emPOWER Magazine - Dec/Jan 2009 by Indigo Productions Pty Limited

t h e m a g a z i n e t o i n s p i r e , m o t i vat e & c h a l l e n g e y o u t o i m p r o v e y o u r l i f e

FREE toolkit

Coaching

set your goals & coach yourself to success

DEC / JAN 2009

$7.95 (incl GST)

Dare to Dream Create a Powerful

2009

Fear Factor Free Your Potential

tips to a

N atalie ? Profitable Career

Take theChallenge Design a Foolproof Fitness Plan

are you a

Head or Heart Eater

Bassingthwaighte

Born to Entertain

going solo

www.empoweronline.com.au

1/9/08

6:14 PM

Page 1

EST11386/EM/SEPT:EST11386/EM/SEPT

EM_Estee Lauder.indd 1

1/9/08 6:32:54 PM

INTRODUCING

EVERY WOMAN WEARS IT HER WAY sensuousis.com.au

EM_Estee Lauder.indd 2

1/9/08 6:33:05 PM

Introducing 24 Hour Eye Cream The first dual eye system with SPF 15 that helps fight signs of skin aging around the clock. Just like your face, your eye area has different needs for night and day. Now thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a system that treats them 24/7. In just 24 hours, over 70% of women saw the look of: fine lines softened, shadows brightened, puffiness reduced.*

Younger eyes

In just 24 hours NIGHT RESTORATION CREAM reduces the look of puffiness and fine lines overnight. DAY REVITALIZATION CREAM lightens dark shadows, smoothes out wrinkles. SPF 15 protects undereye and delicate lid areas. *Based on a consumer perception study.

Hello Tomorrow For a free brochure, or information on becoming a Representative, call 1800 646 000 or visit www.avon.com.au

Star Bright

Singing, dancing, acting, presenting, writing... Natalie Bassingthwaighte has done it all. Now, as she prepares to launch her solo album and a second season of ‘Dance’, Nat talks to us about life, love and chasing her dreams.

20 Praise yourself for yesterday, celebrate yourself today and start dreaming for tomorrow. We encourage you to acknowledge all you’ve achieved – big and small – in 2008, and celebrate and reward your personal success. Then, be motivated to create an even better 2009, and beyond, by mapping your future on a dream board.

40 Coming Home

How a 36-year-old Koori woman overcame the impact of a troubled upbringing to turn her life around. Now a qualified psychotherapist, she’s dedicated to helping those in need.

22 40

8 Editor’s Letter 10 Your Say 11 Meet the Experts 12 Acts of Kindness 26 Try Something New 28 What’s On 62 In The Know 82 Change Your Life in 15 Minutes...

With our FREE Coaching Toolkit, you can become your own life coach and start creating the life you really want. Make the most of the toolkit with our six-page guide to setting your goals and achieving them.

3 ‘Most people tip-toe through life hoping they’ll make it safely to death’

4 Changing Your State

How to control your mental and physical state to achieve results.

6 Ask a Coach 9 Great Reads 10 Coach Yourself Goal-Setting Tool

Start your best life today with our hands-on guide to effective goal setting.

16 Winning Pairs: Intensive Interaction Visiting a coach for an intense period helped not only a client gain clarity between jobs, but helped the coach clarify areas in her life as well.

December/January 2009

30 No Fear How to feel your fear, and conquer it for a bigger life

32 Dear Diary

Express your thoughts, goals and dreams through journaling

34 Closet Overhaul

Tips to spring-clean your wardrobe and style the new ‘you’ in 2009

36 Spiritually Rich Share the spiritual life of a Hare Krishna devotee

38 Chakra Connection

Connect with your chakras for a balanced, more fulfilled life

42 The Gift of Giving Great ideas to help those less fortunate this holiday season

44 Quit the Blame Game Psychologist Jacqui Manning reveals compromise is key to a rewarding sex life

30 54

46 Remembering ‘You’ in Love Loving yourself first, is crucial to a loving relationship

48 Keeping the Peace Solutions to a peaceful family reunion during the holidays

50 Fit for a Challenge

Fitness expert James Short reveals how to develop a fool-proof fitness plan

52 Food for Thought Susie Burrell poses the question: are you head or a heart eater?

54 Herbal Essence

The healing power of herbs, and tips to brewing your own remedies

57 Scents and Sensibility Why scent on the skin is as individual as our personalities

60 Spotlight On: Iridology Experience a health assessment through the eyes

64 When the Shoe Fits... Step into the life of Nikki Hager and her burgeoning shoe empire

66 Turn Passion into Profit

How to reignite the passion for your business

68 An Entrepreneurial Career

10 tips to running your career like a successful business

72 Money Matters

Making money a positive priority in your life

74 Share and Share Alike One woman’s successful ride on the share market

76 Risk vs Reward

Assess your financial risk profile with our questionnaire

www.empoweronline.com.au

Managing Director Helen Rosing

Managing Editor

editor’s note

Rebecca Spicer

Editorial Assistant Tammy Warner-Wilson

I have truly realised the power of goal setting! I recently sat down with our director, Helen (who put her coaching hat on for the day), to do a goal-setting session based on the model we suggest in the Coaching Toolkit. I rated myself on a scale of one to ten as to how happy I was in each area of my life, followed by where I wanted to be in two months time (which would have been mid-November). We focused on two key areas (partner and wellbeing) and, using the goal-setting model, came up with a goal statement for each that I was to read out loud to myself every day. At the time my partner had been working away from home for seven months, which was wearing thin, and after almost five years together, I was wondering when we might make a ‘formal’ commitment. It just wasn’t something we’d talked about. My goal statement went something like this: “It is the 15th of November 2008 and I am so happy. My partner is now living back home having found his ideal job and we are communicating better and laughing together more than ever. We have talked about our future and we’re heading in the same direction. We’re really looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together and getting married next year.” While I initially thought the goal was a little bold and presumptuous, Helen encouraged me to dream. I read my goal each day and each time I gained a little more strength to take responsibility for making it a reality. Believe it or not, within just one month, my partner was back home, going to some very promising job interviews and, out of no-where, he proposed one Friday night over dinner (and no, he’d never seen my goal, nor had we talked about it). I could not have been more shocked! It was the last thing I expected, even though I’d been reading it to myself each day. Now, I’m probably still floating in that wonderful girly place of bliss, dropping the ‘fiancée’ title as much as possible and barely taking my eyes off the new ‘bling’ on my left hand but, as Helen explained in her column last issue, you get what you focus on! So, I really do encourage you to check out the goal-setting model in our Coaching Toolkit and just go for it. This issue, we dare you to dream. As it’s the end of the year and everybody is in a festive mood, we explain why it’s important to acknowledge all you have achieved in 2008 and then celebrate you! We then show you how to put together a dream board and start mapping your future. This is actually really fun! Given it’s the start to a new year, we also offer advice on doing a closet overhaul, developing your own fitness plan, and how to reignite the passion for your business or career. It’s all about being motivated to do those things you’ve been putting off. Just think how good you’ll feel afterwards. Our cover girl, Natalie Bassingthwaighte, is a perfect example of someone willing to take risks to achieve her goals. There is very little this born entertainer hasn’t achieved and, as she embarks on her solo career, I was truly inspired to find what a real, humble and brave woman she is. So, from all the emPOWER team, we hope you enjoy the read and wish you all a very merry Christmas and a safe and happy New Year. Remember, life’s what you make it!

Jo Hegerty

Graphic Designer Jeanne Wu

Cover Photography Chris Colls, courtesy Sony BMG

Contributors Pam Abeling, Savleen Bajaj, Tarryn Brien, Susie Burrell, Matthew Catling, Emily Chantiri, Carolin Dahlman, Marlena Davis, Tami Dower, Lucy Fraser, Emma Gardiner, Miriam Hechtman, Danette Hibberd, Jo Hegerty, Catherine Lezer, Margaret Lomas, Jacqui Manning, Dana Mrkich, Noel Posus, Helen Rosing, James Short, Liz Swanton, Tammy Warner-Wilson

Production & Subscriptions Ally Mansell ally@empoweronline.com.au ADVERTISING

National Sales Manager Karen Yap, (02) 9424 3929 karen@empoweronline.com.au

Account Manager Gabrielle Earls, (02) 9424 3911 gabrielle@empoweronline.com.au

Directory Sales (02) 9424 3999 admin@empoweronline.com.au

Printed by Webstar Print Distributed by NDD Published by Empower Publishing ABN: 66 127 020 115 Suite 6, Level 5, 15 Orion Rd Lane Cove, NSW 2066 P: (02) 9424 3999 F: (02) 9428 3199 E: admin@empoweronline.com.au

www.empoweronline.com.au Advertisers and contributors to emPOWER Magazine acknowledge they are aware of the provisions of the Anti-Discrimination Act 1977 and the Trade Practices Act 1974 in relation to false and misleading advertising or statements under other unfair practices and the penalties for breach of provisions of those Acts. The publisher accepts no responsibility for such breaches. Opinions expressed by contributors are their own and not necessarily endorsed by emPOWER Magazine or the publishers. All material in emPOWER magazine is copyright and may not be produced in whole or in part without express permission of the publishers. ISSN 1835-8705 The paper within this publication is manufactured by Stora Enso, Veitsiluoto mill in accordance with both ISO 14001 and Environmental Management Audit Scheme (EMAS). These accreditations set strict guidelines related to environmental issues. Additionally this paper uses PEFC certified pulp which comes from sustainable forest and is CoC (chain of custody) certified.

Rebecca Spicer Managing Editor December/January 2009

Sub Editor

We support recycling. Please don’t forget to recycle this magazine. 8

Untitled-5 1

2/7/08 12:13:02 PM

Your Say

Thank you for all the wonderful feedback on the magazine. Keep your comments and ideas coming.

Winning Letter

Thank goodness for your magazine. I am a mother of two young children (1 & 3 years) working full-time and travelling over three hours each day to get to work. I have been searching for a mag that provides me with the inspiration to achieve my career goals, as well as balance my family commitments with my physical and mental wellbeing. I have so many people telling me to slow down (including my stay-at-home husband) but I love how full my life is and, thankfully, now I can read of women with similar ideals and motivation. Michele McWilliams, via email

Turning 29 in June made me realise that it is time for me to be me; I need to live my life to please myself rather than everyone else around me. The problem is I had no idea how to change my life so I could work towards achieving my goals. That is until I discovered emPOWER. It’s such an inspirational magazine and, as a woman looking to revitalise her life, it’s perfect for me. Thank you for creating a powerful magazine that does not just focus on celebrities and their high standards. Kristie, via email

I purchased the magazine yesterday and I was amazed at the content as the articles seem to have been written for me specifically. I am in the midst of a major health crises and emPOWER has provided me with some ‘light bulb’ moments. I have subscribed to the magazine and even ordered the first issue as well, just so I have everything possible for my new mission. I am going to try again, to conquer the health issues that have been plaguing me for over 20 years – the difference this time is, I have the knowledge to do so. Jan Herl, via email

December/January 2009

Firstly, I would like to say your emPOWER magazine taught me a thing or two about myself as a complete person. I’m so glad I selected it as a lunchtime read. However, I did briefly wonder if I would have selected it if the beautiful Natalie Gruzlewski didn’t catch my eye. Well chosen … she is absolutely gorgeous, intelligent and a truly beautiful Australian. I devoured every single article over two lunch breaks. ‘Lifting the Veil’ moved me from a place of ignorance into a more comfortable existence. I never understood the meaning of the word ‘halal’ until I read the article. I couldn’t wait to test my husband’s knowledge on the meaning. ‘Love Languages’ was also a topic of great conversation over coffee with my husband and girlfriend. Great laugh! It was so much fun trying to guess each other’s love language. ‘Picture this’ was my favourite and I’ve been practising visualisation every day since reading it. I don’t intend to hold onto the magazine, and I don’t mean it’s to be tossed into the wheelie bin – my friends could do with some inspiration as well. Jenny Salt, via email

Fabulous is how I describe your magazine. I discovered it at the newsagent at Perth Airport while looking for something to read on the trip home. I couldn’t believe it – I read it cover to cover. The articles and stories were enlightening and uplifting. My favourites were ‘The Power of the Subconscious’ – fascinating reading – and the story of Trisha Broadbridge. I was completely overwhelmed when I read her story – what an inspiring young woman, to remain so focused and positive after what she has endured. One can only be proud and look within themselves for such inspiration and courage during times of adversity. Thank you also for the Coaching Toolkit. I am now ready to power myself up. What a fantastic magazine, I can’t wait for the next edition to hit the shelves. Congratulations. Karen, via email

Win

2 stylish handbags valued at $440! Panadol has teamed up with Australian designer Estilo to create the ultimate day and night handbags to ensure you have the right bag for every occasion. * Panadol only to be used as directed. Full conditions at www.empoweronline.com.au

MAIL TO: empower Magazine, Suite 6, Level 5, 15 Orion Road, Lane Cove NSW 2066, fax to (02) 9428 3199, or email admin@empoweronline.com.au

Special thanks to all our expert contributors Matthew Catling is the founding director of the Your Future Now group of companies. He has been involved in the personal development industry for over 15 years, has run a number of businesses, and has assisted others to reach great success, such as listing in the BRW Fast 100. Matt is a renowned presenter and performance trainer. He has trained more than 1,000 coaches and is a trainer in NLP, time line therapy and hypnotherapy, as well as being an accredited master coach, master trainer and presenter. He holds a certificate IV in workplace training and assessment.

Danette Hibberd is an international author, speaker, NLP master practitioner, trainer and a personal development professional. She is the author of How to Find the Goddess In You and facilitates the Women Connect events across Australia to motivate, educate and support women both online and offline. Her passion inspires women to awaken, manifest and achieve the life they desire – the life they deserve.

Jacqui Manning is a co-director of Mind Advantage and runs the Centre for Positive Change in Sydney. She is a psychologist, EFT advanced practitioner, NLP master, and specialises in teaching individuals and companies how to alleviate stress and anxiety to create more positive energy in their lives. She regularly appears in the media and is passionate about educating the public on the value of paying attention to their emotional health.

Savleen Bajaj is an international success coach, psychologist, speaker, author, facilitator and consultant. She has spent almost two decades using cutting-edge technologies to accelerate human growth and enabling individuals to unleash their true potential. With a deep insight into the principles for personal breakthroughs and holistic success, Savleen is passionate about supporting people to live their greatest life by transforming their visions and intentions into results.

Susie Burrell is one of Australia’s leading dietitians with training in both nutritional science and psychology. Susie balances her clinical work in weight management with consulting to key food industry groups and writing for both print and electronic media. Susie is based in Sydney but loves to escape the rush of the city to run around Wollongong’s beautiful beaches, spend time with her beloved burmese cats and reads anything she can get her hands on.

Tarryn Brien, owner of The Happiness Institute’s eastern suburbs practice in Sydney, holds both psychology and commerce degrees. With many years spent in the corporate sector, she has implemented change management programs, developed and delivered training sessions and departmental strategies. Tarryn facilitates the Institute’s ‘Happiness – strategies for a great life’ course and offers executive and individual life coaching, group and corporate workshops.

Dana Mrkich is a spiritual intuitive, author of A New Chapter (Zeus Publications), host of internet talk radio show Visioning the Dream Awake and an inspirational writer, speaker and teacher. She offers in-person, phone and email soul sessions to clients all around the world and holds a BA in Communications (Social Inquiry/Media) with qualifications in several healing modalities.

Carolin Dahlman is a love coach and author. Her book Find Love is a best seller in Scandinavia and was released in Australia and New Zealand in October. Through her blogs, workshops and coaching business, Carolin has helped thousands of people achieve a happy relationship, better self-esteem and a positive attitude towards life.

Marlena Davis is an image consultant and success coach. With a corporate background in psychology and marketing, she has also worked as a TV model and makeup artist. With a keen interest in people and what influences the way they are received by others, Marlena can help you to look great and be confident in who you are.

Catherine Lezer is a small business owner, property investor and inspirational speaker on the topic of women and money. Catherine has empowered thousands of women on investing and wealth creation through her Rich Chicks seminars and says, “Empowered women create miracles”.

Noel Posus is a highly recognised leader in the international coaching industry. He is a master coach with 20 years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. Noel serves on a number of coaching industry boards, lectures at universities and coaching schools, manages a number of coaching businesses and loves to help others develop their own wisdom.

The visionary behind emPOWER magazine, Helen Rosing is a dynamic businesswoman with a passion to help others reach their potential. A trained success coach with a double degree in financial administration and law, she has extensive experience in business, coaching and training. Helen is the founder and managing director of boutique publishing house, emPOWER Publishing.

Lucy Fraser is passionate about assisting individuals and businesses with personal and professional development, particularly in the areas of conflict, communication and creativity. An experienced HR manager and budding entrepreneur, Lucy holds a Bachelor of Commerce and Arts, a Graduate Diploma in Entrepreneurship and Innovation, and is completing a Masters of Conflict Resolution and Mediation.

2006 Telstra NSW Business Woman of the Year, Margaret Lomas is the bestselling author of six property investment books, the founder of Destiny Financial Solutions, and chair of the Property Investment Professionals of Australia. Margaret is a qualified financial and investment property advisor and a senior associate with FINSIA. She and her husband own 35 investment properties.

Armed with a degree in Human Movement Studies and trained in neuro-linguistic programming, James Short has been assisting people with their health and fitness for over 15 years. A leader in the industry, he is a board member of Fitness NSW and is the 2008 Fitness Australia Fitness Professional of the Year. He is currently appearing as the personal trainer for Channel 7’s Make Me a Supermodel.

Marilee Adams has

www.empoweronline.com.au

o cts A Kindness f

We can change the world, one act at a time – a little kindness is all it takes.

t’s quite possible you have changed someone’s day without even knowing it. Perhaps you gave a welcoming smile when they were feeling left out, delivered a compliment, opened a door, offered up your seat on the bus or were generally helpful and pleasant when it was most needed. You can probably also think of moments when someone changed your day in a similar way. What happened in each of those moments is called an ‘act of kindness’ – a small action that can make a big difference. Here’s how some of our readers are getting in on the act. Why not share yours with us – you could even win a pack of three gift books by M.I.L.K, featuring beautiful photographic portraits.

our favourite

I went to Bunnings on a recent Sunday and left my wallet $200 cash in it) in (with a trolley outside. O n M onday morning a tradesman came to work at my house and when I went to credit card, I realise find my d I didn’t have my wallet. I realised it be at Bunnings. I alm m ust still ost started canceling my credit cards str away as I was sure aight someone would ha ve emptied it and cards, but instead ta ke n the I rang Bunnings on the off chance it ha handed in. When d been I rang, the administ rator told me it wa and it was also com s there, plete with all the ca sh inside. I couldn it. I went and pick ’t believe ed it up but couldn ’t thank the person hadn’t provided an as they y of their details. I ended up putting an the local paper to ad in say thank you. It’s amazing that just wh think people disapp en you oint you, total stran gers can amaze yo u! — Julie, via emai l

December/January 2009

iStockphoto

for many years and ar-old car lovingly ed to update I had driven a 10-ye rking order I want wo nt lle ce ex in ll sti and although it was s less than $2,000 The book value wa r. ca r ate se s. I n-in ve de se to a sallowed tra ckage a car that di pa y lar sa to t ne ou I was ab if someo would n Ar my and asked tio lva Sa al loc e th approached transfer costs. cost of registration re like my car for the g in their crisis cent family of four livin d an in ra They had a young e nd in th a vehicle to get arou ed ed ne g ly lin ate fee er g sp who de rewardin rk. It was the most wo in ta ob to d r ile he sm assist the fat a family in need. I e a big difference to a email vi e, to know I had mad — Su y. da all r ea to r from ea

Back in July this year goods friends gave birth to a beautiful boy, 13 weeks prem baby ature. They were tol d that there was little baby James surviving hope of as he had bleeding on the brain and th consider turning off ey must life support, which they did four days lat baby James passed er an d away. Apart from my own mother’s funeral th ree years ago, James’ funeral was the mos t heartbreaking I ha ve ever been to. There a dry eye in the chap wasn’t el and it was standing room only. Instead flowers, the parents of requested that dona tions be made to th intensive care unit at e neonatal Liverpool Hospital. As a result I have be come a volunteer wi th an organisation ca Miracle Babies, wh lled ich is run by a com mittee of mothers wh had premmie babie o ha ve s. The mission of Mira cle Babies is to prov ide much-needed su to families during th pport eir journey and stay in a neonatal intensive unit, and hopefully care the transition to ho me and the future. sewing volunteer for I am a the group and have started making little It is one of the few gowns. things the parents ca n do to put someth their baby. Since co ing nice on mmencing this volun teer work, my life ha on a whole new mea s taken ning and it makes m e feel good to know even though I don’t that know the parents an d the little babies, I am something that may doing bring a little sunshin e into their lives du most traumatic and rin g a overwhelming time. — Karen, via em ail

hter at home y husband and daug I reluctantly left m trip to Fiji, other women on a 13 n joi to ly nt ce re e same for ew one. This was th of whom I only kn ose was time women. Our purp most of the other heal, re-focus orate busy lives to out from our corp lves), tion (re-create ourse on our goals, recrea e to ut rib women and cont connect with other lage on vil ildren in the Fijian the education of ch We were trip was amazing. Yasawa Island. Our ls from olarships for two gir able to fund two sch gst our on am had an auction the village. We also an u idea, J1,000. To give yo group and rose $F ,000 to see t a budget of $FJ1 the teachers only ge sawa resort whole ter m. The Ya them through the The resort an auction before. staff had never seen d, as the an neymoon couples is popular for its ho came down the honeymooners auction progressed, ening and see what was happ to the seashore to d about the le from the US hear up co ne O . in d ne joi J305 to help on and donated $F purpose of the aucti and, for me, It was so inspiring us reach $FJ1,000. r of what can generosity and powe demonstrated the be achieved. ed forever. e retreat transform th t lef an m wo ch Ea last lifetimes. I endships that will We have created fri your readers ires and motivates hope this story insp selves to time to nurture them ke ta d an t ou p ste to hers. and the lives of ot ail improve their lives — Rosanna, via em

Some years ago I was travelling from Coffs Harbour to my home at Yamba. It was about 7.30pm and it was dark and raining. Suddenly the lights went out and the car stopped. I was about 10km from a township. In panic mode I got out of the car with my bag and shut the door. Horror of horrors, I was locked out! I knew there was a spare key somewhere under the car, so I got down on the ground on my back and slithered under the car. After some time and lots of dirt and grease, I had not found the key so I crawled out and decided to flag down the next car. Just then a car came up the hill towards me. It went past me and turned around and came back and stopped. A young lady got out and offered to take me into Grafton from where she had come. We exchanged names and during the trip I found out where she lived. She took me to a roadhouse where I was able to phone my husband and the NRMA (no mobile phones then). She would not The reader to send in our favourite and most inspiring act of kindness will win a take any money for petrol. She then continued on prize pack of three beautiful books from the M.I.L.K. range by Hachette. her way. I wrote her a letter of thanks and sent her some To share your acts of kindness log onto our website at www.empoweronline.com.au, scratchies. A couple of weeks later I had a letter from email admin@empoweronline.com.au, or post your act of kindness to: her to say that my letter had arrived on her birthday Empower magazine, Suite 6, Level 5, 15 Orion Rd, Lane Cove, NSW 2066 and she had won $20. I have never forgotten her act of kindness. — Beryl, via email

&WIN

Get in on the Act

www.empoweronline.com.au

tar bright

December/January 2009

and performance-based in some songs and others are more lyrical and from the heart,” she adds. “The big ballads are really pure and then there’s really kooky crazy songs, and dance tracks, and I think they all express my personality.” I get a true sense of this now having met Nat. She seems so down-to-earth and sweet that it’s hard to imagine this is the same person who could throw herself around on stage, rocking it with the Rogue Traders. With song titles such as Alive, Someday Soon, Catch Me if You Can, Superhuman and One Thousand Stars, there’s no doubting Nat’s album is uplifting and positive, which she says reflects how she was feeling while putting it together. “It was really funny when all the songs came back I realised I wouldn’t have any angst on my album – it’s all kind of ‘woohoo’,” she says laughing and throwing her arms in the air. “I did some of the album last year but I did the bulk of it in the last three months and it really describes how I was feeling – it’s joyful, it’s positive and it’s all about looking onward and upward.” Nat also co-wrote most of the songs on the album. “When you do it yourself, you have so much more of an attachment to the music and I think you can hear that,” she says. Recording her own album has been a liberating experience for the singer, given when she joined the Rogue Traders, the sound

and format were already created. “Making my own album from scratch was just so fun because I was stripping everything back and asking ‘who am I?’” she explains. “Then it’s just experimenting and playing and letting it all unravel as you go along. Now we’re talking about shows and costumes and, as the creator, it’s really fun.” After two albums and international success with the Rogue Traders, I’m intrigued to know what motivated Nat to step out of that comfort zone to go solo. “I was offered a solo album through Sony just eight months after I’d joined the Roguies,” she explains. “So it was about two years ago that I signed the deal and then it was just waiting for the right time. Once I’d finished touring with them for the second album this year it felt right. “It was an amazing experience with the band so it wasn’t easy to leave. The last night of our tour there were a few tears and big hugs and speeches. And then, as hard as it was, we stopped being sad because we wanted to be excited about what we’d achieved – MTVs, ARIAs, football grand finals, Wembley, travelling. We just said, ‘Look at all the amazing things we’ve done. We should be really proud and honoured and thrilled that we got to experience that in our lifetime’.” Nat also had the privilege to share all of this with her long-time partner Cameron McGlinchey who plays drums for the band.

Photography: Chris Colls, courtesy Sony BMG

here’s the acting career (musicals, TV and film), fronting a pop/rock band, TV presenting, writing, and now she’s going solo… It’s no wonder I was a little star-struck to meet Ms Bassingthwaighte. But, as she greets me in one of the relaxed meeting rooms of Song BMG in Sydney, I am instantly as ease. Despite her success and overwhelming schedule, Natalie is friendly and grateful for the opportunity to chat about life and her upcoming solo album. I had the opportunity to listen to a handful of her new songs before the interview and it’s certainly different to the tones we usually hear from this rock chick. It’s a lot more feminine and it’s fun, upbeat and catchy. There is no clear genre, but Nat explains this is really a reflection of herself. “I would describe the style by saying there really is no definitive style. The album is really quite eclectic. It’s not all rock or all urban, it’s an expression of who I am, which is a lot of different things. I like being quite theatrical

As Natalie Bassingthwaighte launches her solo career and prepares for another season of So You Think You Can Dance, Rebecca Spicer takes time out with her to discover there’s very little this born entertainer has yet to achieve.

www.empoweronline.com.au

Until now

While many entertainers might choose one form of art and stick with it, Nat admits to wanting to do everything from a young age, despite being warned against it from others in the industry. “That just made me more feisty,” she says. “I like singing, but I like acting and dancing as well. I know not everyone will love it and not everyone agrees with decisions you make, but you just have to do what’s right for you.” So, Nat pursued all her loves by trying out for musicals initially. She went to hundreds of auditions, receiving ‘no’ after ‘no’ until her determination paid off and she won a part in the musical Rent. “Six thousand people auditioned for that and only 22 got cast in it, so it was a huge achievement for me – it was something I’d worked at for a long time.” More musicals followed including roles in Chicago, an Asian production Chang and Eng, and Footloose, as well as a stint on All Saints and a role in a US telemovie, Counterstrike. All the while Nat continued dabbling in some solo music pieces. Working with independent producers, however, had its challenges and she began to question her interest in the music industry. “Then Neighbours came about,” she recalls, “and I almost didn’t want to do that because I thought, ‘what if I do end up singing, and then I’ll be a soapy singer and I don’t want to be one of those’. I guess I became fearful of what other people would think of me, and I hate that. Does that mean I’m not going to follow my dreams because of what other people might think? It made me angry that I almost didn’t go for it.” Nat starred as Ramsay Street’s sex siren Izzy Holland, who wasn’t the most loved character, but she certainly made an impression during the four years she spent on the soap’s set. During a hiatus from Neighbours Nat won the role to play Sandy in the musical Grease, which she says was a great opportunity to escape her stereotype as ‘Izzy’ and reveal there was more to her talents. She also started to miss her music. “I ended up getting together with this guy and we did a jazz soul blues gig in the corner of a

December/January 2009

dodgy pub in Melbourne. No-one knew it was Izzy from Neighbours and I just loved it.” While still working on the show, the opportunity to join The Rogue Traders in late 2004 as their lead singer was a big turning point for Nat. If you remember seeing the band’s Voodoo Child video clip for the first time and wondering why the singer looked a little familiar, then you’re not alone. The band decided to keep the real identity of their new front woman a secret for a few months given Nat’s Neighbours fame. With dark hair and wearing gothic-like attire, ‘Izzy’ looked almost unrecognisable, and

“

I believe that anyone can do anything if they really want to. Fear is the only thing that can stop you

“

it was a couple of months before a journalist actually picked up on who the voice was behind the song. With powerful vocals and energetic performances, Nat made her mark on the stage. Her first album with the band, Here Come the Drums, was a huge success, spending 80 weeks in the ARIA charts and has gone four times platinum (300,000 copies in Australia alone). The band went on to receive a swag of nominations at both the ARIA and MTV Australian Video Music Awards, and released two of their singles internationally in the UK and Germany. On one UK tour alone the band played to an audience of 150,000. Recently wrapping up an international tour with their second album, Better in the Dark, Nat’s success with the band has cemented her name and reputation in entertainment circles and among fans. Nat finished up on Neighbours in late 2006 with a Gold Logie nomination for her role as Izzy. In 2007 she announced a staring role in an Australian horror film, Prey (which is yet to be released) and she then set off to LA to pursue her film career – all the while still fronting the Roguies. However, a few months into her LA stint, a surprised Nat got a call to audition as host of the Australian version of So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD). Winning the role was an unexpected but welcome opportunity for the entertainer. It has been through

Dance that Australians could begin to see the down-to-earth, softer side of Nat. “I definitely felt the perception change around me. I always found it interesting and a bit funny that when I got the role of Izzy they said people would send me hate mail. Since Dance, more people now call me Natalie instead of Izzy, they’re more friendly in the street, and just more people in general come up to me, which is nice. “To be honest, a year ago, did I think I’d be hosting a TV show – no way! I’ve never done it before, it wasn’t my career ambition to be a host, but in the end I did something I knew I would be passionate about. I was terrified of doing something whereby I knew all eyes would be on me, judging me, and in the end I just wanted to do it for me – I wanted to challenge myself and see if I could do it. In the beginning I was shaking and quite nervous but after a while I was doing okay and I conquered that fear which I’m proud of.” While she admits her nerves this time around, Nat says it’s not something that would normally affect her. “I did get a big bout of nerves when I was about 23 and I couldn’t control it. I almost stopped performing because I didn’t enjoy it. Then someone suggested I just say this mantra, ‘I don’t get nervous, I don’t get nervous…’

Photography: Chris Colls, courtesy Sony BMG

With marriage in the picture for the pair, Nat admits that, at 33, she would like to have children soon, which played a big part in her decision to launch her solo music career sooner, rather than later.

ACTIVE SKIN_FP_prf.indd 1

4/7/08 3:41:38 PM

juggling act

Between finalising season one of Dance, launching a book co-written with her sister Nikky (Sistahood, ABC Books), touring with the Rogue Traders and wrapping up her solo album, Nat has had a huge year. With her first single, Alive, hitting the airwaves in October and the album, 1000 Stars,

December/January 2009

being released in February, there’s no rest for Nat between promos and getting ready for another season of SYTYCD. Consequently, she admits exhaustion is one of the biggest challenges she’s experienced while ‘making it’ as an entertainer. “It’s my fault because I generally take on too many things but, believe it or not, I do say no sometimes. “I do get tired and sometimes I can’t quite figure out how to handle it, but I’m trying to get better at it. I need to schedule in days off here and there and even if I’m having dinner with a friend, that’s in my schedule and everyone gets a copy of it – from Sony to Channel 10 to my management – it’s like that now because I do more than one job. “A long time ago I’d miss out on a lot of important family things, like weddings and special occasions, but now I realise those things are too important. There are family moments that you can never get back but when it comes to my career, I’ve learnt people can wait.” Cameron’s demanding schedule means there’s also challenges around timing for the couple. “Everyone’s relationship has challenges but ours are that we either see each other too much, or we don’t see each other at all,” she says. “When we were on tour in the UK last year, it was great, but after a while you’re driving each other crazy because you’re living, breathing, sleeping, eating, working … everything together, and by the end you need a breather. We would laugh and say, ‘we need space’ but when you have the space you miss each other. “So, there are struggles with it but most of the time we look at it and go, ‘we’re really lucky, we’ve travelled the world together, we’ve performed on some of the greatest stages together and we understand each other’s lives, which is a bonus’.” While it would seem there’s very few things left for Nat to tick off her lifetime ‘to-do’ list, she says there’s always goals to strive for. “I want to do more film and get better at it, I want to work with really great people I can just feed off, and I definitely want to have a family. I’m really clucky so I can’t wait to do that. Ultimately, I just want to keep doing what I’m doing, and then some.”

Photography: Chris Colls, courtesy Sony BMG

New look: Nat’s solo image (opposite) takes a feminine shift from her darker, racy ‘Roguies’ days (below).

which sounds silly but I started doing it along with a breathing exercise and it really worked. I just looked at it in a different way and put my head in a different space. Ever since then I have not been nervous. Two weeks before I started Dance we performed live at the cricket in front of 90,000 people and I had the best time – I wasn’t nervous at all. You are so exposed when you’re singing, which is why some people do get nervous, but that’s kind of the joy in it as well because it’s so raw.” Overall, Nat attributes her success to a combination of luck, determination, taking risks and setting goals. “There’s so many factors involved with success, and just being happy. It’s not only the effort I put in (although of course that helps), it has been luck and it has been working hard. If you do one good job and get a name for working really hard, then it leaks on to the next job. That has happened a lot but, to be honest, I have a brilliant manager, Mark Byrne, who has a crazy mind like me. We are both constantly coming up with ideas and we can’t sit still. We’re both doers and we make our ideas come to life and make our dreams come true. I believe that anyone can do anything if they really want to. Fear is the only thing that can stop you.” Setting goals has also helped Nat maintain her drive and ambition. “I think it’s a positive thing to know where you want to go. You can either take baby steps or you can take a bigger goal and work backwards from there. For now I want to do the best I can with this album and Dance, and then in May give this film thing a real good go in LA. I think if you’re open to new ideas and suggestions then things will come.”

Natalie Bassingthwaighte

age: 33 biggest inspiration?

My manager, Mark Byrne. I’ve been with him for nearly 11 years. He’s so inspiring to be around because he’s looking forward all the time, he has ideas and he acts on them and is always creative. I’m in awe of him a lot. I love that he challenges himself and is not afraid to do anything.

what motivates you?

Family and friends who are always at my gigs and are constantly sending me beautiful text messages and emails saying they’re so proud of me. It’s a huge support. Just being happy motivates me as well.

biggest turning point?

Wow, there have been a few – it’s a rollercoaster, it’s always turning. There’s not really one turning point, it’s just constantly moving and flowing and sometimes it’s down and doesn’t quite work out and sometimes you get back up there again.

can’t live without?

I do love chocolate, but I don’t go anywhere without my iPod. I love music. My music tastes are really different too, which is why the songs on my album are so different. I like Rihanna, Justin Timberlake, Pink, The Cure, Cyndi Lauper… a huge variety.

little-known fact: I have a wig collection. how do you take time out?

When Cameron and I got back from LA, we went straight to our favourite café and we ordered our favourite meal and coffee and just saw our local people, and got the paper… I like to feel connected to where I am. I also enjoy just hanging out with friends – eating food, drinking wine, having a laugh. If I just want time to myself, I love to read, I like to get treatments – facials, massages – something a bit indulgent.

advice for other aspiring women?

Don’t be afraid, what have you got to lose? So many people are scared to take that chance because what if it doesn’t work out or they get embarrassed or look stupid? I say, who cares! Aren’t you better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all? It can only lead to great things in the end. Just keep at it. Things take time but it’s worth it in the end.

www.empoweronline.com.au

ersonal raise for It’s time to look back on your wins for 2008 and accept the applause you truly deserve, says life coach Tarryn Brien.

o you find you are often more critical of what you haven’t done, rather than paying attention to and praising yourself for what you have achieved? If so, it’s time for change. With 2008 coming to a close, it’s time to acknowledge and appreciate yourself for everything you’ve accomplished. The dictionary defines acknowledgement as: “To admit to be real or true; recognise the existence, truth, or fact of; to acknowledge one’s mistakes”. But most of us don’t require any help recognising our mistakes – in fact, we can often describe in great detail all our missed opportunities and shortcomings. By contrast, when asked to think about the good things we have achieved, we find ourselves struggling to name them. It often doesn’t even occur to many of us to do this – perhaps we hesitate, thinking it seems self- indulgent to focus on our successes. In reality, happier people notice more positives in themselves, their world and in others. And I use the word ‘notice’ deliberately because often where we place our attention is where we stay focused. By attending only to our mistakes and shortcomings, we fill our memories with negative self-talk and failure, making it harder to visualise future success. Learning from and focusing on the positives of our past (rather than feeling distracted by regrets) helps with putting the past to rest

December/January 2009

contentedly and encourages fulfillment in the present. It’s important to congratulate ourselves on every positive action we have taken to improve our lives, celebrating each step along the way to achieving our bigger goals. By turning our attention to our personal successes, we can start to shift our focus to the positive, fuelling our energy, boosting confidence and motivation to keep going and achieve even more. Happier people don’t necessarily start out by experiencing more positive events in their lives, but when they do succeed they pay attention and acknowledge their achievements, leveraging off these successes to go even further. This not only benefits the individual, but also those around them because when we feel more confident and positive about ourselves this positivity shows and rubs off on others. Also, having hope and planning for the future helps reduce distractions or concerns and enables us to enjoy the present moment. Jack Canfield, co-creator of Chicken Soup for the Soul, reminds us “[Not to] forget about big and little accomplishments”. He says many people “under-appreciate the minor things they do successfully every day”, and goes on to say, “Your self-esteem is the way you look at yourself. People who have poor self-esteem tend to focus on and magnify their perceived shortcomings and ignore their strengths and achievements. It’s like looking in the mirror and seeing a warped picture – a bit like the ones at fun parks that make you look distorted – completely blowing reality out of proportion.” So let’s put things back in perspective by paying tribute to what we have done right in 2008. Now I’m not necessarily talking about shouting your successes from every rooftop (although this could

be quite liberating and fun), but quietly acknowledging what you have done well in the past week, month or year. This is an important step towards cultivating a happier you. So how do we go about it? First, don’t wait for someone else’s praise – it’s up to you. Look back on 2008 and ask yourself questions like: • Where am I now and how is that different to where I was on January 1, 2008? • What have I laughed about, loved doing and learnt from? • What are all the good things I have accomplished this year? • What do I feel proud of ? • Which goals have I achieved or am I on my way to achieving? And don’t stop at thinking about these questions – write down your answers on the opposite page. By writing them down, you create a written record of your happier memories, which can be a source of positive reminders and affirmations for future goals and challenges. Now, share your successes with others – don’t feel shy, tell someone. And remember, you don’t have to wait until year-end to do this in 2009. Keeping a daily journal or practising a daily ritual of acknowledging and appreciating yourself means you can keep a rich and detailed personal history that is positive and affirming. Tarryn Brien is practice owner of The Happiness Institute in Sydney and offers corporate and individual coaching sessions, programs and workshops. She can be contacted via email, tarryn@thehappinessinstitute.com, or phone 1300 733 743.

iStockphoto

My Achievements for 2008

www.empoweronline.com.au

Just

ewards

ooking back on 2008, you should realise how well you’ve done – congratulations! There may have been some interruptions to your plans, but that’s life. Now it’s time to celebrate! This is an important step in goal-setting. We learn to repeat behaviour that brings gratification, so it’s important to acknowledge and reward ourselves for our achievements so we are motivated to repeat them. It gives us the momentum and encouragement we need to keep on going. Review your progress regularly and focus on what you have achieved using small rewards along the way to stay motivated. It helps if the reward is pre-determined and something you are willing to work for. Make sure your rewards match your achievements in size and nature. For example, if you had a goal to get fit, make sure your reward complements your healthy lifestyle. How you reward yourself will be very personal. It can vary from simple things like doing a happy dance, through to buying or doing something special with the intention of celebrating you. Examples of rewards could include: • Celebrating yourself with reminders of your successes. Souvenirs, pictures and other pieces that bring your attention to your achievements. You may even consider placing these where others will ask you about them so you can talk about your successes and reinforce them. • Rewards don’t have to be expensive or extravagant. They could include activities or things you enjoy, such as a night out,

December/January 2009

Things to Remember

sleeping in or pampering yourself with a massage or manicure. • If you have reached a short-term exercise goal, buy some new workout clothes you feel great in or a heart-rate monitor to motivate your ongoing progress. • Some examples of long-term goal rewards could include a weekend away or a new wardrobe.

• You will face roadblocks along

Once you have celebrated the goals you have achieved, allow yourself some time to look at which rewards motivate you to maintain this goal or reach even higher ones next time. Commit to acknowledging your achievements, celebrating and rewarding yourself for a ‘job well done’ on a regular basis. This will boost your confidence and optimism. You’ll be astounded at your capabilities!

• Acknowledge what you have

the way to achieving your goals. Being prepared for these gives you the best chance to deal with them and move on.

• Revisit, track your progress

and revise your goals regularly.

already achieved and reward yourself when you reach milestones or goals.

• Make sure the rewards match

your achievements in size and nature.

iStockphoto

Now you’ve got your list of achievements for the past year, coach Tarryn Brien explains that it’s time to celebrate ‘you’ and be rewarded.

How the emPOWER team will celebrate “Every year my husband and I make some time to sit with each other and discuss everything we’ve achieved over the year, from our businesses to our relationship. We acknowledge and celebrate each other. It feels great! This year, in addition to the fact that emPOWER magazine now sits proudly on newsstands across Australia, I’ll be celebrating the fact that I’m closer to my husband than ever and I’m getting healthy again.” – Helen

e wth, chang ing the gro g d le w st o n la e “Ack over th e achieved ing and all we’v te by spend ra b will cele I s, th n o m y 12 e with m , quality tim some good son.” – Gabrielle partner and

“I’m jetting off to Hawaii to celebrate a landmark year in which I got married, moved house, bought a pup py and landed my dream job!”

“2008 was another whirlwind year! Lots of rest and relaxation is in order since there’s nothing more rewarding than a few good sleep-ins to recharge and renew. I’m also very lucky to have my closest friend visiting from overseas for the summer. Good company, good laughs and good times is my ultimate reward!” – Karen

– Tammy

goal to be to achieving my “I am on my way something y own, and to do truly happy on m rd myself . I’m going to rewa that I’m proud of nga Zoo. o parent’ at Taro by becoming a ‘zo to do ve always wanted It’s something I ha go y all tu ac to t feeling so it will be a grea imal an an se oo ch I have to ahead and do it! I am able se a Gorilla), and (I think I will choo itment year. It’s a comm to sponsor it for a king forward to.” that I am really loo – Ally

rave reviews

“Recommended...!” “I can’t say it loudly enough, this has been the best thing ever for my skin. No more ugly pigmentation!” – Jenny, Castle Hill “Amazing result...!” “No more acne, no more acne scars. The best thing every for my skin...” – Mary, Chatswood “My skin feels great...!” “In about 2 weeks...blemishes disappeared, blackheads disappeared, and my skin texture is smoother. My face feels great, it feels cleaner and not as greasy...” – Donna, Hornsby “Friends compliment me...!” “After the first session I’ve already noticed the difference – a more youthful and radiant skin. My wrinkles are less noticeable and friends compliment me more than ever...” –Karen, Pennant Hills

g the amazing “Acknowledgin friends, maintained with e I’v ps hi ns tio rela ar, as well partner this ye family and my I’ll be career move, as a successful to some e) f (and my hous treating mysel int – pa of d a fresh coat new carpet an g!” totally refreshin – Rebecca

“This year I will celeb rate my achieveme nts with m y friends. It will be won derful to a cknowledg each othe e r’s achieve ments with big bang o a n New Yea r’s eve. Aft all, what’s er a celebrati o n without a party?!” – Jeanne

your

bestskin

ever

in 20 mins

Discover the procedure most wanted by Hollywood Stars

Microdermabrasion

will deliver amazing results time and time again

Wrinkle reduction Pigmentation Scarring Super fast results

Win a $350 Spa Membership, email us: xxclusivbeauty@bigpond.com

Come and experience a 20 min microdermabrasion treatment, normally valued at $75

Now only $35*

* for the first 50 callers

23 CALL NOW 02 9980 9583

Medi-Spa

www.empoweronline.com.au

Suite 2, 114 Yarrara Rd, Pennant Hills, NSW

reate C yourFuture

Ensure you shine in 2009 and start creating the future of your dreams. Helen Rosing explains how a dream board can be your visual motivation to turn your goals into reality. It’s a whole lot of fun, too.

y now I hope you are feeling on top of the world. After all, you’ve just given yourself some much-deserved acknowledgement and celebrated your successes from 2008 – big and small. It’s now time to look forward with excitement to 2009. There’s something beautiful about the dawn of a new year that gives us a sense of possibility. The new year offers us a clean slate on which we can write a new chapter of our life. One of the best ways to start that new chapter is through the creation of a dream board. A dream board, as the name suggests, provides you with a visual picture of everything that you wish to be, do and have in your life – it’s your dreams on cardboard. For some, creating a dream board is an exciting, creative adventure. Others view the exercise with apprehension and a little fear. After all, what if you discover your desire for new things and then you’re not able to achieve them? Or worse, what if someone sees your dream board and laughs at your dreams? There is a great old saying: ‘he who aims at nothing is sure to hit it’. There is truth to this saying. And, like everything, it’s a choice. Creating a dream board and dreaming about the things that you want may put you at risk

December/January 2009

of ridicule or failure, but not having dreams is much worse. And, there is another beautiful saying: ‘Shoot for the moon, if you miss you’ll land amongst the stars’. Dream big and even if you don’t achieve every dream on your dream board, every time you look at it, you’ll remember that you are living a life filled with possibilities.

Let’s Get Started I recommend you put aside a few hours to create your dream board. You will most likely find you’ll be totally engrossed in creating your masterpiece and need some time to enjoy it. Give yourself some ‘me’ time (possibly without distractions). If you have children, perhaps get them involved as well – what a wonderful exercise to help your children dream some more. To begin this exercise you will need the following materials: • a large piece of cardboard from the newsagent; • some magazines and photographs that you love; • a pair of scissors; • some glue; and • any other items such as glitter, coloured markers or paint that will help to add your personal touch.

Once you have the tools, your next task is to start a collection of pictures and words representing those things that are important to you, or that you would like to experience or acquire in life. Aim to collect things for each of the eight areas of your life. To help you get creative, think about the following: • Self – how do you want to feel everyday? What clothes, shoes or accessories do you desire? How would you like to pamper yourself ? • Partner – what does your perfect relationship look like? Do you have/want children? • Family – what kinds of relationships do you want? What fun activities would you like to do with your family? • Social – where would you like to travel? What adventures would you like to have? What do you want your social relationships to look like? • Wellbeing – how would you like to feel everyday? How would you like to see yourself ? What fitness challenges would you like to accomplish? • Spirituality – how would you like to express your spirituality? What retreats would you like to attend? What would you like to give?

, oon m the r o f “ Shoot i ss m u if y o ars.“ t s e h gst t n o am d n a ll l you’

omorrow

• Career/Business – what do I want to achieve? How much do I want to earn? What will it mean to succeed? • Finance – how much money do I really want? What properties do I want to own? What charities would I support?

iStockphoto

Once you have your collection of pictures and words, you’re ready for the fun part. Here is your blank canvas on which you can create the life of your dreams. Arrange your pictures and words on the cardboard and once you’re happy that you’ve collated everything stick them down. Masterpiece completed, stick your dream board up somewhere you can see it every day. And remember, you can have as many dream boards as you like. I actually have four! And feel free to change things on your dream board as your lifestyle, relationships, self, family etc change – as you and your dreams evolve – every six or 12 months, or as often as you need to. Enjoy! Helen Rosing is a trained success coach with experience in business, coaching and training. Helen is the founder of Empower Publishing.

www.empoweronline.com.au

to the

Run Away Circus While researching a uni assignment, 27-year-old Larissa* stumbled across a community arts company offering an imaginative new pursuit to women of all ages. Now a seasoned participant, she describes the magical world of the Women’s Circus.

and it motivated me to put my name on the waiting list for the New Women’s Program. Fortunately, I only had to wait a few months before commencing the program at the start of this year. I attended an information day prior to starting the actual classes, which was a great way to meet other women joining the program. Since then I have been attending classes with 10 to 15 other women every

After the warm-up, everyone is led through comprehensive, yoga-style stretching to enhance our flexibility. We then spend the final hour of class concentrating on our circus skills, which can include acrobalance (balancing techniques with a group or partner), manipulations (juggling, plate spinning, hula-hooping) or aerials (trapeze, rope ladder, cloud swing). I particularly love the aerial exercises because they look so beautiful when done well. I also find them the most physically challenging – I never realised how much core strength is required to hang on a trapeze and swing your feet up above your head! Women’s Circus really challenges me to consider my own capabilities and insecurities. There have been so many occasions where I doubt my ability to complete a particular exercise, but when I finally get it right I experience an amazing sense of accomplishment.

December/January 2009

More Info

The Women’s Circus New Women’s Program is a 12-month course, divided into four terms, enabling participants to sample everything the circus has to offer. Given there is only one intake of women in February each year, those wanting to join are required to put their name on a waiting list for the next available course. Women’s Circus also runs a number of other short courses throughout the year. For more information visit www.womenscircus.org.au

Monday night. Our training space is very welcoming and is filled with every kind of circus paraphernalia you could imagine. Running for two hours, each class is facilitated by two trainers and begins with warm-up activities and icebreaker exercises. These include different variations of kid’s games that everyone seems to love, such as cat and mouse. I particularly enjoy this because it’s an opportunity for play that I don’t get to experience in other areas of my adult life.

Aside from the social benefit of meeting new and interesting people, Women’s Circus enables me to feel more connected to my body and encourages me to take physical risks in a safe environment. Overall, it’s such an empowering experience. For two hours every week I can run away to the circus and completely forget the stresses of my everyday life. – As told to Tammy Warner-Wilson * Name has been changed for privacy

iStockphoto

y first experience with the Women’s Circus began when I undertook an ethnography assignment at university last year that required me to research and explore the workings of a community group. Initially, I began observing classes at the Women’s Circus premises in West Footscray (Melbourne). Given I had no idea what to expect or what the classes would entail, I was pleasantly surprised to find regular, everyday women participating in fun, energising activities. It was interesting to discover the history of the Women’s Circus, which started in Melbourne during the early 90s as a community development project. Originally, the project’s aim was to provide support to sexual assault victims, but it has since evolved into a company that offers a variety of programs and specialist courses to the public. As part of my research, I attended one of the community productions held throughout the year. These small sell-out shows provide an opportunity for members to showcase their talent in front of an audience, and the level of skill varies from absolute beginner to experienced professional. It was awe-inspiring to see women of all ages and abilities coming together to create a spectacular performance

Learn the Secrets to Having the Life You Want Use the Power of Your Mind

with NLP, Time Line TherapyTM and Hypnosis: Have a clear pathway to the future you have always dreamed of Know with certainty what you want from life and how to get it Be free of limiting beliefs and negative emotions from the past Be empowered from moment to moment

FREE

Exclusive Offer

for em POWER readers CFD is giving away 5 FREE tickets to an interactive weekend seminar designed to change your life. Simply tell us in 25 words or less why you want a ‘mind makeover’ and the most inspiring entries will win. Email to martha@creativefuturedynamics.com Entry closes March 15th 2009

“The courses are engaging, compelling, intense, even emotional. I believe Martha has the knack for bringing out a person’s true capabilities and confidence” Managing Consultant and Corporate Trainer

“It is life transforming. It has given me an intense excitement about the future” Asia Pacific HR Director (former) International IT Corporation

For more information call 02 9436 1246 or 0407 300 888

www.creativefuturedynamics.com

What’s On

Make connections with like-minded women at these upcoming networking events taking place around the country. Coleman & Greig Women in Business Networking Drinks – Nov 27 Where: Baulkham Hills, Sydney Speaker: Nikki Heald, managing director, Corptraining Cost: $77 www.colemanandgreig.com.au

NSW

Sphinxx ‘Get along and get results’ 90-minute Workshop – Dec 2 Where: Sydney CBD Cost: $38.50 www.sphinxx.org The Working Women’s Network Inaugural Awards Night – Dec 2 Where: Killara, Sydney Speaker: Naomi Simson, founder and CEO of RedBalloon Days Cost: $95 for members $110 for non-members www.workingwomensnetwork.com.au

VIC

NSW

VECCI End-of-year Human Resources Cocktail Party – Nov 27 Where: East Melbourne Cost: $45 for members $55 for non-members www.vecci.org.au

Business Women Connect Luncheon – Dec 3 Where: Central Coast, NSW Speaker: Helen Rosing, founder and managing director of Empower Publishing Cost: $35 for members $55 for non-members www.businesswomenconnect.com.au

NSW

Women’s Network Australia Networking Luncheon – Nov 27 Where: Adelaide CBD Speaker: Jodie Ensor, national marketing and PR manager for Proteus Enterprises Cost: $70 for members $90 for non-members www.womensnetwork.com.au

NSW

QLD

Women’s Network Australia Networking Luncheon – Dec 4 Where: Applecross, Perth Speaker: Tabitha Wellman, business growth specialist and principal consultant at Innova Business Momentum Cost: $75 for members $95 for non-members www.womensnetwork.com.au

2008 Babes in Business Annual Lunch – Nov 28 Where: Hamilton Wharf, Brisbane Cost: $150 for members $195 for non-members (plus booking fee) www.babesinbusiness.com.au

Association for Women in Insurance Networking Breakfast – Dec 4 Where: Cockle Bay, Sydney Speaker: Jacinta Tynan, author, columnist and presenter for Sky News Cost: $120 Phone: (02) 9650 5625

QLD

Townsville Business Women’s Network Annual Christmas Lunch – Nov 28 Where: Townsville Cost: $88 for members $99 for non-members www.businesswomen.com.au

Business & Professional Women Aust. Christmas Cocktails – Dec 5 Where: Darwin, NT Cost: Free www.bpw.com.au/YoungBPW

Newcomers Network ‘Welcome to Perth’ Event – Dec 12 Where: Perth CBD Cost: Free www.newcomersnetwork.com

December/January 2009

iStockphoto

Women’s Network Hunter NSW, Christmas Event – Dec 7 Where: Hunter Valley, NSW Cost: $25 for members $30 for non-members www.hunterwomen.org.au

NSW

To submit your women’s networking events for consideration in our calendar, please email tammy@empoweronline.com.au

WANTED.... People To Earn $20,000+ A Month From Home, Part-Time You’ve Heard A Lot About “THE SECRET” Now Here’s “THE ANSWER” Are you a self-starter who would like to partner with us in the exciting personal development industry? New to Australia and New Zealand we are part of a $9 billion a year global industry that helps people achieve their dreams and goals in all aspects of their lives. By helping people get what they want, you will get what you want in abundance. We can’t think of a better way to live a rewarding life. “We’ve owned and run 4 businesses over the last 20 years, one of them being a multi-level marketing business, where we reached a significant level. Being students of personal development – a $9,000,000,000 (9 billion) a year industry – we finally found ‘the secret’ and knew we were on the right track. Within 4 months (from Feb 2008) we were making more in a month than most people in a year! In the last 9 months, we have earned more than top CEOs get paid and we’ve worked a lot less, giving us the lifestyle to be with our family, travel and get paid for improving people’s lives.” – Jerry & Sue Smart

(previous graphic designer and hairdresser)

Jerry & Sue Smart and children (Above) – living their dream life on a luxury cruise

For more information and to receive your FREE report called the “8 Steps to Unlimited Wealth, Working From Home”, go to www.homebiztopearner.com or call the 24-hour hotline 1800 72 12 51 and leave your details.

Ultimate Freedom FP.indd 1

29/10/08 8:32:57 PM

In Focus

NOFEAR

It has helped our species survive in life-threatening situations, but what role does fear play in today’s world? Lucy Fraser says understanding and facing up to this emotion is key to freeing yourself from its grip.

verybody feels fear. It is a core human emotion and one of the strongest in our emotional spectrum. Most of us manage to live effective lives and keep our fears at bay most of the time. However, seldom do we stop to consider how a multitude of small fears might be driving our decisions, sometimes without us even being fully aware. Hiding among procrastination and avoidance, there is often an underlying fear. With awareness of the role fear is playing in our lives, we can start to recognise how it might be holding us back. Although we learn very little about the effective management of fear, we can instinctively recognise and relate to how it feels. The cycle starts with stressful stimulus that evokes the primitive ‘flight or fight’ response and ends with the release of chemicals that cause physical reactions – increased heart rate, sweaty palms etc. Fear serves an important and useful purpose, assisting us to protect ourselves from pain and damage. It alerts us to imminent danger and puts us in a heightened state, ready to respond. This was essential for our ancestors, regularly facing life and death situations in the wilds of nature. However, in today’s world, most of our fears actually relate to a real or perceived psychological danger, such as being rejected, humiliated or judged, than any real physical threat. For these types of ‘danger’, the hard-wired response kicks in much more frequently and strongly than

December/January 2009

required. A common response to this fear, then, is to avoid its cause in the hope it will disappear. Consider the following scenarios: Kate puts off asking her boss for a pay rise as she fears her boss might say she isn’t worth it; Olivia doesn’t ask her co-worker to stop sending her explicit emails as she fears others might think she can’t take a joke; Catherine stays in an unhappy relationship because she fears ending up alone; Sarah doesn’t apply for a promotion because it involves something she fears – public speaking. If we avoid addressing such fears, though, we’re limiting our potential to take advantage of opportunities that could lead to a more fulfilled, happy and confident self. So how do we overcome these fears in order to move toward our life’s goals? About 10 years ago I discovered Susan Jeffers’ international bestselling book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, which is a practical and personal guide to overcoming fear and living a full and rich life. Over the years I’ve returned to this book and, most recently, used it to assist me to make a major life change – from full-time employee to starting my own business. If you are looking to let go of limiting fear beliefs, consider the following three-step process as a simple formula for creating change in your life.

Step 1: Recognition What are my fears? How are they impacting my life? Recognition of the role fear is playing in your life can take a little time and focus. In

my workshops, I ask participants to draw an image that represents the role fear is playing in their life. Invariably the images are of gates, no-through roads, stop signs, prison bars – all representations of feeling trapped, held back, missing out or falling behind. What represents your experience of fear? As well as recognising its role and impact, it’s also useful to notice the early physical signs of feeling fear. These physical signs might include a rising dread that starts in your gut, tenseness in your shoulders, or your internal voice starting to identify more negative possibilities. What are your early physical signs of feeling fear? Fear can also be masked by anger. I witnessed an office worker talk angrily for 20 minutes about their colleagues’ incompetence, until suddenly something shifted. As their whole demeanour changed, they started to very honestly and authentically share their real feelings – fears of not doing a good job and concern about job security. Once you start to recognise the feeling of fear, you’ll become increasingly adept at picking up on the subtleties of its evolution within you. It’s at this point that you can change your internal fear dialogue. Unconsciously you are probably linking the feeling to trouble and danger, leading you to stop and retreat.

Step 2: Re-education How can I use fear as a positive? As you start to become more aware of the role of fear in your life, you can replace your

Susan Jeffers’ 5 Truths About Fear 1. The fear will never go away as long I

continue to grow. 2. The only way to get rid of a fear of doing something is to go out and do it. 3. The only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it. 4. Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, so is everyone else! 5. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

giveaway habitual reaction with a new perspective. Notice the triggers and early stages of fear and begin to connect these with growth – keep moving towards the experience to overcome the fear. The Five Truths about Fear (see box on this page) from Susan’s book are a great tool to assist in your re-education about fear. The first truth, for example, gives us permission to stop trying to eliminate the feeling of fear. Instead, focus on holding it in a different way, reframing feelings of fear to see them as a signal of personal growth. I remember seeing the relief on the face of a twenty-something workshop participant as she let go of the fight she had been waging with fear. This truth provides an alternate logic and permission to redirect our energy – we can accept the feeling of fear as a normal part of the growth cycle. Truth number four provides us with reassurance that we are not alone on this journey. In my workshops, I notice a real shift in the energy as people start to open up and share their fears. There is a noticeable sense of oneness with the human experience as others articulate similar experiences, stories, triumphs and tribulations. There are usually lots of nods around the table as we hear about fears of rejection, failure, being alone or judged.

iStockphoto

Step 3: Responsibility & Action What would I be doing if I had no fear at all? One of the beautiful elements of Susan’s approach is that she provides a universal model for approaching all fears – from

public speaking to facing serious illness. The basis for this approach is that all fears have the same underlying driver – that we can’t handle something. To move forward with responsibility and action, it is critical to recognise the role that our own thoughts are playing in the creation and perpetuation of fears. Edward de Bono summed it up when he wrote, “Fear is always about the future. It is always about something that may happen. Fear is only limited by the imagination of the person doing the fearing”. A useful first step in taking responsibility is to make a commitment right now to stop using your mind and the creative talents of your imagination to dream up worse possible futures or outcomes. Is using your imagination to keep your fears alive really its best use? What else could you achieve if you re-directed this creative strength?

Making the Switch Generate action by taking small steps each day to expand your comfort zone. Like any change, the best approach is to use the technique of shaping – where you make small changes regularly, rather than one big attempt, risking discouragement. Changing core beliefs and life-long habits takes focus and consistency. It also takes motivation, so alert yourself to any pay-offs (things you gain by continuing to hold onto your fears) that might be keeping you stuck. If you have identified that you are limiting your potential by holding onto fear, well done for acknowledging it. This is the

Want to learn more about how to Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway? Simply write in and tell us in 25 words or less what you’re most fearful of and how it could change your life to overcome it. The most inspiring entries will win a copy of Susan Jeffers’ book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. There are 5 to be won! Email admin@empoweronline.com. au with ‘No Fear’ in the subject line or post your entry to Empower Magazine, Suite 6, Level 5, 15 Orion Rd, Lane Cove, NSW 2066.

perfect time for change. Step out, knowing you are supported and that many good things await you. If you are still feeling a bit tentative, remind yourself of the fifth truth – it tells us that facing the fear is less frightening in the long run than continuing to feel it. So, as Susan tells us in her book, get out there, be life-filled – feel the fear and do it anyway. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway® is a registered trademark. Use of the trademark has been authorised under license from Susan Jeffers LLC (www.susanjeffers.com).

Lucy Fraser is a human resources expert and is the only trainer in Australia licensed by Susan Jeffers LLC to undertake workshops based on the material contained in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. Visit www.lucyfraser.com.au for more information.

www.empoweronline.com.au

In Focus

D T

ear iary

he act of keeping a diary or journal has been around for centuries. Not only is it about chronicling one’s life, it’s about improving your relationship with yourself, transferring your deepest thoughts and emotions from your head onto paper, enabling you to gain insights you’d otherwise never see. A journal can take many forms. From choosing a simple notebook to selecting a beautifully decorated diary, or even moving your fingers across a keyboard, the options are endless. Some people choose to write their pages when they get up in the morning, while

Journaling is one of the most powerful ways to connect with your soul. Danette Hibberd describes how allowing the words to flow accelerates personal growth and gives clarity to thoughts, goals and dreams.

others prefer to create evening reflections at the end of the day. Writing about your day, the people in it, events that occurred, victories, things you are grateful for, and even your dreams for the future, are just some of the things people choose to record. It doesn’t matter when you choose to write, but I encourage you to make it a daily habit. I hear you asking, “Why, when I’m already so busy, would I want to add another ‘chore’ to my day?” The answer is simple: the benefits of journaling far outweigh the short time and little effort required. You will be able to

examine your thoughts, values and beliefs, better understand yourself, make more intelligent decisions and take actions that are in line with your deepest values. As you transfer your thoughts to your journal, you put your subconscious in full view and then have the ability to decide which thoughts are of benefit to you, and which you could choose to ignore. As you pen your journal, let your ideas and feelings flow freely. Be creative and follow them wherever they lead you. With no structure or editing required, it is easier to let go of your inner critic and get to the heart of what you are thinking and feeling.

Benefits of Journaling • Journaling will help you can clarify your goals as you document each step. It offers new perspectives, enhances breakthroughs, exercises your mental muscles, measures and tracks what is important, moves you towards wholeness and growth, integrates life experiences and learning, plants seeds and explores your dreams and fantasies. • Journaling lowers stress levels by reducing the clutter in your life – focusing, stabilising, disentangling thoughts and ideas; detaching and letting go of the past; releasing pent-up thoughts and emotions; bridging inner-thinking with external events and allowing you to experience the past with today’s mind.

• Boosts healing as journaling strengthens your sense of self. Balances and harmonises, recalls and reconstructs past events, integrates peaks and valleys in your life, soothes troubled memories, heals relationships and allows you to see yourself as a larger, important, whole and connected human being.

December/January 2009

iStockphoto

• Understand yourself and your truth better as you grow your self-confidence and self-knowledge. Journaling identifies your values, clarifies your thoughts and feelings, uncovers different aspects of yourself, allows yourself to connect to the bigger picture, and accesses the unconscious, subconscious and super-conscious.

In Focus

journal will not be affected by what you write and it won’t pressure you to be who it thinks you ought to be. The key to successful journaling is to use it in such a way that benefits you. So, open your journal, pick up your pen and just begin to write. Allow your thoughts to flow freely and before long, not only will you be stimulating personal growth, but you will be viewing your life from a whole different perspective. This can lead to self-coaching as you question those thoughts you have written down. This process is also a secure way to express any negative feelings or halfformed thoughts until you are ready and confident to communicate them to others in a healthy and constructive way. Journaling provides you with the opportunity to decide who you want to be

– and you’re allowed to change your mind at any time. Until you grant yourself this personal freedom in real life, use this tool to try different ways of being and expressing yourself, writing as though you are already the fearless, limitless and fabulous being you aspire to be. Being non-judgemental, your

Danette Hibberd is an international author, speaker, NLP master practitioner, trainer and personal development professional. Danette has created the For-Me Journal. For more information visit www.fabulousbeyondforty.com/books.html

Take Control

Is bladder weakness controlling your life? Would you like to sneeze or have a good belly laugh with confidence? We have the solution!

iStockphoto

s women, many factors such as childbirth and menopause can take their toll on our pelvic floor muscles, often leaving them torn, stretched or at the very least, weakened. This can lead to frustrating or embarrassing ‘accidents’, sexual dissatisfaction and prolapse (collapse of the uterus). Unfortunately, the traditional method of squeezing and holding can do very little to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles as, just with any type of muscle-building activity, resistance is needed. Pelvic Floor Solutions have a number of products that have been tried and tested to improve and strengthen your pelvic floor. The company’s flagship product, the KegelMaster, is a vaginal exerciser designed

to perfect the pelvic floor exercise called the ‘kegel’. Regular use of the KegelMaster significantly increases vaginal muscular strength and blood circulation to the vaginal region. Providing resistance through its spring function, the KegelMaster relies on the basic principles of progressive resistance, so the springs can be tightened according to the level you require. Endorsed by women around the world, Hollywood’s Teri Hatcher (Desperate Housewives) says, “Everybody should get one”. The product comes with an instructional DVD, bladder habits diary, satin case, lifetime warranty and money-back guarantee. For an investment of just $129.99, Pelvic Floor Solutions says you should see results in just one week. Other popular solutions include the ‘Myself ’, which is a unit that gives a full

workout using air as resistance. Myself consists of a handheld monitor connected by an air line to a vaginal balloon sensor. When you contract the pelvic floor muscles, Myself helps you do it correctly by displaying your squeezing action on its LCD screen. With step-by-step instructions, users are guided through exercises with the screen showing how much you have improved. As you get stronger, Myself moves you up through three different strength levels. The PMTx – a gauge that easily reads the pressure you can exert each day – and vaginal weights are also cost-effective solutions to help tone and improve the strength of your pelvic floor. To be more empowered and in control of your body, contact Pelvic Floor Solutions.

www.empoweronline.com.au 33 Pelvic Floor Solutions: 1800 735 805, info@pelvicfloorsolutions.com.au, www.pelvicfloorsolutions.com.au

Style

closetoverhaul D

1. One for clothes to toss out (in bad condition so no-one else will wear them). Go through your items of clothing and toss anything that you don’t like wearing, doesn’t fit, is out of fashion or just doesn’t make you feel great. 2. One for clothes you can give away (in a good condition, but just not you anymore). Sometimes we get attached to items because we’ve spent lots of money on them, however if you haven’t worn something for two years, you probably

o you have a closet full of clothes, shoes and accessories, yet always seem to wear the same select few outfits? There’s nothing quite as liberating as clearing some space, and what better place to start than your wardrobe? In order to be able to begin the clearing process it’s important to understand why we often seem to have a very full wardrobe, yet nothing to wear: • If you have a wardrobe full of clutter you won’t be able to see what’s inside and will always reach for the same items because they are handy. • Usually we have our favourites – a few selected items that go with almost anything, look great on us and make us feel good whenever we wear them. This usually means those items are the right colour for us, the correct shape and if they are in fashion, too, we’ve hit the jackpot. • Sometimes we keep on wearing the same clothes out of habit, because we just can’t be bothered to be creative anymore.

Now look at what’s left in your wardrobe and put outfits together. This is the time to run around in your underwear and try things on. Is the outfit complete, do you have accessories to go with it? Make a list of what’s missing – is it a small top, a belt, a pair of matching shoes, or a handbag, maybe some jewellery or a scarf ? Experiment and have lots of fun. You’ll be amazed how creative you can become when you’re not late for work. Once your list is complete you won’t spend time looking for unnecessary items. When you go shopping, you’ll be surprised at how inexpensive certain things can be. If it’s an item you will use over and over again, it may be worth spending more on it if it’ll last longer and look great. However, a piece of jewellery is a great way of finishing off an outfit and there are some fantastic inexpensive stores with great selections – and they’re not just for teenagers. When shopping, ask yourself, ‘Do I need it? Do I really want it? Will I wear it? How often will I wear it?’ Christmas time is a great opportunity to get some good quality items at a great price. And remember to get a few fashionable pieces for the season to ensure you feel fantastic.

Your wardrobe should reflect your style, with items visible and easy to access. A closet overhaul can help you free yourself from unwanted clutter, find items you’ve forgotten about or discover a new style you’ve always wanted.

The Clean-up

Marlena Davis runs an image consultancy, Law of Attraction (www.loa.com.au). Contact her by email on marlenad@loa.com.au or call (02) 9810 1478.

Give yourself a whole afternoon and don’t view this as a chore – have fun and look forward to a good-looking, organised wardrobe. You will need three big garbage bags for the following:

December/January 2009

won’t wear it again, so just give it away and make some space in your wardrobe for the new things you will buy and love. You’ll feel great for not only having organised your wardrobe, but by giving something nice to someone else. 3. One bag is for alterations (good quality items you love but don’t quite fit right). Paying a few dollars for a great-fitting outfit is not much at all, so make best friends with your tailor. Sometimes we expect an outfit to fit us perfectly, however we need to remember that the designers use models that may not have the same body shape as us. Besides, most people are between sizes.

iStockphoto

It’s that time of year to dig through the mothballs and get rid of all you haven’t worn (or seen) in your closet this past year, and start styling the new you. Image consultant Marlena Davis shows us how.

Get more out of your life!

Get more out of your life! Have a magic

makeover with Image by Design

Image by Design is a “One Stop Shop” offering great service, personal colour and style, image, wonderful clothing, accessores and make up. Sydney’s best kept secret – don’t get dressed without us!

Jackie is known as the laughter lawyer. She teaches people to laugh for no reason to produce “happy hormones” and deal easily with stressful situations in their lives. Her wardrobe was full of clothes and nothing to wear that felt WOW. That can be stressful! Vivienne came to the house and made my wardrobe work perfectly. After a colour and style consultation, Dom our expert hair stylist from DM Hair, gave Jackie a fabulous new colour, cut and style. Back to Image by Design for her fresh easy make up, and playing “dress ups”. Together we decided on a new outfit in stronger cool colours. Jackie’s reaction after her makeover: “I could see I looked so much better in the suggested outfits. I felt great and it took the guesswork out of shopping and dressing!!! This is the best thing I’ve done.”

Before

After

Bring in this coupon for your free 1 hour image update with one of our image consultants. Bookings essential phone

call now

02 9419 6741

The Makeover Team, Image by Design, DM Hair Stylists and Total Woman Chatswood.

CORPORATE AND CASUAL MAKEOVERS, COLOUR AND MAKE UP CONSULTING WARDROBE WORKSHOPS, FASHION PARADES & PERSONAL SHOPPING 2nd Floor Lemon Grove Victoria Ave Chatswood 9419 6741 www.imagebydesign.com.au

Image by Design.indd 1

29/8/08 3:25:18 PM

Spiritually Rich Y

ou don’t meet too many fashion retailers who are not-for-profit, but Jayasri [pronounced jay-shree] is one of them. She runs Lotus Pod, a boutique located in Darlinghurst’s chic shopping precinct. On the other side of her retail premises stands Govinda’s, a Hare Krishna meditation space, restaurant and movie room. This is not a geographic coincidence as much of Lotus Pod’s profits go towards its operations. So what could possibly be the motivation to work full-time for little financial gain? Jayasri (pictured with her daughter) explains that key to Hare Krishna beliefs is an inherent responsibility to provide the opportunity for other ‘seekers’ to gain access to the teachings of the Bhagavad-Gita – the Hare Krishna’s primary spiritual text that Jayasri calls the “ABC of spiritual life” – which is why she supports an establishment like Govinda’s. It seems very fitting that I meet Jayasri and her daughter Sita here, which is where they eat dinner most nights. Before delving into any heavy religious discussion, we share a girly chat about trashy mags, the rag trade and indulge in an Indian-style vegetarian buffet. Jayasri explains that the rationale behind places like Govinda’s is that Hare Krishna’s don’t believe in conversion; they believe in choice. So by providing access to

December/January 2009

transcendental knowledge through places like this, they believe that people have the opportunity to progress in their spiritual growth and understanding. The Bhagavad-Gita contains knowledge essential for understanding our true spiritual nature, explains Jayasri. “It distinguishes between the gross material body and the soul, which is purely spiritual and resides within the external covering of the body. It explains how the living entity, due to a false conception of identifying with the body, tries to find happiness through pounding the bodily senses and accumulating wealth and possessions. The happiness found in these activities is flickering and unsatisfying. The Bhagavad-Gita explains the process of elevating ones consciousness through the eight-fold yoga system, culminating in Bhakti-yoga. The BhagavadGita is a conversation between Krishna and his friend Arjuna where Krishna explains to him the path of enlightenment. “When the living entity reconnects to its spiritual source in pure love and devotion, this is called Bhakti-yoga and is the ultimate goal of the yoga system. Yoga means to link or connect the self with the supreme soul,” explains Jayasri. “Krishna consciousness or God consciousness, then, is about living life in full consciousness of our true spiritual nature,

placing Krishna (our supreme soul) at the centre and being loving and compassionate to all living entities. It is not a sectarian religion, its essence is common to all followers on any religious path.” Krishna knowledge is handed down by spiritual master to disciple, and through the ancient Vedic scriptures which were compiled in India 5,000 years ago. When one chants “Hare Krishna” one is actually addressing the Supreme Person, explains Jayasri. Devotees of Krishna, commonly known as the Hare Krishnas, are part of a spiritual movement introduced to the western world in the late 60s by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Prabhupada translated many of the essential Vedic texts into the English language so this knowledge could be understood and embraced

iStockphoto

Emma Gardiner speaks to Hare Krishna devotee Jayasri about living a spiritual life in a material world.

In Her Shoes

by all mankind. Hinduism is also based on the Vedic texts but the books studied by the devotees of Krishna are primarily those who deal with Bhakti-yoga.

Her Chosen Path Jayasri first became attracted to the Hare Krishna movement when she was 16. She recounts her first experience of attending a Hare Krishna feast where she was not only served “taste-bud blowing” prashadam (blessed food) but also served an amazing philosophical explanation of life and its apparent dichotomies. “All the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle finally fitted together,” she recalls. The experience struck such a powerful chord in her that four years later she travelled to India to pursue the path more seriously. Born in Auckland, New Zealand, Jayasri’s birth name was Janet. Her name change occurred when she took initiation, a ceremony whereby a formal bond between ‘Guru’ and ‘disciple’ is formed. “We are all given spiritual names that are names of Krishna because when they are spoken they have a spiritual vibration which both purifies us and reminds us of our focus,” she explains. Despite this, Jayasri’s parents still call her Janet from time to time. She says they were initially concerned when she became a devotee as they didn’t know much about it but have now come to accept it as a positive thing. “When I first went to India, it definitely helped that the girl who lived up the road from us in Auckland was also a Hare Krishna. She would go and visit them and help them understand that I hadn’t run off and joined a cult,” she laughs. At 22, Jayasri moved to Sydney to take guidance from her ‘Guru’ (a senior devotee). A year later, she was married. “I actually had an arranged marriage,” she explains. “I thought Tony [Pratapana] was rather cute but he had his eye on someone else. The senior devotees thought they were mismatched and thought we’d make a really good team because we were well suited. We had faith in their judgement. Twenty eight years later, we’re still happily married.” In an arranged marriage many aspects, such as background, personalities, values, intellect and shared goals are taken into account, explains Jayarsi. “Arranged marriages are the exception in the movement today, however there is a tendency for devotees to

take guidance from senior personalities in helping them choose the right partner. The responsibility of the final decision, though, always lies with the individual.” Beyond the tenet of no sex outside of marriage also comes the belief that sex is purely for procreation. Jayasri now has two children and explains how, before she tried to conceive, she and her husband would chant in order to attract a pure soul into the womb. She admits, however, that like most aspects of her faith, there are degrees to which people follow the rules. “The guidelines around sex for procreation are something that individual couples will adhere to according to their ability and desire,” she explains. “It is actually liberating to be able to control the senses rather than have them control you.” While Jayasri chooses to follow the more traditional beliefs around marriage and sex, as we talk I get an understanding that she is completely at ease with her choice and doesn’t feel she needs to explain her commitment when talking to ‘non-followers’. Hare Krishnas don’t typically celebrate Western holidays but Jayasri’s children still enjoy things like Easter eggs, Christmas trees

fact

There are around 100,000 Hare Krishnas in Australia and 8 Hare Krishna temples and birthday celebrations, although she concedes they don’t go overboard with gifts. They also have many of their own celebrations throughout the year, which are usually held at a Hare Krishna temple and focus on dancing, singing, remembering particular pastimes of Krishna and his devotees, offering sumptuous foods and joining together for a feast. Sound, vibrations and chanting are all critically important in Krishna consciousness. The chanting, called jappa, is performed on wooden meditation beads carried in a small cloth bag. One mantra is chanted on each of the 108 beads, forming a strand. This is repeated sixteen times daily. “Transcendental sound vibrations are different to normal sound,” explains Jayasri. “There is a divine presence within it.” The

Hare Krishna mantra, is ‘Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare’. Krishna means ‘He who is all attractive’; Hare addresses ‘His divine energy’, which takes away all stress and anxiety; and Rama is the ‘Supreme in His feature’ as the giver of spiritual pleasure and bliss. For people unfamiliar with this, it’s worth listening to The Beatles’ song My Sweet Lord because it’s featured within the lyrics. “As a yoga practitioner I seek to control both my mind and senses,” adds Jayasri. “I meditate on the Hare Krishna mantra for two hours each day. This is a very powerful spiritual mantra which frees the heart and mind from contamination and links us back to our original source – Krishna. “In endeavouring to live purely I only eat vegetarian food offered to Krishna and refrain from intoxication, gambling and illicit sex. Each day I try to put Krishna at the centre of all my activities. By doing this I experience an intimate relationship with Krishna as friend and protector which is fully satisfying and full of joy.” When asked whether Krishna consciousness can cleanse a guilty conscience or wash away sins, Jayasri explains that chanting the mantra does have this effect but they accumulate again if one does not change their lifestyle. “Unlike the temporary nature of materialistic activity, actions performed on the spiritual platform have an eternally lasting benefit.” What challenges does Jayasri face pursuing a spiritual path in a materialistic world? “Swimming against the current is never easy but when you are faced with a choice of temporary gains and losses, or pure love and joy, the endeavour is well worth what may initially seem like sacrifices but, in reality, actually leads you to liberation.” In a society where so much attention is focused on the body, the accumulation of wealth and the way people look rather than the way they act, I found Jayasri’s concept of being free from the tyranny of objectification and material judgement incredibly refreshing. It is in this that Hare Krishnas are incredibly wealthy but in a way that can’t be traded, stolen or lost. They are spiritually rich and this, for me, appears to pay the highest interest rate.

www.empoweronline.com.au

Spirituality

hakra onnection C C If you’re feeling out of whack, it could be that your chakras need realigning. This may sound daunting but, as Dana Mrkich explains, there are simple ways to connect with them to create balance.

Connect & Balance Chakra is a Sanskrit word meaning ‘wheel’ and, for those who can see or sense energy, they literally look like spinning wheels or balls – some going very fast, others at a much slower rate.

December/January 2009

We have seven major chakras. Each one emanates a ray of coloured energy and is in charge of different aspects of our life and self. Each chakra carries vital information about who we are, including cellular memories going back generations. The energetic content of each chakra influences and explains everything from physical health issues to the kind of relationship patterns we re-create over again, and how much we love and value ourselves. Usually we have a preference for either the higher spiritually-oriented chakras or the lower physically-oriented chakras, but in order to live our best life we really need to be

connected to all of them, and have each of them working in balance. For example, we may have a strong third eye chakra, giving us a heightened sense of intuition. Yet if we have a weak base chakra, we will find it hard to act on our instincts or manifest our amazing visions. Another person may have a very strong base chakra, making them very grounded and practical, but if they have a weak solar plexus they might lack the confidence or assertiveness required to follow their dreams. Following is a description of what each of the seven main chakras govern, as well as simple ways you can rebalance and strengthen your connection to them.

Free Offer to emPOWER Readers

Book a soul session mentioning emPOWER Magazine, and receive a free 21-page guide to your chakras, including physical and emotional symptoms connected to each, and more ways to balance them. Email dana@danamrkich.com or visit www.danamrkich.com

iStockphoto

re you committed to connecting with yourself spiritually, but still find it hard to maintain fulfillment in your life? Your reality is a direct result of the vibrational messages emanating from your inner energy system, which includes your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, fears, memories of past experiences and your soul’s essence and purpose. This energy flows through a series of energy centres known as chakras, which primarily act as portals between your energy bodies (mental, emotional and spiritual) and your physical body and reality. Our chakras send these vibrational messages outward like movie screen projectors, influencing the kinds of experiences we attract into our lives. This is essentially how we create our reality – or life movie. The content of our chakras also determines our perception of reality and the way in which we respond to it. Our perceptions and responses influence our inner energy, creating a continually moving and constantly transforming system of intelligence, filled with a wealth of knowledge about who we are and why we are how we are. Connecting with your chakras empowers you to consciously create your best life with your best possible self, and literally has you ‘running on all cylinders’.

Spirituality

Red Root Chakra (base of your torso) Governs: Physical health, being grounded in your humanity and physical reality, the ability to create abundance, manifest your dreams and visions, feeling safe, secure and supported in the world. Connect and balance: Give thanks and gratitude for all you have, do some drumming or tribal dancing, walk, get out in nature, go camping, touch the earth with your bare feet.

Orange Sacral Chakra (below your navel) Governs: Sacred sexuality, creativity, nurturing, nourishment, giving and receiving that which feels good, fun, knowing your worth and value, feeling your feelings. Connect and balance: Cook, have a bubble bath or aromatherapy massage, learn belly dancing, pamper yourself, try inner-child healing, experience your sexuality in healthy, loving ways.

Yellow Solar Plexus Chakra (centre of your torso): Governs: Inner power and strength, self-confidence, drive, action, will, gut instinct, assertiveness, mind over matter. Connect and balance: Practise martial arts, kickboxing or weight training. Visualise a yellow sun ray radiating out from the solar plexus. Try deep breathing, facing your fears and just doing it!

Green Heart Chakra (lower mid-chest) Governs: Self-love, self-acceptance, unconditional love and compassion for others, inner peace, harmony and balance. Connect and balance: Show compassion and kindness toward yourself and others, forgive yourself and others, buy yourself a special gift, listen to music, dance.

Blue Throat Chakra (throat) Governs: Communication, ability to listen, speaking your truth, bringing forth your creativity and gifts and sharing them with the world, allowing your true self to be seen and heard. Connect and balance: Sing, paint, do art and craft; write in a journal, express your truth and authentic self, make a dream board (check out page 24 for more inspiration on this).

Indigo Third Eye Chakra (mid-forehead) Governs: Ability to see into other dimensions of reality, including past and future timelines, clairvoyance, visualisation, imagination, psychic ability. Connect and balance: Try creative visualisation (with a clear focus on what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to create), record your dreams, think positively, say affirmations, strengthen psychic muscles with inspiration or tarot cards.

iStockphoto

Violet Crown Chakra (crown of your head) Governs: Access to your higher consciousness, spirit, guides, angels and information from the higher realms. Connect and balance: Ask for guidance from your angels, guides or divine source and trust yourself knowing you can receive their answers via meditation or journaling; integrate your spiritual knowledge into your daily life â&#x20AC;&#x201C; walk your talk.

Dana Mrkich is an energy reader, spiritual intuitive, radio host, author of A New Chapter, and creator/teacher of online chakra course Walking the Rainbow Path. For more information visit www.danamrkich.com

www.empoweronline.com.au

Profile

Home

Coming

Once homeless and living on the streets of Brisbane, Kym, a 36-year-old Koori woman, is now a passionate advocate for indigenous communities in northern Queensland. Tammy Warner-Wilson discovers that her spirit of hope and determination knows no bounds.

omentarily distracted from an early-morning business meeting in Brisbane, Kym gazed out of the office window focusing her eyes on a nearby rooftop. Suddenly experiencing a strange sense of recognition, she realised the rooftop had been her nightly resting place as a homeless 18-year-old. This is just one of the many

moments of reflection Kym has about a life so far removed from the one she has now. Originally from Melbourne, Kym moved to Brisbane with her family as a young teen. Born to an Indian father and Aboriginal mother, her childhood was scarred by events that led to her undoing as a young woman. Kym’s mother, herself a victim of physical abuse, was extremely controlling and violent towards Kym and her siblings. “My life was pretty dysfunctional. Mum was particularly abusive towards me, and used to hit me around a lot. I look back now and wonder why I didn’t say anything but it can be so hard when you are in that sort of situation. I remember ringing Kids Help Line

full of clothes and called a taxi – I can still remember my little brother standing in the driveway crying as the car drove away.” Not wanting to impose on her friends for too long, Kym found herself on the streets. “The sad thing was that because I’d had such a sheltered life, I had no idea Centrelink even existed. I ended up going into town and started sleeping under bridges or on buildings. “I’d spend all day begging for money in the mall. Some days I would collect $20, which was enough to get something to eat and have a shower at the bus transit station. I still had pride and didn’t want to look like a scruffy street kid, so I tried to look my best and fit in.” Not surprisingly, Kym was suicidal and depressed for the three years she was homeless. She was regularly beaten by other girls living on the street and sexually assaulted by different men. Her family made no attempt to find her – a fact she admits was extremely difficult to deal with. “Sheer determination got me through those years. Mum told me for so long that I would never amount to anything. But I knew I had to prove her wrong – I knew I would become something.” Kym reached rock bottom when she began working at a massage parlour in an effort to make some money. “I had to wear a bikini while I gave men massages,” she recalls.

“If I can take something from my own experience and help others through that, then I know that everything was worthwhile and I’m making a difference”

December/January 2009

“It’s something I never wanted to do and I’m really ashamed of it. The place was raided by police because there were girls prostituting themselves, which I didn’t do. I was so embarrassed – it ended up in the paper and everyone I knew saw it. All of a sudden there was a perception that I was something I wasn’t, and I had to go to court over it.”

Turning Point Thankfully for Kym, this very dark cloud had a silver lining. Recognising the family name in the paper, Kym’s long-lost aunt attended the court hearing to reunite with her niece and offer her support. “It was the first time I ever got to know my mum’s side of the family and I finally

Photos courtesy Kym

so someone could come and help me, then hanging up because I was so ashamed and thought I deserved to be treated that way.” Kym also fell victim to sexual abuse. “When I started high school we took in an exchange student from Mexico who sexually abused me for the entire 12 months he lived in our house. I tried in different ways to tell my parents, but they just blamed me for it.” As a consequence of her dysfunctional and violent home life, Kym struggled through her teenage years. She began binge drinking and performed poorly at school. At 18, she reached breaking point. “I just couldn’t take it anymore,” she recalls. “That Christmas, Mum beat me with a stiletto heel. Afterward I packed a garbage bag

felt like I wasn’t alone. That, combined with the embarrassment and humiliation I felt, motivated me to try and put my life back together.” In the years that followed, Kym fought an uphill battle to get her life on track. Working through a disastrous first marriage to a man who beat her and gambled away everything they had, she also tried to cope with the tumultuous relationship she had re-established with her mother. These days, Kym has a greater understanding of her mother’s behaviour, recognising that she too suffered abuse as a child and has never been able to heal properly. “It’s really hard for me to have a relationship with Mum to this day,” she explains. “But I am not sour over what was done – I just feel sad for her. The abuse cycle can be handed down through generations, and it’s common for survivors to then abuse their own children.” It was through her career that Kym finally found purpose. Starting off as a telemarketer on a meagre wage, she then went on to work in recruitment with the long-term unemployed and ex-offenders where she discovered she had a natural flair

fact file

Greatest achievement: Being able to turn my life around.

Biggest inspiration: How resilient people can be. I see the way some people are living – in poverty with no doors or windows, no food and only a mattress on the floor – yet they still have the ability to laugh at whatever life throws at them. What advice would you give to others who want to achieve their goals? I think that the key to success is unlocking your own potential and looking deep inside yourself. There is nothing you can’t achieve – it can be hard work, but you can get there. Where do you want to be in five years time? Doing exactly what I’m doing now. Working with people in the community who are seen as ‘misfits’, and helping them get their lives back on track.

for helping the disadvantaged. Recognising her passion for providing counselling and advocacy services, Kym took a role in Canberra working for the Department of Education, Employment and Workplace Relations as the national indigenous cadetship coordinator. This role was a stepping stone to working with indigenous communities – something Kym became more passionate about as she embraced her heritage. “There has always been something niggling at me when it comes to the Aboriginal culture and people. I am a Koori woman and it’s something I have embraced later in life. I can’t describe what it is, except that when I started working with indigenous people it was like I had come home. It’s just the most incredible experience to have that culture and spirit within you. I’m really proud of it.” Now a qualified psychotherapist, Kym has since worked with disabled, homeless, and mentally ill indigenous people, helping them to find employment and create better lives. One of her most rewarding (and challenging) positions was working as an indigenous counsellor and assessment officer at a prison in south-east Queensland, where she worked with sex offenders to establish their mental health and psychological issues. “The most amazing thing happened to me when I was working at the prison. There was one sex offender in particular who had committed a horrendous rape – I remember reading the file and it made me feel sick. When we started talking, he told me he’d been raped by his mum, dad, brothers, cousin, and all of his aunties. Later his family asked him to act out the same way toward his younger family members. Strangely enough, he helped me to heal because I could see the situation from a completely different point of view.” Today Kym is based in Cairns and advocates tirelessly for the indigenous communities of northern Queensland. She is a project manager in the area of welfare reforms and oversees a money management project. “We are teaching indigenous people the value of money. We show them how to manage their finances with a view that they can go into home ownership within their communities. It’s about empowering them and helping them to take back control.”

In addition, Kym regularly provides suicide intervention services, as well as support to victims of sexual assault. She also provides counselling to a number of offenders she used to work with in the prison. Not only does Kym selflessly offer all of these services completely free of charge, she regularly donates her own funds where possible and motivates others to do the same. “I have encouraged people to speak up about their problems and issues without feeling ashamed. There is now a path of communication where even if I can’t help someone directly, I can put them on the right path to get assistance,” she says. Dedicating so much energy to the fulfillment of others, Kym attributes much of her sanity to the enduring support of her husband of seven years and the companionship of her beloved black pug, Zero. Having made peace with demons in her past, she remains resolute that her trials and tribulations were not in vain. “There is nothing in my life, except maybe the last five years, that I haven’t done the hard way. But if I can take something from my own experience and help others through that, then I know that everything was worthwhile and I am making a difference.”

www.empoweronline.com.au

Social

The Gift of Giving Amid the hustle and bustle of the holiday season we all have the opportunity to make a difference to the lives of those less fortunate. Why not get together with some friends and share the gift of giving to those who need it the most. Here’s some great ideas to get you started. Joy to the World Consider buying a gift from an Oxfam shop and show your support for fair trade practices around the globe. Oxfam’s food and handcrafts are sourced from individual workers, craft bodies and fair trade organisations in developing countries, and sold in Australia to help communities struggling for a better life. They deal with more than 100,000 producer partners around the world, including indigenous Australians. You can make your choice from the range of homewares and gifts available at your nearest Oxfam shop, or visit www.oxfamshop.org.au to purchase online.

Grant a Wish Help spread some holiday cheer by donating a gift to the Kmart Wishing Tree. To participate in the appeal, place a Christmas present under the Wishing Tree (located at the front of any Kmart store) and attach a gift tag from the tree that identifies the age and gender of a suitable recipient. Your gift will be collected at the end of the week and distributed to people in need by associated welfare groups. Now in it’s twenty-first year of operation, the Kmart Wishing Tree Appeal will begin on November 12, running till Christmas Eve.

Basket of Hope Basket Brigade is a non-profit organisation that delivers baskets full of food, drink and gifts to people in need all over the country. This holiday season they hope to assist more than 6,000 families. You can join the cause by donating $25 to sponsor a basket, or why not volunteer with a few friends to pack or deliver the baskets in your local area? Visit www.basketbrigade.org.au to locate a Basket Brigade near you.

Forgo the usual office Kris Kringle and encourage people in your workplace to raise funds for a worthy cause. You can all pitch in and purchase a Women’s Apprenticeship from World Vision for $506 and change another woman’s life forever. Your gift will provide a struggling mother in a third-world country with job skills training, and open the door to paid employment and a better life for her entire family. www.worldvision.com.au

December/January 2009

iStockphoto

Corporate Kris Kringle

Social

Greeting Cards that Give Send seasons greetings to your loved ones in aid of a good cause. Many charities around Australia offer their own stationery range in a variety of festive designs at affordable prices. Select a cause you’re passionate about and simply contact the relevant charity to find out what stationery they have available. Your purchase will assist them continue their work within the community.

Bowl of Love On Christmas day in 1949, the reverend Frank Byatt of Victoria placed an empty bowl on the dinner table and asked all ‘present’ to give what they considered to be the cost of a meal. He urged his guests to reflect on their good fortunes and encouraged them to do something selfless for those less fortunate around the world. Creating your own ‘bowl of love’ is easy – simply ask your family and friends to make a contribution to the bowl at your holiday celebrations, and donate the total funds to a charity of your choice.

Life-Changing Loans Join forces with some friends and embark on a new investment, providing a much-needed loan to an entrepreneur in a developing country. www.kiva.org is a person-to-person micro-lending website that partners with expert microfinance institutions. Select from the many entrepreneur profiles available and contribute an amount of your choice to the overall cost of their loan. The course of the loan is usually six to twelve months, during which you can receive electronic journal updates and track repayments. When the loan is repaid you can re-lend to someone else in need, or withdraw the funds.

iStockphoto

Mission to Succeed On any given night in Australia, up to 13,000 children under the age of 12 are homeless. The Mission Australia Christmas Appeal enables you to transform a child’s life by giving them the opportunity to succeed. A donation of $30 will help provide books and resources so a child can learn to read; $60 will help provide a place for a child in a school holiday playgroup; and $90 will help provide a homeless family with safe and secure accommodation for one night. www.missionpromotion.com/christmas

Closet Cleanout If your wardrobe is overflowing with unworn clothes and accessories, why not seek the help of your closest gal-pals to complete a long overdue closet clean-up! You can relive some of your finest (or frightful) fashion statements and enjoy a hearty laugh while working together for a good cause – all of your pre-loved items can be donated to the local St Vincent de Paul shop, where 100 percent of the profits raised will help disadvantaged families living in the local community. www.vinnies.org.au

www.empoweronline.com.au

Sex Advice

Quit the blame Game Are you frustrated with your partner about issues in your sex life (or lack thereof)? Working together towards a better sex life is all about compromise, rather than laying blame, says psychologist Jacqui Manning.

ex can often feel like the ultimate barometer between partners. After all, when your needs are being met and you feel as if you and your partner are on the same page sexually, you don’t even think about it. Sex just happens, it’s great, and you’re both happy. What can be baffling is if you started your relationship ‘going at it’ like rabbits, then realise some time down the track that your libidos just don’t click like they used to. When you’re at loggerheads over bedroom action, it can permeate even the strongest bond between a couple, and what makes it worse is that we often blame our partner when things aren’t working. Many of us feel uncomfortable talking about intimacy. We’re not taught much about sex – even today, sex education consists of little more than a couple of rudimentary classes and parental warnings of what not to do. We’re not taught about desire or why people can differ in desire, so no wonder we get confused about what is ‘normal’. The most common sexual challenge couples encounter is a difference in sexual desire. One partner may want it all the time while the other doesn’t. Other common issues can relate to the sexual acts you engage in – perhaps you love oral sex and your partner is unwilling to go there – or you don’t reach orgasm easily and your partner does. The truth is, differing sex drives and desires are normal – and downright common for many couples. Our levels of sexual desire are as individual as we are, and can fluctuate according to what else is going on in our lives as well – if you’re going through a stressful time at work or financially, chances are you’re less likely to feel ‘sexy’. Having children is also a common challenge. However, when life in the bedroom contains resentment, anger or frustration and it’s not talked about effectively, it can lead to

December/January 2009

problems outside the bedroom as well. The one who wants sex more can get sulky and angry and continually ask for sex, while the one who doesn’t will withdraw even more. Each begins to look at the other as if they are abnormal in their sexual needs, both begin to switch off so that intimate chats and cuddles

don’t even happen anymore, and each is stuck in their own world of hurt and blame. Yet criticism and blame are two poisonous ways to guarantee you will drift further apart.

Break the Cycle The following are some key tips to breaking the blame game cycle and getting your sex life back on track: • Empathise. Try and see things from your partner’s point of view and understand where he/she is coming from. Realise that it isn’t just you feeling hard done by or unloved. You are both not getting what you want. • Take responsibility. What are you doing to contribute to the problem? Are you

constantly nagging or sulking about sex? Do you criticise your partner inside and outside the bedroom? Are you avoiding all intimacy because you’re not up for sex? Acknowledge that this is not the best way to communicate your needs to your partner and will only lead to more distance between you. • Talk. Open up a constructive dialogue about what each of your needs are, both sexual and emotional. Communication and negotiation are essential to getting the blame out of your relationship and getting back on track. Sometimes it helps to have a neutral professional help you navigate the stormy seas, so do not hesitate to get help if you feel you need it. • Acceptance. Discuss the differences in your sexual energy and desire and learn to accept this as perfectly normal. Remember what holds you together and what you need from each other, and how your partner can help fulfill that for you. • Define intimacy. Explain how intimacy looks for you. Perhaps intimacy might be when you are pursuing a goal together or talking together about your day, or maybe you feel most emotionally close when you are having sex. By each explaining how you get your emotional needs fulfilled – either inside or outside the bedroom – you will be gaining more information and understanding about what will make you both happy in this relationship. Jacqui Manning is a psychologist and co-director of Mind Advantage, a centre for positive change based in Balmain, Sydney. For more information, or to subscribe to the Mind Advantage Oracle newsletter, email enquiries@mindadvantage.com.au, visit www.mindadvantage.com.au or call (02) 9810 1478.

Relationships

Remember

‘You’ in Love

Are you so busy looking for love that you’ve forgotten about number one? Love coach Carolin Dahlman says the key to happy, lasting relationships is first of all loving yourself.

hen I met my first long-term boyfriend, I was active in a political party and had a diary filled with activities, meetings and parties. I went to the gym at least five times a week and had strong opinions about most things. A year and a half later, I had totally changed. I had gained about 10kg from all the cooking I did playing the ‘housewife’ role, I had resigned from all the boards I was on and lost touch with the political scene. I had a tremendous sex life, but that was about it. I started living purely for my partner – to please him and keep him happy – but the more I tried, the worse it got. When he began to lose interest in me and we eventually broke up, I had a good look in the mirror and didn’t recognise myself. Who was this person? What were her passions? What made her smile? When was she in harmony? In my experience coaching many women through their relationships and love lives, I find many, like me, realise that somewhere along the way they’ve lost a bit of their core self. One client came to me to get some help with her relationship. She had decided to give it another go with her ex-boyfriend and was determined to make it work this time. She tried

December/January 2009

so hard to make everything easy for him, she said all the right things and invested a huge amount of time in figuring out what would make him like her more. This can happen to single women as well. When we are too eager to find a relationship, singles can also lose the connection with their true ‘self ’. One client wrote to me, “I don’t have time to love myself first, I want to find someone now!” Another wrote, “I will be happy and get self-esteem when I meet someone. It is impossible to do it the opposite way”. Just as I shared with these clients, you will actually be more attractive when being your true self. When you are in balance with yourself and the person you naturally are, good things will be drawn to you. Remember, it’s not very attractive when the person you once fell in love with transforms into someone else. Your partner picked you for a reason – because they liked you the way you were when you had a life on your own, before you met them. I’m not suggesting we will always remain the same. Of course we naturally change and our lifestyles become different when we meet someone new. For some, staying true to themselves and being completely ‘in’ the relationship is achievable, and only we

as individuals can be the judge of our own happiness. What I am suggesting is that while change is inevitable we can always control the direction our life is taking. We can always take responsibility for our own happiness and ensure that any change is occurring in accordance with our true self.

All Together Now I would suggest we all have more than one ‘self ’. We have a lot of feelings and traits within us and we bring out different ‘selves’ depending on the situation. You are probably one way with your grandmother and another way in an important meeting with your boss. All of these ‘selves’ can make up your true ‘self ’. You have a smorgasboard of characteristics and emotions that you can pick from, and you bring out those most suitable for the current relationship or event. Sometimes, however, we put on masks to become someone else or we cover up those parts we are too scared to reveal. So how do you know when you’re being your true self ? Well, I’d say that you are the true ‘you’ when life feels easy to live, when there is a smile on your face as you wake up in the morning, when there are more positive moments than negative. Do you feel like that?

iStockphoto

Relationships

In a relationship, we need to compromise and grow together. When you meet someone new, out of respect for him or her, you may make changes in lifestyle, personality and style, but this doesn’t have to be at the expense of your self. The same goes if you’re single and looking for love – are you being yourself while playing the dating game? When I changed in my first long-term relationship, I wasn’t even changing for my partner, I was changing to fit into the image of a relationship that my upbringing in a small town had given me. Where I grew up a ‘girlfriend’ was supposed to bake cinnamon rolls. She was not supposed to love having political arguments over red wine at 2am. I changed to fit into a mould, contrary to my natural path and way of being. As a result, I wasn’t happy. I was a repellent for love, since I was so awkward in my perceived girlfriend role. I struggled to stay, since I grew up in a broken family and wanted the dream, even if it so obviously wasn’t mine. I was miserable, but didn’t know why. The reason many people (especially women) transform into someone else when they enter a relationship is because, like me, they have an image of how they think they ‘should be’ and they try to fulfil that. Many I speak to also feel they need to change

because they don’t think they’re good enough as they are. Whatever the reason, we often choose to hide behind the character we’re playing, in the movie we’d love to be in. The longer we persist with this, though, the emptier we will feel. If this sounds a little like your situation, it’s time to start exploring your core self again and revealing it to the world. Start by asking yourself the following questions: • What makes me happy and in harmony? • When do I feel good, strong, confident and in balance? • When do I laugh out of true love?

These are easy questions, but many people struggle to confront them. What if you realise you have made some wrong choices and that to change them would require a lot of effort? And what if you change and life still isn’t as fantastic as you wish it were? The best piece of advice I can give is this: if you don’t play, you can’t win. It’s time to sit down for a while and tap into your core. Answer the questions above and figure out when you are in balance with your true ‘selves’. Accept and love all parts of you, even the parts you think are less valuable. Learn how to recognise that content woman who

When you meet someone new, you may make changes in lifestyle, personality and style, but this doesn’t have to be at the expense of your self • When did I feel everything flowed easily this week? • With whom do I feel light? • In which situations do I feel relaxed? • Am I living the way I want to? • What do I dream about? If my life were perfect, how would it be? • What are my strengths? Am I using those to their full potential? • Does it feel as if I am doing what I am intended to do in life? • Am I feeling great?

is smiling because she just feels so good about herself and life. When you have met her, she will be your best friend and you will never want to leave her again. You’ll also be surprised at how attractive your confident, happy self will be to that special someone.

Carolin Dahlman is a love coach and author of Find Love. For more information visit www.coaching2love.com or email coach@coaching2love.com

www.empoweronline.com.au

Family Ties

Keeping the Peace The holiday season is a time for families to get together, but ingrained roles and old tensions can come to the table along with the turkey. Miriam Hechtman looks at how to survive the silly season.

December/January 2009

the case, those expectations will cause disappointment,” she adds. When contemplating the upcoming family gathering, Helen says you need to ask yourself: what do I want from this? Why am I going? “Make it a conscious choice rather than an obligation. Check if your expectations are realistic” she says. Wanting your mother to love your partner, job or lifestyle choices, for example, may not be reasonable. Most of us see ‘happy’ in the terms that we define it, says Helen, and your family will possibly impose their set of values onto you. “Rarely are these the same as our own. It’s great if they are, but often they’re not. So we feel that to make our family members happy, we have to fit in with what they expect.” Kara, a 39-year-old hospitality worker, says her ideal scenario is to skip the holiday gathering all together, but for the sake of her mother she makes the effort to be there when she can. “I do love to see my siblings and my niece, but with the tension that often accompanies the family dynamics, it is hard for us to enjoy each other,” she says. This sense of duty and obligation often masks real feelings of love and can create a

barrier between family members. In many contemporary families, adult members don’t live in the same city. For Kara, whose brother now lives overseas, the pressure for her to continue the tradition weighs heavily. “Last year, Mum came to my place to spend Christmas with me and my partner. There wasn’t a lot of potential for conflict with only three adults, but still, it wasn’t so harmonious between the three of us. I am the meat in the sandwich with my mother wanting my time and my partner expecting it, too.”

Prepare Yourself There are different ways that family gets hooked into the trauma of the holiday season, says consulting psychologist Lorraine Corne, but a family discussion prior to the event can be very effective. “You’re dealing with a whole series of needs and wants that are different for everyone involved,” she says. “It’s difficult to have the one occasion that suits everybody.” Family gatherings can become political with each personality wanting to exercise their opinion, so establishing a democratic system allows each person to input their

iStockphoto

es, blood is thicker than water, but as much as you love your relatives, come holiday time, the saying, “if you can deal with your family you can deal with anything” often rings true. What is it about the silly season that unhinges the most composed of us, increases calls to emergency counselling hotlines and invites the ghosts of Christmas past back to haunt us? For many women, the lead-up to the holiday season converts the practical into the emotional, and what is meant to be a joyous time with family and loved ones becomes difficult and draining. High expectations, location logistics and a reassembling of the family unit – which in itself is a complex character – can make this time of year an emotional rollercoaster. So how can we survive and enjoy the holiday season with family? “Getting through the holidays is about being real, knowing your own integrity and not having expectations,” says creativity and life coach Helen Carmichael. “Having expectations that you’re going to get a loving and, what I call, equal relationship (in other words, honest, respectful, unconditional) is not always realistic. And, if that’s

needs and wants without fear or favour. “The final decision doesn’t really matter,” she says. “It’s the process you’ve gone through to get to that decision. And the process always needs to entail finding out what the other people want, and to keep asking until you know.” Another way to prepare for the upcoming reunion is to see a coach and actually play out a rehearsal of the meeting, suggests Helen. “You’re in a safe situation therefore you can practise. If you use an active method, such as psychodrama, you are able to stand in their shoes and have a dialogue about it.” In doing this, she says you are able to defuse the energy of that dynamic before you go into the actual scenario. Also, learn from past experiences how long you can be in a situation before it starts to drain you. “If you can only stay half an hour, for example, leave after half an hour, and before you arrive, let the others know you will be staying only for that time,” she advises. Engaging with people that energise you rather than

because it keeps welling up emotionally in others. Move away from what happened.” This can be easier said than done and if the thought of going to a family gathering conjures up extreme anxiety, Lorraine recommends professional help. “Anxiety clouds your rational thinking,” she says. “When you start thinking of the past and it brings up emotional issues and the atmosphere at the time, you can become fearful of being in that situation again.” The family home can also conjure up childhood memories and activate the old roles each member used to play. Finding a neutral setting creates a fresh space for the family to interact and represents a clean slate. Creating a getaway, as opposed to

Knowing yourself and your threshold in dealing with family members, as well as maintaining your integrity, will support you during family gatherings drain you is incredibly beneficial to your wellbeing, and minimising contact with people who bring you down is sensible. “In situations that drain you, know your threshold and don’t push it,” says Helen.

iStockphoto

Release The Past When reconnecting with family, it’s common for old wounds to resurface, causing confusion, pain and doubt. But hanging on to what happened last time the family all got together won’t be helpful, says Lorraine. “Forget about the past. History gets repeated again and again

going home for the holidays, changed the dynamic for 39-year-old Karyn and her family. “Now we’re all adults, we are distributed all over the country. So we had a conversation about changing Christmas so, rather than all the kids coming home, the family now all go on a holiday together.” The change proved successful and forced Karyn, her three siblings and her parents to become more conscious about the roles they were playing. Unconscious behaviour used to be a significant obstacle at her family gatherings. “We don’t see each other much because of distance, so when we do come

together there’s the reorganising of the order and the roles we play,” Karyn says. Today, the siblings have a lot more awareness and have been able to work this out. Bringing awareness to a situation is a fundamental tool and allows you to be very present in each moment, says Helen. “As in life, when dealing with your family, the secret is to be conscious about what you’re doing and to make conscious choices. Otherwise you’re going to be at the mercy of the time and tides of your unconscious.” If you can’t change the setting, Helen suggests changing the dynamic within the space by going for a walk, moving around and even shifting the focus of where you are to alleviate an uncomfortable conversation. “Really think about your strategy and apply it,” she says. For Karyn, family enjoyment has come from the kids getting older and accepting and receiving each member for who they are now and the role they previously played within the family unit. “Other things also help, such as learning how to laugh at it and bringing some humour and humility to the situation,” she says. “The family is one of nature’s masterpieces,” wrote philosopher George Santayana, and to craft a masterpiece requires nurturing, time and patience. The holiday season can last from one hour to a whole week and it is up to you how you want to spend it. Knowing yourself, your threshold in dealing with certain family members and maintaining your integrity will support you during family gatherings.

www.empoweronline.com.au

Fitness

Fit for a Challenge

If you really want 2009 to be your year, start planning now. Fitness expert James Short shares his sure-fire plan to achieving your fitness goals.

Step 1 Creating Your Goal Get clear on what you want to create or achieve with your fitness plan. What is the end result or what are you working towards? Having clear, concise end points will make the planning process easier to map out, and creates some excitement about the process. You can have multiple end points and these can repeat themselves. After all, you never want to stop your fitness plan – do you? When writing your plan, be as descriptive as possible and make sure you write in the present tense. If you get stuck on this, imagine yourself at the end result – how do you feel? What do you look like? Who is around you and what do they say? If this doesn’t trigger any thoughts or feelings,

October/November 2008

talk to a friend or colleague who may have experienced similar success to what you want to create, ask them how they feel and the differences they experienced. The goal-setting model in the enclosed Coaching Toolkit is a great tool to help get you started with this.

Step 2 What & Who Do I Need? Having the right resources and a supportive team is crucial for any plan. Get clear on what you might need – everything from new sneakers or an exercise ball to 15 spare minutes – and who you might need to call on for help. The list might grow as you start your plan – that’s okay, just write it all down.

Step 3 Commitment, Rewards & Non-rewards This is where things start to heat up. I learnt this step from one of my mentors, Dr Fred Grosse. It takes the mind off the end result and focuses it on the commitments you need to make. When you set commitments, I suggest using three-week intervals as this will be most manageable. Your commitments (such as walking three times a week, joining a yoga class, doing 50 sit-ups a day or changing your diet) should be in alignment with your goal. For example, your commitments will be different depending on whether you’ve set a goal to increase your cardio health, tone up or lose weight. Commitments greatly differ from one person to the next, as where we are now and where we want to be is very individual. It’s worth talking to a fitness professional about which exercises and lifestyle factors correlate with your goals. You also need to set some rewards and non-rewards. If you fulfill your three-week commitments, you activate your reward, using it as motivation towards your goal. But if you strike out and fall behind, then you

need to activate your non-reward. In Mary’s case, you’ll see how the non-reward can be quite emotional – be brave and have a go. Once you finish your three weeks, reset your commitments, rewards and non-rewards. Keep repeating the process.

Step 4 Variety is Paramount Having variety in your fitness plan is paramount to achieving results. If you like walking your favourite course, then make sure you add some stairs or hills, even a light jog to your overall plan. Or if you do the same class at the gym, change it around and do something different. Without variety, your body will plateau and the results will be harder to find. Besides, doing something different opens up a whole new (and potentially fun) experience.

Step 5 Find a Friend When we know someone is keeping an eye on us, making sure we are performing our commitments and activating our rewards or non-rewards, we are more likely to do what we need to do. Finding a friend, work colleague or family member to be accountable to means no skipping corners, no ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’ – just straight action.

Step 6 Action

Now you have a clear outline, you need to put it into action. Make copies of your plan and put them around the house or at work. This will keep your commitments in the front of your mind and assist with motivation. Set a start date, write your plan, tell your friend and get started. Remember, you are in the driving seat of your fitness plan – it is your plan, with your goals for your health. Have fun with it and keep fit!

iStockphoto

s the saying goes, “fail to plan, plan to fail”. We often hear this when it comes to our personal goals, business plans and financial budgeting, but creating a fitness plan is a sure way of achieving those long-awaited fitness goals as well. And what better time to start than now? Just like any other strategy, a fitness plan takes preparation, clarity and commitment, so get out your spreadsheets, sharpen your pencils and bring on the whiteboard because we are about to create your fool-proof fitness plan. Firstly, we need to get clear on what this actually is. A fitness plan is like a road map. It illustrates where you currently are, the direction you need to take, the resources required to make the trip and, finally, the destination. A fitness plan will empower you to make some positive changes in your life, boost your confidence and bring back your energy. The box opposite offers an example from one of my clients, so you can see how it works in practice.

Mary’s Fitness Plan

iStockphoto

Mary is an account manager for an IT company and has two young children, Will (5) and Grace (4). She works 50 hours a week, is always tired and claims she never has time to exercise, but knows how important it is to her health and for her family. Mary has some help from her mum babysitting occasionally, but otherwise she and her husband, who runs his own plumbing business, juggle looking after the kids. Here is a fitness plan we established to get her Step 3: Commitment working towards her fitness goals. For the first three weeks: • Exercise: 4 x 30-minute sessions per week. • Maintain a food diary. Step 1: Mary’s Goal • Plan each day the night before. It is November 12, 2009, and I am feeling full of energy and vitality. My size-12 dresses are • Drink 1.5 litres of water daily. now fitting perfectly and I feel so confident in them. I have boundless energy to play with the Reward: Have a facial. Non-reward: Give my favourite suit (which is kids. My skin looks amazing, so young and worth $700) to charity – ouch! bright. My husband Jeff loves all this energy as well. I’m sleeping well, my sex life is better and work is now a breeze. Wow, I have found Step 4: Variety an endless supply of energy and happiness. First three-week period: walking, course A. Second: walking, course B. Third: walking plus stairs on course A. Step 2: What resources do I need? Fourth: walking, course B, with squats, • A new pair of running shoes. push-ups or sit-ups. • Training gear – an old pair of shorts and a t-shirt. • A training program. Step 5: My friend • A session with a registered personal trainer. Kylie is my accountability buddy. She will • Somewhere to write down my diet. be exercising with me and checking my • A water bottle. commitments every three weeks. I trust and • Some headphones. rely on her to crack the whip if needed. She knows how important this goal is to me. Who do I need to enrol for this journey? • Jeff for his support and understanding. Step 6: Action • The kids for motivation. I have a copy of my plan next to my computer at • Mum for some extra babysitting and support. work to keep me focused on the goal. There’s • My boss for understanding and motivation. also one on the fridge at home to remind me to • Kylie (my best friend) for accountability, as make the right food choices and I have a copy I am doing this with her. next to my bed to read every night.

www.empoweronline.com.au

Life is a Journey not a Destination

James Short is a fitness expert, presenter, trainer and coach. He is the 2008 Fitness Australia Fitness Professional of the Year. For more information visit www.jamesshort.com

www.empoweronline.com.au

Nutrition

f th ught

Do you eat with your head or with your heart? Dietitian Susie Burrell says it’s time to loosen the reigns a little and learn to trust your body.

magine how simple weight control, nutrition, food and eating would be if we simply ate when we were hungry and stopped when we were full. Overeating, diets, weight loss and cravings would never exist and, for many women, life would be a whole lot easier. If we looked at food and eating from a purely scientific perspective, indeed we would eat when we were hungry and stop when we felt full. Unfortunately, eating is not a science, but a behaviour we perform in social circumstances and it is influenced by a great many factors – how we feel, what food is around, what we think we should be eating, whether we feel ‘fat’ or not when we wake up in the morning. And these are just a few of the factors that will influence how, what, how much and why we eat what we do on a daily basis. If you’ve spent years dieting or worrying about what you should and should not be eating, wasting your mental energy thinking about food, it’s time to get off the food merry-go-round and take control of your body and your nutrition.

Should I or Shouldn’t I? If there was just one major difference between the way men and women eat, it would be that men spend far less time thinking about what they should be eating, instead focusing on what they feel like eating. Women, on the other hand, are much more likely to mentally calculate how many kilojoules are in a particular food, debating whether they have been ‘good’ enough to treat themselves. The body is actually extremely good at telling you what you need to be eating. For example, if you’re craving sugar, it’s probably because you haven’t eaten enough fuel-containing carbohydrates. A common

December/January 2009

example of this situation is the 3pm cravings for chocolate, which often come after eating a plain salad for lunch with no carbohydrates from rice, bread or pasta. Or the times you find yourself craving salads and fresh fruit when you have been filling up on fast and processed foods. In fact, research suggests that the cognitive control of food intake may even

coping with cravings • Always satisfy the craving with a small portion of what you are craving. For example, an individual chocolate or small packet of potato chips. • Follow this up with a snack that contains both carbohydrates and proteins, such as cheese and crackers, a skim latte or a nut-based snack bar. • Drink a green tea or water to clear your palate. • Get out of the house to take your mind off things.

directly cause lower blood glucose levels and trigger sugar cravings. After many years of cognitively controlling what and when you eat, try getting back in touch with your body’s own physiological needs and start to pay attention to when you really feel hungry and what you actually feel like eating. Removing the cognitive restraint you have self-imposed means that if you do feel like enjoying a high kilojoule treat, you will no longer feel guilty about eating it and will be able to enjoy a small portion without overeating. This doesn’t mean you give yourself a licence to binge on poor-quality food. It means that after you base your meal choices around lean proteins, wholegrain

carbohydrates and plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, if you have an occasional takeaway or restaurant meal, or a piece of chocolate, you don’t have to stress about it. Making the shift from cognitively controlling your food intake will take time. First, make a mental note of the foods you need to eat each day to achieve your basic balance of nutrition. Focusing on these nutritionally-balanced options rather than the ‘treats’ refocuses your energy onto the food your body needs rather than what you mentally want to eat. Once you have done this, you can start to think of some of the food rules you hold that you may like to loosen. For example, if you feel as if you cannot keep anything sweet in the house for fear of eating it all, you can make an agreement with yourself that you will eat anything that you want to, as long as you really want to eat it. This agreement allows you to differentiate between ‘mindless’ eating and foods that you really enjoy. Remember, losing your cognitive control does not mean you need to eat everything in sight, it simply allows you to respond to your food environment as it presents, making individual decisions on a meal-to-meal basis on what you feel like eating at the time.

Overeaters Anonymous We’ve all done it at Christmas, a birthday party or on a Friday night – eating way too much and suffering for hours afterwards. For a number of women, loosening the cognitive control of eating can strike a fear that overeating and weight gain will occur. While binge eating is a diagnosable clinical eating disorder, less serious but still frequent overeating of high-fat, high- kilojoule foods can become an issue for individuals trapped in a cycle of overeating. Exploring the underlying reasons as to why you may feel the need to binge at all is a crucial part of stopping this vicious cycle and regaining control of your eating. If you find you can’t keep high-kilojoule, high-fat foods, such as cakes, chocolate, biscuits and potato chips in the house without overindulging, it’s time to take action and stop the mind battle you have developed about whether to eat them or not. First of all, try to manage temptation by not keeping large volumes of your

iStockphoto

for d

Living your best life is easy with the

You know you eat with your head if you: • mentally calculate the kilojoules of every food before you eat it; • can’t remember the last time you ate chocolate, cakes or cheese; • avoid eating out with friends because you worry about the kilojoules; • exercise to compensate whenever you eat high-kilojoule foods; or • overeat high kilojoule treats when you keep them in the cupboard. You know you eat with your heart if you: • never feel guilty about eating highkilojoule foods; • eat only when you are hungry; • can say no to high-kilojoule food if you’re not hungry; • can keep a packet of chocolate biscuits in the fridge without demolishing it in one go; or • eat a chocolate or cake without a second thought because you feel like it. Find the right balance between eating with your head and heart by using the following five-steps: 1. Always base your main meals and snacks around good quality, wholegrain carbohydrates and lean proteins. For example, tuna, salad and bread; or yoghurt and fruit. 2. Make sure you are eating at least three cups of vegetables or salad every day. 3. Always ask yourself, “what do I really feel like eating”, and only eat it if you really love it. 4. Aim for one high-kilojoule snack or treat each day. 5. Give yourself a day off your structured eating plan each week.

a helping hand To find an accredited practising dietitian or registered psychologist near you visit:

iStockphoto

• Dietitians Association of Australia www.daa.asn.au • Australian Psychological Society www.psychology.org.au

personal trigger foods in the house. Secondly, try to identify a pattern to your overeating. Does it happen when you are home alone, after you have been grocery shopping, when you are sad or stressed? Once you’ve identified your triggers you’re in a much better position to mange them. For example, do you need to call a friend each evening so you aren’t tempted to drive to the shops and pick up some chocolate? Once you’re aware of your triggers, if you still don’t feel confident in managing the temptation to binge, it may be time to see a psychologist or dietitian who is trained in psychology to examine these issues more closely. You may also need more help with your eating if you: • think about food all the time; • are always on a diet and exercising, but can’t lose weight; • overeat high-kilojoule, high-fat food more than three times each week; • plan ahead to purchase extra food and overeat; or • feel constantly out of control with your eating and it is affecting your mood and ability to enjoy food. It’s important to remember that, in many cases, overeating occurs when you find yourself ‘over hungry’, such as arriving home late at night or at a party absolutely starving, which leaves you prone to overdoing it when food is available. Plan ahead and if you know it will be some time before you have access to food, enjoy a filling, protein-rich snack such as a nut bar or cheese and crackers to avoid getting too hungry and potentially overdoing it. Another trick is to always keep a light snack such as an apple or protein bar in your bag so you never get caught short. Remember, becoming aware of the food habits that have developed in your life, for better or for worse, is the key to managing them and finding the right balance between eating with your head and eating your heart.

Susie Burrell is a qualified consultant dietitian. She can be contacted on email, susie@susieburrell.com.au

From naturopaths to networking groups, we’re growing the Directory so you can connect with products & services to improve your life.

www.empoweronline.com.au

head v heart

suggested reads

• The Lazy Gardener by Don Burke • Jekka’s Complete Herb Book by Jekka McVicar • The Complete Medicinal Herbal by Penelope Ody • The Encyclopaedia of Medicinal Plants by Andrew Chevallier • Tyler’s Honest Herbal – A Sensible Guide to the Use of Herbs and Related Remedies by Varro E Tyler and Steven Foster

•

and grow and use them fast to get the best flavour. Harvest them young and keep trimming to encourage new growth. The only herb that likes part-shade and moist conditions is mint, but mint is a bully, so confine it to a pot or it will overpower the garden. One of my favourites is the variegated apple mint. It’s very pretty with a subtle apple-minty flavour that’s great in summer drinks. The exception to the spring planting rule is probably coriander. Planted in summer, it goes very quickly to seed. Plant it in April/ May and you will have plenty of leaves, but no later than August or September because it will bolt to seed. Parsley can be pernickety from seed, so grow it from seedlings. Use it as a border plant, like a mini hedge. Like coriander, it has a tendency to die off and look a bit ordinary. With both, you’re probably better to use it and plant fresh each year. Lemongrass will grow easily, but I prefer the Australian native lemon myrtle (backhousia citriodora), which can be grown as a potted shrub, a tree or a hedge. It smells great and the leaves make a great substitute for kaffir lime leaves in cooking. Lavender, like the other Mediterranean herbs, likes limey soil. Add a big handful when you plant a new plant, and then probably every few years.

www.empoweronline.com.au

THE NEXT GENERATION

HYDRATAIN™ THE REVOLUTION IN ANTI-AGEING SKIN CARE HEALTHY SMOOTH SKIN

DR. SPILLER’S HYDRATAIN™ TECHNOLOGY OFFERS LONGER LASTING HYDRATION TRADITIONAL SKIN CARE

DEHYDRATED SKIN TIGHT SKIN ROUGH SKIN

DR. SPILLER’S HYDRATAIN™ EMULSION

TIME 1 HOUR

2 HOURS

3 HOURS

Introducing Dr. Spiller’s new Hydratain™ Emulsion System which takes the concept of natural skin care to new levels of gentleness, effectiveness and results - not just ‘natural ingredients mixed into a cream’ but formulated in a way that imitates the protective barrier found on young healthy skin. Dr. Spiller’s Hydratain™ emulsions succeed in reproducing the conditions found in the acid mantle, our skin’s natural protection. They are gentle on your skin, and ensure it remains beautifully hydrated all day long. Skin friendly actives like vitamins, peptides and skin-identical substances develop their full potential for a healthy, radiant and smooth appearance. “A new customer was describing how frustrated she was with her skin. ‘My skin feels lifeless – tight and dry. I’m not getting the results from my [salon brand].’ I gave her a sample of Dr. Spiller’s Sanvita Cream, with Green Tea and Ginseng extract. A few days later the client was surprised at how well her skin was looking and feeling. It’s great to be able to help my clients with a product that really works.” says Eleni Dimitriou of Eleni for Beauty in WA.

FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL 1300 301 007 OR VISIT WWW.EVERYSKIN.COM.AU

GERMAN ENGINEERED

EM Omniderm FP.indd 1

27/8/08 7:41:01 PM

Feature

cents & S Sensibility

Ever wondered why a perfume that smells great on one person doesn’t suit another? The answer may lie in the fact that we each have our own unique scent profile, writes Tami Dower.

iStockphoto

n ancient times, perfume was believed to bring the wearer closer to God. These days, it’s more likely to be used in an attempt to get closer to the opposite sex. As stand-up comedian Rita Rudner once quipped, “To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior”. While most women opt for a more conventional scent, revving up the engine of desire is one of the main reasons we keep the $36 billion global perfume industry in business. Given that the industry’s main advertising theme is seduction, surprisingly little scientific research has been done into the physiological connection between scent and sexual attraction. However, there is strong evidence to suggest that perfume has a powerful effect on the emotional state of the wearer, leading to an enhanced sense of confidence and wellbeing – factors that no doubt heighten our attractiveness to the opposite sex. A snap poll of emPOWER readers confirmed that setting a mood was one of the primary motivators for wearing perfume. “L’eau d’Issey is my ‘going out’ or special occasion perfume,” reports 28-year-old lawyer Caroline. “I have another that I wear on a day-to-day basis, but I prefer to wear something different when I go out at night or for special occasions. This reminds me that it isn’t just another routine day in the office and prompts me to get excited.” Our emotional response to a perfume can also be linked with the past. According to the New York-based Sense of Smell Institute, olfaction is handled by the same part of the brain that deals with memories and emotions. If you’ve ever had an

experience where a smell evoked vivid recollections of a person or event from the past, that was the limbic system in your brain kicking in. In fact, studies have shown that people can recall smells with 65 percent accuracy after a year, while the visual recall of photos sinks to about 50

FACT

We have four different receptors for colours and around 1,000 for smelling percent after only three months. This is not really surprising when you consider that we have four different receptors for colours and upwards of 1,000 for smelling. Our choice of fragrance can also be an expression of our personality. As Christian Dior famously remarked, “A woman’s perfume tells more about her than her handwriting”. Our poll revealed that many women adopt a signature scent they feel reflects their individual style. “Women wear perfume to define themselves, as a status symbol and to make a statement,” says former fragrance consultant Allison, 28. “In a way, fragrances are a lot like jewellery and can really tell a lot about a person.”

For 27-year-old editor Helen, it’s about making an impression. “I love the idea of a ‘signature’ anything, so I hope that when people smell my perfume they immediately think of me. There is something sexy and mysterious about someone walking past and leaving behind a waft of gorgeous scent – and I hope that I am sometimes that someone!”

Your Scent Profile What smells fabulous on one woman is not necessarily going to smell the same on another. That’s because we each have our own natural scent profile – a unique chemistry defined by factors such as our genes, skin type, diet and lifestyle. Even the best noses in the business are not immune to the effects that personal chemistry can have on a fragrance. As Michael Edwards, fragrance expert and author of Fragrances of the World, divulges, “The great perfumer Jean-Paul Guerlain once told me that a woman presented her wrist to him at a cocktail party and said, ‘What is it?’ and he said, ‘I don’t know’. In fact, it was one of his own perfumes”. Factors such as skin acidity or body temperature can enhance the intensity of a fragrance. Conversely, dry skin does not retain fragrance as long as oily skin. Other natural variances, such as the density of our pores or subcutaneous fat, can also have an effect on the way a fragrance interacts with our skin.

www.empoweronline.com.au

Feature

Did You Know?

• The first synthetic fragrances made their appearance towards the end of the 19th century. • ‘Natural’ does not necessarily mean chemical-free. Natural fragrance ingredients are complex mixtures of natural chemicals. • The main enemy of perfume is direct sunlight. Perfume should be replaced if it shows signs of darkening. • The average human being is able to recognise approximately 10,000 different odours. • Studies have shown that women tend to have a keener sense of smell than men. • High altitude can weaken the strength of a fragrance and decrease its longlasting effects. • Behind the knees is actually one of the best places to apply perfume as it is a pulse point and scent rises. • There are no strict definitions, but in general, eau de parfum is approximately twice the concentration of eau de toilette, while parfum has the highest concentration of perfume.

While we each have our own genetic scent profile, lifestyle factors can also play a significant role in determining the way our skin reacts to perfume. “Your skin is the biggest excretory organ you have,” explains Michael. “If you’re on the pill, on medication or stressed, this can have an impact. Scent is you – it’s your skin, it’s your body language, so it’s influenced by what you do, what you are and what you eat.” Spicy foods, for example, can intensify a fragrance, as can a diet that is high in fat. Other lifestyle factors that can influence scent include smoking and exercise. Seasonal changes can also affect the character of a fragrance. “The hotter the weather, the more rapidly the ‘notes’ of a fragrance leave the skin,” explains Michael. “In cold weather the fragrance molecules ‘lift’ more slowly and the top, head and base notes develop more gradually. That’s why you can wear a more potent fragrance in cold weather.” So, taking into account the endless possible permutations of each individual scent, how do you sort through the haze of aromatic options to find the one that works for you? Well, take heart in the knowledge that variations are generally only subtle, says Michael. Secondly,

“Just like clothing, a fragrance wardrobe provides variety for different occasions, moods and climates,” explains Michael. “Soft floral, citrus and water-based fragrances are usually lighter and are generally recommended for daytime or casual wear. Classic floral, woody and oriental fragrances are heavier and suit evenings or special occasions.” When choosing a new fragrance, make it a rule never to try more than three at a time. Otherwise you’ll develop odour-fatigue – no, that’s not when you get sweaty and tired from a long day of perfume shopping, it’s when your olfactory receptors suffer from sensory overload and become desensitised. You should also avoid making any hasty decisions about fragrances. “Test scents over a period of an hour or more to allow them to develop their full profile,” advises John Ayres, director of Pandora, a UK company providing consultancy and training for the fragrance industry. “Don’t make quick judgements based on first impressions.” The best way to test a perfume is to apply it where the blood is closest to the skin, such as the inside of your elbow, the nape of your neck and below your ears.

identify the family of perfumes that works for you. Broadly speaking, there are four: florals, orientals, woody and fresh. If you’re not sure which one you lean towards, the best way to work it out is to go to a department store and tell the consultant what your favourite fragrances are. They will then be able to recommend similar scents for you to try. Bear in mind that what worked for you in your twenties may not suit you in your thirties or beyond. Research suggests that while under-18s prefer citrus notes, under-25s prefer fruity and flowery notes, and 35- to 49-year-olds tend to gravitate towards sexier, musky fragrances. You also need to consider the context in which you intend to wear your perfume.

December/January 2009

Timing is also important. “Our ability to smell and our sensitivity to scents change over short periods of time, for example, between morning, afternoon and evening; before or after a meal; with monthly hormonal changes and during pregnancy,” explains John. Generally speaking, our sense of smell is least acute in the morning, but increases as the day wears on. And while the evidence is not conclusive, ovulation and pregnancy are also believed to sharpen our sense of smell. Remember, don’t choose a fragrance just because you like it on someone else. Test it for yourself, take your time and don’t rush into a decision. At the end of the day, the best advice is simply to follow your nose.

iStockphoto

We each have our own natural scent profile – a unique chemistry defined by factors such as our genes, skin type, diet and lifestyle

Spotlight On...

Iridology

...

If your eyes are the windows to your soul, imagine what they can tell you about your health. Emma Gardiner heeds the call of “look into my eyes” and likes what she sees.

Session 1 I walked into Pure Botanicals a frazzled mess after spending the previous weekend moving house, so it was with some relief that I was offered a glass of water and led down the stairs into a very peaceful space.

December/January 2009

Contemporary artworks in earthy colours line the walls, while comfy couches and a courtyard feature prominently. Sophie guides me into a dimly lit treatment room and we sit down for my initial consultation. Firstly, Sophie makes it clear to me that iridology is a diagnostic tool used as part of a full naturopathic consultation. “It would be very rare for someone to practise iridology as a stand-alone modality, but it is very useful in helping us to understand a patient’s medical history, the strength of their constitution and even things like character traits,” she explains. Sophie shows me some pictures of irises, the coloured part of the eye, and explains how both eyes are broken up into

Iridology goes far beyond assessing vision. It goes deep into the realms of our organs and lymphatic and nervous systems sectors that correlate to different functions and systems in the body. While most of us have had eye examinations at one time or another, iridology goes far beyond assessing vision and goes deep into the realms of our organs and lymphatic and nervous systems. On first look, Sophie tells me I have an A-type personality, indicating a tendency towards perfectionism, that I have a ‘linen’

has deteriorated to the point where it is unpredictable and often painful. The laws of naturopathy decree that healing is a gradual process, not a one-hit wonder. However, I push for something that is fast-acting (there’s that A-type personality emerging) so Sophie tells me she will focus on calming down my stomach and leave the hormonal and sleep issues for the next session.

iStockphoto

eware the first date with an iridologist. While you’re gazing into his eyes thinking he’s gorgeous, he will be looking into yours thinking, “under-functioning thyroid”. Iridology is one of those things I’d heard of but never really understood, so when the opportunity arose to explore it further, I jumped at the chance. Initially, I was keen to simply understand what it was that naturopaths were looking for when they grab their magnifying glass and torch, but after I thought about it further, I became curious to see if it could provide any clues to the cause of my flagging vitality and feeble immune system. For months I’d been hearing about this outstanding woman who had helped my friend Julie through her pregnancy, so it seemed the time had finally come to go and see her myself. A phone call later and I had an appointment with naturopath Sophie Charleston, co-director of Pure Botanicals in Newtown, NSW.

texture to the fibres in my eyes and that it’s likely I have suffered from a lot of throat infections over the years. She’s right – I spent most of my teenage years gargling salt water and afflicted with pharyngitis, tonsillitis and a miscellany of chest infections. Apparently there are four ‘fabrics’ that irises can exhibit – silk (strongest constitution and very rare), linen (good and quite common), hessian (fair) and net (weak). Sophie explains that silk is literally dying out with 80- and 90-year-olds. “They did much more manual labour and their food was far less contaminated. Most people live in polluted cities, consume food and drink that contains artificial additives, pesticides and herbicides and lead much more stressful lives than their grandparents. All these factors are showing up in people’s eyes,” she says. One striking example of lifestyle impacting the genetic make-up of eyes is with the phenomenon of ‘Irish green eyes’. Sophie tells me there’s actually no such thing as green or hazel eyes – iris fibres only come in blue or brown. Greenish hues are the result of a diet full of high-acid foods, such as the traditional Irish staples of potatoes and beer. Many generations of this diet have cumulatively created a gene pool than expresses the symptoms of this acidity. After taking an initial look, Sophie delves more into my diet, sleep patterns, hormones and emotional wellbeing. Before I can reveal anything too detailed, she tells me she can see a ring of ‘rust’ (discolouration around my retina), meaning I have a sluggish digestive system. Again, she is right. My stomach is definitely my weak spot. With age and an increasingly stressful work life, my stomach

Spotlight On...

We head back upstairs and Sophie disappears behind the counter to create a specific blend for me, selecting from hundreds of brown bottles containing herbal extracts. Finding myself with a few spare minutes, I wander through the shop, which offers natural soaps, organic skincare and scented candles. My name is called and Sophie explains my prescription: dry skin brushing to stimulate my lymphatic system (purchase of one long-handled shower brush), a digestive tonic (three times daily before meals), a jar of acidophilus fibre and a multivitamin in the morning.

This time, she gives me big bottles of three tonics; one called Vitex to be taken in the morning, one for sleep and a general tonic to be taken three times a day. In addition to this, I book in for an acupuncture appointment the following Saturday. I think I’m becoming addicted to all this attention.

My lasting impression of Sophie and the process of an iridology consultation is one of real care and compassion. It’s not cheap, it’s not fast and it involves considerable commitment to keep up with all the potions, but I look forward to seeing whether it will improve my health in a lasting way.

iStockphoto

Session 2 A week after my first session, I am back in Sophie’s calming presence. For the past seven days, I have been grimacing my way through foul-tasting herbs, gulping slimy liquids and sloughing away my lymphatic laziness and yet, to my disappointment, I still have an ‘acid wash’ over my eyes. Damn Friday-night cocktails. I confess my sins, but Sophie says it is more likely the result of stress, which is not surprising considering the angst-ridden working week I’ve just completed. We discuss the effectiveness of the treatment. I think my stomach is a bit better, but it’s hard to gauge as stress makes my stomach much worse. I have also cut down on the amount of fruit I have been eating after Sophie explained that this is one of the harshest things to try to digest when your stomach lining is compromised, so this could have contributed to the minor improvement I have experienced, too. After my second iridology examination, it’s clear that, overall, things haven’t improved dramatically in the past week, but I am keen to persevere with the naturopathic treatment as I want to see whether it can help me in the long term. Sophie asks me lots of specific questions this time and over the course of the discussion, we discover that my diet is actually pretty good, my sleep patterns are being affected by drinking alcohol, water and herbal tea in the evening and that my heightened anxiety is likely the result of my decision to go off the pill. Once more, we head up the stairs and Sophie retires to the land of brown bottles.

Origins: In the 19th century, Hungarian physicist Ignaz von Peczely is credited with being the first medical practitioner to use the term ‘eye diagnosis’ after he noticed streaks in the eye of a patient who had broken his leg that were similar to those of an injured owl he had observed when he was a child. Methodology: According to Natural Therapy Pages, “Iridology is the study of the iris, or coloured part of the eye. The iris reveals changing conditions of every part of the organ of the body. Through various marks, signs and discolouration in the iris, nature reveals inherited weaknesses and strengths. Iridology cannot detect a specific disease, however it can tell an individual if they have over- or under-activity in specific areas of the body. The iridologist will examine your eye with a slit lamp, pen light or magnifying glass. Photos of the iris may also be obtained with a specially designed camera.” Duration of sessions: 30 minutes. Cost: Sophie charges $50 for a half-hour consultation, but stresses that iridology is a diagnostic tool that should only be used as part of a full naturopathic consultation. Qualifications: Iridology is generally taught as part of a naturopathy degree. More information: To find an iridologist in your area, log on to www.naturaltherapypages.com.au. To contact Sophie Charleston or Pure Botanicals, visit www.purebotanicals.com.au

www.empoweronline.com.au

In the Know The latest tools, techniques and resources to help you lead a more empowered life.

personal touch Sydney-based jeweller Larsen Wedding Rings have come up with a new concept to enhance the excitement of pending nuptials. Couples can now enjoy the experience of handcrafting each other’s wedding bands under the guidance of an experienced jeweller. Any design can be created, from plain wedding bands to more intricate designs that match perfectly with the engagement ring. Heirloom jewellery can also be melted down and incorporated into the couple’s wedding rings. www.larsenweddingrings.com.au

great gift idea

leadership in action The Australian Centre for Leadership for Women (CLW) is inviting women who have developed self-initiated projects for the community to nominate themselves for the 2009 national Leadership Achievement Award for Women. This prestigious award commenced in 2006 and is open to all Australian women 18 years and over. The winner will receive prize money of $1,200; two finalists win $800 each; and eight short-listed candidates, $500 each. Nominate yourself or others at www.leadershipforwomen.com.au. Applications close December 22, with winners being announced on International Women’s Day (March 8, 2009).

A Beautiful World Beauty in Bloom: A collection of beautiful inspirations is a new gift book by the founder of Bloom Cosmetics, Natalie Bloom. Covering everything from make-up, inner beauty, nature and notebooks to perfumes and Paris, Beauty in Bloom promises to make you look and feel beautiful from the inside-out. Allen & Unwin $24.95

living green aToMik Green is a new information portal and online store dedicated to providing the latest simple solutions and advice to help us lead a greener life. From water-saving devices, to energy-efficient LED light globes and timers, the website aims to show people how easy it is to minimise their carbon footprint. aToMik Green also provides a research centre where you can find all the extra facts and info you need. www.atomikgreen.com.au

December/January 2009

In the Know.indd 62

compare costs Offering a ‘live’ comparison engine, new online resource Rate Detective allows you to compare a wide range of products, including home loans, insurance, and personal finance. Rate Detective also offers a range of tools and information, including free budget calculators, finance guides and news articles to keep you abreast of the latest money-saving ideas. www.ratedetective.com.au

27/10/08 8:11:25 PM

2 W CTS NE U OD PR

fundamentals

lucky in love Author and intuitive counsellor Tricia Brennan has released a ten-step guide to attracting your ideal partner. Attracting Love is a three-part audio book offering a series of tools promising to boost personal magnetism and attract love. Part one outlines ten key principles that verify you have everything it takes to create what you want. Part two presents simple exercises to set you on the path to attracting your ideal relationship, and part three is a meditation you can use to ‘open yourself up’ to receiving more love. Bolinda Publishing, RRP. $19.95. www.bolinda.com

Fermentative Stomach

various r ranging from le with colou sphincter musc ing ing reflux, bloat burn ding inclu noticed passing d to symptoms client may have This sign is linke Significance: after eating carbohydrates. The lanced gastric secretions and soon by excessive is due to imba and heartburn exacerbated the stool. This are in and toms food d kfast undigeste cular. All symp Elm with brea mes in parti oon of Slippery lement of pancreatic enzy mmend a teasp starches. A supp hy foods. Reco ed sugars and intake of starc helpful. intake of refin meals may be s. Reduce the with meal taken ing rs even al bitte mes and herb digestive enzy

le pupillary n. Iris Sign: Visib to orange and sometimes brow w shades of yello

ach Under acid stom

pancreas Stomach and

Stomach Fermentative

Fermenta Stomach

ine.com

www.iridologyonl

Iris Sign: Visible pupillary sph shades of yellow to orange and so

Adventure Bound Designed by women, for women, Women’s Own Adventure creates personalised holidays to feed your adventurous spirit! Offering small group sizes, they organise every detail of your trip while you relax and make enduring friendships with like-minded women. All getaways are designed in conjunction with international tour operators who provide experienced local guides and have a wealth of knowledge. Destinations include Borneo, Chile and Peru, Thailand, and Tanzania. For more information visit www.womensownadventure.com.au

$45

Learn the basics: t QBHFT FYQMBJO GPVOEBUJPOBM TJHOT t #FBVUJGVM QIPUP TBNQMFT PG FBDI TJHO t &BTZ UP VOEFSTUBOE t %JTDPWFS XIBU ZPVS FZFT TBZ BCPVU ZPV

lia Made in Austra

Go beyond the basics: t $PNQSFIFOTJWF SFTPVSDF t $MFBS DPODJTF FYQMBOBUJPOT t 1IZTJDBM FNPUJPOBM BOE NFOUBM BTQFDUT t 4JHOT JO UIF JSJT TDMFSB BOE QVQJM t #BTFE PO ZFBST DMJOJDBM FYQFSJFODF

Features:

iridolo gy Text book

500 photo samples 300 graphics 344 high quality full colour pages

$250

+postage

Soft cover $250 + shipping Hard cover $395 + shipping Limited edition - individually numbered (1 – 500 only) personally signed and in a protective case

ORDER NOW: 63

In the Know.indd 63

Stomach and pancreas

Fermentative Stomach

+postage

grated

travel in style ‘Postcards from Millie’ is a new website providing travel and fashion tips for the busy woman. Offering everything from travel advice and reservation bookings, to products that can stand the rigorous pace of travel, Postcards from Millie also features articles written by women who share their travel experiences. www.postcardsfrommillie.com

and heartburn soon after eating ca undigested food in the stool. Th pancreatic enzymes in particula intake of starchy foods. Recomme evening meals. Reduce the intake digestive enzymes and herbal bitt

The Inte

Speaking for success reasontospeak.com is a video-based online learning program for people wanting to increase their confidence with public speaking. The program takes around five hours to complete in your own time, and is delivered online in up to 60 three-minute ‘chapters’. The course is designed to assist beginners and more practised presenters with two options on offer. Topics covered include management of nerves, basics of planning, selling concepts, and moving information to motivation. www.reasontospeak.com

Significance: This sign is linke

Ph: 02 43 581234 www.empoweronline.com.au www.iridologyonline.com

30/10/08 2:10:41 PM

Women’s Business

When

t he shoe fits

A born entrepreneur with a passion for fashion, 29-year-old Nikki Hager has taken on the boutique shoe industry, and she’s more than just ‘peeping’ into the market. Rebecca Spicer discovers how she’s made her mark.

December/January 2009

stage and managed to build a business that, she says, gained a cult-like following for high street fashion. After a while, though, she admits to getting itchy feet (pardon the pun) working in the one place, and at the same time noticed a gap in the market. “I wanted to travel and I just loved accessories, especially shoes. Living on the Gold Coast I couldn’t find any shoes with a nice high heel, bright colours – something different – unless I went to Sydney where I might spend anywhere from $500$1,500. I wanted to get something that was affordable but still good quality.” So Nikki started designing her own shoes – with the flagship being the peep toe style (hence the name). She took her designs overseas to track down a manufacturer. “I did a lot of research into the China markets, looking for suppliers, and managed to find a great one over there.” Soon after, Peep Toe was born. With the profits from Boutikki helping her fund the launch of the range, Nikki started off with a small collection of just six styles, which she could then sell in her own store, as well as other boutiques in the area. “I still had Boutikki and I just ran Peep Toe from my apartment on the Gold Coast. I had a small showroom there and a little office. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go, or if I was doing the right thing.” While Nikki originally thought she’d sell the shoes into retail stores herself, an

opportunity arose while visiting one of her agencies in Queensland to buy stock for Boutikki. She took the plunge and asked the agent if she’d like to take Peep Toe on board. “Thankfully the agent said yes and then put me in contact with a Melbourne agent as well. Once I got the two agents on board, it really started to take off,” she says. “We picked up some great accounts and as soon as the shoes went into store, they just sold.” While Nikki knew it would be a competitive market, she had faith in Peep Toe’s point of difference. “Having worn so many uncomfortable shoes in my time, I just wanted to make sure Peep Toe had that comfort and quality – we use the best quality linings, we don’t use cheap leathers – and I really think that pushed the product. Once the customers have one pair, they’re addicted.” NSW, however, was a tough market to break into. “I couldn’t get anyone to back us. I think we only had about two or three accounts in NSW,” recalls Nikki. “NSW doesn’t have a big boutique market, whereas Queensland and Melbourne do, which is why I started my own website and opened my own store in Sydney.”

On the Rise Opening her own Peep Toe store in Paddington proved a huge success for Nikki, with it increasing brand recognition in the state and encouraging retail buyers to knock

Images courtesy Peep Toe Shoes

eep Toe Shoes are being worn and raved about by celebrities all over – from the likes of Jackie O to Kelly Rowland. They’re regularly featured in the country’s top fashion mags, as well as in promotional campaigns and the runway shows of other leading designers – all thanks to retail young gun Nikki Hager realising a rare niche in Australian fashion two years ago, and embracing the challenge to fill it. With her parents in retail, Nikki would spend much of her school holidays in the stores, or retail buying with her mum. Her parents also had market stalls, which she would help out with and, at just 12, Nikki started her own stall selling anything and everything from craft to pre-loved clothing. “That entrepreneurial spirit was built into me at a young age,” she confesses. At 17, Nikki took a job in the Sydney CBD managing a test store for a new clothing chain. “I had to look after all the staff and I was responsible for a lot of the buying,” she recalls. “I worked really hard and it became a great learning ground. The store was a hit.” Nikki then decided to try the wholesale side of things working in a number of different outlets in Sydney’s chic Surry Hills, followed by a three-month working holiday overseas. She settled back on the Gold Coast, helping a friend out in retail before opening her own fashion store, Boutikki, in Surfers Paradise a year later. Nikki was just 24 at this

Women’s Business

on her door, rather than the other way around. Running her own stores – another was recently opened in north-west Sydney’s Castle Towers – means Nikki is able to stay at the coal-face of what women want in their shoes and fashion. “The advantage of having your own retail outlets is that you can hear exactly what the customer wants and we can now tell the wholesalers what is retailing well.” Employing an in-house public relations representative has also been one of her most rewarding decisions. “Once the magazines picked up the product, they really loved it and it’s helped get our name in the marketplace. That really boosted the number of different outlets that wanted to sell Peep Toe and, in the last six months, people are now calling us asking if they can use the shoes in their fashion shoots, asking for specific colours etc. “It’s still quite a young business, but we’ve done really well. It’s a lot of hard work and I’ve made a lot of sacrifices – my social life has gone out the window and there have been a lot of late nights – but in the last three months we’ve employed another five staff in head office. We’re a great team and everyone plays a key role in Peep Toe. I can’t take all the credit myself.” Even still, Nikki is kept on her toes with a typical day spent in her showroom and warehouse, liaising with China, fitting

samples, speaking to the stores, keeping her staff on track, and building and designing new ranges. Peep Toe has now branched into clutch bags and other accessories, as well as launched a new label, La Miss by Peep Toe, which includes more flat shoes and smaller heals. Nikki designs six new collections a year, with an average of 30 new styles in each. The brand is now stocked in more than 100 stores across Australia. It’s no wonder this young entrepreneur hasn’t quite mastered the art of an effective work-life balance. “I’m always thinking about

that small injection. It’s been really tough, but it’s all paid off. It’s a big risk you’re taking. In the beginning I was just backing stock, hoping it would sell retail-wise, whereas now we’re far enough ahead, we’ll do the range, get the orders, then we’ll back it [order it from the supplier in China]. “Finding the right team is also very challenging, as is building customer trust, but I think for both of these, once our brand was out there, they came knocking at our door.” So what does the future hold for Peep Toe and Nikki Hager? “I’d like to concentrate on making sure the collection is up there, making sure each gets better and better. We’re

“Once the magazines picked up the product, they loved it and it’s helped get our name in the marketplace” work and wake up in the middle of the night with ideas,” she admits. “God knows how long it’s been since I had a holiday, but this is the path I chose, so I understand that one day I’ll reap the benefits. Although you do just need to try and put time aside for family.” Other key challenges Nikki cites are typical of the small business start-up: cash flow, recruitment and building customer loyalty. “No-one wants to give you money to build your own business,” she says. “I did borrow a small amount of money from my family, and I’ve just been able to build it from

fact file

Name: Nikki Hager BUSINESS: Founder, Peep Toe Shoes Age: 29 Biggest inspiration: In terms of style I’m inspired by Audrey Hepburn and the 50s pin-up girls – I love that era – as well as the Burlesque glamour vintage styles. The likes of Coco Chanel and the founder of Mimco, Amanda Briskin, inspire me. She is such an inspiration the way she built her brand, and now she’s just sold the company for thirty-something million. Most memorable moment IN BUSINESS: When I’m walking down the street and you see girls wearing Peep Toe or getting emails from customers saying how much they love the product, that’s really rewarding. Seeing your product in the different magazines and having the likes of Kelly Rowland wear the shoes. Things like that make me want to pinch myself and ask if it’s really happening. How many pairs of shoes do you own: Ooh, maybe 100. Key to business success: A lot of hard work and determination.

branching out with the clutches and we’re starting an accessories line, so I think in the next 12 months that’s what we’ll focus on, rather than opening more stores locally. “We do sell to a store in the UK and we have sold to another store in Indonesia. Next year we’re going to consider looking into American markets. It’s definitely a market we want to tap into but I don’t want to grow too big too quick. “Ultimately I’d like to see Peep Toe all over the world, and I definitely always want to have a creative influence.”

Feature

into

Turn Passion Profit If the flame for your business has dimmed to a mere flicker in your heart, it’s time to take action. Matthew Catling explains how a shift in focus, drive and creativity will help reignite the passion.

s someone who has coached hundreds of business owners, the most important piece of advice I could give anyone going into a business or currently running one would be to find your passion in what you do. Unfortunately, I get to see a lot of business owners who are stuck in their business, so absorbed by the chaos and challenge that they have often forgotten why they even started it in the first place. When I ask them about their business, many reply, “If I knew now what I would have to go through, starting and running this business, I would have never done it!” Likewise, people who hate their careers often say, “I can’t wait till I retire”. Conversely, if you look at people who are incredibly passionate about their business or their careers, the thought of retiring is actually frightening to them. Don’t get me wrong, business is challenging and can suck the life out of you if you let it. The key is having clarity around your values, having a plan and an inspiring vision, and an end goal for your business. I often find that if I can help my clients get clarity on the big picture – the reason or purpose behind their business – suddenly the

when there is meaning or a purpose behind it. In the case of Victor Frankl, it was surviving the Nazi concentration camps so he could tell the story and make sure such an atrocity would never happen again. Without meaning we become absorbed and disempowered by the problem. The same applies to business. Business is basically about solving problems until you get to the point where you have tested and measured it so much that you finally have a workable system.

Reconnect to Your Business When working with a business owner to renew their passion, I will often look outside the business – at their lifestyle, health, personal relationships and hobbies. I will also have them write a ‘bucket list’ of the top 100 things they would like to do before they die. They then schedule these activities on their list monthly or bi-monthly. Interestingly, after helping my clients improve their health and reconnect in their personal relationships, there’s often an increase in energy and productivity in the business as well as a greater connection with staff. A great example is when I encouraged a business owner I was coaching take 100 days off a year from his business. He fought me

If you have a business and you’re passionless, look outside it because this is often where the answers can be found current challenges seem easy to overcome. This is followed by a renewed passion in the form of focus, drive and creativity. In Victor Frankl’s book Man’s Search For Meaning, the author talks about having a reason or purpose that is greater than the current challenge you’re facing. Human beings can rise and overcome the greatest challenges

December/January 2009

every step of the way but the reason I was pushing this is because I noticed that he was no longer passionate about his business. In fact, it was the biggest cause of frustration in his life and he blamed everything that wasn’t working in his life on his business and his customers. Inside the business, he was micromanaging people and taking his

frustrations out on his staff to the point where they were unproductive. Eventually, we got him out of the business, he took a holiday and relaxed. He then joined an art club and learnt how to paint. While he was painting, he started to access different levels of creativity, which sparked new ideas about his business. Those ideas actually doubled his turnover. He worked less, had more balance, set a new goal for his business as well as an end goal, and became inspired. His team noticed the change and started to enjoy being around him because he was happier. He actually started to listen to his staff, and while he was taking time out, his team began to step up to the plate and new leaders emerged. Obviously it was a little chaotic initially, but his team began to take more ownership of their own ideas and have the freedom to implement them. This created more of a ‘buy in’, meaning they became more connected to the business and took more responsibility, and productivity went through the roof. Now, I understand that some sole traders may find this idea hard to swallow and it might be a difficult thing to do, but is it really that challenging? My definition of a successful business is when you could leave the company for two to three months and it would still be operational and profitable. If you can’t do that, then isn’t it just a pair of golden handcuffs rather than a business? If you have a business and you feel stuck, overwhelmed or passionless, stop! Look outside of the business because this is often where the answers can be found. Also, consider the following: • Do you have an inspiring vision of where you would like your career or business to be in the next three to five years?

• In what way would you like to contribute to others, to your community or to the planet? • Do you have an end goal for your business? • Check your values – are they in alignment with the business?

iStockphoto

A great question to uncover your values is to ask yourself, ‘In the context of my business or career, what is most important to me?’ Are you meeting those values in your business at the moment? If not, set new goals, change your role or change your lifestyle to get those needs met. You will find that your energy, creativity and passion increase tenfold. I also believe it’s important to have great coaches and mentors who are outside of the business and can listen and provide you with objective feedback. Coaches are great at drawing information out of you that you didn’t know was there, and can be instrumental in holding you accountable to your new plan. This works not only on the business side of the equation, but in all the other areas of your life as well. The key to all of this is balance. I don’t care how busy you are, we all have the same amount of time – after all, time, they say, is the great equaliser. It’s what you do with yours that makes the biggest difference. Often the smallest actions compound over a period of time. For example, allocating 15 minutes per day for your health will drastically increase your energy levels long term. Even something as simple as giving your partner 20 minutes daily of your undivided attention, where you really listen and be present to their needs, will create a happier home life, which will reflect in a happier and more productive business life. Personal development seminars are also a great way to refocus and get inspired. My recommendation is to look at your calendar and notice the times during the year where you believe you’re most unproductive or where there is a flat time in your business. Make it a goal to enrol in a personal development seminar during that time and you might find that you break the trend. Seminars are great for getting new information, setting new goals and gaining inspiration. Or why not start setting some new goals around your business using the goal-setting tool in the Coaching Toolkit included in every issue of emPOWER? This will ultimately reflect in your bottom-line results. People often say they make money when the market is up, down or sideways. In my personal opinion it has everything to do with your psychology – you’re either focusing on what you want or what you don’t want. Be creative, get inspired and think outside the square.

Exercise in Values Passion for your business needs to be clearly aligned with your values. Ask yourself, ‘In the context of my business, what is most important to me?’ Keep asking that question until you come up with the top five values in relation to your business, and write them down here. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Matthew Catling is an accredited master coach, trainer and presenter. He is the founding director of Your Future Now. For more information visit www.yourfuturenow.com.au

Are you meeting those values in your business at the moment? If not, set new goals, change your role or change your lifestyle to get those needs met.

www.empoweronline.com.au

Feature

ntrepreneurial

Here are some tips on how you can eliminate stagnancy and start increasing your value.

Ask Growth Questions

The success of any business can be measured against its profitability. Asking the following questions will give you a greater insight into areas requiring attention. • What are you doing to specifically run your career like a business? • How profitable are you? • How rewarding is your workplace? • Will you take ownership and not make excuses for challenges during your career? • Will you embrace change and challenge yourself to think differently?

From a mission statement to profitability reports, running your career as if it were a business puts you in a powerful position. Success coach Savleen Bajaj offers 10 tips to get you going.

ne of the most liberating, powerful and exhilarating things you can do as a career woman is to believe, and act like, you are your own boss. Successful career women understand the importance of running their career the way an entrepreneur runs a business. As the owner of your own company, you own your career, life, finances, attitude, health, job satisfaction, goals, behaviour, knowledge, skills, happiness and success. You are 100 percent responsible for your career growth and success. Women who think and act like a career-business entrepreneur rise to a level of responsibility and achievement, thus shaping their career destiny. By adopting this new way of performing, you too can operate from a place of personal freedom. This allows you to tap into your creative and innovative power and enjoy benefits such as job satisfaction, growth opportunities, a rewarding workplace, recognition, advancement and much more. After all, your employer, job or colleagues may change, but you are always the same. You remain the constant player in your career.

December/January 2009

Grow Value

5 6 7 8 9 10

Differentiate yourself from other successful women in your field to gain a competitive advantage. Offer something extra or unique. Imagine someone following you around, filming you as you worked. Would people be impressed, inspired or awed at your commitment, passion, performance and capabilities? Assess if you are growing value or breeding stagnancy. Analyse your performance appraisals and possibly enlist the help of a trusted colleague to help you evaluate yourself.

3 4

Align Yourself

Take time to assess your skills, temperament, aptitudes, values, beliefs, likes, dislikes, and talents. Align yourself to your passion and you’ll find increased organisational commitment and job satisfaction. The more your level of performance is linked to your self-esteem, the higher your job involvement and motivation.

Focus on What You Want

Define and prioritise your short- and long-term career goals. Create specific goals that stretch you out of the comfort zone. Write down goals that have a more lasting impact on the industry you serve. Think of your job as an opportunity to contribute. In what way could

areer

you contribute? Where do you want to be in five years? How will you get there?

Decide to Be an Achiever

Treating your career like a business means you must decide to be an achiever and not a bystander. Living in an achievement mode often elicits greater emotional awards in all areas of your life and career.

Create a Mission Statement

This must not be limited to some narrow refrain such as “I’m a supervisor”. Decide on what you provide in terms of value to an organisation.

Measure Your Worth

Look upon yourself as a company with a product, skill, talent or service to sell. Are your skills marketable and up to date? Are you a team player and problem-solver? Do you have effective communication skills? What specific accomplishments do you have? Keep an up-todate resume reflecting your skills and knowledge.

Never Stop Marketing

What are you doing to increase your personal visibility and worth? Promoting your name as a brand and selling and distributing should be functions of your career growth. That means you must network and connect with others outside your organisation who are creative and changing trends. Then you will be able to understand, contribute and know how to stay valuable and become a top performer.

Adopt a Positive Mental Attitude

Your values, attitudes and perceptions are key factors in determining your level of job satisfaction. A warm, enthusiastic, caring and positive attitude, outwardly expressed to others, is your biggest career asset.

Take Action

By adopting a planned and proactive approach, you will maximise your chances of career success and increase the likelihood of achieving your long-term career goals.

Savleen Bajaj is an internationally respected leadership authority, human behavioural expert, success coach, professional speaker, psychologist, author, facilitator and consultant. She is the founder of the Lotus World Centre for Personal Intelligence. For more info, or to subscribe to her newsletter, email savleen@savleenbajaj.com or visit www.savleenbajaj.com

iStockphoto

with every Subscription Spoil yourself or a friend this Christmas! Subscribe to empower by January 13 and you’ll receive a FREE gift * from Emma Page Jewellery. Turquoise is this summer’s hottest colour and Emma Page is bringing it straight to you in this fun starfish design. The Marine earrings in gold or rhodium are the perfect accessory, valued at almost $40!

Emma Page Jewellery mixes up colours and textures giving each piece an individual feel. Yet the real beauty of the collection is the way pieces can be worn together to create a look that suits your taste. While Emma Page has its finger on the fashion pulse it is not at the expense of quality and tradition. The jewellery is finished in pure gold or rhodium plating, with every piece nickel-allergy free and manufactured using the world’s finest gems and metals. Amway of Australia is the exclusive distributor of Emma Page Jewellery in Australia and New Zealand. For further information call 1800 454 647 or visit www.emmapagejewellery.com

FREE gift from Emma Page Please indicate colour preference

Gold

Rhodium

I would like to subscribe to empower magazine For me

For a friend

First name: Address: Suburb: State: Telephone Number: Email Address:

6 issues: $39.95 Surname: Post Code: Mobile Number:

I enclose a cheque or money order for $39.95 payable to

(Please write your name and address on the back)

MAIL TO: power Magazine, Suite 6, Level 5, 15 Orion Road, Lane Cove NSW 2066, or call us on (02) 9424 3999, fax (02) 9428 3199 or email admin@empoweronline.com.au

empower magazine

OR debit the selected credit card: MasterCard Visa Expires: Card Number: Cardholders Name: Signature:

Diners Club / AMEX (2.75% service fee)

* Gift includes earrings only.

Conditions of entry: Subscription will commence with the next available issue. All new subscribers to emPOWER Magazine in Australia will receive a complimentary gift. Offer ends 13 January 2009. Gift will be sent by post approximately four weeks after the offer closes on January 13. emPOWER Magazine’s privacy notice and full competition terms and conditions are available at www.empoweronline.com.au Please do not provide information about me to any organisation not associated with the offer.

December/January 2009

Subs page.indd 70

27/10/08 8:16:53 PM

Discover the Way to Achieve Financial Freedom Today Start earning in a month what most people earn in a year and live the life of your dreams. 3% of the world’s population are Millionaires... the other 97% work to make them even richer. Ready to join the 3%?

By utilizing a proven simple 3–Step Home Business System YOU will learn how to improve your current personal and financial life and join the top 3% and live your life without limits. This business is positioned in the Personal Development Industry. Last year people around the world spent over $9 Billion in educational products to improve their lives. Our products have been in the forefront of this growth. If happiness, living on purpose, spending time with your loved ones, flexibility, excitement, travel, assisting others to achieve their dreams, creating wealth and personal development are some of the things important to you, then this home business opportunity is a great vehicle which will help you achieve them and much much more.

What is possible in this Home Based Business? • Potentially replace your current income within 90 – 120 days • Double your current income within 6 months • Turn your current annual income into a monthly income within a year • Put your money to work for you and retire within 4 to 5 years

To learn more about this business opportunity please go to www.AchieveFinancialFreedomToday.com/Empower For a confidential five minute interview to see if you qualify for our business please contact: Empower@AchieveFinancialFreedomToday.com or phone 1800 237 206 The FIRST 10 serious inquiries requesting a confidential five minute interview will receive a FREE report: “9 Things You Must Know to Generate $100,000 (and more) from Home”

“Your future is created by what you do NOW, not TOMORROW”

Robert Kiyosaki

Are you ready to Achieve Financial Freedom today? www.AchieveFinancialFreedomToday.com/Empower

EM KandS FP.indd 1

27/8/08 9:26:22 AM

Feature

oney atters

Women are less likely than men to rate their finances as a top priority but, in order to grow wealth, Catherine Lezer says this needs to change. It’s time to own up, get ready and take action.

hen was the last time you had a good honest chat with the girls about money? A year ago? Ten years ago? Never? If you said last week, you are in the minority. It is a rare topic of conversation – especially for women. After speaking with thousands of women through my seminars, I find they are more comfortable chatting about a Brazilian wax than an investment. We share recipes, but not share-market tips. We obsess about kilojoules, but don’t keep track of the interest rate on our credit card. We colour-code our wardrobes, but haven’t a clue how much super we have or will need when we retire. And this isn’t because we’re uneducated or unable to understand such things, it’s because we simply avoid money conversations like the plague. For example, when we get a new job we rarely negotiate the starting salary, which is believed to reduce women’s lifetime earnings by up to a million dollars. Many of us know we’re underpaid, yet we struggle to ask for a raise. But why is money such a taboo topic for women? Women (and men) operate based on a set of priorities. Most women have a list of items we take care of on a daily basis – children, work, getting food ready, spending time with partner, friends, study, exercise, family – and our financial future and money are generally way down the list. Men, on the other hand, often have their financial future and money as top priority, so it gets more of their attention. Women

December/January 2009

need to put their financial future and money at the top of the list. “My brain used to fog over when it came to talking about money,” admits one my clients, Jodi, a mother of two and part-time admin clerk. “I would hear others at work discussing finances and I would think, ‘what a waste of time’. My girlfriends never discussed it and that was fine with me. I just didn’t want to think or talk about it.” Yet, it is my proven belief that having these conversations can actually make the difference between living an empowered, financially-free life and living in debt. If you haven’t already, you will one day have to take responsibility for your finances, whether you like it or not. While it might sound like doom and gloom, ABS statistics reveal that 20 percent of women will never marry; of the ones that do, 37 percent of first marriages end in divorce; and of the ones that stay married, the man is two thirds more likely to pass away before the woman. Taking control of your financial future is crucial and while it’s hard to think about or predict what the future might hold, it’s best to take responsibility and plan ahead before a crisis is upon you. “It’s a double whammy,” relates one of my clients Abigail after her separation. “Not only am I dealing with strong emotions, at the same time I’m learning how to deal with banks, pay bills and budget.” Unless you have dropped out of society, grow your own food and can barter for your

other needs, money must be a top priority in your life. Start with the following key three steps to making money a positive.

Step 1: Tell The Truth The first step to making money a priority is to tell the truth about your current financial situation, warts and all. For some, this is deeply confronting. But know this: there is nothing that cannot be overcome once you tell the truth. There is certainly power in clarity. Your truth may mean totalling up those debts and admitting to a shopping addiction, or it may be something subtle, such as finally admitting you won’t have enough to live on in retirement. Whatever your truth is, think deeply and be insightful. This is not the time for glossing over things. No matter how bad you think it is, there is always a way through. Many wealthy people have been bankrupt or had business disasters and recovered brilliantly. Walt Disney was bankrupt before he started Disneyland. Famously, Donald Trump owed several billion at one point. Telling the truth gives you a place to start and that’s always better than being in financial fog.

Step 2: Decision Time Once you have told the truth, the next step is to make a decision. Decide to allow wealth in. This step is deceptively simple and the decision shows up differently for each of us. For some it’s about ‘knowing’ – you know

Action Checklist Barbara Stanny, author of Secrets of Six-Figure Women, suggests the following checklist to begin taking action with your finances. Tick the statements that are true for you.

n I know my net worth. n I have no credit card debt. n I have enough savings to live on for three months.

n I know where and how much is in my super account/s. I have investments outside super. I understand the investments I own. I have a will. I know where all my financial documents and records are. n I am clear on my financial goals. n I will have enough money to live on in retirement.

n n n n

iStockphoto

Pay special attention to the statements you did not tick – this is the work you need to do next.

this time is different – while others will give themselves a good talking to. One of my clients, Cathy, is a single, career-driven business manger who recalls, “Something changed around money. I decided to put aside just one hour a week to focus on having enough money in retirement. The funniest thing happened, all the other areas of my life that weren’t working stuck out big time. The biggest surprise was my clothes – they no longer reflected the person I was. I gave away several bags full to charity, co-ordinated what I kept into outfits and made a few select purchases, all of which made me feel like a million bucks. Out went the general household clutter. What I was eating and drinking changed too. Who would have thought these would be wealth creation tasks?” You can invite your family and friends to come with you on the journey to allow wealth in, but this is a decision you alone must make. Choose who you confide in carefully as this is not a time for negativity. A true friend is one who conspires with you to bring out your greatness, not one who tries to keep you small. Need help making the decision? Dr John DeMartini, author of the book How To Make One Hell of a Profit and Still Get to Heaven, suggests this exercise: take several

sheets of paper and write out 200 benefits of having money – big benefits, small benefits, all kinds of benefits. What you are doing by thinking of 200 is creating new connections within your mind so it can associate good things with having money. Some will find this easy, others hard, but keep going until you have 200. It’s a simple but powerful exercise and will change your life if you complete it.

Step 3: Take Action You’ve dug up the truth and made the wealth decision, what next? Now you commit yourself to wealth by taking action. The actions you need to take will become obvious. Not action for action sake, which can be a trap, but action consistent with your wealth decision. Little actions can be just as important as the big ones. For example, give up two hours a week of TV to focus on your finances; say “no, that doesn’t work for me” more often; read a finance-related article every day and really try to make sense of it; start saving $1 a day; take a deep breath, go to your boss and ask for a raise. One of my clients, Amanda, admitted to being a bit of a shopaholic. “But I just couldn’t face going cold turkey with no shopping at all,” she says. “So I made a pact with myself that two things must leave

the house for one thing to come in. Then it hit me: I was already used to buying stuff on eBay, so I thought, ‘Why not learn how to sell?’ It was quite easy and in the end I sold about $1,000 worth of stuff quite quickly. Now I keep finding all sorts of things to sell. It’s like a new hobby, but one that makes me money.” The fallout from taking action will mean a shake-up of sorts. Many report uncomfortable feelings, challenges, opportunities and coincidences. These are a good sign, despite how it may feel at the time. It may be easier to stagnate, avoiding change and putting up with the status quo, but that will not create the wealth you desire. Committed action is your path to financial freedom. As Barbara Stanny, author of Secrets of Six-Figure Women, says, “Feel the fear, endure the discomfort, observe the resistance, and go for it anyway.”

www.empoweronline.com.au

In Pursuit

and

Share Share Alike

December/January 2009

hen Julia Lee joined internet broking firm, CommSec, eight years ago there were 100 men for every four women. Today, Julia is part of a growing trend of female advisors in the industry, juggling her time between her roles as equities analyst at Bell Direct and as a Sky News business reporter. During the four and a half years Julia spent working in CommSec’s investor education division, she taught Australians how to use the online facilities of the company. Later, she moved on to teaching people how to decide which stocks to buy, at the same time catching the investing bug herself. “I was 22 years old when I started at CommSec, and I decided to set myself a goal,” she says. “I gave myself three years to learn the lessons of the share market, saying to myself that within those three years it would be okay to lose money. The whole goal was to take those three years and apply the lessons I learnt for the rest of my life.” Initially, Julia’s investment strategy was anything but scientific. Call it naivety or being there at the right time, but luck was on her side. “In the beginning, I didn’t know which shares to pick. I decided to start off with things I understood. I enjoyed drinking wine and as I was contributing to the profits of the wine industry thought I might as well buy into it. I bought shares in a beverage company called Southcorp, which no longer exists today. Within two months, I’d doubled my money. Next, I decided I wanted my share prices to stay north, and not go south. Based on this, I found a company called North Limited, so I put money in that. The following month, the company was taken over and I doubled my money. Then I found a company called Julia Mines and

as my name is Julia, I thought it was a sign. I put my money into that, and again it was taken over and the share price went up. At this point I said to myself, ‘This is all very interesting, but it has to be short-lived’. I needed to find out what was really behind the principles of investing.” The following year, Julia’s luck turned when she started trading options, which are a lot riskier than shares, but have the potential for greater return. She concedes that she took a huge risk trading in options and speculating. “In the second year of trading I lost around $18,000 in one month, which was almost my whole portfolio. Only one year earlier, I’d started the portfolio with $500! When I lost $18,000 it was quite a shock. I said to myself, ‘Okay, I’ve learnt a hard lesson here, how can I stop this from happening again?’ That experience taught me the lesson of risk management and covering my position. I suppose I became more conservative. At that point, I moved from being a gambler to an investor.”

A Strategic Approach With her lucky streak over, Julia started to get serious and do some research. “I recall reading the Forbes magazine Billionaires List. The people on the list created wealth in three key ways. The first was by owning a business, the second was through inheriting wealth – I had no chance of that – and the third was by owning shares in companies. I liked the idea of that, so I started to think of myself as a business owner rather than just a share trader. This meant I would look at a company on the basis of its business.” Within several months of losing the money, Julia’s portfolio headed north again. She recalls some of her successful purchases: “There have been so many shares over the years. I remember I bought BHP stocks for $8.80 and then sold them

iStockphoto

Sometimes taking risks pays off – this young analyst and news reporter first found success by winging it in the share market. These days, she exercises a little more caution, as she tells Emily Chantiri.

In Pursuit

Photos courtesy Julia Lee

fact file

for $25, I bought Commonwealth Bank shares for $25, then sold them for $32. Another one was Aristocrat Leisure at $2.70, which I sold for $9.” Throughout those first three years, Julia kept a trading diary, which proved to be extremely helpful. She recommends that anyone starting out – or even experienced traders – keep a diary. “This whole journey has been a real learning curve, so I figured if I didn’t write it all down how was I going to learn the lessons?” Julia became a voracious reader and believes the books by the great investors, such as Warren Buffet and Peter Lynch, have guided and inspired her. Julia hopes to do the same when she pens a book concentrating on the fundamental analysis of shares – so viewing shares as a business, and not just share prices moving up and down. “I must have read more than 200 books. There is a lot of jargon in the market and a lot of complicated language. I want to make investing entertaining and fun because, for me, it has been. Although fundamental analysis sounds boring, it really isn’t. I want to convey that the share market is a whole lot of stories, and then relate investing to people’s own experience.” Julia admits that she’s never been interested in property and it’s only due to the insistence of her parents that she owns some

fact file

Name: Julia Lee Age: 30 Role: Bell Direct, equities analysis and Sky News business reporter. Worth: Even my boyfriend doesn’t know that! Biggest Inspiration: The great investors, such as Warren Buffet and Peter Lynch. Key charities: Starlight, Variety and I sponsor a child. Most memorable moment: A few years ago I went through a difficult time when a relationship ended. To counteract that, I wrote a list of all the things I wanted to do – new job, new car, new apartment, go to Europe, learn how to rock-climb and kayak. I did the whole list in four months. Out of difficult times, things get better. That period was a defining time in my life.

of her own. “I’d always been told to invest in residential property – bricks and mortar will never go down – but I didn’t have much of an interest in it. Each time I’d go to purchase property, it just felt like homework to me, whereas the share market is something I enjoy and thrive off.” Julia dispels the myth that you have to be a whiz to make money out of the share market. “People in the industry often say that it’s not rocket science. I think as long as you keep a logical mind and view it as a market full of businesses, it’s difficult to go wrong. “The problems surface when you

pulled the rest of her money out and invested in a high-bearing interest cash account. She has since started investing again. “I wouldn’t have been so conservative when I was younger. But for me, the bigger your portfolio becomes the more nervous you become as an investor. The market had been running very high, and if it crashed I wanted to be ready to start investing again.” Julia’s advice to women who aspire to greater financial freedom through share trading is to firstly set some goals and boundaries. “You never want to over-extend

“A lot of people concentrate on making huge amounts of money. It’s really about how you get there that’s important” start to gamble and you don’t know why you invested in a company.” After four consecutive strong years in the share market, Julia decided to sell half her portfolio in June 2007. At the end of that year she sold the rest. The impetus to sell out was largely due to her parents. “My mum and dad have always been against shares. I’d been nagging them for the past eight years to get into the share market. Then one day, my dad turned to me and said ‘Julia, I want to put some money in the share market’. I did a double take and told him it wasn’t a good time. My father was adamant. I did put some money away for him, but I thought, ‘If someone like my dad, who knows nothing about the share market, wants to put money into it, there is something wrong with the world. That’s when I pulled out half of my portfolio.” Timing is everything. Three weeks after Julia sold half her shares, the market dropped. By December 2007, she had

yourself in the share market. Like any other discipline, you have to learn the lessons first. A lot of people concentrate on making huge amounts of money. It’s really about how you get there that’s important. “After two years of trading I went from $500 to $50,000, enough for a deposit to buy my first property. It’s been a great journey since then. I plan to hit my first million in the next five years. “I’m very specific in my goals. I’m looking at more investments. With regards to the resource area, I still believe in the China and India story. I’ll be sticking to the big resources like BHP and Rio Tinto – only because they’ve got really strong cash flow, along with great resources in the ground. I’m also very keen to learn about foreign exchange trading. “For me, it’s all about being able to do the things that I love and share trading has given me the freedom to do what I choose to do with my time.”

www.empoweronline.com.au

Wealth Creation

isk R Reward

You may be the adventurous type – or quite the opposite – but how do you feel about taking risks when it comes to money? Wealth expert Margaret Lomas explains how we can begin to answer this key question.

here’s no question that all investing carries with it some risk. In the last issue of emPOWER, we discussed the need to be aware of your attitude to risk before you choose your investment vehicle. In order to appreciate what risk really means and to assess your own risk profile and understand what the results mean, it is important we first explore what we really mean when we refer to ‘risk’. When the topic of risk is raised, most people automatically assume this means losing everything, which is very often an unlikely possibility. In financial terms, risk can be divided into three categories:

1. Losing Money When investing in any financial instrument, the most common thing people worry about is losing everything they own. For some, this means their life savings. For others, it may be their home or their retirement funds. While you can lose your money when choosing an investment – and indeed people do – the chances of losing everything are usually quite limited. There could, however, be a loss of the original value of your money and, in rare cases, the loss of all or more than you invested. All investors have a different capacity to withstand loss. This capacity is based on the amount of money they have to lose, the capacity they have to earn money to replace any loss, and the time they have left available to earn – that is, the time until retirement.

All too often, the returns on an investment are enthusiastically quoted based on present market conditions rather than the examination of likely future market conditions. Sometimes people invest based on past performance and this can be a trap, especially when the normal economic cycle (boom, downturn, bust, upturn) is not taken into account. An investor who expects a 15 percent return may be unhappy with a 10 percent return, while another investor in

December/January 2009

iStockphoto

2. Low Returns

Wealth Creation the same vehicle who only needs an eight percent return would be exceptionally happy with that outcome. Therefore the risk factors affecting these two investors totally alter their satisfaction with the results.

3. Safety First The stock market crash in the 1920s brought devastation to hundreds of thousands of investors and in 2001 we saw the collapse of HIH Insurance, One.Tel and Ansett. This not only affected those people who had invested in these companies, but other smaller businesses, such as suppliers, who were left with unpaid bills, forcing them into a financial ruin of their own. When you buy property, for example, you have no guarantee of success, but you always have the property, which limits the risk of total wipe-out as compared to other vehicles. The risk of investing in one way must be compared to the risk of investing in something else and then measured against your personal risk profile. The time you have available in which to invest also affects how safe you perceive an investment to be, and on how it may perform for you. Two people with exactly the same amount of funds, choosing the same investment vehicle, can experience entirely different results when the time they have for the investment to mature differs. Timing for any investment is the key, and the amount of risk you take should directly correlate with the amount of time you have available to ride the highs and lows.

iStockphoto

Your Attitude to Risk You might think you’re pretty familiar with your attitude to risk. Investing, however, is not the same as other forms of risk. You may be happy to go bungee-jumping, but losing $50,000 might make your blood run cold. Before deciding on any type of investment, I suggest completing a risk questionnaire. Be aware that this is only a starting point and should not be the only work you do on uncovering your attitude to risk. While some finance commentators may question the effectiveness of such questionnaires, I believe it’s a good starting point as it allows you to become more educated about the types of investments that match your risk profile. Then you can get the expert advice you need and be confident you are taking a responsible approach to your future financial needs. Based on the results from your

questionnaire, the following offers an indication as to the type of investor you are, and which of the main four main asset classes may best suit your needs:

Risk Profile Questionnaire Where are you in life right now?

Points

Single. No real financial commitments, but would like to save for the future. You would also like to have some enjoyment today and need to keep funds available for lifestyle.

A couple without children. Purchasing own home and consumer items, but have disposable income to enjoy life.

Young family. You have a mortgage and only a small cash flow. You wish you could save more, but everyday living is expensive. No real savings.

Grown-up family, almost left home. Your earning potential is the best it has ever been and you manage your mortgage well or have it almost paid off. You are starting to think about retirement, although it may be many years away.

Retirement is just a few years away. You probably own your home and have few financial burdens, but you are thinking about saving for your impending retirement. You would like to travel.

No longer working, you must rely on existing funds and investments to maintain your lifestyle. You may be receiving the pension and are keen to enjoy life and maintain your health.

What return do want from your investments? For example, if you had $200,000 to invest, would you be happy with a 5% return, as this would give you $40,000 per annum, or will you need much more? The idea is to match your expectations of return with your risk level. For example, if you are generally cautious, then a 20% return would be unrealistic. 0 – 3% pa

3 – 5% pa

5 – 7% pa

7 – 9% pa

9 – 12% pa

If you planned to invest your savings for a 10 to 15-year period, but during that time the performance was not what you hoped, how long before you would cash it in (assuming there were no penalties for doing so)? You would cash it in as soon as there was a loss in value.

Less than one year.

Up to three years.

Up to five years.

Up to seven years.

50 0

Up to ten years.

How familiar are you with investing strategies and products? I don’t understand a lot and am not overly interested.

I have read a few things, but am not very familiar.

I know a little and do know about diversification.

I understand that investment performance changes and different types of investments offer different income, growth and taxation characteristics.

I am an experienced investor and understand the various factors that may influence performance.

www.empoweronline.com.au

Wealth Creation

5 6 7

If you were going to invest now, what would you look for?

Points

Preferably guaranteed returns.

Stable, some highs, some lows but with positive returns.

Some variability in returns, but a chance of higher overall return.

Moderate variability in returns.

High variability.

How would you feel if your investment decreased in value by 20%? Horrified because you do not take risks and cannot lose any of your money.

You would get out and transfer what was left to something safer.

You would not be happy, but you would wait a while to see if it recovered.

You expect that this is what happens when you invest and you are happy to wait for a turnaround.

You would invest more funds to lower your average investment price, expecting future growth.

Why are you considering investing?

Your Score Q1. Q2. Q3.

You think you should begin to plan a little for your future even if you don’t need the money for some time yet. You don’t need extra income now.

Q4.

You are now at the point where you do have surplus funds and are looking for a balanced investment to accrue a retirement income.

Q5.

You have a lump sum (for example, an inheritance or an eligible termination payment from your employer), but you do not know what to do with it.

Retirement is fairly close and you want to have some extra funds available for when you leave work.

You are saving for a special goal at the moment – travel, a new home etc.

You have a large cash sum now that you want to earn an income from, but you cannot lose any of the principal.

Q6. Q7.

Total

The Results –Your Risk Profile

Based on the results from your questionnaire, the following offers an indication as to the type of investor you are, and which of the main four main asset classes may best suit your needs:

Cautious (101 – 180 points) You want a little more than the basic returns and are prepared to take a small risk, but can’t lose too much, so you should not be too aggressive. Best suited to: Corporate bonds and managed funds that invest in cash-based products, such as fixed-interest securities.

December/January 2009

Prudent (181 – 260 points) You probably have a reasonable amount of time before you will need to see any return on your investment and are prepared to take calculated risks in order to see a return that is higher than inflation and taxes. You will look for a balanced portfolio with some fixed interest and some higher growth, as well as income assets, because you will want better than average returns. Best suited to: Property, property trusts, blue-chip shares and managed funds with a balanced portfolio.

Assertive (261 – 350 points) You are prepared to take more risks and probably have a long time until you will need to see a result. You probably earn enough income now and will mainly look for strong growth investments. You are prepared to accept investments that are more volatile and will want to accumulate assets over the medium to long term. Best suited to: Managed funds with a share focus, bluechip shares and off-the-plan property.

Aggressive (351 – 400 points) You are a risk taker who looks for the best possible returns and will be prepared to invest in riskier ventures without an assurance that you will get any money back. The pay-off is a higher return if it works out for you. You probably already have your retirement needs taken care of and can afford to lose money if it happens. Best suited to: Direct shares, futures, property options and commodities.

Margaret Lomas is a qualified financial and investment advisor and is the director of Destiny Financial Solutions (www.destiny.net.au). She is also an author and chair of the Property Investment Professionals of Australia and the 2006 Telstra NSW Business Woman of the Year.

iStockphoto

Conservative (0 – 100 points) You are a not a risk taker. You must look for investments where you know you will at least get your money back and may get enough growth to cover tax and inflation. Best suited to: Term deposits, government bonds and fixed interest securities.

Mortgage Direct_Prf.indd 1

4/7/08 3:47:51 PM

Heal and Inspire Intuitive Healer Inspiring Life Coach Reconnect to your spirit and your higher self. Find your passion and your purpose. Create the inspiring future you deserve. Do you want your problems solved?

Call Peter

Get the attention you deserveâ&#x20AC;Ś Learn from our FREE gifts today!

Frustrated getting dressed in the morning? Stressed about having nothing to wear? Be CONFIDENT, LOOK and FEEL FANTASTIC every day for every occasion. How? By attending one of our life changing courses. From makeup to wardrobe, from colours to style coaching, we have the answers. Start today by reading our 2 FREE e-books valued at $60.00. 50 Image Essentials Every Woman Should Know and 101 Image Essentials for Professionals.

Download them NOW www.tinachin.com

02 4757 4886

Dare to BE Dare to DREAM Dare to LIVE!

peter@healandinspire.com.au

w: tinachin.com

Are YOU Ready for

Your Future?

Experience Australiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Most Empowering Two Day Program Only 100 seats available

Be quick and step into Your Future Now

call now to book

1300 176 375 www.yourfuturenow.com.au

m: 0419 011 001

BUSINESS

OPPORTUNITY Discover

to attracting

prosperity & creating the life you deserve... We are looking for seriously interested people to contact us with a view of establishing their own home based business with one of the most successful PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT companies on the international market, dedicated to creating FREEDOM & dynamic FINANCIAL wellbeing. This truly exciting business, with an eight year track record, has only recently been launched in Australia and is already achieving extraordinary results with the potential to change your lifestyle forever. GRATITUDE, SELF-BELIEF & LEADERSHIP ABILITY are some of the personal attributes that will accelerate the growth & prosperity of your business, supporting our BE, DO, HAVE philosophy. As a result of our system being so simple in itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s application, it requires an average of only 20-30 hours a week to achieve a 6 figure income potential. Access to high quality training and on-going support is offered to assist in your success.

To list in the em Directory call 02 9424 3999

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been waiting for the right opportunity to Empower your life - both Financially & Personally, We believe this business is for you.

For further information please view our website

www.zest4success.biz

Peace Out Meditation can provide you with a daily dose of calm and serenity. Pam Abeling explains how to get started and make the most of this precious gift.

Guided Meditation Ask a friend to guide you through this simple meditation. They should pause often throughout the session without rushing it. Once you’ve reached a peaceful state, stay there for as long as you like (or need), enjoying the peace and stillness within you. “Gently breathe in and out through your nose. Notice that as you breathe in, the air is cool … and as you breathe out that the air is warm and damp … breathing in and breathing out. Long and slow and deep. Now focus your attention on your chest and belly as you breathe. Notice the rise and fall of your breath. Breathing in and breathing out … breathing in and breathing out. Be aware of your hands and feet, your pelvis and the beat of your heart. Relax your jaw, your tongue and your eye muscles. Remember your breath – breathing in and breathing out. Very quietly, listen to the sounds around you. What do you hear in your world right here and now? Listen quietly and blissfully to the sounds around you.”

sailing on a river. All these methods are quite delightful and easy to become immersed in. Other forms of guided meditation are more about being in the present moment and eventually going deep within yourself. Unguided meditation is more about sitting quietly, either on the floor or on a chair, and following your breath. This method may be more challenging to begin with but there are many devotees of this path. To get started, work with a friend, colleague or family member and give the guided meditation outlined in the box a go. Set up a special place for yourself and, if possible, a special time. Have a few things in your space, such as a candle and perhaps a statue or flower, and find some beautiful music without words to distract you – anything that makes you feel peaceful. Settle yourself comfortably – be it cross-legged on a mat or straight up in a comfy chair. Now you are ready for a beautiful experience. During your first few meditation sessions, you will become aware of the little voice in your head talking about what else is on your mind. This can be quite frustrating as all you really want to do is hang out in tranquility. The best way to overcome this is to quietly notice it is there and then return to your breathing. In time the voice will become quieter. Don’t fight it – just allow it to be. Did you find a little oasis of peace in just that couple of minutes? Meditation does not have to be long solitary sessions. Sometimes just a couple of minutes are enough to find that pocket of peace you need.

Pam Abeling is an expert on meditation for women who lead busy lives. Her CDs are available on www.pamabeling.com or email her directly at pam@pamabeling.com

iStockphoto

etween work and home, most of us lead very busy lives, so knowing there is something you can do to create pockets of peace can be a great relief. Meditation is not so much something you do, but the absence of doing. It is a state of stillness or peace where you go deep within yourself and rest in that peaceful place. Think of your mind as a lake. When your thoughts are agitated the surface of the lake will be turbulent, and when your mind is at peace the water is smooth. If you could see to the bottom of the lake, you would see it is always quiet. The aim of meditation is to easily reach this quiet layer. It is your teacher, helping you achieve a quiet mind regardless of what is going on. Meditation isn’t difficult to learn and practising it is rather like strengthening a mental muscle. As with most things, practise will help you master meditation and reap the rewards. There are many different ways to meditate and you should search for the way that best suits you. Over time, you will gain mastery of many different forms of meditation and enjoy them all. One example is transcendental mediation, which involves silently repeating a special sound but to begin with, the easiest way to access the lower depths of your mind is with guided meditation. This involves using spoken words to guide you through a meditation and can be found on a number of CDs or DVDs. Guided meditations are often about a journey and are anywhere between 15 and 30 minutes long. You could be ascending a mountain, finding a sacred garden or

coaching toolkit Coach yourself to success

DEC / JAN 2009

Coaching toolkit

Coach yourself to success

AUGUST / SEPTEMBER 2008

Coaching toolkit Coach yourself to success

AUGUST / SEPTEMBER 2008

coaching toolkit Coach yourself to success

AUGUST / SEPTEMBER 2008

coaching toolkit Coach yourself to success

AUGUST / SEPTEMBER 2008

Are

you

ready for your future?

Would you like to... ... increase motivation in business and wealth? ... improve your health and relationships? ... create more time for yourself? ... change your mindset to overcome the current economic crisis? ... discover what makes you tick? ... find direction in life?

If so, transform your life with Your Future Now. Our two-day seminar will challenge you in every way and the results will be long-lasting. Learn advanced communication and negotiation techniques, release psychological blockages that are holding you back and walk away with clarity on where you want to go in life. Prepare yourself for a life-changing experience! “After a 20 minute conversation with Matt, my sales result went from $35,000 to over $135,000 per month.” – L. Forest

1300 176 375

Only 100 seats available for Australia’s most empowering seminar. All proceeds go to The Blu Earth Institute Charity.

“This was my first seminar ever... I have got more out of these two days – Josh Felton than I have in my life!”

www.yourfuturenow.com.au

“Most people tip-toe through life hoping they’ll make it safely to death” – unknown I absolutely love this quote. It reminds me that I only have one shot at life (depending on your beliefs of course) and that I have to make the most of it. At the end of life we all end up in the same place – death – and although that sounds fairly gloomy, it’s a prudent reminder to live a big life and to make the most of every second. Do not put off those things that you want to be, do or have. If I asked you why you think most people ‘tip-toe’ through life, I am certain I would get the same response from almost everyone – FEAR. Fear can prevent us from doing things that are worthwhile. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of rejection… There are thousands of different types of fear and unless they are faced, they all lead to the same outcome – tip-toeing through life. To learn how to deal with fear, refer to Lucy Fraser’s article on page 30 of the magazine as she explains how to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. For now, understand that fear is a natural part of life. There’s not a single person I know who does not experience periods of self-doubt, fear and failure. For most people, including myself, it’s a rollercoaster ride. There are periods of excitement, confidence and self-belief mixed with other periods of doubt, lack of confidence and fear. The difference is what happens during those more challenging periods. Noel Posus has written a great article in this issue of the Coaching Toolkit on state management. Your state relates to who you are ‘BE-ing’ – it is your state of mind and energy. As you will read in the article, you can control your ‘state’ in any moment and it is during those more challenging periods where this becomes vital. Putting yourself into a positive and powerful state will help you to conquer your fear and keep moving in the direction of your goals. There was a really great movie that came out in early 2008 called The Bucket List. Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson played two men diagnosed with terminal cancer. They each created a ‘bucket list’, a list of things they wanted to do before they died. They then set about doing everything on the list. As a really good exercise, create your own bucket list. On a piece of paper, write a list of everything you want to achieve in your lifetime. Think about this in relation to every area of your life – self, partner, family, social, wellbeing, spirituality, career/business and finances. Next to each item, write a date by which you are going to achieve it. Stick this list somewhere you can see or refer to it often. With list in hand, there’s only one more thing to do – get into state and go for it!’ We’ve also expanded our goal-setting tool this issue, incorporating a step-by-step guide on what to do, and how to conduct your personal coaching sessions over the eight-week goal-setting period. Have fun with it, and we’d love to hear how the tool is working for you.

Helen Rosing

www.empoweronline.com.au

changing your STATE

Our mental and physical state plays a critical role in how we perform day-to-day. Master coach Noel Posus explains the importance of our ‘state’ in achieving desired outcomes and how we can personally control it to gain effective results.

f something happens early in your day causing you to go into a bad mood, a number of things are likely to happen: you may replay the negative event over and over in your mind, giving rise to elevated frustration, anxiety and/or anger causing your body to become more tense, or you’ll stomp around and maybe even slam a door or two. The results you’re then likely to achieve from operating in such a state could include your negativity increasing throughout the day, others responding to you poorly, and you might just create more negative outcomes because they are the very things you’re expecting to happen. The other end of the spectrum is of course to choose to be in a more helpful and positive state, which is represented in how you think and speak to yourself, how you communicate with others and how your body represents the state you’re in. As you can imagine, the result of being in a positive state will bring more positive results – you are more able to create a supportive environment where other positive things can happen, including an improved relationship with yourself, others and the attainment of your goals. Your ‘state’ always has an emotional component to it. The calmer the state, the easier it is to think rationally. The more violent or intense the state, the more thinking is disrupted and the more negative emotional energy we have to deal with. Quite often people incorrectly assume that our state is created by events outside of our own control when, actually, we create every state we’re in. State management can incorporate a number of different things. The model we use focuses just on physiology, and internal

December/January 2009

and external language choices as these can have some of the biggest impacts on our daily results.

Our Physiology One of the first areas to look at in state management, and sometimes the easiest, is our physiology (or body language). For example, read the following paragraph and then stand in front of a mirror (full-length if you have one) and follow the instructions. Think of the following emotional and mental states and allow your body to represent them in the way you naturally would (or you could even exaggerate them a bit for effect): depressed, nervous, shy, angry, helpless and bored. Now think about

Controlling your state is about making choices that work for you instead of those that don’t. Check in with what state you’re in and determine how useful it is and represent with your body the following states: happy, excited, confident, calm, in control and interested. Pay attention to the changes your body makes. What happens to your posture, your facial expressions, muscle tension, the feeling in your stomach or the taste in your mouth and the overall body language being represented? When your physical state is a negative and un-resourceful (unhelpful) one, your body is also then carrying the related stress of that state and it will affect your mental and emotional state in a negative way.

Sometimes doing something as simple as changing your posture can make a huge difference, sitting or standing up straight, unfolding crossed arms and smiling all create positive physiology and feed positive emotional states for you and others.

Internal Language We all have an ongoing conversation happening in our head – our internal dialogue. We are technically talking to ourselves, but to be a bit more accurate, the conversation is between two or more of our ego states, each operating from a different perspective. For example, we can speak to ourselves from our ‘judger’, ‘sceptic’, ‘controller’, ‘victim’ or from our ‘achiever’, ‘learner’, ‘superwoman’ or ‘wise’ mind. Actually, there are hundreds (maybe thousands) of different ego states we engage with in our internal dialogue, both positive and negative. Every one of them has a purpose, although some of them are more resourceful to us than others. Your internal language greatly affects your state. The more conversation from a negative ego, the worse you feel. As an exercise, check to see which ego state dominates your internal conversation in any given moment. When you identify an ego state that is not necessarily helpful (such as from the judger or victim) see if you can change that to a more positive ego state. Change the conversation to get your achiever or superwoman involved. As an example, you may find yourself having an internal conversation along the lines of, ‘I’m so helpless, why can’t I get anything right?’ Naturally, you’ll be feeling low as you are in a negative state. Change

this judger/victim ego state to use your achiever/superwoman – ‘I am smart and capable and I can do anything’.

iStockphoto

External Language Language is part of how we relate as humans; it’s the basis of our social life. Surprisingly, it’s also an area we don’t often pay a lot of attention to and therefore can negatively impact our own state and the state of others. Consequently, we can end up with negative results that were never our intention. A number of things can go wrong when we’re not paying attention to our language choices: we describe the situation or needs inaccurately, we make assumptions and leave out vital information, and/or we misunderstand others because we fill in the gaps in their words. Interestingly, we also use certain words that imply a lot of emotional turmoil without even realising it. One of the best examples is the word, ‘should’. If I said, “I should go to the gym” then you might wonder if the ‘should’ means that I’m only saying it because others say I should, and therefore it’s really someone else’s idea instead of mine, or that I’m not really committed to going but just saying the words because it seems the appropriate thing to say. Essentially, you realise that going to the gym is not something I’m going to do and therefore not only are my words not accurate, but you also realise I’m not being authentic, honest or being true to what I really feel. Using words like ‘should’ also affect how we think about ourselves and, therefore, our internal dialogue. If I said, “I can’t do...” then in my head I’m starting to program myself to continuously allow my ego states to reinforce the idea that I can’t do it. Anything I say out loud that isn’t fully true can create the internal belief system that it is actually true, therefore creating the limitation that didn’t necessarily exist in the first place. To begin changing your external language choices, start paying critical attention to what you say, how you say it, how often it occurs and the impact the language is having on you and others. Paying attention is the first and most important step. By raising your awareness, you then have more information from which to consider new choices in the future. You might also want to encourage friends, family and colleagues to help you spot negative language choices

you’re making, and you can give them permission to tell you when they make these observations. The next step from there is to start replacing the unhelpful, unsupportive and un-resourceful language choices with positive ones. Look out for ‘should’, ‘must’, ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t’. Also look for all-inclusive statements such as ‘everyone’, ‘all the time’ and ‘never’.

Controlling Our State Your physiology, internal and external states all affect one another. None of them is necessarily always the dominant driver of the others. They each continue to feed off and influence each other, so you may need to check back in with the ones you’ve already reviewed to ensure all the states are keeping up with the changes you’re making and none of them are suddenly drawing you back to your previous state. Essentially, controlling your state is about making choices that work for you instead of those that don’t. If you’re in a bad mood and you don’t want to stay in that mood and experience the negative consequences that come with it, then you can choose to adopt a new state. States don’t last forever, and it’s important to value the high and low moments of life. Continue to check in with what state you’re in and determine how useful it is. If it’s not useful, change it. State management is especially important when working toward your goals. If you recognise that you’re not in the most helpful state you could be in to achieve the goal you’re after, then here’s an exercise which can turn things around for you in just a few minutes. Think about a similar situation in your past where you were in the right state for the situation (for example, a successful job interview or public speech). Remember your emotions from that time. Remember what your internal and external language was. Remember what your body was doing. Go through all of your senses and really connect with that moment. Now, bring that moment to the present. Speak to yourself internally with the same resourceful voice, make your body represent

a similar physiology and choose the most appropriate words for the situation. This isn’t brainwashing. It’s not ignoring the challenges of the moment. It’s about accessing the strength you have accessed before and choosing to use it again now. Try using the goal-setting model in this Coaching Toolkit and remember, to achieve your goals you will need to be in a positive state (think of your physiology, internal and external language) to bring about real results. Noel Posus is a master coach with 20 years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. Noel serves on a number of coaching industry boards, lectures at universities and coaching schools and is the founder of coaching businesses www.askacoach.com and Incredible Awareness (www.incredibleawareness.com).

www.empoweronline.com.au

Q A

I have always found it difficult to make friends because I am so shy. Lots of books say to join a club, but how do I overcome my shyness to reach a point where I feel comfortable doing that? At work, I do not seem to have the same problem because I put on a professional persona, but that doesn’t work in my private life. – Sam

I want you to think about what it is you feel you do at work when you ‘put on a professional persona’. I suspect that at work you put yourself into a different ‘state’. This doesn’t mean that you are faking it, it simply means that you are bringing out different qualities in accordance with where you are. See if you can identify what is different professionally compared to socially. You are actually closer than you think to overcoming shyness socially, because you’re already doing it at work. Think about the qualities you want to bring out socially. You might be confident, friendly, happy, fun, chatty etc. Now let’s work at changing your state socially, just like you do at work. Your ‘state’ is made up of two things – physiology and language. I suggest you read the great article on page 4 of the Coaching Toolkit, which explains what this is all about. There is a great book by Dale Carnegie called How to Win Friends and Influence People. I would suggest you read it as he has some really easy and simple techniques for making conversation and making friends. One of his techniques is to ask questions of the person you are with. This can take the pressure off you being the focus and feeling like you need to be interesting. When you ask questions of the other person, the focus is on them and they’ll love that you’ve taken an interest (they may be feeling the same way as you). It will take some practise and you will need to put yourself out there to give it a go. I guarantee you, though, it will get easier and these tips will help.

I have such a fear of people not liking me that I tend to initiate friendships but then tell myself that I’m not worthy of having friends. I also hold back how I really feel in order to make others feel important, but end up being disappointed and frustrated that people perceive me as being weak and docile. I don’t want to feel obliged to meet the expectations of everybody I meet anymore. – Rachel I suspect that your feelings and beliefs about yourself are deep-seated and were developed during the earlier stages of your life. You may need some further help with this to undergo some clearing processes. I would suggest looking through emPOWER magazine for a suitable practitioner to assist you with some NLP or time line therapy work. This may help you to identify the source of your insecurities and assist to clear them to develop new beliefs about yourself. What might also be necessary is to start to monitor and change what you are telling yourself. You mentioned above that you ‘tell’ yourself that you are not worthy. Each time you do this, you are reaffirming it as the truth. It’s not the truth. I would suggest you start using some affirmations to change what you are telling yourself. These could include: • I am worthy • I deserve to be happy and surrounded by amazing friends • I am strong • I am smart and people listen to me • I can easily and effectively provide my point of view • I love and accept myself exactly as I am

&WIN

Send your coaching questions to emPOWER and if we publish your question and answer in the next issue, you’ll win a pack from Avon worth almost $150. The winner’s goodie pack will include Avon’s Anew Clinical Thermafirm Face Lifting Cream ($59.99), Anew Clinical Eye Lift ($49.99) and the Anew Clinical Micro-Exfoliant ($39.99). Total Prize Value: $149.97. For more information, or to contact an Avon representative call 1800 646 000. Submitting your questions through the website at empoweronline.com.au will ensure a response, regardless of whether it’s printed in the magazine. Alternatively, email your questions to admin@empoweronline.com.au or post your questions to emPOWER Magazine, Suite 6, Level 5, 15 Orion Rd, Lane Cove, NSW 2066.

December/January 2009

iStockphoto

Ask a Coach

Q A

I am 29 years old and have always dreamed of being a successful writer but I feel like I am a no-one so why would anyone buy a book I’ve written? I was hoping you could help me boost my self-esteem and confidence so that I can achieve and not just dream. – Kristie Why not you? Everyone who has been successful at anything, was once a ‘no-one’. And, every one of those people experienced moments/periods of self-doubt and lack of belief. So, in actual fact you are just like all those successful people that you aspire to be. Boosting your self-esteem has to start from the inside, but let’s look at what you can do on the inside and out. Firstly, I suspect that you inner monologue reaffirms your low self-belief every day. Time to change this. I suggest that you get an index card or even a journal and outline the way that you wish to feel about yourself. What are those things you want to believe about yourself ? Bob Proctor, a well-renowned motivational speaker once said, “I found out that if I wrote a lie on a card and read it often enough, it became the truth”. This is absolutely the case. It is up to each of us to choose how we think of ourselves and what we feel is possible for us. If we reaffirm our positive thoughts to ourselves often enough, we will naturally start to believe them. You will need to take responsibility for your thoughts and start to make them more positive. Catch yourself when you feel negative and change it into a positive. Focus on all the good that is happening. Now, on the outside there are also things that you can do to raise your self-belief. Firstly I would ask about your environment. Who are you spending your time with? Are these people who believe in you and support you? If you do not currently have an environment like this, how can you build one? Perhaps you need to get out and meet some new people who have similar goals to you. Spend less time in unsupportive environments and more time in supportive environments. Secondly, what can you do to take the next step in your writing career? Who can you speak to who has achieved what you want to achieve? You will be surprised how generous people will be to meet with you and give you some advice. What writing groups can you join? If you do nothing then your goal will always remain a dream. You need to keep taking steps towards what you want to achieve. Just go for it!

I am currently contemplating what path I should take in life, and I’m not sure what I should do. I have worked for the same company since I left school, through which I have worked my way up and have been told that I have a huge future ahead within the company. Although I have been there for 12 years and love the job, it’s not an industry I’m comfortable in and therefore am reluctant to move up any further. I am also in a relationship, with my partner living about 300 kilometres away and he wants me to move to where he is to take things further. But, his job would require him to be away for weeks or even the occasional months at a time. I’m now contemplating whether I should leave my job, family and friends and start fresh with my partner, but it would be such a big move for me. Help! – Petra You certainly have some decisions to make. I think, firstly, let’s consider the location issue and your relationship with your partner. Is this someone that in your heart-of-hearts you can see yourself with in five or 10 years from now? Deep down you absolutely know the truth about all of your questions. If this is someone that you feel is your future, then it may be time to take a risk. You will always be okay, trust yourself and listen to your inner voice. If the company that you are working for is not where you see your future career, then it may also be time to take a risk in this area. Everyone is scared from time to time. Everyone has self-doubt. If nothing changes, though, then nothing changes. Could I also suggest that you take some time to complete the goal-setting tool in this Coaching Toolkit. It will take you through a process where you can assess your current position in each area, look at where you want to be in each area and start to set some goals for what you want. You may find you gain a lot of clarity through this exercise. All the best and I’d love to hear how things go.

About the Coach

Helen Rosing is a trained success coach with experience in business, coaching and training. Helen is the founder of Empower Publishing. For more information about her visit www.empoweronline.com.au

www.empoweronline.com.au

nthusiasm Og Mandino (1923 -1996)

i world e h t f history o orable act in the m e m ery â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ev

ph rium t a s

of e

m. ias s u n th

at te

in en

ht ig

ult, a new me iffic an d r in o g

on ,

eat N o t h i n g gr

chi

eve

d with

out it beca

n es a v i g t us e i

le hal c y

y an r eo ng

ti pa u c oc

u yo

a re

m doo

f life o a o ed t

iStockphoto

Witho ut e nth us i as

n ou ca

y ith it w t u yb ocrit medi

es.â&#x20AC;? racl i m plish accom

December/January 2009

GREAT READS Enjoy a good read over summer with these new motivational books.

The Essence of Health

By Dr Craig Hassed Random House Australia, $34.95 Dr Craig Hassed’s manual for a healthier, happier and calmer life brings together evidence-based, holistic medicine in a program readers can put into practice in their daily lives. From achieving wellness to preventing and managing chronic illness, the seven pillars of wellbeing listed in his book are drawn from extensive research in traditional and integrative medicine, and aim to promote good health, happiness and calm.

Find Love

By Carolin Dahlman Exisle Publishing, $27.99 Are you looking for love? Do you find yourself making the same mistakes with every new partner? In Find Love, Carolin Dahlman provides tools and advice to help the reader uncover what they’re really looking for in a partner and identify any ‘blocks’ getting in their way. Find Love also describes how the dating game has changed in the twenty-first century, and aims to take the reader on a journey of self-discovery and growth.

Australian Healthy Shopping Guide 2009

By Caron Milham Random House Australia, $24.95 Food shopping is no longer a simple matter – the brightly coloured shelves are packed with a bewildering range of products, so how can you be sure you’re choosing the healthiest item available? The Australian Healthy Shopping Guide gets straight to the point, with accredited dietitian Caron Milham explaining how to read the packaging on products to make the healthiest choices for you and your family. It also looks at 1,300 everyday supermarket products listed by type and brand, and rates them according to their nutritional content.

Biting the Big Apple

By Bella Vendramini Hachette Australia, $32.99 Bella Vendramini knew there must be more to life than a series of casual jobs and only dreaming of hitting the big time. An actor by trade, she scraped together enough money for a one-way ticket from Sydney to the Big Apple, enrolling on impulse in the prestigious Lee Strasburg Institute. Biting the Big Apple is the story of how Bella took on New York – the glittering love affair with her ‘Mr Big’, the friends that came and went, and the highs and lows of studying acting at one of the most exclusive schools in the world.

The Art of Conversation

By Catherine Blyth John Murray, $24.99 When it works, conversation is one of life’s greatest joys. Passionate talker Catherine Blyth uncovers the principles and possibilities of this vital, yet often undervalued, pleasure. Using a variety of examples from courtesans to nomads, The Art of Conversation shows readers how to navigate the challenges of first dates and dinner parties alike.

www.empoweronline.com.au

Coach Yourself

live your best life

Use this goal-setting tool over the next two months to achieve your goals and improve your 0 social finance social life. Our step-by-step guide will help you get the most from your coaching sessions.

finance

ily m

ne r

self

ne r

self

week 1 10

spirituality

el w

/ ss ne er si re bu ca

Firstly, mark on your calendar the dates when you are going to have your personal coaching sessions at weeks 1, 2, 4, 6 and 8. Write the dates next to each week below and commit to begin your coaching on the start date. 10

spirituality

Date:

Set Your Goals

self Welcome to your first coachingself session and congratulations for taking the first step to improving your life. 10 10 In this first session you will be setting two or three inspiring goals for different areas of your life. Using the coaching models provided, complete the exercises for: family partner partner • Where are you now? • Where do you want to be? 5 5 • Create your goals self

ily

finance

family

social

ell

s/ eser sin re bu ca

spirituality

self

Where are you now? 0 finances

family

partner

social

On the chart, rate yourself on a scale of 0 - 10 in relation to where you feel you are at in each area of your life right now. Then, draw a line around the chart, joining the dots where you have marked your rating in each area. social

finances

business/career

wellbeing

spirituality

partner 10

family

self

A ‘10’business/career means you consider that area is perfect and a ‘0’ means major improvement is neededspirituality . finances

eg. wellbeing 7

social

5 8

2 2

3 4

wellbeing

business/career

Where do you want 0to be? finances

Imagine your life with these results

partner

spirituality

partner

spirituality

family

self

family

self

finances

social

finances

wellbeing

business/career

spirituality

December/January 2009

social

wellbeing

business/career

social

Next, give yourself a rating in relation to where you want to be in each area of your life in the next 1 - 2 months. Again, use a scale of 0 - 10 and draw a line around the chart, joining the dots where you have marked your rating in each area. Don’t be afraid to dream a little but consider what you can realistically achieve in that time. There’s no need to aim for a perfect 10 in any or every area. wellbeing business/career

spirituality

Coach Yourself

Areas of life: self

family

spirituality

This is your relationship with your ‘self’. Consider how much love, appreciation, acceptance and respect you have for yourself. Do you feel 100 percent happy and confident with who you are, or could this improve?

This area refers to how you feel about your relationships with family members. The rating you give this area should be an average for all family relationships. While some will be strong, others may not be so good.

If you’re a spiritual or religious person, this area refers to your level of connectedness with your beliefs. If you’re not spiritual or religious, think about your level of contentment with life in general.

partner

social

Think about this area in the context of whether you’re single or in a relationship. If you’re in a relationship, it refers to how you feel about your life with your partner. Is your relationship what you want it to be? If you’re single, think about your level of satisfaction with being single. Some people would love a committed relationship and others are content as they are. How do you feel?

Similarly, this area refers to how you feel about your relationships with friends and your satisfaction with your level of social/fun activity. Again, provide an average rating of your relationships and social activity.

wellbeing

This is your overall sense of wellbeing and how you feel about your health & fitness.

business & career

This area considers the level of success and/or fulfillment you feel in relation to your business, career or current employment situation.

finances This final area refers to how you feel about your level of financial freedom and/or your progression towards your desired level of financial freedom.

Creating your goal Now it’s time to create your goals. To begin with, choose one area of your life that you would like to improve. Say it’s ‘Partner’ and you want to go from a rating of 4 to 8. Using the goal template over the page, create a written goal outlining what that new rating means to you – perhaps it’s about finding a soulmate or re-connecting with your husband.

E p s cific Meaningful insPiring pOsitive it! oW En pr sent Realistic

Every goal that you write should be an empower goal. Think about the empower principles as you go through the process Write your goal in the present tense, as if you’ve already achieved it. Make it meaningful, including some strong emotions, and make sure your goal is inspiring to you. Use only positive words and be specific – focus on what you do want instead of what you don’t want. Be a little realistic (but not too much) about what you can achieve in the timeframe chosen. Remember, too, your goal needs to be your own, not a goal to change someone else. You can only take responsibility for improving yourself and your life.

www.empoweronline.com.au

Coach Yourself

Goal 1

Write your goal

What you want to achieve

I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... Now I/We........................................................................................................................................................................... and I feel............................................................................................................................................................................. [Emotion3]

Why you want to achieve it

Wellbein

Finances

of February It is the 1st el excited 2009 and I fe We have and optimistic. sit for our saved the depo We have been first house. d a mortgage an approved for r ok for ou we can now lo Now we can perfect home. family and I finally start a g ly amazing livin feel absolute use. in our own ho

Goal 2

It is th e 30th of Janu 2009 an ary d I fee l so ha and prou p p y d of wh at I ha achieved ve . I have reached goal we my ight of 60kgs a I look nd fantastic . I am healthy fit, and have so muc more en h ergy. No w I can into tha fit t sexy b lack dre and I f ss eel fabu lous.

Write your goal

Fill in the spaces below to create your first goal. Remember, you’re writing in the present tense and be positive – with the right attitude you’ll get where you want to be much faster. It is .............................. and I feel so .............................................. and .............................................. I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... Now I/We........................................................................................................................................................................... and I feel.............................................................................................................................................................................

December/January 2009

Coach Yourself

Goal 3

Write your goal

Required action: Your only action for the next week is to read your goals every day. Read them out loud and, as you read each one, experience how you will feel when you have achieved what you want. This is called visualisation and is an important step in the goal-setting process – visualise your goals as if you have already achieved them. In your mind, create a visual picture of you achieving your goal – think about where you are, what you are doing, what you are saying, who is with you and, most importantly, how you are feeling.

week 2

Making it Happen

Date:

Now that you’ve been reading your goals for a week, consider whether you need to change or add anything to your goals to make them even more meaningful and inspiring. In this session, it’s time to start setting (and doing) the actions necessary to achieve each goal.

Required action: 1. If necessary, add to or change your goals. 2. On the action sheet provided, make a list of the actions you need to take in the next two weeks to get closer to your goals. Remember, these are your goals and you’re responsible for the actions, so be as detailed as you can. 3. Choose a motivational book to read or course to attend to expand your learning. 4. Continue to read and visualise your goals everyday.

Goal 1 Completed

Actions

................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................................................................

www.empoweronline.com.au

Coach Yourself

Making it Happen (cont.)

Goal 2 Actions

Completed

Goal 3 Actions

Completed

week 4

Date:

Reflect on your goals and actions. Are you achieving what you’d planned to by this time? If you feel that you’ve lost some motivation for achieving your goals, or that you aren’t getting any closer to achieving them, it’s quite normal for people to experience this at some stage during the coaching process. To give you a reminder, and a shot of motivation, do the first action suggested below. Consider your results from the last two weeks. Have you completed all of your actions? If not, what got in your way? What can you do differently to prevent the same outcome in the next two weeks? If you’ve completed all of your actions, perhaps you can now push yourself a little harder.

Required action: 1. Meet with a friend or partner and share your goals with them. Explain to them all the reasons why you want to achieve each goal and how it inspires you. Ask them to hold you accountable. 2. On a new piece of paper, set some new specific actions for each goal over the next two weeks. Remember to challenge yourself. Anything worth achieving may be a little uncomfortable. 3. Continue to read and visualise your goals every day.

December/January 2009

Date:

Hopefully you are well on your way to achieving your goals. If not, you may need to consider adjusting your goal date a little. This is normal and can happen for numerous reasons. You may have underestimated the time it would take, you may have gotten off track, or perhaps you may need to be more strict with yourself in taking actions. Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes. It is up to you to achieve your goals.

Visualise

week 6 Required action:

1. Adjust your date if necessary. 2. For each goal, make a list of 20 reasons why you want to achieve the goal. Remind yourself of how good you will feel and how life will be different. 3. On a new piece of paper, make a list of the actions you need to take in the next two weeks to get you closer to your goal. Remember to challenge yourself. 4. Decide on one nice thing you are going to buy or do to celebrate achieving your goal. 5. Continue to read and visualise your goal everyday.

week 8

Date:

Well done for making it to Week 8 and congratulations if you have achieved any of your goals. If not, don’t lose hope, things sometimes just take longer than initially expected. Either way, it’s important to celebrate how far you have come.

Required action:

iStockphoto

1. Celebrate your success to date. Do something nice or buy yourself your chosen gift. 2. If you have adjusted your goal date, continue to set actions every two weeks and read your goal everyday. 3. If you’ve achieved your goal, get ready to set some more goals and start again at Week 1.

If you’ve felt over the last few weeks that you need some more support, you may wish to consider seeing a professional life or success coach. While this model is a great guide, nothing will ever replace the power of sitting one-on-one with someone who can support and guide you to achieve your goals. If you are looking for a coach, check out the ‘em Directory’ at empoweronline.com.au, or you may also consider posting a question on the ‘Ask a Coach’ page on the website.

“Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough” – Og Mandino (1923 - 1996)

www.empoweronline.com.au

Nicole*, a 45-year-old senior executive from Sydney, chose to devote some time between jobs to personal development. She worked with executive coach Martha Follent of Creative Future Dynamics for a brief, intensive period to gain clarity and achieve her goals. Nicole says:

When the international conglomerate I was working for downsized, I had the opportunity to reflect on things. I had seen firsthand the results Martha had achieved working with other clients and knew she had a good reputation. I’d been working 12- to 16-hour days and hadn’t had an opportunity for personal development for a long time. I thought I’d take the opportunity while I was looking for another position to do some work with Martha. Effective upward management – the relationship with the person you report to – was the general issue we worked on. My background is pretty sophisticated when it comes to interpersonal relations, however I always think you can do things better. I had the luxury of being able to focus on this over a short period of time. Martha and I worked together for four days, around four hours a day. Yes, it was intensive, but it suited me. It really depends on the nature of the issue and what’s going to work best for you. There is pre-work to do before you meet face-to-face, and in keeping with Martha’s

December/January 2009

school of thought and approach, what you do afterwards – the action you take – is just as important. Some of the post-tasks I had were reflecting on my interactions, speaking to a particular person I’d worked with in the past and discussing certain things. These were all really outworkings of what we’d gone through in the sessions. The experience far exceeded my expectations and I got enormous insight and understanding into myself. I now approach a lot of things very differently as a result of that. I think my interactions with people are generally more effective. I listen differently, I hear differently. I wasn’t intolerant before, but I find I am far more tolerant now.

Martha says:

If people can organise the time, I actually prefer to work in a block of time like I did with Nicole*. I find it helps to give people focus and a chance to really immerse themselves in what we’re doing. Managing upward is working with the person or people you report to. In Nicole’s case this was the chief executive and senior

iStockphoto

intensive interaction

executive team, and also working between the levels, translating the needs from the lower levels up and then the other way down. A lot of people think about managing the people who report to them, but it’s important to manage up as well. It’s really the same as managing anything, it’s understanding people, yourself, where you sit in the corporate setting, the lines of communication and how you can work best within the guidelines of the corporation. In the corporate world people often have issues with other people, whether they’re managing up or down. They may not always be aware of what’s going on at a personal level, not just at the corporate level. And let’s face it, a corporation is made up of people, and the way it runs is by people interacting with each other. A lot of the work I do is gaining an understanding of the motivations of the person I’m coaching, but also helping them recognise the motivations of others. Once people realise that and get an understanding of it, the knock-on effect is that they’re more tolerant. They’re more tolerant of others and they’re more tolerant of themselves. And it’s not just tolerance, it’s understanding, taking responsibility, recognising that how you think makes a difference in everything you do. Then there are knock-on effects in all areas of life: relationships, personal empowerment and personal courage, as well as within their career. I think people who are really good managers are often people who have the capacity to connect emotionally with other people. I’m not saying they’re emotional, but they’re okay with that connection. I’m a great believer that the people who are in front of you are actually a reflection of yourself, so if somebody sitting in front of me has come for coaching, on some level they are a reflection of what’s going on in me. Carl Jung says we project out onto others things that are out of our awareness so they can be brought to our awareness. So the person in front of us is like a mirror. During the course of the coaching, I often discover things in my life that I need to pay attention to. For example, with Nicole, who came to me looking for clarity because she was changing careers and goal setting and managing upward, I found areas in my life I also needed clarity on. – As told to Jo Hegerty * Name changed for privacy

“ACAP is a great learning environment. I believe that I will be able to use the skills I have learnt to become a professional counsellor.” Linda Ho Bachelor of Applied Social Science

learn how people work At the Australian College of Applied Psychology (ACAP) you can gain the skills you need to work in community services or counselling, or improve your people management techniques. We offer a flexible education that lets you start at a level that suits and work your way up. Study our: • Certificate IV in Community Services Work (CHC40902) or Diploma of Community Services (Case Management) (CHC50902) to gain skills to work in community services or to experience study without committing to a degree. • Bachelor of Applied Social Science (Counselling) to gain skills to work as a Counsellor, or our Bachelor of Applied Social Science (Management) to move into the people side of management. • Graduate Diploma of Counselling if you already have a degree and want to become a Counsellor. • Master of Applied Social Science (Counselling) if you’re already a Counsellor looking to upskill, or our Master of Applied Social Science (Management) if you want to be a people manager.

ACAP0054

Government Fee-help available

To find out how you can start studying in 2009 contact the Australian College of Applied Psychology today.

acap.edu.au | inFo@acap.edu.au | 1800 061 199

Melbourne City Store 273 Little Lonsdale St, Melbourne, Vic 3000. Westgarth Store 59 High Street, Northcote, Vic 3070. Hawthorn Store 764 Glenferrie Road, Hawthorn, Vic 3122. 03 9499 9844 Visit our new online store: www.catherinemanuelldesign.com