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death Death is all around us. We live with it everyday. We are the nation of violence. We are the nation of death. Death in the home. Death on the roads. Death in the townships. Death from AIDS. Death is everywhere. We have become callous, cynical and paranoid. Death is boring. Death is wallpaper. Death is beautiful, poetic and tactile. Death is how you see it. How you feel it. How you say it. g a r t h wa l k e r
issue #12 : 2000 Published quarterly by Orange Juice Design Durban and Cape Town South Africa as part of our on-going commitment to excellence in African graphic design “i-jusi” (ie-juice-ie) roughly translated as "juice" in Zulu Publisher Garth Walker: Orange Juice Design Editorial Office P O Box 51289 Musgrave Road 4062 KwaZulu-Natal South Africa Fax +27-31-2771870 www.i-jusi.co.za the editor wishes to acknowledge the generosity and commitment of fishwicks the printers, sparhams and sappi fine papers in promoting south african graphic design
COPYRIGHT © Orange Juice Design • Reproduction in whole or in part of any contents of i-jusi without prior permission from the publisher is strictly prohibited. The publishers cannot accept responsibility for images or statements expressed by contributors.
ALEX: [looking at photographs of Lee and Aron standing outside the Translux in Cape Town before boarding the bus for that fateful journey] It must be pretty spooky for you now looking at those photographs. LEE: Ja it is. It was only when my father saw these pictures that he told us he’d had a premonition something was going to happen. He said he took the photos in case something happened. (in one of the photographs, Lee’s head appears scratched out) That’s where the photo got stuck to the cover of the scrapbook and the colour came off. When my dad saw it he said “Why’d you do that?” and I said “I didn’t do that. I didn’t rub me out.” ALEX: Its chilling, seeing you about to get on board with no idea what lay ahead. LEE: Ja, but it was important for me to make this scrapbook. We were about to move from Umbilo Road to here and I didn’t want to throw it all away because, well, it totally changed my life. Somehow I needed to record that. ALEX: How do you remember the accident? LEE: During the trip they had a stop every four hours. So we stopped at 8 o’clock, midnight and the next one was at four in the morning. The 12 o’clock stop was fine. We got back on the bus, then the next thing I knew… I wasn’t actually awake during the accident… I remember lying down… it was raining at the time… I could taste blood in my mouth… people were… I could hear people screaming… then I passed out cos there was something on top of me, I couldn’t move… I came to when the paramedics were trying to lift me, and I was screaming because of the pain in my back… then I passed out again and woke up in hospital in Harrismith, but I still hadn’t realised what had happened, I was still in shock… they told me there had been an accident but I didn’t comprehend it, then all of a sudden I thought: “Where’s my brother?” I was asking everyone “What’s happened? Where is he?” and they said he’d been
taken to the other hospital. But I think they already knew, they were just told not to tell me. I said “Let me just look around” but they told me “You’ve injured your back very badly [Lee had three crushed vertebrae in his spine] and you’re not allowed to move.” I kept asking and they gave me some crutches and I walked around for awhile but I couldn’t find anyone. ALEX: Did you see Aron at all when you were lying in the wreckage? LEE: No, I couldn’t see a thing. I didn’t know he was dead until we had come back to Durban. My mom had known, but she told them not to tell me. They knocked me out for the ambulance ride, and when I woke up in the hospital in Durban, my mom came in and then I knew. ALEX: Did you eventually find out what happened to Aron? LEE: He broke his neck. We went to see his body before the funeral. Just to see him. You could see his jaw was a bit out. He just had one little lump on his head. ALEX: How do you think that happened to him and not you, since you were sitting right next to each other? LEE: I really don’t know. I had a lot of survivor guilt after that, because on our way down from Durban to Cape Town, I got on the bus first so I had the window seat. So Aron said “OK, you can sit there but on the way back I get to sit at the window” and I said “That’s fine”. Then when we got on the bus coming from Cape Town to Durban, I sat at the window seat, just to antagonise him. And he said “But you said I could sit there!” and I said “No, you can’t”. And he said “But that’s not fair!” and I said “I know its not fair but you can’t sit here”. I was just messing around, but then I landed up sitting there and after that, it could have been either or. But I think when its your time to go, its your time to go. ALEX: What do you think would have happened if it had been the other way round? LEE: I can’t say. Even if Aron had survived he would probably be paralysed, because I was very fit from rugby and he was smaller than me – I was 16 and he was only 14 at the time – and he was lanky. So I could’ve been dead and he could’ve been in a wheelchair forever, or maybe both of us would have been killed. ALEX: What was the official cause of death? LEE: Brain damage. But he probably didn’t even know he was dead. Because he was sleeping and then all of a sudden the accident and that was it, finished. ALEX: What caused your injuries?
LEE: I don’t know. I was cut on my head, so I think I was flung and hit the floor, then something hit me from behind and crushed my vertebrae. And my pinkies were burned. It was so weird: my hands were fine but I had two black pinkies. ALEX: The ordeal must have been quite something to cope with. LEE: Ja. It was also shit cos it was my matric year and I had a promising rugby career which flew out the window. I never used to talk about it. I can talk about it now, I can talk about my brother, but for a long time after the accident my mom just had to say his name and I’d walk out the room. They could actually just say anything and I’d walk away or cause a fight. Anything to not have to talk about it. It takes a long time and you never get over it, you just sort of learn to deal with it. I also miss not having a younger brother. We were at that age where we were getting along well. He was in Standard 7 and I was in matric, so it was pretty cool. You don’t have a bond with someone who’s not your sibling… I mean, not a bond like that. I’ve got some really good mates, but its not like a brother where, when you walk into a room, you just relate to that person. ALEX: Did you go through counselling? LEE: Ja, I went to see a psychologist but that didn’t really work out because I didn’t want to deal with anything. But about a year ago I started getting depressed so I began seeing someone again. There’s also a group called “Compassionate Friends”, which is for bereaved parents and siblings, and I’ve been there once or twice. People just go there to cry a span. Everybody feels the same way – its not like “my pain is more than your pain or less than your pain”. The circumstances are always different but the pain is always the same. It’s one club you don’t really want to be part of. I suppose the more you talk about it the easier it gets. I don’t know if it would be easier if I had been older – I was sixteen at the time, I was a lighty. But I don’t know – how
you prepare someone for that… I just don’t have a clue. There’s also the whole guilt thing I had to get through. I thought it was my fault. ALEX: What was the legal aftermath of the accident? LEE: Classic case of passing the buck. We sued Transnet, the company who own Translux, and they counter-sued the Free State Government, claiming it was their fault the bus went off the bridge because the roads weren’t roadworthy. That finished last year sometime. The judge found in favour of the Free State government and told Transnet “That’s bullshit – its your fault”. But Transnet still managed to blow a hundred grand on the trial, and now we’ve gone back to the original case, and they’re still trying to pass the buck. In my case now, they’re trying to claim my back injuries were a result of an early rugby injury. And the case is now going on seven years. They must have spent a fortune on lawyers by now. ALEX: Is the case for your back injury separate to the case for Aron? LEE:There’s no case for Aron. The law here says that if you’re under eighteen and you die nobody can be sued. There’s no loss of income. If we were in America they would’ve had to pay us a fortune. Not that all the money in the world would make a difference anyway. ALEX: I suppose there’s nothing that can compensate for that kind of loss. LEE: For sure. I still miss him terribly. That kind of pain never goes away. But now I think the only small meaning Aron’s death could have had is that I can help other people who’ve also suffered the loss of a loved one. I’ve had 1st hand experience, and I can use that to help others cope better with their loss. Even though I’m still studying for a B-Com, I’m eventually going to go into psychology. That wouldn’t even have crossed my mind if this hadn’t happened. ALEX: What do you think happens to people after they die? LEE: I don’t know, but I’m sure they go somewhere. I see Aron in my dreams, which is sometimes scary but in a way it makes him still alive. Sometimes it will be so real, I’ll wake up and get up to go say hello to him, and its only then that I’ll realise it was only a dream. He never speaks in my dreams, just stands there and watches. Sometimes I’ll get angry with him and say “Why are you here? Get out of here!” Even though it makes me sad, its always nice to see him again.
ukufa
sikhumbuza abaphansi Abaphilayo Futhi. Sizama Ukuthi Ukuqonde.
D E ATH : in lo v ing m e m o r y o f t ho s e n o w g o n e . And to those left behind - trying to makes sense of it all.
ph o t o g r a ph y Ba r r y Do wn ard
i-jusi wishes to acknowledge the generosity and commitment of fishwicks the printers, sparhams and sappi fine papers in promoting south african graphic design
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