Incite Magazine - October 2006

m Ca pu s

o

Old Bo ys’ Clu b

m L eb a n o n

Caffeine

Le tte r fr

incite McMaster’s Monthly Magazine

09 | 01 October 2 0 0 6

Considering graduate school?

� Top 10

RealTrax ring tunes TM

Week of September 25

Visit the Queen’s University booth at the Continuing Education Fair 10:30AM to 2:30PM, Wednesday, 18 October 2006 Student Centre Marketplace, McMaster University

See you there!

1.

Bossy

2.

Crazy

3.

I Know You See It (A Cappella)

4.

It's Goin' Down (A Cappella)

5.

London Bridge (Chorus)

6.

Me & U

7.

Money Maker (Pharrell Chorus)

8.

Pullin' Me Back (Radio Edit)

9.

Sexy Back

10.

Shoulder Lean (feat. T.I.)

- Kelis (feat. Too Short) - Gnarls Barkley - Yung Joc - Yung Joc - Fergie - Cassie - Ludacris (feat Pharrell)

- Chingy Featuring Tyrese - Justin Timberlake - Young Dro

Enter to WIN a trip to the 2006 Billboard® Music Awards in Las Vegas!

• Text BILLBOARD to 555 on your phone to get started!

• Download any Billboard ring tune or subscribe to Billboard Mobile between September 15 to October 31, 2006 for your chance to win.*

Brought to you by Rogers Wireless.

*Billboard ring tunes start at $2.10 plus 50¢ for the download. The Billboard® Mobile subscription is $5 ($3 content fee plus $2transport fee). This subscription does not include the cost of ring tunes.

Billboard is registered trademark of VNU Business Media, Inc.

WEBSTER’S FALLS, D UNDAS

� � ������� � � � ������ ��������� �

AND SPEND IT HERE At belairdirect you get: • a 10%* savings for full-time students • a 5% discount when you purchase your policy at belairdirect.com • a 100% chance to reward yourself

Get a quote at belairdirect.com/students

��������������

© 2006 Belair Insurance Company Inc. All rights reserved. *Certain conditions, limitations and exclusions apply and may change without further notice. Not everyone will qualify for a phone or online quote. Insurance products may be underwritten by either Belair Insurance Company Inc. or The Nordic Insurance Company of Canada. belairdirect is a registered trademark of the Belair Insurance Company Inc.

2 incite

I

EDITORIAL

my toes” by “that quirky little apartment.” But, after stubbing a toe, or tripping over the mysterious Mt. Everest carpet bulge by my closet, I start to worry that my sense of balance, and perhaps my grasp on sanity, is slipping a little. If I learned anything from those country fair funhouses, it’s that a few minutes in a wonky enough environment can make even ten–year–olds feel like they’ve polished off a bottle of wine.

It’s no wonder that my own personal funhouse is making me stumble along Sterling.

But perhaps my unsteadiness is part of a larger sense of inertia.

Starting fourth year has made me feel a little like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Without realizing it, I had decided that I was on a yellow brick road and that it was bound to lead me to an impressive place, full of wisdom and crystal–clear directions on where to go next. Yet after all this traveling, I’ve only found a rather unimpressive little man behind the green curtain. There’s been no great

Editing and Production Co–ordinator Kerry Scott Editors Samantha Green Rob Lederer Kate MacKeracher Jacob Stewart–Ornstein Layout Co–ordinator Sylvia Andreae Graphics Co–ordinator Erin Giroux Graphics and Layout Andrew Carreiro Boram Ham Angie Ng Hiral Shah

epiphany of understanding and certainly no magic “poof” of assurance that I’ve been traveling the right path and am heading somewhere grand.

I’m starting to think that being off balance is the steady state in which we all must live. Everywhere I look I see people and systems stumbling and righting themselves, adapting to rough footing, high winds, and the odd push—whether friendly or frightening.

In this month’s feature, Incite discusses the slow, halting progress of Canadian politics from a place reserved for white men with similar beliefs, to a system with a few more voices and new faces. Being shoved off balance seems the only way for our political system to evolve. On the international level, turmoil appears to have settled in for the long haul, dividing countries and destroying lives. Our “Letter from Lebanon” describes a nation stumbling along the path of development—only to be again set back by war. In our debate, Incite presents both a justification

Catherine M.A. Wiebe, Incite’s previous editor, has graduated and begun a career in writing, leaving the magazine to a new and ever growing team of layout designers, artists, writers, and editors. I’m excited to be a part of this incredible team as Incite continues to evolve.

incite

Christina De Melo Isabelle Huang Debjani Poddar Steve White

INSIDE

FEATURES

6 Don’t be a Mac Idle 8 The Old Boy’s Club 14 McMaster Manner Manifesto 16 Fighting the Big Guns 18 Fear and Lattés on Las Campus 20 Canadian Military in Afghanistan Staying fit on campus

Contributors Muneeb Ansari Parker Bell Saurabh Chitnis Nick Davies Jeanette Eby Christabel Evans Zsuzsi Fodor Ben Freeman Robyn Guyatt Alice Honig Katie Huth Emma Love Elise McCormick Laura McGhie Caroline Olsen Manisha Phadnis Katie Smith Anna Strathy Vanessa Wynn-Williams Assistant Editors Caitlin Allan Julie Compton Sarah Levitt Ana Nikolic

and condemnation of Canada’s military presence in Afghanistan. It appears that despite initial delusions of a yellow brick road to Kandahar, the Canadian military is grappling with its own little man.

It is a bafflingly complex journey littered with potholes of failure, and ridges of doubt. It can make you feel crazy and frustrate you to tears. But along the way, there are places of momentary steadiness: an organic farm full of life, a picnic in the mountains of Lebanon, even a simple cup of coffee with friends. The real road is definitely grey concrete, not yellow brick—and I’m living on a beautiful, bumpy chunk of it.

§

’ve been feeling a little off balance lately. Yesterday, I tripped twice on my way to school. It may have something to do with my new room. Back in the spring when I signed the lease my mind was already far away, looking for a job in Toronto and a cheap ticket to New York City. I walked down the stairs to the basement, looked around at the large, low, cave–like space, and promptly (and rather inexplicably) decided to take it. Now that I’m actually living down there, the following has become clear: I must not, under any circumstances, date a basketball player. I’ve also decided that whoever poured the cement to make the foundation of my new house (and thus the floor of my new room) must be fired from his construction job. Without severance.

On good days I try to think of the undulating, pitted floor as creative and artsy. I attempt wry chuckles and comments about “being kept on

How Canadian politics has...and hasn’t changed Etiquette for students

Interview with Dr. Joanna Santa Barbara

An increasingly jittery review of coffee shops

Laurel Berkowitz Norman M. Kearney Angela Nardozi

Should we stay or should we go?

Printing Hamilton Web Printing

DEPARTMENTS

Impact Youth Publications 97 Sterling Hamilton, ON L8S 4J3 incite@mcmaster.ca http://phispace.net/incite Incite is published six times per academic year by Impact Youth Publications. 10,000 copies are distributed in the McMaster University–Westdale area. Entire contents copyright 2006–2007 Impact Youth Publications. Letters up to 300 words may be sent to the above address; they may be edited for length and clarity and will not be printed unless a name, address, and daytime phone are provided.

Opinions expressed are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Incite’s staff or Impact Youth Publications.

4 5 12 23

Happenings: News from Near and Far Wanderings: An Organic Experience Letter From Lebanon Column: Pop

Cover art by Erin Giroux Cover design by Sylvia Andreae

incite 3

HAPPENINGS

MINUTES FROM LAST MONTH selected news from near and far

Virtual Reality McMaster

Lands

at

New technology has landed here at McMaster. It can be found surging, swaying, heaving, rolling, pitching, and yes, yawing, in the Faculty of Engineering. Featuring a spaceship pod fibreglass shell, the new simulator will teach undergraduate students how to develop software for simulated flight, driving, and medical research among a variety of other areas. It is hoped that the unveiling of the simulator will garner increased interest in computer science and software engineering programs that have suffered decreased enrolment despite growing employment opportunities. The technology is part of a growing trend that allows new aircraft and automobile technology to be virtually simulated before any prototypes are built. The simulator, when used in classroom settings, will reveal the impor-

tance of information technology in everyday life.

Uncommon Commons

The second and third floors of Mills Memorial Library are looking sharp.

Formerly home to the spacious but largely uninspiring group study area, the space is now occupied by the sleek and modern Learning Commons.

Complete with executive chairs that emanate importance and a workstation archipelago, the new Learning Commons will offer students many new ways to access library resources and connect with library staff in real time. Peer helpers from the Centre for Student Development will be on hand to deliver regular workshops and to help with academic skills. A partnership between several McMaster departments, the Learning Commons offers students a modern space for group work, computer time, or even a precious few minutes of relaxation.

outside the bubble Another type of downtown club

LONDON—September 24 marked the Third annual Shoreditch Urban Open golf tournament. The venue, Shoreditch Golf Course, is the world’s first and only urban golf course, an 18 hole, par 72 track winding through downtown London. Tees and greens are marked by Astroturf mats, but should your ball wander, everything else is in play: underground parking lots, cars (moving and stationary), and homeless people. Shoreditch has managed to adapt the game wholesale, complete with plus-fours, regular clubs, and caddies. But for the sake of lawfulness and civic order, one thing has changed: balls are leather shells stuffed with feathers.

Breaking news from Thailand: banned go-go dancing and forced smiling THILAND—The coup in Thailand seems to have entered a slightly ridiculous phase. Go-go dancers have been banned from dancing in

4 incite

front of tanks and troops stationed in Bangkok. The Thai military, posted at street corners throughout the city, has inspired locals and tourists alike to take pictures, give gifts, and generally make merry.

The provisional Thai government drew the line, however, when a scantily clad dance troupe attempted to feature several soldiers in a music video shoot. Coup leaders have since ordered the troops to smile, ostensibly to promote a benevolent public image, but more likely to mask their looks of disappointment.

Health Care Dollars Floating Away

THE STRATOSPHERE—The first ever weightless human surgery was carried out on September 27, when a team of doctors removed a benign tumour from a man’s arm. The surgery was performed on a specially modified plane, in a hygienic plastic tent with special tools attached to the operating table with magnets. The surgeons worked in 20 second bouts

inside the bubble A star is born

No, not the latest export from hits such as Canadian Idol, Rock Star: INXS or So You Think You Can Dance. The universe’s very first star did not rely on scathing comments from celebrity judges or audience voting. Curious? You can find out more on October 11th from 7:008:30 PM at the Hamilton Public Library. McMaster’s Origins Institute will be presenting From First Light to Life in the Cosmos, the first in a series of public lectures offered by the department. Ralph Purditz, the Institute’s director, will be tracing the universe’s history from the birth of the first star to the formation of galaxies and planets. The adventure will begin amidst the conditions that bore the first star and eventually led to life on Earth millions of years later. If only a win on Canadian Idol ensured that much staying power!

of weightlessness, taking about 11 minutes to complete the operation.

This human trial has been in the works for three years, preceded by a trial surgery in zero gravity on a rat. Scientists are working with the eventual goal of being able to operate on astronauts in space via robots.

You Go Girl

COLOMBIA—Women in one of the most violent regions of Colombia recently concluded a ten day “cross–legged” strike, during which they vowed to withhold sex from their gang–member boyfriends to pressure them to end a lethal feud. The female sex strikers live in Pereira, a city with an unfortunate 97 murders per 100 000 people. In 2005, nearly all victims were gang members aged 14 to 25. Studies suggest that the local gang members are attracted to the criminal lifestyle by the appeal of status, power, and sexual attractiveness, not economic necessity. Although no immediate effects were observed on the local

No Liszt, but maybe Leibniz…

It turns out that enrolling a young child in music lessons can bring many more perks than squeaky violin and clarinet recitals. Recent research conducted by the McMaster University Institute for Music and Mind and the Rotman Research Institute at Baycrest have found that, after participating in a year of music instruction, children between the ages of four and six showed advanced brain development and improved memory. The study compared the development of six children who followed the Suzuki method for one year with that of six children who had no music instruction outside of school. These results, the first to show this difference in very young children, are important, as improved memory can have positive effects on areas such as literacy and mathematics.

Compiled by Manisha Phadnis

murder rate, this Lysistratian technique is bound to have some positive influence.

Sleepless in Atlanta

GEORGIA—Atlanta may not be the best choice for those looking to rest, relax, and unwind after a hot Southern day. A recent survey focussing on the many reasons we lose sleep found that Atlanta residents, on average, suffered 1.3 more nights of uneasy sleep per month than the Sleeping Beauties in the 50 other cities surveyed. The usually peachy city might have felt quite bruised as its residents were also found to have higher than average commute times, divorce rates, and unemployment levels.

There may be hope for sleepy Atlantans, however, if they are willing to head west on Route 66 to California’s Anaheim and Los Angeles, the top two cities in which to catch some shut eye.

Compiled by Chris Evans, Elise McCormick, Manisha Phadnis, and Caroline Olsen

WANDERINGS

T

An Organic Experience

he air smelled of leaves and the geese were leaving.

Highway 8 was dark and damp as it climbed ahead of me, leaving the tired buildings of Dundas behind. At the top of the Mountain, the thick greenery, brushing shoulders above the road, gave up with a shock of crimson and fell away, replaced with yellow–green fields. The road relaxed into a straight path, shooting past tattered barns and interrupted only by cross–roads with shiny gas stations. And just like that, I was in farm country.

I went to Plan B on a Saturday evening for their Eighth Annual Harvest Celebration. It was my aunt’s idea for us to go; she’d supported the farm since it began in 1998 but had never been to see it. The evening was held to thank the shareholders who sustain Plan B by buying its organic produce throughout the year.

Even before turning down their long driveway, I could tell we were in the right place; goldenrod and thick grass lined the ditch and a beat–up, bumper sticker–ed van marked the way into the property. Cars were parked at a diagonal all the way down the long dirt driveway, their hoods nosing out of the bushes that had swallowed their rears. A tall man in his early twenties, with a bushy brown beard and Australian accent, directed us to park in between a pylon and a scraggly tree. As we lurched into place I noticed that the tree’s branches were supporting a web of vines heavy with clusters of grapes.

The centre of the farm was full of people. Children were climbing bales of straw and playing soccer. Five barbeques were smoking, grilling burgers, sausages, and veggie dogs. A line had formed, horseshoeing past a watermelon stand, through the barbeque area, and beside a huge table of garnishes, fresh salads, and fruit drinks. Latino music blended with the sounds of sizzling food, laughing children, chatting adults, crickets, and wind. Even the ground seemed to hum, alive with insects and roots. A rooster strutted past the action, looking refined, and a little disapproving. A couple came with their two–week–old baby, making it his first official outing.

While we were eating, the sky darkened and the thin clouds on the horizon blushed cotton–candy pink. The soccer game ended as parents called their kids and the soccer ball was reduced to a soft, deflated skin. The tomatoes on my plate were a deep, almost obscene red, like fresh flesh or a mouth done up in sultry lipstick. Sweet and succulent, their juices soaked my hotdog bun and dripped down my chin. I drove to Plan B in a car made in Mexico and walked around the farm on shoes from Indonesia. It felt nice to eat food from home.

A tanned man wearing impressive work boots circulated, gathering guests interested in a farm tour. He filled us in on the workings of the farm as we walked under a canopy of leaves.

The farm’s owners, Melanie Golba and brothers Rodrigo and Alvaro Venturelli, bought the 50 acres of land in Flamborough, near the Beverly Swamp, in 1997. Together they have worked tirelessly (with a varying team of employees such as our tour guide) to develop a successful, sustainable, farm in harmony with the natural world.

As we made our way into the open I was struck by how different Plan B looked from typical farms. There were no vast expanses of perfectly hoed earth or shimmering, uniform, green fields. After seeing Plan B, most images of modern farming

By Kerry Scott start to look eerie, like the blond–haired, blue–eyed Children of the Corn.

At less than twenty minutes from campus, Plan B Organic Farm is truly local—so close that many make the trip by bike.

Its proximity to Hamilton allows the farm to provide more than vegetables to the Golden Horseshoe. The farm is regularly opened to the community so people can come learn about organic farming, the source of our food, and the natural cycles of the bioregion. For those without access to a car, and who are unsure of their long–distance biking prowess, rest assured, carpools from Hamilton are organized for many events.

We passed five tiny camper vans, set well apart from one another, almost buried by tall grasses and bushy shrubs. These house the workers until the earth gets too cold for growing and the trailers get too cold for living. The workers are from all over: young environmentalists and farmers linked by a network of organic farms. Some work here for one growing season, settling only for a time before traveling on to other countries or other jobs. Others work for Plan B year after year, cultivating an intricate knowledge of the land, the local swamp, and the yearly challenges of rain, drought, and blight.

Our guide brought us to a long, narrow field, surrounded on two sides by piles of earth exploding with greenery. The dark soil was broken by lines of tiny red leaves—a hardy strain of lettuce. Julia, a petite, blond woman joined us, and explained that she owned another farm up the road. She was working at Plan B while waiting for her own Organic Certification. Apparently it takes several years for the pesticides and other toxins to leach from the land before weeds start growing and the birds come back. As Julia was speaking, she squatted and started to pull out green weeds surrounding the lettuce, saying, “While I’m here I might as well get something done.” I looked out and noticed that about half the field had been weeded; the other half was covered in a soft coating of light green growth, much of it as tall as the red lettuce shoots. It was then that I began to appreciate just how labourious farming without chemicals must be—it would take days, crouched in the sun, to clear this one field of weeds by hand. And there were so many fields.

And so many crops. Bugs, too, Julia told me, were picked off and squished by hand.

While our guide was telling us about the bright orange newt he saw this summer, my aunt motioned to an old man, laughing and talking to a little girl. José Venturelli, she told me, is Rodrigo and Alvero’s father and a McMaster professor emeritus. He worked for years as a pediatric doctor in Hamilton and, since coming to Canada from Chile, has been a tireless social activist.

His sons, I realized, have become activists of a different type. They, along with Melanie, are teaching city people like me the beauty of a field capable of growing weeds, the value of spending days picking bugs and weeds out by hand, and the importance of leaving soil alone long enough for it to forget the poisons that were poured into it. Plan B also reminded me what eating local really means: there are times when you eat berries, times when you get leeks, and times when you have tomatoes. When they come, they’re a flavourful celebration, and when they’re out of season, you miss them. It was starting to get dark, and another V of geese flew by. On Plan B, I couldn’t help but feel grounded.

Plan B is supported by a system of growing and distributing organic produce called Community Shared Agriculture (CSA). CSA works by having local consumers purchase subscription shares of a local farm’s upcoming harvest in the early spring. By paying for their produce at the beginning of the growing season, CSA shareholders provide the start–up capital necessary for farmers to purchase seeds, supplies, and soil amendments. This eliminates the farmer’s dependence on bank loans and chemical inputs to guarantee the harvest. There are now approximately 1000 CSA farms in North America. CSA farms bond farmers and those who consume their food. The farmer gains a healthy, economically viable farm business and the consumers receive affordable, fresh, local organic produce.

If you’re interested in eating organic and supporting Plan B, visit www.planborganicfarms.ca. You can buy a half or whole share in the spring, or purchase a Winter Food Box on a week–by–week basis. Once you sign up online you can start picking up your box from a local drop–off point. They deliver to depots in Hamilton, Burlington, Dundas, Oakville, and Toronto—or you can visit the farm to pick up your produce.

— Adapted from text by Melanie Golba

incite 5

T

The most obvious way to stay fit on campus is the McMaster gym, the Pulse. Indeed, the Pulse is the place to see and be seen exercising on campus—even more so when its new and improved location at the David Braley Athletic Centre is completed in the coming weeks. The Pulse’s convenient, on–campus location makes it a great way to kill an hour or two between classes, or to sneak exercise into a busy schedule. For the $94 cost of a basic eight–month membership, you get access to the weight equipment, free weights, and cardio equipment. If you happen to enjoy the treadmill, you’ll have to pay an extra $20 dollars on top of the basic membership fee. Use of the soon–to–be operational climbing wall and the cycling studio will cost extra as well. While the cost does start to add up, especially if you want all of the extra bells and whistles, it’s a worthwhile investment for those who like working out in a more communal setting, and enjoy a lot of variety in their fitness regime. Also, if you’re willing to wait until November, the prices do drop, but that means until then you’ll have to find alternate methods of keeping fit.

With a number of different cardio machines, including elliptical trainers, stationary bikes, stair climbers, and of course, treadmills, the Pulse has loads of options for those who like to feel their heart work overtime. If pumping up is what you’re interested in, there is a huge assortment of weight machines to work your deltoids, biceps, hamstrings, abs, glutes and just about any other muscle you want to strengthen. You should take note that depending on what time of the day you go, some of the equipment—especially the cardio machines—can be in high demand. If you’re not into standing around and waiting, and you are good at planning ahead, you can sign up for some of the equipment in advance.

You can also call the gym between 6:45 and 8 AM to book equipment for anytime that day.

Another option is to try one of the many group classes that come included in your Pulse membership.

Offering everything from intense aerobics and cycling, to core strengthening, to relaxing yoga, these classes can add variety and a much–

NI

HO

needed dose of fun to your workout. Different classes run at various times all day, every day, so scheduling is no excuse. As well, for those who find fitness equipment more confusing than a linear algebra class—what with all the flashing lights, cables, cords, knobs, and terribly unclear diagrams—the classes come with experienced, enthusiastic instructors who will tell you exactly what to do, and when to do it. You might consider going with friends and making your workout a bonding experience; nothing cements a friendship more than watching one another do downward–facing–dog or stumbling through incredibly complex step choreography. Also, if you have all the best intentions of going to the gym, but have trouble actually getting there when another hour of sleep seems so much more appealing, it’s motivational to know you have a friend who’s counting on you to workout with—unless of course, that friend also enjoys her sleep, in which case you might consider finding a new exercise buddy.

The Degroote…David Braley Athletic Centre

With everything from squash quarters, to a 50 meter pool, to a suspended indoor running track, the brand spanking new David Braley Athletic Centre offers many ways to stay in shape as a student—and best of all, many of them are free! The highlights include open gym time with recreational badminton, basketball, and volleyball. You can sign out different sports equipment at the desk. The pool is also open for free swims and the squash courts can be signed out throughout the day. For your scheduling ease, all of the available gym and pool times are posted online.

The athletics and recreation department also offers various classes including dance, yoga, swimming lessons, and pilates. These classes range from $40 to $50, take place within the various studios, and usually occur once a week, so make sure you can squeeze them into your schedule before registering. The benefit of signing up and paying for a class is that you’ll have greater incentive to go, and when school gets busy you’ll have already set aside that time for yourself.

If you are a team player but don’t have the time (or perhaps the skill) required to participate on a varsity team, intramural sports might be for you.

They are offered both first and second term and include everything from ultimate frisbee to innertube water–polo to three pitch. There are women’s, men’s, and co–ed teams. Go ahead, gather some friends, or sign up on your own, and get competitive.

Mother Nature’s Treadmill One of the oldest and more effective ways of keeping in shape is running—and what better place to run than through the great outdoors? If you enjoy the high–impact workout that running a hilly terrain provides, like to feel the wind whip past you as you move, take pleasure in being “one” with nature, or are variously described as the “outdoorsy type,” there are several places around campus for you to get your run on. Most visible is the outdoor track, located just behind Ivor Wynne Center—although, admittedly this may not get you as close to nature as you’d prefer.

For those who want to see some grass or trees as they hoof it along, Cootes Paradise is a superb place to run. It’s most easily accessed at the end of Ten Acre Field (behind Ivor Wynne and beside the alpine tower). Just make sure to watch your footing, as erosion often makes some of the trails a little treacherous. If you’d prefer a flatter, less in-

“Nothing cements a friendship more than watching one another do downward–facing–dog or stumbling through incredibly complex step choreography.”

6 incite

G AN

TOOLBOX

The Pulse…feel the beat!

BY A

LICE

G RAPHIC BY ERIN G IROUX

A

s the school year gets up and running, many of us find that we simply aren’t doing the same. In fact, we’ve come to a dead stop. Class, work, friends, and all those other pleasant time–eaters that are part of a student’s life can put a serious damper on one’s overall fitness.

But don’t despair: it’s easier and more efficient than you might think to stay in shape on campus. What follows is a “how–to” guide for keeping fit and active at school. Whether you live on or off campus, are an exercise junkie or chronic couch potato, there are many different opportunities at Mac for you to feel the burn.

D

SM

H

staying fit on campus

KA

IE

IT

SCHOOL RUNNINGS

jury–inducing run, the Hamilton Brantford Rail Trail is another option. It’s also great for biking and has the added bonus of marking every kilometer with a post (all 32 of them!), for those who like to keep track of their progress. The trail starts on Ewen Road which runs between Main and Whitney and then heads off parallel to Main (away from Emerson). Finally, Princess Point offers another great running path (as long as the smell of rotting carp and an inordinate amount of Geese poo don’t bother you). It starts at the bottom of Longwood Road and continues along the waterfront all the way over to the pier. It’s a good place to rollerblade as well, because the path is wide and nicely paved. It also has the distance you’ve travelled marked out on the ground

DVD your way to fitness…

If the prospect of putting on shorts and getting all hot and sweaty in front of a bunch of strangers in public settings makes you shudder, you might want to consider investing in a fitness DVD or two. Not only do they provide a great workout in the privacy and convenience of your own home (at a much more reasonable price than a home gym), but some are actually quite educational—or at least entertaining.

Take, for instance, Billy Blanks’ Tae Bo series. If you kick, punch, pivot, dip, and lunge through one of his DVDs, you’ll receive more than a toned physique: you’ll also be the recipient of his inspiring, motivational take on life. For example, during his “Tae Bo Cardio” routine, Blanks thoughtfully ruminates that you “shouldn’t worry if you mess up, not everyday is a perfect workout, it’s a real life workout.” These wise, if somewhat nonsensical words, at least give you something to think about as you bust a move.

For those of you looking for an exercise routine that will help you “look good, feel great and spice up your personal life,” try Carmen Electra’s Aerobic Striptease, which comes with the exciting promise of enabling you to “strip your way to fitness.” As you arch you back, swivel your hips, and seductively fondle yourself, you’ll also be toning you thighs, buns, and abs. Not to be outdone by Blanks, Ms. Electra also imparts some words of wisdom—the most poignant of which might just be her assertion that “it’s all about the finger in the mouth.” Now that’s advice you can take with you for life.

Sometimes in life it’s the little things that count. This is certainly true of your overall fitness. There are any number of small steps you can take towards maintaining a healthy, active lifestyle that don’t require a gym membership, expensive equipment, or really any kind of athletic skill.

For example, if you live off campus, walk, bike, or roller–blade to class rather than taking the bus or driving. Not only is this better for you, but it’s also better for the environment. Going out to get groceries, running miscellaneous errands, or picking up some party “supplies” from the LCBO (although you might want to omit this one if you are truly dedicated to being fit and healthy), also provide a perfect excuse to sneak in some clandestine exercise.

Going up? Climb stairs instead of taking the elevator (getting to the fifth or sixth floor of Mills Library via the stairwell provides a particularly rigorous cardio workout). Meeting a friend for some coffee and conversation? Get the coffee to go and enjoy an invigorating walk–chat combo. Heading home for a long weekend? Throw your stuff in a back–pack, jump on your bike, and let your parents know that you’ll be arriving to family dinner a little late (possibly several days, weeks, or months late, depending on where you hail from). Whenever it’s possible for you to walk, run, or roll to your destination, you should throw on some comfy shoes, suit up with the necessary protective gear, and get moving. Before you know it, small changes in your activity level will add up to some big results.

G RAPHICS BY I SABELLE H UANG

Exercise in Disguise…

Keep it Moderate

While staying fit and being active are important, so is maintaining a lifestyle that is balanced, healthy, and happy. In other words, take things in moderation. Going to the gym or for a run before class is good, but forcing yourself to go every single day, even when you don’t have the time or energy, is not. Trying to eat mostly healthy foods is valuable, but so is enjoying your favourite indulgences. Some french fries or ice cream every once and a while (or both at the same time: try dipping the fries in the ice cream for the ultimate flavour sensation) is not going to thwart your long–term fitness goals. Again, it’s all about moderation; if you skip the gym one morning, or finish off an evening of partying by consuming an entire pizza (what? you were starving after shaking your groove–thang all night!), don’t beat yourself up. Instead, return to your normal routine the next day content with the knowledge that you haven’t failed or even derailed.

It’s also important to remember that being fit is not the same thing as being thin or rock–hard. It’s not a sign that you are out of shape if you can’t squeeze into a pair of size zero jeans or don’t have washboard abs. Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, and what’s fit and healthy for one person may not fit and healthy for another. Working out shouldn’t be all about your appearance, it should also be about doing something good for your body, mind, and soul. Don’t start exercising with the expectation of transforming yourself into an Evangeline Lilly or Matthew Mcconaughey; you’re bound to get quickly discouraged. Instead, look at your fitness regimen—whatever you choose it to be—as an avenue for self discovery, an outlet for stress, and most importantly as a vital component of your health and well–being.

incite 7

By Saurabh Chitnis, Ben Freeman, Emma Love, Kerry Scott, and Jacob Stewart-Ornstein

The Search for New Faces in Canadian Politics

Who Rules the School?

FEATURE 8 incite

$

$

T

hink back to high school. Did you ever feel as though the popular guys were all kind of the same? They wore those baggy jeans and basketball jerseys, and even used the same inane expressions. Like those trendy high school boys, federal politicians also seem to be cut from the same cloth, specifically a graying, white material, woven in Quebec or Ontario. Also like high school, the fashion, gossip, and mating habits of the popular guys fill our minds and media sources, whether MSN or CBC. Will we ever grow up? Can our political system show maturity beyond the high school level, accepting those from outside the traditional political class? And even if another clique manages to challenge the established powers, will we ever get a truly inclusive political system?

Canada’s political class has long been an Old Boy’s Club, our prime ministers drawn from a narrow upper crust of lawyers, businessmen, and academics, their path to power nurtured by political appointments and apprenticeships in corporations. Similar to every high school’s football team of Freddy Prince Jr. clones, the Liberal and former Progressive Conservative (PC) parties formed an exclusive group, dominated by Ontarians, Quebecers, and the occasional Easterner. Paul Martin, Jean Chrétien, and Jean Charest, are all examples of the Old Boys who have run the country until recently.

But with the victory of the Conservatives earlier this year, a new group of men is moving into Parliament Hill. Western members of the former Canadian Alliance and Reform Party make up this hot new crowd. Although they are fracturing the rigid structures that held the Old Boys in power, their triumph is not opening the way for real change, but simply adding a new clique to the still–exclusive scene.

Old Boys

The jocks have always run the high school social scene.

Their strong links to the scary gym teacher and unmatched physical strength make them the undisputed aristocracy of the school. Similarly, Canada’s Old Boys have for years run our government as their own personal fiefdom (and occasionally as their own personal bank).

The structure and membership of the Liberal government of 1993 to 2006 clearly reflected the nature of the Old Boys in Canada.

Both Chrétien and Martin were heirs to a political dynasty that was deeply imbedded in Canadian political life. Similarly, the former PC leader and now deputy leader of the Conservatives, Peter McKay, comes from an equivalent political line characterized by assistance from mentors, support from corporations, and patronage from government.

At first glance, Jean Chrétien does not seem to fit the typical Old Boy mould. Born in the working–class Quebec city of Shawinigan, he was the 18th of 19 children, some of whom did not survive infancy. Because of this, and the fact that neither of his parents had been previously involved in politics, he styled himself as “the little guy from Shawinigan.” This nickname served him throughout his political career, even though he was a seasoned political insider by the time he ran for PM. In 1984, after two terms as an MP, Chrétien left the House of Commons and spent the next few years on the boards of various corporations.

His hard work as a politician helped him gain entry into the economic side of the Old Boys’ Club.

Later, the status he acquired through his corporate positions would help him rise through the political ranks. Chrétien was active in several prominent Canadian corporations including the Toronto–Dominion Bank, the Brick Warehouse Corporation, and, most notably, a subsidiary of the Power Corporation of Canada, which is owned by Paul Desmarais Senior. The Desmarais family is one of the wealthiest in Canada and has long had close ties to the Liberal Party, employing Pierre Trudeau and Paul Martin, as well as Chrétien’s future chief of staff, Eddie Goldwater. Chrétien returned to active political life in 1989, when he won leadership of the Liberal Party. Elected prime minister in 1993, he held the reins of Canada for a decade.

Paul Martin was supposed to be the great, gray–haired hope of the Central Canadian elite. The Old Boys expected that his ascension to prime minister in 2004 would eliminate the taint of corruption surrounding the Liberal Party and assure their continued rule. It did not work out that way. In 2006, battered by the sponsorship scandal, Martin was defeated and gave up leadership of the Liberal party.

Unlike Chrétien, the epithet Old Boy fits Paul Martin like a cocktail–party glove.

Coming from a wealthy political family—his father was a liberal cabinet minister who dreamed of becoming prime minister—Martin’s rise in business and politics was predictable. He worked for Power Corp in several capacities before buying Canada Steamship Lines in 1996. In 2004, Paul Martin’s personal wealth was estimated at $225 million. His political career was somewhat more rough and tumble; Martin’s path to power was stalled for more then a decade by Chrétien’s victory at the 1990 Liberal convention. By the time he finally achieved his father’s ambition and became PM, Chrétien had so damaged the Liberal party’s image that Martin’s dream of creating a permanent Liberal majority was in tat-

ters. But as Canadian Finance Minister for nearly a decade, Martin was nonetheless the country’s second most powerful politician for most of the 90s.

Moving briefly to the other side of the fence, Peter McKay, deputy leader of the Conservative party, was, like Martin, born into a political family. Son of Nova Scotian PC cabinet minister, Elmer MacKay, and popular peace activist, Macha MacKay, who would have thought young Peter would become interested in politics? It came as absolutely no surprise that Peter MacKay headed to Ottawa via a degree in Arts (Acadia) followed by one in Law (Dalhousie).

After working for two years at law firms in Canada and abroad, MacKay accepted the position of Crown Attorney for the Central Region of Nova Scotia. But he soon became frustrated by the poor treatment of victims in the justice system. The gates to the House of Commons opened in 1997 when he was elected MP for Pictou–Antigonish–Guysborough in northeastern Nova Scotia. He served first as House Leader and Justice Critic for the Progressive Conservative caucus, then as the Tory member of the Standing Committee on Justice and Human Rights.

MacKay was elected again in 2000, this time as a strong candidate to replace the then PC party leader Joe Clark. Sure enough, in 2003, after a long goodbye by Clark, the Progressive Conservative Party elected McKay as party leader. Whether this was based upon his vision for the party or his charisma and popularity is still a matter of debate.

In October of the same year, McKay agreed to the unification of the PC and the Canadian Alliance party led by Stephen Harper. Refusing to run for the position of Party leader of the new Conservative Party, MacKay was appointed deputy leader

by Harper.

New Boys

You know how your mom always told you that if the cool kids wouldn’t hang out with you, then you should make a new group of friends? Well when the Liberals and Progressive Conservatives shunned the radicals, this is exactly what they did. The freaky Social Credit kids, guitar–playing Cooperative Commonwealth Federation (CCF) dudes, strait–edge Reform keeners, and proud Bloc foreign exchange students all started claiming their own lunch tables. After much shoving and confusion, the only new clique that was able to survive the ensuing drama was the sober, calculating Reform Party (now the Conservative Party of Canada).

The Canadian political process has never stagnated to the extent of the American or even British systems. Of the five significant political parties only the Liberals can claim an uninterrupted legacy longer then fifty years. The remaining four parties are the product of movements and mergers with groups that were near the fringes of Canadian politics. This dynamism of our political system has historically been driven from the two sides of the country against the Ontario and Que-

bec elite—Social Credit, the CCF, and the Reform party all emerged from the prairies, while the Bloc sprung from a radicalized Quebec.

Formed in 1987 by Preston Manning, the Reform party sought to meld Social Credit populism with Reaganite fiscal conservatism. From gaining a single seat in 1989, to 52 seats in 1993, the Reform party quickly grew to become the official opposi-

tion. Reform’s meteoric rise brought a generation of Western conservatives of all stripes into federal politics. Significantly, for the first time, great numbers of evangelical Christians appeared in Ottawa under the Reform party banner. In 2000, the Reform party became the Canadian Alliance, and Stockwell Day became leader. The eventual merger with the Progressive Conservative party (resulting in yet another new name, this time to the Conservative Party of Canada) and their narrow victory in the 2006 elections cemented the transition of the Reform party from fringe to ruling elite.

The Young Turks: meet Reform’s star pupils

High school has changed. The Reform kids now have just as many friends as the Liberal jocks. How did this bizarre transformation occur?

Although the popular kids can be pretty intimidat-

versity of Calgary and a degree in Law from University of Alberta, Ezra Levant started working for the Fraser Institute where he completed his first book, YouthQuake. He argued for smaller governments, more power for provincial governments, and the privatization of the Canada Pension Plan.

A few years later, he entered politics as parliamentary assistant to the then Reform Party leader Preston Manning and was placed in charge of Question Period Strategy. But he soon left this position and joined the editorial board of the relatively new right– wing National Post newspaper in Toronto.

Two years working with the National Post and reading and writing about politicians drove him back to Ottawa, this time as Stockwell Day’s Communications Director who would, over the years, become a sort of mentor for Levant. Levant drew much media attention for writing a scathing letter to dissident MP Chuck Strahl in which he threatened to sue Strahl for criticizing his work. The recoil from that letter was stronger than the letter itself. Levant was forced to resign following voracious criticism from the public and some of his own colleagues.

Levant returned to Calgary to practice law later that year and won the Canadian Alliance—yet another reincarnation of the Reform—nomination for the riding of Calgary Southwest. But he eventually agreed to concede this nomination to new party leader Stephen Harper.

Levant’s political career would not have been possible without the Frasier Institute’s grooming and Stockwell Day’s mentoring. It appears that when the Reform party decides they want you in their club, they’ll make sure you end up there.

Born in a middle–class family in the Toronto suburbs, like Levant, Stephen Harper found his ideological home while studying in the West. Harper completed his graduate work in Economics at the University of Calgary where he was introduced to a group of like–minded political science and economics professors who would form the “Calgary School,” and would greatly influence his political development.

By this time, Harper’s political ideology had drifted from the Liberal Party towards Reform, and in the mid–1980s he was introduced to Reform leader Preston Manning by one of his professors. Harper soon became the Chief Policy Officer for the Reform party, a role he filled for five years. He ran in both the 1988 and 1993 federal elections, under the Reform Party, and was elected in 1993. During this campaign, he benefited from $50 000 in advertising from the National Citizens Coalition, a conservative–libertarian think tank and policy group.

Harper left parliament and Reform four years later, whereupon he became Vice–President of the National Citizens Coalition. For the next three years, he would write papers and opinion pieces, and deliver speeches, thus engaging himself fully in policy research. Like Chrétien’s period on the boards of corporations, Harper was able to remain active in the CaContinued on page 10...

“The CCF kids were too busy volunteering at the soup kitchen, the Bloc guys were internally divided, and the Social Credit characters discovered marijuana and dropped off the radar.” ing, the Reform geeks were well organized; they had articulate, strong leaders. They had kids like Ezra Levant and Stephen Harper, whose parents read them Ann Rynd at bedtime. In contrast, the CCF kids were too busy volunteering at the soup kitchen, the Bloc guys were internally divided, and the Social Credit characters discovered marijuana and dropped off the radar. It’s worth taking a closer look at Ezra and Stephen, if only to understand the type of person ruling the right side of the lunchroom these days. But don’t get too excited; they’re no more inclusive than those jocks—just less brawny.

After earning a Commerce degree from Uni-

incite 9

Trudeau’s Liberal and Joe Clarke’s Conservative governments. The federal government was taking an interventionist approach to the economy—most notably with the creation of PetroCan, the government owned petroleum company—which continued into the 1980s with the adoption of the National Energy Plan. In response to this perceived overreaching of government into the domain of the market, opponents created several right– wing think tanks to provide intellectual ammunition against such approaches, the most senior of these being the Fraser Institute.

Western insurgents

Da ted

Condoleezza Rice

Fr

ds ein

Brian Mulroney G RAPHIC BY H IRAL S HAH

or ect

or W

d ke

Employee

p er rm Fo

Assistant

Dir

res

nt ide

10 incite

Lisa Merrithew

dvis e

Michael Ignatieff

er

al A

s ate m om Ro

196 5C onv ent ion

Leg

Mike Harris

Peter McKay ???

Ga ve

Belinda Stronach Freinds

ve party Conservati m o fr d e it Recru

Bob Rae De lag ate to

France Chretién

Elmer McKay Fath

Jean Chretién

Father

et abin ow c

g

Pierre E. Trudeau

Sophie Demarais

Eddie Goldenburg

ke d

Paul Martin

Shad

W or

André Desmarais

d

Ted Johnson

Maurice Strong

Work ed

Power Corporation

Joe Clark M arie

irec tor

Ran Shippin

Michael Pitfield

John Rae

Owner

me rd

Where is the Right really heading?

There is another new development in the lunchroom. Some tables are farther right than oth-

Father

Father

Paul Desmarais

Don Mazankowski F or

Fo u n d ed in 1974 the Fraser Institute has for the last 30 years proved a reliable rallying point for those of the conservative persuasion. Although theoretically a non–partisan organization whose members are barred from holding public office, in reality the institute serves as an auxiliary arm of the Reform party—two of the institute’s senior fellows are Mike Harris and Preston Manning. The revolutionary nature of this organization was twofold;

d Date

You can’t get very far in high school without staff support; the Liberals have their football coach and, to survive, the Reform had to recruit a debate team advisor.

The rise of these western politicians was aided and abetted by the rise of think tanks and religious groups. The religious right in Canada is not, and probably will never be, the election–winning force that it is in the United States. Likewise, the fiscal and socially conservative majority that has forced the Democrats to swing to the right and delivered ten years of legislative majorities to the Republicans does not exist in Canada. But, starting in the 1970s, a growing number of conservative groups in partnership with the religious right decided to try to change this.

The 1970s was a liberal time in Canadian politics; the NDP held the balance of power in both

it provided positions and resources to conservative individuals in the public sphere, and provides grants and scholarships to train a generation of conservative intellectuals. This was an attempt by the Right to eliminate the traditional Liberal and NDP advantages in personnel and recruitment provided by their ties to big business or unions respectively, and to address what they saw as the pervading liberal biases in academia.

To some degree they succeeded. The Fraser Institute, now with six million dollars in annual funding and roughly 3000 members, is one of several think tanks that supported the rise to power of the Reform Party and more generally the explosive growth of fiscal conservatism over the last 15 years. Other important conservative organizations such as the Canadian Taxpayers Federation and the more secretive Nation Citizens Coalition—of which Stephen Harper was director before his leap into federal politics—provided a support network for conservative politicians in–between elected office and for up–and–coming youngsters. The NCC provides a convenient way to get around campaign finance laws by paying for ads against left Liberal or NDP candidates without explicitly mentioning or endorsing the Conservative party. In 1996, for example, the organization spent $150 000 dollars to fight Sheila Copps in a Hamilton by–election.

Dated

nadian political sphere, albeit in an unelected capacity.

Returning to politics in 2001, Harper resigned from his post at the NCC and ran for, and won, leadership of the Canadian Alliance. His close circle of advisors has since included professors from the Calgary School, particularly Tom Flanagan, a political science scholar who acted as Harper’s campaign director in both the 2004 and 2006 elections. Flanagan now acts an important policy advisor, in addition to working for the Fraser Institute.

ers. What’s going on? Perhaps this new clique isn’t as unified as you initially thought.

For all their social and fiscal conservatism, the think tanks are avowedly secular. But beginning with Focus on the Family Canada, which formed in 1983, religious organizations appear to be gaining influence in the far right.

Recent events, such as the same sex marriage debate, have reportedly galvanized the religious groups. In 2001 the National House of Payer was formed, followed in 2005 by the Institute for Canadian Values and the Institute of Marriage and the Family in 2006.

These organizations seek to replicate the success of their equivalents south of the boarder on issues such as same sex marriage and abortion.

The success of these Christian organizations has been distinctly mixed.

Although there will be a vote in the Commons to reopen the debate on same sex marriage, it is widely expected to fail, with the NDP, Bloc, and most Liberals voting against it. Moreover, the failure of Stockwell Day—the most openly religious leader of a party in living memory—is a cautionary tale to any would–be candidates that mixing strong religious belief with politics does not work well in the Canadian context. The Conservative party in the last election went to great lengths to hide the religiosity of some of its candidates, and also (narrowly) refused to endorse a pro–life stance at its last convention. Perhaps the religious right’s only unmitigated success has been the recent appointment of several socially conservative judges to the bench by the Harper government.

The religious groups are, however, in it for the long haul; they are building networks and educating future candidates in a manner similar to the US–based groups two decades ago. Organizations like the National House of Prayer are offering scholarships to students for projects linking faith and politics, and campus groups such as Campus Crusade for Christ are becoming highly visible at Canadian universities. For now, these groups’ impact on the federal stage is marginal. No party is even willing to solicit their support for fear of being labeled as reactionary, but opportunities for people who blend faith and politics are growing, and soon the Conservative party may grow more comfortable with its faith–based supporters.

Is it just me or is Ottawa still White and Male?

High school will never be an all–inclusive hand–holding paradise. Just because the jocks no longer have a monopoly on cool, does not mean that the kid with the pocket protector will suddenly have friends.

A quick glance over the list of names still in the running for the federal Liberal leadership reveals two interesting discrepancies between Canada’s political representation and the makeup of its citizens. First, out of eight remaining contenders, all are white. Second, only one of the eight is female. Such inequalities are visible across all levels of government and in all parties; admittedly, some are worse offenders than

others.

Unfortunately for underrepresented groups, it is often difficult to pin down where, how, and why discrimination—systemic or systematic— occurs in political parties. By their very nature, political parties are only truly in the spotlight at

ridings and women in more competitive ridings where their chance of being elected is slimmer.

The picture is indeed bleak for women in politics, and it gets worse with respect to higher–ranked political positions. There are currently no female party leaders among the four major parties, and this statistic is unlikely to change in the near future. Those women who do reach higher status in their parties are often plagued by attacks and prejudices not encountered by their male colleagues. For example, former New Democratic Party leader Alexa McDonough, could not escape characterizations as “shrill” and “annoying” in leaders’ debates.

Certain parties have been more successful than others at electing female members of parliament. Federally, the New Democrats lead the parties with 41 percent of their current MPs being women; the Conservatives trail with only 11 percent female representatives.

The times they are (possibly) a–changing

Unlike high school, politics can change. Our first–past–the–post electoral system could someday go the way of the dodo, to be replaced with proportional representation (PR).

Two provinces—BC and PEI—have examined PR as a potential system for provincial elections, although popular referendums in both provinces rejected any change from the G RAPHICS BY A NGIE N G current electoral model. A federal study of the issue was delayed by the time of elections, making it difficult to anathe Liberal governments, and is unlikely under lyze the ways in which candidates are selected, the new Conservative government, but many and to identify barriers to the nomination of regard reforms to the electoral system as inevimore representative challengers. table. In most countries that implement PR, the The low level of involvement of women in poproportion of women in parliament rises dralitical parties is likely the most obvious and the matically. most widely–studied problem of this type. AlPerhaps most significantly, the recent emerthough women make up 52 percent of Canada’s gence of the Green party as a true political population, by no objective measure are they force is potentially opening federal politics to proportionally represented in Canadian politics. green political activists of all stripes. Although Only 20 percent of parliamentarians are female; they have never elected a member, the victory exacerbating the problem is the commonly held of Elizabeth May—former executive director of perception that this proportion is perfectly adethe Sierra Club of Canada—last August has inquate. Many argue that women are not interested creased the party’s potential to win supporters in politics to the same extent as men, or that the and seats from the NDP and Liberals. If May electorate simply won’t vote for female candican win one or more seats in the next election, dates. But most studies suggest that the obstacles the Green party will gain the legitimacy to parto women’s involvement in politics are not perticipate in Canadian politics fully, including the sonal taste or the public’s mindset; they are much leaders’ debate. Such a victory would clear the earlier in the electoral process, in the securing of way for the rise of environmental activists in nominations and the funding of political bids.

Canadian politics. Although still quite white, the Low–income citizens wishing to run for poGreen party is at least less male. litical office encounter hurdles comparable to The Canadian political system has long been those faced by women: specifically, a lack of a tight web of white, privileged men from Onfunds and the social network necessary for a tario and Quebec bound together by corporate successful campaign, especially in a competitive support, similar ideologies, and subtle elitism. riding. The time required to run in an election The more radical right has managed to push often means that potential candidates must retheir way into the network, bringing with them sign from their jobs or obtain a leave of absence, new faces supported by new institutions—nameboth of which are difficult or impossible for ly think tanks and religious groups. Will the those with insufficient personal wealth to supweb ever loosen its grip on Canadian politics, port themselves and their families. Furthermore, letting in more women, minorities, and voices women with families must overcome the second from the left? Fortunately, Canadian politics is hurdle of finding—and paying for—replacement not the high school lunchroom of our adoleschildcare while they are campaigning. There are cence: changing structures and evolving parties many examples of parties running men in “safe” are slowly challenging the status quo.

incite 11

LETTER FROM

LETTER FROM…

LEBANON ? a v a fak, c

e e K ! i H

PHOTOS BY SAM G REEN

12 incite

ß

In Lebanon, one is always doing something apparently contradictory, whether it’s driving the wrong way down a one–way street or paying for a Hezbollah souvenir with an American dollar.

Lebanese politics, in particular, has been a paradoxical balance of sectarianism and power sharing, coalitions and strongmen since the end of the civil war in 1990.

With hindsight, then, it’s almost not surprising that the country was hit by war this summer. But when I arrived I was paying more attention to the suicidal driving habits, the delicious Turkish coffee (more eaten than drunk), and the beautiful, cloudless Mediterranean summer weather.

My first few months in Lebanon were not without adventure. When I arrived at the Beirut airport it took me a while to find the taxi driver sent to drive me to the hotel— apparently my name transliterates to “Hamatha Gein” for Arabic–speakers. The driver spoke only a little English and even less French—although he did seem to enjoy combining the two in a useless kind of Franglais. I told him the name of the hotel and off we went. Over the course of the next half–hour, he radioed the taxi company’s central office seven times and stopped and got out of the car four times to ask for directions. I assumed he was extremely lost and was a little worried—what

kind of hotel was this? Finally, the driver pulled in front of what was clearly not a hotel, took out my bag, and insisted that I follow him and a young man into a random apartment. The ride up to the fourth floor in a creaky service–style elevator with two strange men, neither of whom spoke English, was frightening to say the least. But I was reassured as soon as the elevator doors opened; my contact in Lebanon had been unable to find a hotel room and had directed the taxi driver to his sister’s flat. She, thankfully, spoke English and eventually found me a place to stay.

After three days in a hotel room that I’d rather not speak about—let’s just say that it wasn’t the best introduction to Lebanon—I moved into a double room in a girls’ residence at the American University of Beirut. The AUB campus is verdant and beautiful, overlooking the Mediterranean. It even has its own “beach” across from campus—a slab of concrete from which the AUB community can swim in the sea. Most importantly, considering my first Lebanese adventure, the AUB runs almost entirely in English, so I could communicate with everyone on campus and in the surrounding neighbourhood.

I found it difficult to make friends upon my arrival in Lebanon, as the students at AUB were (still!) in the middle of their final exams, and there were few other young people at work. But I slowly managed to become friends with some young internationally–recruited staff at work and we cavorted about the country as tourists together. In time, I also bonded with some students at AUB over the universal evil that is statistics.

My first roommate at AUB, while nice and welcoming, was busy with her studies.

Moreover, I made the mistake of engaging in a political discussion with her almost immediately.

Although she was Druze—not Shiia, Hezbollah’s primary support base—she supported Hezbollah and the former Syrian occupation of Lebanon. She was also one of the only people I met in Lebanon

who failed to make the disti Jews. I avoided confrontatio that I am Jewish myself. Sadly Arab–Israeli conflict was for th wherever they came from.” Sh whether there is hope for the r those with similar beliefs on b Since she was one of the fi decided from the beginning to al/religious background—whic people simply assumed I was speaking to me in Arabic, eve I didn’t understand. Those to am Jewish were, for the mos indifferent. (My supervisor en Mossad joke at my expense.) A telling that first roommate th could have broadened her min route so as not to be forced i (never mind the risk to my soc Once I had settled in, I w lot of my free time with a few all members of all the familie fluent Arabic, English, and Fre that the entire Lebanese midd On one occasion I was invite party, where members of the to teach me how to dance lik friend from AUB invited me tains, where she was probably village. Her mother, grandmot anese feast for us, complete w some precarious mountain ro at his small cabin and plot of in on the quintessential Leban family gathering (12 children and a leisurely Lebanese lunc I met, from families to taxi d of the corner store, were extra table, proud of their country share it with visitors.

Another integral part of Le magnified every four years, cer/football. Smoking nargileh

inction between Israel and on by leaving out the fact y, her only “solution” to the he “Jews to go home, back to he certainly made me wonder region, considering there are both sides of the dispute. irst Lebanese people I met, I o avoid discussing my culturch was fairly easy, as most s Lebanese and insisted on en when it was obvious that o whom I did divulge that I st part, intrigued or simply njoyed making the occasional Although I later regretted not hat I am Jewish—perhaps I nd a little?—I chose the easy into endless political debate cial and physical situation). was lucky enough to spend a w Lebanese families. Nearly es were trilingual, speaking ench; indeed, it is safe to say dle class is at least bilingual. ed to a Muslim engagement e family (futilely) attempted ke an Arab. Another time, a to her house in the mouny related to 50 per cent of the ther, and aunt cooked a Lebwith falafel, and we drove up oads to visit her grandfather land. One weekend I joined nese Sunday activity: a huge included!) in the mountains ch. Nearly all the Lebanese drivers, and even the owner aordinarily warm and hospiand culture, and thrilled to

ebanon, which is, of course, is an obsession with soch (or water pipe), drinking

Al–Maza beer, and watching a match might just be a national pastime. When I arrived in Lebanon, I was puzzled by the proliferation of foreign flags throughout the country; Brazilian, German, French, Italian, and Argentinean flags probably outnumbered Lebanese flags ten to one.

Every Lebanese has at least one family member living abroad, so even without the Lebanese team competing, national pride—even if for another nation—manifested itself strongly during the World Cup. After an important match, it was difficult to get to sleep for all the fireworks and horn honking.

The Lebanon in which I lived was mostly secular and middle class. The country also contains large pockets of poverty, to which I was only witness when the war broke out and Israeli strikes on the (mostly poor) southern suburbs forced large numbers to move into public spaces in Beirut proper. Lebanon is also home to many who are extremely wealthy; the number of new Audis, BMWs, and Mercedes’ tucked in amongst the 1970s rust boxes is unsettling. In Lebanon, one can find a luxurious private beach with lavish gardens, spas, and pools only a few blocks away from a densely populated slum.

Despite the popularity of the club scene in downtown Beirut, and the potency of the Lebanese national drink— an anise–flavoured liqueur called arak—a significant proportion of the Lebanese population is religious, whether Christian, Muslim, or Druze. A day spent in the northern Sunni city of Tripoli was enough to convince me of that; while in Beirut one can regularly see women dressed in less than what an average North American would wear, the majority of women in Tripoli dress much more conservatively, and many wear the hijab. Of course, the level of religious extremism portrayed in the Western media is confined to a very small percentage of the population, but a good number are religious in a less violent sense.

I did not get to see as much of the country as I would have liked, but I was still impressed by its geographic diversity and vivid history. Lebanon is home to a metropolitan capital (Beirut has often been called “the Paris of the Middle East”), mountain villages, fertile valleys, great beaches and ports, and ancient cedar groves. In the fall and spring, it is possible to swim in the sea and ski in the mountains on the same day.

Byblos, a port town just north of Beirut, was first settled in 5000 B.C., and then successively occupied by Canaanites, Amorites, Phoenicians, Alexander the Great’s conquest, Romans, the Byzantine empire,

Persians, Arabs, and Crusaders, all of whom left archaeological evidence. The city claims, in fact, to be the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world. Looking out from a Crusader castle onto Bronze Age housing foundations, Phoenician sarcophagi, and a Roman amphitheatre, I was overwhelmed by the presence of so many civilizations and the evidence of so much change.

When Hezbollah took the Israeli soldiers captive, I had a hard time believing that anything really serious was happening. On June 2, I wrote in an email that I didn’t think I would send another for a while “unless something else crazy happens—there was some rioting in southern Beirut last night in support of Hezbollah... and then the shelling in southern Lebanon earlier in the week...”. I was already getting accustomed to the slightly off–kilter notion of “normal” that Lebanese people have regarding their political situation. But the next day, when the Israeli military struck the Rafik Hariri International Airport in Beirut, the entire country ceased to function normally and there was already talk of a region–wide and months–long conflict.

When the war broke out, I was devastated for this country with which I had so quickly fallen in love. The Lebanese are still rebuilding from their 15 years of civil war, from which they are still in enormous debt. Israel left the South in 2000; Syria only ended their occupation in 2005. Now, with yet another war over and an enormous amount of infrastructure to rebuild, the Lebanese once again must pick up the pieces, both physically and politically. I intend to return to the region in the next few years, to resume my exploration of all its corners and to reconnect with all the gracious people who introduced me to such an incomprehensible yet uniquely captivating country.

! e y B Yalla,

n e e r G m a

S

incite 13

PERSPECTIVE

@

McMaster Etiquette Manifesto

By Anna Strathy and Vanessa Wynn-Williams

A

fter nearly four years of extensive observation and research, we have finally reached the breaking point. We’ve been elbowed one too many times in the student centre, listened to too many personal conversations in the silent study rooms, and been victims of rampant back-budding in the line at Quarters on a far-too-regular basis. It’s time to put a stop to the madness. Between the two of us, we’ve written hundreds of pages of essays, assignments, and theses. But we anticipate the impact of this article to go far beyond that of the aforementioned academic work. The following will be so influential that students will scream it from the top of the smokestack, and professors will etch it into the stone of McMaster’s beloved arch. Prepare yourselves for the McMaster Etiquette Manifesto.

For the next few minutes, imagine yourself in the place of our hypothetical subject, Student X. Student X is new to McMaster and doesn’t quite know the ins and outs of campus, let alone the nuances of proper campus etiquette.

We hope that the Etiquette Solutions we provide will address some of your day-to-day annoyances and be gentle reminders of how a little common sense can go a long way.

You’ve slept through 8:30 class but have decided that making it to your 9:30 is feasible.

Dilemma #1: Pants or Pajamas? Remember that scary dream that used to plague you in high school where you would arrive to class in your pajamas by accident and be absolutely mortified as everyone pointed and laughed?

We’re still pointing and laughing. Why are pajama bottoms now all the rage at McMaster?

Etiquette Solution: Leave the pink polka dot drawstring pants at home. That is unless you’re in a darkened lecture hall looking at slides of the mitochondria and you treat 9:30 class as a nap anyways. However, if you’re there to learn, show your professor some respect and take the time to dress yourself in something other than what you wore to bed.

It’s 9:15 AM and the walk to campus from Westdale seems a little too daunting. You decide to trudge to Sterling and catch the 51. A few minutes later, you join the crowd of zombies waiting at the stop. The bus pulls up and everyone pushes towards the doors. You glance to your left and notice another 51 close behind.

Dilemma #2: Do you try to get a spot on the first packed bus, or wait the two minutes to get on the empty one behind? If you happen to be reading this article on a Wednesday afternoon, coffee in hand, the choice seems obvious. To a sleep-deprived, hopefully jean-wearing student, the sooner on the bus, the better.

Etiquette Solution: In this case, there are actually two options we would support. A) Get on the first bus and politely but noticeably start a “move back please” chant. B) Wait for the second bus and enjoy your seat.

Depending on how you’ve employed our etiquette solutions, you may or may not have made it to campus comfortably. You rush into Togo Salmon Hall and look at the clock. 9:50. Knowing that this clock is perpetually unreliable, you glance at your watch with a faint sense of hope. Nope, 9:47. Dilemma #3: Do you throw in the towel and head for breakfast or do you bite the bullet and go inside? Perhaps the most troubling aspect of this dilemma is that many do not see it as such.

Fine, we admit it; we’ve had our

G RAPHICS BY BORAM HAM

14 incite

fair share of late arrivals. But there is technique involved in the process—fashionably late does not apply to attending class. Seeing as you’ve already missed your 8:30 class, we would advise that you enter, but proceed with caution.

Etiquette Solution: You’re in luck because the doors to TSH 120 are at the back of the room. If the back door is not an option, we say go for the Egg McMaster. The next step in our strategic plan is seat selection. Aisle seats are preferable, but for some reason, even those who arrive ten minutes before class seem to think so too. As you search for that back row or aisle seat, it’s probably not a good idea to wave to your friends or get ready to pull out your laptop. The key to a good late entry is to be as inconspicuous as possible. Even the most beautifully executed late entry can be sabotaged by an obnoxiously loud Windows© start-up song.

This brings us to our next subject: laptops in class. While we’re more the pen and paper kind of gals, we are willing to embrace the “clickity-clack” of people pounding their keyboards beside us in lecture. But can we compromise on just one thing? Dilemma #4: Solitaire and MSN in the classroom. Etiquette Solution: Don’t do it. As you nonchalantly maximize and minimize in and out of lecture notes, MSN, and solitaire, we will inevitably be distracted by your conversation as we try to figure out what it is that you did last night that made “sarah~too little too late” so angry with you.

We might also be overtaken by our compulsion to show you that you have an ace of spades that could be put up in the top right-hand corner. So for everyone’s sake, let’s minimize the external distractions. It’s already hard enough to try and stay awake and focused at 9:30 in the morning.

Speaking of focused, Dilemma #5: Verbal diarrhea in class. It pretty much goes without saying that extensive chit-chat in class is generally irritating. However, we wish to address a slightly different issue here. We all know them.

After one week of a new class, they’ve identified themselves. They enjoy the sound of their own voice so much that they ask questions that have already been answered or obsess about participation marks to the degree that class becomes show and tell. Etiquette Solution: Think before you speak. The next time you’re in fourth year quantum cryptography and you see that “7/14” becomes “0.5” on the next line, take a moment before you correct the prof’s error. That being said, an element of humiliation can usually put a quick stop to such occurrences. Sometimes this humiliation comes naturally, especially if it’s a onetime lapse in judgement. However, for repeat offenders, humiliation often needs to come from an authority figure. We feel

that professors could act as catalysts in this particular etiquette solution.

Another species of distraction as commonplace in the lecture hall as the class loudmouth is the accidental cell phone ring. Dilemma #6: Cell phone in the lecture hall–Which mode to choose? It is always embarrassing when the “Shake Ya Ass” ringtone you downloaded comes on at full volume in class. While it may have sounded cool last night at the club for your friends, in Religious Studies 2JJ3, it is as awkward as watching a tampon commercial with your dad. And for the record, “vibrate” mode is not silent unless your phone is floating in midair. When it has something to vibrate against, it inevitably produces sound. Etiquette Solution: “Silent” mode, ‘nuff said.

So your class is over and you have seven minutes to get from TSH to ABB, a physical impossibility. The next obstacle you’ll be forced to face, given that it’s not 20 degrees and sunny outside, is the student centre. We are all familiar with the between-class-rush and all know “the spot”—in between Tim’s and Teriyaki. If you haven’t been trampled here, you can’t call yourself a Mac student. We will refrain from commenting on the poor architectural design of the building and instead suggest a strategy. Dilemma # 7: Navigating the MUSC. First and foremost, this is a no standing zone. Standing in this pathway is like standing on the street in Pamplona, Spain during the running of the bulls. Anyone choosing to subject themselves to this disaster deserves any injury that ensues.

Etiquette Solution: Choose a more appropriate spot to conduct your group meeting, such as the fireplace or Williams. It’s always nice to run into a long lost friend, but now is not the time to catch up on the past two years. It may seem heartless, but we recommend you limit your interaction to a surprised “heyyyyy!” in passing. You can always follow up on Facebook later. Picture the rush as a moving liquid, something akin to gushing rapids. Find a gap and commit to it, ensuring that speed and direction are consistent with the mass.

At the end of the day, you decide to hit the books for an hour or two before you can justify going to Quarters. The library would seem like the obvious choice for a study spot. If Mills is your destination, think again. You will often leave this library, fondly known to some as “Club Mills”, more enraged than enlightened.

Dilemma #8: Chatter, crunchy food, and crusty feet. Where do we even begin? After almost four years of steadily building passive aggression, we feel it’s time to put a stop to several unacceptable library behaviours. Our first grievance is talking in the quiet or silent study rooms. Now, we’re not talking about “Hey how’s the studying going? Let’s grab a coffee when you need a break.” We’re talking about a full blown conversation. For some students, this action may be an effort to defy authority, or even an attempt to prove that they have friends.

For what it’s worth, no one cares that you had nine beers, four shots, and a rum and coke last night, especially not when we’re trying to memorize the timeline of Buddhist history in East Asia. For that matter, if you were actually able to keep count, you’re probably lying. Specific conversation topics aside, even a constant murmur in a silent study can be maddening. In fact, a murmur can be worse. Then there isn’t

even the option of eavesdropping, it’s just unintelligible sound.

Next, there is the problem of crunchy foods in the silent study areas. Have you ever been forced to picture someone chewing? Well as soon as you take a bite into that carrot or chip, that’s what everyone around you is experiencing. Listening to you chew. Each time you finish a carrot everyone around you is praying that the Ziploc bag of carrots is empty. Until you crunch down on yet another. Lastly, bare feet wrapped around various pieces of furniture in the library might fall into the category of being a little too comfortable in your study spot. Don’t get us wrong—it’s impressive. All five toes curled around the arm of a chair shows skill and flexibility. However, for y o u r

neighbour to the right, any stranger’s big toe at eye level is a little too close for comfort.

Etiquette Solutions: Take your conversations (cellphones included) to the hallway. Stick to quiet (and non-smelly!) foods that don’t force your neighbours to relive their Grade 12 biology unit on the digestive system. Finally, keep any potentially stinky or sweaty feet on the ground or safely wrapped in socks.

You eventually leave the library after a fourth cell phone buzzes loudly across a carrel in the study room. After a quick dinner and a series of MSN conversations debating when to leave for Quarters and how long the line is, you head out. You round the dreaded corner of the Student Centre and the line is already past the Tim Hortons. It’s 7:45 PM. Dilemma #9: Getting in and out of Quarters alive. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all just agree not to line up before 10 PM? Alas, we students flock to Quarters like moths to a flame. While the following suggestions may not lead to the democratization of our campus bar, they may shed light on maximizing the Q’s experience. Firstly, the line.

It is a living, breathing mass of arms, legs, and the stench of alcohol. It leers and lurches as a single shove or push ripples through it. The aim is to get in and out of it as quickly as possible with the least disturbance to those around you.

As for the “queue jumpers,” as the British so eloquently call them, they are the scum of the earth. While it may seem like a good idea to send one poor soul to hold the spots of twenty, watching all twenty file into line ahead of you is one of the greatest injustices that can befall any of your fellow students. Next time, bring a picnic, but make sure your entire party is holding their own spot in line.

Once inside Quarters, you will likely want to buy a celebratory drink for making it through the line in a mere two hours. However, it could take the next two hours to buy the drink. In an ideal world, the Quarters bar would run as efficiently as the Student Centre Tim Hortons at 9:00 A.M., but it simply does not. When you eventually head over to the dance floor beware of flying drinks and strangers approaching you from behind. Apparently the new way of asking someone to dance is … not. But as much as we moan and complain, at the very least, a night at Quarters will always inspire a hilarious MSN name for the next morning. Etiquette Solution: As nauseating as the Quarters line can be, it can be absolutely infuriating when not everyone is playing fair. Try to be considerate of those around you. Once inside, order your drinks efficiently: choose ahead of time and have your money in hand. When your drink is safely in your hand, step away from the bar.

This strategy will assist in keeping the flow of traffic moving at the bar. You could even take turns ordering a round with your group of friends. In the end, an efficient bar will ensure that everyone can take full advantage of the $2.75 drinks that keep us coming back to Q’s for more.

We’ve tried our best to convey a few of the daily frustrations we face on campus in the hopes that it will remind people how far a little bit of etiquette can go. Of course, there are many things we have probably missed. Student X may have forgotten to wipe down the elliptical machine at the gym after use, and probably locked a bike over someone else’s outside the David Braley Center too. Either we’ve grown increasingly anal retentive over the past three years or the frequency of etiquette faux-pas has, in fact, increased. The truth is, regardless of how cold-hearted we may seem, there are well over 20 000 people on this campus who really don’t want to hear your cell ring in class or admire your chipped toenail polish in the library.

It comes down to common sense and common courtesy, people. May reading and employing this etiquette manifesto be a refreshing experience for all, so that in true McMaster style, we can all coexist peacefully in our rich and diverse community.

incite 15

INTERVIEW

Fighting the Big Guns Incite’s Jeanette Eby and Zsuzsi Fodor interview Dr. Joanna Santa Barbara of International Physicians for the Prevention of Nuclear War.

I

n the midst of the Cold War, an American and a Soviet came together in an effort to end the threat of a nuclear war. Dr. Bernard Lown of the U.S. and Dr. Evgeni Chazov of the Soviet Union decided to co–found International Physicians for the Prevention of Nuclear War (IPPNW), the first and only international medical organization devoted to global nuclear disarmament. It was 1980 and both Lown and Chazov bravely turned their backs on their states’ political differences in order to pursue their joint commitment to public health.

Since its inception, IPPNW has developed a reputation as an outspoken supporter of the non–proliferation movement. In 1985, after only five years of advocacy, IPPNW won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1985 for its role in raising awareness of the threat of atomic war.

Dr. Joanna Santa Barbara has been vice president of IPPNW and president of their Canadian affiliate organization, Physicians for Global Survival. A practicing child and family psychiatrist in Westdale, Dr. Santa Barbara also serves as a member of the Centre for Peace Studies at McMaster. In 2003, Dr. Santa Barbara won the Order of Ontario for her work towards peace education.

Joanna Santa Barbara: I joined the Canadian affiliate of IPPNW when I was a young physician with small children. I had been worried about the possible use of nuclear weapons for years.

Hearing that there was a physicians’ organization working on the issue, it suddenly dawned on me that there was something I could do about these concerns. That was a “light–bulb” moment for me. I joined Physicians for Global Survival—Canada in 1982, and thus became connected with the international umbrella group—International Physicians for the Prevention of Nuclear War.

nuclear weapons. The Court ruled that they infringed [on] many items of laws that govern the conduct of war, and were generally illegal.

IPPNW was [also] a major contributor to the success of the landmines treaty campaign.

[The organization] has kept the nuclear weapons issue before the public year in and year out, when many people would prefer to forget that we live every day of our lives with the possibility of the annihilation of civilization in a few hours. We have not achieved elimination of nuclear weapons yet. I believe we have, however, maintained and strengthened the “nuclear taboo” by representing knowledge of the horror of the effects of nuclear weapons on human bodies. This taboo is very important. It stands between us and the use of nuclear weapons.

Incite: What is your role within the IPPNW?

Incite: What are the major obstacles facing the IPPNW in fulfilling its goal?

JSB: After a period of membership, I became part of the governing board, including the role of vice president.

JSB: [One obstacle] is the embedded cultural value that “might is right,” with the corollary that it’s good to have the might to kill millions in minutes. The U.S. has backtracked on many of its commitments to eliminate nuclear weapons, and seems determined, under the Bush administration, to keep them, make them more usable, [and] possibly even use them. In that environment, the work of abolition of nuclear weapons becomes very difficult.

Incite: What was your personal motivation for joining the International Physicians for the Prevention of Nuclear War (IPPNW)?

Incite: What are the main objectives of the organization?

JSB: The organization aims to prevent nuclear war, and indeed all war. It points out the grossly inflated military budgets of countries, while health needs remain inadequately resourced. It undertakes campaigns against other weapons, alongside its ongoing nuclear weapons work, [such as] landmines [and] small arms. Some of [our] national affiliates also focus on ecological issues as threats to human health. I’m interested in the linkage between coming oil scarcity, health, and the probability of violent conflict over dwindling oil resources. Healthcare is a heavily oil–dependent activity in modern countries [but] it hasn’t yet faced the implications of oil scarcity.

Incite: What have been the organization’s major accomplishments thus far?

JSB: IPPNW has redefined the nuclear weapons issue as a health problem, not just a political, military, or technical issue. On this basis, IPPNW was the motivating force behind the World Health Organization’s reference to the World Court in the mid–90s on the legality of

16 incite

Incite: From a physician’s perspective, what are the medical threats associated with nuclear weapons?

JSB: Nuclear weapons, to put it sardonically, are bad for your health in a number of ways. If you are in the way of one, you may be fried by the initial heat flash, blown apart by the blast wave, killed by flying objects in the super–high winds that immediately follow, burned to death from the fires that ensue. You may die fast of brain swelling from radiation, or slowly from bleeding as your intestine sheds its lining, and your blood cells stop reproducing. If you survive these, you may die later from cancer of various kinds induced by radiation. In addition, the manufacturing and testing of nuclear weapons have killed thousands by excess radiation, and will kill more as the delayed effects manifest themselves.

It is terrible to die prematurely from any cause. The thing about nuclear weapons is their gigantic, concentrated, and indiscriminate kill-

ing ability. This is what makes them morally intolerable and illegal. When politicians tolerate them, for example, as Canada tolerates NATO policies premised on the use of nuclear weapons, they must simply be divorcing themselves from the human reality of what they agree to accept.

Incite: Are these effects understood by state leaders and the public?

JSB: No.

Incite: Should a nuclear war erupt, are North American hospitals and medical professionals equipped and trained to deal with the injuries? What about international hospitals and medical professionals?

JSB: No health system anywhere could come remotely near being able to cope with hundreds of thousands or millions of simultaneous burn, blast projectile, and radiation injuries. Most people, in any country affected by nuclear weapons, would not even receive pain medication or any medical assistance at all for horrendous injuries.

Incite: The Non–Proliferation Treaty, originally signed in 1968, has been referred to as the backbone of arms control. In light of its reemergence, could you give a brief synopsis of the premise behind the Non–Proliferation Treaty (NPT)?

JSB: The Non–Proliferation Treaty is an agreement by the nuclear weapons states to eliminate their arsenals.

Non–nuclear weapons states promise not to acquire nuclear weapons. In return for this abstention, the nuclear weapons states promise to help them with nuclear energy technology and other nonmilitary uses.

Incite: What actions would you recommend be taken by Ottawa with regard to nuclear defense?

JSB: [Our nation’s] position is contradictory and lacks integrity. Canada should not accept this contradiction in its policy. It should align with other non–nuclear states to get NATO to change its policy or get out of NATO. The time may be good for agitation on this issue.

European countries where the U.S. has based nuclear weapons are demanding more vociferously that they be removed from their soil. There is a strong move in the U.K. to not replace their nuclear strike system and move to being a non– nuclear state. Such a move would signal to the U.S. and other nuclear weapons states that there is a low tolerance for proposed use of nuclear weapons and a high demand for elimination.

Canada should strenuously avoid the present move to integrate its military more with that of the U.S. This would draw Canada into military arrangements that involve the use of nuclear weapons [as well as erode] the principles we have worked so hard on.

Canada should proceed as soon as possible with its plan to ‘jump–start’ the stalled discussions on nuclear weapons at the Conference on Disarmament. The U.S. opposes these discussions and the plan to “jump–start” them.

Canada should continue to decline any invitation to join in the U.S. Ballistic Missile Defense Program.

Canada should promote the draft treaty on elimination of nuclear weapons (The Nuclear Weapons Convention) as a feasible instrument for the staged, verifiable elimination of nuclear weapons.

Canada should urgently work for the removal of all nuclear weapons from a “launch– on–warning” system, as it is dangerously vulnerable to error.

“Many people would prefer to forget that we live every day of our lives with the possibility of the annihilation of Incite: What is Canada’s current civilization in a few stance towards nuclear defense and Incite: How has the disarmament? hours.” recently elected ConJSB: Canada’s government has, at various times, worked hard and intelligently for the elimination of nuclear weapons. This is Canada’s policy. On the other hand, Canada is a member of NATO, which has a policy clause that states that nuclear weapons are ‘essential’ for its capacity to wage war. Canada accepts this, although under a previous government, made an attempt to have it changed. Now we are making no fuss about it, merely going along with it.

servative government reacted to American pressures to support Ballistic Missile Defense?

JSB: Evasively.

Incite: In your opinion, what are present or future global security threats as a result of the U.S. opting out of the NPT?

JSB: On the present trajectory, I believe nuclear weapons will be used in the future, perhaps in the coming conflict stresses over dwindling fossil fuels. This is an appalling prediction.

Incite: What is the Middle Powers Initiative (MPI)?

JSB: This was begun by Canadian Senator Doug Roche. It engages influential people from middle powers, that is, states that are not nuclear weapons states, but because of their economic and other strengths, are significant players in the international community. The MPI focuses on the dangers of nuclear weapons, and hopes to bring peer pressure to bear on the nuclear weapons states.

Incite: What can the public do to voice their concerns and be active members in influencing Canada’s role and stance towards nuclear defense?

JSB: Join one of the groups acting on this issue.

These include Physicians for Global Survival – Canada (anyone can join; student [admission is] $25), Science for Peace, Pugwash, Canadian Peace Alliance, Project Ploughshares, Kairos (an inter–religious group within Christianity), or Council of Canadians.

McMaster has quite a number of relevant organizations. There is a student Physicians for Global Survival in the International Health group. There is a student Pugwash/Science for Peace [chapter].

Earlier this year, there was an outstanding conference, [run by students], on Canada’s Role in Nuclear Non–Proliferation and Disarmament. I thought this was an excellent way to educate all of us on campus.

It’s extremely important to address these tough issues. Many people prefer not to think about them. Denial is not a defensible response to the existence of the world’s worst (by far) weapons.

incite 17

REVIEW

By: Nick Davies, Robyn Guyatt, and Laura McGhie

 Williams Coffee Pub



O

n a cloudy Friday afternoon, intrepid Incite investigators Nick Davies, Robyn Guyatt, and Laura McGhie braved the jitters and endured the twitches to bring you a review of McMaster’s coffee venues. Hopping from café to café, they set out to rate the various types of coffee available on campus. What they found was an incontrovertible truth too horrible to deny: that drinking seven cups of coffee in a row makes you really, really silly.

Small regular coffee: $1.09

Our first destination: Williams Coffee Pub in the student centre. While the glass walls and spindly tables aren’t very cozy, Williams does serve baked goods, smoothies, and other assorted items. But we’re here for the coffee. It’s very flavourful, but tastes a little burnt.

Comments

Nick: A strong, meaty aroma. You can really sink your teeth into it. BLaura: I don’t think I’ll ever drink coffee again by choice.* B * Editor’s note: Laura is now addicted to coffee.

Small regular coffee: $1.13

Small regular coffee: $0.99



As we walked towards the Union Market, we found ourselves unable to stop drinking the Tim Hortons coffee, despite our original plan to taste and then discard it. Consequently, our caffeine levels were running higher than expected when we crossed the threshold of our the next mocha merchant. The Union Market offers a wide range of coffees, although they had run out of fair trade coffee when we arrived. Their regular blend was rich and walnutty in flavour.

A Canadian staple, Tim Hortons serves a brew familiar to almost evIt’s usually Tim eryone. crawling with patrons, Hortons although the queue was practically non-existent when we visited. The coffee was rich and fresh.

Comments

Comments

Nick: I just saw a Vote for Pedro shirt. I bet these beans were harvested by someone named Pedro. B+ Laura: I always tear Tim Hortons lids incorrectly—the tolerance is like one millimetre.

A-

Union Market

Nick: The sweet chirping of the birds in the Student Centre takes me away to Central America.

B Laura: By not drinking fair trade coffee, are we fuelling the horrible conditions in the 3rd world?

Nick: Yes. Laura: Mmm… tastes like evil. B-

½ Waiting for Robyn…

Nick is feeling increasingly alert. Laura is getting paranoid, and is afraid she will fall down stairs. They are now waiting to meet with Robyn, just coming back from class.

Comments

Nick: I feel like I’m lost in translation.

Laura: Lost in translation?

Nick: No, like I’m on some kind of drug.

Laura: Let’s sit on that bench. Adventure!

Nick: More like ad‘bench’ure. Hey, Robyn’s here!

Commons Marketplace

 Small 100% Columbian: $1.13

On to Commons, second home to most students in residence.

The cafeteria atmosphere leaves something to be desired, but the thrill that comes with eating off a dangerously unclean table is simply unmatched. Our coffee was a little watery.

Comments

G RAPHICS BY A NDREW C ARREIRO A ND CHRISTINA D E M ELO

incite 18

Nick: You can really taste the Columbians! BLaura: I would murder five cups of coffee to save one cup of tea. BRobyn: One time I was sailing and a fish jumped in someone else’s boat. I refused to sail for a day. C+



Bridges

Large fair trade Mexico dark: $1.39

Bridges, the newest large cafeteria on campus, sports an ambiance that is hard to beat. Our fair trade coffee was a little bitter, but rather good with a touch of milk.

Comments

Robyn: I like this coffee more than Commons coffee, but that may be because Nick let me put milk in it.

Nick: No more milk for you… it’s making you inquisitive.

Four stars.

Robyn: I give this coffee… four cats.

Laura: My knees are getting shaky.

East Meets West Bistro Medium Irish Creme coffee: $1.59

On to the Bistro in Keyes, another place with a great atmosphere. Our Irish Creme coffee was flavourful… we think. We can’t really remember.

Comments

AN ECONOMICS LESSON FOR THOSE WHO DON'T THINK MATH IS FASHIONABLE.

Nick: A bit watery, as though left outside by a leprechaun during a rainstorm on the Emerald Isle. [7 wet leprechauns out of 10 dry ones.]

Laura: I guess I’m addicted now. On an unrelated note, I just saw a yellow spot. I would invade three Eastern countries for this coffee.

Robyn: The best so far. I would kill half a cat for this coffee, for a total score of four and a half cats.

Phoenix Peppermint Paddy specialty coffee: $4.50

Gearing up for back-to-school? Want to look stylish, without taking out a student loan? You don't need a PHD to know where to shop.

Talize has clothing, books, furniture, shoes, new school stuff. And tons more.

As we power-walked to the Phoenix, judgement impaired, we decided to get a “specialty coffee” to finish off the day. It turned out that we actually ordered a specialty hot chocolate. Who says you can’t mix stimulants with depressants? Not us!

Sign up for a Talize Student Card and you'll score an extra 10% off our already crazy low prices.

Talize Student Card Save 10% off everything. Every time you shop!

Linc oln M Upp er Ja mes St

And so, we each returned home with a little extra spring in our step, and a little extra renal failure. But at the end of the day, what’s more important: enjoying a cup of coffee with your friends, or avoiding severe kidney damage? We can’t really figure it out, because none of us have slept in over a week.

W5 th S t

Nick: Wait a minute… this is hot chocolate. With alcohol!

Fifteen million stars.

Robyn: Best “coffee” ever… one cat lady and all her cats.

Laura: Jack Layton is the sexiest man alive. This drink is world domination amazing.

Ston

Rym

al Rd

Regin W

Delta D

e Ch

a Dr

r

Alex and er

urch

Upp er W ellin gton St

Comments

Rd E

New & Nearly New. Affordable good stuff.

HAMILTON: Stone Church Centre, 1400-1428 Upper James St. Phone: 905-318-2376 � Mon - Wed: 9am - 7pm � Thurs - Fri: 9am - 9pm Sat: 9am - 6pm � Sun: 11am - 5pm

HAMILTON � KITCHENER � LONDON � www.talize.com

incite 19

DEBATE

Canada’s Military presence in Afghanistan Canada currently has 2200 troops deployed in Afghanistan in a mission more akin to a war than traditional peacekeeping. They are part of a UN–authorized NATO force—based in southern Afghanistan and composed primarily of Canadian, British, and Dutch troops—whose goal is to enhance the Afghan government’s tenuous hold over the south of the country. The NATO force and its Afghan counterparts have faced stiff resistance from forces identifying with the former Taliban regime. One of several pitched battles with insurgents was described by a government spokesperson as the largest Canadian battle since the Second World War. Based near Kandahar in what is considered the most dangerous part of the country, the Canadian forces have borne the brunt of the fighting—and casualties—of the NATO force over the last year. Suicide attacks, open battles, roadside bombings, and friendly fire have all contributed to the Canadian death toll of 37 soldiers and one diplomat since 2002. The bulk of these deaths has occurred over the last year and a half as Canadian troops shifted from the relatively stable capital to the South.

The rising death toll comes at a time when cracks are appearing in the Afghan government and the Western effort to nurture it. Allegations of corruption and incompetence have surfaced against Hamid Karzai’s Afghan government, which is accused of integrating warlords into the government in exchange for their backing. Moreover, in spite of government programs to curtail poppy cultivation, Afghanistan had a record opium crop this year, sales of which are believed to finance many of the anti-government forces.

In light of these problems, the NDP has called for Canadian forces to pull out from Afghanistan and for negotiation with anti-government forces. The Conservative government insists it will stay the course and refuses to debate the issue in Parliament.

Incite’s Katie Huth argues that the NDP has the right idea and that the Afghan mission is a quagmire from which we must extract ourselves. Muneeb Ansari counters by arguing that pulling out now would only destabilize Afghanistan and damage our international standing.

20 incite

Should I Stay...

By Muneeb Ansari

O

n September 25, Safia Amajan, head of the Kandahar province’s women’s department was shot dead on her way to work. Although no one has claimed responsibility, it is strongly suspected that this murder is the work of Taliban–inspired militants. Amajan was a fierce critic of the Taliban’s treatment of women and, since 2001, had spearheaded many projects that sought to empower Afghan women. Such attacks on opponents of the former Taliban regime are becoming increasingly common, especially in and around the city of Kandahar in the south of the country. Amajan’s death is symbolic of the many complex issues that need to be addressed in Afghanistan, including women’s rights, security, lawlessness, and a growing insurgency.

The weak and divided nature of the Afghan government has prevented it from stemming this tide of violence.

Outside of the capital, Kabul, the country is controlled by warlords and militias. In the past year, the Taliban’s power has been steadily growing in the

south, their traditional heartland. They have re–established control over many areas and re–introduced the harsh and authoritarian legal system under which they ruled the country between 1996 and 2001.

It is here that Canadian troops have been dispatched to help restore security. Our troops are there to help drive out the Taliban and establish the rule of the Afghan government over the South. With this goal in mind, the Canadian military has identified two types of Taliban—the extremists and those who are desperate and jobless. The extremists see any Western presence in Afghanistan as an illegitimate, imperial adventure designed to subjugate Muslims. They will not put down their guns until forced to do so; you cannot negotiate with them. It is doubtful you could even find a single leader who could speak for all of the various groups.

The other type of Taliban—those driven by despair—can be convinced to lay down their arms. If they are provided with an improved livelihood,

...Or Should I Go?

By Katie Huth

C

anada’s present military involvement in Afghanistan does not deserve our support. Our focus on warfare against the resurging Taliban is detracting from development assistance, peace building, and negotiation.

Stephen Harper has insisted that any questioning of our Afghan force, mission, or objectives would be a disservice to our troops. But as the war intensifies, many Canadians are expressing disagreement with our current role overseas, suggesting that our approach is narrow–minded and likely to fail. Across the country, polls indicate that support for the mission is steadily declining. This discontent corresponds with the steady transition of our role from traditional peacekeepers to an occupation force since December 2001.

Our military presence has intensified with the recent relocation of troops out of the capital of Kabul into the more unstable regions of southern Afghanistan.

The burden is a heavy one: CBC News noted that, apart from the US, more Canadians have been killed in hostile action

than any of the other 46 countries with troops in Afghanistan.

Casualties suffered by the Canadian forces, although devastating, are not the reason to withdraw troops. Instead, we must acknowledge that our military presence cannot create conditions for long–term peace, especially given NATO’s shifting focus from reconstruction to warfighting. Ending our military involvement in Afghainistan must not be confused with abandoning a country that needs our help. Our commitment to the Afghan people should be manifested through peace–building and reconstruction rather than military action.

Those opposed to military withdrawal from Afghanistan often cite the lack of a comprehensive exit strategy. But the Conservative government’s current plan is equally inarticulate, and amounts to keeping our troops in one of the most dangerous parts of Afghanistan without a clear timeline or gauge of success.

We can look to American experiences in Iraq to see that military superiority is no guarantee of stability. An unclear withdrawal plan is preferable to an un-

present. Land mines have caused countless casualties, and enhanced the feeling of insecurity amongst the population. Canada has also deployed Provincial Reconstruction Teams, which include personnel from the Canadian International Development Agency and the RCMP, to aid local leaders. The military provides them with the security that is necessary for these long–term development projects.

Calls for pulling out our troops oversim-

clear military strategy that puts our troops into further peril.

Debate surrounding the appropriateness and effectiveness of Canada’s military presence in Afghanistan had flooded newspapers and unleashed a political tug–of–war in the House of Commons. Our role in Afghanistan has become a defining issue in the ongoing rivalry between the Conservatives, Liberals, and NDP. Conservatives are inflexible in their support for the mission, Liberal leadership candidates are divided, and the call to withdraw Canadian troops has become official NDP policy. The argument has become more heated since the Conservative government decided to extend our mission until 2009, after only six hours of debate.

It is striking that in our polished democratic system, fortified with checks and balances, discussion follows decision–making. Stephen Harper’s attitude—that patriotism requires unquestioning consent—has strangled discussion of Canadian foreign policy and our role as peacekeepers. Our troops are expected to engage in intense warfare to support NATO for another two years on the basis of the unfounded notion that this is the way to fulfill our moral obligation.

This past spring, NATO called for deployment of Canadian troops to the southern provinces of Afghanistan, specifically to the violent Kandahar region. NATO troops in the area were focussed on fighting the resurgent Taliban and had put

reconstruction on hiatus. Before entering Kandahar, Canadian troops had been working to rebuild the democratic process in Kabul as a part of the International Assistance Force. Now, forced to adopt the same priorities as NATO, we are mired in an aggressive military mission in a war–torn nation.

The shift from reconstruction to warfighting as the principal task of our military force and its consequent uncertain progress necessitates a re–evaluation of Canadian involvement in Af-

tion of a grand coalition of the willing in Iraq, the military presence there is composed almost exclusively of Americans, with some British troops in the South. The Iraq war was executed unilaterally and without the sanction of the United Nations. Our troops in Afghanistan are part of a multinational NATO force of 18 000 troops, whose mission is explicitly authorized by the UN. Canada, for the first time in a generation, is playing a significant role in a multilateral security assistance force. We have made a commitment not only to the Afghan government, but also to our international allies. To pull out now would seriously undermine our credibility on the international stage. It would demonstrate an unwillingness to defend the lofty principles of freedom and democracy that we hold dear. If we support a stable and prosperous Afghanistan, we must be prepared to suffer some setbacks. How we fare in this mission will have consequences for other humanitarian or peacekeeping missions that involve any commitment of troops—for example, taking action to stop the slaughter occurring in Darfur.

Although pulling out now would be bad policy, our current strategy is not the right way to build Continued top of page 22 G RAPHIC BY D EBJANI PODDAR

they will turn their backs on violence. Abandoning the South is not a viable option. Pulling out Canadian forces would leave a power vacuum to be filled by the strongest local militia—the Taliban. Instead of ceding the South to the Taliban, we must focus on weaning some of these “Taliban by convenience” away from violence by supporting reconstruction and development, even as we militarily defeat the extremists.

The Canadian government has long promoted a 3D strategy for Afghanistan: diplomacy, defense, and development. The overall goal is to set Afghanistan on a course towards repairing the ravages of war that have haunted the country for 27 years. But security is the prerequisite of progress. In order for the Afghan government to be anything other than a token it needs to regain its monopoly on violence. The Afghan army and police forces are currently incapable of ending the violence and toppling powerful warlords on their own. They need international support.

How exactly do Canadian troops help? The troops are not just there conducting offensive combat operations. The military has helped clear the country of three to five million land mines—nearly a third of the total believed to be

plify the nature of our commitment, and the complexities of the mission. It is not as simple as packing up our tanks and flying home. The pullout discourse has grown along with the anti–war movement in the United States. Afghanistan has been dubbed Canada’s Iraq. The situation in Afghanistan, however, differs in many respects from that in Iraq. Despite the many proclamations of the Bush administra-

ghanistan. We must examine our position on this issue to ensure it is consistent with our values; decisions made about Afghanistan will serve to define future Canadian participation in world affairs.

It is particularly important to critique our actions in Afghanistan in light of suggestions that our foreign policy is becoming suspiciously similar to that of the United States. Jack Layton spoke for a large proportion of Canadians when he ac-

cused Harper of taking his lead from the Bush administration, without properly addressing Canadian concerns and principles.

Liberal leadership candidate Gerard Kennedy believes that determining the nature of Canada’s intervention is a character test for the country (Kennedy is pushing for a mandate that supports the interests of both Afghans and our troops) Accordingly, he is another political leader calling for Canada to pull out unless NATO changes its approach.

Many supporters of Canada’s military involvement argue that withdrawal would amount to betraying NATO, and that we would be ignoring our commitment to help Afghanistan get back on its feet. But is it not a betrayal of Afghanistan and our troops to occupy a country without the certainty that our mission has a clear and achievable purpose? Our concern and focus should not be whether NATO will scold us for withdrawing troops, but instead whether our presence is truly helping Afghanistan.

In his recent visit to Canada, Afghan president Hamid Karzai made a strong appeal for development aid, yet Harper continues to push funding for warlike security forces. Canada is spending roughly four times more on the military mission than on development assistance. Opium fields are being eradicated, but no alternative sources of income are being offered to farmers who have lost their livelihood. Social projects, humanitarContinued bottom of page 22

incite 21

(Should I Stay...

Continued) a stable Afghanistan. Using purely militaristic means will not solve the problem. The current heavy–handed use of force is alienating Afghans and increasing their suspicion of foreign forces. Prime Minister Harper’s strategy of staring down the Taliban in battle is flawed, and is based more on the tough guy image Harper wants to portray both to Canadians and to the American administration than on rational goals.

Our strategy needs to change. Foreign troops need to conduct counter–insurgency missions more carefully, without seeing every Afghan as a potential enemy. There needs to be accountability for every single civilian death. In view of the attention accorded to Canadian casualties, dismissing Afghan deaths as collateral damage creates a double standard under which

the value of life depends upon the victim’s nationality.

When fighting an insurgency, the means we use are just as important as the ends. Our basis for co–operation with a certain group should not be a common enemy (the Taliban). Allying with anti–Taliban warlords as the Kabul government and the American and NATO forces seem to be doing is not acceptable. Some of them are just as abusive and tyrannical as the Taliban.

Finally, providing Afghans with economic opportunity is an essential step towards halting the insurgency. Opium farming and the drug trade that fund warlords and the Taliban are rightly targeted by foreign troops. Unfortunately, the farmers are given neither a legitimate alternative crop nor an alternate means of support, which increases anger and hostility towards the troops.

We need to build on existing programs to support farmers making the switch away from poppy growing and provide a carrot to go with the stick of land seizures and crop spraying.

Pulling out our troops and disengaging from Afghanistan would condemn the country to the chaos that allowed the Taliban to come to power in the first place. Our troops need to stay in Afghanistan to build security and stability and give the Afghan people and government the confidence to piece their broken society back together.

Foreign troops need to conduct counter– insurgency missions more carefully, without seeing every Afghan as a potential enemy.

ian aid, and institutional reform are all urgently needed in Afghanistan but are severely neglected as Canada concentrates on expanding its military power.

According to Harper, Paul Martin’s approval of the mission to Kandahar in the fall of 2005 committed us to a military solution to the Afghan problem. But Paul Martin’s decision does not preclude our right to reconsider this approach, or more importantly, our responsibility to change our course now that failure has become a distinct possibility. Respect for our soldiers requires that we scrutinize their mission, and question the logic behind their orders, not stand by in mindless support.

Harper recently announced the deployment of 200–500 additional soldiers and a squadron of Leopard tanks to Afghanistan to battle resurgent Taliban. This decision raises the number of Ca-

The corruption that is widespread in the government needs to be stamped out rather than ignored. For Afghans to accept the Karzai regime, they must be confident that it is purely democratic and accountable, and not just a puppet of the West.

nadian soldiers in Afghanistan to approximately 2500. The Department of National Defense pushed for this military reinforcement, arguing that it is a necessary response to the rising level of Taliban aggression. Although a stronger military force in the south may allow NATO to contain the Taliban, Canada’s Defense Minister Gordon O’Connor has acknowledged that completely defeating the insurgency is beyond our

consistent flow of fresh, rearmed, and increasingly well–organized fighters. Our troops are weeding without getting the roots. Breaking this stalemate requires phasing out military forces in favour of a renewed emphasis on reconstruction and peace negotiations.

Insurgencies cannot be defeated with military force. The United States, France, Britain, and the Soviet Union have all failed to pacify uprisings despite massive military superiority. Sending 200 more soldiers will not resolve the issue. Sending 500 more soldiers will not resolve the issue. The deployment of additional soldiers is not the key to establishing an enduring and effective government in a peaceful Afghanistan.

It is time to give up the delusion that military involvement will create stability in Afghanistan. It is time to speak out as Canadians on behalf of our troops, our international reputation, and the Afghan people. Most importantly, it is time to speak loud enough for Stephen Harper to hear.

Our troops are weeding without getting the roots

(...Should I go?

Continued)

22 incite

capabilities.

Members of the Afghani warring faction are able to withdraw into Pakistan to regroup. While our troops have been successful in some clashes against pockets of Taliban fighters—providing opportunities for Harper and the media to herald our efforts as triumphant—our overall track record is pitiful. Without a Pakistani effort to clamp down on the Taliban’s cross–border movement, Canadian forces are ineffectual against a

COLUMN

WITH ROB LEDERER

M

y mother’s choice of clothing often confuses me. She has many good days of classy outfits in age–appropriate styles and colours. Unfortunately, too often she chooses to thwart sensible taste, dressing in almost–neon pants and elaborately sequined shirts that leave me wishing for an immediate What Not To Wear intervention. It’s these I’m– off–to–the–roller–disco–with–Sandy–and–the– gang moments that make me shake in my Vans slip–ons every time my mom shops for me; the contents of her subsequent shopping bags have led me to the brink of founding a religion to worship the ingenious inventor of the 30–day money back guarantee.

While I appreciate the thought that goes into the purchases, I certainly don’t condone it.

What’s really holding my mom back from picking my perfect shirt is that she fails to discern charmingly witty from heinously sexual t–shirt designs. Imagine waking up on Christmas morning to find a “Sleeps well with others; Resumé upon request” t–shirt under the tree. I have never joined a frat house, pursued a career in the adult industry, or entered a competitive cuddling league, so I’m not absolutely sure where the idea for this gift originated.

Mistaking locker–room jabber for genuine wit—or even attempts at genuine wit—is hard to imagine; it’s sort of like telling Pamela Anderson that you love her work on The Daily Show.

Yet, it happens all of the time. Who hasn’t seen that obnoxious–looking guy wearing “I like girls who like girls” across his chest, or the once shy boy from down the road who now, says his shirt, would certainly “fcuk” himself given the chance?

Have you ever listened to a speaker who had spinach stuck in her teeth? Even if she’s normally very engaging, it’s hard not to be fixated on the leafy green. Encountering raunchy shirts on the street is the same kind of situation; I want to separate the graphic from the person wearing it, but in the end, red–light

raunchy makes everything else fade into the background.

We’re taught to never judge a book by its cover, but if it’s plastered with lines worthy of The Sopornos, who can help but shake their head and walk away? What people wear says something about who they are, even if they don’t want it to. Clothes can tell bystanders, “I summer with Tom and Rita in the Hamptons,” or they can scream, “Last night I moshed my way to eternal Ozzfest glory.”

As far as I’m concerned, wearing “The third base coach is waving me in” refers to more than a childhood spent chasing balls around the neighbourhood diamond. It speaks of a wild arrogance and need for validation normally reserved for jocks and Van Wilder, but also appropriate for Donald Trump, were he to become a bodybuilder. That’s why I was so ashamed and confused when my mom presented me with the unforgettable “Sleeps well with others” number last Christmas; it left me troubled and questioning what kind of a guy she thinks I am.

The recent sexualization of t–shirt graphics, reminiscent of Elizabeth Burkley’s unfortunate slide from Jessie Spano to Showgirls, is not limited to the guys. A collection of equally inappropriate designs for women has worked its way into countless retail chains. They retain the quickly–becoming–standard sexual remarks, still more nauseating than a holiday made–for– tv drama starring Dylan McDermott and Meg Ryan, but these designs have a unique twist.

While the gents’ logos focus on Popeye–level brawn, women’s shirts articulate, among other things, the wearer’s pride in her “mountains” and your boyfriend’s intense desire for her (so watch out!). Even more inappropriate, however, is their take on the dumb blonde stereotype, forcing feminism back several Green–Giant–sized steps. An 11–year–old wearing “I’m too cute to do math” is a little disturbing; considering that most youngsters have the financial resources of MC Hammer after the fall, that child’s outfit

was probably picked out and paid for by a parent, making the whole situation even more sick.

However, unlike my mother’s, this is a gift that keeps on giving, because, while there’s a touch of egotism, it’s also a perpetual put–down to the wearer.

Beauty may lie in the eye of the beholder, but let’s be honest—even Prince Charming would look like the frog prince in a “Sexiest Man Alive” shirt; and who wouldn’t tell the Paper Bag Princess to upgrade to plastic rather than wear one of Abercrombie and Fitch’s smutty tees?

Different social settings call for different standards of behaviour. You’d never tell a “yo’ mama…” joke in front of someone’s actual mother, so why sport inappropriate sayings when there are so many people around to offend? The wide–eyed little league team you coach on weekends could be right around the corner, just like your thesis advisor, boss, priest, mother, grandma, future in–laws, or a troop of young and impressionable Girl Guides.

It seems to me that wearing one of these shirts is committing the heinous and totally unnecessary crime of self–inflicted humiliation, just like announcing the loss of your Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual over the PA system at lunch. Like my mother’s trousers—so bright I swear they can be seen aboard the International Space Station—I’ll never understand the appeal of donning phrases that verge on pornographic.

For the most part, my mom’s wardrobe only calls into question her taste in clothes; on the other hand, this latest trend demonstrates distain for your own public persona and the retinas of the countless innocent bystanders.

My mother always says, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” and while that could be used to criticize this column, it should still never slip your mind while getting dressed each morning. So, next time you reach for a shirt that screams, “That’s the sound your mother made last night,” think of the children (and the rest of us) and keep it clean.

. . . a n d a l l y o u g o t w a s t h a t s t u p i d T- s h i r t ? incite 23

A Manhattan Affair One night we settled down On a coastal light bulb with skyscraper filaments— White hot.

Art walked the streets, its frame: the trends, New, old, forgotten.

We sank into its skin and surged Along its metal veins.

Ejected, brought-up thick with people; An impatient clot.

A street orchestra: loud, off key, Nothing keeping time—the city’s sound, its voice.

Across its tether to land, cabs in a golden stitch, The city fades.

Its electric grip releases.

PHOTO BY K ERRY SCOTT

- Parker Bell

24 incite