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10 Changing courts After four years practicing property law, Liz Ellis left the law courts to pursue her passion on the netball court. Now, after 16 years at the top of her game, Liz talks about life off the court, her ‘Goals for Girls’ scholarship foundation and what it was like being welcomed as a Member of the Order of Australia.
26 An Unexplainable Loss Emma McLeod shares her personal journey through grief following the stillbirth of her daughter Olivia and how her need for answers to this unexplainable loss drove her to establish The Stillbirth Foundation Australia.
14 Beyond the blues Understand the blues and stay mentally healthy
16 Get Perturbed
10 19
Commit to perturbation and implement powerful change in any area of life
19 True Surrender Learn to allow the process of life and accept the present moment the way it is
21 Fire-up your sex drive Stop enduring sex and start enjoying it by increasing your sexual desire
22 I’m Sorry Change the way you give and receive apologies
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23 Are you eating your emotions? Deal with your emotions instead of eating them
24 Don’t ignore the pelvic floor Keep your hidden ‘beauty’ muscle in shape
28 How to win friends and influence people Learn practical tips on building relationship and becoming a powerful leader
29 Going online Start an online business for freedom and finances
30 Leading through change Understand the four stages of change and how to progress through them faster
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32 Sell your own property Get your step-by-step guide to save money when selling
33 Online trading Grow your wealth online with guidance from Macquarie Edge
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Editor’s Note
5 Your Say 6 8
Meet the Experts Acts of Kindness
32
18 Great Reads 34 Change Your Life in15 Minutes 36 Ask a Coach 38 Coach Yourself Goal-Setting Tool
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Can you believe that it is February already? For me personally, the Dec/Jan issue of emPOWER seems a millennium ago – since then, I’ve given birth to our new baby girl, Lily Grace and life has changed forever. In the short eight weeks since she was born I already feel that I have grown immensely. It’s a fantastic experience that is teaching me a lot of patience and forcing me to be present in the ‘now’. I’m loving it! I hope you’ll agree that we’ve put together a great issue for Feb/Mar. To begin with we’re happy to present Liz Ellis on the cover of this issue. Liz is certainly an example of someone who has followed her passion, leaving a safe and secure career in property law to pursue her passion for netball. After captaining the Australian team for four years, she’s since retired from netball, developed her media career and is giving back to the sport through her ‘Goals for Girls’ sponsorship foundation. She’s also been welcomed as a Member of the Order of Australia. Share Liz’s journey on page 10. A topic that I have always found fascinating and can certainly relate to at the moment is ‘perturbation’. Matthew Catling explains this widely unknown concept and how, by allowing yourself to experience it fully, you will experience massive and lasting change. In our sex advice piece this issue, Natalia Mendez looks at the female libido. Most women would agree that the lack of sex drive is one of the biggest areas of concern in their relationship. We explain the top libido killers and what you can do to improve the quality of sex in your relationship. Our inspirational profile in this issue on page 26 is one that tugged at my heart. We are touched to introduce you to Emma McLeod, who, after losing her daughter Olivia to stillbirth at 36 weeks in utero, established the Stillbirth Foundation Australia. Emma shares how she had to get over her limiting belief of ‘maybe someone else should be doing this’ to get into action in order to find the answers to her unexplainable loss. We are also joined in this issue by special guest writer James Leplaw from Macquarie Bank, who provides an overview of trading online (page 33). If you are one of the 42 percent of women who think that online trading is like speaking another language, start here. We’ve got plenty of other great articles as well, so settle in and enjoy!
Helen Rosing, Editor
Publisher / Editor Helen Rosing helen@empoweronline.com.au Graphic Designer Suzanne Board Cover Photography October/November 2009by Chris Elfes and Photography courtesy of Liz Ellis
Published online by Realview Technologies
Contributors Rachel Anastasi, Savleen Bajaj, Beyond Blue, Matthew Catling, Kathi Janssens, Mary King, James Leplaw, Kathy McKenzie, Natalia Mendez, Gaynor Parke, Tara Poole, Noel Posus, Sue Smart
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Advertisers and contributors to emPOWER Magazine acknowledge they are aware of the provisions of the Anti-Discrimination Act 1977 and the Trade Practices Act 1974 in relation to false and misleading advertising or statements under other unfair practices and the penalties for breach of provisions of those Acts. The publisher accepts no responsibility for such breaches. Opinions expressed by contributors are their own and not necessarily endorsed by emPOWER Magazine or the publishers. All material in emPOWER magazine is copyright and may not be produced in whole or in part without express permission of the publishers. ISSN 1835-8705
Thank you for all the wonderful feedback on the magazine and website. Keep your comments and ideas coming. Email us at admin@empoweronline.com.au
winning letter Your article Being Right v Being Happy (Dec/Jan) may have just saved my relationship. Reading this article I have to say, I started to feel quite guilty about the way I handle disagreements with my partner. I seem to fly off the handle and then fight to the death. My partner and I have now discussed the principles you outlined and I feel as though we are on our way to a much happier relationship. – Bethany, via email
ia Hines? I How wonderful is Marc and admired her have always respected lly wonderful as a singer and a genera great to gain a s human being and it wa beliefs and values. better insight into her her ‘heart’. I’m Thank you for sharing ding her book. looking forward to rea – Samantha, via website
year ahead! I’m so excited about the d did all the Last night I sat down an ‘Celebrate and exercises in your article the time I was Dream’ (Dec/Jan). By d about what finished, I was so excite s year. I look I wanted to achieve thi rds and upwards forward to going onwa . Thank you for in every area of my life the inspiration. – Xanthe, via email
I wanted to say how much I appreciate the help from empower. It is an additional way to seek help and hopefully other readers may find it relevant for them as well. I also find the responses from coaches in the Ask a Coach section very helpful and I am considering seeking them out. It is difficult finding that “right” advisor/ coach/mentor/business provider. Through reading articles in empower I feel comfortable enough to engage them and have already been in contact with few. Thank you for publishing emPOWER magazine and making it available for all! – Nicole, via email
As someone who does not consider themselves to be a ‘spirit ual’ person, I was fascinated with Ch armaine’s article around using co lour for guidance in making decisions in my life. Although it’s a bit ‘cook y’ for me, I must say I’ve had som e fun with it and made a couple of decis ion by trusting the concept. – Heather, via email
I wanted to comment on your article ‘Ask to Receive’ (Oct/Nov) as I felt a little disappointed. After reading the article, I approached my Manager with good intentions of putting the feedback process into practice. My Manager was not interested at all and basically told me to wait for my annual review. Your article contained no information in relation to what to do in this situation and it would have been helpful. For future articles could you perhaps also look at the worst case scenario when best intentions fail. – Lesley, via email
MAILTO: emPOWER Magazine, PO Box 1397, Baulkham Hills NSW 1755 or email admin@empoweronline.com.au 5
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to our expert contributors Rachel Anastasi is the founder of Free to be Me Life Coaching and www.secretsofasupercoach. com. Her expertise are as a personal coach, facilitator and speaker, and her passion is to empower others. Having worked effectively with people of all walks of life Rachel has an understanding of human behaviour that assists her clients to create transformational results. Rachel also develops resources just for coaches, including a professional and personal development retreat designed to take your coaching and coaching business to the next level.
James Leplaw is Macquarie’s Head of Direct Investing. He joined Macquarie in December 2002 in the Direct Services team before moving into a broader role managing Macquarie’s Service, Operations and Direct Share Trading team. Since late 2006 James has grown Macquarie’s Direct Investing business which includes superannuation, managed investments, structured products, and most recently launched Macquarie Edge - a new way of online trading for self-directed investors. Kathy McKenzie, FIRE UP Coaching director, is a specialist Communications and Leadership Facilitator, Coach Trainer, and Executive Coach. Her qualifications include a Graduate Nurse Program, Masters in Professional Vocational Education and Training, ICF accredited coach and coach trainer, NLP and HBDI trainer. Featured on TV regularly she brings fun and enthusiasm to training sessions. Clients include Queensland Health, Australia Post, Dept of Sustainability and Environment, Shell and ANZ.
Savleen Bajaj is an international success coach, psychologist, speaker, author, facilitator and consultant. She has spent almost two decades using cutting-edge technologies to accelerate human growth and enabling individuals to unleash their true potential. With a deep insight into the principles for personal breakthroughs and holistic success, Savleen is passionate about supporting people to live their greatest life by transforming their visions and intentions into results.
Often referred to as ‘The Sex Chick’, Natalia Mendez is passionate about helping marriages get back on fire and making the bedroom, the funroom! She is the founder of Romance Me a new concept in Australia catering for couples to add some adult fun into their marriage whilst keeping the sleezy porn out! She has a passion for helping couples develop a greater level of intimacy in their relationship.
Matthew Catling is the Director of Your Future Now. He has been involved in the personal development industry for over 15 years, has run a number of businesses and has assisted others to reach great success, such as listing in the BRW Fast 100. He has trained over 1,000 coaches and is a trainer of NLP, time line therapy and hypnotherapy, as well as being an accredited master coach, master trainer and presenter. He holds a certificate IV in workplace training and assessment.
Gaynor Parke is an author, sales trainer and CEO of Advanced Success Life Coaching who believes “You Are The Key To Your Success”. With over 25 years of personal development, business knowledge and a unique intuitive ability, Gaynor has a vast array of skills and experience to draw upon to help people tap into their own brilliance. Gaynor’s focus is on empowering people to become all they choose to be.
Kathi Janssens spent the past 20 years working as a fitness club manager, international presenter and personal trainer. She is the founder and program director of Discreetly Fit. Since 2004, Kathi has dedicated herself to helping women become active participants in their health by tackling pelvic floor weakness. She is incredibly passionate about sharing the secrets of lifelong intimate fitness and offers her information with love, joy and sincerity.
Noel Posus is a highly recognised leader of the international coaching industry, a master coach with 20 years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. Noel serves on a number of coaching industry boards, lectures at universities and coaching schools, manages a number of coaching businesses and loves to help individuals and organisations develop their own wisdom. He has recently been awarded the prestigious ‘Coach of the Year’ award for 2008.
Millionaire Mary King is an international author, speaker, pharmacist, wealth coach, psychotherapist and financial freedom mentor. She is passionate about empowering women and showing individuals how to become healthy, wealthy and financially free through her workshops – Rich is better, Wealth for Women – and her books, The Intuitive voice and The Patriarchal Voice and her co-authored book, The Path to Success.
February/March 2010
Sue Smart is the Director of Smarties Investments and with her husband jerry ran three traditional businesses around their four children. With over 27 years of business experience, the last two years specialising in internet businesses, her forte has been assisting and mentoring women from all walks of life. Sue is an expert in relationship marketing and Wealth Creation and advises women Globally. 6
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We can change the world, one act at a time – a little kindness is all it takes.
I
t’s quite possible you have changed someone’s day without even knowing it. Perhaps you gave a welcoming smile when they were feeling left out, delivered a compliment, opened a door, offered up your seat on the bus or were generally helpful and pleasant when it was most needed. You can probably also think of moments when someone changed your day in a similar way. What happened in each of those moments is called an Act of Kindness – a small action that can make a big difference. Here’s how some of our readers are getting in on the act. We recently had to take our little boy to the emergency room and while we were waiting to be seen we noticed an elderly lady wondering by the nurses station. She was obviously distressed and told the nurse that she wanted to go home. A little later she wondered over to us to look at our little boy. She told us that ‘they’ wanted to put her away and that she was frightened. We responded that we were also frightene d and with that established we settled in for a chat. What an amazing lady. She was 94 and until that day had lived by herself. She had come to Aust ralia after WWII and raised her thre e girls here. She had 14 grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren. By the time she left us, we could see that she felt a lot better. It was a lovely feeling to take a little of her sadness away just by giving her our time and having a conversation. I hope, wherever she is, that she is happy and has people around her to share some time.
– Kimberley, via website
Just after Christmas, we had to move house. After a very long day of carrying furniture and unpacking boxes we were exhausted. Not wanting to cook that night we were discussing ordering a pizza when, the next thing we knew, there was a woman at the door holding a casserole dish. Our very kind and friendly neighbour had brought us dinner to welcome us to the complex. We were blown away – do people actually do that these days? It turns out they do and we are still very grateful. I’ll be sure to ‘pay it forward’ when our next neighbours move in. – Steph, via email
Get in on the Act
very very hot. I was Yesterday in Hobart it was car and noticed an the in se returning to my hou standing underneath the elderly lady on the corner a bit distressed so I went shade of a tree. She looked She was quite hot and over to see if she was OK. had tried to get into the bothered and said that she have a rest but the door local church to sit down and ere she lived and she said was locked. I asked her wh with the blazing sun I but y it was only a block awa She was so grateful and I suggested that I drive her. nd in my street. She is 88 now have a lovely new frie ernational Mum as she years old, calls herself an Int ents in her home each stud al has hosted 6 internation r 30 years. She still grows year and has done so for ove s her garden. I can’t wait to her own tomatoes and love and hear some of her life have a cup of tea with her the one who received the am I stories! I feel as though ll effort. most pleasure from my sma – Sue, via website
We have decided that we live with a good-deed elf. You see, our garbage bins are collected early on a Thursday morning, my partner puts them out each Wednesday night, but in the three months we have lived here, we have never had to bring the bins back in. Mysteriously, every Thursday morning by the time we are up and ready for work, our bins are back in their position beside our garage. We are yet to discover who the kind elf is and every Thursday it makes us smile. One day we will catch them and be able to thank them in person. – Tamsan, via email
&Win
The reader to send in our favourite and most inspiring act of kindness for the next issue will win a fantastic gift pack from Affirmations. Each pack, valued at $110 contains one each of the Suzanne Maher quotations books – ESSENCE, SPIRIT and SOUL, plus a gorgeous Photographic Address Book and six inspiring Affirmations gift cards. To view the whole range of Affirmations products visit www.affirmations.com.au. Submit your Act of Kindness at empoweronline.com.au or email admin@empoweronline.com.au.
February/March 2010
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Living Savvy
Where you fine-tune the ordinary to live
extraordinary
Connect with other people who want to live extraordinary lives Share stories and information Learn about yourself and others Be entertained
The Living Savvy online community is a place where you can interact, ask questions of our expert coaches, get involved in a discussion or just compare notes with others just like you. It provides a place to connect, share, grow, learn and enjoy yourself.
are you living savvy? www.livingsavvy.com.au
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February/March 2010
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Special In Focus
beyond the blues While Australian women, on average, can boast about the good odds of living into their 80s, the likelihood that they’ll live some of those years with a mental health problem is far greater than men. We talk to Dr Michael Baigent at beyondblue to find out more.
I
t is now known that women are more likely to develop common mental health problems than men. This includes depression, anxiety disorders and the added risk of postnatal depression. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, one in five women in Australia will experience depression and one in three women will experience an anxiety disorder during their lifetime. beyondblue’s Clinical Adviser Associate Professor Michael Baigent says there is a complex interplay of biological, environmental, genetic and emotional reasons for the higher risk. Even from birth, the odds are not even. Genetically, women have a 40 per cent chance of inheriting a mental illness compared to 30 per cent for men. Major life events such as pregnancy, motherhood and menopause can create major stresses for some women, while negative life experiences such as poverty, discrimination, violence, unemployment and isolation can also impact on women’s mental health and well-being. Dr Baigent says many women also tend to place far more importance on relationships than men – so if something goes awry, they are much more likely to take it to heart and tend to ruminate and blame themselves instead of moving on. He says this begins to form from a very young age. “Young girls have a greater ability to establish ties and networks amongst their friends, whereas boys can be
February/March 2010
quite fulfilled and happy doing individual activities,” he said. “In adolescence and early adulthood when there is a lot of manoeuvering in social relationships, those changes and losses of friendships affect women more than they affect men. Adolescent girls and grown women have a greater tendency to blame themselves when there are environmental causes for problems.” Dr Baigent says women are also more likely to have suffered a trauma in their past, such as physical or sexual abuse, which can trigger a mental illness - particularly anxiety disorders. “If there’s a life event such as early abuse, it can remain distressing and some women may find it difficult to talk about it with a health professional. The problem is that people who have been abused in childhood have a tendency to distrust and divulging can be very hard for them,” he said. Being busy can also be a barrier to seeking help. “This is particularly true for mothers during their children’s early years. From my observations, it’s not unusual for a woman to bring the child and that can make things harder.” Generally, women are quite good at seeking information about mental health. The latest Australian Bureau of Statistics national survey of mental health in Australia (2007) shows that women are more inclined to speak to their doctor about their mental health and twice as likely as men to see a psychologist or psychiatrist.
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The path to recovery
Common mental illnesses like depression and anxiety disorders are treatable and with the correct diagnosis and management, most women recover. There are many available treatments – psychological and medical. Sometimes, a combination of both works best. Some people also use alternative treatments such as yoga, herbal mixtures, light therapy, ‘laughing groups’ or crystals, however there is little to no evidence that these treatments are effective for depression or anxiety. Sadly, there is little evidence that chocolate helps either.
How to stay mentally healthy The key to keeping yourself mentally healthy is recognising the signs and symptoms of a mental illness and getting help early. Unhealthy habits, like smoking and regular binge drinking have been linked with depression – so there is certainly truth in the old adage of “everything in moderation”. Sticking to a nutritious diet and maintaining an active social life can also help ward off the blues. An effective way to reduce your risk of becoming ill with a mental health problem is to keep active. Not only does regular exercise aid good overall health, it also increases the production of the brain’s ‘feel-good’ chemical - endorphins - and exercising with others can reduce the risk of social isolation. Exercising can be a way to make new friends or keep in touch with old friends.
Tips to enhance mental well-being:
• Keep up healthy habits of regular exercise and good diet • Make sure you have a regular sleep/ wake cycle – get up at the same time each day
Special
The key to keeping yourself mentally healthy is recognising the signs and symptoms of a mental illness and getting help early
• Try to fill your life with meaningful and joyful activities • Work on developing optimism • Reward yourself for achievements, even if they’re small • Never think of situations as win/lose – allow yourself to believe things will work out • Everything in moderation, cut down on alcohol and cigarettes • Read about depression, anxiety and related mental health disorders • If you have any of the signs and symptoms of a mental health disorder - talk to a health professional about it.
iStockphoto
Ally’s story
Ally Kearney, 29, is an information management professional from Melbourne. She has experienced depression and anxiety on and off for the past 10 years. She talks about what it’s like to live with – and overcome - mental illness. I first became unwell with depression when I was 17-years-old, but I wasn’t diagnosed until 21. It goes in a cycle and every few years I become unwell. Last year was the worst I’ve ever been. It started in October 2008 and then by May last year, I completely crashed. I wasn’t sleeping at all and I began to lose a lot of weight and was grinding my teeth. I was physically drained and looked exhausted. I was working around the clock, which didn’t help. I was also having severe anxiety attacks, sometimes several times a day. I felt hopeless. I was voluntarily hospitalised for three weeks because I had reached the point where I became suicidal. It was really frightening because although I’d had depression most of my adult life, I’d never seriously contemplated suicide before. It was a big shock. I think I knew it was
coming, but I didn’t want to believe it. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I remember thinking ‘it can’t get any worse for me’. When I was in hospital, I started doing art therapy and I’ve been doing it ever since. I found that very positive and it kept me going. The first step on the road to recovery for me was asking for help and then the support I got from my workplace, family and friends. Even though it was the worst ordeal I’ve been through, I finally acknowledged and accepted the mental illness and let myself ride through the journey. People are really surprised when they find out I’ve been through depression because I’m usually such a bright, outgoing and bubbly person. Even though from the outside, it seems like I have a good life, that doesn’t make a difference when it comes to depression – it can touch anyone. I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about what caused the depression. I had the normal ups and downs in my 20s,
like break-ups with boys, but that wasn’t what caused it. It doesn’t seem to follow a pattern. I now believe there is a genetic link between my grandmother and me because she had depression too. If you are depressed, you can do things that will help and you can do things that will make it worse – that’s a choice you have to make. To keep healthy, I exercise, keep busy, have a good circle of friends and I have accepted that I need to take medication. A big thing that helps me is knowing that there are people there for me and with whom I can be open and honest, whether it’s family, close friends or the people I work with. Managing depression is all about tackling it head on instead of letting it get worse and allowing it to ruin your life. Who knows, this can be the best thing that ever happened to me! It feels like, psychologically, this past year has been a big breakthrough and I’m beginning a new chapter now.
A free book What Works for Depression rates over 100 psychological, medical, lifestyle and alternative treatments based on Australian and international evidence on their effectiveness. It is now available from beyondblue along with a six-page Fact Sheet 13 - Depression and anxiety disorders in women which can be downloaded or ordered from www.beyondblue.org.au or 1300 22 4636.
For more information on depression, anxiety and related mental health disorders visit www. beyondblue.org.au or call the beyondblue info line 1300 22 4636 (local call from a landline).
emPOWER kindly thanks beyondblue for their contribution in this issue.
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Feature
Get Perturbed The process of perturbation is an integral part of change but is a concept that is relatively unknown. Matthew Catling explains the basis of perturbation and how to us it to implement powerful change in any area of your life.
S
ome people embrace change and move towards it, whereas others secretly want to make changes, however when the opportunity arises fiercely hold onto the things that aren’t working. The question that has plagued me throughout my coaching career is why? The reason, I believe, is that change is uncomfortable. Due to this, many people will do anything they can to avoid it. Yet this uncomfortable feeling is a breaking down of the old to create something new and more powerful, which is known as the process of perturbation. I often talk about the concept of perturbation in seminars and how it relates to the process of change. The concept of perturbation was founded by Ilya Prigogine, who won the Nobel Prize in chemistry in 1977. In his book Order Out of Chaos he explores the nature of change in what he calls ‘dissipative structures’. Large perturbations of energy cause living systems to fall apart and then reconnect as stronger structures - first destruction then creation. When explaining this concept of perturbation, I relate it to an example of an acorn verses an oak tree and the question I pose is, “which of these - the acorn or the oak tree - is the stronger structure?” The answer obviously is the oak tree. Now, if we are to relate this to perturbation, we first must look at the acorn and what happens to it through the process of perturbation. If I was to take an acorn and plant it, after a certain amount of time and with the right amount of pressure the acorn transforms into a stronger more powerful structure - the acorn becomes a strong oak tree. To become the oak tree, the acorn
February/March 2010
must go through incredible challenge and pressure, sustaining all of the elements such as, the pressure of the earth, wind, sunlight and rain. During this process, the more perturbation it experiences, it become stronger, larger and is able to cope with more and more pressure. Human beings respond in a very similar fashion to the process of perturbation. As long as a human being keeps moving through the process of change, they become stronger, can handle more emotionally and take on more responsibility. The challenge comes when a person caps the process of perturbation. For instance, stepping out of their comfort zone and doing something different, then feeling too uncomfortable and reverting back to their comfort zone. Change is inevitable, you can embrace the laws of nature and evolve or you can do it the hard way and wait for a major crisis to make you move. I often get the call when people are having crises in health, relationships, business, career or emotions. Eventually everyone changes. The great thing you can do is to set up controlled perturbations and be proactive about change. One way to do this is to work with a coach. A coach is a great ally who can push you and challenge you in the times that you would normally give up. A coach will keep you on track to your goal of change and help keep you focused on that end goal, whereas normally you may
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focus on all the negatives and look for the exit strategy as fast as possible. Another powerful action you can take is to set things up so you have no way to turn back or revert to old behaviours. A client of mine had been complaining continuously about his job and yet his fear and resistance to change was paralyzing him so he had done nothing to change the situation. Through our coaching I challenged him to resign the following day. Initially, he freaked out and started to come up with numerous excuses, but after some serious coaching he resigned the next day. The amazing thing was that he then jumped into massive action and within two weeks had a new job in an area that he loved, paying 30% more. Plus, his confidence went through the roof that, over time, lead to further career progression. The little act of perturbation had a powerful outcome. Matthew Catling is an accredited master coach, trainer and presenter. He is the founding director of Your Future Now group of companies. For more information visit.www.yourfuturenow.com.au
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GREAT READS Enjoy some time out for yourself with these new inspiring and motivational books.
Eat, Pray, Love – One Woman’s Search for Everything By Elizabeth Gilbert Allen and Unwin $24.95 The Number One international bestseller, Eat, Pray Love is a journey around the world, a quest for spiritual enlightenment and a story for anyone who has battled with divorce, depression and heartbreak. It’s 3 a.m. and Elizabeth Gilbert is sobbing on the bathroom floor. She’s in her thirties, she has a husband, a house, they’re trying for a baby - and she doesn’t want any of it. A bitter divorce and a turbulent love affair later, she emerges battered and bewildered and realises it is time to pursue her own journey in search of three things she has been missing: pleasure, devotion and balance.
Consciousness: The New Currency By Brandon Bays and Kevin Billet, Journey Productions, $28.00 From Brandon Bays, international bestselling author of The Journey comes the next installment. Consciousness: The New Currency is a groundbreaking and practical work that explores, and provides solutions to, the everyday saboteurs that limit us in life such as: why do many of us not stick to diets and why do some couples become distant in their relationships after a few years? This is your step-by-step guide to unlocking your saboteurs to achieve a healthy abundance in business, health, relationships, wealth, creativity and more.
Change Without Thinking – 3 x DVDs
This Book Has Feelings
By Eldon Taylor PhD Hay House, $39.95
By Michael Picard Allen and Unwin, $19.99
Most of us believe it is the amount of our resolve – the pure determination – that dictates whether or not we will keep our New Year’s Resolutions. It is a matter of will power and if our will power is strong enough, then we will succeed. The truth of the matter is, we unknowingly sabotage our own attempts to keep our goals because very few of us know the tools and techniques to keep them. Eldon Taylor tells us how to take control of our destiny and realize our true potential. Learn the inner workings of our minds and how we can improve in areas of prosperity, health, love, career and relationships and keep our New Year’s resolutions on track!
The way that we feel is governed by two separate and often conflicting dispositions: instinct and emotion. Instincts are inherent and unlearned; they provide us with deeply ingrained patterns of response to different kinds of stimuli. Emotions are subjective and personal; they govern our thoughts and behaviour, and are inextricably linked to our perception of personality, mood and temperament. Using a blend of psychology and philosophy, This Book Has Feelings looks at these unique facets of the human psyche. It reveals the fascinating things they tell us about ourselves and profiles the amazing minds that have unlocked the secrets of our consciousness.
What Type are You? By Elizabeth Puttick Hay House, $24.95 In today’s fast-changing world, the old labels no longer fit, and it’s more important than ever to look within to find your true identity. 7 Personality Types reveals the answer to the key question: Who am I? It presents an ancient and powerful system of self-knowledge, updated for the modern world. The seven archetypes of King, Priest, Sage, Scholar, Warrior, Artisan, and Server have always existed in every society, and everyone belongs to one of these groups. You will find roles that are timeless and far-reaching, which will carry you past fads and fashions to your ultimate expression - your true self.
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Surrender
True
True surrender is simply about allowing the process of life and accepting the present moment just the way it is, rather than resisting it. In this issue, Savleen Bajaj shows you how…
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believe that total surrender contains tremendous power. When you trust, let go and allow the miracles of the Universe to steer your life, you will discover that you inherently hold the power to effortlessly attract and create your desired miracles in each and every area of your life. Simply put, surrendering is the act of acknowledging to the Universe that you trust its direction and have faith that the results will benefit your highest good. Surrendering can sometimes be seen as a negative concept, one of giving up, failing or allowing some invisible force to dominate or take control of you. On the contrary, I personally believe that there are many benefits in the surrendering process such as internal emotional freedom and a harmonious flowing life. In order to better initiate and trust in the process of true surrender, it is vital that you understand its mechanisms and positively influence your perception to reflect the benefits of surrender upon your mind, body and spirit. The positive effects of true surrender are achieved by developing a sense of trust in the power and perfection of the Universe. True surrender is empowered action. It is the master key that will allow you to experience fulfilment, internal freedom and empowerment far beyond self-induced effort. According to Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now “true surrender is a purely inner phenomenon. It does not mean to passively put up with whatever situation you find yourself in and do nothing about it. It is the simple but profound wisdom of
yielding to the True Source, rather than opposing the flow of life.” This ‘Source’ is commonly referred to by many names such as God, the Universe, Mother Earth, Super Consciousness, Higher Self, Divine Energy or Divine Spirit. Eckhart Tolle goes on to teach that “surrender is the opposite of resistance and happens as a result of establishing trust and faith – that what you have asked for will be delivered in perfect timing. Surrender becomes so much easier when you realise the fleeting nature of all experiences and you no longer demand that someone or something has to happen to make you feel content with yourself and life. Resistance is created from the mind when one resists ‘what is’ through mental judgement and emotional negativity. It is the act of saying ‘no’ to ‘what is’ rather than embracing and accepting it for what it simply ‘is’. When you can accept your present situation as it is, you are then able to take positive action and create some constructive change.” Here are some suggestions on how to put the practice of surrendering into your daily life.
Grow in self-awareness True surrender is achieved by developing a depth of self awareness concerning who you truly are, who you were truly meant to be and the inherent Divine power you possess to overcome any challenge.
Eliminate the habit of mental judgement According to Eckhart Tolle, mentally judging anything brings about internal disharmony, resistance and unhappiness. Your acceptance of ‘what is’ takes you to a deeper level where your sense of self no longer depend on the mind’s judgments of ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ This positive mental attitude creates a sense of spaciousness within you that is deeply peaceful.
Trust and accept Accept the ‘true’ aspect of yourself that is limitless and infinite in nature. Develop a trusting attitude. It is essentially about accepting how the perfect process of creation was designed to unfold and learning to fully trust in ‘what is.’
Identify any resistance patterns Stop, look and feel where the resistance is building within you. When does your body harden and become rigid? In what instances do you find yourself inflexible and uptight? What type of thoughts cause these physical sensations to manifest? What are you not willing to let go, trust and totally surrender? When you detect this within yourself, take inspired action to get rid of the resistance and go with the flow.
Savleen Bajaj is an internationally awarded professional speaker, psychologist, life coach, author, healer and intuitive. She is the recipient of multiple distinction awards including the ‘Medal of Honor for excellence’. For more info, email info@savleenbajaj.com or visit www.savleenbajaj.com
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Be eco-sensual
eco-silky
eco-sexy with Sylk, the natural personal lubricant made with smooth & slippery kiwifruit vine extract This unique extract is actually taken out of the kiwifruit prunings in clean green New Zealand, after the fruit harvest. The prunings, which would otherwise be wasted, are later mulched & returned to the orchards – a true eco-harvest. While Sylk is made with premium quality plant ingredients o make it lusciously long-lasting, it’s very light on glycerine so it’s non sticky. Which means more fun, more pleasure & no need to shower off afterwards. Sylk also:
✔ alleviates & soothes dryness – helpful with tampons ✔ increases sensitivity – ideal with condoms ✔ is free from petrochemicals like propylene glycol & paraben preservatives, with no alcohol, animal products, colours, flavours, fragrances & sugars to avoid allergies.
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No other lubricant feels as good as Sylk The healthy choice for a woman’s body & also loved by partners for its exquisite, ooooh so natural feel. From larger Coles & Woolies supermarkets, selected pharmacies & health stores or privately and securely online at www.sylk.com.au (while you’re there, check out what everyone says about it.)
Special offer for emPOWER readers For your free sample of Sylk, click here to email your name & postal address (discreet packaging & privacy assured)
5 cents from the sale of every Sylk pack goes to Cancer Information & Support Services.
Sex Advice
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February/March 2010
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February/March 2010
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iStockphoto
Strengthening your pelvic floor chances for pelvic floor weakness. Being pregnant alone is a contributing factor to weakening. Other causes of a compromised pelvic floor include aging, hormonal influences and hereditary factors. Signs of a weakening pelvic floor include bladder accidents when coughing, laughing, sneezing, exercising etc, frequent toilet visits, lack of sensation during sex, air or water entering the vagina during exercise or a swim, tampon sliding down during use, difficulty controlling wind or solids, haemorrhoids and back aches. When the pelvic floor muscles slacken, the positioning of the pelvic organs can also become compromised. They may start to sag and sink. This can create the feeling of heaviness in the pelvic floor that is relieved by resting and aggravated by standing. If the initial warning signs of the pelvic floor continue unattended usually things magnify. For example, occasional bladder accidents become a need to wear a pad and knowing the toilet map of a town becomes a necessity. Sagging pelvic organs prolapse (the sagging organ can eventually protrude outside the vagina) and sexual passion disappears from relationships. Obviously, these problems are more difficult to rectify. This is why early action is important to avoid serious pelvic floor problems. If you experience any of the above symptoms or others relating to pelvic floor health it is always wise to consult a medical professional to determine whether your symptoms are in fact caused by weakened muscles. Once this is established start educating yourself to discover what activities in your lifestyle impose stress on your pelvic floor. In other words learn to treat your pelvic floor the right way and protect it from further weakness and, on the same account, support the strengthening process. Keeping the pelvic floor muscles strong is an essential element of pelvic floor care. These muscles respond well to regular exercise. The following practice is an excellent way to quickly tone your muscles. You can apply the following exercise sequence in any position, such as sitting, standing or lying down and repeat it up to four times in a row.
Start by straightening your back and avoid sucking in your stomach. Keep breathing naturally during this exercise. Contract your pelvic floor muscles using only half of your strength. As you do it imagine controlling urine and wind (from your back passage) in the same time. If you are doing this correctly your muscles will be drawn away from your underwear. Hold this contraction for one second. Relax your pelvic floor muscles for the shortest time. Contract again (the same way as before) but this time hold the contraction for 2 seconds. Relax your muscles briefly again. Contract again this time for 3 seconds. Relax. Contract for 4 seconds. Relax. Contract for 5 seconds. Relax. Contract for 6 seconds. Remember to only use half of your pelvic floor muscle power and relax for the briefest moment between contractions. This exercise is similar to temporarily tightening a guitar string (only you are temporarily tightening your pelvic floor muscles).
Imagine how great it would feel to hang on to the effect of this exercise permanently. You could face any situation with confidence knowing that your lady bits will not let you down and you are in full control. You could keep the sparks flying in your relationship and look forward to long active years as you evolve as a woman, well beyond menopause, no matter how many children you eventually give birth to. The power of your pelvic floor muscles lays in their incredible ability to make you feel healthy, sexy and confident. Now imagine how you would feel if you leaked urine all the time and needed the protection of liners and pads. Or, if you leaked during sex and found it hard to
reach orgasm. Can you imagine life with a protruding pelvic organ? These are only a few examples of more prominent, notso-uncommon pelvic floor problems. It is clear that these and similar incidents would have a seriously negative impact on how you generally feel about yourself and the kind of life style you would like to enjoy and hoping to have. The choice is clear. Beautifying schedules need to be readjusted! Let’s fit in an extra few minutes for the pelvic floor and invest into long-term wellbeing. The benefits of such effort are invaluable. They enhance and protect quality of life for many years to come.
Kathi Janssens is the founder and program director of Discreetly Fit, providing contemporary pelvic floor education to women of all ages. She can be reached on (02) 8678 0123 or info@discreetlyfit.com
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Profile
An unexplainable
In this issue, Tara Poole talks to Emma McLeod who shares her personal journey through grief following the stillbirth of her daughter Olivia and how her need for answers to this unexplainable loss drove her to establish the Stillbirth Foundation Australia.
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mma McLeod is anything but ordinary. An extrovert, with a deliciously wicked sense of humour, Emma is a born organiser with an eye for horseflesh. She’s a passionate and inspiring leader, known not to take no for an answer. She’s also the mother of three children – Hugh, Lily and Oscar. But ask Emma, and she’ll tell you she’s a mother of four. Almost eight years ago, Emma’s daughter Olivia was stillborn. After a predictable pregnancy with no health issues, Olivia died in utero at 36 weeks. There was seemingly no reason and, not uncommonly, Olivia’s death went uninvestigated. The lack of information and Emma’s own griefstricken questioning led her to establish the first national organisation dedicated to finding out the answers about why stillbirth occurs. Today Emma is the founder of the Stillbirth Foundation Australia which in the last four years has raised nearly $800,000 for research into stillbirth. Stillbirth is a common occurrence, and is defined as the death of a baby while still in the womb. It can occur at any time from twenty weeks until immediately before birth. In Australia, each year, 2,000 babies are stillborn and this number has remained steady for over ten years. It is disturbing that, in an age of enormous technical and medical advances, the death rate of stillborn babies is not declining nor is it well understood.
February/March 2010
At the time of Olivia’s death, Emma was pursuing a career in the pharmaceutical industry and was well on the way up the corporate ladder. Motherhood was a deviation to her plans, but not an unwelcome one. “I didn’t see myself as being a mother,” said Emma. “Having children was inevitable and they would eventually be part of my life, but I wasn’t focused on it entirely. What surprised me the most was the change they brought, and the love I had for them from the moment they were born.
I really just wanted to solve the problem of stillbirth – not for me, but to prevent others from going through what I had “Giving birth to Olivia was unbearable but it was the making of me. I recognised in myself our astonishing ability to love, and that’s when I realised what a power it is. The grief was raw and huge, but it has a knife-like cleanliness to it. It helps to give you clarity over everything around you and lets you see the world. “Olivia helped me to release, helped me to understand, redirect and reshape my life. I knew I would never be the same again.”
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But it was the lack of answers surrounding Olivia’s death that acted as catalyst to Emma’s life. “There were so many questions about why Olivia died,” said Emma. “And just no answers. It gets me that today there is still not enough information. Stillbirth is an isolating experience, but the lack of information just makes it more so.” Never one to wait around, Emma decided to find out on her own. “I resigned from my job three months after I had Olivia. I decided not to go back. The experience made me see that my life could no longer be driven by personal gain. I really just wanted to solve the problem of stillbirth – not for me, but to help prevent others from going through what I had. “People still talk about my resignation letter, which I’ve never been able to find again. I stated a declaration of my intention to solve the problem of stillbirth,” she said, laughing at the memory. “What did delay me was this idea that maybe someone else should be doing this, not me. Maybe there was someone out there more qualified and more informed, someone who knew about medicine and hospitals and grants and research. But after a while I realised that there wasn’t. I saw that it was possible to just get on and do it. So I did.” The Foundation recognises that stillbirth has a massive impact upon families, and the loss is felt for generations.
Profile
Its work is driven by parent’s need to know the reason for the death of their child, with its central purpose firmly focused on the raising of money to fund research into the causes of stillbirth. And although the Foundation was set up through the drive of one woman, Emma is quick to point out that her desire is not for long-lasting fame or to promote herself, it is a Foundation for all parents. “The reality is that there are parents and family members and friends who are all touched by a stillbirth, and the sheer weight of not knowing ‘why’ is overwhelming. All of that energy and desire to do something can be harnessed by the Foundation, and can be invested back into finding an answer. This is not just about my efforts. This is about people working together to try and help prevent the gaping pain and the aching loss from being experienced by someone else.” Emma’s life has changed substantially since she established the Stillbirth Foundation. She now concentrates primarily on raising money, and asking people to do things for free. “Anyone who has tried to raise money for a cause will understand what a mammoth task it is to raise enough money to make a difference. Fundraising is hard work. It’s tough. I think it’s tough because there is an element of begging to it, and you are raised to think that it is not a nice thing. No one would choose to put themselves in a position where they are asking for money. “With fundraising you might only get one win out of ten, but that win is worth the nine rejections.”
In the infant days of the Foundation, Emma’s goals were modest and yet seemed endlessly out of reach. “I thought ‘wouldn’t it be nice if we could raise $50,000’,” she remembers. “I had no idea what we would need. When the Mater Hospital kindly offered their support and John Duke was the CEO, we were discussing reaching targets of $5,000 and $10,000. Very quickly other donations starting coming in.” Today the Stillbirth Foundation Australia is about to release the results of their latest tranche of research grants funded by hundreds of thousands of dollars, and Emma is so excited she can barely sit still. She acknowledges there are some very exciting research areas in this round of grants, the details of which are due to be announced in January 2010. “If these research groups are right, we might be in a position to discover some fundamental truths about stillbirth. This is information that can assist every pregnant woman. We have an impressive and influential body of advisors who review each of the grant applications and assist us in deciding how we should spend our hard earned funds.” Emma’s efforts have been widely applauded by those whose lives have been touched by stillbirth, and she acknowledges their accolades graciously. For many of them she is a touchstone. But Emma is happiest behind the scenes, organising and pulling people together, working towards a goal of preventing others from feeling the loss that cut her so keenly on Olivia’s birthday.
Fact box 1 in every 140 babies born in Australia is stillborn In Australia, each year, 2000 babies are stillborn - six every single day. The enormity of the problem means stillbirth will affect most of us either directly or indirectly during our lives. The rate of unexplained stillbirth in Australia is 10 times more common than Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
What is the Stillbirth Foundation Australia? Stillbirth Foundation Australia has been established to encourage and fund research to reduce the incidence of stillbirth by: • funding and encouraging research into stillbirth; • increasing public awareness about stillbirth.
How you can help The Stillbirth Foundation Australia The Stillbirth Foundation Australia offers families an opportunity to make donations in memory of their baby, confidently knowing that their support will one day prevent another family from experiencing stillbirth first hand. Additionally, friends, work colleagues and communities can often feel helpless when they hear of a loved one that has been touched by the unimaginable sadness of losing a child. Supporting the Stillbirth Foundation Australia is a way that you can make a difference. You can make a tax deductible donation, purchase Stella the Stillbirth Foundation Bear or donate goods and/ or services. For further information and to make a donation to the Stillbirth Foundation Australia, please visit www. stillbirthfoundation.org.au
Upcoming news Photo courtesy Rohan Kelly of News Ltd
As part of the Foundation’s goal to increase public awareness, the Stillbirth Foundation Australia are supporting the imminent release of Daily Telegraph Health Writer Zoe Taylor’s new book – Pregnancy Loss – planned to be on shelves at all good bookstores by the end of January 2010.
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How to win friends
&influence people
Dale Carnegie’s book ‘How to win friends and influence people’ provides practical tips on building relationships, selling your ideas and being a powerful leader. Rachel Anastasi shares Carnegie’s simple concepts to help you improve your career… or life.
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ow to win friends and influence people was on the New York Times’ best sellers list for ten years and has sold over sixteen million copies. This book can make a profound impact on your interactions with others and even the way that you relate to yourself. What we love about the book at emPOWER is that it is an ‘easy’ read. If you are not generally an avid reader you will love the summary provided at the end of each chapter. A core theme of the book is ‘always be genuine’, value people and relationships for what they are rather than as a means to an end. The most successful approach to influencing others and winning friends is being charismatic and loving. If you operate from a place of generosity in business and are giving with your knowledge, your database and your time, you will surprise, delight and exceed the expectations of your clients. Here are some the keys from the book to building successful personal relationships; • Never criticise, condemn or complain. Positive reinforcement works better. • Become genuinely interested in other people. Value the person that you are with and be 100% focused and present. • Make the other person feel important. Recognising someone’s expertise and capabilities will make them feel appreciated. • Use names whenever possible. • Smile. A smile tells others that you like them and are glad to see them. Smile even when on the phone as it will be clear in your tonality.
February/March 2010
• Avoid arguments; you can only lose. Most arguments end with each contestant more certain of their opinions and less willing to change; give up being right and welcome disagreements. • Let the other person finish talking. Don’t interrupt. • Respect others’ opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”. Most people don’t like to admit even to themselves that they may be wrong. Telling others they are wrong may be considered a putdown to their intelligence and often pushes them to further defend their position. Don’t immediately assume you are right. Demonstrating your willingness to rationally examine the facts will inspire others to do likewise. • Aim to see things from the other person’s point of view. Understanding another’s point of view and motivations is the key to understanding their decisions and personality. The biggest drivers of people are love and fear. As a leader you can influence people using both, however to use love to motivate, inspire and captivate people creates an environment of happiness and you will remain a person that others naturally gravitate to and want to be around. When people feel loved, appreciated and valued they will respond by wanting to please and reward and reciprocate the love that they are being shown. As a leader there are times where
you must direct someone or ask someone to do something differently to achieve a greater result. The way that you speak to people and approach them can make a huge difference to how they respond and whether or not you are successful in having them produce the result you require. Here are Carnegie’s tips on leadership; • Always compliment and focus on the things people are doing well first. Give constructive feedback in private and in a way that empowers the other person. • Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. For example, ask “would it make sense to organise these alphabetically?” • Be Genuine. Don’t make promises you cannot keep. • Know precisely what it is you want the other person to do and keep communication clear. • Frame requests to communicate what the other person will personally benefit. For example, rather than “John, clean the stock room now” perhaps say “John, if we clean the stock room now we can relax more later.” Modelling is powerful; if you want to be a powerful leader or a person whom people naturally gravitate to, model those who are already confidently making even more of a difference to people and creating change around them. BE loving, DO the things a loving person would do and you will HAVE the results.
Rachel Anastasi is an empowerment coach, speaker, mentor and founder of Free to be Me Life Coaching and www.secretsofasupercoach.com. For more information visit www.freetobemecoaching.com.au
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Feature
Get online
Every month Google Adwords receives are over 300,000 internet searches on the term ‘internet home business’ or alike, demonstrating the growing desire to run an internet business from home. But, what are the benefits and how do you get started? Sue Smart explains.
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ecently I heard that approximately 60% of all the money in the world is controlled by women. And, they have access to the other 40%. This gives women massive power to make a difference in the world. The question is, how? It has been my experience, after working in other traditional businesses, that starting an internet or online business is one of the fastest and smartest ways women today can make money. And, for women in particular, there are many benefits. • An internet business is great for mums who want to be at home with their children and make money at the same time. • Working from home provides a large amount of flexibility to arrange your work around the rest of your life. • It’s a great way to make money without the daily commute; expensive work clothes and excessive child care fees. • Becoming successful in your own business is great for your self-esteem, which has a positive flow-on effect to everyone else in your life. • Starting a business at home can provide tax deductions for home office expenses and other costs incurred in producing assessable income. • Financial chaos has caused a lack of job security and starting your own business can provide security.
• In your own business you make the choice how hard you work and how much you want to make. Get paid what you are worth. No more begging for a raise and time off. • No stock, staff or rent; a business where you only need a computer and a phone. • With a totally portable business work from just about anywhere in the world. • An internet business can be operated outside of business hours and attended to at nights and weekends. This allows new entrepreneurs to keep their day jobs until turning a healthy profit.
Can anyone make money online, working from home?
Of course, many thousands of people do. The problem is that not everyone WILL make money online. Like any business whether it be a franchise or a traditional business, there are always people that do succeed and people that don’t. Internet businesses are often viewed as a way to ‘get rich quick’, which many times is not the case. But through my business experience, I have found that it is a quicker and easier way to make money online than other more traditional businesses and in most cases much cheaper to get started.
Getting started
Firstly, do your research. Consider what type of internet business you wish to start
or be involved in. Do you want to join a business already in operation or develop your own ideas? It is also a good idea to pull together a business plan. Don’t let the thought of this deter you, it can be a simple onepage document that outlines what your business will do and how you will do it. As part of this planning process get clear on your ‘Why’. Why do you want to start an internet business? What do you want to achieve from it?
Marketing your business
Once you are online, focus on marketing. There are many great ways of marketing your business online, but be mindful that you need to implement a number of different marketing strategies. Some online methods of marketing include writing articles or blogs, social marketing like Twitter and Facebook, pay per click, content and video marketing. It is also advisable to have a website that is optimised for the various search engines such as Google. Also think about how to market your business ‘offline’. Finally, I would recommend that you find yourself a mentor - someone who walks the walk and doesn’t just talk the talk. Follow in the footsteps of those that have had success making money online. You don’t need to be an expert to get started, you just need persistence, the willingness to take action and a strong desire to succeed.
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Sue Smart, with her husband Jerry specialise in internet businesses. Sue is an expert in relationship marketing and mentors women globally. To find out more visit www.HomeBizTopEarner.com or www.TheUltimateWealthFormula.com and leave your details.
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Leading through
Change
In a world of change accelerating daily it pays to be able to step back and think carefully about the best way to navigate through it smoothly. Kathy McKenzie explains the four stages of change.
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couple I know have just bought a new house – this is the culmination of several years of procrastination and arguing but finally they are moving in. Lilly has been adamant for a long period now that Dan’s refusal to pay more than $300,000 was totally unrealistic even in a country property market, and Dan would counter with the fact that they didn’t want to sacrifice their standard of living by having an enormous mortgage. Lilly has been ready for the change for years now but Dan has just not been able to arrive at a place in his mind where he could make a commitment and as a result the market had shifted so much since they first started looking three years ago, that it would require them to pay more. It also didn’t help the situation that all their friends and family in capital cities were scoffing that they wouldn’t get a shoebox for that in any major city. It finally got to the point where Lilly was threatening to buy something herself, so they weren’t still having the discussion in another three years. Only then did Dan finally accept that they did need to take
February/March 2010
action and agreed to attend an auction of a property they both agreed would be ideal. They paid $360,000 after much debate with each other, and I have no doubt in 10 years time they will be having the conversation most people end up having about their real estate purchases which is “I am so glad we bought then because look at what the prices are now”. Dan’s approach is typical of a large majority of people when faced with making major decisions and changing. It is not comfortable and not easy for lots of people. Many of us feel anxiety and fear when making big decisions that require major changes, with thoughts such as ‘what if it is not the ‘right’ decision’ or ‘what if something better comes up?’ We delay making the decision until the future is clear by which time what was a good choice is now a bad choice! Some change is our choice and some is forced upon us. Either way it helps to understand that there are specific stages we experience during change and simple ways to address each stage of the cycle so that we manage it more effectively. The length
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we stay in a particular stage varies from person to person but there seems to be consistency in the stages people experience. The first stage is denial that we need to change. Often people will cling to what they know. In Dan and Lilly’s case, Lilly was ready for a change because of the need to be in town, close to schools and shops now that they had a toddler. Dan was in denial that with a child things would need to change. When people are in denial it helps to outline clearly all the benefits of making the change to allay the fears. Dan and Lilly could have had a more positive experience if they had approached the situation in a different way. When someone is stuck in denial, it helps to sit down list the pros and cons of the options. Lilly and Dan could have saved a lot of stress by discussing Dan’s fears more openly and analysing the benefits of owning their own house. If they had first agreed what they stood to gain and that the gains far outweighed the temporary discomfort of having to move, it may have meant Dan wouldn’t have stayed in denial for as long. So the first step if you find yourself
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arguing with someone about whether or not you should change is to get clear about the benefits of changing. The next stage often experienced by people is resistance. Even though they know they need to change they resist taking action. The best way to overcome resistance is to get really clear on what you need to do and write it down with clearly defined time lines by which to have achieved your outcomes. If Lilly and Dan had sat down when they first started looking at houses and clearly written what they wanted and agreed upon a time frame by which they would achieve it, it may have saved a lot of stress later on. Dan may have been more comfortable exploring the different options rather than refusing to attend inspections and mumbling “there was nothing wrong with where they were living.” It is common for people to spend large amounts of time in resistance. They resist writing goals and getting clear on the specifics. In every course I conduct I ask how many people have written goals and inevitably about 70% of people have no clear outcomes about what they want to
achieve in life. If you are not clear on what you want how will you know when you get it? If you don’t have good habits around planning and goal setting and you tend to be stuck in the ‘resistance’ category regularly, you can retrain yourself. Take a piece of paper and identify an area where you know you need to change but are resisting it. Now get clear on what needs to change and the benefits of that change. When you hit resistance go back to your goal and benefits to re-motivate yourself. The third stage - exploration - is when the person has shifted to a mindset where they are willing to look at doing things differently. This is the time to get them clear on what they need to know or learn in order to create the change. The question is, what do we need to explore in order to
achieve what we want or what needs to be different from now? Had Dan progressed to the exploration stage he would have openly started researching the property market and considering what they could get for their money. Rather than debating about the $360,000 they ended up spending on their new property, they both would have expected this from the start. The final stage of commitment is when someone is willing to accept new ways of being and doing and creates clear goals around what they are willing to commit to. Once again, had Dan reached this stage, he would have been ready and excited to purchase the house. If you are a leader in a business, the strategy is the same for business change as it is for our previous example around personal change. Whether it be small changes, as simple as moving desks, or large scale changes such as organisational restructures, it is worthwhile thinking about the impact the change is having on people and transition them from denial and resistance to exploration and commitment. First, outline the benefits, as well as the pros and cons of the change. Explain why the change is necessary and allow people to air their concerns. Once everyone is in agreement that the pros outweigh the cons, get clear on the desired outcome and write it down. Then, have people brainstorm ideas around how to implement or manage the change. At this exploration stage, be observant for signs of denial and resistance. You may need extra time for people to air their fears and anxieties so they can be addressed, allowing them to move to the exploration and commitment stages. The most important thing is to have clear and open communication and to plan together for the change. None of us can stop life from changing but by understanding the stages of change and the importance of planning and communication in the change process we can learn to approach future situations with more awareness and make the transitions smoother.
Kathy McKenzie, , FIRE UP Coaching director, is a specialist Communications and Leadership Facilitator, Coach Trainer, and Executive Coach. Her qualifications include Masters in Professional Vocational Education and Training, ICF accredited coach and coach trainer, NLP and HBDI trainer. Featured regularly on TV she brings fun and enthusiasm to training sessions. For more information visit www.fireupcoaching.com.au
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Property
Sell your
own property
I
set about selling my home as soon as I realised (one month after moving in) that I wasn’t happy living there. I prepared for a month, sold it within a month, on a settlement of four months and left after having lived in it a total of seven months. I had previously owned it for over a year and leased it to tenants. Agents who I asked to give me an opinion about selling were quite negative and suggested a range of prices I thought were below what it was actually worth. They also said it wasn’t easy to sell at that time. I decided to do it myself. Firstly, I found a great little book from Ian Reid Advocacy entitled Fatal Real Estate Traps Exposed (it’s free). I followed the directions and at the end of my quest, I achieved $30,000 more than my top price. I drank champagne with the new owners 28 days after the start of the campaign. Naturally, there are many advantages of selling your property without an agent, including: (a) You save on the commission (b) You save on advertising (c) You know the property better than an agent (d) You care about selling the property (e) You could get a better price than the agents forecast However, there are also a number of disadvantages, including: (a) An agent is not emotionally connected to the property (b) Advertising on the internet is limited (most Real Estate sites are for licensed Real Estate Agents (c) Agents usually have plenty of prospects,
February/March 2010
an office, several sales people etc. (d) Agents are experienced negotiators (e) Agents understand the psychology of selling It’s important that you weigh these up before making your decision to sell your own property without the assistance of an agent. Although you should assume that everything would go to plan, this is not always the case.
Steps to Selling Your Property
1. Do your research. There are some great (and free) books available such as: • Fatal Real Estate Traps Exposed by Ian Reid • The 18 Worst Mistakes made by Home-Sellers by Neil Jenman • Don’t Sign Anything by Neil Jenman • Principles of Real Estate Negotiation by Neil Jenman 2. Plan the whole undertaking well in advance, there is much to do 3. Prepare the place for sale • Clean and clean again, especially windows • Make cosmetic improvements and fix anything that is broken • De-clutter and clear benches • Think fresh - fresh air, fruit and flowers • Ensure every room is presentable • Improve the outside appearance – have a tidy garden with plants • Make the property look as spacious and light as possible • Take photos for flyers and advertisements with the lights turned on 4. Get your property valued by valuer. Or, alternatively you can ask some local agents but this may not be as useful because they may be influenced by their situation 5. Organise your advertising in relevant newspapers, magazines and if possible get some editorial, such as ‘Places we
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love in Melbourne Weekly’. Also list your advertisement on the relevant real estate sites such as www.domain.com. au, although note that these may not be entirely satisfactory because of limited exposure compared to Real Estate Agents sites. Plan for this advertising to run for at least one month 6. Decide whether to use a Solicitor or Conveyancer and have them prepare the relevant documents required in your state. 7. Prepare flyers and have them delivered. It is worth spending money to get them designed well and printed with quality. You can see mine at www.maryking. com.au/property.html 8. Organise your open for inspection times and prepare the signage 9. During any inspections, act and dress in a professional manner 10. Make a decision (and expect) to sell quickly - in the second or third week of the campaign 11. Manifest your sale. Write a letter to the property, thanking it for being of value to you and also to the new owner offering gratitude and good wishes. 12. Put champagne in the fridge to share with the new owners. Although it may not always be smooth sailing, I had a wonderful time selling my property. You too can have great results. Mary King is a millionaire and women’s wealth coach. She conducts two-day workshops, Rich is Better – Wealth for Women in Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne. For more information visit www. maryking.com.au or phone (03) 9882 1886.
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In this issue, Mary King provides her step-bystep guide to selling your own property
Feature
Online Trading 101
With more and more Australians using the internet for investment purposes, James Leplaw explains how to get started.
A
ccording to the 2009 ASX Australian Share Ownership Study, 56 per cent of Australians who bought shares during the past two years, did so online. Further to this, the number of people thinking about dipping their toe into the water is also on the rise. According to new research from Macquarie, 46 per cent of Australians wish they were more involved in the sharemarket. However, it appears that a number of barriers exist. The majority of those who said they were interested in getting involved have confessed they don’t know enough about trading to consider taking part and, when it comes to women, 42 per cent think that online trading is like speaking another language. So, if you are interested but not sure where to start, consider the following:
Decide on your goals
The first thing to think about when it comes to making any investment decision is: what are your goals? What are you aiming to achieve? It is important to keep in mind that investing in the sharemarket should be considered a long-term activity due to the volatility of financial markets.
Do your research
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It is important to have a basic understanding of the sharemarket and stocks before making any financial commitments. One aspect that will James Leplaw is Macquarie’s Head of Direct Investing. James is responsible for developing Macquarie’s Direct Investing business and recently launched Macquarie Edge - a new way of online trading for selfdirected investors. For more details please visit Macquarie.com.au/edge.
influence stock selection is the need for income, versus the desire for long-term growth. Income stocks are those that pay a higher portion of their earnings back to shareholders in the form of dividends, such as those in the energy and utilities sectors and financial institutions. Growth stocks are those that re-invest their earnings to drive future growth with the intention of growing earnings at an above-average rate relative to the market. Diversification of stocks and investments is also a wise move, so don’t put all of your eggs into one basket. To learn more about the fundamentals, a good place to start is the ASX website. Reading the companyrelated news in the financial pages of the newspaper or online can also help. Importantly, visit online trading websites themselves and get a taste of what sources of information they provide. Look for those that provide lots of information, such as news, research, insights, company profiles and financials to help you make informed investment decisions.
Make your decisions
There are a number of factors that influence the decision-making process. Most online brokers provide research, some provide their own while others package it up from a variety of sources, but most importantly, look for access to research from the experts you value.
Try before you buy
Once you have a clear idea of the approach you would like to take after completing your research and conferring with your trusted sources, give yourself some time to get comfortable with the decisions you have made. Look for online trading websites that allow you to “try before you buy” and get more familiar with the world of investing, its terminology and how it works, before committing your funds. Watchlists, which allow you to instantly add a stock, choose a buy-in date or set price and quantity, are a valuable tool and can help you to keep track of what is happening in your chosen sectors. Information on the day’s biggest movers and shakers, which enables you to view the most extreme changes in the market, helps you to better understand the environment in which you trade, and is also worth looking out for.
Make your purchase
Placing an order can be a stressful step, but some sites offer easy order processes that allow you to re-confirm your order before sending it to the market, along with the ability to trade in real time. Most importantly, choose an online broker that is competitively priced. Sites that provide a range of features and benefits but make you pay only when you trade can provide a costeffective solution.
Try it out Macquarie Edge is a new online trading platform that brings together a suite of opportunities to build and diversify an investor’s portfolio. Bringing together a broad range of functions, features and tools in the one place including access to market research, news and insights, company profiles and financials to help you make informed investment decisions. For more information visit www.macquarie.com.au/edge/home/
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In the spirit of romance, we’ve included some great ideas for what to do for your partner on Valentine’s day (and any other day) to show your love and grow your relationship… Okay some of them take longer than 15 minutes but are well worth it…
♥ Make your partner a surprise breakfast in bed
♥ Write him/her a love poem
♥ Tell your partner 10 reasons
why you love them ♥ Cook a special meal that you’ve not made before ♥ Book a romantic weekend away om the garden ♥ Pick some flowers fr ♥ Spice up your love-life and try something new ♥ Leave love notes all around the house ♥ Run your partner a bath
♥ Try a new restaurant
♥ Curl up on the couch with your
favourite movies for a movie-marathon ♥ Create a treasure hunt for ♥ Take her shopping your Valentine’s gift ♥ Give him/her a massage ♥ Get up before the sun and take him/her somewhere special to share the sunrise ♥ Make a book of vouchers that your partner ♥ Take the day off and can redeem throughout the upcoming year stay in bed until noon
♥ Make a special gift
♥ Surprise your partner with tickets to an upcoming show or concert ♥ Take your partner for a picnic ♥ Renew your wedding vows
ionship
♥ Create some vows for your relat
and affirm them to each other ♥ Share a bottle of wine while watching the sunset somewhere gorgeous e star-gazing ♥ Lay a blanket outside and do som a candle-lit carpet picnic ♥ Get some take-away and have
February/March 2010
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FEBRUARY / MARCH 2010
This time every year I swear that this is the year that I will lose weight and tone up. I know it would do wonders for my confidence. I don’t want to be a fitness freak or anything but I am overweight and would really like to look a bit better. How can I make this year different to the others and achieve my goal? – Lexie Starting a new health and fitness program is never easy. That’s why it is important to set yourself up for the best chance of success and make sure that you are prepared to make sustainable lifestyle changes. It’s easy to get caught up in the desire for a quick fix, however, when it comes to weight loss and improved health and fitness, slow and steady wins the race. Here are some suggestions to help you make 2010 your healthiest year to date: • Set a clear goal. Get clear on exactly what you want to achieve, why you want to achieve it, and when you want to achieve it by. Goals such as ‘lose weight’ and ‘tone up’ are too general and difficult to measure. Spend some time to dig deeper and refine your goals, and make sure that you write them down. • Take your focus away from the scales. When the only number that matters is the one you see on the scales, you are at high risk of harming both your progress and motivation. Focus instead on body measurements, your mood and energy levels, improvements in your level of fitness, and how well your clothes fit. • Pre-Season. Set a start date in your calendar four weeks away. Use that lead-up time as your Pre-Season period where you start to take small steps on a daily basis to improve your nutrition and level of fitness. This will allow you to prepare yourself mentally and physically for the upcoming healthy lifestyle changes. • Exercise with like-minded people. Exercise is much easier and more fun when people share similar goals and work together to provide support and encouragement. Whether it is an outdoor group fitness program or an individual training partner, you will fast-track your results and increase your motivation. • Be consistent and flexible. Genuine long lasting results come from staying committed, consistently working on your goals and adopting sustainable lifestyle changes. Understand that life can sometimes get in the way of your health and fitness program, and don’t be too hard on yourself if you miss a training session or have a slip up in your diet. • It’s a marathon, not a sprint. One of the biggest mistakes people make is attempting to do too much, too soon. A better approach is to adopt a life long view to health and fitness and take your focus off the desire for a quick fix. Start small, be patient and take daily actions toward improving your lifestyle, such as walking to work, taking the stairs where possible, eating more fruits and vegetables, drinking more water, etc. Remember, living a long, healthy and active life is more important than fitting into a pair of skinny jeans… though there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to do that too!
I don’t seem to be able to get ahead financially. I try really hard to save but everytime I get some extra cash there is always an emergency (such as my car breaking down) and the money disappears. Am I attracting this? What can I do to break this pattern? – Yvette I believe that we are responsible for every result that we do get and every result that we do not get. What we attract in life has to do with our beliefs and where we focus. These factors determine the actions that we take. Based on this, I have some questions for you: • What are your beliefs about money? • Where are you focusing? • What actions are you taking? Your answers to these questions will provide insight into the results that you are getting. Once you identify and understand your beliefs and focus you can then work to change them to cause a change in the actions you are taking. Naturally, this will then lead to different results. You only see what you focus on to the exclusion of everything else. Your unconscious mind is the greatest search engine there is and you will always find what you are looking for. What have you been looking for evidence of ? How has it kept you safe in life to believe that you have a lack of finances? Consider the fact that if you are really 100% responsible for your results, then on some level you are actually creating the situation where extra money has to go toward an unforseen emergency. For what purpose are you choosing this on some level? Is it a way of sabotaging? Is it a way of controlling or staying safe by staying small? Or, is it a way of gathering evidence for something that you already believe about yourself or about the way that your life is? To change your results, first you must change your beliefs, your focus and your actions. Try the following: • Find someone who is getting the sort of results that you would love to be getting in the area of finances and model their beliefs around money and abundance. • Sit down and have a look at what you learnt about money from your family, parents and other influential people in your past, particularly when you were a child. Let go of anything that is not serving you and create new beliefs. • Keep a daily gratitude journal so that you are focusing on abundance and set clear financial goals. • If you had the mindset of someone who already had a million dollars in the bank, how would that feel? • Cut out any limiting language such as, ‘I cannot afford that’ and change it to, ‘I choose not to spend my money on that right now.’ Have a great time noticing the amazing abundance that you already have all around you.
Source: Richard Garard is a certified personal trainer and strength and conditioning coach specialising in women’s health and fitness. He is the founder of She FITNESS (www.SheFITNESS.com.au).
Source: Rachel Anastasi is an empowerment coach, speaker, mentor and founder of Free To Be Me Life Coaching. For more information visit www.freetobemecoaching.com.au February/March 2010
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I would really like to have a long-term relationship but I don’t think that anyone would find me attractive or want to be with me. How can I increase my confidence with men? – Sarah-Jane
I have a very unfulfilling sex life. My partner thinks that it is fine and that I am happy and satisfied. I don’t know how to raise the subject with him. Help! – Stacey When it comes to sex, not only is everyone different but everyone has different comfort levels in talking about it. Therefore, discussing sex can be a very important life and relationship skill to develop. We can often assume that talking about sex with a partner is going to be difficult and uncomfortable. However, it can also be surprisingly liberating and might even be a turn-on in some ways and can lead to a much more fulfilling sex life. There are a couple of questions to ask yourself first before we look how to open up the conversation with him. • What do you currently enjoy about sex with your partner? What’s working well now? • What needs improvement? • What would be the ideal sex life in your opinion? When you have more clarity about what you want, you can start preparing the environment to discuss sex with him. A lot of experts suggest raise the subject using something you can both focus on such as a book, TV show, movie or a magazine where sex, or talking about sex, is part of the focus. This can be a good transition into the two you of talking about your own sex life. Others suggest that you open the conversation by asking the other person up front what their ideal sex life is, or what their sexual fantasies are. In many cases, the partner might feel quite positive and open that you are asking them what they want. In return they are also likely to ask you more about what you want. Use your answers to my earlier questions in the conversation. For example, offer some of the “what’s working well” to the conversation to highlight the things you like and are grateful for. You can also ask your partner the same questions. There’s a book I often recommend to couples called All About Us by Philipp Keel (Broadway Books, New York) that has some wonderful questions for couples to talk through on a number of topics. You may find a book like this a great starting point to the conversation as it also covers lots of other areas of the relationship. If you and your partner find the rest of the book interesting, that may reduce some uncomfort when you get to the section on sex. Of course, you may also find that it could be useful to speak with a sex counsellor about how to discuss the topic and how to ensure both you and your partners needs are met.
It sounds like you need to give your self-esteem a jolt. Without wanting to sound too tough, I would suggest that firstly, you take responsibility for how you are feeling about yourself at the moment. No doubt, various things have been said or done to you in the past to help you to feel this way but at the end of the day it is up to you to decide how you think and feel about yourself and whether you allow other people’s words or actions to affect you. Once you know and accept that you are responsible for your feelings, you can also know that you can change the way you think and feel about yourself. The flow-on effect of this is that naturally your confidence around men will increase. Start to change the way you see yourself. A good activity to undertake everyday is ‘mirror-talk’. Stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and give yourself compliments, such as, ‘You look so beautiful today’ and ‘you’re gorgeous’. It sounds crazy and will feel a little uncomfortable and silly to begin with but after a week or so, you will begin to enjoy the process and more importantly, you will begin to believe what you are saying to yourself – after all, it is the truth. Another great activity is to allocate some time with a pen and paper and make a list of all the things that you love about yourself. Do not stop until the list reaches 50. It may sound difficult, but if you want change you need to change. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I’m sure you could make a list of the things you don’t like so let’s turn it into a positive. Once you’ve made the list read back over it and affirm each point to yourself. The other thing I would suggest you focus on is to monitor your thoughts, especially when you are around men. Notice whether your thoughts are positive or negative. When you mentally hear a negative thought about yourself, immediately stop and change it to a positive. For example, if you hear a thought such as ‘he is so nice, but he would never be interested in me’, change it to ‘I am an amazing and beautiful woman, I deserve a great relationship’. Source: Helen Rosing is a motivational trainer, speaker, writer and coach. She is the founder and publisher of emPOWER Magazine.
Ask a Coach
Source: Noel Posus is a master coach with 20 years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. He is founder of www.askacoach.com and www.incredibleawareness.com
WIN
Send your coaching questions to emPOWER and if we publish your question and answer in the next issue, you will win a Nutrimetics indulgent skincare and make-up set valued at $217. Each set includes an Ultra Care+ C10 Firming Serum, nc Line Prime Instant Wrinkle Filler, Nutri-Rich Oil and the new nc Lash Impact Mascara, an innovative lash-strengthening mascara boasting moulded brush technology and a new super-nourishing formula. For more information or to be put in touch with your nearest Nutrimetics Consultant, please visit www.nutrimetics.com.au or call 1800 802 151. Submitting your questions through the website at empoweronline.com.au will ensure a response, regardless of whether it’s printed in the magazine. Alternatively, email your questions to admin@empoweronline.com.au.
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live your Best life week 1
Set Your Goals
Areas of Your Life Date:
Welcome to your first coaching session and congratulations for taking the first step to improving your life. In this first session you will be setting two inspiring goals for different areas of your life. Using the coaching models provided, complete the following exercises.
Where are you now? On the chart, rate yourself on a scale of 0 - 10 in relation to where you feel you are at in each area of your life right now. Then, draw a line around the chart, joining the dots where you have marked your rating in each area.
eg.
6
7
Use this goal-setting tool over the next two months to achieve your goals and improve your life. Set the dates for your coaching sessions and let’s get started.
SELF This is your relationship with yourself. Consider how much love, appreciation, acceptance and respect you have for yourself. PARTNER Think about this area in the context of whether you’re single or in a relationship. If you’re in a relationship, it refers to how you feel about your life with your partner. Is your relationship what you want it to be? If you’re single, think about your level of satisfaction with being single. Some people would love a committed relationship and others are content as they are. How do you feel?
5
family This area refers to how you feel about your relationships with family members. The rating you give this area should be an average for all family relationships. While some will be strong, others may not be so good.
8
2 2
3 4
A ‘10’ means you consider that area is perfect and a ‘0’ means major improvement is needed.
Where do you want to be?
social Similarly, this area refers to how you feel about your relationships with friends and your satisfaction with your level of social/fun activity. Again, provide an average rating of your relationships and social activity.
Next, give yourself a rating in relation to where you want to be in each area of your life in the next 1 - 2 months. Again, use a scale of 0 - 10 and draw a line around the chart, joining the dots where you have marked your rating in each area. Don’t be afraid to dream a little but consider what you can realistically achieve in that time. There’s no need to aim for a perfect 10 in any or every area.
WELLBEING This is your overall sense of wellbeing and how you feel about your health & fitness. SPIRITUALITY If you’re a spiritual or religious person, this area refers to your level of connectedness with your beliefs. If you’re not spiritual or religious, think about your level of contentment with life in general. BUSINESS/CAREER This area considers the level of success and/or fulfilment you feel in relation to your business, career or current employment.
Imagine your life with these results
February/March 2010
FINANCES This final area refers to how you feel about your level of financial freedom and/or your progression towards your desired level of financial freedom.
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Creating your goal Now it’s time to create your goals. To begin with, choose one area of your life that you would like to improve. Say it’s ‘Partner’ and you want to go from a rating of 4 to 8. Using the goal template over the page, create a written goal outlining what that new rating means to you – perhaps it’s about finding a soulmate or re-connecting with your husband.
Every goal that you write should be an empower goal. Think about the empower principles as you go through the process
Wellbein
g
It is th e 31st M arch 20 I feel s 10 and o happy and prou what I d of have ach ieved. I reached h ave my goal weight o 60kgs an f d I look fantastic I am fit . , healthy a nd have much m s o ore ener gy. Now fit into I can that sex y black and I fe dress el fabulo us.
Write your goal in the present tense, as if you’ve already achieved it. Make it meaningful, including some strong emotions, and make sure your goal is inspiring to you. Use only positive words and be specific – focus on what you do want instead of what you don’t want. Be a little realistic (but not too much) about what you can achieve in the timeframe chosen. Remember, too, your goal needs to be your own, not a goal to change someone else. You can only take responsibility for improving yourself and your life.
Goal 1
Write your goal
Fill in the spaces below to create your first goal. Remember, you’re writing in the present tense and be positive – with the right attitude you’ll get where you want to be much faster.
What you want to achieve
[Date] and I feel so ................................................... [Emotion1] and ....................................................... [Emotion 2] It is ..............................
I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... Now I/We........................................................................................................................................................................... and I feel............................................................................................................................................................................. [Emotion3] Why you want to achieve it
Goal 2
Write your goal
Fill in the spaces below to create your first goal. Remember, you’re writing in the present tense and be positive – with the right attitude you’ll get where you want to be much faster. It is .............................. and I feel so ............................................................. and .............................................................. I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... Now I/We........................................................................................................................................................................... and I feel.............................................................................................................................................................................
Required action: Your only action for the next week is to read your goals every day. Read them out loud and, as you read each one, experience how you will feel when you have achieved what you want. This is called visualisation and is an important step in the goalsetting process – visualise your goals as if you have already achieved them.
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week 2
Making it Happen
Date:
Now that you’ve been reading your goals for a week, consider whether you need to change or add anything to your goals to make them even more meaningful and inspiring. In this session, it’s time to start setting (and doing) the actions necessary to achieve each goal.
Required action: 1. If necessary, add to or change your goals. 2. On the action sheet provided, make a list of the actions you need to take in the next two weeks to get closer to your goals. Remember, these are your goals and you’re responsible for the actions, so be as detailed as you can. 3. Choose a motivational book to read or course to attend to expand your learning. 4. Continue to read and visualise your goals everyday.
Goal 1 Action
Completed
................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................................................................
Goal 2 Action
Completed
................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................................................................
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week 4
Date:
Reflect on your goals and actions. Are you achieving what you’d planned to by this time? If you feel that you’ve lost some motivation for achieving your goals, or that you aren’t getting any closer to achieving them, it’s quite normal for people to experience this at some stage during the coaching process. To give you a reminder, and a shot of motivation, do the first action suggested below. Consider your results from the last two weeks. Have you completed all of your actions? If not, what got in your way? What can you do differently to prevent the same outcome in the next two weeks? If you’ve completed all of your actions, perhaps you can now push yourself a little harder.
Required action: 1. Meet with a friend or partner and share your goals with them. Explain to them all the reasons why you want to achieve each goal and how it inspires you. Ask them to hold you accountable. 2. On a new piece of paper, set some new specific actions for each goal over the next two weeks. Remember to challenge yourself. Anything worth achieving may be a little uncomfortable. 3. Continue to read and visualise your goals every day.
week 6
Date:
Hopefully you are well on your way to achieving your goals. If not, you may need to consider adjusting your goal date a little. This is normal and can happen for numerous reasons. You may have underestimated the time it would take, you may have gotten off track, or perhaps you may need to be more strict with yourself in taking actions. Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes. It is up to you to achieve your goals.
Required action: 1. Adjust your date if necessary. 2. For each goal, make a list of 20 reasons why you want to achieve the goal. Remind yourself of how good you will feel and how life will be different. 3. On a new piece of paper, make a list of the actions you need to take in the next two weeks to get you closer to your goal. Remember to challenge yourself. 4. Decide on one nice thing you are going to buy or do to celebrate achieving your goal. 5. Continue to read and visualise your goal every day.
week 8
Date:
Well done for making it to Week 8 and congratulations if you have achieved any of your goals. If not, don’t lose hope, things sometimes just take longer than initially expected. Either way, it’s important to celebrate how far you have come.
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Required action: 1. Celebrate your success to date. Do something nice or buy yourself your chosen gift. 2. If you have adjusted your goal date, continue to set actions every two weeks and read your goal every day. 3. If you’ve achieved your goal, get ready to set some more goals and start again at Week 1.
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