APR/ MAY 2010 $7.95 (incl GST)
Dr. Dr. John
Demartini
The value of
values
Break your Negative
beliefs
WE WE SHOW SHOW YOU YOU HOW HOW
15
The
Amorosi
Vanessa
I am THIS IS WHO
SuperFoods
FOR FOR NATURAL NATURAL LIVING LIVING
Dump the Diet
GET OFF THE VICIOUS WEIGHT CYCLE
Is Is failure failure an an illusion? illusion? What What men men really really want want Become Become aa critical critical thinker thinker Protecting Protecting your your future future www.empoweronline.com.au
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8 This is who I am With eight ARIA Award nominations and one prestigious APRA Award under her belt she is one of the country’s most talented vocalists. We catch up with Vanessa Amorosi to discuss her latest album, Hazardous, and find out what drives this talented sing-songwriter.
18 The upside of down Tamra Mercieca shares her personal battle with depression and how during the lowest of lows she used journaling to empty out the day’s waste. She then used her experience to develop a complete toolkit for overcoming depression the natural way… and help others to do the same.
8 12
12 Breaking negative beliefs Throw out your past conditioning and choose more powerful, positive beliefs.
14 Is failure an illusion Turn your perceived failures into powerful knowledge for success.
17 Patience and trust Learn to trust in and surrender to the Universe implicitly.
20 The value of values Have more fulfilling relationships and create more love in your life.
23 What men really want Learn the secrets of what men really want… it’s probably not what you think.
24 Eat your way to rejuvenation
27
Discover the 15 SuperFoods to help you live your healthiest life.
26 Don’t stress, stretch Discover nature’s best stress reliever to stay calm and centered.
27 Dump the Diet Refuse to diet and live a healthy lifestyle through improving your body image.
28 Get Sharp Improve your decision-making and critical thinking skills.
30 Building an effective team Understand what makes an effective team and develop one that performs exceptionally well
32 Control your fate Understand the importance of insurance and find out how much is enough for you.
33 Property investing made simple Learn the ten ways to stay in control and invest in property successfully.
4 From the Desk
22 Great Reads
5 Your Say
34 Change Your Life in 15 Minutes 36 Ask a Coach 38 Coach Yourself Goal-Setting Tool
6 Meet the Experts 7 Acts of Kindness
30 32
From the desk... Autumn is always such a pleasant time of year. I love that the evenings get darker and the mornings get fresh. It’s finally time to let go of hot summer nights and replace them with cool ones. We also celebrate mother’s day in Autumn and as a new mum myself it makes me realise how special the relationship is between mother and daughter. I know with my own mother that although we aren’t always on the same page, she will always be there for me. It’s an unconditional connection. Happy Mother’s Day to all our mums and expectant mums. What a great cover story we have this month. Vanessa Amorosi is not your ordinary celebrity. She’s truly someone who has reinvented herself We are thrilled in this issue to have Dr John Demartini contribute on The value of values (p22). Dr Demartini shares his immense wisdom to show how, by understanding our partner’s values and speaking in terms of what is important to them, we can have more fulfilling relationships and create more love in our lives. Our other special guest writer this issue, Susan Smith Jones PhD provides us with the 15 SuperFoods to Eat your way to rejuvenation (p27). The best news is that they’re everyday foods and available in a supermarket near you. While we are talking about food and diet, an article that I particularly enjoyed this issue is Dump the diet. New to emPOWER, Veronica Letts explains the reasons why diets don’t work what we can do differently to improve our body image and live a healthier lifestyle. As a frequent dieter for most of my life I found this advice really useful. Thank you also to Tamra Mercieca who has shared her personal battle through depression in our Inspirational profile piece this issue (p20). No doubt you will be as inspired as I have been learning how Tamra used personal development techniques to overcome depression and develop a toolkit to help other people do the same. Enjoy this issue and as always, we’d love to hear your feedback!
Helen Rosing, Publisher
Publisher & Editor Helen Rosing helen@empoweronline.com.au Graphic Designer Design Box Cover Photography Photography by Universal Music Australia
Contributors Rachel Anastasi, Savleen Bajaj, Dean Bassett, MaltiBhojwani, Dr John Demartini, Richard Garard, Veronica Letts, Jacqui Manning, TamraMercieca, Gaynor Parke, Sally Parrish, Susan Smith Jones. Production & Subscriptions admin@empoweronline.com.au P: (02) 9686 4398 Advertising sales@empoweronline.com.au P: (02) 9686 4398
Published by Indigo Productions ABN: 90 135 381 118 PO Box 1397 Baulkham Hills, NSW, 1755 P: (02) 9686 4398 F: (02) 9686 4394 E: admin@empoweronline.com.au www.empoweronline.com.au
Advertisers and contributors to emPOWER Magazine acknowledge they are aware of the provisions of the Anti-Discrimination Act 1977 and the Trade Practices Act 1974 in relation to false and misleading advertising or statements under other unfair practices and the penalties for breach of provisions of those Acts. The publisher accepts no responsibility for such breaches. Opinions expressed by contributors are their own and not necessarily endorsed by emPOWER Magazine or the publishers. All material in emPOWER magazine is copyright and may not be produced in whole or in part without express permission of the publishers. ISSN 1835-8705
Thank you for all the wonderful feedback on the magazine. Keep your comments and ideas coming. Email us at admin@empoweronline.com.au
favourite letter
I wanted to tell you how much I am enjoying emPOWER. Although initially I was disappointed at no longer being able to buy a hardcopy version of the magazine, I am now thoroughly hooked on the online version. It took a little bit of getting used to but now I love the fact that I can read it wherever I am and don’t have to hide the hardcopy at my desk. Keep up the good work emPOWER. - Jenna, via email
Thank you so much for featuring Liz Ellis on the cover of the last issue (Feb/Mar 10). I’ve been an avid netballer player and coach for many years and it’s great to see Liz getting the recognition she deserves. Although netball has a huge following it still seems that as a non-male sport it is still in the shadows. Magazines like yours, supporting women in any endeavour, - Poppy
I really enjoyed your article on Perturbation (Feb/Mar 10). I had never heard of the concept of perturbation before but I could very much relate to the concept. I have been trying to deal with some past issues around men for a long time and reading your article made me realise that I had not allowed myself to experience the whole process and, as a result, had not become the oak tree that I deserve to be in this area. I’m off to a course next week and I’ve committed to myself to go ‘all the way’. - Melissa
Wow what a fantastic job you guys are doing! It’s so refreshing to see a magazine that equips and empowers women to be the best they can - giving them relevant and applicable knowledge. Absolutely love it! You guys are doing a fantastic job. I will definitely be mentioning your magazine on my show as a must get your hands on! - Emma - POSITIVE HITS Producer/Host
I love love love your new columns on emPOWERonline. You have some great contributors and I have been checking out the site every week to see what’s new. Keep up the good work! Any chance you can include some more information on finances? - Jane Ed: It’s coming Jane, stay tuned!
I’m guilty! Thank you for your piece on ‘Are you eating your emotions?’ in the last issue of emPOWER (Feb/Mar 10). I am now learning to identify when I am eating my emotions as opposed to being hungry and although I am finding it challenging feel I am making progress. I particularly liked the advice about ‘feeling the pain’ in order to discover what I am trying to heal. I have been doing lots of journaling and, if nothing else, it’s keeping me away from the fridge. - Maree
Submit ‘YOUR SAY’ through the website at www.empoweronline.com.au or email admin@empoweronline.com.au
meet the experts
to our expert contributors Dean Bassett is a Financial Advisor with a passion for property and investor education. He is a Director of Destiny Castle Hill and a Co-Director of Wealth Engine. With 25 years personal experience in property and a background in adult education, investment advising and coaching he believes that knowledge and timely advice minimises the chance of investors making expensive mistakes.
Gaynor Parke is an author, sales trainer and CEO of Advanced Success Life Coaching who believes “You Are The Key To Your Success”. With over 25 years of personal development, business knowledge and a unique intuitive ability, Gaynor has a vast array of skills and experience to draw upon to help people tap into their own brilliance. Gaynor’s focus is on empowering people to become all they choose to be.
Jacqui Manning is a psychologist in private practice in Balmain, Sydney. She has a passion for helping people get emotional freedom, overcome anxiety and achieve their goals by using traditional psychology combined with meridian tapping. Her broader aim is to educate the public on the value of paying regular attention to their emotional selfcare. She is the resident psychologist for CLEO, and has done regular radio spots in the past with Andrew Daddo on ABC 702.
John Brogden is the CEO of the Investment & Financial Services Association of Australia (IFSA), which is the national peak body representing the retail and wholesale funds management, superannuation and life insurance industries. In August 2006 John was appointed CEO of Australia’s ninth largest health insurer Manchester Unity, which he successfully merged with HCF in December, 2008. From 2006 to 2009 John was the Chairman of Abacus Australian Mutuals, the body representing Australia’s 130 credit unions and building societies.
Dr John Demartini is a human behavioral expert and the author of over forty books including ‘The Heart of Love’ and ‘Count Your Blessings’. He has been a welcomed guest on Larry King Live, a contributor to Oprah Magazine and featured in numerous national and international documentaries including ‘OH MY GOD’ alongside the likes of Hugh Jackman and Baz Luhrmann. As the founder of The Demartini Institute, with offices in the United States and Southern Africa, Dr Demartini travels 360 days a year and speaks in over 56 countries globally.
Malti Bhojwani resides between Sydney and Mumbai. She coaches internationally by phone using the law of attraction to support her clients to overcome fears, lose weight, find partners, mend relationships, replace habits, find new careers and earn more money. Once you decide to take the first step towards your success, the Universe magically rearranges everything to make it all start happening for you. Your journey will have already begun.
Rachel Anastasi is the founder of Free to be Me Life Coaching and www. secretsofasupercoach. com. Her expertise are as a personal coach, facilitator and speaker, and her passion is to empower others. Having worked effectively with people of all walks of life Rachel has an understanding of human behaviour that assists her clients to create transformational results. Rachel also develops resources just for coaches, including a professional and personal development retreat designed to take your coaching and coaching business to the next level.
Richard Garard is a certified personal trainer and strength and conditioning coach specialising in women’s health and fitness. He is founder of She FITNESS, which offers group and individual fitness programs for women of all ages and levels of fitness. Passionate about helping women improve their overall health, Richard believes that fitness coaching should be based on motivation, not intimidation. His fun, challenging and diverse programs are designed to make ‘strong women stronger’.
Sally Parrish is the Director of the Australian and New Zealand Institute of Coaching (‘ANZI Coaching) a professional association for coaches. ANZI Coaching provides support, supervision and professional development through a comprehensive membership package and attractive accreditation program.
Savleen Bajaj is an international success coach, psychologist, speaker, author, facilitator and consultant. She has spent almost two decades using cutting-edge technologies to accelerate human growth and enabling individuals to unleash their true potential. With a deep insight into the principles for personal breakthroughs and holistic success, Savleen is passionate about supporting people to live their greatest life by transforming their visions and intentions into results.
Susan Smith Jones, PhD is a world-renowned natural living expert. She is the author of over 1,500 magazine articles and 25 books on the subject, including her best-selling 3-book healthy eating and living set - The Healing Power of NatureFoods, Health Bliss and Recipes for Health Bliss: Using NatureFoods & Lifestyle Choices to Rejuvenate Your Body & Life. Susan taught health and fitness at UCLA for 30 years and travels internationally as a motivational speaker, holistic health consultant, and a frequent guest on radio and TV talk shows.
Veronica Letts is a qualified personal trainer with more than 20 years experience in health, fitness and the wellness industry. She specialises in wellness coaching and helping women to achieve a healthy mind and body. Veronica is the founder of Oxygen Life Coaching providing life coaching for women. She specialises in the areas of wellness; health and fitness; gaining work/life/ play balance; stress management; increasing self confidence and self esteem; and achieving personal or professional goals.
We can change the world, one act at a time – a little kindness is all it takes.
I
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t’s quite possible you have changed someone’s day without even knowing it. Perhaps you gave a welcoming smile when they were feeling left out, delivered a compliment, opened a door, offered up your seat on the bus or were generally helpful and pleasant when it was most needed. You can probably also think of moments when someone changed your day in a similar way. What happened in each of those moments is called an Act of Kindness – a small action that can make a big difference. Here’s how some of our readers are getting in on the act. ut a very I had to write in to tell you abo ht. On nig last me for kind act a man did hearing ted star I rk wo from my way home the front of a strange noise coming from This may seem to be a silly act of kindness, but I need to thank my (ex) boss for making I found that I my car. When I pulled over me redundant.I grew up in a small country town, and my parents always wanted me to way after and had a flat tire. As it was late go to Uni, get a good education, then get a job, find a husband, settle down, have kids and minor a e hav closing hours, I started to live happily ever after.Even when I was young, I knew that I wanted to travel the world a service to e clos y ver panic. Luckily, I was and see amazing places and meet interesting people.I did what my parents wanted me to the see ld cou I in led station and as I pul do and moved to Sydney, where I went to Uni and got a job in the city – working crazy thout Wi ht. nig the for up ing Manager clos hours, trying to get ahead and climb the corporate ladder – but I was not happy. I still kept at wh out nd a blink of an eye, once he fou dreaming about travel. age gar the had happened, he opened up After working for this company for four years settling in and getting promoted, my new lain my relief and got to work. I cannot exp boss asked me to join her for lunch, where she told me that although my work was good she call and wait to ing and gratitude at not hav felt something was missing.After asking me about my dreams and goals, it was clear that I also ing leav was I for the NRMA. As I was not happy.I kept working there for a few more months, but then the GFC hit and I he was me p hel to er ord in found out that was made redundant. This was my chance to take the money I received and travel – which ghter and missing a dinner with his dau I did and loved so much.Interestingly, I met my husband on this trip and know that the re grateful grand children. I’m even mo conversation at lunch that day with my ex boss changed my life forever. to get me ed for this stranger who sacrific – Anna, via website home safely! - Bev, via email
I was recently at Medicare with my 2 kids, waiting for our turn, when an elderly Chinese lady walked in and was trying to work out what to do – without much success.The poor lady was getting quite frustrated, as she did not speak much English.I would normally be focused on my own affairs and getting out of there as quickly as possible (before my 2 littlies make too much of a fuss), but when my son asked me why this lady was not happy and I explained, he asked “can we help her?” I felt so bad and said“of course we can”.With some sign-language and gestures we managed to work out what she was after and helped her get the information she needed. It took longer than expected, but apart from feeling great about helping a nice lady, my kids and I learnt an important lesson about being kind and helping others. - Jennifer, via email
You probably remember the major storm we had a few weeks back, in Melbourne.I didn’t get a chance to thank an SES volunteer who made such an impression on me by helping me to save my gorgeous dog, Jack. You see, I am single and cannot have kids, so Jack is my family. In the storms, he got trapped in the basement where he always hides to feel safe. Because the water was leaking through at a fast rate, the basement was filling up and the weight of the water jammed the door shut. Jack was trapped inside and as he was getting more distressed and scared, so was I.Suddenly, out of nowhere, this SES volunteer came in and managed to push the door just enough for Jack to swim through to safety.After recovering and realising what had happened, I turned around to thank the volunteer, but he was already gone.Thank you, whoever you are, and thank you to all the SES volunteers who work selflessly in situations where emotions are high and who manage to not only stay calm, but to touch other people’s lives in the process. - Angela, via website
Submit your Act of Kindness
&Win
The reader to send in our favourite and most inspiring act of kindness for the next issue will win a fantastic gift pack from Affirmations. Each pack, valued at $110 contains one each of the Suzanne Maher quotations books – ESSENCE, SPIRIT and SOUL, plus a gorgeous Photographic Address Book and six inspiring Affirmations gift cards. To view the whole range of Affirmations products visit www.affirmations.com.au. Submit your Act of Kindness at www.empoweronline.com.au or email admin@empoweronline.com.au. 7
www.empoweonline.com.au
THIS IS WHO
cover story
I am
With eight ARIA Award nominations and one prestigious APRA Award under her belt she is one of the country’s most talented vocalists. emPOWER catches up with Vanessa Amorosi to discuss her latest album, Hazardous, and find out what drives this talented sing-songwriter‌
cover story
Things just sort of propelled from there. My first singles and then my first album did really well and soon I was doing unbelievable things like performing at the Olympics.
Q. You have had an amazing music career so far. Tell us about the highs and lows of your journey?
V. I have been fortunate to have some
great experiences. I have had great success with releases, I have travelled the world. I’ve met and worked with loads of interesting people. I am very grateful. I was very lucky to have success with my first release, ‘Have A Look’ back in 1999. Following that was ‘Absolutely Everybody’ and that song just went totally crazy. It was great!
Q. I think most people remember
A
s we go live with this issue, Melbourne-based singersongwriter Vanessa Amorosi is touring with her new album Hazardous. Penned with MachoPsycho (of Pink fame) and mixed with Chris LordAlge (the studio behind many of Green Day’s records), it’s a long way from humble beginnings singing in shopping centres and local council concerts. There’s no doubt she’s had an amazing career so far. Vanessa’s debut single, Have a look, released in July 1999, hit Gold status in just seven weeks; a very impressive start to a new recording career. Her second single, Absolutely everybody was an even bigger success going Gold status in just three weeks and reaching Double Platinum sales. It became the longest ever charting single by an Australian female artist. With two hit singles, it was no wonder that Vanessa’s debut album, The Power entered the Australian charts with Gold sales at the number one position and achieved Platinum status just three weeks later. More than seventy thousand copies of the album were sold in just one month and Vanessa was now one of the most successful artists in Australian history. Vanessa’s hits kept coming with her third single Shine. An inspiring ballad we all remember from the 200 Olympic games in Sydney. Shine jumped straight into the charts at the number four position, then went Gold in just two weeks and Platinum just one month later. Shine also won Vanessa the APRA award for being the most played song on Australian radio in
2000 and PPCA award for being the most played song in all media in 2001. Vanessa’s incredible career is not just shown through her success on the charts. She received an invitation to open the Sydney 2000 Olympics, performing Heroes Live Forever to nearly four billion viewers (if you are like us here at emPOWER you still get goose-bumps at the thought of it). Not only did Vanessa perform at the Opening Ceremony, she also took part in the Closing Ceremony as well as the Opening Ceremony of the Paralympic Games. Quite an achievement for a nineteen year old. A decade on and much success later, she’s still a down-to-earth Aussie girl, who rides motorbikes, loves her pets and gives her time to charity. See for yourself…
you as an amazing 19 year old who inspired everyone with your singles ‘Shine’ and ‘Heroes live Forever’ at the 2000 Olympics. What was this experience like?
V. It was an amazing experience! I was
honoured that I was asked to perform at the Olympics and the atmosphere was unbelievable. The crowd was enormous and the atmosphere was absolutely electric. Everyone involved in the event was buzzing.
Q. Following on from that
experience, you ‘slipped out’ of the music scene for a bit. What was happening for you? What did you work on during this time?
V. I was writing music the whole time, growing up, living life and writing about my experiences.
Q. Tell us a bit about yourself –
where did you grow up and how would you describe your childhood?
VANESSA. I grew up in regional
Victoria. I had a busy and crazy childhood, he he. I juggled school with performing in the evenings. I was still at school when I was having quite a bit of success and would tour with a tutor.
Q. Where did your music career
Q. How do you feel you have
changed since the begging of your career?
V. I have changed a lot. I have grown
older and wiser, he he. When I first started working I was very young. I have lived, I have had more experiences and my current album reflects that. I am writing about what I have experienced.
start and how has it developed?
Q. What are your passions outside
in a Russian restaurant. I would sing there every day after school. It was a very fun and crazy environment.
V. I spend a lot of time writing music or
V. I started working as a young teenager
of music? How do you ensure you make time for them?
on the road touring. When I do have
cover story time I spend it with my animals. I have lots of animals, dogs, horses. When I have time off I catch up with friends and family.
Q. What do you feel has been your
greatest achievement? What are you most proud of?
V. At the moment I am very proud of my new album. I worked very hard on it, the whole blood, sweat and tears and I am glad I did. I have a result that I am very proud of. I am saying all the things I never said before. The fact that it has been so well received is so humbling, I am just thrilled! I worked on this album with a Swedish duo MachoPsycho and we had a blast in the studio I am so glad with the result.
Q. Your single This is who I am
debuted on the charts at #1. What is this single about and what does it mean to you personally?
V. I was so thrilled when I heard the song
debuted at #1! It is my first number one single and I was over the moon. It means so much that I have the support of my fans. I really wanted to write a song about being yourself, a song that others could relate to. It’s about being comfortable with yourself! Loving yourself!
Q. You‘ve just released your new
album – Hazardous. Tell us about the album and how it came about. What inspired you?
children’s charities. I do some work with Kids Helpline and think what they people there are doing is fabulous work. It’s really important to help out others around us, in particular kids with problems. We need to teach young kids how to deal with issues, giving them the skills to take into adulthood.
ED: She also received a special award
from the Governor General at the time, Sir William Deane, in recognition of her patronage of ‘Kids Help-line’ and in appreciation of her being a positive and inspiring role model for Australian youth.
Q. Are you currently in a
relationship? What are you learning about yourself?
to achieve and I go for it! In music you have to plan ahead. You’re always working on the next song, writing while your still touring. Planning the next recording session when you have only just released your last album. Thinking ahead. Thinking of how you would like to do the next video clip, where you want to play.
Q. What is your general philosophy for life?
V. My mum always said “if it doesn’t hurt
your not doing it right” I guess I live by that. Hard work pays off.
Q. What is a little-known fact about you?
V. No I’m single at the moment :)
V. hmmmm if you don’t already know
Q. What do you think is the secret to
Q. What is the best piece of advice
success?
V. Hard work and a great team. To have
success you have to give it your all, be dedicated and you have to have a strong team around you. I have always had a strong work ethic and I’m very fortunate to have attracted a great team. You have to stay focused and just keep working at it, if you want it bad enough you have to give it your all!
Q. Do you consider yourself a goalsetter or do you generally ‘fly by the seat of your pants’?
V. I am inspired by life - by all the crazy
things that happen in life. I worked on the album in Sweden with producers MachoPsycho, my manager suggested I meet with them and we really hit it off. We had so much fun in the studio working on the album and just had a great chemistry.
Q. What else would you like to achieve in your career?
V. I want to continue writing music that
makes me proud, music that my fans will enjoy. I want to keep pushing myself to make better music, not only for me but for my fans as well.
Q. You also do a lot of charity work. Tell us about this? Why have you chosen the charities that you have?
V. I think it is very important to give back, to help each other out wherever we can. I am very drawn to supporting
April/May 2010
V. I am a goal setter I know what I want
10
then it is probably a secret!
you have that might help other women realise they can reach their full potential?
V. Be yourself, love yourself and go after what you want in life!
Vanessa’s latest album Hazardous is available now in all good music stores or for download at www.vanessaamorosi.com
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you| Feature
Breaking negative
s f e i l Be Pick up any great self-help book and within the first couple of chapters you will be asked to explore your beliefs. Sally Parrish explains why it’s important to recognise the negative beliefs that are holding us back and guides you to change yours…
O
ur belief system is the ultimate controlling force which determines both the quality of our present lifestyles and how our futures will shape up. Beliefs are our thoughts about the world around us, the way we understand life to work, how we interpret what goes on. They are our own unique interpretation of what everything ‘means’. They determine what we think is right and wrong, true and false and what is possible and impossible. For example, what do you think about your chances of becoming a millionaire this decade? If you think ‘hell has more chance of freezing over’, that will be your outcome! If you believe that something can’t or will not happen, then it is unlikely that you will
April/May 2010
take any steps towards making it happen. If you think ‘it would be nice but it’s probably just a dream’ then you will take dream-like steps such as buying lottery tickets and just maybe, there is a dream-like chance that your numbers will come in! The person who thinks ‘I absolutely will make a million dollars and I will do it in five years not ten’ is going to be doing things towards banking that million. They might read books about wealth, attend seminars, create a financial strategy, form some alliances, set up a business, create a product, open a shop, etc. They’re not guaranteed to make a million, but the possibility of doing so is much higher, because the belief about being able to is much firmer and therefore the action they take is towards achieving the outcome.
12
In coaching we call this model, the ‘be, do, have’ model. Usually what happens is that we focus on what we want to ‘have’ so that we can be the person we want to ‘be’. I dream of a beautiful water-front mansion property and when I get that I can be rich and successful. However, if you reverse this and ‘be’ the person who is rich and successful the beautiful house will one day come to you. The question is not what you want to ‘have’, but who do you need to ‘be’ and what does this type of person you will be ‘do’ to get those results? So where did these beliefs come from, and more importantly how can you change them? Most of our beliefs are a result of ‘conditioning’; what we learned from our parents and teachers and other people around us as we grew up. This
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Feature | you
includes what they deliberately taught us in terms of manners, religion and so forth and also what we gleaned from them subconsciously. What did your parents tell you about life? Did they teach you to work hard, appreciate what you have, save for a rainy day, live in the moment, put yourself first, play hard, take it with a pinch salt, reach for the stars and so on? If your parents were/are loving and supportive and encouraged you to be the best that you could, then you now believe that to be true, and are likely to ‘be’ a person who expects great things and know that you deserve them. If your parents were/are cynical and negative and encouraged you to watch your back and not to trust anyone, then you now believe that to be true, and are likely to ‘be’ a person who expects the worst things to happen and know it is not worth pursuing anything because ‘nothing ever works out’. As you may expect a person who expects good things to happen does different things to a person who expects bad things to happen. The optimist makes their own luck and the pessimist seals their own doom and gloom. Einstein stated that our beliefs are the boundary conditions of our thinking. Which means that we are unable to see beyond what we believe and that everything we achieve in life is limited to the boundaries of what we choose to believe. The reason that negative beliefs are so powerful is that we are completely oblivious to any proof otherwise. We build up a case of evidence to validate the beliefs that we have. Since we are oblivious to anything other than what we believe it becomes a simple task to prove that our beliefs are ‘correct’. Consider the woman who grew up in a broken home and was told that ‘men let you down’ and ‘relationships don’t last’. Whenever she witnesses a relationship breaking down, she validates her beliefs that relationships ‘don’t work’. When she is confronted with a happy and thriving relationship she dismisses it with an expectation that it ‘will not last’. When she is in a relationship, she is testing her partner waiting, expecting and anticipating that he will let her down. As a result of her negative beliefs she behaves in a way that is not conducive to a loving relationship. For example, she interrogates her partner
for hours on end with questions like ‘do you love me?’, ‘would you ever hurt me?’ and ‘are you just with me for my money?’. When he finally gets tired of this behaviour and walks out, her belief that ‘men let you Belief Questions answer the following: • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
I love… I hate … I can … I can’t … My mum always told me … My dad always said … I am … I am not … People are … I always … I never … My family … My partner is … All men are … All women are … Other people always … Other people never … Money is … My body is … The thing I know about myself is …
down’ and ‘relationships don’t last’ will be validated and strengthened. Eventually the belief may become so inarguably her ‘truth’ (because she has gathered so much evidence to prove it) that she may even stop trying altogether. She may stop looking for love and refuse to form relationships, in order to protect herself from the hurt that she has absolute certainty of occurring. The incredible thing about beliefs is that despite the fact that they are critical in determining who we will ‘be’, what we will ‘do’ and what we will ‘have’, our beliefs are simply nothing more than a choice we make. Our beliefs are what we choose to be true or false, right or wrong, possible or impossible. All the woman in the example above needs to do to turn her relationships around is to believe that she is lovable, believe that she deserves love and believe that true love can conquer all. This change in belief will change how she behaves (the
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‘do’) which will change her outcomes (the ‘have’). So what are your beliefs? What do you choose to believe about the world around you? What do you think about relationships, the opposite sex, your best friend, money, your body, your career, your chances of promotion, etc? Do you think these beliefs are positive, neutral or negative? A positive belief is one which will propel you forward into having something, for example, ‘I will make a lot of money doing what I love’. A neutral belief has no impact on your outcomes, for example ‘money makes the world go round’. A negative belief is one which will hold you back or deter you from succeeding, for example ‘money is the root of all evil’. As an exercise to explore your personal beliefs, find a partner to work with and ask each other the belief questions provided at the side. Answer them as quickly as possible, without exploring your answers or thinking too deeply about the questions. Ask your partner to record your responses, the faster you can answer the better. I bet you will be amazed. Then, explore your beliefs and how they impact on your life today. What are you telling yourself? Does your belief propel you forward or immobilize you to the spot? Where you identify the presence of negative beliefs, refuse to accept them as the truth. Make it your job today to overturn these beliefs. Decide to think differently. Choose a belief instead that is positive and will ensure your success. What has this belief cost you so far? Deny it permission to affect your life any longer. Throw it away and replace it with a belief that has your desired outcome in mind. What belief could you create that if you truly believed, if you committed to, if you sought to prove, could give you the outstanding life you deserve?
Sally Parrish is the Director of the Australian and New Zealand Institute of Coaching (ANZI Coaching), a professional coaching association for coaches. ANZI Coaching provides support, supervision and professional development. To join ANZI Coaching or to find an accredited coach to work with visit www.anzicoaching.com.
www.empoweonline.com.au
you | Feature
?
Is failure an
Illusion We have all experienced times of failure but as Gaynor Parke demonstrates, every failure is actually a success.
F
ailure has been defined as not achieving a goal. I would argue that there is no such thing as failure and it is not possible to not achieve a goal. Failure is just an illusion. A goal is often referred to as an achievement and if you replace the word goal with achievement and ask yourself “did I achieve anything?” you will see that you have not failed but rather you have taken a step closer to your goal. All events in life help us to clarify what it is that we want and what it is that we don’t want. When we set ‘goals’ we are setting up the guidelines for what we want in our lives. We state our destination and we have a timeframe in which we want to reach that destination. For example: • I want to increase my sales this month • I want the promotion at work that is currently up for grabs • I want to lose weight in the next six months • I want more money in the next year • I want a great relationship now Take the first goal as an example - I want to increase my sales. If you don’t increase your sales in the month timeframe you may say that you have failed. However, if instead you ask yourself ‘did I achieve anything in that month?’ the answer will always be yes. At the very least you will be
able to determine why you didn’t achieve more sales and learn what you need to do differently when next you endeavor to achieve such a goal. Getting that learning is a big step forward. Consider the last goal - I want a great relationship. When you have had your heart broken and are feeling sorry for yourself that it ‘didn’t work out’, that’s when you can get the most clarity. At this time you can identify what it is that constitutes a ‘great relationship’ and what qualities you are really looking for in a partner. The failure of the relationship is not a failure at all. There are a lot of stepping-stones to cross when reaching a goal and most of the time, when setting the goal, you won’t know exactly how many stones there will be. Each one of those stepping-stones is a small goal in itself so even though you may not have achieved your overall goal, you have certainly succeeded in achieving one of the stepping-stones. A mistake that I often see people make when they haven’t achieved a goal, is to look at and focus on, all their weaknesses and all things they did wrong. Focusing on your weaknesses really does not help and merely emphasises the feeling of failure. Rather, focus on your strengths and what you did well. Just like you study
other successful people in order to become successful so you need to study what you did well in all situations. When you can find the positive aspects of your actions you can turn perceived failure into success. Ask yourself questions like: • If I didn’t achieve what I wanted to achieve, what did I achieve along the way? • What did I do that really worked for me? • What could I do differently next time? • What did I do in that journey toward my goal that I loved doing? This is when you will get your greatest insights and learn how to turn your greatest “failures” into your greatest “triumphs”. These questions will also show you your strengths. Whereas focusing on your weaknesses will drain and frustrate you, focusing on your strengths will excite and enliven you. Plus, knowing your strengths can assist you in achieving a goal by ensuring you focus on doing more of those things that strengthen you and less of those things that do not. As long as we keep putting one foot in front of the other, just the way life calls us to do, we are on our way to reaching our desired goals. Have fun with your failures.
Gaynor Parke is an author, sales trainer and CEO of Advances Success Life Coaching who believes “You are the Key To Your Success”. Gaynor’s focus is on empowering people to become all they choose to be. For more information visit www.advancedsuccesslifecoaching.com.au
April/May 2010
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Revealed AT LAST!! ATTENTION: Women (or enlightened Men) Searching For A Fun Business To Easily Start With High Returns!
Who else wants a piece of the 4 Billion-Dollar Pie? “YES” it is possible for anyone wanting to give their boss the sack, work for themselves, when they want and make more money doing something they love!
Wedding Planning Expert Reveals How Ordinary Folk Are Cashing In On Australia’s Booming Wedding Industry And How You, In Your Own Business, Can Get a Slice of The Action! Journalist: Steven Fleming
E
ighteen years in any field places a person in a unique position to be able to spot up and coming trends. According to one expert, the Wedding Planning industry is about to explode, creating an enormous opportunity for women (or men) who have always dreamt of having the freedom and flexibility of working from home in their own business. Cathy Morrissey has been a leader in the wedding industry for over 18 years now. Recently, Cathy set out on a personal mission to help other people start their own profitable wedding planning business from scratch, without the long, hard and often expensive steep learning curve. These days, Cathy now helps everyday ordinary people earn up to $3297.00 per wedding in their own business in this booming market. The good news is, despite the doom and gloom news about the global economy, the wedding industry is not only chugging along nicely, but if you want to get into business for yourself, then there is possibly no better time says Cathy.“We hear all this negative stuff about the economy and the risk of
going into business these days. The simple fact remains that people are still falling in love, still getting married and still want their special day to be one to remember.” Cathy says. With a growing number of people feeling frustrated, angry and depressed because of the restrictions time and money has on their lifestyle, it’s no wonder why Cathy’s simple and easyto-follow home study course has become so popular and successful. “It’s one of those rare and hard to find opportunities that don’t really require any specialist skills or knowledge to succeed, is completely recession-proof and one you can start from home with very little capital.” This type of business suits mums with little kids, people searching for their next career, retirees or anyone who enjoys working with people. “If you can order flowers, book a restaurant, organise a holiday, call a cab and have access to a computer you really have all the basics in place.” To help people get started or to find out if this opportunity will suit them or not, Cathy has created a
Groundbreaking FREE Report titled “The Secret To Earning up to$3000 Per Week As a Wedding Planner” which is a consumers insider’s guide on how to get started in what is an annual $4 billion dollar industry. To receive a copy of this special Free Report call 1300 665 317 and leave your name, address, mobile and email details; We’ll post the special report out to you, free of charge. Or if your in a hurry, you can find out more online by simply ducking over right now to www.theweddingplanner2010.com for instant access. YOU can potentially get started, in your very own wedding planning business and live the life you know you deserve.
motivation
By Changing Your Thinking... By Changing Y our Thinking, Y ou change your beliefs When you change your beliefs, Y ou change your expectations When you change your expectations, Y ou change your attitude When you change your attitude, Y ou change your behavior When you change your behavior, Y ou change your performance When you change your performance, Y ou Change Y our Life! Unknown
Spirituality | you
Patience
and
Trust
Do you need to know how everything will work and all the steps involved in a particular project before you embark on it? Do you often feel fear that something will go wrong? As Malti Bjohwani shows, through practicing patience and trust, the Universe will deliver.
iStockphoto
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ften when we are concerned about how a situation is going to turn out, we think about it and we worry. Then we think some more and worry some more. The outcome of this thinking and worrying is to give out negative vibrations. As a result weattract negative manifestations of our thinking and worrying. Things go wrong because on some level we were waiting and expecting them to go wrong. Once you experience the faithfulness and love of the Universe, you will let go of situations and learn to trust in and surrender to the Universe implicitly. And yet, you first need to trust in and surrender to the Universe before you will experience that faithfulness and love. A good acronym to use is W.A.I.T. -Why Am I Thinking.When you find yourself feeling anxious, it is usually because you are waiting for a particular outcome. The anxiety is only re-affirming that you are expecting things to not go well. This is the perfect time to stop and say to yourself “WAIT”. Notice what you are thinking and use this space to replace any negative thoughts or expectations with positive ones and truly surrender. Encourage yourself to “do” something else. When you are willing to practice patience and trust because you know that everything is going to work out, you are no longer waiting with negative thoughts and energy, expecting things to go wrong. You remain in a state of knowingness and joy
that all is perfect;everything is as it should be; the Universe is conspiring in your favour. Once you trust this implicitly, there is no need for waiting and worrying with doubt and fear. A new mantra from Julia Cameron's book Heart Steps: My Soul Has Patience and the capacity to accept. I am patient. I am able to live with ambiguity. I am able to allow situations to evolve and alter. I am able to await outcomes. I tolerate quiet periods of nonknowing while solutions emerge and present themselves. I do not force solutions. I expect the successful workingout of difficulties and differences. My heart is wise. It knows when to act and when non-action is the action to take. I trust my patient heart. “ When you’re willing to say, "Universe, I do not have the answer, so I'm going to trust ‘U’ to unravel the path before me”,
then you can be comfortable in spite of not knowing a particular outcome. Trusting implicitly requires accepting that you do not know exactly how things are going to fall into place. You must accept not knowing where the much needed money or resource is going to come from or when it will come, or not knowing how a situation is going to work out for the highest good, or not knowing how you are going to accomplish all that you have set out to do. You may not know how anything is going to work out, but you simply know in your heart that it will. In my experience, the Universe is never late, but generally it isn't early either. Why not early? Perhaps to test our implicit trust. If everything we asked for came to us immediately, we would never grow and develop. Timing and trust work side by side. As you develop patience and trust in the universe you will finally feel completely satisfied. Faith is the antidote for doubt and fear, so cultivate the belief that everything is in order; everything is perfect. After all, the Universe is conspiring for your highest good - even when it doesn’t look or sound like it.
Malti Bhojwani is the founder of Multi Coaching International (MCI). Her coaches inspire by phone internationally and have supported clients in being able to trust and manifest in their lives. Malti is currently residing between Australia and India and is working on two books. Email malti@bigpond.net.au or sms +6141911990
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www.empoweonline.com.au
inspirational | Profile
down
The upside of
Tamra Mercieca shares her personal battle with depression and how during the lowest of lows she used journaling to empty out the day’s waste. She then used her experience to develop a complete toolkit for overcoming depression the natural way… and help others to do the same.
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or me journaling was a healing routine for exploring and expressing my most intimate thoughts and feelings. My life had become a seesaw of intense highs followed by gutwrenching lows and my only solace came through my writing, pouring each emotion onto the page. Little did I know at the time, that some psychologists actually prescribe journaling as therapy, because it allows you to get to the deepest recesses of your mind. By taking the story out of oneself and putting it onto the page we change painful confusion into poignant clarity. Thus began my journey of overcoming depression. Constant attempts at selfharm and a severe sense of debilitating despair became the pages of my life. Depression had always stepped around me from a young age, but it wasn’t until I moved away from home to pursue my radio career that I felt the full brunt of it, and first tried to take my own life. It wasn’t until two years later that I was formally diagnosed with severe clinical depression and put on medication. But antidepressants were not for me. While they stabilised my moods somewhat, they failed to fix the problem long-term, instead piling on 15 kilograms in the twelve months I was taking them. Besides, I didn’t want to be reliant
Tamra M
ercieca
April/May 2010
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on medication for the rest of my life. I wanted a cure, not a bandaid. I came off the medication just before landing my dream job back home in Melbourne. But once settled, the roller coaster of emotions began. When I was told I had to either return to the safe-haven of antidepressants or go to some sort of rehabilitation home, I knew I’d hit rock bottom and needed to act. One thing was for sure - I needed to be treated from a physical perspective, so I started getting acupuncture every two weeks. Strange as it sounds, sticking tiny little pins into your body releases endorphins while balancing out serotonin levels. The relief was instant and enough to keep my suicidal thoughts at bay while I worked with a life coach on sorting through the negative mind chatter. Depression feeds on negativity and the belief that ‘I can’t’ or ‘I’m not worthy’. I began changing my internal dialogue, which changed my perception of both myself and the world around me. The conversation I had with myself became more positive, as I began to observe then disregard the critical voices within. Of course, the overwhelming dark feelings of doom and gloom took time to correct. We had to completely reprogram my brain in order to reclaim the identity that had somehow become lost in a mess of selfdestructive behaviour. I would self-sabotage at every opportunity, then guilt would kick in and I would start the internal beat-up. My most valuable lesson was that depression is a label, and just like a pair of jeans, we can chose whether or not we want
Profile | inspirational
to wear it. I had allowed the doctor’s diagnosis of suffering severe clinical depression, to turn into an excuse to be sad, a mask to hide behind, and worst of all, a tool to create dramas in my life. I held onto that diagnosis so tight, it stripped me of the ability to get well. Realising that there was a doorway out of my hell was the first big step in my recovery. Once I knew that I could overcome the depression, my journey began. I started experimenting with different natural remedies, using myself as a guinea pig. Some were more successful than others. A diet of good food and rest became a priority, and exercise, a necessity. Many people fail to recognise that exercise can be used like a drug. When we get active for an extended period of time, feel-good endorphins are released into the body. This lifts our mood and helps us think more clearly, while distracting us from the stresses of our everyday life. After learning that dietary changes bring about changes in our brain structure, chemistry, and physiology, thus leading to changes in behaviour, I began using food as my medicine. Rice, greens, oily fish and bananas, given their serotonin-boosting qualities, soon became prominent ingredients in my everyday meals. Even snacking on walnuts would lift the brain fog of an afternoon. Unfortunately, chocolate had to be taken off the menu during my recovery, as I soon learnt that indulging in this sweet treat would leave me feeling emotional and fragile once the initial buzz wore off. I learnt to become a mood-food detective and identify which foods would puncture my mental state. As I started researching the affects of food on a person’s mood, I discovered sugar, caffeine and alcohol were the three big brain drainers. Caffeine increases anxiety by over stimulating the nervous system, sugar causes roller-coaster mood swings of rapid highs followed by intense lows, while alcohol is a depressant that does nothing more than mask the pain, while impairing proper serotonin uptake. But treating the mind and the body were only two thirds of the equation. Nurturing the soul was the
last component I was missing to ensure a full recovery. If the soul is ignored or malnourished, the psyche, and ultimately the body, suffers. So I got in touch with my inner child and started to laugh more, watching comedies and attending regular laughter yoga classes. Laughter is a powerful antidote for depression. When we laugh, especially when we really let ourselves go, our endocrine system releases endorphins and encephalins, reducing feelings of stress, and leaving behind a sense of euphoria. Laughter wasn’t my only source of fun. I pursued my passions, getting back behind my drumkit after a small hiatus, going out dancing and taking the odd hip hop class. I even did a floristry course, which gave me yet another creative outlet while at the same time relaxing me. I began to nurture myself, indulging in baths with soft music and scented candles and the occasional massage. As my moods lightened I started to really take responsibility for my happiness. I stopped blaming others for my current situation and realised that everyone has emotional scars; it’s how you chose to deal with those hurts that determines whether they affect your overall wellbeing. My self-esteem began to repair and as my confidence grew I started stepping out of my comfort zone. I was no longer socially awkward and could hold conversations with complete strangers. My relationships with my parents and friends strengthened as I learnt that I could rely on those around me. The problem with depression is that it can stop you from connecting with the outside world. Depressed people often suffer an exaggerated sense of isolation. We need, just as we need air, food and water, to be a part of the woven pattern of human life.
Having a strong support network helps in many ways. Hanging out with happy people gives you ‘time-out’ from your depression. Friends can be shoulders to cry on, there to hold your hand as you step out of your comfort zone, and an extra pair of eyes to observe any changes in behaviour should you relapse. Depression soon became nothing more than a shuffling in the wings. By this point, even when the dark shadows tapped me on the shoulder, I no longer fell to their mercy. I had successfully rewired my brain, so that I would seek out the opportunity in every situation rather than the pitfalls. Just as the dark cloud was lifting, I suffered a major health scare, which landed me in hospital needing surgery. At the same time, my partner of almost five years left me. But despite these misfortunes, this time I stayed afloat. The self-development work I had done had given me extensive coping skills and prepared me well for life’s obstacles. I was able to quickly recover from both the physical and emotional wounds. Almost four years on, I have not suffered a single relapse and live a happy and fulfilling life, constantly achieving new goals, while having fun along the way. I bought my own apartment, took in the sights of Europe and the United States, began following my passions of freelance writing and became a qualified Life Coach so I could use my experience and insights on depression to help others. I even met an amazing man to share my life with. I realise now that depression is not a random chemical event, but an emotional logic. It shows up when one is being harmful to themselves and not listening to their heart and soul. As awful as it is, depression is a ‘gift’ – an early warning signal you ignore at your own peril.
Since publishing The Upside of Down Tamra Mercieca has become an advocate for Lifeline. The Upside of Down is available in all major bookstores across Australia and New Zealand, all VitaminMe stores and online at www.theupsideofdown.com.au and www.empoweronline.com.au
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www.empoweonline.com.au
life | Feature
The value of
Values Special guest Dr John Demartini explains how, by knowing and understanding a person’s values, you can have a more fulfilling relationship and create more love in your life.
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etween positively and negatively charged particles is a center point of light. Between positively and negatively charged emotions is the center point of love. The center point is what every human being already is, yet elusively still seeks. True love is our ultimate objective, whether we’re aware of it or not. We may think we’re looking for something else, something material and fleeting, but even the pursuit of transient goals just leads us back to the truth of love. The purpose of all relationships is to dissolve the barriers that keep us from recognizing the love that already is and expressing the love we ultimately are. We each have a hierarchy of values or priorities; from the things we think are extremely important, all the way down to the things we think don’t matter. Your priorities or values dictate your destiny. Anything that supports your highest values you call “good” and are attracted to; anything that challenges them you call “bad” and are repelled by. Your values are based on the perception that something is missing, that a void exists.
April/May 2010
But actually nothing is missing; it’s just in a form you haven’t recognised. You think you’re missing it; therefore, you seek it, and anything you think supports that search you call good and anything that challenges it you call bad. Our values determine the way in which we conduct our relationships.
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when you think in terms of your partner’s values without considering your own… this one is called “walking on eggshells”. Both are one-sided approaches that ignore the other person and create tension in the relationship. But a caring relationship is one where you communicate your values in terms of theirs. You think of both sides simultaneously, expressing your love for yourself and each other. The definition of caring is knowing someone well enough to know their values and caring enough to express your values in terms of theirs.
When you communicate, you want to make sure that you communicate what is important to you in a The value of values way that links with what Whenever something supports your is important to them. values, you take away the rules, and when
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The three relationships
There are three ways to conduct a relationship, and each one has an entirely different outcome. A careless relationship is one in which you project and focus on your own values without considering your partner at all. A careful relationship is
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something challenges your values, you set rules. Nations do it, companies do it and you do it in relationships. You set up rules when your values feel threatened. Knowing both yours and your partner’s values assists you in mastering the art of communication. When you communicate with them, you want to make sure that you
Profile | life
communicate what is important to you in a way that links with what is important to them. When someone takes the time to communicate in your values you are inspired to participate in the dialogue. When someone doesn’t communicate in your values, you switch off and the conversation becomes a monologue. Often when we’re in a relationship, we unwisely think the other person is supposed to be like us but if any two people are exactly the same, one of them is unnecessary. The purpose of a relationship is to teach us to love the parts we’ve disowned. Each person has their own unique set of values and no two people have the same set.
“
To determine your values ask yourself the following questions from The Demartini Value Determination Process™. When answering these questions, make sure your answers are what your life truly demonstrates: 1. What do you fill your space with? Have a look at what you have in your office or in your home and see what you display in your most valued space. 2. How do you spend your time? We always allocate time for things that are important to us so our days are divided up with our priorities. If something is not important we keep putting it off until tomorrow. 3. How do you spend your energy? You always have energy for things that inspire you. Have a look at where you feel most vital and enthused in your day to day activities. 4. What do you spend your money on? You will feel reluctant to spend money on things you perceive as unimportant. If something means something to you, you will always figure a way to pay for it. 5. Where are you most organized? Everyone has areas of order and areas of disorder in their lives. The things that are important to you, you will spend time organizing. 6. Where you are most disciplined and reliable? If something is important to you, you will be dedicated to doing it. 7. What do you think about or focus on most? Your mind will always focus on the things that mean something to you. You may be distracted by a phone-call or a television program but your mind will constantly wander back to the area of highest importance. 8. What do you envision or dream about most? What you envision and dream about will be in alignment with what is important to you. 9. What do you internally dialogue about most (what you talk to yourself about most)? We all speak to ourselves and we dialogue internally about what is most important to us. 10. What do you externally dialogue about most? Every person wants to communicate what is most important to them. If someone discusses something we don’t want to hear we will try to change the conversation to what is important to us.
11. What are you inspired about most? We are inspired by the areas of life that mean something to us so if we value children, then we will be inspired by what children do. If we value business then we will be inspired by achievements in business. 12. What do you set goals towards most? We will be willing to stretch towards goals that have meaning for us. To discover what someone else’s values are, you just need to apply the same 12 questions and observe what their life is demonstrating. What do they talk about most, what do they spend their time doing, where are they most organised and disciplined, what do they spend money on and what do they fill their space with. Once you know your values and your partner’s values, you have the key and potential to dissolving any tensions you may perceive in your relationship by simply asking how what they are doing is assisting you in the areas that are your highest values. Whenever you perceive that what someone else is inspired by supports your values, you open up to them. If you perceive that a person’s values challenge what is important to you, then you will resist them and want to change them to be more like you. The secret to a fulfilling relationship lies in your heart. You only require the courage to open it. Make sure you love yourself first. If you’re not appreciating and loving the true you, it is probably not any easier for others to love you. For you to experience the affection that someone else has for you – warts and all, it is wise to cherish yourself fully. That means choosing to see yourself in 360 degrees with your unique expression of every character trait. When you equally embrace your dark and light, your positive and negative, or both sides of your supposed duality, then you are ready to experience the truth and unity of love. Remember, if you can’t love yourself, if you don’t value yourself and if you wouldn’t want to make love with you then how can you expect someone else to?
lues The secret to a fulfilling relationship lies in your heart. You only require the courage to open it.
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Each person expresses love through his or her own values. A father who has a high value on education will express his love by purchasing his child a book containing information he thinks is valuable to learn. A mother who values beauty will show her love by helping her daughters or sons become more physically appealing. When we give gifts to people don’t we often give what we would most love to receive? When we honor our partner’s value system, we realise that we’re surrounded by love in forms we sometimes don’t even recognise.
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Identifying values
So you are probably wondering how to identify yours and your partner’s values? Your life demonstrates what is truly most important to you. People will often tell you what they think is important but what they take action on every day is what is really important to them. We make time for what is important to us so if we value our relationships, we will sacrifice things that are lower on our priorities to spend time with the people we value. If however we value work and not relationships, then we will sacrifice relationships to spend our time working.
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Dr. John Demartini is a Human behavioural specialist, educator, internationally published author and sought-after authority on maximising human awareness and potential. For more information visit www.drdemartini.com
www.empoweonline.com.au
Enjoy some time out for yourself with these new motivational books. The Upside of Down By Tamra Mercieca Self published (availableat www.empoweronline.com.au), $30.00 The Upside of Down is one young woman’s memoir of her time with depression and how she managed to overcome this debilitating illness. During her struggle, Tamra used herself as a guinea pig, experimenting with natural therapies and concepts until she developed a toolkit tat others could also use to guide themselves out of the pit of negativity.
The Hope
How Long is Now? A journey to Enlightenment and Beyond By Tim Freke Hay House, $26.95 Are you waiting for your life to ‘take off’? Do you feel like you are not getting to where you want to be? In this unique and exhilarating book, Tim Freke shows you how to be spiritually awake in the perpetual now, while also passionately engaging with the adventure of life. Once you understand that your essential being does not exist in time, you stop worrying about what is to come, or where it is you want to go. You open the doors to the ‘real world’ or meaning, miracles and magic.
April/May 2010
By Andrew Harvey Hay House, $26.95 We believe that building a better world involves saving our rainforests, making smarter, greener, eco-friendlier choices, and protecting our endangered species, but what about saving it from spiritual destruction? Learn how to open yourself up to the kindness within you letting go of pain and making a conscious choice to reclaim a world that for too long has been driven by selfishness and hatred.
Enjoy Emotional Freedom
Forgiveness and Other Acts of Love
Dr David Lake and Steve Wells Exisle Publishing, $34.99 There are very, very few techniques that ordinary people can use alone to gain some control over negative feelings. This book gives two of them: Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and Simple Energy Techniques (SET). The techniques in this book will allow individuals to tune and tone their body’s energy system for the immediate benefit of relaxation and a reduction of the body’s stress responses.
By Stephanie Dowrick Allen and Unwin, $26.99 In this groundbreaking book, Stephanie Dowrick reconsiders the six great human virtues – courage, fidelity, restraint, generosity, tolerance and forgiveness – that can literally transform the way we see ourselves and others; the way we meet and move through difficulties or grief; the way we can newly appreciate and treasure our own and others’ gift of life. Stephanie offers a book that can illuminate some of life’s toughest questions and restore your faith in what really matters.
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Sex advice | life
What men
really want
It’s easy to assume that all men really want is sex. But, as Jacqui Manning explains what men want in the bedroom reflects what they want in relationships period.
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t used to be easy; men and women knew their place, but as we have evolved, so have our attitudes (thankfully!) to sex and relationships. Women are forging new directions, combining successful careers and motherhood and living fulfilling lives as single women. But, what about the blokes? How are they faring in the world of love and sex? Men feel more anxiety in relationships these days than we may think – what’s expected of them? What role do they play? How do they make sense of it all? As Maggie Hamilton says in her most illuminating book What Men Don’t Talk About, for men, often the only place they feel they can open up and express some emotion is in the bedroom. Men get a lot of pleasure from sex, not only from the physical act itself but because it is where they can connect with another person, even if it is briefly during a casual encounter. Of course there can be a time and a place for a quick no-strings attached fling but many men are finding this type of relationship unfulfilling and want to get to know how to satisfy their partners for the long haul. So, remember these tips both in and out of the bedroom and watch your man’s smile grow!
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To make women happy
Most men know that life is generally a sunnier place if they are making the women in their lives happy. They truly want to do this but often don’t know exactly how, both in and out of the bedroom. Many of my female clients are unhappy with certain
aspects of their partners’ lovemaking and/ or participation in the relationship, but when I ask them what they said or asked for, generally they are guilty of saying nothing. They can articulate to me what their men could do to make it better for them, but they’re not prepared to send the message home. Being clear and concrete is crucial here – it’s not fair to say “I don’t like it when you do that” and just leave them hanging there, not knowing where to turn next. Women need to say “I really like it when you….and I would like you do to more of……”.
Feedback
We all like to know how we’re going on the job (so to speak) so give your man as much positive feedback as possible. If you’ve asked him to try something and he does, tell him it’s fantastic he tried, that he made you feel fantastic, or if he didn’t, let him know it’s even better for you if he does it like this.
Admiration and appreciation
Men have a biological need to be acknowledged and admired. Tell him out loud that you love his skin, don’t just think it and later tell your girlfriends about how attractive you find him. You’ll see him grow in confidence if you verbalise what you find sexy about him or what you enjoy him doing for you sexually.
If your man has made an effort either in or out of the bedroom, make an effort to say ‘thank you’. He’s happy because you’re noticing his efforts and you’re happy because you’re getting more of what you want – it’s two small words for a big outcome!
Touch touch touch
Men need to be touched. Cuddled, caressed, stroked, you name it, they need it. Regularly. It tells them that they’re worthy and it gives them connection and reassurance. Kiss him, stroke his head, even let him nuzzle your breasts. All these things without a sexual outcome are almost as satisfying to him as the main game. Almost.
Physical release
I find that when I’ve had a good cry I feel so much better – calmer, clearer and more at peace. Men (generally) don’t cry, so what do they do? Well, I’ll try and put it delicately here but they have another bodily fluid that needs releasing on a regular basis too. Just accept that for him this release is a biological necessity, and as long as he is respecting your boundaries and wishes then you should be able to work it out. While sexual intimacy may be the way many modern relationships begin, to be sustainable for both parties they need to go deeper. Men do want women’s bodies. But most want more than that; they want love.”
Jacqui Manning is a psychologist and co-director of Mind Advantage in Balmain, Sydney. She specialises in helping individuals get more happiness in their relationships. To book an appointment or for more information, go to www.mindadvantage.com.au or call (02) 9555 8806
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wellbeing | Feature
Eat n o i t a your way to rejuven World-renowned natural living expert, Susan Smith Jones PhD shares the 15 age-defying, heart-strengthening, cancer-busting, digestionenhancing, pain-prevention, energy-boosting and body-slimming “superfoods” to help you live your healthiest life now.
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ll foods are not equal. Some are full of calories and void of nutrition, while others are low on calories and so packed with nutrition that they earn the title of “superfood.” There’s a difference between food volume and nutritional potency – just because you’re eating a lot of different foods, doesn’t mean you are getting optimal nutrition. In fact, by eating superfoods you don’t need a lot of food to get lots of nutrition. Try these for starters:
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SUPERFOOD
Prunes
You can fight father time with this humble dried fruit. With a new name and a new image, the dried plum — you may know it as a prune — is now proven to fight the diseases of aging, including Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease, arthritis, osteoporosis, cancer, and yes, constipation. Researchers at Tufts University have discovered this wrinkled wonder to contain more than twice as many antioxidants as the next highest food — the raisin. In addition, scientists in a study at the Oklahoma State University found that this fruit actually helped restore bone density after losses had occurred. Plus, it has the same cancerfighting component as apples, grapefruit and oranges.
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SUPERFOOD
Cherries
Here’s a delicious, vitamin-packed fruit that relieves arthritis pain. That’s right. Cherries have been proven to work as well or better than aspirin and ibuprofen. Long ago a folk remedy for gout, cherries have scientific proof in their pain-prevention powers. Researchers at Michigan State University found that a substance in cherries stops the production of the chemicals that cause inflammation and pain. The scientists say
April/May 2010
cherries relieve arthritis pain as well as or better than over-the-counter drugs! A bowl of 20 cherries a day during a bout of gout is enough to neutralise the aches and swelling, with no stomach upset or other side effects. Eat them fresh, dried or even frozen as a scrumptious addition to your smoothies.
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SUPERFOOD
Parsnips
Parsnips could be nicknamed the “beauty food” because of the way their nutritional components help strengthen hair and nails and improve skin quality. People who suffer from acne or skin disorders will appreciate the skin-flattering benefits of their unique balance of potassium, phosphorus and vitamin C.
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SUPERFOOD
Avocados
Avocados have more protein than any other fruit. Sometimes known as “nature’s butter,” they have only about a quarter of the fat calories contained in the same weight of dairy butter. Gram for gram, they also provide more heart-healthy monounsaturated fat, vitamin E, folate, potassium and fiber than other fruits. You can mash avocado on whole grain bread, into baked potatoes and even use it as a hydrating mask. They also exceed other fruits as a source of the powerful antioxidant lutein, which appears to protect arteries from hardening and the eyes from cataracts and macular degeneration.
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SUPERFOOD
Blueberries
Blueberries are often considered a super food because they contain significant amounts of antioxidants, anthocyanins, vitamin C, manganese, and dietary fiber with relatively few calories.
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SUPERFOOD Pomegranates This dark red fruit is hot news these days — especially as a juice. Pomegranates are packed full of disease-fighting antioxidants. Some studies suggest that they offer almost three times more than established antioxidant sources such as green tea, red wine, blueberry juice and cranberry juice. They also contain potassium, fiber, vitamin c and niacin, all of which contribute to increased energy and good health, and have been shown to reduce plaque build-up in arteries by up to 44 percent.
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SUPERFOOD
Bananas
Monkeys may be wiser than we think — their favorite food is among the most nutritious of tropical fruits. Fiber from green, unripe bananas reduces bad cholesterol and increases the good by as much as 30 percent, while a ripe banana is one of the best ways to soothe an upset stomach. Bananas are a wonderful source of energy, can relieve heartburn and will also help decrease the risk of stroke. And with the possible exception of strawberries, no other fresh fruit is higher in minerals.
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SUPERFOOD
Broccoli
Broccoli has almost twice as much protein as steak — 11.2 grams per 100 calories compared with only 5.4 grams. (Most of the calories in meat come from fat, but the calories in green veggies come from protein.) Broccoli is one of nature’s most potent superfoods. It has been proven effective against cancer, heart disease and a host of other serious conditions. Its powerful sulforaphane content delivers a double punch to cancer-causing chemicals — destroying any carcinogenic compounds that you have ingested, then creating enzymes that eat up any carcinogens left over from that reaction — and it
Feature | wellbeing
also contains indole-3-carbinol, which helps your body to metabolize estrogen, potentially warding off breast cancer.
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SUPERFOOD
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SUPERFOOD Apples
Eating an apple a day could very well keep the cardiologist away. Current studies suggest that eating apples regularly reduces the risk of stroke and your chances of dyivng from a heart attack. They lower cholesterol and also appear to decrease the risk of lung cancer. Having tummy troubles? The power to fix both diarrhea and constipation fits in the palm of your hand with the apple. Eating them whole, with the skin on, provides the highest level of nutritional value.
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SUPERFOOD
cigarette cravings and stabilise blood sugar levels.
Parsley
This common herb is a powerhouse of the nutrients that rejuvenate and detoxify. Include it when you make fresh juice. Nibble a few leaves when you want your breath to be sweeter. Chop it into salads, soups, sandwiches and pasta dishes. Parsley is also a stress-buster, and studies have shown it to be effective in reducing depression, lowering cholesterol and strengthening kidneys. Many herbalists recommend parsley to relieve the symptoms of rheumatism and pre menstrual stress.
Garlic
Herbalists have used garlic to treat all sorts of diseases for thousands of years. As well as being scrumptious, it’s a rich source of the sulphur compounds that keep your body chemistry in balance — fighting infections, slowing down the production of cholesterol and lowering blood pressure. There is even evidence that garlic helps to fight cancer and improves the action of the liver and the gall bladder. Add garlic to your cooking and salad dressings, or roast unpeeled cloves for 40-45 minutes, then peel and mash them into purées and sauces.
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SUPERFOOD
Tomatoes
This beautiful low-calorie fruit is jampacked with nutrients and phytochemicals, which boost the body’s immune defenses. Whether in soups, sauces or salads, tomatoes are rich in vitamins C and B and also contain lots of lycopene, which appears to act as a protective factor against cancer (and may also benefit the heart). Cooked tomatoes contain more lycopene than raw, and most of the nutritional
value is contained in the skin, so, ounce for ounce, cherry tomatoes are more nutritious than large ones.
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SUPERFOOD
Almonds
Two ounces of almonds give you more than 50 percent of your daily magnesium requirement—a mineral that’s important fro heart health. Eating almonds every day for at least a month has been shown to reduce cholesterol and lower other risk factors for heart disease. A study also suggests that they may reduce the risk of colon cancer. Eat them out of hand, sprinkle them in salads or grind into pastry. Almond butter is also a great alternative to peanut butter and is delicious spread in celery sticks and apple slices or made into a salad dressing (refer to Susan’s book Recipes for Health Bliss over 250 delicious recipes). Superfoods are the best whole foods out there, but not one is a magic bullet; make sure you include many different super foods to help maintain optimal health. Each of the superfoods above is easy to find in your supermarket or natural food store so make sure that they are included in your health-promoting kitchen.
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SUPERFOOD
Cinnamon
This ancient spice (obtained from the bark of Asian evergreens) and highly versatile flavoring helps to relieve bloating and stabilise blood sugar. Cinnamon contains methylhydroxy chalcone polymer (MHCP), which speeds up the processing of sugar in your body. So putting cinnamon sticks in your tea or water, or sprinkling just a tiny amount on desserts, fruits, cereal and into smoothies, will make your insulin release much more efficient, which may slow aging and help ward off diabetes and obesity.
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SUPERFOOD
Oats
Inexpensive, readily available and incredibly easy to incorporate into your life, oats (also known as porridge) contain twice as much protein as brown rice and are an excellent source of complex carbohydrates to maintain your energy levels through the day. They improve your resistance to stress, help to regulate the thyroid, soothe the nervous and digestive systems, reduce
Susan Smith Jones, PhD is the author of over 1,500 magazine articles and 25 books, including her best-selling 3-book healthy eating and living set - The Healing Power of NatureFoods, Health Bliss and Recipes for Health Bliss: Using NatureFoods & Lifestyle Choices to Rejuvenate Your Body & Life. For a complete list of Susan’s essential 100 foods, herbs and spices refer to Susan’s new 3-book Blissful Living available www.hayhouse.com.au. For more information visit www.SusanSmithJones.com
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wellbeing | Fitness
Don’t stress, I
If you thought stretching tight muscles was something only sports people had to do, think again. As Richard Garard explains, stretching is nature’s best stress reliever, and will help keep you calm and centered.
t’s hard to avoid being stressed these days with all the different roles you’re likely to be juggling. Whether you’re dealing with a work deadline, a home renovation, or having to create a Dora the Explorer cake by Saturday – and sometimes all three at once – it’s natural to feel overloaded at times. And, when you’re stressed, you’re more likely to skip doing those things that keep you happy and relaxed. However, finding the time to do a simple, regular stretching routine is one of the easiest and best ways to relieve stress. Stretching exercises not only relax tight, tense muscles, they also improve blood flow and decrease levels of stress hormones. And, by taking a moment to stretch, you’ll slow down your breathing, which often becomes shallow when you’re anxious. It’s not just the spots you’re stretching that will feel better -- you’ll get an all over boost by stimulating circulation and blood flow to your muscles. Although sometimes it can feel impossible to squeeze anything else into a busy day, if you can schedule in just a few minutes for a routine such as the one below, you will reap the rewards. Plus, stretching can be done anytime, anywhere and doesn’t require special clothing or equipment. Here are just a few of the many benefits you’ll experience by including a short stretching routine in your day: • Tight, tense muscles will be released and flexibility improved, which is great for maintaining a good posture for longer.
• You’ll have a better range of movement and muscle stiffness will be reduced. • Stretching increases your mental alertness and concentration. • Aches and pains will lessen with improved posture. • You’ll have increased blood circulation and blood flow to muscles.
How to stretch well
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One of the key things you’ll need to know about stretching is that it’s not a good idea to “bounce”. Instead hold the stretch steady, take your time, and move slowly and smoothly. Spend 20 to 30 seconds on each stretch and go to the point of tension. If it hurts, stop straight away. Breathe normally, don’t hold your breath and relax into the stretch.
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Four simple stretches to get you started These are great stretches, especially at the office or if you’ve been at a computer. Try to do the routine two to three times a day for about five minutes each time. Shoulder shrug - Inhale deeply and shrug your shoulders. Bring your shoulders up as if you were trying to touch your ears. Maintain the tension for 20 – 30 seconds while focusing on your breathing, and then release. Big reach - Interlace your fingers, then turn your palms upward above your head and reach up as you lift up your chin while trying to get your shoulders to touch your ears, as you straighten your arms. Lift up
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April/May 2010
through the chest as you stretch out your rib cage, shoulders, back and arms. Hold for 20-30 seconds and release slowly. Repeat three times. Lateral head tilts – Start by sitting up straight in your chair or standing. Slowly tilt your head by aiming your left ear to your left shoulder. Hold the stretch for 20 seconds, then slowly return to your starting position. Repeat on the opposite side. Remember to perform this in a slow, smooth and controlled motion. Monkey-grip leg hug - Sit on the edge of your chair with your feet together, flat on the floor. Lean over and let your chest rest on your knees with your arms dangling loosely to the floor. Monkey-grip your arms behind your legs by grasping your right wrist or forearm with your left hand. Pull your chest away from your knees while maintaining your grip as you feel a relaxing stretch through your back, shoulders and neck. Hold for 20 seconds and then release slowly as you return your chest to rest on your knees with your arms dangling loosely to the floor. Repeat three times.
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Richard Garard is a certified personal trainer and strength and conditioning coach specialising in women’s health and fitness. He is the founder of She FITNESS, which offers group and individual fitness programs for women of all ages and levels of fitness. For more information visit www.shefitness.com.au.
Feature | wellbeing
Dump the Diet
Let’s face it, diets don’t work. Veronica Letts explains the four reasons why and outlines a much healthier approach.
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t’s Monday morning. Time to weigh in. I’ve been on this diet now for two weeks surely I’ve lost something. I approach the bathroom scales with trepidation and a sense of fear. I’m thinking I’ve worked so hard these last two weeks, if I haven’t lost anything I’ll…You’re kidding me! I weigh exactly the same as I did when I started. I decide to have a chocolate biscuit. I might as well have one. I have been so good one biscuit isn’t going to make much of a difference. What have I done, I’ve broken my diet now. I shouldn’t have had that biscuit. That’s the reason why I can’t loose weight. I have absolutely no selfcontrol; no willpower. What’s wrong with me? Oh well! I’ve blown it now, I may as well eat the rest of the packet. I can always start my diet again next Monday. Is this scenario familiar to you? Welcome to the vicious cycle of dieting. The vicious cycle of dieting generally starts with a negative body image that promotes an unhealthy lifestyle. A negative body image develops over the course of your life, through such things as being teased at school or having parents who dieted or were unhappy with their body shape, so changing it can take time and effort. How you perceive, think and feel about your body may have no bearing at all on your actual appearance. For example, studies have been undertaken that report that in most Western cultures women believe they are overweight and fatter than they really are. Only one in five women is happy with their body weight and nearly half of all normal weight females overestimate their shape and size. Having a distorted body image can lead to self-destructive behaviour, like dieting or binge eating. Approximately nine out of ten young Australian women have dieted at least once in their lives. There are four main reasons why diets don’t work:
1. Diets sap you of energy
4. Diets are unhealthy
Too little food means you are not getting enough energy and this sends the body into starvation mode. At the same time, hunger signals increase and we start to crave nutrient poor calories high in fats and sugars – the exact food we are trying to avoid!
A cycle of rapid weight loss followed by weight gain can lead to loss of lean tissue from your muscles and a drop in metabolic rate. Not only do you regain the fat stores, you may even gain a bit extra. If the key to weight loss is living a healthy lifestyle and it is our body image that influences the way we choose to live, then it follows that one aspect of living a healthy lifestyle must be to change our body image. Try the following suggestions for improving your body image: • Reflect on your experiences and try to unravel the development of your body image from childhood. • Talk about feelings and experiences with other women who have similar concerns. • Make a pact with yourself to treat your body with respect, which includes giving it enough food and rest. • Give yourself a break from women’s magazines and the mass media for a while. • Try some form of physical activity purely for the fun of it, not as a means of weight loss. • Stop weighing yourself. • Change your goal from weight loss to improving your health. • Get informed by reading up on body image issues. • Develop an affirmation statement that states that you are beautiful and imprint that image on your subconscious mind.
2. Diets set you up to eat compulsively It conditions you to think of food as the enemy. Diets can make you afraid to eat, depriving you of one of life’s pleasures.
3. Diets foster a cycle of failure Going from one failed diet to another leaves you feeling depressed and reinforcing a negative body image. Having a distorted body image can lead to self-destructive behaviour, emotional eating and weight gain.
It’s time to dump the diet and learn to treat your body with the respect it deserves.
Veronica Letts is a qualified personal trainer and group fitness instructor with more than 20 years experience in health, fitness and the wellness industry. Veronica specialises in wellness coaching for women. She established Oxygen Life Coaching in 2009 with a focus on providing life coaching for women. For more information visit www.oxygenlifecoaching.com.au.
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business | Feature
Get
sharp: High-Powered Decision Making and Critical Thinking Have you ever experienced frustration with attempting to tackle today’s professional challenges with yesterday’s decision-making and thinking skills? Savleen Bajaj discusses the importance of strong decision-making and critical thinking skills and provides some practical guidance for you to improve yours…
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n the past decade alone, we have seen many national and global organisations going through considerable restructuring, layoffs, merging, and downsizing. Accelerating change and increasing complexity of problems facing the current workforce, shapes the importance of sharper thinking technologies. These fast-moving changes have brought about greater competition, insecurity, and stringent criteria for employee retention. To sustain in these changing trends, new high-powered skills and critical thinking abilities, will provide you with the edge you’re looking for, to get ahead in your career. I believe that for women to maximise their full potential, they must hone their skills as strategic players who skilfully use their thinking and decision-making faculties, in an optimised manner. Critical thinking empowers you to raise the overall performance of your brain and decision output. It helps you think more clearly about problems, decisions, ideas, goals, strategies and situations. Sharpness, smartness, and confident decision-making, are highly valued abilities that empower career women to be poised to lead the way into the new economy. With sharper thinking and greater decision-making competencies, women will be able to bring the global workplace
April/May 2010
significant growth opportunities. Leading and managing now and into the future, demands that many women must address and strengthen areas that can undermine their professional success, while building on their unique and varied approaches to organizational management. Whether you’re an administrative professional, team leader, manager, or CEO, I’m sure you’ll benefit from better decision-making and critical thinking skills. Applying these high-powered skills to the tasks and challenges you face in your work will provide an opportunity for you to experience breakthroughs on a mental, behavioural, and professional level. These skills are crucial in today’s 21st Century workplace, as this ever-changing economy demands abilities and traits characteristic of comprehensive and reasoned thinking. Effective thinking yields better results, and enables you not only to survive, but also to thrive. Critical thinking is a sophisticated form of thinking. The process involves thinking with thought-awareness and high quality thoughts. All of its aspects — principles, standards and values, form an integrated thinking fluidity, which can be applied effectively not only to career enhancement, but also to holistic life success. When applied consistently, critical thinking, projects as an ability to correctly
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understand information, a situation, or problem from different perspectives, in order to take or suggest the best possible action. The ability to think critically provides ways to arrive at better decisions with greater confidence, and can help you clearly determine what matters in the face of any professional challenge. This thinking supports the development of intellectual humility, intellectual integrity, intellectual perseverance, intellectual empathy, intellectual understanding, and intellectual self-discipline. In today’s new economy, strategic resources no longer just come from raw materials; instead they come from ideas and information from your mind. By having a sharper mind, you can figure situations out more effectively and make wiser decisions. • Some benefits of critical thinking are: • Ability to make faster and higher quality decisions • More innovative solutions to problems, goals, and strategies • Better understanding of the dynamics between different aspects of a business • A more equipped mind that tackles problems and makes important decisions on a daily basis • Expands your thinking skills, so you’ll be able to fully consider all sides of an issue and anticipate a broader range of possibilities
Feature | business
• Your mind will function purposefully and exactingly • You will think with relevance, accuracy, precision, clarity, depth, and breadth • Unleash creative solutions to problems and strategies • Higher productivity, work quality, and accountability • Clarity of thought • Decreases stress related to making critical decisions and solving workplace problems In spite of the many changing management trends in top organisations today, employees are asked to use judgment and make decisions rather than to merely follow directions. Therefore, it is a good idea to exercise some thinking and decision making strategies that will enable you to adapt, flex, and change to meet the various demands in the current work environment.
Monitor your thoughts Continuously monitor your thoughts by checking in. Strive to improve the quality of your thinking. The quality of your thinking affects the quality of your decision-making and work performance. When your mind is engaged in high-quality thoughts, it will automatically and simultaneously produce and assess, both generate and judge the ideas, solutions, or decisions it produces.
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Sharpen your thinking The fundamental purpose of thinking is for the brain to make a logical connection between the thoughts and the problem at hand. Remember, sharpened thinking is thinking that is regularly self-assessing, selfexamining, and self-improving. Sharpen your thinking focus by asking yourself the flowing growth questions: • What is the purpose of my thinking this way? • What precise problem am I trying to solve? • Within what paradigm am I thinking? • What data am I using? • How am I interpreting this data? • What conclusions am I making? • What assumptions am I making? • What are the implications of these conclusions?
Engage in positive self-talk Positive self-talk is a powerful tool in strengthening your belief system. Positive self-talk lifts you up, motivates, and drives you to achieve your goals. Additionally, it helps you to overcome the internal messages that you back. Instead of saying; “Who am I to have this position, to be making these decisions, and sharing these solutions that affect other people and millions of dollars?” say instead; “I am the right person for this position, I am capable of making sound decisions, and I will empower my organization with ideas and solutions.”
Think critically The focus of critical thinking is not on answering questions but rather its focus is on questioning answers, ideas, solutions, or assumptions. It’s the process of looking at information, determining what is important, and understanding the relationship between the information and a selection of possible outcomes or decisions. Mind traps are habituated patterns of negative thinking, which usually lead to making limiting assumptions. Learn to think out of your comfort zone. Think ‘out of the box’. Albert Einstein once said that: “Problems cannot be solved by thinking within the framework in which they were created.” It means considering variations to the most basic of parameters and entertaining the most radical of possibilities. Therefore, exploring alternative problemsolving strategies will help you focus better on decision making, whilst challenging your own habituated thinking patterns. It is important to identify your assumptions and understand how they affect your ability to make better decisions. Critical thinking involves the process of questioning, probing, analysing and evaluating. Practice the following steps:
• Identify limiting beliefs and assumptions • Challenge the origin of your beliefs • Clarify how others would view the situation • Consider alternative ideas, solutions, or conclusion • Question, probe, analyse and evaluate the new idea.
Make high-powered decisions One of the main objectives of critical thinking at work, is to solve business problems and empower you to make highpowered decisions. Here are some steps you may wish to consider implementing into your decision making process. 1. Define the problem clearly. Identify the problem until you have a clear understanding of the problem or decision to be made. Ambiguity leads to confusion. Develop a pros-and-cons list or a mind map. Both of these skills can help you get sharper. Generate an exhaustive list. Notice any shifts in perspectives. 2. Identify and evaluate the alternatives. If possible, do some research to ensure you have as many good alternatives as possible. Narrow down your alternatives and evaluate them to test their feasibility. Tap your emotions and trust your instincts. Listen and act accordingly where possible. These instincts are brought on by facts outside of your conscious awareness. It boosts your confidence and allows you to experience a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ feel to your solution. 3. Make and implement your decision. Review all the details of the possible solutions. Select one that you think and feel will work best. Implement your decision and ensure that you conduct a follow up.
Savleen Bajaj is an international life and business coach, psychologist, speaker, author, facilitator, and consultant. Having deep insight into the principles for professional breakthroughs and holistic success, Savleen is passionate about supporting people in transforming their visions and intentions into results, to live their greatest life. Visit her website at www.savleenbajaj.com or contact her on (03) 8802 7983.
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career | Feature
Building an effective
TEAM
Effective teamwork is essential in today’s world, however some teams don’t perform exceptionally well from the outset. Rachel Anastasi discusses what makes an effective team and explains the four stages along the path to a high-performing team.
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hen working in a team it is normal for there to be challenges as each person influences the dynamic of the team and learns differently. It can be challenging to balance different personalities and the differentworking styles of each person. Varying personalities play different roles in a team situation. It is important to have all personalities in a team andfor each member to celebrate and accept the significance of their role in the team, even if it does not occur to be as glamorous as the role someone else is there to play. For example you will have people who are great at creating a big picture of what the outcome and process will look like and others who will be better at putting the detailed systems in place to achieve that end. There are many different personality profiling tools, such as ‘DISC’ and ‘wealth dynamics profile’ that companies, individuals or small businesses can use to ascertainthe strengths and weaknesses of each member of the team. How people will work together and where to place different members of the team so that they will be most effective in producing theresult is made easier when you have this sort of information. Different
April/May 2010
people will have different needs and will require different ways of being supported in a team environment.
Benefits of working in a team:
• Creating an energy that builds and is maintained by working alongside one another. This creates motivation and inspiration • Accountability that comes with having respect for other team members and the common goals. • Being able to focus on your strengths and allow space for other group members to focus on their strengths. The task will be completed to a higher standard because everyone is doing what he or shedoes best. • Two minds are better than one- having a mastermind group is really beneficial when it come to brainstorming, moving an idea forward and expansion and as the team gathers momentum they will be truly unstoppable • Friendship, support and comradely can be very fulfilling and there can be an amazing sense of love and celebration amongst the team on completion of the task or project. Effective teamwork is the responsibility of every member of the team. Everyone
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is responsible for how well a team works together. It is detrimental to the teamto layblame on other members, on the circumstances or on the leader. By taking responsibility for the results that you are getting and those that you are not you can quickly identify challenges and move beyond them.
Important factors of teamwork:
• Common vision and goals – a team with members all heading in different directions is not a team. At the outset, it is important to establish a common vision for the team. The vision is then broken into achievable goals. • Listening – listen with the intent to understand not to respond. It’s a mistake to assume that your ideas will always be the best ones. • Respect - recognise that each team member has a valuable contribution to make. • Team motivation - each member of the team is motivated differently. Some people are motivated internally and some externally. Often the onus of motivating the team falls on the leader, however each person needs to accept responsibility for their own and other’s motivation.
Feature | career
When creating a team
• Establish the outcome that the team is committed to achieving and the results that the team wants to create • Set some key performance indicators or some goal posts so that you can measure the effectiveness of the team as the process unfolds • Make sure each member of the team is very clear on what they are and are not responsible for • Set up regular and structured processes for communication • Focus on the strengths of each team member and how those strengths are valuable to the bigger picture.
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The four stages of teamwork
Team formation can take time, and usually follows some easily recognisable stages, as the team journeys from being a group of strangers to becoming united with common goals. Whether your team is a temporary working group or a newly formed, permanent team, by understanding these stages you will be able to help the team quickly become productive. Psychologist Bruce Tuckman first came up with the memorable words “forming, storming, norming and performing” back in 1965 to describe the path to highperformance that most teams follow. Teams initially go through a “Forming” stage in which members are positive and polite. Some members are anxious and some excited about the task ahead. At this stage there may be discussions about how the team will work, which can be frustrating for some members who simply want to get on with the team task. Soon, your team moves into a “Storming” phase. The ways of working start to be defined. This is the stage when many teams fail as some team members may start to question the value of the team and even those who stick with it feel that they are on an emotional roller coaster as they try to focus on the job at hand without the support of established processes or relationships with their colleagues. Gradually, the team moves into a “Norming” stage, as a hierarchy is established. Now that the team members know each other better, they are able
to ask each other for help and provide constructive criticism. The team is developing a strong commitment to the team goal and you will start to see good progress towards it. When the team reaches the “Performing” stage, hard work leads directly to progress towards the shared vision of their goal, supported by the structures and processes that have been set up. Individual team members may join or leave the team without affecting the performance of the team. It is important to understand the journey that the team will go through because it acknowledges that each member may have ups and downs, especially at the beginning and encourage a greater commitment to the team with the knowledge that things will become easier once the team establishes its flow. Great communication in a team is very important for this reason also. If you establish ground rules up front when working as a team then everyone is aware of the outcomes that they, must achieve and the role that they play. It is important that each team member feels that their role is valuable and recognises the importance that having their personality and strengths in the group will make. One common weakness that shows up in teams is when alliances start to form and this creates isolation amongst other group members. It is important to remain inclusive as much as possible and even if you are not as close to some group members as you are to others make sure to only speak about people when they are there and never when they are not. Your language creates your world so consider the language that the team is using when communicating about or with eachother and about the project. Is it focused on moving toward the outcomes or focused on moving away from achievingthe outcome? Are you listening out for what
is great about the group members or for what frustrates and challenges you? Are you being grateful and appreciative of eachother and celebrating each other’s success or are you succumbing to the negatives? Teams come in varying forms. Think of your family or friendship group, how are you being in these teams? Do you have as much confidencein the teams that you find yourself in,in a work capacity as you do in your personal life and visa versa? What is different about the role that you play or where you are placed in the hierarchy? How is your personality expressed differently in these different scenarios? Are you being authentic and true to yourself in each different area of yourlife? Having measuring tools such as a project management document where you set up the project on a timeline can be a great way for each team member to keep track of key performance indicators, scheduled meetings, due dates and opportunities for feedback. A valuable habit to get into is setting up specific and intentional meeting times to allow space for feedback. Feedback should always be given in a constructive way and focused on moving each individual or the team as a whole forward. The best thing about working in a team is that other people are only ever a reflection of you. Use your team members as a way of learning even more about yourself and rising to your greatest potential. Remember every time you point the finger at someone there are three pointing straight back at you. If every team member takes 100% responsibility for the performance of everybody in the entire team imagine the force-to-be-reckoned-with that your team will become. GO TEAM!
Rachel Anastasi is an empowerment coach, speaker, mentor and founder of Free to be Me Life Coaching and www.secretsofasupercoach.com. For more information visit www.freetobemecoaching.com.au
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www.empoweonline.com.au
fate
finances | Feature
Control your
We all know someone who has suffered a significant trauma: something that keeps them from being able to work, to provide for themselves or their families and to achieve their ambitions to the fullest extent. What would happen if this was you?
T
hese kinds of disasters are just bad luck... right? Yes. But are they rare? No. Recent research by the National Centre for Social and Economic Modelling (NATSEM) for Lifewise shows more than one in five working age parents will die unexpectedly or become seriously ill or injured, during their working lives. The Lifewise campaign was started to raise awareness of both the extremely high levels of underinsurance in Australia and the steps people can take to protect themselves. Despite the risks we all face day to day, most of us don’t insure our most important asset: ourselves and our income. We all want the good life, but what good is your dream when you can’t pay the mortgage? The Lifewise research shows the devastating effects a lack of life insurance can have on a family if tragedy strikes. According to the Lifewise/NATSEM research: • Based on current average levels of insurance, the typical Australian family’s weekly income will be cut by half to about $600 where a main breadwinner Dad becomes temporarily ill or injured and can’t work, or where Mum dies or becomes temporarily or permanently disabled; • The family’s financial situation following the event will be long term, remaining broadly the same over a one, five and 10 year period; • When recommended levels of insurance are in place, the policy will in most cases replace between 80% and 100% of
the family’s income short and longer term (depending on the duration of the policy); and • With adequate life insurance, the remaining partner can repay existing mortgage debt and invest what remains to generate an income that replaces income between 80 and 100% of the original. A number of community supporters have signed on to support Lifewise. Charities such as MS Research Australia and the Leukaemia Foundation have seen the damage wrought on individuals and families when bad luck meets an inadequate level of life insurance. Consider the example of Elizabeth Gould. A successful lawyer, she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004. Between 2004 and 2008 she underwent a total of nine operations and chemotherapy. Due to her Income Protection insurance, she was able to claim enough for her treatment and living expenses while taking significant amounts of time off work. Elizabeth bought her insurance in her twenties – her friends thought she was crazy. Obviously, her planning supported her when she needed it most. Think about your circle of friends, family and co-workers. Think about yourself. If something were to happen to you to stop you working, how would your lifestyle cope with a halving of your income? What about your family? Your aspirations for the future? Obviously money isn’t everything in life but it can be hard to
live to your full potential when you have to scrimp and save just to pay basic expenses. Obviously, it is not all doom and gloom. The Lifewise research deals with worst-case scenarios. The key is to not let yourself coast along without a thought for the future. It’s the typically Aussie attitude of ‘she’ll be right’ that can leave you unprepared. In short: empower yourself and take control! Review your life insurance arrangements. Be honest with yourself about what you may require by considering your debts and the income needs of your partner or children. Most people have an automatic level of life insurance cover through their superannuation but usually it will not be nearly enough to repay existing debts and generate an income for dependents. The straight-talking Lifewise website www.lifewise.org.au has a ‘how much is enough’ calculator that you can use to more accurately determine your life insurance needs. By spending as much time on your insurance arrangements as you do on your pilates classes in a week, you can free yourself the worries that come from bad luck. Also consider income protection insurance which pays up to 75% of your salary should you be unable to work due to serious illness or injury. Given medical advances, it is increasingly likely that you will survive a serious medical event, but be unable to work for a long period. Policies differ and medical histories vary, so it may be worth seeing a financial adviser to select the best policy for you.
John Brogden is the CEO of the Investment & Financial Services Association of Australia (IFSA), which is the national peak body representing the retail and wholesale funds management, superannuation and life insurance industries. For more information visit www.ifsa.com.au
April/May 2010
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Property | finances
Property investing made
e l p Sim
1
Prepare
Australians love property. Even those who don’t own a home now aspire to own one someday. But the Aussie love of property creates some issues for the unwary when they decide to purchase an investment property. Dean Basset explains the ten ways to stay in control and invest successfully.
Create time in your busy schedule to read a good book about property investing in Australia. Information is power and the more informed you are the better your decisions will be. Authors like Margaret Lomas and Jan Somers make a complex subject simple.
2
Choose your advisers Don’t listen to friends and family when you decide to invest in property. Most people don’t stand round the BBQ and argue about the performance of a particular company in their share portfolio, but mention you are thinking of buying an investment property and everyone will have an opinion. Guess what – this personal opinion is not investment advice. Living in a house doesn’t make the owner an investment expert.
3
Get advice Get advice from your accountant or an organisation that specialises in property services. Make sure any adviser belongs to an industry association and has appropriate qualifications. A good adviser without a vested interest in selling you the property can provide unbiased advice and ensure you don’t make a silly mistake simply because you are inexperienced.
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You need to think about why you are doing this and what result you need. Is it a short term investment? Is it part of retirement planning? Is it for the kids sometime in the future? Having a plan means you have a timetable you can follow to ensure you meet your financial goal.
5 iStockphoto
Understand what financial advisors call your ‘risk profile’. Matching your risk profile to your investment plan makes it easier to decide where to start and what to purchase. For example, if you are a conservative investor, you may feel more
cash flow and capital growth and not the colour scheme.
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Don’t be afraid to walk away If a purchase seem “too good to be true” it probably is. Amazing returns, rental guarantees and fantastic growth are usually the result of advertising NOT reality.
9
Ask questions Double-check everything you’re told by the selling agent, property manager, the vendor, your mortgage broker, the building inspector and the pest guy. Keep asking until you are satisfied with the answers you’ve been given. There is no such thing as a dumb question – only someone who didn’t want to appear to be dumb.
6
Plan to plan
Risk – what risk?
comfortable with a property in a known area, with good rent and stable tenants. An investor’s risk profile is also strongly linked to experience. A first time purchaser will be risk averse because there is so much to understand. Someone with eight investment properties is likely to see the potential of a property sooner and move to purchase much quicker. This creates the impression that they are “clever” or an “expert” when in reality it’s just because they’ve done it before.
Be aware The property industry isn’t regulated like the financial markets. You may be exposed to lenders, property valuers, real estate agents, mortgage brokers, property developers, and spruikers and buyers agents – all trying to make money out of the investment in some way. Some are legitimate service providers, and some are there to make a quick buck with a big commission built into the purchase price.
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Use your head not your heart Don’t compare the investment property to your home and don’t imagine yourself living in it. Purchasing a home to live in is a huge emotional decision for most people. Look at the cash flow of the property as an affordability index. If the cash flow is very negative this is real money you will have to find each week to own this property. Capital growth is the potential for the value to increase in value over time and create a nest egg for the future. Simply put – use
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Allow time for the property to perform Expecting huge, short term increases in property values is unrealistic for a long term plan. Stories of amazing short term gains may be true but this isn’t investing its speculation or a calculated gamble. If you can’t afford to loose the money DON’T DO IT! Dean Bassett is a Financial Advisor and Director of Destiny Financial Solutions Castle Hill. He has 20 years personal experience as a property investor and seven years with Destiny assisting clients with property. For more information or a free book contact Dean on +61 2 8883 1577 or visit www.destiny.net.au
www.empoweonline.com.au
change your life in 15 minutes
Have a
bath
Sometimes it’s the simplest things that can have the biggest impact in our lives…
H
aving a bath, while very simple in nature, can make a big difference in the way you deal with things every day. For me, having a bath is like mediation; it’s my time to let go of anything that’s bothering me, to relax and regroup. Try my once-a-week regime for lasting results:
Step 1: Create the
environment
There’s no point having a quick bath in a brightly lit or cold room. Create a relaxing environment for yourself by closing the blinds, lighting some candles and turning off the lights. If it’s cold you may wish to put a small heater in the corner to warm up the room (obviously be careful here as water and electricity do not mix). There’s nothing worse then being cold outside of the water. Sometimes I also really enjoy having a cup of tea in the bath. For you this may be a glass of wine or a smoothie (I did this once at a Day Spa, it was divine). Of course it would be nice for your partner to bring this to you once you’re in the bath but if not, simply prepare it in advance.
Step 2: Run your bath
Run a warm bath. Don’t make it too hot and use only the amount of water you’re comfortable with. While naturally a huge deep bath full of water would be lush but it’s not too environmentally friendly. You be the judge. Grab your favourite bath salts or bubble bath to create a heavenly scent.
Step 3:Breathe
Before you hop into the bath take some deep breaths. This will assist in the relaxation process. As you breathe in, pretend you are breathing in relaxation
April/May 2010
and as you breathe out, pretend you are breathing out all stress and tension. As you breathe out notice that your shoulders drop and relax. Repeat this five times and on the last breath also give thanks to the delicious bath you are about to step into.
Step 4: Step in
As you step into the warm water, be conscious and really put yourself in present time. Notice the feeling of the water on your skin and how good it feels to be giving yourself such a delicious treat. Be aware of the feel of the bath as you lay down and enjoy!
Step 5: Let go
As you melt into the warm water and relax take five more deep breathes. Once again as you breathe in pretend you are breathing in relaxation and as you breathe out pretend you are breathing out stress and tension. Notice as your body gets lighter and your muscles go soft. As you lay peacefully, think of each thing that happened during the day. This does not necessarily have to be only negative things that may have happened. Also give thought to the positive things. As you allow each thought to come into your mind, don’t judge, simply accept and in your mind whisper “Thank you, I let you go”. As you whisper this breathe out and pretend you are breathing out the thought. After letting go of each thought from your day, remember back through the week and once again, as each thought enters your mind simply repeat ‘Thank you, I let you go”. Repeat this process for as long as necessary until you feel that you have let go of anything you need to for the week.
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Step 6: Take it easy
After your bath put on some clean pyjamas and have a very quiet night. There’s no point relaxing in the bath and then going clubbing. Use the time for reflection and indulge yourself with anything special. My indulgence is to lay in bed and read a book all by myself. Even writing about the bath experience is making me relaxed. I think I’ll go and have one now… Helen Rosing is the founder and publisher of emPOWER Magazine. In addition, she is a writer, trainer and business coach.
coaching toolkit Coach yourself to success
APRIL / MAY 2010
I have been with my husband for a long time now and yet we just cant seem to get it happening in the bedroom. We lack passion and excitement and sex is becoming a chore. I see him as more of a best friend than a passionate lover. I love my best friend but it would also be nice to spice up the bedroom. –Sarah
I have been to a number of networking events with different organisations but I just can’t seem to ‘crack’ it. How do I get networking to work for me to get results in my business. – Kathy
April/May 2010
The most important thing to remember in relation to networking is that it takes time. It could take over 18 months before you see tangible results in your business. Accept this and stop focusing on the fact that you are not getting results. Rather, focus on what you can do to help those people that you have met through your various networking activities. One of the biggest mistakes I find people make around networking is to think that it’s all about them. If you focus on what’s-in-it-for-me (or WIIFM) there will be nothing in it for you. It is easy to tell when someone is only interested in serving themselves.Here are some important points about successful networking: • Be prepared – know how you will introduce yourself and your business or occupation before the event. Also prepare some genuine questions to ask others (without sounding like an interview). • Master a positive first impression – consider your personal presentation. • Quality is better than quantity – it is better to speak to just one person all night and walk away having agreed a strategic alliance than rushing around the room trying to be Miss Popular. • Build relationships – networking is not about how many business cards you hand out. Networking is about getting to know and trust another person enough to do business with them and refer business to them and vice versa. • Ensure you have an exit strategy – if you are not enjoying the coversation, you need to get out of it and move on. • Remember people’s names – forgetting someone’s name is not a good sign that you enjoyed meeting them and would like to work with them further. • Always followup – a quick email, the day after the event, to someone you enjoyed talking with will go a long way in building the relationship. • Give first – don’t wait for the other person to do something for you or wait for an even swap. If you like and trust the person, see what you can help with first. If nothing comes back in return at least you’ve done a good deed. • Attend often – going to one networking event will not get results. You need to go often to grow the relationships with people you have met and continue to meet. • Have fun!
The good news is that you describe your husband as your best friend – without a loving, healthy relationship it is nearly impossible to build a great sexual relationship. Knowing each other so well should make it easier to talk about the fact you want to shake things up. But don’t spend too much time talking – this is a call to action! When you think about sex does your heart sink or do you feel a tingle of excitement? You may not realise this but you’ve got the ability to talk yourself ‘into’ or ‘out of sex’ by changing where you put your focus. Focus only on the positives about your husband and your relationship for a month (and tune out the negatives) and notice how this affects your attraction for your husband. Think about the pleasure sex with your husband can bring you – I’m assuming you used to feel that sparkle? Use those memories for your sexual benefit now by thinking of three things you love him doing for you and your body. Notice the sensual pleasure you experience when you think of these putting yourself in the ‘mood’ by thinking sexual thoughts can really get you going. Your sex drive will also be influenced by everything else going on in your life so take a moment to look at what is going on for you. Do you have enough fun time with your husband? Do you love/hate your work and working hours? Do you have young children placing demands on your time constantly? Do you have other responsibilities (e.g. unwell parents)? Find ways to manage your busy life (get a cleaner, babysitter, talk to your boss) and try doing things with your husband that connect you in a playful and happy way outside your bedroom, to increase the likelihood you’ll feel more sexually attracted to him inside the bedroom. Habits are learned behaviours that after a while feel and eventually become just ‘how we are’. It’s become the habit for you and your husband to be passionless and unexciting in the bedroom, but you can change this. Ask yourself, “How can I break this habit? What are 3 things I can do differently?” Make a rule to kiss each other properly (with tongue!) every day. Buy yourself some nice lingerie that makes you feel good. Try having sex in a different environment – in a different room of your house or outdoors, whatever appeals to you both. Make your bedroom a beautiful place to have sex – tidy it, light some candles, put fresh sheets on the bed. Don’t wait to have sex until you feel your libido is at 10/10 – even if you’re feeling an average 5/10, consider initiating sex and see where it leads you! By creating and allowing new sexual energy to flow between you, you’ll find out just how passionate and sparkly your sexual partnership can be!
Helen Rosing is a motivational trainer, speaker, writer and coach. She is the founder and publisher of emPOWER Magazine.
Jacqui Manning is a psychologist and co-director of Mind Advantage in Balmain, Sydney. She specialises in helping individuals get more happiness in their relationships. For more information, go to www.mindadvantage.com.au. 36
I’m getting mixed advice in relation to exercise and burning fat. Some people say to do all cardio and others talk about weight training. What is the right way to exercise to burn fat? – Suzanne
I have a small coaching business with about ten clients working on a range of issues from finding a new career to letting go of the past. My challenge is that I constantly seem to take on their ‘stuff’. For example, after a session I may get a headache or feel nauseas. Can you suggest some ways to prevent this from happening? - Sylvia
While performing cardio at 60-70% of your maximum heart rate is beneficial to your health and fitness, when it comes to burning fat there is a much more effective, time-efficient and interesting way for you to do so. When performing steady state cardio, such as walking, jogging or cycling, you will burn calories during your workout however, this calorie burning process will stop almost as soon as you have completed the exercise. The difference with weight training is that it gives you a metabolic spike after a workout because your body is forced to work harder to help your muscles recover. This means that your body will not only burn calories during the actual workout, but will continue to do so for 24-48 hours afterwards, even while you’re resting. This is known as the ‘after burn’. The most effective way for you to burn fat is to combine your cardio and strength training in the same workout and perform interval or circuit style strength training. Once you are able to perform the strength exercises with perfect form on a consistent basis, focus on increasing the level of your intensity during your workouts. A great way for you to do this is to time your workouts or to complete as many rounds of a certain combination of exercises within a set period of time. Record your times in a success diary, as they will provide you with a great motivator and measurable tool to track your progress and improvements. If your times or scores are getting better, then you are most likely getting fitter, stronger, leaner and burning more calories and fat during, and after, every workout. Here is a sample workout for you to try - complete 3 rounds of the following combination: 400m run; 20 push-ups; 20 squats; 20 sit-ups; 20 jumping jacks (a.k.a. star jumps). Start with a 400m run and then complete the exercises in order and with perfect form. Once you have completed the 20th jumping jack, that is the end of the first round. Go straight into Round 2 with your second 400m run. Record the time that it takes you to complete all three rounds and try to improve on this in the weeks ahead. Here are some keys to success and the most effective way to burn fat: • Get creative, mix it up and make it fun and challenging. • Focus on compound movements and start squatting – in the royal family of leg exercises, squats are king! • Maintain perfect form and full range of motion – you want to recruit as many muscle fibres as possible by maintaining full range of motion in every movement. • Intensity over duration – exercise doesn’t have to be completed in one hour blocks.
Sometimes we want someone that we care about to have something or be some certain way so much that we become attached to that outcome. When you are attached to an outcome you tend to create expectation and instead of attracting this to yourself you repel it. As a coach your clients’ results become your own and their success becomes your success. Perhaps you are getting very attached to their outcomes and making it mean something about you if they do not achieve what it is that they set out to achieve. Throughout the session and after the session, what do you make what the client is saying or the result of the session mean? Particularly what do you make it mean about you? Perhaps you are sabotaging yourself by taking on your clients’ stuff? What does doing this strategy protect you from? What does it prevent you from doing when you feel this way? If you are a person who is very caring and tends to do things for others and put others before yourself, you may be what we term a ‘rescuer’. You may be taking on your clients’ stuff because it upsets you that they are in that position and you would just love to swoop in and save them from it. Remember that going through the entire process is very important for a person and even if this means experiencing things becoming worse before they get better, this is the journey that that person must go through. Staying awake at night worrying about another person’s results does not send them the beautiful energy and intention that will give them the power to create a fabulous result. Trust that things will work out exactly the way that they are meant to as everything happens for a reason and things are perfect just the way that they are. The people in your life are already perfect, whole and complete and this is their journey! Practice picturing yourself wrapped up in Glad wrap before the session and during the session so that no energy can get in and none can get out. You must be your own most important person. You are there to facilitate a journey for your client and it is up to them to manage and be responsible for the way that things are going to go between sessions. Remember that everything that they have experienced in their life up until now, they have created in some way and it has happened for a reason. See the opportunity for growth and learning and be grateful for all experiences even the ones that may have been challenging at the time.
Richard Garard is a certified personal trainer and strength and conditioning coach specialising in women’s health and fitness. He is the founder of She FITNESS (www.SheFITNESS.com.au)
Ask a coach
Rachel Anastasi is an empowerment coach, speaker, mentor and founder of Free To Be Me Life Coaching. For more information visit www.freetobemecoaching.com.au
&Win
Send your coaching questions to emPOWER and if we publish your question and answer in the next issue, you will win a fantastic book pack from Exisle Publishing (www.exislepublishing.com.au), valued at $130! The pack contains The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris, Enjoy Emotional Freedom by Steve Wells and Dr David Lake, Dreams Speak...But What Are They Really Saying by Therese Duckett and The Healthy Skin Diet by Karen Fischer. 37
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finance
social
LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE w el lb
/ ss ne er si re b u ca
ei ng
5
10
spirituality
self
10
family
partner
social
week 1
5
self
10 0
AREAS OF YOUR LIFE
Date: ily m fa
er
Set Your Goals
finances
social
pa rt n
Welcome to your first coaching session and congratulations for taking the first step to improving your life. In this first session you will be setting two 5inspiring goals for different areas of your life. Using the coaching models provided, complete the following exercises.
y
social
Where are you now? business/career finance
wellbeing social
0
On the chart, rate yourself on a scale of 0 - 10 in relation to where you feel you are at in each area of your life right now. Then, draw a line around the chart, joining the dots where spirituality you have marked your rating in each area.
ng
5 partner
7
2
3
ng ei lb
10
family
self
10
4
eing
finances
partner
family
0
social
5
A ‘10’ means you consider that area is perfect and a ‘0’ means major improvement is needed.finances business/career
Where do you want to be?
5 social
0
wellbeing
10
spirituality
partner 10
family
self
8
2
SOCIAL Similarly, this area refers to how you feel about your relationships 4 with with friends and your satisfaction your level of social/fun activity. Again, provide an average rating of your relationships and social activity. WELLBEING This is your overall sense of wellbeing and how you feel about your health & fitness. SPIRITUALITY If you’re a spiritual or religious person, this area refers to your level of connectedness with your beliefs. If you’re not spiritual or religious, think about your level of contentment with life in general.
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eg.
social
0
5
wellbeing
business/career 10
spirituality April/May 2010
7
FAMILY This area refers to how you 5 feel about your relationships with family members. The rating you give this area should be an average for all family 2 relationships. While some will be strong, others may not be so good.
7 This area considers BUSINESS/CAREER 5 the level of success and/or fulfilment you feel in relation to your business, career or current employment.
5
Imagine your life with these results
PARTNER Think about this area in the context of whether you’re single or in a relationship. If you’re in a relationship, it refers to how you feel about your life with your partner. Is your relationship what you want it to be? If you’re single, think about your level of satisfaction with being single. Some people would love a committed relationship and others are content as they are. How do you feel? 6
3
Next, give yourself a rating in relation to where you want to be in each area of your life in the next business/career 1 - 2 months. Again, use a scale of 0 - 10 and draw a line around the chart, joiningwellbeing the dots where you have marked your rating in each area. Don’t be afraid to dream a little but consider what you can realistically achieve in that time. There’s no need to aim for a perfect 10 in any or every area. spirituality
finances
SELF This is your relationship with yourself. Consider how much love, appreciation, acceptance and respect you have for yourself.
eg.
spirituality 5
8
2
social
self
5
10
el
6
w
eg.
/ ss ne er si re bu ca
ly
Use this goal-setting tool over the next two months to achieve your goals and improve your life. Set the dates for your coaching sessions and let’s get started.
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2
FINANCES This final area refers to how you feel about your level of financial 2 freedom and/or your 3 progression towards your desired level of financial freedom. 4
8
Creating your goal Now it’s time to create your goals. To begin with, choose one area of your life that you would like to improve. Say it’s ‘Partner’ and you want to go from a rating of 4 to 8. Using the goal template over the page, create a written goal outlining what that new rating means to you - perhaps it’s about finding a soulmate or re-connecting with your husband.
Every goal that you write should be an emPOWER goal. Think about the emPOWER principles as you go through the process
Wellbeing
It is the 31 and I feel s st of August 2010 of what I h o happy and proud have reachedave achieved. I of 60kgs an my goal weight I am fit, he d I look fantastic. much more althy and have so fit into that energy. Now I can and I feel fasexy black dress bulous.
Write your goal in the present tense, as if you’ve already achieved it. Make it meaningful, including some strong emotions, and make sure your goal is inspiring to you. Use only positive words and be specific – focus on what you do want instead of what you don’t want. Be a little realistic (but not too much) about what you can achieve in the timeframe chosen. Remember, too, your goal needs to be your own, not a goal to change someone else. You can only take responsibility for improving yourself and your life.
Goal 1
Write your goal
Fill in the spaces below to create your first goal. Remember, you’re writing in the present tense and be positive - with the right attitude you’ll get where you want to be much faster.
What you want to achieve
[Date] [Emotion1] [Emotion 2] It is .............................. and I feel so ................................................... and .......................................................
I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... Now I/We........................................................................................................................................................................... and I feel............................................................................................................................................................................. [Emotion3] Why you want to achieve it
Goal 2
Write your goal
Fill in the spaces below to create your first goal. Remember, you’re writing in the present tense and be positive – with the right attitude you’ll get where you want to be much faster. It is .............................. and I feel so ............................................................. and .............................................................. I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... Now I/We........................................................................................................................................................................... and I feel.............................................................................................................................................................................
Required action: Your only action for the next week is to read your goals every day. Read them out loud and, as you read each one, experience how you will feel when you have achieved what you want. This is called visualisation and is an important step in the goalsetting process – visualise your goals as if you have already achieved them.
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week 2
Making it Happen
Date:
Now that you’ve been reading your goals for a week, consider whether you need to change or add anything to your goals to make them even more meaningful and inspiring. In this session, it’s time to start setting (and doing) the actions necessary to achieve each goal.
Required action: 1. If necessary, add to or change your goals. 2. On the action sheet provided, make a list of the actions you need to take in the next two weeks to get closer to your goals. Remember, these are your goals and you’re responsible for the actions, so be as detailed as you can. 3. Choose a motivational book to read or course to attend to expand your learning. 4. Continue to read and visualise your goals everyday.
Goal 1 Action
Completed
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Goal 2 Action
Completed
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April/May 2010
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week 4
Date:
Reflect on your goals and actions. Are you achieving what you’d planned to by this time? If you feel that you’ve lost some motivation for achieving your goals, or that you aren’t getting any closer to achieving them, it’s quite normal for people to experience this at some stage during the coaching process. To give you a reminder, and a shot of motivation, do the first action suggested below. Consider your results from the last two weeks. Have you completed all of your actions? If not, what got in your way? What can you do differently to prevent the same outcome in the next two weeks? If you’ve completed all of your actions, perhaps you can now push yourself a little harder.
Required action: 1. Meet with a friend or partner and share your goals with them. Explain to them all the reasons why you want to achieve each goal and how it inspires you. Ask them to hold you accountable. 2. On a new piece of paper, set some new specific actions for each goal over the next two weeks. Remember to challenge yourself. Anything worth achieving may be a little uncomfortable. 3. Continue to read and visualise your goals every day.
week 6
Date:
Hopefully you are well on your way to achieving your goals. If not, you may need to consider adjusting your goal date a little. This is normal and can happen for numerous reasons. You may have underestimated the time it would take, you may have gotten off track, or perhaps you may need to be more strict with yourself in taking actions. Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes. It is up to you to achieve your goals.
Required action: 1. Adjust your date if necessary. 2. For each goal, make a list of 20 reasons why you want to achieve the goal. Remind yourself of how good you will feel and how life will be different. 3. On a new piece of paper, make a list of the actions you need to take in the next two weeks to get you closer to your goal. Remember to challenge yourself. 4. Decide on one nice thing you are going to buy or do to celebrate achieving your goal. 5. Continue to read and visualise your goal every day.
week 8
Date:
Well done for making it to Week 8 and congratulations if you have achieved any of your goals. If not, don’t lose hope, things sometimes just take longer than initially expected. Either way, it’s important to celebrate how far you have come.
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Required action: 1. Celebrate your success to date. Do something nice or buy yourself your chosen gift. 2. If you have adjusted your goal date, continue to set actions every two weeks and read your goal every day. 3. If you’ve achieved your goal, get ready to set some more goals and start again at Week 1.
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