The blush of romance, the glow of love, a kaleidoscope of color, sumptuous banquets, and a bouquet of good wishes—that’s what weddings are about!
Nisha Sahay Mendelsohn Brian and Allison Callaway | www.callawaygable.com.
Find us on
/indiacurrents and
@indiacurrentsts
October 2014 | www.indiacurrents.com | 1
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wedding supplement
The Resplendent Indian Wedding By Arushi Sinha
I
n a culture that values hospitality and respect for guests, the Indian wedding is one of the biggest celebrations for any family. Who doesn’t love the music, the food, the fashion, the henna, and the exuberance and vibrancy of the resplendent Indian wedding? According to TheKnot. com, in the United States, the average wedding has a budget of $29,000. By contrast, an Indian heritage wedding has a budget of $78,000, almost three times the national average. And of course, as with any wedding, there seems to be no upper limit. In New York City, highend Indian wedding planners charge over $50,000 for their services, and the Times reported of an Indian heritage wedding having a price tag of over $2 million. Recently, there was news of a $9 million Indian wedding in Las Vegas, complete with an elephantled baraat down the Vegas strip, guests on a chartered jet, and the Bellagio hotel garden redecorated with handmade, customized, moss-constructed elephants, ornamental pillars, urns studded with crystals and pearls and yards and yards of brillianthued fabric. Indian weddings typically run into three to seven days worth of ceremonies and events and hundreds, if not over a thousand, guests. By its very nature, an Indian wedding is a multinational event, bringing together guests, and goods and services from across the global village. Travel, hotels, transporta-
2 | INDIA CURRENTS | October 2014
Indian weddings are not just beautiful to look at and fun to attend, they are a huge economic engine powering local entrepreneurs as well as established businesses. Looking ahead, we want to give you just glimpse of some of the upcoming trends: • We will continue to see more same-sex weddings across all deSamyukta Suresh with her friends at her wedding mographic and ethnic groups. • We will see even bigger and more luxurious Indian weddings, with more horses and perhaps even a few elephants. • Harkening back to the classics, we will see peacocks as a central design motif, as well as a resurgence of timelessly elegant orchids. • In food, we will see more fusion cuisines, with an increased attention to the quality and sourcing of the food itself. Indian weddings are not just We all know what makes weddings wonbeautiful to look at and fun to derful is the building of bridges between individuals and families. As a nation, we can all attend, they are a huge ecobe proud that we will continue to see more nomic engine powering local multi-ethnic and multi-cultural weddings, strengthening the bonds among diverse comentrepreneurs as well as esmunities. n
tablished businesses.
tion, music, jewelry, fashions, and food are an integral part of such an event.
Arushi Sinha is the publisher of Indian Weddings magazine. More at IndianWeddingsMag.com.
October 2014 | www.indiacurrents.com | 3
4 Tips to Select Your Perfect Wedding Color Palette By Uma Subramaniam www.varnaweddingsandevents.com
I
f you’re thinking about color palettes for your wedding and are overwhelmed by the examples you see on Pinterest and other wedding sites, you’re not alone. Most brides that I’ve worked with have a really hard time settling on colors and combinations, especially for the religious ceremony. Do I have to stay with the traditional redgold-turmeric palette? Can I pick my favorite colors? Should I have a complementary, analogous, or monochromatic palette? Here are four tips to help you design color palettes you will love.
Your Color Palette is a Framework for You (and Him) A well-thought out color palette focuses the attention on the bridal couple, as it is meant to. Unlike a white wedding dress, our wedding outfits are very ornate and colorful, and selecting a color palette is quite challenging. Your color scheme should express your personality and enhance what you wear. It’s best to select the colors of your outfits and then determine your color palette. An Ombre Palette Adds Drama One of my most favorite projects was designing a bridal outfit and the décor for a wedding reception. Since the bride hadn’t selected her color palette for the event, I had a free hand in creating a lehenga sari outfit that was just perfect for her and took her with elegant ease from an outdoor Western ceremony to an indoor reception. The outfit combined a gold tissue lehenga and dupatta with a fig-purple velvet choli. Taking my cue from this combination, the décor color palette had purple ombre as the dominant theme with antique gold and cream as accents. The floral décor combined magenta campanula, orchids in shades ranging from fuchsia to plum, and grape-purple hydrangeas, with creamy roses and mini callas providing subtle contrast. Ivory tablecloths, antique gold Chiavari chairs, and mood lighting provided a minimalist setting for the variegated shades of purple. The piece de resistance was the bride’s bouquet of chocolaty pur-
4 | INDIA CURRENTS | October 2014
ple calla lilies, exquisite against her gold lehenga and a perfect match for her choli. An ombre palette offers tremendous range in décor and has the effect of dramatic elegance. There’s More to Red than Red If you’re a Hindu bride, chances are sindoor red is the traditional color for your wedding outfit. But it doesn’t have to be. If you type “red” in the Pantone color finder, 96 shades pop up, with mysterious names like Etruscan Red, Haute Red, Beet Red, and Red Mahogany. For instance, you could consider a deep claret outfit against a rich palette of creamy pink, dusky orange, and luxe ivory. Beautiful, different, and very sophisticated. Consider Your Venue I’ve seen many brides select palettes that fall down flat in the actual venue. If you’re having an outdoor wedding, consider the setting, the time of day of your event, and the season. Overly bright colors with no cooling colors strewn in can overwhelm and make a hot summer day seem even hotter. If you’re having an indoor wedding or event, the type of lighting becomes crucial. The colors that you thought so pretty don’t help you stand out in a dimly lit room even if you have mood lighting and votives. It’s best to check your potential colors in the setting and the time of day your event will be held. A Complimentary Palette Provides Rich Contrast Another bride for whom I designed custom bridal wear had selected a vibrant palette of burnished orange, dark magenta, and gold for an outdoor Spring wedding. However, she wanted to wear the traditional red sari and have the families reflect the color palette. To keep the focus on the bridal couple was challenging, especially since there was the danger of the bride’s red sari being overwhelmed by the other colors! So, taking a holistic view of the mandap décor, the surroundings, and the people involved, here’s how I selected their outfits. To stand out against the burnished orange,
the bride wore a tomato red Kanchi sari with no embellishments except a wide gold tissue border that had delicate zardozi and kundan work. Her blouse was a beautiful mustard shot with red. The groom’s ivory Indo-Western sherwani had accents of green and gold with a green tissue dupatta. This allowed me to incorporate green into the palette to emphasize the lush park-like setting and provide a cooling contrast. The women wore sarees that ranged from emerald green and shades of magenta to a gold-orange. The men wore ivory kurtapajamas with dupattas in shades of green and orange, off-setting the ornate sarees. A complementary palette can be rich and appealing without overwhelming. Use Expert Resources I invariably turn to dessy.com/pantone/ gallery or indianweddingsite.com for trends and inspiration. Another favorite tool is Pantone’s Color Report. The colors for Spring 2015 will have you completely rethinking your palette. Imagine shades with names like Aquamarine, Scuba Blue, Lucite Green, Sandstone, Marsala, Strawberry Ice, and Custard. Indian fashion shows like Wills India Fashion Week and Lakme Fashion Week are resources that are also at the top of my list. And now get started!
About Uma Subramaniam I love the whole process of creating and designing—whether it’s an event, a celebration, an outfit, or a campaign. There’s incredible energy about working closely with a client and turning their vision into an actuality they love. Contact me at: uma@varnaweddingsandevents.com
October 2014 | www.indiacurrents.com | 5
Saumya Verma and Dave Roedl
Ashwin Suresh and Aditi Srivastava Suresh 6 | INDIA CURRENTS | October 2014
October 2014 | www.indiacurrents.com | 7
Countdown to Wedding Day beauty…..
Are you three or four months away from your wedding? W
hile you're addressing invitations and picking out bridesmaids dresses, take some time to work on your beauty regimen. Making an investment now will pay off big on your wedding day.
Kinjni Skincare offers “at home mini faciial” special DIY packages that are designed for Bride & Groom-to-be as well as their parents. Kinjni Skincare, all natural products can help you achieve the most beautiful and healthy skin glow on your special day. In preparation of your wedding day, we recommend the beauty countdown.
1
3 months before
Cleansing your face with Kinjni's AmPm Cleanser. Follow with gentle Resurfacing Puree exfoliator/mask to remove dead skin cells, twice a week. To even out skin tone, apply G-complex Exfoliating Gel & Lightening Cream once a day (preferably at night)
2
1 month before
A body treatment using Kinjni's DIY Regimen with gentle Veg Peeling Cream removes dry dead skin cells. Pamper yourself with our Detox Mud Masque helps to detoxify, decongest and revive dull & congested skin. Follow with Nourishing Oil—massage for healthy, supple glowing body
3
2 weeks before
Face cleansing with Aloe Vera Cleansing Gel helps to moisturize the skin with botanical extracts while cleansing. Follow with Nourishing Scrub that contains ground bamboo & jojoba beads to improve texture & healthy clarity to skin. Moisturize your skin with Hydrating Cream to improve skin hydration and will leave your skin soft & glowing
4
1 week before
After cleansing your face with Aloe Vera Cleansing Gel, Oxygenate your skin with Skin Energizer that contains powerful Vitamin Complex, multipeptides antioxidants, amino acids. Follow with Age Defying Serum that contain facial line fillers and moisture-binder with microspheres and peptides
We also provide custom designed Skincare product gift packages for any occasion
Kinjni Skincare, LLC • www.kinjniskincare.com • 1-877-454-6564 or 408-410-8721 Email: contactus@kinjniskincare.com or image_usa@hotmail.com
BAZAAR OF INDIA Established in 1971 So far 925 times Mandap supplied. Carry Traditional and non-traditional Mandaps. No job is too small. Do it yourself- Mandaps Check our show room. Every item is displayed
Pioneer in supplying Mandaps in the Bay Area. 3245 Whipple Road, Union City, CA 94587 www.mymandap.com Email: khanna.kirpal@gmail.com
800-400-9894
(Cell) 510-847-3891 8 | INDIA CURRENTS | October 2014
Photo Credit: Brian and Allison Callaway, callawaygable.com
October 2014 | www.indiacurrents.com | 9
10 | INDIA CURRENTS | October 2014
“Don’t Forget Proper Insurance”
During the busy excitement of preparing for your wedding, you must not dismiss one important and imperative part of the celebration — insurance.
W
Samyukta Suresh
hether your wedding will be held in an upscale venue or your backyard, things can always go awry, and you don’t want the slightest mishap to ruin your big day. It is advisable to secure your wedding event with Liability Insurance for your investments. • Your wedding is a special time of reunion for your loved ones and visitors from around the world. Considering the fact that domestic health insurance will not cover medical costs abroad, it is recommended that you obtain and provide Medical Liability Insurance (Visitors Insurance) to protect overseas guests who are attending your wedding. Be wise and fully prepared in case of medical emergencies. If you have a high number of foreign guests attending the wedding; you can actually purchase Group Travel Insurance to cover all of your guests under a single policy and can save money on premium cost. Ensure the happiest time of your life the right way.
Courtesy
Subhash Doshi with his bride, Ruchi Srivastava
October 2014 | www.indiacurrents.com | 11
Indian Wedding Planning Guide 12 Months Before
10 Months Before
Imagine. Work with your partner to visualize a theme and color palette for your wedding. Guests. Start collecting your guest list, their contact information and mailing addresses for invitations. Budget. Discuss your budget. Wedding Date. Choose a wedding date. Figure out your addi tional ceremonies, such as sangeet, garba, henna and reception. Wedding Planners. Begin researching wedding planners.
Website. Create a wedding website. Update it frequently because the information will be important to your out-of-town guests as they finalize travel plans. Photographers. Check your photographer’s portforlio and make sure that your photographer is familiar with your particular ceremony and the specific shots you want. Videographers. Begin researching videographers. Ask your pho tographer for recommendations. Wedding Party. Begin thinking about your wedding party, bridesmaids and groomsmen. Engagement. Go ahead and throw that engagement party.
11 Months Before Planners. Find a wedding planner with an expertise across many sites and vendors. Venues. Finalize your wedding venue. Start thinking about the logistics for decoration, transportation and setup. Check fire codes and alcohol policies. Research. After choosing your wedding planner, look for vendors who reflect your style and mood. Guest List. Start a spreadsheet with fields for names, addresses and events they will be attending, with tracking for RSVPs and thank-you notes.
9 Months Before Videographer. Get your engagement video done, telling the story of how you met to play at your wedding. Baraat. Look into animal options (horses, elephants) for your baraat. You will also need the appropriate permits from your city and venue. Cocktails. Have you thought about creating a signature cocktail that signifies a blend of you and your partner’s personalities?
VENDOR LISTINGS WEDDING DOCUMENTARY: Wedding Documentary Photo + Cinema. Serving the entire Bay Area. Offering the best quality and service for your Indian Wedding. Contact us today for special 2015 rates and packages! Contact: info@weddingdocumentary.com www.WeddingDocumentary.com UNIQUE HINDU WEDDINGS: Certified officiant for Hindu weddings. Specialist who choreographs to individual needs; Explains complex rituals in today’s language; Conducts engaging ceremony in English; Customizes for inter-faith weddings. Find on: facebook.com/hinduwedding Contact: Vijay (408) 629-3001, info@ hindu-wedding.com SAMPAT JEWELLERS INC. We specialize in handmade diamond jewelry made of premium quality natural diamonds. Our diamonds are screened by our founder Sudhir Sampat for color, clarity, cut, and carat. Our goal is to provide a trusting and welcom12 | INDIA CURRENTS | October 2014
ing environment to all our customers – a promise we have been delivering on since 1977. Contact: 5365 Rimwood Dr, San Jose, CA 95118. (408) 915-7518 www.sampatjewellers.com SWATI’S MEHENDI: Swati specializes in Bridal Mehendi and can do any style of mehendi like Indian, Arabic, Gulf. She can customize design for each bride. She has been pursuing her passion since last 5 years. Weddings, Sangeet, Birthdays, religious events, corporate events are some of the events Swati caters to. Contact: 46634 Winema Common, Fremont, CA 94539. (408) 644-7502 www.hennatraditions.com THE SALONI COLLECTION: The Saloni Collection is one stop shop for all bridal and special occasion jewelry needs. Exclusive high-end designs in silver, kundan and American Diamond. Well known for free customization and styling facility. Vast stock on hand always for easy selection. Official stockiest for Amrapali brand. On appointment basis only. Find us on Facebook - The Saloni
Collection Contact: (408) 806-9417 or the.saloni.collection@gmail.com SANGAM INDIAN MUSIC: Indian Music for Special Occasion. Classical and light classical music for weddings, ceremonies receptions, henna, private parties. Sarod, sitar, bansuri with tabla accompaniment. Music examples and testimonials at our web site. Contact David Trasoff: (323) 255-7783, davd@indianweddingtrio.com indianweddingtrio.com SARLABEN RAJYAGOR: Indian priestess with over 47 years of experience specializing in performing all kinds of Hindu, Jain, Multi-cultural religious ceremonies including Marriages, Satyanarayan Puja, Vastu Puja (Housewarming), Randal (Mataji)/ Navratri Puja, Baby shower Pujas, and all types of Yagnas/Havans (English explanations available for all ceremonies) Willing to travel nationwide/internationally. Contact: (951)-505-3180, sarlarajyagor@gmail. com, www.sarlabenrajyagor.com
Hotels. Research hotel options for you and your guests. This is particularly important for a destination wedding or if your guests will be coming in from out of town. 8 Months Before Photographer. Hire the photographer and finalize the contract and dates. Entertainment. Book your entertainment acts, particularly the dhol player or band for the baraat. Caterers. Check out caterers. Arrange for tastings and review possible menus. Hotel. Reserve hotel rooms. Provide price options for your outof-town guests. Registry. Begin your bridal registry, focusing on at least 3 retail ers. Also provide a charitable option for your guests if they choose. 7 Months Before The Dresses. Begin looking for your outfit options, including stores and boutiques. Bridesmaids’ Outfits. Ask your bridesmaids to choose or try on their outfits. Invitations. Send out save-the-date cards. Flowers. Choose your florist. Transportation. Figure out transportation for you and your guests.
VINOD DAVE: For performing your marriage ceremony in traditional Hindu style. Speaks English, Hindi, Gujarati. Performed Inter-faith marriages in Bali, Cancun, Costa Rica, Cruise ships. Serving Indo-American community for 30 years. Will also perform Satyanaryan Puja, Griha Pravesh, Havan and Shantipath ceremonies. Contact: (562) 493-6678 | (562) 7870111, or vinoddave101@aol.com www.panditvinoddave.com ADAA INDIAN AND BOLLYWOOD DANCE ACADEMY: Offers dance classes for all age groups in Southern California. We focus on wedding choreography so that clients have the best dances and entertainment at their special event. A service that sets us apart is that we offer online (Skype and YouTube) classes so that you can be anywhere and still have the opportunity to learn dance from one of the best dance schools. We have clients in NY, Chicago, Texas as well as Northern California. Call us now for unique, creative and extravagant choreography. Contact: 949-333-0611 www.Adaadanceacademy.com
6 Months Before Honeymoon. Begin looking at honeymoon options. Beach? Scuba diving? Hiking? Food? Timetable. Prepare tentative timetables for each of your events: sangeet, garba, henna, haldi, reception and wedding. Officiant. Meet with your officiant, Imam, Pandit, Pastor or Priest. Ask if any special ceremonial items are needed. Invitations. Work with your invitations expert to finalize the invitations and mail out. Cake. This is the yummy part. Go to cake tastings with themes in mind. Henna. Finalize your timetable with your henna artist. 5 Months Before Bridal Shower. Share your potential guest list with the person organizing the shower. Hair & Makeup. Interview hair and makeup artists and book an initial consultation. Music. Work with your DJ on music selections. Lighting. Lighting is becoming increasingly important in creat ing mood and theme. In addition, lighting ensures good pho tos. Name Change. Look into documentation needed if you are choosing to change your name. It’s perfectly okay to keep your name.
Aanya Events ... making memories
Comprehensive wedding planning and consultation Customized results to suit your taste and budget
anyaevents@gmail.com • www.aanyaevents.com
Full event planning & decorating company. If you’re looking to throw a talk-of-the-town party to celebrate a special occasion in your life or planning a dream wedding, call us today. We can help you plan and coordinate your event every step of the way whether the event is in the San Francisco Bay area or any where else. Phone: Charu 510-378-6933 Kavita 510-579-2748 info@savethedatewithus.com
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October 2014 | www.indiacurrents.com | 13
4 Months Before The Dresses. With fashions for the new season now available, look for your outfits. Jewelry. Now with your outfit chosen, it’s time to choose the jewelry, including fine jewelry and accessories. Schedule. Send your event schedule to vendors. Giving them a first draft now allows ample time for adjustments and feedback. Honeymoon. Now is the time to finalize your honeymoon plans, including travel and hotel options.
Henna candles make the perfect thankyou gifts, customized with your initials and wedding motifs. Insurance. Confirm with your vendors and venues that all have the required insurance paperwork completed. Honeymoon Suite. Make reservations for your wedding night. 6 Weeks Before
Vendors. Reconfirm dates, times and planning with all vendors, including caterers, venues, stylists and transportation. Decide how returns will be handled after the event. Bollywood Gharana Photographer. Meet with your photographer and outline 3 Months Before New and Traditional Music for Indian Weddings, Parties and Concerts specific photos. For the Ceremony: Hindustani ClassicalMusic. MusicReview your playlists with your DJ. Guest Book. ChooseFor yourthe guestReception: book. This is the bookInspired placed at Variations on Bollywood Filmi Tunes Raga Invitations. Make sure all of your invitations have been sent. the entrance that all of your guests sign and for your record so Continue checking on RSVPs and update your database. contact: Teed Rockwell that you thank everyone who attended. Take Time for Yourself. Enjoy your bachelorette/ bachelor 510of548 8779 Toasts. Finalize the order the toasts. party. Groom’s Clothing. teedrockwell@gmail.com Finalize clothes for the groom and grooms men to allow customwww.bollywoodgharana.com ordering and sizing. 4 Weeks Before Menu. Finalize and print menu cards. Rings. Purchase your wedding rings to allow time for resizing Marriage License. Check expiration dates and ensure that and engraving. your ceremony happens within the correct timeframe, which varies by state and locality. 2 Months Before Florist. Work with your florist to make sure all floral needs are taken care of, including boutonnieres, centerpieces and Guest Packages. Put together care packages for your out-ofbouquets. town guests. Shoes. Be sure to break in your shoes—you’ll be in them all Gifts. Work with local artists to create customized takeday on your wedding day. home gifts for your wedding party. Hold Mail. If you will be traveling, ask the post office to hold
Bollywood Gharana
New and Traditional Music for Indian Weddings, Parties and Concerts For the Ceremony: Hindustani Classical Music For the Reception: Raga Inspired Variations on Bollywood Filmi Tunes Contact: Teed Rockwell 510 548 8779 | teedrockwell@gmail.com | www.bollywoodgharana.com 14 | INDIA CURRENTS | October 2014
your mail. Guests. Check your database again and confirm all entries are current to ensure an accurate headcount. 2 Weeks Before Vendors. Your vendors need the final headcount, including the caterers for food and alcohol. Venues. Work with your venue to coordinate logistics and arrival of your vendors. Seating Chart. If catering a sit-down dinner, a seating chart for all guests is essential. Share the final seating chart with the relevant vendors. Transportation. Finalize all transportation for your events, including schedules and maps. Thank-You Notes. Go through your registry gifts and start on your thank-you notes.
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1 Week Before Vendors. Address envelopes containing payments for each vendor. Be sure to include tips. Hand these to your wedding planner for distribution. Rehearsal. Run through the main parts of the ceremony with your officiant and wedding party. Honeymoon Suite. Confirm your wedding night reservations and pack your overnight bag. Honeymoon. Pack for your honeymoon: passports, bathing suits and sunscreen. Enjoy your big day! Congratulations on your Happily Ever After! n Contributed by IndianWeddingsMag.com.
Ashwin Suresh October 2014 | www.indiacurrents.com | 15
Vivek Ramani with Sriranjani Srikumar t Ruchi ficiating a of a y id a jv Vijay Ra g a’s weddin Srivastav
Photo Credit: Srinvasan Iyengar
baraat dl at his Dave Roe
16 | INDIA CURRENTS | October 2014
Janavasam ani at his Vivek Ram ion) ceremony (process hee Bevere
R Photo Credit:
wedding supplement
How I Met My Husband By Vibha Akkaraju
I
’ve forgotten the could-be’s name, but remember all too well the feelings that he elicited in me: discomfort, disconnection and a self-consciousness to the point of paralysis. I sat across the table from him at a Chinese restaurant, trying to focus on the task at hand: to get to know him, to maybe begin a two-month courtship to be lovingly monitored by our parents. But all I could think about was how to act nonchalant. This was not the way I had imagined I’d find my life partner. Sure, when I played with dolls as a child in India, I arranged marriages for them. I set up two households and negotiated the marriage between the boy and the girl dolls, while the dolls themselves sat quietly in their separate corners. In our little town in Haryana, arranged marriages were the only way people got married. Love marriages launched sordid scandals, something a good girl would never dream of. But somewhere along the way, soon after arriving here from India, maybe it was in middle school where I first saw boys and girls holding hands, or in high school where the stirrings in my own heart launched ideas of premarital love, my idea of “normal” started to change. I started to imagine that one day I would trip over a soulmate, fall in love, and never look back. That was certainly the paradigm all around me. Even 20 years ago divorce rates were about 50%—making the outcome of a marriage seem like a coin toss. I had seen plenty of happy marriages that started out arranged and plenty of miserable ones that were born of love. In fact, on an intellectual level, I thought arranged marriages a lot more sensible than the “free range” variety. My parents could filter out the noise of youthful biases and focus on stuff that really mattered: like education, family, economic compatibility. They could save me from my own hormone-skewed perspective. We keep our wits about us when buying cars, houses, even shoes (well, maybe not shoes), why hang them up when finding life partners? Rationally, I knew it all added up, and I had seen that love usually follows
Rationally, I knew it all added up, and I had seen that love usually follows contract.
Nisha Sahay Mendelsohn
Brian and Allison Callaway | www.callawaygable.com contract. But it was hard to entirely relinquish the Disney dream. It certainly offered what seemed like an easier path to marriage. My parents saw me teeter between their way and the American one, and hoped I would land on the perfect compromise: find a nice Indian boy before I finished my masters, do touchless dating for two months, and then get married. My compromise was that I would try to source my own spouse, but if I failed, I’d let them introduce me to prospectives. I did have a couple of encounters with the boyfriend kind. But these relationships were doomed before they started: the bar for the hapless saps was nearly insurmountable. I knew that as soon as my parents got a whiff of my dalliances, all ears would stand on alert, anxiety would reach fatal levels, and
calls would be made to relatives in India: start sari shopping. I knew that to put myself or a nearly-innocent bystander through the roaster, I would have to have leather-thick skin and iron-clad conviction. I was down to the final semester of grad school, and no one had come even close. So one day, increasingly pessimistic about a chance encounter with Prince Charming, I gave Mummy and Papa the green light: go ahead, introduce me. I would get over my discomfort, I thought. Just mind over matter. A week later, the boy was sitting at our kitchen table, chatting up a storm with my parents. Medium height, well mannered, gainfully employed—he was probably a perfectly good option. But the situation made it impossible to find out. I could listen in, but every word out of my mouth felt awkward, deliberate, and unnatural. When I made a joke, it fell flat. When I spoke in Hindi, my vocabulary failed me. Even English seemed foreign. If the boy suffered the same, he hid it well. All the while, Mummy beamed and Papa looked satisfied. I tried deep breathing. Anticipating my hypoxia, my cousin offered me a getaway plan: a party at another cousin’s house. Never much of a partier, I accepted nonetheless, knowing it might be a much needed antidote to the “party” at home. The meeting over, I went. It was exactly the kind of gathering I hated: it reeked of a meat market. Boys were tripping over themselves to out-slick each other while girls pretended to be oblivious to their performances. I had escaped a trunk show of a mating exchange to land in a veritable flea market. And I was getting the hives. But among the dozens of guys I met that night, there was a quieter, more aloof fellow. He didn’t try to corner me or any other girl into a conversation, or even smile too much. In fact, he seemed out of place at the party, much like how I felt. We exchanged introductions—his name was Srini—and both of us were in grad school, though his (M.D., Ph.D. in immunology) made mine (M.A in literature) feel like a Sunday walk. October 2014 | www.indiacurrents.com | 17
We both tried to be engaging, funny, likeable. But as in the initial meeting at our house, the whole situation was too artificial. How do you act, what do you talk about, when you know everything will be a test of your suitability as a life partner? Do you discuss your life phiNisha Sahay and Josh Mendelsohn losophy? That seems too granBrian and Allison Callaway |www.callawaygable.com. diose—besides being a moving target. Do you talk about your day? Too petty. Reading habits? Too risky—you can come off pretentious (do I admit that I love The Canterbury Tales?) or too bone-headed (I also inhale People magazine.) Nothing fit the occasion. We muddled through dinner but I decided I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go through the rigors of an arranged marriage. I told Papa that I’m sure the Saumya Verma’s mehendi ceremony boy would make a fine husband for someone, but he was not for me. “But why?” papa asked, “I’m surprised you have time to come to completely incredulous, “Give me a concrete parties,” I said. reason.” He knew I was generally the ratio“I don’t. I should be back at the lab dealnal sort, and would soon see that billions of ing with the mice.” people have gone through this process. Why Gross, I thought. But I was curious. not me? “What do you mean ‘the mice?’ What do Maybe all I needed was a little more time you do with them?” Most people would have with him. been sorry they asked. So he announced to me the next SaturThere ensued a lecture on B cells and T day evening that he had invited the boy back cells and proteins and triggers. There were to our place for a second visit. I saw Mummy descriptions of the immune system and of cringing. the ultimate dilemma he was spending his “I had told you very clearly, ‘no’,” I said, years exploring: “Why do our bodies some“plus I have other plans.” This time I was times attack themselves? And what keeps furious. them from doing that all the time?” “Just spend an hour with him, Vibha.” I was left cross-eyed by the cellular dehe said, trying to sound reasonable. tails, but charmed by his deep interest in the Another painful dinner, this time laced subject, so deep in fact, that it never occurred with guilt of leading on the poor guy, and to him that he may be coming across as a burnt to a crisp with my anger at my dad. I complete nerd. Or that this very nerdiness didn’t last the full hour. Forty five minutes —and his disregard for his image—would into it, I left. (I still feel bad about that.) be, for me, his biggest appeal. I went to another college party. Some of Both of us too shy to actually exchange the same characters from the previous one phone numbers, and in the neolithic times were there. A guy in tight black jeans and before Google tracked everyone’s coordisnake skin boots asked me to dance. I obliged nates, we parted, leaving a repeat run-in to for a couple of minutes, but then begged out. the stars. Another one tried to start up a conversation. Back at home, I told my parents I would I kept walking, in desperate need of fresh air. hold up my end of the bargain. The boy they In the parking lot, I saw Srini approachhad brought to meet me had braved all of us ing the party. We stood there and talked. And on our turf. The least I could do was go out this time, we exchanged phone numbers. for dinner with him. Give him a chance. Almost 20 years later, I’m still glad we did. n So a few days later, we sat across each other at that Chinese restaurant, the boy and I, each measuring and weighing our words before testing them in the gulf between us. 18 | INDIA CURRENTS | October 2014
More of Vibha’s writings can be found at vibhascribbles.wordpress.com
Ruchi Srivastava and Subhash Doshi
Aditi Srivastava Suresh
Samyukta Suresh and Shibashis Mukherjee
Vivek Ramani with friends
Photo credit: Anandi and Jagadisan Krishnamurthy
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20 | INDIA CURRENTS | October 2014