Impact Magazine - Issue 181 - Apr 07

*NQBDU issue 181 april ‘07

the women’s issue IMPACT SIDES WITH THE FAIRER SEX

feminism

TAKE THE POWER BACK

on the ball

NOTTINGHAM’S SPORTING HEROINES

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15 18 feminism 20 21 kinky 22

prostitution

lads’ mags

Contents Contents Contents Contents Contents Contents Contents Contents Contents Contents Contents

contents

no conviction

06

impactnottingham.com/news

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karni kollects kontroversy by owen bennett Karnival, the University of Nottingham’s official RAG organisation, celebrated a record-breaking end to 2006 by raising £667,285.98 for charity, the highest amount in its history. It also scooped two gongs at the National RAG Awards, one for former Director Dave Willey (Mr RAG Award), as well Best Large RAG Award, a title it held on to having won it the previous year.

Gerald Bates, the outgoing Director of Karnival, was quick to heap praise on all those who became involved in Karni in 2006, saying: “On behalf of the thousands of individuals who will benefit from our fundraising, I would like to pass on my sincerest thanks and congratulations to every student who has involved themselves in Karnival this year.” Bates went on to say: “This is a marvellous achievement for both Karnival and the Students’ Union as a whole. It’s very easy to stigmatise students as apathetic, but ultimately the efforts of the thousands of students who have been involved in Karnival 2006 show a far more proactive and altruistic nature to the rest of the student body.”

Karni’s fundraising techniques included the infamous ‘RAG-Raids’, which raised a record £313,545.58 in 2006. They also put on events

such as 5-go-dating and the 7 legged barcrawl. As a result, charities such as Marie Curie Cancer Care, the Anthony Nolan Bone Marrow Trust, the NSPCC and the British Legion all received money. In fact, Karni donated more money from street collecting to the British Legion than any other fundraising organization, some £60,390.89.

However, there has been slight concern expressed by some over the decision to appoint all male Karni reps in Rutland Hall, the current champions of Karni. Rutland Hall has never had a female Karni rep in its history, something which meant that a member from the SU Exec was present at the application process this year in order to make sure the system for appointing reps was fair.

Gerald Bates defended the appointments, saying: “Rutland Karni reps advertised everywhere round hall for applicants, and received between 9-12 applications…the

ark gets good by tim barwell

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In February, plans for a near £1m redevelopment of the Ark for September 2007 were finally given the go ahead. The plan is to expand the current bar, creating two separate venues. The Ark, as it currently stands, will be turned into a night time venue for Friday and Saturday nights, with the opportunity for clubs or societies to book it out during the week for free. There will also be a move into A23, situated at the base of the Portland building, adjacent to the Ark. This new space will be used as a day time venue where students can go to relax, grab a drink and a bite to eat, of a similar atmosphere to a JD Wetherspoon pub.

Finally, there will be an external patio for a beer terrace, to meet the demand for outdoor drinking in the summer.

A central point to the SU’s argument to the University’s Space Management Committee

was that the Ark was configured to its current outline in the 1960s and has not grown since then to meet the significant expansion in student numbers. The aim according to SU President Dave Willey is to offer “a bright new facility that people want to use. The venue as has not been fit for purpose as it is.

It needed investment. The working group created for this project did some thorough market research to find out exactly what students want and we have come up with a relatively flexible business plan.”

In addition, the renovation offers exciting new opportunities to the Students’ Union. On the events side there are opportunities to have more performances. The creation of a separate evening venue will hopefully attract more artists, bands and specialist DJs, as well as more student employment. The project will cost around £900,000. Half of this will come from Student Union reserves, with the University putting up the other half. Work will begin in A23 shortly, though the Ark will remain unchanged

process is not discriminatory.” He went on to say that the Warden of Rutland Hall was also “quite heavily involved” in the process. However, the head of the Women’s Association, Teodora Todorova, said that whilst she has no doubt that the best candidates were chosen, she is worried about the welfare issue: “If you go out in a club, and a female fresher gets ill, can any of the male reps go into the toilet to see if she’s ok?” However, Bates expressed his frustration that the issue of the Rutland reps is being raised, telling Impact: “I am confused and disappointed that you are running this. Is it ideal that Rutland has never had a female Karni rep? No, it isn’t, but I would rather you reflected on the positive things.

Karni is on a pedestal and gets knocked for it.”

He went on to say that he does not believe that a female Karni rep should have been appointed just for the sake of it: “Positive discrimination is no better than negative discrimination, it is still discrimination.”

until the end of the current academic year, as the bulk of the work there will be done over the summer holidays.

Queried as to whether he was worried second and third year students might not be swayed into coming onto campus for a weekend night despite the renovations, Willey was honest in his assessment: “We don’t want to compete with town, we are realistic to understand that we can’t do that. We just want to provide a venue for those who want to stay on campus on a weekend night.” One mustn’t underestimate this achievement for Willey and co. This project has long been proposed by recent SU Execs without success, however on this occasion both the Space Management Committee and the Management Board accepted the development plans put forward to them. Willey was clearly proud of the achievement: “It’s a nice legacy to leave behind. Our year have achieved something that others haven’t. It’s a good feeling to deliver what we promised to our students.”

by tim barwell A newly formed group at Nottingham University has been the subject of recent controversy. The Men’s Campaign has provoked fears that it formed merely out of spite at the formation of the Students’ Union’s Women’s Campaign.

Some posts on a Facebook group’s wall for the campaign would suggest that the group was created simply to annoy members of the alternative women’s group. However, the new organisation does appear to have raised awareness of significant issues that directly affect men. Figures highlighted include the

fact that male suicide is four times more likely than women. Moreover, 90% of the prison population is male, and the majority of alcohol and drugs misuse also seems to be a male problem.

proceedings.” Although the numbers of students with wives or children is negligible, it nevertheless maintains that it is fully serious and committed to the cause of equal representation. Time will tell just how seriously the Men’s Campaign is taken.

The group claims that it seeks to help men involved in such issues, whilst also declaring that it also wished to work with, not against the Women’s Campaign. The founder, SU Exec Intersite Officer Ed Keene, said: “If a gender based representation is on university campus, there needs to be equitable representation for both genders, both women and men, and so there needs to be representation for men.” However, the group has attracted fierce controversy with some of the points it seeks to raise awareness of, found on its Facebook page. One such point it aims to address is: “The false claims of domestic violence or child sexual abuse put forth by some women during divorce

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serious or spite?

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be there or be square!

Nottingham City Council has planned a grand two-week extravaganza to celebrate the completion of the ‘Old Market Square.’ The six million pound project has been worked on for 18 months, and it appears that the finishing touches are finally being made to the magic numbers bringing their own brand of tack

the plaza. The events programme begins on Thursday 22nd March with a lion-themed show, followed by weekend celebrations that have been merged with the marking of the Bicentenary of the abolition of the Slave Trade Act. The High Commissioner for Jamaica, Mr Burchell Whiteman OJ and the Bishop of Kingston, The Right Reverend Robert

Thompson, will be spending the weekend in Nottingham for the commemorations.

A representative from Nottingham City Council explained that the celebrations will be similar to that of the opening of the Commonwealth games, with a real emphasis upon community as 1500 people are expected to partake in the opening lantern parades. With a pyrotechnic display, fireworks and live music commencing the theatrical spectacular on the 24th March, it certainly seems like there has been no expense spared for the opening celebrations of the Square.

Furthermore, the following weekend promises a live music festival with a line-up that has the Magic Numbers and Just Jack headlining on the Saturday night. A competition run by BBC Radio Nottingham is also taking place to find new talent to perform on the Sunday and bands are being encouraged to enter for the opportunity to play on the stage.

The work on the square has certainly been a complex process, with stones imported from Donegal and China not available for delivery until January, delaying completion.

The architects Gustafson Porter also decided to import specially selected trees such as Ginkgo Biloba, which are native to China, and American Pine Oaks to add an ‘air of tranquillity’ to the square. However, with the nature of the festivities planned, it appears that for the time being, the space will be anything but tranquil.

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by emily grosvenor -taylor

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anderson resigns amidst storm of controversy by jessica elgot SU Exec Representational Associations Officer Vala Anderson has resigned from her position, citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ with SU Exec Equal Opportunities Officer Matt Gayle. Her resignation comes as a shock to those close to the Exec, many of whom expected Anderson to run for SU President in the upcoming elections.

Anderson claimed that relations between the two had become so strained she was unable to do her job, which required her to work closely with Gayle. Anderson told Impact: “There’s a job to be done and I can’t do it - it’s very unfortunate that it

has come to this.” Gayle told Impact he believed Anderson’s reasons for her resignation were either academic, or a possible attempt to cause trouble for the SU Exec, something that both Anderson and SU President Dave Willey staunchly deny.

Anderson won by the largest majority in the 2006-7 SU Exec elections out of any contested position, and has a reputation for speaking her mind at SU Council meetings and Exec meetings over issues she felt vala resigned she had made a strong this month commitment to in her manifesto. One of her major victories was recently securing the rights for the Womens’ Campaign to become an Association and gain a vote on Council, and many heads of associations expressed regret at her departure.

Anderson had been intending to resign since Christmas but had been persuaded to

stay after mediated discussions were held between Anderson, Gayle and Willey to sort out any differences between the two officers, discussions which ultimately failed. Willey told Impact: “We tried everything we could to persuade her to stay, and it’s really disappointing she felt she couldn’t. It’s obviously a flaw within the Union system that we couldn’t resolve these differences.” Willey went on to stress that the split had been amicable, and there were no remaining ill-feelings, professional or personal, between Anderson and the rest of the SU Exec.

It is as of yet undecided what will become of Anderson’s position in the SU and whether or not a by-election will be held, at a time when the Exec are already rushed off their feet with the 2007-8 Exec elections drawing ever closer. Anderson promised in her letter of resignation to write an informed handover for the position and it is likely that the role will be shared between the Associations Committee and other members of the SU Exec. Anderson has also offered to be available for consultation for any ongoing issues, although it is not known yet whether the SU Exec will take her up on this proposal.

higher fees money for nothing? = lower costs? byowenbennett by tim barwell The cost of attending university has fallen in the last twelve months, despite the introduction of top-up fees. According to PriceWaterhouseCoopers, the cost dropped after top-up fees were introduced for the academic year beginning 2006.

Even though tuition fees tripled to over £3000, factors such as government grants, bursaries, low interest rates and long repayments mean that the net cost to students is in fact lower.

This will be great news to Tony Blair after student numbers dropped in 2005-6.

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The survey also showed that medicine graduates earn on average £340,000 gross extra over a lifetime than the average Briton, whereas those from the arts subjects are looking at £34,000. However, with banks estimating that by 2009, the average student will leave university with debt of around £30,000, for many it seems hard to accept such surveys as realistic.

Vice Chancellor of The University of Nottingham Sir Colin Campbell has described the past year as a “remarkable year in the university’s history,” despite an operating deficit of £8 million and a fall in the number of home undergraduate students.

The operation deficit of £8 million is actually an increase of £2 million from the previous 12 months. The University’s treasurer, Nazim A Karimjee, explained that the deficit “is as planned and arises from continued revenue investment into high quality academic and research staff and the related infrastructure.”

The University’s annual financial statement, which is published at the end of the year, looks at the actions of the University from the previous August to July.

In the most recent publication it is revealed that Nottingham University owns only 37.5% of the University of Nottingham in China and only 29.1% of the Malaysian equivalent, despite a combined investment of £8.7m.

Indeed, investment in staff wages is certainly on the increase. The highest paid member of staff at the University now earns between £240-249,000 per annum, a potential increase of £19,000 from the previous year. Indeed, the number of staff on £80-89,999 has nearly trebled from 13 in 2004-05, to 36 in 2005-06, with 73 people taking home a cool £70-79,999, compared to just 32 in 2003.

by tim barwell The University of Nottingham has endorsed a series of proposals aimed at restructuring the academic year from September 2007. As a result of increasing claims that the summer exam period is too congested, the University will remove one of the revision weeks in January and reinsert it in the summer.

The aim of this alteration is to relieve exam stress, which is perceived to be far greater in the summer term. According to the move, it is inconsistent that most courses have more exams in summer, but more revision time in January under the current timetable. It is this fact which led the university to accept the need for the change.

However, Students’ Union Education Officer Benedict Pringle feels the changes are insufficient and counter productive, as they make the January exams more stressful. In addition to this, critics argue that many students have jobs at home over Christmas to fund the expensive time of the year - these students will be put at a greater disadvantage under the new proposals due to the stress from having a shorter time to revise.

The fear is that students will feel hindered, with no break from study. Pringle also noted that this was probably the best possible all-round solution until further changes are implemented; a week being taken out of the summer holidays for example. Students also had mixed reactions at hearing of the news.

David McNally, a third year undergraduate read-

applications increase by tim barwell Applications to study at Nottingham University are on the up. Official UCAS figures indicate that there were 38,000 (6.1%) more applicants this year. The increased attractiveness to Nottingham was mirrored around the UK with an overall increase of 6.4% to universities and colleges.

This comes after a drop of 3% last year as topup fees were introduced, although this change was widely predicted - many students decided against taking gap years in 2005 to avoid the introduction in top up fees. However, the figures

also reveal an increased take up in vocational courses, suggesting that students are thinking more carefully about what degree course will give them the greatest return on their money post-graduation.

There has also been a huge increase in the popularity of career based degrees, with business studies applicants increasing by 25%, and tourism, transport and travel growing by 30%. Traditional courses such as Maths, English and the sciences also increased on the 2005 figures. However, some courses, such as Archaeology and Astronomy, declined.

Other trends included more women applying

jimmy did not take the news well ing Mathematical Physics, said: “This will just make Christmas more stressful. Many students have a lot of exams in January, but I like to earn some money, relax and spend time with my family over the festive period; not revise.”

Alternatively, other students have agreed with the proposal, believing that as most courses have a greater number of credits to earn in the summer, the University have made the right move.

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christmas is cancelled

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than men, with the number of international students applying also increasing. These contradict MPs’ claims that people would be deterred by debt, and thus not apply. In addition, there was a 31.3% increase in applicants from poorer backgrounds last year - clearly not put off by the higher fees, these applications may be down to increased grants.

The Prime Minister has said current trends have vindicated the implementation of top-up fees, but critics argue that leading universities will use this news to push for an increase in top us fees to £7000 in the not too distant future.

ever get that sinking feeling?

Since the completion of the Djangoly Learning Resource Centre on Jubilee Campus eight years ago, rumours have been rife that the library is sinking in to the lake surrounding it. Legend has it that the architects of the building - which was designed by Sir Michael Hopkins - had not accounted for the weight of the books and consequently the construction began to sink.

Although the librarians and Estates Office for the University are mostly unaware of the story, it is apparently true that the library did ‘tilt’ and pens had an annoying habit of rolling off the desks, although the problem was later rectified.

More recently, some of the windows to the centre have been replaced due to cracks appearing - which does somewhat necessitate a question-

ing of the structural integrity of the building and hints at the possibility of subsidence. It would, however, be impossible for the library to sink in to the water surrounding it, as the building is situated on a concrete foundation and the artificial lake was created around it. Recent issues with water leakages have apparently been due to faulty pipe work and were dealt with accordingly.

The book stock of the centre has also been halved, with 20,000 books being taken to a separate building.

Whether there is truth in the rumours or not, there is no official confirmation that the library is indeed sinking.

As a result, the urban legend seems destined to prevail only amongst students until any visible evidence becomes more apparent.

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by emily grosvenor-taylor

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new theatre, new awards

new theatre kicks ass, end of.

by jessica elgot Three New Theatre alumni have won a BAFTA at the Children’s Film and TV Awards for their cult cartoon, The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers.

Other New Theatre members, both current and alumni, have also recently scooped various prestigious accolades, most notably two shortlisted plays for the National Student Drama Festival. These awards will prove invaluable to New Theatre as it fights potential closure by the University within the next three to five years.

Last season, two plays were entered into the National Student Drama Festival, Sarah Kane’s ‘4.48 Psychosis’ and Will Eno’s ‘The Flu Season’. On both occasions, the NSDF judges recommended that the productions be seen again by a more senior judge. Both plays went on to make the shortlist for the festival, a select group of only fifteen plays from across the country.

New Theatre President and director of ‘The Flu

Season’, Charlie Brafman, told Impact: “We are very proud and excited that the two plays we’ve submitted have both received the great honour of being short-listed for NSDF 2007.

This is very timely, with our ongoing attempts to raise the profile of New Theatre and a key part of a series of plans aimed at ensuring the

korma not chemo

future of New Theatre in light of the University’s current plans to destroy the building within the next few years. A replacement [building is] as yet unconfirmed.” However, the plans for destroying the theatre are “not yet concrete”, according to sources within the society.

eat it, it could save your life

by ben davies Eating large quantities of garlic and curry may stop you from pulling in Ocean on Friday, but it could help you live longer, according to new research at the University. The search for healing cancer and cystic fibrosis has been widespread, but the Nottingham University investigations have been unique for providing unusual potential cures. Two recent studies have championed the considerable medicinal qualities of curry and garlic, perhaps making the traditionally garlic garnished Rogan Josh curry an unlikely dish of health and wellbeing.

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The first study, recently published online in the journal Biochemical and Biophysical Research Communications, proves that curry could hold the key to the next generation of anti-cancer drugs. A chemical called capsaicin, responsible for the burning sensation when we eat spicy dishes, has been singled out for its potential to kill tumours with few or no side effects for the patient. It could mean that patients and the public alike could control or prevent the onset of cancer by eating a diet rich in capsaicin.

Study leader Dr Timothy Bates described the find as “extremely significant in man’s fight against cancer both here and internationally”.

It is because capsaicin is thought to attack the very heart of the tumour cells that Bates feels confident that the study has uncovered the “Achilles heel for all cancers’’. The discovery has also proved highly influential in explaining why nations with a traditionally spicy diet, such as India and Mexico, have a considerably lower rate of cancer than the western world.

The second study by scientists at The University of Nottingham has set out to prove that garlic holds the key to protecting cystic fibrosis patients from potentially-fatal infection. Cystic fibrosis, an inherited condition that affects around 7000 people in the UK, causes severe difficulties in breathing and in digesting food. At present, there is no cure for the disease and it is patients’ vulnerability to chronic chest infections that poses the greatest threat to their lives.

by faaez samadi Success is always difficult to maintain across a long campaign. England’s cricket tour Down Under is ample proof, as is Liverpool’s decline since the 2005 Champion’s League final. In this respect, our football 1st team has performed admirably, finishing 4th in the league and continuing through to the next stages of the University League. Yet from speaking to striker Graeme Catlin, a sense of slight disappointment in their achievement is detectable: “We didn’t fulfil our true potential [across the season], and a few results didn’t go our way.” Fair enough, but the campaign has undoubtedly ended successfully, and it is reassuring to think that the best is yet to come. ‘What about Trent?’ I hear you ask.

Relegated. No need to say much more, other than 1-0 Beeston (though we all live in Lenton, idiots). With this in mind, Varsity can’t come too soon. Football is top of the Varsity bill, due to its natural popularity, but its particular importance to Nottingham University is evident through the sheer numbers involved. “So many people have come to trials these last couple of years we’ve had to turn many away,” Catlin informs me.

Confidence will be the crucial factor in the Varsity game and it’s clear that our boys do not lack it. “I’d like to think we’re confident, we know what they’re about and we’ve got the right attitude,” Catlin tells me, having locked horns with Trent earlier in the season. Meadow Lane is a far cry from Highfields, and nerves are an acceptable consequence of entering the professional arena. Yet the setting is only encouraging the players; Catlin explaining that the many fans will be “a great boost for the lads rather than pressuring us.” Considering that in excess of 4000 supporters attended last season’s 2-0 victory, similar numbers will undoubtedly serve as the proverbial ‘12th player’ that spurred our team to victory last year. Two players worthy of particular scrutiny are forward Lee ‘Love Doctor’ Raji and midfielder Scott ‘Winterburn’ McCubbin, providing a combination of sharp passing and clinical finishing that will rattle the Trent defence. The team’s desire is palpable, and with our determination to defend the crown, and Trent’s yearning for revenge, it is sure to be a cracker of a match.

The football Varsity Final is on Monday 12th March at Meadow Lane, Nottingham. Women’s match KO 5.35pm, Men’s match KO 7.30pm.

Tickets are available from SU Box Office, football teams, Varsity Reps & Lenton pubs. For full match reports after the final whistle check out www.impactnottingham.com/sports

no soft tackles by emma kennedy Winning any match for Nottingham University is an amazing feeling but the ultimate satisfaction comes in beating Loughborough or Trent.

The Women’s Football 1st Team finished this season’s league with a 2-0 win over Loughborough, and are now hoping to do the double.

Though this is captain Laura Evans’ third Varsity, she has yet to experience the elation of winning. Last year’s defeat was especially devastating when the ‘Hand of God’ stretched as far as Nottingham: “Trent’s first goal was a handball which came two minutes before half-time and broke the game. It was unfair and it was cheating,” fumes Laura during a chat with Impact.

Unfortunately, it’s not just in the final score that Trent have dominated in previous years, but also in their number of supporters.

“Trent definitely gets more support for the women than we do,” the captain rues. “The second half is better because the crowd gets

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bigger: Uni turn out to watch the boys’ match so it becomes much louder.” After each Varsity, Laura enjoys the plaudits for the standard and skill of the women: “It’s great to be recognised by boys for my ability; for them to say ‘she’s a good footballer’ rather than ‘she’s a girl playing football’.”

An influx of freshers who have club experience prior to university, and the decision to host this year’s Women’s FA Cup Final at Forest’s ground, demonstrate the increasing profile of women’s football.

Despite this, the women are still considered the warm up game at Varsity, which greatly annoys the team.

“I don’t like being called that,” Laura objects.

“We’re working just as hard as the boys and it means just as much to us.” Hopefully her emotion and passion will inspire this year’s crowd.

“I would tell people to come and watch a football match”, she explains. “I would even take the ‘women’s’ out of it because it’s just as fast and just as hardcore, there’s no soft tackles.”

Uni is used to being better than Trent, but at the moment they’re beating us in the equality stakes. With more support for our women’s team, perhaps Laura and her players will taste victory for the first time.

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defending the crown

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sinking the trent

left a bit, bit more, now you’ve got it.

by gemma casey As well as football, several sports will be enduring their own gruelling contests against our poor neighbours from the other side of town over the next few weeks. For many clubs, the Varsity Series is the culmination of six months hard work and a rivalry that stretches back over a decade - and an opportunity for an individual to shine in front of thousands of supporters.

The university with the most victories come the end of May is then crowned Varsity series winners. Yes, football and rugby often attract the most attention, but let’s not forget the importance of the netball match. Last year we stormed to victory with a 60-25 win over Trent, and this year the girls are in no doubt that a similar scoreline will be achieved. It shouldn’t come as a great surprise, considering this season they have achieved phenomenal results. Our girls’ first team is in the Premier North division, the highest set possible. We currently stand in 3rd place, though this could easily have been higher - a couple of very tight matches have seen the team lose by only a few goals.

A key player to look out for is Natalie Woolley, team captain and member of the national squad, though as netball is very much a team sport, all members will be crucial to victory. So, I urge you to give up a day in front of the TV to go and give our girls much appreciated support. All sporting players will agree on the importance of the crowd, and Katy Yawitz, a member of the netball team due to play in the Varsity match, stressed this point. She claimed: “The crowd makes a big difference.

Trent have lots of support and are really noisy. Unfortunately netball doesn’t get the same publicity as the other sports and so it doesn’t get as many supporters. A big crowd is really important for a good atmosphere and makes it more fun for us to play.” With the netball being followed by men’s basketball, be ready for pace, determination and an exciting encounter.

The Varsity netball final is to be held on Wednesday 14th March at 2.30pm in the Sports Centre. The basketball final will be held afterwards, starting at 3.45pm.

+ sport shorts

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• The Varsity Ice Hockey match also takes place this month, on Monday 1st March at the Nottingham Ice Arena. Korfball and softball are equally hosting their own finals within March. All tickets are now on sale from the box office.

• ISIS could be playing host to a superstar’s comeback this month, as former world

heavyweight champion Frank Bruno is tipped to fight at the IBA show on March 11th. A spokesman told Impact that talks were “ongoing”, adding: “Even if he doesn’t fight, we hope that he will at least come along as a guest of honour.” If the Bruno deal falls through, Nottingham’s unbeaten heavyweight Daz Davis will top the bill against Londoner Ginger Hooper.

• Preparations are well underway for the Nottingham Open tennis tournament in June. Tickets are already on sale for the tournament, traditionally seen as one of the best at preparing players for Wimbledon.

Tournament Director Patrick Hughesman commented on how lucky the city was to be hosting the event, describing it as “a fantastic opportunity to see these guys live and up-close and to really feel the heat and the drama of the matches they play”. www.impactnottingham.com is now the official place to receive all the latest BUSA results - put up weekly every Thursday afternoon at www.impactnottingham.com/sports.

At the time of writing, Nottingham University is 4th in the BUSA rankings, behind Loughborough, Bath and Stirling.

behind every good match is a good woman by jenny smith Rugby Union’s governing body, IRB, has named a female in its panel of match officials for the Under-19 World Cup in April of this year.

Sarah Corrigan will be the first female to officiate at an IRB tournament outside of Women’s Rugby World Cup, in which she refereed the bronze medal final last year.

“The IRB Under-19 World Championship represents a fantastic opportunity for the best young players to showcase their talents on the international stage, and the same can certainly be said for the match officials”, said IRB Referees manager Paddy O’Brien.

county prepare for playoff charge

The decision follows a recent trend which has seen greater recognition for the ability of female officials in male arenas, rectifying the current imbalance in which male referees and umpires are chosen to officiate women’s matches but not vice versa. For females trying to officiate in male sport (where they’re able to earn a better wage), it’s a two-finger tribute to the likes of Mike Newell and his sexist supporters. At the Australian Open this year, Sarah de Jenken became the first female to take charge of a men’s Grand Slam final and received praise from runner-up Gonzalez’s mouth, with not a hint of sour-grape fuelled accusations.

If we are to continue with this trend of equality, however, it must start at an amateur level, and Nottingham’s AU are certainly playing their part:

“The Rugby Society have a couple of female referees, one of which has refereed one of my games at the weekend”, noted AU President Mark Epps. “The opportunities are equal for males and females to get qualified as officials, and in fact female officials are in higher demand.”

However, Mark admits that “it’s difficult to encourage anyone to take referee courses”, which is probably the reason for reduced numbers of female officials, rather than the lack of opportunity.

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sports With a view to increasing female participation, then, it would be great to see plenty of women officiating alongside men in the high profile Varsity series. However, the responsibility lies outside of the AU and with the governing bodies of the sports, whose aim, Mark says, is to provide neutral referees who are “the most qualified available on the day to ensure the best possible game.” Let’s hope they make the right choice…

because one magpie is never enough.

by tom oldfield

But a new season brought a change in fortunes. County manager Steve Thompson has engineered a solid campaign thus far on a limited budget and the mood around the club has been transformed. Unlike their more prosperous neighbours, their promotion chances are remote, lying seven points behind sixthplaced Stockport at the time of going to press, though this should take nothing away from the turnaround. With around a third of the fixtures still remaining, County have already won as many games as in the whole of their previous campaign.

Having faced the fear of Conference football last year – finishing just three points above relegated Oxford – County have come back stronger and the goals of striker Jason Lee have made them a surprise package. The team has made itself tough to beat and Thompson’s side have collected more points on their travels than at Meadow Lane, highlighting the togetherness of the players. In the lower leagues, this team spirit is a more critical commodity than flair.

After the recent 1-1 draw at home to Barnet, Thompson urged the County fans to be realistic, aware of the challenges that still awaited his players: “I can’t wave a magic wand. They’re all giving 100%. The supporters have got to be patient. The lads are determined, they’re learning about each other, they’re all having a go. It’s a building process.

We’ll give [promotion] a really good shot. It won’t be for the want of trying.”

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Nottingham could be braced for a double celebration in May as both Nottingham Forest and Notts County are in contention for promotion.

While Forest - the bookmakers’ favourites to win League One - were widely tipped for success, the story at Meadow Lane is rather different as County were fighting for their League Two lives just nine months ago.

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em-POW-ered women

A report into prostitution in Nottingham

prostitution

words corin faife images francesca moore and savan patel

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POW Centre Visit On our first attempt to find the POW centre we drive straight past it in the photographer’s car. It’s a set of offices in a big, old building I was told, somewhere along Alfreton Road. We find the drop-in centre in what’s by far the biggest building on the road, a set of offices so dilapidated on the outside that we’d passed by thinking it was abandoned.

Buzzed In Once we’re buzzed in and up a flight of stairs, it seems like another world. The walls inside are brightly painted, and the central corridor with various rooms leading off it feels almost like it could be some run-down student housing. But as we’re waiting for Susan, the director, in the corridor, we catch sight of the Dodgy Punters Board. It’s a simple pinboard stuck on one of the walls of the entrance corridor, where people can put up information on dodgy clients they have had; an example reads: “Tall black guy, slim build, asked for oral without a condom, when girl refused he hit her from behind, butted her with a gun”; whilst others detail various robberies and rapes on prostitutes. It’s a pretty good illustration of the kind of attitude we see at POW - though it’s a safe and secure environment for the women (and men) who use the service, these people are not about to sugar-coat the truth.

age, in another life she would have been a political activist or trade union leader.

But as her circumstances saw her working as a prostitute from when she was 16 years old, this is now the field that benefits from her expertise.

“We started the project from my house in St Anne’s...and then we eventually got these premises in 1993. So that’s when we actually started documenting things properly. But my stance was always that we couldn’t just take on what the [WHO] academics wanted, it had to be a sharing of skills, and a respecting of skills.

Because coming from the prostitute background and trying to work in the professional arena as well, people thought that you can’t do anything but walk around with a mattress on your back, so when you went to challenge somebody and say, ‘Why isn’t this service happening, why are these people being stigmatised against?’, people were sort of like, ‘Why is this prostitute asking these questions, you’ve got no right to’. So you face all these barriers, and the biggest barriers I faced building up POW were from the

POW, or Prostitute Outreach Workers, formally started in 1990 when a WHO project wanted to speak to women in the prostitute community about HIV and AIDS. A group of 8 working prostitutes (of which Susan was one) volunteered to be trained as researchers, though all but two dropped out of the scheme, fearing the social stigma that identifying themselves as prostitutes would attract.

prostitution

Today, POW is a drop-in centre for working prostitutes, a place where they can go for judgement-free advice, information and help accessing the services they need. Facilities include a kitchen, art room, modest gym and crucially, a G.U. examination room, which provides testing in an environment away from the stigmatization of conventional G.U. clinics. It is unique in that it is the only scheme on a national level that is prostitute run - some members of the management committee are working prostitutes, as are all the volunteer staff.

Susan Susan Johnson, the founder and director of POW, immediately comes across as a charismatic woman. Loud, energetic, bleach blonde and looking years younger than her

“I think that with a lot of these services we get a second class deal, but on paper it looks perfect and everything’s in place. But you try getting a prostitute woman, a drug using woman into a refuge, and it’s hard, very very hard… you cannot get her in anywhere. But on paper, in theory you can.

“With street prostitution, a lot of it is class A [related], crack and heroin.

And the lifestyle that comes with that is horrendous. And that’s where the homelessness comes in because no hostels will take you, so a lot of girls end up going from crackhouse to crackhouse to crackhouse. And again the police say there’s hardly no crackhouses in Nottingham, not in St Anne’s. I live in St Anne’s, there’s 4 just surrounding me.

“And I argue with [the police] all the time. I was at a meeting the other day, they were telling me they’d identified the hotspots in St Anne’s, and they said it was [lists 2 places]. And I was thinking, ‘what about [gives us a run-down of various crackhouses in St Anne’s, listing by the owners’ first names]’. But it’s easy for them because they’re painting this picture at their high-powered meeting that they’ve identified all these hotspots. But most of the places they know are as sedate as this [office], but on paper it looks good to say that they’re tackling crime, drugs and prostitution, and they’ll tick the box to say that they’ve sorted it out.

It’s a soft option. It looks good doesn’t it? And there’s re-elections to think about...”

Grassroots

professionals.”

During the interview, when Susan talks to us at about board meetings, liaising with other departments and gaps in service provision, she sounds like she wouldn’t be out of place at the head of any big public sector department. However, it’s clear that the problems the POW team face are very different to most other services – the clandestine, seedy public image of prostitution means that government agencies are reluctant to directly confront the truth, especially if that would mean recognising failings in their own policies.

By far one of POW’s greatest strengths is its grassroots nature. As Susan tells us, “POW existed even before POW existed”, from the time when groups of girls would meet at her house, where together they would help each other deal with drug problems or break free from violent pimps – a sort of workers’ union. Though now the organisation has grown and officialised, the no-nonsense philosophy that it was founded on hasn’t changed. POW still operates on the basis of ‘core groups’, focus groups of working prostitutes who meet to discuss from personal experience the problems they face, the services currently available to them, and where they feel the gaps are.

“The reason we have a core group is that I never forget where I come from. So our clients [the prostitutes who use POW] have always got to have a say...it keeps our feet firmly on the ground. So we have core groups of all our clients and we all sit down, and you might get someone out of their face on heroin but they’re still there saying ‘I want my opinion heard’,

17 “And I do pride POW’s ethos on that. It means we give them the truth about how it actually is. Because if you don’t give them the truth, somebody’s going to come in and paint a picture that’s totally different and nothing’s going to change for you.”

Empowerment Clearly, the problems faced by men and women working as prostitutes can be immense. But having spent a few hours talking to the staff at the POW centre, one thing that stands out is their sense of empowerment. There doesn’t seem to be a victim mentality here, but instead a real desire to enable people to help themselves. The first-hand knowledge of the staff leads to a great deal of pragmatism in their policy, thus POW is not set up as an ‘exit program’ to take people out of prostitution, but rather based on the recognition that each case is different and so should be given an individual approach.

“I’ve often been asked, when I’m giving talks, ‘How many successes have you had?’ Well how long is a piece of string?

Because to me sometimes a success’ll be when someone stops taking heroin and crack. Or just stops taking crack and takes heroin, and gets on a ’script. Or stops working 7 nights a week for a downand-out cunt and works 2 nights a week for herself. But you explain that to people outside the world of prostitution and they don’t understand.”

All through the meeting, Susan mentions names and recalls anecdotes from the many girls that she and the other workers at POW have helped over the years. But a better example of how POW can change lives is the one that we see ourselves, when towards the end of our interview a woman named Danites walks into the room. With her face framed by heavy gold earrings and a huge head-wrap, she smiles as she talks about the card-making workshop she’s running, and shows us the Valentine’s cards she’s just finished making, collages of clip-art printed in black and white that the girls will colour individually.

She explains to us: “I think it’s good to give something back to the community that you’ve took out. I was a long time class A user, so now I’ve come here and I think, I want to do what Sue was doing for me and what the other workers were doing for me. It’s my time now to be able to be there, to be able to help other people get onto the right tracks of life.”

Impact: So could you tell us a bit about your experiences of working as a prostitute?

Susan: When I did a spate of working as a prostitute when I was on drugs I didn’t feel any control at all. I didn’t enjoy any part of it because I felt pressured, forced into it and all I could think about was getting back down Alfreton Road to score.

It was horrible. It’s no life. It’s like any form of oppression – maybe you’re not physically forced into it but mentally you are. Just that waking up and thinking, ‘I’ve got to get up and be playing with mens’ private parts’ (and I’m being polite now because you’re here).

Impact: I’m not easily offended, don’t worry.

Susan: (laughs) Okay. So, playing with men’s smelly dicks and him touching you and whatever and you’re thinking: ‘Oh God, I can’t cope with this’. So there is that side of it - it can really fuck you up, can’t it?

Alison: Yeah.

Susan: But then, other parts of my prostitute life, when I’ve been totally in control, I’ve really enjoyed it. You wake up thinking ‘okay, I’m gonna earn this much today’, get one of your regulars in, ‘Hello Eric, how are you? Of course you can have a cup of coffee, sit down’, and that’s earning you another tenner, you become an entrepreneur, learning all the little tricks to make you money. So it depends on the lifestyle you’re living at that particular time and what you want to get out of it.

I’ve worked in all areas of prostitution, from street, sauna, bondage dens, flats, escorting, I’ve done all sorts…I could give you a snapshot of what I do, maybe do a bit of bondage…?

Impact: I think my girlfriend would be fairly unhappy with that.

Susan: I could just see you tied up with a pair of handcuffs on…

Impact: Wow, I don’t normally blush but…

Susan: Oh I could make you blush. Do you want to explain a bit?

Alison: I used to take drugs, but just recreational. I used to enjoy working; I did used to enjoy it. Get up in the morning, get all your cleaning up done, hair done, put your face on, and you’re a completely different person. I mean you’re still you, but it’s roleplay. I used to live on the beat, I’d stand there, the Vice would try and arrest you but because I was on my property and I’d make out I was sweeping my yard, I wouldn’t get arrested. So you’d be standing there, thigh length leather boots, leather skirt, ‘No I’m not working, officer, I’m just cleaning…’

I had a partner, I wouldn’t say he was a pimp…but he would try and take my money, so I used to do runners to Sue’s house. He’d be violent and things, but I think that was due to things in his past, he must have just thought it was normal.

So like I said, I enjoyed being a prostitute. Not the actual sexual intercourse, but you can get round that. It’s about having the gift of the gab: ‘don’t do that this week, try something else’ - like being a slave, get him to make cups of tea and sandwiches for the girls, have one cleaning up, one tied up in the cupboard and I’d go in and give him a quick whack now and again, or boot him in the nuts. So I’d stand at my gate at one o’clock, and by three thirty I’d have two hundred, two hundred and fifty, three hundred pounds. And then you’d go out and buy expensive this, expensive that.

Susan: Unless you’re well organised, a lot of money used to get wasted.

Alison: Oh it did. It did.

Read the full transcript at impactnottingham.com

prostitution

and everything gets recorded and minuted and then I take that forward into these meetings and fight until it’s actually done.

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Interview

18 It’s hard to know where to begin when answering any of the statements above.

While thinking how to structure this article, I was struck by the request to write a piece outlining the differences between second wave feminism and the new feminism. Here, I have to admit, is the point at which my heart sinks and I have the incredible urge to hold my head in disbelief, because in my experience a request like that entails me saying that I am not like the bra-burning, man-hating feminists of the 1970s and 80s. Well, am I or am I not?

To begin with, I do wear a bra and so do all the older and younger feminists I know. The saddest thing is that bra-burning is a myth about feminism that has stuck in the popular imagination and is as far from reflecting the reality of feminism as humanly possible. It did happen, but only once, at a Miss World Contest and it was symbolic of the fact that the contest was celebrating a certain type of unattainable and prescribed

beauty that excluded the majority of the female population from its definition. Whether you agree or disagree with the stance of these women, I think most would agree that the burning of a single bra hardly makes feminists bra-burners. In answer to the charge of manhating, indeed there may be feminists that hate men. I have yet to meet one personally, but every movement has its radicals and liberals, and every movement needs a good dose of both to be effective at enacting change.

What I know for a fact is that second wave feminists comprised a diverse group of women who had the common goal of demanding and achieving equality for women. They asked for an end to violence, equal pay, reproductive rights and political representation. Sadly, in 2007 I find myself still asking for exactly the same things as my mother’s generation. After 30 years of equal pay legislation there is still an 18% pay gap between men and women in full time employment and nearly 40% in part time work (the sector where the majority of female employment is concentrated). In the 21st Century in the UK, 1 in 4 women will experience violence in their lifetime; only 25% of rapes are reported and of those only 5.3% reach a conviction. Amnesty polls show that nearly 45% of people in the UK still think that if a woman is drunk, flirting or wearing a short skirt she is partially or fully responsible for being raped; and 45%

think that if she has had a number of sexual partners she is fully responsible. Yet I still find myself constantly having to justify the aims of feminism.

The one area in which feminism has made the biggest impact and where equality is almost within reach is education. Women are doing as well as males in every subject at GCSE and A level, and even outperforming them by 1% to 2% in most subjects. These achievements are beginning to be reflected in university, with increased attendance and performance at degree level. Yet there still continues to be gender segregation in terms of the degree courses taken by women and men, with men being more likely to take degrees that are valued more highly by employers. This is reflected in pay and employment opportunities, but the final degree is not the only reason for the discrepancy in pay. One of the statistics that always enrages me is that within five years of leaving university, a woman will earn less than her male counterpart on her course who got a similar or even a worse degree than her, which means spending longer in debt and hence taking longer to get onto the property ladder.

Despite the great leaps and bounds women have made in terms of their status in society, they still face many barriers to accessing their rights. And the popular myths of the antifeminist backlash are certainly not helping

rova do

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“We are equal now, aren’t we?”

“You can’t have it all.”

“Women have too many rights.”

“Men are the new oppressed sex!”

“Feminism is so yesterday.”

19 Allow me to be cynical for a moment. Divorce rates are going up, but is it really such a terrible thing that while twenty years ago domestic violence was seen as part and parcel of being a wife, today women will not accept

m

Don’t get me wrong. I am not claiming that just because it is happening to women more than to men, it is OK for it to happen to men.

It shouldn’t happen to anyone. Violence, discrimination, the insecurities created and perpetuated by the media are harmful to both men and women. And here is where I answer your question to feminism now and then.

Feminism still stands for equality between the sexes. Feminism is still something that both men and women can subscribe to as long as you believe in equality. We may all disagree with the small print on how to achieve this goal, but it will be well worth it in the end.

I do not have easy answers; all I have is a lot of questions and the immense desire to have them answered. I cannot do that by myself, but together we can. Perhaps what we need is a little less emphasis on competition - that way every time a woman gets closer to equality, a man does not have to feel emasculated for losing a few ascribed privileges. Perhaps we need to encourage our daughters a little more and make our sons feel a little less incompetent for being a few percent behind girls. Perhaps it is about time we started appreciating human beings for their humanity and not their market value. Maybe with a little less conflict and a little more respect for each other, we can finally put inequality behind us.

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The biggest challenge is answering to the charges of the backlash and they are coming from all directions. Despite all the unpleasant statistics I’ve listed thus far, women are supposed to be equal; we are too equal in fact.

Masculinist groups are blaming women for everything from male suicide to male violence.

Women are supposed to be responsible for the breakdown of the family and society, delinquency, crime, drug abuse, the list goes on. Apparently women have come such a long way and are so confident in choosing their own partners that men are now the oppressed sex. Single mothers are masculinists’ favourite scapegoats. It is easy, they are after all one of the most disadvantaged and stigmatised groups in society. Yet, structural economic inequality is easily skirted around in favour of middle class professionals’ victim blaming which allows them to ignore the root causes of the problem.

being treated like that any more? Men are becoming more insecure about the way they look and so are buying into more and more cosmetics. There are claims that it is due to women’s increasing demands for good looking partners, but young single men earn more than their female counterparts and being single means they have all their money to spend on themselves. Is it not more plausible that the capitalist male dominated media has come up with just about every cosmetic product under the sun for women and now they need a fresh market to bleed dry? While men are starting to frequent the gym and cosmetic counters, women are increasingly opting for costly and dangerous cosmetic surgery, some going to the lengths of taking out loans to afford boob jobs and other such ‘enhancing’ procedures.

“For every girl who takes a step towards her liberation, there is a boy who finds the way to freedom a little easier.” I am part of the third wave of feminism. Want to join me?

feminism

matters. Yes, women have come a long way and wallowing in victimhood status is not something I would advocate, but recognising the difficulties faced by women in society is important if we are to deal with them effectively.

20 a words miriam zendle im

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es

y K Kin I probably should have known a kinky future lay ahead of me when, just pre-puberty, my next door neighbours and I began playing ‘chase each other around the house and tie the captive up in the attic’ games (no, really). Looking back, I can remember every detail of those games, which naturally ended in someone tied to a chair in their cluttered attic, sometimes untied minutes after capture, sometimes left for what felt like hours (but in reality, was probably only half an hour tops). Although at the time they were just games, and no more, I can see that this quite probably heralded the very beginning of my sexual awakening as a kinky female.

kinky

Originally, I was going to write all about how I’ve been ‘finding myself’ as a kinky woman, and about the fetish scene in Nottingham, but it became crystal clear upon researching it that there is little to no scene, and whatever there was closed down about five or six years ago – would you believe The Zone once ran a fetish night? Indeed, NG1 hosted one back in 2005, but that’s literally all you’re getting for your needs in Nottingham.

There are a few dominatrices dotted around, a couple of mail-order shops and a few groups that meet in Derby and Loughborough, but nothing for students, meaning you do have to drop down to London to sate your desires and needs unless you’re lucky enough to find someone here at university who shares your wonts – and since we don’t exactly have a BDSM Society, that’s a rare occurrence.

Over the past two years I’ve also begun to realise that rarely are things as clear cut as dom/sub. Of course, you have the typical image of the dominatrix, typically described as clad in black PVC and thigh-high boots, a whip clenched in one hand, her other fitting snugly against her hip as she gazes down at the kneeling submissive, red, glistening mouth spitting out commands. She likes to top, to be in control, and be damned with anything else. That’s not me (leather and PVC are flattering to very few ladies, and I’m definitely not confident enough for that, for starters), and I doubt it’s many of you.

Whilst the out-and-out dominatrix, or indeed dominant male, are fairly rare, plenty more of us incorporate kink into our everyday lives in little, unseeing ways, whether it be using fluffy handcuffs on your partner during a seduction or giving/receiving a hardcore spanking if you lean slightly closer towards the filthy end of the kink spectrum. Many more of us would probably self-identify as switches - sometimes you’re on top, in control, and sometimes he, or she is, whatever your sexuality. Sometimes you’re the one giving the orders in your slightly drunken doctor/nurse roleplay (if that floats your boat), and sometimes they are. Sound at all familiar?

If you’re reading this, and any of it rings a bell in your head, don’t worry if it takes you a while to figure out what you’re into, whether you’re dominant or submissive, or a bit of both. Back in the day, when I first started investigating what the hell kink was, I spent a good few years thinking I was a dom. I’ve got a very low pain threshold, and I do like to be in control of situations (I definitely wouldn’t have run for editor of Impact if I wholly enjoyed submission and lack of it!). I also knew I loved the way it felt to run my hands through the strands of a leather whip, but that the feel of handcuffs wasn’t exactly unwelcome.

Fairly recently, I came to the realisation that though part of me was definitely dominant, a lot of it was down to spending years keeping this side of me secret and private, not allowing anyone to see the ‘real me’ for fear of rejection – what if I was to submit to someone and it was all a big joke, they were just seeing how far they could push and humiliate me? Whilst these fears are irrational (and for me, are starting to go away as I grow older and hopefully a little wiser), it will likely take you a long while, plus experimentation, to discover who you really are – but since you will live with that for the rest of your life, it’s definitely time worth taking, in my book.

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Lads Mags and a Culture of Sexism

The growth of lads magazines (between 1996 and 2000 FHM and Loaded readership grew from 200,000 to nearly 800,000) has incited the growth of a ‘lad’ culture based around drinking heavily, a lack of respect for women, and an open hatred of feminism. This is not news and many academics have had their say on the subject. According to the book ‘Masculinity and Men’s Lifestyle Magazines’, the “knowing sexism” of these magazines, is not due to a “feminist backlash” as some “simplistic” feminists have suggested but instead these magazines are “economic and cultural responses to the gender quake”. This idea is fundamentally wrong, however. The notion that men’s magazines are a “cultural response” supported by normal men is the reverse of the truth. Men’s magazines are owned by big multinational corporations (such as EMAP which owns FHM, Arena, Zoo and also Heat) whose main interest is encouraging consumerism and

promoting the ideology that keeps multinationals like them in power. Furthermore, this assumes an extremely derogatory view of ordinary men, most of whom are perfectly content with the fact that women can now vote and work, and it is a view which has been formed from the point of view of an upper-class academic who is trying to justify a section of the media that needs to be examined, questioned and challenged.

The effects of the images used by men’s magazines needs to be examined fully. The photographs of semi/completely naked women are excessively manipulated and air brushed using the latest computer technology, the end result of which is an unrealistic portrayal of women’s bodies, which makes most women feel inadequate and unattractive. An example of the destructive effects these feelings can have on some women is the growth in depression, lack of self-esteem and eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. The UK’s Eating Disorders Association states that 165,000 people suffer from eating disorders and that eating disorders have a ten per cent mortality rate. The way in which the women in these magazines are photographed in sexually provocative poses, often staring in to the camera longingly, also needs to be questioned. It is not necessary to continually represent women in this way, and the explicit depiction of women as insatiable and incessantly sexually available seems to encourage the idea that women’s main sexual objective is to gratify men. The social implications of the sexual objectification of women are obvious. Young men’s attitudes towards sex and young women were the

subject of much discussion last year when the Home Office released an awareness campaign reminding ‘lads’ they should make sure their partner had consented before sexual intercourse.

The campaign was launched as the UK’s conviction rate for rapists reached an all-time low of five percent. The only feasible explanation for this shockingly misrepresentative percentage is that rapes are not investigated nor taken seriously because of the institutionalised sexism that exists within the police force, the judicial system and society in general.

Despite what some might say to justify the representation of women in these publications, I cannot separate the treatment of women in the media from the treatment of women in society. It seems to me that it is entirely illogical to suggest that magazines that openly objectify and degrade women are not contributing to the objectification, degradation and ultimately the mistreatment of women.

Men’s and women’s magazines will only improve if they are run democratically in the interests of the people who read them, instead of being controlled, as they are currently, by wildly unethical multinationals who are more concerned with profit than content. Challenging these chauvinist publications must go hand in hand with a fight against sexist attitudes, sexist representations of women and corporate control of the media. Anyone who wants to join me on my mission to create a new, intelligent, nondiscriminatory, media publication get in touch.

We’re gonna need a lot of funding...

lads mags

I find walking past the magazines on sale in newsagents an uncomfortable experience. I can’t find one single publication that reflects my interests as an educated young woman, but instead I am confronted with numerous publications that cause me to feel offended.

The content of women’s magazines leaves me feeling depressed: depressed at my financial status - as a student I can’t afford any of the items the magazines advertise; depressed at my body shape, as it is nothing like the surgically enhanced bodies of the women in the magazines; depressed at the amount of dumbeddown, materialistic, let’s-forget-feminism-evereven-existed rubbish churned out by the mass media.

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en g that if wom slope to sayin y er en pp th sli , a ol oh through alc may be It’s so violently ill s in e rates for rape m lve n co se io be ict em nv th . co ng The low le for putti r unsurprising d ‘Convicting ey are responsib e not altogethe ngerous and reforms, calle ocking but ar act of sex th al e sh course, it’s da th leg Of e . of es us pe e ca lud ra ag be inc of e er im pack ich ng cr wh da themselves ue t iq s’, ge is un im ting Vict id that women t’ Rape is a everyday life. Th up en in st ns al le co su litt but it en to Rapists, Protec a ns t ity co no ac the first place, , where it common and finition of ‘cap e situations in r violent crimes ed in the is take es us he th a statutory de to ot o be t g int n os on m ca wr is to y be course. Th lly and morall ve wanted to en contrasts ha ina m im ht wo cr l. It ig a ro m th e to sexual inter nt er bo tim co wh is s unlikely the vic who is lacking The same common) case incapable is age of anyone have , robbed etc. nt is (unfortunately up en e va m sh en ad at at at th r be th f e he lie d, from booz than any ot accepted be g murdere at is so paralytic of rape. More rape (somethin has long been sex drives, th cannot be said down to the ent. This is still e ns d animalistic s m co an wa co g al ly vin ed tly ut gi ab m br len vit su of vio as ch ine a su s ve or ct , ha fa irt or e uld sk with little g us wo o crime, th an in a short the sane amon st the rapist’s, s that men wh placing a wom will leave them tim’s word again t finally it seem ilty’ verdict vic bu gu ), front of them ll ot ay wi ‘n in yw A en e, an m y. on e wo wa tru ed n r ss ke he pi un eit dr viour. Such an t ce of ha jus e en advantag not a rapist, restrain their be isely no evid is to ec an ss pr m t, rle urbing. ruthlessly take e Ye we . th es po n y rape ed but also dist does not mea est consequenc sure he is. In an not only misguid e new laws fought is 0% face the strong es 10 an ea th ’t m id e isn wo rc y h e fo th jur en hig r have to likely to be is not whethe The that the n is n. tio t’ said es ow ub er those who will kn qu do ev e it le e Th to or even if sh se, ‘reasonab ict. This is eir opposition king and biting, dismissed ca ‘yes’. y cannot conv kic have made th id jur ck ve sa e ba ha th er e ev es n e or io dg ef sh pt rcuit Ju , and exce and simply if at and ther r Council of Ci ‘no’, but purely r justice system als, stating th ll as to whethe oblems are ment’s propos the basis of ou pr rn e to make the ca ve “a es go en Th is m e . th to pe ed uld be ra fin all up r wo de fo is un e It an t m ad en m o wo ns n int be y to co ol is added e of a drunke e cannot leaving capacit ted once alcoh se”. They argu taking advantag wrong decision, propriate cour further complica mes not just ap co they make the d If be an an g. m an le on m ib wo wr a ns wo y se e en all th or wh d m an nces, and not law n, is ue in tio w e eq ua to defin face the cons of saying no. Ho t rough the eq ld th bu ou s, g sh it is impossible ye tin g ey en th yin ns ble animal lust. easure the able of co incapable of sa their uncontrolla supposed to m ol is hugely e becomes incap d oh se am bl cu alc r ac fo ial y lf? nt cit as capa sted himse e the pote drunkenness, cularly if he is wa fficult to enshrin us becomes di distinction, parti em se s an pl variable and th ment weeks, govern en in law. In recent d no date has be an ld ho on t al. os op to have been pu al pr ication of the fin set for the publ

no conviction

s e h s u b e h t d n i h e b m o r f n e m o w n o s p m u j o wh

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impactnottingham.com

Grapevine clubs and societies

dates:

march// tuesday 1st • Beginner’s Guide to Events Organisation: STARS Time: 5-7pm Location: Training Room Details: This session will take you through the key stages in planning your event and introduce you to the basics of putting on a successful party or social. PLEASE NOTE: You must book online before attending.

Event Webpage: http://www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/ ~stars/training/training_beginevents.php • Funny Farm Presents The Chortle Comedy Awards Organisation: SU Ents Time: 8PM Location: The Ark Details: Chortle has launched its fourth annual hunt for the best student comedians in Britain – and this time they’ve teamed up with REVELS, the unpredictable bite-sized chocolates, to make it bigger and better than ever before. This year, they’re visiting 12 universities across the UK - and hosting the final at next year’s Edinburgh Fringe. And the winner will receive £2500 cash, with £500 for the runner-up, not to mention the boost winning such a high-profile title could do to a fledgling comed career. It’s not just comedians who could be winners. REVELS is offering one of the 12 competing universities the chance to win an exclusive performance from a top comedian at their student union. The university that generates the highest number of entries and pulls the biggest crowd to its heat will win. Entry is £3 in advance and £4 on the door.

• Charity Varsity Ice Hockey Organisation: Athletic Union Time: 7pm Location: National Ice Arena Details: The hottest thing on Ice! Varsity Ice Hockey - University of Nottingham vs Nottingham Trent University with cheerleaders, figure skaters, fire eaters and lots more, this event kick-starts the whole Varsity Series and is not to be missed! Buy tickets from the SU Box Office.

friday 2nd

grapevine

• Free Lunchtime Concert Organisation: Mussoc Time: 13:15 Location: Djanogly Recital Hall, Music Department Details: Performance by music students’ String Sextet.

• Event Management Organisation: STARS

Time: 12-2pm Location: Training Room Details: This session provides advice and guidance on the health and safety of events, and includes your legal resposibilities, risk assessment, insurance and contracts. PLEASE NOTE: You must book online before attending.

to handover properly to their successors, leaving them and the group at a disadvantage. Make sure your hard work is taken forward by holding your AGM correctly and on time, and picking up some great tips for structuring your handover and making sure it all goes smoothly! PLEASE NOTE: You must book online before attending.

monday 5th

thursday 8th

• How to hold your AGM and Handover Organisation: STARS Time: 5-7pm Location: Training Room Details: Did you know that all clubs and societies must hold their AGM to elect their new committee in the last two weeks of the Spring Term? Far too often groups hold their AGM late and then don’t have time to handover properly to their successors, leaving them and the group at a disadvantage. Make sure your hard work is taken forward by holding your AGM correctly and on time, and picking up some great tips for structuring your handover and making sure it all goes smoothly! PLEASE NOTE: You must book online before attending.

tuesday 6th • Free Lunchtime Concert Organisation: Mussoc Time: 13:15 Location: Djanogly Recital Hall, Music Department Details: Performance with Flute Choir & Double Reed Ensemble.

• Course Rep Induction Organisation: Course Reps Time: 5-7pm Location: Training Room Details: This Induction is compulsory for all Course Reps and contains an introduction to your roles and responsibilities and support available. Please book your place online at www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/ coursereps before attending.

Event Webpage: www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/ coursereps

wednesday 7th • Iolanthe Organisation: Gilbert and Sullivan Time: Wednesday- Saturday, 8pm, Saturday matinee 2.30pm Location: Nottingham Arts Theatre Details: ‘Iolanthe’ tells the story of Strephon, a strapping young shepherd with a bizarre secret: he is a fairy from the waist up. With a cast of half-witted Lords, a formidable Fairy Queen and her ancientyet-nubile fairy subjects, this hilarious satirical romp guarantees great fun to all! Tickets are £8, (£5 concs).

Ring the Nottingham Arts Theatre Box Office for tickets on 0115 947 6096.

• How to hold your AGM and Handover Organisation: STARS Time: 12-2pm Location: Training Room Details: Did you know that all clubs and societies must hold their AGM to elect their new committee in the last two weeks of the Spring Term? Far too often groups hold their AGM late and then don’t have time

• Pharmacy International Evening Organisation: Pharmacy Time: 7.30pm Onwards Location: Portland Building Details: A night dedicated to celebrating different cultures. Come along and sample foods from around the world as well as watching entertainment from different cultures.

• Trip Planning Organisation: STARS Time: 5-7pm Location: Training Room Details: The session will give you an insight into the many factors that should be considered when planning your trip,whether or not it is a day-trip to a theme park, or a week long excursion into Europe.

PLEASE NOTE: You must book online before attending.

Event Webpage: http://www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/ ~stars/training/training_tripplanning.php

friday 9th • Dinner Meet Organisation: Explorers Time: 6pm Location: Snowdonia, North Wales Details: Our annual dinner meet to Snowdonia.

We’re staying in a hut and cooking a fantastic meal on Saturday night, along with our usual mountain activities on Saturday/Sunday day time. Say goodbye to the outgoing committee in style! Cost £30 including transport, accommodation, breakfasts and Saturday evening meal. No extra charge for activities.

We leave Nottingham 6pm Friday 9th March and arrive back at 10pm(ish) Sunday 11th March. Sign up on Tuesday 27/02/07, 9pm, location TBA. Email us to find out more! suexplorersclub@nottingham.ac.uk • Free Lunchtime Concert Organisation: Mussoc Time: 13:15 Location: Djanogly Recital Hall, Music Department Details: Concert featuring the Music Society’s Early Music ensemble, Collegium Musicum.

monday 12th • Attracting Sponsorship Organisation: STARS Time: 12-2pm Location: Training Room Details: This session will guide you through the steps you will need to take to approach potential sponsors, secure a sponsorship agreement, and ensure the contract is upheld. There’s lots of money out there for student groups, so make sure you know where to look and get the best deal you can! PLEASE NOTE: You must book online before attending.

Event Webpage: http://www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/ ~stars/training/training_attractingsponsorship.php

25 • Further Skills for Course Reps Organisation: Course Reps Time: 5-7pm Location: Training Room Details: This session will equip you with skills to help you in your role as a Course Rep, including assertiveness, negotiation, and meeting skills. Please book your place online at www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/ coursereps before attending.

Event Webpage: www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/ coursereps • Students’ Union Council Organisation: Union Council Time: 7:00pm Location: Sutton Bonington Campus Details: Students’ Union Council is the highest decision making body in the Union and it holds to account the groups and individuals that make up the Students’ Union. Everyone within the Students’ Union is welcome to attend!

Event Webpage: www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/council • Speed Dating @ The Ark Organisation: SU Ents Time: 8pm Location: The Ark Details: Expect to have around 20 face-to-face 3 minute “dates” with like-minded single people.

Ensure that you arrive promptly at 8pm to register as places are limited on a first come, first served basis.

Entry is just £1! For more information please see the ‘Your Entertainment’ section of this website.

wednesday 14th • Publicity and Promotions Organisation: STARS Time: 12-2pm Location: Training Room Details: This session will give you lots of tips on making sure every student on campus knows about your group. PLEASE NOTE: You must book online before attending.

Event Webpage: http://www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/ ~stars/training/training_publicity&promotions.php • Disability Awareness Organisation: STARS Time: 5-7pm Location: Training Room Details: PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A CHANGE TO THE ADVERTISED DATE. Make sure your group is making accessible and appropriate provisions for disabled students, above and beyond what is required of you by the Disability Discrimination Act. This session will explain the DDA and its relevance to your group, and will help you start writing your accessibilty plan.

friday 16th • NUCC AGM Organisation: Caving Time: 6:30pm Location: Yorkshire Dales National Park Details: A weekend in a remote farmhouse exploring Yorkshire’s famous vertical cave systems. This trip is open for people of all abilities. All food, accommodation, transport and equipment is provided for only £30.

• Revival Gospel Choir Easter concert Organisation: Revival Gospel Choir Location: Arts Theatre, Nottingham • How to hold your AGM and Handover Organisation: STARS Time: 12-2pm Location: Training Room Details: Far too often, groups hold their AGM late and then don’t have time to handover properly to their successors, leaving them and the group at a disadvantage. Make sure your hard work is taken forward by holding your AGM correctly and on time, and picking up some great tips for structuring your handover and making sure it all goes smoothly!

PLEASE NOTE: You must book online before attending.

saturday 17th • Revival gospel choir Easter concert Organisation: Revival Gospel Choir Location: Arts Theatre, Nottingham • Further Skills for Course Reps Organisation: Course Reps Time: 10am - 12pm Location: Training Room Details: This session will equip you with skills to help you in your role as a Course Rep, including assertiveness, negotiation, and meeting skills. Please book your place online at www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/ coursereps before attending.

Event Webpage: www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/coursereps

tuesday 20th • Free Lunchtime Concert Organisation: Mussoc Time: 13:15 Location: Djanogly Recital Hall, Music Department Details: Concert with the Music Society’s jazz ensemble Blue Shift.

wednesday 21st • How to sell Your Student Activities Skills on a CV Organisation: STARS Time: 5-7pm Location: Training Room Details: Most people become involved in Student Activities to have fun and meet people, but as a committee member you also will have gained invaluable skills that will help you in your future career. This session will help you consider the skills you have used and gained as a committee member, and teach you how to package them on your CV, application forms and at assessment centres and interviews - and hopefully get you the job of your dreams! A Guest speaker from PWC will be present. PLEASE NOTE: You must book online before attending.

thursday 22nd • How to sell Your Student Activities Skills on a CV Organisation: STARS Time: 12-2pm Location: Training Room Details: See Wednesday 21st • Funny Farm Organisation: SU Ents Time: 8.00pm doors, 8.45pm start Location: The Ark Details: This term Funhouse Comedy Club combines with Funny Farm to bring some truly exceptional nights of the absolute best comedians in the country to the Ark Bar. Tickets £3 in advance from the SU box office or £4 on the door.

impactnottingham.com

tuesday 13th • Free Lunchtime Concert Organisation: Mussoc Time: 13:15 Location: Djanogly Recital Hall, Music Department Details: Concert featuring the University Music Society’s chamber choir, Viva Voce.

PLEASE NOTE: You must book online before attending.

Event Webpage: http://www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/ ~stars/training/training_disabilityawareness.php

saturday 24th • Munro Pineapple Society Easter Trip Organisation: MPS (The Munro Pineapple Society) Time: 9am Location: Glen Shiel, Scotland Details: Start the week at Glen Shiel Campsite then move round to Glenlicht House for some more remote Munros. Can’t wait to see you all the sign up on Tuesday 13th March 07 - 8pm.

saturday 31st • Firefly Residents Party Organisation: Firefly Time: 10pm-6am Location: Marcus Garvey Ballroom, Lenton Boulevard, NG7 2BY Details: Thrash Jelly, Jeet, Max Cooper, Celtec Twins, Matt Hinton, Ripp Off, Ross & Moon. Tickets £10 early bird, £13 normally. For more info: 07811 391 010 or www.ilovefirefly.net

ents:

mondays// oceana

• In advance — £3 • Before 11pm — £3 • After 11pm — £4

wednesdays// isis

• In advance — £3 • On the door — £4

fridays// fresh @ the ark

• Before 9pm — Free • 9 - 10pm — £1 • After 10pm — £3

the zone @ ocean • In advance — £3 • On the door — £4

saturdays// flirt @ the ark

• Before 9pm — Free • 9 - 10pm — £1 • After 10pm — £3

grapevine

• Charity Varsity Football Organisation: Athletic Union Time: 5:45pm and 7:30pm K.O Location: Notts County FC Details: Varsity Football, the highly most contested Varsity of them all. University of Nottingham Men & Women compete head to head against Nottingham Trent for those all important Varsity points. Women’s K.O 5:45pm, Men’s K.O 7:30pm. Buy tickets from the SU Box Office or Karni Reps. Free buses to and from the match

26

Impac

impactnottingham.com

Portl an

Univ

d Bu ildin

ersity

Nott ing

NG7

/ l e v a r t / l e v a r t travel / > Glorious Kazakhstan?

t Tra vel

ham

Park

2RD

g

It was August when we rolled into Aral; a comatose shell of a town. It lies on the edge of what used to be known as the Aral Sea - spoken with a passion and pride by those who farmed near her banks, or fished in her waters. Now people only refer to it as such with a knowing sarcasm, a blissful ignorance or an aching heart.

The town of Aral isn’t so much the end of the Earth as the middle of nowhere. The sea had been the beating heart of this place; before the Soviets embarked on their Grand Plan to divert the two major rivers that feed it. Now, all that’s left is an unbroken horizon of dust and sand, the burning sun and the searing memory of a purpose lost.

The population is officially given as 39,000 but this is a huge over-estimation - the wishful thinking of a community still in shock. We drift silently along the wide dust tracks; baked rock-hard-flat by the merciless sun. We are flanked by single story white buildings of mud and plaster. Everything here is dilapidated and sullen.

The wind blows harshly from the South-West, whipping up the fine Kazakh dust; tumbleweed speed along, clearly with somewhere better to be.

Finally, we stumble upon the old harbour. Imagine the end of Planet of the Apes, only this is real. The elephantine iron carcasses of the old fishing fleet are preserved on the hot sand, like immense fossils.

Another turn of the road leads us, at last, to the town centre. The market here used to sell, in the words of one local, more fish than “anyone could eat”.

Now the only fish sold here are dried, driven in from 100km away, where the sea is still real. The market square itself is large, about 200m by 400m; a vast daily catch would fill the bulk of this every morning.

Now the entire market takes up only a fraction of the space. For those of the former fishing community, their livelihoods lie, with biting irony, in selling the cans of tinned sardines and tuna, piggybacking in on caviar smugglers’ lorries from Russia and the oil-rich west. Other men eke out a living by bussing hundreds of miles away to work in the oil-fields and refineries whose revenues will probably never help the places like this.

The government, it seems, has other priorities: it embarks on prestige projects like the massive redevelopment of the corporate areas of Astana, the country’s new capital. Included in the new investment projects is a 250ft high pyramid opera house, whose construction, were it to happen in the UK, would run into the hundreds and millions of pounds (the exact cost in Kazakhstan is kept, unsurprisingly, as a complete secret from the voting public).

Corruption is another reason the people here are probably, tragically, right to harbour so little hope for their future. The corruption in the governing echelons

of society are matched by that of the police and border guards - as your correspondent can attest - we ourselves had enormous, expensive trouble even getting this far. Even the health care system is infected - don’t expect to get treated without paying a hefty bribe to your doctor.

But back to Aral. Our arrival creates a great deal of interest - they don’t get too many visitors these days. One man amongst the group that gathers round us tries to ask us who we are. I explain, through a combination of pictures drawn in the dust, a tatty map and shoddy Russian, just what the hell we’re doing here. He explains that a change in the town occurred in the mid 1980s. The rains used to come frequently to this place, a fact that is shocking in itself were you to see it now. He blames the Russians; it’s at this point I realise he’s blind drunk.

In this place though, there is little to do but drink; if I’d had the terrible luck to be born here, I think I might just do the same - most of the other men are in a similar state. I ask his age; he thinks he’s “21 or 22.” His wind worn, empty face makes him look nearer twice that. He is young, yet holds little hope for the future. What really strikes you is lack of anything here that could really make a human happy.

To cap it off: the lingering, inescapable presence of an empty harbour - the relic of a happier past that can never be regained. If there is a joy and beauty to our western cities it must lie in their vibrancy, the wealth of possibility and choice. Most of us have experienced the bustling eclecticism of London, New York or Paris. In these places, nearly everyone has a chance to turn an idea into reality, to find a way of being happy.

William Blythe

travel

impactnottingham.com

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/ > Backpacker’s Pick: The Scottish Cairngorms This month’s backpacker’s pick stays within the confines of the beautiful island of our very own United Kingdom. The wilderness of the gigantic Cairngorm National Park provides an ideal location for a tranquil break away from the noise and bustle of the urban student life.

Granted national park status in 2003, the Cairngorm National Park is one of the newest in the UK. The Cairngorm mountain range itself includes the second highest peak in the UK, with the appropriately Scottish sounding title of Ben Macdui, as well as four other peaks over 4,000 feet.

The spectacular granite mountain range of the Cairngorms along with its heath lands and

ancient pine woods combine to make it a major attraction for tourists. There’s also a wide array of wildlife including the Golden Eagle, but the most popular attraction within the park is the Cairngorm Mountain Railway, which attracts around 200,000 visitors per year and holds the prestigious title of being the highest railway in the UK. Intrigued? Well, in terms of accommodation, the village of Braemar provides a picturesque location in close proximity to the national park.

Hostel prices range from £7 to £15 per person, per night, and the village is equipped with all the necessary amenities – essentially, a local shop and a pub within easy walking distance.

For more options on accommodation in

Braemar and the surrounding areas check out www.visitscotland.com.

The nearest airport to the Cairngorms is Aberdeen and flight prices from all major UK airports (depending on the airport of departure) range from around £50 to £100 each way. Both GNER and National Express also run services to Aberdeen. For exact prices and more information on the various travel options visit www.britishairways.com, www.flybmi.com, www.nationalexpress.com or www.GNER.co.uk.

Sam Holland

> The Grand Tour : Southampton

To start your dangerous weekend, how about the Jane Austen Trail? This takes you around Southampton’s very own Old Medieval Town, which Jane resided in. If this seems a little too damaging to the credibility you have worked up whilst at Nottingham, fear not, for there are plenty of other options, including the even cheesier Titanic Tour!

Jokes aside, there are an abundance of sights in Southampton, ranging from taking a deservedly chilled walk along the infamous and busiest commercial harbour in Europe to sitting and catching up over coffee in the fairly expansive West Quay Shopping Centre.

If you’re looking for a break that incorporates culture, Southampton’s City Art Gallery is a surprisingly interesting option. Its artwork and exhibitions range from contemporary to classic to the slightly obscure. If you visit between now and the 1st of April you can even catch

the optimistically named ‘Darkness Visible’.

This contains a selection of contemporary photography, painting and film exploring the darker states of the human psyche: unhappiness, anxiety, introspection, melancholy and a seeming obsession with morality. Nice.

Gig-wise, Southampton has The Venue.

Forthcoming acts include Lenny Henry, All Star Wrestling, and Roy Chubby Brown, but more credible acts such as Jamie T, Corinne Bailey Rae and The View will also be making appearances in the next two months.

There are plenty of happy and typically studenty things to do – the most popular one being the opportunity to dip a toe into the pool of their nightlife. To start the evening with a slightly more pleasurable meal than you’re bound to pick up on your way home, Oxford Street is just on the outskirts of the city, it has the standard Pizza Express but also more unique restaurants such as Olive Tree (honey glazed duck, raspberry dressing: absolutely). For Thai to die (for), Saras in Portswood is high on the list.

In the same area is Jesters. I was told it was ‘crap but you’ll love it’ I completely agree, I just didn’t love it. The students of Southampton have it on authority that it is the worst nightclub in Britain, and this actually makes it incredibly

bearable and even quite comical especially after the 50p shots, £1.50 snakebite/pint. The Students’ Union (Cube) has its big nights on Friday and Saturday with jolly exciting names such as Kinki and Fat Poppadaddys, which are always rammed, a potential explanation for Poppa’s obesity problem perhaps? Above Cube is a bar called Bridge which is actually pretty cool, playing jazz nights for the more sophisticated types. To conclude: Southampton is definitely safe, security wise, people wise and activity wise, and provides a damn good giggle along the way.

Amy Pickerill

travel

If term-time living in the most dangerous postcode in Britain has made you a nervous wreck, perhaps you should take a mini-break in one of the safest cities in the UK. By no means does that indicate the city is devoid from excitement, life or the general thrill we all experience in Nottingham…this is the case put forward for living on the wild side in Southampton.

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impactnottingham.com/style

women today As this is the women’s issue, we thought we would take a look at a few of the stereotypical images of women today - with a stylish twist, of course.

Jacket - H&M, £4 Boob-Tube - H&M, £1 Leggings - H&M, £9.99 Platform Shoes - Office, £15 images katie hodgkiss, mary-anne veit & balkaran bassan | styling katie hodgkiss, mary-anne veit, simone konu & rachel banks | models kahlee & nicola green smith

Dress - Oxfam Originals, £20

fashion

the fitness freak

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impactnottingham.com/style Dress - Zara, £59.99 Shoes - Kurt Geiger, £60

fashion

the drama queen

Flower-print pinafore - Topshop, £38 Wool poloneck - Topshop, £20 Necklace - Wild Clothing, £2

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impactnottingham.com/style

the little rich girl

Seventies Wear what you want, how you want. Cover up during the day with knee-length dresses in floral prints then bear all in an empire line mini-dress in the evening. Whatever you wear, a laid-back seventies attitude is essential. Oh, and platforms.

fashion

Fox-fur Coat - Stylist’s Own Gold Dress - Lovelexi, £30 Shoes - Topshop, £50 Watch - Guess, £65 Necklace - John Lewis - £100

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impactnottingham.com/style

the vamp

Dress - eBay, £30

Thanks to: The Model Academy 1 Atworth Grove Littleover Derbyshire DE23 3WZ 01332 540 446 www.themodelacademy.co.uk

women’s best friend: fashion icons the little black dress

words farah shafiq

fashion

Audrey Hepburn, croissant in hand, gazing into the window of Tiffany’s, Marilyn Monroe in her final portrait by photographer Bert Stern, and Liz Hurley on the arm of Hugh Grant for the Four Weddings and a Funeral premiere - three iconic images of three very different women, with one thing in common…the little black dress. Each dress very different, although all equally stylish, these are three perfect examples of how the LBD can be adapted to represent its wearer accordingly. Whether it is Hepburn’s elegant chic, Monroe’s demure yet daring backless gown or Versace’s stunning safety-pinned creation which projected Hurley to fame, the legend of the simple, elegant, flattering LBD is timeless.

classes, advocating the practical style of their servants as the new couture. Named the ‘Ford’ dress because, like Henry Ford’s cars, it was an instant must-have in 1920s consumer culture and, like Ford’s Model T vehicles it came in only one colour, black. Coco’s sketch for French Vogue in 1926 advocated her love of all things noir (she never wore any other colour) and the classic Parisian ‘new uniform of modern woman’ has effortlessly glided into the 21st century. As the epitome of smart sophistication and demure sex appeal, we have embraced the versatility of the LBD as our fashion failsafe and staple of wardrobes everywhere. And for anyone worried that black is a bore, may the words of Dior guide you:

The dress was initially Coco Chanel’s ironic revenge against the fashion-conscious upper

“Wear black at any hour, day or night, at any age and for any occasion.”

words mary-anne veit

In a world where fashion trends are fleeting, even the style of the most adored celebrities is only trendy for a moment rather than for life. To be an icon, however, is to have a style that is enduring in its impact, widely and uncritically admired, and truly original.

Audrey Hepburn is undeniably a fashion icon, thanks to her classic, timeless 1960s look. With her couturier, Hubert de Givenchy, she is one of the leading ladies behind “the little black dress”. She also brought a sense of sophistication to the black polo-neck, and will be thanked by women everywhere for popularising ballet pumps. Although many of our generation will be only be familiar with the cult ‘Breakfast at Tiffanys’ image of Hepburn, it was the paradox between her chic sense of style and the host of eccentric, kooky roles she was known for that set Hepburn apart from all the rest.

Both unattainable and admirable, Audrey Hepburn’s universally attractive style has made her one of

the most iconic women in fashion.

Hepburn does not stand alone in the fashion hall of fame however. Other icons include Grace Kelly in the 1950s, who inspired the extremely popular Hermes “Kelly” bag; Mary Quant in the 1960s, famous for the mini-skirt and Jackie Kennedy Onassis, “Jackie O”, who gave the role of the First Lady a hint of sex appeal. All are iconic in terms of what they brought to the fashion industry, and are still inspirational for many designers today. What made these women remarkable is that they made looking fashionable effortless - their style was emblematic of who they were rather than the product of mass fashion culture (take note, Nicole Ritchie). So, next time you feel yourself succumbing to the latest fashion craze even though you may not feel it is for you, take inspiration from the icons and stick with your own individual style; it will earn you much more respect than being a slave to fashion.

overheard in hallward

survey …what do women want?

Sofia – 4th year Hispanic and Latin American Studies “Equality. And someone who knows how to make you come. A lot.”

Pragya – 3rd year Law “A guy who can think outside the box – someone who doesn’t conform.”

down please? // he just stood there looking like the skinniest waif you’ve ever seen in your life, with no clothes on // isn’t that the saddest thing you’ve ever heard? // the same thing

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happened to me when I was three // but that was before the geese came // I find it so difficult // I bought some lights to get into the spirit // I just wish that// are you going to come and stay with me tonight? // I just think he’s so lovely // Weren’t you scared? // yeah yeah yeah definitely yeah. words bianca leggett

Laura, Harvey, Beatriz and Tori – 1st year French and Russian “Someone with a brain.”

“Superficial beauty.”

“Limitless overdraft.”

“Time.”

Lucy – 4th year Communicator

Ged – Bus Driver “Everything.”

“To be understood, and that men would be more expressive.”

Christina – 3rd year Ancient History and Latin “What they can’t have.”

Bianca – 2nd year English “Just enough stability to comfortably rebel against.”

spare parts

Why, aren’t you happy? // You look like you’re freezing // it would be easier if she wasn’t so sweet // Why would you do that? // I don’t think I was too harsh // such a flashy laugh // He does get paid and I don’t // he shouldn’t say things like that, it makes me want to punch him in the face // especially if everyone turns up // I think I know him // god that’s a joke // it doesn’t change your lifestyle // I can’t, I can’t, I’ve got this thingy // yesterday this girl came to me and was like they always do it on a Tuesday // unless you’re really desperate // 60p for a can of coke!? // I gave you money, I gave you loads of money // I have to take this big bag with me // they don’t get this shit in Oxford // would you like to come

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spare parts

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our woman in... words camilla emerson

…porto, portugal One of the things I’ve discovered during my time as an Erasmus student is that I am a cliché of Englishness. Due to my skin being as pale as the Trent Building and having blonde hair dulled by the lack of English sunshine I can inevitably be spotted a mile off by prowling Spanish men as la chica inglesa. On top of that, I can’t tell you how many times I have heard: “You Eeeenglish, you like to get druuuunk, you like to paaartyy!!” The fact that I (and the rest of the Erasmus contingent) quite easily fit this criterion of the English-abroadcliché usually yields the jaded response of: “Well…err…not all the time…”

guide

And another thing: manners. I will admit that I have the bad habit of openly burping in public yet I’ve realised that I abhor people who lack general courtesy. In the land of extreme politeness that is England, we say sorry for even deigning to accidentally brush someone with the tip of a finger. However, in Zaragoza, where I spent the first half of my year abroad, I was shocked by its absence. Zaragoza suffers from Vengeful-Grandma-Syndrome (VGS). Yes, the worst offenders are the little old ladies.

They not only scowl at you as you walk past to sort of say ‘How dare you be younger than me!’ but also demonstrate a horrendous lack of Bus Etiquette. On a bus full of olds there is no such thing as ‘excuse me’. There is a vicious stare and then an outright shove if you unfortunately happen to be in their way when they want to get off. Luckily, it doesn’t seem to

IMPACT’S MONTHLY PIECE OF ADVICE

words sarah braybrooke

…using the word ‘cunt’

nice bits and bobs

Fanny, vagina, pussy, twat, ‘lady garden’; what do you call a woman’s ‘bits’? The English language is awash with euphemisms, yet none seem to sit comfortably. There are no nonchalant ways for reffering to that zone. Yet, looming in the distance, casting its shadow over all our attempts to name it, is…Cunt. The name we dare not name.

‘Cunt’ pops up all over the place. As a swear word it has largely been accepted as a legitimate term with which to express oneself -

you probably wouldn’t say it in front of your granny, but it barely raises an eyebrow on campus. But how healthy can our relationships with cunts be if we are throwing the word around like it’s a little bomb of hate? Aren’t we buying into oppressive women-hating values every time we say it?

Every time you say ‘cunt’, does an innocent vagina die somewhere, unloved?

Err, no. As much as we might want to diffuse some of the tension aroused by that word, pussyfooting around the issue will not help.

You will often hear people declare that Cunt is a disgusting word – but maybe they are repulsed not by the misogyny implicit in the way vaginas are being described, but by the idea of vaginas themselves.

be contagious as the rest of Spain and, so far, Porto, doesn’t seem to suffer from VGS. As for Porto, I have been here five days, lectures haven’t started and it rains like I should be in England, yet I think I kinda like it. Porto has this Olde Worlde charm. The city centre is a UNESCO World Heritage site and you can stand in some places, especially the riverside district of Ribeira, and forget this is 2007. But due to recent investment as a result of Euro 2004 it’s coming along. There’s the massive Estádio do Drogão, home to Porto FC, and an efficient new metro system. And, even though I am currently speaking Spanglish, with one or two remembered words of Portuguese thrown in for good measure, they don’t seem to mind at all.

Frankly, prudishness is what got us into this situation in the first place. A delicate evasion of the matter in hand has got us to the point where the most obscene word in the English language is the thing between a lady’s legs.

And in a world full of obscenities; genocide, racism, murder, this seems rather ridiculous.

Let’s try taking a new approach: create a culture of Cunt, as it were. We can practice using it in a more liberated, lighthearted way.

Stealthily slip ‘cunt’ in to a girly chat: ‘Oh I always wax, I never shave my cunt’. Toss it out as an affectionate insult: ‘You silly cunt!’. We have to reclaim the word for what it is meant to be – a convenient, irreverent but harmless moniker for vaginas. Essentially, it’s time to call a cunt a cunt.

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ARTS | FILMS | MUSIC | NIGHTS | GRATIS

nice

image dave eborall

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reality check why haven’t we switched off reality tv?

you are what you read

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the catcher in the rye You first read The Catcher in the Rye during your GCSEs, clasping it to your angst-ridden adolescent heart safe in feeling at least Holden ‘got you’. You came to university hoping to meet others like you, but were dismayed to find those burly types from Sixth Form still in evidence – pushing in the lunch queue, saying ‘awesome’ all the time. Walking through Hallward Library, you glance at the pretty girls around you, all too shallow and superficial to see your fragile soul and inner beauty. Like you do.

You hope to find someone who shares your dislike of growing up in a way they can’t really express (though it might be something about having to get a job) and who gets the meaning of Catcher. It’s pretty deep and not for everyone, because not everyone questions authority and sees the flaws of this flawed world but is simultaneously too apathetic to do anything about them…

arts

Back in halls, you frown at the phonies laughing as they hop in a taxi to Ocean. Settling down in bed with Catcher for the 200th time, your final thought is ‘Why can’t more people be just like me?’

Rose Chapman

Phil Collins has been asking some controversial questions about Reality TV. No, not the singer on this occasion, but creator of Return of the Real, this year’s column-inch generating entry in the 2006 Turner Prize. A series of video diaries from past contestants of reality series telling of the ruined lives of its failed stars and, in an ironic twist, placing the ‘celebrities’ under the same scrutiny which first brought them to public attention.

While the entry failed to scoop the prize, attracting the usual cries of ‘But is it art?’, the questions it raised are undoubtedly still buzzing around the national consciousness.

For Collins, and a number of pundits, reality TV is symbolic of the decline in human development: an ethically blurry place between the public and private spheres which makes voyeurs of us all. After the racist bullying scandal in Celebrity-less Big Brother, we have more reason than ever to worry that a programme’s audience pleasure is dependent on its subject’s pain.

How then do the makers of these programmes justify what they do? ‘Millions of people can’t be wrong’ said Nikki Pinkus, a reality TV producer. ‘12 million viewers tuned in to the final of X Factor this year, and in this multichannel age that is nothing to be scorned at.

Broadcasters are merely giving the people what they want’. But popularity with the majority and purity of morality were never quite the same thing. Instead, the sheer numbers watching Reality TV becomes a license of acceptability, distracting us from analysing the

attraction: nosiness.

We’ve all heard the saying that the grass is greener on the other side, and so we like a good look at other peoples’ pastures. Either way it works in our favour: the glamorous shows give us an exotic life to aspire to while the more gritty ones convince us someone is worse off.

What reality TV isn’t, is educational. Salman Rushdie once said ‘reality is a question of perspective’, but this reality isn’t anyone’s perspective. Not unless your reality involves weird bugs on a paradise island, or plastic surgery to look like a favoured celebrity as routine. The most stable among us probably don’t even sit in large chairs to bitch about our least popular housemate to a TV screen.

The fact is, reality TV is no more real than Eastenders or Friends. Luckily for the makers of reality TV, however, the viewing public seems either not to notice or not to care. The circus goes on, its viewing figures menaced by an audience’s moral repulsion. ‘It’s when shows start to feel overtly derivative that the moaning is justified’ added Pinkus. Originality is key. So, here are some ideas: America’s Next Top Politician, (Hilary Clinton v Barack Obama), Celebrity Deathmatch (between Gordon and Tony), David Cameron on The Apprentice…

Now that’s something worth watching.

Jennifer Lipman

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the circus of horrors:

the evilution @the royal centre A title of such lexical creativity promised, to your reviewer, a performance of macabre beauty and celerity in death…instead we got an unsophisticated freak show which wasn’t quite freaky enough.

The promising opening showed a girl writhing to techno music in a nightmarish state clutching a skeletal child’s doll, a successful

cymbeline

@ rufford abbey

juxtaposition of the innocent world of sleep with sepulchral echoes of the afterlife.

What followed was, however, a carelessly woven narrative dominated by a caterwauling ringmaster who strove to recreate better days.

Despite its best attempts to shock, The Circus of Horrors had the depressingly clapped-out feel of a church fete, trying to inject vigour into an obviously flagging routine. Though not without its bizarre components (a man whose skin had the consistency of clingfilm, self

piercing, and an artful display of air acrobatics) the rest of the performance ranged from flaccidly unimaginative to vaguely distasteful.

A dwarf dancing around with a vacuum cleaner attached to his penis may be quite novel, but was fairly pointless and wasted time that could have been dedicated to something truly freakish. Next time, more gore and less gimmick please.

Kneehigh Theatre Company’s brand spanking new adaptation of Cymbeline is a fusion of sex, songs and spray-paint. Fierce blends of electrifying live music and dirty dance moves combine with a plethora of pyrotechnics which all serve to thoroughly to revamp this, one of Shakespeare’s most problematic and least performed plays.

Posthumus who has been unfairly exiled by her father, King Cymbeline. Along the way, as the setting shifts between England and Italy, we meet prostitutes in drag and perverts in parka jackets, generating a warped fairytale atmosphere, which effectively heightens the play’s tragicomic essence. The play’s tricky battle scenes are cleverly visualised using toy soldiers on a giant board game, captivating audience members as the production’s magical strangeness becomes fused with the epic.

The Cornish company’s first adventure into Shakespeare manages to retain its characteristic charismatic vigour through simplification of the play’s complex storylines.

The plot certainly has everything: unrequited love, betrayal, revenge, war and death, yet Kneehigh’s freely adapted verse leaves audiences feeling that this is more soap opera than Shakespeare. Spectators are actively encouraged to join in the heroine Imogen’s sentimental quest to find her lover

Carly Taylor

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theatre

Perhaps not a production suitable for all the family, but this is certainly Shakespeare as you’ve never seen him before and Kneehigh at their jubilant best.

Lucy Wheeler

paint

gordon cheung @ lakeside

The cartoon-like images of clowns and ghosts and psychedelic colours seem ominous and out of place, yet it is these aspects which push the traditional oriental brush painting into the new millennium. This strange combination of

natural and manmade, sublime and technological, creates a rare sense of immediacy and apocalyptic content.

Cheung’s artwork is not detached and insular but bound up with central issues faced today. He uses art as a way of reflecting the pace of change and expressing the feelings of fear and apprehension such globalisation invokes. The inventive style and unique, thought-provoking ideas make his exhibition a fascinating visit.

Ele Jones

arts

Gordon Cheung’s paintings are an expression of how the globalisation of our economydriven, nanosecond lifestyle effects our perception of the world - nature swallowed up by data. His innovative use of the Financial Times as the background on which he has ink and spray painted landscapes acts as a metaphor of the control of nature by human constructions, or of the birth of a new virtual reality of information overload.

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Sponsored by Savoy Cinema - 0115 947 2580 233 Derby Road, Nottingham, NG7 1QN

cinema

hannibal rising (18)

Cast: Gaspard Ulliel, Gong Li, Rhys Ifans, Richard Brake, Kevin McKidd Director: Peter Webber Running Time: 121 minutes What is ‘Hannibal Rising’? Well, the clue is in the title and the film delivers precious little more in the way of developing the Hannibal saga. While it is true that Gaspard Ulliel is filling some very big boots by attempting to portray the young Hannibal Lecter, it does beg the question as to whether this needed to be made at all. Fourth in the Hannibal series (if you don’t include Michael Mann’s underrated ‘Manhunter’), ‘Hannibal Rising’ follows the story of Hannibal’s early life in Europe. The film tries to provide some sort of quasi-Freudian rationale for Hannibal’s psychosis, with family trauma, poverty and war-torn Europe as backdrops for his formative years. However, one of the biggest flaws in this story is that quite frankly the most seductive and intriguing qualities to Lecter’s classic characterisation (for which Anthony Hopkins won the Oscar in 1992) were the mystery of his past and the impenetrable evil of his psyche. By road-mapping his descent into murder and cannibalism, ‘Hannibal Rising’ deflates Lecter’s persona from the status of evil genius to what is effectively an emo kid.

In addition to this, the film is overly linear, skipping from set piece to set piece and using unnecessary attention to anatomy to compensate for the lack of psychological intensity. There are no likeable characters (not even Hannibal), terribly confused accents and the homage to the previous films is redundantly obvious. Most of all, this film is just plain boring, leaving you feeling that you would have been better just renting ‘Silence of the Lambs’ instead.

★

hot fuzz (15)

Cast: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Jim Broadbent, Timothy Dalton Director: Edgar Wright Running Time: 124 minutes Following the success of the dark, violent and rather comedic ‘Shaun of the Dead’, the British writing team of Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright return with their second instalment ‘Hot Fuzz’.

Employing many of the same techniques as its predecessor, ‘Hot Fuzz’ centres itself on Pegg’s character, London super cop Nick Angel. In short, Angel is too good at his job and is therefore shipped away to the country. Angel arrives in Sandford, a quaint sleepy village that boasts much to disappoint Angel, including a crime rate of zero. As the story unravels, it turns out that Sandford is not quite the safe haven it appears to be and it is left to Angel and his less-than-clever partner Danny Butterman (played by Nick Frost) to uncover and fight this nasty little truth.

It might be contested that it delivers too many laughs, yet for a mere £4 ‘Hot Fuzz’ is everything you need to get over a hangover.

★ ★ ★★

Harry Kerr

the science of sleep (15)

Cast: Gael García Bernal, Charlotte Gainsbourg Director: Michel Gondry Running Time: 105 minutes

films

After his father dies, Stéphane (Gael García Bernal) leaves Mexico for an apartment and a job as a graphic designer in France, both arranged by his French mother. He soon discovers the job does not afford him the artistic licence he had first thought but swiftly becomes enchanted by his next-door neighbour Stéphanie (Charlotte Gainsbourg). This would be straightforward enough except for Stéphane’s habit to dream truly madly deeply; dreams that bleed into reality until he struggles to tell the difference. Cue Michel Gondry, director of ‘Eternal Sunshine..’ and countless music videos, who paints psychedelic dreams in cardboard, felt and cellophane. Visually stunning and frequently funny the dreams propel the story, but they occasionally feel overly indulgent, a pop music veneer for Kieran Wakeley

Though Oscar nominations won’t be flying at this film, it’s very difficult to criticise it. The Pegg and Frost partnership previously seen in ‘Shaun of the Dead’ acts once again as the heart of the film. This time, though, it’s even better, as the contrast in characters is utilised to strengthen the relationship built throughout the film. Equally excellent is the hoard of famous British cameos; Timothy Dalton and Jim Broadbent both give strong performances and the likes of Bill Bailey, Martin Freeman and Steve Coogan simply give the film more.

an unrealised concept. What saves ‘Science’ from choking on a pretentious collage of patchwork sweet wrappers and crepe paper is the simmering romance between the protagonists.

While Gael García Bernal’s character errs on the pathetic, his misguided attempts at wooing the hugely likeable Charlotte Gainsbourg provide a strong emotional core that grounds the heart even if the head is amongst the clouds. The supporting cast are also impressive and add broader comedic elements and, like the central pair, speak mainly in English with some French. This film could be seen as a companion piece to the Kaufman-written ‘Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind’, so if you are a fan of that or are simply willing to try something different, definitely give this a go.

★ ★ ★★

Tom Peck

Of the two main characters Barrymore provides the most commendable performance as she partly redeems herself from the

dvd

Another high point of the film is Alex Fletcher’s incredibly cheesy video to his biggest hit ‘Pop Goes My Heart’.

The video’s cheesiness combined with a catchy tune and Hugh Grant prancing about with ridiculous hair and clothes is genuinely funny, providing the most laughs in the film.

But even though the film has its good bits it does not offer anything new and is let down by the same predictable plot that is used for every single romantic comedy.

Due to this, the film struggles to be memorable and is likely to come and go relatively swiftly.

Despite its flaws ‘Music and Lyrics’ is pleasant, light-hearted and enjoyable enough whilst providing a humorous satire of the sexualisation of modern pop stars.

★★ ★

Warren Tarling

volver (15)

39

horror that was ‘Fifty First Dates’.

However it is Barrymore’s onscreen sister Rhonda Fisher (Kristen Johnston) who is a surprising plus for the film, as is displayed when Alex Fletcher himself has dinner in her home.

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Cast: Hugh Grant, Drew Barrymore, Kristen Johnson Director: Marc Lawrence Running Time: 96 minutes

music and lyrics (12A)

‘Music and Lyrics’ sees Hugh Grant play Alex Fletcher, a hasbeen Eighties pop star living off his past success whilst playing gigs to menopausal women in hotels, fair grounds and state fairs.

When superstar singer Cora asks Fletcher to write a single for them to perform together, Fletcher enlists his plant-waterer Sophie Fisher (Drew Barrymore) to write the lyrics.

Pronounced bol-ber and translated Director: Pedro Almodóvar loosely as ‘to return’, ‘Volver’ is the Cast: Penélope Cruz, Lola Dueñas , Carmen sixteenth full-length release from Spain’s Maura, Yohana Cobo most recognized modern director Pedro Running time: 121 minutes Almodóvar; and it marks a welcome, Released: Out Now surprisingly conventional addition to his résumé. Built around familiar themes gives herself to the role completely, happy such as family, femininity and resilience, to appear unflatteringly aged and to wear there is one theme that looms over this a prosthetic butt throughout shooting work more than any other; death, and (somewhat amusingly). Carmen Maura more specifically the influence of death on and Lola Dueñas – who together with Cruz the living - psychologically, spiritually and share the Cannes Best Actress award – are literally. Moreover, it uses the proposed equally fantastic as the lead’s sister and return of the dead to show how life mother, filling the film with an understated, perpetuates itself inter-generationally. poignant glow.

This is a subtle triumph that carefully traverses the barrier between tragedy and comedy, and manages to be inspiringly heartwarming without a hint of cheese: beautifully written, carefully put together and faultlessly performed.

★ ★ ★★ ★

Rob Garratt

the queen (12A) Cast: Helen Mirren, Michael Sheen, James Cromwell, Sylvia Syms Director: Stephen Frears Running Time: 99 minutes Released: 12 March

We all remember that fateful Sunday morning in 1997 waking up to the news of the death of Diana, Princess of Wales; whether it was out of sadness for losing of one of our nation’s greatest treasures or out of frustration that kids’ TV was cancelled for a whole week, nevertheless the tragic event remained prominent in the headlines for several years to come.

Stephen Frears’ ‘The Queen’ takes up this sensitive issue on a less superficial level, exploring the impact it had on the Royal family, particularly the monarch herself (brilliantly played by Helen Mirren), at a time when Blair’s New Labour government had just been voted into office and the wound inflicted by Diana’s divorce from Charles was still very raw. Indeed, Mirren is superb as the stubborn yet compassionate Queen who struggles to compromise her personal feelings regarding her ex-daughter-in-law with that

of a grieving nation; ultimately she must decide what is most important, her family or her country.

Frears paints a complex picture of the monarch; one who can be cold and hostile, lacking so much in everyday manners that it would make your mother mad, alongside one who is rather ‘normal’ given her privileged upbringing, as shown by her passion for solitary walks and her Range Rover – the juxtaposition of these ideas however does not always run smoothly. Her seemingly unfounded hostility towards the new Prime Minister (Sheen) compounded with his matriarchal admiration is particularly interesting in its presentation of old vs. new values. However, the film draws its strength from its interjections of real-life television footage of Diana and her funeral at Westminster Abbey – coverage which we would have seen ourselves ten years ago. Yet while we perhaps were only exposed to the tabloids’ opinion of Elizabeth as uncaring in her unresponsiveness, the film succeeds in offering an insight into the difficulties of her unique position as grandmother, wife and Queen.

★ ★ ★★

Paul Cooney

films

Much of the film’s worldwide box office success (estimated to be over $80,000,000) has been attributed to the career-defining role of Penélope Cruz, receiving Best Actress nominations at the Oscars, Academy Awards and the Golden Globes amongst others. This is the third time Cruz has worked with Almodóvar and under his direction she

40

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unifilms Thursday 1st March Sunday 4th March Thursday 8th March Sunday 11th March Thursday 15th March Sunday 18th March

All films start at 7:30pm in A48, Clive Granger Building, £3 each or £2 with membership.

lust actually Now that Valentine’s Day is over and professions of love and thoughts of ‘I’d be a really great girlfriend if someone would actually give me the chance…’ have been cast aside for another year, us girls can get back to the real business of thinking we seriously might have a bit of a thing for characters from films who, let’s face it, aren’t real.

films

It’s long been a pastime for girls to get excited about the blokes we see on the big screen since we were old enough for it to be acceptable. Thus Baz Luhrmann’s ‘Romeo and Juliet’ released in 1996 was perfect timing. The hormones were raging and it was the first and last English trip that you were chuffed you went on. The scene where Leonardo Di Caprio’s Romeo strolls down the beach smoking a fag whilst Radiohead’s brilliant ‘Talk Show Host’ plays out, gets your hearts beating so fast you think there’s going to be a death in the cinema, and you’re left thinking that your 12year-old boyfriend Chris, who seemed so cool on the coach there, is actually a bit shit. We all had the keyring and the poster on our walls.

Unfortunately, they both had to be removed a year later with the release of ‘Titanic’. All is going along swimmingly until the infamous drawing <cough> seduction scene (I didn’t say she was a slut) when Rose gets naked.

Kate Winslet’s breasts confirm what we’d suspected all along - that Jack couldn’t handle a real woman. All that condensation over those

A Good Year The Departed Babel Casino Royale Pan’s Labyrinth Snakes on a Plane

windows wasn’t fooling anyone; after all, we were at least thirteen by this point and wanted a bad boy, not a love-sick puppy who would stupidly sacrifice his own life by staying in icecold water whilst his woman selfishly hogs a bit of wood that clearly has enough room left for a little one.

Heath Ledger in ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ was an acceptable bad boy replacement - if only he hadn’t been flaunting that long brown perm! If we fast forward to 2005, when Heath sported a short little blonde number in ‘Brokeback Mountain’, then we’re in business.

Of course, you know you’re in a losing situation - he likes boys, and you think his little playmate Jake Gyllenhaal is more attractive, anyway.

Gyllenhaal’s character Jack Twist is definitely a safer bet than Ledger’s, because that Ennis has a filthy temper on him and a filthy mind - there’s always that danger that he’d flip you over and do what he did to his wife Alma. Bad tempered men should be avoided. Take Patrick Swayze’s Johnny in ‘Dirty Dancing’- yeah he’s got some good moves but he wouldn’t fare well in an intellectual debate on say, for example, ‘men who look like they’re bordering on sweaty for the majority of a film’, even though he would know all about that. A man who goes for a woman as boring as Baby has to be lacking in something anyway; which leads me to wonder how it was that Jennifer Grey managed to get herself engaged to

Johnny Depp in the 90s, and that was before she had the nose job.

Now, Johnny Depp is a man not afraid of his own masculinity; he’d happily borrow your eyeliner and end up looking better than you do. Yeah, he looks like a gypsy dressed up as a pirate, but you wouldn’t kick him out of bed for having wet boots. You would kick him out, though, if he continued to pursue his love interest in Elizabeth Swan. Keira Knightley is about as sexy as Little Britain’s Bubbles in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: The Incoherent Sequel’. What is it with our beloved on-screen blokes going for her? Andrew Lincoln’s character Mark’s love for her in ‘Love Actually’ is beyond distressing. The scene which steals the rest of the film, where he holds up those placards telling her she’s perfect is about as brilliant as you can get. Thanks to the genius of Richard Curtis, us girls have realised that nice guys don’t always have to finish last. In fact, they’re a bloody good bet. Bridget Jones gets it right in ‘The Edge of Reason’ when she acknowledges that yes, Hugh Grant’s Daniel Cleaver could do things to you that would make even your dog blush, but then he’d just bugger off with a Thai boy. What you’re left with in the long run is Mark Darcy who doesn’t care that you’re a bit fat. And that’s what really matters.

Vicki Evans

However, a large proportion of those nominations are due to the performances of Meryl Streep. At the age of 57 Streep has earned herself a whopping 22 Golden Globe and a record 14 Academy Award nominations. This has lead to her earning the reputation of undoubtedly being the finest actress of her generation and perhaps the finest actress of all time. In ‘The Devil Wears Prada’, Streep won universal praise for her portrayal of high fashion editor Miranda Priestly. Her performance is exceptional as she easily convinces the audience of the character’s ruthless determination for success and exceptionally high standards.

Despite the performances of her fellow nominees, it has been Helen Mirren’s performance in Stephen Frear’s ‘The Queen’ that has dominated the award season for 2007, even winning her an Oscar for Best Actress. Even though Mirren has faced stiff competition during this year’s awards season, her numerous victories have been well deserved. The level of performance displayed by Mirren in ‘The Queen’ was quite excellent and manages to hold together an otherwise mediocre film.

One dimension that has also added to the excitement of this year’s Oscar race has been the age of the major nominees. The three main contenders (Streep, Mirren and Dench) are all seasoned pros of the acting profession. but their age does not imply a lack of talent. On the contrary, repeated nominations for

41 Streep, Mirren and Dench displays an even more profound achievement due to Hollywood’s preference for roles written for younger women.

Importantly, this trend is not just applicable for actresses as even acting legends such as Dustin Hoffman have described difficulties in playing the roles they wish due to the large number of parts written for younger actors.

This trend provokes the question - where is the next generation of Oscar-worthy talent coming from?

With this in mind, we must turn our attention to three of Hollywood’s brightest prospects in the form of Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson and Dakota Fanning. Each of these actresses has had film roles from a young age and, Fanning aside (who is only just 13), all have continued to mature as actresses and develop their careers.

Of the three actresses, Portman is likely to be the first to receive an Oscar - she was unlucky to miss out in 2004 for her performance in the brutal ‘Closer’. Johansson, on the other hand, has not yet received an Oscar nomination but has had two Golden Globe nominations in 2003 for ‘Girl With a Pearl Earring’ and the exceptional ‘Lost in Translation’. It was her role in this that saw Johansson enjoy rave reviews and put her right on the Hollywood map. Of the three young actresses it is the child sensation Dakota Fanning who is perhaps the most likely to challenge Meryl Streep for her record number of Oscar nominations. The scarily talented Fanning came to prominence in the 2001 film ‘I Am Sam’, yet it was her performance in ‘Man On Fire’ (2004) that wowed audiences with an incredible level of maturity displayed by such a young actress.

This has been a fantastic, significant year for actresses and one that has truly raised the benchmark for leading ladies. In future years, 2007 could prove to be a turning point in Hollywood, as the male bias begins to rescind, but for this change to occur, it will be up to those other than the usual suspects (Streep, Mirren and Dench) to take on the challenge and alter the status quo.

Warren Tarling

films

For years, the Academy Awards have been very male-orientated in terms of the media coverage that they receive. This male centricity has in the past been created by a general bias throughout Hollywood. This year it’s all about the ladies. This has been demonstrated by the pre-eminence of the Best Actress award to a greater degree than in previous years. This is largely due to the best Academy Award line up of leading ladies since 2000, which featured Julianne Moore, Annette Benning and Meryl Streep in another highly competitive year. The calibre of actresses nominated for the Oscar in 2007 is apparent, as they have notched up 37 Golden Globe and 29 Academy Awards nominations between them.

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leading lady of 2007

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live patrick wolf

@ rescue rooms

jarvis

@ sheffield plug

The most instantly recognisable charity-chic geek in the UK, Jarvis Cocker is as British an institution as the Hovis adverts. Indeed, it was hard to believe that this gangly guy standing on the monitors and chomping an apple was actually real.

A rather alarming sight - imagine The Child Catcher shopping in Oxfam - the waxwork came to life as soon as the punky bile of ‘Fat Children’ kicked in, and Jarvis catapulted his stick-insect frame to the other side of the stage.

In a crowd full of genuine Common People, his idiosyncratic ramblings were comedy gold, but the standard of music was disappointingly patchy.

‘Don’t Let Him Waste Your Time’ had all the swagger and sex-appeal of late-Pulp, full of Ministry of Silly Walks dance-moves, but too much of the set was bogged down with brown-puddle ballads: “Build yourself a castle/ Keep

your family safe from harm/Get into classical music/Raise rabbits on a farm.” The audience was attentive and devoted, but the total lack of movement (apart from the guy who fainted mid-set) suggests most of us would’ve gladly done the same for a flash of ‘Disco 2000.’

He is, however, still the best showman around. Crotch-grabbing, asswiggling and visually magnetic, there were flashes of former glory on the glorious glam-stomp of ‘Black Magic.’

Likewise, his Live 8 tirade against the ruling classes - the unsubtle ‘Cunts Are Running the World’ is a fascinating opportunity to see the world through his owlish spectacles. “This is my One Man Show,” he sang. But right now, that’s not enough.

Rob Chute

As the final brilliant notes of ‘Boy Like Me’ cascade around the sweat-sodden walls of the Rescue Rooms, I can’t help but smile.

Patrick Wolf has just treated all those before him to an exemplary display in the art of song writing and endearing showmanship.

With the release of his third album, ‘The Magic Position,’ imminent, Wolf easily proves he has a plentiful arsenal of lip-smacking tunes at his disposal to carry the audience through the headiest highs and the most beautiful, understated lows. It is impossible to put forward even the smallest complaint as Wolf seamlessly navigates through the romantic climbs of ‘The Libertine’ through to the thunderous and enchanting ‘Bloodbeat’, with ‘The Pigeon Song’ set to tenderly cap proceedings with evocative, pain-stricken images of a lonesome wanderer.

There’s something magical about Patrick Wolf which filters quietly into his music.

It can be seen in the charming naivety of his fairytale-infused lyrics and the healthy dose of childish gaiety which dominates his demeanour. The effect of it is quite simply spectacular. The crowd can’t help but sit obediently in the palm of the entertainer’s hand, utterly spellbound by Wolf’s sheer and genuine presence. They laugh as he grunts his way through a rib-tickling rendition of a Viennese folk-tale more commonly executed by the Umpah bands of beer halls than a lanky, red-headed farm boy here in Nottingham: then, like a switch has been flipped, they stand silently, jaws ajar, for a heart-stopping rendition of ‘Augustine’ – an undoubted pleasure-trove set to grace his forthcoming opus.

music

sinGles

Andrew Boaden Right, 150 words of ill-considered bile coming right up. The Long Blondes have re-released “Giddy Stratospheres”, the ‘who-needs-himanyway’ classic that probably won’t be nearly as successful as it should be; bloody patriarchal society we live in. I’m feeling pretty cynical today, life seems that little bit more futile than normal and Red Hot Chilli Peppers certainly aren’t helping with ‘Desecration Smile’. Their last one about snow followed a dactylic tetrameter (thank you Peter Stockwell) and got under your skin nicely, but this is just balls. One comeback too far

is All Saints’ ‘Chick Fit’ (it’ll be bloody Elvis next), now with a thirty-something we’re-cool-mums shtick: imagine Davina McCall having a crack at M.I.A. Poundstretchers beckons for those who once said they’d “never ever felt so low” - wrong again, ladies. The jokes in this issue have been crap because we missed our deadline and rushed it, so if you’d like to write the singles column for the next issue, drop us an email to music@impact nottingham.com.

Alex Hoban (Thanks to CO, GL, RC)

43 “What you critics said would never happen…to those who said we couldn’t make it.” With these chilling words, Fall Out Boy are resurrected. Fellating their newfound fame, and including 30 seconds of Jay Z’s ‘Infinity on High’, a pop-glosssheen masks the communion of the emo cult with religious propaganda: bouncy, gospel-tinged ‘This Ain’t a Scene…’ is a hymn for the hindered, sounding like Teenage Jesus with a Fender. Cockflashing prophet Pete Wentz later claims to have ‘seen God cry’. Like religion itself, you’re free to believe in ‘emo’, but this record is nonetheless emotionally and musically bollocks. Crucifixion awaits.

The much anticipated ‘Robbers and Cowards’ does not disappoint. Distinct and soothing melodies combined with interesting lyrics on a diverse range of topics, (death row to name but one), Cold War Kids have created an album which deems them comparable to the likes of Kings of Leon and The White Stripes. Catchy tunes such as ‘We Used to Vacation’ and ‘Tell Me In The Morning’ prove that ‘Hang Me Up To Dry’ wasn’t a one-off fluke and prove that they are one of the most musically unique ‘new’ bands to emerge in a long time. This album will have you humming all day.

Rob Chute

Gemma Lavelle

infinity on high

hebden & reid tounges

Ian Steadman

The collaborative brain-child of perennial jazz and blues drummer Steve Reid and electronic music master Kieran Hebden, more formally recognised under alias Four Tet, Tongues suffuses organic bass lines redolent of the soulful meanderings of Otis Day with Hebden’s own brand of digitally dislocated beats. ‘People Be Happy’ and ‘The Squid’ testify the synergistic workings the album promotes, combining Reid’s organic drum percussions with the contemporary motherboard wailings of the 21st century. With sharp similarity being drawn to the languid tuneful carvings of Mogwai, it engenders that 3am post party atmosphere into any extended space.

A definite must for lovers of new sounds.

Samir Gelu

robbers and cowards

Like Morrissey going Motown, or the Pipettes past puberty, Lucky Soul’s debut is that fantastical mesh of the Old and the New. If the twist-tastic, Saved-ByThe-Bell giddiness of ‘Aint Never Been Cool’ doesn’t get you jiving, then the horn-fuelled ‘Add Your Light To Mine’ will see NME readers and OAPs alike waving around neckerchiefs and colostomy bags. Meanwhile, ‘Struck Dumb’ sounds exactly like a chorus of broken hearts slamming down their empty glasses and asking the barman to make it a double. An album full of heart, hope, and somewhat appropriately, a hell of a lot of Soul.

Rob Chute

music

The Beatles. There, got that out the way; now to try to listen to an album minus those expected prejudices. The concept here: artists are invited to take Ono’s vocals from old tracks and compose new instrumentals for them. The question is, who usually thinks of her as a good singer? This album shows that this perception is deeply, deeply flawed. Sure, some disturbing entries sound like Berlin discotheques at 3am, leather-clad patrons lustfully entangled (think Madonna’s really bad club tracks) - but when the remix avoids expected electronica, isn’t some attempt at ‘art’, instead is just crafting a song, then it works very well. Away from the stuff that’d go down well as torture in a P.O.W. camp, Cat Power’s remix of ‘Revelations’ (the highlight of the album) is genuinely beautiful, and other versions (the Flaming Lips and Blow Up especially) also reveal things that you’d never have thought about her.

cold war kids

the great unwanted

yes i’m a witch

fall out boy

lucky soul

yoko ono

impactnottingham.com/music

albums

44

impactnottingham.com/music

klaxon, klaxoff According to Wikipedia, Simon is dating CSS’s Lovefoxxx. Bearing in mind I edited the entry to say you also have a lovechild called Diablo, is it just irresponsible rumour mongering?

Simon: I’m not sure if we have any children, especially as there’s no truth to that rumour. I wonder how long that will last for?

Jamie: Well, if it’s a child, it’ll last forever.

Well, until it dies. If you could fabricate a rumour about yourselves, what would it be?

J: We’d hype the ridiculous amount of money that we signed our record deal for.

What’s the best lie you’ve ever fallen for?

S: My brother once told me he was going out with Charlene from Texas. He was 23 and I was 15. Turns out he was just in the same room as her once. I believed him for about five years...

Sorry, if I can interrupt, Jamie, how’s that sandwich you’re eating?

J: It’s alright, a bit wet.

I went to a Wine and Cheese evening last night, I ate so much that my gums felt like they were secreting Primula paste this morning. Am I too young to be attending such a civil affair, or is there creative merit in a cheese-based hangover?

J: Cheese is very helpful for having dreams. In fact all we consume is red wine and cheese.

local

music

Shovel together an unhealthy dose of blindingly acid-toothed vocals mixed with lashings of razor sharp metallic guitars. Sprinkle with machine gun inspired stomping drum beats and you’ll conjure up an essence of what Earache Records is all about. Nestled amidst the country-wide predictability of Nottingham’s chav-infested, student bombarded generic city centre lies the volatile birthplace of extreme metal. Raised and nurtured with Nottingham held firmly to its chest, Earache Records’ heart beats with a roster so destructive as to splice

fast tracker Your music is very dream-like, is it fair to say your chief inspiration is cheese?

J: Yes, if you like to base your music on non-reality and you want to expand your dreams, then cheese is advisable.

If you could slump in an arm chair and gouge yourself to death on a particular foodstuff, what would you stuff and how long would it take?

J: Turkish lamb, I reckon I could do it in four hours.

Aleister Crowley was a famous occultist from who you take the song title, ‘Magick’.

He was labelled the ‘wickedest man in the world’. If you were going to be the wickedest band, what methods would you use to terrify people?

J: We’d play horrible feedback and perform it naked.

S: Actually, I remembering seeing a gig in Nottingham once. Can’t remember who it was, but a bloke took his clothes off and started masturbating. The bouncers booted him out but it was pretty terrifying.

Talking of terror, what do you prefer, Ghostbuster I or II? J: I prefer the second one, the one with the painting.

Is that because you look a lot like Vigo, the scourge of Carpathia?

J: Now that’s just offensive. He’s about 50!

housemate sleep-walking into my room and urinating on the floor. Now that you are indie superstars, would you hire someone else to do such mundane tasks like shampooing a piss-stained carpet?

S: Fortunately, we’re never at home any more, so we don’t worry about that. We’re normally quite tidy through.

That’s not very rock and roll, you wimps. Can you give me a magical realist interpretation of a typical Klaxons gig?

J: Well the first struggle is it wouldn’t use the laws of normal language.

S: We want to play with ourselves, on top of ourselves, upside down. So we’d be stood up straight but there would be a mirror of us performing above us. We’re working on that at the moment.

I can’t wait! What do you prefer, Natural History Museum or Science Museum?

J: Natural History museum, because I had to stop off there to use the bathroom once and they just let me in there, use it, then let me go.

Yeah, but it is free entry so you can stop thinking you’re anything special, mate. Let’s be frank, when do you think you’re going to get bored of Klaxons?

S: December 12th, 2012, when unfortunately there will be nothing to get bored of ever again.

Alex Hoban

That painting was from his youth! He looked really good! I once thought I was being attacked by a ghost, but it was just my

open even the sturdiest of eardrums, with the annihilating sounds of all things heavy, raging and downright brutal.

Celebrating twenty years of wreaking international musical mayhem, Earache Records kick-started in the city by introducing Nottingham-based industrial masters Pitchshifter and the legendary Brummie grind core innovators Napalm Death to the quivering universe, and didn’t think to stop there. Earache Records has continued to inflict bellowing sounds on the world away from London’s musical mecca by piercing the likes of controversial Floridian death metallers Deicide and troll-

inspired Norwegian artist Mortiis firmly to its roster.

So, for the long-haired metal-head extreme music devotee, Earache Records is at beck and call, churning out some of the most innovative and ground-breaking sounds in the world today. From American thrash masters Municipal Waste, and the global success of Sweden’s Cult Of Luna to the explosion of the sounds of grind mixed with techno beats by Australia’s The Berzerker, Earache Records is firmly at the forefront of the genre that it pioneered.

Amy Dyson

have ? you see nes seen s sce have seen this scenester? n thi this scen e you ester hav ter?

‘Embracing Emo’ The word alone makes most people want to douse themselves in holy water and seek sanctuary in the Daily Mail, but emo crowds are nothing if not into their music. Attending the likes of My Chemical Romance at Rock City, emo fans don’t just sing the songs; they’re positively prayer-like. And though intersong chatter can hover dangerously towards a Homily for the Heartbroken, the bars are pretty empty due to the presence of so many young ‘uns. Result.

‘Altogether with the Arena Crowd’

‘Slumming with the Singer-Songwriters’ Silence is golden with the singer-songwriter attendees. With almost reverential respect, a bunch of middle-aged hippies, discussing effects pedals and the war in Iraq, gaze at a small harp-playing man in the corner. A humble hush is one thing, but a comatose crowd is hardly what you’d want every Saturday night. It’s too cool for most of us, so to blend in, just look like you care deeply about everything and smoke whatever’s passed to you: it’s probably for A Good Cause.

‘Pull Shapes with Pill-Heads’

‘Lovin’ it with Lad Rock’ Put it down to fears of sexual inadequacy, or growing up with a side-parting, but there is something alienating about a specifically Male Gig: the meat n’ potatoes masses, who sulk silently throughout any indie disco but become remarkably camp when ‘Champagne Supernova’ is played at 2am. Opening their arms to adopt some sort of quasi-Christ stance, they bellow the lyrics to nobody in particular, and in the case of the Arctic Monkeys’ set at Rock city, chant “We Are Nottingham” and spray beer everywhere. ‘Ave it.

A world away from the half-nod dancing of indie gigs, strobes, synths and Sambuca shots should lead to a good gig-going experience at Stealth. But if you’re not in the right frame of mind, (‘fucked’), then it’s somewhat alarming to watch an army of wet, wobbly teenagers pretending to recognise unidentifiable electrothrobbing. If you don’t come out drenched in your sweat, or someone else’s, then you’re doing something wrong. Definitely photos you won’t want tagged on Facebook.

Sitting down at a gig!? Beth from the Gossip described supporting Scissor Sisters at Nottingham Arena as ‘soul-sucking’ (and if you’ve seen the size of her, there’s a lot of soul to suck). Smile jovially at the drunk, middle-aged mums wearing ‘whimsical’ bunny ears and smuggling in their own flasks. After all, Donnie Osmond’s the only thing that gets them out from behind the till. Arenas may appear like an abyss, but it’s a comforting sight to see dads clapping out of time and little girls doing every single dance move. In a way, we were all a little girl once.

‘Mingling with Metallers’ Metal Night at Junktion 7 may lack the grandeur of paying £20 for a programme at the Ice Arena, but that doesn’t stop the giggoers letting themselves go a bit. You may, however, struggle to connect with most of the crowd, unless you feel confident chatting to old, pierced blokes wearing the same leather jacket that they’ve had since the glory days of Black Sabbath. Being a non-head-banging member of the audience can be a bit intimidating: try not to get too close as they throw their masses of sweaty hair into each other, and give a firm but fair shove-off to the annoying kids attempting to rope you into a riotous mosh. Sod it, this so wouldn’t have happened at the Pipettes.

Rob Chute

music

“Nottingham crowds are shit”: a common accusation levelled at us indie gig-goers, whose dancing largely consists of folding arms, nodding heads, and looking surly as the Pipettes try to coax us into a hand-jive (they’d have better luck with hand-jobs).

Indeed, it seems remarkable that bands can provoke rapturous responses a little down the M1 in Sheffield, but be barely acknowledged in the tunnel-vision of Rescue Rooms. Is this a real regional problem, transgressing all musical genres, or does the blame lie solely with Nottingham’s NME-Neurotics? It’s time to enter into a different scenester’s skin, and possibly their skinny jeans, to see if a carnal carnival of concert-going experiences lies elsewhere…

impactnottingham.com/music

45

d d te n wAa e t n D E T a N W w

46

impactnottingham.com/nights

If you’re a lady watching your waistline - perhaps in a desperate attempt to fit into those new hot pants for Isis without the fear of having to de-tag many horrendous facebook photos - then Nottingham has a vast array of alternative places for you to grab some nonfattening yet tasty food (this is for you too, blokes-with-a-bit-more).

First there is Ropewalk, which is just up by Canning Circus so ideal for those of you who are too lazy to walk into town. Dim lighting, comfy armchairs and wide variety of board games create an ideal place in which to chill and nurse those heavy hangovers. The funky décor such as the fluffy fairy lights and ’60s style wallpaper certainly keeps you entertained for hours on end. There are a variety of drinks including a rather strange tasting carrot juice and if you can allow for a few more calories then there are plenty of light snacks

ladies wot lunch

such as the nachos with hummus and cream cheese dip, or you could go mental and order yourself the salmon kebab in flat bread...

If this place ain’t hip enough for you then mosey on down to the Alley Café (opposite McDonald’s, up the alley way from Cucamaras), which instantly transports you into Amsterdam with the bizarre art work that lines its walls and tropical plants meandering around the place.

You can’t beat its relaxed atmosphere where you can chill to dub reggae or afrobeat whilst sipping on a delicious mango and raspberry smoothy. All the food is vegetarian or vegan, so ideal for slimming down. Some of the best bites on the menu are the ‘tempting tempeh burger’, the ‘happy hemp burger’ or the nonsalami mozzarella and olive sandwich, plus a variety of light snacks for those of you who are

out and about in notts

radar @ stealth Radar is the much anticipated replacement of the Club NME night on a Thursday at Stealth.

An alternative to Kudos and Gatecrasher at Media, it offers insight into essential new bands guaranteed to be echoing across the fields this summer. Of course, there is an abundance of skinny jeans and eyeliner (on both sexes) but the quirks of the stereotype provide enough eccentricity to mean that anything goes; I have seen mime artists and men in monk robes gracing the dance floor!

nights

Credible resident DJs Aoife and JoelDestroy belt out ear-splitting indie and electro tunes across the smoky dance floor and are usually joined by special guest DJs; the Noisettes were behind the decks at the opening on 25th January and upcoming guests include Shychild, Metronomy and Bolt Action Five. Entry is £1 with NUS, and with some decent drink deals there is enough fun to be had with glow sticks to keep you riding the New Rave wave til the 3am closing.

Rebecca Kirby

still bulging a bit at the edges.

If you’re beginning to look a bit pale and fraught after all this vegetarian grub, then pick up a sandwich from Home Made and treat yourself to one of their gorgeous double chocolate cakes. Plus, all the food is extracted from the earth in an environmentally friendly way. Admittedly, this doesn’t make a tremendous dent in the 305 billion tonnes of carbon emissions that have been released in the last few decades, but it can at least relieve some of the guilt you might feel from driving onto campus everyday.

So forget those fat-and-pleasure-free diet bars - get yourself down to one of these hot spots and wear those hot pants with pride!

Suz Eales

47

impactnottingham.com/nights

ann summers Imagine the scene: Saturday night, twenty girls pissed up on Lambrini, proffering vaginal stimulants to one another. You may titter, but the Ann Summers party may be your chance to drunkenly make that ‘I didn’t know what I was doing’ purchase - perhaps a string of those anal beads you’ve been coveting… My first Ann Summers experience came to me in my first year. Armed with a box of Country Manner, we gatecrashed a second year’s house, unwittingly entering into a world of sexual freedom…and intimate discussions about the clitoral advantages of the platinum rabbit versus the disco dick (it lights up and glitters, don’t you know). Hats off to Mrs. Summers, she certainly knows a lot about multiple orgasms. Slightly off-putting was the could-be-older-than-your-mother party leader waving around vibrators, yet after merrily drinking our way through several rounds of ring of fire, inhibitions disappeared. It seemed customary to be out of your tree for this type of chat; after all, who wants to admit that they want to buy a leather whip without their liver

swimming in vino? So you say, why not get involved in this tomfoolery? Aided by several glasses of the fizzy white stuff, I was definitely not bringing sexy back after enthusiastically wedging myself into a tight, PVC, air hostess outfit (you know, the ones where your nipples look like doorknobs) with ‘cocksucker’ taped to my forehead in an attempt to play ‘guess the character’. Saucy. The great thing about Ann Summers is that there’s something for everyone. There are erotic stories for the prudish, PVC outfits for the exhibitionist and some scary black tape for the plain weird. At about half ten, after sitting on a vibrator, spilling my £1.85 mug of wine on an edible thong and spending a hefty £100 quid between three of us in half an hour, through the wine haze I decided that I liked the Ann Summers experience. A bit of anal banter never hurt anyone, eh?

Cathy Adams

oh what a night

It’s not like women don’t go out without the enticement of cheap drinks (okay, it helps). If you believe the papers, the rise of ladette culture and binge drinking suggests that every female with a mouth has slugged one back within the last hour, so the need for Ladies’ Nights should be negligible.

The Ladies’ Night doesn’t seem very popular either. A quick straw poll of my female acquaintances saw only two who had ever attended; one whilst in Hong Kong where Ladies’ Nights are the only opportunity to buy reasonably priced alcohol and the other in Notts’ very own Happy Return, which she described as being ‘pretty dirty’.

Ladies’ Night, but perhaps we’re looking in the wrong direction? Are Ladies’ Nights a not so subtle ruse to get more of our MEN spending their dosh? Perhaps the prospect of lots of hotties, intoxicated by cheap alcohol appeals to enough guys that they appear in droves and fill the place and the till up?

But then, the guys would inevitably outnumber the girls so it’s a bit of a fruitless task. If the aim is to entice more men, surely it’d be easier to have a Men’s Night?

The reasons behind Ladies’ Nights? I’m still baffled as to why they exist. Any other promotion based along similar lines would have been banned years ago. But for all those discriminated against by this antiquated practice, there is hope. Dressing in drag is guaranteed to let you participate in a Ladies’ Night and if you’re lucky you may begin to understand the female condition.

Come on then, who’s up for it?

Hannah Lewis

All dressed for ladies’ night

This positive discrimination hasn’t seen hoards of women stampeding to their local

nights

For untold years now and across the globe pubs, bars and clubs have been holding special ‘Ladies’ Nights’ where eligibility for a cheap night is decided by your gender. This strange phenomenon seems to defy all logic and common sense - the question is, why do so many exist?

48

impactnottingham.com/gratis

what do you reckon?

To supplement our usual ramblings I took it upon my self to hit the streets of Lenton to probe you guys for some much sought after public opinion…

liar liar Lying about yourself can illuminate the blandest of nights out and yes, it could help you pull. We wandered around campus and asked you about your best lies you have told on a night out. Here are some of the best.

‘In BZR once we pretended my mate was deaf.

I had to make up sign language to so he could understand what people were saying.’ Ben, 2nd Year Sociology.

‘Travelling in the Caribbean, we used to tell people we were UN peacekeeping soldiers on leave from Haiti. We moved this French guy to tears with our stories of how we had ‘lost a lot of good men out there.’ Dan, 1st Year American Studies.

Gerald (21) Former Karni Director Gerald, I hear you’re running for SU President, can you tell me is it true we are to finally receive a better SU bar?

“It looks like the Ark expansion will go ahead in time for September with over £850,000 being spent to completely refurbish and expand the current venue. If this happens it’s important to encourage students to use the refurbished Ark…”

Joby (23) Ex Nottingham Student How do you think Nottingham nightlife has changed since you were a student here?

“A lot more people seem to be into live music, probably because it’s easier to find stuff you like on the internet.

Now people seem less intimidated by different types of music and seem to want to try new things.”

‘I used to say I was a backing dancer for Blue.’

Nancy, 3rd Year English.

‘I claim that I’m a pro- surfer to impress girls, but I’m actually scared of the sea!’ Luke, 2nd Year Geography.

‘I told a girl I got with in Oceana that my name was Simon. I don’t know why, it got very confusing. Tom, 2nd Year Politics.

‘A girl I shared a taxi with told me she studied Architecture, so I said I did too. We promised to swap lecture notes and everything. It just seemed right at the time, I’m not weird!’

Lizzie, 2nd Year Biology.

‘I claimed to be a yoga instructor when I was chatting up this Trent guy. I then proceeded to make an embarrassing joke about how flexible I was…Cathy, 3rd year History.

‘When I’m drunk I claim to be fluent in Italian.

I have yet to be caught out.’ Bhavna, 2nd Year Medicine.

Bhavna (21) Psychology student What am I thinking? Sorry, bad joke… where would I be likely to find you on a Friday night?

“Ocean! Ok, no, not really…I guess it depends on your mood, I love the Alley Café at night. It’s perfect for a pre going out dinner and I love it’s chilled out, hippy vibe. The Malt Cross is pretty cool, they have acoustic nights and good DJs throughout the week. Dollop at The Social is wicked for dancing, and downstairs has an awesome vibe too.”

‘I like to say my name is Anastacia.’ Hannah, 1st Year Economics.

‘I’ve never lied like that, but I often meet people who say Jesus exists.’ Madhav, 2nd Year Architecture.

nights

Tom Parry

Right, well thank you for that guys. If anyone else has anything to say then don’t be scared…drop us a line at nights @impactnottingham.com. We would love to hear more!

Nancy Weir

Jo (21) Maths Student/Nottingham Knights Cheerleader Isis or Ocean?

“You go to Isis for the poles, Ocean just isn’t the same without the podiums!

Yeh, I think Isis definitely wins.”

Ben (24) Stealth Manager/ Ex Nottingham Student Stealth’s got a reputation for being ‘underground’ and somewhat exclusive. Are you trying to keep it this way?

“Not at all. Our music policy is to suit an eclectic range of tastes, we’re attracting more students with student priced club nights and student drinks offers. There’s something for most people.”

49 Send all answers to: magazine@impactnottingham.com with ‘competition’ in the subject title

chocolate can be funny

impactnottingham.com

> competitions

For one night only, a wealth of undiscovered comedic talent will take to the stage to compete in the REVELS Student Comedy Awards with chortle.co.uk.

Ten budding comedians will battle it out on stage in a night of live comedy like no other!

Hosted by top compere Rob Heeney and headlined by stand-up comedian Gary Delaney, the heat will see the cream of new student comics vying for a place in the prestigious final at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in August. By staking a place in the final, students will have the chance to bag £2,500 prizemoney and kick start their comedy career on the live comedy circuit.

The Uni that pulls the biggest numbers to its heat will also win an exclusive gig from a famous top comic – this is a night not to be missed!

ozkleen will clean your squat for diddly-squat

The REVELS Student Comedy Awards with chortle.co.uk are being organised

by REVELS, the unpredictable bite-sized chocolate, and Chortle – the UK ’s leading comedy guide.

Tickets are priced £3 and are available on the door. One free drink with every ticket purchased.

Have you been burgled, or does your room always look like that? Worried about the mess and stains after that famous party everyone is talking about? Has your student house or flat seen better days? Could you truly have the dirtiest digs at Nottingham University?

We have 5 pairs of tickets for the Nottingham heat, to be held on Thursday 1st March in The Ark at 8pm.

If you’re like every other student who doesn’t seem to have the time or energy to clean their house or flat due to workload and all the socialising events at university – you can join Ozkleen in finding the dirtiest digs at Nottingham University.

For a chance to..aww you know what to do:

What’s funnier, a fart or a burp?

Ozkleen cleaning products launched a nationwide survey to find the university with the dirtiest student accommodation. According to the findings Nottingham University came in as one of the top three universities with the ‘dirtiest digs’.

When asked for reasons for having an untidy house, 38% of those surveyed blame their workload at university as apposed to 51% of who agreed that it is down to their hectic social life.

Ozkleen eco-friendly cleaning products would like to team up with Nottingham University to search for the dirtiest student digs. If you think your house/flat is the dirtiest in the university we would like to hear from you. The filthiest place will receive a complete makeover by having their entire place cleaned up by professional cleaners. Runner up prizes will include the full range of Ozkleen products.

To enter this competition, you need to send in a picture of your dirtiest room and the top five reasons why your house is so filthy and deserves to be cleaned. Competition details to be sent to nazmin@fuelrefuel.com

*NQBDU staff

issue 181

Editor-In-Chief: Dan Brenikov Editor: Miriam Zendle Deputy Editor: Pete Tubman Design Editor: Matt Perry Associate Editors: Charlotte Longstaff, Corin Faife, Alice Hutton Online Editor: James Hicks Images Editors: Dave Eborall, Rob Garratt Associate Design Editors: Oli Rimoldi, Elinor Harris News Editors: Jessica Elgot, Tim Barwell, Owen Bennett Sports Editors: Adam Harwood, Jenny Smith Travel Editors: Amy Pickerill, Sam Holland Fashion Editor: Katie Hodgkiss Associate Fashion Editor: Mary-Anne Veit Arts Editors: Bianca Leggett, Simon Treacy Film Editors: Tom Peck, Paul Cooney Music Editors: Amy Dyson, Alex Hoban Nights Editors: Hannah Lewis, Nancy Weir, Tom Parry Publicity Manager: Robert Barham Publicity Officers: Dave Wood, Nsikan Edung

the simpsons: the old new old family guy They’re back back back! In this, the 20th anniversary of its inception, and with a feature-length film in the pipelines, comes the latest selection of original comic strips from the creators of the longest-running sit-com in America.

Yes, while George Bush once famously stated his intention to make all American families “more like the Waltons and less like the Simpsons”, with the continued mainstream success of the latter and the demotion of the former to Biblebelttv, he has been made to well and truly eat his shorts.

We have two copies of ‘The Simpsons: Beach Blanket Bongo’ published by our friends at Titan Books to give away to you lucky people. For the chance to get your grubby mitts on one of them, just answer this very simple question:

Which character coined the phrase ‘cheese-eating surrender monkeys’?

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rockin’ out with jack daniel’s Following the success of Nottingham’s own Joe Jones in making it to the JD National Unsigned showcase in London, Jack Daniel’s wants to give readers of Impact the chance to win 2 tickets to see the Rumble Strips live at Junktion7 on 30th March.

To be entered into the free prize draw send your name, DOB, phone number, and email address to the usual competition address…

Entries no later than 23rd March JACK DANIEL’S REMINDS YOU TO DRINK RESPONSIBLY

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Emily Grosvenor-Taylor, Ben Davies, Faaez Samadi, Emma Kennedy, Gemma Casey, Tom Oldfield, Teodora Todorova, William Blythe, Anna Hogarty, Rose Chapman, Jennifer Lipman, Carly Taylor, Lucy Wheeler, Ele Jones, Harry Kerr, Kieran Wakeley, Warren Tarling, Vicki Evans, Gemma Lavelle, Andrew Boaden, Rob Chute, Ian Steadman, Samir Gelu, Rebecca Kirby, Suz Eales, Cathy Adams, Camilla Emerson, Sarah Braybrooke, Farah Shariq, MaryAnne Veit

Mondays: News - 4pm Tuesdays: Sport - 2pm, Music - 5pm Features - 5pm, Images - 6pm Thursdays: Nights - 5pm Fridays: Arts - 11am, Fashion - 1pm

To women, you are truly the fairer sex. To the models on the front cover - you made a particularly horrifying creation. To my family, my agent and my manicurist; the Oscar’s for you. To the CU for free food.

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One thing was made clear from the survey - boys are messier with 65% admitting that they have not cleaned since moving into their accommodation.

The main reason given for their untidiness is ‘I don’t know how, it was done for me’. A surprising 52% of girls tidy their room (throw things into cupboards) but do not clean. The foulest incident discovered is that 21% of students do not change their bed sheets for a whole year!

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> famous last words alice hutton interviews xinran xue

famous last words...

Born in 1958 in Beijing, Xinran Xue grew up during the Cultural Revolution of Mao’s China.

Her radio program ‘Words on the Night Breeze’ debuted in 1989 and lasted for seven years. It was the first show in China to give a voice to Chinese women, attracting millions of faithful listeners, who, anonymously, poured their life stories out over the radio. Sitting in a café in Queen’s Park, London, Xinran buys me a coffee and spares three hours from her life as a British-Chinese journalist, broadcaster, author of The Good Women of China and founder of the charity, The Mothers’ Bridge of Love (MBL) to discuss what makes a good woman.

”To be a good woman, according to the men, required five standards: 1. A good woman is quiet, never goes out, is never open, especially to other men; 2. A good woman must give the family a son; 3. A good woman is always soft and never loses her temper; 4. A good woman never makes mistakes in doing the housework, she never mixes the colours when doing the wash, she never burns the food when cooking; and 5. A good woman is good in bed and retains her beautiful figure. I was so shocked. If these men could write to me, then obviously, they were educated and this is the way educated men felt.

“When we women come into this world, we want to be good - a good daughter, good mother, good friend, good lover, good wife. But because of our [Chinese] culture, many women feel they’re no good. In 1995, I opened four telephone lines to ask men two questions: How many good women in your lives have you met? and What’s the standard of a good woman? I received over a thousand letters, but only a few said that they had ever met a good woman.

Most of the men said no, they had not met a good woman.

”When Chinese women move from the countryside to the city, it is not uncommon for them to commit suicide. They see women with such rich lives that they cannot understand ‘why is my life so different?’ When I travelled through China collecting stories for my book ‘The Good Women of China’, I saw many terrible things; I stopped by the side of the road to watch little boys play football, until I realised that they were playing with the foetus of a dead baby girl, bound by her umbilical cord.

”That is when I thought about starting MBL; a charity to reach out to Chinese children in all corners of the world: those who have been raised abroad or who have been adopted by Western families. We plan dances, Chinese games and music to build up an interest in their background, to show them that they have rich cultural roots. I took my income from my book and poured it into this project, for four years I couldn’t buy my son Pan Pan new shoes. Sex education was only started in China in 2002, and 99% of abandoned children are girls. I was amazed that some women give birth in the orphanages as a business. It pains me as my parents were arrested under Mao’s regime and I have never spent one birthday with my mother. I cannot imagine what it must take for a woman to give up her baby, she must dig a big hole in her heart. How many people in the world can do this? The distance between the mouth and the heart is so great. ”In my eyes, the standard of a good woman is - if we don’t look down on ourselves, if we know how to love, how to give love, how to feel towards other people, then we are good.”

UDBQN*