MY COMPANIONS

BY DOROTHY SPEARMAN-CLARK

I met someone some time ago. Since then, quite frankly, that someone has become quite the companion. Some might call her the bearer of bad news, though sometimes, to the contrary, she’s the hope of endless possibilities. She attributes much to my life - how I perceive my future, my present behavior, and the regrets of my past. At times, she represents the excitement of my ambitions and the sadness of my insecurities at others. Who is she? I call her Memory.

I don’t recall the exact date or time we met; however, it was a remarkable event. I guess you may call it one of those defining moments in life. I wasn’t sure how to take her at first. You see, she eased her way in unexpectantly with a charisma that one can surely appreciate. It was subtle how she made her way deep into my soul, overwhelming me in such a “matter of fact” type way.

During this almost life-long acquaintance, I’ve learned that Memory is quite versatile. She can uplift me spiritually, and in a split second, warn me of impending doom. All entirely based on what she recalls from my past. She can warm my heart; then, in the next instant, turn my whole world dark. Funny how she slowly lowers the shade, so to speak, while she smoothly reminds me of my past indiscretions.

Oh, she can also be quite a dear. I suppose she can be described as one who looks out for my best interests while choosing to forecast my future. Such a “busy-body,” she is. I don’t think she even realizes she always brings drama and “hell risings.” And I can appreciate her concern; I can. However, at times she tends to cause such an “internal” inferno that I can’t get a bearing on just what to do when

From, where did she come? Who knows? I presume she doesn’t live very far from me; however, I can’t rec- ollect hearing her mention the street or even the town in which she resides. She can arrive quickly, though; so, it must not be very far. I don’t know whether she takes an Uber or the bus, possibly the train. It’s funny how I never seem to catch her coming or going. All I know is she shows up uninvited and can be rather rude when she does. She bursts in, and I can’t get her out of my space to save me!

For quite some time now, I have secretly worked on ways to disarm her. I’ve even tried to think of ways to avoid her. You know, pretend as if I’m not home. However, I haven’t had much luck. She can show up at the most inopportune moments - moments in which I want to be left alone.

I can’t quite seem to put two and two together to figure out just when she might show up. But, when she does, I either get blessed by her presence or regret I ever met her.

I want to be able to put up my guard. But I kind of feel that it is destined that she haunts me. I feel deep within me that I can do something to make her more positive and not ever bring up “bad” times. However, I can’t seem to figure out the way. I believe it would mean that I would have to travel back through time or something.

Sometimes when my mind is going through a whirlwind of thoughts, I just want to say: “Memory, que sera, sera (whatever will be, will be).” However, being the kind-natured soul I am, I continually take in all that she dishes out and keep that hole in my face shut tight. She ruffles feathers; however, I remind myself that feathers should be ruffled to shake out the particles and the dust every once in a while.

Now, please don’t allow me to give the impression that