Freshers’ Craziest Confessions

Streaking, shagging and sick:

Nottingham’s craziest Freshers’ Confessions

Poppy Read-Pitt compiles some of the most outrageous (and hilarious) University tales submitted to Impact by last year’s Freshers.

Freshers - a week of alcohol induced debauchery limited only by you and your stomach’s will to go on - is always messy for those involved. And if you thought a global pandemic might have changed that, you’d be very wrong.

“One night in Freshers, I got absolutely shitfaced. I woke up completely naked in a shower at about five in the morning, with the water still running and my clothes in a wet pile by the door. I was still really drunk, so I came out of the shower, dripping wet and completely naked, then walked down the corridor to my room. When I tried to open the door, however, I found that it was locked. That’s when I checked the number and realised it wasn’t even my room. But not only that, I was in completely the wrong block, on the other side of my halls. Thankfully, no one answered the door, so I grabbed my clothes from the shower and streaked through the whole building, completely naked, back to my actual room. To this day, I am so fucking thankful that no one answered that door.” - Anonymous

“In Freshers, I went to one of the Rock City sit-down sessions with my flatmates. I’m a massive lightweight, but I’m also really stubborn, so when my mates said I couldn’t match them with drinks, I was certain I could. We arrived at Rock City at around 7 pm, and I don’t remember a single thing past 7:45 pm. My mates told me that I managed to vomit all over the table before I actually made it to the loo. I must have then passed out, because I was carried back to the table by two bouncers. Apparently, I was just constantly vomiting outside and every Uber refused to take us as we were all being sick. One of the bouncers even told my mates to leave me on the side of the road! Luckily, one of us was slightly less shit-faced, and actually came from Nottingham, so he called his friend to take us back to campus. Again, I have literally zero memory of this but apparently, his mate drives a really nice car and I managed to throw up all over it! I woke up in the morning feeling like actual death and covered in my own sick. Can’t recommend it.” - Anonymous

“I shagged my flatmate in Freshers and, one night, we were pissed and messing around together and he bet me that I wouldn’t streak down our corridor. I was drunk, so I said “yes, of course, I’ll do that.” It was like three in the morning, so I hedged my bets that no one was around and went for it. I’m sprinting down our corridor when the very lovely, but very shy, student who lives a few doors away comes around the corner. I freak out, because I’m naked and drunk, and just sort of scream “aaaaa” at her. She, of course, screams back out of fright, because she’s just turned the corner to see her naked flatmate hurtling down the corridor at full speed towards her, screaming. I’ve literally never been so embarrassed in my entire life.” - Anonymous “I was a virgin when I came to uni, but, in Freshers, I got the chance to change that. We were in my room, and getting comfortable, when the fire alarm goes off. We both went outside into the cold, with her wearing my clothes as it was freezing, and everyone stared at us with knowing looks on their faces. That was a bit embarrassing for us both I think, but I thought it was going to be fine as the fire alarm would only last about five minutes before we could get back to it. However, in true Notts halls spirit, the fire alarm didn’t turn off for an hour. Safe to say, I didn’t lose my virginity that night.” - Anonymous “Me and my mate went to do a Covid test during Freshers because we’d had a ping from the NHS app. Back then, the uni was still doing the lateral flow tests that you did in front of people, so you had to stick a swab up your nose and in the back of your throat. We’d had a pretty heavy one the night before, so when my friend went to swab his throat, he started to gag violently. The test worker hadn’t seemed to have noticed that we were looking seriously worse for wear though, so told him to do his other tonsil. The mixture of the hangover, and a particularly violent gag bringing the taste of last night’s vodka into his mouth, sent him close to being sick. Meanwhile, I was also really hungover, and witnessing his antics made me start to feel really fucking ill, so I had to excuse myself from the test and go outside the tent to vomit. Tested negative though.” - Anonymous

By Poppy Read-Pit Illustrations and Page Design by Chiara Crompton