LIBERTI magazine : Oct / Dec 2013

OCT - DEC 2013 • £3

When the draw in

Great get togethers

Trolls & heroes are we really safe on the internet?

Malala Yousafzai

standing up to the

TALIBAN

A journey through

ADDICTION

and out the other side

with Katherine Baldwin

exclusive

Katie Melua on music, life and fame

Entertainment • Fashion • Health • Interviews • Movies • Shopping • Sex • Travel • TV

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CONTENTS Oct - Dec 2013

32 LIBERTI features Maybe it was always meant to be this way 26

Have you ever asked where it all went wrong?

32

Katie Melua

39

Trolls and Heroes

On music, life and fame.

How can we respond to monsters lurking on the internet?

56 LIBERTI living 7 Lets go shopping 14 Greenmum 17 Nutrition

LIBERTI faith 54 Taking off the stabilisers

65 LIBERTI culture 11 App Alert 13 Check out Gadgets

60 Raising Families

49 Music to our Ears

19 Fitness

LIBERTI women

50 Bookshelf

21 Lifecoach

5 First word

51 At the Cinema

45 Am I beautiful?

9 Let toys be toys

65 Rebel yell

52 Finance

23 Where are my tic-tacs?

56 Get togethers

39

54

71 Last word

9

49

EDITOR

Bekah Legg

bekah@libertimagazine.com

MARKETING & ADVERTISING

Duncan Williams

MARKETING & ADVERTISING

Fiona Hinton

DESIGN

Tina Grobler

duncan@sorted-magazine.com

fiona@hintonmediaservices.com

tina@pegasusgraphics.co.uk

PRINT

Halcyon

DISTRIBUTION

COMAG

CONSULTING EDITOR FOR SCM

www.halcyonline.co.uk

Steve Legg

steve@libertimagazine.com

Š Liberti Magazine 2013 Liberti is published by Son Christian Media (SCM) Ltd. The acceptance of advertising does not indicate editorial endorsement.

SCM holds names and addresses on computer for the purpoe of mailing in accordance with the terms registered under the Data Protection Act 1984.

Liberti is protected by copyright and nothing may be produced wholly or in part prior permission.

CONTACT Liberti Magazine PO Box 3070, Littlehampton, West Sussex, BN17 6WX, UK Tel: 01903 732190 Email: bekah@libertimagazine.com

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LIBERTI

women

FIRST WORD:

free to ask I’ve been pondering upon the concept of Superwoman recently, not that she exists of course, which is kind of the point of my pondering. I’ve been reading articles about how women can have it all, not that they can, and wondering how we survive in a world where having less than it all is somehow deemed failure.

We live in a world where asking for help is sometimes seen as weakness, where admitting weakness is sometimes seen as disastrous and day after day we try to keep up with the enormous list of things we need to tick off our list to show that we truly can do it all.

The truth is, we can’t. We cannot be in two places at once. We cannot be fully with two people at the same time. We cannot juggle too many balls without eventually dropping one of them. But no one important ever said that we should.

The truth is, we need help sometimes, we need to admit our weaknesses maybe even our failures and we need to understand that that is OK. It’s OK to be interdependent, not independent.

As I read through the articles in this magazine, the truths of that are on every page. Katherine Baldwin talks about them as she reflects back on a life that has taken a road unexpected, Chine Mbubaegbu looks at how we struggle with the concept of keeping up our appearance, Arianna Walker explores how we recognise and let go of the crutches we’ve constructed to keep ourselves going and we visit three brave women in Rwanda whose lives have been transformed by knowing that it takes a village to raise a child.

When we truly understand that we are part of something bigger than ourselves, that as family we give support and sometimes we need support, we get released to become everything that we were created to be.

Enjoy the magazine, be challenged by what you read and remember this; there is nothing you can’t do, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it all. The freedom lies in the choice.

Bekah Bekah Legg | EDITOR BekahLegg

© Thinkstock | iStockphoto

Autumn 2013 5

2 thousand years ago

JESUS

went out of his way

Honour, Restore and Release women He still Does. to



It’s time to RING THE BELL for women to live in freedom.

W

e have a dream to reach women all over the country with the liberating message that Jesus is good news for women; we’d love you to help us.

Will you become a LIBERTI BELLE and actively promote the vision and values of Liberti Magazine.

• • • • •

Become a subscriber. Every subscription enables us to give copies of Liberti away to women in the armed forces, women in refuges and women in prisons.

Become an ambassador. Tell the women in your church about us and encourage them to subscribe too.

Become a distributor. Buy a bumper box of 50 magazines for just £50 to give away to the women in your community.

Become a sponsor. Take out a subscription for a girl who needs to discover release for herself.

Become a prayer supporter. Sign up to receive regular emails so that you can pray for us as we determine to take this Liberti news to more and more women.

Liberti

www.libertimagazine.com 6

Autumn 2013

© Dule964 | Dreamstime.com

LIBERTI

lets go

living

Shopping

With the festive season drawing near, we thought we’d scour the shops to find some original ideas for those you love.

£31.00

Brussel Sprouts Wreath www.tch.net

£25.00

£3.95

Wooden Noel Letter Decoration

Perfect for your mantelpiece. Marks and Spencer

£46.00

Chest of Drawers

Fair trade and eco-friendly, this handmade and intricately hand-painted small chest is ideal for storing spices or is perfect as a jewellery box. www.fairwindonline.com

Shopping Bag

Who wouldn’t love this vintage doily recycled plastic shopping bag? www.dotcomgiftshop.com

£9.00

Dapper Mug Gift Set

This fun shaving kit is a great idea for the man in your life. Marks and Spencer

£5.00

Christmas jumper with Mini Port

The perfect combination for a male relative - live up to those expectations!

Marks and Spencer

£8.99 Mugs

These beautiful mugs are fairly traded from Kashmir and make a perfect present for the outdoorsy person in your life. www.fairwindonline.com

Discover Stories of True Beauty, Strong Women, and a Loving God

Am I Beautiful Chine Mbubaegbu

Sisters of Lazarus Paula K. Parker

To The Water Daughters of Davis

Broken Beauty Joy Farrington

Following the Breadcrumbs Philippa Hanna

Sara Groves The Collection Sara Groves

Unconditional DVD Inspired by true events

Through the Woods Philippa Hanna

/authenticmedia

Available from all good retailers everywhere

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To find out more about our wide range of degrees, come along to one of our regular open evenings – details of which can be found at www.showyoumeanbusiness.com.

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For more information or to apply: T: +44 (0)23 9284 4888 E: mba.admissions@ port.ac.uk W: www.port.ac.uk/mba

LIBERTI

women

Let toys be

toys

by JO TAYLOR

There were a few raised eyebrows when my son, aged 2, asked for a pram and doll for Christmas.

H

e loved dressing up. His favourite was a classified by type instead of gender. The campaign friends Nurses costume. On our annual Croc doesn’t ask retailers to change the toys they sell, just buying trip, he begged me for the pink pair. to allow them to speak for themselves.

To my shame, I encouraged him towards green; anxious his colour choice would be A girl who loves trains shouldn’t used against him in the playground. be made to feel different because Now, aged 6, he loves to dress she can only find them in the aisle it’s about up and have his nails painted. But for boys. Maybe she’ll grow up to would be mortified if his friends be an engineer some day. A boy knew. He is so creative and loves shouldn’t be laughed at because he and to make things, but wouldn’t touch loves to push a pram. Maybe he’ll some of his favourite crafts if he grow up to be a great Dad some knew I’d had to secretly visit the day. ‘girls’ aisle to find them.

Toys exist to help children explore, But this isn’t just about pink and my personal learn, imagine and create. They teach and inspire. rage at the defenceless princess narrative (which Why put limitations on the scope children’s play. Why I do personally rage at). It’s about aspiration and not let Toys be Toys? opportunity. After a conversation on Mumsnet gathered steam, a bunch of Mums got together and launched the ‘Let Toys Be Toys’ campaign which Ways you can challenge some stereotypes and asks retailers to stop limiting children’s interests by “release” some toys from their gendered baggage this promoting some toys as only suitable for girls, and Christmas? You could… others only for boys. ● Sign up to the campaign at lettoysbetoys.org.uk Doctors’ costumes for boys and nurse costumes ● Challenge retailers. Ask why they think Lego is a for girls; construction toys for boys and dolls for ‘boys toy.’ It’s Lego! girls; science kits for boys and craft for girls; these ● Encourage shops that organise their toys well. classifications are further compounded when the Suggest they apply for a ‘Let Toys Be Toys Good “boys” aisles or pages are blue and the “girls” are Practice Award.’ pink. This isn’t a conversation about whether or not ● Think about the gifts you buy. Could you buy boys and girls are innately different in their play; something that helps that child discover new instead the ‘Let Toys Be Toys’ campaign simply things about themselves? Something that no suggests that it makes way more sense for toys to be one else will get them? Best. Gift. Ever!

aspiration opportunity

© Thinkstock | iStockphoto

Autumn 2013 9

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{app} alert

LIBERTI

culture

by SUE RINALDI

Music to my ears

It’s a digital symphony of creative possibility and audio adrenaline out there in appland, so whether you’re a dancing queen, karaoke devotee or melody maker, lets tune in and find a few hits….

Top 100 - music Gone are the days when we nipped into Woolworths to see if Kylie was still number one – now there’s no excuse for losing touch with the top tunes! Features the best selling songs in the USA from 1982 – 2011 and the current top 100 from 23 other countries. Links into iTunes to preview and download.

Released Free for iPhone and iPad

Tunein Radio Music, news and current events from over 70,000 radio stations and 2 million shows…enough listening pleasure to tickle your ears into eternity! A customisable interface highlights interests and favourite stations; search for an artist, song, trending topics and events. Pause or rewind what you’re listening to or upgrade to TUNEIN RADIO PRO to record.

Released Free for Android, iPhone, iPad, Blackberry and Windows Phone with option to pay for upgrade (except Windows)

Aweditorium Aural Happiness

A beautiful multi-touch, flipboardesque experience featuring a plethora of new music. Pop-up facts, lyrics, high-definition video and interviews weave together to provide a pleasing and interesting expedition into unknown musical waters. So…feet up, headphones on and become Dora the explorer!

Released Free for iPad

Guitar Tapp Pro Throw away your songbooks with confidence! With over 500,000 guitar tabs, chords, bass and drum tabs available within this featurerich app, you’ll never be short of a song or three! Autoscroll, chord dictionary and diagrams, metronome, Bluetooth pedal pairing, the ability to transpose songs and create set lists plus various file export choices make this a melodious resource.

Released for Android (£1.79), iPhone, iPad (£1.99) and Nokia (£1.50)

Garage Band Turn your apple into a wonder harvest of touch instruments, sounds and recording studio features. Remarkable resource for music-makers of all levels and ambitions, which at its simplest, works admirably as a songwriting tool-kit. Play dozens of smart instruments, tap out beats, record your voice, sample sounds, arrange and mix your songs and seriously, no previous experience is necessary…enjoy creating, follow the inspiration and learn as you go. A big sound at a pip of a price.

Released for iPad and iPhone (£2.99) Sue Rinaldi travels internationally as a concert artist, worship co-ordinator, speaker and creative consultant. A self-confessed info junkie and digital disciple, her interest in culture, justice, technology and the future fuels her living and writing. www.suerinaldi.net

Autumn 2013 11

Europe’s leading Christian Resources Exhibitions CRE Midlands

NEC BIRMINGHAM 2013 NEC Birmingham, 3 & 4 October CRE Scotland

LOWLAND HALL 2013

Royal Highland Centre, 27 & 28 November

CRE East

PETERBOROUGH 2014

Peterborough Area, 29 & 30 January CRE International

SANDOWN 2014

Sandown Park, Esher 13 – 16 May

For continually updated information visit:

CREonline.co.uk

Christian Resources Exhibitions is part of Bible Society (Charity Reg. No 232759) Tel 01793 418218

12 Autumn 2013

Christian Resources Exhibitions EQUIPPING AND EMPOWERING YOUR CHURCH

CHECK OUT:

{gadgets}

How SMART is your

TV?

Remember your first TV remote control and how it caused you to go ‘wow’ and buy a little wicker basket to keep it safe? Well the latest wave of media-hungry add-ons will have you running for a cold shower to calm down….

Google Chromecast

Apple TV

Google are chasing Apple with the hope of dethroning them from the lofty chair of world domination, and hot off the media-streaming production line is their Chromecast HDMI stick. Smaller and significantly cheaper, the dongle sits in your TV’s HDMI port and streams content from the web. It is more restrictive than Apple TV, only allowing you to control content from mobile devices using Google Play, YouTube and Netflix apps, but it will play content from your computer’s Chrome web browser – whatever platform of machine! Very generous indeed...

It may be shallow to judge by looks alone, but all 23 millimetres high and 98 millimetres wide of this classy, black polished, online streamer is a joy to behold.

Simple to set up with Wi-Fi built in for quick connection, you are soon ready to stream audio and video from your iTunes library and iCloud, and via Airplay, you can mirror the screen of your iOS devices and duplicate games, photos, video or web pages onto the TV.

Activation requires downloading the Chromecast setup app and once completed, your devices act as a remote. Considering its comparative limitations and a power lead that hangs from its USB mini-port to challenge the neat and the tidy amongst us, the price will definitely attract a steady ‘stream’ of excitement.

Available soon, price approx £23.00

LIBERTI

Online services include Netflix, YouTube, SkyNews and the iTunes store, and with the ability to support HD 1080, your picture quality for all those movies and TV shows can be very good.

A flexible friend with a slinky, shiny, silver remote!

Available from the Apple Store £99.00

culture

by SUE RINALDI

Fitbit Flex This LED wristband will monitor your day and nighttime routines to let you know how to improve your fitness and wellbeing. It records calories burned, number of steps taken, sleep quality and even wakes you up gently in the morning! (Can it bring me coffee too?) Wirelessly syncs to any computer or smartphone and links into free mobile tools to collect data and offer advice.

Available at www.fitbit.com/uk £79.99

Whistle It’s amazing how the digital world is including our pets! This on-collar device tracks your dog’s activities including walks, play and rest. You can check data from your phone and even send detailed reports to the Vets. Pre-orders are being taken now! I wonder if there’s anything to monitor the speed of my Goldfish?

Available at www.whistle.com £65.00

Boriyuan Soft Silicone Keyboard Even keyboards are going all touchy-feely on us! Easy to roll, brightly coloured, Bluetooth connected with an integrated rechargeable battery, they are great for travel and space-saving challenges! Compatible with a wide variety of tablets, smartphones and computers.

Available at www.amazon.co.uk £10.99

Autumn 2013 13

LIBERTI

living

greenmum:

HAPPY MEAL

by EMMA GREENWOOD

‘That’s a happy chicken isn’t it, Mummy?’ Talitha points at a pale plastic-wrapped fowl in the refrigeration cabinet at Sainsbury’s.

The woman beside us slides her eyes sideways. I don’t blame her. It’s not like we’re on a farm or anything. Let’s not beat around the bush. The bird’s dead.

appy chicken is a phrase I picked up from my mum ten years ago when she stopped eating intensively farmed meat.

I remember her travelling miles on her motorbike to visit Graig Farm in Montgomeryshire to buy free range organic meat from animals that’d lived a ‘happy life’ on the verdant Welsh hills. I also remember looking at the price list and saying I liked the idea but I couldn’t afford it. Mum just shrugged and said ‘buy less meat’.

Talitha pokes the naked chilly-looking bird. The woman waits to eavesdrop my reply.

I glance down at the label: free range woodland reared.

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘It’s a happy one.’

The woman stares at me openly as if I’m unhinged.

‘Can we buy it?’ Talitha asks.

I look at the price tag.

Ten pounds.

‘Not this week, I’m afraid.’

Talitha sticks her lip out.

‘Why not?’

‘We can’t afford it this time,’ I say. ‘And I don’t want to eat sad chickens.’

Talitha swiftly pulls her lip back in.

‘Neither do I,’ she retorts.

She doesn’t complain as we leave the bird (and the woman) behind. And I don’t complain about

14 Autumn 2013

the price either. Cheap supermarket meat is only possible through intensive farming methods where animals are kept in high density confinement in factory-like environments where they’re often physically restrained to limit movement. No matter how much I enjoy a roast on Sunday, I can’t stomach that.

So in our house, chicken’s a treat. In fact, meat’s a treat: meat’s for weekends; midweek we eat eggs, cheese and vegetables.

This hasn’t been easy. My husband’s a traditional meat-loving Yorkshire man who started life as a butcher, but if you nurture convictions gently, they grow. We started off with free range eggs, moved on to Freedom Food products (which have farm conditions monitored by the RSPCA), and now pretty much eat only free range meat. We’ve decided – together as a family – that we’d rather go without than know an animal spent its life suffering to provide us with a meal.

Meat isn’t a necessity.

It isn’t a right.

Globally, the majority of people eat a mostly meatfree diet.

I’m not saying it’s a breeze. The other day, without thinking, I bought our builders bacon butties from the van down the road. I was just finishing mine when I realised what I’d done. I ate the last mouthful with regret – I love a roadside bacon butty – but I knew that Mucky Mel’s would be off the agenda until the pigs in her baps start smiling.

© Thinkstock | iStockphoto

LIBERTI

living

The Power in R U YO

P L ATE

‘One simple choice you make has the power to reduce pollution, save resources, combat world hunger, improve your health and create a kinder world.’ Meat Free Mondays You Tube clip.

1. Compassion Billions of animals are farmed and killed each year for meat. Most are raised in intensive factory farms where they’re unable to stretch their limbs, access fresh air or see daylight.

2. The Planet Farm animals contribute more to climate change than all of the world’s planes, trains and automobiles combined.

3. Deforestation

Huge areas of land are cleared to grow crops for animal feed in factory farms. Cutting down forests affects greenhouse gas absorption, soil erosion, and the survival of seventy per cent of the world’s animals and plants.

4. It Doesn’t Add Up Animals are fed about 6kg of plant protein to produce 1kg of animal protein. Factory farms use more food than they produce.

5. World Hunger Globally 1 billion people suffer from malnutrition.

One third of the world’s cereal harvest is being fed to farm animals. That’s enough to feed 3 billion people.

6. Antibiotics Antibiotics given routinely to animals enter the environment and the food chain contributing to the rise of antibiotic-resistant bacteria and making it harder to treat human diseases.

7. Health Leading health experts agree that we need to reduce the amount of meat we eat to reduce our risk of obesity, heart disease, stroke and cancer.

8. Budget The staples of a meat-free diet are cheaper than the equivalent amount of meat protein. In fact, most of the world’s people eat a mostly meatfree diet of pulses, beans, rice and corn.

Facts, figures and quotes from Meat Free Mondays, Animals Australia, National Geographic, WSPA and NRDC.

Autumn 2013 15

We believe in your future.

DON'T. GIVE. UP. A re you struggling with issues such as LOW SELF ESTEEM E ATING DISOR DERS SELF HA R M OR DEPR ESSION? Mercy Ministries UK exists to provide opportunities for young women aged 18-28 to experience God's unconditional love, forgiveness and life transforming power. Our six month residential Christian discipleship programme is offered completely free of charge.

"After a decade of self harm, I am now 17 months completely self harm free- and I know that is something I simply couldn't have done in my own strength. Thank you Jesus and thank you Mercy UK!"- Danni graduated May 2012 For an application form or for more information go to: www.mercyministries.co.uk or phone 01535 642042

16 Autumn 2013

@MercyMinUK

Š text to go here

Mercy Ministries UK

Food to create the

right mood

by CAROLINE GERRIE

LIBERTI

living

by GAYNOR BURTON

Diet has been shown to be a key element in development and in maintaining a healthy brain, aiding concentration and memory, all important factors in a child’s ability to learn and process information. As we head into the darker months of the year here are six ‘Good Mood’ and ‘Concentration-boosting’ Foods that can be eaten anytime of the day. Pack these into your little (and the not so little) people in your household.

Salmon

All oily fish have important healthy fats called DHA and EPA, known as Omega 3; this plays an important role during foetal development and early infancy. Research is exploring the benefits of Omega 3 supplementation in improving cognitive issues in children such as ADHD and autism.

TOP TIP. Add snippets of salmon to scrambled eggs on wholegrain toast for breakfast.

Oats

Oats are a great source of fibre, Vitamin E and B and zinc which all help brain activity. Porridge with milk is a healthy breakfast, a great balance of carbohydrate and protein intake which gives a steady source of energy through the morning.

TOP TIP. adding a handful of berries plus a teaspoon of crushed flax seeds transforms it into brilliant breakfast.

Lean Red Meat

Red meat is a ready source of protein and contains vital nutrients like Iron, Vitamin B 12, choline, B6, niacin (B3) and Zinc. It is thought that low levels of Zinc or Iron can impair cognitive function in children.

Organic lean meat is the best option whenever possible.

TOP TIP. Spaghetti Bolognese is a popular family favourite and easy to make!

Berries

Red and black berries are key sources of phytochemicals, particularly flavonoids called anthocyanins, flavanols and flavanones. Flavoniods are thought to help with learning and memory by supporting the neuronal signalling with in the brain and helping to protect against inflammation.

TOP TIP. Make a smoothie –an instant Breakfast for a teenager in seconds.

Eggs

The humble egg is a ‘complete protein’ which means it has all the amino acids our body uses.

It also contains choline, an important nutrient for brain development.

TOP TIP. Wholegrain seeded bread toasted with a smear of Marmite and topped with a poached egg adding a grilled tomato or two, is a lovely way to herald the weekend in! © Thinkstock | iStockphoto

Autumn 2013 17

tians Motivating Chris to be fit for God The Christian Fitness Company Fitfish is a unique and exciting initiative inspiring, motivating and enabling Christians to be physically, spiritually and emotionally fit for God.

ats

Weekend Retre

10%

off

e weekends quot Liberti_Sorted when booking.

Inspiring Fitness Weekends - optional fun exercise sessions, nutrition workshop, life coaching, consultations, prayer, worship, ministry, nature, beauty, space……

Winter Retreat A snowy mountain retreat right next to the slopes for those who ski and those who don’t. Just an hour from Salzburg airport

LocalFit Find Christians in your area who offer exercise classes, nutrition, personal training, coaching, counselling, massage, therapy and ministry..

The Fitfish team is made up of: REPs Advanced personal trainers and Nutritional advisers. International coach federation life coaches.

Chartered and clinical psychologists. CWR and NHS Counsellors.

National and international ministry leaders.

See www.fit-fish.co.uk for more details and to book

LIBERTI

living

Basal Metabolic Rate: Making your Engine Work for You!

by GAYNOR BURTON

In very simple terms your Basal Metabolic Rate, or BMR, is the number of calories (energy units that come from food) that your body needs to ‘run’ itself. It’s the energy that it needs to keep you warm, keep your heart beating, your brain working and your digestion and liver and kidneys etc. working as they should.

How is your BMR calculated?

There are many different formulas used but essentially it takes into consideration your height, weight, sex, muscle mass and age.

How do you fuel your BMR?

Fuel for these functions comes mainly through protein and essential fatty acids (they’re called essential because your body really does need them for energy and ‘lubrication’ of your internal workings). The protein’s purpose is for growth and repair of all of the cells and parts of your body.

What about Carbohydrates?

Carbohydrates are then mainly used to fuel any activity on top of this, which is why if not used they can often easily be converted into that spare tyre around your middle for when they are needed.

How can you increase your BMR through exercise?

You can raise your BMR through building more muscle, as each pound of muscle burns up to 35 calories a day, and a pound of fat © Thinkstock | Stockbyte

just 2-5 calories. It soon adds up!

You can also increase your BMR by doing exercise that gets your heart rate higher than is comfortable, even for short periods of time. This is why interval training is so good for weight loss as your BMR can stay raised slightly all day.

Top Tips for getting the most out of your engine:

1 2

Ensure you eat enough servings of protein and healthy fats every day

Match your carbohydrate intake to your activity levels and focus on carbohydrates that give you great nutritional benefit and aren’t ‘empty calories’

3

Do weights, resistance band or bodyweight exercises to increase your muscle mass Include short spurts of fast running, walking or jogging up stairs or hills, power walks, burpees, star jumps etc. into your exercise routine

Each pound of

muscle burns up to

35 calories A DAY

Gaynor Burton is the founder of Fitfish, a Christian fitness organisation that helps people find a balance between the physical, spiritual and emotional. Retreats, recipes and the organisation’s popular ‘Your Plate of Plenty’ personalised eating plan are all things that Gaynor is massively passionate about. She loves seeing lives changed! Follow Fitfish on Twitter: @FitfishTweets.

Autumn 2013 19

connect with us

Jess Cook

Presents the UCB request hour

3-4pm Every weekday.

on DAB, UCB.CO.UK and iPhone app

Company Registered in England 2182533 Registered Charity 299128 Registered Office: Stoke on Trent ST4 8RY

LIBERTI

living

Lifecoach: VAT

by HEIKE PRENTICE

No, I am not referring to value added tax, an inevitable part of every day life, but rather value added talk. While out with a friend recently I watched how she spoke to my son’s teenage friend in a way which made him visibly grow in himself. So how do we do that?

Value:

look and see the good which is already there. Appreciate, admire, compliment, notice. Beware of paying fake compliments, they are obvious and empty. There is always something of value to be found in the people we engage with, if we bother to look for it.

Added:

look for potential, those green shoots of what could be, what may be, more than is already there! See and verbalise possibilities, glorious impossibilities and daring dreams! Who knows which seeds will take hold and grow into an amazing future which would otherwise be ignored and lie unexplored.

Talk:

actually make the effort to speak those things out. How often do we see these things and leave them sitting inside our heads, thoughts which are pregnant with power, but powerless because not spoken? Perhaps they

© Thinkstock | Design Pics

seem embarrassing and over the top or we consider ourselves to be ineffective or unimportant carriers of the message, but who knows whether those words are not desperately needed by the other person just now?

As Proverbs 15:4 puts it so aptly : Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit.”

Value added talk is the perfect antidote for gossip, and it adds value not just to those on the receiving end but also those to those who practice it. Pay some VAT, not because you have to but because you want to! This kind of VAT will never leave you out of pocket.

Heike Prentice is a direction and leadership development coach and currently exploring ordination in the Church of England.

She likes to think through new ideas, concepts and strategies and believes it’s important to have a laugh!

Contact Heike: coaching@heikeprentice.com

Autumn 2013 21

In 10 years time her natural curiosity will be replaced by a realisation that the future holds nothing more than hardship and relentless poverty.

YOU CAN CHANGE ALL THAT.

COMPASSION UK CHRISTIAN CHILD DEVELOPMENT 43 High Street, Weybridge, Surrey KT13 8BB Registered Charity No. 1077216 Registered in England No. 3719092

For just 70p a day your one-to-one support will enable a child living in poverty to attend a church-based Compassion project. Here, loving Christian staff will ensure children receive the healthcare, education, food, clothing, spiritual and social support they need to thrive.

Where are my

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women

TIC-TACS?

by KATE SHARMA

Recently, knowing that I work at Compassion, a friend sent me a silly video bemoaning all the difficult problems we face here in the developed world. Watching the video, I couldn’t help being reminded of a movie that convicted me many years ago: You’ve Got Mail. Yes, romantic comedies are key to spiritual conviction!

I

n the convicting scene, Tom Hanks is trapped in an elevator with several neighbours and his girlfriend.

The experience has brought clarity and epiphany to his two neighbors, who vow that they’re going to be better boyfriends or mothers. While his neighbours experience this touching moment, Hanks looks over to see his girlfriend rummaging through her purse with great exasperation and annoyance.

She shouts at the injustice of the world, “Where are my Tic Tacs?!”

Though it’s just a romantic comedy, I’ve always found this scene quite convicting. In the grand scheme of the universe, how much of my time is wasted groaning about my “problems?” I’ve decided to call these problems my “developed-world temper tantrums”: Complaining about the heat as I drink ice water from the fridge while others spend 15 hours in 100+-degree heat working a field for peanuts.

Sighing in annoyance when my lawn mower is out of gas while others are homeless or squatting in scrap-metal homes.

Giving up on finding a lid that fits my Tupperware and having to turn to cling film while others don’t have food to store or a fridge to store it in.

I do have real problems, just as you do. But these aren’t them.

How much of our joy is stolen by the Tic Tacs that hide (admittedly, quite maddeningly) at the bottom

of our handbags? I don’t want to be that gal who, I admit, sometimes, somehow, creeps out. So instead I vow to pause and thank God for the tyre that I have to go flat, the sprinklers that I have to break, the shirt that I have to get an orange-juice stain on.

I’ll pray that God will give me perspective to have His peace and joy in this world. And lastly, I’ll pray that God will help and protect those who don’t have all the things I have to break, stain, and complicate my life.

Compassion is an international Christian child development and child advocacy ministry. Partnering with local churches, we are committed to the spiritual, economic, social and physical development of children living in extreme poverty in 26 countries, enabling them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults.

To sponsor a child with Compassion, visit www.compassionuk.org or call 01932 836490.

Autumn 2013 23

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women

The day strength, power and courage was born

by WENDY BEECH-WARD

In 1984 a young Irish musician changed the world by getting angry at injustice and encouraging others to do the same. Bob Geldof started a revolution that continues to this day. Recently we’ve heard another voice that I hope and pray has the same impact.

I

t is the voice of a 16 year old girl, who has been documenting the daily reality of injustice in Pakistan on her blog since she was 11 years old. Her name is Malala Yousafzai and I hope she changes how many of us view education, particularly the education of girls.

24 Autumn 2013

Malala captured the world’s attention in October 2012 when the Taliban shot her in the head for campaigning for the right for girls to be educated. Malala was targeted because she was prepared to use her voice to speak out about the injustice she faced.

Initially she blogged about her

experiences for BBC Urdu, then, when she became more widely known, a documentary was made about the struggle girls face to be educated in Pakistan.

Reflecting on her shooting she said: ‘The terrorists thought that they would change my aims and © Getty Images | Andrew Burton

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women

One child, one teacher, one pen, one book can

change the world

stop my ambitions, but nothing changed in my life, except this: weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born.’

After being discharged from hospital earlier this year Malala has continued to speak about how girls across the world struggle to be educated. On her 16th birthday she spoke to the UN - in many ways she reminded me of Bob Geldof. Her approach was different but here was a 16 year old emotionally calling on governments and individuals to step up and get involved.

Currently, 57 million children are unable to access primary education and the progress towards the Millennium Development Goal that would enable every child to access education is stalling. Malala’s story is powerful not only because of her age and her experiences; it is powerful because she is sharing her own story about how this injustice affects her - her voice is being heard and she’s speaking for every one of those 57 million children. We must listen.

Summing up her speech at the UN she said: ‘Let us pick up our books and pens, they are our most powerful weapons. One child, one teacher, one pen and one book can change the world. Education is the only solution. Education first.’

57

million children are unable to access

PRIMARY education

Tonight I asked my daughters if they’d heard of Malala – they both had. We had a long conversation about what it would be like if they could never go to school again.

After the initial ‘woohoo, no school!’ we had a great discussion about what that would mean for them, their friends and their futures. We soon concluded that lack of education means lack of prospects and the absence of hope.

So, what does this mean for those of us who live in the West who haven’t had to fight to be educated? We shouldn’t take for granted the access we - and our children - have to education.

And we should add our voice to that of Malala’s and speak up so that children everywhere get the education they deserve.

People who work in development wholeheartedly agree with Malala about education - and educating girls in particular. Education is not just an effective development tool, it is utterly essential in the fight against poverty. Girls who are denied an education are often trapped in a cycle of poverty, forced into early marriage, or become victims of sex trafficking and prostitution. For many, education breaks that cycle.

Whenever I visit developing countries, I’m struck by the fact that every mother, aunty, grandmother and carer I meet has the same hopes and dreams for children as I do. We’re all hoping for a better world and better future. And all of us recognise with Malala that education is vital to seeing those hopes and dreams realised.

Wendy Beech-Ward @wendybeechward Wendy is the Events and Ambassadors Director at Compassion. She is passionate about justice, equality, leadership, friendship and seeing people fulfil their God given potential. Wendy is privileged to serve on the EA Council, the fusion council and YFC council. She’s often seen wearing Converse trainers. For more info on Malala visit www.malalafund.org

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features

Maybe it was always

meant to be

this way

by KATHERINE BALDWIN

One woman’s journey through addiction and out the other side.

Have you ever had the sense the life you’re leading looks nothing like the one you’d imagined for yourself at this age or stage of your existence?

Have you ever asked where it all went wrong? Have you ever said to yourself, under your breath, that it wasn’t meant to be this way?

26 Autumn 2013

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Š Thinkstock | Hemera

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As

a 42-year-old, unmarried, childless woman living in a one-bedroom London flat and just about getting by as a freelance journalist, I’ve had those thoughts and feelings quite often.

Surely, by now, I was supposed to be a wife and a mother of two, living in a lovely home with a dog?

Surely I was meant to have a book published, be presenting the news or know for certain how I would be spending the coming years?

But it hasn’t turned out that way.

I can’t recall the precise moment my life – or at least the one I’d expected to lead, a life of joy, freedom, adventure, romance and emotional and professional fulfillment – veered off course. I can’t remember exactly when my train went off the tracks. But I know I was very young.

At some point in my early years – perhaps suddenly, perhaps gradually – my childish sense of wonder about the world and its endless possibilities turned to a sense of dread. At some point, fear took root in my heart and low self-esteem moved in.

Katherine is a freelance journalist who is writing a book called The Baby Gap about age-related infertility and the large number of professional women who they may have left it too late to have children and are wondering what to do about it. She also writes a blog at www. fromfortywithlove.com. You can read more about her work at http://www.katherinebaldwin.com.

28 Autumn 2013

exactly

I can’t remember when my train went off

the tracks

In that moment, I stopped feeling safe, precious, loveable and good enough and I began to feel the opposite. A hole opened up in my soul and insecurity, low self-esteem and a sense that danger lay around every corner took up residence.

Faced with this scary, uncertain world, I sought out comfort, looked for ways to stifle my fears and change how I felt and tried to find a means of control.

Food was my first port of call. Avoiding eating and losing weight gave me a high and offered me an illusion of power – a sense I was in charge of my body shape and appearance. Soon, though, the under-

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features

eating turned to over-eating – to bingeing in secret – and excess sugar and carbohydrates became my comfort blanket. They numbed my feelings, my fear and my pain and gave me a crutch to get through the day.

I also went to extremes when it came to my studies, feeling compelled to achieve and

win the approval of others And the more I turned to food, the more that illusion of control crumbled. Once I’d started eating, I couldn’t stop, no matter how hard I tried to diet and restrict. I’d lost all power over food – it had become an addiction.

As I progressed through my teenage years and beyond, I found other ways to alter my mood and anaesthetise painful emotions. Like many teenagers, I would binge drink on alcohol, but I always seemed to take things a step further than my peers. I also went to extremes when it came to my studies, feeling compelled to achieve and win the approval of others. I captained sports teams, racked up a string of ‘A’ grades, won a place at Oxford University and graduated with a good degree. Once I began work as a journalist, I strove to be the best and put in endless hours. I achieved a lot, but fear, stress, worry and food were my constant companions.

Throughout my twenties and my early thirties, I was hooked into a series of self-harming behaviours.

Binge-eating, starving, over-exercising and obsessing about my weight and size occupied much of my time.

Male attention seeking and risk-taking were also part of my modus operandi. My sense of value and self-worth had everything to do with how I looked and whether others liked me, found me attractive or approved of my work. I was looking for love – but in all the wrong places and, sadly, I had no idea how to give it to myself.

My addictions accompanied me around the world for the best part of ten years – Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, the United States, Mexico and Brazil. I had some amazing experiences and met fabulous people and, on the outside, it appeared I had that life I’d always dreamt of – filled with adventure, excitement and fun.

But my impressive CV, outer confidence and beaming © Thinkstock | Big Cheese Photo

smile disguised a frightened, lonely child inside. And those crutches were always there.

They were my best friends, but at the same time they were my worst enemies – causing recklessness, weight gain, self-hate and a bucket-full of shame.

Fortunately, though, little by little, the mood-altering affects of my addictions began to wear off. And once again, the process started with the food. I began to realise that how I was eating – starving all day, feeling compelled to binge as soon as I broke my fast, constantly obsessing about my body – wasn’t normal.

My wall of denial began to crumble, I accepted I had a problem and I went in search of help.

Through therapy and addiction recovery meetings, I understood that I’d developed an eating disorder – a binge-starve cycle – and an obsession with food to cope with life and with the painful feelings I carried

Autumn 2013 29

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features

inside. I began to learn to release those emotions in a healthy way and walk through my fears without the food.

Gradually, I started to get rid of the other unhealthy support mechanisms too. I stopped drinking to excess, stopped seeking out harmful relationships with men and gave up a high-flying job that had brought me external acclaim but had left me exhausted and feeling dead inside. I’d begun a journey of recovery, but there were many bumps in the road.

The more I develop this spiritual connection, the less likely I am to slip back Emptying out the food, the alcohol, the achievements and the male attention left me with a gaping hole.

Suddenly, I had nothing to hold onto and nothing to numb myself with. I was left with a sense of loss and grief that was sometimes frightening in its intensity. I felt rudderless, alone and empty inside.

This rude awakening from my numbed-out state culminated, in my mid-thirties, in a late-night existential crisis when I knelt by my bed in tears and questioned what it was all about. Why was I here?

What was my life for? And what was the point?

This was my emotional and spiritual rock bottom. I was adrift and had to find a way back to shore.

I turned to a faith in God – in something greater than myself – that had been nurtured in my childhood but forgotten or dismissed since my teens. Was God there? And if he was there, could he help? Could he show me the point of my life?

learning to nourish myself, not with binge foods, fame or fortune or the approval of others, but with selfcare, self-love, love for others and a deep connection to myself, to the universe and to God. The more I develop this spiritual connection, the less likely I am to slip back into the addictive substances and behaviours that sustained me for so long. And the more I love and care for myself, the more able I am to love and care for others.

Which brings me to where I am today. I can wish that by now I had a partner and a family of my own but it’s clear I had a great deal to learn and that loving and accepting others could only happen once I’d learned to give these gifts to myself. I can wish I had the book published or my career all mapped out but it would have meant nothing if I was doing it purely to boost my low self-esteem and to win others’ acclaim.

Now, from a place of self-love and self-worth, a place of relative wholeness, peace and faith in my future (I say ‘relative’ as I still have many wobbles but I accept that it’s progress, not perfection), I can pursue my professional and personal dreams, knowing I have a solid foundation upon which to build.

My life looks nothing like I expected it to at 42. But perhaps it’s fine just as it is – and maybe it was always meant to be this way.

There was no flash of lightening, clap of thunder or sudden shift but this was the start of a gradual realisation that I could no longer do life on my own; an acceptance that I had to find alternative ways to fill that hole in my soul, to meet my deep need for love, security and comfort and to anchor me to the ground.

After several decades of unhealthy behaviours and self-reliance, it hasn’t been easy and it’s sometimes been two steps forward, one step back. But I’m

30 Autumn 2013

© Thinkstock | Wavebreak Media

LIGHT UP Jesus said he was the light of the world – what does that mean out here in the real world?

Explore Christmas from a different angle this year.

Download resources for your church. Order free copies of the photo book LIGHT UP to give away.

Share your photos online.

Join the #lightrevolution sgmlifewords.com/lightup

© Robhainer | Dreamstime.com

Photograph: REUTERS/Laszlo Balogh

Autumn 2013 31 tel: 0207 7302155

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features

32 Autumn 2013

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features

Sing your

life

by SHAUN CURRAN

When Katie Melua appeared on the music scene 10 years ago as a fresh faced, clean cut 18-year-old, she had every hallmark of the talented ‘girl next door’. Yet while few could have envisaged the type of success the songstress has gone on to enjoy, she’s succeeded in remaining behind the veil of the industry’s rather cosmetic outlook, as Liberti discovered.

Autumn 2013 33

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features

Katie

Melua

arrived on the music scene at “just the right time” - her own words.

She pitched up in the post-Dido period, and no doubt swayed by an intelligence and energy that encompassed not only music but faith, opinion and humility as well, found a stable mate in the form of Terry Wogan – the DJ taking it upon himself to plug mercilessly Melua’s early material.

As a result, the songstress had sold almost two million copies of her debut album Call off the Search within six months of its release. And by the time her second album Piece by Piece was released in 2005 - aided by the mega-selling single Nine Million Bicycles - Melua had become the fastest selling female artist of all time, at the tender age of just 22.

Subsequently, only Adele and Amy Winehouse have eclipsed Melua, who released her sixth album Ketevan, this September. It’s her fifth collaboration with musical mentor and manager Mike Batt, something that Melua is typically even-tempered about. “Of course, it would be nice to maintain the success that has gone before, but it’s natural for people to want the new thing”, she says, which offers us a first glimpse into the 28-yearold’s mindset.

which she even recognises herself: “I think it’s because I always kept to the music and never really deviated from that - my success was in that regard. I don’t think I became famous as a name, I couldn’t have been happier with that. It’ll happen once in a thousand days where I get someone saying, ‘Are you Katie Melua,’ or more like, ‘You look like Katie Melua’”.

This is the type of comment people have come to expect from Melua, who has always been the most unstarry of stars, something

But if her reputation for being ‘sensible’ precedes her, that public perception belies a fascinating back-story. Born in Kutaisi in

34 Autumn 2013

Georgia, Melua has an intriguing family history, and one with religion at its core. Baptised as an orthodox Christian but sent to a Roman Catholic school in Belfast upon her arrival in the UK, her formative years were spent in what was then the Soviet Union with her mother and father living in relative poverty, where a five-yearold Melua would have to fetch buckets of water from the town and carry them up five flights of stairs to her family flat.

The Georgian Civil war in 1993 proved the catalyst for change,

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when her family fled to Belfast with Melua, aged eight at this point, unable to even speak English and having never attended conventional schooling. From there, even if Northern Ireland was itself mired in conflict, Melua enjoyed a fine life. Eventually moving to south London where her family flourished, it is an incredible if unenviable tale. How has that upbringing influenced her?

“I think it has influenced me a lot. A lot of the perspective I have on things comes from my parents and my upbringing.

People ask me how massively my life has changed through becoming famous and I say, ‘Yeah, it’s changed, but nothing to the extent of moving from an Eastern Europe, post-Soviet civil war-torn country to the West’. So I think my childhood experiences keep me grounded and driven. I had my first hot bath at eight years old in Belfast, because I’d never had one in Georgia. To fill a bath full of water was just the most ludicrous thing in Georgia - it just wasn’t available. But most importantly, I had an education and so many opportunities available to me when I came to the UK; that was a huge thing. I am very grateful for that. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but in Georgia, I probably would have been a housewife with kids... that kind of thing.”

“Musically, the first dramatic experience I had was when I was five in Georgia. The electricity had gone out and my mum played the Moonlight Sonata on the piano. I remember it grabbing me in my stomach and feeling as if I’d been taken away somewhere.

I’ve had lots of influence from Georgian folk music, which has an abundance of complicated, polyphonic harmonies. With my writing again, it felt like I was

getting retrospective, looking back at the past. And that took me to Ketevan, my extended Georgian name.”

“People ask me how massively my life has changed through becoming famous and I say, ‘Yeah, it’s changed, but nothing to the extent of moving from an Eastern Europe, post-Soviet civil war-torn country to the West’.”

And coming from Georgia, religion has played its part in her family life. Melua loves the concept of faith, but she invests more in her appreciation than just belief. Ask her for her thoughts on the church, for example, and she will talk up their significance through architecture as well as purpose. “I think that churches are just gorgeous buildings,” she says. “You can definitely sense the spirituality in there, just by walking into them. I do feel that when I go to church - although that is not as often as maybe it should be – there is something remarkable happening, something that links spirit and presence. That’s an incredible foundation on which to build goodness.”

features

Yet Melua’s relationship with religion is a complex one. She has gone on the record in the past as claiming to be a religious person, but she remains guarded. She was recently quoted as saying, “I do know that there are some things that exist in this world that you just can’t prove. That could be the case with God or whoever might be up there, but I don’t follow any one religion. It’s more complex than that.” She seems to be a little surer now.

The reason for this slightly revised stance might well lie in the traumatic episode that took over Katie’s life in 2010, when the singer suffered a very public and disturbing nervous breakdown that saw her hospitalised for months and unable to work for even longer. Even now, she is slightly apprehensive about discussing what was a demanding time.

“It’s quite difficult to actually give it a name but it came suddenly and I just couldn’t do anything for six months or so. I had to take time off. It was to do with the mind, so I know this might sound a bit silly but my own understanding of it is still quite raw and basic. That’s why I don’t think I could correct that at this stage in time. Maybe later on I might be able to. At the moment, it’s hard to find the right label for it.”

How did such a terrible thing come to pass?

“You know what, part of it was me thinking that I could do anything and that was a dangerous place to be in... a dangerous mindset to take. I would think, ‘Yeah, of course I can fly to America to do some promo, and then straight back to Europe to tour’, ‘of course I can do a video shoot’, and ‘yes, of course I can make an album in three months and go and do that

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36 Autumn 2013

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whole thing again’. After seven years of that, you believe you can do anything.”

Melua says the pressures of fame and the expectation of people - especially in light of the huge success she had enjoyed at such a young age - gave her the feeling that she was invincible, able to take on anything thrown at her.

“The whole thing offers you that sense of power and strength.

When things are going well you believe you can do anything. It all adds to that cycle that makes you think, wrongly, that you’re not a human being with human levels of strength... that you’re something more than that. It was tough to go through those six months but actually, it sort of reset my button, and made me think, ‘Hold on a second, what made me think I could keep this up?’ It made me collect.

unexpected. In fact, I’d had a really long day recording and working in the studio, and I had another long day and early morning ahead of me, so I had just gone home and gone to bed. All of a sudden, I was being woken up by my mum, who was trying to drag me out of bed telling me that we had this last minute opportunity to go and meet the patriarch and I had to get up. I was half asleep, but I quickly got dressed and jumped in a taxi to the hotel he was staying at.

“He was so wonderful, and he had this lovely aura about him that was beguiling. He even gave me a cross as a gift, which was so lovely of him. It was such a great experience.

“Reducing stress!” she smiles. “I don’t think I’m a stressful person.

My hubby thinks I can be. I just like to keep a normal schedule, so that means not flying off everywhere, not over-committing.

It’s about sleep watching insomnia was a pre-warning system and if I’d been aware of it, I would have clocked that.”

“It actually made me feel very at peace with myself. I was just about to head out on tour, something I was quite apprehensive about because of what had happened to me last year. I was constantly questioning whether I could do it or not, as my nerves were at a bit of a peak. But the meeting with the patriarch really made me able to put things into a proper context. It made me think that it was only a tour, there was nothing to worry about, I can do it. Just take it easy. It’s all about faith and strength and courage – we all need it, and it doesn’t matter where we take that from.”

Part of the stress reduction plan came in the guise of a chance meeting with the Georgian Patriarch last year, which Melua says gave her the strength to know that she was able to get back to doing what she loved playing live to her devoted fans.

With Katie’s workload now manageable and her frame of mind settled, the singer is balancing work while enjoying married life having tied the knot with former superbike champion James Toseland in September last year.

“That was such an amazing and spiritual experience. He was over for a UK visit, and the whole thing was pretty phenomenal because it was spur of the moment and

“Marriage is great, and I love it, but it’s a strange one, because what are you supposed to anticipate? I’m very happy and couldn’t ask for anything else.

What is her coping mechanism now?

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James is my family... he’s part of that tight knit group. It’s wonderful.

“I feel so protected. I work with such a wonderful, extraordinary team who have been there for me every step of the way. And I’ve learned so much from it whilst using my faith and my support groups. I wouldn’t have any regrets or want to change my past. It’s all a learning experience and I’m now looking to the future knowing so much more about myself.”

Studio Albums Call off the search (2003) Piece by Piece (2005) Pictures (2007) The House (2010) Secret Symphony (2012) Ketevan (2013)

Honours and Awards ECHO award: Best International Newcomer (2005) Best International Female Artist (2007) BRIT awards: Nominated Best Pop Act, Nominated Best British Female Solo Artist (2006) Goldene Kamera: Pop International Solo (2007)

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Trolls and

features

HEROES

by BEKAH LEGG

Back in the summer, trolling and cyber bullying were hitting the headlines. In the midst of this, Bekah’s eleven-year-old daughter had a message passed to her at a Christian kids camp. She was told that, in the middle of the night, this eleven-year-old boy was going to break into her tent and rape her. Bekah’s blog response to this was picked up around the world so we’ve reprinted it here along with some thoughts of what to do if this should happen to you. © Thinkstock | Creatas Images

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I

nearly threw up when I found out. I am a balanced, sensible woman. I knew he hadn’t actually done it. I guessed he probably didn’t really know what he said. I imagined it was just a phrase he’d heard bandied around at school, or seen on social media, or in the news in the last few weeks. I supposed he thought it was just funny.

My daughter didn’t. She didn’t find it funny; she found it frightening.

So frightening that she didn’t want to sleep in the tent with her friends that night. She was so unsettled that she had to come home for the night and be held tight so that she could feel safe.

She didn’t even fully understand why she was frightened – couldn’t put her finger on why she didn’t ‘feel safe’. My baby got hurt and that killed me.

There is a hero in my story though, two actually. One is my elevenyear-old and the other is her tenyear-old sister. My ten-year-old is a force to be reckoned with and she, outraged at her sister being spoken to like that, spoke out and made her sister do the same. I LOVE that she did. I LOVE that she knew not to take that lying down, not to let the fear silence her. I LOVE that she brought the issue into the light and demanded it be dealt with.

And my eleven-year-old is a hero because she went back to camp.

She decided that one silly little boy was not going to spoil her fun. She was not going to withdraw from a space that she loves, a space where she connects with other people and with God because of a bully who thinks it’s funny to threaten people. Instead she set up boundaries that enabled her to feel safe and returned to the campfire to cook her own sausages for lunch. I couldn’t be prouder.

40 Autumn 2013

Over the past few months, situations like this have been hitting the headlines. Men have thought it was funny to threaten to rape prominent women, to insult and abuse them over twitter and other Internet spaces. These ‘trolls’ do it for the ‘LULZ’; they think it’s funny. These women are not my babies but I still feel sick reading the vile threats they have received.

The Stats Reliable statistics are hard to come by for adults affected by online abuse, but low estimates suggest that:

2%

of adults (with a higher proportion of younger adults) have received threats online. (Home Office) Alleged crimes linked to Facebook or Twitter have gone up in the last four years.

(Home Office)

708%

More work has gone into looking at how our children are affected by online threats:

38% 28%

of young people have been affected by cyber bullying (NSPCC)

of children did not tell anyone about the abuse (NSPCC)

twice

Girls are as likely as boys to receive persistent cyberbullying (NSPCC) No one should be spoken to like that. No one should be made to feel unsafe and frightened in a place that they love, no one

should feel so unsettled by a nameless menace that they are forced to retreat to a place of safety.

But there are some heroes in this story too. Heroes like Vicky Beeching who spoke live on TV about her experience of trolling; how three years ago she had to be taken from her home in California, accompanied by police, when the threats became too severe and why she wants to stand up to these bullies who, once again, are targeting her for speaking out. I LOVE that she knows not to take that lying down, not to let the fear silence her. I couldn’t be prouder.

Caroline Criado-Perez mounted a wonderfully successful campaign to keep women on British banknotes. Within days of the celebration she was receiving death and rape threats on twitter, her (incorrect) address had been tweeted and she was forced to leave her home for her own safety. But she’s not in hiding – far from it – she is scared but she is speaking out and she’s pressing charges against those the police have arrested; even though she knows there may be repercussions.

I LOVE that she brought the issue into the light and demanded it be dealt with.

No one should be made to

FEEL

unsafe and frightened in a place that they love

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enabling others to dictate what space we can inhabit and what words we can say and when, that will never be the answer.

Standing in the light, speaking out and choosing how we want to respond . . well, that’s freedom; the kind of freedom worth fighting for.

A ‘courage’ that feels

BIG, BRAVE & CLEVER

hiding behind a pseudonym and an avatar in the mists of the

Ethernet

Who’s to blame?

Some people ask why these women don’t just close their twitter accounts, leave the ‘unreal’ world of social media and get on with their lives. They question the wisdom of women who retweet the abuse and bring it to the attention of the world. They suggest they should take it on the chin and do nothing more to antagonise the trolls.

I don’t see why they should do that any more than my daughter should leave the fun of camp. I don’t see why men (and to be honest some women) should be allowed to say what they want without there being repercussions © Getty Images | Hemera Technologies

for them. Twitter, Facebook and the like have given people who would never dare say these things out loud a new kind of ‘courage’. A ‘courage’ that feels big, brave and clever hiding behind a pseudonym and an avatar in the mists of the Ethernet. That ‘courage’ often evaporates when the person behind the twitter handle is brought into the light. Not always, but often.

You see I believe that light overcomes darkness. Every time.

Sometimes it’s painful, often it’s scary but cowering in the corners, letting fear overcome us, allowing threats to take away our power,

In the wake of the tragic suicide of a teenage girl following bullying on the internet, parents, teacher, David Cameron even, has been quick to point the finger at websites like twitter, Facebook and ask.fm, even at the internet itself.

This isn’t the answer.

Bullying existed before the Internet; nasty notes were passed before the Internet. As far as I’m aware, we didn’t blame the inventor of paper, or the postal service, we blamed the person who wrote the note, the person who made the threat. We live in a world where we like to shift the blame to a faceless corporation who probably has made millions of pounds out of us, but the reality is that the internet is just a tool

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that can be used for good or for bad. It’s important to keep that in perspective.

media websites have a facility to report abuse and in extreme cases the Police should be involved.

What can we do?

When it happens to our

When it happens to us: Following the example of Vicky and Caroline is a bold step, but one that brings problems into the light. We don’t need to engage with every little thing in the twittersphere, but challenging bullies is a good thing. Reporting abuse is crucial – most social

what isn’t and how to respond when someone does something you don’t like. As parents we mustn’t shy away from this brave new world and allow our children to become citizens of a foreign country where we don’t speak the language.

children: We teach our children how to behave with their siblings, how to behave in the playground, how to choose friends wisely, but we sometimes haven’t kept up with the times. We must have conversations too about how to behave online, how to choose friends wisely, what is appropriate,

There are a number of amazing websites set up to support children who are being bullied on and off line, it’s worth checking these out and encouraging your children to do the same.

Think you know: Run by CEOPS, a branch of the police aiming to prevent child exploitation, this looks at all manner of problems that can occur on the internet and has great advice for parents and children alike.

Beat Bullying Website: This website supports children struggling with anything but particularly with bullying – it has well-trained, teenage ‘cyber-mentors’ who will communicate directly and confidentially with children.

Childline: Linked with the national phone line, this website has fantastic advice and support for young people and their parents on a wide range of issues.

Children and young people can contact ChildLine about anything - no problem is too big or too small. Call free on 0800 1111, have a 1-2-1 chat online www.childline.org.uk or send an email.

Over to You...

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Degree courses validated by

42 Autumn 2013

R esurrection Year

A hope-filled story about starting again after a dream has died – an emotive, poetic and at times humorous discovery of the healing qualities of beauty, play, friendship and love.

Available wherever books are sold.

richmond-holidays.com

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living

Am I beautiful?

by CHINE MBUBAEGBU

I’ve been a woman all my life. I’ve grown up in a house full of women, surrounded by my mum and sisters, lots of aunties and many female friends. Beautiful, intelligent, witty women of all shapes and sizes.

© Thinkstock | iStockphoto

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I

n school, university, the workplace and in church I’m often taken aback by the vast amount of talent and goodness that there is within womankind.

We are over-achievers, homemakers, lawyers and artists, teachers and theologians. We could change the world. But there is something that has increasingly started to bug me – something that could be holding us back from reaching our potential.

It’s that constant murmur of dissatisfaction; not with the state of the world or the unequal pay gap; nor with the fact that 140 million girls and women around the world are currently living with the consequences of female genital mutilation. It’s not the unified cry for justice in all areas of society, nor is it the common zeal of women wanting to make the world better. Instead, it’s the susurration of low self-esteem and battered self-image that seems to creep its way into the

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conversations I hear women having by the coffee machine at work, in mums and toddlers groups up and down the country and, most worryingly, in our church pews. I hear it in the swapping of diet tips and the compliments about outfits. I hear it in the conversations about the latest hair-removal techniques and the newest body-controlling underwear.

WE

are over-achievers,

homemakers, lawyers and artists, teachers

AND

theologians We are constantly looking at our physical bodies and those of the women around us. We are judging

each other, subconsciously rating other members of the sisterhood as hot or not – ourselves included.

As women, we can be desperately unhappy with our bodies, seeing only our lumps and bumps – whether they are there or not – our cellulite or flat chests. We are constantly dieting. Some of us to extreme lengths that leave us fighting for our lives. Some of us go under the knife because we want to look a little bit more like someone else – someone we perceive has a better nose, smoother skin or fewer wobbly bits. I’m going to let you into a secret. There are some days when I wake up, take a look in the mirror and think God did an alright job when he made me.

There are some days like this.

But, if I’m honest, most days aren’t like this at all. At times I feel very un-pretty. I resent the fact that my body must be a product of the Fall. I roll out of bed and can’t

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bear to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

our story as

Christian

WOMEN really needs to be

better than THIS I’m not the only woman who feels this way. When we look in the mirror, as many as 8 out of 10 of us are not happy with the reflection peering back at us.

The advertising, media and entertainment industries bombard us with images of an ideal towards which we strive, relentlessly banging against the

Become a ‘fan’ www.facebook.com/ amibeautifulbook

treadmill as that ideal moves further and further away from us and becomes less and less achievable. As a result, many of us are living with this constant feeling that we have failed; that we are inadequate and undesirable.

This can affect not just what we see in the mirror but how we relate to the outside world. I think our story as Christian women really needs to be better than this. We have heard that we are made in the image of the God, in whom the essence of beauty is found. We know somewhere in the back of our minds that God looks at the inside and not at the outer appearance. But yet these truths somehow melt away during the course of everyday life; the times when we can’t see past our love handles; the times when we spend such vast amounts of money on our hair, make-up and clothes. These truths are drowned out by the messages we read in magazines and the images we see on our television screens.

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We need to fight back against these negative messages and learn again to listen to that still, small voice that whispers to us that we are beautiful because we were created by Beauty itself. We need to remind ourselves of what true beauty is. We must teach ourselves to find value in our identity in Christ and not in the compliments we receive about our physical appearance or when we compare ourselves to anyone else.

Because we have to regain the confidence to be bold in going for the goal that God has set before us. Together, as sisters in Christ, we need to be honest about our struggles and then build one another up so that none of us has to suffer in silence because of a shattered self-image.

This is an extract from Am I Beautiful? by Chine Mbubaegbu, which is out now, published by Authentic Media.

For more info visit www.amibeautiful.co.uk

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MUSIC TO OUR Need you now Plumb Tiffany Arbuckle Lee is better known as Plumb in the recording world and although this is her sixth studio album, it feels to me like a new discovery! Great vocals sit clearly and confidently upon modern rock, almost alternative and at times anthemic songs and quickly capture your attention.

Her songs and production sound have an obvious mainstream appeal, and her underlying faith shines through. ‘One Drop’ imagines a world where we all do a little bit of good and pass on a little bit of hope; ‘Need You Now’ cries to God for strength and ‘Don’t Deserve You’ is a dynamic testament to God’s love.

ears

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by SUE RINALDI

Live at the Royal Albert Hall (CD and DVD) Emeli Sandé Our Version Of Events announced the arrival of an outstanding artist, not only decreeing the advent of a voice with the posture of a legend in the making, but also revealing a genuinely gifted songwriter.

Early hits ‘Next To Me’ and ‘Heaven’ were momentous moments for this soul-tipped poet; soon overshadowed by her London Olympics medal for most viewed and valued musical contributor. It felt like Britain had struck gold! This 2-disc live recording is simply magnificent!

English Rain - Gabrielle Aplin At the tender age of 21, English singersongwriter Gabrielle Aplin has a lot of career-winning moves already under her belt. Self-taught and, until recently, selfpromoting, she has clocked up millions of YouTube hits from music videos she has been posting since she was 14, released 3 independent EPs and stormed the Christmas charts with her re-imagined version of ‘The Power Of Love’.

Add to this 7 sold-out UK headline tours, a record contract with Parlophone, a song on the soundtrack of a film based on Lady Diana….and not forgetting her rather good debut studio album ‘English Rain’.

Folk inspired Aplin delivers melodies that enchant, effortlessly weaving an organic musical charm into your ears. ‘Panic Cord’ delights as a stirring opener; ‘How Do You Feel Today’ is lilting and fragile; ‘Salvation’ is breath-taking and possibly Aplin at her best. ‘Home’ and ‘November’ find space to grow and ‘Ready To Question’ uncovers her questioning heart concerning God and life.

The sound of english rain is extremely pleasing and with Aplin’s undeniable talent, I forecast a great future whatever the weather!

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culture

by BEKAH LEGG

{BOOK}shelf

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We don’t just want to review books and bestow a star rating upon them; we want to recommend books that we’d love to share with you. These books, all recently released, have provoked, challenged and spoken to us about our relationship with God, each other and even ourselves. Enjoy.

RESURRECTION YEAR Sheridan Voysey (Thomas Nelson Publishers)

I think this has to be one of my favourite books of the year. Honest, raw and beautifully written, this compelling book takes you on a journey with Sheridan and Merryn as they battle with infertility, heartbreak and shattered dreams. This is not a book to read if you want to find neat answers and cliché quotes to fix your problems and I love it for that. I love it because instead of wrapping up the problem of unanswered prayer and pain with a happy ending, it takes you on a journey of exploration to find God in the midst of the hardship and how to hold on to a relationship with a creator who sometimes says ‘No’.

AM I BEAUTIFUL Chine Mbubaegbu (Authentic)

Chine approaches the concept of beauty and how we feel about it with grace and vulnerability.

This book is an invitation to step into her story, to walk with her as she reflects on her journey of self-esteem and self-image and to share what she has learned along the way. This book is a must read for women everywhere who struggle with the question of beauty FOLLOWING THE BREADCRUMBS Phillippa Hannah (Authentic)

Through the story of her own life, musician Phillippa Hannah documents how she knows that God is real. Since meeting God in 2004, she has kept a list of ‘signs and wonders’. She uses this as a step by step guide to following Jesus. A good read and great gift for someone wanting to know more about Christianity.

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KICKING THE HABIT

Eleanor Stewart. (Lion Hudson)

This is a funny and affectionate look at convent life in the 1960’s that anyone who enjoys ‘Call the Midwife’ will love. Set against the backdrop of Beatlemania in 1960’s Liverpool, it tells the story of a nun struggling to live a divided existence between two very different worlds.

TURNAROUND GOD

Charlotte Gambill (Thomas Nelson Publishers)

In this, Charlotte Gambill’s latest, book she looks at the God who turned darkness into light and filled the void with an abundance of life and challenges us to remember that no matter how hard a situation we face, we follow a God who offers complete turnaround.

AT THE

{cinema}

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culture

by SOPHIE LISTER

Thor: The Dark World (30 Oct)

© Walt Disney Pictures

The hammer-wielding Norse hero (Chris Hemsworth) made quite an entrance in 2011, and now he’s back for more. This time he must team up with his disgraced brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) to save Jane (Natalie Portman) and the rest of the universe when dark forces threaten. Like the first film, this promises real human drama behind the comic-book action.

The Hobbit: Desolation and Smaug (13 Oct)

Yet another epic adventure continues in the second part of Peter Jackson’s new Tolkien trilogy. Against his better judgement, Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) has left the comforts of home, and thrown his lot in with a band of dispossessed dwarves. But will he regret this choice now that the Shire lies far behind, and the deadly dragon Smaug has woken up? © Warner Bros. Pictures

Drinking Buddies (8 Oct)

© Magnolia Pictures

If you fancy something a little closer to the world as we know it, you could do worse than this easygoing romantic comedy. Luke (Jake Johnson) and Kate (Olivia Wilde) are co-workers and best friends, but should they stay in their respective relationships, or should they be together? This grown-up film doesn’t shy from bigger questions about attraction, commitment and love.

Sophie Lister is a writer with Damaris which provides free resources for Damaris Film Clubs as well as the Damaris Film Blog. See damaris.org/filmclubs and damaris.org/filmblog

© Lionsgate films, image curtosy of movieinside.com

Hunger Games: Catching Fire (22 Nov)

© Universal Pictures

This winter, cinema seems to be all about the blockbuster sequels, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The first Hunger Games film was a smash hit, captivating adults and teens alike with its bleak vision of a future where ‘reality TV’ means something very different.

It also catapulted actress Jennifer Lawrence – a perfect fit as tough heroine Katniss Everdeen –­ to global stardom.

Now the stakes are even higher, and Katniss and Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) are far from safe after their victory in the Hunger Games. Open rebellion is breaking out in the districts, and Katniss finds herself caught between conflicting loyalties. Does she try to protect those she loves, or does she lay down her own interests to become a figurehead for the rebels? This dark series continues to wrestle with timely ideas of identity, oppression and sacrifice.

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Universal Credit: All Change?

by MARIANNE CLOUGH

For many families, changes in income add up to one big financial headache – and it’s the women who are left trying to balance the budget.

National PR Manager Marianne Clough first found out about Christians Against Poverty in 1997 when she was working as a reporter on Bradford’s Telegraph and Argus newspaper. In those days, CAP had a staff of two who worked out of a bedroom office in the city. Now CAP has 233 centres across the UK, supported by 260 HQ staff and helps 26,000 people a year with its in-depth debt counselling service.

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© Thinkstock | Top Photo Group

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survey last year by our friends at the Money Advice Service showed 51 per cent of women have complete control over the household purse strings. In contrast, just 36 per cent of men could say the same.

So, as welfare reforms come in for more of us this month (October), our experience at CAP shows that while the fellas may feel great stress, it is women who will have to try to make it work.

What does it all mean?

Universal Credit - the six workingage benefits rolled into one – was tested out in Tameside in April, another three areas were added in July and by the end of October there will be ten areas finding out what the changes will start to feel like in this transition which will take until 2017 to complete.

Make no mistake. This is a big deal for all of us – whether we have paid work, are working and receiving benefits or using benefits as our sole income.

Here’s why:

Universal Credit will be paid monthly; not weekly and will include housing benefit, which has previously been paid directly to the landlord.

This means that some people will find more money in their accounts than they have ever had; the future security of their home will depend on them managing it well.

The benefits of Universal Credit are that people who find some part-time work will be better off and any fluctuation in working hours will be automatically adjusted in payments they receive.

Government ministers say 3.1 million households will be entitled to more (although 2.8 million will receive less).

What’s the problem?

This huge switch is already causing concern. We’ve heard of one children’s centre that is advising mums to stockpile food in readiness for the transition to monthly payments. It’s like something from wartime Britain, not 2013!

Seriously, how many children will go without? How many rows will ensue? How many will end up homeless?

What can be done?

This is an issue that needs prayer and action. Thankfully there are already hundreds of churches who will be holding the CAP Money Course in their churches in October. This free course is just three or four sessions long – debt prevention, if you like - and helps people to gain control of their finances.

One of the sessions challenges people to go without cards for a week and just use cash by sticking to the budget.

Is that something you can do?

Be honest, do you know right now what’s in your bank account? If not, get yourself on one of these courses. You’ll never look back.

The Bible is full of great money advice and – forgive the pun –it pays to listen because if we are the masters of our finances, we can learn to enjoy them in the way God intended. We’ll also be able to give in the way so many of us would really like to but can’t.

Why should the church be involved?

As the Archbishop began airing his thoughts about Wonga this Summer, there were those who said the Church shouldn’t get

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involved with money matters – that it should stick to spiritual affairs.

I would challenge anyone to agree with that view after listening to the one in fourin ten people who are suicidal when they first call CAP for debt help. They are being hounded by creditors, kept awake at night, feeling a failure, scared to go out and hopelessness has crept in. These are broken people who need to know that God sees them in their distress, loves them and is for them and that something can be done to get them out of a terribly dark place.

Be honest, do you know right now what’s in

your bank account?

It is my greatest delight to see that, with practical debt counselling, help and the support of a loving church, I get to see those lives transformed: mums and dads stay together, eviction and repossessions are stopped in their tracks and our clients’ health picks up. Often people get to a place where they can give up their anti-depressants because the nub of their problem is sorted out.

So, next time you’re paying the bills, food shopping and filling up the car think of those who will be under more strain that most of us can imagine.

And please do whatever you can do to help as we partner with the local church to help the most vulnerable in the UK.

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faith

Taking off the stabilisers

by ARIANNA WALKER

Years ago, I watched my youngest boy on his bike, his stabilisers at the side holding him up, keeping him steady and upright. All was well until he looked at his older brother who was managing to go up and down the curbs, do tricks and gather speed.

H

is brother had learnt to ride a bike without stabilisers - no holding back, no artificial means of keeping himself upright, he could go further and faster because he had gone through the process of learning to ride his bike without artificial means of stability. I watched as my little boy got off his bike, point at the stabilisers, take a deep breath and shout ‘Daaaadd, let’s get these off!’

Our lives can be like that bike, artificially held up by stabilisers

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that we have put there to help us feel safe, feel balanced, feel like we can make it through another day.

Maybe it’s people; a best friend, a relative, a husband or wife. Maybe it’s our job, our title or position, our roles and responsibilities, or our financial status that give us a sense of stability and security.

For some, the artificial stabilisers are more destructive; eating disorders, self harm, addictions.

All these behaviours are artificial ways of keeping a life upright, of helping us feel as if we are in

control, when in fact all we are doing is restricting God’s ability to teach us how to ride.

Everybody needs to feel a sense of belonging, acceptance and significance but if you find those things outside of your relationship with God- if it’s artificial ways of keeping your balance and stability in life then there will come a point when you realise those stabilisers are just too restrictive. They hold you back, restrict your speed, prevent you from being able to explore all that life has to offer

© Thinkstock | iStockphoto

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because artificial stabilisers are designed for small bikes, small lives and that is not what God has called His people to have.

God is asking for us to trust Him by letting go of the things we have put in place ourselves, every self generated coping mechanism, every defence mechanism, every artificial stabiliser and instead trust Him to teach us His way of responding to life’s challenges. If we let Him, He will teach us the wonder of learning to ride the bike of our lives without the restriction of stabilisers- He will teach us to ride in total freedom.

In Matthew 19 we find the story of a young man who asks Jesus how he can have life to the full, Jesus reminds him of what he would have learned at the synagogue growing up – the man isn’t satisfied with the answer.

maybe it’s

people;

a best friend, a relative, a husband or wife To relate it to the bike analogy, the man could have been saying: “How do I ride a big bike? I can see the life you are talking about, Jesus, and I want it too. I want to follow you, to ride alongside you but my bike doesn’t seem to be able to.” Jesus’ response would be something along the lines of: “Ok, let me show you the basics- bum on seat, hands on handle bars, feet on the peddles, now cycle!’

And the man says: ”I’ve done all that, what’s left?’

Clearly the man knows he’s missing something. He can feel something holding him back, but

© Thinkstock | iStockphoto

faith

he can’t work out what it is. It’s like my youngest son watching his big brother going up and down all the curbs and gaining speed but because of his little stabilisers, he can’t do the same.

You want to know the

fullness and the freedom of the open road,

no RESTRICTIONS Then Jesus says this: “If you want to give it all you’ve got, go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor.”

Immediately Jesus pinpoints the artificial stabiliser that was keeping the rich man’s life upright and moving forward in his own strength. His security, identity, sense of power, worth and value were all tied up in his riches and Jesus asks him to let go, to sell his stuff, to take off the artificial stabilisers as it were, and learn to ride the bike of his life by trusting Him. Maybe for you it’s not moneymaybe it’s a relationship, or an addiction, or a fear that you keep at bay by doing all the things you feel you should. Whatever it is, if you are trying to follow Jesus, if you want to know the fullness and the freedom of the open road, no restrictions, no being held backthen it’s time to take a spanner to those stabilisers and leave them behind as you journey into your future.

‘Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on our own insight or understanding.’

Proverbs 3:5 (AMP)

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Get Togethers When the nights draw in As winter nights beckon we can be in danger of retreating into our homes and individual family units.

Cocooned by our firesides on dark winter’s nights, we lose the connections we made over the garden fence in the summer and the impromptu socializing of a picnic in the park.

We’ve come up with some ideas to keep those connections going and reach out to those who live near us.

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“Fairy Lights and Fillings” Create a light filled garden event on an autumn evening with an easy and cost effective way of connecting people together. Dig out your fairy lights from the loft and borrow a few extra sets. Drape them around trees, hedges, plants and build an open fire, with a scattering of drinks and nibbles. Bake some jacket potatoes in the oven and invite your friends to simply bring their own particular favourite filling.

(Small garden? Use a portable fire bowl)

Ready, Steady Cook!

Here is a simple way to have a lot of fun with three or four friends. Invite them along one afternoon and ask them to bring a recipe card and ingredients ready to explain and make one of their favourite dishes.

Take it in turns to be the ‘chef’ and demonstrate, then enjoy a tasting session. Place the remaining food into take-away foil cartons which each guest can take home. Have fun, learn new recipes, taste new dishes and have your next family meal all ready to go!

Christmas Family Craft Quad Biking As a break from all the indoor activities, blast away the cobwebs on a muddy night racing round fields on noisy quad bikes. Outdoor activity centres are often keen to open up and give you a good deal during their quiet period.

Call them and ask what they would be willing to do for £15 per person, or whatever you think your friends can afford. Most centres offer boiler suit type overalls and helmets so the mud stays on the outside.

Here is a fun and quick way to involve the whole family in an evening of fun. You can choose any ages but you may find it works particularly well with families of younger Primary/Junior aged children. Each family brings with them a particular craft idea. After a brief explanation and ‘how to’, the crafts are laid out and adults and children get stuck in. Everyone enjoys explaining and showing off their own idea and the hostess is not the only expert! Take lots of pictures of the crafts as they are created and the efforts of those working on them. Collaborative active learning at its best! Sweets and nibbles could be added, always a winner.

You will be amazed at the enthusiasm of your friends: who drives the fastest, who is most willing to blast through the deepest muddiest puddles and who looks best with helmet hair at the end!

© Thinkstock | iStockphoto, Jupiterimages and Fogstock

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Theatre event The weeks leading up to Christmas are full of special shows and pantomimes. With plenty of notice you could block book a local theatre and hopefully negotiate a discount. Invite your friends and choose a theme to dress up to - perhaps ‘Christmas sparkle”, ‘Little black dress’ or ‘Worst Christmas jumper ever’.

Pre-order your drinks for the interval and find a corner so that you have time to chat together without wasting time queuing. Sometimes cast members will be willing to meet a group at the stage door with advance warning, or ask for a back stage tour of the dressing rooms once everyone is gone.

Thanksgiving dinner Invite your neighbours to share in a Thanksgiving dinner. A turkey is the traditional main event but you can add any other dishes round it, trying out some different tastes. Mashed sweet potato topped with oven-grilled marshmallows is a favourite novelty, and you can make great pumpkin pie out of a tin and a ready-made short crust pie base!

As you eat together you can explain the original American tradition of the early pilgrims giving thanks to God and ask everyone to share one or two things they are thankful for, giving people a chance to get to know each other better.

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Buy Local

Fair Trade Wine Tasting

Invite a local small business owner to do a ‘party’ at your home. It might be someone who sells handbags, or makes jewellery.

Perhaps a local beauty salon will come and do a demonstration of hand treatments or hair products. Maybe you will have a contact with a sweet manufacturer or jam maker in your village. We are all familiar with Pampered Chef and the Body Shop party concept but it is great to support businesses from your own area. People starting up are usually delighted to have a chance to talk about their products and why they are doing it. Just have a chat when you book the night to make sure that it doesn’t turn into a hard sell event.

There are some really good fairly traded wines out there in today’s market. Buy online or visit your local Traidcraft or Co-op Store, trying to get a range of prices, grapes and varieties. Chill the white in the fridge and open the red an hour before your guests arrive. You could ask your friends to bring £10 to cover the costs and hope that if the numbers work out you could give any profit to a Fairtrade charity.

Start with a blind tasting, with the label hidden and see how people respond. Then move to small tastes of different types, with a few crackers, cheese and grapes in between. Invite your guests to give each bottle a mark out of ten, and declare a winner by the end of the night.

No Reason Invite Don’t you like getting together with your friends just because they are your friends? The best invite might be a last minute text with no preparation, no agenda, no money involved, no craft making, no dressing up...just invite people because you have thought of them and enjoy their company. Open a packet and maybe a bottle or just put the kettle on. Just chill out and relax into genuine, meaningful conversations.

Written by the team at Activate Your Life, a charity network that exists to encourage and inspire women to get connected in their communities and involved in friendship evangelism. Join them through the website, on Facebook or follow them on Twitter. A new book, full of inspiring real life stories and practical ideas is due for publication in the new year. The team will come and speak at events and would love to welcome you to a Weekend Away next March in Staverton. © Thinkstock | iStockphoto and Digital Vision

Autumn 2013 59

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faith

60 Autumn 2013

LIBERTI

faith

Raising Families

by PETER WOODING

With 47% of families facing extreme poverty throughout Rwanda, it is the women there who primarily endure the daily hopelessness of wondering how they will provide for their children. Women like Jeanne, a widow, a grandmother called Cecile and Imakurata, a mother forced into prostitution.

Imakurata’s story

I

makurata had never imagined that she would be able to make a good living on her own. She was widowed in 2002 when she was five months pregnant with her youngest child. She found herself with three mouths to feed – but, she had no job and no income.

Terrified of losing her children to hunger or disease, Imakurata resorted to prostitution. She hated herself. And, she got angry with God because she thought that He did not care for her family.

Jeanne’s story

J

eanne is a widow and the sole provider for her six siblings and six children, two of her own and four belonging to one of her sisters. Widowed at

such a young age, in such a place, she knows what desperation is.

Many times Jeanne would wonder how she could ever provide for 12 people when she had nothing.

What hope and what future was there for her and her family? How would her children ever get to school, or get the nutrition and healthcare they need? How would they survive?

Cecile’s story

A

t a time in her life, when she should have been able to count on being looked after by her children, Cecile had to take on the responsibility of raising five orphaned grandchildren, the youngest of whom is four years old.

What else could a grandmother have done after the tragic deaths of her son and his wife? But, at

her age Cecile felt incapable of bringing up her grandchildren on her own.

what

hope

and what

future was there for her and her family?

Hope and a future These women, facing very different problems and have something incredible in common: they have all had their lives and situations transformed through

Autumn 2013 61

LIBERTI

faith earn money in the harvest to pay for school fees and healthcare.

“I want my grandchildren to know God, to pray to Him and to understand that He is able to meet all their needs.”

Imakurata can now provide for her children and sleep well at night because she knows that she will not need to demean herself any more. That’s because, through the Raising Families initiative, local church volunteers reached out to her. They invited Imakurata to join the church, to experience God’s love through prayer, Bible study and fellowship. They offered her a small loan, with no strings attached, through the church’s savings group.

a ground-breaking new initiative from Samaritan’s Purse called Raising Families, which seeks to bring hope and a future to vulnerable children and families throughout Sub-Saharan Africa and Central Asia.

today Imakurata is a

different woman

SMILE

- she has a on her face and a

SPARKLE in her eye

Thanks to Raising Families, the Church was there for Jeanne’s family when she was most desperate. They invited Jeanne to join their savings group and inspired her to think about what was possible. They gave her some food to help her in the short term but, more significantly, they

62 Autumn 2013

loaned her money to start a small shop. Her first purchase was two bags of charcoal, which she bought and then resold. Today her shop is thriving and she is selling sugar, flour, tomatoes, rice, beans and potatoes. And, of course, more charcoal. She is a flourishing businesswoman.

From small beginnings she is now able to feed her six siblings and six children and to provide for the children to go to school and she has taken out health insurance to provide for their medical needs.

Jeanne and her family have also committed their lives to Christ and joined the local Church.

Another local church, trained by Samaritan’s Purse, introduced grandmother Cecile to other vulnerable families in her community. They prayed together, encouraged each other, shared their knowledge and pooled their money and other resources. Cecile said: “When I look back and see all that I have been able to do, it’s all due to the encouragement I received from the group at church.

The group also helped me in cultivating crops which helped me

Today Imakurata is a different woman - she has a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes.

She says - ‘I will never go back to the way things were.’ With the money she received from the loan she invested in chickens and, by selling the eggs, she has paid back the loan to the savings group.

Women supporting women Many women in the UK are joining this quiet revolution and playing their part in helping mothers and grandmothers like Jeanne, Imakurata and Cecile to find hope and a future by signing up to become Raising Families sponsors.

Candy O’Donovan, Business Development Manager for the Evangelical Alliance. who has two sons herself says: “I believe it’s important for women of all backgrounds to engage in something like Raising Families because they can pool their resources to help women and families in poorer countries.

Western society has become

a part e es erty? ur our oday.

LIBERTI

individualised - the model Raising Families uses of pooling communal resources is a timely lesson of what can be achieved when we all put in what we can, however much or little that might be.”

Churches are being asked to get behind this ground-breaking initiative by doing something really special this Harvest, pooling their resources to come to the aid of vulnerable children and families.

9.1%

HELPING

IN JESUS’

NAME

Only of females aged 25 and over in Uganda have gained

M Promis

secondary

Harvest Su ay Resource Pnd ack

education

Over the next three years, Samaritan’s Purse is aiming to raise 30,000 families out of poverty and is encouraging individuals and churches in the UK to get involved and support Raising Families through Direct Debit gifts of just £10 a month per family.

faith

RAISIN

FAMILIEG S WORKING TO GIVE

VULNERABLE

CHILDREN

& FAMILIES A

FUTURE

Organis Handbooerks

Raising Families Harvest Resource Packs are available, free of charge, at: www.samaritan-purse.org.uk/ raising-families-harvest

Raising Families direct debit

Raising Families resources

HELPING IN JESUS’ NAME

RAISING

FAMILIES

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me PHILIPPIANS 4:13 (NKJV)

WORKING TO GIVE

VULNERABLE CHILDREN

& FAMILIES A FUTURE To play your part in releasing some of the world’s poorest families from the chains of poverty, visit our website and request your FREE HARVEST PACK today.

www.SAMARITANS-PURSE.ORG.UK/RAISING-FAMILIES or use the QR code above.

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LIBERTI

culture

Runways were awash with punk homage at the AW13 shows.

Vinyl and leather, zips, chains, buckles and studs. Majoring black colour-wise, but teamed with tartan, yellow punk plaid or electric brights and animal print. Think 70’s Mclaren/Westwood collaborations, but lose the safety pins and spots.

Dress and top available from MISS SELFRIDGE www.missselfridge.co.uk

Check out Liberti’s fashion editor, Emma Greenwood, on Pinterest (this month’s Fashion Board: Rebel Yell).

Autumn 2013 65

LIBERTI

culture

Tartan Pinny Dress - £39 Miss Selfridges www.missselfridge.co.uk

Miss Selfridges www.missselfridge.co.uk Limited Edition McGreggor Trousers - £39.50 Marks and Spencers

PUNK PLAID

Red Tartan Scarf - £4.00 Primark

Add a shot of Scotch to your wardrobe this autumn. Tartan’s a classic that cycles in and out of fashion making it a great buy.

This winter’s punk can be restyled as timeless country Celtic in seasons to come. In the meantime, though, avoid looking like Rupert Bear by rocking it up with stud and chain accessories.

Red Tartan Check Backpack - £38.00 Littlewoods

Buckled Tartan Heel - £18.00 Primark

Limited Edition Bag - £35.00 Marks and Spencers

Pin Brooch Tartan Kilt - £10.00 Primark

66 Autumn 2013

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culture

Coated Slim Leg Jeans - £50 Leather Look Quilted Collarless Jacket - £75 Lloyd Baker Studded Leather and Suede Mix Bag - £90 Long Tall Sally

Black Leather Biker Jacket - £275 Top Shop 0845 121 519 www.topshop.com

WHAT’S UP STUD?

BMILA Black - £65.00 Steve Madden

Black leather and vinyl are this season’s punk staples. Adorned with studs, buckles, zips and chains to give a classic punk rock vibe. If that’s not your thing, you can still get on trend with studded leather accessories and footwear: handbags or boots, a wrist cuff, bangle or belt will do the trick. And if you don’t have a classic black leather biker jacket in your capsule wardrobe it’s about time you did!

Mainline Flat Black Boots - £48.00 Miss Selfridges www.missselfridge.co.uk Studded Headband - £1.99 Available from the British Heart Foundation

Black Studded Waist Belt - £TBC Top Shop 0845 121 519 www.topshop.com

Sliding Stud Cuff - £10.00 Accessorize Black Leather Quilted Mini Skirt - £42.00 Top Shop 0845 121 519 www.topshop.com

Autumn 2013 67

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culture Check Crombie Coat - £350.00 Flash Print Intarsia Sweater - £140.00 Satin Trim Blazer £250.00 Black Trousers £140.00 Jaeger London

Blue Jacket - £49.00 Le Redoute

Hat - £13.00 Le Redoute

BLACK N BLUE

Wear high voltage shades as colour-flash accessories or as background to bold black print. Choose from blue, pink, green, yellow, purple but be sure to go electric not neon (fluorescent 80’s pop brights have come and gone). Print-wise look for leopard, zebra, tiger and snake. Dog tooth, check and plaid all work too

Petrol Blue Leopard Jeans - £44.99 Superdry

Blue Dangle Feather Ear Cuff - £31.00 Bottica.com

Darcy Electric Blue Tiger Skin - £65.00 Pauls Boutique

Diagonal Zip Clutch - £17.00 Accessorize

68 Autumn 2013

Renee Platform £149.00 Hobbs

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LIBERTI

women

Last word: THE

PARALYSIS

of Analysis

by CATHY MADAVAN

Decision making is not for wimps.

So when our beloved, fast boiling, slightly smeared but generally aesthetically pleasing kettle finally left this mortal (but very lime-scaled) coil recently, we needed to decide on a replacement. And so it began.

Now, I know everybody is not as up tight as me. Apparently there are people who can make decisions based primarily on their gut instinct, optimistic thinking or who are happy to settle for what is ‘good enough’ in a situation. How nice for you. This leaves the rest of us control freaks tying ourselves up in knots, making every little decision based upon research and trying to get everything ‘just right’.

Our life’s mission is to maximise the positive outcomes and to minimise the risks – about... erm everything, and it is jolly hard work.

And the really gruelling thing for those of us who suffer from the paralysis of analysis, is that having bashed every dilemma to bits, we are also proven to

70 Autumn 2013

be less likely to be happy with our choices afterwards. I clearly remember one evening spending ages choosing my meal from a menu (after having established the advantages and disadvantages of my meal choice in relation to everybody else’s of course) and then immediately regretting it and running after the waitress with an option which might be even better. And then I liked the look of the person opposite’s food after all. How annoying.

people have

travelled to the moon FASTER than we decided to go to our local school

For the sake of trying to sound more psychologically balanced (desperate measures), I feel I should share that there are those moments where I do, you know, throw caution to the wind and go crazy - making decisions based recklessly upon an primitive and instinctive urge - although to be fair, that does tend to usually involve soft furnishings or shoes, I accept.

And if I have struggled with choosing a kettle or a meal, just

stop and imagine for a moment what it was like for us choosing a secondary school for our oldest daughter! People have travelled to the moon faster than we decided to go to our local school after all!

I think what I am looking for, in all of my deliberation, is wisdom. I know I don’t have all the answers, and yet I want to be responsible for my life, for all God has given me and to make decisions that seem good. The book of Proverbs says “How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver!”

I may never be rich, but I would love to be wise.

But I need the wisdom to decide about which areas of my life really deserve a marathon of time and attention, and which things really don’t.

Hmmm... This might take a while....

PS – the author of this article feels she needs to confess that she lied. It does in fact often take her weeks of research choosing soft furnishings and shoes.

Cathy Madavan works part time managing projects and speaking for Care for the Family, is on the leadership team of Spring Harvest and is writing her first book. She is also an ambassador for the charity Food for the Hungry. At home, Cathy is married to Mark who is the Senior Minister of a church near Southampton, and they have two busy and wonderful teenage girls. © Joanna Zopoth-lipiejko | Dreamstime.com www.cathymadavan.com

© Thinkstock | iStockphoto

H

onestly, I did less research for my A’ levels that I have done over the years replacing domestic appliances.

Choosing a new kettle, for the hubster and I, is something of an exciting quest (and they say romance is dead). But do you know how many reviews there are out there about kettles? We were sat for hours, armed with the internet, a list of our requirements and a carefully constructed SWOT analysis of which kettle would work best based on colour, shape, minutes-to-boil ratio, energy consumption, price and brand dependability! This stuff matters people!

AVA I L A B L E

23/09/13

kingswayshop.com

Autumn 2013 71

A group from here are planning to go to

minehead one 5-9 April

Your Group Organiser is:

minehead TWo 9-14 April

Contact me on:

minehead ThRee 14-18 April

We will be holding a meeting on:

BOOK ON L I N E AT SPR I N G H A RVEST.O R G V I S I T S P R I N G H A RV E S T. O R G

skegness 14-18 April Location: Time:

Spring Harvest is part of Memralife Group, a registered charity.

One 2014 FoRmineheAd TWO mineheAd ThRee SKeGneSS JoinmineheAd Us easTeR a TEACHING AND WORSHIP EVENT fOR All THE fAmIly. 5-9 April 9-14 April 14-18 April 14-18 April TogeTheR We’LL RedisCoVeR The ConFidenCe We haVe in god, and his Un-BeLieVaBLe ConFidenCe in Us.

Spring Harvest is part of Memralife Group, a registered charity.

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