ways, mostly having a similar effect to Daredevil’s theme in that it evokes a feeling of power. You truly feel as if you are the queen (or king) of dragons, soaring through the clouds and conquering far off lands.

“I’ll Be There for You” (Friends): The Rembrandts I must be honest; I have only seen two or three episodes of Friends. Luckily this playlist is not about the show. “I’ll Be There For You” may be more popular even than Friends itself.

I mean, come on, the song is as ageless as Jennifer Aniston.

“The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”: DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince When some people say they can rap, they don’t mean they know all the lyrics to “King Kunta” or “No Role Modelz”; they mean they can recite each syllable of “The Fresh Prince of BelAir.” I can’t do either, so props to those who can. Will Smith struck gold with this one, and as a child I assume I shared the

ritual of bopping my head to the beat and singing along. Or at least trying to.

House of Cards Theme: Jeff Beal Politics is a slippery slope, whether you’re Jacob Silcoff ’17 with your unrelenting logic and endless stream of chatter or the strong, stoic, and deceitful type like Francis Underwood.

Jeff Beal somehow combines both approaches to government to make one song. Chills trickle down your spine as you listen to the evil undertones while the trumpet, the one hopeful and pure sound, tries to warn the listener of the vile and evil things coming your way. If this year’s election is any indicator of things to come, the House of Cards reality may not be so bad. Possibly the best aspect of it is the feeling of excitement you get when you hear the song, just from knowing that another episode is beginning.

Pokémon Original Theme: Jason Paige Every Saturday I would thunder down the stairs to watch the best two hours of television my ten-year-old self could ever dream of. Yu-Gi-Oh!, Pokémon, Ben 10, and Teen Titans (before the Go! version) still have a special place in my heart.

The Pokémon theme song preaches about true friendship and camaraderie in a catchy manner. Those who don’t know the words to the song get so jealous that they’ll try to make fun of those who do, although you can’t hear the haters when you’re belting out “gotta catch ‘em alllll!”

“You’ve Got Time” (Orange Is the New Black): Regina Spektor Spektor, who recently performed at the State Theatre here in Ithaca, wrote and performed “You’ve Got Time” for this Netflix original. It’s catchy and upbeat, contrary to the show’s subject of female prison life. However, it does well introducing you to the themes of the show, all the while providing a tune you can hum along to while forgetting the sad and serious issues. Not too happy, not too serious: just right.

Phineas and Ferb Theme: Bowling For Soup There are few television shows that everyone knows, but this is one of them. It rightfully gets a special song to start it off.

Just as wacky as the show, the Phineas and Ferb theme song is a boatload of fun. Bowling For Soup has a very distinct sound and culture surrounding them and their music, and it pairs masterfully with the story of Phineas and Ferb. The childish ambition and zeal of the show mirror the voice of Jaret Reddick, Bowling For Soup’s lead vocalist.

Honorable Mentions These don’t quite make the list, but they’re worth mentioning.

Jimmy Neutron Theme: Brian Causey “Departure!” (Hunter X Hunter): Masatoshi Ono Dexter Main Title: HIM

Book Sale Finds

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IMAGE PROVIDED

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

By CHLOE WRAY, Staff Writer

You find yourself feeling suddenly unprepared in line between a man with two heavy-duty canvas tote bags and a man with a large plastic box on wheels. The line takes 10 minutes because the building is at fire capacity, and you start worrying about what a fire hazard a building full of books might be. Whatever anxieties you developed waiting in line are put aside as you enter the building and look up at the ceiling, cavernous and covered in fans. The aisles of shelves are lined with books for what seems like miles.

Why go to Niagara Falls, the Grand Canyon, or any other natural wonder when you could step inside this building and instantly feel awe at the sheer quantity of books before you? There’s nothing like a billion books to put things in perspective.

Each year I like to think I get better at controlling my impulse of seeing cheap things and buying them simply because of their admirable price tag. How could I pass up so many books for such good prices? With every book under the sun compiled in one place, it is easy to have the mindset that you may never see these books again, so you’d better get them while you can. This year though, I did limit myself.

I resisted buying every Hemingway book there despite the fact that I might want to move to Paris and retrace Hemingway’s steps. I didn’t buy Things Fall Apart, even though in 30 years I might remember ninth-grade English and want to refer back to Okonkwo and the yams.

While it’s called a book sale, there is an impressive quantity of other media and print materials, from maps, posters, and postcards to cassettes, records, and CDs. Last year, I bought an excessive number of maps thinking I could do some cute and quirky DIY projects—papering a desk or some farfetched plan like that. This year I decided to focus my efforts and energies on music, because obviously books and maps are dangerous territories. It turned out that this was a good choice; there were records and cassettes galore, probably because they are dying relics. It seemed like a more justified use of my money because they could actually be gone in a few years, but then again, so could books. Art that isn’t digitized is dying, so the book sale is the perfect place for anyone who relishes the past and values the feeling of paper in their hands.

For three weekends, twice a year, the Friends of the Tompkins County Public Library Book Sale is held at 509 Esty St. in downtown Ithaca. The May and October sales are the largest sources of funding for TCPL. Run completely by volunteers, it is quite a feat that over 250,000 items (not quite a billion, but impressive nonetheless) are organized and sold twice a year. The first weekend of the sale is always the priciest, with hardcover books starting at $4.50 each. Prices drop each weekend, with all items being only 10 cents on the last Monday (known as Dime Day), and as many books as can be fit in a Wegmans shopping bag for only $1 on the final Tuesday of the sale. Whether you’ve never been there or you count down the days each year, be sure to stop by when the sale starts again on the first weekend of May.

“Louie Focco,” a photograph in Marinelli’s series Under Old Stars.

Mauro Marinelli: Under Old Stars

By JULIA LUNA

Under Old Stars: Wanderings in Italian Hill Towns was the photo exhibit that ran from October 7–31 in the Eye Gallery, located above Petrune on the Commons. This series of black-and-white photographs was done by Mauro Marinelli, an Italian-American photographer native to White Plains, NY. In Under Old Stars, Marinelli captures the lifestyle of rural Italy, and while they look like a snapshot into the past, all of Marinelli’s photographs are modern. Marinelli attempts to reconcile the present with our idyllic dreams of nostalgic desires, making the past come back to life.

Marinelli’s work is blatant yet intriguing. The photographs are bare, simple, and stripped of color: a foot on the stairs, light shining through a window, a clothesline, a faded mural. However, in a very magical way, these images seem to draw you in as if they were a movie and you can’t miss the end, as if in all the non-mystery there must be secrets. But I found after staring at them that the secret wasn’t complicated, and that was the point. The simplicity of the photographs, both in content and style, was a small, private invitation for you to meditate on the beauty and tranquility of these people’s lives.

Perhaps the most interesting thing about the photographs was their timeless quality. Although the pictures were taken in the past couple of years, the subjects and scenery seemed like they were transported from the early 20th century; maybe the 40s, maybe the 50s. This timelessness is very calming. It felt grounded, as if the old man next to the clothesline had been there forever or those blurred feet dancing are caught in an eternal whirl of steps and laughter. One of my favorite photographs was one of a flock of sheep next to their diligent shepherd. Most of the photographs were quite pastoral, both figuratively and literally.

It is also interesting to think that the subjects of Marinelli’s photographs are real people living real lives. These photographs are what many of us would consider “idyllic,” only to be found in novels or films and never in real life. While looking at these photographs, it’s almost as if Marinelli wants to tell you that the Italian nonna is still alive and well, and wants you to stop gossiping and start sewing—that the slow, peaceful life you seek in books still exists and your fantasies are only matters of perspective.

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

IMAGE PROVIDED

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Zakir Hussain Concert Review

By VAYNU KADIYALI

Hussain (left) on the tabla and Kumar (right) on the sitar.

As I sat down in my seat in Bailey Hall, I had no idea what to expect from the performance ahead. My parents had persuaded me to attend an Indian-classical-music concert, and my experiences with such shows had in the past generally led me to doze off or my attention to wander from the performance. Nonetheless, I open-mindedly attended, and as soon as Zakir Hussain walked onto the stage with a slight swagger and a twinkle in his eye, I knew it was going to be a great show.

The concert I attended was part of the Cornell Concert Series, a year-long collection of internationally renowned artists’ performances at Cornell’s Bailey and Barnes Hall venues. The performance I went to was headlined by Zakir Hussain, an Indian-classical-music superstar who is regarded as the world’s best player of the tabla, an instrument that consists of two wooden drums with goatskin heads. The part of the concert I attended also featured Niladri Kumar, an ascending new talent in the world of sitar performance.

The virtuoso Hussain sat down on a raised dais on the stage, as is customary of any Indian classical performance, and joked around with the audience for a few minutes, displaying his quick wit and relatable demeanor while Kumar tuned his melodious sitar. Many hilariously believed his admittedly sweet-sounding tuning to be a part of the raga he was about to play, and there was a slight smattering of applause when he finished to which both artists responded with great amusement. A raga is essentially a melodic scale which includes many intervals and which has several rules regarding its performance. It is a far cry from the major and minor scales used in Western classical music and was completely foreign to many audience members. It is the job of the performer to use this tonal scale as the base of their performance, and to improvise upon this to showcase their abilities.

Kumar began the concert with a half-hour long solo performance of a particularly gentle raga which had a repeating baseline and had a structure similar to the familiar guitar chords of a work of American folk music. The tone of his sitar was simply gorgeous, with each accented pluck resonating throughout the hall. However, the calming nature of this work was short-lived, as Kumar began to perform increasingly irate and rapid improvisations over the tonal scale. Some of his improvisations were

so magnificently jarring that the audience began to boisterously clap after the conclusion of each improvisation. After this cycle repeated itself a few times, he good-naturedly told the audience to hold their applause until the end, and when he concluded the piece with his most fast-paced and impressive improvisation, he was met by a thunderous and appreciative roar.

The next part of the concert was even more exciting; the talent we had all been waiting for, Hussain, provided a brilliant accompaniment to a piece in the same melodic scale Kumar’s solo had been in. At first, Kumar still was the center of attention as he provided solos which were somehow speedy and melancholically beautiful at the same time, while Hussain gave a repetitive accompanimental rhythm. However, Hussain soon began to showcase his full range of abilities. He utilized various techniques, striking his two drums in various manners such as sliding his hands across the skin to give a scratching noise, hitting his tabla in various positions to change the tone of his playing, and giving abrupt blows with the side of his hands, all of which created tension and excitement amidst his repetitive rhythmic lines. The most fun parts of their duet were a few short moments of call-and-response in which the sitarist played a short solo and Hussain attempted to match it with the tonality of his tabla. Towards the end of their combined performance, Hussain finally demonstrated his masterful technique. He delivered an astounding solo during which, for a few minutes, his hands hit the tabla at a ridiculously fast pace, allowing him to both maintain his rhythmic line and play a melodic and articulated solo line on top of it. I found it incredible that as he did this, his face remained calm and smiling, and he didn’t once look down at his drums during the solo. Once he finished, I can say that I was in awe of his skill and speed, and this sentiment was reflected in the animated and riotous applause he received.

Although I was unable to attend the rest of this magnificent concert, I was truly amazed by the music I heard. I wasn’t an Indian-classical-music fan going in, but after witnessing this once-in-a-lifetime performance, I became more receptive to the unique genre that I can attest is starkly different from any music common to America. Needless to say, I will be attending more of such concerts in the future, and I would highly recommend that you do the same.

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IMAGE PROVIDED

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

María and her mother stand with the ixcanul (volcano) behind them.

Ithaca Has Latin Roots: Ixcanul Last Saturday, my friend Amalia Walker ’17 and I trekked across Cornell’s campus to Cornell Cinema, located in Willard Straight Hall. We were there to watch Ixcanul, the final showing of the film series hosted by ¡CULTURA! Ithaca. We already had firsthand experience with the organization, which focuses on sharing Latin American culture with Ithaca through artbased educational experiences, having attended their weekly Spanish conversational groups. With both of our busy schedules this was the only movie we could both make, and we were jittery with excitement.

Within the first 30 seconds of the movie, we were struck with an unwelcomed surprise: the movie wasn’t actually in Spanish, but Kaqchikel, an indigenous Mesoamerican language native to Guatemala. Disappointing, because part of the anticipated fun would have been racing to keep up with dialogue in a desperate effort to avoid flashing our eyes to the subtitles at the bottom of the screen. Nonetheless, Kaqchikel has a fascinating sound to it; it is throaty, expressive, whistling. Walker said she thought it had some characteristics reminiscent of Arabic. It reminded me more of English recordings set backwards.

Beyond the exoticness of the language, the cinematography of landscape and human activities was equally unfamiliar and fascinating to me. The movie followed a young indigenous girl in Guatemala, promised as a bride to the older man who owns the farm that employs her father. For the

By EMMA KARNES

first 20 minutes or so of the movie, we do not know her name or her story; we are watching the daily routine of her and her mother, which includes chores such as feeding pigs, chopping hay, and transporting huge baskets on their heads along winding mountain paths. These scenes of domestic activity are serenely captured on camera, but I eventually became bored with them, anticipating the start of a plot.

Finally, we learn more about the girl, María, and her family. Ignacio, her arranged suitor, visits her home with his entire family in tow, and a meal ensues that depicts the people’s culture overtly: the family members speak loudly, interrupting one another and making somewhat crude jokes about the couple’s first night of marriage. Fertility and fidelity are promised.

But the plot is complicated when María sneaks into the woods one night with a very drunk friend and, in an act of what the viewer can only assume is rebellion, loses her virginity. She tries to run away with her new lover to America, but the next morning, he has left without her. As can be predicted by the nature of movies, María becomes pregnant. Despite many herbal, superstitious treatments for abortion, the baby survives until María suffers a dangerous snake bite that sends her out of the countryside into a modern city. The (Spanish-speaking!) doctor there saves her life, but María’s fiancée takes advantage of his ability to speak Spanish and arranges for the doctor to sell the baby, telling María it didn’t survive.

At the end of the movie, María is the same peasant girl that she was in the beginning. She has escaped neither her country nor her marriage, and she has lost the child she had grown to love. In fact, this completed loop was made evident in the cinematography, as the film closed with the same scene with which it opened: María facing the camera, looking stoically down, her mother behind her, fastening colored flowers into her hair and trying on her elaborate wedding garb. Nothing has changed.

Although the film was at times quite slow-paced, the messages and images of Ixcanul are exceptionally portrayed. The viewer not only cares about María by the end of the movie, but also about the land of Guatemala, whose gorgeous scenery of mountains and lush jungles back nearly every scene. Although we had been expecting a movie in Spanish, surviving indigenous societies and languages are an integral part of Latin American culture that are often overlooked, and having watched this movie, I’m glad that ¡CULTURA! decided to include it and others of its type in the series. ¡CULTURA! Ithaca holds many events throughout the year, including art shows, readings, conversational groups, and food tastings. Latin American culture is rich and vastly diverse, and Ithaca is lucky to experience even this small taste of it. http://www.ithacaevents.com/producer/865-cultura-ithaca.html

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

IMAGE PROVIDED

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Rami Malek stars in Mr. Robot.

Mr. Robot Review

By ISAIAH GUTMAN After watching every episode of Mr. Robot, some more than once, I can say with certainty that it is one of the best shows on TV. The first thing I noticed about Mr. Robot was its energy. In the pilot, there is certainly a lot of it. But energy is not the only thing the show does right. The relationships in the show are realistic, plausible, and ever-developing. What really amazes me is the attention to detail that the showrunners employ. Every hack is meticulously planned and most happenings in the show could happen in real life, at least according to the showrunners and many hackers online. However, this is not a gimmick show, as shown by the second season. While it was panned by many, in my opinion it was the deeper and more meaningful of the two seasons. There may have been less focus on the hacking aspects of the reality of the show, but there was much more introspection and philosophical ponderance. The second season’s strength also comes from the setup for season one and the slow pace that lets the characters get tons of development.

This slow pace allows for the buildup of incredible tension over the 12-episode season two, so much that I could barely wait for the next week to come after episodes 10 and 11. This is a sizable portion of the beauty of the show. It lures you in so you must keep watching, and leaves you pondering the occurrences in the latest episode for days.

Now, while the second season was enthralling, season one was incredible in a different way. As I discussed before, this was perhaps the most energetic season of TV I have ever seen. Not only does it have an incredible vibe, it also is one of the smarter shows I have seen, with multiple insightful speeches on the current climate in terms of politics, religion, and economics. As a bonus, even though it is a thoroughly political show, it is quite easy to project your own values onto it. Whether you think the

big corporations are trying to kill us or that the real villains are the government officials, this show has messages to which most can connect. The commentary that came off the worst to me, however, was the criticism of organized religion. Even though I’m not too into organized religion either, the quippy lines Elliot—the hacker protagonist, played by Rami Malek— employs to attack religion have been worn out by speakers, and are not nearly the best arguments against religion. I don’t like to nitpick, but I’m sure this came off as very pretentious to many viewers. Besides those scenes, the commentary stays mostly in agreeable terms, not straying from fairly common and logical sentiments that are found among many libertarians, anarchists, and liberals in the U.S. And just because it stays safe doesn’t mean it stays docile.

Steve Jobs and Apple are attacked directly in the first episode, and the show has no qualms about going after Blue Cross Blue Shield. It is the daring social commentary that allures so many, and while I can’t say I dislike it, it certainly is not my favorite thing about the show. At times in some episodes, it seems the writers are trying to make Elliot sound “edgy” or different when the show does not benefit from him holding an unpopular opinion. Again, the religion rant is an example of this. It appears that the writers have attempted to make Elliot into a living Reddit. While this may appeal to a niche of fans, this is not a good strategy if they want the show to be more popular.

All things considered, while Mr. Robot may have a problem with its fringe rants at times, the show is one of the most captivating programs I have ever taken the time to view. The cinematography, acting, writing, and score come together to form a near perfect show in my eyes. I only hope more people will give it a chance; it is a special show that taps into the zeitgeist better than any current show.

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

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SPORTS

NBA Top 15 Lists It’s that time of year: as you walk down the halls or sit in the library, you may hear “LeBron is the best player in the league right now,” and in fiery response, “What are you talking about? Dude it’s easily Chef Curry.” Everyone has an opinion, and the most heated discussions are usually between friends. Here are Vaynu and Isaiah’s two cents about who really is the best of the best in the NBA.

By ISAIAH GUTMAN

IMAGE PROVIDED

IMAGE PROVIDED

By VAYNU KADIYALI

The King has assumed his throne.

No more Mr. Nice Brow.

1) LeBron James (SF): LeBron’s utter domination in the NBA finals, including terrific defensive moments, carrying the Cavs offensively, a respectable 37-percent three-point percentage and a 30 ppg (points per game) average show that when the King puts his mind to it, he’s the league’s best.

1) Stephen Curry (PG): Curry has proven himself again and again to be far and away the best offensive player in the NBA. It would be unwise to forget that he also led the association in steals last season and that he grabs five rebounds per game.

3) Stephen Curry (PG): Curry’s offensive game is the best in the league, but after not concluding his amazing season with a Finals win, his status as the league’s best has been revoked.

3) Kawhi Leonard (SF): Kawhi is only 25, but he has both a ring and two defensive player awards to his name. However, he has never played without Duncan, so watch out for a difference in his performance this year, be it good or bad.

2) Kawhi Leonard (SF): In addition to being one of the league’s best-ever perimeter defenders, Kawhi is also a shrewd offensive player, taking few shots but maximizing efficiency.

4) Russell Westbrook (PG): He’s been the most athletic player in the league for quite some time now, and his lockdown defensive mentality leads him to be an elite well-rounded player.

5) Anthony Davis (PF): Davis combines the best of a big man’s attributes with the ability to run a team’s offense of a point guard. That and his top-five defensive game will make him a formidable opponent and an invaluable teammate.

6) Kevin Durant (SF): Durant can’t crack the top five because he has shown that he can’t win, but he is a phenomenal scorer who was at one time the league’s best.

7) Chris Paul (PG): His playmaking, perimeter defense, and well-developed offensive game give him among the league’s best skillsets.

2) LeBron James (SF): LeBron has some of the greatest seasons in NBA history, and while some say he does not perform to the best of his abilities in the regular season, his playoff performances are some of the greatest displays of skill in history.

4) Russell Westbrook (PG): Westbrook is a rare example of the quintessential triple double player. He scores over 23 points a game while not only averaging a double-double but also grabbing nearly eight rebounds a game.

5) Chris Paul (PG): He may have inferior athleticism, but he is both the best playmaker and (arguably) the best shooter at point guard in the league besides—and has defense to top it off.

6) Anthony Davis (PF): The youngest player on the list, Davis is a monster on defense in the paint and on the perimeter, and can score and rebound with the best. He had a slow year, but watch for him to bounce back in a big way this season.

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SPORTS

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8) Draymond Green (PF): Green is probably the second-best defender in the league. Offensively, he is shooting 50 percent from the field, and he can grab rebounds over larger players to increase offensive possessions.

9) Demarcus Cousins (C): Despite the mediocrity of the Sacramento Kings, Cousins is undoubtedly the best center in the league. He is the best scoring center, and has even developed a perimeter shot, making him almost unstoppable.

10) James Harden (SG): Despite some horrendous defensive moments, Harden is going to have quite the season, probably getting double-digit assist figures by facilitating the Houston offense for the first time. Also, his status as the league’s best offensive player will be solidified this season.

11) Paul George (SF): Paul George is a beast; he can shoot from anywhere, making both halfcourt shots and ferocious dunks in the paint. Add that to his intensity while defending at the perimeter, and George has elevated himself to a topleague talent.

12) Kyle Lowry (PG): Lowry was arguably the East’s best guard. He led the Raptors to a franchise-high wins record, and was the Raptors’ best offensive and defensive player.

13) Hassan Whiteside (C): He’s the league’s statistical best shot-blocker and post defender, and his offense, while limited to the paint, will be a menace to every team he plays.

14) Kemba Walker (PG): After significant adjustments to Walker’s shooting style in the last preseason, he’s become a top-five point guard who can shoot well from all areas of the floor and smartly facilitate offense for the Hornets.

15) Andre Drummond (C): In addition to increasing the Pistons’ offensive possessions by grabbing a ludicrously high amount of rebounds, Drummond has elevated himself to a top-league talent through developing excellent post scoring and defense.

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

7) Kevin Durant (SF): Although he has shown that he cannot win without (and even with) Westbrook, KD still remains one of the top three scorers in the NBA. He also has begun to better utilize his incredible length on defense.

8) James Harden (SG): He may have a sore lack of transition defense, but he makes up for it in sheer offensive prowess.

He was the second-highest scorer last year and also gets six rebounds and 7.5 assists per game.

9) Kyle Lowry (PG): He does not get as much recognition as the rest, but Lowry places in the top 10 of almost every statistical measure of overall performance. Plus, he has led multiple teams to success in recent years.

10) Paul George (SF): His leg injury is what keeps him from placing higher on this list, as he has not yet returned to pre-injury form. However, he is still one of the best two-way players in the NBA.

11) Draymond Green (PF): Unquestionably one of the best defenders in the NBA, Green is also a skilled point forward, getting more assists than Curry and nearly 10 rebounds per game last year.

12) DeAndre Jordan (C): Jordan has been one of the best paint defenders in the NBA for years now, and is improving rapidly on offense in his few shots per game. Add in his complete domination of the boards and you clearly have the best center in the league.

13) Hassan Whiteside (C): Whiteside is arguably the best paint defender and gets an insane amount of rebounds. Look for him to perform well on offense sans Wade and Bosh.

14) Paul Millsap (PF): Millsap has exploded on the scene in the last few years with incredible defensive performance and steady offense to match. He led the Hawks to a second-place finish in the East a few years ago, and has improved greatly in the past few seasons since then.

15) Kemba Walker (PG): Walker has shined as the leader of a scrappy Hornets team that has made the playoffs twice in the last three years, as he scored 21 points and dished out five assists per game last year.

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SPORTS

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Boxing: The Next Varsity Sport?

By JASON WANG

IMAGE PROVIDED

It’s interesting that all three of the articles I have written for ple, amateur boxers are typically required to wear headgear and The Tattler have had to do with boxing in some way or another. mouthpieces, and use 16 oz gloves (the 2016 Rio Olympics was I understand that you’re most likely getting INCREDIBLY bored the first Olympic Games to not require headgear when boxing). with me at this point, but please, hear me out on this one, and I This really limits the amount of damage amateur fighters take promise I’ll write about some other sport next time, like squash during competition. If you were to get hit with an 8 oz glove, (shout-out to Mohamed El Shorbagy). chances are you’d be able to feel the individual knuckles of your So why isn’t boxing a school sport? Well, the main reason opponent, whereas boxing using 16 oz gloves is essentially a reseems almost painfully obvious. Boxing is a pretty dangerous ally serious pillow fight. Additionally, amateur boxing fights typactivity. The idea of sending students into a ring to hit each oth- ically only last for about three three-minute rounds, although it er as hard as they can until one of them quits or the final bell can vary. I have personally kickboxed under these same rules. rings does not seem like a “safe activity” to most people. The im- I used 16 oz gloves, wore headgear and thick shin guards, and age of two bright high schoolers with lots of potential standing fought for three two-minute rounds. I got caught with a couin the middle of a ring and essentially pretending to be Rock ‘em ple good shots, but at the end of the night, I walked away with Sock ‘em robots is one that many parents hope to never see. And naught but a slight nosebleed and a twisted ankle. Even the amto many people, that’s all boxateur kickboxers weighing ing is: a barbaric, nonsensi200+ pounds had few incal, brutal sport reserved for juries to speak of. That’s boneheads, freaks, and peobecause these amateur ple with violent tendencies. rules are specifically deI remember telling someone signed to allow kids and that I had a fight scheduled teens to compete without and she responded in a pastaking too much damage sive-aggressive manner, sayor punishment. ing, “Oh, that’s cool. I didn’t That still might be too know you liked to beat peodangerous for some people up.” ple, so let me ask you this.

But that’s not what boxWhat about football? Now ing is. Saying boxing is just don’t get me wrong, I’m two people punching each not trashing football—I other is like saying basketthink football’s a great ball is just ten people trying sport—but isn’t football to stick a ball in a metal hole known for its association that’s really high up, or that with concussions and baseball is just hitting a small brain damage? According This could be us but you playin’. ball with a wooden stick as to CNN, between 2012 hard and as far as you can, or and 2015, there were 967 that chemistry is just pouring things in a test tube to see what diagnosed concussions in the NFL. There was even a class-acexplodes (shout-out to Tuori and Gefell). Yes, the overarching tion lawsuit on August 29, 2013, demanding that the NFL pay goal of boxing is to hit your opponent, but it runs deeper than $765 million to cover all sorts of concussion-related compenthat. Footwork, head movement, framing, combinations, and sation and medical fees to retired NFL players who had been shot selection are all on the list of complex techniques one must affected by severe head trauma. A study done by the National learn and master before they can truly call themselves a boxer. Academy of Medicine in 2013 showed that high-school football Sure, you can slip on a pair of Everlast 12 oz gloves and try and players are almost twice as likely to sustain a concussion as reenact that one move you saw in Captain America, but that’s are any other high-school athletes. Concussions have been and like getting a birdie in Wii Golf and calling yourself a golfer. Nah. still are a glaring issue with football. In some ways, football is Okay, but that still doesn’t change the fact that boxing is a more dangerous than boxing, but it has been a varsity sport for contact sport, and serious injuries do happen. Just do a quick years. Just this year, members of our football team such as Teddy image search of “boxing injuries” and you’ll find a plethora of Galanthay ’17 and Turner DePalma ’17 have sustained serious, black eyes, hematomas, broken noses, and cuts. So how do we season-ending injuries. So I ask you again, is boxing really that prevent that? Well, professional boxing fights usually use 8 oz much more dangerous than other school sports? or 10 oz gloves, which are pretty darn thin. They can do a lot of There are definitely other issues and obstacles that prevent damage, especially after 10 three-minute rounds, which is the boxing from being a school sport, such as funding, trying to find standard length of fights. But that’s pro boxing. In amateur box- coaching staff, and trying to find willing participants, but these ing, like in the Olympics, the rules are quite different. For examCONTINUED ON PAGE 37

SPORTS

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

College Football: Midseason Update and Predictions

By MATT MACKENZIE, Staff Writer As I write this, the college football season has already reached the halfway point. Most teams have already played at least six or seven games, and there are now enough data points to predict the outcome of the major conference races, as well as the College Football Playoff.

Some surprise contenders have emerged in Western Michigan, Nebraska, and Texas A&M, and other teams have both predictably (Iowa and USC) and surprisingly (Michigan State) failed to live up to previous hype. Of course, as teams gear up for the stretch run, you all should know which channels to turn to and which teams to watch for an entertaining Saturday afternoon of high-stakes football. With that in mind, here are the top teams to watch out for through the stretch run, as well as picks for a few major awards and the four College Football Playoff spots.

1) Western Michigan Broncos The Broncos are the top team outside of the Power 5 conferences this season.

With an undefeated record and two wins over Big Ten schools, they are still dark horse contenders for the playoffs, and head coach PJ Fleck has understandably been a hot target for many big-name programs. WMU features an experienced senior quarterback in Zach Terrell and a two-headed monster at running back: both Jarvion Franklin and Jamauri Bogan have been putting up all-conference numbers. Additionally, they face the most favorable schedule of any remaining contenders, against the rest of the Mid-American Conference. The Broncos are rarely on the big TV networks, but they’re worth watching if you want to see a high-scoring game, or an upstart team that just may steal the show come New Year’s Weekend.

2) Alabama Crimson Tide Yes, it’s them again. Nick Saban’s perennial powerhouse, one of the most hated teams in college football, is running wild over the rest of the SEC yet again. The Crimson Tide has not suffered in the least from the loss of Heisman Trophy winner Derrick Henry and special teams speed

demon Kenyon Drake; their championship-level defense and freshman sensation quarterback Jalen Hurts have filled the gap nicely. Most people are sick of watching Alabama win, but it can be fun to watch a top notch team run their stuff, especially when you have Verne Lundquist calling the play-by-play.

3) Ohio State Buckeyes Another perennial powerhouse, sans the quarterback controversy from last year, Urban Meyer’s Ohio State Buckeyes are yet again one of the top teams in the Big Ten. JT Barrett has taken over the QB position full-time with the graduation of Cardale Jones and Braxton Miller. Their running game is also strong: Mike Weber and Curtis Samuel are near the top of the Big Ten in yards per carry. The Buckeyes’ defense remains seemingly unaffected by major talent losses to the NFL Draft, and they remain one of the best-coached teams in all of college football. If you can even manage to trade scores with Ohio State, the odds are still against you.

4) Michigan Wolverines The #1a to Ohio State’s #1 in the Big Ten, Michigan received more than enough preseason hype in the media, and they have justified it, matching the Buckeyes stridefor-stride in the race for the Big Ten East.

Jim Harbaugh is not one to avoid controversy or the spotlight, but his team’s onfield successes are much more worthy of attention than his outlandish recruiting stunts. All-around star Jabrill Peppers is the de facto team leader, making highlight reel plays on defense and returning kickoffs and punts. Despite what ESPN would indicate, however, there is more to Michigan than Peppers. Wilton Speight has anchored the team under center, and Jehu Chesson is living up to all-conference expectations at wide receiver. Michigan’s showdown with Ohio State on November 26 may end up being the game of the year.

5) Washington Huskies Chris Petersen’s team may not get much coverage on the East Coast, and to see

them most weeks requires watching some “Pac 12 After Dark” until 1 or 2 a.m. Nonetheless, they have certainly earned their Top 10 ranking, scoring an impressive 44–6 win over Stanford, and shutting down phenom Christian McCaffrey in the process. The Huskies have the easiest path of any Power 5 team to the College Football Playoff, playing in the watered-down Pac 12 conference, and they have won five of their first six games by 20 or more points. Jake Browning (QB) and Myles Gaskin (RB) are two of the nation’s top players, and they should have no problems getting enough points, playing behind last year’s FBS-leading scoring defense.

6) Baylor Bears Baylor was reviled throughout football circles during the offseason after former head coach Art Briles resigned amid sexual assault allegations against a number of players. Still, off-field issues have not slowed the Bears down on the field. Seth Russell is once again putting up impressive passing numbers with KD Cannon and Ishmael Zamora in his arsenal, and Shock Linwood has been as reliable as ever on the ground. Baylor likes to play fast, making them fun to watch, but their proclivity toward high-risk, high-reward plays can leave them vulnerable against a lesser opponent on any given week.

7) Clemson Tigers Last year’s top overall seed at the College Football Playoff is back for another shot, and they look just as formidable as last year. Having survived a scare at home against NC State and beaten fellow ACC playoff hopeful Louisville, Dabo Swinney’s Tigers have survived the worst part of their schedule and should have a smooth path to an unbeaten season.

Quarterback DeShaun Watson is one of the favorites for the Heisman Trophy, and Wayne Gallman will be ready to lead the team at running back when he returns from a concussion. Expect to see Swinney, one of America’s most colorful coaches, CONTINUED ON PAGE 37

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

SPORTS

Sporty Seniors

“BOXING” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 35

By BENJAMIN SALOMON

Charlotte Williams ’17

IMAGE BY BENJAMIN SALOMON

Q: What sport do you play?

A: Cross Country.

Q: How long have you been playing your sport?

A: Like seriously running? Only two years. I’ve done track for six years, though.

Q: What is your favorite thing to do before a race?

A: Before races I like to contemplate why I do this sport, because racing is really hard and it hurts. I also like to eat bagels.

Kevin Klaben ’17

IMAGE BY BENJAMIN SALOMON

Q: What sport do you play?

A: Soccer.

Q: How long have you been playing your sport?

A: Since kindergarten.

Q: What is your favorite thing to do before a game?

A: Listen to some jams.

PAGE 37

issues can all be sorted with some time and patience. To wrap up, let me give you guys a personal story. I ran for IHS Cross Country my freshman and sophomore years, and I have to say that it was quite a radical time. Obviously, the running part was not quite fun (running is mad hard y’all; just ask anyone still on the Cross Country team like Jeremy Coyle ’17), but hanging out with a great group of people, having an astounding coach, and eating free bagels on Saturdays more than made up for it. I had a lot of fun as a student athlete, but after my sophomore season, I realized the running part really wasn’t for me. I didn’t have a passion for it. I was determined to improve and succeed, but I wasn’t determined to put in the work required to be where I wanted to be. It was hard for me to call it quits, but I knew that it wasn’t going to work out. I still want to represent my school and give back because IHS has really done a lot for me. I want to walk out wearing red and gold shorts. I want to have a senior night. I want to meet other students who also have an interest in boxing. I want to hold up a state title for IHS and add it to the collection. It all sounds selfish, but just think of other students yet to enter our great school who might want the same thing. I’m not saying we have to institute a varsity boxing program immediately and have everything ready by next year, but I’d really like to see this idea given some thought.

“COLLEGE FOOTBALL” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 36

roaming the sidelines in late December.

That just about wraps it up. Remember to enjoy the last few weeks of our most tradition-rich sport, and not to get too bogged down in the analysis. Those Saturday afternoons are supposed to be fun. For the sake of space, I couldn’t include every top team, so here are a few more playoff hopefuls to watch for, along with my predictions for some major awards: Other Teams to Watch Louisville Cardinals Texas A&M Aggies Nebraska Cornhuskers Wisconsin Badgers Florida State Seminoles Colorado Buffaloes

Individual Player Awards Heisman Trophy Winner: Jabrill Peppers, Michigan Maxwell Award Winner: Lamar Jackson, Louisville Bednarik Award Winner: Desmond King, Iowa Butkus Award Winner: Raekwon McMillan, Ohio State Lou Groza Award Winner: Nick Weiler, North Carolina Ray Guy Award Winner: JK Scott, Alabama

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LITERARY

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

LITERARY

I’m Tired.

By ANONYMOUS

I’m tired of long hours Looking at a tiny screen Just because I have The aching need And I can’t control myself.

I’m tired of coming in To school empty-handed And worrying about my 38 in this class and 63 in the other.

I’m tired of going home and Fretting that my parents might Force me to do things when I’m too exhausted to even Talk to my friends.

I’m tired of thinking that today Might be the last because I barely have the energy to Get out of bed And face another bothersome day.

I’m tired, But here I still am.

I haven’t lost yet.

And I’m not going away, Anytime soon.

The Value of Adventure

By STERLING WILLIAMS-CECI

You get up, you get dressed, you brush your teeth, you go to school, You play sports, you do clubs, you make art, you get home, You do homework, you eat dinner, you shower, you go to sleep…

Repeat.

Repeat.

This pattern has repeated itself up to today, Will you let it repeat again?

Change your life.

Don’t get stuck in one way of living.

There are other ways to explore, and you only live once: Be adventurous.

Try new things.

Meet new people.

Mix it up!

One day, you will be grateful that you did.

Don’t lose sight of the value of adventure, Don’t be someone who regrets not taking more chances in life, Because by the time you realize, it will be too late.

Haiku of the Month

2016

By LUCA GREENSPUN

Braggadocious Trump Strong-willed gal tryna make history It’s up to you, chump

Autumn Morning

By LILLIAN HWANG-GEDDES

Walking through the grass In the morning Dew still gleaming on the blades Sounds of feet on the forest floor The stream gurgling softly If only I could stay here Like it were a summer day Under the trees Where everything is alive.

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

LITERARY

PAGE 39

Where’d You Go?

By C.B.

“My ghost, where'd you go? What happened to the soul that you used to be?” “Ghost” by Halsey blares from the car speakers. I’m standing in the road, facing the woods, and I notice leaves are starting to change color; red and orange sprinkled sporadically throughout the mountaintops. There’s enough wind that I have to brush my hair out of my eyes as I look through the camera. Goosebumps are spreading up and down my legs; it’s cold outside. The subject of the photo is fierce, completely vulnerable, and free. I focus the lens. Trying to find a balance, I zoom in and out. I’m sitting in the middle of a vacant street, letting the beat relax my muscles that are often clenched from worry. Grateful I’m experiencing the bliss of nature, I stop for a minute in an attempt to create an unforgettable mental image. The feeling of sadness, confusion, loneliness, and contentment rolled into one moment is like knowing the difference between being kind and being right. The chorus of “Ghost” brings me back to reality. Once again I look through the lens; the picture is just right.

Smile

By C.B.

“What if they don’t listen to me?” “How will I know if I’m doing a good job?” These questions race through my head. The knots in my stomach feel like there’s an electric beater mixing everything together, making it hard to breathe. My hands tremble. My mom looks over at me and says, “You’ll do well. You’re great with kids. Think positively.” My ears hear her but the reassuring words aren’t helpful. I’m in the mindset of “I’m fooling myself, aren’t I? The kids won’t like me. What if my co-workers don’t take me seriously?” I can’t look at myself in the visor mirror, too afraid my terror will be visible in the reflection; I don’t look confident or prepared. Before too long, I arrive. I grasp the handles of my bag and open the car door. My entire body shakes. I can’t hold on to my stuff, so everything falls onto the concrete. Hoping nobody is peering out the window, I pick up my belongings with haste. Slowly, my body straightens. I see a small, freckle-filled face staring at me with big brown eyes and an enormous smile. Sun shines through the glass. Toys are dispersed across the room, and kids play happily. I smile back. I turn and wave to my mom with newfound confidence. I walk towards the entrance. My arm pulls back the heavy door and I feel a rush of cool air. I step into the beginning of an unforgettable journey packed with laughter, snot, and endless reminders to flush the toilet.

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LITERARY

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

End of an Era

By ROAN BAXTER-MARTIN The sky, filled with the iron remnants of a civilization risen on the backs of stone. Falling, clattering together, exploding, fiery tornado of clutter coming down with the engines and gears that once rotated to make this monstrosity reach the heavens. The toxic waters of earth are welcoming to the prey; waves clashing in a greenish-yellow hue.

The gargantua of the sky, engine failure and all, was coming to its end. One of its mighty rotors turning towards the sky, trying to carry its home, shooting out of its gullet, a mix of ash and flame.

The rotor counterpart, falling into the sea. Screws that held this craft together have come loose, spiralling through the dawn’s mix of stars and light. A hum of concussive blasts rock the early day, visions of the past and terrors of the deep creep into the frame; a lone man stands aboard the falling beast.

A metallic gleam bounces off the stern of the ship, and a cloud of smoke is now engulfing the craft. The giant steam towers crack down the middle and split both ways, one splitting the deck of the ship, the other penetrating the sea, pulling with it half of the ship’s left railing. The furnished rooms have become lit in flames of chemicals and carbon, and the engine room is churning out its final gasps of steam as it is crushed by the falling steam tower.

Stumbling, but kneeling now, the man feels his creation once more, knowing what is to come.

The floor now feels hot; once a smooth metallic feel, as cool as a stone, but changed through years of wear and tear. Now it is a scratched and dented surface, as a result of a thousand footsteps and stomps. A large cracking sound comes from deep within the vessel. Its airborn days are over. “Brace for impact,” the man yells in a shrill voice, but no one is here now. He is the last of humanity, only reassuring himself that this could not be the end. Sweat and tears run down his face, the greenish-yellow water approaching.

Destruction comes. The front of the aircraft smashes into the water’s surface and acidic foam creeps onto every edge of the vessel, moving slowly into the center. “The radiation suit,” he thinks to himself. In his last attempt to preserve his life and humanity itself, he dashes through the remaining corridors of the ship, towards the control room. Stumbling into the room he comes to realize that the water is rushing in behind him now.

He slams the door shut as the water smashes against it, trapping him and his creation under the ocean floor.

Submit your creative writing!

Send works of short fiction, creative nonfiction, and poetry to literary@ihstattler.com to be included in our literary section.

LITERARY

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

PAGE 41

Dead Serious The time has come, please don't get mad It happens to us all.

Let me introduce to you a charming lad I'm sure you'll have a ball.

By BENJAMIN SALOMON

He stands six foot three, give or take an inch With a fiery, hellish grin.

His horns are sharp, try not to flinch Knock twice and then go in.

Inside you'll notice there isn't light Only fiery pits ablaze.

The gloomy vibe is meant to excite, Inspire, scare, amaze.

So I'll leave you here, in good company Let's hope you make a new friend.

I wouldn't worry, though he’s been feeling gluttony Let's hope that it isn't a trend.

The boss may be evil, but he's still a child of God Albeit on a different level.

He’s actually quite soft without the facade, Just remember, he IS still the Devil Be careful, have fun, most importantly stay cool He's known to have a short fuse.

If he gets riled up, please don't be a fool And if he asks for a light, refuse.

Everyone dies, but today’s your day You're one in a million this week.

Just follow along, don't go the wrong way You'll find you're not that unique.

Proper etiquette is vital, when you live in this place I pray you have heard what I've said There's not much to it, just a smiling face You're stuck down here when you're dead.

Death

By GABE OWH

Drowning in the fluid that is filling his lungs, my cat Mason is wrapped and restrained in towels, still giving a desperate kick to escape my mother’s grasp. He never did like to be held, and I can’t help but smile through the watery lens of my tears at his grumpy frustration about being handled in this disgraceful manner. I take in the moment, trying to remember every part of his life before he has to go. It’s a beautiful fur coat, for the most part white as snow, but with splotches of black and auburn as well. His black and brown mask covers his eyes, cheeks white, with a brown spot under his chin, like the beard of a dragon. This isn’t where he should be; this plain white room, with a white floor and white fluorescent lights. He always liked to be outside. All too soon, I hear the veterinarian come in, with the poison that would end his suffering. I hear voices around me, probably my father, mother, and the vet, but I’m not listening. The only thing I want to notice are his large, blue-green eyes, staring grumpily at the floor. He doesn’t know what is going on; I can tell. All he knows is that he is restrained, and he wants to leave, no matter how sick he feels. But then the vet pulls back a bandage, and puts a needle in the tube he has on the back of his leg. I had heard before how death is peaceful, like they are going to sleep. It’s not. I watched, holding onto my seat as if gravity had reversed itself, pulling me towards Mason. I’ll never forget as his head sunk like a stone, and the living creature I had loved turned into nothing but another object in the room.

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

PENULTIMATE

Record Scratch

By JAMES PARK

Yup that´s me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation...

Tristan’s Angst

The Danger of the Bathrooms Most students are aware that school bathrooms are the least clean places in the school, fraught with foul odors, unknown liquids, clogged toilets, and the like. What few students are aware of is the real danger in the bathrooms, like a new species of bacteria with colonies the size of a small moose hiding on the ceiling, or the ghost in the upstairs-H-building bathroom.

According to a past IHS principal, “Sometimes the bathrooms got so bad that students wouldn’t come out. They’d go in, and a bacteria colony would just ooze over them to feed itself. We lost quite a number of good students that way,” he added.

Since then, the IHS administration has taken steps to mitigate the danger posed by the school’s bathrooms. Some years ago, a principal instructed the janitorial team to use all means necessary to remove a foul-smelling liquid from the boys’-locker-room showers, regardless of the consequences. The janitors were eventually forced to inundate the area with radiation after school. While this worked, it also mutated the swim teams that spend a lot of time in the vicinity, which explains why they’re so good.

“Sadly, we’ve also had to take less popular measures,” said a district spokesperson. “We keep the bathrooms by the new gym locked most of the time because there aren’t enough people close enough. Imagine if no one heard the sickening screams until it was too late!”

In fact, the district is fighting the perception that the reason that students need to sign out of classes to use the bathroom is to have a record of where everyone is in case of a fire. “Seriously, these bathrooms are terrible,” said the spokesperson. “Since we’re legally responsible for students during the school day, we need to know if someone’s not in class because they’re skipping or if it’s because they passed out from the stench.”

PENULTIMATE

THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

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Submit photos, creative writing, and visual art to The Tattler’s January Literary Issue by Tuesday, December 6. Prizes will be awarded to the best in each category!

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THE TATTLER • NOVEMBER 2016 • ihstattler.com

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BACK PAGE

Horoscopes

By ABE MESSING

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22): The same letters that spell Untied also spell United. It’s about what you’re made of, not the cards you’re dealt.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22): One person’s prince in shining armor is another person’s beggar in raggedy cloth.

There’s virtue and vice hidden in everyone, but only destiny hidden in one.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21): You know what they say, cross me once, strike one—cross me twice, you’re out. Cross me a third time; that’s strike three right off the bat.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): The well hasn’t run dry yet. There’s cake under that frosting.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19): You’d rather see one thousand people hungry than one man full.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18): How can you be asked to tell the time when only time can tell? Wait long enough and you’ll find the answers you didn’t know you were looking for.

Pisces (Feb. 19- Mar. 20): Where have the years gone? Make sure to make time for the small things in life; life is too short to take anything seriously.

Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19): You hate it when someone you hate starts being nice to you. You hate yourself for wanting to hate them and you hate yourself more because you’re starting to like them.

Where do you stand with yourself?

Taurus (Apr. 20–May 20): You’re not a simple person. You’re not so black and white like everyone else. You’re in a gray area.

Gemini (May 21–June 20): Boomerangs won’t come back if you walk away first.

Cancer (June 21–July 22): You’re like a composter among recyclers. Paper or plastic? Nah, you bring your own.

You make an entrance when others make an exit.

The COOLNESS SPECTRUM

COOL Cubs vs. Indians Ken Bone costume Election results Surreal cereal that is so real Apathy Snow?!

Kitty Kat costume Tax fraud (WOI) The Last Airbender movie

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22): Foggy eyes, empty hearts, always lose.

UNCOOL