Indulge
August/September 2012
spirit|soul|body
All About the boys...
Hillsong Music behind the scenes with Tim Whincop
Dr J Michael Davey shares his Journey of Hope THree Fantastic Giveaways! Father’s day Craft for the kids PLUS Great recipes to Make FOR HIM
Danny Silk Talks Parenting To smack or not to smack?
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Indulge eMagazine is part of the iluvthoseshoes Project which seeks to empower women in their journey through life by resourcing them, spirit, soul and body. Empower = make more confident; to give authority Resource = source of help; solutions to problems
Publisher
iluvthoseshoes Project www.iluvthoseshoes.com
Editor-in-Chief
Charissa Steffens editor@indulgemagazine.com.au
Creative Director
Natasha Smith info@nspstudio.com.au
Technical Director
David Steffens info@indulgemagazine.com.au
Senior Editors
Nicky Hurle Catherine Johnsen
Proofing
Barrie Nicholson Catherine Johnsen
Fashion Editor
The Cover
Cover Fashion Wear n Him [www.wearnhim.com.au] Cover Inset Danny Silk, Bethel Church USA Photography Natasha Smith, NSP Studio Photography
iluvthoseshoes Project www.iluvthoseshoes.com
General Enquiries T 0450 066 116 E info@iluvthoseshoes.com
Indulge eMagazine is published bimonthly by the ILTS Project Pty Ltd (ACN 147832906). All rights are reserved and the contents are copyright and may not be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. ILTS Project (“the Publisher”), their related companies and officers herby disclaim, to the full extent permitted by law, all liability, damages, costs and expenses whatsoever arising from or in connection with copy information or other material in this magazine, any negligence of the publisher, or any person’s actions in reliance therein. Any dispute or complaint regarding placed advertisements must be made within seven days of publication. Inclusion of any copy must not be taken as any endorsement of the Publisher. Views expressed by contributors are personal views and they are not necessarily endorsed by the Publisher. All reasonable efforts have been made to trace copyright holders by the Publisher. The Publisher and the authors do not accept any liability whatsoever in respect of any action taken by readers in reliance on the recommendation set out in this magazine.
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Tanya Epis
Food Editor Angela Frost
Contributors
Dr Cris Beer Dr John Carrigy Dr J. Michael Davey Nicky Hurle Darren Lewis Candice Schmidt Charissa Steffens
Production Assistant Lisa Boardman
Advertising
Phone 0405 066 116 Email info@indulgemagazine.com.au
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Terms & Conditions of Giveaways
All entries must be received by email before 5pm 31 August 2012 (AEST). The winning email entrants will be notified by email witihin 7 days. Entries will be chosen by members of the Indulge Team based upon the best answers that fit the criteria requested.
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In this issue... I
t is just God’s way… or maybe it is with me; just when I think I am starting to get into the groove with something, He shakes it up a little. That is what happened with this issue of Indulge. As we began to plan ahead, I discovered so many stories and articles from men that before I knew it, I had a whole issue about men! So girls, although it is a little departure from being about us, it is great to have variety and let some guys do the talking for a change. After all, the men in our world significantly impact us. Partners, fathers, brothers, sons, and friends, every day and in every way, men shape our world. Some of the amazing articles we have for you in this issue include a great interview by Candice with Danny Silk from Bethel Church in California. Danny is a world-renowned speaker and author about relationships. This interview brims with wisdom and love that will help you in your parenting journey. We also have a behind the scenes look at Hillsong Music. With their latest album, Cornerstone, skyrocketing to number one on the iTunes lists around the world, it was a wonderful experience to witness the day to day life of one of the most successful Christian organisations of our time. As always with Indulge we feature people’s journey’s with God – that is our core focus and for good reason. This issue we have three incredible articles by men whose lives God interrupted and rescued. I loved reading each of these life-altering stories and shed tears as I did. There is nothing that makes me love this role more than reading those incredible love moments when the Father pours out His love upon someone and they are forever changed.
I hope that you enjoy this special issue that is all about the boys. Love
Charissa Charissa Steffens Editor-in-Chief
My Boys!
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06
30
46
58
Spirit
Shining Bright [06]
Tim Whincop - Hillsong Music
Journey of Hope [18] Dr J Michael Davey
Turning the Hearts of Fathers [22]
Darren Lewis - Father of the Year (Qld 2011)
Sunshine on a Rainy Day [26] Dr John Carrigy
Soul
Parenting from the Heart [30] Danny Silk - Bethel Church USA
The Five Love Languages [42] Nicky Hurle
Redruth [44]
Stephen and Keith Heffernan
contents Body
Men’s Fashion [46]
Wear n Him & Maverick Culture
To Dad with Handmade Love [52] Davina Bartels
Helping your Husband to be Healthy [54] Dr Chris Beer
Treat Dad to Something Special [56] Angela Frost
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SHINING BRIGHT
Spirit
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Behind the Scenes at Hillsong.. Words: Charissa Steffens Photography: Natasha Smith NSP Studio Photography
A day with Tim Whincop- Manager Hillsong Music Some days Tim Whincop has to pinch himself. Growing up in a Christian home, with a love for music and a head for business, Tim only ever dreamed that one day he would end up as Manager at Hillsong Music. As Tim and the Hillsong team prepared for the 26th annual Hillsong conference, we spent a little time ‘behind the scenes’. It was a day full of vision, wisdom, laughter, (a bit of coffee… ok a lot of coffee) and anticipation as the release of Hillsong Live’s latest worship album Cornerstone was only days away. It is an album with such momentum behind it that Tim believes it will be one of their greatest ever. From a small congregation in a school hall, Pastors
Brian and Bobbie Houston have grown a global movement that will soon reside in 13 localities globally. With immense vision and kingdom purpose, the Houston’s heart to ‘champion the cause of the local church through music and teaching resources’ has led to Hillsong becoming an internationally recognised name. Hillsong music revolutionised the global Christian music industry in the early 90’s when the song, ‘Shout to the Lord’, written and performed by then Worship Leader Darlene Zchech, took the world by storm. It stayed at number two on the CCLI (Christian Copyright Licensing International) list for five years straight and is considered to be one of the most influential Christian songs of all time. Hillsong music, which includes Hillsong Live and Hillsong United, has sold over 13 million albums (prior to the release of Cornerstone). Every album has claimed a minimum Gold Status from the ARIA’s. As we walk around the Hills Campus the magnitude of what has been achieved by the Houston’s and the Hillsong Church members is undeniably impressive. These 18 acres in the middle of Western Sydney suburbia showcase two auditoriums that house a plethora of training, music and television production rooms, offices, and even dance studios. Towards the back of the property stands the majestic Hillsong Chapel which was built in 2008.
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The chapel is a meeting of traditional and contemporary ideas. While the shell of the building is constructed from beautiful sandstone and the inside holds traditional wooden pews, you then gaze up to see the large LCD screen that allows for linkups with other campuses. It is this ability to combine the convention of religion with the modern age of technology that has drawn many to Hillsong as a church. As we walk through the chapel Tim explains the purpose for the building, “This is a more intimate space than the auditoriums; we hold our 8am Sunday services here and our staff worship, plus it hosts weddings and funerals. We have also recorded a Chapel album (Yahweh) in here and we are working on a new one at the moment.” As we chat it is easy to see that Tim loves being a part of the Hillsong team. Tim came to Hillsong while in the Navy. “I was based in Sydney, serving as a naval musician when I joined the Hillsong city campus”, he shares. His musician’s heart was immediately captured by the church’s worship focus and he began serving whenever he could.
industry. “Hillsong is well respected by the music industry, which allows us to have influence with organisations such as Sony DADC and Foxtel who carry the Australian Christian Channel”, says Tim. For Tim his job has never been so exciting, with the increase in digital media providers such as iTunes and Spotify; the way the music industry operates is changing radically. When asked what he thinks the future holds for the humble CD, Tim responds “There will always be a niche market, collectors will still desire them, but the digital download has revolutionised the market.” Social media has also changed traditional marketing methods, “It has had a huge impact upon our ability to market our resources, we have 1.6 million Facebook followers for Hillsong Live and Hillsong United has over 3.1 million (August, 2012). We have developed our own App that can be downloaded from our website to keep all our members connected”, explains Tim. Inside Hillsong Chapel
With six months on his Navy contract remaining, Tim was approached by one of the Pastors to come onboard in a pre-production role at Hillsong Music. In an unheard of response from the Navy, Tim was released from the final months of his term when he requested an early departure. He shakes his head and laughs reflecting, “It could only have been God – I was allowed to leave with full benefits with six months still to serve; it was incredible”. Coming from a family of musicians, Tim and his brother Ben became involved in the Hillsong music team and have played on several of the Hillsong Live albums over the years. While Ben is still involved in playing and producing, Tim has moved into a managerial position within Hillsong Music. Having completed a MBA and currently studying Law, Tim enjoys carrying the vision of Hillsong through his business skills. His current role involves the heading up of resources – both creative and teaching; financial responsibilities such as conference budgets; and building strong partnerships within the music
Left: A day in the life at Hillsong as the creative team including Worship Leader Reuben Morgan, prepare for the Hillsong Conference and the relase of Cornerstone.
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“Unity is very important and I try and ensure a culture of encouragement and thankfulness amongst our staff and the volunteers.� Indulge | August/September 2012 | 13
The obvious question is what has made Hillsong so successful? Tim believes that “Pastor Brian Houston has partnered with key people and he has birthed a healthy church. When something is healthy it is very influential.” One of the most important values that Tim has gleaned from working under Brian Houston is to “keep the main thing, the main thing”. Tim explains, “unity is very important and I try to ensure a culture of encouragement and thankfulness amongst our staff and the volunteers. After being in the Navy for almost four years I saw a variety of leadership styles and very little encouragement. It made me aware of the power of encouragement.” Tim is open and authentic about life at Hillsong as we chat about the culture and how Hillsong has grown. “We are all very aware that often we only get through by the true Grace of God. The vision always outweighs the resource and we have to remain surrendered to God to get done what needs to be done.” Hillsong’s vision to resource the church allows Tim to work with the various ministries that the church offers. “We are releasing some great new resources… we have individual instrument tracks on DVD’s for musicians to watch; our social justice
arm has refined its Shine program for girls and we have a new version for men called ‘Strength’; and we have Cornerstone Small Group Studies available with the album.” As he shares about the elements of his job, you can see he is enthusiastic and yet humbled to play a part in equipping the wider church. With the release of Cornerstone only days away, I was interested in why Tim felt this next album had such momentum behind it. “There is just a fresh focus on making songs where Jesus is at the centre; it’s not about Christians and music, our measure is whether we point people to Christ. This album has not just two or three great songs on it; there are so many powerful songs that will inspire the church. You know when songs are great, you just forget about what is happening around you…you get lost in the worship. Cornerstone is full of songs like that,” shares Tim with excitement. “We really care about if someone is being changed by what we do and songs like ‘I Surrender’ and ‘Cornerstone’ do that.” The Cornerstone title track, co-written by their Worship Leader Reuben Morgan, is a powerful song birthed from Reuben’s experience of arriving on the Scandinavian Peninsula in Norway within hours of the tragic shootings in 2011. “While ‘Cornerstone’ may have been birthed at that moment,” Morgan says “the message is even bigger, posing a question for every citizen of the world to answer: ‘Who or what do we turn towards for our strength?’” It is this desire to provide an answer for people, an answer that points unequivocally to Jesus, coupled with their unique and innovative style that has caused Hillsong and the people who carry the vision, like Tim, to shine bright among the nations and revolutionise the world. As we prepare to publish this issue of Indulge, Cornerstone has rocketed to number one around the globe on the iTunes charts. It appears Tim’s prediction was correct and Hillsong has once again refreshed the church with heaven inspired worship. ♦
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Right: Behind the scenes many amazing people are at work, like City Care Director Jason Allen, to produce the resources that Hillsong release to equip the church.
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HILLSONG Giveaway To celebrate the release of Hillsong Live’s latest album Cornerstone we have one copy of the Hillsong Chapel Yahweh album and one copy of Cornerstone to giveaway. To enter simply email us at info@indulgemagazine.com.au by 5pm (AEST) Friday 31 August 2012 and name one song from both albums. The winners will be notified by email in early September. [Find the answers at http://au.hillsongmusic.com/]
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A
s a child, I did not have any family or friends who were Christians and I never knew any godly people, except for a handful of Sunday School teachers and Scripture teachers. So growing up, I never really understood the concept of God or the things of God. And so, my journey of becoming a Christian was a long one indeed.
Words: Dr J Michael Davey
Photography: NSP Studio Photography
Journey of Hope It was a God moment, I just knew it, as I left my local ABC Bookstore with a copy of Michael Davey’s book ‘Journey of Hope’ tucked under my arm. Michael had been in the store signing his book when we connected. In the following three days I wept, as I walked through Michael’s journey of abuse and hurt. I wanted to protect him, as he lost his mother to mental illness and finally, I cheered, as he came face to face with the only one who can redeem, restore and give purpose to our lives - Jesus. This is one truly remarkable story, I hope you are encouraged by this courageous man. I know I was. Charissa 18 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
I was taken from my parents as a 17 month-old baby. My four siblings were also taken, however, we never remained together. I drew the short straw, so to speak, and ended up with an abusive family. My foster uncle abused me in ways that are difficult to talk about, while my foster father abused the little girl who lived next door in similar ways. As naive and innocent children, we thought this was normal behaviour and acted it out. Sadly, this went on for a number of years and something precious was taken from me as a six year-old child. Being thrown between this family and four institutions, I quickly became a juvenile delinquent and a life of crime was just around the corner. My father, Malcolm, visited me every 12 to 18 months, sensed something was amiss and kidnapped me out of foster care to keep me safe. During the journey home to Revesby Sydney, he told me that I had a brother and three sisters. Despite being only nine years old, I was thrilled beyond belief at this wonderful news and could not wait to meet my siblings. He also said my mother, Patricia, had a severe case of schizophrenia and was hospitalised, but would be with us soon. I didn’t understand what he meant by the term schizophrenia, and all I could think about was being reunited with my family. At home with my father, I saw my parents’ wedding photo on the lounge room wall and was stunned at my mother’s beauty – she was as attractive as the leading
Hollywood actresses of her time. The authorities soon discovered I’d been kidnapped, though, and retrieved me. I was sent to an institution and was then taken back to my foster family, but they had lost their affection for me and gave me up. I was taken to an institution to stay until I was 18 years old. This was because a child psychologist stated that, owing to my great hostility to adults and my obvious delinquency, I would never adjust to another family. I was institutionalised for three months and knowing things were not looking promising for me I was sent home, much to my delight. Unfortunately, Patricia was extremely violent and life at home was a real struggle. She blamed me for her illness and in the entire time I spent with my mother I had a persistent fear that one night Patricia would come into my room and stab me with a knife. Not surprisingly, I was a very nervous teenager most of the time. Then, when I was 14 years old, something remarkable happened. I met a wonderful, 96 year-old, bornagain Christian on my paper run. She shared her faith with me, but I struggled with the idea that there was a God, especially in view of what happened to me as a child. Despite this, she covered me with prayer. Still not wanting to pay any attention to God, I started running from Him. And for the next eight years of my life, I was running. I say running from God because He faithfully kept showing up, and it was just as well that He did! I had a burst appendix and should have died. My doctors were amazed that I survived. I was then hit by a car when running across a road and should have been killed. Following this, I drove a car over the side of a mountain at 70 kilometres per hour, flying through the air 40 metres before slamming into a tree. With two friends in the car with me, it was absolutely extraordinary that we all survived and had no injuries! Not long after this, my best friend, who was in the car with me when we went over the mountain, became
“...I was still running from God. But He was about to show up and I mean show up big time!”
a Christian, along with two other great mates. I was greatly intrigued that they had surrendered their lives to Jesus and I started going to a Bible study with them. This didn’t last long, though, because I was still struggling with the idea that there was a God, and that He could actually love me. Also, Christians seemed very weird people indeed – I say this because I couldn’t make any sense of what they were saying – it was like I was in a Star Wars movie and the Christians I knew were all Imperial Storm Troopers trying to turn me to the Dark Side! And every now and then I would meet a super weird one, you know, someone like Darth Vader, and they would say things that totally warped my brain; “No, Michael, God is your Father!” “Noooooo!” And so, I was still running from God. But He was about to show up and I mean show up big time! I was living my life at a million kilometres per hour, heavily immersed in a drug and alcohol culture and giving myself away to women when I was alcohol affected. One night when I was 22 years old, I left
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a young woman in her quartes at HMAS Albatross (where I was stationed in the navy) and was sitting in the passenger seat of my car not wearing a seat belt – I was seriously affected with alcohol, not paying attention to something so important. As we were driving, the lights suddenly went out for the third time in the space of just a few minutes and my mate, driving my car, tried to steer in the dark night on a winding country road, but only succeeded in driving over the side of a very steep hill. Next thing I knew we were flying down through the bush, on the side of Nowra Hill, near HMAS Albatross. My car slammed into a tree and I went through the windscreen. I woke up in hospital the next morning and had my head completely bandaged, only able to see through two small holes where my eyes were. Bandaged as I was, I looked like a mummy, but had the daddy of all headaches!
getting professional help. In the midst of this, I also realised I needed to face the fear which precipitated my depression – university studies. I re-enrolled, but it was still scaring the pants off me! Knowing that walking around uni in just my boxers was not a good look, I decided to get some courage, and I started taking what God says in His Holy Word seriously and claimed a number of verses in faith. Isaiah, 40:28-31, 41:10 and 43:1-3, were verses that I committed to memory and this was an enormous help. Before too long I was topping subjects in classes of over 300 students, including Chemistry, and finishing second in Mathematics. Not long after this I was the recipient of a $60 000 scholarship to undertake a PhD in Chemistry and a $100 000 scholarship to study Medicine.
I now work as an evangelist, author and motivational speaker, sharing my life story with anyone who is prepared to listen, including TAFE Colleges, High Incredibly, I found a Gideon’s Bible in a drawer and School students, Church groups, Youth groups and read John 3:16. With tears in my eyes I decided to so on. I have also travelled all over Australia having stop running from God and gave my life to Jesus. I book signings which is all very exciting. Journey of also realised the only reason I was alive was because God had his hand on my life. And all those close calls Hope was written for a non-Christian audience, but has a clear gospel message of redemption, healing – angels kept me safe – read Hebrews 1:14. and restoration – it’s what I call evangelism by My life suddenly had great meaning and purpose. I stealth! And so, to have it in the secular market and met a beautiful Christian woman, married her and heading towards being a bestselling book is such a we had two gorgeous children. blessing! God has certainly given my dreams wings. And He can do this for you as well – that’s what He Not long after becoming a Christian, God made it specialises in. ♦ very clear that He wanted me to go to university, but it took me six years to complete my HSC to gain Michael’s book, Journey of Hope, is available entry – academic things were totally lost on me. Australia-wide, including Koorong, ABC and Delinquency and academic success don’t go hand in Dymocks book shops and others. To contact hand! But I finally got there and started uni. After Michael or book him as a speaker, visit www. two weeks of study, however, I ran away terribly jmichaeldavey.com.au or email journeyofhope@ afraid of failing, which precipitated 12 years of dark live.com depression. Finally, what had happened to me as a child, especially at the hands of my mother, had caught up with me. Three years into the depression I wanted to commit suicide – I could find no way out. I wasn’t getting better. I wrote a suicide note and had many, many tablets ready to swallow, but God brought something of crucial importance to my attention – if I self-annihilated, my two children might have a lost childhood like I had. Loving my children, I realised God was right. I also realised Dr J.Michael Davey suicide creates more problems than it solves and is, Photo courtsey of author in fact, a selfish thing to do. I then resigned myself to 20 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
You made all the
delicate
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knit me
She is...
TOGETHER
in my mother’s womb.
made with She is... conferences and camps are held throughout Queensland for women of all ages. w: www.sheis.net.au p: 0435 855 892 e: registrations@sheis.net.au
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Indulge | August/September 2012 | 21
I
grew up in what I would refer to today as an average middle class home… with a father and a mother who tried their best to live as well as possible, whilst both still unknowingly carrying, and being affected by, wounds from their pasts. I never really knew my Dad. He had a great work ethic… he ran his own small steel erection business. I very rarely saw him during daylight hours. He was a workaholic. Work was something he did well… perhaps too well. It was there he felt strong… like a man. He struggled in his roles as husband and father so he would typically avoid investing time in those arenas. My Dad was also an alcoholic. He would arrive home from work each day with a fresh carton of beer and he would consume one after the other until they were all gone. His emotional and spiritual absence in the home led to frustration and anger rising up in my mother and to a vacuum in the lives of both my younger brother and I. Mum eventually had enough and left.
Words: Darren Lewis
Photography: Courtesy of Darren Lewis from Fathering Adventure Father-Son and Dad & Daughter Adventures.
Turning the Hearts Of Fathers Queensland 2011
Father of the Year - Darren Lewis 22 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
I knew from an early age that I wanted my life to be different. I was going to be a good husband and a good father, although I had no idea how I would achieve that. I was engaged to be married at the age of 18 and finally married when I was 20 years of age. My wife wanted to be married in the same church as her parents… an Anglican church, but I had to be baptized first before being permitted to marry there. So I went through the formality of being sprinkled with a little water to satisfy their requirements, in order to please my wife.
At age 23, we had our first child… a son… Brandon. Being there… witnessing his birth... was an absolute miracle! As I approached the age of 25 years… what I referred to as a quarter of a century… I began to get honest with myself. I had a couple of decades worth of questions to which I had very few answers. I remember wishing I knew someone personally who I could ask my questions to, but I was not motivated to visit a church and speak with somebody I did not know. It was then that my wife and I met another couple at a BBQ dinner at the home of some mutual friends. Our wives quickly struck up a deep friendship. I was very cautious however, as the husband was actually a Pastor of a new church plant. My wife invited them to dinner and I tried to turn them from their faith asking such questions as: “Well if God was real, then why…”. They reciprocated and invited us to their home for dinner, where I challenged them yet again with a foolscap sheet full of questions. On and on it went, until one day this man said that he would continue to answer as many questions as he could, but in the end he didn’t have all the answers and nor did anyone else... It required a step of faith on my part.
They led my wife and I in a prayer and as we prayed, I experienced a vision… my first ever. That night I dreamed dreams about people who I believed were struggling with life. The following day after work, I decided to phone those I had dreamed about. They had indeed been struggling with life at that point in time, and whilst I didn’t know how to necessarily help, I assured them that they were not alone. It was only then that I shared with my wife about the dreams I had dreamed, and my subsequent phone calls. She cried. She immediately phoned our Pastor friend, believing that there must have been something wrong with her, because her husband had changed overnight and she had not changed at all. His response was both true and wise… that there was a much greater work to be done in me than there was in her. I had changed overnight. I didn’t know it at the time, but God had indeed removed my “heart of stone” and given me a “heart of flesh”. I still had to grow in wisdom and stature and in so many ways. Even today at age 41, I still do. I still needed to be fathered / mentored and for a season, our Pastor friend offered that to me… albeit informally… as a man, as a husband and as a father.
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I grew in my faith, my relationship with God, and continued to discover more deeply who He is, who I am, how I had been wounded, how I would be healed and who He had created me to be. I have since had the honour and privilege of being mentored by, and serving alongside, international men’s ministry leaders such as Robert Lewis (founder of “Men’s Fraternity” and author of numerous books including “Raising a Modern Day Knight”) and John Eldredge (founder of Ransomed Heart Ministries and author of numerous books including “Wild at Heart”).
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Today I do what I love… what I have been called to… what makes me come most alive. In July 2008, I founded ‘Fathering Adventures’… www.fatheringadventures.com.au … an adventurebased ministry devoted to turning the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers (Mal 4:6). I have facilitated father-son and dad-daughter adventures around the country ever since and we’ve even hosted father-child pairs from as far away as the U.S.A. We provide Dads with a vision of intentional fatherhood and equip and empower them to be all their sons and daughters need them to be. Just before Fathers Day in 2011, I received the great honour of being named Queensland Father of the Year. My greatest achievements however, have been as husband to my wife Melissa for 21 years and father to our four sons… Brandon age 18, Isaac aged 15, Joseph aged 12 and Theo aged 8. Our Father-Son and Dad & Daughter Adventures can be explored further by contacting us below www.fatheringadventures.com.au info@fatheringadventures.com.au 0431 839 035.
Darren and Melissa Lewis and their four sons Theo, Isaac, Joseph and Brandon.
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I have heard it said that in Australia the average Aussie is now a couple of generations away from the church. Well, that was me ! I was living a pretty good life growing up in the leafy Hills district in Sydney’s northern suburbs. It was not a bad place to spend your childhood in the 1960’s and 70’s. Hardly a care in the world – well fed, clothed and secure. A family that worked hard, helped each other and trusted in the ever expanding march of science and education to solve the problems of the world. If we use the analogy of weather through this talk - then my early childhood and adolescent years were “sunshine and long carefree days”. What about God you ask? Well – if he was there – then He/She/It (we were very open minded) probably had set things in motion and moved on. More likely, some sort of “nebulous life force” – inevitably to be explained by science - kept matter striding towards complexity despite the pull of entropy.
Words: Dr John Carrigy Photography: istock
Sunshine On A Rainy Day D
r John Carrigy, a well respected Dental Surgeon from Brisbane Australia, shares his journey of searching for a cure when he discovered his mother was dying of Cancer. He sought every arena from science to alternative therapies, but it was amongst the pages of a little red Gideon’s Bible that he found the answers he had been looking for.
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Well - what about church? Church seemed even less essential – maybe it was a crutch for some, maybe it was all about power for a few, but in general it seemed at best to be a quaint anachronism. Our family didn’t attend church, didn’t hang around with anyone who went to church, and in hindsight, probably actively avoided anything that hinted of church (both people and events). So if we see my early life as a warm pleasant morning – then at this point storms started gathering on the horizon ! Cancer! The word that strikes fear into most members of the human race irrespective of race, creed, gender or age. The sunshine was suddenly eclipsed by something dark and brooding. Something malevolent and sinister. Something that brings into sharp relief, the reality of our
mortality and the actual proximity of death. In my family – it was my mother over whom doom was pronounced. What a shattering roll of thunder for a family – what a miserable moment when you get the news. Here I was at 20 years – studying at University, own car, healthy, strong, master of my world – but I was suddenly helpless in the face of this event. An urgency entered the family; all those first order questions about life that we had pushed back with fine sounding philosophy and smiles – came rumbling back with frightening severity. What can we do? Is there any hope of healing? From Whom? How? Surely science would have the answer – the doctors would save us! Sad faces, dismal statistics, vague promises of future advances – maybe next year … But we didn’t have a year – the darkness was spreading - time was pressing. Maybe the answer was in the pseudo science? Alternative therapies? Meditation, herbal remedies, potions and pills… but the darkness pressed on.
I remember clearly, arriving home late one night – everyone was already in bed – I let myself in and headed upstairs to start the ritual of picking through the collection of possibilities and philosophies collected that week. This time though it was different. Instead of the usual routine of me holding forth on the latest theory – I ended up listening. Instead of a sense of desperation, depression and urgency in the room – there was a deep peace. Instead of worry lines on my mothers face – I saw rest. What had happened? Something had changed! I could see it in my mother. I could actually “feel” it. How had she overtaken me? Why did she seem to have it all together? No – not “seem to”, actually did have it all together? Enter God. Enter a sunbeam of hope through the oppressive clouds. So what had happened? – In one of those ‘miraculous’ chain of events, at this perfect time, a distant cousin, in a distant suburb, happened to meet another young fellow. It turned out he was studying for the ministry at a Bible college. In their general chit chat he heard about my mother. He decided to visit her and offered to pray with her. He shared the gospel with her – and even took time out to take her through “Christianity Explained”.
“I was brought to prayer... by the simple change in a woman’s face.”
Maybe the spiritual realm? Mediums, new age teachings, sages and intercession. At this time I even travelled to India to hunt down many magical promises. Still, I watched my mother’s hope wither along with her body. A vibrant lively person slowly fading into a poor caricature of her true self.
Many a late night I spent hours with her desperately thrashing back and forth the various theories and ideas – trying to cobble together some combination of beliefs that would provide the “key” – to unlock the truth. This went on for quite some months. Round and round. Increasingly desperate for answers – and at times – there were hints of ‘truth’ - but never anything literally “life changing”. Things remained dark and seemingly hopeless. But we were wrong! Things were about to change! Quite dramatically! Now at this time – I lived out of home, so often many days would pass due to university commitments before I could head home.
In summary – he shared the Good News of the gospel with her. One to one. The peace I saw that night was the peace of God. All the books, all the philosophies, all the religious texts, all the hours of discussion and conjecture had not made any impact past the head. But here I saw a woman with her heart changed and at peace with the world. What could I do? How would I respond? I acknowledged what I saw – I could not deny it! I went back to my room and prayed to God – from my heart. I poured out my acknowledgement of the evidence of my own inadequacy to find the truth. Here I was – someone who had not even considered the Bible – was
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even biased against it – was happy to read anything but the Bible – intellectual by nature and nurture. Here I was… brought to prayer … not by the wisdom of man’s words and arguments – but by the simple change in a woman’s face. A change from being lost and alone – to being at peace and at “home”. The immediate thing God seemed to say to me was “Get a Bible”. It was 2am in the morning! I didn’t think we had a Bible in the house! I remembered – maybe I did. I scrambled about through my old forgotten school desk – didn’t find what I was looking for – but there was an urgency – a compulsion to keep going. I shuffled deeper into the drawers and pigeonholes. Right at the back, where it had sat for over 15 years unopened and forgotten - was one of those small red books – handed out at school by those strange old guys in suits at one assembly – a Gideon’s New Testament. I sat down – where do I start? I had never opened a Bible before? I just started flicking through. Within seconds it flicked open to some pages titled “John”, I thought, ‘That’s convenient – my name is John’! So I started reading – and as I read – all the snippets of truth that I had laboriously collected and gleaned from all those hours of pouring through books and travelling half way around the world – here they were. Line after line. Paragraph after paragraph. Page after page. Condensed, succinct and orderly. I couldn’t stop reading. I was so excited about what I read I looked around thinking ‘why isn’t someone else here to share this?’ It was incredible. It seemed like the sun had burst through. I remember turning back to prayer and acknowledging Christ as the Messiah. There and then – it was a very easy step. I felt Him calling me to find fellowship with his people. But how? I didn’t know any Christians. Had no connection to any church. I went to bed that night at peace - but with no answer to the problem. God had the answer… Next morning I went to university as usual. I sat up the back of the tiered lecture hall as usual, with all the people with bleary eyes and 3-day growth as usual. This meant it was easy to sneak out quickly if it was a boring lecture as usual. 28 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
I was contemplating this very action - as the lecturer seemed to be late – when one of the students from the front row - a girl - walked up to the microphone. I stopped – what was she going to say? “I would just like to let you all know that a few of us will be meeting at lunch time for a Bible study on the library lawn – if anyone wants to join us – you would be welcome”. I was flummoxed – that was for me! After the lecture I tracked down the girl and said I wanted to come along. I could see a bit of suspicion / shock in her eyes – I suppose the year rep who organised the parties and was always begging notes off everyone from all the lectures he missed was not the type of person she thought would join the group. But she squared her shoulders and graciously repeated the offer. From there – God has just kept guiding me along – from that group with a fellow who knew his Bible backwards – to a solid church youth group and new friends, to an understanding of the work of the Holy Spirit, to baptism. To here! My mother did pass away – but she was at peace - with no pain - surrounded by all her friends and family – just how she wanted it to be. That girl who had walked up to the microphone at University – – well I ended up marrying her. We have three beautiful children and have been married for close to 23 years. ♦
Dr John Carrigy
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SOUL
DANNY SILK
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PP aa rr ee nn tt ii nn gg ff rr oo m m tt hh ee H H ee aa rr tt An Interview With Author And Speaker Danny Silk
Words: Candice Schmidt Photography: Natasha Smith NSP Studio Photography
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t was with great excitement that I had the opportunity to interview Danny Silk for the September issue of Indulge. He is a personable man who is warm and engaging. He was very generous with his time and the three of us in the Indulge team did not want the interview to end as he was great to listen to and we gleaned so much insight from him. I first heard Danny speak a couple of years ago and I particularly love his book and CD series Loving your Kids on Purpose and A Culture of Honour. He provides great wisdom in the areas of Parenting, Relationships, Communication, Community and understanding the heart of God. I have directly benefited in my personal journey as a woman, wife and mother from his teaching. Danny and his wife Sheri serve on the Senior Management Team at Bethel Church in Redding,
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California. Danny is the director of Global Transformation Institute and oversees the Bethel Staff development. They are the founders of Loving On Purpose Educational Services (www. lovingonpurpose.com), a ministry to families and communities worldwide. They have been married for over 26 years, and have three children and two grandchildren. We hope you glean as much as we did from our time with Danny. When did you become a Christian and can you share your testimony with us briefly? I got saved when I was 21 years old, in the early 1980’s. I was raised in a non-Christian environment by a single mom from the age of five. I have a younger brother who is four years younger than me. I was 16 and working with Kris Vallotton, so that’s
how long we’ve been running together and he starts bugging me about this guy named Jesus. I didn’t have any intention of abandoning a life of, you know, smoking pot and selling pot and partying. I had a pretty un-Christian life for a lot of those early years. Then when I was 21 I got saved! Kris and Bill (Johnson) were both there that Sunday morning when I went to church and they prayed the (salvation) prayer with me. Since then it’s been such an adventure of purpose and destiny and challenge to learn a new life, a new culture, a new everything. I understand you have been married 27 years, how did you meet your wife Sheri? I met my wife at church but I knew her growing up, meaning she was in the same elementary and high school as me, but her family had a bunch of money and my family didn’t, so even in a small town of 3500 people, we were never around each other. Then about a year after we got saved – we got saved within a month of each other – we got married. Within another year we had a baby; within another year we left Weaverville (California) and went to Redding (California). I started college. After nine years of education and the professional track, Bill Johnson called and said, “Hey, will you come and be my Associate Pastor?” So we left to go back to Weaverville. We were there for a month when Bill announced that he would be leaving. He left and we were there for six years as Senior Pastors. We had a great leadership team and we thought we were going to live there forever and get really old in Weaverville. Then Bill called and said, “Hey, I need your help down here” and so we moved again - in 2001 to Redding and we’ve been there ever since. Your book, Loving Our Kids On Purpose places value on the relationship we have with our kids, teaching them personal responsibility and parenting out of love and freedom rather than fear. Some of the thoughts are markedly opposite from other Christian parenting resources that focus on
obedience and compliance to bring a child’s will into submission to the parent. How did this revelation come about for you? It primarily started with trying to find a remedy for foster parents who couldn’t use corporal punishment on foster children. In the United States, if the court gains jurisdiction over somebody else’s children and places them in the care and custody of a foster parent, that foster parent cannot hit those children. So we have a problem because we have a Christian agency that can’t use their ‘favourite’ tool. It was a dilemma; I myself didn’t know what to do. I had a child and I had a wooden spoon, and if my daughter didn’t do what I told her to do I would threaten her into complete surrender. Love and logic was something that initially inspired me and I began to teach love and logic, not just to the foster parents, but also to various school districts to help the parents learn some other skills in disciplining children. Indulge | August/September 2012 | 33
Then I began to realise… wait a second… this is very much the way my (Heavenly) Father disciplines me. This is all happening from the inside out. I get away with stuff all the time – I don’t get smacked down; He hasn’t got his finger in my face; He’s not screaming at me; He’s not taking all my privileges away; He didn’t flatten all four tyres because I didn’t read my Bible. Wait a second – I’m not being governed from the outside, this is happening from the inside or it’s not happening at all. That revelation also began to connect the dots for me that we need to help our children learn to manage their freedom because the Kingdom of Heaven is a place of freedom, not a place of dominance and control. When we spend so much time trying to convince our kids that somebody else can control them, they start shifting responsibility in their life to someone else to try to control them and what they need is that internal voice that steers them through their choices. For a parent who has a broken relationship with their child, possibly through a history of being very harsh with their child, what advice would you give to help them start reconnecting with their child’s heart? I think a really great tool is Gary Chapman’s Love Languages. Lots of folks have heard about it; lots of people have been exposed to it; but it’s so practical and it’s so helpful to communicate that ‘what you need is valuable to me’ sentiment, and in that process, when I send you ‘I love you very much’ the way you need to hear it, your anxiety drops. The feeling of care is experienced and you feel valued and you’re going to value this relational connection. Anytime you feel loved by somebody or your anxiety is reduced , your value for that relationship goes up. A lot of parents are more interested in getting obedience and compliance, so any tools that you can find that help reduce the anxiety and increase the experience of care and connection, that’s what you want to introduce… So if we’re going to repair a relationship, I have to figure out how you hear “I love you” and set my attention on meeting you that way. If I’m going to 34 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
strengthen it, then I may take time and adjust myself to speak your language, not speak mine. In western society there is an undertone of disrespect between children and adults. What can we do as parents to resist that cultural influence in our homes? Be respectful. I think culture in any family starts at the leader level, so when parents justify being disrespectful by taking all the control, by being out of control, by blaming the kids for the way they’re being treated, by justifying not paying attention to the connection, it’s just about getting the job done. When we stop justifying being disrespectful, we can then confront disrespect when it happens. But if I’m half and half or I’m leading in disrespect and then when I feel like it I turn around and go, “Don’t talk like that! You be nice to your sister” then the kids are like, “I’m not sure what’s going on with you right now, but you’re not even respectful in this family, so why would I have to be?” If I take the home disrespect out and manage the entertainment disrespect, I can’t do much about the school, but really my child’s expectation of the quality of their relationships is different so when they’re around disrespectful friends, they’re repelled by that because it’s not a familiar, normal culture. I think parents have to take the lead in cultivating respect by being honouring and respectful to their kids. You share the concept of teaching children through choices and consequences so they will learn to control themselves and make good choices in any situation, in or outside of the home. How do parents decide what is an appropriate consequence for a bad choice? Can you offer guidelines? I think that consequences have to be tied to the issue at hand, the problem. So if you’re disrespectful and I take your toys away, there’s no real connection there. Other than “I have the power to take your toys away – don’t anger me”. It’s much more important to address the relational experience of disrespect; the relational experience of lying; the relational experience of irresponsibility. Otherwise it’s really an attempt for me to feel powerful, because I felt so
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“Refuse to live a powerless life...�
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”
powerless when you did that thing – making you do something you really don’t want to do, makes me feels powerful. We call that a consequence but it’s usually just punishment. The big problem is that we never deal with the relational mess. So that if you lie to me, smacking you, washing your mouth out with soap, grounding you, whatever– is not at all related to the effects of lying. The effects of lying are you lose trust. So if you’re going to lie to me, I want the consequence to be displayed in me losing trust of you. So if I have an eight year old who is having a problem lying, one of the ways I can communicate with them how important it is that they have trust is that I remove the trust. So when I leave the room I say, “Eight year old, come with me.” Say “I don’t know what you’re going to do and if something happens I don’t want to have to believe you so come with me.” So they’re following me and I’m doing the dishes and I say, “you can sit on this chair or you can sit on that chair”. Then, “I have to go and do the laundry now, so come with me”. So they are my shadow just following me around because ‘I cannot trust you, so therefore I cannot depend on you telling me what happened that I didn’t see. So come with me.’ So everywhere you go, the child’s just (tagging along). Pick a day when you can do this, pick a Saturday. Towards the end of the afternoon or evening I might say, “Hey, I have to go to the other room. Is it going to be alright to leave you here? Or do you need to come with me?” And I begin to give them back their unsupervised time. The child learns that the consequence of lying to me is tied to what happens to our relationship when they lie to me. You decide if you want to keep lying, but this is the consequence. The consequence is directly tied to what happens when you lose my trust. Sometimes how we describe this is like if we have a dog, the dog comes in and makes a mess on the carpet and what would it be like if we grabbed the dog, smacked the dog, threw the dog outside, but we leave the mess there? That seems to be what we’re happy to do with our children – if our child does something that creates a mess in our relationship with disrespect, irresponsibility, or breaks relationship, we punish the child but we leave the mess there. So you want to make sure that the lesson for the child is ‘you’ll have to clean up your mess – if
you make one’. I can’t clean up your mess. So if you lose trust, if you break our relationship, if you injure someone in our family, you injure a relationship and that’s the biggest problem in the world – we’ll be stopping your entire world to go back and clean up that mess. Two things; one is I need you to be equipped with the skills to clean up relational messes, and two: if you have a cycle of behaviour that keeps leading you to the same mess, if you don’t clean up your messes, eventually this turns to shame. Then you begin to identify who you are with the messes in your life. So now, you aren’t disrespectful, you’re a disrespectful kid. You didn’t fail to be responsible, you’re an irresponsible person.’ You present great scenarios for teaching kids through choices and consequences. Would there be a context where smacking could be a suitable consequence? Sure... smacking is a tool, it is one of the options we can use. If you’re smacking your child all the time, then it’s not working. If you’re raising your voice at your kid all the time, it’s not working. If your kid’s in time-out all day, everyday, it’s not working. You have to be able to find the tool and the intervention that has the effect that you’re after.
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Smacking is never my intent to control my child. If I do that, then it just reinforces the lie that I can control my child. And you can’t. You can’t control this person – this is a human being and that’s why it’s so important that I teach them to control themselves. So a smack would be introduced when a toddler or a child is out of control of himself or herself. Now the introduction of a smack is “Do you want to control yourself, or do you want my help right now?” So I’m going to go (smack), and I’m going to whisper in their ear and say, “Is that enough, or do you need another?” and they will say, “that’s enough”. Success! This child can think and make decisions again – that’s what I’m trying to get them back to, because if they can’t make any choices, that child needs a ‘pat’; not “Knock it off! I’ll keep hitting you until you absolutely surrender to me”. No – that’s not what smacking is about. Smacking is really about “Can you think?” and that child is, generally after one smack, “Yeah…I got it”.
responsibility for the quality of your life and the decisions you make so that you can say, “I am about my Father’s business”. I think the greatest gift you can give to God is your life, but if you don’t have it then you can’t give it. So when you make excuses to be a powerless person and you blame others for what is going on in your life, you don’t have it to give. Your kids have it, or your work has it. There are lots of things that we think control our life, but it puts us in a situation where you can’t offer up your life as a sacrifice because you don’t have it. So refuse to live a powerless life and take full responsibility for your life, for you. ♦
In a culture where dads often struggle and there is a lack of positive role models, what thoughts or words of encouragement could you offer to dads in the vital role they play in the life of their kids? I think that in order for dads to be healthy dads, they need to be healthy sons. They need a father. Whether they have a natural father or not, they need a relationship with some other powerful male so that they can draw a template of what it looks like to offer a healthy love covering affection to a family. A lot of guys grew up without a dad and end up being a dad and so they just end up ‘making it up’ and this leads to a lot of mistakes. A father first has to be vulnerable, trusting, adoring, and loving of someone else to wear an understanding of what it feels like to be that child. I would encourage guys to learn to be a son in their experience to become a great father.
Giveaway
Danny Silk has many great resources available to people and we would love to giveaway a copy of his book Loving Our Kids On Purpose to two of our readers.
Our readers are mainly women and mums and our magazine desires to inspire and resource women spirit, soul and body. As a final question, what words of encouragement or advice do you think would be beneficial to our readers?
To enter send us an email at info@indulgemagazine.com.au and tell us why you would enjoy reading Danny’s book. Emails should be received by 5pm (AEST) Friday 31 August 2012. Winners will be contacted by email early September.
Refuse to live a powerless life. Refuse to be a victim (of circumstances) and make excuses. Learn to take
For more of Danny’s resources you can visit www.lovingonpurpose.com
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w: b: m:
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www.nspstudio.com.au http://blog.nspstudio.com.au 0431 882 123
LOVE. GLAMOUR. SOUL.
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Words: Nicky Hurle Image: Dryicons
The Five Love Languages I
love my husband! That might not come as a shock to you, but after nearly thirty years of marriage, I can honestly say I love him just as much if not more than I did when I first met him in Year Eight. Aw shucks ... I hear you say ... childhood sweethearts! Yes... that’s when we first met and started going out, and here we are all these years later, still together and sane... well almost! David is the kind of man who will get up on a Saturday morning and put on a load of washing, do the dishes, make me a coffee and then settle down on the couch with a book. He helps me fold clothes from the drier; he irons his own shirts and brings me my pills when he takes his own. Since we have been married, whoever gets to the bathroom first in the morning and the evening puts toothpaste on both brushes, just
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a little message everyday that says I know you are here and I love you. He kisses me before he leaves for work in the morning and again when he returns home in the evening. He phones me at least once a day to find out how my day is going and he likes to wander around the mall with me on our weekends off. Oh... did I mention that he is NOT AVAILABLE! Sorry ladies, but this one is well and truly taken. Our relationship is on an even keel most of the time and we rarely fight over anything... although people who observe us might think we squabble a bit, it is never more than superficial and we don’t let the sun go down on an argument. It’s just our way and has served us well for 30 years, and kept our communication lines open and effective. We both give as good as we get in the
teasing department and we know how to laugh with each other. That is not to say that we have had the perfect and idyllic life with no stress or heartache. We were both affected deeply when we found out that we could not have children, and that still leaves a lasting scar as we head into our later middle age. David would have been an awesome father and I am sad still that he has never had the chance to nurture and raise a child of his own. In our lives together we have always been surrounded by young people, whether through my career of teaching, church youth groups and home groups, livein honorary sons and daughters, or our current job at the AIS looking after young, developing athletes who live on site. One of the major influences on our lives and how we relate to one another was our discovery of the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Published in 1992, with over 7 million copies sold, it details the way in which people “express and interpret love.” Chapman noticed a pattern in his 25 years of marriage counselling and realised that, “Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.” In reading this book and identifying for ourselves the love languages that we were most closely aligned with, made a huge difference in the way that we were able to show and ‘prove’ our love for one another. In receiving, David is a ‘Words of Affirmation’ man... he needs to hear the words and sentiments that let him know he is of value and loved; not in a sappy needy way, but in the way any wife who honours her husband would speak to him. In giving, he is especially good at Acts of Service as you can see above, and even the little things let me know that he loves me. My receiving language is Acts of Service so we are ideally suited on that level, but my giving language is Giving Gifts, and it has taken a little while for me to get my head around the fact that because his is Words of Affirmation, the way to fill his love tank is not to give him presents (although he does like getting them) but to use the words that lift, encourage, and
affirm him. When the person you love has a different language of reception than that of your giving, some adjustment is necessary and although it may take a little time to get it right, it is worth it. I know, and it has been brought to my attention on many occasions, that I can be quite tactless and blunt at times, so learning how to make Words of Affirmation work in our relationship has taken some time and some effort on my part to think before I speak. But it has been so worth the endeavour. So this issue, I want to encourage you to get hold of a copy of “The 5 Love Languages” and have a good read. Identify for yourself the ones that make sense in your life and relationships, and then focus on the man in your life. What could you do this Father’s Day that might make it stand out from the rest? Or what could you plan for your husband or partner that will really speak volumes about your love for him? What really is the way to his ‘heart?’ Physical Touch? Quality Time? Then move on to your significant others... your kids, parents, friends and acquaintances. You will be amazed at the way in which something so simple can have a profound effect not only on those around you, but also upon yourself. The books are available from Koorong, or directly from www.5lovelanguages.com Happy reading!
Nicky is a talented and passionate educator who has taught in both Primary and Secondary school in a career that is a vocational calling. She has a Biblical Diploma and a recently completed Masters in Gifted Education. Her involvement with young people spans more than twenty years in various roles including youth leader and mentor. Nicky is currently a House Parent at the Australian Institute of Sport in Canberra where, with her husband David, she is responsible for looking after the welfare of residential athletes. She is presently writing her first novel and loves reading, movies and music.
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BODY
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The T-Shirt is the quintessential fashion item for any male! In honour of our issue devoted to men we have found two fresh and innovative clothing companies, Wear n Him and Maverick Culture that have wonderful t-shirt designs available for the men in your life.
Love Tanya xx
Fashion Editor: Tanya Epis Model: Ricky Dobrin Photography: NSP Studio Photography T-Shirt designs by: Wear n Him www.wearnhim.com.au Maverick Culture www.facebook.com/MaverickCulture
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Giveaway Wear n Him are offering six t-shirts as a giveaway this month! To enter: Send an email to info@indulgemagazine.com.au with two of the t-shirt design names shown in this issue of Indulge by 5pm (AEST) Friday 31 August 2012. [Check out www.wearnhim.com.au for the answers]
Winners will be contacted by email in early September. 50 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
Model: Ricky Dobrin Photography: NSP Studio Photography T-Shirt designs by Wear n Him www.wearnhim.com.au
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To Dad With K Handmade Love...
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have a book of beautiful hand-made paper with a cover made from timber in which I write the sweet and funny things my kids, my husband and I say to each other. I use my best handwriting, definitely not my grocery list handwriting, because the words of this book mean so much to us as we revisit them.
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As Father’s Day approaches, my daughters and I decided to choose a quote about their Father from our precious book and make a collage of the words for a display in our home.
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It’s so simple and only costs as much as the frame you put your finished product in. I found an old glossy magazine and we simply cut out the letters we needed to make up the phrase we had in mind. We wanted it to be a bit rough around the edges, we weren’t looking for computer-generated perfection, but something made by hand.
Fun craft to make for Father’s Day
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Our choice of quote was by my daughter Sabine, when at age three, was quizzed about what she wanted to be when she was a grown-up. Can’t wait to remind her about this one when she leaves home. Enjoying making great memories this Father’s Day! Love Davina
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Davina Bartels is married to Nick, and they have been married for 14 years, and have three beautiful little children, Natasha, Sabine and Jonathan, who keep her very busy. Davina works part-time as an Auditor, and in her personal time she enjoys the arts, theatre, restaurants, reading and film. Davina loves being creative, making things and up-styling to create something interesting and beautiful. Davina has her own label of children’s clothing and fashion accessories called Luka and Ludivine www.facebook.com/LukaandLudivine
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Words: Dr Cris Beer Photography: istock
Helping Your Husband To Be Healthy 54 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
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t is certainly alarming when we look at the statistics. Men are particularly prone to diseases like heart disease, strokes, and bowel cancer at a much younger age than women1,2. Due to this reason, women live on average five years longer than men in Australia. Statistics also tell us that over two-thirds of men in Australia are overweight or obese3. This is frightening given that just 60 years ago this figure was half this number3. Studies have also shown that men that are less healthy and/or have suffered a major health crisis may be more prone to depression4,5. So what’s happening to our men? Why are they dying sooner from largely preventable diseases and why are their waistlines slowly expanding to that infamous ‘Aussie Beer-Belly’. Finally, how can we help them be healthier and happier? I remember looking into this a few years ago and was surprised to find that it appears to be a lot easier for a man to change his health-related behaviours than a woman. After all, a man is generally less emotionallyattached to food than a woman (if you’ve ever tried to
give up eating chocolate you know this to be true!). Frustratingly they also are able to lose weight at a faster rate than us due to higher muscle mass. So why the disparity in healthiness between men and women given these considerations? In my practice I have identified a few common themes as to why men are generally less healthy than women: ♦Lack of perceived time due to work commitments to exercise and eat healthy meals. ♦Stigma associated with eating healthy options in peer circles e.g. perception that it is ‘less manly to eat a salad sandwich than a meat pie for lunch’. ♦Lack of conviction that they need to change i.e. they often don’t see that anything is wrong with the way they are living. (Conversely a woman usually lacks the confidence to change rather than the conviction i.e. we don’t feel we can change but know that we should). So why is it our responsibility to be part of the solution to this issue? Well, women are often the gate-keepers to the health of their families. I once heard a middle-aged husband turn to his wife in a consultation and say, “She’s the reason I’m fat.” Now although in my opinion this is little harsh and certainly abdication of his personal responsibility, it is somewhat indicative of the general influence women have over their husband’s lifestyle habits. We have incredible sway when it comes to the choices hubby makes; whether this be diet, exercise, rest and relaxation, alcohol consumption, or smoking cessation. So what are some tips for helping hubby to be healthier? ♦Firstly, always encourage rather than criticise. I learnt this the hard way. I used to pick on every detail of my husband’s diet. So much so that he started to secretly eat ‘junk food’ on the way home from work and hide the wrappers. The more I pushed, the stronger he turned from my advice. Real change occurred when I learned to encourage and praise his positive efforts and learned to overlook his bad habits. As it turns out, he is now the one who encourages me in regards to healthy living and has even become a semi-professional athlete (of course, natural talent had something to do with this)!
♦Identify if hubby is willing and ready to change an unhealthy behaviour. There is no point encouraging your husband to change a habit that he is not ready to change. The best option in this case is to lead by example. Even the bible mentions that we are to win our husbands over by example rather than words (1 Peter 3:1). ♦Provide a positive environment for change. There is nothing harder than trying to stop smoking for example in a house full of smokers. The same is true of healthy eating. The best assistance we can provide our men is to make his new healthy habit(s) as easy as possible to sustain. This might be achieved, for example, by keeping ‘junk food’ out of the house or at the least keeping this out of sight in the cupboard/ fridge. Hopefully by following these simple tips it might just mean that our husbands start being positive rolemodels in turn for other men in their lives. We never know this might just start a ‘Beer-Belly Busting’ revolution. 1 Better Health Channel – Men’s Health http://www.betterhealth.vic. gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/men’s_health?open 2 Australian Bureau of Statistics – Men’s Health http://www.abs.gov. au/AUSSTATS/abs@.nsf/Lookup/4102.0Main+Features30Jun+2010 3 Australian Government Department of Health & Ageing – Promoting Healthy Weight http://www.abs.gov.au/AUSSTATS/abs@. nsf/Lookup/4102.0Main+Features30Jun+2010 4 Better Health Channel - Depression in Men http://www.betterhealth. vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Depression_in_men 5 Beyond Blue – Depression a Major Risk Factor for Heart Disease http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=59.1013
Dr Cris MBBS (hons), BBMedSci, ACNEM Primary Course, P.T. As an expert in nutritional medicine Dr Cris specialises not just in the prevention and treatment of illnesses, but in the attaining of optimum health. She believes that this state is achievable for anyone and passionately shares this message as a media personality. Dr Cris believes a person can develop resistance to illnesses by employing simple strategies. Dr Cris has compiled these simple strategies from her broad studies in medicine, biomedical science, integrative and nutritional medicine, health coaching, as well as personal fitness training. She holds recognised qualifications in all these areas. For more information visit www.drcris.com.au
Indulge | August/September 2012 | 55
Treat Dad to Something Special this
Angela Frost Food Editor
Father’s Day 56 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
Oven Baked Chicken Parmigana Serves 4 | Prep 20 min | Cook 25 min
4 chicken breasts - pounded to one inch thick 1 egg 1 1/2 cups buttermilk 1 pkt Panko bread crumbs (Japanese bread crumbs) Olive oil to drizzle 1 jar of good quality thick pasta sauce 100g grated cheese 150g shaved ham Preheat oven to 200째C (Oven must be very hot). Whisk egg and buttermilk in a bowl. Dip chicken into egg mixture, then coat the chicken in breadcrumbs. Place chicken onto a lined baking tray. Season with salt and pepper and drizzle with oil. Bake for 10 minutes each side until golden. Remove from oven and spread each breast with ham, pasta sauce and cheese. Return to the oven for five minutes until cheese is melted and golden. Serve with a salad and maybe some home baked chips just for Dad xx.
Minted Glazed Lamb Shanks
Serves 4 | Prep 10 minutes | Cook 2 hours | Marinate at least 1 hour
4 lamb shanks 1/4 cup thick mint sauce 1/4 cup honey 2 garlic cloves - crushed 2 tbsp soy sauce 2 tbsp brown sugar Preheat oven to 170째C. Place all glaze ingredients in a jar and shake well. Place lamb shanks in a baking dish and pour over glaze, marinate for at least 1 hour. Place lamb shanks on a lined baking dish and cover with foil so they are completely sealed. Keep remaining glaze. Cook for 1 1/2 hours. Uncover shanks and pour over remaining glaze. Return to oven for a further 30 minutes, uncovered until tender. Serve with creamy mashed potatoes and minted peas. Indulge | August/September 2012 | 57
Tiramisu Torte with cherries and mascarpone coffee cream Serves 12 - 15 | Prep 30 min | Cook 25 min
Cake ingredients: 300g butter at room temp 1 3/4 cups self raising flour (260g) 1 1/2 tsp baking powder 1 1/3 cups caster sugar (295g) 6 eggs 1/4 cups cocoa (25g) 1 tbsp coffee essence 2 tbsp instant coffee dissolved in 1 tbsp boiling water 1 large jar of pitted cherries- drained- reserve some juice 80 mls Tia Maria or the cherry juice can be used 50g dark chocolate, grated to decorate 58 | www.indulgemagazine.com.au
Mascarpone coffee cream filling: 250g mascarpone 600g thickened cream 1-2 tbsp coffee essence Preheat oven to 180째c . Grease and line bases of two 20 cm round cake pans. Process cake ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Divide mixture between two pans and bake for 25 min until springy to touch. Cool in pans for five minutes. Turn onto wire racks until cold. Cut cakes in half crossways. Brush over cut sides of the cake with cherry juice or Tia Maria. To make filling, lightly beat mascarpone and coffee essence then add cream and beat till mixture thickens. Sandwich cake layers with mascarpone filling and pitted cherries, leaving enough for top of the cake. scatter with grated or curled chocolate and cherries.