Incite Magazine - April 2007

incite

09 | 06 april 2 0 0 7

ge r o e G r er e t m e m P u h s t i on t lw l l i a m W a H o t l-t o l a h a W e s n r i e u e h O do c f o t o f f y u o j t ls he o T o C

University of Ottawa

Graduate Studies with supporting scholarships

It starts here.

At the University of Ottawa, you will benefit from

unparalleled funding opportunities. Most graduate students receive between $14,000 and $17,000 of annual support. Many departments offer even more!

Graduate Studies Meet and Greet in Toronto!

April 25 from 5 to 7 p.m., MaRS Building, 100 College Street, Toronto

Ranked among the top five research-intensive universities in Canada. www.grad.uOttawa.ca

1 877 uOttawa 613-562-5700

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I

EDITORIAL

tchy feet—that’s what the Australian girl I met called it.

While her description makes me think more about Gold Bond than a craving for travel, I figure Aussies should know best.

They are, after all, renowned globe trotters. It’s not just Australians though; Canadian university students are doing pretty well with the frequent flier miles, especially between the months of April and September. It seems as though almost everyone I run into is either planning some sort of international trip or just returning from one.

There’s backpacking through Europe or learning to surf down under. There’s teaching English in Asia and visiting the grandparents in Florida. There’s the grad trip to Cancun and the journey of self–discovery to Thailand. And there’s the trip able to make all other travelers feel a little bit guilty and self–indulgent: the volunteer excursion to a developing country.

“Volunteer tourism” is a strange breed of travel, and one with which I’m not completely comfortable. While overseas volunteers certainly have their hearts in the right place, it’s important to examine how these admirable motives translate into action in the real world. Traveling for leisure is always a privilege and adding volunteerism to the mix doesn’t turn it into a selfless

act of humanitarianism. At the end of the excursion, the Western visitor goes home to a world of hot showers and a country with long life expectancies while the locals remain impoverished and vulnerable to dangers many of us can’t even comprehend.

If you really just wanted to volunteer, there are plenty of organizations addressing social issues in Hamilton that would welcome extra help. If your passion is the third world, there are numerous initiatives in Canada lobbying our government to adopt fairer trade practices and greater debt forgiveness.

Financially, volunteer tourism’s not doing anyone any favours. The cost of a plane ticket to Thailand alone is $1500 not spent on development projects in the region. When you campaign for donations to help finance your trip from your family and friends, you risk absorbing whatever money they had earmarked for real charitable donations into your selfless journey. To them, putting $20 towards your Africa trip and $20 towards UNICEF’s immunization project probably seem one and the same. Moreover, the work you do in the third world, whether building a hospital or teaching math, is employment not going to a local person in regions with shockingly high unemployment rates.

There’s also something insulting to those in developing countries about a

Benevolent Dictator

Kerry Scott Word Processors

Samantha Green Rob Lederer

Kate MacKeracher Jacob Stewart–Ornstein

Westerner flying halfway around the world to pour concrete or nurse orphans for a week. Hospitals need building and orphans need nursing not because poor people aren’t able or don’t care—stepping in and doing it for them is patronizing.

By engaging in volunteer tourism, you unwittingly wield the power to influence exactly what types of development projects receive international attention and support. The idea of sitting in an office administering microfinance is likely not as appealing to a visiting volunteer as heroically erecting a school for orphaned HIV–positive landmine victims. Both projects are important, but your neighbours and friends end up hearing more about the cute orphans than depressing economics.

After all my denouncement, a glance through this issue of Incite may have you scratching your head. Alongside our shamelessly decadent review of cheese and article on the tattoos (a fairly self–involved subject), we’ve featured a photo essay about daily life at an orphanage in Brazil and a letter from someone staying at a children’s hostel in India. Do I think there’s no value in Stephanie VandenBurg’s documentation of the faces of poverty? Is Adam Scott wasting his time at ChildHaven? Certainly not.

Volunteer tourism has the potential to become a valuable contribution

incite

INSIDE

Why this Magazine Looks so Damn Good

Sylvia Andreae Lady of Pretty Pictures

Erin Giroux Dragin’ and Droppin’ and Paintin’

Tarini Awatramani Zane Byramji

Andrew Mok Ana Nikolic

Stephanie Szakall Siva Vijenthira Monkeys with Typewriters

Muneeb Ansari Andrew Carreiro

Nick Davies Erin Dunham

Jeanette Eby Zsuzsi Fodor

Ben Freeman Katie Huth

Rahim Jamal Emma Love

Daniel Rosen Adam Scott

Stephanie VandenBerg

Siva Vijenthira Cheese Guru

Catherine M.A. Wiebe

FEATURES

6 Wall–to–Wall with Peter George 8 Dealing with Drugs 12 Get Hammered 14 Living in Red 18 Notes from the Road 22 Whirr–Click 23 CPAC 28 Getting Ink Done Interview, Facebook style

Should Canada legalize narcotics?

Cool Hamilton stuff for a hot summer

Sproing!

A photo essay

Pakistan to Nepal to India Original Fiction

Accomodators of Exam Schedules

Hamilton Web Printing

Reality TV from before it was cool

Impact Youth Publications 97 Sterling Hamilton, ON L8S 4J3 incite@mcmaster.ca http://www.incitemagazine.ca Incite is published six times per academic year by Impact Youth Publications. 10,000 copies are distributed in the McMaster University–Westdale area. Entire contents copyright 2006–2007 Impact Youth Publications. Letters up to 300 words may be sent to the above address; they may be edited for length and clarity and will not be printed unless a name, address, and daytime phone are provided.

Opinions expressed are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Incite’s staff or Impact Youth Publications.

to human development under specific circumstances. First and foremost, you must not forget that the human being developed most by the excursion will always be you, the Western traveler.

Maintaining a pretense of selflessness is dangerous. However, using your international experience to educate others back home about development issues can go a long way to justify the amount of money spent getting you there and back. Also, when what you experienced overseas serves as fodder for a long–term dedication to address global injustice, it is hard to deny the value of your trip.

Spending a long period of time volunteering in the third world can also increase the positive effect of your trip.

A week painting fences is radically less helpful to anyone involved than several months at a health clinic. It takes time to forge the personal connections that keep poverty issues pertinent years later. Additionally, coming to understand the structural challenges that perpetuate injustice cannot happen overnight.

At the end of the day, even when coupled with a lifelong commitment to development or done for a significant amount of time, adding volunteerism to travel must still be understood as an exercise primarily undertaken for personal growth. To think otherwise risks participating in the newest manifestation of the white–man’s burden.

In search of the perfect tattoo

DEPARTMENTS

Cover by Stephanie Szakall

4 21 24 27

Happenings: News from Near and Far Column: Digitize me, Captain Review: The Joy of Cheese Column: Pop

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Happenings

MINUTES FROM LAST MONTH selected news from near and far

Ya got two kidneys

You can’t see me

Things to do with plastic bags #142

inside the bubble Libraries join 21st century (collection remains in 19th) On the McMaster Libraries’ home page, MORRIS enthusiasts will notice that its much–vaunted new search engine has finally made its appearance. The company responsible, Endeca, is probably best known for making the Chapters/ Indigo search interface. McMaster will be the first university in Canada to make use of the same software, which will allow searching using quotation marks, searching within results, and make for more efficient navigation. Truth be told, despite our general feelings against newfangled library contrivances like the Learning Commons, we were enamoured with the new catalogue system from our very first search (which was for “incite”, of course). The little search box expanded to suggest similar–looking authors or subjects as we typed, even taking into account possible typos, and the delightful panel on the left allowed us to narrow the

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results to specific call numbers or geographic regions.

In other fascinating library–related news, it turns out that the entire catalogue is also available at the McMaster virtual library in “Second Life”, discussed in last month’s Incite. Interested bookworms can teleport to Cybary City and speak with Danu Dahlstrom, known in this life as librarian Krista Godfrey.

Now we know why textbooks cost so much

the

All year, Titles has been celebrating its 75th anniversary with sales every month, culminating in a monster party on 29 March. Each previous month, it offered “1930s pricing”, with T–shirts, mugs and exam study sets for 50¢ each, and now they added sweatshirts for $10 and an “Anniversary Wheel” with prizes and free cake for all. The eager customers at the anniversary party were rabid but oddly polite, ripping voraciously through the dis-

appearing cardboard boxes for the last of the apparel, but then moving decorously aside to allow others to have their own tawdry consumerist moment.

Saving the world one free couch at a time MACgreen once again hosted Cootes Clean Up on 31 March. Soldiers for the environment descended into the woods, armed with gloves, bags and the requisite sense of humour to rid our Paradise of Tim Horton’s coffee cups thrown haphazardly into the bushes, broken trayboggans from Commons at the base of Faculty Hollow, and forlorn shopping carts lying forsaken on their sides. MACgreen will also be running their annual Swap–O–Rama in conjunction with the City of Hamilton, from 27 to 29 April. Students and community members in the L8S postal code area can leave unwanted but reusable furniture and knick–knacks on their curbs so that others can pick the goods they

want. This is the time to scout the streets for a free couch, TV or desk before Waste Management trucks everything away on 30 April.

Most of your peers break the Student Code of Conduct five times a week or less The Student Code of Conduct has been revised to fine students in a drug–related offence who failed to complete their assigned sanction.

The fine for the original violation can only be up to $130, but failing to complete the sanction can result in a fine of up to $500. Money collected through fines used to be applied towards repairing any damage caused by offenders, but new regulations allocate it for educational purposes instead. A clause has also been added to the Residence Code of Conduct requiring residents to sign an Alcohol Contract to show they know their rights and responsibilities.

Compiled by Siva Vijenthira

in canada...

The Ultimate Short Story VANCOUVER—Researchers at Simon Fraser University claim to have produced the world’s smallest published book, a story about a turnip contest called Teeny Ted from Turnip Town. The book, which measures 0.07 mm by 0.10 mm, will require readers to use an electron microscope. Researchers used a focused gallium–ion beam to carve spaces around each letter on pieces of crystalline silicon. The book is smaller than the two cited as smallest in the Guinness World Records—a copy of the New Testament of the King James Bible, made in 2001, and a 2002 copy of Anton Chekhov’s Chameleon.

It’s in the (Canvas) Bag LEAF RAPIDS, MB—Those long haired San Franciscan tree huggers have met their match. Less

than a month after they became the first city in North America to ban plastic shopping bags, Leaf Rapids, a town in northern Manitoba, followed suit, becoming the first municipality in Canada to do so. In preparation for the ban, officials have been handing out cloth shopping bags to residents over the past month. Ed Cherrier, mayor of Leaf Rapids, says he doesn’t expect any trouble enforcing the bill in the town of 550 people, since “everybody’s on board.”

But just in case there is a rogue tree–hater in town, Leaf Rapids has backed up their by–law with a $1000–a–day–fine for retailers who continue selling or distributing single–use bags.

A Real Gender Gap SARNIA—The small aboriginal community of Aamjiwnaang, located near Sarnia, has one of the most skewed gender ratio in the world. From 1999–2003, 65 per-

cent of births in the community were female—the typical gender ratio is 105 male births for every 100 female births. A less extreme drop in the number of male births has also been observed in surrounding communities. Pollutants from Sarnia’s numerous chemical plants have been blamed for the “missing boys,” especially estrogen mimics such as dioxins or methyl mercury. The ratio of boys to girls in most developed countries has dropped over the past three decades, with the most pronounced declines in Japan.

Legal Market for Kidneys ONTARIO—Having exhausted the supply of organs from the deceased, Ontario is considering turning to the living. The majority of the 1800 people on Ontario’s waiting list for organs need kidneys or livers, both organs that can be donated by living donors with limited health implications. To

smooth the way for live donations the provincial government is considering cash incentives or compensation for healthy individuals willing to part with a kidney or a chunk of their liver. Currently, Ontario has less than 300 live donors a year.

Minty–Fresh Fraud PICKERING—Durham Regional Police have arrested a woman who was caught on tape stealing $2000 worth of gum in two thefts on the same day in November. She apparently planned to sell the gum, but never did. Police say that a string of similar gum thefts from chain grocery and drug stores have occurred recently around the GTA, at least 10 of which are not likely connected to this woman; police fear a possible black market in gum.

Compiled by Sam Green, Kerry Scott, and Jacob Stewart–Ornstein

...and around the world Smuggling Invisible Reptiles THAILAND—Thai police intercepted a shipment of 175 chameleons destined for the black market.

Purchased for less then $300 CND in a local market, the reptiles had a reported value of more than $120 000 in North America. The chameleons were discovered in a cursory luggage check when investigators noticed that the bags appeared to be squirming. The smuggler had erroneously believed that the reptiles would blend in with the container and become undetectable; sadly, dehydration and stress had robbed them of their ability to change color.

Legalizing the Gender Gap CHINA—When construction finishes in two years, emblazoned above the gates of Shuangqiao district of Chongqing in Eastern China will be the slogan: “A woman never makes a mistake. A man can never reject a woman’s request.” Billed as the world’s first “woman town,” it is expected to draw significant tourist revenue. Included in the town’s set of by–laws will be specific prohibition on assertive action by males and a laundry list of penalties for disobedient men. These punishments range from the pro-

saic “kneeling on an uneven wooden board” to the downright racy.

No Animal Testing Here UK—Inboxes at Durex were overflowing with job applications at the end of last month. The makers of condoms and lubricants launched their first UK search for 1000 “condom testers”. Applicants must be willing to bear the responsibility of trying the products and then submitting online testimonials about their experiences. Brits of every sex, gender, orientation, and relationship status are being scouted to take part in what Durex officials are promising will be a purely research–based initiative.

“It isn’t some kind of crazy ‘60s love–in,” assured one spokeswoman. A Canadian search has yet to be announced, but we suggest you polish your resumé.

The Devils’ Demise?

TASMANIA—Australian officials are considering relocating Tasmanian devils to Maria Island, off Tasmania’s east coast, to avert their extinction by a contagious cancer. The cancer first appeared in the mid–1990s in the state’s northeast, where devil numbers have since dropped by more than

90 percent. Scientists estimate that within five years, there will be no disease–free population on Tasmania, the devils’ only habitat.

Biologists plan to transfer 30 devils to Maria Island, with transfers to a further six islands occurring in the near future. However, some scientists worry that the fox–like animals could endanger rare birds on the island.

(Security) Smile

Service

with

a

SEATTLE—Seattle–area bankers are taking a novel approach with suspicious–looking clients.

Instead of following the non–confrontational strategy used by most banks when potential robbers are identified, employees are now using the new “Safecatch” program.

Normally, employees are trained to not approach suspected bank robbers; tellers can activate an alarm or drop an exploding dye pack into a robber’s cash haul, but these are measures aimed at stopping escape, not halting the act of robbery itself. The new approach focuses attention in the guise of good customer service on suspicious–looking people, such as those who come in during the summer in a parka and gloves.

This innovative approach may be

one factor behind a significant drop in bank robberies in the Seattle area. The next time you’re looking for decent customer service, apparently you should bring gloves and a Glock.

Tequila, Tears

Timberlake,

and

LONDON—Forget karaoke and watching the game; dancing and drinking are so last year. Instead, hip young people in Japan, the UK, and the U.S. are frequenting a new group of misery clubs, which encourage visitors—sometimes with the help of chopped onions—to weep away their woes. For example, a new club in London called Loss, billed as “an evening of exquisite misery”, features crashing choral music, candlelight, wilting carnations, and crowds of crying young clubbers. While most of the club–goers cite the unique Industrial–Revolution–London–slash– pre–flood–New–Orleans atmosphere as the prime reason for their attendance, the club owner insists that the more tears, the better: “I don’t like parties where everyone has fun. I don’t want to dance and be cheerful,” he explained.

Compiled by Zsuzsi Fodor, Sam Green, and Jacob Stewart-Ornsein

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INTERVIEW My My My My My My My My My My My

Peter George’s Profile

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Peter George

McMaster Staff

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Contact Info Email: Land Phone: Current Town:

preswww@mcmaster.ca 905.525.9140 Hamilton

Personal Info Activities:

Running things and travelling the world

Interests:

Hockey, fishing, Heineken beer (although I should say Lakeport), the colours blue and dark green (although I should say maroon and grey)

McMaster Friends 15,000 friends at McMaster

Rahim Jamal

Kerry Scott

Favorite Music:

Very eclectic - from opera to country ’n’ western When I was a teen, I liked Elvis, Frankie Lymon, Fats Domino

Favorite TV Shows:

TSN SportsCentre, 24, Leaf games

Favorite Movies:

Gandhi, Monty Python, Rat Race

Favorite Books:

Every student should read Lord of the Rings

About Me:

I’ve been told I look like Santa, but I think I look like Sean Connery. I like dogs more than cats, but because of my wife, I have two cats. I make the world’s greatest butter tarts. I’ve met Clinton, Chrétien, Belafonte, and Bob Azumi. Briefs over boxers any day.

I was named after my mom’s dog Peter. I like ninjas better than pirates. I’ve never seen ninjas other than in their dark black costumes but in all the pirate movies I’ve seen, there are always buxom wenches.

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Michael DeGroote

Friends in Other Networks Groups 15 groups.

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If you remember this, you grew up in the 1950s • Looking like Santa is hot • University presidents with fantastic facial hair • UTS past and present • I’d rather be fishing • U of T alum • I wish I had gone to Mac • Working at McMaster does make me better than you • Technology confuses me: I can barely turn on the CD player • Rocket Richard and Ted Williams were my childhood heroes • Deregulate tuition fees • I love Incite Magazine • My university brings all the kids to the yard.

Damn right it’s better than yours • The Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too • Order of Canada Winners

Education and Work Education Info Grad School:

College: High School:

University of Toronto Ph.D., Economics University of Toronto University of Toronto University of Toronto

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The Wall

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McMaster University President 1995 - Present

‘67 ‘63 ‘62 Schools ‘58

Peter George’s Wall-to-Wall with Kerry Scott and Rahim Jamal So Peter, why do you make so much money?

That’s a question usually answered by the Board Chair. What the Board Chair’s answer would be: it’s determined by the market. You pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Most of my corporate friends ask “Why would you do a job like that for so little money? They don’t pay you enough to do a job as arduous and complex as that—you’re crazy!” It’s a recognition of how complex these jobs are and the skill sets required, and because of the very competitive market in which one seeks to hire senior university administrators.

I do believe in tithing. I make a lot of charitable donations both to McMaster and to organizations in the Hamilton area. I think it is the responsibility of people who are making what appears to be a high level of compensation to take social responsibility seriously.

What kind of measures is McMaster taking to address the deficit?

The obvious things: revenues can be increased and costs reduced. On the revenue side, faculty and non–academic units are being encouraged to develop new revenue–generating initiatives. So a faculty might decide to offer some additional certificate or diploma courses. If you can develop a very good professional educational opportunity for graduates, it’s certainly a significant part of a good economic policy. Similarly you could say “Look, the university’s target for new student enrolment is 10 percent of undergraduates, so we’ve only got seven percent of our capacity, so we’re going to try to get the additional three percent and that would generate additional revenue.”

On the costs side, if you have people resign because they’re going somewhere else then you might not replace them for a year or two—or ever.

Do you think we can provide the same quality of education if you’re bringing in more students but have fewer professors?

Well that is the argument we’ve been having with the government of Ontario for 30 years. The real cost of underfunding in Ontario has been the quality of education. If you look at the government’s Reaching Higher plan, that the McGuinty government brought in three years ago, it has three platforms: access, quality, and accountability. There’s been great progress in access. On the accountability side, we’ve signed multi–year agreements with the government. I think the government has to believe in the accountability agenda. So it’s the quality side that’s at risk because the money they have proposed to invest in quality is in danger of being swallowed up by the access initiatives.

alleviate poverty. I think McMaster can’t solve the problems but McMaster can be a support. McMaster can pay fair wages and set an example.

McMaster provides lots of volunteers—faculty, staff, and students—who help out at the social service agencies or the hospitals or churches. So we’re an integral part of the community, but we can’t be responsible.

Could McMaster not create a centralized body to work to alleviate poverty in Hamilton?

I don’t see how it would work in the system. Our mission and vision system has three major goals: quality of education, research excellence, and building a community with a sense of common purpose. We have a greater obligation to our education and research mission and to our students than to the broader community in terms of the allocation of our resources. Hopefully we allocate our resources in a way that ultimately benefits the community by providing high–quality graduates. I don’t see turning McMaster into a charitable organization; it’s not something that is operational or advisable. So lots of empathy, lots of support, always participating in these activities that are aimed at raising the level of Hamilton’s prosperity in the broader sense: social, economic, and environmental—but not accountable.

Your decision to build a new McMaster campus in Burlington can be interpreted as the university turning its back on an opportunity to revitalize Hamilton’s downtown.

We maintain our commitment to the main campus in Hamilton—this campus won’t be downsized. Expansion downtown is something a lot of people have urged for many years both in terms in of our business and in terms of student residences. But students don’t want to live downtown. I think when people say we should put things downtown, sometimes they aren’t thinking of the business case.

There is a business case to build a focused campus in Burlington: that’s for a Centre for Advanced Management Studies to which we would relocate the MBA program and offer Executive Management courses. [Burlington is] closer to the principal market, which is the Greater Toronto Area.

We would be very reluctant to put any full–time undergraduates at the Burlington campus because I think it would deprive them of the full richness of the undergraduate experience.

There has been an ongoing—and as yet unsuccessful—student effort to establish a women’s centre on campus. What do you think about this initiative?

You recently supported the provincial uncapping of tuition fees.

What do you propose be done to ensure university education continues to be accessible?

Nobody has brought it to my attention. We have a daycare centre. Most of the lobbying I’ve heard about has always been around daycare. In terms of a women’s centre, it would depend upon the case for it: what a women’s centre would offer that isn’t currently available. I don’t know the answer to that question. I would have to see a business case for it, or a statement of need.

I am absolutely in favour of deregulation. You know the problem is the government is too remote from the action to try to micromanage. The Board of Governors has the fiscal responsibility to the university anyway, and is in a much better position to assess the local circumstances for McMaster.

McMaster has a long way to go in terms of environmental sustainability. Canadian universities that have established sustainability offices have found them to be self–financing though energy savings. Do you support establishing a sustainability office at McMaster?

Do you think accessibility can still be reached?

Well, there are a lot of initiatives that are trying to improve the environmental situation on campus. I certainly support those initiatives. I don’t know whether there is a need for more in the way of administrative superstructure. There are a number of offices that seem to be working successfully and as far as I can tell, they are in good communication with each other.

Oh yeah, all the evidence suggests that it’s not tuition that is the barrier to access. It’s student aid that’s the key—it’s not just the availability of student assistance but it’s also debt management. There are lots of jurisdictions where tuition is free and participation is far lower than it is in Ontario.

In December, Incite published a feature arguing that McMaster must increase its efforts to alleviate poverty in Hamilton. The writers suggested that McMaster should make an institutional commitment to Hamilton through a written statement to which the university could be held accountable. How responsible do you think McMaster should be for addressing poverty in Hamilton?

McMaster alone can’t solve all of Hamilton’s problems. McMaster’s going to be a key part of the solution—that’s why there’s so much excitement over the Innovation Park because the people in Hamilton see that as being a real stimulus to business expansion. Expansion creates jobs, jobs help

I spoke to Linda Axford, the campus planner, and she said she would “kill for a sustainability office.”

I guess Linda would be raising that with the VP of Administration, Karen Belaire. I would suspect other areas of campus interested in these issues would want to support this idea but nothing has come to my attention.

Any final words?

I really want to leave a legacy here of a bigger and better McMaster. I do this job not for the money but for the love of the place. I want to be remembered as the President who put the student at the centre.

incite 7

lars and social impact—was deemed greater than any benefit it conferred. Its repeal in 1933 drained the black market and crippled organized crime as alcohol became cheap and available in legal liquor stores.

Associating the words “cheap and available” with hard drugs is what makes conservative minds shudder, citing the consequences of a multiplied number of users and heightened consumption.

But drugs are not a traditional commodity. The quantity of drugs consumed is not directly correlated with price changes. Addicts feel the need to regularly consume a certain amount of drugs whether or not it will empty their pockets, so the two variables have a weak relationship. Further, removing restriction on the supply of drugs available to the public will not result in a proportional rise in demand. Drugs aren’t an elastic commodity—if you want to use, chances are you already do so without analyzing the economics of the situation. The number of users will remain relatively static; even with their legalization, drugs will not be pushed on the general public. Most importantly, the majority of society recognizes the danger of drugs and addiction and will continue to avoid them regardless of price or availability. In other words, people aren’t just waiting for a deal.

However, it would be naïve to think that legalization will have no implications on drug use.

In particular, the use of so–called “soft drugs” like marijuana may rise significantly. Yet the government will be able to focus its attention on addressing the issue of soft drug use through harm–reduc-

tion strategies, rather than by smothering it with a law and straining resources on ineffective punishment. The costs of interdicting drug use—trying and incarcerating users, drug control by police and customs, prison administration—are huge. We need to redirect the cash flow into funding more constructive solutions, ones that will regulate drug use and stifle the underground market that is a

much more harmful substances than prescription drugs without any expert input? Would we need to have government-certified “crack advisors” to counsel people on taking these drugs?

Like alcohol and tobacco, any legalized narcotic drugs should not be marketed without heavy government regulation. There are questions as to the exact nature of the regulation, though—whether it will be a government–run monopoly or regulated private businesses. Either way, the government selling or taxing drugs creates an unfortunate incentive to increase consumption.

The stated goal of the government is (and we assume it will remain so) to reduce drug consumption among the population. It will be collecting revenue from a product that it officially thinks is harmful for the people it is supposed to look after. As the recent flashy advertising at LCBOs show, the revenue from these “sin taxes” typically trump “harmful health effects.”

Moreover, if the revenue from these taxes is used to fund health–care and rehabilitation programs, there is a kind of sad irony in the user’s dependency funding his treatment. But, as with casinos or alcohol, very little of the drug–tax revenue will actually fund rehabilitation programs. It will instead disappear into general revenues. Ultimately, certain government services will be running

on the hope that some people maintain a drug habit. The money they spend on the drugs cannot be called “voluntary spending.” and is simple exploitation of victims of drug abuse. It is the same moral dilemma of casinos relying on gambling addicts for profits. Cash–starved

spin–off of our current policies.

Selling narcotics under government monopoly will eliminate the profit in drug trafficking and thereby cut off funds from crime rings and gangs.

Even with taxation, the price will be reasonable enough that it will not be successfully undercut by dealers in the black market. The assurance of

cities and provinces addicted to tax revenues from gambling have proved unable to limit or regulate themselves when selling comparatively lightweight alcohol or lotteries; how likely

receiving a clean product from the government would outweigh any small bargain offered underground. Money from selling and taxing narcotics, combined with the millions of taxpayer dollars saved from handling drug charges in the court system and clogging up prisons, can be used to fund drug rehabilitation and public education.

Naysayers of legalizing hard drugs argue that the government would have a vested interest in increased consumption. But it is far too extreme to envision flashy advertising and widespread promotion of drug use—samples of heroin won’t come free in cereal boxes and this type of coke won’t become a vending machine option. Legalization should not be construed as a reckless free–for–all where addiction is encouraged. Instead, repealing anti–drug laws will allow the government to take greater responsibility for the substances and information made available to the public. As it stands, the drug trade has less than no concern for consumer safety and minimizing health risk. Legalization enables the provision of specified amounts of untainted, clean substance to the user along with clean hypodermic needles.

This management will reduce instances of overdose and infection. In addition, addicts will have access to information about quitting and potential health hazards, as well as services like safe injection sites, dispensary nurses, hotline help numbers, and rehabilitation facilities. With this approach, society is helping addicts to re–evaluate their decisions and to reduce the harm that their chosen lifestyle may cause them.

Continued top of page 10

is it they will put drug users’ welfare above that of their profits?

Before rushing to legalize narcotics, a moment should be spared to think of the community health implications. The pro–legalization argument says that taking drugs will become safer if it is legalized, as it will reduce the stigma of using drugs, and also because the seller of the product will be accountable for what they sell. This responsibility may decrease the incidence of individuals getting harmed by “laced” drugs since the government–sanctioned and sold drugs will be clean; but legalization does little to address concerns about the drugs themselves.

Increased availability and accessibility of narcotics is bound to lead to an increase in the number of users. More users mean more health problems, and additional burdens for our already strapped health care system.

The example of the Prohibition era of the 1930s in the US and Canada is brought up time and again in the pro–legalization discourse. They say that prohibition failed because it did not decrease alcohol consumption and created another set of problems, including a rise in crime. The issues that arose, however, were mainly of the social sphere. With respect to health, the case was quite the opposite. Health indicators that related to alcohol consumption improved draContinued bottom of page 10

incite 9

(High Times ... Continued)

Legalizing drugs also respects the rights of citizens to make these life decisions. This sentiment is expressed in a libertarian argument for repealing anti–drug laws—individuals should be free to do what they wish with their bodies and property, so long as they respect the same rights of others.

An attractive idea! If I choose to use narcotics, I shouldn’t be stopped.

Ditto if I want to wear stripes with spots, have ice cream for breakfast, or listen to ABBA on loop.

Enforcement of strict anti–drug policies disregards personal choice.

Many would argue that drug use cannot be lumped with such trivial individual freedoms, as it carries a large potential for harming others in society. For example, a user’s driving may be affected and put everyone on the road at risk, and any num-

ber of drug–related offences can compromise the safety of persons and their property. Yet substance use and abuse will never be an excuse for violent acts. Draw the parallel with alcohol consumption— those who commit crimes under the influence are punished accordingly, without making drinking illegal. An individual can spend a night drinking socially at a bar quite peaceably. Consumption of

the well–being of users and non–users alike. Legalization will be accompanied by the information and support needed to combat addiction, while its exclusion of the black market and its associated crime rings promises huge societal benefits.

Knowledge of the consequences of Prohibition and its repeal, combined with the economics of the situation tells us that equating the legality of substances with their unchecked abuse is not realistic. Do you refrain from doing hard drugs simply because they’re illegal? The majority of individuals have personal reasons for choosing not to use—including fear of addiction, awareness of health risks, or perhaps personal values.

These are judgments that even the convenience of cereal–box heroin can’t shake. So let’s work on fostering these values in our society, rather than enforcing policies to punish people without them.

Let’s deal with drug use responsibly.

“...it is far too extreme to envision flashy advertising and widespread promotion of drug use—samples of heroin won’t come free in cereal boxes and this type of coke won’t become a vending machine option”

matically during prohibition, and dropped back to normal levels as it ended. Analogously, criminalizing narcotic drugs has negative health effects on a small number of users, but is beneficial for the community at large. Even this small group of current users could be aided effectively by steps short of legalization, such as improving rehabilitation programs for addicts.

Instead of legalization, the government should take a more active role in helping users cope with their affliction rather than seek an opportunity to fill their coffers.

Furthermore, while the government will establish a monopoly on retailing drugs, the

drugs or alcohol affects an individual’s behaviour, but it does not alter their responsibility.

Addressing drug usage means replacing anti– drug policies with a conscious effort to cater to the needs of those who persistently ignore them.

Furthermore, a constructive solution will advocate

producers and suppliers are still likely to be private businesses. Proponents of legalization say that crime will decrease as the drug business shifts from gangs and smugglers to more legitimate businesses. While these corporations are preferable to organized crime, the

here? Canada is getting increasingly involved in Afghanistan, a country notorious for its heroin trade. Many of the profits from the drug trade go to fund warlords and attacks against civilians. It is inevitable that many of the legalized drugs will be supplied from abroad.

Thus, by legalizing narcotics, we may inadvertently be helping drug–lords and perpetuating conflict half a world away—a situation not unlike the “conflict diamond” trade.

New approaches to addressing illegal drugs are needed; decriminalization of the drugs has some merit to it, since it will treat addicts as victims rather than hardened criminals. This option could be explored further. The ultimate goal of the government should be to decrease the prevalence of drug use and help abusers address their dependency. Legalization simply has too much potential for going horribly wrong to be seriously considered in Canada.

“Health indicators that related to alcohol consumption improved dramatically during prohibition, and dropped back to normal levels as it ended.”

(...A Bad Trip Continued) 10 incite

difference may be less than is hoped for. Current pharmaceutical companies are known for aggressive and manipulative advertising tactics that “create demand” for their substances through the inaccurate portrayal of their products.

The international implications of legalization are also worth looking at. If drugs are legalized, where will they come from to be sold

DEBATE

Dealing With Drug s With the election of the Conservative government last year, any liberalization of Canada’s drugs laws has been delayed indefinitely. Drug advocates’ Dutch dreams of marijuana on every street corner have been shattered by Harper’s tough–on–crime agenda.

Harm–reduction strategies such as safe injection sites are being derided as weak–kneed, while stiffer penalties for gun–and–drug related crimes are being enacted. Still, prisons crowded with drug offenders and the failure of punitive laws to reduce drug use has kept legalization alive as an issue. Advocates claim that legalizing narcotic drugs would cripple organized crime by destroying a major revenue source, eliminating needle born diseases, and creating a new revenue stream to fund health programs. More conventional thinkers point to the damage to societal health from increased drug use resulting from legalization.

Incite has recruited Katie Huth to argue that most narcotic drugs should be legalized for sale under government monopoly, including the so–called hard drugs such as coke, heroin and ecstacy. Muneeb Ansari scoffs at this argument, suggesting that while decriminalization of certain drugs deserves study, legalization would be disastrous.

8 incite

High Times

C

By Katie Huth

riminalizing drug possession and use has crowded our courts and prisons, swallowing millions of taxpayers’ dollars. This state suppression would be justified if it actually served to stem drug usage, but it has simply driven drug abuse underground.

Punitive policies have created illegal drug markets, where astronomical prices are bolstered by limited supply, and dealers profit from compensation for risk–taking.

Addicts, who are constantly recruited and who maintain usage despite drug criminalization, are forced to turn to crime to finance their habits. As it stands, society pays, addicts use, and the dealer always wins.

It makes no sense to support laws whose enforcement fosters a criminal culture. Anti–drug policies sound great in principle—a societal pact to deter individuals from pursuing a harmful habit—but this ideal has blinded us to their failure in practice. The mounting negative societal effects of anti–drug laws demand a new approach that prioritizes the well–being of citizens. The damage caused by drug use can be addressed through the legal-

ization of narcotics. Understandably, the suggestion elicits shudders from the general populace, as they envision unbridled escalation of drug consumption and addiction following legalization. However, this image does not reflect what is being proposed. Legalizing alcohol has not transformed our society into a culture of drunken revelry. Why should we think that legalizing drugs will open the doors to an endless rave?

Prohibition of alcohol in early 20th century Canada is the most dramatic example of a change in a substance’s legal status. Like current advocates of stiff punishment for drug users, governments were convinced that criminalizing alcohol consumption would be an effective deterrent. No one anticipated the host of socioeconomic problems that followed in the areas that enforced the ban. Organized crime exploded as the production and distribution of alcohol went underground and prices skyrocketed. Liquor potency increased as the highest levels of alcohol generated maximum profits for smugglers.

Ultimately, the cost of enforcing prohibition—measured both in government dol-

A Bad Trip

By Muneeb Ansari

O

ur current drug policy is based on a strong legal and ethical framework that rightly argues that the social damage narcotic substances can cause to individuals and the community outweigh any claim to individual liberty. Advocates of legalization compare hard drugs such as heroin, crack, and cocaine to alcohol and tobacco, reasoning that since they are legal, narcotic drugs should be as well. These drugs are not comparable to either alcohol or nicotine in that they are highly addictive and can cause an immense amount of physical and psychological harm.

Some of the effects of these drugs can be significant after using them for the very first time. Although people may complain about quitting smoking, the social stigma and physical damage inflicted makes quitting hard drugs orders of magnitude worse. There are no quick fixes available—the “heroin patch” or “cocaine gum” have yet to be developed.

One of the arguments used by pro-

ponents of legalization is that individuals in a democratic society should be free to do whatever they want as long as it does not harm others. Since taking hard drugs is subjecting their own bodies to harm, the state should not regulate their consumption. This philosophical argument, however, is unrealistic. First, it assumes that taking drugs is a rational, calculated choice by the user. It means that they are fully informed of the side–effects and harm that is involved. This is not the case in most cases of drug use. Allowing anyone to freely take substances as harmful as hard drugs without making sure that they are fully aware of the side–effects is, at the very least, unethical. In the case of prescription drugs, the libertarian argument in favour of individual rights again falls apart.

Patients are recognized as not having enough expert knowledge to decide if taking certain drugs would be beneficial and therefore require the permission of a registered doctor. Why then would they be able to decide to take

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incite 11

Feature

I

f you’re living in Hamilton for the summer, you may find it difficult to break out of the Fall-Winter routine: days spent on campus, nights spent on Facebook.

But now that your assignment load is lighter, why not venture out into the steel city now and then? You may be surprised at the variety of delights which are waiting for you. So put down the Wiimote, ask someone to tape your favourite medical drama, or cancel that sitar lesson, because this summer, you’re going to

Get Hammered

cool stuff to do in hamilton this summer

Erin Dunham, Nick Davies, and Jeanette Eby

become a steel city gastronome Gino’s and Tally Ho are fine establishments, but there is more to fine dining in Hamilton than a late–night beer–soaked food run. You have probably eaten at a few spots around town, but are you a connoisseur? Try a new restaurant every few weeks, and before long you will seem like an expert. Once you have some dining experience under your belt, invite a friend to sup with you—and impress them by not suggesting Kelsey’s. You can scour the Internet for restaurant reviews easily enough, but here are a few suggestions to get you started: My–Thai Restaurant – 21 John St. N For great Thai food check out My–Thai. The atmosphere is suited for a romantic dinner, and the food is delicious.

Mahal Restaurant – 22 King St. E If your culinary mantras center on Indian food, you’ll love Mahal. The butter chicken here is fabulous, and the lunch buffet is cheap and tasty.

Reardon’s Meat Market and Deli – 37 King William St. Doing business for over 90 years, Reardon’s knows how to make a sandwich. Try the pastrami on rye, or order a custom sandwich.

Sushi Star – 135 King St. E For a reasonable flat fee at Sushi Star, you get two hours of all–you–can–eat sushi, tempura, miso soup, and other staples of Japanese cuisine. Bring a friend for lunch, and be sure to leave room for some red bean ice cream.

indulge your inner playgoer Believe it or not, Hamilton’s theatre scene is burgeoning respectably. There are a number of theatre festivals and other shows to attend this summer, all attractively priced. Sure, you could drive to the nearest megaplex and imbibe a trashy summer blockbuster, but why not remind yourself of the joys of live theatre and lend some support to the local arts community? Here are some events to watch for: Black Box Fire’s Emerging Artists Series June 13 – 29 A newly formed theatre production company in Hamilton, Black Box Fire presents its first Emerging Artists Series in June. The shows are Never Swim Alone, The Devil’s Parole, The Final Smile, and Satisfaction. www.blackboxfire.com/eas The McMaster Summer Drama Festival July 20 – 28 A McMaster University tradition, the yearly Summer Drama Festival this year features four plays. They are Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure reinterpreted to examine inner–city life, and three comedies: Arsenic & Old Lace, about a theatre critic with a homicidal family; Drinking Alone, about a man who pays a woman to pose as

12 incite

his fiancée to impress his father; and Goodnight Desdemona (Good Morning Juliet), about a graduate student who is thrown into a subconscious dream world.

Performances are at Hamilton Theatre Inc. at 140 MacNab St. N and in the Matthews Quad on campus, with five performances of each show.

Tickets cost $6 for students, and general admission is $8. A festival pass admits you to all four shows for the price of three. www.summerdramafestival.com The Hamilton Fringe Festival August 10 – 19 The Hamilton Fringe Festival is now in its third year, and will feature about twenty shows, each with six performances at various venues in Hamilton. A ticket costs eight dollars, but a 10–pass is available for a reduced price. Among the shows at this year’s Fringe are reworked productions of In the Kitchen and Nailing the Hammer, two critically acclaimed plays from the McMaster stage. www.hamiltonfringe.ca Aside from the festivals, here are a few other shows available for your enjoyment over the summer: Anything Goes, music and lyrics by Cole Porter.

Presented by Hamilton Theatre Inc. from 13–28 April at the Downtown Arts Centre at 28 Rebecca Street.

Fugue by Rona Munro, starring Caroline Concordia, Lauren MacKinlay and Alex Trimble. A play exploring fear, the unknown, and how no matter the choices we make, we sometimes end up with the same fate. Directed by Brian Morton and presented at the Downtown Arts Centre, May 18, 19, 24, 25, and 26 at 8:00 pm. Tickets are $10 for students, $15 general, and are available from the Downtown Arts Centre Box office (905–525–2005).

The Tempest by William Shakespeare. Produced

by Hamilton Urban Theatre and presented on the rooftop plaza at Jackson Square, Fridays and Saturdays between July 6 and 28 at 7:30 pm; free admission.

sample the local culture Unless you’re a Hamilton native, events like these can slip right under your radar, given that they don’t typically cater directly to students. Ignore them and you’ll be missing out. Here are just a few of the many celebrations going down in the Hammer this summer.

The Hamilton Mardigras Carnival August 10 – 11 Any Mardi Gras carnival carefree enough to be held six months after Mardi Gras must be good.

The Hamilton Mardigras Carnival is a celebration of Caribbean traditions and attracts tens of thousands of people to the steel city annually. www.hamiltoncarnival.com The Cactus Festival August 16 – 19 Not just a succulent plant anymore, the cactus

is the star of a yearly festival in Dundas. Featuring a lively parade, the “Art in the Alley” show, street vendors, sports events, and many more varied events, thistle be a good one. www.dundascactusfest.ca The Mustard Festival August 31 – September 2 Does the knowledge that Hamilton is home to the largest miller of dry mustard in the entire world excite you? If so, then you belong at Hamilton’s 10th Annual Mustard Festival. G.S. Dunn & Co., the pride of Hamilton’s mustard community, will be there to detail the history of the world’s favourite yellow condiment, but that’s not where the fun stops—jazz artists and big bands will be playing the hits, great Hamilton restaurants will be serving delicious mustard–garnished foods, and various eclectic vendors will have carts and tables set up.

Experience the only festival in Hamilton that literally cuts the mustard! www.hamiltoninternationalvillage.ca/MFEntertainment.asp

live music in hamilton Absinthe – 233 King St. E This is the place to be for live entertainment in downtown Hamilton. The main floor features a unique variety of live music like blues, jazz, and rock. The lower level features weekly DJ’s with their down–tempo beats.

The Casbah – 306 King St. W The Casbah is a mecca for live bands and their groupies. This venue has live music virtually seven days a week and, at times, hosts some fairly big names.

Corktown – 175 Young St. Every Tuesday night is jam night with Jack Peddler, Tony Rush and Chris Chambers. On Thursdays Corktown hosts Replica.

Slainte – 33 Bowen St. Friday and Saturday nights are always entertaining, though the entertainment does vary. More consistent are Wednesdays with Adam Cook, Thursdays with the Kevin Maclean Band, and Sundays with Steve Strongman. Regardless of the day, Slainte is a great venue for knee tappin’ fun.

Pepper Jack Café – 38 King William St. The live entertainment features big name touring acts as well as a diverse cross section of local talent. Open stage night on Wednesdays free for all as well as entertaining. Souls of Mischief on April 21st.

Whiskey Joe’s – 1115 Fennell E. The General Lee plays every Thursday and there are often bands playing other days of the week.

Whistling Walrus – 1508 Upper James Thursday nights live acoustic music that starts at nine. Different band every week, though some return for an encore performance.

things to do outside of hamilton The Bruce trail For a scenic escape from the everyday hustle and bustle of the city you should make time to explore the Bruce trail as it winds its way around and through our city. For the majority of the walk you won’t even remember that you are minutes away from the urban core; it is relaxing and idyllic. As you can guess this outdoor enjoyment is free, as it should be, but donations are welcome to support the Bruce trail; you can donate online at http://www.brucetrail.org/donations.

Wine Tours A wine tour in Niagara is a great way to pass a day while learning the intricacies of one of life’s greatest pleasures. Included in the experience is a tour of the vineyard, the steps of wine production, and tastings. These tours are known to inspire random thoughts of starting a new life in Tuscany and range in price from free to very expensive.

African Lion Safari Well, despite how hard I have tried, I cannot in good conscience attempt to persuade anyone to head to the African Lion Safari. To begin is the entrance fee, adults are charged 26.95 and children 21.95, a little steep for a short and uneventful car ride. Throughout the car ride you view exotic animals that, for the most part, seem unhappy and lethargic. If you are “lucky” you get the excitement of a small primate climbing all over your car but, hopefully, not damaging it in any way. This

excursion is dismal at best. Try the Toronto Zoo. Royal Botanical Gardens The most beautiful arrangement of nature you can see in the area. Among the flowers you can see in bloom through the summer are: tulips, lilacs, roses and many more. This floral tour appeals to most of the senses as it pleases the olfactory with the lovely scents, the auditory with the calming sounds of nature, visually it is incomparable and you can freely touch the numerous plants and trees (but no picking!). The cost for admission for an adult is eight dollars or you can buy a family pass for 20 dollars.

The Races If you are up for some excitement and perhaps turning a profit then you should consider a trip to Flamborough Downs or Mohawk Raceway. These tracks allow spectators to view live horse races and bet on the events. There is something to be said of the rush when you’re screaming for your horse to run faster and witnessing well dressed adults jump for joy when their horse comes in first. The cost of this exhilarating event (if you choose to bet) is as low as two dollars a race for around ten or eleven races; food cost more but isn’t mandatory (or always recommended).

‘Pick Your Own’ Farms There are a few public farms in the Garner Road/ Fiddler’s Green area where you can go to

pick your own seasonal fruits and vegetables, among these are Lindley’s and Clark’s. This is a great experience if you grew up in the city and never considered the time it took to pick the berries in your pre weighed packages. This day of labor/fun does cost money, despite the fact that you do all the work; starting at 2.50 for a quart of strawberries.

Starlight drive-In To take a walk in the past you can head over to the last and oldest Drive-In in Hamilton, the Starlite. This outdoor movie theatre is located on the outskirts of Hamilton off of Twenty Road. Unlike some Drive-Ins, this one plays recent movies and usually plays two features for your entrance fee.

The charge for this theatre is eleven dollars for adults and six dollars for children.

The Beach There are many sandy beaches you can visit in the summer but, in my humble opinion, there is one that stands above the rest: Port Dover. It only takes about forty five minutes by car to arrive and when the sun is shining the beach is hopping.

Aside from the typical sun and sand, there is a half decent restaurant called Calahan’s where you can get good eats while watching the shenanigans on the beach. The foot long hotdogs and the ice cream cones are worth the (sometimes long) wait in the lines.

summer of social action The Freeway Coffee House 333 King St. East, corner of Wellington St. N. www.frwy.ca 905-296-1424 This non-profit coffee house is more than just a fantastic place to get a cup of organic, fair trade coffee; it is a cultural hub and community that advocates social justice locally and globally. The Freeway supports the local arts community, hosting weekly concerts and exhibiting the creations of local artists.

An eclectic array of volunteer opportunities is available at the Freeway this summer. They require baristas, door and sound people for their concerts, a custodian, and hosts for their Wednesday night innovative community workshops. Contact Randy (randell@frwy.ca), the indie-music-expert coffee house manager, or head down and check it out for yourself!

The Living Rock 30 Wilson St. (corner of Wilson and Hughson) www.livingrock.ca 905-528-7625 The Living Rock is a non-profit centre for street youth that provides a safe space for at-risk youth to feel a sense of belonging, develop skills, build relationships and enjoy the many programs and services available. These programs and services include a breakfast program; the Tri-Rock program, which prepares youth for the workforce; an evening program, which includes dinner and activities; and the only youth-focused food & clothing bank in Hamilton.

This summer the Rock is losing many of their regular volunteers and needs support for their breakfast and evening programs among others.

There is a positive, creative energy about this place that will make you want to stay and get involved with Hamilton youth and the downtown core.

OPIRG McMaster www.opirg.ca

hamiltonurbangrowers@gmail.com to engage in socially responsible urban food production!

The Ontario Public Interest Research Group (OPIRG) is a little office on the second floor of the Student Centre, full of incredible and innovative people who link research with action on social and environmental issues. Active in the summer months, there are many events and groups that would appreciate your participation.

Food Not Bombs collects unwanted food and cooks vegan meals from it that are given out in Gore Park each Sunday. Transportation for Liveable Communities promotes alternative sustainable transportation such as public transit, cycling and walking. Recycle Cycles takes discarded or used bikes, fixes them up with volunteer labour and sells them at a low price. OPIRG wants you!

E-mail Randy (opirg@mcmaster.ca), the relaxed and radical OPIRG volunteer coordinator, to get involved in one of McMaster’s coolest organizations.

Beasley Neighbours to Neighbours

Hamilton Urban Growers http://environmenthamilton.org/eatlocal/hug.htm

The Sky Dragon is a non-profit worker cooperative committed to promoting social and environmental justice through creative expression, activism and community building; it is a great place to go to learn about socially responsible consumer alternatives. Come down to the Sky Dragon on a Thursday open mic night for a diverse cultural experience, enjoy a famous brownie at the Fair Trade/ Organic Bread & Roses Café, or take in a relevant documentary and discussion.

Check out the Mayday Festival of Liberation on May 5th that celebrates justice and promotes radical change through art and creativity. Mayday Magazine, produced at the Sky Dragon, discusses relevant social issues in Hamilton and around the globe, and is always seeking contributors. Contact Kevin MacKay (kevin@skydragon.org) or email mayday.content@gmail.com.

Hamilton Urban Growers (HUG) supports the trade of gardening knowledge and resources to promote sustainable local food production.

We often think of the city as a human-built environment, but urban renewal is only possible when we acknowledgethe importance of the natural environment. Urban gardening builds community, connects us to our living and working environment, promotes food security, and reminds us of our dependency on natural resources.

This summer, HUG is developing a community garden in Westdale, and is enlisting volunteers.

HUG will also be holding free monthly seminars at various locations in Hamilton throughout the summer to transfer gardening knowledge. Contact

Beasley Neighbours to Neighbours is an unconventional downtown neighbourhood association based in Hamilton’s poorest neighbourhood.

This association is focusing on Beasley’s strengths rather than its problems: what human & material resources it has, and how they can build up the community and connect with other downtown neighbourhoods. Beasley Neighbours to Neighbours is always looking for passionate new members of all ages and vocations. There is a kick-off barbeque on 21 May in Beasley Park that definitely has room for your involvement: e-mail beaslyheartbeat@gmail.com.

The Sky Dragon Centre 27 King William St. www.skydragon.org

905-777-8102

incite 13

Living in Red

by Stephanie VandenBerg

Hoops (2006) As a house committed to the holistic development of the child, time to play is essential to cultivating individuality, personal interests, and teamwork.

A researcher, like an artist, uses many tools to engage the human condition and many different mediums to tell a story. I chose to tell this story, in part, through photographs.

This is not a story of heroes or spectacular events (although there are dragons). This is a story of everyday life: of laundry, diarrhoea, and spilt milk. The series of photographs before you are a collection of moments from two months spent living with HIV positive orphaned and abandoned children in a home called Casa Refugio [Refuge House] in Belo Horizonte, Brazil. Most of these children have been handed a death sentence, even before they were born, having contracted the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) from their seropositive mothers. They did not have a choice.

The Refuge House has developed an alternate model of care to the traditional institution, choosing to focus, not merely on the physical attributes of the virus, but on the holistic development of a child. As a result, the Refuge House presents a model of care centred on the premise that a lack of family, not the virus itself, is the biggest obstacle facing these children. The Refuge House strives to encourage the type of relationships and interactions a family would provide and, in doing so, has become a place where the children can cultivate a sense of individuality and belonging.

Look into their eyes. These are not the eyes of children who are dying. These are the eyes of children who have found life.

Hibiscus in the courtyard (2006) Dayanne Oliveira only has one eye. She lost the other due to an infection that her immune sys-

All of the colour has been removed from these photographs except for red—red like blood, red like anger, red as a sign of warning, red as a colour of love.

All photographs taken with Canon Powershot SD300

A Lost Sole (2006)

Aninha tem um monstrinho no seu sangue (2006) To address adherence challenges with the children, the staff use a book that tells the story of a little girl who has a dragon (HIV) in her blood. While she is taking her medication, the dragon stays asleep.

As soon as she stops, the dragon wakes up and breathes fire throughout her body, making her very sick.

Water Falling (2006) This is one of three showers Marcos will take today to keep him clean. The children are bathed wearing gloves, not only to protect the staff from the children, but to protect the children from any illnesses the staff may be carrying.

14 incite

Bubbles (2006)

)

The laundry room (2006) Marcos is a three year old boy who will not speak. Everyday he comes into the laundry room and presses his ear up to the side of the warm dryer. The remnants of his antiviral medication are still on his lips.

Pills (2006) In 1996, the Brazilian government made access to antiretroviral medication free to all people diagnosed with HIV. This action has been a monumental example of health care delivery in a country that lacks appropriate health infrastructure. Yet, the Brazilian government has failed to address the social, mental, and emotional challenges that accompany HIV and AIDS, nor the psychological and clinical consequences of taking up to thirty pills a day.

Julio (2006) Julio is eight years old and seronegative. He was brought to the Refuge House after tests showed him to be positive. It was later found he was not. Julio remains in the house because he has no family. He can be found wandering the house late at night. Julio lived on the street before coming to the Rescue House and learned that falling asleep made him vulnerable to the other street kids, the drug dealers, or anyone looking to steal from him or beat him. Today, his mind is still programmed to fight to survive.

Even though he is now in a safe place, in his dreams he is still on the streets.

Friends (2006) Igor (right) came to the Refuge House after being abandoned by his mother, a sex trade worker in São Paulo. She told him that he was the only person in the world with this horrible virus and sent him to a small village in the interior of Brazil where he was physically and mentally abused because he was HIV positive. He lived his days in isolation. Upon arriving at the Refuge House, Igor was overheard speaking with some of the other boys. He was explaining that at home he had toys but no one to play with. “Here”, he said, “you have each other”.

The Red Scooter (2006)

continues on page 16

incite 15

Living In Red (continued)

Honouring the gods (2006) It has been said that futebol (soccer) is the true religion of Brazil. With jerseys and a ball donated to the Refuge House, the boys have a little taste of heaven.

16 incite

Hanging On (2006)

Shadows (2006)

Fun in a Wheelbarrow (2006)

Sudbury Ontario Canada

www.laurentian.ca

incite 17

Letter From

Notes from the Road Pakistan to Nepal to India

A

fter graduating from the University of Toronto last spring, Adam Scott took a year off to work, relax, and confront the question he’d ignored for the past four years: What does one do with an English degree? When over half of your close friends at university were international students, you might as well ponder this question while traveling the world to visit some of them. By January, Adam miraculously managed to secure a visa allowing him to visit Pakistan, Nepal, and India and was off for a six month tour of South Asia. The final three months of his trip are being spent as a volunteer at Child Haven International’s children’s hostel in Gandhinagar, Gujarat, a home inspired by the ideals and philosophy of Mahatma Gandhi. (For more information about Child Haven’s program visit www.childhaven.ca.) The following are some of Adam’s notes from the road.

Karachi

Karachi, with its ever–present poverty, extremely wealthy upper class, complete lack of greenery, choking pollution, mangy animals and crumbling infrastructure, was a complete shock to me when I stepped off the plane from Toronto. Above the drab, polluted streets, hordes of crows and kites hover over the city as the Arabic prayers, soft and soothing, more sung than spoken, are chanted five times each day. Despite the three giant pillars proclaiming FAITH, UNITY and DISCIPLINE, I couldn’t help but feel that I’d arrived in a place that God

Photos by Tarini Awatramani, Zane Byramji, and Adam Scott

had abandoned.

In Karachi money is power. There are guards everywhere: every theatre, house, mall and store has armed security. Most of the privileged few that have money flaunt it shamelessly while the rest of society is forced to earn a living catering to the rich: as a manual labourer, as a peddler of goods, or as a beggar. Many children are forced to earn money through whatever means available; preventing many from getting an education. The literacy rate in Pakistan is approximately 20 percent.

Beggars are everywhere. Outside one coffee shop I was approached by a group of boys about five

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or six years old who came up to me saying “What’s up my nigga? Buy a rose homie, only ten rupees yaar” before lapsing into Urdu. I couldn’t help but laugh in the face of tragedy at their ridiculous mix of ghetto slang and Urdu, especially coming from a small child who had probably never seen a black person.

Within my friend Zane’s walls, with whom I was staying, there are servants’ quarters in the back, behind the main house. This is standard over here: the upper class all have servants. While they earn little money, the servants’ situation is actually relatively good since all their children are sent to school to get an education.

All the food here is very spicy and quite good, but my vegetarianism is a foreign concept. I tried, through Zane, to explain to a couple of his servants why I was vegetarian, but to no avail. One said that I needed Pakistani meat to toughen me up, but Zane told her that I was already tough enough. She responded by looking me over, shaking her head in disgust and walking away.

For the rich there isn’t much to do here, so they often take trips to the beach, which is a nice reprieve from the city. While we were there a family friend took us out in his Scarab, which is a 1000 horsepower speedboat. We cruised around the Arabian Sea at about 60 MPH and had to hang on for dear life as he started doing donuts in the middle of the sea.

We stayed overnight in a hut, and stayed up the whole night listening to music and dancing around the campfire. Every now and again I would drift off only to be woken up by Zane singing “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston at the top of his lungs, or Zane and his friends making animal noises while dancing around the campfire. In the morning we were treated to a beautiful view as the sun rose in front of us over the Arabian Sea. Near the end of my stay, the city was shut down for Moharrum, a Shia festival that mourns the death of a leader 1500 years ago. Mourners wander the streets beating themselves and each other with chains so that they can feel the same pain that their leader felt when he died. We were restricted in what we could do since many of the main roads were closed down and it’s not safe to be too close to the mourners. A small (and thankfully non–violent) group went by Zane’s house in which the marchers cracked whips in the air while a bunch of men came behind carrying a gi-

ant structure that was completely covered in lights.

There was energy in the air; I felt extremely glad to be far away from the procession.

On my last night, Zane’s friends presented me with a local hat and gave me a rose necklace as a sign of blessing and safe travel. Despite my horror with the city itself, I met some amazing people while I was in Karachi. Zane’s family, his friends, and the Parsee community in which I was staying were extremely good to me and I am indebted to them for their hospitality.

From Karachi, I flew to Kathmandu, Nepal to meet my friend Tarini.

Nepal

After a week in Thamel, the overly touristy area in Kathmandu, I was glad to escape to Bhuktapur, an inhabited and fully restored ancient city in the Kathmandu Valley. The city is therefore a living heritage; traveling to it from Kathmandu was like

going back in time.

On the second day, I was in our hotel room when it began to snow. Outside, I could hear people singing and shouting so I went to the window and was confused by all the people rejoicing in the streets. I went downstairs sometime later and found out from the hotel manager that it was the first time it had snowed there in 62 years!

Later that day I decided to take a walk around Bhuktapur by myself. I wandered around aimlessly, amazed by the architecture. Everywhere I turned there were stupas, temples, carved Hindu gods, sculptures of animals, and massive buildings that looked like something I’d only seen in movies.

After leaving the more touristy area called Durbar Square, I wandered down back alleys in which smiling, waving children greeted me around every corner.

Eventually, I realized that I was hopelessly lost, but I didn’t mind since I was enjoying the view of the mountains, the people, and the statues all around me. Besides, I assumed that I’d eventually make my way back to a familiar area if I walked around for long enough. After a while, I realized that it was dusk, that the sun was beginning to set, and that I was nowhere near our hotel or any area that was even remotely familiar. Rather than asking for directions, I started walking faster, which only increased my disorientation. Suddenly the streets and alleys that were so inviting earlier in the day began to be less and less populated. Instead of playing, laughing children, and warm greetings, I found strange stares and looks of confusion. The animal carvings and Hindu gods that I had marveled at earlier now seemed to be menacing and angry. I realized that I was at the mercy of this town: the sun had set and, with no streetlights, it was really dark. Any alley I turned down could lead to my hotel or to some unknown danger. Anyone I asked for directions could lead me to a mugging, beating, or worse. Thankfully the people all sent me in the right direction and, about half an hour after dark, I arrived safely back at the hotel.

A couple of days later we went to stay at the nunnery where Tarini had volunteered four years earlier. Eighteen February was Losar, Tibetan New Year, so we got up at five AM to travel with the nuns to Swayambu, a Buddhist Temple, to meet their guru. As we waited outside the temple I witnessed a bizarre spectacle: a group of young monks were playing with toy cap guns. While the nuns were patiently waiting outside the temple, the monks were spending this holy day running around and shooting each other. A few of the boys even pretended to shoot a giant statue of the Buddha!

Eventually the line moved, and we found ourselves inside the temple. Everyone was given a glass of “tea” to drink; really it was a gross, salty drink that tasted like vomit. Tarini told me that I had to finish the drink because it would be extremely offensive to reject their offer. After choking down the concoction, whatever it was, I realized that most

of the nuns and monks were not even drinking theirs!

The next step was to meet the guru. We went into the room one at a time and knelt before him so that he could place a sash around our necks for good luck and blessing in the upcoming year. We then moved to a second guru, placed our hands together over our chests as a sign of thanks and received a small bag of black balls. The balls, which are blessed, are supposed to be eaten if you are sick to help cure the illness.

Back at the nunnery later that day, we went off for a short hike through the mountains and valleys that typify Nepal. After walking down through a mustard field, we came to a stream in which I found a small, beached sailboat that had been “sailed” by an intricately made doll. According to the locals, the sailboat contained the ashes of an important Llama; the doll had overseen his journey into the next life.

From Kathmandu we headed to Pokhara for a trek in the Annapurna mountain region. On the third day, we woke up very early so that we could enjoy the sunrise from an area called Poon Hill.

The name Poon Hill came from an upper caste family that had once lived in the region. As the sun came over the mountains, we were treated to a magnificent view of the Annapurna Mountains.

The fourth day of the trek was the most interesting since we were in a completely open region of the area. We could see for miles in every direction: up to the mountains that tower over the area and down to the farmers’ fields in the valleys. As we walked, we found ourselves in a field full of donkeys; another time in a tiny village in which they had just slaughtered a water buffalo; another on the mountain surrounded by about a hundred baaing sheep; another near a tree full of exotic birds, some bright blue, others black and yellow.

After the trek, we finally set off for India, by land with a one–night stop in Chetwan, Nepal’s 935 square kilometers national park, for a jungle safari in which we saw rhinos, monkeys, elephants, and…a wild chicken.

India

After a brief stopover in Delhi we went to Vrindarvan, a small village where Krishna once lived, to stay with Tarini’s mother in the Hari Krishna colony. Since the Hari Krishnas are peace–loving people, they refuse to kill the many aggressive monkeys that live in the area and come into their houses. They have two sets of guards: Those who stand in the doorways to guard against (human) intruders and those who walk around inside with large sticks to chase away the monkeys. When I got my laundry back one day, I thought that I might be missing a few items, but I wasn’t sure. A couple of days later, we were walking out to get some dinner when Tarini’s mother spotted something up in a tree. Upon closer examination, I realized it was a

pair of my boxers! I had to scramble onto the second story balcony to retrieve them!

One night we went to the Hari Krishna temple for the evening service. There was an intense energy in the room as the people danced, sang and said “Hari Krishna” with extreme enthusiasm. I felt anxious and overwhelmed, completely out of place, and quickly left the temple. I had what may have been the opposite of a religious epiphany. I was reminded of Freud’s thoughts in The Future of an Illusion. When man was able to see beyond himself, to feel how infinitely small and insignificant he is in a universe that is still vastly beyond his comprehension, he felt a fear so deep that could only be absolved by an absolute savior. Religion offers an explanation of our world, gives meaning to an otherwise absurd existence, and consoles us in the face of inevitable death. My travels have shown me that the many religions are a reflection of the society that has created them. This does not take away from the possibility that there could be a God underneath it all somewhere, but I’m skeptical.

~ ~ ~ Our overnight bus to Pushkar, Rajasthan was cancelled; the next morning our bus left two hours late because the bus driver slept in and felt he needed a full hour to get ready. In India, delays and cancellations are so common that they are a part of everyday life. On a basic level, time is of little consequence to the people; on a more philosophical level, time is conceived of entirely differently than in the Western world. Rather than viewing time as a linear progression from beginning to end, time is seen as cyclical. The past is alive in the present moment, the present moment reflects into the future. Tolstoy wrote of this in War and Peace when he deconstructed the concept of free will. He said the laws of history are the aspects of our nature we have discovered, whereas what we call free will is only what we have yet to discover about ourselves.

In other words, our future is already contained in the present and the past.

India is a land that stimulates and overwhelms.

It has so much to offer us in the Western world.

India has shown me the limits of my literal, overly rational mind, forced me to break down my familiar modes of thought and opened me up to vastly different conceptions of reality. For example, in Indian philosophy, the Upanishads contains the ni-

incite 19

hilistic notion that everything is nothing, whereas the Srimad Bhagvatam says that nothing is everything—so everything is nothing and nothing is everything at the same time. This cannot be understood rationally, but contains a great deal of truth for me.

Rajasthan

Our first stop, the city of Pushkar, contains ancient buildings and an inordinate amount of temples. From the Saraswati temple on one of the hills overlooking the minute city there is a beautiful view of the barren landscape, the artificial irrigation that provides sustenance to the region, and the tiny city itself, which surrounds a small holy lake where Brahma once stopped to drink.

In India, myth, history, and reality fuse together seamlessly to provide a rich and unique experience. In Canada I feel this is sorely lacking. Our architecture and cities lack this depth and charm.

Deities never drank from our lakes and djinns never danced in our streets; at least not that we know of. In Canada we often get all of the facts but none of the flavour…and sometimes miss the feeling completely.

And the history here goes so unbelievably deep.

Indian philosophy conceives the world in eras that are billions of years long. When I asked myself, as Kurt Vonnegut once did, about the present—how wide it is, how deep it is, how much is mine to keep—I could never have imagined its true depth while living in a suburb in Canada. I really feel how tiny and insignificant we are: a drop in an endless sea. For the first time I am able to see beyond the Western conception of the individual. We are all part of the same whole, made of the same matter. But what does any of this matter? Back to Rajasthan.

From Pushkar we traveled across the dull brush land to Jaisalmer. Every once in a while there would be a group of men with their bright red turbans and women with their immaculate, vivid saris providing a stark contrast to the desert land they inhabit. When we arrived in Jaisalmer we stayed in the yellow sandstone fort that towers over the city. It is living history, a fairy–tale come to life, an ideal sandcastle that I thought could only exist in the minds of children as they play with sand on the beach.

From Jaisalmer we took a camel safari into the dessert. Dressed in my red turban, I was a Rajasthani prince riding into the desert to claim his fortune. The three British guys we were with looked like Arabian knights clothed entirely in white with black sunglasses. I find it impossible not to romanticize my experience; in Rajasthan history is alive and imagination knows no bounds.

My camel, named Tiger for some reason, spent the whole time farting and belching. Camels are undoubtedly some of the smelliest animals on the planet. They also have remarkably expressive faces; every time he’d belch, he’d turn his head as if to blow it on me and say “how do you like that?”

After walking past tiny desert villages, we eventually got to some rolling sand dunes. One of the

20 incite

highlights of my trip was undoubtedly spiriting up and tumbling down the dunes. That night we slept out in the sand, lying on our backs while counting shooting stars.

From Rajasthan, I took a bus down to Gandhinagar, Gujarat, where I am now, to begin volunteering for three months at a Child Haven hostel.

Child Haven

The hostel has two buildings, one for the boys, one for the girls. The children have small metal trunks that contain all their worldly belongings: worn–out clothes, a metal plate, and school supplies.

They all eat and sleep together on the floor as one big, slightly dysfunctional, but mainly quite happy family. These kids were the poorest of the poor and

have been plucked from horrendous situations so that they can receive an education, have a happy childhood, and generally feel a sense of self–worth.

Everything I have and do is a source of extreme interest. Their curiosity will even provoke them to go through my garbage, not only to look, but also to rescue anything that can be made into a toy. They are endlessly creative with using what little they have. A pair of socks, when rolled together, becomes a ball; the salvaged tape from an old cassette becomes a whizzing helicopter when tied to a rock; newspaper clippings become action figures; clayish dirt and water become video games and cellphones.

One boy even had a picture phone, made of mud and a picture from the newspaper!

The biggest challenge is to communicate with the kids since I don’t speak Gujarati, the regional language. The littlest boy, Sohan, is constantly grabbing my leg, holding my hand and tugging on my shirt while speaking urgently. Eventually I took him to Ravi, the Assistant Manager of Child Haven, so that he could translate for me. After a minute or two of Sohan talking away, Ravi looked at me with a quizzical look and said, “Sorry sir, he’s speaking nothing. Just gibberish.”

I quickly realized that Sohan was much happier when I agreed with him, so he’d go on and on in his combination of Gujarati, Hindi and gibberish to which I’d nod and throw in the odd word for encouragement. One day at dinner the other kids and the manager observed this with shock. “You speak Gujarati?” the manager asked me. “I don’t understand a word,” I replied, “but he’s so disappointed when I don’t understand that I just nod and smile.” She then translated this for the rest of the kids, who roared with laughter.

Sohan is a real character. One night he produced a pink winter toque, which he put on his head and a meter stick, which he shoved down his pants and began dancing madly around the hostel. Despite his pants fitting perfectly, this was the first time they managed to stay on during one of his dancing sessions.

I spend most of my days here as a human jungle gym, a paper airplane factory, and a Power Ranger.

Every once in a while I’ll become a monkey, putting on my best monkey face, to shrieks of delight, and will have a dozen monkeys looking back at me.

When the heat and the constant attention from the kids becomes too much, I’ll walk around the block to a corner store where I’ll sit with a few local workers and watch the langurs playing in the trees. The pace of life is slower here; the people love to take a break from work to relax in the shade and enjoy a cold drink.

Or I’ll go for a bike ride down long boulevards past blooming bourgainvillea under the cover of gigantic trees. There are no traffic lights or stop signs, yet somehow I feel safer cycling on these roads than in Canada. The roads are like India and life itself: I’m learning to find my little spot within the chaos, to slow down, relax and go with the flow—and then suddenly there’s a herd of cows crossing the street and I slam on the brakes.

Column

LOL Digital (Cult)ure

Gadgets

Games

Computers

Digitize Me, Captain!

"I'll put something here later..."

E

ver since I began this column, I’ve had several people approach me and ask “Oh Andrew, I find that I am too hardworking, my grades are too high, and I can’t seem to slack off enough!” (That statement may not be completely factual.) Each time I was asked this question, I would respond, “Stick with me, and I’ll teach you the top 10 ways to slack off with technology!” After recounting the top 10 to the twentieth person, I decided to devote a column to this pressing and important matter. So those of you who feel that you work too hard, read on and experience slacking to a new degree.

NUMBER 10 – File organization How many times have you skimmed through your collection of mp3s and videos only to realize that everything is really really messy? Daft Punk is hanging out with the James Bond movies, Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 has been cozying up to Slayer, and your ripped collection of Spongebob Squarepants episodes are not adequately hidden in your computer. You look at your calculus and then you look at the big mess of files. Shouldn’t be that bad to clean it up, right? Only five minutes right?

Wrong. Three hours later you’ve sorted all your music by artist and album, and all your movies are organized by genre.

NUMBER 9 – Casual Computer Games Solitaire, Pinball, Gnometris, FreeCell, Minesweeper…the list goes on and on. Chances are you have some kind of casual game on your computer. For this section, “casual games” will basically mean any low–intensity games that one can run in a small window so that one can switch between the game and work. These games are perfect for slacking off because when you start them up, you believe it will be possible to multitask them with an essay. Unfortunately, or fortunately as this column argues, it’s not possible. You either have to commit to one or the other, because you will do a (pardon my French) half–butted job on both—especially when you’re playing “Vegas Scoring” in Solitaire; you need to be completely focused for that stuff.

NUMBER 8 – Cell Phones This (and the next) section won’t require much explanation. It’s there, and you want to use up those minutes you have allotted for you this month.

A typical procrastination conversation might go like this: “Hey… How’ya doin? No, just studying, you?... Ah that’s great. Just great. So… uhhh… watched any cool movies lately? No? Um yeah, I gotta go too. Bye.”

A Tech Column

By Andrew Carreiro

NUMBER 7 – Portable Media Players iPods and other such portable media players have always been known as good time wasters. On the bus, walking, waiting for something, or just relaxing, they can be a useful tool for avoiding the work you should be doing. Some people are able to work well with their iPods blaring metal into their head. Those people probably would see fit to skip this section, since it is geared towards those of us who cannot concentrate on music and work simultaneously. For the latter, the music will triumph for one song, maybe two, maybe an album. And by the time you’ve gotten to the end of an album, you’ve successfully wasted almost an hour.

NUMBER 6 – Flash Videos/Games Hardened procrastinators will know these sites: Newgrounds, Addictinggames, AlbinoBlackSheep, etc. However, not everyone knows how much time one can procrastinate away on these sites. Each individual site has enough content for an entire day’s worth of procrastination. Of course, some games and videos you may find repeated on more than one site, but the wealth of flash games or videos on the internet is still mind–boggling. You could procrastinate a lot of time away using this category alone.

NUMBER 5 – YouTube As the most personalized tube found in the series , you can expect to find something on the YouTube website that will suit your tastes. Last July, YouTube received about 65 000 uploads per day.

The time limit for submissions by the average user is 10 minutes, so to make a very conservative estimate, we can say that the average video is two minutes long. Now to put that into perspective, 65 000 videos times two minutes each equals 90 days, two hours, and 40 minutes. So really, there is no excuse to do work. Ever.

NUMBER 4 – Facebook This procrastinatory tool doesn’t require much explanation. You sign in every so often to see if any new pictures are up, or if any new friend requests or event invitations have come in. You sign out.

Five minutes later you open up Firefox and hit the Facebook bookmark because it’s way more interesting than doing work. Leaving pointless comments on walls and photos is a sure sign that you’re effectively procrastinating. Good work!

Ted Steven describes the internet as “A Series of Tubes”: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Series_of_tubes

NUMBER 3 – MSN Messenger In ancient mythology, the Siren’s Song called sailors to abandon the care of their ships to heed attention to the beautiful music. MSN messenger isn’t that much different. You hear the noise that someone has signed on and you see the alert pop up in the bottom right hand corner of your screen.

Your curiosity gets the better of you, and you open up the main window. From this point forward, it’s all downhill. Who knows how many conversations you will get into; and if you’re successful enough at procrastinating, the work you were doing will be left by the wayside.

NUMBER 2 – Wikipedia Pretty much anything you might be interested in on any topic can be found on Wikipedia or one of its sister sites such as Wikitionary, Wikibooks, or Wikiversity. There is a lot of controversy over Wikipedia’s credibility, and claims of inaccuracy do have some basis. The smaller and untended articles are often a bit skewed, but the big ones are usually spot–on. With Wikipedia you can look up anything you desire on impulse. For example, I looked up the McMaster University article, and then read the article on our nuclear reactor (which is a 5MWth pool–type reactor, apparently), and then read the article on our president Peter George. This article– hopping can be addicting, making wikipedia the number two digital time waster.

NUMBER 1 – RSS FEEDS Really Simple Syndication feeds have revolutionized the web and procrastination as we know it. Most news or blog websites will have the option to syndicate the content and from there you can set it up to have that particular feed be read by whichever program you use—usually your email client like Outlook or Thunderbird or your personalized Google homepage. RSS feeds are number one in procrastination because receiving an RSS update is like getting an email whenever something changes on any website you like; and everyone knows how hard it is to ignore a mystery email. If this doesn’t make you procrastinate, I don’t know what will.

There, I have given you all the tools you will need to procrastinate to the level of master. With these skills in hand, no one will be able to out–laze or out–underperform you! Go forth, and make me proud!

DISCLAIMER: This article was written for pure amusement.

Slacking off is a serious problem. If you, or someone you know, seems to be slacking, give them (or yourself) a swift kick in the butt and tell them (or you) to get back to work.

incite 21

hirrrrrrrrr–click. Damn it.

Whirrrrrrrrr–click. Damn it all.

I clicked on the light and sat up in bed.

“What do you think is wrong, Stew?” my wife Linda probed.

“Oh, it’s just… I have another bearing loose, again.” Damn it. I’ll have to call Dr. Turing in the morning.

“You’ll have to call Dr. Turing in the morning.” That’s what’s great about Linda; we’re always on the same page. We had formed a psychic link over the few years that we had known each other.

I got out of bed, which was probably not the best idea. My first step was filled with excruciating pain. Whirrrrrrrrr–click. I looked down.

I could see a cut and a bit of a bulge in my left hip joint, where the femur had fallen out of sync with my hip bone. I took another step, then bent over to pick up my crutches. They must’ve fallen down in the night. There was another whirrrrrrrrr–crck followed by a small, but agonizing, rrrrip. I looked over at my left hip again. There was a little bit of a metal poking through the cut and I could see the ball bearing lodged firmly in the bulge. I only had enough energy to hobble on my crutches to the chesterfield, down some painkillers, and hobble back into bed.

“You sure you’re going to be able to sleep with that bearing loose and making all those little noises all night?” Linda asked.

“Whatever. The painkillers’ll knock me out,” I replied. “And besides… I don’t care. I’m tired.”

“Me too,” Linda muttered, vocalizing her thoughts. “Have a good rest, sweetie. We’ll call the Doctor in the morning.”

*

*

*

Luckily, Dr. Turing had a bit of a break in his weekly schedule. I got to see him two days later in the morning.

“Well, the problem is, as you guessed, your bearing,” the Doctor stated. It was the kind of thing that medical technicians said. The kind of thing that pisses me off. “As you suggested, that is the problem.” That sort of thing.

“I’ll have to get my tools assembled and some paperwork for you to fill out. It shouldn’t take too long. It’s a standard procedure, I’m sure you have had it a couple times before. But we’ll have to reconnect your bearing to your femur rod. When the bearing got dislodged, the rod fell out of place, which would explain the metal jutting out of your hip area. We put the bearing back in place and the rod will fit with your hip bone good as new. Almost.” So there I had it. No big problem. As he said, I had already had it done a few times.

* *

*

I sat in the waiting room. It was packed on one side, but no one sat near me except for a young boy reading an X–Men comic. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by now. People hear the clinking of metal against metal, the rubbing of metal on bone, and they know what’s going on. Medical robotics treatments were relatively new and quite expensive. Whatever. I can’t help it if I make a lot of money.

I decided to take my mind off that thought.

“You like comics?” I asked the boy sitting

22 incite

*

*

*

The operation worked well enough. It was no surprise, it was a fairly routine procedure and surprisingly painless. As I was putting on my clothes afterwards, I found out why.

“Unfortunately,” Dr. Turing began, “There was a bit of a snag.” Uh oh. Here it comes I thought. He’s going to say the one thing I was afraid to hear him say. He seemed to be able to pick up on my growing apprehension.

“Don’t worry, the procedure went according to plan. Except, we had to remove some of your leg nerves. Three of them had gotten tangled up with your femur rod, including the sciatic nerve, and so we had to remove them.

The hinges are fine in your leg rods, though, so you should not have any trouble walking.

There just will not be much feeling left in that leg.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know quite what to make of this. “But my leg still works?”

“It will function perfectly.”

“Okay.” I sat there for a few moments, taking it all in. “Thanks, Doctor.”

*

*

*

The Doctor’s office was only a few blocks away from my house. Linda had dropped me off that morning, but I decided to walk home instead of bothering her. I’d tell her the news when she got home. I was strangely… relieved.

I noticed my leg still bending in the proper way it was supposed to. I could still hear the bearings rattling every now and then and the metal parts clinking together occasionally. But there was no pain. It was… well… it was great.

That sharp, stabbing pain I had grown accustomed to waking me up at night or keeping me from walking through a beautiful park with my equally beautiful wife… it was gone. There was no stabbing pain, no metal grinding against bone, causing my eyes to well up every time I walked for more than two minutes. I couldn’t feel any of that shit.

I couldn’t feel anything at all.

Whirr-Click

W

beside me, pointing at Wolverine on the cover.

He was being torn apart by two giant robots, fighting them.

“Yeah. Wolverine’s my favourite,” he replied.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“He’s so cool! He can get beaten up and ripped apart and he’ll always come back together again!”

“And what’s so cool about that?” Sometimes I forget and let my pessimism slip out when talking to little kids.

“Well… yeah. It means he’s brave and strong and nothing can stop him.”

“Well I don’t know about that.” I almost rolled my eyes, but stopped myself in time. “Although… I guess, yeah, it would be pretty hard to stop him.”

“Yeah!” the kid exclaimed.

“Oliver, get over here!” I looked up. His mother rushed over, and grabbed him by the arm. She pulled him over to sit on her lap. He quickly returned his attention to mutants and spaceships and those things. A few minutes later, the Doctor’s door opened.

“We’re ready, Stewart.”

By Daniel Rosen

Fiction

PERSPECTIVE

CPAC

Reality TV Since Before It Was Cool

By Ben Freeman

I

approached the opportunity to write about CPAC with a mix of excitement, intrigue, and trepidation. In my prior ten–plus years of television watching, CPAC had always been one of those channels you would skip over without bothering to see what was on, like a community channel or CPAC’s cousin, the Ontario Legislative Channel. Yet I wondered whether there was something worthwhile behind the political blather and endless committee meetings. As a relatively politically informed student working on Parliament Hill this summer, I decided to give CPAC a chance.

The Cable Public Affairs Channel (channel 11 on Cogeco Cable in Hamilton) was created in 1992 and exists to publicly present the Canadian political process and its affairs. Its primary role, which differentiates it from other Canadian news channels, is the live broadcast of the proceedings of the House of Commons as well as the meetings of House of Commons and Senate committees.

CPAC was not the first channel to offer this programming. Between 1979 and 1992, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation assumed the task of live coverage of Parliament and even had its own specialty channel, the CBC Parliamentary Television Network. The CBC was forced to discontinue this service for budgetary reasons, and its role was taken over by CPAC, which is owned by a consortium of cable companies including Rogers, Shaw, Quebecor, and Cogeco. This joint ownership is intended to maintain the channel’s independent editorial stance, but it is worth noting that the broadcaster of our country’s political workings has shifted from a publicly–owned corporation to one controlled by private shareholders.

CPAC’s mandate is broad, encompassing all “public policy, political, and parliamentary issues affecting Canadians.” In practice, this translates into five main programming principles. The most impressive–sounding of these is to provide live “gavel–to–gavel” coverage of the House of Commons, its committees, and those of the Senate.

While “gavel to gavel” might sound kind of cool and even exciting, let me assure you that this is not the case. In my time watching CPAC, I did not witness a single gavel being struck and very little of what I saw could be deemed exciting. The one exception might be the daily broadcast of Question Period, which succeeds as mildly entertaining television, insofar as it provides 50 minutes of political theatre with lots of “hear hear”s and enthusiastic table–banging. Unfortunately, there is often little substance to the words, as government ministers respond to opposition Members’ grievances by nimbly dodging the question.

When the topic of debate turns to the painfully obscure—like the small craft harbours budget—Question Period also allows the viewer to make observations and ask insightful questions of our federal representatives. Why, for instance, are Liberal and Conservative MPs so much better dressed than those from the NDP or Bloc? Is it like being part of one of the in–groups in high school? Most importantly, how bored do you have to be to fall asleep on the job and on live national television? But at least all the MPs are present for Question Period, something which cannot be said for many of the other functions. At one point, during time allocated to Members’ Statements, only two MPs were visible on–camera, one of whom was reading a statement. I initially felt bad for him but after listening to him drone on, my sympathies shifted to the other MP forced to stay and listen.

As for the rest of the House of Commons and committee proceedings, the less said, the better. Watching three–hour deliberations of the Senate Standing Committee on Banking, Trade, and Commerce is about as exciting as it sounds. Preventing our Senators from having to sit through these meetings is nearly reason enough to abolish the Upper House. To make matters worse, televised committees are on at all hours of the day, which must attract only marginally more viewers than would a test pattern or continuous feed of the Centennial Flame.

When watching CPAC, one cannot help but notice the simultaneous English/French translation and the awkward sensation it creates, when a slightly delayed and stuttering speech is paired with the image of a poised, confident politician. The experience is especially frustrating for someone who understands both languages. Nevertheless, it underlines our national obsession with bilingualism and all the additional cumbersomeness it entails. For instance, all on–screen information is in both English and French, since CPAC is broadcast in both languages, depending on the region in Canada. Even more bizarrely, certain programs are produced entirely in French and clearly directed at francophone audiences, but then air here, dubbed over in English.

The result is far from elegant, which I suppose is a fitting analogy for most

well–intentioned bilingual policies in this country.

Along with the goings–on on Parliament Hill, CPAC devotes a portion of its airtime to other programming related to political or policy issues. Unsurprisingly, this leads to a very wide range of shows: tuning in at random I was able to catch parts of a rather mediocre call–in show, a dated and boring documentary on the Meech Lake Accord, and the dealings of two very different public conferences. The first was a forum on agriculture from rural Saskatchewan, while the second was a left–leaning talk on how to create a “progressive” Canada. In both cases, all I was able to catch were the keynote addresses of the conventions; to my surprise, hearing the farm journalist Harry Siemens talk about the plight of farmers in Canada was just as interesting as Salman Rushdie’s speech on his experiences with multiculturalism.

These were two seemingly unrelated issues, yet I found them both to be unquestionably Canadian.

The more I watched CPAC, the more I came to see it as a metaphor for Canada, albeit a somewhat contrived one. When you think of CPAC, you think of all those tedious parliamentary proceedings, just like a foreigner might see this country as a vast expanse of cold wilderness. There are some more well–known points of interest—Question Period, our big cities—but rarely do they far exceed expectations. But outside of this narrow scope is where the unforeseen and truly affective experiences occur. There are hits such as Salman Rushdie and those hidden corners of the city you claim as your own. There are misses like that documentary on constitutional discord or the random downtown adventure that suddenly turns iffy. Whether gems or duds, it is these unexpected moments that convey Canada in ways mere slogans, stereotypes, and sound bites cannot.

Graphic by Andrew Mok – http://amokart.blogspot.com During my first hours of CPAC–watching, I constantly asked myself who would bother watching these dreary broadcasts, especially considering the action–packed television we are used to. After all, if something truly momentous happens in Ottawa, it will be covered by every other news program around. But I came to realize that CPAC may be the only channel that can safely ignore its viewership and may be right in doing so. It does not matter whether anyone watches the broadcast; what matters is that the information is available, no matter how far from Parliament one might be. CPAC never has and never will matter in the television marketplace, but its commitment to providing a service deemed necessary to Canadians is all the more admirable. And when you think about it, is that not an apt analogy for the way most Canadians would like their politicians to act?

incite 23

Review

The Joy of Cheese

By Kate MacKeracher and Catherine M.A. Wiebe

C

Parmesan—13.99/lb

Netherlands

Some tasters felt disoriented encountering it in its ungrated form, but “Parme” (as cheese sophisticates affectionately dub this traditional Italian favourite) was universally acknowledged to be the little black dress of cheese: so classy, so clean, so perfect for every occasion.

Eat the Rind? Not unless you like cardboard made of mould.

Texture: Hard Taste Strength: 3/6 Best Cheese for: (what else?) Grating onto pasta

aged Gouda—8.99/lb

Describing this hard cheese as “creamy and mild—the calm, slightly–senile–but–still– agreeable cheese granny,” reviewers deemed it a “nice introductory cheese.” A few tasters, suspicious at such an inoffensive flavour emerging from such a radical nation, alleged it was a mysterious– man–in–a–black–coat–at–the–back–of–the–bar kind of cheese; “too smooth,” they murmured, feeling for the revolver in their elegant black purses, “something’s going on.”

Eat the Rind? No. Texture: Hard Taste Strength: 2/6 Best Cheese for: Hors d’oeuvre for lukewarm cheese–eaters or people recovering from Roquefort.

Havarti—6.79/lb

Slightly sticky, slightly holey, Havarti is the intimate inhabitant of mildly refined lunch boxes everywhere. Eating it straight was a tad unnerving; as one reviewer observed: “You can almost taste the phantom bread.”

Eat the Rind? Rind–less!

Texture: Soft but sliceable Taste Strength: 1/6 Best Cheese for: Snuggling up to bread, lettuce, and tomatoes

Feta—9.99/lb

Grece

It’s a wonder the makers of this feeble cheese are descended from Caesars. Although somewhat redeemed by the novelty of its cheese–string–like texture, the boccocini’s flavour was described by reviewers as “just a bit weaker than water.”

As a bonus, this cheese does well as a palate cleanser between real cheeses.

Eat the Rind? Rind–less!

Texture: Rubbery Taste Strength: 0/6 Best Cheese for: People who don’t like cheese (and making your heart sing)

Switzerland

Italy

Boccocini—8.79/lb

Denmark

ombining milk, salt, and bacteria and abandoning it in a cave for a few months or years doesn’t sound like the recipe for unsurpassed culinary greatness. But taste the products of such a process, and whatever skepticism you may have harboured will melt like a good brie outside on a summer’s day. Incite’s cheesiest reviewers (& emeriti) gathered to provide you with a guide to the best-eating cheeses readily available at our local market.

Don’t let pale Canadian imitations deceive you—straight–up Greek feta could cause you to spontaneously sprout the horns, tail, and hooves of a goat. Pan and his faun–and–satyr sidekicks stand revealed not as mythical creatures but as unfortunate victims of their national cheese. Our tasters described the powerful flavour of this damp, squishy cheese as “like a petting zoo … in a good way” and “like licking a goat.” Yum. Eat the Rind? Rind–less!

Texture: Spongy Taste Strength: 5/6 Best Cheese for: Knocking Your Socks Off, or for adults still bitter at missing out on the petting zoos of youth

Gruyere—11.98/lb

A more complex, challenging cheese than gentle gouda or bland boccocini, gruyere drew judicious praise from our most sophisticated reviewers: “so many flavours in my mouth. It makes me want to sing, dance, and join Broadway.” The cheese–virgin in our ranks, however, gauchely exclaimed, “This is a bit like eating toes! Unwashed ones!”

Eat the Rind? No. Texture: Hard Taste Strength: 4/6 Best Cheese for: Fondue, or for showing the world what real Swiss cheese is

Canada

extra old Cheddar—6.99/lb

24 incite

Reviewers were split over this potent incarnation of the trusty supermarket standby, with some passionately declaring it their “desert island cheese,” and others dismissing it as pedestrian. “Cheddar,” claimed one critic, “is the popular girl in school: she’s loud, everyone wants to be her friend, her mom lets her dye her hair, but a couple years after graduating you realize just how boring she really was.” When selecting a feature for your fancy wine–and–cheese, recall that extra old means extra crumbly—your guests’ suavity may begin to slip if more cheese ends up on their shirt than in their mouth.

Eat the Rind? Rind–less!

Texture: Hard and crumbly Taste Strength: 4/6 Best Cheese for: Cooking (especially mac and cheese), desert islands

France

Brie—9.99/lb

England

Quebec

Oka—10.99/lb

Okay, Quebec is not a country (yet) but it does have national cheeses. The most exciting feature of this generally mild, unremarkable cheese is its powerfully revolting rind. After one reviewer compared the rind–eating experience to “eating cardboard dipped in arsenic and allowed to dry, or perhaps an ant trap” (and after the reviewer was advised to see a psychiatrist for her bizarre eating habits), we speculated that this cheese is a terrorist weapon of the FLQ. Québecquois patriots know to avoid the ominous red rind, but hapless English Canadians crunch into it, earning a horrific death by cheese.

Eat the Rind? Non! (translation: yes, eat all you can, English dogs) Texture: Hard Taste Strength: 2/6 Best Cheese for: Separating the true separatists from those turncoat Guy Bertrand types

Brie is like your fiery and emotional Eastern European lover: you have to be in the mood and so does it, otherwise it’s just a string of broken hearts and missed opportunities. But when it’s good, it’s so good…

Eat the Rind? Optional (tastes a bit metallic).

Texture: Soft and gooey Taste Strength: 3/6 Best Cheese for: Seductive desserts

Roquefort—10.99

Of course the French had to invent a blue to make the Brits’ Stilton look tame—it takes a very special kind of cheese–lover to relish this taste–bud–scarring flavour. One reviewer’s succinct verdict: “Zenith of blues—nadir of cheeses.”

Eat the Rind? Rind–less!

Texture: Soft but sliceable Taste Strength: 6/6 Best Cheese for: Analyzing the aftertaste of death, punishing cocky cheese–eaters

Stilton—11.99/lb

Although an intimidating blue, Stilton is still stomachable for ordinary cheese–eaters. Even our most timid reviewer acknowledged Stilton as “a serious commitment, but nice in small doses.”

Eat the Rind? Rind–less!

Texture: Soft but sliceable Taste Strength: 5/6 Best Cheese for: Normalizing the still–foreign idea of eating mold... for fun

The Art of Cheese

BROWN makes the difference for you, so that you can do

the same for others.

The weak shall precede the strong.

Eating blue cheese or another of its wow–this–is–obliterating–every–other–taste–ever ilk makes you unable to taste the delightful nuances of flavour in milder cheeses—so if you’re tasting several cheeses in one setting, always go from mildest to strongest.

Store it well.

Hard cheeses should be loosely wrapped in plastic and then wrapped in the butcher paper they came in from the cheesemonger’s. Softer ones can also be wrapped, but change the plastic (or wash the container) each time you take it out to avoid rind/paste cross–contamination. Store cheeses in the veggie drawer of your fridge, if you have room—they like the extra moisture.

Community Services Postgraduate Programs:

Buy from Sam’s.

Behavioural Science Technology

Seriously, I have a bit of an obsession with Sam’s Cheese and Meats, under the red canopy at the top of the escalator in the Jackson Square farmer’s market. But that’s because their cheese is consistently the best I’ve found anywhere. That said, the grocery store is usually better than the corner store, and the market is always the best place to go.

Buy exactly how much you want.

It’s best to buy cheese cut to order off a big block or wheel—the pre–shrink–wrapped stuff just isn’t as fresh.

Caveat Tastor.

Please taste before you buy. Any good cheesemonger will give you a taste of a cheese you’re considering before you purchase—yet another advantage of having it cut to order instead of buying the pre–shrinkwrapped. Let it sit on your tongue, warm up as much as possible in your mouth. Luxuriate in its flavour. Taste some other ones to compare.

Close your eyes and let the deliciousness overwhelm you. Then decide what to buy.

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To register for your information session, go to georgebrown.ca/infosessions For program information, go to georgebrown.ca/postgrad

incite 25

Rare Lenience

by Nick Davies

campusjoyride.ca

SUBJECT TO CLASSIFICATION

IN THEATRES APRIL 13 Rally on a virtual campus. Enterr to win a real Mazda3.

26 incite

COLUMN

WITH ROB LEDERER

M

inutes, inches, cups of coffee, and love are just a few scales that RENT’s bohemians suggest we use to measure a year.

None of these calendar alternatives have worked for me lately, unfortunately: I lost my plastic Spiderman watch over the summer, remain uneducated in the ways of the Imperial system, drink too many cups of Joe to keep track of, and, to avoid getting overly personal, nothing has materialized in that area of my life recently, but thank you very much for asking. Luckily, over the past two years, I’ve been afforded my own unique way of defining 365 days—six Pop columns. The experience of writing this column has embedded within me a newfound respect for pop culture, one that I was not as privy to two years ago.

Have you ever been in such a big hurry in the morning—so late that the stop you planned to make at the McDee’s drive–thru had to be cancelled, meaning that, for at least the next 24 hours, you’d have to endure the same gut–wrenching craving for McMuffins that left you sleepless last night— that in one thoroughly miscalculated swoop, you chased your morning tooth brush routine with orange juice? Big mistake, right! Recently, I reread an essay I wrote for grade 12 English, and it left me with that exact same disgusted, on–the–verge– of–puking feeling.

In my final year of high school, a very old and cynical man who, as far as I could tell, hated the world, was put in charge of my English class. Except for an unlikely (and perhaps ironic) love of Trailer Park Boys, Mr. Hunt shunned all of the modern world: he didn’t use email, trashed every book that had not achieved Penguins Classics status (as well as many that had), and didn’t even try to understand when I compared one of our readings to my favourite episode of The Powerpuff Girls.

Mr. Hunt insisted that every essay we write focus on one particularly depressing aspect of the modern world—its, as he called it, cultural depravity. Over the year, I became quite good at melodra-

To

Pop

matically discussing the collapse of high culture for sugary pop. It reached the point that, I think, I actually started to vaguely believe Mr. Hunt’s snobbish sensibilities. I was brainwashed by the cult of conceitedness to turn my nose up at pop culture. Fortunately, this phase lasted only until I arrived at university, with time and distance from Hunt’s English room allowing me to see the error of my ways. I was able once again to embrace my childhood of Supermarket Sweep, The Rosie O’Donnell Show, and the rest of my beloved must–see TV. Just as it was for Mr. Hunt, putting down pop culture is a really easy thing to do. Call it fluffy or sugary; look down at it as something uncultured and unworldly; criticize it for simplicity or mindlessness. Crowds at the Olympics often take a more admirable path, choosing to cheer on the underdog—Jamaican bobsledders, the Canadian basketball team, and pretty much any non–American athlete. In the competition of culture, I’ve come to support the same strategy; in the face of judging stares and stuck up noses, I think it’s important to have those who paint bright neon signs in favour of Pop, who start the wave to show their support when the rest of the crowd are willing it to be down match point.

Like pleather aficionados, pop culture is easy to insult, but that doesn’t mean it should be so easily dismissed. Catwoman and Madonna both dominate in plastic apparel, so why are we so quick to judge so–called low culture? There’s a lot of good that can be found in pop, and my last couple of years writing this column have illuminated many of these gold medal–worthy traits.

A couple of years ago, Pitchfork listed “Since U Been Gone” as the fourth best single of the year. This move can be seen as a kind of we’re– so–indie–that–engaging–with–the–mainstream– is–just–oh–so–subversive–of–us commentary on Pitchfork itself, in the same way as wearing grandpa glasses, suspenders, and/or a plaid baby doll dress to a Hilary Duff DJed evening at MisShapes

or

not

(or more local hipster hangouts like the Dance Cave or Absinthe) is so un–indie that it’s cool—or is it so un–cool that it’s indie? At the same time, their point should not be demeaned. Just as there’s a place for Kelly on Pitchfork’s largely “indie” hit list or geriatric garb at dance clubs, pop culture has its place in real life.

How awful would a Friday of studying Shakespeare be if you couldn’t look forward to a “What Not to Wear” break? How meaningless—and totally unseductive—would a night out be if there was only Beethoven’s Fifth to dance to? How disappointing would it be if “Laser Cats” and “Dick/Box in a Box” were removed from youtube, whose new mandate dictated that only readings of Greco–Roman philosophy could be broadcast?

Pop culture has the unique ability to entertain at the drop of a hat, and as such it must be judged in a totally different way than other culture—not by its profound use of metaphor or its philosophically–alluring allegory, but by its ability to entertain. Some great pop has the ability to bridge both of these worlds into one incredibly tempting narrative. Often programs or books that seek first and foremost to entertain, however, are simply dismissed as being “saccharine”.

Mary Poppins’ taught us that a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down: how bland would our diet be without sugar? How boring would life be without a little pop? Is it just a coincidence that her name is Pop(pins)? A life yoked to the television screen is totally unhealthy, but without a smidgen of pop, things would get pretty boring. Pop culture fills a very important niche. It relaxes and entertains, and can divert our attention from some of the more complex difficulties in life.

As my tenure with this column comes to a close, I hope that the last two years have inspired a novel picture of pop culture in you just as it has for me: a view that is less judgmental and a little bit more accepting. Good pop is catchy and sweet, but that definitely isn’t a bad thing six Incite articles a year.

to

Pop incite 27

In Search of

GETTING INK DONE

By Emma Love

A

H

lmost everyone knows someone who has indelibly imprinted some stupid message onto his or her skin. Recently, my friend recounted a spring break tattoo–related horror story.

At a resort in Cuba, she had met a guy with a tattoo that read “Play the Hand Your Dealt” (grammar nerds, cringe away!). He mistook her look of dismay for confusion, and proceeded to explain the message, completely unaware of his error. At a party last summer, I met the owner of the worst tattoo I’ve ever seen. Lifting his shirt up to show it off, he revealed a wobbly, crooked, incomplete line drawing of a poker hand, which, he informed me, he had gotten on a whim in the basement of a crack den. He was getting it covered over with something like “No Regrets,” which I thought was hilariously ironic.

Despite these potentially disheartening experiences, I’ve still thought about getting a tattoo.

When I decided to write this article, I had grand visions of finding lots of tattoos, taking pictures, and coming up with an idea. How wrong I was.

Problem number 1: It’s cold outside, which makes it rather hard to spot people with tattoos. Problem number 2: Even people with tattoos probably don’t want to take their clothes off to show them to you.

Problem number 3: It’s surprisingly difficult to approach strangers, ask them about their tattoos, and hopefully photograph them, without feeling like a bit of a creep. All of these problems, however, were outweighed by the great joy I took in using the word “tatts” in almost every conversation, so I boldly forged ahead.

Note to everyone: in general, people love talking about their tattoos. Despite being approached while at work at Snooty Fox, Sara, our first respondent, was happy to answer questions. She got her tattoo—of her initials, on her lower back—as a rite of passage when she moved away from home. Her sister had done the same, because “my mom said we could pretty much do what we liked once we didn’t live in her house anymore.”

Outside Snooty, I met Chloe and Nikolai, who were more than happy to chat about their personal artwork. Chloe, in fact, had already participated in an interview for a McMaster research study on tattoos. (Note to self: enroll in a more interesting program). She had gotten her tattoo—a bat on her calf—“because of Batman,” Nikolai offered, and because they are her favourite animal. Nikolai’s tattoo—a maple leaf on his back—was done in Vancouver the day before taking a bus back to Hamilton. Painful! Both are planning to get tattoos of trees next, although they almost visibly shuddered when I asked if their new ones were going to match. Chloe’s will be a “haunted tree,” while Nikolai is planning an “earthy tree,” to reflect his work as a tree planter.

Next, I headed downtown. Although I’m sure some strangers in Gore Park would be a little too happy to strip down and reveal tattoos, I opted to go to a store to make the whole experience a little less weird. At Dr. Disc I met Sara, who also has a bat tattoo, on the back of her neck. She created her design with help from her mom, waited for a few years to be sure, and then went ahead. The pain, she says, wasn’t bad. “I almost fell asleep from the sound of the needle, since it was so constant.” She is planning to get another tattoo—probably of “grandmother” in another language. “You have to be careful with that stuff,” she warns. “If you get a Japanese symbol and your artist isn’t Japanese, they might make a small mistake and suddenly you’ve got ‘ass’ tattooed on you and you don’t even know it.” Good point!

After talking to Sara, I decided to head to where the magic happens. When I got to Sinkin’ Ink in Hess, I was particularly excited to see that the neon sign in the window was partly burned out to read just ‘tatt.’ Awesome! Inside,

28 incite

a super friendly Irish tattoo artist (umm, yes please!) greeted me and gave me some artists portfolios to check out.

People choose an amazing variety of designs, some of which I liked more than others. “Gone But Not Forgotten,” emblazoned across your back, with a picture of your car below it? Not quite my taste.

One of Sinkin’ Ink’s artists, Lawren, kindly agreed to be interviewed. Lawren got his artistic start in graphic design, but when he got bored of sitting in front of a computer all day, he took up tattooing. Tattooing, he says, provides more creative freedom. Although artists make less on more involved tattoos than on common ones, which can be done more quickly, Lawren says that the chance to put his personal touch on new designs is worth it. He conceded that sometimes people arrive with really bad ideas, or ideas that just won’t work on skin. “You make the best of what you have, and try to make small changes that might make it turn out better,” he says. “Otherwise, they might just go somewhere else where they don’t care how the tattoo turns out at all.” My favourite part of talking to Lawren was that he describes himself as a “tattoo artist and collector.” He says that his tattoos aren’t done with symbolic intentions, and that the choice to get a new tattoo is different for a collector than for the average person. “Sometimes, we just get stuff because it’s funny!” Trends exist in tattoos, too. “In the 90s, everybody was getting aliens and mushrooms,” says Lawren, “now, there’s a big traditional trend, with bold colours and typical American tattoo designs.”

After looking around Sinkin’ Ink, I really do want to get one. Giant, traditional ‘MOM’ heart it is?

My last tattooed interviewee was by far the easiest—my housemate, Sam. She got her first, a stylized North Star, at 17. “I wanted something permanent,” she says, “to show the strength of my beliefs. I got it so I can always find my way.” Since then, she has gotten three more.

On her stomach, she has a Celtic design known as a triskele, a symbol for trinity that she shares with her sisters. Her two most recent tattoos were done at the same time. One is a quotation from the Tennessee Williams play Stairs to the Roof, which reads, “a prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages.” “We all live our lives based on what is expected of us.

That’s my hope that we will be able to live our lives in the way that makes us happy.” The last one, two tiny footprints on her left foot, she had done with her mom and her aunt, “for the idea that life’s a journey, not a destination.” She also plans to get one footprint for each continent she visits. So far, she’s only been to two continents, but that may not be such a bad thing. “The ones on the foot killed!” She has plans for her next one, too—an hourglass on the inside of her forearm, but it will take some time to work out the details. “I spent months planning and thinking about all of my tattoos. I think that’s why I like them so much.” It’s probably for the best, then, that I didn’t go with my first instinct and get it stamped onto me right away at Sinkin’ Ink. But I do still like the idea of getting a tattoo on the spur of the moment. Just not in a crack den.

R