Effective communication

Effective Communication

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Effective Communication Sometimes it is difficult to pin down the exact, observable behaviours that help you to express yourself and communicate effectively… some verbal, visual and vocal traits play a large part in effective communication.

Verbal Elements of Communication Don’t over-qualify statements Often we are apprehensive about how a message will be received and in order to soften it’s impact we qualify our thoughts or feelings. Qualifiers are words or phrases that discount the immediacy and impact of a message:    

“You will probably think I’m just being touchy but…”

“I hope you won’t mind but…”

“I hope I’m not bothering you, but…”

“I’m probably completely wrong, but…”

The common element in these qualifiers is the word “but” which serves to discredit everything in the sentence that precedes it. In fact when used often enough, the mere sound of “but” serves as a warning that the forthcoming thought will contradict what has already been said: “John, I’ve really enjoyed going out with you, but I don’t want to anymore”. “We’ve found your work here more than satisfactory but we’re going to have let you go”. “Your report was excellent, but I need you to rewrite it”.

Other qualifiers include: just – as in “I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes” or “There’s just one problem”

kind of, sort of – as in “What you did was sort of wrong” or “I kind of hoped you wouldn’t do that again” little – as in “There’s a little problem with your work” or “I wish you’d try a little harder to be on time” any type of apology – such as “I’m sorry to have to say this” or “I really hate to say this” You can see from these examples that qualifiers detract from the power of your message and serve to discount everything you’ve said, even before the other person responds.

You have the right to be unsure of yourself and there is nothing wrong with what you think or feel. Take yourself seriously, and others will start to do the same.

Also there is no reason to totally remove all qualifiers from your language.

Sometimes it is appropriate to qualify what you say, however, don’t use them routinely – when you have a powerful message deliver it in a powerful way! There are times when you need to apologise for your actions or express your uncertainty.

However, don’t overdo it or your image will suffer both to yourself and others.

Non-Verbal Elements of Communication Visual Elements “Actions speak louder then words” may be an over-worn phrase, but it’s still true. If you mean what you say, your non-verbal behaviour will reinforce your statements.

On the other hand, the most assertive words will lose their impact if expressed in a hesitant, non-direct manner.

Eye Contact Inadequate eye contact is usually interpreted in a negative way as anxiety, dishonesty, shame, boredom or embarrassment. Even when they are not consciously aware of a person’s insufficient eye contact, others will often react unconsciously to it by either avoiding or taking advantage of the person exhibiting it.

Don’t go overboard and stare unblinkingly at everyone you meet – this is just as distracting as the other extreme – but do be sure to maintain appropriate and steady eye contact.

If necessary, you can gradually begin to increase your eye contact by first directing your glance towards different parts of the other person’s face, such as the forehead, mouth or chin. From a distance of four feet or so it’s impossible to tell whether this kind of gaze is any different to actual eye-to-eye contact.

Facial Expression Some people wonder why they have trouble being taken seriously. They claim to use the appropriate language, keep eye contact, stand at the proper distance, and so on.

Very often, it is simply that their facial expression is totally inappropriate to the message they are delivering. Many people, for example, verbally express dissatisfaction while smiling, as if nothing were wrong. Others verbalise their approval or appreciation whilst wearing an expression more appropriate to viewing a corpse.

Some people at interviews, although confident about their abilities and suitability for a job, have clenched jaws and miserable expressions, which convey a quite different message. The problem in each of these examples is the same: in order to be taken seriously your facial expression should match other parts of your message. Smiling is appropriate for good news, a serious expression matches a serious message and so on.

Gestures and Posture Like facial expressions, your movements and body positioning can either contribute to, or detract from, the immediacy and impact of a message. Fidgeting hands, nervous shifting from one foot to the other, or slumped shoulders will reduce or even contradict the impact of your message. On the other hand, gestures that are appropriate to the words being spoken and a posture that suggest involvement in the subject, will serve to reinforce your words. Watch an effective story-teller, interviewer or other good speaker and note the added emphasis they give to a message.

Recognising the importance of these actions doesn’t mean you should begin to act in an exaggerated way to make your point. The ridiculous sight of a person with waving arms or jabbing finger can be just as distracting as a zombie-like pose. The point here is to loosen up enough to let free-flowing and natural gestures suit the words they accompany.

Body Orientation Another way of expressing your attitude is through the positioning of your body in relation to another person. Facing someone head-on communicates a much higher degree of impact than a less direct positioning. In fact, a directly confronting stance in which the face, shoulders, hips and feet squarely face the other person can sometimes be interpreted as indicative of an aggressive attitude. (To verify this impression think of the stance used by a baseball player who is furious with an umpire’s decision or an Army drill instructor angry with a recruit).

To convey an assertive but non-confrontational message, the most successful body orientation is a modified frontal one in which the communicators are slightly angled away from a direct confrontation, perhaps 10 to 30 degrees. This position clearly suggests a high degree of involvement, yet allows the occasional freedom from total eye contact.

It is vital that consideration is given to the impression that we wish to convey, and that the body orientation is appropriate to the message.

Distance Choosing the correct distance between yourself and another person is an important element of effective communication. It is vital that you respect the personal space of

others, particularly in the workplace, and the distance between people is appropriate to their relationship and the situation.

Anthropologist Edward Hall (1959, 1969) has outlined four distinct distances used by Americans in different situations. Intimate distance ranges from the surface of the skin to about 18 inches. As its name implies, it is appropriately used for personal and private purposes: in close relationships it is used for affection, protection and comfort. It can also be used to display anger in a close relationship. Personal distance runs from 18 inches to approximately 4 feet, and is used with people we know well and are relaxed with. As Hall states, this is the range at which we keep people at “arm’s length”, suggesting that while there is relatively high involvement here, the immediacy is not as great as that which occurs within intimate distance.

Social distance ranges from 4 feet to 12 feet, and is generally appropriate in less personal settings: meeting strangers, engaging in impersonal business transactions, and so on. This is the range at which job interviews are often conducted, customers are approached by salespeople, or newcomers introduced by a third party. We often accuse someone, who ought to be using social distance, but instead moves into personal space, of being “pushy”. Finally, Hall labels the space extending outward from 12 feet as public distance. As its name implies, public distance is used in highly impersonal settings and occasions involving large numbers of people: classrooms, public performances and so on. You must ensure that you are using the distance which is appropriate for the person, the situation and the message you want to express.

Vocal Elements of Communication Non-verbal communication does not focus on what you say but rather on how you say it. To understand how the voice conveys messages, recall a time when you have overheard a muffled conversation going on behind a closed door or on the other side of a wall. You almost certainly had a good idea of the type of feelings of the people concerned without seeing the visual behaviours. Also, as very young children we can pick up the feelings of our parents without even being able to understand the words. Most toddlers are only too aware that a parent is angry with them! There are four ways that your voice can convey messages.

Loudness The volume of your voice says a great deal about your feelings at that moment.

There are two ways in which loudness affects the impact of your communication.

First is the basic volume you use – the way you speak most of the time. You may, for instance, have the habit of talking so softly that others find it difficult to understand you. Whatever the reasons for such a quiet tone, the impression it often creates is one of timidity and uncertainty. On the other hand, you might talk so loudly that other listeners become uncomfortable around you. Excessive volume usually suggests aggression, anger or boorishness, even when you have no such feelings.

Unlike the people who always express themselves at an inappropriate volume, others may speak too loudly or too softly only at certain critical times. For instance, you might find that your normally pleasant voice turns into a shout when you are angry. Or you might almost lose your voice to just a whisper when you are upset.

Needless to say, either of these extremes will usually diminish the effectiveness of your message.

Rate Some speakers talk too rapidly and others too slowly. A speedy delivery often conveys a sense of nervousness or aggression, while a low, overly hesitant manner often appears to indicate uncertainty.

The average rate of speech is between 100 – 120 words per minute, thus providing a gauge against which you can measure your own speed.

Fluency In addition to speaking at an appropriate rate and volume, another important factor is flow or fluency; the absence of disfluencies: unnecessary sounds such as “um” and “er”, “ya know”, as well as other distracting vocal mannerisms such as repetitious words and long pauses. You might already be aware of using certain disfluencies in your speech. If not, try asking others who know you well whether you use any.

Affect The affective ingredients of your voice include both tone and inflection. These elements are major tools for expressing your feelings. Think of the number of messages you could convey with a single sentence such as “I hope you will call me”, just by changing the tone. These simple words could communicate excitement, affection, sarcasm, anger or disinterest, depending on the variations in the pitch chosen by the speaker.

This article has been extracted from one of our training course books. Our training materials are developed by experienced trainers and consultants.

Impression Training runs courses related to this topic.

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