Art of Couples' Travel - Preview

THE

OF

COUPLES

’

TRAVEL

Your guide to long-term travel together Ainlay and Daniela Heinrich Martin, with Jessica Linda Martin and Linda Craigand ByCraig indietravelpodcast.com

The Art of Couples’ Travel Your guide to long-term travel together

By Craig and Linda Martin With Jessica Ainlay and Daniela Heinrich © 2011 Craig and Linda Martin “LGBT and long-term travel” © 2011 Jessica Ainlay and Daniela Heinrich Photographs © Indie Travel Media, or as referenced.

Some photographs and images used are licensed under the Creative Commons (cc.). These are marked as cc. followed by the license, rather than ©. For more information on the licences referenced, please visit http://creativecommons.org.

Published by Indie Travel Media Ltd PO Box 5531 Auckland New Zealand http://artofcouplestravel.com http://indietravelmedia.com All rights reserved. No part of this publication or site may be reproduced or redistributed in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from Indie Travel Media Ltd, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

Although the authors, editors and Indie Travel Media have taken reasonable care in preparing this publication, we make no warranty about its accuracy or completeness. Travel has inherent risks and readers use this information at their own risk. To the maximum extent permitted by law, we disclaim all liability from its use.

The Indie Travel Podcast, the Indie Travel Podcast logo, The Art of Couples’ Travel: Your guide to long-term travel together, and associated illustrations are Trademarks of Indie Travel Media Ltd. All other Trademarks are the property of their respective owners and no relationship is intended to be represented by their use.

Production Manager: Craig Martin Managing Editor: Linda Martin Layout and Design: Angela Lees

TABLE OF CONTENTS Foreword

5

Not your average couple

6

PART ONE:

Deciding to go Making the decision to travel

8

Constructive dreaming

9

The greater purpose

11

PART TWO:

Planning your trip Turning the dream into a plan

15

Creating a travel budget

16

Learning to negotiate

20

Explaining your mad plan

24

PART THREE:

Stuff to do before you go How to save for your trip

27

Take time for your health

29

Downsizing and selling up

31

Packing

33

Travel and tech

36

Insurance and wills

38

More on money

41

PART FOUR:

Life on the road Accommodation

43

Public displays of affection

49

Travel downers

51

Dealing with changing attitudes

54

Keeping healthy on the road

57

Communicating with family and friends

59

Your finances on the road

61

PART FIVE:

LGBT and long-term travel A LGBT relationship on the road

65

Keeping the spark alive

69

PART SIX:

Heading home Planning your return

73

Re-entry shock

75

The trip of a lifetime

77

PART SEVEN:

Resources Appendix A: Books and websites to inspire your travels

79

Appendix B: Countries where LGBT relationships are illegal

81

Appendix C: LGBT speciality travel

82

About the authors

84

4

Foreword Deciding to step out and start long-term travel together can be a terrifying thing. Depending on where you are with your relationship, it might be a brave new adventure; an experiment in a life together; an enlivening step out of the day-to-day you’ve found yourself in; or a last roll of the dice to see if there’s still life in the relationship.

Relationships need different types of love and care at all stages but this book has to generalise at times. Sometimes the advice in this book won’t fit you. Maybe you’ve been down that road before, maybe you’ve never thought about — let alone encountered — the issues discussed in some sections.

We hope, however, that throughout your read and the discussions with your partner this book inspires, that you’ll find encouragement, strength and maybe a bit of wisdom that allows you to step out together and enjoy the world in all its fullness.

Travel well,

Craig and Linda Martin

5

Not your average couple...

I have to say, we’re not your average couple.

We met in 1998, became friends in 1999, started dating in 2000, got engaged in 2001 and then married in 2002. At the tender ages of 19 and 20, we were hitched: committed to a life together.

Luckily we’re still enjoying it.

From when we finished university in 2002 until the start of 2006 we worked, earned and saved with an almost unholy focus, but since then we’ve been travelling full-time; working as we go.

We’ve visited 50 countries together and continue to travel constantly. This book, in fact, was written in eight countries and over several flights. (England, Malaysia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, Australia and New Zealand … just in case you were wondering.)

We love our life: constant change and stimulation from the people and places around us. In fact, we love it so much we’ve created a lifestyle from what was going to be a two-year trip. You don’t have to travel that long to enjoy this book but, then again, you might find it hard to stop.

You might think we’re millionaires, living from a trust fund. Or society’s scavengers, racking up consumer debt we’ll never pay off. Neither is true: we live from year to year and work as we travel, bringing in a wage that probably wouldn’t allow us to live your lifestyle -- we’ve found that travel can be cheaper than living in one place.

In writing this book, we want to show you how a normal couple can do extraordinary things.

We want to help you live your travel dreams. We want you to learn from our mistakes — both in travel planning and in maintaining a relationship on the road.

We’ve been travelling around the world full-time for five years now. We’re addicted.

We see no end in sight.

We hope you’ll join us.

6

istockphoto

PART ONE

Deciding to go

Making the decision to travel

Why are you deciding to travel? Are you equally excited?

For some couples there’s a definite lead player in the travel dream: one person who has always wanted to see Paris, New York and the Pyramids in style with their partner on their arm. Their partner … not so much. In other relationships, both people have the travel bug but different ideas about how it is going to work: one has a preference for short, expensive vacations, the other for year-long volunteer postings; becoming location-independent professionals; or backpacking around the world … the options are limitless.

Whatever the motivation, most of us travellers are drawn towards an elusive “other” — a desire to go places, meet people, do things or eat food we would never encounter at home. You want to get that photo of your partner eating a fried scorpion, annoy your friends at work with a shot of the beach bar you’re enjoying, gallop a horse over black-sand beaches miles away from an internet connection, or simply sit together and watch the sun set over the water.

Travel is imagined as a time when all the normal disappears and the unknown is delightfully explored. And that’s kind of true.

Some people are scared of that “other” -- your mother, for example. It can be scary for the traveller too: sometimes the wash of newness can seem overwhelming. The body language, the food, the language might all be bewildering. Even that most private of spaces, the toilet cubicle, can be completely different to what you’re used to. Life outside of normal is tough and exhausting. And that’s kind of true too.

The thing is, life isn’t black and white. Not only do we see experiences differently from the people around us, we process and deal with them differently too. One person’s fun hike can be another person’s death-defying experience. But you know this already … you’re living with your partner!

By the time you download this book you’ve probably made the decision to travel, and you’re both fully on board with that. Or maybe you’re still undecided. Wherever you are at, let’s get some things out in the open before we hit the open road.

8

Constructive dreaming You might have been fantasising about travel all your life, or maybe your partner has just dragged you into this crazy thing. It is time to stop fantasising and start a creative type of dreaming together.

Close your eyes and think of paradise: where are you now?

Tell each other your thoughts.

I like to think of dreaming together as something more than fantasy. Reading, watching, listening and dreaming together allows you to start collecting some ideas about the style in which you’d like to travel; the types of places you’d like to go; the people you’d like to meet; and the things you’d like to do.

There’s something special about sharing a lazy Sunday afternoon with each other, a bottle of wine, some coffee-table travel books and a few magazines and guides from the library, with a laptop handy for a bit of extra research. You might have some scribbled notes from a friend’s recent trip or the travel podcast you’ve been listening to as you commute to work.

If you’re going to make anything longer than an extended vacation happen, then you’re going to have to reel in your spending. Start now by not overspending on research material. Hit up your local library for material to start with and don’t you dare buy a guidebook right now!

Relax and dream At the moment it’s just time to dream. There’s no need to commit, no need to bring things down to earth … just sit and talk and imagine where you could be.

You might find that there’s just not enough money or enough time to do everything you want. That’s okay … there’s no need to have just one trip, is there?

You can take notes if you like, but I prefer to let things come and go then see what sticks in the memory. Do what works for you.

9

The first snags During this dreaming process you might find a few things:

You would love to sit on a beach, while your partner wants to be

hitting the cities.

You want to do lots of cultural activities, while your partner

develops a twitch in the presence of museums.

You’d love to stay with local families, while a resort seems more

suitable to your partner.

There’s no way you want to visit anywhere with a squat toilet,

while your partner is intent on backpacking South East Asia on $5 a day. For both of you.

It’s important to start talking about these things during the dreaming process. You are imagining a trip together, so it’s good to know what you both want to do. If you are normally quiet, pipe up over things that excite or concern you; if you normally drive the decisions, create some space for your partner’s ideas.

With negotiation, everything might be possible but the balance between your expectations and reality is likely to be the cause of most of your arguments on the road. It’s best to get a head start on them.

Our favourite resources for dreaming up travel plans can be found at the end of this book.

10

The greater purpose Having a common goal that you are both reaching for as you travel gives shape and purpose to your journey for those down days when you wonder why you are here. It will help guide your decision-making processes when you are pulled towards two different activities. So, what is the greater purpose of your trip?

Are you doing this...

To discover yourself?

To learn more about each other?

To find adventure?

To make new friends?

To escape something at home?

Do you want to...

Learn to cook different cuisines?

Volunteer in another country?

Find a new hobby?

Decide on your life purpose?

You will probably end up doing most of this by accident if you travel for six months or more, but it helps to have an over-arcing theme: an idea of why you are travelling.

Of course, part of the joy of travel is not having a plan. You might need to make a flight in a month’s time, but how you get there … no idea! We’re not proposing you create a mission that you must accomplish. This isn’t the Amazing Race, but rather a reason to get up in the morning. Trust us: after a month in Europe, the idea of heading out to see another cathedral, museum or park might not appeal as much as you thought it would.

If you haven’t already, take some time to talk over why you want to travel, and begin to flesh out what you want to achieve on this trip.

11

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