Impact Magazine - Issue 189 - Apr 2008 by Impact Magazine

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risky business STUDENTS RISK DEGREE AND DIGNITY BY BUYING ESSAYS

the p.c. brigade IS THE INTERNET A BREEDING GROUND FOR HATRED?

getting saucy IMPACT CHATS WITH CREATOR OF REGGAE REGGAE SAUCE

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Dear Impact, Having just read the ID ‘debate’ between ‘left’ and ‘right’ in the last issue, a few things troubled me…

ts: 363 studen ingham y Nott able ught b ays bo adger: neglig of ess umber odger and B 5 N B May: 9 e between c ake in ve to t The differen taff ha pact s ear: 19 y the Im xams g this er of e ) graduation Numb pefully 95 taff (ho 008: 5,8 ns in 2 r of Impact s electio e the SU : 18 Numb ast in s allots c d exam day e er of b Numb of stress fill er Numb

letter of the month

While I love seeing Punch and Judy dishonour themselves so regularly, it also struck me that the gravity of the situation might have been lost amongst all the silly grandstanding. Do either ‘the left’ or ‘the right’ sound like they care about students above their petty little differences?! Do they refer to any relevant detail, such as the figures outlined by the NUS’s Ama Uzowuru?! As well as avoiding the issue, both also conveniently miss their own party’s place in the debate anyway: Labour supports ID cards, Frances; the Tories are following the Lib Dems, Craig. Maybe it might be helpful to have a view from the slightly saner centre-ground in future…

Editorial If you’re flicking through a copy of Impact, chances are you’re avoiding revision. We salute you. But hopefully, procrastination aside, you’ll actually get round to doing the work yourself, unlike the students in our three page feature, ‘The Hard Sell’. Just in case you weren’t pissing yourself enough about the exams, we have investigated the educational, financial, moral and criminal implications of plagiarism, and why Nottingham is top of the list for buying custom written essays.

While we’re on the subject of Liberal sanity, I can’t let my Liberal brothers and sisters be slain on the streets of the Impact ghetto any longer. I only know about fifty ‘bearded, sandaled, banana skin-smoking’ Libs, and you all know the reason why it’s only them that the cameras pick up on at conference because they’re cool, nice people, who have probably offered the cameraman a cup of tea (or a toke on their banana spliff) on the offchance that their kids might see them on TV. Leave them alone. Or ‘Nang’ Clegg will merk you…

So, please, please stick to the facts… This bill won’t get rumbled if we’re all pulling each others’ hair and sticking our tongues out at the ‘other side’. Marc McLaughlin

Chair, Nottingham Liberal Youth Liberal Democrat Youth & Student national spokesperson on this issue

image Cover ell and Amy B am rh D Dee u

Alex Dolphin examines the pitfalls of free speech and the Internet as a breeding ground for hatred, and no, not the ‘I hate Marmite/Katie from the Apprentice’ type Facebook groups. Florence Anderson also tackles free speech, and if our university encourages apathy over activism. And in the ever popular Famous Last Words, we interview Levi Roots: the unlikely entrepreneur whose Reggae, Reggae Sauce won Dragon’s Den, talks about playing football with Bob Marley, getting caught with £250,000 of heroine and what a Marmite song would sound like. If you weren’t nervous enough about the abilities of student doctors, the Science section reviews a colouring-in anatomy book, where Medicine meets Crayola (which, of course, normally sponsors Geography). Drumroll please… Out with the old and in with the newImpact needs editors for next year! So we thought it might be an idea to host the IMPACT ELECTIONS on WEDNESDAY 30th APRIL: The old Impact team are all jumping ship, so come run for a position and be part of award –winning journalism, and the best way to cash in on free gig tickets, DVDs and promotional offers that weekly fill our pigeon hole… With love and caffeine shakes, Alice and Jess

News

impactnottingham.com/news

On Campus

Pro-Starbucks Action Group Since its somewhat surprising arrival at the Hallward Library in October 2007, the soft-branded Starbucks has been the focus of heated debate. However, events took an unexpected turn when a recently created Facebook group entitled; ‘The SU is removing Hallward Starbucks, BUT I WANT IT TO STAY!!’ became the fastest growing group in the Nottingham network. Created by James Kitching, faculty coordinator for Social Sciences, Law and Education: at the time of printing, the group boasted over 800 members: more than it’s rival group ‘Keep Starbucks off campus!’ Kitching, responsible

should it stay or should it go?

by Sophie Stammers

for the only vote against the motion to replace Starbucks, professes that he does not actually care whether it stays or goes, but feels those in favour of keeping the American chain have had little say on the matter. He told Impact: “I do feel that those in support of the Hallward outlet are less likely to be vocal, so I’m surprised at the speedy growth of the group. People understand what Starbucks stands for and they’re happy to make their own decision on that.”

(including Fairtrade) brands. Chloe proposed the 100% Fairtrade supplier AMT Coffee could successfully replace Starbucks, serving coffee of a higher quality at a lower price. Kitching’s campaign is about choice.

Chloe Cheeseman, Environmental and Social Justice Officer, remains unconvinced. She argues that: “the Facebook group implies that the Students’ Union is trying to abolish any form of decent coffee provision in the library, which has understandably provoked many students into joining. A lot of the opposition to our campaign has been based on the misunderstanding that we are simply removing, not replacing.” Daniel Casey, a student supporting the Fairtrade campaign, agrees: “Arguing that Starbucks tastes good is really missing the point.” This argument was dispelled further in a recent independent UK taste test, where Starbucks was shown to be the least tasty coffee, compared to other

However, Chloe has questioned whether a leisurely lifestyle decision can be made about what seems, intuitively, to be a moral imperative. “Ultimately, we all need to accept that it is a basic human right to receive a wage that allows a human being to live in security and without fear of disease or starvation. We shouldn’t be able to ‘choose’ to exploit innocent people.”

“Arguing that Starbucks tastes good is really missing the point” Daniel Casey, Student

Nevertheless, the choice remains with the students. The University of Nottingham now proudly brews Starbucks coffee. Is that your choice?

Students play dead over unethical funding On the 27th February, over 30 students hosted a ‘die-in’ outside the Portland Building recently in protest of the university’s involvement with the arms industry. Students covered in fake blood, lay motionless in front of the lakeside entrance to the Portland to make a visual statement. The protesters were calling for the university to adopt an ethical investment policy working in association with the Campaign Against Arms Trade (CAAT). Currently the university uses investment companies that may be funding arms manufacturers. In addition, the activists believe the university has received up to £30 million in research grants since 2001 from companies involved in the arms industry. “Arrgh!” screamed a protester, faking his death

outside the Portland having arrived at the protest late. Funny as it may seem, one activist was adamant that “this type of protest is vital for a visual impact that will raise awareness.” The protest certainly grabbed attention as people stood, watched and willingly took leaflets and discussed the issues among themselves. The campaign has gained some momentum. The SU has passed a motion to ban any affiliation with, or promotion of arms companies at the university, and the campaign for ethical investment is nationwide with similar protests taking place on campuses across the country. However, some students remained unconvinced. Abi, a first year German student

by Fred Thorling

thought that it was an interesting protest but “I just don’t think it can achieve anything.” What difference the protests will make remains to be seen, but it certainly made for an interesting day on campus, especially for the prospective students and their parents being shown around. like sleeping lions, but with blood

Exec Election Results Next year’s Exec was announced at The Venue on Friday 7th March, having, once again received the highest turnout of any SU election in the country with 5,895 ballots. Nsikan Edung was named next year’s President of the SU. He described how it felt to be elected: “I am delighted to be elected as President. It is an honour and a dream come true for me after a very long, hard and tiring campaign. I want to thank all my supporters and I wish good luck to those who weren’t successful in whatever they do. My priority will now be to deliver on my pledges in order to develop a stronger, more conscious Students’ Union here at Nottingham.” Nsikan’s campaign policies include the establishment of second hand bookshops on

by Emily Grosvenor-Taylor

campus, E-petitions and an increase in student jobs on campus. Other successful candidates included Pat ‘Crouchy’ Hopkins who won Societies Officer with a landslide victory of over 1,000 votes. Craig Cox, a regular Impact contributor, was named Education Officer. Other positions went to Alice Townend who was voted Community Officer after a campaign handing out flapjacks, and Abi HopeUrwin, the present chair of the SU council was made Democracy and Communications officer. Stewart Bailey, another Impact contributor, was nominated as SRS officer and Hannah White won the battle for Welfare. Congratulations must go to all the successful candidates and commiserations to those who just missed out on a place on the Exec.

Moazzam Begg visits Nottingham

by Tim Mcfarlan

The recent visit of Moazzam Begg, a former detainee of Guantanamo Bay, sparked considerable interest amongst students across campus. The event organised by Amnesty Soc was so popular that people were forced to sit on the steps of B63 in Law and Social Sciences and even began to fill the room next door. Moazzam Begg was abducted from his home in Islamabad in February 2002 and taken into U.S. custody. He was held at Bagram airbase in Afghanistan for a year, before being transferred to Guantanamo Bay in Cuba where he was incarcerated for a further two years without charge. He was released in January 2005. He is a British citizen, born and raised in Birmingham. Relating details of his ordeal, Mr. Begg shocked many in the audience with his descriptions of abuse at the hands of U.S. soldiers. As well as beatings and repeated

interrogations, he suffered the torture of not knowing what had become of his family. Keen to place what happened to him in context, however, Mr. Begg acknowledged the greater sufferings of many on both sides of the War of Terror. He also spoke of the troubling implications of the U.S.’s disregard for human rights, and what he felt was the complicity of the British government in his detention. Although he failed to acknowledge his purported past ‘flirtation’ with Islamic militancy, and was a little too keen to slide into Bush-bashing, Mr. Begg gave a well-balanced and nuanced talk. His quiet intensity was never less than compelling, and he was articulate and forceful when responding to questions. Coincidentally, Mr. Begg also had a book to promote: Enemy Combatant: A British Muslim’s Journey To Guantanamo and Back.

Anti-Apartheid Week On Monday February 18th, Nottingham’s Pal Soc launched its Anti-Apartheid week to highlight what they believe to be Israeli Apartheid in Gaza. The events were held in conjunction with an international anti-apartheid campaign, which saw lectures, cultural events, film screenings and demonstrations on university campuses throughout North America and Europe. The week commenced with a lecture given by Palestinian writer and academic, Dr Ghada Al Karmi, who spoke about the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict. After a film showing about Israel’s presence in Gaza on Tuesday, a stall was set up in the Portland Building on Wednesday 20th, providing information on the situation. Following this, a Freedom of Speech protest was held on Thursday outside the Portland Building: it was attended by around 35 people. Simultaneously, in response to Pal Soc’s week of Anti-Apartheid campaigning, J- Soc set up its own series of events on campus to counter the representation of Israel as an apartheid state. They

by Priya Majeethia

set up a stall on both Tuesday and Wednesday in the Portland Building, also offering information about the conflict. On Wednesday, they invited Douglas Murray, the director of the Institute for Social Cohesion to speak about his views on the conflict. Both societies’ events were well-attended and most certainly thought-provoking.

News in Brief Napping necessary for memory Findings reported in New Scientist magazine suggest that a nap as short as six minutes may improve the memory, with the process of falling asleep, rather than the length of sleep, being the important element. Students use drugs to aid concentration A Doctor from the University of Exeter’s Student Health Centre has voiced his concern that students may be buying a potentially harmful drug over the internet. Dr. Vik Mohan said this week that modafinil, which is only licensed in the UK for prescription against cases of Obstructive Sleep Apnoea and Narcolepsy, is being used by some students to aid concentration when studying. Source: Exeposé, The University of Exeter magazine Graduate loan repayment crackdown Graduates will be next to suffer as the Government begins plans to crackdown on those who fail to repay loans, The Daily Telegraph has revealed. At present, no details of defaults on debts owed to the Student Loans Company are passed on to credit reference agencies – but that is about to change in a bid to discourage graduates from forgetting about them. Earthquake shakes England The biggest earthquake in the UK for nearly 25 years shook homes across large parts of the country on the 27th of February. People in Newcastle, Yorkshire, London, Cumbria, the Midlands, Norfolk and also parts of Wales, felt the tremor just before 0100 GMT. The British Geological Survey (BGS) said the epicentre of the 5.2 magnitude quake was near Market Rasen in Lincolnshire.

Local

Speaker’s Corner Unveiled for Market Square The second official Speaker’s Corner in the country was unveiled in Nottingham on Friday 22nd February, nearly 150 years after the first was established in Hyde Park, London. Then it was born out of the struggle for civil liberties for the working classes, now it is a celebration of those liberties, and will no doubt provide a popular platform for many student groups focusing on politics and social justice. The opening ceremony was centred on a

temporary site in Market Square, with hopes to unveil a permanent site on the junction of Kings Street and Queens Street in the autumn. Nottingham was chosen for the pilot scheme due to the diverse nature of its communities, as well as its rich tradition of free speech and free thinking. The most famous exponents of this tradition being D.H. Lawrence, who wrote about the dehumanising effects of the modern industrial world, and

Lord Byron, a romanticist poet who spoke out about the political and social aristocratic norms in society. The Speaker’s Corner is not about how many people know your name though; all are welcome to speak and host debates and the Market Square site will provide a bustling focal point of discussion for people in the City. Why not give them something to talk about?

Post Office Protest Protesters against the closure of New Lenton Post Office on the 12th March gathered on Lenton Boulevard recently. The demonstration on the 25th February was organised by the Students’ Union and was attended by students, permanent residents and the MP for Nottingham South, Alan Simpson. With the New Lenton Post Office serving over 7,000 students that live in the surrounding area, its loss will be “directly detrimental to the student experience”, says Lou Green, Community Officer. A Facebook group against the closure of the Post Office has grown rapidly, gaining nearly 400 members alarmed at the loss of their local Post Office. Students insist that “our community should not be broken down; it should be improved if anything!” One member of the Facebook

by Kate Langley

group expressed his concerns: “if I don’t get a tax disc, the council will rear end me for a second time so if they’re considering closing this vital PO, I’ve got to walk to the city centre.”

“Our community should not be broken down; it should be improved if anything” The smaller branch on Illkeston Road doesn’t offer all the services required and residents and students without a car are set to suffer. Lou Green remains anxious that closing the Post Office would “destroy an important centre of shared value and interaction” between all residents of Lenton. The Post

This Is England BAFTA Award ‘And the winner is...’ – a phrase all too commonly heard amongst the glitz and glamour of the academy award shows but this year, the British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTAs) provided Nottingham and its students with all the more reason to celebrate. This is England, a documentary style film based on the trials and tribulations of a young boy growing up in the 1980s amidst the gang culture of the workingclass Midlands, was presented the Best British Film award after beating competition from internationally successful British films such as Atonement and The Bourne Ultimatum. For local director, Shane Meadows, his portrayal of the coming-of-age tale centres around his own

“We were particularly keen to engage with a film which challenges problematic social issues” Rohanna Billing, Crocus Cafe

by Will Treasure

experiences growing up in the 1980s and is an encapsulating vision of life in the Midlands today. Keeping the filming close to home, Meadows chose to shoot numerous scenes in the ‘Crocus Café’, a student volunteer-based scheme situated in the heart of Lenton. Speaking on behalf of the cafe, Rohanna Billing says of the experience: “I was very excited when This is England won the BAFTA for Best British Film, because it has brought attention

Office is, after all, one of the few ‘hubs’ used by all of the community. Despite the efforts of demonstrators and petitioners there is no sign as yet that the Post Office Ltd is willing to change their course of action. New Lenton is just one of 77 branches set for closure in the East Midlands so those of us who rely on the Post Office facilities, may have to get used to walking the hill into town.

can’t touch this

by Francesca De Feo

to the little known Church Square and the café itself amongst the student population of Nottingham. We are proud to have played a small part in contributing to the film’s success.” She added: “As a community café which attempts to draw people from all areas of Lenton together, we were particularly keen to engage with a film which challenges problematic social issues.” However, it did demand turning the vegetarian, predominantly organic café into a greasy spoon. The red sticky letters shouting ‘eat breakfast’ still remain on the café’s window as a lasting memento of its transformation. The success of films like This is England help to promote the continuing spread of home-grown talent. The portrayal of an area so close to the centre of student life, with the publicity this brings to such community causes as the café, proves that this is something that we, as students in Nottingham, can be proud to be a part of.

National

Tenancy Deposit Protection Scheme The Government have introduced a new Tenancy Deposit Protection Scheme to ensure students signing for houses are given greater protection when handing over their rent deposits to landlords and letting agencies. The legislation came into effect on April 6th 2007, so any deposits handed over will now be protected by one of three official government approved schemes. The first two schemes are insurance companies whereby landlords or letting agencies pay a fee for use of the service. The third scheme is a publicly run free-of-charge custodial service which places all deposits into a ‘pot,’ and is managed by the interest generated from the deposit money itself; one advantage to this method is that students can be eligible for a sum of the interest earned on their deposit at the end of the letting year. What remains equal in all three, however, is that regardless of the chosen scheme, landlords will have a maximum of 14 days to inform their tenants about it. They must give the tenant their own contact details, the contact details of the scheme, explain exactly how their deposits are being protected and

in what circumstances a deposit could be retained.

“The scheme provides a clear framework which should allow students to develop such an understanding”

Laura McIlwaine, Nottingham University Student Brand Manager for the Tenancy Deposit Protection Scheme Laura McIlwaine, Nottingham University Student Brand Manager for the Tenancy Deposit Protection Scheme, is keen to advocate the benefits of the new legislation to others within this younger bracket agegroup: “As a student myself, I understand how much pressure there is when looking to sign contracts for rented accommodation. Most first year students have never had to deal with renting accommodation, and have very little knowledge of both their rights and responsibilities in doing so. The scheme provides a clear framework which should allow students to develop such an understanding.”

by Charlotte Cowling

Prior to the end of the letting year, an agreement will be made between the tenants and the landlord to decide how much of their deposits they are entitled to receive back. Once this has been decided, landlords will be given a maximum of 10 days to return the money. Should a dispute occur over the eligibility of a tenant to their deposit sum, then a free Alternative Resolutions Dispute service can be used in order to settle matters over who should rightly retain it. For these reasons, it remains advisable to record photographic evidence of your property before moving in. Photographs displaying the condition of the house prior to letting can be a helpful preventative for any further legal action. For more details you can go to the Communities and Local Government website: www.direct.gov.uk/tenancydeposit, telephone 0845 609 0696 or NUS www.nusonline.co.uk/ info/housing

University dropout rate remains steady despite £800 million government investment A government drive to reduce student dropout rates hasn’t had any impact, according to the public accounts committee. Despite £800 million of investment since 2002, when the committee last reported on the issue, just over a fifth of students are still leaving university without a degree. However, the president of Universities UK, Professor Rick Trainor, has put a positive spin on the findings, highlighting that the number of students starting university has increased by around 25% in the last five years, yet the UK graduation rate remains one of the highest in the world, so “a very good job has been done, considering the expansion in the system.”

“Of Nottingham’s 4090 entrants in 2004, 3890 (95%) graduated” Nottingham students don’t have anything to worry about, however, as Impact reported in its 186 ‘Money Issue’: “of Nottingham’s 4090 entrants in 2004, 3890 (95%) graduated”, while The Times Good University Guide now ranks Nottingham as having the sixth highest

student retention of all UK institutions. In fact, the Russell group of elite research- led universities, generally, have some of the best retention rates.

the government must conduct further investigations to ascertain where certain institutions have got it wrong.

Mature students and students from less privileged backgrounds are most likely to leave university without completing their courses. Although the £800 million investment was specifically targeted at keeping students from “non-traditional” backgrounds (which comprise 31% of those entering the system) at university, many still feel out of place in an environment dominated by young people from middle class backgrounds and alienated by the lack of available support. Therefore, pastoral care is now a priority, in particular the system of personal tutors. It has been suggested that tutors should, perhaps, receive specific training for their role. Opinion is divided as to whether this investment has been “a waste” as The Telegraph branded it. In many cases it was unclear as to why students had dropped out early, so in order to improve the situation

by Rachel Randall

oh my god it’s raining hats

The Debate The NUS view

Students in the community

NUS calls for the use of accreditation to regulate landlords, along with the use of existing legislation, such as the Housing Act, Housing Health and Safety Rating System, environmental protection and pub licensing, to deal with some of the practical issues brought about by large student communities. Some community representatives support greater regulation of the private sector as a method of controlling development. But NUS believes property standards must reflect health, safety, and consumer requirements - not be a backdoor method of control. Those who lobby the Government to introduce new controls use the language of ‘balanced and sustainable communities’, but there is very little that is balanced or sustainable in attempts to segregate and ghettoise students.

The Students’ Union has condemned the University’s recent show of support for the proposals of a controversial Nottingham lobby group. Nottingham Action Group, known locally as ‘NAG’, are calling for landlords to be forced to acquire planning permission to create a House of Multiple Occupancy (HMO). These are defined as a ‘rented residence inhabited by three or more unrelated people’, and in areas such as Lenton, they comprise the majority of student houses.

“Property standards must reflect health, safety, and consumer requirements - not be a back-door method of control” If local councils invest in infrastructure - for example, better travel links - we are confident students will broaden their view of where they chose to live, potentially providing vital regeneration and economic growth to run-down areas of cities. Investment of this kind, combined with students’ unions becoming more involved in their local communities, could really mark a change in relations. By Ama Uzowuru, Vice President (Welfare), National Union of Students (NUS)

Representatives from the “67% would prefer University of Nottingham to live in private showed their support for the planning permission proposals accommodation” at a recent meeting with the NAG and the city council, insisting that such legislation would help to improve the quality of student houses. The Students’ Union, however, has criticized the University’s stance, insisting that landlords will be unlikely to create new HMOs due to the current surplus of student houses in Nottingham. Concerns have been raised that the push for planning permission is simply a ‘backdoor’ attempt to restrict student housing rather than trying to improve it. The SU believes that the only effective way to ensure quality standards is through licensing, and is already helping to implement Unipol’s accreditation scheme which will result in more frequent and thorough checks on landlords. NAG’s national counterpart, the HMO Lobby Group, has also suggested a worrying solution to the problems of noise pollution and crime, insisting that all students should live in designated areas of purpose built accommodation. The SU has demonstrated their ongoing commitment to tackling such issues through awareness schemes and co-operation with the council, and believe that segregation of students would only serve to concentrate existing problems rather than eradicate them. A poll of Nottingham students in 2006 showed that 67% would prefer to live in private accommodation, but the lobby group are fighting to take away what many regard as an integral part of the university experience. Lou Green, Community Officer, believes such proposals are discriminatory, commenting, “Students should be welcomed into the community, not pushed outside it. If any other group of society were targeted in such a way based only on their occupation there would be a national outcry’. Many have expressed a sense of injustice that discussions of segregation have been deemed acceptable simply because the target group is students. By Susannah Sconce

The NAG view The NAG is active participant in a national campaign to secure a change in planning legislation which will mean that conversion from a family residence to an HMO (and vice versa) will need planning permission. The campaign is supported in Nottingham by local MPs, councillors and council officers. In addition, both of Nottingham’s universities have written letters supporting the proposed change. So why do we want this change? Firstly, because the proliferation of HMOs in certain neighbourhoods is threatening their balance, sustainability and cohesion. Without this change, councils have a very limited ability to prevent further damage to those neighbourhoods.

“HMOs are depleting Nottingham’s useful family housing stock” Second, HMOs are depleting Nottingham’s useful family housing stock. The City is chronically short of goodsized family homes with gardens. This is precisely the type of property buy-to-let investors are converting into HMOs. The City has around 8,000 HMOs. It cannot afford to lose more. Say only half of the City’s HMOs fulfil the criteria for good family houses. That is 4,000 lost family houses: 4,000 homes that will now need to be built in the Green Belt; homes that tomorrow’s graduates and the next generation of families will never have the opportunity to make their own. By Maya Fletcher from Nottingham Action Group

Sport

Coming Out Against Discrimination

by Mark Lomas

The FA and the Gay Football Supporters Network (GFSN) have worked hard in recent years on a ground-breaking new campaign aimed at stamping out homophobia in the game. Crucially, the initiative is not about forcing players to come out as openly gay, but rather to create an environment that affords the same privileges to gay football players as other gay men. The inception of the world’s inaugural national gay football league in the UK in 2002 brought an opportunity for gay footballers to play competitively in an accepting environment. Beginning with four teams, the GFSN National League has rapidly expanded to 12. Nottingham has its very own gay football team, Nottingham Ball Bois FC, who represent the city on a national level. Any thoughts that a Ball Bois match might lack the competitive edge of a more conventional league game were put to rest after an impressive 3-0 victory against the Brighton Bandits. However, there still exists the possibility of joining a conventional league in Nottingham, as a desire for more matches grows. Indeed the Ball Bois have recently drawn a friendly match against a ‘straight’ team. The opposition players remarked that the stereotypes they had held were completely quashed during the match. Perhaps this shows that the best way to fight prejudice is with on-the-field evidence of its falsehood.

“Lots of people have experienced prejudice in local leagues, with some too scared of joining one”

Members of the team, including Club Secretary Kevin Farmer, are heavily involved in liaising with the FA and local clubs regarding the antihomophobia campaign. Famer explained the rational of setting up an openly gay football team to combat discrimination, “Lots of people have experienced prejudice in local leagues, with some too scared of joining one; when this is apparent there is no other means to play football. The fact we are a club that plays in a predominantly gay league allows us to fill what would be a void for these guys.” The Ball Bois also play a pioneering role off the pitch. A number of the team give talks to local gay groups in the community, sharing their personal experiences and explaining some of the options for combating homophobia in sport. Support for the campaign from players such as England international David James has already set a benchmark for other well known players to add their backing. The ‘Kick Racism Out of Football’ campaign seemed an insurmountable challenge on its creation, but 12 years of dedication has led to remarkable successes. The road ahead for the Ball Bois, the GFSN and the FA will be a challenging one, but Kevin is cautiously optimistic in his assessment, “We cannot expect to click our fingers and all of the problems go away. It will take time, but we will get there.” Nottingham Ball Bois FC always welcomes new players, whether straight or gay. For more information visit www.nottinghamballbois.com

Win three months free gym membership! FitSpace and Impact have teamed up to oﬀer four readers of Impact three month’s free membership. FitSpace is a fitness club stripped down to the bare essentials. The winners will have full access to all the facilities at the club including a CV area with over 100 pieces of equipment, resistance area, and impressive circuit area and virtual Cycle Cinema which provides up to 15 automated classes per day. In addition, the changing rooms are equipped with high quality lockers and showers. The gym is located in Waterways Building, Castle Wharf, Canal Street, Nottingham, NG1 7EH. For those who want to join FitSpace, the aﬀordable gym has membership prices ranging from £16 per month and there is NO contract. More information on the gym and its facilities, please visit www.fitspacegyms.co.uk For your chance to be one of four lucky winners answer the question below: What percent of Americans exercise regularly? 1. 5% 2. 15% 3. 50% Answers to magazine@impactnottingham.com along with your name, address and daytime contact number.

Nottingham Vs Trent Varsity series update Varsity Rugby Union Monday 21st April 2007 @Meadow Lane, home of Nottingham Rugby Club (capacity 20,300) Date T.B.C., Venue T.B.C. Varsity Hockey Thursday 24th April 2008 @ Highfields Water Base Pitch Varsity Rugby League Wednesday 30th April 2007 @ Nottinghamshire R.U.F.C. (potentially moving to Meadow Lane) Varsity Cricket Event Attendance 2006: 1,700 Date T.B.C., Venue T.B.C. * The charity for this years Varsity Series will be the Nottinghamshire Royal Society for the Blind.

Sponsored by BP

Intra Mural Sports: Is The Writing On the Wall? Nottingham’s Intra Mural Sports (IMS) system is one of the most popular and successful systems across the country, with over 1000 students involved. Whether your passion is football, rugby, basketball, netball, hockey, or just a good bit of exercise, IMS offers a great chance for all those not quite good enough or, perhaps, committed enough, to play for the University.

“The thought of playing IMS conjures up the unattractive image of scraping a team together, turning up in hostile weather, only to wait for a team that does not even show up” However, all too often, the thought of playing IMS conjures up the unattractive image of somehow scraping a team together, or turning up despite hostile weather conditions and inconsiderately early kick-off times, only to wait for a team that does not even show up. The biggest problem this year came in IMS rugby, where a lack of referees meant that many games were cancelled. Even after a referee training course in November, many games are still played without a trained referee.

With the shortcomings of the IMS set-up known all too well by the many students involved, I asked Chris Carter, chairman of IMS, what he sees as the way forward. He explained that there has been a dramatic improvement over the course of the year in the regularity of teams showing up, and this is partly due to the threat of a hefty £50 fine to be impended upon any team/society that fails to show. Repeated failure to produce a team will lead to the replacement of that team within the league. Furthermore, not only have some 14 rugby referees been trained over the course of the year, Carter also promises that plans are already underway to implement the training of yet more referees before next year’s IMS kicksoff. Carter certainly paints a bright future for IMS. Beyond the five sports already played at Intra Mural level, there have been one-off competitions this year in dodgeball and wheelchair

by Steve Dew-Jones

basketball, with the strong chance of a swimathon and an indoor cricket competition by the end of the year. There is also the prospect of the two best teams from each sport going on to play in an annual competition against Loughborough. This year the competition is being held on the 23rd April and should provide a feast of competitive entertainment. Chris hopes that IMS will continue to develop as enthusiasm for different sports grows, but for this to happen, the onus is placed upon the student. The IMS system can only work if the demand and the commitment are both there. The future lies firmly in our hands.

I thought we were all doing the no shirt thing...

Fighting Talk

by Emma Travis

“With close fights aplenty and the occasional knockout, the Championships did not disappoint”

watch out for the face, yeah? After months of preparation and organising, the Nottingham Taekwondo Club recently hosted this years’ British Student Taekwondo Federation National Championships. As one of the biggest student championships in Britain, it attracted 236 competitors from 25 Universities to University Park campus. Taekwondo, a Korean martial art and now an Olympic sport, is renowned for its fast, high kicking techniques that make it a thrilling spectacle. With close fights aplenty and the occasional knock-out, the Championships did

not disappoint. The day started with the Poomse (patterns) competition. Competitors demonstrate their technical ability by performing a pattern of set moves including blocks, kicks and strikes. This is a nerve-wracking experience for competitors as they are scrutinised by a panel of revered Taekwondo Masters and Grandmasters. Nottingham’s team performed admirably: of seven participants in the Poomse, Nottingham achieved one Gold (Chen Chen), one Silver (Wenqi Li) and one Bronze (Madhavie Perera). 11

Next up was the Sparring competition. With three rings hosting fights, the crowds were captivated. Intense battles raged in all the categories, with abilities ranging from white to black belts. There were a few KOs and some bloody noses, whilst other competitors fought through two relentless rounds to scrape extra points needed to win close matches. Nottingham’s twelve competitors came away with a commendable number of medals, with two Gold (Colin West and Emma Travis), three Silver (Chantal Lew Kum Hoi, Wenqi Li and Beth Dunn), and two Bronze (Chen Chen and Alex Godsell). Over all the day was a massive success, both from an organizational perspective and with Nottingham coming seventh out of 25 Universities; a huge achievement for one of the smallest squads to enter. Taekwondo club has practices for beginners in the sports centre every Monday (6-8pm) and Wednesday (57pm)

The Hard Sell

On 17th of January 2008, custom essay writing company UKEssays.com revealed that its biggest and most valued customer was Nottingham University. In 2007 alone, 363 Nottingham students, ranging from undergraduate to PhD, passed off tailored essays as their own work for their university degree. Impact’s Alice Hutton and Jessica Elgot ask why students would play Russian roulette with their morals, their savings and potentially their place on their course, by effectively buying their degrees. A spokesperson from Nottingham University communications department commented, "The sort of enterprise run by UKEssays encourages deception and makes a mockery of original intellectual thought and analysis. Use of material supplied by UKEssays and similar companies is nearly always detected and the consequences are severe, up to and including escalation to the Senate Disciplinary Committee which has serious powers of sanction.” The statement violently condemned the practice touted by custom essay companies, insisting that they are,

“playing on anxieties and seeking to exploit the vulnerabilities of students. They are preying on, in particular, international students by pretending that this is somehow a reasonable transaction and that they won’t be caught. They are trying to profit from helping students to cheat. Based on the UKEssays’ figure for Nottingham customers, we happily assume that 99.03% of this university community hold the service in contempt. The 0.07% who may have done so are being exploited- and running a heavy risk." Since the beginning of 2008, UKEssays, who freely advertise their services on Facebook and in national newspapers, have seen a 300% rise in business, and founder, Barclay Littlewood, claims that the market is now worth an estimated £320million. Astonishingly, they’re not illegal; if they’re used as a resource and not handed in as your own work, although of course this doesn’t happen in practice. Littlewood told Impact: “Universities seem to be using the Internet and student behaviour as a smoke screen for the failings of their services. We collate all of the appropriate information and allow the user to access the relevant information. We've never received even a minor complaint or query in terms of legality because our service is in no way different from academic journals or Google, we just provide our customers with their specific requirements. Universities might as well suggest that we walk everywhere because cars are for lazy travellers!”

The most expensive product is just over £40,000, for a 50,000word PhD thesis

Google have banned advertisements from custom essays websites

York students accused of plagiarism received a nine month suspended sentence and a criminal record

Strange analogies and dodgy logic aside, (what student would paid £1,500 just for a ‘resource’?) it would seem the companies selling essays have sensibly decided to operate with an ‘on-your-own-head-be-it’ policy, and on your own head it will indeed be. Nottingham University’s Quality Manual takes a hard line on such practices: “The University regards such acts as cheating, plagiarism and the fabrication of results as serious academic offences, which are unacceptable in a scholarly community dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge.” It defines an academic offence as presenting “someone else’s work as being one’s own.” But, even if you came to university in the pursuit of frivolity rather than knowledge, the penalties, if not the ethics, should deter even the most dedicated slacker. At the very least the School will award you zero for that piece of coursework, if not for the entire module (goodbye 2:1 and decent career). At worst, for a serious offence, such as copying an entire essay, or a second offence, your course can be terminated and your ability to apply for another course compromised. A anonymous third year history student, pulled up for plagiarism in their first year, described how the “black score on my record will be taken into consideration when I receive my degree mark, and might push it down.” In some circumstances, students have been officially charged and gained criminal records for ‘defrauding the university’, like student Elner Askerov at York University who paid city banker Jerome Dreane £20,000 to sit his final exams for him. Nottingham’s Academic Services Officer, Hannah Robinson, told Impact that, although the details of the case were confidential, a research student had had their degree terminated this year for plagiarism and the numbers being caught were steadily rising as academics get smarter and technology gets better. The technology in question is software known as Turnitin, part of the JISC Plagiarism Advisory Service, which over 80% of UK universities have adopted. Its director, Will Murray, explained how the software compares an electronic version of a submitted student essay to “6 billion pages of Internet content, academic works and the essays of other students”, alongside the trained eyes of academics. If your essay matches anything on the database, then you could be hauled up in front of a panel. The contract you make with the university effectively allows them to keep your work on their system for as long as they want; and ten years from

now when you sell or offer your old essay to your niece or mate, the JISC system will have kept that work you submitted a decade ago on file, and if you are caught, your degree may potentially be called into question. And, if the recent impeachment of the Dean of Durham University’s Business School, for plagiarising parts of his thesis in 1986, is anything to go by, there is no time limit on being caught: graduation will not get you out of the woods. The worry for those of us with a little integrity is that you can’t do the time, if we don’t discover the crime. Robinson admits that a bought essay might be hard to detect, “You wouldn’t necessarily know an essay has been bought. But I can’t imagine they take great care not to plagiarise themselves. The JISC software could pick up that the essay has been bought or passed off as original, but only if the company has submitted the essay to Turnitin previously.” This is exactly what UKEssays will not do. Of course, if an essay company wanted prove that, ‘no really, we’re just like JSTOR, honest’ then there should be no objection to submitting all content to Turnitin. As Impact went to press, representatives from UKEssays had failed to turn up to any arranged meetings with Turnitin’s management. No surprises there then. Academics are keen to stress that the essays bought are usually more than substandard, and easily detectable if the tutor is familiar with the work of the student in question. Littlewood told us that UKEssays “have stringent vetting policies in place to ensure that all of our researchers have the qualifications that they claim to have.” Although custom essay companies assure you that a degree holder will write your essay, there’s a large margin for what constitutes a ‘degree’. An anonymous student, writing on a social networking forum explained her experience of working for a custom essay company and how the company touted for takers: “When you first place your order, your ‘brief’ is sent out to people who say they are qualified to write essays in that area. If no-one bids for the work in a day or so the ‘brief’ is then sent out to all writers with a note saying that the first writer to respond will be accepted to undertake the work regardless of previous experience. So, your Masters level essay in philosophy may be written by a first year undergraduate with no background in philosophy.” Anyone fancy your third

year Law coursework being written by a first year Travel and Tourism student? To check out the guarantees of a 1st class essay from UKEssays.com, which comes with a hefty price tag, (you can even order a 2.2, who the fuck would order a 2.2?) we got our hands on a custom made History essay from the company: ‘Discuss the role of the president in the French Fifth Republic’, a supposedly 1st class 1,500 essay, fully referenced, albeit incorrectly. Head of History, Colin Heywood, who had the essay marked, pronounced it “short on evidence, with a vague style, a few inaccurate points and very short bibliography” that would be, if it was a first year essay (which it’s not) a border line 2:2, 2:1 at best. UKessays have yet to respond to our findings. but should they wish to, we would be delighted to run their response in the next issue. The University of Nottingham refused to run the essay through the JISC software, with good reason stating that, “We have every confidence in the effectiveness of our plagiarism detection systems. The testing of one essay selected by an external company is an artificial scenario, and the results of a one-off test would be meaningless in the context of the range of measures we have in place to detect plagiarism.” Of course the company weren’t going to send us a plagiarised essay, knowing the tests we’d probably put it through. That doesn’t mean they won’t send you a plagiarised one. And if they do, you’re buggered, regardless of ‘guarantees’ offered. There are many pressures on the life of student that might tempt them from the path of academic righteousness. Clashing deadlines, low resources and motivation, and pushy parents are all contributors to students’ temptations, alongside the aggressive marketing by companies like UKEssays. SU Education Officer, Matt Gayle, admitted there have been problems in the past with deadlines, but stressed that, “You would expect a university to put students under pressure, that is what you’re here for, I don’t think there’s ever any justifiable cause for buying essays. If you’re under pressure, well, then it’s up to you to know that you’re reaching your own limits, that is what being an adult is about, and seeking advice.” SU president, Gerald Bates, finds Nottingham’s position in the league table of bare-faced cheats worrying because students feel they have been driven to do

it; “it’s concerning because students feel like they need to go down that line. It’s the old adage that you’re only cheating yourself. You need to go out and get the degree which YOU deserve to get.” Gayle was also keen to point out the support available to students: “The Students’ Union Advice Centre is there for that very reason- we have a professional counselling service -it’s not as if there are no support mechanisms. So, saying that buying essays is a legitimate option because of pressure is not right.” But what if your pressures are parental? A growing problem for international students at Nottingham is that parents paying upwards of £10,000 a year in fees expect results: Littlewood acknowledged that in 2007 80% of international students using UKEssays ordered 1st class work and that 78% of all bought essays involved a contribution from parents. This is symptomatic of a wider cultural problem: that if university is becoming a consumer product, and buying your intellect an easy way out, then this very clearly privileges the middle classes over those in a lower wage bracket. Bates acknowledges the problem of students finding it difficult to wriggle away from mummy’s apron strings; “University is all about developing yourself and growing to be autonomous, to make your own decisions and to be able to survive on your own. It’s discriminatory, only the people who can afford to cheat, can cheat. Which is bizarre!” The 363 students who bought work from UKEssays last year, and the potential myriad of others who purchased from other sites, are making a mockery of education and academic integrity. These students are potentially your classmates or even your housemates, but you know who you are, even if we never will, because, let’s face it, if you were buying an essay, you would be pretty damn ashamed about it. Worse than getting under your lecturer, it’s the single most shocking act you can commit academically and if you are smart enough to get into Nottingham University, you’re certainly smart enough to do the work. To stand on a graduation platform and toss a mortarboard is an unrealised dream for a vast number of the UK’s population and anyone who has truly earned whatever result they get would be ashamed to share a podium with someone who has deceived 33,000 hard working students. You’re an idiot.

Law and Humanities are the biggest selling essays

Confessions of a customer “I bought an essay in the first term of my first year and got caught. There was a lot of pressure and I was going out too much, so I paid £70 for a ‘guaranteed’ 2:1 or your money back, which I never got [naturally]. To me, it was the lesser of two evils: I could go out and spend the money, or I could stay in and work on something that was not going to contribute to my degree. When I got called in, they told me that the essay was 97-98% plagiarised- they had highlighted the bits that weren’t plagiarised. That was awkward. I was told that if anything happened again I would be kicked out. I guess if I did it again I’d just use a better website. I chose the company because it was cheap, and because it ‘looked good’; you have no idea who is sat behind that computer, it could be a 16 yr old kid. It’s all based on price, if you pay £300 you’ll get a better product, but that is a quarter of your student loan for one term on one essay. I know 4 or 5 people who’ve done it as well, but there is a massive difference between doing it in your first year and doing it when it counts, ‘cos in your first year you’ve only got to get 40% so there’s almost no point in writing the essay. In the end, £70 for a bollocking is not the end of the world, but £300 to get kicked off your degree… now I’d sooner sit down and work.”

The turnover of UK essays.com is £1.8 million with a projected turnover next year of £3.2 million

SPEAK NO EVIL Impact’s Lucy Hayes investigates the philosophy behind the Red Cross’ controversial code of confidentiality.

Every single day, newspaper headlines and news broadcasts bring us new stories of horror. Many journalists are willing to endanger their own lives in conflict zones to let the world know what is going on. With the speed and efficiency of modern media and technology, images of Kenya teetering on the brink of civil war, or a quick reminder that British troops are still in Iraq, can be broadcast the day they’re filmed. It’s arguably a moral person’s instinct to want to expose hidden injustice and violence. And yet, many are shocked by the idea that a ‘humanitarian’ organisation would witness violence and injustice and not reveal it to the wider world. But this is one of the core values of the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC); their strict code of neutrality and confidentiality affords them access to everything in return for publicising nothing.

“The organisation came under fire from the media for keeping the military’s dark secrets under wraps, being denounced as ‘un-American’ by some members of the US press” But the speed of the media works both ways; the tide of public interest soon moves on, and the shocking images of yesterday are forgotten. I hope there are people who would contradict me, but I think I’m speaking for the majority when I say that I don’t know what’s happening in

Afghanistan now. Back in 2004, the world was outraged by the images of American soldiers abusing prisoners in the Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay detention centres. The ICRC had known about the torture, but holding strictly to their role as protectors of the Geneva Conventions, they had only made confidential complaints in the winter of 2003. An inquiry had been held resulting in the arrest of several soldiers, and the ICRC sincerely believed the abuse had stopped. However, the organisation came under fire from the media for keeping the military’s dark secrets under wraps, being denounced as ‘un-American’ by some members of the US press. The question is, is breaking the code of confidentiality worth risking the organisation’s access to emergency areas? One notable example is that of Darfur. In May 2005, the Dutch branch of Medecin Sans Frontieres (MSF) published a report about the rape of 500 women fleeing local militia, by Sudanese government soldiers and police. It is horrific to imagine: after fleeing your home from a group of violent bandits, you find your country’s official army, only to be attacked and raped. Since their report was released, MSF has found its movements blocked and impeded by the Sudanese bureaucracy in Khartoum, whereas ICRC theoretically still have access to all areas and are doing all they can to help. Presumably, they heard the same reports of rape but chose not to tell the international community. Both MSF and ICRC continue their work in Darfur, where the death toll is now estimated as many as 400,000. To all but perhaps the mathematical 16

geniuses amongst us, it’s impossible to really imagine 400,000 people. That’s like killing every single student at Nottingham along with 12 of their friends or family from home. Or perhaps, exterminating almost everyone in Bristol. We’re talking a lot of death here. MSF was in fact set up by an ex-ICRC member, Bernard Kouchner, in 1971. After working for the ICRC in the Nigerian Biafra civil war, he became frustrated with the ban on speaking out imposed by the Geneva conventions, and chose to set up an aid organisation which made no promises about confidentiality. His decision was influenced by the fact that he had lost members of his family in the Holocaust; he would later say he could not condone a second complicity of silence. Second, I hear you ask? Yes, the ICRC had known about Hitler’s concentration camps. On October 14 1942, the committee had decided not to go public with the knowledge they had of Auschwitz and Hitler’s future plans, not wanting to risk the denial of access to the camps. At the time, the Geneva Conventions did not in fact include the protection of civilians – technically they were not at fault. Nonetheless, the ICRC professes regret for their decision to this day. So, surely granting confidentiality to fascist dictators cannot be a good thing. With the wonderful benefit of 20:20 hindsight, we can denounce the ICRC for prioritising the guarantees of a convention above human lives, and even accuse them of antiSemitism. But the organisation reserves the right to speak out when they feel things have gone too far; when the ICRC faced

Andrew Image: Philip Morton

Gibson

genocide again, this time in Rwanda, they appealed to the world for help. In fact, they put out repeated appeals, each one more desperate than the last - and each one in turn ignored. “Public exposure is only powerful if it suits the media and the political moment,” said a senior ICRC official. The wider world failed to save the lives of 800,000 Rwandans.

“Public exposure is only powerful if it suits the media and the political moment” A senior IRC official As stated earlier, it might seem wrong for a humanitarian organisation to essentially cover up the actions of unjust leaders or armies, objecting only confidentially to the parties in question. But were the ICRC to go public with every human rights violation, they would merely join the list of today’s news to be forgotten tomorrow. By telling the press their findings, it’s likely there would be an immediate surge of action and sympathy, which would be just as quickly swept away as public interest moved on (Diana was in fact assassinated by the Armenian secret service, Angelina has yet another kid, etc). The prisoners, displaced families and victims of last month would probably be left in the same position, but now without the Red Cross to help them. It’s all very well demanding the truth. But in the long run, do we deserve it?

Impact’s columnist Andrew Gibson discusses the prospect of a cold war in space.

America has stood alone in opposing negotiations on a UN treaty to prevent a space arms race. The treaty, proposed by Russia and supported by China, would prohibit deployment of weapons in outer space and ban the use or threat of force against satellites or other space craft. Unfortunately, the latest official statement on America’s space policy affirms the country’s freedom of action in the heavens and its right to ‘deny, if necessary, its adversaries the use of space’. Against this backdrop of unilateral thought and the culture of mistrust between the great powers, particularly the US and China, the prospect of going through the insanely expensive motions of further militarising space is real.

“

America’s space policy aﬃrms its right to deny, if necessary, its adversaries the use of space

”

The war machines of advanced countries already depend on space. Spy satellites keep tabs on rogue and nonrogue states, remote controlled drone planes relay battlefield information via satellite and most ‘smart bombs’ use data from satellites. Even the lowliest platoon has access to GPS. However, the three aforementioned nations, and possibly a few others, are able to bring down a satellite with a single missile. This was demonstrated in February when the Americans shot down a defunct US spy satellite, on the grounds that it could fall to earth and release its fuel as toxic gas. Many believe this act was a response to a missile test by China in early 2007, when it destroyed one of its ageing weather satellites. The widespread criticism faced by both nations was generally not to do with the dangers of shooting down satellites, such as creating huge amounts of debris to now float around space. Instead, most states condemned the perceived threat to peaceful cooperation by such vulgar displays of military hardware. 17

“

The Americans have the most to lose from any conflict in space

”

Whether or not either were flexing their technological muscles, neither country wants to fight each other or waste billions on deterrence. The problem is a lack of faith. Amongst other things, the Chinese mistrust the US for not coming to the negotiation table and the US complains the treaty is not only unworkable but the Chinese are antagonistic. For example, Pentagon officials claim the Chinese routinely turn powerful lasers skywards, demonstrating their potential to blind spy satellites. Thus more and more cash is being pumped into research to ‘harden’ satellites from lasers or electromagnetic attack, to utilise wireless communication so satellites can be broken into smaller parts and, obviously, to develop more and better earth-to-space missiles. Research has been done into placing weapons in space but this is deemed not the most practical or cost-effective way to hit a satellite or target on Earth. However, as it becomes cheaper to put satellites and spacecraft into orbit, such options will become viable. The Americans have the most to lose from any conflict in space. However the only way of minimising risk is by emphasising their mutual vulnerability with the other great powers. One way of doing this is by signing the proposed treaty. Another is to openly appreciate that they, the Chinese and the Russians already rely on space for commercial and military endeavour, such that any fracas would be mutually disastrous. Further militarisation of space would prove that no amount of technology can deliver us from our base, human nature.

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Let’s get quizzical Your eyes are drawn to corner of the room. At first you look away, thinking it was a mistake, but no – your attention is drawn again, and how could have thought it wasn’t intended for you? You pretend to listen to your friends’ discussions of this or that but they have not your eyes or your ears. Fingers tap restlessly on the tabletop, and you grow anxious not to miss your chance. What if somebody else gets there first? You have to make a move. A lull in the conversation, and you seize it: “So... anybody for the quiz machine?”

We love these machines. We don’t love what they do to our wallets, true, and we’re not especially fans of the number of exceptionally shit games (Deal Or No Deal: No Questions is particularly pointless), but nevertheless they serve an important social function. Every group of friends runs out of conversation topics at some point in the average evening, and there’s only so long you can sit in silence sipping pints in unison before something has to give. The pub quiz machine means that the point where friends get sick of each others’ company can be put off for those precious few minutes more, and that is a worthy cause that 50p is going to – far more efficient and instantly gratifying that any charity I can care to name. But there’s also the rivalry element, of course, and the genuine surprise that nobody else knew that the world’s shortest war took place between the UK and Zanzibar in 1896 and only lasted 38 minutes, I mean, god, I thought everyone knew that. It is a true leveller of the masses - knowing President Truman’s middle name is something that transcends social class or size of social circle. With this in mind, Impact invited some societies along to the Mooch to partake in some lighthearted yet heated rivalry... The Rules - The game chosen was Cluedo. The questions are of average difficulty, the prizes are sizeable, and, after the Nuts Quiz, it’s got the best eye candy going in the ever-popular Miss Scarlett. - Each team would get two rounds, a practice (to familiarise themselves with the game), and then the game ‘for real’. - They could keep any money they won.

Karni – 3 (James Dalton & Henry Blanchard)

New Theatre – 7 (Tom Warren & Charlie Brafman)

First up, those loveable, charitable rogues at Karni. After an average half-dozen questions in the practice round (“Can we keep our score if we do bad in the next one?”) they achieved an emasculating total of 3 in the end game. Floored by a lack of cookery knowledge, their protests for the first score to be included fell on deaf ears. A low benchmark for the rest of the competition.

Strutting around, the peacocks of New Theatre sneered at their Karni rivals, and they had good reason to – dancing through the first few questions, and nearly winning one whole English Pound, althought they nevertheless failed to score any Big Monies. “Are we winning yet?” Tom kept asking, whilst Charlie merely smiled to himself in quiet, smug contentment.

Impact – 6 (Amy Bell & Ben Davies)

High Soc – 9 (Alex Baker & Simon Bell)

Impact’s own were up next, and lost on the third question in the practice, furrowing brows in thought. New Theatre’s indulgent chuckles were silenced as their challenge was almost met, but soon the oozing self-congratulating atmosphere returned as neither Ben nor Amy knew enough to continue. Still, at least they were gracious in defeat.

The scenesters soon arrived. After an average practice round, they raced through the main game. Science, Arts, Pot Luck, all fell before their scruffy, geeky onslaught. It couldn’t last, however, and sure enough Sport was their undoing, neither of them with expertise in Australian cricketers circa-1980. Enough damage had been done to silence the thespians in the background, though, for which we were all grateful.

URN – 4 (Dave Cribb & Rich Cowie)

The Mic – 3 (Rob Chute & Andy Pyrah)

URN? More like U R Rubbish. Ahem. But seriously, this wasn’t very good. Very amateurish really, and lacking in any kind of finesse. After their failure to identify the correct Latin name for a potato, I’d question their entire worth to the university...

Our journalistic rivals were keen to get this under way. “Just as long as we don’t get the lowest score,” Rob said, “then we’ll be fine.” In typical shameful fashion they couldn’t even manage that. Better luck next time guys, eh?

Paintball & Laser – 4 (Andrew Sharkey & James Ray)

Veg Soc – 4 (Glen Wright & Alex Claridge)

Quite frankly, they should have won. Somehow they managed to answer a phenomenal 14 straight questions in their practice, and came within a hair’s breadth of the jackpot £20 – yet after a heated argument went out in the real game shortly into it, foolishly thinking that Jonah was eaten by Moby Dick. Not bad, though, not bad at all. New Theatre had left by this point, tails between legs.

If we were being shallow and reactionary we’d expect about these guys turning up with sandals and copies of the Guardian, but they didn’t. They turned up with tattoos, and a mediocre knowledge of how to win a quiz. “So, wait, you can win money this way?” “So I’m told.” Still, at least they beat Karni...

High Soc

New Theatre

Impact

Paintball & Laser Soc

URN

Veg Soc

Karni

The Mic

So people won a lot, by which I mean no money at all. But in the end, isn’t the pleasure of taking part financial reward enough? The answer, is no.

By Ian Steadman 21

27th February 2008 ‘Die In’ Protest in suppport of CAAT at the Univresity of Nottingham

Campus Clampdown

Florence Anderson

Living in a democracy which is ironically led by a Prime minister no-one has voted for and a Secretary of State who won’t meet with a national body of student campaigners, we could be forgiven for hiding from the futility of supporting politicians’ empty promises. Instead, we seek salvation in the secret haven that is our luscious green and homely campus, where we are free to share ideas and form opinions before we are too old and cynical to give up on our idealist hopes of forming a better world.

However, in the past few months it seems a stirring has arisen amongst a body of students who feel that our freedoms within this sanctuary have been somewhat limited by the University, which appears to have reprimanded students for expressing their opinions. The three specific incidents in question culminated in over 80 students participating in a ‘Freedom of Speech’ march, a written expression of concern from Manchester University’s Students’ Union and contributed towards the resignation of the Students’ Union Women’s’ Campaign officer.

“The University have the control and power to interpret rules as they see fit in order to protect their members of staff. Things need to change”

because of that man,” Nsikan commented, “The University have the control and power to interpret rules as they see fit in order to protect their members of staff. Things need to change.” The most controversial incident was the arrest of Rizwaan Sabir on November 30th, who was involved in the protest against the Palestine wall in which a barrier was positioned across the footpath towards Hallward library. Conflict arose as the students had been told in advance that they were free to carry out their protest but were not permitted to erect the wall. The students believed, however, that they were within their rights to raise awareness by visually expressing the violation against human rights in Palestine. The police were called and Rizwaan was arrested for ‘breach of the peace.’

Nsikan Edung, SU President elect 2008/2009

The ‘crimes’ of Nsikan Edung (the SU President elect) and Shaun Slater consisted of launching a Facebook group protesting about the high cost of a replacement library card, which, at £20 was four times the price of many other Universities. Although their efforts eventually gained a 25 % reduction, they were punished for exercising their rights to protest by being banned from the library ‘for exposing the flaws in the library entry system on Facebook’. These same young men led the ‘Bring Home the Bacon’ campaign, which travelled from hall to hall creating a petition of students who wanted to see a return in cooked breakfasts. On January 31st, the warden of Cavendish hall demanded that the students leave the hall of residence for not having permission to be there. Refusing to leave on the belief that ‘the students should have the right to sign the petition’, security were called and they were each banned from Cavendish and fined £150 each. Evidence brought before the young men at a disciplinary meeting was that the ‘Facebook’ published ‘offensive language’ referring to the warden as ‘a notorious campus joker’, and using offensive language in the halls. “Freedom of Speech doesn’t exist

Environment and Social Justice Officer, Chloe Cheeseman, asserts that “The protestors were not doing anything illegal, and while they may have broken University rules, negotiation by our own security could have diffused the situation.” She added that she feels “very much like the University was simply flexing its muscles and trying to scare students into ‘respecting its authority”. SU President, Gerald Bates, commented that “freedom of speech is the freedom to offend” and as members of a larger community it is understandable that the University would not want to alienate any specific groups. The Students’ Union Executive insisted that it had been “working tirelessly on the concerns which have been raised from the issue”, a contradiction to how Sabir felt, and commented that ”the SU have been outright complacent and non-supportive of myself and the entire issue. They have sided with the University on all occasions, which really brings into question the role of Nottingham University’s SU Exec.” He added, ”Is this institution fighting for the fundamental rights of students, or are its members merely sitting comfortably in their positions to build a CV for future employment opportunities?” Sabir thought the email sent to him from the

“Freedom of speech is also the freedom to offend” Gerald Bates, SU President 2007-2008

SU, a rather informal approach, was slightly patronising and defensive of the University’s actions. Criticisms of the Union were brought to a head when the Union’s Women’s Campaign Officer stood down from her position shortly after Sabir’s arrest. Teodora Todorova recognised that there was some “amazing work done by amazing people” within the Union but noted that there is a “complete lack of care about defending Students’ rights to protest.” Todorova, who is acknowledged for her passion and dedication to activism felt the need to stand down because she no longer had ”the patience to waste [her] time and energy and fight against bureaucracy.” Having only just flown the nest, our impressionable minds are easily intoxicated by the tempting smells of freshly brewed Starbucks wafting through the isles of Hallward and we seem easily distracted by the concerns of our daily lives rather than the rights of people across the globe. But with knowledge at the click of a button, when does our innocence turn into ignorance, and at what point does our lack of response become an act of negligence? Although a University renowned for its apathy in the 60’s, this spring has seen students shout out for free speech, ‘die’ against the University’s unethical investments and break health and safety limits as students crammed into an Amnesty Soc lecture to hear about the atrocities of Guantanamo Bay. It is clear there is a conscience inside us, yet, and as we are fortunate enough to have the tools of democracy, it’s important that our complacency doesn’t let us lose them. When asked how violations on human rights such as Guantanamo Bay can be stopped, Mozaam Begg, a man imprisoned for three years without charge responded wryly; “punk -ass kids like you getting up and doing something.”

Know your local It’s around 3.30pm on a Wednesday afternoon, and staff opening The Happy Return find a man passed out in the hallway, still clutching half a pint of lager. Someone managed to draw a chalk outline around his body as he slept, and the cleaner just worked around him. He was the manager at the time. Out of every city in Europe, Nottingham has the most licensed premises, per square mile, per capita. In the microcosm of Lenton, Daniel Brenikov investigates every inch of The Happy Return, from patrons to pints, to find out why the least pretentious pub in Nottingham is becoming the most popular.

Many students have a story or two about how some ‘crazy shit went down’ at The Happy Return which couldn’t have happened anywhere else – (Ocean frowns upon people sleeping on the premises). But besides the alcohol-fuelled moments of insanity, much of The Happy Return’s vibrant atmosphere stems from the diversity of its clientele, which ranges from the elderly locals to lowly students, travelling musicians, and stray cats. Of this selection, undoubtedly the locals have been coming the longest (the cat is ‘second generation’): the unsung heroes, who love the pub and refer to it affectionately, as ‘The Happy’. PETE THE FEET Profession: Pianist Friendly Factor: 10/10 Interests: Horse Racing Happy Return Soundbite: “This place keeps me young”

STEVE CANN Profession: Landlord Friendly Factor: 9/10 Interests: Eels, the ‘perfect’ pint Special skill: Militant organisation Happy Return Soundbite: “Better than the Bag” Steve used to run that soulless institution, The Bag of Nails, but quickly became friends with the former landlord of The Happy, Dave Edwards. “When I came to see Dave I thought - this is much better than the pub I run.” And there have been some good times: “One that springs to mind is throwing a washing machine off the roof…it just had to die.” Steve heads the ranks of the Happy Return staff for a reason, firstly because he’s the boss, but also because he, like the rest of them, is simply unique. “I suppose I shouldn’t tell you this, but I was once sunbathing VE CANN E ST naked on a swing bench in the Beer garden” he confesses, “It was about 1pm and I fancied a bit of a tan, but I fell asleep. The staff that arrived for the beer delivery got a nasty shock, just walking past me politely.” This is only the tip of the nudity issues at the Happy, but if the landlord can do it…well, you get

JOSEPH JACKSON Profession: Student/Barman/Stud Friendly Factor: 9/10 Interests: Women, Football Special skill: Can carry 30 pint glasses at once Happy Return Soundbite: “Forest ‘til I die, and then the Happy” Mr Joseph Jackson is a living, breathing piece of Nottingham’s history, his great, great, great grandfather bought the Bell Inn (in Market Square) in 1898, and his family have been managing pubs ever since. Born in the QMC and raised in Nottingham, Joe is now a student at our fair university, and will probably be a proprietor one day too: “I’ve got landlord in me” he admits, “it’s a good lifestyle. You meet a lot of nice women working here, and it’s come to the point now where people JACKSON’S come up to me in the Nottingham Hallward and say “God, Pride you work in The Happy, don’t you”, it’s almost like I’m famous…” I ask him why out of all these bars and clubs, he works here; “Simple. It’s the people; there’s people in here that I never would have met anywhere else, nowhere else even comes close.”

The most charismatic member of the local elite, and undoubtedly the friendliest, is known as ‘Pete the Feet’ for his enviable talent of playing piano with this toes. Not so long ago, Mr Peter Baylis’s considerable reputation earned him a spot in the BBC’s article on ‘Legends of Nottingham’ - Pete was the only legend that wasn’t dead. Pete was born and raised in Nottingham, and lives only a stone’s throw from The Happy Return, but his career as a pianist has taken him all over the world. “I realized I was going to be a musician from the age of five, and left school when I was sixteen” he explains “I joined a band called Ricky Staunton and the Hound Dogs… by nineteen I was playing on cruise ships in the Bahamas.” Pete didn’t stop there, playing as one of the founding members of the Honeydrippers with Robert Plant (of Led Zeppelin): “we used to play small unannounced gigs around the South coast with a different line-up each time…we’d play the gig on the Saturday and play football with local teams the next day.” I ask Pete if he’s better at football than Robert Plant, “I couldn’t tell you, but it was more fun than playing cricket with Roger Daltrey.” Pete’s solo tours in Europe culminated with him appearing on national television (RTL), playing to 40 million viewers live on a Saturday night. Nowadays he passes much of his spare time in The Happy Return, teaching students to play piano, and hosting the famous Open Mic night on Sundays. I ask him why he’s so fond of The Happy; “It keeps me young, and reminds me of the young lifestyle I missed out on while I was working.”

THE HAPPY PLAN Finding your way to the Happy’s friendly local types couldn’t be easier with this handy map.

DAVE EDWARDS Profession: Semi-professional Gambler/ Worn-out Landlord Friendly Factor: 9/10 Interests: Cigarettes, Horse Racing Happy Return Soundbite: “The Happy Return is as close to ‘Cheers’ as you’ll ever get in real life”

Happy Return regulars will remember the former Landlord Dave Edwards, who now, having left The Happy is thinking about taking a fourth (yes, fourth) degree. Dave worked at The Happy Return for nearly two decades before leaving this Christmas, so his pearls of Happy wisdom are glossier than those of his peers. “There were some bad times”, he admits, “the pub didn’t have a working boiler for three years, and one day the fuse boards melted in the middle of a shift; we had no heating, no hot water, and no power - but you just carry on.” Conceding that The Happy is probably the only pub in Nottingham without hot water, I query as to why, despite the problems, it can still pull in the students: “It doesn’t pretend to be a wine bar or a part time locali t ’s a pub, you go to see people, not to be seen. How many places do you find people in the dressing gowns watching football at 6am?” I point out that that’s pretty weird for most pubs, but Dave is quicker to point out that there are two kids on one bike, currently circling around us in the Beer Garden, “that’s pretty weird too, Nottingham is weird”; I can’t fault his logic. While Dave was working at the happy, he only hired staff that were peculiar: “I found two of my staff doing naked forward rolls across the floor of the pub once, they were on a Medics’ social, and they ended the WA R D D night by challenging each other to eat a domino, which I’m pleased to say they both managed. A pub can only be as good as the people that go to it, and The Happy is a constant, it’s always here students return several years after graduation, and are always pleased to see it hasn’t changed: it is the one constant in Lenton and continues to be a focal point, or at least it has been in my life.”

ROBERT GODLEY Profession: Police Officer Friendly Factor: 9/10 Interests: Fighting crime Special skill: Does not need sleep Happy Return Soundbite: “Same glass please” Bob has been coming to The Happy for far too long. Having said that, there has never been a time that he wasn’t welcome. Rarely beaten in pub quizzes, you’ll find him at the bar with a pint of ale in hand, or possibly, selecting The Who on the jukebox. He’s a Police Officer by day, fighting crime on the streets of this fair city, and has even sorted out the rare disputes in The Happy: “There was a lad a little upset about a woman; throwing punches at the staff etc, I had to pin him against the wall and try to calm him down. Then he said he’d call the police, so I felt obliged to tell him; I am the police.” Aside from these Judge Dredd-esque antics, Bob seems just as keen on his friends at the Happy as keeping the city safe; “the people here are definitely special, every night is special, and all the great moments blend into one.”

Gang culture has become a leading source of violent crime and anti-social behaviour in the UK. In the wake of a nationwide increase in gang-related gun crime, a report by the Chief Inspector of Schools claimed that â&#x20AC;&#x153;half of all secondary schoolsâ&#x20AC;? were affected by gang culture.

The very identity of these gangs is typically expressed through a glorification of violence, behind which rests a deepseated resentment of a society, which canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help but spawn such animosities. Whilst their breeding grounds lie in the inner-cities, their predation covers a vast expanse. But the lack of social cohesion that lies behind the phenomenon is not often discussed, and its causes rarely questioned. It is a taboo that has become so prevalent that even to dispel its mythic status is to risk immediate parallel with unspeakable dictators of the past. I talk of that equivocally deceptive word liberty. The roots of todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gang culture lie in the social polices of two decades ago. In a period that witnessed the demise of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;consensus politicsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, homage was paid to the personal ruthlessness, which came to dominate the political scene. Community and shared values became mere archaisms in a born-again society headed by those worshipping the Free Market. In a society suffering in the throes of mass unemployment, the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Iron Ladyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; was able to plant the seeds of a growing national tumor, which has only now revealed its terrible malignancy. It was Margaret Thatcherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s denial of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;societyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; - an entity known and cherished by all - which laid the foundations of a country consumed by the selfishness and insularity of young aspiring individuals. The age old â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Social Contractâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; was in tatters, and with it any notion of state

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responsibility for the welfare of its citizens. The societal glue holding people together was no longer relevant in the age of the individual in the age of instant gratification. The solution to the causes of gang culture and its associated crime may lie with some of our European neighbours. After researching 18 OECD countries across the world (including the UK), The Crime and Society Foundation found a direct link between those countries with the highest prison populations (thus crime) and the lowest GDP welfare spending. Conversely, â&#x20AC;&#x153;all eight countries with the highest spending have the lowest prison populations.â&#x20AC;? The study paid particular tribute to Scandinaviaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s social welfare model and comparative lack of crime. The real beauty of the Scandinavian model lies in its demonstration of higher levels of communal and social cohesion as a result of high tax and high welfare expenditure. In complete contempt of the individualist free-market mentality, their acceptance of wide-ranging interventionist social policy has the effect of actively encouraging citizens to participate in affairs of state, and results in a greater degree of concern and empathy for their fellow compatriots. For them, that is the whole purpose of coexisting in a society and is the very thing that defines it. For the laissez-faire brigade, genuine liberty requires the removal of social policy, welfare and progressive taxation; it is, simply, a lack of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;interferenceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in society at all cost. Their â&#x20AC;&#x153;nanny stateâ&#x20AC;? hyperbole inspires an

8O !E;B ?9AC7D irrational fear revealing a privileged insular mentality, obsessed with a false notion of personal freedom which helps to perpetuate these wider social problems. It is an utterly vacuous concept of freedom in which sensible, practical decisions of State have no place in the veneration of the Supreme Individual. Only with opportunity is there liberty to enjoy the very basic things that are supposedly on offer in a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;free societyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;. That opportunity can only come about where there exists appropriate guidance and support. Right now thousands of young people are utterly disenfranchised in a bubble-like existence, devoid of education or opportunity and bound to a future of crime - bonds that have strengthened with the onset of gang culture. Here their lives become only a replica of their surroundings - surroundings in which violence and anti-social behaviour form an integral nucleus. As the OECD findings reveal, the perceived dichotomy between liberty and intervention is a false one. The time has come to relinquish our insular detachment to our fellow citizens and lift those thousands of abandoned individuals out of their deprivation and away from the path of associated crime.

The Law of Shotgun Edward is excited. There is a palpable unrest about him, as though he is anticipating something wonderful about to happen. If Edward had a tail, he would be wagging it furiously right now. I am puzzled. We are about to get a ride to Sainsbury’s from our housemate, Joe. As far as I’m concerned, even the prospect of making life taste better, and taking advantage of 2 for 1 offers on teabags is not enough to truly set the pulse racing. I am dubious that this is the reason for Edward’s almost feverish state. No, something else is in the air. Joe slowly walks downstairs. Edward narrows his eyes. I suddenly feel like I have been unwittingly thrust into the climax of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Edward’s features, now wildly contorted into a demoniac stare, inform me that there is to be a showdown. Yet, I have nothing to show, and am at a loss to explain what is going ‘down’. I am gripped by fear as Joe sluggishly moves to open the front door. What happens next is over in a flash. Edward, with the agility of a particularly talented cat, leaps outside, hollers ‘SHOTGUN!’, and, in what seems like the same fluid

movement, punches the air in unbridled triumph. His chuckle resonates a curious mixture of hedonistic glee at his victory, and vicious contempt for myself, the chump who must now settle for the relatively impoverished conditions of the backseat of Joe’s Ford Ka. I am in no way overstating the situation when I declare that ‘shotgun’ is a grotesque stain on our student society, the epitome of the dark forces that have conspired to overthrow that oh-so oldfashioned ideal of common decency. Gone are the days when you would graciously sacrifice a privilege, and offer it instead to your buddy. It is a cut-throat, mercenary age in which we live, and that privilege is selfishly ‘shotgunned’ before you can even say ‘damn this cruel world to hell!’ Whilst the ‘shotgun’ rule is applied most commonly to the battle for the passenger’s front seat of a car, it also rears its ugly head when somebody wants that last slice of pizza, doesn’t want to answer the door, wants authority over the remote control, doesn’t want to be the goalkeeper and has even been used, in one case, to decide who was

given that all-important kidney being offered up by a kindly donor. Alright, that last one isn’t true. I appear to be a member of a tiny minority in stating my hatred of the word. The ‘Official Rules for Shotgun’ Facebook group boasts some 193,091 members, as well as a comprehensive list of 27 rules, containing gems such as ‘If the shotgunner attempts to open the door just as the driver is unlocking it and jams the lock half open so that the driver needs to lock it and unlock it again, the shotgunner forfeits their position. This is known as shotgun suicide.’ One of the most recent comments proposes an addition to what seems to already be rather a long-winded list, suggesting ‘anyone who says “so?” when being told they ar ein [sic] violation of any shotgun rule can, by law be dismantled with a chainsaw.’ To the best of my knowledge, this is very much representative of all staunch shotgun loyalists. By contrast, the ‘The Over-use of the Word “Shotgun”’ group, with a meagre 65 members, is almost 3000 times smaller than its pro-shotgun rival. Having declared my antipathy towards this vicious word, I have been mercilessly jeered. The theory that I do not like shotgun because I’m ‘not very good at it’ has become an extremely popular one, and my attempts to explain my stance have been ruthlessly shouted down. I am grateful, then, to have the chance to assign my bitter diatribe to paper, as the danger of being shouted down in an article is rather less acute then when I verbalise my feelings on the matter [really?- Ed]. In short, I urge you to say ‘no’ to ‘shotgun’! Refuse to acknowledge its authority! Flout all 27 of the ‘Official Rules for “shotgun”’! Be strong, and together, we can combat this malignant threat to the civilised student community!

Shaun Livingstone

grapevine

Music SU events Venue New Theatre

PGSA Lakeside

Monday 14th April SCA - STUDENT VOLUNTEER CENTRE - Want to be part of the team?- SCA Office, B Floor, Portland Building In September the Students’ Union will launch a brand new Student Volunteer Centre. Based in the Portland Building, the Centre will help every student who wants to volunteer. An essential part of the new Centre will be a team of student Reps and Advisors. There are 3 volunteer roles available * INFORMATION ADVISORS * COMMUNICATION REPS * VOLUNTEER REPS This is a great chance to develop your skills and your CV and be a valued member of a dynamic new team. For more information check out www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/volunteering/news or pop into the SCA office for an application form. DEADLINE FOR APPLICATIONS IS FRIDAY 18th APRIL

Tuesday 15th April, 6pm University Challenge Trials @ The Venue 6pm-8pm We are seeking Nottingham University team members for the world famous TV quiz show on BBC2. You’ll be asked a series of questions supplied directly from Granada Television. The top performer will lead this years’ team and other members will be selected based on their performance. No contestant should have appeared in the television stages of the show before. If you are selected and get through the first round all candidates must be available for all TV recording dates: First round: 2 days 19th – 22nd June Second Round: 2 days 12th – 13th July The quarter finals will be filmed in the autumn term (dates will be confirmed). All filming will take place in Manchester.

Wednesday 16th April, 7.30pm Justin Adams & Juldeh Camara Concert @ Lakeside Arts Centre 8pm Justin Adams, one of today’s most creative and interesting guitarists, composers and producers has an unmatched knowledge of both blues and African styles. He is joined by Juldeh Camara, a Gambian griot and master musician and percussionist Salah Dawson Miller for this exciting collaboration. Djanogly Theatre Tickets: £15/£12 Concessions www.lakesidearts.org.uk

Friday 18th April, 5pm Inaugural Lecture: Brahms and a Retirement Postponed Lakeside Arts Centre Professor Robert Pascall will give a talk on Brahms’s life from 1890 onwards illustrated by a performance of the slow movement of Brahms’s clarinet quintet given by Catherine Hocking and the Allegri String Quartet. Djanogly Recital Hall Admission Free www.lakesidearts.org.uk

Saturday 19th April PGSA Day Out to Stratford-upon-Avon

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard @ New Theatre 7.30pm ‘Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead’ tells the tale of two extremely minor characters in Hamlet who are swept along on a tide of events with which they seem to be inextricably linked yet they have no recollection of. With the backdrop of Hamlet as a basis, Stoppard creates a story of epic scale that combines both comedy and tragedy. Until April 19th.

Thursday 17th April, 7.30pm Allegri String Quartet Concert @ Lakeside Arts Centre The quartet present a concert of Beethoven’s String Quartet in G, Op.18, No.2, Debussy’s String Quartet in G minor and Schumann’s String Quartet No.3 in A, Op.41, No.3. Djanogly Recital Hall Tickets: £12/£9 Concessions www.lakesidearts.org.uk

Friday 18th April, 1.15pm Allegri String Quartet Lunchtime Concert @ Lakeside Arts Centre The quartet will perform Puccini’s Crisantemi and a selection of student compositions. Djanogly Recital Hall Admission Free www.lakesidearts.org.uk

Visit the beautiful and historic birthplace of England ‘s most famous writer, William Shakespeare. Stratford-upon-Avon is a lovely town located on the Avon river where you can wander the streets of ‘Olde England’, relax by the river, and visit some of the most famous sights in England, including Shakespeare’s Birthplace and the idyllic cottage where his wife, Anne Hathaway, grew up. Tickets are now on sale priced at £11.

Monday 21st April, 5.30 pm Varsity Series- Rugby Union 5.30 (women), 7.45 (men) @ Meadow Ln. (home of Notts County F.C.) Our men and women battle it out in front of thousands in what could swing the series in our favour… Tickets £3.50 (at least 50p to Nottinghamshire Royal Society for the Blind). Available from AU teams, Box Office, Mooch, and Karni Reps www.varsityseries.co.uk

Wednesday 23rd April, 5pm Moonlighters Big Band with Eleanor Anastopoulos @Lakeside Arts Centre Moonlighters will perform a selection of jazz standards and will be joined in some numbers by vocalist Eleanor Anastopoulos. Djanogly Recital Hall Admission Free www.lakesidearts.org.uk

featured event Thursday 17th April 2008 For free entry, either fill in a form at the bar or drop a line to llyxdb@nottingham.ac.uk by Wednesday 16th. April at the latest! See you at the table.

Jack Daniel’s Pool Competition @ Mooch. Get your cues out for another Jack Daniel’s pool tournament at the Students Union. Involving complimentary cocktails, spot-prizes and a special edition JD pool cue and 8 ball for the winner, this promises to be even more popular than last term’s event. 28

Wednesday 23rd April, 7.30pm Double Bill @ New Theatre Under the Impression by Tom Warren. Set in contemporary London, Under the Impression is an observational piece about the life of Jacob – a reticent man undergoing a midlife identity crisis. Through the intricate use of a combination of mediums, this production brings home the inability of many individuals to reconcile truth from life. Followed by… The Third Condiment by Charlie and Ben Brafman. Dave was playing with a lighter and a pumpkin, and he found himself with a white ash-like powder. He tried snorting it, but it stung the crap out of his nose. He tried smoking it, but ended up with the runs. Eventually he tried sprinkling it on his food… and it was remarkably delicious. With the help of his two housemates, this new condiment looks set to take over the world, although Thom sees it as a potential cure for third world debt, whilst Dan sees it more as the route to personal millions. Until 26th April

Thursday 24th April Varsity Series- Hockey Varsity 6.15pm (women), 8pm (men) (vs. Trent Poly) @ Beeston Hockey Club (next to Highfields) With two such high profile teams, this event is never going to be taken lightly, having won both last year, we should expect no less… Donations of £2. All money raised will go to Nottinghamshire Royal Society for the Blind www.varsityseries.co.uk Enrico Rava, Trumpet & Stefano Bollani, Piano Concert @ Lakeside Arts Centre 7.30pm Italians Rava and Bollani will present an evening of music featuring tracks from their current CD The Third Man inspired by jazz history, South American music, the Italian song tradition, and contemporary composition. Djanogly Recital Hall Tickets: £15/£12 Concessions www.lakesidearts.org.uk Unipol Student Homes: Still looking for housemates or accommodation next year? @ Unipol bureau on Cut-Through Lane (Opposite Hallward Library) 2pm to 4pm Come and find accommodation or some new housemates at one of our mixing events. Unipol is a Student Housing Charity that is working with the University and the Students Union to help students find off campus accommodation. Visit our website for more info or to book a place at the next Mixing Event. www.unipol.org.uk/ nottingham

Friday 25th April, 8pm Ghosts Before Breakfast Concert @Lakeside Arts Centre An adventurous and ambitious exploration of the interaction between sound and image, spoken text and music featuring the contemporary music ensemble Counterpoise of works by composers including Edward Rushton and Hans Richter. Djanogly Recital Hall Tickets: £12/£9 Concessions www.lakesidearts.org.uk

Saturday 26th April Matthew Halls, Harpsichord Concert @ Lakeside Arts Centre 7.30pm To complement Lakeside’s exhibition of French drawings from the Rothschild collection from Waddesdon Manor, harpsichordist Matthew Halls performs a programme with a distinctly French Baroque flavour. Djanogly Recital Hall Tickets: £12/£9 Concessions www.lakesidearts.org.uk Firefly @ Marcus Garvey Ballroom 10pm – 6am Alex Under live, Jeet, Max Cooper, Ross Eden (More TBC) £10 Early Bird £13 other www.ilovefirefly.net

Wednesday 30th April Impact Elections @ Impact Office, Portland Building 1pm Impact needs Editors! Come along and run for a position, whatever takes your fancy. We re-elect every year so every position is up for grabs. See www.impact nottingham.com, the Facebook group and event and this month’s copy of Impact for more details on positions, elections and nominations and come and get involved! Followed by a Impact mash-up to initiate the new team and send off the old one with a bang- all welcome! www.impactnottingham.com Rugby League Varsity (vs. Trent Poly) 4pm (2nd XIII), 6pm (1st XIII) @ Nottingham R.F.C., Lady Bay Having dominated Trent last year, and with a very successful season under their belt, this should be another point for Uni. Donations: £2. All money raised will go to Nottinghamshire Royal Society for the Blind www.varsityseries.co.uk

featured week Nottingham University Vegsoc invites everybody and anybody to get involved with a week of fantastic vegetarian & vegan food (including free samples), great nights out to top restaurants and super hip bars with top deals, and the piece de resistance - our Big Veg Pledge. We challenge you to try vegetarian for just one week - for the animals, for your health, for the environment, for great food or even just for shits and giggles?

The Crucible by Arthur Miller @ New Theatre 7.30pm Miller’s chilling classic of collective paranoia and retribution examines the forces of revenge and superstition in the town of Salem, Massachusetts, causing even the most upstanding and innocent of people to confess to witchcraft, denouncing each other to save their own lives. Miller brings out the absurdity of the era with themes of truth and righteousness, questioning why people are prepared to stand against adversity, clinging onto the truth even though its price is certain death. Until 3rd May

Sunday 4th May (T.B.C) Cricket Varsity Unfortunately with Trent Bridge being unavailable, our teams will be playing on their home turn in Highfields. This event promises a quality day of top class cricket, and hopefully some sun as well so we can bask in the glory of the final event which will wrap up our varsity victory… Highfields www.varsityseries.co.uk

Wednesday 7th May, 7.30pm Wednesday 7th May, 7.30pm Double Bill @ New Theatre Good Morning and Goodbye by Nick Moran. Breakfast television talk shows are dull, lifeless and insipid. And even the long suffering cast of ‘Good morning and Goodbye’ - Britain’s ‘most cheery way to start the day’ - forced to live in a never-ending Prozac-laced world of pseudo-happiness, would not disagree with any accusation of blandness. However, today is a day unlike any other… A tremendous romp featuring religious cultists, celebrity chefs finally getting their due, and the truth about cold freezing. Followed by… The Box by Luke Leonard. The story of a young teenage couple who deliberately encase themselves in a giant concrete box. As people on the outside try to force their way in, Jess and James make the walls thicker, and the two explore their own stories, their thoughts and feelings about love, and the terrifying and traumatic events that lead them to build ‘the box’. A dark, macabre and often grotesque story about how sometimes love will always prevail, even if it means isolation, and possible death. Until May 10th

Thursday 8th May, 7.30pm New Noise - Cross Talk Concert @ Lakeside Arts Centre 7.30pm Cross Talk features seminal works from three of the most influential composers of the late 20th-century - Iannis Xenakis, Steve Reich and Karlheinz Stockhausen, alongside new work from some of the most exciting young composers working today. Djanogly Recital Hall Tickets: £12/£9 Concessions

Funny Farm @ The Venue 8.30pm-11.30pm Sarah Millican, Andrew Lawrence, Joe Rowntree Drinks by table service. Doors 8.30pm. Advance tickets £3/ £4 door.

Vegsoc presents the Big Veg Pledge Hey good lookin’ what you got cookin’?

Wednesday 30th April, 7.30pm

Monday 21st April @ Squeek

An all-vegetarian restaurant, offering a top quality three course meal for 10 squid.

Wednesday 23 April rd

Sunday 27th April

Join us for our Big Veg Picnic – under glorious sunshine (ever the optimist!) join us for a feast of great tasting veggie picnic snacks! Plus free Vegetarian & Vegan sweeties and goodies all week in Portland!

Enjoy a chilled evening out at the trendy alley café restaurant and bar – including a 20% discount on all food.

Saturday 26th April

Join us for a top Thai night of great veggie and vegan grub, followed by a trip to the Broadway Cinema Bar.

What’s the matter meatie, afraid of a little fruit and veg? Find us on facebook or check out our glamorous website www.thinkfood.org.uk

impactnottingham.com/travel

Sri Lanka If you’re looking for a short, cheap but exotic trip this summer, Sri Lanka is the place. Being small, it’s possible to explore the entire country in a two–week holiday. A tropical land of exotic spices, cool misty highlands, sun soaked beaches, age –old temples and lost cities, it incorporates all the best features of southern Asia.

However, its affectionate nickname, ‘the tear drop of India’, has become increasingly apt, with Sri Lanka infamous for its natural disasters and political turmoil. The conflict between the Tamil Tigers and the army, as well as the devastating tsunami, has left its mark. While many tourists have been discouraged by the troubles, tourism is a healing force in this hard-hit area, and visitors will be guaranteed a warm welcome.

of Anuradhapura, Sigiriya and Polonnaruwa, also home to the kleptomaniac monkeys, who eat the floral offerings lain at shrines by pilgrims. July/August is the time of the Esala Perahera in Kandy: the 10-day festival honours the sacred tooth relic of the Buddha and is your opportunity to get defecated on by elephants.

Heading out east from Colombo, the cool and lush mountain region is a world away from the capital’s bustling streets. With its abundance of roadside waterfalls, caves, tea plantations and lush forest sheltering unique wildlife, the hill region is the most beautiful place in the country.

Despite the ongoing political turmoil, Sri Lanka remains an ideal travel destination. The people are wonderful, food and accommodation is cheap and the land is incredibly versatile. Just make sure you avoid the monkeys.

Travel north and you’ll find the heritage sites

Alex Barnes

A l t e r n a t i v e City Breaks: Madrid Sometimes a student just needs to get away from it all. Such was the situation my friends and I found ourselves in last June when, still suffering from post-exam exhaustion, we booked ourselves a sneaky break to Madrid.

For those looking for a culture fix, the city boasts two of the most famous art galleries in the world; the Museo del Prado – free for EU students with just one flash of an NUS card and the Museo de Arte Reina Sofia, as well as

At about 20 degrees warmer and £200 cheaper than the uni-organised trip to Newquay (the Blackpool of the south, anyone?), it was a nobrainer. A quick scout on the Ryanair website found us all return flights from East Midlands for 1p, and then all that remained was to hunt down the phrasebook and sun cream. Madrid is the ideal student getaway –littered with cheap hostels and with plenty to offer in terms of nightlife. A perfect blend of culture (it is home to the Spanish Royal family) and pleasure, its quiet parks and shady side streets mean that it hardly feels like a capital city at all.

fairly compact, and walking around is easily the best way to soak up the ambience and spot the best cafes. Like most places that aren’t the UK, eating out in Madrid is fairly cheap. Cosy tapas bars serving everything from paella to tortilla are easy to find, and ten euros should be more than enough to fill your belly. Drinks are equally reasonable; the best deal we found was a litre of sangria for 3 euros (a challenge if I ever saw one…). All too soon it was time to stagger into the taxi to catch the 5:00am flight back home (no-one said it was perfect), but having to drunkenly negotiate airport security was well worth a cheap Spanish mini-break!

the rather impressive Royal Palace. No pricey metro tickets are required as the city centre is 30

Shanna McGoldrick

Out on the wild and windy moors The romance of the Yorkshire moors... you can almost hear a rugged, good-for-nothing, Heathcliffe-alike calling your name. How could any self-respecting girl fail to be entranced at the prospect of a weekend in Brontë-land?

However, in negative degree temperatures, on top of the moors struggling not to be blown away in the gale-force winds, shielding my face against the hail that catapulted out of the (grey and foreboding) sky, I felt more like Bertha Rochester (the mad woman in the attic).

Nonetheless, my stay in Haworth or Brontë Country (as advertised by the Tourist Board) fulfilled my more idealistic and imaginative views of the English countryside. We stayed in a homely B&B run almost single-handedly by Paul – our bellboy; housekeeping service; breakfast chef and waiter; concierge and resident smiley face. Everything we wanted was a 10 minute walk away – up a cobbled street and past a Church. The Moors were on our doorstep (literally) and the picturesque station at the bottom of the cobbled street was like something out of a movie. In fact, Haworth provided the set for The Railway Children film, with a “Railway Children walk”- which we, as dedicated tourists, did (through the snow). We also visited the Parsonage, where the Brontë sisters grew up, looking out on the countryside that inspired much of their fiction (and Kate Bush’s famous song), and the original post-office from which the sisters sent out their manuscripts (now a gift shop – the English can always be relied upon to turn a piece of history into a profit-making ‘experience’).

But the beauty of a romantic weekend away in England is that, while the weather may be abysmal (at least the snow was white – coming from London where snow is only ever grey sludge, I was gratified for this cherry on the cake of my British countryside weekend away), in the heart of B&B country you can be sure that sooner or later you will stumble upon a cosy tea room with homemade cakes and a roaring fire, or a “local” pub where everyone knows everyone and the pints are served with a smile.

Jessica Baron

Camp America We live in a world where stress has become part of our daily routine. Working at an American summer camp last year, I discovered a place where you forget such problems. When I first looked into working at a kids’ camp in the USA I didn’t have a clue what to expect. I read about peoples’ experiences and was still absolutely clueless as to what it would be like. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I’d never been to North America before, in fact, I’d never been out of Europe. I got the urge to do a bit of travelling because I really didn’t want to spend another summer working in boring, temp jobs. The Summer

Camp USA schemes, through BUNAC, gave me the opportunity to travel, meet new people, gain amazing experiences and get paid: just what a student like myself needed.

new experience, with numerous different daily and weekly themes. We all began trying to outdo one another, creating a new benchmark for dressing up and fooling around. The kids loved it, the staff loved it. It was just unbelievable fun.

During my application, I got to speak to the staff of several camps and decided which one I wanted to go to. I chose UNH-4H Bear Hill Camp in New Hampshire, because it looked like a more raw experience, sleeping in cabins without electricity, making camp fires at night, playing whatever sports or games we wanted to allowing us to really get into the spirit of what summer camp should be. Everyday brought a

The weekends were yours to spend freely and the American staff were always willing to go out of their way to take us places and put us up for the weekends. I don’t think I’ve ever seen hospitality quite like it since. All in all it was easily the best experience of my life to date. It has compelled me to get out there and try all sorts of new things, including the Round-The-World trip I’ve arranged for after graduation. I’d definitely recommend one of BUNAC’s schemes to anyone.

Dave Carter

into the forest

Photography: Richard Round-Turner Styling: Simone Konu and Mary-Anne Veit Model: Claire Arnold Styling assistant: Laura Sedgwick Special thanks to Christopher Byrne

black chiffon cardigan handmade pink dress £30 american apparel floral skirt £32 topshop leggings £30 adidas gold wedges £10 primark

floral dress £29.99 h&m spandex leggings £21 american apparel gold wedges £10 primark

floral waistcoat £14.99 h&m silk ruffle dress £35 new look leggings £30 adidas gold wedges £10 primark

Do Gooder Chic or Fashion Trend Victim? Mary-Anne Veit investigates the new trend of Awareness Fashion This season’s key piece is jumpsuits. They came around in the eighties, when we were all too young to care, and unfortunately have been recycled amongst designers only a few decades later. Last year it was leggings and slogan t-shirts. Does it not seem that the fashion world is having a severe case of nostalgia or deja-vous? In fact, does it not seem that every key item this decade is just a product of some previous decade, and we should just hoard everything our mothers and grandmothers have had for years? Fashion is merely being rehashed, questioning what will really mark the noughties decade? The seventies was marked by flares and disco, the eighties was shoulder pads and power dressing.

“If money from the garment doesn’t go to the cause, how much change is really happening?” There has been no key look to define the last two decades, with them both really being a showcase of fashion history, with trends coming and going in single seasons, rather than pieces of innovation. It brings to mind Oscar Wilde’s description, “Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.” And we’ve altered it so much that now we’re repeating it. However, there is a solution, which we can all proudly tell our grandchildren when they ask why our designers were

so boring and unoriginal when it came to fashion, and this will be ‘Awareness fashion took place instead!’ Awareness fashion is seen everywhere, whether it be the Anya Hindmarch ‘I’m not just a plastic bag’ bag, the numerous Breast Cancer supporting t-shirts, or the new H&M ‘Inspiration’ Line which has celebrities such as Rihanna and Jade Jagger designing t-shirts for the H&M Fashion Against AIDS range. However, although fashion is using itself to make people more aware of causes, how much do we really care? Cynical as this may sound, but is it more likely that the Anya Hindmarch £5 slogan bag sold out straight away due to us all wanting to solve the plastic bag problem which it was designed for, or was it more because a top designer for celebrities was designing a bag us ordinary people could afford? The fact that it sold out within hours of hitting the shop floor and then went on sale at eBay for £200, doesn’t necessarily indicate that its popularity was because we all decided that the itbag of the season needed to correspond with our eco-consciousness desire. Likewise slogan t-shirts famously saying ‘Drop Beats Not Bombs’ or ‘Make Love Not War’, could be worn due to their political messages but are most likely to be worn by those trying to replicate some sort of ‘nu-rave’ look, after all, they are

just over-sized t-shirts at the end of the day. Whilst companies such as Marks & Spencer, which give 30% of its retail price on Breast Cancer products, to a Breast Cancer Organisation, and H&M which gives 25% of its Fashion Against AIDS Range to YouthAids to raise awareness, cannot be faulted on their financial help and indeed on making important issues fashionable, how much actually changes in the persona of the shopper – particularly one who is concerned with key trends? Would the Breast Cancer symbol be so popular if it wasn’t in pink?

“We all decided that the it-bag of the season needed to correspond with our eco-consciousness desire” It’s great that such an expensive industry which is surrounded by celebrities is trying to promote causes and make the young in particular aware of important issues. Yet, if money from the garment doesn’t go to the cause, how much change is really happening? That’s the problem with fashion. There are those who don’t care enough about fashion to care about making sure their next t-shirt will promote a cause - who buys a t-shirt because they need a t-shirt - and then there are those who care too much about fashion, who see a cause as a must-have and a mere trend, without caring too much about the cause itself.

Scouting For Style by Sophie Ronald People-watching has reached new heights following the growing popularity of a string of websites that do just that, scout out everyday people dressed well. Perhaps the biggest website of this kind is facehunter.blogspot.com where young street ‘photographer’ and French dandy, who describes himself on his website as, ‘a man out and about in london and beyond: eye candy for the style hungry’. Yvan goes round his native Paris as well and countless other world-wide trendy cities with his camera and eye for style. Off the back of his website Yvan has been printed in magazines from Elle to GQ to

Vice. The idea of street style is not new but this presentation of a daily updated picture blog featuring the bold and the beautiful in some of the most glamorous and the trendy and sometimes surprising destinations in Europe and beyond has a certain upgraded feel compared with the usual format of ‘where did you get that outfit?’ feature in magazines. The nice thing about Facehunter is that it bypasses obsessing about the latest and newest catwalk trends and top to toe ‘conceptual looks’ in favour of street trends or rather how various styles and

fashions have been assimilated into everyday wear and how these trends are translated into workable outfits for the normal day. Obviously, some of the outfits are still completely un-wearable, this is usually in the weeks that he is covering high profile fashion events, but there is always something exciting to look at and they remind you that getting dressed in the morning whatever you’re doing that day can be a joy.

Spare Parts OUR WOMAN IN... VENICE a first degree. An interesting side affect of this is that one achieves the title ‘Dottore’ after only three years of study here, which strikes me as a tempting fast track to a prestigious academic title. Another institution I frequent is the Venice International University, a y nearl Ah, Venice. I arrived here fascinating but surreal place located a month ago, from Nottingham’s on a tiny island in the middle of the led English department and am enrol lagoon. It used to be an insane asylum at Universita Ca’Fosacri, an illustrious until some bright spark had the idea institution housed in a number of that it would be a great place to put a opulent but creaky buildings across study program - it now has an intake the city. The academic system is a of around seventy slightly bemused little different to England, the classes international students. are far smaller for one thing. One e peopl fewer reason for this is that far Living and studying in Venice go to university in Italy than in is indisputably a phenomenal that me England; fellow students tell experience. Wandering through the only 7% of Italians graduate with

A fifteenth century writer named Sanudo called Venice the ‘bosom of all Christendom’, in which case I am living in its cleavage; in an apartment in a small alley, or ‘Calle’, just off the Rialto Bridge. From this select spot, I can see Byzantine towers soaring overhead, gondolas drifting along the grand canal and frenzied tourists becoming more and more irate as they realise that the sign outside my house pointing the way to San Marco has been reversed.

IMPACT GUIDE TO... Coffee is timeless. Not only the world’s biggest commodity after oil, and a foolproof way of luring home a potential love interest at the end of an evening, coffee is becoming an indispensable fashion statement. It’s the little black dress of beverages; essential for any walk of life. With so many choices on the market, Impact’s guide gives you the definitive low-down on what’s hot and what’s not on the coffee catwalk.. Hot on the counter: Cappuccino – The Chanel of coffee, timeless and elegant. Best enjoyed with similarly cultured people, over intelligent conversation. White mochas – For the more flamboyant Vera Wang types – feminine, extravagant and beautiful; melts your

city at night, the most obvious thing is not the elegance of the place, but how dead it is. The pavements are empty, bars close early and there are almost no lights in the windows of buildings. Locals tell me that only a quarter of the apartments here are occupied by native Venetians. In the meantime, I consider myself very lucky to have been able to experience it at such close hand.

by Sarah Braybrooke

COFFEE COUTURE

heart with a concoction of pleasurable caffeine buzz and delectable sugar rush. Definitely one for the sweettoothed individuals. Espresso – Dark, robust and exotic. An intense statement: not for the faint hearted. The ‘what’s not hot to wear’ of coffee: Adopting a Trinny-and-Susanah mode of thinking (don’t worry, I’m not going to grab your tits) there are some simple ‘rules’ to abide by in the coffee industry… Tea – you know some designers are really expensive but you look at them and think…wait, they’re shite? Well, I assimilate tea drinking to this: BAD taste. Don’t get me wrong, Tetleys when in your PJ’s is fine but buying tea at a coffee shop is not only boring, it’s wickedly extortionate too – at least £1 for essentially water. (requesting in a posh voice and asking for a slice of

lemon with your earl grey doesn’t help frankly). Making things ‘skinny’ – the ongoing debate about size zero manifests itself on the coffee catwalk too: too skinny is not good. By opting for a ‘skinny’ option you end up with a second rate beverage – skimmed milk does not froth properly: live a little, enjoy the genuine curvature of a real cappuccino. Decaffeinated Espresso – are you mental? It’s like breaking the age old rule of ‘never mix black with colour’ – espressos are intense and to be drank for the purpose of a caffeine concentration. Ordering decaff shows a complete lack of respect to the Machiavelli of coffee. To top off your faux pas, call it an expresso, (sic)…I dare you. by

Emi Day

OVERHEARD IN HALLWARD

by Bianca Leggett

a midget I went round to theirs on Sunday and the queen had those presented to her in a pie otherwise it’s just stodge I love have to let things I used to eat it every day but now I must always be cautious I just T OFWFS her do it or she goes mad 4IF XBT GSPN +FSTFZ UIPVHI TP JU XB d of a HPJOH UP XPSL PVU It’s not the first time I’ve hear drinking lawyer who is insane He’s a geek but he’s so funny Were you U whisky? Why do you say this, why why? *U T UIF XPST rude I’m UIJOH ZPV DBO TBZ UP TPNFPOF I’m sorry, I’m being very the time fanning myself in £50 notes I get told off for laughing all think he would because my family is quite traditional, you know, lots of rules… but I don’t why have called her mad if they were going out you have to wonder, allowed would they ever employ us? it shouldn’t be ulously unless they’ve got a license or something You know what, ridic though, I didn’t even feel it, I thought it was my boiler…

It will be heartening I’m sure to discover that great things have been created out of the social predicaments that the Derby Road walk hurls at us. After a particularly gruelling day on campus, I left the (then) Ark where my friends had congregated, too exhausted even to enjoy a quiet drink. All I wanted was some solitude and sleep, and rose to leave, at the same time as my friend Bianca, both fully aware that we walk the same way home… We were neck and neck on the steps of the pub when I realised that I just would not

IPO D DUE TS

socialise anymore. I turned to look at her and made this unhappy truth known. Luckily, said friend is a legend and felt exactly as I did. We were comfortable enough with each other to admit that we couldn’t possibly utter another word to a human being after the monstrosity of the day we’d had, so instead we chose to walk companionably alongside one another listening to our ipods. Following this something quite incredible happened… The realisation that it is socially acceptable to sing along (with gusto) when you are walking in close proximity to someone else who doesn’t appear to mind. I can reveal that there, in fact, may be no limit to what others will accept as long as there is one person who is still willing to be seen with you who downright refuses to acknowledge your odd behaviour.

Duets that have been accomplished so far in this way are as follows: Don’t cry for me Argentina (Evita) vs. Don’t look back in Anger (Oasis) 9-5 (Dolly Parton) vs. Damn it, Janet (The Rocky Horror Picture Show) Imagine (The Beatles) vs. Boom Boom Boom Boom (The Vengaboys – the shame) The game ends when one day your ipods unwittingly shuffle you onto the same song and you somehow glean from subtle changes in the faces of passers by that this time you are in fact singing THE SAME SONG. You are now the winnersmake up a new game.

by Jen McDerra 38

New Theatre - New Writing

As New Theatre embarks on its new term of productions, the stage is set for some brilliant new writing from talented student playwrights. This term dedicates the most space for new writing ever scheduled, with two double bills planned for the forthcoming weeks and one double bill previously playing to packed audiences in the last week of term. Previously at New Theatre Dragon Botherers by Robert Jones And Half a Heartbeat devised by Ed Hancock and the cast. Reviewed by Bianca Leggett. After being grabbed by the hand and led to my seat by a capering girl in a polka dot petticoat and given a warm sticky Haribo by a stony-faced boy offering crack, I knew to expect something a degree more cartoonish than your average Chekhov. A tale packed full of eccentrics, from an accordian-wielding fiery French woman to a frustrated thatcher in need of dating tips to a cape-wearing prodigal son with a cruel talent with a felt-tip. A physically inventive production in which the energy rarely flags and the unapologetically scatty narration binds the whole together and keeps up the pace. The jokes are mostly of the tried-and-tested formula but some stand-out performances inject new life and make the characters their own. From cartoonish people to people who love cartoons… ahem, that should be graphic novels. After the break The Dragon Botherers took us into the world of Penny, Jim and Ed- on weekdays they are shop-worker, double-glazing salesman and full-time mummy’s boy but come Saturday, with a little help from a twenty-sided dice, they enter the wonderful world of Dungeons and Dragons and

become (cue gravely masculine voice) MIGHTY WARRIORS! This charming and original story, from the pen of first-time playwright and self-confessed Dungeons and Dragons fan RJ, is wonderfully endearing thanks to the likeable characters created by its small cast. Upcoming at New Theatre 23-26th April Under the Impression by Tom Warren An observational piece set in contemporary London, Under the Impression is the story of Jacob, a reticent man undergoing a mid-life identity crisis. Struggling to accept the many absurdities of his environment and inhibited by unknown forces, an attempt is made to reveal his inner nature. Through the intricate use of a combination of mediums, this production brings home the inability of many individuals to reconcile truth from life. And The Third Condiment by Charlie and Ben Brafman Dave was playing with a lighter and a pumpkin, and he found himself with a white ash-like powder. He tried snorting it, but it stung the crap out of his nose. He tried smoking it, but ended up with the runs. Eventually he tried sprinkling it on his food… and it was remarkably delicious. With the help of his two housemates, this new condiment looks set to take over the world, although Thom sees it as a potential cure for third world debt, whilst Dan sees it more as the route to personal millions… 10-11th May Good Morning and Goodbye by Nick Moran

lifeless and insipid, that is one thing that is beyond certain. Even the long suffering cast of ‘Good morning and Goodbye’ - Britain’s ‘most cheery way to start the day’ – would find it hard to disagree. Today, however, is a day like no other. A tremendous romp featuring religious cultists, celebrity chefs finally getting their due, and the truth about cold freezing, ‘Good Morning and Goodbye’ promises to deliver a slew of laughs and maybe even more… And The Box by Luke Leonard The story of a teenage couple who deliberately encase themselves in a giant concrete box. As those outside try to force their way in, Jess and James make the walls thicker, and the two explore their own stories, their thoughts and feelings about love, and the terrifying and traumatic events that lead them to build ‘the box’. A dark story about the lengths to which love will go to prevail… All of these student playwrights agree that New Theatre provides the perfect opportunity for aspiring writers to showcase their work. Some have already gathered experience in Festivals at the Edinburgh Fringe or NSDF (National Student Drama Festival) in Scarborough while for others it will be their first foray into play-writing. First time playwright Tom Warrentold Impact, “The New Theatre’s new writing initiative over the last two seasons has meant that it’s a lot easier for people interested in writing plays to get a chance to put them on. In fact, it’s probably the best opportunity you’d ever have.” Clare Salter

Breakfast television talk shows are dull, 44

Book Reviews Engleby Sebastian Faulks

The Book Thief Markus Zusak

Anyone who has been forced to read Faulks for educational purposes and is expecting more of the same in his new novel will be very surprised. Though not everyone’s cup of tea, Mike Engleby- privileged student, diarist and our narrator- is engrossing from the start. Early on it becomes clear that he is a far from a ‘normal’ student, with a superior attitude and a bizarre relationship to one fellow student in particular. Despite, or even because of this, I found myself on his side for most of the book. His sardonic humour and comments on the state of modern Britain are brilliantly pitched and make for some killer satire. The book also takes a look at many student issues students in an intelligent, but never a patronising, way.

Markus Zusak’s first novel has already become an international bestseller and it’s well deserved. The story of Liesel Meminger, a young German girl forcibly separated from her family during the Second World War, has an unusual narrator: none other than the grim reaper himself. It is his narration that rescues this book from becoming maudlin and instead shows the reader the power of words and humanity’s ability to endure sheer horror.

If the book has one flaw it is a rushed pace, but it certainly made compulsive reading as the revelations towards the end of the book came to light… I’ll say no more, except that you won’t be disappointed.

Death himself is reluctant in his task and it is humanity that offers him relief, particularly the story of the Book Thief (Liesel). He follows Liesel’s reading desires from the moment she steals a gravediggers handbook until the end of her life in Australia. The book itself is a joy to read, balancing moment of horror with stories of personal courage. It had me hooked from start to finish and in its poignancy makes other great books seem pale in comparison.

Alex Beaumont

The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao Junot Diaz

Marley and Me Josh Grogan

With humorous imagination, Junot Diaz’s novel tells the story of a nation and family gripped in the vice of an eternally recurring curse: the Dominican fukú (the doom of the New World). Serving as the narrative’s lynchpin, Oscar, a grossly overweight and sexually inept teen, struggles to find acceptance in a machismo Dominican-American culture. As he consistently fails, he takes refuge in science fiction, role-playing, and his own writing; dreaming of becoming the Dominican J. R. R. Tolkien. But refuge is temporary and Oscar longs for true and requited love. Towards the end of Oscar’s life, after several failed relationships and a botched suicide, Zafa (luck) begins to escalate in a tightly controlled momentum, climaxing in the last few pages. And yet the novel is much more than the story of a culturally lost teenager – it is the story of an entire hemisphere grappling with the fukú left in the wake of Columbus, a fukú of the self-fulfilling prophecy perpetuated by both ruler and ruled. Oscar, his family, and the Trujillidad regime merely serve as the lens through which we may all gaze upon a shared legacy of discovery, betrayal, and, for a few, reconciliation. A unique take on the bildungsroman that changes the face of ethnic literature. Josie Ensor

Marley and Me tells the story of a young couple’s decision to add a canine element to their family, and the tremulous lovehate relationship that ensues. Driven by positive memories of childhood pets and the desire to bring an unconditionally loving and loyal member to the family, they opt for a Labrador puppy, but before long, their adorable youngster is a ‘barrelling, ninetyseven pound steamroller’ of a dog, menace to visitors clean clothes and sofa cushions alike. Try as they might to tame their beast, Marley finds himself expelled from obedience school, and a crippling thunder phobia leads to even more dramatic (and unusual) misbehaviour. More than just fiction for pet-lovers Marley and Me is the true story of a young family finding its feet among the joys and heartbreaks of life. Though there are countless incidents of dog lunacy that will have you laughing out loud, there are touching moments that might just have you in tears. Charmingly written, this heart-warming book may not change your life, but it may just change your outlook. Jessica Benson-Egglenton

“The state of the nation’s theatre in the future will not be pleasant” Quin Golding, theatre director and lead campaigner for Derby Playhouse tells Impact about the implications for regional theatre of arts council cuts, one month on.

These are dark days for theatre, and even dimmer for aspiring theatre practitioners in the wake of Arts Council cuts, votes of no confidence by Equity, and the Olympics. One such young aspirer, Quin Golding, is feeling the pinch. Golding, a local theatre director, led the campaign across Facebook, local and student press and at the door of Derby City Council, to save the now doomed Derby Playhouse which had its £700,000 ACE grant axed last month. Golding told me of his heartbreak of losing the place that introduced him to theatre, “I, like many others in Derby, have real pride in our theatre both as a building and as a central hub for creativity in the region. We’re a competitive bunch; we wouldn’t want to lose our producing theatre if Nottingham still had one.”

for answers from the theatre’s board. Golding believes artistic directors Stephen Edwards and Karen Hebden have not been properly held to account for the mistakes they have made in the theatre’s administration and creative output. “The programming under the Hebden/ Edwards has been pleasant on one side of the scale and rather cynical and boring on the other. Having seen the range of theatre in other local regions, Derby Playhouse doesn’t match their output.” Like many in his line of work, Golding is losing faith in the government’s commitment to the arts, “Without their investment in the theatre practitioners of tomorrow, the state of the nation’s theatre in the future will not be pleasant.”

to the ACE cuts and it is not all bad. A great deal of new blood is coming through thanks to new investment. What seems shocking, looking back over the last two months, is the way the ACE acted in making its changes. As someone starting out in theatre, I am deeply saddened by the events. I can’t help but feel let down by ACE and the government for letting this sham go on.” The future’s not all bleak, and Golding’s keen to stress he will keep on fighting, “By getting together with like-minded people, we can do something to let the leaders know that it is unacceptable. There is the will of a great deal of people behind the cause. I hope it is temporary but I can see the mess taking some time to be cleared up.” Jessica Elgot

The campaign is not just for money but

He added, “We have to add perspective

Creative Corner My childhood and teenage years are filled with memories of me drawing: drawing on the floor, drawing in my lessons, drawing in bed, drawing in restaurants. And then finally when stress of exams came knocking on my door during my A-Levels, it is, again, my art that I escaped to. I first started off with drawing Manga, as my childhood years are filled with Japanese media, having lived the first eight years of my life in Hong Kong, and then A-Level Art gave me the opportunity to explore the Pre-Raphaelites. Ever since, I have produced artworks in a hybrid style of a mixture of Japanese and Western. I have often wondered why art is so important to me. The thought of not being able to create art fills me with despair and dread. To be able to sigh in satisfaction at your own work is reward enough for the long hours it takes to create something beautiful, and I cannot tell you why this is so essential to me; I can only tell you that it is an integral part of who I am. Iris Ng 46

The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford

The Superior Disney A single lamppost hops down the dark road with you, squeaking all the way. Welcome to the world of Ghibli. Studio Ghibli is a Japanese Animation film studio, and our world seems to be oblivious of the wonders. It has been creating for the past 20 years, amassing over 30 films. Intelligent anime films that display the freedom a filmmaker has when they can use animation rather than expensive CGI for their special effects. Studio Ghibli is, for the mass audience, on the brink of being discovered. One of their recent and most popular films, Spirited Away, rightfully claimed the Best Animated Picture Oscar in 2001 and Howl’s Moving Castle (2006) was nominated. This summer Film4 bought the rights to the entire back-catalogue of Ghibli films, so if you flicked off classy daytime TV around mid-afternoon, you probably would have caught something special. The studio surpasses a large amount of Disney not only in quality, but also in maturity and innovation. I would blame Disney for the lack of exposure, but they’ve been involved since the beginning. The fantastic world you’re thrown into with any of these films fluctuates greatly, but with a couple of recurring characters, exploration of childhood innocence and a bizarre love of cats (dogs are the brutes the cats casually avoid, being cooler). However, many of the films go beyond our reality to the creative imagination of geniuses, where the feud between cats and dogs would be powerfully overshadowed by flying castles and bewitched scarecrows.

Recently out on DVD is the critically acclaimed The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Written and directed by Andrew Dominik (Chopper) and based on the book by Ron Hansen, The Assassination tells the story of the legendary outlaw Jesse James and his impending murder. tale of a civil war between countries racing to bring one of the great apocalyptic warriors to life and finally destroy the bugs that share the land. My Neighbour Totoro involves two sisters who stumble upon a giant, furry creature named Totoro, and metaphorically explores their difficult relationship with a largely absent father after moving to a rural environment. There’s also a CatBus! After a battle with a huge demented boar in the opening scene of Princess Mononoke, a man crossing the forest is drawn into the ongoing conflict of settlers (representing modern industry) and the animals of the forest, including the leader of the great silver foxes, a feral girl, Princess Mononoke. It’s Lord of the Rings where the trees don’t save themselves. Porco Rosso is about a war pilot who has been cursed to have the face of a pig, facing off against the local pilots, as a pig in a dogfight. And Whisper of the Heart is a beautiful story of a young girl writing a story about a small statue of a cat wearing a suit and top hat, named The Duke, whose glass eyes apparently fractured when he was separated from his Lady. Studio Ghibli films, whilst being so diverse with their magical worlds and stories, are consistently touching, adventurous and brilliantly imaginative. The real, boring world needs to break past nostalgic conversations about Disney to discover Studio Ghibli, and the understanding of the wonders of cinema. And Spirited Away is the greatest animated film ever. Controversial? Watch it. Watch them all. Oli Holden Rea

Nausicaa: Valley of the Wind is an epic 47

However this is not simply a story about an assassination but one of obsession that is clearly aimed squarely at the celebrity culture of today. It is from this that the film truly gains its depth and allows the main protagonists Jesse James (Brad Pitt) and Robert Ford (Casey Affleck) to engage in some incredibly tense and gripping scenes. Pitt delivers a career defining performance, which shockingly had not been recognised with an Oscar nomination. His screen presence is immense as he excellently conveys Jesse James’ close proximity to madness. The one Oscar nomination The Assassination received for acting went to Casey Affleck who can count himself unlucky not to have walked away with the award after a performance that almost outshines that of Pitt’s. There have been few films in recent years that given the immediate realisation of quality that The Assassination gives. This is an exceptional piece of work and a fantastic achievement for all those involved. Warren Tarling

Hollywood’s Immigrants

Foreign stars are lighting up Hollywood. All four acting awards at this year’s Oscars went to European actors: Brits Daniel Day-Lewis and Tilda Swinton won for There Will Be Blood and Michael Clayton, Spaniard Javier Bardem was awarded for his chilling turn in No Country For Old Men and, in a slight upset, Marion Cotillard took home the golden statue for her portrayal of legendary French chanteuse Edith Piaf in La Vie En Rose. Last year’s Oscar shortlist was similarly crowded with nonAmerican names such as Helen Mirren, Penélope Cruz and Djimon Hounsou. Interestingly, in the 21st century Hollywood appears to be opening its doors wider than before to stars from outside the Anglophone world.

already well known on the art house circuit, mainstream recognition only seems to come when they get cast in bigger Hollywood productions, which ironically often turn out to be inferior to what they have made in their native countries. Before appearing in Vanilla Sky, Penélope Cruz had built an impressive career in her native Spain of such acclaimed titles as Open Your Eyes and All About My Mother. Following her Hollywood success, her name in turn helped to bring Volver, her reunion with Pedro Almodóvar, to the spotlight. Javier Bardem, too, had already established himself as a household name in Spain by the time he earned an Oscar nomination for his role as Cuban poet Reinaldo Arenas in Before Night Falls.

Marion Cotillard’s role as Edith Piaf is the first non-English speaking role to be awarded an Oscar since Roberto Benigni won for Life Is Beautiful in 1998. Without the makeup she wore for La Vie En Rose, she may seem like a fresh face, but actually her career spans over a decade, including such high-profile films as A Very Long Engagement and A Good Year. The breakout success and high profile of some recent foreign films seem to have made the casting of foreign stars more and more attractive an option to producers on the lookout for fresh talent. Time will show if anyone can follow in the footsteps of such legendary foreigners as Ingrid Bergman or Omar Sharif. Mikko Makela

For many international stars who are

Unnecessary Sequel syndrome Here we go again. The biggest film of 2008 will, whatever its quality, be the very belated fourth instalment in the Indiana Jones series, bringing a 60-something Harrison Ford out of semi-retirement and back into the hat/whip combo. I have nothing against sequels. Some of the best efforts of modern cinema have indeed been part of a franchise (think Godfather Part 2, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy), and in some cases we should demand a sequel when the movie lends itself to one. The problem is that the folks in Hollywood don’t seem to know where to stop. They see the potential to make great money rather than great cinema. Now trilogies are being signed before the first film has even been released (think Golden Compass and shudder appropriately.) Existing franchises are being thoughtlessly extended regardless of such antiquated notions as quality scripts or good film –making. The first two instalments of the Alien saga were excellent pieces of work; the

third was, frankly, poor. One would think they would have left it at that. But alas, by paying Sigourney Weaver absolutely ruinous sums of cash, they convinced her to return for the horrifically bad Alien: Resurrection. Somehow the franchise has limped on still further, with the unmentionably awful Alien vs Predator films. This is a prime example of studios milking a franchise for capital when there really is no creative juice left in the tank, producing terrible films that, somehow, still make money, simply for being associated with a franchise. This is not the direction cinema should take. When you run out of ideas you cannot simply bring arthritic 80s action heroes out in their Zimmer frames to besmirch the name of classic movies, simply because you know it will rake in the proceeds due to the “Oh my God! They’re bringing out another Die Hard,” factor. Occasionally the results will be at least passable for pure nostalgia rather than anything else. I defy you to not feel some primal joy during the training montage from Rocky Balboa. 42 48

But more often than not they simply rely on the title to bring in the punters. Two of the biggest films of 2007, Spiderman 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, were sprawling cinematic messes too far up their collective arses to understand how utterly terrible they were. Even good franchises that have had closure and finality are being targeted for extension (A fourth Bourne movie is now being planned). The cinema-going public is supporting Unnecessary Sequel Syndrome by paying to watch these films, which is fine, so long as good films independent of any franchise still slip through the net (think Juno, There will be Blood and No Country for Old Men). I only hope we raise our standards before the release of “Pirates of the Caribbean 12: At Wit’s End”. Pete Wozniak

Impact’s favourite film scenes GoodFellas: Jimmy considers killing Henry Of all the fantastic scenes in this classic film, the scene of Jimmy ‘The Gent’ Conway (Robert DeNiro) sitting in the bar considering his options is a standout, a masterclass in subtle and understated acting. A flash of the eyes. A drag of a cigarette. A nod at the waiter. Gentle exhalation. And all the while DeNiro’s stare intensifies as he considers killing Morrie, a constant thorn in his side throughout the film. Director Martin Scorsese keeps the scene simple, gently zooming in, adding to the intensity, while the song Sunshine of Your Love by Cream sets it off perfectly. Masterful. Adam Gallimore

A Clockwork Orange: The Rape Scene As Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony play the doorbell rings and the camera pans right slowly taking in the hallway and allowing a brief conversation between our victims. The pace heightens the suspense as Alex and his “droogs enter”. Their vandalism, assault and rape are offset by the way they approach it, they aren’t committing a crime but having fun. Alex sings Singing in the Rain, forever associating this carefree Hollywood number with unspeakable violence. And like the bound and gagged husband we are powerless to stop it, the only thing we are capable of doing is to “viddy well”. Daniel Sonabend

main trio have been pursuing across the parching American south, the elated look on his face, Delli Colli’s excited camerawork and Morricone’s The Ecstasy of Gold pull the viewer into the rush of an American dream coming true and give release to the film’s extended, sweaty build-up. Mikko Makela American Psycho: “Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?” That is the question in what proves to be the pivotal scene in the 2000 film adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis’ novel ‘American Psycho’. The killing of Paul Allen (Jared Leto) by Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale) is as comic as it is brutal. The scene is a complete reflection of the tone of the rest of the film: subtly humorous, shockingly violent and shamelessly materialistic. All of which combine to make a great film, and an even more memorable scene. Just don’t forget the soundtrack if you know what’s good for you..

There Will Be Blood: Ending Take some beef, a priest, some bowling pins and a discussion over who drinks whose milkshake and what do you get? There Will Be Blood’s unexpected closing scene is captivating; not so much for the overt violence but rather the abstract composition of characters, dialogue and location. Set in a Citizen Kane-esq mansion Daniel cooks his dinner on his very own bowling alley before chasing the ‘prophet’ as he bellows ‘I told you I would eat you’. Boldly strange. Charlotte Balnaves

Tom Brookes

La Haine: The Eiffel Tower

Life of Brian: Crucifixion

Students have to understand this… after a night out, Vince, Said and Hubert sit on the top of a building and look out on a sleeping city, with no desire for their beds yet, and try to talk deeply about stuff. So true. Said makes the others watch as he clicks his fingers to turn off the lights on the Eiffel tower in the background, which happens only after they walk away. The best bit is that it wasn’t a special effect, and they timed it perfectly. “That stuff only works in the movies”.

Monty Python’s Life of Brian triumph is due to its enduring comedic genius. This 1979 British film, considered blasphemous, in fact never renounces the Bible, rather wonderfully displays talented actors and writers within a hilariously insubordinate story. Despite many impeccable scenes, the ending remains sanctified in film history. Inadvertently confused as the messiah and in despair by his crucifixion, Brian’s neighbour on the cross decides to cheer him up with a song. The film closes with a group on top of a hill outside Judea in chorus singing “always look on the bright side of life.” Who would’ve thought crucifixion could be so warm and funny! Miles Angell

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: Ending Director Sergio Leone said that film is fifty percent images, fifty percent sound. The ending to his spaghetti western The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is the ultimate manifestation of this idea, a perfect synthesis of cinematographer Tonino Delli Colli’s visuals and Ennio Morricone’s legendary music. As Eli Wallach’s the Ugly stumbles upon the graveyard where the gold treasure is buried that the film’s

Oli Holden Rea Collateral: Club shootout Tom Cruise, as indifferent assassin Vincent, waltzes into a busy Korean nightclub, reluctant cabbie Max (Jamie Foxx) in tow, to kill his next target. Various FBI goody-goodies and Mexicano goons join the fun as well, as Vincent laconically observes in the following scene, “the only thing that didn’t turn up was the Polish Cavalry”. Mann perfectly hooks you into this potentially confusing scene, as all hell breaks loose, with the Cruiser sneaking through the joyous chaos breaking limbs, necks, and generally leaving a trail of destruction from here to Ya-ya land. Better than the gunfight from Heat. Enough said. Pete Wozniak

Records on Ribs

Artist: We Show Up On Radar Album: Growing A Girl (Instructions On How To Grow A Girl Without Your Wife Finding Out) Songs about ‘An Animal Sports Day’ and how ‘The Sun Has Got His Hat On’. Surely, this must be a happy, uplifting record, yes? Well, sort of. In fact, there is something deeply unsettling about WSUOR. The joyful sounds are present, little indie pop gems that can’t help but force a smile, but listen closer and deeper meaning becomes apparent. The inhabitants of this quirky world are not happy: from the girl in ‘Growing a Girl’ who is ‘so tired that [she] can’t take root’ to the lament of how ‘even bubbles in the sea are more significant than [her].’ The resultant album is a mixed experience of joy and sadness in equal amounts. More irreverently, it is worth a listen if not purely for the amusement in hearing various woodland critters wish you ‘good morning.’ Tom Megaw

Artist: El Heath Album: ‘Dusk Dappled Fall’

Artist: El Heath Album: ‘Winter Soundtrack’

Eric Heath produces beautiful, pastoral ambience inspired by the landscape of his Shropshire home. It is ambient in the same vein as Stars of the Lid and well worthy of a place among Kranky Records’ best. El Heath’s first full release for Records on Ribs is a serene and tranquil record inspired by halcyon days in the Shropshire countryside. A real contentedness pours out of this album, which sways to the rhythm of a peaceful walk in the country. The masterful thing about El Heath is his diversity of craft. This record doesn’t simply wash over you passively but engages you from start to finish. The pivotal track, ‘Sketches,’ is a contrasting loop track with intertwining synth patterns that dance on top of folk-inspired acoustic guitar, slowly building up to a gallop that is pleasantly incongruent with the rest of the album. Then, once again, warm, smooth ambient sounds return cascading in ‘Silhouettes’ and ‘Gwlad y Tylwyth Teg.’ It’s a shame this record isn’t longer; it only leaves you pining. El Heath is an absolute must for all ambient music fans. Tom Cripps

This is El Heath’s second full release for Records on Ribs and provides a moody contrast to ‘Dusk Dappled Fall.’ ‘Winter Soundtrack’ is a dark and eerie portrait of the countryside in winter and captures all the gloomy feelings of discontent that embody the time of year. Ghostly synths and ominous drones combine with natural sounds of the countryside to cast an image of a brooding, melancholic landscape under the spell of winter dusk. Heath has a magician’s way with his instruments; the mournful, folky sigh of the ‘Ondes Martenot’ lulls you into a hypnotic trance, a hazy slumber; like the bottles of red wine from which Heath drew inspiration. Given the distinctly hollow feeling to ‘Winter Soundtrack,’ there is unusual electricity to it, no more so than in ‘Electric Storm’ or ‘Inertia,’ which both crescendo to a tumultuous peak before they simmer away into calm. This is highly charged, organic ambience borne out of the most subtle appreciation for changes in mood and landscape. Tom Cripps

Reviews of albums released so far by Nottingham’s burgeoning DIY net-label www.recordsonribs.com

Artist: Gay Death Probe Album: ‘The Night Of Long Knives’ Hailing from the depths of Southampton, this industrious duo collaborates to produce their own brand of seedy gabbafused party-pop. This five-track showcase projects a jumbled mosaic of stylistic influences and digital samples akin to the sounds produced from that Casio toy-keyboard your parents bought you at the tender age of ten and the ‘Fantasia rave’ emanating from the same era. Gay Death Probe is all about drive and insists on giving the turbo button a good bashing frequently. This is apparent in the paradigmatic audio wormhole that is ‘Alligator Fuckhouse’: a humorous thread of turbulent mechanical echoes laced with disoriented human vocals. If the technologists of this millennia were to uncover the ruthless pants of robot sex, then Gay Death Probe have well and truly beat them to it. In an era that accelerates towards the everexpanding frontiers of science and technology, this “digital bukkake” is a must. Sixty G

If you like the sound of them, go and pilfer - it’s free and legal!

Artist: Talk Less, Say More Album: ‘Ideal Forms Suite’ To the general public, ambient music is often one of those things reserved for elevator music, whilst Artist: Strap the Button to adherents, it is both beguiling Album: ‘What Kind of Rat and introspective. Having listened Bastard Psychotic Would Play to the first solo offering of Jell, a That Song Right Now at This member of Records on Ribs’ group Moment?’ The Butterfly, I find myself on the fence. According to the label’s With Zappa-esque album titles it blurb, this hour-long ambient trek may be expected that the music is contemplation on the Platonic of Strap the Button is hard to realm of pure forms, and without classify, and true to that, it is, a doubt, there is something with the five long tracks varying otherworldly about this music. The from Cage-ian sound collages entire project is anchored by a to hypnotic psychedelic rock single pulsating note overlaid with recalling Hawkwind and early achingly beautiful melodic sparkles Floyd. As such, it is easiest to use from a cornucopia of synths, horns, terms such as ‘Krautrock’ and violins and oriental strings. Through ‘experimental’, which describe deft use of panning and fades Jell the spirit of the band more than manages to create a 3D musical their sound. The second track experience which envelopes the even sees the band adding vocals, listener. However, in a world of reminiscent of an unhinged Bryan four-minute songs and despite its Ferry croon. Unlikely to appeal undeniable beauty, this album is to a mainstream audience, those destined for the obscurity of yoga with more avant-garde sensibilities classes and musical devotees. may find some pleasures in the And it’s not simply the fault of the subtleties of the music. Bonus music business; half hour tracks points for the reference to the leave themselves open to claims golden ratio in the title of the final of self-indulgence and repetition. track, ‘1.618’. The reason I am on the fence is no Ed Knock slight on Jell’s production skills, which are undeniably impressive, it is more a sense of disappointment he chose to apply them to the ambient genre. Ed Gent

Artist: Talk Less, Say More & Coruschord Album: ‘So How Does It Feel To Be Educated?’

Artist: Strap the Button Album: ‘Going to Jib Choons (Choons for Going to Jib Like Innit)’

Amidst the tumult of the 21st century’s now highly digitalized music industry it is commonplace to be subjected to fleeting auditory attacks from the pop domain’s ever expanding gamut of generic outfits. Thank heavens for the select few who painstakingly struggle to source experimental bands under the D.I.Y aesthetic. Electronic whiz kids Talk Less, Say More indubitably fit this mould, constructing what on first taste appears to be a random patchwork of electronic splendour in pithy two-minute bites. What’s to be admired here is the duo’s relentless utilization of dirgey technical samples, the kind that invariably emanate from battered keyboards. The album boasts an impressive 24-track journey through what can only be described as a devastating tumble down a technical super highway; the cut ‘Writing All Wrongs’ is a testament to this notion, whereby the listener is strapped down and force fed intermittent 8-bit chunks at the behest of a 120 second gabba backbeat. So shut up and open your auditory canals to host of esoteric electronic minerals; for adherents of Aphex Twin and Venetian Snares, this truly is the ascended rung in the Electronic/ Break-Core movements. Sixty G

The outlandishness of Welsh experimentalists Strap the Button is evident before listening to their latest release ‘Going to Jib Choons (Choons for Going to Jib Like Innit)’ – the title itself remains a mystery! The album largely combines progressive instrumentals with random stylistic inputs such as jazz, classical Spanish and glitch electronica. At times, the album agrees with Record on Ribs’ description of a ‘full blown messy psych freakout’ but the album also features well-constructed guitar work that could appeal to a wider market. This contrast is best illustrated by comparing ‘Machines’ (a short interlude of glitch and noise featuring, well, machines) and ‘Dom’s Song’, careful guitar providing foundation for eruptions of sound that even the best progrockers would be proud of. The most exceptional (and perhaps anomalous) track on the album is ‘Naw Nos Ole’, with its particularly poignant wailing. It sits well as the final track, arguably leaving the listener with a false impression of how good the album was. The work as whole appears largely based on successful jamming sessions, perhaps not worthy of a sixteen-track album. Strap the Button may feel refinement would curb their experimental nature, but in its current form, it is tiresome, sometimes irritating. James Ballard

The Anatomy Student’s self-test colouring book Most people’s experience of anatomy colouring books is that they simply don’t work the way you want them to – it’s impossible to match the simple joy of colouring-in with learning complex anatomical detail. But the most recently published anatomy colouring book from The Royal Society of Medicine Press brings new promise to the genre. The book is spiral bound, making it easy to photocopy if the need arises. The 16 comprehensive chapters are specifically designed for degree-level students and professionals, and all are simplistically designed for selflabelling – with upside down answers at the bottom of the page! Compared with other popular self-test anatomy books, this book goes into much less detail about human physiology as a whole. What it does do is enable the reader to keep referring back to the bigger picture – something that is very useful when looking at anatomy so microscopically. I particularly like the introductory suggestion on how to colour specific structures, which is both easy to follow and devoid of any of unnecessary ornate language. Throughout, the book doesn’t make the assumption that its readers are all 1st class medics with the vocabulary of a walking dictionary. The best part of the book are the acetate overlay sheets of the main systems of the body – so pretty and wonderfully done that I actually dribbled with glee. By Tash Beecher Available from www.marston.co.uk, priced £18.99 COMPETITION! We have 5 copies of The Anatomy selftest colouring book to give away to you medical types, just answer the following question: The phalanges are A) parts of your ears B) parts of your hands C) part of your pants. Send answers to impact.science@gmail.com

Too little, too late? “Global warming.” A sombre, weatheredlooking man stands on a railway line, and in the distance a freight train thunders towards him. “Some say irreversible consequences are thirty years away,” he explains calmly, and shrugs. “Thirty Years? That won’t affect me.” Seconds before the train is on him, the man steps off the tracks – to reveal, standing behind him, a small girl. This was the scene of a thirty-second film put out by Environmental Defence a few years ago. In 2006, the perilous future of younger generations constituted much campaigning about global warming. “We are all used to talking about these impacts coming in the lifetimes of our children and grandchildren,” said Professor Parry, one of the Chairs of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC). But his message was perhaps more hard-hitting: “Now we know that it’s us.” We are already seeing the effects of climate change. Eight years of the past decade have been among the hottest on record; arctic sea ice has already shrunk considerably, and sea levels are rising. Human civilisations, too, are beginning to feel the strain. “Wheat production in India is already in decline, for no other reason than climate change,” said Rajendra Pachauri, chairman of the IPCC, “Everyone thought we didn’t have to worry about Indian agriculture for several decades. Now we know it’s being affected now.” He added his concerns about a similar effect in China. A recent Royal Society report debunked familiar claims that the evidence on global warming is unclear, and it is now scientifically uncontroversial that human actions are to blame for the climate shift. The current question is more worrying: Has it all come too late? Many scientists believe that even if we concentrate all our efforts on reducing emissions, climate change may still not be alleviated, let alone reversed. Katrina Cooper, director of environmental consultancy group RSK Environment, told Impact: “It is too late to stop climate change. Even if all anthropogenic [human-caused] warming ceased, the climate will continue to 54

change – it’s already happening. It is now a question of adaptation as well as actions to help stem the rise.” We are likely to feel the sociological impacts hard. A recent study at Stanford University suggests that, by 2030, changes in climate are likely to have depleted maize production in Africa by a third - where maize is the main crop. South Asia will see losses of many regional staples, including rice and millet. We’ll have to face millions of ‘environmental refugees’ who will be driven from their homes by increased extreme weather conditions, such as flooding and droughts. These are problems that our generation is going to have to solve. In our lifetimes, we’re going to have to change everything from the way we produce electricity to the way we farm and travel. The Royal Society stresses the need for policy-makers, over scientists, to take up the debate and further inspire nations to join in the mission to stabilise the climate and promote a sustainable way of life. There’s never been a better time to save the earth. Say no to plastic bags. Turn your heating down: power companies in the East Midlands have had a price-hike this year, so by minimizing your central heating and sticking on a hoodie, it’s two birds with one stone. Lowenergy bulbs, recycling, low air-miles food, walking instead, washing at 30º, you know what you have to do. It was a simple decision to charge for plastic bags in the SU shop, a first step towards the more difficult and not uncontroversial solutions our generation is going to have to dream up. The question now is: what would your solution be? It’s time to get thinking. All of us are already riding the climate change train, and there have already been victims. We are not going to be able to stop it. But we have the chance to slow it down, and that is up to you. By Sophie Stammers

Got worms? Want worms? It’s that time of year again, the nights are getting lighter and, hopefully, the weather’s getting brighter. Unfortunately, this also means that the hay fever season’s rolling round again. During the summer months many of us spend our time popping pills left, right and centre and taking such a mixture of drugs it’d be enough to make any junkie’s eyes light up. Obviously I mean antihistamines, and taken at the recommended dose of course, but that dose can actually be pretty high if you really want to keep the sniffles at bay. A team of researchers at Nottingham University, however, believe that there is another way. Sufferers could soon be offered the option of being infected with a parasitic hookworm, Necator americanus, in order to cure their allergies. Now this might not sound the most appealing of treatments, but apparently it has been shown to work and many of the volunteers

who took part in the trials chose not to have their parasites removed at the end of the experiment as they had found their effects so beneficial. An allergy occurs when your body’s immune system reacts to something that should not normally be dangerous. 15% of the UK population are said to suffer from hay fever. These people are sensitive to certain proteins found on the outside of pollen grains and when they come into contact with pollen from grasses or trees their bodies send out the soldiers of defence in a frenzy, despite having no real cause for concern. It is actually this overactive immune response that makes sufferers feel ill.

this by stimulating the production of extra Tcells regulators. T-cells are immune cells which make up part of the body’s army of defence, and when the regulators keep them in check the immune response is dampened. In the future intentional hookworm infestation could be available as an allergy treatment. Alternatively drugs could be developed which contain the same chemicals that the hookworms use to suppress the immune system. Despite the worms being tiny and apparently painless when they pierce the skin and sneak inside you, I can honestly say that I’m personally hoping for the latter. Until then I think we’ll just have to stock up on tissues and enjoy everything else that summer has to offer!

The hookworm treatment works because the parasite tries to protect itself in its new environment by suppressing the immune response of the person that it inhabits. Its does

By Laura McGuinness

10 other ways to beat cancer We are all aware of diseases which can affect us during our lives. Heart disease, stroke and diabetes are all dangerous conditions which affect many people. But out of all of these, it is cancer which has gained the most fearsome reputation. The sad truth is that 1 out of 3 of us will get cancer at some point during our life. It can affect almost any part of your body and appears in people of all ages – not just the elderly. Although there are effective treatments for many cancers, these are often slow and distressing. Enough of the scary stuff. The good news is that there are many things you can do to prevent cancer. Everyone knows that eating a balanced diet and taking regular exercise reduces your risk of getting cancer, but there’s much more you can do... 1.

Don’t eat smoked food: Smoke deposited on meat fish and veg contains cancer causing chemicals so reduce the amount you eat. Did you know that the smoke deposited on a single sausage may be as damaging to you as smoking a whole pack of cigarettes?

development of brain tumours. 2.

Drink lots of water: Great for your body, also reduces the spread of cancer cells. Bottled water is especially good for beating cancers of the large intestine and bladder.

Take vitamin tablets regularly: Vitamin D is particularly powerful – taking good amounts of this can reduce your chances of getting breast cancer by up to 50%!

Don’t dry clean clothes: Approximately 80% of dry cleaners contain a chemical called “perc”. The vapours from this may be carcinogenic (cancer causing).

Don’t keep a laptop in your bedroom: These produce radiation and toxins which may cause cancer by interfering with your DNA. Avoid Aspartame: This artificial sweetener is found in many foods and drinks – particularly soft drinks – and has been linked with the

Chill out: Stress has long been linked with cancer. A recent study found that long-term stress can double your risk of getting breast cancer.

Drink red wine not white: Chemicals called polyphenols, which give red wine its colour fight against cancer. Guys can drink a glass a day to reduce their chances of developing prostate cancer by 50%.

Use aluminium-free deodorant: Most deodorants contain a high level of aluminium, which is easily absorbed through the skin and may be involved in the development of breast cancer.

10. Drive a non-diesel car: The fumes given off from diesel carry soot particles into the lungs where they can cause lung cancer. In fact, being exposed to such fumes for more than 15 years increases cancer risk by up to 70%. By Christopher J Golding

“The earth is the cradle of the mind, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever” — Konstantin Tsiolkovky

The age of nano “Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.” Dr. Carl Sagan Peter De Vries once claimed that the universe was like a giant safe, to which the combination is locked up inside. Nanotechnology may just provide the key. It is, as Carl Sagan predicted, our imagination realised through the potential power of nanotechnology that our epic journey through the cosmos will finally begin. Nanotechnology is the ability to manipulate the matter of atomic structures and molecular compounds. It is science on a tiny scale but a science that may one day prove to be the biggest breakthrough in human history. So far it is a technology in its earliest infancy where carbon atoms have been manipulated merely to produce stronger structures. However, the hope is that, one day, scientists will be able to manipulate matter on the atomic scale to produce cybernetic computers able to fuse with our very own bodies. Futurologist Ian Pearson invites us to imagine “molecular computers” so small that they could come into “contact with every synapse in the brain.” It is a theory called ‘transhuamnism’ in which we are expected to reach the next stage of human evolution through the fusion of the biological and the silicon. As the dangers of global warming, decreasing natural resources, super-volcanoes, wayward asteroids and an everexpanding sun at the heart of our galaxy all mount, our planetary survival becomes a matter of paramount importance.

Nanotechnology offers a number of conceivable possibilities that would not only guarantee our long term survival but could also improve our lives beyond all recognition. It is a future in which humans live as half biological, half silicon. At first it sounds downright bizarre but it may be a necessary future nonetheless; one which can counter errant atmospheric temperatures and one which can offer the amazing possibility of life on multiple worlds throughout the cosmos. Pearson describes the hybrid of brain neurons with molecular transistors as an amazing transformation which would “vastly increase our intelligence.” It offers the possibility of self-repairing and self-replicating ‘nanocell’ molecules working in the brain. Our entire personality and memory banks could be neurologically connected to microchips which then speed up such processes as informational input and memory recall. Our brains would then be able to store masses of information only currently conceivable on hugely powerful computers. Moreover, as the informational processing in our brains speeds up, time would subjectively slow down. Not only would we feel like we were living longer lives, but transhumanist João Pedro de Magalhães, conceives of a future in which nanotechnology psychically alters the human lifespan. This would be achieved through the fusion of nanocells with skin tissue making us “invulnerable to bullets” or the designing of nanomachines able to “eliminate pollution”. The idea of nanotechnology fusing with our bodies to fight off illness has 56

already been christened with the name “respiracyte.” These tiny nanocells could infiltrate the human body and take on the role of white blood cells but in far greater numbers (through replication) and at far greater speeds and efficiency. Yet, where the real and seemingly endless possibilities of nanotechnology lie is in space exploration. Through the self-replicating, self-repairing function of nanobots, we could send out probes all over the galaxy travelling immense distances in their droves. Upon finding an appropriate planet they could start the process of terra-forming and ultimately create many lush and habitable ‘New Earths’ throughout the galaxy. So promising is the future of nanotechnology, that NASA has fully embraced it as an upcoming science, viewing it as “the future, not only of space travel but of space living.” Of course the problem comes with transporting us to these exciting new worlds. Futurologist Ray Kurzweil talks of “pooling the collective intelligence” of “trillions of nanobots” and uploading human consciousness to imperishable silicon bodies. It may be that only by forsaking our biological dependency and embracing a new design will humanity have a genuine shot at eternity. Nanotechnology will pose many questions and many tests to be sure, but it will bring humanity into a new age of enlightenment; a new age of being. It is a brave new world - at the heart of which is enshrined our eager imagination – the creator of all things. Joel Hickman

Crave and

Hoodoo

What do you get when you cross a dingy cave and a crazy rave? Ocean? No, it’s...Crave! For those not familiar with the phenomenon that is Crave, it is a rampacious night in the caves by the lake on University Park. It started with approximately 20 young people, a campfire, a shower radio and a desire to party. This summer will potentially see the 9th and biggest Crave yet. It’s not just the DJs and lights that should attract the masses: Crave now has a cult following from around the country AND they sell tea and burgers. Despite being on campus, Crave is not SU affiliated, but is technically legal becaue it is on the council’s public land, and far from residential areas. For the eco-friendly amongst you, the Crave team spend 5 hours after each night reforming the area to its former pristine glory with only memories (or not) left there the next day.

Who do YOU do at Hoodoo? You do, do you? If not, you should. From the crazy egg that is Crave, Hoodoo was hatched. Hoodoo is a monthly psybreaks night at Stealth which deviates slightly from Crave, which is more psytrance. Attracting big names such as Lady Waks and General Midi, and residents Obnoxious Frog, Ghoulastatic and House on Stilts, Hoodoo should not be ignored. It is essentially an indoor Crave, even to the point of laying turf in the mushroom garden in a chillout corner, ‘Shroomanbeing’. If the big ‘O’ is wearing a little thin and you fancy something a little different, Hoodoo was recently nominated for ‘best small club night’ in Breakspol in London and deserves it. I’m a psybreaks rookie myself, but have a little download and a listen and I’ll see you at the next Hoodoo: 25th April 2008, Gatecrasher 30th May 2008, Stealth Ian Burns

Detonate

9th Birthday

Famed for pulling in some of the best drum and bass, dubstep and hip hop acts around, Detonate has won a place in the heart of Nottingham’s most hardcore clubbers. Detonate hits Stealth most Fridays, but February saw one of the best line ups so far to mark the event’s ninth birthday. This was one celebratory extravaganza with a line up including Transit Mafia and Shy FX and live acts from Little Brother and Plastic Little. Despite the extra space with the opening up of the conjoining Rescue Rooms, the night was packed and sweaty…just the way we like it! The tunes were pumping and the crowds were loving it ‘til the early hours of the next morning. If you missed out on this big event in the Detonate calendar, never fear- bigger and better things are yet to come. The Detonate Indoor Festival is due to hit Nottingham with full force on Sunday 4th May, and is definitely one for the diary. Spreading across Rock City, Stealth and Rescue Rooms the arenas will be hosted by the likes of Spectrum, Dollop vs. Fresh Out of Death, Highness and Hoodoo. Pippa irvine 51 57

Highness @ The Social

‘Fuck Hip Hop’ @ Market Bar

The ironic name may leave some bemused but for those willing to give Market Bar’s new Tuesday night a go, you will not be disappointed. ‘F**k Hip Hop’ has kept the style of the Market Bar of yesteryear, but at a fraction of the price. Entry is a reasonable £3 and drinks, ranging from double vodkas to jägerbombs, are now literally as cheap as chips (…well, with cheese). For those worried that cut-price drinks means discount music, you need fear not. An eclectic offering of breaks, electro and hip-hop from the resident Djs means the dance floor, albeit a small one, ensures a consistently funky and energetic vibe. For singletons looking for beautiful people, or those merely window shopping, this is one hive full of hot people and even hotter music not to be missed. 16-22 Goose Gate 0115 959 9785 John Aeron–Thomas

Head to “Highness” to sip your Piña Colada and brush the sea-swept hair from your eyes as the bass-fuelled waves of sound slowly lap and reverberate through your body. Try to refrain from opening your eyes, however, in case the stark realization that there is no beach for at least fifty miles hits you harder than the continuous chops on the off-beat. Such an awakening may find you questioning the evening’s authenticity as the usual much-morenormally-indie crowds break and bob to the lyrics of “the fisherman” and nod in satisfaction as another wave of nearingpainful bass surfs through them. Ignorance is bliss and makes for an altogether enjoyable night where the atmosphere matches the music and sound system compensates for the missing surroundings. 23 Pelham Street Antonia Redgrove

Eleven

@ 23 Goose Gate, Hockley

The Loggerheads @ 59 Cliff Road

The Loggerheads advertises itself as “Nottingham’s best kept secret”- and it really is! This is no ordinary pub - if you visit, you may be surprised to find that it sits above a string of underground caves. This venue is the last surviving of the famous Narrow Marsh area of Nottingham where people used to live in the caves. “Narrow Marsh” is the natural name for the thoroughfare which is situated between the river Leen and the foot of St. Mary’s cliff - which is still visible on Cliff Road. The caves are now home to a trendy bar where you can eat, drink or just venture down for a wander. There is always something going on here with live music and new DJs every week and with local art exhibitions regularly taking place. Despite this, there is an eerie quality to the caves that will get you thinking about the history of the pub and the tales of the ghosts that still haunt the grounds. 0115 950 0086 Ellie Rance 58

Tuesday nights seem to have taken a back seat in the ever- frantic night life of Nottingham students. Yeah, Oceana Trent can be a laugh if you like not-quite-there skirts and Monday deja-vu, but now the Lace Market is rising to the challenge and presenting us with a far more unique and varied evening at the quirky and cool Bar Eleven. Admittedly I did find myself moaning as I grudgingly handed over my two pounds for entry, when Market Bar was only a quid more. But even if saving the extra pound might mean missing out on cheaper drinks, you at least avoid freezing in the slow moving queue. And, even though Bar Eleven’s dance floor was busy, there was still space to move whilst enjoying the company of some vibrant and fun people, who donned neither a Jack Wills shirt nor sported a back-combed quiff. The music was fun and unpredictable, ranging from a bit of swing dancing to electro and ending in some classic head banging to a bit of old school mosh, or maybe that was just me... So, for a change of scene and a chance to mingle with yet more students, Bar Eleven certainly beats a night in watching ‘Supersize v Superskinny’. You don’t even have to feel bad when you end your Tuesday night antics at the oh-so-close kebab shop. True, it’s no Food Factory, but it is worth the sacrifice. Laura Wain

Lee Rosy’s Tea Shop @ 17 Broad Street, Hockley

Cast Restaurant @ Nottingham Playhouse If you are looking for top-notch food while broadening your cultural horizons then head to Cast, the official restaurant of the Nottingham Playhouse. Cast combines a modern restaurant with a sophisticated bar and deli to produce one swanky establishment. The stylish furniture and long stretching bar contributes to Cast’s original and relaxed architectural milieu. The bar is usually abuzz with an excitable pre-theatre atmosphere on the night of a performance, pulling in a sophisticated cocktail-sipping crowd. Food is delicious, especially the local Colsten basset stilton and Nottinghamshire

fillet steak, which was cooked to perfection. The desserts are elegantly presented and flavoursome and certainly won’t leave you craving an ice cream in the interval of a performance. Although the menu choice is a little limited, it only means the exclusive dishes are of a consistently high quality. Cast deserves a standing ovation. Nottingham Playhouse NG1 5AN 0115 852 3898 Catriona Nunn

The Broadway Cinema

@ 14-18 Broadway Street

Forget going for coffee – the new thing is tea. Located at the heart of ultra-trendy Hockley, Lee Rosy’s offers an incredible selection of teas, ranging from the conventional Earl Grey to the more exotic Rooibos tea with many more fantastic concoctions in between. If you don’t feel like a brew, there are fresh fruit smoothies and a delicious selection of cakes by the slice to be had. With a relaxed vibe and friendly service, you’ll hardly know that you’ve stepped out of your living room. The shop is great for a natter with friends or even a spot of work if Hallward is proving uninspirational - especially as it provides free wifi internet access. Lee Rosy’s is complete with art exhibitions lining the walls - from local Nottingham talents - and hordes of flyers keeping you in touch with what’s going on in your city outside of campus life. So, next time you stray off the beaten track and into Hockley, why not pop in to Lee Rosy’s for a pot of tea and support a local family business that offers something alternative? Give Costa’s coffee a miss! www.lee-rosy.co.uk Ellie Rance

Tired of heavy nights out? Don’t fancy bumming around on the sofa watching a rented DVD? If so, head down to the Broadway cinema in Hockley for a different kind of evening entertainment. This cinema isn’t bothered with blockbusters but shows a variety of art house films, independent films, foreign films, and old classics that you won’t find anywhere else. Tucked away in the more desirable part of Nottingham, you won’t find any hormonal teenagers ruining your film by snogging and chucking popcorn. Not only does it screen great films but it has a very impressive restaurant, café and mezzanine bar offering all sorts of yummy choices and lots of veggie options. Luckily, Broadway is 59 51

aware that the average student is on a pretty tight budget, so on Sundays it hosts Student Night where all full-time students can buy film tickets after 5pm for £3. If you want to check out the selection of food, get your money’s worth by purchasing a Broadway Bites ticket which gives a discount when you eat and see a film. With bargain prices like this, there is no excuse to numb your mind with all the other choppers at the Cornerhouse. At Broadway, you’re bound to find an intellectually stimulating film that will keep you talking for days. 0115 952 6611 Ellie Rance

*NQBDU XBOUT ZPV

Nearly 300 students are working for Impact so far this year.

Why arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you one of them? Check out www.impactnottingham.com for our meeting times Why not be an editor? See back page for details or see the website 60

yee-ha! yummy jack daniels to brighten up your student hovel Those nice folks at Jack Daniels are giving away an exclusive prize pack stuffed to the gills with a veritable feast of Jack-sy goodness to enjoy with your mates. Our tumbler runneth over…

For the chance to win these exclusive goodies, answer the following vaguely related question…

The prize packs includes * 2 70cl bottles of Jack Daniel’s (Old no.7 label) * Mixers including ginger beer and cola * Jack Daniel’s branded glasses x 5 * Jack Daniel’s branded playing cards * Jack Daniel’s branded dealer chip * JD Set band CDs * Jack Daniel’s cocktail menu card

A) Marilyn Monroe B) Frank Sinatra C) Elvis Presley

Who is buried with a bottle of Jack Daniels?

PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL ENTRANTS MUST BE 18 OR OVER AND MUST SHOW PROOF OF AGE WHEN THEY COLLECT THE PRIZE

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win tickets to the london international music show The London International Music Show (LIMS) rocks into London this summer, with four spectacular days set to represent the entire music industry. This never before seen event features over 300 of the world’s leading musical instrument manufacturers, distributors and biggest brands in music. The show will be bursting with new and exciting features, clinics, seminars, concerts and spectacular demonstrations from celebrity performers.

For your chance to win one of five pairs of tickets to this year’s London International Music Show, simply answer the following question: The London International Music Show brings together how many fantastic shows? A)

The London International Music Show not only includes the hugely successful Drummer Live and London Guitar Show, but also introduces the brand new Unplugged and Sound Recording Technology. With the music capital of the world as its backdrop, this event is set rival established music events across the globe. For further information, or to purchase tickets to this years event please call- 01353 660780 or click on www.londoninternational musicshow.com

Impact staff issue 189

Editor: Alice Hutton Deputy Editor: Jessica Elgot Managing Editior: Philip Morton Associate Managing Editor: James Sanderson Design Editor: Amy Bell Associate Editors: Ben Davies, Jen McDerra, Rob Barham Web Editor: Lawrence Duvall Online Editors: Peter Fejer, Steph Hartley Images Editors: Dee Durham Associate Design Editor: Philip Morton News Editors: Pippa Vaux, Heather Saxton, Emily Grosvenor-Taylor Sports Editors: Mark Lomas, Gemma Casey Associate Sports Editor: Steve Dew-Jones Travel Editors: Jennifer Lipman, Jessica Baron Fashion Editors: Mary-Anne Veit, Simone Konu Associate Fashion Editor: Rachel Banks Arts Editors: Bianca Leggett, Sarah Braybrooke Film Editors: Warren Tarling, Harry Kerr Music Editors: Sophie Pearce, Ian Steadman Science Editor: Natasher Beecher Nights Editors: Catriona Nunn, Philipa Irvine, Susan Wareham Media Manager: Nsikan Edung Publicity and Finance Manager: Priya Majeethia Publicity Officers: Joe Jackson, Robert Colley, Sophie Gargan, Tamara Miller

As always, answers to magazine@impactnottingham.com or a postcard to the Impact Office in the Portland Building, along with your name, number and address. A nice boy once said he would send me a postcard but he didn’t… :-(

“Funnily enough I was looking for an island off the Indian sub-continent” “You should all be castrated so none of you can pass on your stupid genes” “Type ‘evil women’ into Google” “Don’t mock me, polygonal lasso, don’t mock me” “I love it when things come in 300res already, it’s like Christmas” “Porn got me laid once” “Someone’s got to have sex with her and I don’t want it to have to be me” “I am the sergeant of the laissez-faire brigade” “Which one’s Bodger and which one’s Badger?”

contributors photos, artwork Andrew Gibson, Clare Salter, Iris Ng, Alex Beaumont, Jessica Benson-Egglenton, Josie Ensor, Lottie Clifton, Clarissa Woodberry, Joel Hickman, Florence Anderson, Emi Day, Alexander Dolphin, Tom Cripps, Sixty G, Ed Gent, James Ballard, Ed Knock, Tom Megaw, Cameron Rae, Joseph Murphy. Ben Griffin, Seb Ross, Susannah Sconce, Maya Fletcher, Kate Langley, Francesca De Feo, Sophie Stammers, Fred Thorling, Tim McFarlin, Rachel Randall, Charlotte Cowling, Shaun Livingstone, Lucy Hayes, Daniel Brenikov, Laura McGuinness, Christopher Golding, Alex Barnes, Shanna McGoldrick, Dave Carter, Ian Burns, John Aeron-Thomas, Laura Wain, Ellie Rance, Adam Gallimore, Daniel Sonabend, Mikko Makela, Tom Brookes, Miles Angell, Charlotte Balnave, Olivia Holden-Rea, Pete Wozniak, Francesca Wood, Sophie Ronald, Mark Daniels, Emma Travis, Tom Warren, Charlie Brafman, James Dalton, Henry Blanchard, Alex Baker, Simon Bell, Dave Cribb, Rich Cowie, Rob Chute, Andy Pyrah, Andrew Sharkey, James Ray, Glen Wright, Alex Claridge.

& design

Dee Durham, James Sanderson, Phil Morton, Amy Bell, Dan Brenikov, Emi Day, Charles Walker, Winston Luk, Nicole Samuels, KatieRose Matthews, Anna Vickery, Richard RoundTurner et al.

apologies

I don’t think we pissed anyone off last issue…

thanks

Gerald for defending us Colin Heywood, Hannah Robinson and the SU Advice Centre UkEssays for dropping yourselves in it so splendidly. The Happy Return

advertising SU Marketing Team, Media Communications Tel: (0115) 846 8744 E-mail: sumarketing@nottingham.ac.uk

contact us Impact Magazine, Portland Building, University Park, University of Nottingham, Nottingham, NG7 2RD Tel: 0115 846 8716 magazine@impactnottingham.com editor@impactnottingham.com deputyeditor@impactnottingham.com features@impactnottingham.com designers@impactnottingham.com images@impactnottingham.com sports@impactnottingham.com fashion@impactnottingham.com nights@impactnottingham.com films@impactnottingham.com music@impactnottingham.com arts@impactnottingham.com news@impactnottingham.com science@impactnottingham.com travel@impactnottingham.com grapevine@impactnottingham.com

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in Impact are those of individual contributors and are not representative of the magazine, Students’ Union or University.

Famous Last Words Put Music in Your Food

On a very wet day in August last year, the unlikely entrepreneur, Levi Roots, appeared on the streets of Notting Hill, London; unmistakable with his long dreadlocks, sunglasses (despite the rain), Oswald Boateng brown leather jacket and armed with a large bag full of ‘Reggae Reggae Sauce’, his first words to me were: “Me darlin’ I’m ruining me Oswald, but anyting for you!”

“Music calms the soul. I don’t tink i would be here without the song” Levi was born in Jamaica 1959, where he lived with his grandmother, the creator of the secret recipe for his infamous sauce. His real name is Keith Tanyue which he willingly admitted on Dragon’s Den to the surprise of the investors: “Nobody calls me Keith, but I’ve heard more Keiths since Dragon’s Den than I’ve ever heard in all me life. I’ve been voted leader of the Keith Society. Me told I’m now at the top of the Keiths tree!” Despite feeling left behind by his parents, who moved to Britain before him, Levi was happy in Jamaica, with friends such as Bob Marley, who he played football with every Sunday. “Ahhh Bob was a great footballer. I tink he could have been a pro if he hadn’t turned out to be the greatest Reggae singer of all time. He was a bit like a Paul Ince with dreadlocks.” Levi moved to Britain when he was 10 years old. In 1986, he was arrested for possession of £250,000 worth of heroin. In 1998 he was

nominated for Best Reggae Performer at the MOBO Awards and in 2006, he went on to slay the Dragons on BBC2’s Dragon’s Den. This he describes to be “a bit of a turnaround eh?” When I asked whether the secret to his success is in the sauce or the music, he replied, “Well, no, I tink the secret has got to be my mother, you know I really love her, she inspires me for everyting and without her, I wouldn’t be capable of keeping my feet on the ground after going through some terrible times growing up and getting into a lot of trouble. But she stuck by me and everyting that I needed to see my way through, she was there for me. I tink you need somebody by your side whether it’s a friend, wife or girlfriend, or in my case my mother, to sort you out and be there for you and give you the support that you need. I gotta say that whatever God has given to me, he’s done it through her.” In fact, it was his mother who encouraged him to take part in BBC2’s Dragon’s Den. Upon arriving at the television studio he admits he had £20 in his pocket and “no idea how the hell I was gonna get home again.” I asked him whether he considered just going to the pub instead: “That would have been a great idea, but I tell you when I was actually in the den and I saw the other contestants, you know I really thought, oh God this is gonna be really embarrassing for me. I wanted to go home. I didn’t really wanna go through with it. But you know I have this wonderful mother of mine and she usually inspires me to do tings, and she’s usually right. Thank God I followed her and stayed with it.”

As an established Reggae singer, Levi used his talent to try and persuade the dragons: “You know I needed someting to slay the dragons, which are traditionally fierce creatures. I knew that I needed someting extra special to convince them. I was confident knowing that this song could actually do someting on the show. I didn’t go to slay the dragons, I went to perform on the show. And I tink this is the reason why Peter Jones liked the whole ting so much and Richard Farleigh was nearly getting up and dancing on the show. They really enjoyed the whole ting. When I actually went in the den and I could see Peter Jones tinkin’ “What the hell is this guy doing here?! I tink he should be next door in the other studio on ‘Pop Idol’ or someting, not on a serious financial show about business and enterprise. But music does everyting, it calms the soul, it just kinda gets you ready for a nice peaceful time and I don’t tink I would be here speaking to you now without the song.”

“I’ve been voted leader of the Keith Society. Me told I’m now at the top of the Keiths tree!” In lieu of the success of his Reggae Reggae Sauce song, Levi roared with laughter when I asked him to sing one about Marmite, breaking into song, “Reggae Reggae Sauce, you know, one night had a fight with Marmite. And er, it was bright, and it was right, and Reggae Reggae sauce won the fight!” by Pippa Vaux

Impact Elections WEDNESDAY 30th APRIL ANY student can apply to be an editor at Impact Magazine regardless of experience! Do you think you’d do a good job or know anyone who could?

Senior Editorial Editor-In-Chief Editor Managing Editor Associate Managing Editor Design Editor Associate Editors (x3) General Editorial Associate Design Editor (x2) Web Editor Image Editor (x2) News Editors (x3) Sports Editors (x2) Travel Editors (x2) Fashion Editors (x2) Arts Editors (x2) Film Editors (x2) Music Editors (x2) Science Editors (x2) Nights Editors (x3) Publicity Oﬃcer

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Nominations All nominations must be left in the slot provided on the door of the Impact oﬃce. Deadline for nominations to be submitted: 5pm on Monday April 27th For advice and details on election speeches please email us. Check out the Facebook group for more information.

UDBQN*