Is Travelling the Best Compatibility Test?

Is Travelling the Best Compatibility Test?

By Harriet Rothwell-Inch

Compatibility is massively important in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. You want to ensure that yours and your partner’s interests align to minimise stress and avoid potential conflict. That goes for every aspect of your life, from your core values all the way to your travel ideals.

Travel is one of the many ways people test their relationship compatibility, and it truly can be a makeor-break situation. I’ve heard horror stories of decades-long relationships deteriorating after one ill-fated trip abroad; the catalyst for the breakdown being anything from the type of accommodation booked and food available, to people not respecting budgeting differences and boundaries. Sometimes it’s even something as simple as holiday style and destination!

Well, if loving the same type of travel is the ultimate measure of compatibility in a relationship, then my boyfriend and I are as incompatible as they come.

If I had it my way, I would be travelling to a different European city each month and taking long weekend city breaks. I would have a jam-packed itinerary of all the cultural hotspots, and a list of cute, artisan cafes and bars to visit, and I’d be out from sun up to sun down exploring that city until my feet fell off. To me, travelling is about discovering new places and making the most of being somewhere you’ve never been before. If I’m not packing in as much as I possibly can into my trip, then I’m not making the most of it – and who knows when I’ll next get to travel again?

Scott, my boyfriend, is the polar opposite. He loves his rest and relaxation and he would gladly spend three weeks straight lounging in the sun on the beach or at a resort by the pool, reading, napping and occasionally going for a dip. If there are any activities planned at all, he’d prefer that they be spread out between his days of R&R, although he’s not unwilling to do more intensive days, especially if it’s an activity he’s really excited about! To him, holidays are primarily about slowing right down and taking time for yourself to fully unwind.

I won’t deny that these differences have led to some pretty intense disagreements over the course of our relationship, both when planning our travels and when we’re already on holiday. To be honest, one of the main disagreements we have on holiday is about where and when we get food.

I won’t deny that these differences have led to some pretty intense disagreements over the course of our relationship, both when planning our travels and when we’re already on holiday. To be honest, one of the main disagreements we have on holiday is about where and when we get food.

Does this mean we’re doomed to fail? I think the fact we’ve been together for 10 years says otherwise. What it does mean, is that we’ve learned to communicate our needs so that we can both enjoy ourselves when we’re travelling together.

It has also helped us both to see what we’ve been lacking in our individual travels in the past. For Scott, he has grown to appreciate a style of travel that lends itself to more exploration and adventure. As long as he knows there’ll be a chance to relax for a few hours later in the day, he’ll happily join me on my sightseeing exploits.

As for me, I’ve never really known how to properly relax, and that’s definitely reflected in the travels I embark on. I can’t remember the last solo trip I took where I allowed myself to stop and smell the roses. It’s taken a while, and a lot of gentle encouragement, but Scott has helped me to see the value in proper rest and relaxation holidays. We took a trip to Tenerife shortly after my undergraduate graduation and stayed at a small all-inclusive resort, where we spent 10 days sunbathing by the pool, reading, and occasionally wandering down into the village.

There’s definitely something to be said about witnessing the joy your partner experiences when they’re sharing their ideal holiday with you. Even if it’s not your idea of fun, it can be just as fulfilling and enjoyable as if you were on your dream travels. I know Scott loves seeing my face light up when I’m wandering around a new city, looking up at the buildings and commenting on how beautiful they are. Just as much as I love watching him fully relax with a beer by the pool, or take a midday nap in the sunshine while I read next to him.

Since the past two trips Scott and I have taken have been ‘Hattie-Style’ city breaks (3 days in Valencia, and an overnight P&O Ferries trip to Amsterdam), we’ve agreed that the next time we go travelling, Scott gets to choose where we go and what we do. I have no doubt we’ll go somewhere warm and sunny, spending a few weeks just soaking up the sun and letting the world pass us by.

Using travel as a compatibility test is a high-risk, high-reward situation. Maybe your travel interests and ideals align, or maybe they don’t; that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re incompatible as a couple. The true compatibility test comes from how you communicate and handle these differences. Do you ignore them and pretend everything’s perfect, only to have one of you compromise on your wants and needs, leading to a massive argument that, in some cases, could signal the end of your relationship? Or do you communicate and make each other aware of your wants and needs, discussing how you’ll handle any differences before you set sail in order to avoid potential unnecessary conflict?

Some people say you never truly know someone until you travel with them. While travelling together as a couple is a great way to see how much fun you’ll have, and whether you’ll be able to make lifelong happy memories together, I don’t think you should judge your entire relationship based on it. At the end of the day, as long as you and your partner communicate, you can get through anything together – whether that’s a 5-hour delay at the airport or a tiff over deciding when and where you’re going to get dinner.