Incite Magazine - February 2012

Incite Magazine Volume 14, Issue 4 · McMaster University, Hamilton ▪ February 2012

FOUR HORSEMEN: Conquest, War, Famine, and Death ZOMBIES AND MAYAN CALENDARS: Imagining the apocalypse plus THE END: Coming to terms with mortality

Editorial time to panic

Sam Colbert & Anna Kulikov, Editors-in-Chief

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y formative years were nestled in a happy place between the Cold War and An Inconvenient Truth, so I get why I might be immune to anxiety when it comes to doomsday projections. I think for a lot of people, though, the Last Judgement in the Book of Revelation, the final book of the New Testament, serves as little more than a story.

According to the tale, four horsemen – representing Conquest (riding a white horse), War (red), Famine (black) and Death (pale green) – take over the Earth, ushering in the end of humankind.

But whether you believe in a biblical end or not, there are plenty of reasons to be nervous. Global resource scarcity could cause massive conflict, and climate change could make large parts of the world uninhabitable. And heck, dying doesn’t seem all that pleasant either.

So believe me when I tell you that, in times like these, you need someone to help you through it. In times like these, you need Incite Magazine.

Between these pages, it’s not all doom and gloom. Julia Redmond reminds us that, should things get really bad, we can always pack up and move into space in “Is the Sky the Limit?”

Learn from Steve Clare how we can transcend death in “More than Human,” and in “Mental Conquest,” let Larry S. Defoe show you how to tame the monsters of your subconscious.

But should all of that sound advice fail you and the end is near, it might be time to put on some music. Lexi Sproule offers a few suggestions in “The Very Last Waltz.”

In the meantime, do your best to stay optimistic.

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artwork by natalie jachyra

hen I try to picture the four horsemen of the apocalypse, I can’t help let my imagination morph them into seven faceless riders, each atop a black stallion with ominous red eyes, riding ahead of the darkness that is quickly spreading across Middle Earth.

To be fair, I think it likely that Tolkien drew his inspiration for the Nazgûl from these biblical characters. And the most important similarly, as I see it, lies in the horsemen’s ties to the human race: in Revelation the four take human form, and in Tolkien’s tale, the seven are creatures who were once men. The message is simple and resonates with the present – whatever form the apocalypse will take, it will come as a result of the failings of our race.

This month, Incite Magazine has invited these four charming gentlemen to be our mascots. Dayna Taylor explains just what is waiting for us in December of 2012 in “Counting Down the End of Days.”

Some of our writers are desperately hoping that we can still prevent the coming doom. Isaac Bickerstaff looks to the past for a solution to our heavy, fast-food consuming nation in “A Modest Proposal.”

Many others, though, have accepted our fate, so we’re doing our best to make sure we are prepared: resident zombie-expert Sam Godfrey shares her wisdom and expertise in all undead matters to help you prepare for a zombie apocalypse in “Don’t Pick My Brain!” while Devra Charney and Kaila Radan team up once again to give you a head start in ensuring that, when your time comes, you don’t share in the most common “Before It’s Too Late.”

Without further ado, saddle up, dear reader. I’m sure you, War, Conquest, Death, and Famine, will make fast friends!

-AK

incitemagazine.ca Features

photography by Jing xu

Correction from the January 2012 issue: Due to an error in the production process, Zoe Godfrey-Davies was not credited as a coauthor of Camp Outlook.

Departments

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Happenings Selected news from near and far Rainy Days Anna Kulikov Brief New World Shawn Fazel

Incite Magazine is published six times per academic year by Impact Youth Publications, founded in 1997. Entire contents copyright 2011-2012 Impact Youth Publications. Opinons expressed in Incite Magazine are those of the author(s), and do not necessarily reflect the views of Incite Magazine’s staff or Impact Youth Publications.

Letters of up to 300 words may be sent to incite@mcmaster. ca; they may be edited for length and clarity and will not be printed unless a name, address, and daytime phone are provided.

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Straight from the Horseman’s Mouth A conversation Anthony D’Ambrosio, Simon Marsello, Kacper Niburski, Michael Teichman La mort de la mode Hipster fashion Joanna Chan Counting Down the Days The Mayan calendar Dayna Taylor

Editors-in-Chief Sam Colbert Anna Kulikov Managing Editors Irena Papst, Layout Ianitza Vassileva, Graphics Content Editors Jeremy Henderson Matt Ing Kate Sinclair Jane van Koeverden

Don’t Pick My Brain!

Preparing for zombies Sam Godfrey Dancing with Dragons A drug experience Larry S. Defoe Chivalry, Sort Of A first date story Michael Hewlett Is the Sky the Limit?

Moving to outer space Julia Redmond Keep Calm and Carry On Breaking up Bahar Orang Call of Duty 5: Modern Politics On the Republican primaries Cooper Long Seeing Red Colour and the mind Nolan Matthews Self v. Future Self Signing a Ulysses contract Dylan Euteneier Wars of a Different Kind Fighting bacteria and poor health Shanthiya Baheerathan, Katija Bonin, Charlotte Mussells

Contributors Zane Andres, Shanthiya Baheerathan, Asha Behdinan, Isaac Bickerstaff, Katija Bonin, Joanna Chan, Devra Charney, Steve Clare, Anthony D’Ambrosio, Larry S. Defoe, Mayuri Deshmukh, Dylan Euteneier, Shawn Fazel, Mallory Fitz-Ritson, Sam Godfrey, Michael Hewlett, Dylan Hickson, Katherine Ho, Natalie Jachyra, Emily Johnson, Joshua Lewis, Cooper Long, Simon Marsello, Nolan Matthews, Victoria McKinnon, Charlotte Mussells, Kacper Niburski, Bahar Orang, Kaila Radan, Julia Redmond, Olivia Rozema, Abdullahi Sheikh, Brianna Smrke, Lexi Sproule, Dayna Taylor, Michael Teichman, Livia Tsang, Nikki Varkevisser, Karen Wang, Adira Winegust, Jing Xu, Cindy Yin

For the Frugal and Famished Cheap eats Nikki Varkevisser A Modest Proposal Solving obesity Isaac Bickerstaff Alternatives to Bacon Eating nose to tail Cindy Yin More than Human A modern solution to death Steve Clare Cracks The aftermath of suicides Katherine Ho The Big Picture Fearing mortality Karen Wang Before It’s Too Late Preventing the pain Devra Charney, Kaila Radan Shadows Coping with loss Zane Andres

Covers Dayna Taylor Printing Underground Media & Design Contact incite@mcmaster.ca Incite Magazine

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@incitemagazine

The Day of the Dead A celebration of life Mayuri Deshmukh Living Death Organ donors beware Asha Behdinan, Victoria McKinnon The Very Last Waltz A playlist to die by Lexi Sproule Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 3

Straight from the horseman’s mouth

Anthony D’Ambrosio, Simon Marsello, Kacper Niburski & Michael Teichman

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side from the fact the world was ending, the apocalypse was beautiful. Sure, the natural disasters wreaked havoc, buildings crumbled from their former splendor, and ideals shattered into nothingness, but people…the people were finally equal. No one was

better than their neighbour. No riches, no influence, no amount of education could change the outcome. It was the end of the world, and for once, everyone, no matter who they were, where they lived, or what they did for a living, was the same. They were helpless.

photography by Thomas Hawk (flickr)

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“We’re bona fide philanthropists,” said Death, grinning sardonically at his companion, “Who but us could unite humanity under a single banner?” War let out a mirthful laugh. Despite its airiness, his laughter concealed some hesitation. He was not uncertain because of the apocalypse per se, but rather because he had never wanted to be a Horseman in the first place. Neigh, it had always been his father’s dream. No matter what he did, War was always burdened by both his father’s dreams and words: “Son, one day you are going to cause so much strife between humankind that the world will crumble at your feet. Literally. That’s how you’re going to make Papa proud.”

In fact, this was all War had ever wanted to do, but nothing was ever good enough. His father scoffed at him after WWII and didn’t speak to him for a week following his botched attempt during the Cold War. But this time would be different. Today, War realized, his internal struggles would end. Today would be the day that his father would be proud to call him his son.

He looked down at the two miniature warships in his hands. “Bam! Bam!” he shouted triumphantly as he collided them together like misshapen puzzle pieces. Somewhere in the South Pacific, a fleet of battleship cruisers crashed into one another.

“You sunk my battleship,” whispered Death in a singsong voice. Despite his trademark witticism, he was growing impatient. He had prepared for this moment his entire life. He had always enjoyed flirting with the idea of who he’d kill first and how he’d do the deed. He had always thought that Justin Bieber would’ve been as good a start as any. His singing is much worse than the apocalypse anyhow.

Back in high school, Death had told his first - and only – girlfriend about his great plans. She was a beautiful freshfaced blonde and he was a harbinger of doom at least five billion years her senior.

It didn’t bother her, though. She was into “older men.” Death thought it was the

fair in love and war, right brothers?” he winked devilishly in War’s direction.

War barely noticed. He was preoccupied, assembling miniature missiles. Famine only smirked back, gurgling out yet another incoherent comeback. It seemed he had ransacked one of the last-standing sandwich stores, something his struggling horse would have to deal with later.

“Now that we’re all here,” said Death apprehensively, “let’s get down to business. We have a world to destroy.” With a wave of their hands, they began to lay waste to humankind. War brought on numerous disastrous conflicts, Famine struck plagues over all forms of agriculture, Conquest forced all living beings into submission, and Death made short work of the rest. The world didn’t stand a chance.

What was once a luscious, blue Earth was now a smoldering smokestack of sulfurous clouds. The Horsemen surveyed their work. Glamorous would be the only way to describe it. Death was happy that it had surpassed his expectations, War thought that even his father would be proud, Conquest wondered if he had been too lenient on the Caribbean, and Famine seemed indifferent, munching away on the last morsels of sandwich.

Just as the Horsemen were admiring their handywork, War asked almost jocularly, “What now?” They all stared at one another in wonderment. Even though the comment was innocent, it carried great weight. The world was finished. They had nothing else to do. Their job was over. As it turns out, unemployment affects everyone - even apocalyptic Horsemen.

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sweetest thing anyone could ever say. He brushed her face with his derelict finger as a sign of affection. Unfortunately, she died immediately and he was left with a bad case of blue balls.

Meanwhile, the apocalypse was going all wrong. Justin Bieber was still alive, along with many other abominations, musical and otherwise. To make matters worse, two of the Horsemen were late. Overlooking the devastating scene below, Death and War were roused from their morose daydreams by a crunching noise growing progressively louder. Up the hill from behind them trotted a jetblack horse, carrying a rather obese figure on its back. A 12 foot-long submarine sandwich in his mouth, ranch-dressing oozing out of both ends, the third and rather portly Horseman made it up the ridge where War and Death were wreaking havoc.

Famine, always one for snacking, a poignant irony, blurted something incoherent through the condiments. Instead of any words escaping his mouth however, only a pickle dribbled out, and trickled down his three chins. Just before the pickle hit the floor, the fourth Horseman staggered into view. Conquest had just returned from the Caribbean where he had spent the evening defeating an entire civilization. He attributed his vast conquering ability to two things: having the largest “horse,” and having a keen eye for others’ weaknesses. Whether it be civil unrest, corruption, political upheaval, or simple, sweet conflict, Conquest was always happy to join in the fray. Educated in the ways of the bastard, from the Bernie Madoff School of Economics to the Joseph Stalin Institute of Control, Conquest did anything to satiate his thirst for victory.

“Sorry,” Conquest huffed as he tried to catch his breath, “I just got back from an epic conquest of Famine’s mother.

Let’s just say that hunger cuts a fine figure, if you know what I mean.” It was typical Conquistador humour. He never had to prove anything to anyone but himself because there had never been anyone out there that Conquest looked up to. Unlike War, Conquest had no chip on his shoulder. Unlike Death, he avoided morbidity.

Unlike Famine, he wasn’t a manifestation of irony. He was a perpetual perfectionist, always trying to outdo his last catastrophe - even if it meant conquering a few of the Horsemen’s mothers. “All

Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 5

Happenings

stay gold, ponyboy Photography by howzey (flickr)

Worried that December 21st of this year will bring the apocalypse that the Mayans predicted? While we wait, here are some past apocalypse theories.

Space Invaders When the Hale-Bopp comet came close to earth in 1997, some people thought the end was nigh. A paranormal radio show began to spread the rumour that an alien spaceship was trailing the Hale-Bopp comet. Members of the San Diego-based cult of Heaven’s Gate declared that the aliens were going to attack in March and destroy the entire world. The month came and went. Sadly, the world did end for 39 Heaven’s Gate members who, having purchased alien abduction insurance the year before, committed mass suicide on March 26th.

Jesus II In 1814, Joanna Southcott, a 60 yearold virgin from Devon, England, claimed that she would give birth to the next Christ during Christmas of 1814. She also claimed that His second coming would signal the beginning of the apocalypse. Southcott used the verses from Revelations 12 to support her pregnancy assertions. During 1814, she amassed a following of about 100 000 strong who eagerly awaited the birth of their saviour. But instead of a birth, Joanna Southcott died.

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Halley’s Tale In 1705, astronomer Edmond Halley showed that the orbits of 24 comets observed over the past 400 years were so similar that they had to belong to the same object. But no one else paid any attention to Halley’s Comet until 1910, when spectral analysis revealed that its tail contained a derivative of toxic cyanide. Because the earth was going to pass through this tail during its next orbit, mass panic ensued. The event even made the front page of the New York Times. But May 1910 came and went, and we’re still here (for now).

Chicken Little In 1806 a very unlikely apocalyptic prophet emerged in Leeds, England: a hen! According to Charles Mackay’s account of the event, the hen began to lay eggs inscribed with the message “Christ is coming.” This dramatic and inexplicable message was interpreted by locals as a sign of the end, and people began to resign themselves to impending doom. Before long, news of the clairvoyant hen spread and the origins of the eggs was investigated. It turns out they were first marked with corrosive ink and then reinserted into the hen. Our “egg”spectations of doom were happily nullified.

Swallowed Whole Over the years we’ve witnessed many apocalyptic predictions, from the Y2K bug of 2000 to the ramblings of Harold Camping and Family Radio in 2011. But there’s one recent scare that seems to have a little more scientific justification: the Large Hadron Collider. The LHC is a particle accelerator in Europe that slams protons together at close to the speed of light in order to split it into its elementary components. Soon enough, people began to speculate that a collision of such energy could spontaneously create a black hole that would encompass the Earth. Scientifically speaking, such a disaster is possible, though highly improbable.

To the End of the World We’ve all heard the story of Christopher Columbus discovering the New World in 1492, but I bet you didn’t know he prophesied the end of the world in his published work: The Book of Prophecies. Columbus became deeply religious later in life and began to create his own interpretations of religious texts. He soon became convinced the end of the world was near and would unfold as a final crusade between the “New World” and the “Arab Middle East.” It remains to be seen whether or not his prophecy will be fulfilled.

Compiled by Dylan Hickson & Adira Winegust

la mort de la mode Joanna Chan

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graphic by joanna chan

he hipster. A species easily identified by his or her distinctive features: skinny jeans, vintage shirt, a retro camera, and a pair of horn-rimmed specs. Of hipsters, Time has said: “take your grandmother’s sweater and Bob Dylan’s Wayfarers, add jean shorts, Converse All-Stars and a can of Pabst and bam — hipster.” There is nothing wrong with these fashion statements; in fact, this effortless vintage look can be quite aesthetically pleasing... at least while it’s unique. For you see, it is increasingly hard to ignore that hipsters have taken over the fashion world. Their style is influencing blogs (see Lookbook.nu) and infiltrating clothing chains like Urban Outfitters and Forever 21. In an age of mass consumerism, what was once chic and unique has now become dull and mainstream. This is precisely why hipster fashion is dead.

The popularity of the hipster movement is not surprising. In a complex and ever-evolving world, we constantly seek to redefine what is real, relevant, and meaningful in our lives. We are a generation lost in all of the possibilities of the modern age. Driven by an obsession to be different, we fixate on countercultures –the hipster movement is a case in point. Its founding philosophy, “niche consumerism,” was based on making environmentally friendly fashion choices that supported local retailers and manufacturers. The rejection of materialism and the quest for originality were powerful ideas for creative minds, and aspiring hipsters rose to the challenge by incorporating vintage pieces into their style.

The hipster movement also brought positive attention and much-deserved recognition to gay and metrosexual fashion cultures.

Nowadays, hipster fashion is advertised as a laid-back and lazy look, and there is nothing more appealing to the teenage population. The original hipster philosophy has slowly disappeared amid the crowds of wannabe teen hipsters who wear brand new vintage look-alikes. It has become too easy to construct a hipster identity: just creating an unconventional playlist on iTunes or buying mass-produced goods at your local Urban Outfitters or American Apparel will do. Whatever intentions were behind hipster culture, they have now become meaningless. True hipsters should recognize this. What was once a highly-selective circle that avoided brand names and being labeled is now a group that, without wanting to, has become lost in a culture it inspired.

It is common for today’s countercultures to quickly lose originality and fail to inspire any meaningful social change. Reactionary movements of the past have challenged their dysfunctional societies, but modern-day hipsters, while meaning well, are indistinguishable from the vast mass of American Apparel-clad hipster wannabes. The quest of hipsters to challenge the sustainability of fashion has failed. Instead, the status quo has once again been established in the form of the mainstream hipster.

Finally, it is important to recognize that hipster fashion isn’t actually new, but is simply a recycling and recombination of old ideas and styles. The metrosexual influences have carried over from the emo era, the rockervintage chick look is simply a toned-down version of gothic fashion, and the intellectual impression is adopted from the idealization of past eras.

In short, to produce meaningful styles, fashion needs to move forward and be inspired by new, organic ideas that are simply not suited to mass production.

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Counting down the days Dayna Taylor

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ver the past 25 years the world has experienced dozens of apocalyptic threats, but none has been as persistent as the one laid out for December 2012 by the Ancient Mayans.

When people talk about the 2012 apocalypse, they say it will happen because it’s the year when the Mayan calendar ends.

What few people are aware of is that the Mayan people lived by multiple calendars. One of them measured a year in 365 days, the time it takes for the Earth to circle the sun, and another measured a year in 260 days, the cycle of significant religious ceremonies. To measure longer periods of time, they had a Long Count calendar, and this is what is ending on December 21, 2012, wrapping up a 5, 125 year cycle. Naturally, conspiracy theorists jumped to conclusions, and websites

proclaimed the End of Days. Websites like www.2012apocapsle.com do nothing but perpetuate these rumours. The site boasts over 600, 000 hits, despite its being riddled with typos and factual errors: not only do they claim that the Mayan King Pacal Votan predicted the 2012 apocalypse – a complete fabrication – but they misspell his name altogether.

Another “fact” that supports the world’s end on December 21 is that on this date, the Earth will supposedly line up with the exact centre of the Milky Way Galaxy. Never mind that the Milky Way doesn’t have a clearly defined boundary, and therefore no exact centre, or that, according to NASA, “astronomy cannot pinpoint such a galactic alignment to within a year, much less a day.” No matter how contrived the claim is, people continue

to argue that lining up with the galactic centre will cause the Earth’s destruction by earthquake and/or volcanic eruption and/or collision with asteroids.

The Mayan Calendar began in 3114 BCE, and since scientists are pretty sure the world existed before that, it seems ludicrous to continue believing that the world will end this December. There’s no indication that the Ancient Mayan’s expected anything to happen beyond the need for a new calendar, just as we have on January 1st each year. Perhaps, on December 22, doomsday fanatics will discover they’ve miscalculated and push the date of total annihilation a bit further into the future. In the meantime, I don’t think we have anything to worry about. Like the REM song says, “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.”

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Don’t pick my brain!

Sam Godfrey

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man’s house is his castle, but a survivor’s house is his fortress.

There are a few important tips a survivor should remember in order to effectively change a home into a sanctuary.

Zombies, as you know, used to be humans. In spite of their drive to feast on the brains of the living, zombies have a definite sense of decorum: they will always try to enter a home through a door before attempting a window.

The first thing you should do to

prevent an invasion is to remove your screen doors and replace them with storm doors. Your house’s ventilation will suffer, but zombies will struggle to find the pane’s weak point. Of course, a layer of tempered glass will not be sufficient to keep out hungry mobs of the undead. It is also recommended to invest in some steel bars, if you have the means. In the event of an unforeseen uprising, improvise by nailing boards of wood horizontally across the door.

This is an effective method, even if it lacks the panache of stainless steel.

As a general rule, try to limit the number of accessible doors in your house. If possible, seal the main floors completely and use a second-floor window-ladder combination to enter and leave your home. Zombies struggle to climb ladders, probably due to their atrophied muscles and tendons. If the aforementioned window-ladder is impossible to construct, at least try to get one of those tricky handles for the main door – the undead are not very dextrous.

In terms of windows, try to get the double, or better yet, triple layer air-locked

windows. These special panes put extra layers of glass between you and the dangers outside, and that’s never a bad thing. As a bonus, air-locked windows are better insulated, thereby cutting down on your utility bills and environmental footprint. Picture windows are your biggest threat here because they extend all the way to the ground, making them less durable than doors, but just as accessible. The recommended course of action is to have a wall installed instead. Though you will no longer have that million-dollar view, you will be glad for the extra protection.

On the other end of the spectrum, don’t even worry about those little windows found in basements and at the top of bathrooms; zombies are not flexible enough to manoeuvre through spaces that small. Additionally, these windows make for fantastic modern-day arrow-slits. They can effectively transform any washroom into your very own makeshift turret. For all windows in between, make sure to reinforce them with stylish steel bars or rustic wood slats.

By following this practical how-to guide, you can successfully transform any domicile, from a modest downtown crack-den to a lavish country villa, into a safe haven for frantic apocalypse survivors.

artwork by ianitza vassileva Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 9

CONQUEST

Dancing with dragons

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Larry S. Defoe

ne tab, a small piece of white paper, seemingly harmless. I stick it onto my tongue and question whether I got scammed or if this small white piece of paper really contains the chemicals that can throw my consciousness into the very deepest and darkest depths of my psyche.

Many take drugs for the pleasure, for the euphoria. They take you up and away from the banalities and miseries of day-today life: wake up, get your Union Market coffee, sit in class and absorb the blabbering of an old man who, in his heyday 40 years ago, defended a Ph.D. thesis that nobody gave a fuck about. We are made to pay to sit there quietly and absorb whatever he feels fit so we can pass his pathetic course and get on with our lives. Hopefully, somebody will ask us what grade we earned in his class, instead of what we learned. That’s all we walk out of here with – a paper with numbers between zero and 12. They kick us to the curb and tell us it’s our fault we can’t get hired.

And we’re

surprised that students drink too much.

This world disgusts me and should disgust you, too. But some natural psychoactive compounds in our heads keep us from coming to these realizations. We’re all on drugs, all the time. So what’s the problem in admitting it - maybe adding something more exciting to the mix? I drop a white piece of paper onto my tongue and it tosses me into different dark corner. We’ll think it’s uncharted, but it’s not – we are waking the beastly, perverted and decaying versions of ourselves that we’ve abandoned there.

When people find out I enjoy drugs, they think I’m strange.

They think I’m sick. No, you need to be sick to find happiness in a day-to-day mundane existence, subjecting yourself to the authority of higher education, just so that, some greater governmental or corporate authority might absorb you into their mind-numbing mechanics. It’s all crazy, and when you point it out, people think you’re crazy. Nobody has the balls to admit it anymore.

So I take drugs to come face-to-face with the ugly in myself, the repressed ugliness that has hardened near my core. When it gets to emerge, it’s bloodthirsty. You can fight it, but then you’ll forget how you got into those caves in the first place, and there will be nobody to guide you back to the light.

That’s a bad-trip in the trenches of mental conquest, and a flirt with psychosis. People think drugs stay in your system and you can relapse into a trip. No, honey, it’s not the drugs. It’s just the beasts coming up for air.

Drugs are my transport of choice. They take me to the caves. I seek enlightenment – shedding light on these dark corners. I visit the sick fucks and give them some love, drop some meat into their caves so that they stay there. I feed them so they won’t come out.

artwork by Ianitza Vassileva & Dayna taylor 10 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ February 2012

Rainy days Twilight of the Gods Anna Kulikov, Columnist

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his month, inspired no doubt by Incite’s grim theme, I find my thoughts straying back to the Rainy Days of November when I recounted highlights from the Old Norse sagas that have so unequivocally captured my imagination. It is only fitting that I once more pick up the threads of classic mythology, for I do believe it has a rightful place in apocalyptic storytelling.

The sources of Norse mythology describe in great detail Ragnarök, the cataclysmic destruction and subsequent rebirth of the Norse universe. As the story goes, Ragnarök will begin when Sköll and Hati, the wolves who ceaselessly chase the sun and the moon across the sky, finally catch and consume them. Then, the stars will disappear and in the ensuing darkness, armies of corpses, giants, and otherworldly creatures will gore the gods in battle on a field awash with supernatural fire. Yggdrasil, the Earth Tree, will shake, and men, women, children, and animals alike will perish. And those who do not die in battle will drown when the world is swallowed by the sea.

Like many of the world’s eschatological tales, Ragnarök tells of social and moral degeneration followed by a great

flood that leaves a lone pair of survivors, Líf and Lífþrasir, to repopulate the human race – a task that, might I add, has been contrived by artists and songwriters with romantic undertones, but has (thankfully) been proven by conservation science to be quite insurmountable because the genetic diversity needed to effectively restore a species to sustainable numbers requires anywhere from 50 to 500 progenitors. But, I digress.

Among myths, Ragnarök is unique. In most Indo-European traditions, the gods make a conscious decision to upheave the world of man and bring about its destruction. In the Norse tradition, not only are the gods not responsible for the cataclysm, but they are also powerless to stop it and ultimately, perish alongside their world. Even Thor, the Norse Herculean sweetheart, is killed. In this respect, Ragnarök constitutes more than just the end of an age, but the restructuring of the entire cosmos. A quick glance at its etymology – Ragnarök is a construct of the two Germanic words translating to “the divine” and “end” – confirms that the demise of man is secondary in importance to the destruction of the gods.

In a way, modern cataclysms (natu-

ral disasters, zombie epidemics, alien takeovers etc.) are antithetical to Ragnarök: they are wholly nonreligious; mostly, if not completely, lacking the intent to cleanse immoral social elements; and entirely anthropocentric. This is due in part to them being constructed mostly for entertainment, and in part due to the role that science plays in our understanding of the universe. For instance, we can now correctly attribute the evidence for past worldwide flooding – marine fossils found in high elevations – to sea-level rise rather than divine retribution. We can also explain destructive hurricanes and tsunamis, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and rampant epidemics. But in a world explained by science, there are no external forces that threaten to regulate our morality if we step out of line – except ourselves (and our guns are hardly smaller or less destructive than God’s).

The colorful Norse tales seamlessly weave larger-than-life struggles with moral lessons and social warnings, while our modern constructions seem to do little more than incite a morbid fascination for who will die next and how. In this age, have we all but lost our humility?

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Chivalry, sort of Michael Hewlett

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hivalry isn’t dead, it’s outdated. It may be nice, but it’s not necessary.

No, ladies and gentlemen, you can go a long way without being a knight in shining armor. I am the living proof and not simply because I am notoriously late, forgetful, and cheap. My own success in dating, or lack thereof (a gentleman never tells), has little relevance to my stance on chivalry. Let me tell you the story of my parents’ first date and you’ll see - I am literally living proof that one can get by just fine without that old horse.

Now my parents (David and Susan) first met playing a game of Trivial Pursuit, which, oddly enough, is a not-so “trivial” test for potential partners. If you have never played, here are the Cliff’s notes: two people rack their brains for mental lint that, if properly combined, merits a tiny plastic token. This is the trivial part.

What’s important is that for a moment, partners are actually interested in each other’s lint. Like dating, the point should not be to score but to get lost in the other’s details. You’ll find that the game is only interesting with the right partner.

According to my parents, they were a good team; my dad nabbing all the arts and literature questions, my mom covering sports and pop culture. At the end of the night David asked Susan to coffee “or

chai tea” (apparently he was that artsy) and they exchanged numbers.

Three days passed, then a week and finally, two weeks after the fact, my mom got tired of waiting and rang him up.

When I asked my dad, years later, why he kept my mom dangling instead of putting her on the other line, he admitted that he was worried about screwing up. Thankfully Susan, for whatever reason, was not as cautious and they met in the cozy atmosphere of Baked Expectations, a little bakery on Osbourne Street in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

While most people would call it chivalrous for a man to pick up their date and drive them home afterwards, those people don’t know the state of my dad’s old van. ‘Rough around the edges’ would be an understatement. The steed’s exterior is a warzone of red paint and orange rust.

Inside, plastic sheets are draped behind the front seats to insulate the front of the car. This was key in winter, since only a lattice of car mats separates a passenger’s feet from Winnipeg’s icy roads. For obvious reasons, my parents arrived in my mother’s car.

Once they sat down, coffee was poured, dessert was ordered and the lint started flying. David was charming and Susan had a wicked sense of humor.

My mom maintains that she had at least three cups of coffee throughout the date and, buzzing on sugar and caffeine, could only remember one thing very well: “Dessert finally arrived. I wasn’t all that interested in the cake that your father had chosen but before I realized what was happening, there was an extra fork in my dessert, and he was nicking chocolate mousse from my plate onto his.”

Being raised in a house of strict table manners, my mother was shocked and appalled: this had to be the rudest man she had ever met. David’s family shared food so, in his view, he was showing how comfortable he was with her. Susan eventually forgave him, but that story is still passed around our table as a reminder of how to treat a lady.

My parent’s first date may not be common and definitely does not live up to most ladies’ ideals, but it brought them together. Those who like play it tongue and cheek on their dates run the risk of using too much tongue, but they have a better chance of conveying who they are.

In real relationships people are grounded and occasionally knocked on their asses; they aren’t put up on high horses or pedestals. Chivalry is nice, but as all the David’s and Susan’s out there will tell you: connection trumps all.

Artwork by brianna smrke 12 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ February 2012

Is the sky the limit?

Julia Redmond

I

n celebration of his 70th birthday, theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking appeared on BBC Radio to answer questions from his fans. Though the occasion was joyous, Hawking’s predictions for the world were not. “I think it is almost certain that a disaster, such as nuclear war or global warming, will befall the earth within a thousand years,” he told the BBC. His advice for dealing with the inevitable: “It is essential that we colonize space.”

Well, I guess that’s settled then. I suppose we’ll all just pack up, hop on the space shuttle, and head out to the moon.

Problem solved? Not quite. Hawking is by no means the first person to suggest that humans should extend their boundaries beyond Earth’s atmosphere. Indeed, in a time when the scarcity of resources is a hot button issue, it is no surprise that people feel that their only option is to abandon ship and head for greener pastures.

But is moving to space really the only way of preserving the human race?

It hardly seems that people have actually thought through the logistics of space colonization—if they had, they would surely recognize the impracticalities of it all. For example, two of the basic elements for life are water and oxygen. But no one

photography by nikki varkevisser

has succeeded in finding a planet that would fulfill these fundamental needs.

Astronomers are getting closer though; NASA’s Kepler program has discovered hundreds of potentially earth-like planets. Some are more promising than others—not all of these planets support water in liquid form, and none of them are anywhere close to our solar system. Even if we did manage to find a habitable planet, how could we possibly get there? With America’s space shuttle officially retiring this year, transportation technology is not equipped to transport high volumes of people across long distances. So, alas, we remain stranded on our home planet until technology can catch up with our extraterrestrial dreams.

Speaking of extraterrestrial, what about our potential neighbours in this galaxy and beyond it? If we pursued space colonization, would we be like explorers of centuries past? Like Columbus, da Gama, or Cook, would we feel like we’d come across a whole new world that was ours for the taking? Hawking rightly remarks that the Age of Discovery “did not turn out well for the Native Americans.”

Encountering alien life could leave us either the guilty conquerors or the doomed

conquered.

Location and alien life are just two examples of the challenges of space colonization. It doesn’t seem like we will need to be checking out real estate on Mars any time soon, but if the threat of a nuclear Armageddon is as imminent as Hawking seems to think, we ought to keep it in mind as a long-term option. And who knows, maybe with the help of geniuses like Professor Hawking, it isn’t that crazy to think of our great-grandchildren living on the moon after all.

Come into the light

A near-death experience can be quite distressing. In your last moment, you may find yourself hurtling down a tunnel of light or just floating in a blank expanse of black, and you’ll have no clue what is happening. One moment that truck was coming straight at you and then you’re suddenly half past Alpha Centauri except all the lights are out and it looks like you’re the only one home. Although the exact nature of the experience is different for each person, some see it as proof of an afterlife.

Not surprisingly, a near-death experience changes your outlook. Those who experienced calm or saw light during their impending deaths tend to develop a happier and more spiritual worldview, while those who only saw darkness tend to become less spiritual.

-Abdullahi Sheikh Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 13

BRIEF NEW WORLD Imperialism today Shawn Fazel, Columnist

I

n the wake of the Occupy movement, everyone seems to be a Marxist waiting for a revolution. It was the same during the financial crisis, when we all turned into Keynesians and cried for government intervention in the economy. Rio pasado, santo olvidado: once the river is crossed, the saint is forgotten.

Karl Marx provided the basis for political movements of communism and socialism, and everything from Leninism, Maoism and Trotskyism to Stalinism. There is a variety of offshoots and diverse interpretations, but they all started with Marx’s Das Capital.

As a result, these philosophies are difficult to accurately define without controversy. I’ll avoid the problem of defining any of them altogether – you’re better off reading the original works.

Instead, I’ll focus on capitalism: the system most of us currently cherish while occupiers are putting it into question. Modern capitalism has been bastardised by political interests, and is moving towards a state capitalism that is basically and fundamentally economic imperialism. Our democracy is being trampled by the competitive

14 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ February 2012

pressures of pseudo-capitalist nations (like China and Russia) and eroded bypolitical conflicts here at home.

Let’s begin with a general overview of capitalism. Fundamentally, it’s the pursuit of capital, which is anything used in the production of goods or services. Capitalist systems rely on private property, competitive markets, and voluntary exchange. In other words, you can own stuff and have the choice to sell it on a market for a price that is set by competition between buyers and sellers. This is known as a perfectly competitive market, based on many assumptions that are, for the most part, ultimately very difficult to produce.

In practice, there are no perfectly competitive markets, but the government takes it upon itself to create the best legal framework to develop perfect markets by dismantling monopolies, protecting private property rights, and developing other property instruments like patents, copyright and trademarks. Free trade agreements also fall into this category, and according to basic capitalist theory of Adam Smith, it is in the national economy’s interest to allow free flows of capital

into the country.

In pure capitalist theory, the freest markets produce the most efficient and optimal outcomes for all people. Nevertheless, the disparities between pure economic theory and socio-economic realities produce huge problems. An example of this is the movement of manufacturing jobs to China at the cost of our own manufacturing sector.

Another side of this coin, however, is the distortion of capitalist principles by government to benefit some at the cost of others. It is in these small distortions that the most substantial profits are to be made, and so it becomes in the interest of those reaping these profits to encourage the government to produce more market distortions.

It is not perfect competition and free-market capitalism that lead to imperialism, but instead the imperfections in our system that produce the self-sustaining dismantling of capitalist ideals. When corporate interests align with those of politicians, the combined incentive of power and profit at the head of the state brings capitalism and imperialism very close together.

As a result of the competitive and

imperfect nature of international capital markets that aligns both capitalist and imperialist interests, the imperialism we are witnessing today is partly economic in nature. It has the same goal as capitalism, the pursuit of capital, as well as the thirst for power. I won’t go through the trouble of condemning modern imperialism for you – the Chinese developments in Africa, the American military bases scattered across the world, the American wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Vietnam, and Korea, and the current standoff with Iran should all convince you that imperialism today is no different from colonialism. When colonies were Europe’s source of natural resources and cheap labour, I needn’t remind you where the gas in your car comes from and who manufactured your iPhone and laptop.

The main economic weapons of imperialist nations are protectionist policies, or trade barriers hindering the flow of capital, pitting countries against one another. The most obvious examples today are sanctions against Iran, where the UN only serves as an arm of U.S. foreign policy. This protectionist system makes entrepreneurs reliant on the current policy systems in place, thus aligning interests between the imperialists designing the policies and the entrepreneurs profiting from them. When the U.S. stops Iranian oil from accessing international markets, the Canadian oil sands have less competition, and thus support politicians who will continue to enforce such policies that benefit them. An example closer to home: Bell and Rogers control the internet infrastructure, and Canadian policy prevents foreign competitors from entering the market (as is the case with WIND Mobile.)

The Middle East theatre is full of these examples. Iranian oil, for instance, was first in the hands of the British Anglo-Saxon Oil Company (now known as British Petroleum). World War II gave it to the rising United States at a time when General Motors was the largest company in the (capitalist) world, and the demand for oil was ever-rising. The CIA 1953 overthrow of democratically elected Mosaddegh in Iran and the entry of U.S. oil companies is just the tip of the iceberg of political-corporate joint ventures in

the region. is nothing more than the study of huToday, the embargo against Ira- man response to incentive; it does not nian oil is a great benefit to Canadian account for our irrationalities, espeand EU oil companies. Otherwise, the cially our thirst for power. Imperialist invasion of Iraq, which might not have tendencies will always emerge so long seemed profitable, did give profit to as we are competing for resources, as military companies at the cost of thou- the imperfect competitive nature of sands of lives. It also served as a show markets will always force us to be comof strength while the ailing U.S. super- petitive. Regardless, we can do more power struggled to maintain its hege- by understanding the system and demonic status in the Persian Gulf. veloping our own ideals than by giving Our modern political dynamic is a in. At least we can find peace in undercombination of imperialist struggle for standing, and hopefully, in true Nietzsaccess to high-yielding12956 emerging chian1fashion, it. 1 tech admar(4x7.5):Layout 12/23/10 rise 6:09above PM Page kets and a capitalism that is struggling to hold on to its democratic values.

Europe, the centre of old world powers, is at its knees with the Greek debt crisis, and looking to balance communal economic growth and prosperity with democracy and state sovereignty.

Increase your skills and competitiveness The Economist in today’s job market with a Humber graduate recently deemed the rise of state studies program in Applied Technology. capitalism as the emerging world Project Management economic and poSupply Chain Management litical system.

What started out Wireless Telecommunications as Marxism in China has evolved into a brutal capitalism that has outperformed most Western democratic liberal economies. It has set the stage for a future of state-controlled international markets that ooze imperialism. China’s huge involvement in African natural resource projects are evidence of its future superpower ambitions. humber.ca/appliedtechnology/graduatestudies Economics can only go so far, because in essence, it

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Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 15

WAR

Keep Calm and Carry On

S

Bahar Orang

omewhere between the ridiculous snapshots taken over Skype (how can someone be so skilled at catching you midsneeze every time?), the incredibly naïve but equally sincere promises, the dorky books on his bookshelf, the unmistakable tears in his eyes during P.S I Love You, you realize that your hand is being held by someone truly remarkable. Somewhere between every one of these precious cheesy moments, you find yourself building a whole world with someone. Complete with the architecture of all your hopes and dreams is an entire civilization that speaks a language only the two of you can understand.

It’s only when it all falls apart that you bust out the lousy romance novels, Cosmo magazine, feel-good (and yet, somehow, feel-crappy) rom-coms, all of which provide some version of the following guide for getting over a break-up: eat as much Ben & Jerry’s as pos-

“In the wake of the destruction, we find ways to rebuild.”

sible while sobbing through a black-and-white-film (usually Casablanca) and listening to your girlfriends’ lackluster renditions of the “you’re too good for him” spiel. When a relationship ends, it can feel like no less than an apocalypse that has demolished all life forms, accompanied by Adele’s Someone Like You in the background. You’re left feeling stranded in a kind of wasteland – for miles you can see little more than a barren landscape littered by torn up old love letters and empty candy wrappers. No amount of ice cream or stale words of wisdom can revitalize what has been lost.

You don’t need a magazine or a friend to tell you that in order to move forwards, you need to look forwards. And yet, against all better judgment, you find yourself constantly looking back and obsessing over a crushing pile of coulda, woulda, shouldas.

Once the smoke has cleared, you realize it was not a sudden, unexpected nuclear attack that blew the relationship to bits. Instead, it was the result of a long, tiresome war that was fought without rules or boundaries – every line was crossed. The inestimable death toll of broken promises, false accusations exploding like bombs, and the deafening sound of words you can’t take back echoing in your mind like gunshots in the middle of the night – all inflicting wounds that may never heal. A break-up is only the long-awaited response to an S.O.S sent out months ago – Save Our Sanity! And against all odds, the soundtrack changes from Adele’s break-up anthems to I Will Survive.

In the wake of destruction, we find ways to rebuild. We develop tunnel vision or we delete him from our BBM contact list once and for all (it’s harder than it sounds). We write journals, take up salsa dancing, and submit articles to university publications. Sometimes, amid the ruin, we salvage some hope and realize that our apocalypse is not so terrible after all. The world carries on, love will come again.

So Happy Valentine’s Day to every hopeful soldier, every wounded commanding officer, and every slightly lessidealistic veteran of love!

artwork by Ianitza Vassileva & Dayna taylor 16 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ February 2012

Call of duty 5: Modern politics Cooper Long “

T

his is Omaha Beach,” Texas Governor Rick Perry declared on the morning of the 2012 Iowa caucuses.

Though we always expect some grandiosity from presidential candidates, it was rhetorical overkill to equate the Republican defeat of President Obama with the Allied landings in Nazi-occupied Europe.

Perry’s overstatement illustrates not only his questionable grasp of history, but also the close intertwining of politics with war.

To say that politics is war has recently become cliché. A more nuanced approach is to compare the historical evolution of war with that of politics. Evidently, many developments have occurred in parallel. Politics is war, but more intriguingly, modern politics is modern war.

Military scholars have noted the emergence of a new style of chaotic warfare that is characterized by an absence of a centralized adversary and battlefields without definable fronts. The anti-American insurgencies in Iraq and Afghanistan are cases in point.

The town halls of Des Moines look much like the oil fields of Basra. The 2012 Republican primary has been particularly unpredictable, with the lead in national polling alternating between five candidates. This volatility has thrown voting results into question. Preliminary totals handed Mitt Romney the Iowa caucuses, until the state party reversed itself and certified Rick Santorum the winner only eighteen days later.

Some change in polling data is inevitable; the primaries would be unnecessary if the nominee was the favourite at the outset. Nevertheless, the number of frontrunners – and in some instances their dubious qualifications – has created a sense of confusion and lack of structured narrative.

In some ways, the candidates’ support networks bear a striking resemble to those of insurgent groups. This is the first primary since the Supreme Court’s landmark decision in Citizens United vs. Federal Elections Committee. The ruling removed caps on political expenditures by corporations, leading to the establishment of Super Political Action Committees (PACs). Super PACs spend these unlimited contributions but are prohibited from directly coordinating with candidates.

This independence introduces a problem of accountability. When the pro-Romney “Restore Our Future” Super PAC airs attack ads, Romney can benefit while personally remaining blameless. Like violent non-state actors, Super PACs maintain insidiously low profiles, making it difficult to combat them directly or to defend against them.

Despite the Supreme Court’s decision that money effectively equals speech, the primaries have not revealed a direct link between a candidate’s war chest and his delegate count. John Huntsman, whose campaign was largely bankrolled by his billionaire industrialist father, withdrew from the race after finishing seventh in Iowa and third in New Hampshire. Similarly, Romney’s personal fortune has become a liability with rivals targeting his corporate raider past.

Victories do not necessarily follow from superior organization either. Despite being the certified winner of the Iowa caucuses, Rick Santorum’s campaign has been so mismanaged that he has failed to meet signature requirements for the upcoming contests in Virginia and District of Columbia.

For years, American armed forces have suffered devastating reverses in Afghanistan and Iraq, despite their overwhelming economic and technological superiority. Now the primaries are exhibiting similar asymmetry. ‘Shock and awe’, the

military tactic of destroying an enemy’s will to fight with spectacular displays of force, is apparently outdated in both modern war and modern politics alike.

If the decisive factors in an election are no longer funding and organization, then what are they? Reflexes are one potential answer. Because social media and other new technologies have accelerated the flow of campaign information, a premium has been placed on rapid response. Any gaffe made under the glare of debate stage lights ignites a race between rivals to splice together a viral video of the slip-up, much like the aftermath of Perry’s cringeworthy inability to name the third government agency that he would eliminate. The level of discourse spirals downwards as the need for immediate retaliation precludes a coolheaded response. One sound bite begets another.

If politics is war, then the 2012 Republican primary is a distinctly modern war.

Like the battles of the twenty-first century, the race is chaos. The nominee will likely not be the candidate with the best funding or organization, but with the most faceless, dispersed, and fast-moving base.

The United States military has struggled mightily to defeat their adversaries. When the primary ends, the question will become: can President Obama?

artwork by Ianitza Vassileva Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 17

seeing red Nolan Matthews

I

f you were to ask someone what the colour red brings to mind, their reply would probably include stuff like passion, anger, and maybe even blood; these associations are pretty fitting for the red horseman of war. Red, like all colours, carries with it some definite, conscious associations, but in the world of the subconscious, colour takes on a new significance. For example, exposure to red leads to worse scores on numerical and language-based IQ tests, says findings pub-

18 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ February 2012

lished in the Journal of Experimental Psychology. The participants were exposed to colour in different, subtle ways, and in every situation, the people exposed to red scored considerably lower than people exposed to grey, black, or green.

The associations that we have with colour are learned through experience, and a possible explanation for the IQreducing effect of red is that it is associated with the possibility of failure. We probably all have had the experience of a big red ‘x’ on a test, or a sea of red corrections on a written-in-one-night essay. In combination with the many situations in which red is used as a warning, it seems reasonable that the colour leads to a distracting feeling of anxiety.

Though red would appear to make us less intelligent, it seems like it actually just alters the way we think. Researchers at the University of British Columbia found in 2009 that exposure to red is actually beneficial in tests involving memorization and detail, while blue aids in creativity and problemsolving. Given that red is associated with mistakes, it makes sense that it could provide motivation to think more safely, attentively, and less creatively, which would be helpful in the detail-oriented task of memorization.

Though red might not help your score on a test, it may still help you score in a different sense. Men and women are more sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex when they are wearing red, according to a 2008 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, as well as a 2010 artwork by livia tsang study in the Journal of Experi-

mental Psychology. Both the male and female participants in the study found a picture of a member of the opposite sex to be more attractive if he or she was wearing red clothing in the picture, compared to white, gray, green, or blue.

Red has a long history of associations with romance, and red colouring has been used on lips to increase attractiveness since 10,000 BCE. Red ochre was used as body and face paint to symbolize fertility in some of the oldest known rituals. Thus, the increase in attraction that red causes may have some basis in long-established societal associations. The attractive powers of red may also have some basis in biology, as human sexual excitation can be accompanied by a red flushing of the skin, and many primates display more reddened skin to attract mates.

While red is associated with the war in Revelations, it’s part of a war of another kind as well – the war for your money. McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and KFC all very prominently feature red in their logos, and this may have a greater influence on you than you’d think. A 2011 study from the U.S. National Library of Medicine found that participants had a stronger and faster motor response to squeezing a handgrip when directed from a screen with a red background, compared to blue or gray. It would seem that McDonald’s would want their sign to cause a strong and immediate reaction, its bright red glow at the side of a highway compelling people to suddenly turn their steering wheels towards it. Red may also act as an appetite stimulant, according to a study where participants were given the choice of rooms decorated in red, yellow, and blue at a simulated cocktail party. The people who stayed in the red-coloured room reported feeling more hungry and thirsty than the other participants.

There’s much more to red than just what we see, and from our psychology to our physiology, the effects of red can be extremely diverse. Perhaps the most interesting thing, though, is that we are completely unaware when we are under red’s influence.

self v. future self Dylan Euteneier

I

often find myself wishing that I was Marty McFly, and I don’t think I’m alone in this. I wish my future self would say, “C’mon Doc Brown, lend me the DeLorean. I need to teach myself a lesson!” My future self would come back to wrestle it out. He would say through his teeth, “Let your fists do the talking!” with the type of conviction seen in a UFC match.

I would relish the chance to be tossed into the ring with my future self, feeling his sweaty clenched fist as we knocked knuckles to start the match, soaking in the heat of his stare. It would be a faceoff with the Dylan who lived every day with the consequences of all that stuff I did and didn’t do.

Except my future self doesn’t know Doc Brown. I know because I am here, and he’s not around. He’s way off in the future somewhere, with a level head and 20/20 hindsight. No one’s here to stick up for him.

Willpower is a battle between now and later. It’s a tug-of-war between us in the present and us in the future. The problem is that the later us is powerless, and the us who exists right now has wild emotions and desires. We are a sovereign force. Too often we make irrational and impulsive decisions that only harm us later on. We post about procrastination on Facebook, and with a few likes we recruit a host of friends to our cause. Our later self admits defeat, and we walk over to The Phoenix for a drink.

So the question stands: Will our vices always win? In order to say “no” we need some way to even the battlefield. We must broker a relationship between our two selves, placing our hot-headed selves with his back to a wall and no way out.

In Russia, there is a procedure that is used to help alcoholics. A small pill, about the size of a tic-tac, is placed inside your butt. It contains a drug called Disulfuram that creates a deadly byproduct once alcohol enters your bloodstream. Prior to the procedure, the doctor will give you a one-day ingested version of the drug, and he places one drop of vodka on your

tongue. Your heart begins to race, you stop breathing and your circulatory system collapses. You will think you are dying. You survive, but the experience has left your future self with a contract. The war of now versus later becomes a war of now versus now. The now of wanting that drink faces the very real enemy of not wanting to die.

This pact is called a Ulysses contract, named after the Greek king of the island of Ithica. Ulysses encounters an island of bird-like monsters called sirens who possess magically seductive voices. It was said that a person who heard their song could not help but jump overboard and swim to the island, only to be torn apart by the heavenly-voiced creatures. The interesting thing is that Ulysses’ story could have ended with his ship dashed

against the rocks, or with him avoiding the island entirely. Ulysses was smarter, though. Understanding his own vices, Ulysses strikes a truce within himself.

Binding himself to the ship’s mast with rope and setting his course, he sails right past the island while soaking in the sirens’ songs.

Too often my cellphone ring or a good podcast sounds remarkably like the siren’s song. Immediately I forget my keyboard and the song I planned to finish last week. I’d like to say that the war between my two selves has subsided to a healthy give-and-take relationship, but it would simply be not true. Future Dylan still has a long, hard fight ahead of him.

Maybe I don’t need to be Marty McFly, but at least give me some strong rope and a mast to tie myself to.

artwork by NATALIE JACHYRA Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 19

WarS OF A DIFFERENT KIND

Shanthiya Baheerathan, Katija Bonin & Charlotte Mussells

W

T

e have been at war with pathogenic bacteria for millennia. he “War on Obesity” is ballooning out of control.

From the bubonic plague to cholera, these battles have cost Society has gorged down a big bowl of chili, and now must us millions of human lives. But it wasn’t until the 1930s that face the unpleasant side effects. But we don’t seem to want to acwe actually acquired the appropriate weaponry to defend ourselves. cept our own cardinal rule: whoever smelt it, dealt it. In the end, we still And not even a century later, we are already losing the upper hand due have to face the embarrassing truth: we were the ones who caused this to these creatures’ remarkable ability to adapt to any situation. stink-bomb. So, we refer to some of society’s issues as battles because it In the 1920s, scientists discovered the first antibiotics, chemicals distracts us from the fact that it may be our own fault. that restrict the growth and reproduction of bacteria. But bacteria The issue of obesity, appropriately enough, is super-sized, and quickly adapted to become antibiotic-resistant. Only four years after everyone is looking for a solution. The first lady, Michelle Obama, has penicillin was first mass-produced, penicillin-resistant Staphylococcus made it her goal to end childhood obesity by educating children to aureus were found. Even more worrisome, last year, scientists discov- choose broccoli over butterscotch. The Canadian government offers ered the gene that coded for the New-Delhi-metallo-beta-lactamase-1, tax breaks for physical activity programs, while Toronto’s SickKids an enzyme that confers resistance against our strongest antibiotic. An- Hospital offers stomach-stapling surgeries for obese teens with meditibiotic discoveries have also plateaued in the past decades. It’s an arms cal complications. The Supreme Court of Canada has ruled that those race that we are slowly losing. people who require multiple seats on a plane should only Our use and abuse of antibiotics is a large reapay one ticket, while most other countries will just son for prevalent antibiotic resistant bacteria offer a reduction for the second ticket price. So (ARB). A recent UK-study found that many are we really fighting obesity or just accompeople still believe that antibiotics cure modating it? Sure, everyone should feel viral illnesses; so, they self-prescribe safe and accepted, but this growing epiantibiotics for viruses. What’s more, demic raises a larger question in the antibiotics are also overused in agWest: where did we go wrong? riculture, and many farmers use The battle with the bulge animal-feed laced with antibiotics should come as no surprise. Our to grow larger, healthier animals. bodies are not meant to accomOur irresponsible use of antibimodate the large portions of otics is handing over our secret grain, sugar, and processed garweapon to the enemy, and if we bage that fuel our day-to-day don’t reign in this bad behavior lives. Furthermore, advancing we could end up back in the 1800s technologies that have contributwhen bacterial infections ran ramed to sedentary lifestyles, decreased pant and killed. physical activity, and a simultaneous Bacteria’s fecundity, experilow cost and high production of food. ence in chemical warfare, and ability The fact is that it is ultimately much easto communicate amongst themselves, alier to gain weight than lose it. And we pay lows them to evolve quickly. Antibiotics also for comfort with an increased risk of diabetes, act as a selective pressure by killing non-resiscardiovascular disease, and osteoarthritis. Our artwork by NATALIE JACHYRA tant bacteria and leaving the ARB to rapidly reprogenes just can’t handle our current lifestyle. As a sociduce. What’s more, bacteria can transfer genetic information ety, our button has popped, and as a consolation, we’re hoping through a process of conjugation, even between species. So, every time that we’re wearing nice underwear when our jeans rip. antibiotics are used, regardless of the type of bacteria it is used on, it can Society is waging a difficult war on her own creation; is it a losing result in the increase of any type of ARB. battle? - KB & CM But there is still hope! Because the expression of extra genes costs Rasputin the Russian Machine extra energy, studies show that antibiotic-resistant bacteria tend to be The alleged lover and confidante of the 19th-century tsarina Alexandra, less “fit” in environments that do not require the expression of resisGrigori Rasputin, was clearly a man of unbelievable charisma. Alexandra believed that the mystic could cure her son of hemophilia, but she got much tant genes. By limiting our antibiotic use, we could reduce the ability more than she bargained for. Rasputin used his position to manipulate the of resistant strains to compete with non-resistant bacteria. Moreover, royal couple and through them wield significant political influence. His antics new insight on bacterial gene expression or quorum sensing would be didn’t go unnoticed, however, and it wasn’t long before they had him killed, able to help us in this war. Ultimately, it’s all about more research—as which only built upon his legend. Allegedly, a group of nobles poisoned him with enough cyanide to kill five men. But it was not enough. Finally, after beSun Tzu said, “if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can ing shot four times, clubbed, and thrown into an icy lake – Rasputin drowned.

- SB win a hundred battles without a single loss.”

-Abdullahi Sheikh

20 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ February 2012

FAMINE

for the frugal and famished

T

Nikki Varkevisser

here’s no need to explain what motivates this quest for inex- adapted to use what you have kicking around. Try to exhaust the pospensive food in a student magazine. One never knows where sibilities of how your food scraps could become palatable. Everything the search for cheap eats will take them, but (spoiler alert) from ginger skins to carrot peels can be washed and boiled into what the absolute cheapest food (free!) is not found at the grocery store; it’s I like to call “green bin broth.” Stale bread can become croutons, and found in the dumpsters behind the grocery store. also makes for fine French toast.

Here are some tips to quiet the rumbles of your belly with thriftiBe a savvy saver est means possible.

Use coupons. Remember when comparing prices look at the per Explore new food sources unit price on the price sticker to avoid being duped by deceptive packHow about your own backyard? Buying seeds is exponentially aging. That way, you will always see which product is a better deal. cheaper than buying vegetables. Luckily, our local climate allows all Get inspired sorts of fresh produce to prosper. So, get some seeds in the ground, or Want to know how to eat for $3.33 a day (or less)? Make “Melotry using some indoor pots. meals” your bible. Melody Polakow shares her tips on eating on how Garden or grocery co-ops are great places to get discounted food. to eat healthily, using low-fat, nutrient dense ingredients for a few When you cut the profit-hungry middlemen out of your food relation- dollars a day at www.melomeals.blogspot.com. ship, eating well becomes a lot more affordable. Check out the West Hamilton Produce Cooperative Exchange (westhamiltonproducecooperative.blogspot.com) for more info on how you can trade your baking or produce for someone else’s garden goods. It’s an awesome way to get some variety while spending nothing. On campus there is the Good Food Box program, where once a month any Mac student can pick up a box of discounted fresh produce for just $12. Check out www.msumcmaster.ca/breadbin/ goodfoodbox.

Don’t forget, the Hamilton area has plenty of Farmer’s Markets. The Jackson Square one is a great place to find cheap food year round. Though not all the food there is lower priced than supermarkets, I can attest to the fact that there are crazy deals to be had, like red peppers for less than half of the supermarket price!

And nothing is cheaper than free! Between foraging wild foods, dumpster diving, and “reclaiming” road kill from your car grill to your backyard grill, who even pays for food these days? No, I’m (half) joking.

Get cooking Raw ingredients often cost much less than pre-packaged products. Once you start cooking and baking instead of buying premade products you will realize how much you can really make yourself.

On a side note, I can’t tell you how delicious freshly baked Montreal style bagels are; you really have to experience it for yourself. And for only a few dollars, you can have a whole dozen!

Don’t waste a scrap According to World Vision’s “What a Waste: the Food We Throw Away,” Torontonians toss 17.5 million kilograms of food per month. A great way to lower your food costs and your environmental impact is to cut down on household food waste.

Give your fridge a Google. Before you let recipes dictate your grocery list, reverse the relationship and search some ingredients along artwork by Ianitza Vassileva & Dayna taylor with the word “recipe” to see what meals can be 21 ▪ Incite14, Magazine February 2012 ▪ 21 Volume Issue 4 ▪▪ Incite Magazine

A Modest Proposal Isaac Bickerstaff

I

t is a sad state of affairs in this great country when one sees people who weigh two, three, or even four hundred pounds! The number of these prodigiously-sized people is a great additional grievance to our already troubled world.

Whoever could find a fair, cheap, and easy method of turning these people from obesity into fit members of society would be viewed in high standing by the public.

My thoughts have turned to this issue since the first baby boomers retired. Consider any obese male or female on the cusp of retirement: for 65 years these people have dutifully paid taxes, but when they leave the workforce, the obese become a burden on the healthcare system. It is at this time that I suggest we use them to feed millions of needy souls in Canada.

One great advantage to my scheme is that it will end the suffering felt by the obese when, for example, they are denied access to life-saving MRI technology because they simply cannot fit inside the machine. Another great advantage of this plan is that the obese will no longer have to live with the shame and expense of their obesity.

Canada has a population of a little over 34.5 million people, 15 percent of whom are seniors. Of these seniors, 20 percent are obese.

The average weight of an individual of this stock is 255 pounds.

If the edible percentage of that mass, the fat and the muscle, is about 57 percent, the yield is 145 pounds of flesh. With our current senior population, the total output is just under an astonishing 151 million pounds of flesh, a number that will only grow as the number of seniors and the weight of Canadians increase!

I have been assured by a very knowing American friend that a healthy adult, plump from the delights of western fare, is a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food whether fried, sliced on

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a pizza, or ground into a burger paddy.

I do therefore humbly offer it for public consideration that obese seniors be sold at a price comparable to that of the finest beef. The flesh will be quite tender, not having been subjected to any rigorous activity that would toughen the meat.

These individuals have been allowed to live as they choose so the meat could be called “free-range,” as is done now with other livestock that complies with rigorous ethical standards. While this freerange meat is more expensive, the extra

artwork by Luka Delaney (deviantart)

nutritional content would make up for the price; human flesh, after all, contains all of the essential amino acids and vitamins necessary in a healthy diet.

Age is of vital importance in this new industry. Younger sources of meat, especially the school-aged stock that is subjected by the government to mandatory physical education, have not let their muscles atrophy enough to be palatable.

Still, in many cases the fat is ample and juicy. Furthermore, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice (however

unjustly) as bordering on cruelty, which I confess has always been the strongest objection to the question of younger stock.

The obesity problem has not gone unnoticed by the government, whose efforts to alleviate it have so far been unsuccessful. The obese simply do not respond to prodding by their doctors. When the government tries to intervene, whether through expensive restyling of the official food pyramid or with bariatric surgery funded by taxpayer dollars, there is no change to the abysmal living conditions of this particular breed.

After an initial investment, the industry would be self-sustaining. The older stock would feed the younger population who would, by virtue of the excellent food they were eating, become obese enough to feed the next generation. This proposal will also strengthen the failing economy of our great nation and provide ample food for our citizens, perhaps even enough to export at a cheap price in order to alleviate the suffering of the starving masses of the world. If every nation with an obesity problem were to follow this plan, it is feasible that both obesity and global hunger could be eradicated!

As a final note, I will say that this idea fits neatly into our current social views. Obesity does not discriminate between gender, race, or ability; this proposal is t h u s of equal opportunity to everyone.

I can think of no one objection that will possibly be raised, but I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to reject any offer that shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effective. As for myself, I have conceived this proposal after many years spent searching for a solution to the obesity problem. This idea is not wholly new, being inspired by an earlier modest proposal, but has such promise that it could relieve many of the world’s burdens forever.

ALTERNATIVES TO BACON Cindy Yin

I

n the event of an apocalypse, it is far more likely that the survivors will be fast food workers, corporate paper pushers, and disgruntled retail staff. Sadly, there probably will not be a butcher among them. Should they encounter a wild boar, it is more likely that they will run away in fear rather than spear it for its source of nourishment in a barren landscape. Even if by sheer luck they managed to fell the beast, could any of them locate the bacon?

We’ve become so detached from our food that we have no idea what to do when it’s not presented as a nicely trimmed slab on a styrofoam tray. Accustomed to such luxury, we become terrified of venturing into new cuts of meat. As a result, it has created a healthy abundance of odd animal parts that have been shunned as inedible.

For every twenty or so thou-shalteat-prime-cuts persons, there is one nose-to-tail eater. These individuals visit butcher shops to ask for leftover marrow bones and to peruse the shelf of forgotten cuts for that tray laden with pigs’ ears.

They are not afraid of the package labeled

“back bits” which only costs $0.99 for a platter the size of a laptop. They are the ones who request the head on the giant barbeque pig that hangs in the windows of the ubiquitous Chinese restaurants. Their bagged lunches will never be stolen by colleagues, and the explanation of whose contents is met with horrified fascination.

So what is in their lunches? When it comes to the ethos of nose-to-tail eating, any part of the animal counts. These parts are commonly known as offal, literally “off fall,” or the cuts that fall off the pig when it is butchered. Offal includes all organs and bodily extremities like feet, tongues, and ears. The blood is often run into a container and sold as a food product. To soothe the squeamish, or to promote ignorance, these foods are often labeled euphemistically to hide their identities.

The thymus gland appears as sweetbread on menus, testicles are known as mountain oysters, and pigs’ feet are sold as trotters.

If all those meats sound like an adventure, then great! If not, here are some good reasons to eat nose-to-tail:

The Earth will thank you. Unfavorably received by society, there is always a surplus of jowl (cheek) and headcheese (cold cut made of head stuffed with offal).

Even environmentally-minded vegetarians can’t argue against eating meat that will otherwise go to waste.

Offal cuts are cheap. Everything really does come down to economics, and you’re a liar if you say that money doesn’t matter. The reality is, not everyone can afford to eat sirloin and chops: for some it’s entrails or nothing. For university students, it means more money towards margaritas and club covers.

It is also delicious. There is a reason why creamy foie gras is one of the most expensive cuts of meat. Silky liver, crunchy ears, tender heart that can never be overcooked – the sheer variety of tastes and textures guarantees that you’ll find something you’ll like.

So the next time you’re in the grocery store, don’t reach for those generic rosy chicken thighs. Instead, go for a piece of pork neck for a fraction of the cost. Your wallet will rejoice, and so might your taste buds.

Graphic by Cindy yin Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 23

DEATH

more than human Steve Clare

F

rom the Epic of Gilgamesh to the Philosopher’s Stone, eternal life has been an enduring fantasy of humanity. Death is our ultimate fate, one that, even with the fantastic improvements of science and technology, we have yet to escape.

That said, we have been increasingly successful at delaying death’s grasp.

Advances in medicine and technology have given us more years in our lives and more life in our years. Great leaps forward are coming at an

ever-accelerating pace. Out of this rapid evolution, a burgeoning intellectual movement is emerging: transhumanism.

Behind transhumanism is a simple enough idea: that in the future humans will, with the help of innovative technology, be able to eliminate the process of ageing and greatly enhance our physical and mental capabilities. It sounds like the plot of a science fiction novel, but that is what makes it so exciting. Immortality is something of a final goal, and death the last heavy chain for humanity to cast off. Such a breakthrough would mean a fundamental alteration to the constitution of the human condition. Without death as a constraint, the possibilities are endless. One could visit every city, read every book, try every food, meet every person, and study every philosopher. We would have boundless youth.

Transhumanism’s ambition is matched by its controversial nature. The scientific journalist Ronald Bailey has praised it as epitomizing “the most daring, courageous, imaginative, and idealistic aspirations of humanity.” In contrast, Francis Fukuyama, an American political scientist, famously labelled it as “the world’s most dangerous idea.” He worries that by breaking our biological bonds, we will sacrifice the aspects that make us what we are, and feelings like loyalty or love, which are crucial parts of the human experience, will be lost.

Truly, in many ways, death defines life. As humans our existence follows a natural progression of aging that dictates how we live. We grow, go to school, work, retire, and ultimately we die. Our society has a rigid structure that closely corresponds to this path of life. We go to school as children, work as adults, and retire as seniors. Aging defines how we live our lives, and how we interact in society.

In some ways, our lives are valuable because they are limited. We are driven to accomplish and chase our goals because lurking somewhere in our minds is the knowledge that our time will come to an end. The presence of death motivates us to live and love in the time we have. Every single day we have a reason to get out of bed, because every day is another grain of sand in the hourglass of our life. When we have an infinite number of grains, it doesn’t matter if a few slip through our fingers but maybe something less.

If life becomes unlimited, humanity will undergo a radical change. Our culture will emerge wholly different. We may even become inhuman – something different, something more.

For now, though, immortality remains a fantasy, and death our inevitable end. artwork by Ianitza Vassileva & Dayna taylor

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Cracks Katherine Ho

D

espite the struggles, most of us instinctively believe that life is worth living. We may continually question its value or meaning, but so long as we are alive, we are, unconsciously or otherwise, acknowledging our inherent inclination to live.

For many, even the thought of committing suicide is disconcerting if not utterly terrifying. And when this view is perturbed, it leaves us confused and paralyzed. Suicide creates such a disturbance. News of suicide bombers, murdersuicide shootings, and of acquaintances who have taken their own lives stuns and bewilders us. Perhaps we have even been personally affected by the suicide of a loved one. Then especially do we realize that there can be cracks in our composed view on life, and that for some of us, they can widen and become holes that ultimately consume us. Each contact with suicide reminds us of our mortality, and that the instinctual predisposition to life is not strong in all of us.

When such thoughts are translated into actions, they no longer affect just one person. The aftermath of suicide is a chain reaction; those who have lost close

Artwork by Joshua lewis

friends or family are at a higher risk for suicide. The psychological holes that take our loved ones away can engulf us, too.

Pain, confusion, and grief become companions to those left in world of the living.

But we are not so powerless that we cannot create our own ripples. As the living, we reserve the power of action – a

“Just as the tide can wash away the crevices in sand, so too can ripples of attentiveness mend the holes in our emotional fabric.” phone call, a friendly touch, a smile, an email to a friend – these are acts that revive our humanity. These are the acts that remind us, and hopefully those who need reminding, of what keeps us grounded.

It is an ironic and sobering fact that

February the thirteenth, the day before Valentine’s Day, has one of the highest suicide rates of the year. But with care, we can create incremental ripples in the lives of those we affect.

We all have people in our lives that we hold dear but fall out of touch with.

With physical or emotional distance, we forget their presence, failing to remember the moments we shared together.

This month (and beyond), I ask you to take the time to remind someone of their importance to you. And don’t be afraid to be candid. Remind someone of a trivial or clumsy moment you shared: when you waited at a bus stop together, split a slice of pizza, stood in line; when you argued, rushed, fought, laughed, tripped, suffered, or over-ate together; when you sat in silence together. There is tenderness in remembering these small moments.

Suicide is something few of us can understand; it is the result of a person acting on convictions that we can hardly fathom. But it is important to remember that we are not powerless. Just as the tide can wash away the crevices in sand, so too can ripples of attentiveness mend the holes in our emotional fabric.

Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 25

the big picture Karen Wang

I

have often imagined how I would die.The possibilities are endless – each one dramatic and morbid in its own way. I have imagined myself in my old age with my loved ones by my deathbed, heartbreaking sobs echoing throughout the room. I could die in a car crash, alone in a pool of my own blood, or by carbon monoxide poisoning after forgetting to turn off the stove.

I have imagined my death, quick and painless, or slow and agonizing, a thousand and one ways. It’s always accompanied by blaring orchestral music.

There is always be the cliché white tunnel of light, and a flashing of my life before my eyes.

In any case, I hope I die brave, accomplished, happy, and assured that I have lived a life worthy of a meaningful death.

That is why, sitting on the bank of a river in a pool of my own blood one summer night, I was surprisingly unprepared for the actual shock and fear. My mind turned blank, and there was no pain. Instead, I laughed.

I laughed because, instead of gaining a new perspective on life like I was expecting, insignificant details grabbed my attention. I was simultaneously detached from my injured body as I watched myself being carried away. I realized I didn’t like the way my hair looked, or the earrings I was wearing. I noticed the colour of blood didn’t go so well with the nail polish on my toe.

I laughed because, at the same time, the big picture became clear. Suddenly,

26 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ February 2012

it doesn’t matter the grades you get in school, or whether certain individuals liked you. I realized that I didn’t like myself, that I didn’t know who I was, that I was unhappy. I felt like I had disappointed my parents. Then I realized that if I was going to die, none of that was going to matter. I left behind no legacy; would people even remember me? What was the point of it all if I was not going to be remembered?

In retrospect, my reaction was

artwork by emily johnson

probably inappropriate and exaggerated. Never mind that I suffered only a cut on my toe, or that I received only three stitches for the wound. The point is that I was afraid and in shock, and that long after the shock has passed, the fear remained.

The truth, though we would not like to be reminded of it, is that we are all

going to die. The inevitability of death naturally causes fear of the unknown, fear of leaving behind those we love, fear of the ultimate end. Whichever way we look at death, we are inclined to behave a certain way to compromise with this truth.

The anxiety pushes boundaries. In the most extreme cases, it causes irrational behaviour. People go to extreme lengths – searching for immortality, or detaching themselves from life – to ward off death. Then there are those who claim that they are not afraid to die. They boast of it as a sign of bravery and insight, because why fear something that is inevitable? What they do not realize is that having fear is a good thing.

The meaning of life is the fact that it ends. If we had immortality, we would not bother living life to the fullest because we would have forever to start over. Having a time limit means we have to make every moment count. An appropriate level of fear reminds us that we have a deadline to make. It makes for better villains, and better heroes.

It reminds us that we have a duty to ourselves to be all that we can be, to be responsible, moral individuals. It is why we put on seat belts, and why we always try to do the right thing. Fear of death is a reflection of the fact that we still have something to lose. So don’t be afraid to be afraid – instead, be grateful that you have something to live for.

Before it’s too late Devra Charney & Kaila Radan

A

t the end of their lives, people generally have regrets about what could have been. They think back to decisions made and opportunities missed and believe that they could have gotten more out of life. Below is a list of what we have determined to be common deathbed regrets, as well as tips on ways to elude them.

Hiding your feelings One of the biggest deathbed regrets is failing to express their feelings. Often, people will refrain from voicing their opinions or emotions for fear of creating conflict or of being rejected. The truth is that although you may experience some tension or awkwardness in the moment, in the long run, candidness is beneficial not only to you, but also to the other people involved. Withholding your feelings from others can lead to miscommunication and unhealthy relationships. You are better off expressing your beliefs and accepting the consequences; the only way you will ever find out what could have happened is by taking the chance to make it happen.

Taking the easy way out How many times have you put off a dream in favour of an easier if less fulfilling pursuit? Many people voice this regret on their deathbed. Often, people think about big plans such as skydiving, career changes, or other endeavours that require effort.

The problem with this perspective is that while these activities are less challenging, they are also less rewarding. Passivity will have less of an impact on your life. Being proactive about accomplishing dreams leads to memories instead of regrets.

Experiencing the world first-hand Many people in First World countries spend excessive amounts of time aimlessly surfing the net or watching the latest soap opera. While Facebook and Jersey Shore are certainly worldly endeavours, they do not lead to memorable experiences. People who are looking back on their lives want to feel that they have had a well-rounded lifetime of experience. It is important to push yourself beyond the boundaries that define your everyday lifestyle. Although it can seem daunting to explore new regions of the globe, doing so can help you discover both yourself and the world. The way in which you react to your surroundings brings out new, previously unknown dimensions of yourself while pursuing adventures leads to a sense of accomplishment.

Being closed-minded Although this regret is often overlooked, open-mindedness is invaluable.

Judging somebody on the basis of a first impression can only lead to you missing out on the opportunity to form new

friendships. People come from different backgrounds and although their opinion may differ from yours, this is not a reason to write them off. By listening to the beliefs of others and sharing opinions, you challenge preconceptions and gain new insights. If you do not give everyone a chance, you may very well be passing up the possibility to meet somebody interesting.

Not following your heart Many people allow themselves to be influenced by popular opinion instead of acting of their own volition. Just because something is socially accepted does not mean that it is the correct path for you.

It is difficult to be your own person, especially when others are standing in your way. Sometimes people think they know what is best for you but you are still the one in charge of making your life decisions. If you follow your choices, you are more likely to find happiness since you are doing what you love. Ultimately you are the one who has to look back on your life.

At the end of your life, what matters is what you have actually accomplished and not what could have happened. There is no such thing as the perfect life; instead, each journey is unique.

Rather than dwelling on regrets, remember the things that you have achieved, and be proud of the person you are.

Artwork by emily johnson Volume 14, Issue 4 â–Ş Incite Magazine â–Ş 27

Shadows Zane Andres

J

acques Lacan once stated that the problem with the dead is that we can never shut them up. This is an interesting expression, for the dead are always there, speaking to us in many ways, reminding us of our own mortality. The death of someone close to us is especially hard to take. We try to convince ourselves that there is no way that they could have died and then when we finally realize that we will never see that person again we experience pain, fear, and mourning.

There are two problems with mourning I would like to address. Firstly, successful mourning ultimately fails. It was Jacques Derrida who noted this problem; the only possible way to do so is to be unable to mourn. When we mourn someone we try to make the other person a part of us, consuming them to the point where they are diluted and become a part of us.

That is what “acceptance” is: living with the other inside of us and not responding to the pain. By doing this we reject their individuality and commit an injustice against the other. If we are unable to mourn then we are respecting their individuality as the other, because their individuality is maintained.

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artwork by livia tsang

Death is an unusual source of suffering– it causes us pain but, in the end, it is something that happens to all of us.

When someone causes us pain we almost inevitably resent him or her. The problem is that we try to get over their deaths, to reach a point where we are not affected by their removal from our life. Often you hear words like “you’ll get over it” after you go through the appropriate stages of grief. As if something as death could easily be brushed off when one follows a series of steps. This is where the second problem of mourning can be found.

The same problem has plagued human nature for years: the idea that we have the right to know who should live and who should die, and that we have the control over who has the right to be grieved. This is what we find when we are told that we will “get over” deaths. By telling ourselves that we need to stop grieving, we are taking away someone’s right to be mourned. The difference is we are choosing to not mourn their deaths rather than simply being unable to.

For example, millions of animals are slaughtered yearly and very rarely do we ever bat an eye. The excuse is normally

“they are just animals.” We decided that they are creatures that are not worthy of being mourned in order to justify their deaths, committing an atrocity against millions of lives that we ignore and deem unworthy of grieving. When we do this we are actually just projecting our own superiority onto animals in order to make ourselves feel better about what we are doing to them. If we consider this then the control we try to have over death can be seen.

In this case the numerous deaths speak to us about the atrocities we have committed against them, and we respond by ignoring them. If the problem of the dead is that we can never shut them up, it truly seems that the problem of the living is that we try to shut them up. one-up

The Lazarus Syndrome: It’s not just when an old friend restores you to life (although that could count) but rather when a person “miraculously” regains vital signs after being pronounced dead. It usually happens quickly so you don’t have to spend a lot of time “out of body,” but it can sometimes damage your body or mind. Waking up in someone else’s bed is one thing, but finding yourself in a morgue is a different matter altogether.

-Abdullahi Sheikh

the day of the dead Mayuri Deshmukh

D

eath. An inevitable part of the life pay homage to his grandmother, whittling cycle. Some say it’s the end, some the doll carefully so that it resembled his say it’s the beginning. So, what deceased loved one. should we believe? Neither, of course! But That evening, I watched as moonlight it is that time of the year again. The one broke through the haze of clouds and iltime where another’s death is celebrated luminated the colourful graves. The light instead of mourned. Their graves adorned played ominously on one of the tombwith colourful decorations instead of sol- stones, casting what looked like the silemnly added to with wreaths. El dia de los houette of a horse galloping away. In the Muertos; the Mexican festival for the Day full glow of moonlight, it emerged more of the Dead. clearly: it was one of the worst omens one The day was bright and calm, I could could see. The horseman of death. I stood feel the last wisps of summer floating by up suddenly, startling everyone around in the breeze and soothing my soul. Sud- me, realizing that its presence wasn’t weldenly, a deafening clap broke the still- come. Surely someone else must have noness and the air fairly danced with the ticed the strange apparition? Sensing my rhythmic vibrations of drums. A colour- discomfort, an old man handed me a mariful parade of dancers wove in and out al- gold, and said “Don’t be afraid young one. leys and streets, all stepping to the com- Yesterday is history, tomorrow’s a mysmon beat of the drum. It was strange to tery…but today is a gift, that’s why we call see the living hidden behind masks of the it the present.” As he said those words, I dead, as though they were reincarnations felt a lopsided smile spread across my lips. of long ago friends. It’s that time of the I laid my own marigold upon a stranger’s year again: the one time where death is grave and offered up a short prayer for celebrated instead of mourned: El dia de los their soul. On second thought, I decided Muertos, the Mexican “Day of the Dead.” that my prayer was unnecessary. After New to the tradition, I watched the pro- all, people here don’t seem to believe that ceedings in complete awe. Never before their loved ones are really dead. Instead, had I seen people decorating graves with so much joy.

I watched, aghast, as a small boy laid an array of food onto his grandmother’s grave, talking to her as if she was alive and right as rain. I was impressed.

It seems that, in Mexican culture, even the young know that their loved ones are never truly gone...unless they believe them to be so. I cast my eyes back to the little boy, who was wearing a sombrero and humming songs, building a catrina doll for his grandmother. He was firm in his desire to photography by barney moss (flickr)

families persist in retelling hilarious anecdotes about their deceased loved ones as if they were still around, filling the graveyard with laughter instead of tears. Turning away hastily, I stifled my own funny smile thinking how nice it must feel, to believe that the souls of your loved ones are right beside you, supporting and encouraging you to seize the day.

The beat of the drums started quickening, lifting my spirits until I too took to the stage, dancing and clapping to the beat.

Somehow, the Mexican “Day of the Dead” showed me how to live: in the moment, making each day count. It didn’t even take ten minutes for my feet to tire. I broke away from the enthusiastic salsa dancing and made my way towards the food. I was starving, and those tacos back at the hotel seemed a lifetime away. I spied a long table laden with nachos and pitchers of orchata.

I must’ve eaten my way through half the table, when that same little boy wearing the sombrero tugged my hand leading me back into the ring of salsa dancers. And so, eating and dancing, I spent my last day of summer learning that there’s a lot more to life than just worrying about university.

Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 29

Living Death

Asha Behdinan & Victoria McKinnon

I

magine being paralyzed, just short of death – unable to move or speak, yet painfully aware of the world around you. Imagine getting a glimpse of the afterlife, if only for a brief moment, before being jerked back to the physical world.

There are those who claim to have undergone these experiences, in which the line between death and life were blurred.

Try to remember yourself at age 16, when you were eligible for your first driver’s license, and were presented with the option of becoming an organ donor. Being willing and able to help save a stranger’s life in the event that your brain stops working sounds like a truly noble cause. But the procedure of harvesting viable organs is practiced on patients who are still technically alive, and much speculation has risen over whether the donors are able to feel pain.

When the organ recovery team cuts into the donor, anaesthesiologists have noticed a dramatic increase in heart rate and blood pressure – both of which might indicate pain.

Some people even move around considerably during the procedure, leaving the doctors no choice but to paralyze the donors. Although many experts and institutions believe this pain phenomenon to be no more than a myth, there are anaesthesiologists around the world who recommend the donors be completely anaesthetised during the harvesting procedures to prevent them from feeling anything.

And what about the rare cases of patients classified as “brain dead” who later miraculously awaken from their predicament? Some groups believe that by altering the donor’s treatment plan to ensure

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their organs remain viable, doctors eliminate any chance that the patient may recover. Exploring this issue leads to controversial opinions of how brain death, cardiac death, and circulatory death should be classified, and how they differ from complete bodily death. Yet it is this difference that causes some to question the moral and ethical integrity of organ

artwork by Olivia Rozema

donation processes.

Another question arises regarding those in comas, as well as those under anaesthetic. When they are in that state of unconscious living, what do they see, if they see anything at all? One such case is causing quite a reaction across North America. Eleven-year-old Colton Burpo has had two near-death experiences, and when his mother asked him if he remem-

bered anything during his times in the hospital, he responded with an extraordinary answer. He claims to have visited Heaven, where he sat in Jesus’ lap and looked down upon his parents. He also says he met his great-grandfather there, and his unborn baby sister, who his mother had miscarried two years before Colton’s birth. This last remark was especially shocking because Colton’s parents were the only ones who knew about the miscarriage.

There are other examples of people who claim to have visited a world beyond ours. A television show called I Survived...Beyond and Back documents stories of real people who claim to have died and come back to life. In hospitals, patients can die and be resuscitated back again. Dr. Maurice Rawlings, a heart surgeon, has written books on patients who claim to have visited Hell during their brief stint with death, and Dr. Sam Parnia, a fellow at New York’s Weill Cornell Medical Center, wrote What Happens When We Die to document his experiences with patients who have spoken of the afterlife after regaining consciousness.

In a world ruled by science, it is difficult to believe that a person can visit the afterlife. Research is currently being done to determine the biology behind “out-of-body” experiences. Maybe there is a scientific explanation behind the phenomena sometimes seen during organ removal surgery, or in the case of Colton Burpo. Maybe he really did visit Heaven. At this point, it is left up to the individual to believe what they choose about where the line lies between life and death, but it certainly is an intriguing concept.

The Very Last Waltz Lexi Sproule

Artwork by Ianitza vassileva

“Music is what life sounds like.”

- Eric Olsen

D

eath is a tough concept, especially on a university campus. Many of us aren’t 100 per cent sure whether we’ve started living yet. Dying does not even tend to be part of the equation.

And yet, one day, some keen friend might sit down beside you at lunch with a “quick” survey question for an article she is writing, and suddenly there you will be, mid-chew, confronted with that strange and difficult concept of dying.

This, at least, is the fate that befell many of my friends, to whom the question was posed: “If you could choose what music would were listening to when you die, what would it be?”

I was surprised by the consistent seriousness with which this question was treated. This contrasted with people’s flippancy about what music is played at their funeral. (I certainly hope our peers’ families have a healthy sense of irony, considering the number of votes for “Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead,” “Stayin’ Alive,” “Another One Bites the Dust,” “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” and the Ghostbusters theme.) It seems that while our last moments may not weigh heavily on our minds, they are nonetheless of great significance to us. Perhaps this is deserved; there is only one moment in each of our lives that will not be followed

by another. It stands out.

I compiled all the songs that had been chosen into a playlist and sat down to listen. I ate an apple, I sipped some tea, and I listened to my friends killing themselves off.

Henry Wadworth Longfellow said, “Music is the universal language of mankind.” At the movies, a violin squeaking eerily in the background tells us not to be lulled into a sense of security by our hero’s apparent success. Likewise, when someone dances to Shakira, we all understand, and if someone starts busting a move to Death Cab for Cutie, we are all confused.

Similarly, this playlist conveys something profound. Each embodies the way one of your fellow students hopes to leave this world, which in turn speaks to how they hope to live in it. This is a playlist for everyone, because whether or not we all like it, we can all understand it.

When I started my survey, I was fishing for ideas, not a publishable playlist. It wasn’t until I listened to these songs that I realized

how telling they were. My advice is to assemble this playlist for yourself, and to listen to it from start to end, with the understanding that someone has chosen each song as the last on their soundtrack.

Of the imagined death scenes that these songs narrate, at least one occurs violently, at least one occurs while dancing, at least one occurs peacefully in bed and at least one occurs in a rocking chair that slowly stops rocking.

The Playlist

Graphic by dayna taylor Volume 14, Issue 4 ▪ Incite Magazine ▪ 31

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