Petrichor: A Reflection.

Written by Emma Schafman

I often longed escapism through the feeling of intimacy in a crowded room with hundreds of strangers who disappeared at the end of the night. Seeing beyond their face, getting a glimpse of their story preserved behind their eyes. Knowing that they too have a life of their own filled with memories faded by the years they live on. I found myself avoiding my own mysteries trying to decipher the sporadic passerby, ignoring the constant calls of my inner self waiting to be heard. Taken for granted is only the beginning of how I can explain that feeling.

I’ve learned that you will find your spark in places you do not choose to look. My perspective shifted from thinking happiness was an end goal, somewhere you’ll get to one day, to discovering that it is a feeling you have to find in everyday victories. Reminding myself to slow down, I developed an incomprehensible hunger to rip out my roots and plant new seed. Allowing myself to be present in a singular moment cleared my vision of what could be or what might be and forced me to accept natural course. Thinking too deeply into the future fogged my perception of what was happening right in front of me. I lost time envisioning what she might feel later on. I was robbing myself of today. I’ve realized that the joy I’ve accumulated was not gifted by the moments that were supposed to happen, but by those I could never predict. It was not handed to me on a silver platter, intricately planned by my increasingly anxious mind. The days where I had no route were days that brought the most pleasurable moments. I replaced any negative word with “healthy” and quickly realized how fast I started living life for myself, and not for others.

Sometimes you have to accept it might not get any easier than how it is. You simply adapt to your situation and learn to cope with the struggle you face head on every single day. You can find peace in the unexpected. It makes you resilient. After long days without rain, a storm will come. And instead of wallowing inside, you come out, inhale, and exhale. ▪

“My perspective shifted from thinking happiness was an end goal, somewhere you'll get to one day, to discovering that it is a feeling you have to find in everyday victories.