Impact Magazine - Issue 193 - Dec 08 by Impact Magazine

Impact

slipping? IS LOW STUDENT SATISFACTION HOLDING US BACK IN THE LEAGUE TABLES?

househunting

IMPACT’S GUIDE TO THE RENTAL RUSH

private eyes ARE WE SLEEPWALKING INTO A SURVEILLANCE SOCIETY?

issue 193 dec ’08

4 Editorial 5 News 10

16 Private Eyes

33 Style

- 7 Legs Set New Record - Overhauling JCRs - Market Square Wins Award - Nottingham Goes Bankrupt

Sport

- New Rugby Rules - Statue Of Brian Clough Unveiled - Getting Into Refereeing

Features

13 Student

Satisfaction

ARE

YOU

It’s not being paranoid if they’re really out to get you. Impact asks if we’re walking into a police state.

Bird Flu

There used to be talk of terror. Where’s all the bloody terror?

Uganda

House Hunting

How often do you meet with your tutor? Nottingham’s slipping down the league tables, and everything points to terrible feedback being to blame.

inside this issue 193

Cover Image: Charlie Walker

Spare Parts

Nice

One Impact writer’s eye-opening journey to the African nation. Top tips on how to beat the landlords

Who’s afraid of the big bad button?

Arts - The Hippest Tea Places - The Creativity Of Derby

Music

Freaky phobias and funky fears

23 Feeling SAD?

It might just be that time of the year

Recipe of the month Impact dining on a budget

24 Movember

46 48

SATISFIED

The beauty of curves, and keeping up appearances on a budget.

26 27 28 30

- Working In The Music Industry - The Return Of Folk?

Science - Myths Debunked - Meal Card Tricks

Film

Charity efforts to fight prostate cancer through facial hair, as well as a personal tale of the illness.

Yes We Can?

Obama: he’s got his mandate for change, but can he deliver?

It’s a Rich Man’s World Or is it?

Grapevine Travel

- Impact Interview Simon Sheil - Annoying Cinema Types

Nights - Quirky Nights Out - The Best Bars In Town

54 55

Gratis Famous Last Words

Impact interviews Richard Eyre Traveling on a recession-proof budget.

News

Editorial

e’ve been getting a lot of emails from Nigerians lately. Over the past month I’ve seen extraordinary discounts on alluvial gold dust, been asked to enter into a joint business venture to acquire some Danish agricultural equipment, and instructed to collect $120,000,000 from a ‘diplomatic courier’ in Shepherd’s Bush – which we would then deposit in a ‘reliable’ bank account. Somehow none of these grand plans came to fruition. We were left with a nice collection of emails and a very congenial set of online friends, but none of the cash monies we were promised. It was not the happiest of times.

Which leads me not very neatly onto the topic of our lead feature this month: student satisfaction. Talk of how happy (or not) we are with our universities has been taken more seriously in recent years, and is now included as a factor in most university league tables. When we set out to discover why Nottingham has slipped out of the Top Ten while other institutions are coming along in leaps and bounds, it was the issue of student satisfaction that kept cropping up. Quite apart from whether it’s a good idea to include our happiness in the rating of an educational establishment (and I’m not sure it is), it’s interesting to note how concern with student satisfaction has developed alongside something else: the rise in tuition fees. Once a public service, higher education now seems more like a commodity. And with high prices, come high expectations. This is all understandable, of course, and students have every right to expect that extra funds should be invested in giving them a better quality of teaching. But in this attitude lies a risk as well. The moment you begin to see yourself merely as a client paying for a service, or see your time here simply as an investment into getting a future job, is the moment you lose a key part of the experience. The responsibility for education and learning – not just in academic work but in everything – always lies with the student and not the teacher. Expect the university to offer you a good service, but expect to be independent in what you do as well. Enjoy,

This month on impactnottingham.com

eeling our clout may help swing a decisive moment in human history, Impact this month decided to back John McCain in the race for the US presidency. “Whilst Barack ‘Hussein’ Obama’s candidacy promises to erase the divisions of eras past, his policies are ill thought-out and veer dangerously close to the pink,” we declared. “We must not discard the freemarket economic policies which gave us the ability to rise to the top through our own merits, to legitimately use our wealth as we saw fit, and gave us the strength to bankrupt the rival nation of Iceland. Mr McCain fought for freedom in Vietnam. He knows how to win a war.” Some decided to critique these, and other reasons, presented for reader consideration. Evidently they disagreed with our sentient reasoning; for instance, one left-wing dissident. “It seems that Impact’s backing of Mr. McCain is synonymous with Impact’s backing of The Rich,” she argued. “I supposed [sic] the bourgeois will always supports the bourgeois. Can we ever hope for some compassion for those who are genuinely needy and suffer without help? The ‘true pro-American’ supports John McCain who has SEVEN houses whilst they themselves may be about the lose their ONE and only home…” This sort of socialist nonsense was in the minority, however, compared to those who seemed to think,

Rob x

remarkably, that the article was some sort of tongue-in-cheek pulling of the leg. “This is amazing. For a second it did take me in - very clever,” said ‘Tolkien’ (an alias, it seems), one of many. The dissident was too busy gloating over Obama’s victory to take notice of any of this, whilst even Neil Buchanan of TV’s Art Attack came out of the woodwork to congratulate us on what he saw as satire. One lone dissenting voice came from ‘Jenny’, who pondered, “surely this article is just a very poorly written piss-take?” If sincerity is a piss-take, then, by god, I’ll take that urine and I’ll laugh as I do. In other parts of Impact’s online repository, the Craig Cox controversy continues to generate debate. It is predicted to do so for at least the next 50 years, when it’s due to be replaced by more renewable forms of controversy. And after Impact’s report on Miss Nottingham 2008, ‘alex h’ drew the obvious parallels between the Bacchanalian orgies of old and our University’s officially-endorsed night of simulated sexual acts and low-brow titillation. Many other articles went without being commented on, presumably due to their factual accuracy and inoffensive nature proving pleasing to the general student mind. If you’d like to change this state of affairs, pop along to impactnottingham.com and join the fray.

7-Legged Runs Into The Record Books On 20th October 2008, Karnival’s increasingly popular Seven Legged Bar Crawl had its most successful night ever. The annual event involves teams of students tying their legs together in fancy dress to descend upon the streets of Nottingham. This year it featured 21 bars and attracted over 5800 participants, unofficially smashing the World Record for the Largest Bar Crawl, which currently stands at 3286. Event organisers Ross Hunter-Duffy, Kate Meredith, Danielle Wilson and Chris Jeffreys were understandably delighted with their work, as Chris told Impact:

“We’re really pleased with the way the night went. When three clubs weren’t enough to hold everyone and we had to open Rescue Rooms, we knew we were doing well”. Aside from the impressive size of Seven Legged 2008, its real triumph was the £38,500 it raised for charity. Some of this money will go to local causes such as the not-for-profit Crocus Cafe in Lenton and community groups in Beeston. It will also reach larger charities such as the READ International Book Project. Henry Blanchard, Director of Karnival, has praised Seven Legged as “the biggest event of its type run by students anywhere in the world”, and

JCR Shake-Up Set To Benefit Students The new semester has heralded the inception of a new system of operation for JCRs across campus as they become more fully affiliated with the Students’ Union. The move, which was decided upon last year, sees the abolition of individual JCR constitutions and their integration into a centralised SU-led system. Along with the standardisation of committee member training, JCRs will be held more accountable for their spending. Richard Lockington, a current hall President, comments: “There is still some flexibility there. JCRs can [still] do their job effectively; this just means they

are being kept in line.” One facet of the change is that only hall residents may now stand in JCR What Does a JCR Do For You? Holding a budget allocated by the SU, your JCR is responsible for representing your voice on higher democratic stages and overseeing your welfare while staying in halls. JCRs also administrate social activities, such as sports teams and parties. committee elections, prompting some concern that committees will be

A Grim Protest At Careers Fair The University of Nottingham’s annual AISEC Careers Fair was this year interrupted by unlikely candidates: grim reapers. Students worked together to orchestrate a counter-recruitment programme, aiming to highlight what they describe as the “unethical” practices of some corporations present on campus. The students held a stall next to the

by Dan Grimwood

Territorial Army where “alternative information about companies, personal discussion and careers guides could be disseminated”, one student recalls. According to one student activist, “A Qinetiq representative admitted that he felt the student protesters were doing a good thing, and was ultimately somewhat envious of the passion they clearly had for this issue”.

is proud that “75% of money that goes into it is channelled straight back to charity”. Guinness World Records is yet to confirm whether or not this year’s event has been officially recognised as the largest of its kind.

by Dave Jackson hamstrung by the inexperience of their members and will potentially increase bureaucracy. The timing and format of JCR elections have also been standardised by the changes. Nightingale has been the only hall to be negatively affected as, having only elected its incumbent president at the end of the 2007/08 academic year, first years are unable to run for this position. Despite concerns, the changes are expected to improve communication between JCR Committees and the SU and will ensure the accountability that many people felt the system lacked.

by Camille Herreman Students dressed in grim reaper costumes then toured the careers fair for an hour, and allegedly were initially threatened with calls to the police by University Security. BAE systems was a prime target for the student protest.

National News

Local News Top Marks For The Square Nottingham’s Old Market Square has won an award for architecture, 18 months after its £7 million renovation. The Square, which was designed by architect Gustafson Porter, was given the first ever RIBA CABE Public Space Award at a ceremony in Liverpool, fighting off competition from the Royal Festival Hall and the Royal Observatory. The award comes after the

Students could soon be feeling the effects of the crisis if Nottingham City Council is not able to recover the £42 million it invested in Icelandic banks prior to their collapse. While other local authorities, such as Nottingham County Council, decided against putting public money in the banks, Nottingham City Council continued with their investments and is now attempting to recover the funds. In a statement released on their

The government is being forced to consider cutting student grants after a gross miscalculation of the bill for higher education.

Sarah Gaventa, director of CABE Space (sponsors of the prize) and one of the judging panel, said, “with a history going back 800 years this large space retains its own distinctiveness and sense of place”, and described the Square as a “worthy first winner.”

The Department for Innovation, Universities and Skills is understood to be short of more than £100m as a result of last year’s pledge to raise the number of students eligible for government money. The move, which would only affect those studying in England, risks serious criticism from students and universities.

worth £350 million. The developer, ISIS (not the nightclub), has backed out of the joint project with the city council, East Midlands and British Waterways, citing the deteriorating property market as a reason for not going ahead.

A lack of credit is meaning that plans to regenerate parts of the town are being put on hold until the economy recovers. The latest and biggest development is the collapse is the Trent Basin project near Sneinton, which would have revitalised the area with housing, restaurants and 2,000 units of housing

With financial experts now admitting that we have entered a recession (a period defined by two quarters of negative economic growth), it is clear that cities the world over are feeling the pinch. It appears that Nottingham is no exception.

Students from the University of Nottingham have been working in collaboration with police to spread crime-prevention information to those living off campus.

by Sophia Hemsley insecurities left by residents — such as open doors and windows. We’re hoping that by offering some simple advice, we can help more students to take responsibility for their possessions and make sure they don’t give burglars any chances.”

In a special one-day event, ambassadors were working with local police knocking on doors to spread the message around Lenton. Melanie

Futer, the Manager of Off-Campus

by Justine Moat

website, the City Council maintains that at the time the Icelandic banks had “an F1 rating - that’s one below the highest possible credit rating”, and that the situation “is not having any detrimental effect on Council services”.

Students Help Police Fight Crime

“A third of burglaries occuring in the Lenton area are through insecurities left by residents”

Grants Cut After Government Blunder

transformation of Market Square, completed in 2007, which included the creation of water features and seating terraces.

Council Assets Frozen In Iceland The global financial crisis is having a serious impact on development and regeneration projects in Nottingham.

by Hannah Gibbons

Student Affairs, said, “most burglars are opportunists, and a third of burglaries occurring in the Lenton area are through

In addition, students are being offered a free sign-up to Computrace, software that is installed onto laptops which, if subsequently stolen, enables the police to trace the computer. Although burglary in Nottinghamshire has decreased by 43 per cent since 2003, the high incidence of theft involving students’ property reveals there is still a need for initiatives such as this.

The announcement to boost the number of graduates by widening the availability of grants came only eight days after Gordon Brown became Prime Minister in July 2007, but a senior Whitehall source said that the plan was not properly costed. Sources have also blamed the ‘rushed’ creation of the Department for Innovation, Universities and Skills whose annual budget is £17m - for its financial shortage. The expansion of grants was introduced in September, meaning that students

from families with incomes of up to £25,000 were eligible for the maximum grant – an increase from the previous threshold of £17, 500. Universities now face a freeze on student numbers as part of a short-term plan to reign in government spending. The number of students starting university this year in England rose by 10.5%, with the biggest rises among students from poorer

Hidden Costs To Staff Pay Rises In a statement posted on the portal last month, University Vice-Chancellor Professor David Greenaway outlined the details of a new pay deal for Nottingham’s nearly 7,000 staff. All academic and non-academic employees of the University are in line for rises of up to 20% over 2006-2009 when all factors are taken into account. Nationally, workers in higher education up and down the country have enjoyed some of the best deals across the public and private sectors during this period.

“There will inevitably be an impact on future national pay and pension negotions” The announcement was not wholly posi-

tive, however, as Professor Greenaway stressed that the package “does place a considerable strain on budgets across this and other institutions. When combined with other financial pressures… there will inevitably be an impact on future national pay and pension negotiations”. Suggestions that next year’s offer will not be nearly so generous were reinforced by a University spokesperson who stated that “further high settlements will not be sustainable given the current rise”. More alarming implications include possible job cuts and a government raid on final salary pension schemes. However, the University remains confident of avoiding the former, and was firm

by Susannah Sconce

socio-economic backgrounds. Ministers were caught out by the steep rise in applications, which put intense pressure on government funds. A department spokesman said: “The government is fully committed to the expansion of higher education and can ensure finance should not be a barrier to those that want to do a degree.”

by Tim McFarlan

“More alarming implications include possible job cuts and a government raid on final salary pension schemes” in denying that the government would change its current position on pension arrangements for teachers and lecturers, the high standard of which remains one of the major attractions of the profession. The University was also non-committal on the prospect of a rise in tuition fees as a result of the deal and other increases in costs. The current cap of £3,145 is being reviewed next year and although students are voicing concerns over a possible fee increase, Nottingham cannot act until it is lifted.

UK Universities Set To Benefit From Financial Crisis

by Sophia Hemsley

Experts have suggested that the current economic climate could prove beneficial to universities as more people choose to undertake Master’s degrees. Evidence from previous recessions suggests that institutions tend to benefit from financial crises and downturns in employment, as people opt to return to education.

this tendency for people to improve their chances for future employment: “You typically see increases in the numbers doing Masters of Business Administration, Law and Accounting courses as people look for courses that offer tangible qualifications with professional credibility.”

Jonathan Slack, Chief Executive of the Association of Business Schools, has said these situations present the ideal opportunity for individuals to improve themselves and their CVs whilst removing themselves from the increased competition in the job market. There is particular demand for business courses, already the most popular subject at degree level, taken in some form by one in seven students.

These assertions have been used by many to counter claims that higher education is no longer a worthwhile investment. Professor Rick Trainor, President of Vice-Chancellor’s group Universities UK, has stated: “We know that as the UK economy continues to shift towards knowledge-based activities it is likely that a greater proportion of the workforce will need higher-level skills. He also projects that individuals are likely to need to ‘reskill’ at several points in their career to maintain their position in the workforce.

Janette Rutterford, Professor of Financial Management at the Open University Business School, confirms

Notts Named ‘Entrepreneurial University Of The Year’

by Emma Shipley

The University of Nottingham has been named ‘Entrepreneurial University of the Year’ at the Times Higher Education Awards 2008. Nottingham was among 34 universities to be nominated for the award, but seized the title for its breadth and depth of entrepreneurial activity. Judges praised the University for

“The most enterprising and globally-minded graduates in British higher education” its commitment to ‘nurturing the most enterprising and globally-minded graduates in British higher education’. The hotly-contested award demonstrates growing levels of entrepreneurialism throughout the higher education sector and the increased significance that is being placed upon graduate enterprising. Professor Drake, Director of Nottingham University Business School, said, “winning the accolade of ‘Entrepreneurial University of the Year’ is a tremendous achievement and reflects the entrepreneurial attitude which typifies the University of Nottingham.”

The Debate The Election IS NOT Important By Tim McFarlan Given the unprecedented media fixation on a campaign that has now lasted over two years, you could be forgiven for thinking that this is the most consequential US election in a generation. There are a number of reasons why you would be wrong. Americans like to think of their President as the most powerful man in the world, but everywhere you look there are other sources of power that threaten this special status: OPEC; The Murdoch press; China; The Kremlin and its swarm of oligarchs. In the context of a global decline in Western power, whoever holds the Presidency is becoming an increasing irrelevance. The financial crisis has already cast a long shadow over the term of the President-elect. Fighting the fires lit by a prolonged global recession and a national budget deficit topping $1 trillion may turn out to be more pressing priorities for the new President than tackling climate change or restoring the world’s faith in America - a commodity so grievously damaged by eight years of Bush. At home, America’s leader is hamstrung by a decades-long politics of stagnation and partisanship in Washington, whilst abroad he is mired in two foreign wars of indeterminate length, and chained to a War on Terror which is doomed to failure in its current form. No one has yet explained how it is possible to fight a successful battle against a common noun. In a world marked by the emergence of new economic and military powers, it remains to be seen how Obama will cope with a sustained challenge to US global hegemony, and how much change he will truly be able to carry out.

‘How important is the outcome of the US election?’

News In Brief

The Election IS Important

Nottingham Postcode one of worst for Burglaries

By Jamie McMahon

Homes in Nottingham’s NG8 postcode have some of the highest rates of burglary in the country, according to a recent survey. NG8, which borders University Park and contains Jubilee Campus, was ranked fourth worst for burglary in a survey carried out by moneysupermarket.com.

American elections come but once every four years: few elections in the world generate or demand such attention, such focus and such passion. While some may watch with scornful eyes at the sniping, the money and the circus that follows the race for the White House, few elections have come at such a defining moment for America.  Barack Obama’s movement for change is uniting a divided nation; this election has set forward not only America’s future but also the world’s future. The President-elect, when taking over in January, will inherit a nation in two seemingly never ending wars, a world economic crisis and a health system that leaves 47 million people in the world’s richest country unprotected. While the American President may not have absolute power, his influence here is great.

£9.8m to be spent on Nottingham Station Following the news that a direct line from Nottingham to Leeds is to open on December 14th, a £9.8m plan has been approved for a major track and signal improvement to Nottingham’s railway station. The improvements will see a seventh platform built, and will put an end to trains stopping outside the station.

Police deny ‘Cannabis Epidemic’ The police have refuted claims of a ‘cannabis epidemic’ in Nottingham, declaring that general growth of the drug is actually moving from Nottingham into outlying areas. Judge Dudley Bennett, sentencing a man for two years for growing the drug, made the claims in early October.

Nottingham overrun by Zombies Amidst the revelry and excitement of Halloween, a ghastly record was being broken. Nottingham now holds the world record for the Largest Ever Gathering of Zombies. 1,227 people, outfitted in zombie costumes, danced to Michael Jackson’s Thriller in Old Market Square, blowing away the previous record of 1,028, set in the USA.

University the driving force behind Bond Daniel Craig’s antics in his latest Bond film, Quantum of Solace, came partially thanks to the efforts of researchers of Nottingham University’s Polymer Composites Group. The Aston Martin DBS utilises components made using a process called Directed Carbon Fibre Preforming, the product a result of collaboration between University researchers and Aston Martin engineers.

Poke a Policeman The world hurts after eight long years of George W. Bush, in more ways than war. The American system provides an unprecedented ability to close one chapter and open another. This president has the power to unite the world and his nation behind a new common purpose and deliver the world leadership so lacking at a time of violence and financial crisis. The change may not be easy; it may not come instantly, but this election dawns a new era for world politics.

Police officers are set to have a lot of new ‘friends’, having set up a group on Facebook for residents of Lenton, Radford and The Park. It is hoped that the group, the first of its kind in the county, will allow more direct communication with residents of the area.

Sport All Change As New Rugby Rules Introduced You’ve been playing rugby since the age of 6. The odd advancement boggled the mind slightly - going from tag rugby to full contact; changing from 5 men to 8 men in the scrum; lifting in the lineout; and finally reaching the Promised Land a 15-a-side game! However, when rugby players arrived at pre-season this year they were faced with not only brutal fitness tests but also a new set of rules, introduced by the International Rugby Board – the Experimental Law Variations (ELVs). As the name suggests, these new measures are on trial and have been since the beginning of 2008 in the Super 14 competition in the Southern Hemisphere – where fast and flowing rugby is almost a prerequisite – and are designed to make the game more open and exciting for the neutral by placing emphasis on keeping the ball alive.

Changes include: Distance from scrums: Backlines must stay at least five metres behind the back of the scrum. Previously, they had to be level with the back foot of the scrum. This will help players to break the gain-line, thus making defending more difficult. Collapsing Mauls: Previously unable to collapse a maul, teams are now able to pull another player to the floor between the shoulder and the hips. If they ground it by grabbing their opposition outside this area, it is still an offence. Passing back into the 22 to kick for territory: If the ball is passed back inside 22-metre area from a team-mate outside the 22-metre area in order to kick the ball directly into touch, there will no longer be any ground gained, with the ensuing lineout taking place from where the kick was taken. Line Outs: Each team only requires at least 2 players in the line-out. Furthermore, the scrum-half and hooker, when defending the lineout, must both be two meters away from the line-out. Finally, when taking ‘quick line-outs’, a player will no longer be required to throw the ball in straight, as it can now go backwards.

Lineouts are one aspect that have been tweaked

But what do all these new rule changes mean for the players and the game of rugby? Initially trialled in the Super 14s,

Jean-Luc Bragard and Max McLaren

the ELVs are not such a progressive measure down-under where expansive rugby has been pioneered for decades. However, enforcing these laws on the British game, where more emphasis is placed on forward play and set-pieces, will bring a whole new dimension. Sides with a more dominant forward style will undoubtedly be inhibited as strong packs could well suffer from the opposition’s ability to collapse mauls.

“The rules have opened up the game a lot more” Impact Sport asked the opinion of Stuart Lakin, University of Nottingham’s Rugby Club 2nd XV captain. “The rules have opened up the game a lot more,” he commented. “Our side has benefited with both a fast set of backs and a skilled back row, so we can now keep the game alive. But the key is adapting to the rules quicker than your opposition.” It is at grassroots level, however, that the ELVs could become especially problematic. If a team has been playing a forwards-based game, dominating rolling mauls and line-outs, the ELVs are going to force these teams to change their tactics, whether they like it or not. Does the International Rugby Board have the right to decide what tactics a team uses? I always thought that was the coach’s decision…

Getting to know… Ultimate Frisbee with Matthew Benyohai by Jack Brenman a good Ultimate Frisbee player?

Name Matthew Benyohai Position President and Captain Hometown London Course Chemistry & Molecular Physics

Ha, well, the best players are tall, fast, and fit. But you don’t have to have any of those attributes to get involved. The sport is open to everyone as there are three teams: male, female and mixed.

Firstly Matt, could you briefly sum up just what Ultimate Frisbee actually is?

Ok, so just what is it that makes the game ‘Ultimate’?

The game is described as a cross between football, American Football and netball. Two teams of seven compete on a rectangular pitch with two ‘N zones’ at either end, trying to catch the frisbee in their ‘N zone’ to score points.

Well, the games creators thought that it was the ultimate sport, being both faster and more tactical than football. It’s also the fastest-growing sport in the world at the moment. Aside from being 7ft tall, what makes

Have you ever seen any horrific injuries or violence take place at a tournament? Quite frequently people get strains and sprains but nothing more than that. As for violence, there isn’t a referee which means the players call the fouls, it’s called spirit of the game and generally leads to all parties agreeing with the decisions.

Statue of Brian Clough Unveiled

So Young, was played before the statue was revealed after fans had arrived at 10am to watch videos on a big screen of Forest’s achievements under Clough. Councillor Jon Collins, leader of Nottingham City Council, observed that “Nottingham is known for two people, Robin Hood and Brian Clough”.

On Thursday 6th November, the long awaited unveiling of the Brian Clough statue in Nottingham city centre took place. More than 4,000 Nottingham residents piled into the Old Market Square to salute their hero, including former players such as Kenny Burns, Archie Gemmill and Garry Birtles. The city centre location was chosen in recognition of the unprecedented worldwide acclaim that Clough brought to the city by winning the European Cup with Nottingham Forest in 1979 and 1980. Sculptor Les Johnson designed an 8 foot (2.4m) bronze statue of Clough standing with his hands clasped above his head, capturing one of the most enduring and iconic images of the former Forest manager. The event was the culmination of an 18-month-long fund-raising campaign by volunteers who raised £70,000 to complete the project. The tribute to old big ‘ead, as he was affectionately known, followed a similar homage in Clough’s home town of Middlesbrough, where a seven foot (2.13m) statue was unveiled last year.

Clough’s widow Barbara was greatly humbled by the occasion and commented that “It’s overwhelming, it’s wonderful”. The only blemish on the occasion was the faux pas of Gary Newbon, the presenter of the unveiling, who asked the crowd, “what does the unveiling mean to the city of Birmingham?”

“Nottingham is known for two people, Robin Hood and Brian Clough” The unveiling itself proved to be a rousing success with Clough’s favourite song, Frank Sinatra’s You make Me Feel

University Netball 2008/09

The timing of the statue’s erection is even more pertinent in light of Nottingham Forest’s current form. The club currently sit one place off the bottom of the championship with a paltry eleven points from sixteen games. How the club and its supporters must long for the inspiration, determination and genius of which Clough’s statue will serve as a permanent reminder.

by Ben Bloom and Hanna Flint competitions, links have been made with Nottingham High School for Girls for a number of friendly matches to be played throughout the year, an arrangement that will hopefully be equally beneficial to both parties.

The feeling surrounding Nottingham University netball at the start of this year was clear - things can only get better. A disappointing last year culminated in the embarrassment of being awarded the wooden spoon at the AU Ball after both the 1st and 2nd teams were relegated from their leagues, as well as losing the Varsity match to a Nottingham Trent side from a lower division. But far from sitting back and hoping things will improve by themselves, the Netball Committee has been busy putting the changes into motion that they are hoping will make all the difference. Extra training sessions as well as a dedicated weekly fitness session have already seen benefits reaped with four out of the five teams victorious in the opening round of BUCS matches this season. The 5th team have been awarded team of the week after an impressive victory over Birmingham City 2nd team 72-11, while the 3rd team were also notable winners, beating University College Birmingham 3rd team

by Charlie Eccleshare

96-3. “The general standard of the club is much stronger than last year,” says 3rd, 4th and 5th Team Coach Lorna Taylor. “The strength in depth is amazing with both the 3rd and 5th teams unbeaten up to now”. As well as competing in the BUCS

Off the pitch, the club has gone from strength to strength after winning Event of the Year at the AU Ball for last year’s netball auction, an event that they are looking to hold again next March. The club is also increasing its philanthropic element, partnering with Breast Cancer Care to raise money for the charity and raise awareness in the community through events reaching out into the local area. An annual fun tournament and a pink tournament are planned as fundraising ideas while a calendar is in the pipeline. A tour to Calella at the end of the season and the thought of reclaiming the Varsity crown off Trent mean it’s all systems go on and off the pitch for the netball club.

Blowing The Whistle, Part-Time So you love watching football, or you adore playing rugby, but you didn’t make it through club trials or manage to get a team together in time for the intramural leagues. Well, there is another way you can be a part of the sport that you love - by becoming a qualified referee.

Every year the intra-mural football and rugby leagues have had problems

securing referees for league games, so the Athletic Union is putting together referee qualification sessions open for all students to participate in. This could be your opportunity to play a part in University sport whilst gaining an extra skill to put on your CV. The Rugby refereeing course runs over three evenings of two hour sessions and upon completion you will be awarded a level two refereeing qualification. The football course is named ‘Laws of the Game’ and runs over two evenings of two hour sessions. Once you pass the course you will be able to begin refereeing for the football and rugby intra-mural leagues, which take place on Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays. This qualification also enables you to referee for clubs and leagues outside the University depending upon the level at which they play. You can earn from £16 a match so it is a great little earner and you might find that by becoming a referee you may gain a new perspective on the sport and could

Mansfield Town FC Fluidity, flamboyance, flair… No, I’m not talking about Manchester United or Arsenal, I’m talking about Mansfield Town. Although perhaps it was the lack of these 3 Fs that has led the club into the darkness of the Blue Square Premier for the first time since 1931. While attractions to non-league football are numerous – the cheap ticket prices, the opportunity to build a rapport with the players, a replica shirt for just £7.99 – it is clearly a position that no one at any club wants to be in. But support at Mansfield has not diminished with early attendances averaging 2,500, as fans show their intent on willing their side back into the football league despite the fact that the players for whom they chant are the very same people that will deliver their post the following morning. Indeed there is no aura surrounding such players as Mark Stallard or Michael Blackwood – the Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo of Mansfield Town – whilst their best deliveries are often off the field rather than on it.

by Hanna Flint

“It’s a great opportunity to not only learn a valuable new skill but have fun at the same time” lead to an improvement of your personal game. Will Gilgrass, the Intra-Mural Chair, is enthusiastic to get more students involved in University sports: “It’s a great opportunity to not only learn a valuable new skill but have fun at the same time”. Will and the IMS team are hoping to run more refereeing training sessions in the coming month so make sure you don’t miss out! Who said sport was just for the players? To get involved emai Mike Round, the football IMS officer on pmyamjr@ nottingham.ac.uk; or Luke Foy, the rugby IMS officer on eayalef@nottingham. ac.uk, for information about the refereeing training courses.

by Max McLaren Early victories against Histon, Kidderminster and Eastbourne left ‘The Stags’ living the Blue Square Premier dream, sitting pretty at the top of the table. However, any early hopes of returning to the Football League at the first time of asking seem to be ebbing away with the team sitting forlornly near the foot of the table after a sombre run of four straight defeats against such giants as Woking, Stevenage Borough, Burton Albion and Wrexham. Predictably, this has not roused the spirits of the fans, who voiced their disapproval by booing the side off the pitch at the final whistle in the home defeat by Wrexham. If the winning drought continues, the club could be drawn into a relegation dogfight raising the possibility of plunging deeper into the depths of non-league football – furthermore, once a four-point deduction for fielding ineligible players is enforced, Mansfield Town are just two places and one point above the drop zone.

Mansfield are struggling to hold their own in the Blue Square Premier

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WITH NOTTINGHAM NO LONGER IN THE TOP TEN OF MOST UNIVERSITY LEAGUE TABLES, IMPACT INVESTIGATES WHETHER ITS RELATIVELY POOR SHOWING HAS BEEN DOWN TO A LACK OF FOCUS ON STUDENT SATISFACTION. 13

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ow many hours contact time do you have every week? How regularly do you see your Personal Tutor? If you do see them, how often is your conversation with them in-depth? When you do assessed work, how often do you receive truly meaningful feedback?

If you’re an arts student, probably the answers to these questions will be variants on “not a lot.” Instead, we study for our degrees anonymously over WebCT and in the library, focusing on achieving that magical 60%. Those who strive to do better find that they struggle with poor feedback and inconsistent marking. Are the dual pressures of being a ‘research-led’ institution and the desire to push through more undergraduates meaning that Nottingham students are taught less? And if so, what is the University planning to do about it? As much as we might love the student lifestyle devoted to wine, women and song, we are also paying more than three thousand pounds a year for an education. We are, therefore, customers of the University, and have some right to insist on a decent standard of service. This is reflected in Nottingham’s performance in nationwide league tables. Alastair McCall from the Sunday Times University Guide, while acknowledging that we do fairly well, told Impact that “Nottingham’s scores are less exceptional” when judged against other Russell Group universities.

HOW BIG IS THE PROBLEM? A quick look at the league tables suggests that, while some students have very good experiences, a great many have distinctly average ones. Over the past few years Nottingham has been suffering from comparatively low levels of Student Satisfaction. In the National Student Survey (NSS), conducted every year, the University almost always falls down on the final question - the general, “how satisfied are you with your university?” This is a particularly important question and, as McCall points out, is the statistic that universities are most likely to quote to prospective students. It also affects our standing in the league tables, with all twenty-two questions on the NSS being taken into consideration, contributing to our positions of 19th and 16th over the last two years according to the Times. While we have certainly improved, we are still below our legitimate expectations to be in the Top 10. Indeed, in the 2009 tables the only institutions in the Top 20 with lower levels of Student Satisfaction were the LSE and Edinburgh. Students’ Union President, Nsikan Edung, told Impact that “the real barrier to Nottingham progressing every year has been the NSS scores and, in particular, those relating to the Student Experience”. He believes that “it is in the University’s interest to work with the Students’ Union more closely and actively in order to improve scores and to improve the life of students”. A hard hitting challenge, some might say.

But why should we care about league tables? As much as we may dislike the simplicity of them, they are incredibly important to the University. They may be one of the first things looked at by prospective students deciding which universities to apply to and so will affect the quality and number of applicants. Furthermore, they may affect the way in which employers view modern Nottingham graduates, meaning that they matter just as much to us as to the University. Some members of the University hierarchy have criticised the NSS and its importance to the league tables on the grounds that it is unrepresentative of the student body, and that the timing of the survey – during the January exams – catches students when they are least likely to be satisfied with their experience. However, this argument seems like a bit of a cop-out, and it is hard to see why these factors should affect Nottingham’s score so significantly but not those of rival institutions. So what is the cause of all this dissatisfaction? It seems the answer lies principally with the feedback and pastoral care system within the academic experience. At the moment, contact with Personal Tutors is limited to only a few short meetings a year. This can lead to a lack of understanding or communication between the tutor and tutee. Without this, the tutor system becomes a waste of time for both parties. For example, one joint-honours student described how, at the first meeting with their Personal Tutor, the conversation lasted around ten minutes before it became obvious that the tutor had no idea what degree the student was actually taking. It is hard to believe that either party gained much from the conversation. One tutor we interviewed explained that, with fifty undergraduate tutees, most of whom they will never teach, they “never develop any relationship with them”. This calls into question the value of having any form of personal tutorial system at all. Asked whether students would benefit from more contact time and whether the system needed improvement, Edung was unequivocal in agreement: “that’s really true because I’ve seen it myself…in my last year I never even saw my Personal Tutor”. A further problem highlighted by students is one of seminars conducted by seemingly apathetic tutors. The University is unashamedly research-led, and rightly too in my opinion. However, some students have pointed out that seminars are often conducted by tutors (particularly PhD students) who have no specific interest or knowledge in the area under discussion. One History student describes having to explain a key concept to their tutor during preparation for an assessed presentation. They left wondering whether their work could even be accurately assessed. Tutorials are frequently student-led, sometimes resulting in little or no involvement from the tutor. While these remain undoubtedly useful for some, others have questioned whether they would have gained more from working on their own or with the active involvement of a tutor. The issue here is one of emphasis. Following the introduction of tuition fees, should we not be getting more from our education? One of the conundrums facing research-led institutions as a result of the introduction of tuition fees is that students now have higher expectations. Now that we are personally paying, at least in part, for our education, we expect more from it. Universities have opened themselves up to a whole new customer base who demand more contact time and more focused tutorials. This does not sit well with the attitude that

IN MY LAST YEAR I NEVER EVEN SAW MY PERSONAL TUTOR

research is paramount. Many students wonder why there is such a disparity between the Oxbridge tutorial system and that of other institutions. While they acknowledge that funding is significantly different, they also point out that they still end up paying the same for a markedly different experience. Surely there is some middle ground. Perhaps there is a fundamental problem with the level of intake for the University. One tutor we interviewed pointed out that the tutor-student ratio made the type of relationship called for an impossibility. It’s not just the tutor system that has come under fire; the quality of feedback also needs to be improved. Essay feedback usually only comprises a series of ticked boxes and a scribbled paragraph, somehow culminating in a grade. Exam feedback is even more obscure. According to Unistats.com, less than half of students receive detailed comments on their work or have found feedback helpful. This is backed up by Craig Cox, this year’s SU Education Officer, who identifies the quality of feedback as an area in which “Nottingham University is struggling more than it should be.” As a result of this inadequate feedback system, many students feel they are not being properly supported by their University. Edung commented that the lack of contact time can make “students actually feel like it [their degree course] is quite impersonal”. As a result, he feels that “the University must make more effort to reconnect with students.” Similar issues have been identified with the consistency of marking schemes. Cox highlighted to Impact the problem of helping students understand the distinction between performances more fully. According to Cox, we need to be “looking at getting consistency amongst markers within one school…on an average classification sheet [within the School of History], for example, you’ve got layout of essay, Historiography, quality of sources... one is bad, five is good. You get one marker who would give you straight fives and a mark of 68 and you get one marker who would give you straight threes and a mark of 67. For me, that creates a problem, because you can be doing excellently and only just not getting a First or doing good and still only just not getting a First.”

SO WHAT CAN BE DONE? It is acknowledged that it’s impossible for Nottingham to ape the Oxbridge teaching model. One Cambridge academic interviewed by Impact pointed out that the Oxbridge collegiate systems “subsidise the cost of teaching to quite a considerable extent”, an option not available to Nottingham. However, several ways of restoring the situation have been mooted within the University. The ePars system was designed to improve the amount of information shared between tutors and tutees. However, judging by how infrequently it is used by students and tutors alike, it seems to have been a flop across the University. The idea has stuck, however, and morphed into a new concept: Personal Development Goals (PDGs). Students in several schools, including Civil Engineering and the Built Environment, will already be familiar with these. The idea is that at the beginning of each year students will be given the opportunity to set a personal goal. This can be anything, but is typically non-academic. Then, during the year, students are encouraged to

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meet with their tutor to reflect on their achievements against their stated goal. The Students’ Union feels that “personal development goals have been majorly beneficial to the students taking part in them”. Furthermore, during last year’s University Quality Audit of the Civil Engineering Department, the school was strongly praised by the panel for its implementation and integration of the PDGs. So why have they not been rolled out across the University as a whole? Perhaps partly due to ePars, which was an initiative ordered by University management, the failure of which may have resulted in a hesitancy to be too hasty in ordering a rollout implementation. It would seem that ePars has led to a dangerous risk aversion on their part. However, there might also be resistance from tutors themselves. When asked whether academics should be a bit more hands on with their tutees, one social science tutor responded that they didn’t “think it would make much sense if the University pressured us from above to do it”. This suggests that the University management is stuck between the rock of disgruntled students and the hard place of intransigent academic staff. Another possible palliative measure is the Registrar’s Nottingham Award. This is designed to make the Nottingham Graduate a more reflective, mature individual who will be more employable as a result. The suggested framework is to provide credit-bearing modules that do not affect degree classifications but do build up to a separate ‘Nottingham Award’. Credits may be available for, amongst other things, work experience and social work. It is hoped that the Nottingham Award may go some way toward improving Nottingham’s NSS scores. However, it is far from certain that this will be a success, and will not alleviate dissatisfaction with the way courses themselves are taught. There is also a fear that the Nottingham Award may be hampering the progress of Personal Development Goals. Both ideas deal with similar areas, possibly leading to conflict between the two. It is clear that there are major issues with feedback and the tutor system as a whole. These problems are damaging the University’s performance in the league tables and so too its image both nationally and internationally. However, it is similarly clear that there are no easy, quick or cheap fixes. Of the two detailed ideas suggested, it seems that what is needed is not a new certificate that may only be attained by a small number of students, but a genuine attempt to tackle the problem at its source. Personal Development Goals have led to genuine improvements for many students. This writer stands full throat behind them.

BY JAMES TORRANCE 15

Ever since - in fact well before - George Orwell spun the threads of paranoia, surveillance and propaganda together into the masterful 1984, people have harboured concerns that 'they' were watching 'us'. We used to live in a time when these kind of concerns were the domain of gaunt, hollow-eyed men who drank too much coffee, and could safely be dismissed as fantasy. Over the past few months though, numerous articles in the mainstream press have highlighted the range of government surveillance projects which are currently either under consideration for approval, or in the course of being implemented, and frankly their extent and implications are reminiscent of the future depicted by Orwell himself. Let's pull back for a second, though, because this is a problem which has two parts, both faces of the same proverbial coin; and one face at least is of our own making. Anyone that has grown up in our generation will know that we are becoming digital creatures. Our physical bodies are no less present, but our very notions of the construction of identity and self, and the nature of relationships, are vastly different to generations that have gone before. Electronic communication in general, and the internet specifically, has changed everything. Most of us are now completely at ease with the concept of social networking sites. You build yourself a page which acts as a portal for your family, friends, and the rest of the world to interact with you. But by offering us new modes and methods of communication, the medium has changed the nature of the message.

We have all become social broadcasters, comfortable with transmitting details of our lives in a variety of different formats – hourly updates on our thoughts and feelings, weekly photographic documentation of our exploits, mass messaging to harness the attention of hundreds or even thousands of people for whatever cause takes our interest, be it a political protest or the hottest new video on YouTube. Whilst a lot of young people almost instinctively understood the new possibilities, not to mention fun, afforded by making certain aspects of our lives public, maybe the lightning-

delivering anything bought online. Loyalty cards of any kind will keep a record of exactly what you have bought at the store issuing them, and Oyster cards, now made as good as compulsory by the prices of oneoff fares in London, keep records of all of the journeys made by the card, though they are no longer registered to the name of a single user as was originally intended. The thing about all of this is that it makes perfect sense. Facebook can be a great way to keep in touch with friends in geographically distant places, just as Amazon's CD recommendations can be a great way to discover artists you might not otherwise have

Private Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying

fast rise of Facebook and similar sites has not left us enough time to develop a similar instinct for the need for privacy. Most of us have, at some point, facestalked someone that we had a crush on, or virulently disliked, or maybe just found interesting. And what we commonly find is that it can be frighteningly easy to piece together a comprehensive picture of someone's character, background, opinions and regular hang-out spots just by using Facebook and Google. The lifestyles we lead today are leaving ever-greater traces across cyberspace. If you have a Googlemail email address, a computer program automatically scans your messages for key words which might help to tailor advertising to your interests. Amazon.com keeps a record of all the items you buy and view on the site. It also knows where you live, this being a necessity for

heard of. But any organisation able to draw together all of this information from different sources and centralise it would have access to a massive amount of information on any given individual. With that in mind, it's time to focus back on the government. Just a few weeks ago, the Guardian published a story stating that the government is currently drawing up plans which will give security services far greater powers to access the information being held by online services. Under the pretense that terrorists may be using these websites to communicate, the legislation would compel service providers to store more information on their clients, and to disclose this information to the government when deemed necessary.

Far more worrying than this are the plans being laid out by an innocent sounding four letter moniker: GCHQ. Government Communications Headquarters is the branch of the intelligence services charged with communications surveillance, or, essentially, spying on the population. Their recently announced Interception Modernisation Programme, the exact details of which are top secret, aims to build a single database in which will be stored the details of every piece of electronic communication in Britain. That’s emails, text messages, phone calls, faxes, records of

scan point to operate something without a laser having to read it optically. A biometric passport contains one of them, as does an Oyster card, as do anti-theft tags in CDs. They can be tiny, millimetres across, are only set to get smaller in years to come, and can be produced at a very low cost. The RFID is a tiny radio circuit which encodes a small amount of information, readable to an appropriate receiver. In terms of its applications, comparisons can be made with another piece of commonplace identification technology, the barcode. Many large retail companies are now aiming for the adoption of RFID in the near future, and it's expected

And Love Digital Surveillance

Eyes every website visited by every internet user, all brought together under the same roof to be stored, cross-referenced and analysed: cyber-spying raised to the power of ten. Even for those who profess to have 'nothing to hide', this must set alarm bells ringing. Very well, you might say, the world of digital communication is always going to be conducive to spying, and better the government does it than the terrorists; there's no way the same amount of surveillance could be conducted in the physical world, so we should appreciate the privacy we have here and get on with our lives. Well, here's another four letter acronym for you: RFID. Radio Frequency Identification is, for better or for worse, the future. You might have already come across a RFID chip in pretty much any object you can 'beep' across a

that within the next decade or so it will have replaced the barcode as the primary way to identify consumer goods. It is also poised to become successor to the currently contact-dependent chip-and-PIN system in modern bank cards, facilitating 'wave-and-pay' systems. The use of these chips changes the balance when it comes to surveillance. Whereas barcodes require direct line of sight to transfer their information, RFID, being based on radio waves, does not, and chips can be read through layers of fabric, wood, living tissue and even brick walls. Though designed with a standard operating distance of a few feet or less, demonstrations have shown that specially adapted devices can read them at distances of over 50 metres. Hypothetically speaking, if the

government did introduce compulsory national ID cards involving RFID tags (as is probable), then anyone with the right equipment would be able to scan a crowd of people and bring up the precise details of everyone in it. In government hands, this sounds suspiciously like the makings of a police state. In criminal hands, it sounds like a massive gateway for identity fraud. And once RFID is integrated with every consumer product, then anything we buy could become a miniature beacon potentially signalling our whereabouts, linked to our name by the bank card used to pay for it. We would be surrounded by a web of smart-objects, each feeding back information about us to any system capable of collating it. This may be starting to sound like borderline paranoia, but it is not idle speculation. These developments are all already here in some form, they just can't yet be harnessed for the type of surveillance suggested. Richard Thomas, the UK Information Commissioner, famously said that we were in danger of “sleepwalking into a surveillance society”, and this is a fitting description; it is not so much that our privacy is being taken from us, more that we are letting go of it complacently. We need to be more aware of the information that we are transmitting about ourselves both directly and indirectly every day. Though social networks and online shopping are a big part of modern life, we are often not obliged to give away half as much information as we choose to, nor do we have to passively accept the creation of a national identity register or other government sponsored schemes. If our right to civil liberties is to be a key battleground for the new century, then we can't risk losing it without putting up a fight.

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we at least know? No one wants to stumble across that respiratory disease in a dark alley somewhere at night. SARS is the real deal: it killed 774 people worldwide back in 2003. It reached, according to Wikipedia, near pandemic status. So why doesn't Trevor McDonald or John Snow or anyone really just let us know, from time to time, how SARS is doing, and whether or not we're still at risk? Whilst we're on the topic, remember Osama Bin Laden? I'm pretty sure he's running a small chippy in south Wales now, I could've sworn he gave me too much vinegar last summer. And the Large Hadron Collider that was going to end the world? One German scientist, Professor Otto Rossler, forecast that the black holes created by the Large Hadron Collider would grow uncontrollably and “eat the planet from the inside.” I guess that hasn't happened then. MRSA used to be quite a big deal; not any more. Foot and mouth, mad cow disease, these things didn't really happen, they're just rejected Hollywood storylines now.

FLOCK Happened to Bird Flu? Alice Fisher Remember Bird Flu? It was due, about two years ago, to come in and kill us all. The media had us writing our wills, calling our loved ones, culling birds - they had us weeping with fear. People were genuinely scared; although humans couldn't pass on the disease, scientists spread the word of a possible 'mutation' that could occur that would trigger a future human flu pandemic. While newspaper headlines worldwide conjured nightmarish images in the innocent bird-fearing public at the time, since then little has been heard about this apparently not-so-imminent plague. In fact, whilst researching for this article, few of the stories available online were more recent than early 2007. So, are we still supposed to be worrying about it? Or is no news good news? The effect of the flu could have literally been the end of human civilisation as we know it. Apparently the 1918 influenza pandemic, you know, the one that killed more people worldwide than the First World War, that infected a fifth of the world, was a type of bird flu. Worrying, isn't it? Apparently we're due a plague, just not this one. But Bird Flu is not alone - there have been other things in the news in recent years that were going to kill us... SARS, for example - where's that deadly virus been hiding lately - not that anyone's looking for it, but shouldn't

So now that we don't hear about them, does that mean they're not around? Not that I want to start a conspiracy theory or anything but how do these subjects, which are so monumental and fatal at the time, just disappear from the newspapers? On a more serious note, it's worrying really, the power of the media. Who decides which articles are worthy of front page status, and which 'near pandemics' to put to the back pages, and where do they get their authority? Because, genuinely, you could go crazy with that

sort of power. The responsibility of a news editor is vast, they can control the fears of a nation. Some have blamed the media for hyping up economic problems recently and effectively creating or at least exacerbating the 'credit crunch'. Their argument is, if there hadn't been as much media attention given, people wouldn't have panicked and our economy wouldn't be in such a bad way. So where's the line between spreading the news and creating unnecessary worry? Because, equally where the media can worsen a problem, it can relieve one. I haven't heard much about SARS or bird flu lately, does that mean they're extinct, or lying dormant somewhere waiting to pounce, or does it mean the media have bigger scares to threaten us with, for example, the weakness of the economy, because cynically, money is more important to us than health? Maybe there's so much bad stuff happening right now the media are easing up on the old 'end of the world' stories at the moment. They are so last year.

Uganda: An Insight into the Developing World Walking around University Park, attending lectures, going out for a couple drinks at night and relaxing with friends and family is my life. It is my reality, and the reality of most of the people reading this article. It is so different from what I would describe as the real world, as in, the world that the majority of its population has to live in. I got an insight into this ‘real’ world last summer, when I went to volunteer in Uganda. The entire time that I was there I kept thinking that there were so many stories that people in the UK just don’t hear, that there was a level of suffering that you can’t get your head around. I hope that the names and pictures in this article will help combat the desensitising effect that a bombardment of statistics can have on people. So what is Africa like? This is the most common question people have asked me since I got back. I normally answer with a standard “amazing”, because it’s easier than going through the details of what it really is like. But then I’ve been thinking that this doesn’t really do justice to the people that I met. So what is it like? In parts, it’s pretty horrific. I saw children as young as two years old begging for money on the streets of Kampala. I heard of the abuses that are everyday happenings in Uganda, the murder, sexual assaults, prostitution, child abuse, beatings and neglect. I met families who had fled from the Rwandan genocide over a decade ago. I saw the poverty in the shanty towns. People live without water, without proper food, without security, without an education. In Uganda AIDS is everywhere. It has wiped out families, and left numerous social problems. I was brought to see the family grave of one member of the community. He explained that the vast majority of his family had died within the last five years from AIDS. I counted 21 graves. Junior was a student in the school where I worked. He couldn’t afford to get an HIV test, but it was clear from his constant illness and his infections that he had AIDS. He is a very gifted student and football player, but will he ever see his graduation day? That is the reality of his situation. Anatolie is a five-year-old boy I met off the dirtbeaten track in Kamuganja. The first thing that I noticed about him was the huge infected cuts on his limbs. I was told that this was the effect of AIDS and that he would probably require an

amputation. When you look into the innocent eyes of someone that young, who has no idea why he is suffering, it makes you question the type of world that we live in. Don’t get me wrong, not all my experiences in Africa were negative. I have some very fond memories of the trip. Squeezing four people onto a motorbike, sharing my seat in a four-hour bus ride with a chicken, watching the sunsets, playing football with the children and sharing a badly brewed Guinness with some of the locals. One of my favourite memories is meeting a little girl called Alithra after arriving in Entebbe airport. She sang nursery rhymes for the whole half-hour trip to Kampala. However, while these memories make me smile, they are not the dominant memories of the trip. Can we make a difference to the lives of these people? The group I was with set up a foundation for the education of children moving into secondary school, but is this the best way to help the people on the ground? Our foundation will hopefully put 10 children through school in the first year and will expand over the next couple of years, but this is obviously very small scale. Furthermore, while education is vital, there was nothing we could do for those with AIDS. Should we have directed our time, effort and money to supporting a global organisation that could put money into, for example, research or prescriptive drugs? If the answer to this is yes then surely as young people there is nothing directly that we can do to influence global problems. I believe the answer lies somewhere in the middle. The children who will go to secondary school next year because of our foundation made the trip incredibly worthwhile for me, but at the same time it has become difficult to not become demoralised by the scale of the problems that I saw in Uganda. We have to realise our limitations, but at the same time not use these limitations as an excuse for doing nothing. By Chris Jenkins

It’s the depths of November. The weather is closing in, deadlines are looming and hall food is deteriorating into mush. And lo! Through the gloom, a chirpy acquaintance from Freshers’ Week whispers in your ear: “Have you not found your house for next year yet?! Oh my goodness! I found mine three weeks ago!” Within hours friendship groups are torn apart, Lenton is swarming with desperate Freshers and the countdown to Zero Hour has begun – the day, according to your friends, when all housing will be gone (probably sometime around midNovember). These people are however the people who around October in your second year will be regretting such drastic behaviour. No matter what Unipol, your friends, your halls or even your relatives tell you, there is absolutely no rush to find a house. Instead of signing a binding contract with people who you met a mere month prior, why not wait until the second semester when you have managed to maintain a friendship past the initial highs of your first term? “The first and most important thing to make sure is that you find the right group of mates to live with”, says Natalie Tomalie of Shields & Co. Student Letting Agency in Lenton. There are countless examples of people who signed early and now barely communicate with their housemates, let alone want to pay for the extortionate rent often pressed upon the early birds in the housing search. Your mate with the taste in music that leaves a little to be desired, or his girlfriend that seems loud in halls, believe you me, they will be all the louder in the enclosed environment of a suburban house - perhaps they should be avoided in your housing considerations. Equally, your ultra-tidy friend whose OCD tendencies, while

quirky at first, may not take so well to your ‘eat first, wash a week later’ ethos.

that, looking back, was completely pointless!

clearly demonstrates that there is no need to hasten into renting a house.

According to ‘M-S’ and ‘Shields’ , both student letting agencies, the average house price a student should expect to pay is approximately £67 per person, per week. However the range varies from £40 in some of the cheap, less popular areas to approaching £100 for a fully refurbished Victorian mansion in The Park. It is also true that the earlier you try and find a house, the more likely it is that you will end up paying through the nose for a mediocre pad, the likes of which you could find for a much more student-friendly price later in the year.

Speaking from the experience of having lost my house over summer and starting the process from scratch in early August, I can assure you, it is not, as I was quoted at the time, “the end of the world”. As it transpired my landlord gave my house away to another group of tenants from whom he could make more money, leaving us potentially homeless. But upon looking online it was clear that not only were all the houses we viewed in August cheaper, but they were bigger and nicer than the house we’d lost.

This also shows the importance of making sure your landlord is the genuine article. While Unipol provide guidance we impart some of our acquired (and in our humble opinion, far greater) wisdom onto you on dealing with the everfeared landlord below.

Quite apart from this, you are far more likely to find a warm reception at the houses you wish to view if you wait until the January exam period has ended. The last thing all second- and thirdyears want to hear while preparing for their looming exams is the incessant knocking and echoes of “Shotgun not me” from outside; believe us, you will appreciate this next year.

Thus while Unipol dealt with our complaints concerning our ex-landlord, I discovered that some houses aren’t even considered for letting until midApril, when landlords are dramatically lowering the rent. So lucky for me, this story has a happy ending. A nicer, more centrally located property was found, using the help of a managing agency which is located less than 30 seconds away from the house (so they cannot escape us tenants if there are any house complaints to be made!) Very few if any of you will have to go through this worst case scenario, but it

Having said all this we, along with almost all of our friends from halls, fell into this exact same trap last year. The dramas unfolded as we held group meetings to discuss housing, perhaps some of the most singularly awkward situations any of us have ever had to go through. Houses fell through, people fell out, and for a few days an almost Eastenders like quality touched our lives. It is a similar situation for many thousands of people in their first year and someGet EVERYTHING in writing – make sure that thing any promises and commitments are signed and dated (in blood if necessary) as many landlords, no matter how pleasant they seem at first, have very little intention of making your life any easier.

landlord

DON’T buy your house on the premise of the lifestyle created by the landlord’s vivid imagination or its current tenants. Our house was basically a stoner’s den when we first viewed it, so this doesn’t apply to us, however many see the current luxuries owned by tenants and don’t realise that, come August, all of these will be gone.

Be prepared with a CHEQUE BOOK and PEN for quick signing in case you happen to fall into your dream scenario of love at first sight and don’t want to be passed over by the keen beans who have already bought your potential landlord chocolates and a holiday in Spain.

Of course, it is often the case that dealing through an agent removes the need to be so careful when dealing directly with landlords. If you do choose this path, then it removes the need for you to examine in detail every little aspect of your potential abode, but don’t forget the agent’s fees! (You may also get a tour from the agency hottie of the office.) In short, your chirpy little acquaintances from Freshers’ week may soon not be as smug as they seem at the moment. We advise a short smirk, a toss of the head and the response “I look forward to seeing your overpriced hovel and listening with delight to the stories of your horrendous housemates”. Savour their response. It will give you hours of pleasure in the months to come.

Area

Pros

Cons

Lenton

Amazing location for shops, students and pubs

Slightly higher crime rate and prices

Beeston

Cheaper than average, local shops

Miles away from town and the hustle and bustle of Lenton.

Wollaton

Nice neighbourhood area, near the lovely Wollaton Park

On the opposite side of campus to all other student locations

Dunkirk

Ridiculously close to campus, particularly the hospital for the medic in you

A long distance from town = expensive taxis!

Radford

Very cheap, close to Jubilee

Small houses, borders high crime areas

wisdom If you can, try and build a relationship with your landlord (although you don’t necessarily have to buy him/her an exotic trip). He/she will very possibly have to get you out of some sticky situations in the coming months and can provide a valuable lifeline when boilers, pipes, ovens or housemates explode.

By 2

oth

Check for – burglar alarm, fire alarm, washing machine, dryer, fairly equally-sized rooms, well-maintained furniture and any damage caused by previous tenants which your landlord may suggest you shell out for.

ith

A SAD, SAD Situation

By Ben Griffin

You are poor. You aren’t getting any younger. Your love life is nonexistent – these are all perfectly valid reasons for being sad, but have you ever thought a spot of rain could be to blame?

Koumpounophobia: n. A surprisingly common, irrational fear of buttons. Sufferers dislike the sight and feel of buttons and in severe cases avoid saying or hearing the word. By Hattie Hamilton For as long as I can remember I have hated buttons. Whilst the word phobia provokes ideas of fear I am completely aware of the fact that a button will never hurt me. I can wholly accept the idea that the chances of an evil button lodging itself in my throat in an attempt to choke me to death is near impossible. However, the sight and feel of these harmless inanimate objects repulses me. I cannot stomach the smooth texture of them touching any part of my body. Buttons unattached to an item of clothing are particularly distressing; the loose string gleefully waving in the wind, as if overjoyed to be free from the captivity of clothing, genuinely makes me want to throw up there and then. I should point out that this only applies to plastic and wooden buttons, whilst – in utter irrationality - metal ones are acceptable. In my defence, metal buttons don’t have the two holes in the centre and the string passing through the middle, which is a real saving grace in my eyes. Poppers are again acceptable, but to be honest unnecessary fastenings for purely decorative purposes really grind my gears. My family had always been pretty understanding, but naturally labelled me a bit of a fruit-loop. All this changed at the age of about ten, when a newly-married couple moved into the house next to mine. The woman told us that she was expecting

a baby and so was currently on the hunt for baby clothes. My Mum kindly offered her some of our old baby cardigans and coats, but she politely declined explaining that her husband Nick couldn’t have buttons on his baby due to an irrational phobia of his. Suddenly everything was easier; a sensible, sane, full grown man had a similar problem and from that day my family no longer laughed it off so easily. My first attempt at therapy was in a dark and dingy room above a pub in my hometown. The woman was a five-foot, nervous wreck who spoke in little more than a whisper. I lay down on the clichéd leather sofa whilst she informed me that when she got dressed that morning she had been tempted to wear her new button-embellished shoes. Already a bad start. She then asked how my mother responded to the fear. I told her she’d always been supportive, purchasing a lifetime supply of Velcro and using it to replace any buttons I came across; my school skirts, for example, were fastened with Velcro strips. A new duvet cover I’d chosen (a poor judgement on my behalf) was fastened with ten horrendously large, purple buttons. I spent weeks curled up in a tiny ball in bed trying to keep my feet as far away from the end of the duvet as possible until eventually she created a Velcro haven at the foot of my bed. When she asked me how my father responded to the fear, I explained that he’d

lightly teased me when I was young. The remainder of the £60 session was spent trying to construct a theory in which Dad was held responsible for the entire phobia. It was all a bit too Freudian for my liking. The next logical step was hypnotherapy. Whilst I have heard cases of it revolutionising people’s lives, it just didn’t happen for me. I remember lying on a bed whilst the therapist played typically ‘relaxing’ music, spoke to me in a ‘relaxing’ voice, and described scenes such as lying on the ground in a forest looking at the sky whilst sinking into the soil and falling “deeper and deeper into relaxation”. I may have been in a boat according to her, but in my cynical mind there was no hiding from the fact that actually I was still lying on a bed in a room, fighting the urge to fall asleep. In an article about a student who suffers badly from Koumpounophobia, The Sun estimates that 1 in 75, 000 people suffer from the phobia, a surprisingly high figure considering the irrationality of it. The article also cites other bizarre phobias, such as Arachibutyrophobia, a fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth, Symmetrophobia, a fear of symmetry, and Aulophobia, the fear of flutes. Although several attempts at therapy have failed, at least I can take comfort in the fact that there is always someone out there who is a little more unusual than me.

SAD, or ‘Seasonal Affective Disorder’, is a mood disorder thought to affect half a million people every winter, with seasonal variations in light creating confusion in the body’s biological clock. The less daylight hours, the more likely SAD is to manifest itself. Any age and gender is susceptible, but the most common sufferers are women aged between 18 and 30. While not being named as an official disorder until 1985, SAD was made aware to scientists in 1845 when they noted that the reproductive and hibernation schedules of animals were disrupted by disturbances in sunlight. There are many shades of

grey, making it hard to prove whether you’re a sufferer or merely a hypochondriac, but there are symptoms: Are you SAD? • Do you feel apathetic or lethargic? • Do you binge on junk food? • Do you seek to avoid social contact? • Do you have unnatural sleep patterns? • Have you lost your libido? Apart from the obvious nightout-in-Ocean trick to cure that last one, there are a range of ways you can get back that happy feeling. Firstly, you can take your mum’s advice and eat right: wholegrain foods, milk, turkey, and fatty acids found in fish all contain

Judging from the cooking habits of some of those I know at university, I’m assuming many of you don’t cook fish on a regular basis. Let me convince you that not only is this recipe incredibly easy and tasty, but smoked mackerel is extremely cheap to purchase compared to other fish and it counts as your weekly portion of oily fish. You do not need to worry about bones if you buy boneless fillets. As one of the accompaniments, I’ve recommended mashed sweet potatoes as not only will this make your meal appear more classy and colourful, but they have also been scientifically proven to offer more nutrients than the regular potato. If fine green beans do not take your fancy, then you can obtain a 1kg bag of frozen ‘veg medley’ for 82p in Aldi.

nutrients that support the brain’s neurotransmitter function. Exercise produces the chemical serotonin, which is another good natural defence; 30 minutes of being active a day should do the trick. Finally, if you know where to look, the herbs Ginkgo Biloba and St. John’s Wort, and vitamins B, C and D (found in eggs, citrus fruits and cereal, respectively) are all perfect guards against the winter blues. It’s easier said than done in England, but increasing the amount of time spent absorbing natural sunlight has been proven to suppress the secretion of melatonin – a

SAD is a little-known disorder. Sufferers are often accused of being glum but are sometimes genuinely debilitated. Doctors can prescribe antidepressant medication but due to unpleasant side effects, you can’t top these great natural solutions. Just because the sun isn’t smiling doesn’t mean you can’t!

Pan Fried Smoked Mackerel with Mashed Sweet Potato and Fine Green Beans

1 2

Ingredients - serves 1 1 or 2 smoked mackerel boneless strips (£1.99 Tesco for a pack of 4) Salt Oil 2 sweet potatoes - (89p Aldi for 750g bag) Butter Milk A handful of fine green beans, ends snipped off - 79p Aldi for a pack 2 spoonfuls of yoghurt (optional) - 49p Aldi A wedge of lemon (optional) – 30p Tesco per lemon

hormone linked to depression and produced at increased levels in the dark. Vitamin D forms naturally under the skin in reaction to sunlight, so if you want, kill two birds with one stone and take a bowl of cornflakes with you sunbathing.

3 4

Boil the kettle first for speed purposes and whilst waiting chop the potatoes roughly into quarters. Once the kettle is done, place a pinch of salt and the potatoes in the saucepan. Then pour enough of the water into the saucepan to cover the potatoes. Turn the heat up to max or high enough to make the water boil. About 10 minutes into cooking the potatoes, heat a frying pan on a medium heat with only a tiny amount of oil as the fish itself is oily. Once heated place the mackerel in the pan. After 2 minutes or before the fish starts to disintegrate, turn it over to cook on the other side. Place the beans in as well at this point; toss them around now and again. After one minute, drain the potatoes. Mash them with some milk and a small bit of butter. Place this on a serving plate. The fish and beans should be done by now, so place these on the plate with the mashed potato. Add the wedge of lemon and yoghurt alongside and voila, you have yourself a ‘posh’ and cheap meal.

“

t has been given a million names, from ‘the ultimate repellent of women’ to the ‘sign of a true gentlemen’, but whatever your personal opinion, the moustache is back in fashion in November.

Movember Prostate Cancer Awareness Rather bizarrely, the return of the ‘tash can be credited to some Australians having a chat down the local boozer back in 1999. This unlikely group of trendsetters came upon the original fundraising idea of growing moustaches throughout the month of November, and thus ‘Movember’ was born. The campaign has since radically changed and escalated to become a global phenomenon. In 2004, the ‘Movember Movement’ officially registered as a charity focusing on men’s health issues, most notably prostate cancer. Today, it boasts a presence in New Zealand, the U.S.A, Canada, Spain, Ireland and the U.K., as well as its native Australia where it raised $15.3 million (AUD) last year alone. The concept behind ‘Movember’ is simple; begin November clean-shaven and groom and grow a ‘mo’ for the thirty days that follow. Neither beards nor goatees are permitted. The rules state that only the purest moustaches will be accepted. Participants, or ‘Mo Bros’ as they have become known, must register on the ‘Movember’ website individually or as part of a team. Their mission, besides moustache management, then becomes to raise as much money and awareness as possible for men’s health issues. Ladies can also get in on the act by joining the fundraising effort, recruiting ‘Mo Bros’ or taking on the challenges One man dies of the detailed disease every hour in on the ‘Movember’ the U.K. website.

“

”

At this point, you might be wondering why you’d intentionally make yourself look like a cartoon villain - not to mention wholly unattractive to the opposite sex - for an entire month? Well, the facts about one of the ‘Movember’ movement’s supported causes, prostate cancer, illustrate the seriousness behind the frivolity. 35,000 men are diagnosed annually, 10,000 of which never recover, meaning that one man dies of the disease every hour in the U.K. Furthermore, the Prostate Cancer charity, which works in partnership with ‘Movember’, recognises the benefit of the attention that hoards of Magnum P.I. lookalikes can bring to their campaign, which it claims has been long overlooked in both the public and the

Some days are, admittedly, harder than others

A Personal Story by Clare Hutchison political domain. Surprising, considering that the charity can count both the former and present Prime Minister among their Patrons. Given this apparent neglect of men’s health concerns, the timing of ‘Movember’ is particularly poignant, as it follows the hugely popular and well-publicised Breast Cancer Awareness month. Organisers hope to do for men’s charities what has been done for traditionally feminine causes such as breast cancer; establish open discourse, create an extensive base of support and encourage mass-participation in fundraising activities. In this way, the Prostate Cancer charity and its contemporaries hope to equal the financial success of organisations like ‘Breakthrough Breast Cancer’, which currently earns a total of almost six times that of the Prostate Cancer charity. Indeed, at the time of writing things are certainly looking good for the 2008 British ‘Movember Movement’ which has already recruited over 4,000 people and raised over £40,000. Coupled with the enthusiasm of corporations throughout the country encouraging their workforces to participate and support from major sponsors Finlandia Vodka, Sure for Men and Wilkinson Sword, the £1.1 million total raised in 2007 should be easily matched, if not surpassed. It seems, therefore, that a certain power lies in the moustache. After all some of the world’s most powerful dictators sported a ‘tash at the peak of their rule; take for example Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin or Saddam Hussein. Coincidence? I think not. And I’m pretty sure no one ever accused them of resembling a member of The Village People. However, it probably won’t go down well if you model your ‘mo’ on an infamous tyrant. So for alternative inspiration, see the Monopoly man, Tom Selleck, Hulk Hogan, or just Scousers in general. This November the bravest men among us sacrificed their credibility and lent their faces to a worthy cause. And so what if you end up looking like the Chuckle brothers? We ladies won’t judge a book by its moustache. So, for your sake and the sake of generations of men to come, get involved in ‘Movember’ 2009!

”

by Emi Day

itting in the lounge, helping my mustachioed Dad (currently drinking a 1000-calorie drink through a little straw to help regain all the weight he lost in treatment) fill in an online Bargain Hunt application form, I wonder why I was ever scared of him. I guess age and tragedy put things into perspective in an alarming way. As a child, I took the fact that he would ignore me, humiliate me or shout all the time as because my father didn’t love, or even like, me. I took his slipper-wearing, can’t-be-bothered approach to anything I did as a personal attack. For a good 4 years, I didn’t call him Dad. He invaded my nightmares and contributed to my self-deprecation monstrously. Last August, he was diagnosed with Prostate cancer and has transformed from a frightening ex-marine dustbin man to a caring and, at risk of jinxing it, a gentle old man. They say every cloud… Some days are, admittedly, harder than others. Some days Dad is on so many different types of medication that he speaks utter nonsense (I distinctly remember us having a conversation about looking like chickens because we’d eaten beef two nights in a row, and also once comparing himself to a turtle being kept in the dark) and other days he merely sleeps. But there are days when the silver part of this horrible situation is very prominent. As a family, we do so much more together, and on a selfish note, I’ve finally got the father I always dreamed of but never had. This year, as ever, my Dad will be supporting Movember subconsciously – decades in the forces have rendered him a die-hard moustache wearer. He epitomises the essence of Movember: Dad doesn’t have any other facial hair except a newly growing tuft on the top of his once affluently covered cranium. Chemotherapy stripped his head of other hair, but somehow the tash stubbornly remained prominently situating itself in a wholly spiky and unstrokable way beneath his nostrils. When I first heard of Movember by way of the adjacent article, a lump lodged itself in my throat and tears streamed down my face. And writing this, I’ve had to stop for fear of dampening my Mac many times: because of the lack of awareness, Dad’s cancer wasn’t caught in time, and is consequently terminal. For my brother’s 23rd birthday Dad gave him the Rolex he planned to move onto next year, and gave me one of the first real hugs he ever has.

Leftism Impact’s columnist, Corin Faife, talks about the election of Barack Obama. On the morning of November 5th, we woke to the best political news to come out of America for a decade: that Barack Obama will indeed become the 44th president of the United States of America. “An historic day”, papers, television stations and bloggers have cried since then. “A falling of racial barriers, an era of social progress, a new hope for America.” In the haze of euphoria and relief felt by a majority of Americans (and indeed the world), it seems there’s a question that has seldom been asked: If ten years ago many Americans didn’t expect to see a black president within their lifetime, what has changed? I’d propose two things. Firstly, Barack Obama was a candidate of exceptional quality. His rhetoric and oration were superlative, his charisma undeniable, his message compelling in a way which far transcended race. And secondly, to call a spade a spade, things just weren’t bad enough before. This is the paradox which has brought Obama to the White House. Though his election is a great victory, it has been made possible in large part by the dire situation in which his predecessor has left the country. When things are going well, people have a habit of trusting old, white, conservative men to keep them that way. It’s when things start to go badly that people look to the rebels, the young, the leftfield choices to deliver them – hence the almost messianic cult of Obama which has come about against the backdrop of the catastrophic Bush years. At some point though, the 44th President will have to break the news that he cannot pull the American people phoenix-like into a golden era as is expected of him, and the way in which he does this may well make or break his presidency. The giddy victory celebrations were a time to be happy that we would see a black man in the White House, but now let’s be happy that we’ll see a progressive, intellectual Democrat in the White House – and hope that at least some of the promised change will come.

that an Obama presidency will breed is real. Despite my pleas, members of my own family in Tennessee have yet to dismiss the horrific circulations that Obama may be a terrorist - or worse, the anti-Christ. Conservative America’s greatest fear with the conclusion of this election is likely to be progressive America’s biggest joy. Democrats have made gains in both houses of Congress so, for one of the few times in American history, Obama will preside over a legislature composed

2004, a relatively unknown Senate candidate from Illinois espoused that “there is not a liberal America and a conservative America, there is the United States of America”. But for Barack Obama, Presidentelect four years later, that utopia is still far from a reality. He may have a Congressional majority, and have overcome the barriers of race that plagued the USA for so long, but the division in America is still as stark as black and white. For some time Americans have

Yes we can? by Jordan Wilson I vote in Tennessee, a state solidly Republican in this election by more than 15% and one that didn’t even vote for it’s native son, Al Gore, when he held the Democrat nomination in 2000. So my vote is merely symbolic, contributing to Obama’s national majority that is materially insignificant. Likewise, on the eve of the election I returned from rural Texas, in the heart of Republican territory. In Bush’s own state, that has not voted Democrat since 1976, the level of division will fail to register in election coverage because of a system that does not favour individual voters in predetermined states. Here, ‘Nobama’ carnivals were held on conservative campuses where students were invited to throw eggs – representing financial savings that they feared would be lost under Obama’s ‘socialist’ policies - at Obama’s portrait. “He’s not even black, he’s half-white, half-Pakistani” one girl misinformed me, as if even that false data excluded an individual from the nation’s highest office. The division

by a majority of his party. This is very significant. Party uniformity across the branches of government means Obama should be able to pass most of the controversial legislation he has proposed, from mandatory healthcare to a repeal of President Bush’s upper-end tax cuts. The cry from the artery of Middle America is a fear of socialism, government expansion, taxation that will ‘spread the wealth around’, and let us not forget, women’s right to abortion. An Obama presidency, should it have the opportunity, is likely to appoint justices to the Supreme Court that will only further the ideological slant of the nation’s highest judiciary in favour of Roe vs Wade, a decision conservatives have gotten so close to overturning during the last eight years. With this election outcome, America will be politically united but still dramatically divided among the populace. In his rousing address before the Democrat convention in

longed for a statesman representing America’s diverse heritage as a land founded on immigration and religious tolerance. Indeed, much of the world has waited for such a figure. A global presidential poll run by The Economist found that Senator McCain received less than a sixth of the votes given to Barack Obama. But the reasons for Obama’s popularity abroad are the reasons for much of his opposition at home. Will he pursue a more diplomatic approach to overseas relations and a more regulated economic agenda at home? Will President Obama be the agent of change he has promised for so long? The bar set for Obama over the next four years will be high, probably unattainable considering America’s current foreign policy mess and financial crisis. Nevertheless, he will also have a unique opportunity to implement a significant political agenda. His election is already a milestone in US history; we hope now it will be for reasons more than the colour of his skin.

Money, Money, Money

(A Rich Man’s World?)

Florence Anderson Investigates the Implications of Student Debt at University. We’ve spread our wings and flown the nest, ready to start life as independent women (and men) in the big, bad world. Except for the genius anomaly amongst us, we are now all legally recognised adults: entitled to vote, own a credit card (God forbid!), and buy a glass of white wine without investing in a push up bra first. Gap year or no gap year, this year is the third year every new student is obligated to pay top-up fees and the ongoing grumble about the absurdity of this country’s self-inflicted debt-riddled young society has well and truly transferred itself from the long forgotten ‘Ark’ to the sofas of ‘Mooch’. As if the pressure of leaving our green, homely campus with an average of £15,000 debt wasn’t enough, the majority of us feel the need to add an 18-hour shift to our week in order to keep us afloat - which is proven to lower our chances (if there ever was one in the first place) of obtaining the first or the 2:1 we wanted. Willing or not to self finance our gateway into the future, fresh out of the playground we have no established funds of our own, and whether the government loans or grants us money our total support simply isn’t sufficient by itself. Unfair as it may seem to enter education’s afterlife with the shadow of an ever-looming debt, perhaps it should be recognised that the government doesn’t have a bottomless pit of gold and is unable to finance every student who wants an opportunity to pursue a career in butterfly-collecting whilst developing their skills at ‘ring of fire’. But then again, our governmental support isn’t assessed by our own future ability to repay it but instead is based on our parents’

financial income. A student with a household income of £17, 910 should expect to receive a total of £6,045 towards maintenance a year, whereas £38,000 or more will acquire only £4,385: a figure which leaves a selfcatered fresher with a maximum of £23 to supply their weekly vitamin intake and ‘get involved’. (Perhaps the small print of our loan should read: p.s. we assume all parents earning £40 000 a year will substitute the additional £1,600 regardless of your kid’s interests and the fact that you’re legally not obligated to, as your child is no longer a child.) As there are those whose parents have the means and the generosity to support their ‘children’ throughout these years of self development and enrichment of the mind, it is indisputable that those students without this support system should be subsidised to create equality in opportunity. But why as ‘legally recognised adults’ are we still assessed in the governments eyes as children - a financial burden to our parents, encouraged to leech off them indefinitely? The alternative to further and higher education was to leave school at 16 (a choice that wont be available after 2015); to pay taxes but not vote on their expenditure; parent a child but not to marry; and engage in sexual intercourse but not watch it in a film. Clearly the reality of adulthood at 16 was premature for us all. As the government pledges to provide 90,000 apprentice schemes for 16-18 year-olds by 2013, what is it doing for those 18 and above who face the option of either a debt-induced education or a skill-less career?

“ The youth of today

need to be viewed less as statistics and more as individuals

“

Do not be misled by Obama’s decisive Electoral College victory. Like Britain, the American electorate is broken down into constituencies that represent electoral blocs in which the winner takes all. This electoral system means that whereas we may say the American public has spoken, in reality the only people that mattered were those voting in swing states - Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, and Virginia to name but a few that swung the election for Obama.

The youth of today need to be viewed less as statistics and more as individuals who need options and support. Racking up debt unnecessarily should not be encouraged, and 18-year-olds need opportunities to enter the workplace with programs that enable them to gain experience and skills, something that would consequently free up funds for those whose goals are more academically-driven. Couldn’t the government also drive an initiative that encourages more companies to provide paid part-time under-grad positions that allow students to earn whilst gaining experience instead of draining their energy practising the art of pouring a pint whilst calculating the hours they have left to finish the assignment they have due in that morning? We are old enough and wise enough to make our own decisions about whether the cost of further education is outweighed by the gains. Even for those of us who are prepared to accept the price of knowledge we are yet to see an adequate governmental support system, repayable upon reaping the benefits of an extended education, that doesn’t demand either a damaging part-time job or the occasional phone call to mummy and daddy. Having reached the threshold of adulthood it appears the luxury of education has stopped being a right and become a choice: a choice that’s geared by financial gain and limited by financial burden.

grapevine

Check Out We’ve got loads of events to keep you busy until Christmas.

House Hunting? The Students’ Union is running its annual House campaign from 24th – 28th November. There’ll be events running all week to help you to get the best out of your private sector accommodation. Keep checking www.su.nottingham.ac.uk for an up-to-date list of events.

Top House Hunting Tips Don’t Panic

There’s plenty of student accommodation available in Nottingham. Hunting too soon leads to increased rents, increased stress and housemates you might not want to live with. Wait until after 24th January for access to accredited accommodation.

Use Unipol

It’s easy and free. Unipol accommodation for 2009/10 will be launched after the January exams. www.unipol.org.uk/nottingham.

Demand Accredited Housing

Unipol DASH Code accredited houses meet quality standards and are regularly checked.

Get Your Contract Checked BEFORE YOU SIGN

The Student Advice & Representation Centre (SARC) checks contracts for free.

Protect Your Deposit

When you pay a deposit, your landlord or agent must protect it using a Government authorised Tenancy Deposit Scheme (TDS). If your landlord says no to a TDS, DON’T SIGN.

NUS Elections: Voting 24th-28th November Decide who should represent you at the NUS Annual Conference by voting in the NUS Delegate Elections, 24th-28th November. The Annual Conference, held in Blackpool in March, is where national student issues like fees are discussed.

The Venue Paul Kerensa Ivan Brackenbury James Cook Come and have a giggle with these great comedians. Doors: 8.30pm. Tickets: £3.50 in advance/£4.50 on the door.

You can view manifestos and vote online on the Portal and there’ll be ballot boxes around campus during the week too.

THURSDAY 4TH DECEMBER ‘SONGS FROM THE MOVIES’ – A Musicality Cabaret

Campaigns SHAG Sexual Health Awareness & Guidance Week (SHAG) is running from 24th-28th November. There’ll be a stall in the Portland Building all week where people will be handing out free condoms and lube. Pay them a visit and you’ll be able to enter a raffle to win a meal for four and a bottle of wine at Le Bistrot Pierre. There’ll be loads of events during the week, from free Chlamydia testing to condom pack giveaways in Cripps Health Centre. Easy Tiger will be making a reappearance in Nottingham’s clubs too. Check out the Students’ Union website for latest updates.

Why Move?

If you’re happy with your current student house, save yourself some hassle and stay put.

Any Questions?

Contact the Student Advice & Representation Centre, Portland Building (and Jubilee Amenities Centre, Mondays, 1-4pm), 0115 846 8730, student-advice-centre@nottingham.ac.uk.

Did You Know? URN is officially the best student radio station in the country! The station won eight awards at the Student Radio Awards 2008, including five Golds and ‘Station of the Year’. Find out what all the fuss is about and listen online at www.urn1350.net.

THURSDAY 27TH NOVEMBER FUNNY FARM

FYI Oxfam Donation Box Had a clear out? Looking to get rid of your old stuff? If so, please don’t throw everything in the bin! We’ve set up an Oxfam donation box outside Blackwell’s in the Portland Building where you can drop your old books, DVDs and CDs. Your leftover goodies will be passed on to the Oxfam branch in the Lace Market.

The Venue Enjoy classics like ‘Singin’ in the Rain’ and modern treats such as ‘The Lion King’. Tickets: £4 members/£5 non-members. Tickets are available from the SU Box Office, Musicality Committee members and on the door.

SATURDAY 6TH DECEMBER REVIVAL GOSPEL CHOIR CHRISTMAS CONCERT City Mission Church, 22 Lower Parliament Street Get in the festive spirit. Matinee: 2pm. Evening: 7.30pm. Tickets: £5/£3.50 students and children. Tickets are available from the SU Box Office or from the Gospel Choir Publicity Officer, aeyaerd@nottingham.ac.uk.

THURSDAY 11TH DECEMBER BIG SCREEN KARAOKE

The Venue ‘At first I was afraid, I was petrified’… but after a beverage from The Venue bar and a nudge from your friends you’ll be glued to the mic! Doors: 8.00pm. FREE entry all night!

Coming Soon... Re-Freshers’ Fayre Missed out on signing up for societies and sports clubs at Freshers’ Fayre? Don’t worry. Re-Freshers’ Fayre is coming in January…

Ode to a Traveller The Tourists are ruining it for everyone. They fiddle with the irritating ear-pieces through which they are inseminated with clichéd factual commentaries. They trip over themselves (and you) trying to keep up with tour guides whom they follow like ducklings behind their mother. They flood the world’s most magnificent cities with tides of chitterchatter and loud-mouthed ignorance. On the other hand, I am a Traveller. I prefer to absorb the subtle joys of the unique and the authentic. I aim to discover places and people that could otherwise go unnoticed. The distinction between the Traveller and the Tourist is a delicate but important one. If you do not understand, you could very well be a

A Budget Trip to Barcelona During these troubled times the world may seem like a rather gloomy space for one to exist. The price of food is rising - forcing us to buy Sainsbury’s Basics bread - and the fear of a global recession is forcing many to tighten their purse strings and store their nuts for winter. However, clichés aside, at Impact Travel we worried that perhaps our muchloved city breaks would fall foul of the credit crunch. So we have embarked on a mission to bust the crunch and prove that our student budgets can still stretch to all the joys a minibreak has to offer. Hence with sponsorship from a very congenial credit card company – Caxton FX – three of our team set off to Barcelona to investigate. With a budget of £150 each, including flights, we were optimistic that good times would be abundant. Our first hurdle, like all travellers, was to try and acquire those fabled cheap flights that are so flaunted by our beloved budget airlines.

Surfing through price comparison sites and online supermarkets the world seems like a very fast pace place, where if one is not quick enough they are sure to be denied entry to any plane for at least six months! However, we persevered and after a few disappointments, where a fair amount of procrastinating put heed to booking some real bargains, we managed to bag ourselves some £50.00 return flights to Barcelona and so the voyage began. Once we had thoroughly discussed the intricate details of dying on board the plane we took off, filled with anticipation about our destination. Ryanair kindly deposited us 56 miles away from Barcelona, groggy and confused. The prospect of a one-hour coach ride at the cost of twelve euros each slightly soured the joys we gained from such a cheap flight! We endeavoured to purchase bus tickets to the city centre; however, the harsh Spanish woman refused our card and wafted us in the direction of a cash machine. We hurried over to it, excited about the money our shiny, new Caxton FX card was about to dispense. I’d like to point out here, between the three of us we’ve ventured to every continent, bar Antarctica, yet no one had thought to bring the PIN code. Ultimately it proved more economical to use my Nationwide ‘no charge for overseas withdrawals’ debit card. Our hostel was just a stone’s throw from all the action of Las Ramblas – a spectacular promenade lined with street entertainers, stalls selling birds, fish and tortoises, as well as many shops, restaurants and bars to sip jarros of sangria. Gothic Point hostel was superb combining privacy with comfort. We each had an elevated cubicle with a bed, light and locker in a tucked away gothic side street. This was our biggest spend at forty euros each for both nights; however, in a city where accommodation is a fruitful business, we were rather proud of ourselves.

The Face of Barcelona...

As our already credit-crunched purse strings tightened we had to enjoy the European city on the cheap. We bought travel saver metro cards for one out of the three days and for the rest gave our legs the exercise they deserved. We ambled along the many beaches, and enjoyed Gaudi’s

Our experience of Barcelona was not marred at any point by a lack of cash. On a relatively small budget we were able take in some wonderful sights, meet some wonderful people and party like we were freshers. Rising fuel prices and fears about the cost of living should not scare us away from city breaks; it should allow us to embrace them. As we learn to control our spending at home we will inevitably be much more careful travellers and spend our money in the right places. So go to your computer, find the two penny flight for September 2010 and give yourself something to look forward to while the economy collapses around us. Chloe Painter and Samuel Selmon

It is a problem particularly in Europe where the relentless hoards of visitors passing through has been streamlined into something of a tourism production line. A dollop of ‘sightseeing’ with some smatterings of ‘culture’ in-between, to top up those Tourists before sending them over the border where the recipe says rinse and repeat. With such a perfected system, it’s no wonder the bad habits of Tourists are breeding like dogs in the heat. For instance, having five hundred people ignore the ‘Silence/Silence/Silencio’ signs has the disappointing effect of running the sanctity of the Notre Dame. You Travellers know just as well as I that it is not too difficult to shut one’s cake-hole for five minutes, especially when there is something humbling and majestic to see. Perhaps, rather than churches offering cloths for covering bare legs, they should offer masking tape for covering the mouths of annoying people. Solved. What’s more, just like any comic book villain the Tourist has his weapon of choice: the digital camera. While the Traveller photographs to capture moments of genuine discovery and preserve memories for a lifetime, the Tourist wields his camera like a paintball gun, shooting irreverently at whatever will stay still long enough to submit.

Sam, Chloe and Bruno

extravagant, yet bizarre architecture which dominates the city. As for eating economically, our student knowledge went far. We perished during the day and then splurged on an all-you-can-eat buffet for only eight euros, and filled our bags with the free fruit for the next day. Unfortunately I was punished for my greed; my passport is now smeared in banana. If you want free beer check the bins, the local vagabonds stash them there when the Policia get hint of them flogging them to tourists. The cheapest drink we acquired was a rather pleasant two euro fifty bottle of cava! There are also plenty of bars offering 2-4-1 drink deals to lure you in and ensure you have a fabulous time in Barcelona.

Tourist and should pay extra attention.

Then there’s the pollution. Forget the carbon emissions from the convoys of coaches – the

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sheer volume of waste Tourists excrete is staggering. According to The Independent, Mont Blanc could henceforth be known as Mont Yellow-And-Brown due to the disastrous amounts of rubbish now decorating its slopes. I don’t know about you but when I am on holiday I do not appreciate emerging from the sea wearing the contents of a skip. And neither do the locals. Whoever said one man’s trash is another man’s treasure obviously didn’t live in a place worth visiting. But really, there is much more to avoiding Tourist-hood than mere etiquette. A nasty side-effect of Rough guides, Lonely Planets, Footprints and Time Outs is that they can lure Travellers into the well-oiled tourism machine so quietly that you might still believe that you are exploring the road less-travelled. When we are thinking ‘intrepid’ but only finding ‘insipid’, us well-intentioned Travellers can often become jaded or mistakenly think that there is nothing sacred left for us to discover for ourselves. Essentially, to be a Traveller it helps to have an open and inquiring state of mind. Unlike those unruly Tourists, we manage to have a great time and we pull it off stylishly too. The division between the Tourist and the Traveller is not about who can find the remotest place on the planet, but who returns home from their travels feeling truly enriched for having been away. Rochelle Williams

e from So, does it work? Yes...mostly. Asid r you g ckin che in ies cult the usual diffi s of cards balance abroad, and certain type es, the not being accepted in some plac Caxton card does give you good rates and it. use you time y ever you don’t charge that However, this does not guarantee akily add businesses and ATMs will not sne rges cha ion their own additional transact on. to Overall, though, the card does seem us trying offer the best solution for those of around to cut costs who prefer not to walk r cash thei all with with their pockets laden k. for the wee www.caxtonfxcard.com Bruno Albutt

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Style

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Make-up and Hair Grace Gordon Paul Barlow

Leopard Print Dress -Topshop Coat - Primark Stylists Pippa Stennett Georgie Allen Lauren Bates Paul Barlow Grace Gordon

Black Dress and White Suit- All Saints (stylists’ own) Stylists Laura Morrison Paul Barlow Grace Gordon

Leggings -stylists’ own Bracelet - stylists’ own Hat - Accessorize Boots - Fendi Stylists Anna Clarke Lorna Acqua Laura Morrison Georgie Allen

Flapper Dress - Miss Selfridge Boots - Topshop Hat - Accessorize Stylists Anna Claune Lorna Acqua Paul Barlow Grace Gordon Georgie Allen Laura Morrison

Eat Fabulous, Feel Fabulous by Suzanne Lambert Whilst on a recent shopping spree, spending my loan on things that I surely didn’t need (but had to have), I came across a shocking sight. New Look, high street mecca for budgetsavvy women of all ages, was showing this average woman a delectable sample of lingerie…On a mannequin with a funnel-stick waist, tantamount to the size of a golf ball. Now this may be a slight exaggeration, but the angle of this waist was so severe I wondered whether this brand was actually trying to sell clothes or advertise a new sci-fi alien adventure flick. Why did they feel the need to promote their clothing on such a freak exaggeration of the female form? And with a customer following ranging from schoolgirls to 30-somethings, where did their obligation to show a healthy body image go? This got me thinking. So many pages of our favourite magazines are devoted to fad diets; cutting out wheat, cutting out carbs, pretty much cutting out food altogether. Yet does all this abstinence and guilt really equate to a healthy perception of ourselves? Those who watch Tuesday night’s television are certainly convinced otherwise. Gok Wan, the guru of style and body worship, the man who taught us to ‘look good naked’, challenges and inspires the nation to go back to nature, and celebrate the female form in all

its glory, all shapes and sizes. His mantra is to take confidence and pride in our appearance, and be positive in the way we live our everyday lives. Having that extra pound or two means nothing if the happiness we portray is more than skin-deep. A viewpoint from another species emphasises this truth. In a survey by Cosmopolitan magazine, over 80% of men said they preferred a ‘curvy’ or ‘svelte’ woman to that of a model stick-thin type. Many other forums back up this point, with curvaceous celebrities such as Kelly Brook continually voted as having the ‘best body’ over much thinner women including Kate Moss. On a more relatable level, guy friends from Uni said they would much prefer a woman who was happy with herself and her appearance, a ‘real’ woman who has fun and isn’t constantly badgered by guilt about her body. And let’s face it, everyone is their own worst critic. If others are celebrating and accepting of us, then why can’t we be so accepting of ourselves?

“

80% of men said they

preferred a ‘curvy’ or ‘svelte’ woman to that of a model stick-thin type

”

Christmas is just around the corner, a time when body image becomes a futile tension – binge now, diet later. But instead of playing this ridiculous game of snakes and ladders, why not enjoy all the festivities and frolicking of the season, and really get into the Christmas spirit? This is the time to enjoy the comforts of home-cooked meals and mince-pie tea-breaks. All too soon will be the time for other stress – with January exams right around the corner! So kick back this season, and remember that loving yourself and loving all that you eat, drink and do makes you a real, sexy woman. Now, I do fancy the sound of that mince pie…

Between a Frock and a Hard Place by Grace Gordon Just a few years ago the financially challenged fashionista (aka, the student) was rejoicing at the revolution taking place upon our humble high-street. Gone were the days of Etam’s skirt-pants and Tammy’s plethora of sequined monstrosities; the catwalk had come. Rails were full of Missoni style prints and Chanelesque tailoring, and all at a reasonable price. Of course, as is the nature of obsession, we were blinded to the looming danger ahead: The Credit Crunch. Due to this unpleasant reality a few changes must be made. Luckily, the trends of the moment - gothic, heritage and tailored - can all be achieved by simply adding to what you already have. Everybody has an LBD: fact. This is the basic component for gothic chic. The headliner for this look was Prada’s showcase of the most spectacular lace of A/W ’08, along with Emma Cook and her floral-inspired lace tights. New Look displays the cheapest and most effective versions of these. The important thing to remember with this look is that it’s the texture, not the colour, which changes. If you’re brave enough, add leather. If not, wet-look leggings are a great alternative. Brit fashion has always been a leader in the global style stakes. Ever since Helen Mirren strutted her poker-faced stuff on the silver screen as our beloved Liz, heritage-inspired pieces have been flying off the shelves. McQueen and Westwood are famed for their innovative use of tartan and their A/W shows were no exception. Check, tweed and corduroy are all a must. Thankfully Nottingham is an Aladdin’s cave of vintage and charity shops, perfect for finding such fabrics. There’s also an equestrian vibe this season for the look of the upper crust, even if the only horse you’ve ever owned was made of plastic. This style can be affected by something as simple as a slicked-back pony. The point of this article is to give alternative ideas on how to create a show-stopping outfit without breaking the bank. So if you buy just one thing this winter, it has to be a tailored jacket. Thanks to our high-streets these don’t have to cost the earth. Why not embrace a patriotic look with a Barbour jacket or opt for the minimalist style of Marc Jacobs and YSL? Alternatively a blazer is the simplest and most cost effective way of conveying this look. Students are undoubtedly resilient. One word alone can sum up our ability to live on the cheap - Vodkat. Until we can amble down Bond Street satisfied with our enviable careers, Swiss bank accounts and houses that don’t resemble the squalor of a Brazilian shantytown, let’s unite and show the world that although we make sacrifices, style will never be one of them.

Spare Parts A

whim on the E-Bikes took us to Club Shang Shang. As soon as we

reached the bouncy dancefloor we gained a Chinese patron that constantly handed us fresh beers. He also made us dance with his girls, one of which he seemed involved with. I instinctively distrusted him but respectfully drank all alcohol that came my way. Er Dong, as he later introduced himself as, then drove us to a fish restaurant for food. Introducing us to his friend, the boss of the place, we noticed they had similar thick gold necklaces. He would not explain in detail what this was but later told us that it cost 70, 000 Kuai (7000 quid).

Our Man in Ningbo

A few weeks later we were invited to his home. Far from Ningbo, somewhere in the countryside, he took us to a large complex to meet his wife, son and aunt. In a living room surrounded by glossy family portraits he sat us down and played his wedding video, which also included shots of the same pictures. Next was dinner with his mum. He never allows us to pay. Instead, a man, again with the gold necklace, produces a manbag filled with wads of cash. A diversion on the way to KTV (karaoke) took us to get our hair washed, of all things, complete with head massage and chewing gum. We were apparently supposed to be well groomed for the next activity. This was not the KTV we had been accustomed to; lines of women with small suitcases lined the long, elegant and dimly-lit corridors, bowing to greet us as we passed. As we settled into our plush room, we were served beers, whisky and snacks. Er Dong introduced his girlfriend to us then the line of girls arranged themselves in front of the plasma screen as he told us to pick our favourite. Those that didn’t choose were given a random girl. They were our hostesses: laughing at our jokes, singing, dancing, drinking and kissing, if you so wished. Bidding farewell to our girls, we were then taken to get some food along with the mamasan, and some other randoms that had occasionally popped in to join in with the frivolity, one of whom turned out to be a police man. Manbag man then drove us back to Ningbo. We are still speculating over his intentions with us...

Chris Berragan

t happens to the best of us – a week’s

Impact’s Guide to

making the most of your night out

worth of tiredness suddenly hits you like a wet towel in the middle of a promising night out. It’s only midnight but you’re flagging, and as bored as an alcoholic in Saudi Arabia. What to do? Obviously you can’t go home, having paid good money to get into your club of choice. Also, that would mean facing the wrath of your raving friends. This dilemma has plagued slightly sleepy students for years. What you need is VARIATION – usually found in the form of activities such as these… 1. See who out of your friends can claim the title of ‘cockiest bugger’ – this is best done through the use of ridiculous chat-up lines. Catch the eye of a passing girl and beckon her over, then lean forwards and whisper in her ear, “If I can make you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with all five!” This is best accompanied by a leer and a suggestive fingerwiggle. 2. It’s a sad fact that about 50% of clubbers cannot dance – usually, the half that have penises. If you need a sit down, keep yourself awake by watching the poor, awkward lumberings of the male contingent. However this could just plunge you into depression as

you realise that, at 20, many of your fellow students are already ‘Dad-dancing.’ 3. Easy Tiger has warned us all of the dangers of leaving your drink unattended. Help spread this message – those who don’t keep a close eye on their drink clearly do not love it enough, and so it’s your duty to (subtly) relieve them of it. This activity is slightly fraught with danger, especially at ISIS when the rugby lads are out in force, but the thrill makes it all the more exciting. Also, it keeps your wallet fat and your liver failing. 4. If you’re in Oceana, there’s a whole new range of fun to be had with a little preparation. The bouncers use laser pens to point out miscreants on the dancefloor – with little more than a grunt, their shavenheaded comrades charge over to remove the offenders. Now, if YOU were to be in possession of a laser pen…how many innocent revellers would they forcibly eject before they realised something was amiss? 5. Still not risky enough for you? Try that old family favourite, Buckaroo. Locate the fattest girl in the club. Leap. Hang on. See how long you can ride the whale. Austin Tasseltine

Overheard in Hallward

“

I know it’s a common phrase, but it just sounds wrong

All

they do is EXPLODE Like over my shoulder or something My mum gets

off at 9 Why won’t you take me to the Hindu temple? He’s learning Arabic in French She used chill as an adjective Such a hash brown OF COURSE WE RECOVERED THE SHOE But the gadgets they chose were ridiculous More

boring than a real poker game I just don’t understand why they have a dead guy on the front Are you just going on the fact that his face offends you? Because it’s within my nature to be a loser, that’s why You gotta laugh or just cry Come

Patsy Just put your hat on and shut up HUMOUS PARTY You’re

cool The brilliance of the blue jumper never fails For people who are oversize I’m vitamined-up for 4 hours now He’s going to need at least 10 years’ experience before he comes anywhere near me with that needle Eww I think something dropped off it With my shoes on, with some guy being sick on me You’re a joker mate, therefore you can’t wear those How can anything be kept secret in Hallward ERR DON’T STACK Are you sure you’re using this chair? I’m going to get some scissors, I can’t do it with my teeth Not sure if it’s food, warmth, love or a healthy mixture of all three BURN Oh my god I used to fancy you back! It’s the only reality tv programme I’d even consider going on All I remember is ‘And prively he caughte hire by the queynte Oli Holden-Rea

”

can’t even begin to describe how much I hate the word ‘LOL.’ No, hang

on a minute, an inability to find these words would be hypocritical. It is precisely this contemporary lack of ability to express oneself accurately that I detest so much. Therefore, for the good of the English language, I persist…

“LOL.” I hate, just hate it. That long, mundane, deadening sound that shrivels up any ounce of genuine laughter you would have been about to exert, out loud, if the phrase had not just been uttered. It’s so insulting to be met with a “LOL.” That response is just so blasé, so nonchalant, so fake. And so lazy! With only one extra letter you could have yourself a “haha.” Or a “hehe” even, spice things up a little! Say it out loud – “Ha.Ha.” Go on. With feeling. Doesn’t it conjure up the sound of genuine laughter? Doesn’t it express what you really mean? Your true emotions? Now repeat “LOL.” Does that conjure up happy memories for you? No, because the only authentic word it comes close to is ‘lull,’ a dull-sounding word standing for calm, stillness and silence. It couldn’t be any more opposed to the genuine sound of laughter. Why have people resorted to this monstrosity? To save themselves from typing just one more letter? You would have to be a very happy person indeed, sharing said happiness in a considerable number of texts and emails, to save yourself any significant amount of time by typing just one less letter here. It’s hardly the same as reducing, say, the Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom to WILPF, is it? Guys, I know it requires a little bit more effort, the “H” and the “A” keys are much further away from each other on the keyboard than the “L” and the “O,” but people, we’re living in a time of a mounting obesity crisis as it is - we need all the exercise we can get! Go on, have a work out, express your true emotions, give a “hehe” a go today.

Kathryn Furness

Vent Your Spleen LOL

ARTS MUSIC SCIENCE FILM NIGHTS GRATIS

arts

The derby quad

Nice

Derby exists in many of our frame of references as a hall of residence rather than a city of culture, but QUAD could be just the thing to persuade you to hop aboard a Red Arrow bus and change your mind. After some time and a lot of cash, this sleek building has sprung up in the Market Place to become home to an impressive arts and multimedia centre whose fun approach and regional focus has a pleasingly egalitarian feel.

It’s Art, but not as we know it... You wouldn’t normally associate going out for a drink, be it a cup of tea or something of an alcoholic variety, with perusing some of the latest arty exhibitions. But Nottingham’s art lovers can have the best of both worlds in these striking watering holes where art and eateries mix. Esther Croom investigates this new and improved way of enjoying a drink…

Lee Rosy’s Tea Shop @ 17 Broad Street As well as 80 types of tea, amazing cake and free wireless, Lee Rosy’s tea shop provides a treasure trove of arty farty joy. Upstairs there is a rolling exhibition of local artists, which currently features Eireann Lorsung’s ‘My England’. A collection of delicate illustrations about the US expat’s experience of living over here, the exhibition is inherently about belonging and finding a place somewhere. I immediately warmed to her because

she describes England as a place where “everyone offers you tea and means it”. Beautiful illustrations of maps and birds and seasides are painted on layered glass; strings of Paddington-style labels hang across the cafe adorned with delicate drawings of deck chairs. Heading downstairs, you’ll find an exhibition of polaroids taken by Lee Rosy’s customers.There’s something delightful about polaroids; they don’t get

processed by someone else, and so they can’t be retouched, deleted, refined or de-tagged. Without wanting to sound too pretentious, they’re a raw, unaltered document of a moment in a person’s life, so much so it almost feels nosy to look at them. We’re peering through windows into these people’s experiences. My favourites are one of a pair of red silky pants (bottom included) and two hands making a heart.

creative corner

eerie disembodied sounds and huge suspended footage of menacing machinery had me feeling slightly hypnotised. Returning back to the bright sunshine and coffee aromas of the café I noticed the photos which run up the stairs and into the first floor gallery. Each picture features seventeen grouped into categories like blondes, grandmothers,

Annual Open 2008 @ Nottingham Castle Open solo exhibition prize-winner Rosalie Wiesner. Bathing dark spaces in artificial light, the former Nottingham Trent student‘s photographs offer a tantalising mix of fantasy and reality. ‘It’s Almost Always Fiction in the End’ features images of exotic Middle Eastern buildings, lit up with harsh security lights, imaginatively presented on light boxes.

@ 65 Derby Road (by Canning Circus)

cuddly sofas and huge windows looking out over Derby Road. Currently exhibiting is Leicesterbased artist Harry Walton; a roomful of large-scale paintings documents his eighty year love affair with both painting and jazz. Musicians caress their instruments, double bass players loom out of the dark, and the way the artist incorporates words and musical notes into the paintings give an idea of a multisensory experience. The darkness of most of the paintings gives a feeling of being in a jazz

club, with these characters and their melodies coming out of the gloom. With this in mind, it seems odd to be in silence whilst looking at an exhibition so intrinsically about music and sound; pop in with a bit of Miles Davis on your iPod and it’ll make a lot more sense. All in all, I’m not sure the paintings live up to the venue; however, it’s still worth a look. A great background for a coffee, or if you’re trying to get into the pants of an art history student/jazz aficionado.

Bianca Leggett

On the ground floor you will find the BFI Mediatheque - a series of booths which each act like a kind of cinematic jukebox containing thousands of television programmes and films, a veritable treasure trove stretching back to cinema’s beginnings and out to every corner of the globe. If you can muster the will power to leave, Jane and Louise Wilson’s weirdly absorbing installation work ‘Spiteful of Dream’ beckons, an exploration of the Rolls Royce factory and its workers. It may not sound like very sexy subject matter, but something about the

Hand and Heart Gallery/Pub If you’ve not yet discovered the Hand and Heart, you should set sail immediately to explore it. In a world of ubiquitous bars trying desperately to be trendy and characterless chainpubs, The H&H flies the flag for individuality. The back of the pub is set into a cave, and the candles and darkness strike just the right balance between cosy and spooky. In contrast, the gallery space upstairs, which features exhibitions, live music and workshops, is light and airy with big

chefs or people named Sarah - together making up a wildly miscellaneous and affirming mosaic image of the people of Derby. Maybe it’s time you came and met them…

Once I got past the giggles that my first life drawing class induced, I realised how much I enjoyed studying a figure from life and capturing it on paper. I went to classes during A Levels and have continued attending workshops that Art Soc run whilst at university. I usually prefer to work with charcoal as I find this type of media easier to manipulate, but for this piece I chose to use pencil in a study of a woman from a class I attended at home recently. I hope to become a bit braver and more experimental with my work, as I tend to prefer a figure drawing that is less detailed and sketchier - but for now this is what I have done!

Holly Daniels

Just climbing the steps to this exhibition of local art gives a taste of what to expect from the Annual Open. Sitting alongside the classic aesthetic of the 17th century mansion that houses the Nottingham Castle Art Museum, between ornate windows that provide glimpses of the city, hang the dreamlike photographs of 2007 Annual

The theme of old juxtaposed with new continues into this year’s exhibition. Despite the modernity of the works on show, the Annual Open has been part of the museum’s programme for 130 years. This year it features ceramics, painting, sculpture and jewellery by 263 artists from all over the East Midlands. Artists are invited to submit work with the incentive of a cash prize and the chance to have, like Wiesner, a solo exhibition at the Castle. An innovative take on photography is achieved this year by intricate inkjet prints of woodland set against an autumn sky by both David John White and Peter Jackson. Elsewhere there is artwork with a local

flavour, including paintings of a twilight Nottingham skyline, and warts and all (literally) sculptures of two elderly ladies reading the local paper. Comedy comes in the form of Guy Brown’s ‘School Chaise’, a standard looking orange plastic school chair ‘stretched’ to look like an institutional chaise longue. It was artistic seating too that clinched the top prize: a hanging wreathlike sculpture made of sourdough by Robert Flack, which looks like a kind of angel’s perch. Elsewhere in the museum, you can browse the Victorian Long Gallery which houses works by such masters as LS Lowry and Richard Parkes Bonington; this seems a sharp change in pace. However, the Annual Open has pervaded even this space in the form of 2006 prize-winner Simon Withers’ ‘metahang’. Turning 11 paintings back to front, Withers invites us to question what we expect from an art exhibition. Isabel Roth

music

behind the music

Nice

Mumford & Sons

folk music

It’s back and it’s big, but is it what we need?

@ Bunkers Hill, 14th October

Ever thought about a career in Music? Or wondered what it would be like to work behind the scenes of one of Britain’s major record labels? Impact’s Katie Feld tells all about her work experience at Polydor Records.

Impact catches up with some of the most prominent Folk musicians in the scene right now to see what it’s all about and to see if it really is “what we all need.”

Johnny Flynn @

Bodega Social, 22nd October

According to Johnny Flynn he’s part of an emergent, ever-growing scene known as “Folk ‘n’ Roll”. I’d be inclined to agree with him - as sharing the zeitgeist limelight with him are such increasingly popular acts as Mumford & Sons, and Noah & the Whale. The latter have even stolen Flynn’s sister away for their tour. They pay better,” he jokes. Although Flynn is socially quite awkward, live he is something special. The Bodega Social is crammed full of people dying to see him play. “Tunnels” opens the set and the crowd reacts instantly with people swaying along in appreciation. After the first song, Flynn welcomes his band The Sussex Wit on stage with him. The band is comprised of his old school friends. Flynn told Impact that he started solo, with just his lowly guitar, but invited his friends to join him when he started making it in the industry. As a treat for the audience, ‘Sally’ makes

a very rare live appearance. He also shows his versatility when he showcases a new song in which he swaps his guitar for a violin. On stage, Flynn and his band often change instruments, moving around the stage through the night. Although he has so far only released one album, A Larum, Flynn has already been likened to a Desire-era Bob Dylan – coincidentally, one of his favourite albums, and he seemed obviously chuffed with our compliment. Although shy on stage (and during interviews!) Flynn interacts with the crowd during a technical glitch forcing him to cut short his set, at just under an hour. Yet no one complains, showing the serene atmosphere this new genre has invokes in the crowd. Flynn is louder live than on record. His voice is less whispery, yet it loses none of its appeal. Highlights included ‘Shore to Shore’ with Flynn and his drummer sharing vocals, and ‘Hong Kong Cemetery’ with many musical instruments used including a trumpet and even the wall as a drum! Its eerie quality was even more exposed live. Typically saving the crowd favourites for the penultimate song and encore, ‘Tickle Me Pink’ and ‘The Box’ end the night in a euphoric climax with people actually beginning to dance along. Flynn is obviously buzzing from the atmosphere and the crowd reciprocates. Most people’s assumption of Folk would not be Johnny Flynn. But this somewhat ‘lost’ genre is very much alive and ready to change your opinion, given the chance. The future of “Folk ‘n’ Roll” is looking very good from where I’m standing (i.e., next to the man himself). Here’s hoping he’s not as shy in future. Rebecca Gazey

I first saw Mumford & Sons in a makeshift hut in the middle of Glastonbury; the beauty of the music left me all warm inside, and I think it says a lot that I remember that so gig well. This time, upstairs at Bunkers Hill, they lived up to expectations and more as their sound filled the low-ceilinged room and spilled out of the open windows (oh, you lucky passers-by!) This is Folk at its most haunting, passing through delicate hymns of love and regret to peppery bluegrass anthems and stomping barnyard beats. The quartet switch effortlessly between a number of instruments including guitar, double bass, violin, and a xylophone in a natty blue case, but it was their use of vocals that particularly caught me. These guys are not afraid to lean on their voices, not afraid to put down the instrument, stand in a row and amaze you with good, honest harmonies. And the voice of lead singer Marcus is something else, confident yet slightly raw, like crackly records, or autumn bonfires. Not to mention lyrics you can believe in. I have only praise for this band, who are to be found doing the rounds with such peers as Johnny Flynn and Laura Marling, other successes which prove that folk is back big-time, and in their hands it’s brilliant - what a breath of fresh country air after three grimy, bleepy weeks in the city. So lean out the window of that house party and take it in. In the words of Ted Mumford, “it’s what we all need.” Rosy Ross

The “music biz”; it’s one of glamour, style, scandal and gossip. Whether it be X Factor-ing with Cheryl Cole or partying on the streets of Camden with Amy Winehouse, there is a certain attraction to the industry. But behind every great artist are hundreds of people at their record label working day and night to make sure that we hear them on the radio, see them on TV, and buy their music. Which leads to the ever-asked question: what exactly does a record label do? And behind the scenes is it still glitz and glamour, or is it where the real work lies? As a music fanatic I have always wanted to work in the industry, completely clueless of what exactly I wanted to do, but as long as it was to do with music I would be happy. And so when I applied for work experience at the Universal Music Group and was offered a position in video at Polydor Records, it was then I realised that I actually had no idea how a record label functioned. The best way to describe a record label would be to juxtapose it with an American high school dining room; each area represents a clique. So first up in the corner is the coolest of the cliques, also known as A&R (Artist and Repertoire), which is probably the most competitive side of the industry. This department is home to the scouts, who go out and about town searching for and signing new talent. Whilst very appealing, scouting is the most competitive job in the world of music, and extremely maledominated. Working alongside the scouts

are the ‘admin’ A&R, who deal with the recording, production and (obviously) the administrative side of singles and albums. Next is the “alternative crowd”, or the Video department. Despite commissioning all music videos and online content for all Polydor artists, the video team consists of only 3 people, so walking into their office can sometimes feel like walking into a tornado of stress. That is if they’re not away shooting videos in LA, Copenhagen or Berlin. “Studious” Finance are always there to approve all budgeting and payments, alongside Business and Legal Affairs who make sure this all runs smoothly. Then there are the “cliquey” sub-labels, Fiction and Fascination. These sublabels are part of Polydor but are created to help categorise artists by genre so that they get the best attention and work. Fiction (the indie label) deals with the likes of Snow Patrol, Elbow, White Lies and Kate Nash, whereas Fascination nurtures pure pop such as Girls Aloud, The Saturdays, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. Whilst both sub-labels demonstrate an impressive roster, they themselves are made up of only a few more people than the Video department. However the main area of our high school canteen is dominated by the jocks and cheerleaders of Marketing. Most definitely the loudest section of the label, with the intensity of a Gordon Ramsay kitchen, this is made up of PUK (British) and PAL (American) teams of Product Managers and Assistants, Press and Publicity, Digital, and Radio and TV Promotions.

As the new kid on the block (excuse the pun – their comeback single was released on Polydor) it’s quite intimidating being thrown into the frantic pace, but before long I got into the swing of the demanding lifestyle of the label. I can’t really describe a usual day at the office, as it can vary from having mini tea parties with colleagues or running out on set to fix something on a shoot, but most days started at half past nine and although formally ended at six, they generally tended to end towards seven or eight o’clock. Upgraded from photocopying and stapling, I was booking The Saturdays’ hair and make up, booking flights for White Lies, discussing potential video scripts with James Morrison’s management and helping Cheryl and Kimberley from Girls Aloud pick out X Factor songs. However most days usually consisted of solving last minute dramas and disasters, and I think I used the word “urgent” more times in three months than I had in twenty one years. Although music videos for bands like Kaiser Chiefs, Girls Aloud, Take That and Duffy seem to be exciting and glamorous, the process is somewhat lengthy and arduous. I seemed to spend most of my days (and evenings) attempting to lower video production budgets and begging Finance to approve them, but the end result of watching a completed music video is inexplicably satisfying. Despite the fact that working at a label is extremely stressful, unpredictable, badly paid and unreliable, there is no greater feeling than working in the very heart of the music that shapes and connects with society.

the interview gentle friendly

album reviews

Daniel from up-and-coming band Gentle Friendly chats to Impact’s Elly Condron about life in the band, the technical aspects of “hitting things”, and where they find their unusual instruments. So, when and how did you guys meet?

fm profile describes)?

We were recruited by the great saxophonist Thom Hill for his bamitsva band.

The two organs we use were sourced from different places. The Casio was stolen for me from Birmingham University by a good friend of mine from Minnesota. I have a Jen organ and that was brought from an old peoples’ home. I’m going to send them the record when it’s done.

You’re Brummies, is that where you live? Do you like the scene up there? HOME IS RAD. Daniel, your drumming was pretty stupendous at the gig – where did you learn to play like that or are you one of those totally enviable ‘self-taught’ types? We both sort of suck at the instruments we play in the band. It’s totally primitive. Both myself and David play guitar. I guess we just started using other things so had to stick to it. I like not having any proper knowledge though. Writing good songs is way more important than playing well. That stuff comes later if it ever does at all. It always seems to me that the worst bands are the ones with racks of pedals and stupidly indulgent gear. That’s sort of lame I think. Where do you find all your machines? Is there an art to playing them or is it really just ‘hitting things’ (as your last.

Holy Fuck

@ The Bodega Social Club, Nottingham, 15 October

It’s just the two of you. Does that ever get hard – have you ever been tempted to bring others in? We sort of like limiting ourselves like that. It’s harder to play songs that sound good with just two people. We use endless tape loops and crappy effects pedals. We really just end up using stuff we have found. Which has been your favourite gig so far? For me the ‘No Shows Forever’ gig, this was a house show that our good friend Rachael organized. We played one 20minute song with Baltimore’s mighty Ponytail. They are awesome and it was a really cool way to end the tour.

We have a tape out now with stop scratching and our 7” “Night Tape” comes out on the 24 November. You’re playing a gig in Nottingham soon, just so our readers can get an idea of what your style is, if you had to compare yourselves to any bands who would they be? Paul Simon, Baby Venom, Cave Punk and a bit of Weed Tofu. Mmm. Cheers. Catch Gentle Friendly at the Bodega Social in Nottingham alongside Abe Vigoda and Lovvers on the 5 December. For a live review of their October gig in London go to our website. www.impactnottingham.com/music

When can we expect to be able to buy your music in shops? Holy Fuck are an experimental electronic band from Toronto (not a hardcore band, as name would suggest). In fact, they look far too polite and clean cut to even swear (but then again I guess it’s all part of that ‘ironic’ image, right?) Names aside, Holy Fuck strategically place themselves amongst the chaos of technical equipment and exciting looking non-instruments on stage. One of which is a 35mm moviola - a device, so I’m told, which enabled film editors to watch their film as they were editing it. They begin with some of their more krautrock-esque sounds, luring the audience into their world of strange bleeps and high pitched wurring noises created by the old film equipment. What’s most impressive about this band is that there is not a laptop in sight, having returned to the old way. They use actual real instruments to achieve their sound, which is somewhat unique nowadays in the world of electronica, and makes it exciting to

watch as they frantically change keyboards between each song bringing tense smiles every time across their faces. The drummer on the other hand stares straight ahead for the entire set with the concentration of a soldier in a military parade, contrasting with the fact that he’s barefoot. As the set progresses, so do the songs, which become more upbeat and dancy. “Royal Gregory” is the dance floor winner amongst the crowd, who are reserved as usual but are just about moving their hips to this song. Closing their set with “Lovely Allen”, it’s almost quite sickening just how lovely it all is. And as the crowd gaze romantically into space Holy Fuck leave the stage only to return again to treat us to two encores, eventually freeing us from their grasp. Elise Laker

Fucked Up The Chemistry of Common Life (Matador, 13th October)

Deerhunter Microcastle (Kranky Records, 28th October)

Fucked Up are too heavy, and yet too tuneful at the same time, to be classified into one genre. For the hardcore fans this will easily please, trashing MTV’s toilet and being the most talked about thing this year, proving that they can create a scene. But for someone looking for more than this, will it deliver? Like Les Savy Fav, they deliver pleasing tunes and can cause the casual listener to hum in approval. They interlude ambient sounds between songs to give fluidity, which confirms their diversity and removes the ‘craziest band tag’ which gets them most of the attention. “Golden Seal” is a perfect example of this. Often the vocals surrender to the superior music, and on “No Epiphany” they truly have the “eh” factor. And this, my friends, makes them smarter than your average hardcore band.

Atlas Sound was the stepping stone that Bradford Cox needed to turn Microcastle into a rich, melodic album, focused and dense. There are traces of that band in Deerhunter’s debut Cryptograms where he was clearly trying to perfect his sound and voice - on Microcastle he delivers. Deerhunter’s distorted effects rightly lead them to be labelled shoegaze. They create calmness with ambience, gentle beginnings where Cox pours his heart out, creating very personal and emotional music, but then unleashing his guitar much like their peers No Age. The mix of the softer side of Cox and the warped guitar pumps energy into the band, justifying the legacy of Deerhunter as a band that can stand close to My Bloody Valentine. Add some psychedelics to the mix and you have a band that are captivating and intriguing, a band that will push the boundaries of whichever genre in which they plant their flag.

Chris Jones

Bloc Party Intimacy (Wichita, 27th October)

The Present World I See (Loaf, 7th October)

Intimacy is undoubtedly an extension of the soundscapes in A Weekend in the City, yet it’s more refreshing and bares similarities to the band’s debut, Silent Alarm. “Ares” opens with a cacophony of raging drums, sliding distorted guitars and Kele’s political vocals immediately instigate a new excitement. The band return to the splendour of previous songs such as “So Here We Are” in “Biko”, which is so utterly honest in its lyrics (“you’re not doing this alone/ resist [against cancer]”). The progression of a sensual bass, overlapping of voices and pulsating synthesisers formulate an overtly beautiful song. Upbeat melodies also frequently juxtapose gentle ballads - “One Month Off” has the potential as a new live favourite with its dirty mix of heavily distorted guitars and jolting synths as does “Halo”, while “Ion Square” displays an epic closure with haunting keyboards and jangling guitars. “Trojan Horse” and “Zephyrus” are slightly stale; however don’t miss “Signs”, “Mercury” and “Better than Heaven”. Overall, a definite musthave!

Cor blimey, what a treat! From the extraordinarily talented producer Rusty Santos (who has worked with the likes of Panda Bear and Born Ruffians) a new band, The Present, has been formed. The album entwines the varying backgrounds of its three members, including classical piano and traditional Japanese music, to create an ephemeral and original sound. Combining minimalist technique and drone-like chord structures, The Present hypnotise and draw you into a web of almost psychedelic noise. Speaking of The Present, Panda Bear says “When I listen to the sounds and the songs [...] I can hear light and dark, high and low, happy and sad, synthetic and organic and on and on like that forever and that’s a compliment to the production and the technique, I would say. Most of all, I like how I feel when I listen to the music.” Hear hear.

Elly Condron

Charlotte Krol

Science

The Science of . . . Takeaways

Nice

Mythbusting

Did your Ma ever tell you to drink eight glasses of water every day to stay healthy and hydrated? Or did some wise guy trick you into believing that we only use 10% of our brains? Well, guys, it’s time we debunked those myths… How about the claim that you shouldn’t swallow gum because it takes seven years to pass through your digestive system? It is indigestible, but that just means that it will come out the other end intact. And it won’t take seven years either – twelve hours to three days is usually enough mouth to toilet transit time. Coming back to the water theory although it’s a fine plan to down plenty of water - there is neither a scientific nor a medical basis for the specific amount of eight glasses per day. Water intake requirements differ from person to person, depending on age, size and amount of physical activity. Also, the human body requires nearly four litres of water a day, and almost half of that comes from food. Instead of drinking more, how about a trip to Portland for

some meal-card fun? Looking at my computer, I’m reminded of the tale of keyboards harbouring more germs than toilet seats. Unfortunately for me, this one is true! According to an academic study, a work-station is much dirtier than a bathroom; a keyboard can harbour up to 3,295 microbes per square inch, whereas the average toilet Dirtier than a toilet? seat contains only 49. I don’t know if I common belief, there is no evidence to am convinced, but hey - how often do suggest that a high-sugar diet induces you clean your toilet vs. your keyboard? hyperactivity. Oh yeah, but the part about sugar destroying you teeth is still Ever heard this one from your parents: true. “you can’t have any more sugar, you will be bouncing of the walls”? To their And finally, in my opinion one of the credit, they probably didn’t want you most popular myths states that your hair to get hyperactive and reenact your and fingernails continue to grow after favourite fight scene from the latest you death. That’s entertaining, but not summer blockbuster. But they also accurate! What actually happens is that gave you the idea that you could be dehydration makes the skin shrink back, spiderman if you had more sugar, so making your hair and nails look longer. you ate the entire bag of Haribo. And That’s five myths debunked for you! the only superhero you became that day was ‘Vomit-His-Stomach-Contents’ Ruby Kassam man. Well, your mum was wrong on this one. Firstly, gravity is unaffected by sugar, and secondly, despite the

Max Out Your Meal Card This is the guide for you if you want to know how to make the most of your £4.50 - simply select the meal to suit your mood...

solution in buckets full of pizza, pasta, chips and garlic bread ready to absorb the alcohol layering your stomach. Sorted.

40p crisps. OR 5 cakes/muffins/cookies at 85p and 2 packets of 12p sauce to ice. Impact recommends mint sauce for its high glucose content.

1. “OUCH! Hangover!” – A carb overload is required here; in Portland awaits the

2. “Freshers’ flu. Maybe I should eat more vitamins?” - Stack up on iron to boost your white blood cell count and Vitamins C and D, both of which synergise to help you get more from your vitamin intake. Smoothies range from £2.45 to £2.95 or alternatively just make one yourself - grab 12 pieces of fruit for 35p each, and a plastic cup for free.

5. “I wonder, what’s the maximum number of items I can get with my meal card?” – Legend has it that you can purchase 37 sachets of your favourite condiment. However, act with caution; these can be obtained for free from your hall with your evening meal, so stock up!

3. “Crisps, crisps, CRISPS!” - 10 packets of 40p Doritos and 4 packets of 12p sauce for dip. 4. “I’m craving sugar...” - 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry’s finest at £1.80 and 2 packets of

And lastly, Impact’s top optimization tip: all Paninis are priced at £2.90 in Portland, when exactly the same Paninis can be found in the Biology cafe for £2.50! Laura McKeith

Whether you’re a bright-eyed fresher or a toughened old hand in your final year, takeaways are a regular part of uni life. Maybe you’re (justifiably) avoiding hall dinners, or haven’t got used to the idea of cooking regularly yet. Hopefully you’ve got some vague notion that the amount of grease you consume can’t be great, even if the finer details have escaped you. The short-term effects of a very dodgy takeaway (possibly from some obscure place you only rang to save money by avoiding Domino’s) will, to most of you, be nauseatingly familiar, and are grouped under the broad term ‘food poisoning’. Common symptoms are, unsurprisingly, a tummy ache, feeling sick, being sick, and diarrhoea. Usually these start suddenly, between 12 and 48 hours after having eaten the offending meal. Most people recover within a day, and nearly everyone does after a week. The most common bacteria to cause food poisoning have both been highlighted in the news: Campylobacter and Salmonella. These can be present in raw meat and poultry, which is why thorough cooking is essential; and if it doesn’t happen, you end up ingesting the bacteria along with your food, and feeling the consequences. The throwing up and diarrhoea are your body desperately trying to get rid of these unwanted bacteria and the toxins they produce. The long-term consequences? These are predictable – one example is obesity. Another is atherosclerosis – this is when your arteries begin getting clogged with fat deposits; if severe, a heart attack could result. And these effects may not seem imminent, but can creep up in later life! Short-term effects include the “take away glaze” - a heady concoction of grease and sweat on

your face that appears after a heavy D2’s session. However, the severity of these things generally correlates to the number of takeaways you have, and also depends on other aspects of your lifestyle, such as how much

Playing Darwin? Spore review Will Wright must be on drugs. Going on what we’ve seen in Spore, the man behind Sim City and The Sims believes evolution happened in a puff of smoke and that luminous, no-eyed beasts make for effective civilisations. But while Darwin might not approve, this makes Spore one ‘life sim’ which is accessible, deep, and downright charming.

exercise you do. Now that I’ve scared and confused you, let me give some hope, by way of a few tips. And no, you don’t have to chuck out all those beloved menus! You just have to ensure you order from reputable places, and adapt what you order. One golden rule: avoid anything fried. So prawn crackers, samosas, poppadoms and the like are out. Also, veg based dishes are better than thick, creamy ones, so try a Rogan Josh instead of a standard Tikka Masala, and a stir fry instead of curry and egg-fried rice. And tipping away excess oil floating on top of an item will substantially cut the amount of fat in it. With pizza, choose toppings wisely; none of that extra cheese or processed meats - how about some peppers and tomatoes? Hopefully you can now begin to tread the path towards all that is nourishing and wholesome…or maybe you’ll toss this aside and reach for the phone. Either way, best of luck in all your dining endeavours!

Like The Sims, you’ll create and control your endearing avatar, guiding them through a virtual existence. Rather than choose baseball caps and jeans, here you’ll shape spines, add tails, and, with the help of a wide selection of phallic limbs, strip your monster of all dignity. Your ultimate goal is evolution. Managing diplomatic relations with neighbouring tribes, using mating calls for inter-creature reproduction, and even a space ship creator to launch enterprising space programs makes for a brilliant bit of escapism, even allowing players to unleash a vicious streak by venturing online and completely undoing a thousand years’ worth of another player’s planetary progress. In an industry which professes to cater for females by simply adding either puppies or the colour pink, Spore dares to bring a sledgehammer to demographic boundaries, and, in the process, provides an experience with universal appeal.

9/10 Ben Griffin

Film

Modern Day Offenders of Cinema

Nice

The Last Social Taboo

Impact gets nasty with stephen sheil

Impact talks to local filmmaker Steven Sheil about his new film, Mum and Dad, and video nasties about melting homeless people! Over Halloween weekend the Broadway Cinema played host to the Mayhem Horror Film Festival where national and international independent films were shown for three consecutive days. Local writer and director Steven Sheil was part of the team responsible for the organisation of the festival which, unashamedly (and why not?), featured his own debut feature-length film Mum and Dad. Sheil describes the film as “a brutal and perverse horror film about a murderous family who live in a house at the end of an airport runway…It’s kind of a Heathrow Airport Chainsaw Massacre.” The film follows Lena, a young airport cleaner who is stranded after missing the bus home after work. Invited back to a colleague’s home, events take a turn for the worse with an explosion of pure unadulterated torture when Mum and Dad come out to ‘play’. Now, you could easily make the mistake of thinking of this as yet another torture porn film ‘inspired’ by the likes of the Saw franchise and any other rubbish that Lionsgate Studios release. But you would be very, very wrong. “You know what, I really don’t watch those type of films,” says Sheil. “Over the past few years I’ve ended up watching more and more older films and less newer films.” This is no lie, 80s ‘video nasty’ film titles are thrown into conversation left, right and centre. “Street Trash: the original ‘melt’ movie. It features great effects of people melting. The story is about a guy who owns a liquor store who finds a case of really old booze and decides to sell it to all the tramps around the area. So all these bums start drinking and it causes them to melt. It’s a classic B-movie”. But it is in the British film scene that most of the film’s influences lie. “With Mum and Dad there was this seventies British, slightly sleazy, film that I wanted to get across. There is a guy called Pete Walker who made a few films - Frightmare and House

of Whipcord - which in terms of tone were quite influential.”

Mum and Dad

As with most gutsy horror films it has been met with some controversy. Reports from a Dublin showing note that there have been some walk-outs, and even faintings, as a result of the macabre and brutal subject matter. “I think one of the reasons why I like horror films is they have this ability to create such a strong reaction from people. They really work on a gut level. Mum and Dad isn’t some kind of full on gore fest by any means… well, there are a few choice moments in there. It depends on what you are expecting.”

Sheil inventively sets himself apart from not only horror porn but the entire genre, with his decision to deprive the heroine of a voice to scream about the horrors to come. He does this by having Mum lovingly inject her new prisoner with a solution that prevents her from speaking, treating her like an insolent child whose days of passive innocence are gone: “Now you be a good girl”. Leaving the truly…truly… truly horrible 17th minute a mystery, the horror of the film not only comes from gross-out nastiness, but also an inversion of a very British family dynamic. On Christmas Day Dad gets slightly pissed, screaming “Christmas is family time,” and turns his attention on the innocent captive in a scene that captures this uncomfortable look at the traditional British household. The film brilliantly adopts Dad’s means of controlling his “family”, choosing to surpass the conventional approach for the desired effect, and the effect is lasting. Oliver Holden-Rea

“It’s kind of a Heathrow Airport Chainsaw Massacre” Sheil joins a long line of film-makers that are based in or have come from Nottingham. He reveals, “what has really kept me here is the film scene. It has always been really strong and over the last 15 years has grown up despite there not being any real industry in terms of television or production companies. There has always been a really strong backbone to independent film-makers”. This is certainly true when one observes that the East Midlands alone accounted for 6 BAFTA awards in 2008 from the talents of Shane Meadows, Samantha Morton and Paddy Considine. Sheil admits that “it’s kind of hard in this country, it’s not that easy to get a continuous career out of film-making and it is quite hard work. There are only a few film-makers who have [succeeded].” This is not to say that Sheil is disparaging about his industry and does indeed have some tips to any budding student film-makers. “It sounds clichéd but the

best thing to do is to go out and start making films. Stick to what you know and what things you have around you. People always say ‘but I don’t have the money’. If you know someone with a mansion and a pool, use them! When it comes to getting a job, it really isn’t what qualifications you have but the experience you have in making films.” Sheil claims his own family life had no reflection on his work, so all you budding film-makers need to create a film as intense and shocking as Mum and Dad is just £100,000 and one hell of a disturbed imagination.

Most people would agree that a visit to the cinema is quite a social experience, one best enjoyed with a friend or in a group. But, as has been proven by Ashton Kutcher films performing well at the box office, many people can indeed be wrong. Certainly discussing a film afterwards is essential, but do you actually have to watch the film with the other person to be able to do that? The fact is that there is no better way to enjoy a good movie than by watching it on your own. It’s not antisocial, it’s not a geeky thing to do, it’s simply the only way to ensure you’re getting the most out of the experience. Friends and film do not mix, they serve only as a distraction. Who in their right mind would actually choose to sit next to someone who is likely to talk, eat noisily, nip out to the toilet and serve as a general distraction when your focus should be nowhere else but on the screen. Maybe you just missed an iconic moment in modern cinema because your mate “didn’t get that last bit”, well that’s frankly unacceptable. I urge you to next time make the trip alone and I guarantee that you will appreciate the purest of cinema experiences. You will find yourself immersed in the film to such a greater extent, and in the immediate aftermath your opinions will be formed, unclouded by the riff-raff you may have once considered taking with you. Joe Cunningham

There are villains operating in cinemas all over the country, perhaps even yours. We are given a menacing warning in every film we see, it is an evil born of modern digital technology and it is, we are told, ruining our viewing pleasure.

“Vrrrt. Vrrt. Vrrt.” Even with Orange satirically warning us to turn off our mobile phones, cinemas are still riddled with people who don’t get the message and continue to disturb everyone else in the vicinity with their banal ringtones and vibrations. What’s worse are the few who have the gall to actually answer the infernal call, only to realise the caller is in the same screen. Then they talk some more. High five. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Networker, the first of four common film trolls in our feature, Modern Day Offenders Of Cinema. This issue, Impact Film is marching against poor film etiquette; for the sake of your soul, we offer you the chance to identify with the sinners we list here, and repent. And remember: it’s all in fun. The second of our caricatures shall be known as the Late Arrival. People arriving late at a film used to perform their own little dance move, the apologetic-hunchback-crab, crouching sideways past tutting patrons, shamefaced, whilst frantically whispering “Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry”. Today the Late Arrival saunters in, scratching his/her arse, blundering through the audience to their friends whom they will then spend the next two hours loudly asking about the plot. The third common misdemeanour is personified by those who indulge in pre-film boozing or a small (2L) bucket of cinema cola - the Wizz Kid. Not content to disappear to the toilet at the beginning of the film and hence make

the same mistakes as the Late Arrival, the Wizz Kid will choose the pivotal twist scene to make his second deposit. If you’re going to drink, do it like an astronaut and get a space suit. At least you’ll have warm legs. Finally, I dispatch special mention to those who insist on eating food in a cinema. Indeed the most controversial of our line-up due to society’s habit of eating at least once in their lives, the issue of doing it in a theatre normally splits opinion right down the middle. However, I love popcorn. I share it with my friends, I get a drink to wash it down, I have pictures of my favourite brands on my nightstand. That’s right, there’s no lecture or ugly label here; to all of the Shameless Face-Stuffers out there, I salute you. We hope this draconian monologue proves useful in keeping your fellow filmgoers from choking you. We suggest you cut it out and keep it in your wallet, purse or space suit for on-the-spot reference. That way, you and everyone around you can enjoy the film in peace. Unless there’s a screaming child in the screen with you - then you’re screwed.

Jamie Mactulloch

James Warren

Romance at The Box Office Pizza and a Movie. The concept of the cinema as a location for dates is embedded within our culture, but is it a good idea or a bad one? Impact studies the phenomenon from both sides.

nights Nice

Out with the old, in with the new? From the Female Perspective The cinema; a serious contender for the winner of successful first dates - right? Sure, it’s a chance to get all close and cosy in the presence of acceptably comfortable chairs and excessive popcorn, but it seems there really is more to think about when initially attempting to secure a potential other half. For us girls, a wrong choice of film can leave us hearing the line, “Of course I will (not) call you tomorrow, Mia, I’d love to (never) do this again…” and a bloated stomach accompanied with a numb bum that was achieved for nothing after all. So it can either get played one of two ways. One - the girl chooses the movie containing the most gory killings, superfluous violence and mafia-oriented plots to impress future boyfriend with her macho (and obviously broad) taste; or two, the guy chooses movie – admittedly an unbearable sit through old fashioned rom-com but with a 100% guarantee of a second date offer every time. Unfortunately, this is not the way of life. For me, it’s all about trying to find a happy medium between Al Pacino killing an amateur gangster who owes drug money and a happy-ever-after. This brings us to secret winning combination number three: Will Smith. Well, more to the point, what Big Will represents. Whether in the form of action, sci-fi, comedy, romance, ridiculous superhero movies or in the mass elimination of aliens, his films never seem to target singularly the male nor female audience - or collectively stick to one genre. Of course, there isn’t going to be a Will Smith film in our cinemas every week, or month for that matter, but my point is that when we’re deciding our perfect date movie there is always something for both members of the nervous couple to enjoy, and we don’t always need a popularised horror or the most unlikely of love stories as an excuse to cling to each other in an embrace (or feel pressurised to run away and get married in terms of the latter). Needless to say, there is nothing wrong with the male population admitting that they wouldn’t mind a good old romance to accompany the mood for a first date; after all, crying at Hugh Grant’s latest movie can always be a sign of masculinity.

From the Male Perspective It’s the age-old problem for all guys from 13-30: you need to take a girl on a date and you don’t know what to see. What genre will she like? What actors will she like? Can I make a move on her? Is the cheeky arm yawn no longer cheeky but actually quite cringe-worthy? There are so many faux pas that surely a man has no chance in this jungle of cinematic moral dilemmas. I propose that the perfect movie to take your lady to see is an action film, but with the protagonist being a femme fatale. Think about it logically: Uma Thurman as the bride in Kill Bill kicking arse, women love a strong and bold female character. You might say that women don’t like gore and violence in a film, but don’t worry - just as long as it’s the woman inflicting the pain its fine! Also, make sure that you know the film is mentally stimulating and intellectually challenging. Remember, you have to hold a conversation for a long period of time after the movie, so come up with some interesting points! Over a coffee tell her what you really think about the film. Try and be open and honest; if you think the film was a pile of crap, tell her that, but give her a deeply analytical reason for your viewpoint. At the end of the day, taking a girl on a date is all about you, but anything that can help first impressions is worth doing. Don’t take her to see the latest installment of Scary Movie (like I did with an ex about five years ago), and don’t take her to see a chick flick because, popular to contrary belief, it will not make her instantly fall in love with you. Make a compromise, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People is a great example. Having taken my girlfriend to see this, I loved the comedy behind it and my girlfriend loved the development of Pegg’s character. That way, both parties have something to talk about and both parties come away from the film entertained and not bored senseless. Hopefully, with this advice that casual movie down at the Savoy could blossom into a beautiful romance!

Mia Silverman Scott Perkins

Fancy trying something different for a night out? Impact has a few ideas.

Full Moon Party Let’s face it, this vomitstained dance hall scenario is not the expansive stretch of beach one would associate with the legendary Full Moon parties in Ko Phan Yang, however there is a distinct possibility you will find yourself surrounded by messy students. Seemingly the premise behind this night is to cash in on the student market that spends their summer in Thailand, but the reality is that anyone who has partied the night away throwing shapes in a Thai jungle clearing, supping a bucket of Sangsom Whisky, would not be caught dead in this stain on Nottingham’s alternative night selection. In order to maintain this moronic fallacy that Ocean is somehow on a par with the moonlight-soaked, Red Bullfuelled, sordid rave of wickedness that is a real Full Moon party, the mainstream cheese has thankfully conceded to a popular selection of Dance and Drum & Bass. Rather than acting as a novelty that would compliment the club night, the fancy dress is more useful as a twat indicator, pointing out the massively ignorant from the generally unaware – the smiles on their beautiful young faces also tell me they will never know any better. If you are one of those people, I’m sorry to cause a fuss, but this hideous dance floor foreplay is not a rave, and will never encapsulate the spirit of Drum & Bass or Breaks communities in Thailand – stop kidding yourself. Johnny Oceanless

The Hawksley

RED @ Escucha

Blissfully bored of the Bag? Not hip, hop or happening in The Happy? If you fancy a change from the usual late-night Lenton habitats, make your way up to Canning Circus and check out The Hawksley. This newly renovated pub mixes the traditional and the modern on two levels as it serves a range of local, hearty ales and classic pub grub in a contemporary setting. The lower level consists of the bar, table football and games machines, a variety of comfy seating areas and towards the rear there are the caves for those of you wanting to enjoy your drink in a cosy and secluded area. Upstairs you’ll find more space to relax, including a covered terrace garden with outdoor heating, an advantage for those of you who are fed up of having to leave your drink and light up outside the front entrance. The Hawksley also houses three widescreen plasma televisions showcasing all the biggest football, rugby and cricket games throughout the year so for all you sports fans you can watch your favourite teams in comfort and style. With food and drink to match and beat the prices of the neighbouring Ropewalk, you should definitely make sure you pay a visit to The Hawksley. Hanna Flint

Pub Golf On Thursday October 9th, 2000 Nottingham university students teed off on one of the biggest events of the first term. The widely renowned university sport of Pub Golf, which entails each bar representing a hole on a golf course, and each drink in these bars having a par - which relates to the amount of attempts you take to complete the ‘hole’ - was played by these 2000 students, all at the same time. The result was a carnival atmosphere in the centre of Nottingham, with all of the participants sporting the glowing white t-shirts of Pub Golf UK. Not only did participants get to enjoy a host of deals in the bars involved, they were also enabled entry into the studentonly nightspot that is Ocean, for a huge after party. Pub Golf Uk itself is greatly representative of the student community of Nottingham, as it is run by students, for students. This newly established company has its ambitions set upon engaging most of the country in this unique and fun bar crawl invention, so other university towns should don their visors and pull up their diamond socks, as judging by the resounding success Pub Golf Uk has had in Nottingham, it is an institution that is here to stay. Chloe Leighton

On hearing that Impact was searching for somebody to review Thursday night at Escucha, I was only too happy to oblige - well I do live directly opposite after all, which technically makes it my local. Having previously visited Escucha one Saturday evening I had been left feeling unimpressed and decided it was only fair to give it a second chance. Whilst eternal optimism reigned supreme, it was certainly not rewarded; my repeat visit did nothing to appease my initial feelings of distaste, but rather served to cement my opinion of Escucha as a tacky, seedy bar masquerading as a high-class establishment. It was certainly high class, it was indeed top shelf; the flyer for the night should read ‘vibe: under 18s rave’, ‘dress code: pimps and hos’, ‘behaviour code: inexistent but Michael Jackson/Usher impersonators very well received.’ On arrival we were greeted by polite, friendly doormen, but subsequently served by a rather obnoxious barman who, on my previous visit, had ever so kindly informed me that he would not make a non-alcoholic cocktail for me as “it wasn’t worth the effort”. Now that’s what I call a perfect model of customer service! What followed was a downward spiral into the grimy depths of Escucha shortly after witching hour. And whilst I must admit that I very much enjoyed the DJ’s selection of R ‘n’ B, peppered with Garage classics, such a playlist did nothing to dissipate the burgeoning posse accumulating centre stage in order to display their moves before their not-so discerning audience - all 20 of us. Rachel Russell

The Bar Fact File

Restaurants to take your parents to

Ever got ready for a night out with your mates only to realise that you don’t actually know which clubs or bars you’re going to? Well here’s a quick guide to some of the many bars in Nottingham and what they have to offer:

So your parents are coming to visit and want to take you out for a meal. You spy the ideal opportunity to take advantage of the fact that they haven’t seen their darling child for quite some time and will want to treat you a little. Fed up with microwave meals and often inedible hall dinners, you’re looking forward to finally eating food which is appetising (and even more importantly, which you won’t have to pay for!) But where to take them? Well look no further, because we’ve found some fantastic places. So read below and then go eat to your stomach’s content!

Cucumara Nottingham’s own chic cocktail bar has a buzzing atmosphere and a unique range of cocktails to suit everyone’s taste. Whether you’re heading for pre-club drinks or simply fancy a night away from the clubs, vibrant Cucumara is sure to get you in the party mood.

Yates’s Strictly not a bar, there is much more going on at Yates’s than meets the eye. Yates’s has something different on each night of the week. From the Cocktail Club on Mondays to Live Music Wednesdays there is something for everyone here.

The Approach A comfortable yet modern pub, The Approach’s chilled out vibe is just right for sitting and chatting with your friends. With student friendly prices and live music, The Approach offers just the right blend of nonchalance and style to start or end your night in town.

Lloyds No.1 Bar Situated next to the glamorous and exotic Coco Lounge, Lloyds No.1 Bar seems to fade into the background. In all honesty the bar/pub is not much more than an average bar, with the redeeming feature of having quite cheap prices and Oceana around the corner! Archana Mani

Fashion

@10, Middle Pavement The Lace Market is full of great places to eat and Fashion is one of those. Situated between the entrance of the Broadmarsh centre and the Jazz Cafe, Fashion is a very inviting and sophisticated place to take your parents whilst showing them the more attractive parts of Nottingham. The layout and decoration of the restaurant, including a long cocktail bar, is stylish and modern. Fashion’s menu caters for even the fussiest person by providing a ‘light lunch’ menu as well as a wide range of pasta dishes and typically English main courses like fish and chips and bangers and mash, which are fairly priced between £10 and £18. Mums and daughters will love the choice of over 40 cocktails, while fathers and sons will enjoy the selection of over 12 different beers. All in all Fashion offers friendly and attentive service, which helps make it a great place to enjoy a catch up with your family.

Strada

@The Cornerhouse Situated in the centre of town in the Cornerhouse (round the corner from Wagamamas), Strada is an ideal place to take your parents when they come to visit. The layout and setting is modern and contemporary and provides a relaxing atmosphere for a catch up with the family. Strada also offers two lunches for the price of one for students during the week, which represents great value for money. The menu itself has an authentic Italian structure (i.e. antipasti, starter, main and dessert) and is affordable with an average main course costing around £12-£13. Personally I would recommend the pizzas, which were big and reasonably priced at around £9. There is also a large and varied wine list for your parents to choose from, which accompanied with friendly and pleasant service, makes Strada well worth a visit.

Not so much bingo wing as bingo WIN Impact cocktails Chino Latino’s ‘Mushi A Gari’ It’s pricier than your average cocktail but is well worth it. The ample dash of Millers gin infused with fresh chillies, mango and apple juice really gets your tastebuds going. An impressive cocktail in unbeatable surroundings, perfect for a special occasion.

Cafe of the month

Alley Café The Alley Café is a warm little space hidden away in a courtyard just off Market Square. Don’t be put off by the fact that it is 100% vegetarian, vegan and organic. It manages to provide food that is imaginative as well as delicious. Equally good for a greasy breakfast or a healthy lunch, the menu won’t scare away committed carnivores. Fresh fruit juices in the day become fresh fruit cocktails at night. The Alley Cat is a particular favourite. From Wednesday to Saturday it opens late and there are always DJs playing a wide range of music from around the world. Local art is all over the walls, demonstrating the café’s dedication to locally-sourced produce. The cozy atmosphere and the friendly staff give Alley Café its appeal, the only problem is finding a seat! Alice Crook

Seb Walke & Ed Davidson

If you want to beat the credit crunch, get yourself down to Gala Bingo on Radford Boulevard. Because everybody knows the best way to make yourself wealthier is to gamble what little you already have. After promising my mate a free drink for accompanying me to Gala Bingo, we both entered wholeheartedly into the spirit of things. Being bingo virgins, we were confused by the lingo: books, the dobber (that thing you stamp the numbers out with, and no you cannot just use a pen) and other such bingo paraphernalia that we were coerced into shelling out for. Out of pure confusion we bought a ‘superbook’ for £7 and took our seats in the hall. We were going to go the whole hog and have a meal from the diner, but decided to take the bingo experience one step at a time and leave the artery failure for next week. Bingo wings are really not a myth at Gala. It transpired that bingo is much harder than it looks. To quote Carol Vordeman, it appeared that the num-

bers really didn’t add up. We didn’t realise that the numbers ascend in tens line by line, so it took us a good few games to stare bewildered at the page, staring myopically at the big screen wondering how people win money from this. The game is addictive: despite looking like several cards short of a pack, we sat in exalted silence for much of the two hours, excitedly arranging our bingo date next week. The highlight came when my friend got a ‘full house’ and won £100; unfortunately, we shook hands before we started to split whatever we won, so I pocketed £50. Isn’t all fair in love and gambling though? We ended the evening at the respectable time of 9.30pm with a profit of £43 quid in pound coins jangling in my bag. Kids, there really is such a thing as a free lunch. Cathy Adams

Restaurant of the month 4550 miles from Delhi Despite being located on the same road as three other top Nottingham Indian restaurants, 4550 is still doing a roaring trade - a testimonial to the establishment’s warranted popularity. With such an extensive menu one would think that the quality of the food would suffer, but from my experience everything I inhaled in that restaurant was very good. I would say however that the 60 or so main dishes make ordering rather troublesome. A good idea, especially if you’re hungry, is to go for the banquet. At £20 a head it isn’t cheap but you get to sample a wide range from the menu and all the accessories are included (naan, rice, poppadoms etc.) I recommend to those a little short on cash to stick to the vegetarian options which are about three or four pounds cheaper than their meat counterparts and every bit as delicious…and maybe skip dessert. Sara Ferrity

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Famous Last Words

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Which of these words completes the following Robbie Williams’ lyric, from 2006’s Rudebox single - “Shake your body like you’re standing on a landmine, call me on the mobile, not on the...?”

Jack Cooper

‘Checked shirt, liberal, dodgy music...he looks like he’d be left handed’

We’ve got Fonejacker Season 2 and Jimmy Carr’s latest stand-up release, In Concert, up for grabs. To be in with a chance of winning them both, simply answer this question:

‘I’m not from London, we just call posh people wankers’ ‘Well I quite like multinational companies’

Jimmy Carr has not hosted which of these Channel 4 Top 100 shows?

‘I went to Amsterdam to sleep with a woman up to the value of £200’ ‘Giving her two Xs at the end of a text is like saying you’ve got a raging hard on’

A) 100 Worst Britons B) 100 People Who Look Most Like Jimmy Carr C) 100 Best Public Lavatories In North-East England

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Issue 193

Editor-in-Chief: Rob Barham Editor: Ian Steadman Managing Editor: James Sanderson Associate Editors: Sophia Levine, Lucy Hayes, Emi Day Design Editor: Amy Bell Associate Design Editors: Charlie Walker, Anna Vickery, Sam Evans Image Editors: Nicole Samuels, Caroline Wijnbladh Website Editor: Phil Morton News Editors: Susannah Sconce, Camille Herreman, Sophia Hemsley Sports Editors: Charlie Eccleshare, Ben Bloom Arts Editors: Lotty Clifton, Clarissa Woodberry Music Editors: James Ballard, Elise Laker Film Editors: James Warren, Oli Holden-Rea Nights Editors: Steph Aldrich, Louise Fordham, Kirsty Taylor Science Editors: Henry Blanchard, Sophie Stammers Travel Editors: Bruno Albutt, Samuel Selmon Fashion Editors: Nikki Osman, Laura Sedgwick Publicity Manager: Scott Perkins

‘I’ve wanked on your chair’ ‘I don’t trust Gandhi, he’s shifty’ ‘Does the word nippy derive from when nipples go erect in the cold?’

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Gary Cully SU Marketing Tel: (0115) 8468742 Email: Gary.Cully@nottingham.ac.uk

images and design Corin Faife, Sarah Macdonald, Nick Russell, Vicky Carter, Dan Brenikov, Matthieu Chauvin

apologies Our sincere apologies to both Rabab Kassam and Francesca De Freo, who were both credited incorrectly in the previous issue. We have taken measures as recompense.

thanks Transport Tycoon Deluxe, for stealing our time like a thief in the night. Again. James, for deciding to give up being a racist. George W Bush, for eight years of being a satirical goldmine. Peter Quitgard, for spelling our names correctly.

Email: chief@impactnottingham.com editor@impactnottingham.com impact.managingeditor@gmail.com features@impactnottingham.com design@impactnottingham.com news@impactnottingham.com sports@impactnottingham.com

COntact us The best way to contact us is via email, on impact.main@gmail.com Failing that, you can find us using whichever of the following details takes your fancy: Impact Magazine, Portland Building, University Park, University of Nottingham, Nottingham, NG7 2RD Tel: 0115 8468716

Impact’s Ben Griffin gets all scandalous as he attends a Q+A with the director of ‘Notes on a Scandal’ Sir Richard Eyre. Critically acclaimed playwright, accomplished filmmaker and the recent recipienta of an honorary degree straight from the halls of Nottingham University, Sir Eyre (did we mention he’s a ‘Sir’?) talks underage sex, Dame Judi Dench’s bondage pranks and the definition of ‘buttock-cleft’. Notes on a Scandal covered a few touchy issues. Just how difficult is ‘difficult’?

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An Eyre of Controversy

style@impactnottingham.com arts@impactnottingham.com nights@impactnottingham.com music@impactnottingham.com science@impactnottingham.com film@impactnottingham.com Our office is on the top floor of Jack Portland, room D9. Cooper

Underage sex is very, very difficult. I had to have long conversations with L.A. Lawyers over what could and couldn’t be shown. In one talk I was asked to define the term ‘buttock-cleft!’ In certain states you have to be over 21 to have sex, and by definition, shooting sex is difficult. You obviously made the work your own. There was a bit in the film not included in the novel where a character laments the state of Charlton Athletics’ football team. Of course, he’s a Spurs fan - which one would define as a total loser. I’m sure the author Zoe Heller doesn’t mind as she was handsomely paid in the royalties. I do recommend her novel – a classic case of unreliable narrator.

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Underage sex is very, very difficult

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There’s a rumour floating around that Dame Judi Dench is a notorious prankster. How did you cope? Yes, she has a wonderful sense of fun. Once, filming in North London, our producer spied a bondage shop and told Judi. She thought it would be a good idea to put herself in one of those adult ads you see in payphones. She’s

larky. The actress Lauren Bacall was appalled at her nude scene in the film, but seriously, no other actress in the world could play her parts. What have you got in the pipeline?

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I just finished work on ‘The Other Man’ with Liam Neeson and Laura Linney and its playing at the London Film Festival this Friday, and this November I’m directing Carmen at the Met theatre in New York. The life of a freelance is completely ridiculous. All I know is I have a definite job next year. Are you free to choose what to work on?

God no. After theatre work I went back to freelance and get offered odd things. I’m known as a director who likes actors – doesn’t really say a lot. Though I get good support from ageing actresses because they know I’ll be nice to them. Do you have a preference between film and theatre? It’s hard not to sound soppy but I do love theatre and seeing the faces of the audience live. Film is such an industrial process you have to make sure life is preserved. Film lasts forever – like a tombstone. The world is obviously divided into rich and poor, but more specifically into people who enjoy their job and people who don’t. I’m lucky to enjoy doing what I love and then receiving extraordinary praise and awards. It’s so unfair isn’t it? But the downside is people will pelt you with rotten fruit if you mess up.

Of course he’s a Spurs fan - which one would define as a total loser zz

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because I wanted to give back. Today at the University I was conducting a workshop on utopia. We separated into lots of little groups and all had to form bonds with common interests. Films are the sums of their parts and a lot like building utopias. I’m lucky to live in a world where you can create an ideal world, and will continue making films as long as they have me. Finally, have you got any advice for budding filmmakers or playwrights? As Ken Loach says: ‘work in the theatre’! Films are dependent on the writer. It’s just not true that film is a director medium; all films start with the script. It’s so hard to get directing jobs whereas all you need to write is a piece of paper.

By Ben Griffin

In July you received an Honorary doctorate from Nottingham University. Can you explain the significance? I am incredibly grateful. Nottingham is my heartland and as someone who didn’t do particular well in my studies I am genuinely flattered. Now I walk around Nottingham and although the landmarks have changed the heart is still the same. I am here today

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