MY DAD

JUST over a month before my son was born, my father and I took a week-long fishing trip to

Costa Rica. One last epic adventure before my life would change in almost every way possible.

I had an ulterior motive: to pick his brain for advice on being a dad, because I felt vastly under-prepared for the task.

Unfortunately, dad was no help. On our first day in Costa Rica, during a three-hour road trip from the airport to the house we were renting, I asked him for tips on fatherhood.

“You’ll figure it out,” he replied. “To be honest, your mother really did all the parenting.”

Over the course of our week-long vacation, I tried asking for advice in four dozen ways, but dad never shared a single insight. Nothing. Nada.

As always though, dad was Captain Adventure, ensuring we took the roads less travelled at every turn. I came home exhilarated, but disappointed by the lack of “dadvice” I received.

MY PROMISE 2

I promised myself I was not only going to be the best father I could be but also remember everything I did (good, bad and downright ugly), so I could one day share insights with my son if he became a father.

There was a certain sense of liberation and self-empowerment that came with this forced course. I would be a father of my own making, a tabula rasa of dads. I would forge fatherhood into an experience uniquely my own, one I felt would best serve me, our son and our family in the best ways possible. As soon as my son, Zephyr, arrived, I realised my autonomy had an unexpected downside: it felt like going up a certain creek without a paddle. I needed a lodestar to help guide me through the process. I had so many questions and so few answers.

And then, my mother came to live with us for several weeks to help us transition into parenthood smoothly.

Whenever Indira needed a break from holding Zephyr and I wasn’t there, my mom swooped in to take him before she was even asked. I’d be feeling tired, and my mother would magically ask whether I’d like a cup of the coffee she was thinking of brewing. Zephyr would be on the verge of getting fussy, and she would suddenly be rocking him while cooing and making cute faces. She seemed to anticipate everyone’s every needs, often offering help before we even knew to ask.

As she parented all of us, she doled out anecdotes about my childhood, a verbal highlight reel. There were the inevitable comparisons between me as a baby and Zephyr. She sprinkled in memories of her own upbringing.

CONCLUSION 4

When I had a moment to process her stories and observations, I realised many were allegories hiding helpful bits of wisdom: never stop telling your child you love them unconditionally. Hugs make almost everything better. A thoughtful compliment boosts confidence.

True authority doesn’t require yelling. Be on the same page as your spouse when it comes to rules and enforcement. Give presents that mean something. Don’t think of cooking as a chore, think of it as a way of expressing your love. Mistakes are inevitable, so learn from them.

There was so much to absorb about being a dad, so much to process.

I still talked to my mother constantly after she went home. Sometimes I bluntly asked for parenting advice because I was at my wit’s end and didn’t know who else to ask; sometimes she just realised I needed it and gently gave it to me.

The one thing I didn’t want to broach with her was my lack of a fatherly guide for my journey through dad-dom. My parents divorced decades ago and are on good terms, but I still avoid conversations about one with the other if I can help it. Why walk across a minefield when there’s a perfectly good path around it?

Despite my lack of a parenting sherpa, I was loving fatherhood and throwing myself into it with sometimes reckless abandon. I told my son I loved him unconditionally an almost uncountable number of times every day. One day, I had one of those revelations that seems like such an obvious thought in hindsight. Why was I so fixated on having a dad as a touchstone? I didn’t need a father to guide me on how to be a good father. I needed a parent to guide me on how to be a good parent. An obvious role model had been with me my entire life: my mother. | The Washington Post

MARCHELLE ABRAHAMS MOVIES

FOR DAD

Films that have planted seeds of emotion

FATHEROOD is an exhausting, exhilarating roller-coaster ride of highs and lows. It’s a full-time job with maximum input rewarded with sloppy kisses, ice-creamsplattered clothing and red-faced tantrums. Yes, you bought a oneway ticket to Funky Town, but no one’s given you directions and the manual’s been out of date for 20 years or so.

When it comes to the complexities of parenthood, Hollywood’s got it wrong so many times.

But every once in a while comes a movie that plants a seed of emotions, compelling us to revisit memories that we’ve compartmentalised into the good or bad section.

So in the spirit of Father’s Day, we’ve selected a list of movies that reflect real-life parenting, minus clichéd Hallmark music. THIS IS 40 The 2012 comedy written and directed by Judd Apatow was the unofficial spin-off from his 2007 film Knocked Up. The movie is centred around married couple Pete (Paul Rudd) and Debbie (Leslie Mann) who are both dealing with their own existential crisis as they head for the big 40. Debbie is having difficulty letting go of her youth while Pete is begrudgingly obliged to pay for his father’s upkeep, despite having a family of his own. It doesn’t help that their children have little to zero respect for them and they’ve now become “that boring couple”. A total cringe-fest, it’s the funny moments which sometimes feel too real that are a reminder that as parents, we’re all just winging it and hoping for the best.

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE This was arguably the breakout independent movie of 2006. With a cast including Greg Kinnear, Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Alan Arkin and Abigail Breslin, the witty script and offbeat characters earned 91% Rotten Tomatoes score. Most of us see ourselves in the dysfunctional family set-up. Throw a road trip into the mix and you’ve got a recipe for unbridled chaos. It’s a reminder that family in the nontraditional sense can raise confident, close-to-stable young adults.

TRANSAMERICA Starring Felicity Huffman and Kevin Zegers, a preoperative transgender woman takes an unexpected trip when she learns she fathered a son, now a teenage runaway hustling in New York. The 2005 screenplay was inspired in part by conversations between director Duncan Tucker and his then room-mate Katherine Connella. The movie is an observation of human nature. At its core is a relationship between child and parent struggling to fill in the gaps after 17 years.

LOSING LERATO Kagiso Modupe’s self-funded movie took almost four years to come to life. On making Losing Lerato, he said: “There are a lot of things going wrong in society and we are not opening up and having a conversation about it. We are always looking at the final product, never looking at what causes it. Those are the things that made me want to make this film.” The film tells a story of a successful young black man who takes matters into his own hands when he fights for the right to be with his daughter as fathers still face discrimination in a court of law when it comes to child custody.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS This movie will probably strike a chord with those who have been following

Black Lives Matter protests around the world. Poignant and dramatic, Will Smith encapsulates a desperate and selfless father in the form of Chris Gardner, a homeless salesman fighting against a system that was built to keep people suppressed. What makes this movie so evocative is the fact that it was based on Chris’s own struggles as he and his son lived on the streets for almost a year. The film was nominated for an Oscar and Golden Globe for Smith’s performance.

SHE’S HAVING A BABY This 1998 romantic comedy is an oldie but its storyline is still relevant today. Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern are a couple struggling to conceive a baby, something that most couples battling with infertility can relate to. Kevin’s character is a man trying to reconcile two worlds, and the result is an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. What makes it so engaging is that you think you might have it all together but nothing prepares you for parenthood.

DEBASHINE THANGEVELO

Macfarlane Moleli DAD’S JOY

‘We run together, we pray together, we exercise together and we play together’

PART of the Carte Blanche family, Macfarlane Moleli has a pretty busy schedule. As much as he loves what he does, he also takes great pride in his other role as a father.

“My kids are my life, every single one of them has something special about them and they make being a dad so easy because they are so loving. There is never a shortage of kisses, hugs and ‘I love you’, in my home.”

And he is grateful for the lessons his father imparted to him, which he practices, too.

“As much as my dad was obsessed with education, he instilled the love of knowledge into our hearts and minds. I guess being an educator didn’t end at the office for him because he brought the same discipline at home. So as children, we knew we had to read and know something about everything.

“Reading is a huge part of my children’s lives, I try to equip them with knowledge at every given opportunity, even though times have changed and Google has taken over.

“I still make sure that my kids are well-read and I make sure that if they don’t know or understand anything, they must seek out the answers.

“We read every night at my house for at least half an hour. So besides what we read together as a family, I try and get my kids to always have a book that they are reading.”

Moleli is a dad of six, whom he fondly refers to by their nicknames: Moppet, 7, Zeed Zeed, 8, Maani, 11, Keemy, 14, Khadj, 16, and Ato, 20.

Every dad has a vault of treasured memories, Moleli is no different.

“Watching my children grow will always be a truly enriching experience, seeing how each of them has a part of you in their mannerisms, their thinking or actions is mindblowing.

“I can almost hear my mother’s voice saying, ‘When you have kids, I wish they drive you as mad as you drove me’.

“Watching this literally happen in front of my eyes every day is a surreal experience.”

As much as there is plenty of cherished moments, challenges are part for the course, too.

Moleli agreed: “Prayer has become the foundation which we are building our family on, and praying together as a family every night has not only brought us closer. It has also given us an opportunity to realise that we are not alone in our struggles. This has changed our family immensely.”

As for his greatest joy of being a dad in today’s world and the words of wisdom he often passes onto his kids, he said: “I am never too busy for my kids, I make time for them in whatever way I can. I’m fortunate enough that we are only ever really busy for one or two days at the most.

“However, on my off days, I’m always at home and I get to spend time with my children. I won’t say I have mastered the work-life balance, but I do my best to make sure that when I have a chance, I give adequate time for my kids. We run together, we pray together, we exercise together and we play together.

“Knowing that my kids are happy is the greatest joy any parent could ever ask for because all we can do is try our very best for our families.

“I try to teach my children that family is everything and the only salvation we have is putting our faith and trust in Allah.”

“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.” – Ryan Reynolds

“Today, my son asked ‘Can I have a bookmark?’ and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.” – Anonymous

“How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints.” – @ baddadjokes/Twitter

“What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.” – Anonymous

“What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.” – Parents. com

“Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.” – Buzzfeed

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.” – Anonymous

MARCHELLE ABRAHAMS DAD JOKES

Knock knock. Who’s there? Daddy. Daddy who? Daddy cool

DAD jokes are the cornerstone of every bad joke institution. And yet, there’s always that one joke that gets passed on from one generation to the next. It might not be Comedy Central material, but you have to admit there is a certain amount of appreciation to be had for a well-timed pun, especially if it’s followed up by roars of laughter by yours truly.

If you thought for one minute that dad jokes had overstayed their welcome, think again. In recent years, mass-sharing on the internet has facilitated a renewed appreciation of the dad joke. Well, US publication The Atlantic seems to think so. According to them, online forums like Reddit have more than 1 million subscribers with several new posts every hour.

Even popular online series Dad Jokes has found an audience with its more than 1.1 million followers on Facebook. In each video, two comedians face off by telling dad jokes to each other. The first one to laugh loses.

And if you’re looking for new material, Twitter is a nonstop shop for “comedy gold”; just type in the #dadjoke hashtag and you’ll be rewarded with a treasure trove of cirque du soleil (lame) jokes.

But maybe now is the time to retire the cringy one-liners or inappropriate innuendos and top up your arsenal with new punchlines.

We went in search of the worst dad jokes that are so bad, they’re funny.

DEAR DAD

DEAR DAD

FATHER’S Day is almost here. But I won’t get to spend it with you since I’m 600km away.

The Covid-19 lockdown has made things even more stressful for me and it feels like the distance between Durban and Joburg is wider.

That said, I love our chats, which we need to have more of. But your words comfort me, despite the distance. It feels like you are in the room, cautioning me as always.

At 60-plus years, you’ve become a lot crankier, which mom keeps complaining about. But enjoying having your family around is something that hasn’t changed over the years. Despite getting older, though, you remain a fiercely protective figure in my life.

You might not be overly affectionate or say “I love you”, but your actions sum up up your love.

As a blue-collar worker, you worked hard to provide for your two kids. One of my fondest memories was of you coming to school on a Friday morning, after working a night shift, to bring my brother and I treats before the lunchtime bell rang. We were also spoilt with some spending money to treat ourselves.

With you losing your parents as a child, I know you did the best you could for your own family with what little you had.

It taught me that being a father isn’t about simply providing. It’s about being present in every way. You’ve been that for my brother and I.

I secretly smile when you reprimand us, as adults, as you feel we’ve done something we should not have.

I can’t wait to see you again. And I know as soon as you hear I will be coming “home”, you will be eagerly waiting by the garage to give me a hug and help me with my luggage.

That’s the kind of understated love I grew up with and cherish every day. You are loved and missed.

Happy Father’s Day, dad!