My Queer Experience

My Queer Experience

1. NAME AND SURNAME

Nkosana Leonardo Simelane.

2. Age

Now 33, turning 34 on March 30.

3. City of residence

Cape Town

4. Occupation

Product Owner – Mobile app development within the FinTech space.

5. Gender identity and sexuality

Gender Queer. Sexuality wise, I am becoming if you can call it that. So for simplicity sake, let’s just say pansexual.

6. How would you describe yourself?

A complicated, gentle, beautiful, authentic and spiritual mess. Lol! I love authenticity, feel it’s one of those key ingredients in beautiful people.

7. How old were you when you knew you were part of the LGBTQIA+ community?

I knew I was part of the community in my early teens (14/15) but I’ve always known that I was different from my brothers and sisters.

8. What was the response like from your family and friends?

I never actually “came out” to my family, I just kept parts of myself hidden until I was independent. Then I started slowly being open about my life to my family and the responses varied – some accepted who I was and some wanted to change or fix me. My grandmother is my biggest supporter, she only cares about my happiness and well-being.

The only person I actually spoke to about my sexuality was my little brother, because he kept trying to set me up and obviously the choices were always not suitable. His response was cute, though – all he said was that he loved me and his blind date choices would be different going forward.

9. Were you scared to let others know about your sexuality and/or gender identity?

Terrified! I had seen what happens to people who came out and lived authentically and that terrified me, still does. If I was going to be disowned by my family and friends, at least I needed to be independent, so I buried my face in books and became self-sufficient.

10. Tell us about the first time you experienced homophobia/ transphobia/ biphobia or queerphobia.

I was called names all through primary and high school and iStabane is the one that was thrown frequently. I still have a tough time with that name. The first time I experienced the violence is what has stuck with me. We were at a club, a few guys had a problem with us being in that particular club (I don’t like going to “straight” clubs anymore, don’t feel comfortable). Words were exchanged and one tried to break a bottle over my head. My friend stepped in and the bottle broke and cut her face. She still has a scar to this day.

11. What was it like being a member of the LGBTQI community in the area you lived in?

Where I grew up, it wasn’t that great. If you lived open and out, you were a target for bullying, mockery and violence. After leaving home, I lived in predominantly Queer-friendly environments. Places I feel a bit safer walking around in.

12. What is it currently like for you?

Great! I am privileged enough to choose where I stay, who I allow in my space and who I interact with. Something I wish and hope for everyone in our community.

13. How would you describe your overall experience as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

A roller-coaster. I found my community but it wasn’t all that I expected, but it was glorious nonetheless. I’ve been accepted and rejected because of who I am within the community and that’s fine. I met some incredible people who helped me become the most authentic version of myself. Our community is full of the most beautiful authentic people, with immense capacity for acceptance and love. This is after everything else that we go through.