Many of us don't realise we have a boundary problem.
We think we have a demanding boss problem.
Or a guilt-tripping mom problem.
Or a disapproving dad problem.
We believe we have friends with unfair expectations and an unappreciative family.
We think we have a stress or anger issue.
We feel stuck or overwhelmed.
But all this stems from our own boundary issues. The inner tension created by ignoring our own boundaries is confusing and exhausting.
We want: people to like us, without always going along with what they want from us. to feel valued at work, without agreeing to every request. to say no without creating conflict or drama. to speak up for ourselves, but not appear selfish
Turmoilcomes from whatwe've learned to believe, aboutwho we're ' allowedto be' .
We have wants, needs, ideas, anddesires, butwe feelwe're a badperson ifwe standup for them. Awhole new worldopens up for us when we discover
the liberatingpower ofboundaries.
Once we embrace the reality thatwhatwe w t think , or feelcounts too, everything changes.
Ask yourself...
Why do you struggle with setting boundaries that people will listen to and respect?
What thoughts and beliefs are stopping you?
How can you stop looking to others for your value and start creating it within yourself?
Not setting boundaries
Not setting boundaries makes you drained unsafe makes you drained unsafe and running on empty. and running on empty.
If you set a boundary If you set a boundary and it makes someone and it makes someone uncomfortable or angry, uncomfortable or angry, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have set the boundary and it have set the boundary and it doesn’t mean your needs are wrong. doesn’t mean your needs are wrong.
If you have to ignore what you need
If you have to ignore what you need to maintain the connection, then it’s to maintain the connection, then it’s not the right connection. not the right connection.
The right people will want you to The right people will want you to take care of yourself. They may not take care of yourself. They may not always understand your boundaries, always understand your boundaries, but they will respect them. but they will respect them.
The right people won’t want you to The right people won’t want you to ignore your self-care ignore your self-care for the sake of making for the sake of making them more comfortable. them more comfortable.
Don'tentertainnegativeenergy. Somesituationswilltestyour patience. Theywilltrytomakeyou toverreact,overthink,andrespond othingsthatdon'tdeserveyour lifeforce.
DYourattentionisyourpower. on'tfeedwhatdoesn'tadd valuetoyourlife. Conserveyourstrength. Evolve.
My inner circle is shrinking – and it’s a goodthing. (And notjust because I’m an introvert) I’m not the same person Iwas, and not everyone likes it. No matter how muchIchange, some people cling to the old me. I’m becoming someone new, being aroundpeople who refuse to see anything but the previous version of me is uncomfortable. It makes me feel stuck. I’ve realised it’s OKto grow apart. Sometimes people move in different directions. Not everyone is interested in growing. Change can be uncomfortable.
Some people complain about their life but do nothing about itinsteadthey fight every change that comes their way.
I’ve battled with chronic ill health, depression and anxiety in my life, and that’s taught me how much others can affect my mood and how precious my energy is.
The older I get, the more I value my peace.
I want to spend time with people who share my values and outlook, and avoid those who drain me.
I won’t allow my peace to be disturbed by anyone who is at war with themselves and I no longer invest my time into one sided relationships.
I fiercely protect my wellbeing and move out of the orbit of people who won’t respect my boundaries.
I’velearntthat no matterhow muchIlisten and support, I cannotfixthe relationshipsomeonehas withthemselves. Itdoesn’t meanIdon’t care. If anything,I’ve spent mylife caringtoo much. WhatI’mlearningnowisto care about myself. I’mtrustingmyinstincts andlettingmyemotionsbe myguide. Theyshow me which choices make mefeelfulfilled and which parts of mylife are out ofbalance.
For me, successisbuildingalifethatIlove. Ashard and as uncomfortable asit mayfeelto shrink mycircle, Iknowit’s protectingme andhelpingme growinto mybest version yet.
Issue 002
The ‘letting go’ issue coming March 2024
