set your goals & coach yourself to success
AUG / SEPT 2009 $7.95 (incl GST)
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“ I realised that I was
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10 Letting Go and Looking Forward From an amazing career in competitive swimming to making the decision to hang up her goggles and now as a TV Presenter for Channel Nine, the inspiring Giaan Rooney shares her experience and what she’s learnt about herself along the way.
14 “I Promise to Love You” Making the commitment to love the most important person in your life – You
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17 The 3 Ps of Optimism How permanence, personalisation and pervasiveness can turn you into a pessimist
18 Tap into the Power Use your higher conscious mind to achieve your goals
19 Connecting to Your Angels and Guides Meet the spirit beings guiding and protecting you everyday
20 Listen to Yourself to Lose Weight Align your emotional, psychological and spiritual selves to assist in weight loss
21 Conquer Your Metabolism Understand your metabolism and learn to ignite the burning furnace
20 22 Say ‘No’ to Negativity Combat negativity in the workplace to regain confidence, control and community
24 Build Trust for Success Become the trusted advisor to improve your business relationships
28 Renovate for Wealth Learn to become mortgage-free through renovations
29 Educate to Win Take control of share trading success through self-education
4 Editor’s Note 5 Your Say 6 Meet the Experts 8 Acts of Kindness
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Great Reads Ask a Coach Change Your Life in15 Minutes Coach Yourself Goal-Setting Tool Published online by Realview Technologies
Contributors Rachel Anastasi, Savleen Bajaj, Dale Gillham, Mandy Holloway, Catherine Lezer, Kathy McKenzie, Dana Mrkich Noel Posus, Helen Rosing, Joanne Prior, James Short Publisher / Editor Helen Rosing helen@empoweronline.com.au Graphic Designer Jeanne Wu Cover Photography Courtesy Channel Nine
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22 Advertisers and contributors to emPOWER Magazine acknowledge they are aware of the provisions of the Anti-Discrimination Act 1977 and the Trade Practices Act 1974 in relation to false and misleading advertising or statements under other unfair practices and the penalties for breach of provisions of those Acts. The publisher accepts no responsibility for such breaches. Opinions expressed by contributors are their own and not necessarily endorsed by emPOWER Magazine or the publishers. All material in emPOWER magazine is copyright and may not be produced in whole or in part without express permission of the publishers. www.empoweronline.com.au ISSN 1835-8705
Editor’s Note It is said that life is a journey and as I look back over the last few months, I must say, I feel I have journeyed a thousand miles. As many of you would be aware, here at em POWER we’ve had to make the challenging decision to cease printing the hardcopy version of the magazine for the next 12 months. Regardless of how much we implemented positive thinking and manifestation within our office, the so-called ‘global financial crisis’ has reached our door and this has caused some changes in the business. What I have learnt during this time is that challenges like these can make or break you as a business-owner. This is not so much physically, but more mentally and emotionally. In all honesty, I have experienced an intense feeling of failure and it would have been quite easy (and appealing) to fall into a deep, dark well of self-pity. Luckily, I am surrounded by many amazing friends and colleagues who persisted in reminding me of my core belief system – that anyone can achieve anything. What I do know is that for three years now I have put my heart and soul into making this magazine a powerful vehicle to assist our readers to improve their lives. I know that the amazing women who have worked (and do work) with me are grateful for the experience they’ve had with the company and will always think of us positively. And, I know that we have touched the lives of many many people for the better and we will continue to do so. Of that, I am very proud. On that note, please also allow me to express my sincerest gratitude for your emails, letters and calls of support and encouragement. I am now very happy to provide you with the latest issue of em POWER, in its new online format. Online, you’ll find all of the motivation and inspiration that you’ve always loved about em POWER and we hope that you will continue to share it with your friends and family. As they say, ‘failure is not the falling down, but the staying down’ and reading Kathy McKenzie’s article on page 14 made me realise this even more. She espouses the choice with any challenge to react with pessimism and prevent yourself from ‘bouncing back’ or to react as an optimist and move to a place of power. The fabulous Giaan Rooney graces our cover this issue with her memorable smile and ‘real’, down-to-earth nature. Giaan very honestly tells of her ‘light-bulb’ moment where she decided to leave the sport, what she learnt and how it felt to hang up her goggles. An article I particularly enjoyed is ‘I promise to love myself ’ on page 12. Noel Posus not only shares his personal story of self-commitment but also explains “the most important personal in my life for me to love, is me”. As well, just after being named Fitness Australia’s Fitness Professional of the Year for the second time running, James Short shares a great article on metabolism – what is it and how do we improve ours? Our wealth creation article titled ‘Educate yourself to win’ on page 28 is also an eyeopener. I will be the first to admit that I rely far too heavily on a financial adviser for share trading advice, rather then to get educated myself. I would spend much more time researching the right property to buy than I would in researching the best shares to acquire and yet, both investments could mean a future of financial freedom. What about you? We hope you enjoy this new medium and, as always, we’d love your feedback.
Helen Rosing Publisher
August/September 2009
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Thank you for all the wonderful feedback on the magazine. Keep your comments and ideas coming. Email us at admin@empoweronline.com.au
winning letter
I’m a BIG fan of glossy magazines. Without fail every month, I’m ‘swept away from it all’ for hours on end and love nothing more than spending a wintery Sunday afternoon on my couch turning the pages. I came across em POWER for the first time today by accident – it was actually the cover of Antonia Kidman that caught my eye, as I admire not only her career success but the strength and calmness and positivity she radiates out to the universe. It’s inspiring. Lately, I feel like I’m struggling to find the motivation to pull areas of my life together and creating ‘balance’ is easier said than done. I’m a high achiever and feel let down – after a career setback. After reading many of the articles in your magazine I now feel rejuventated to get back on track to being the strong woman I know I am. I am from this point onwards a forever fan and thanks for the FREE membership to empoweronline, it’s exactly what I need right now! – Vanessa, via email
I can’t express how much hope and strength your magazine has brought me from the first time I picked it up. The information it has provided has helped me become aware of acceptance,possibilities and guidance into my life. I thank all the life coaches and – Artemis, via email people who have contributed to a very inspiring and meaningful magazine. Its refreshing to see emPOWER on the newsagency shelves. After years of disappointment and boredom with gossip, home-maker, cooking and puzzle magazines, I had almost given up hope on ever finding a good read. Until I came across emPOWER. The articles on positive psychology are a real treat, and I quite like your style of raw down-to-earth no nonsense intelligent journalism. Thank you for replacing our void. We who are hungry for writing with substance are certainly satisfied! – Kate, via email
As a ‘hope-to-be-mum,’ I am immensely excited about having my first child. However, I have also guiltily been feeling some trepidation that once I become a mum; my own identity will simply vanish (probably around the same time as my baby’s face stars on a batch of customised Christmas cards!). Therefore, I was both heartened and reassured to read Antonia Kidman’s insightful article, ‘Parents as People’ (June/July), in which she affirms the importance of maintaining self within the parental role. I agree that although it may be hard, mums and dads do need to take a little time out to keep sight of who they are as wonderfully unique individuals, without feeling guilty or fear of judgement. Thanks em POWER for helping empower me and women everywhere. – Deborah Caine, via email
Send in ‘Your Say’ and if you are our winning letter in the next issue, you’ll win a prize pack from Hay House worth more than $120. The pack includes Cosmic Ordering by Barbel and Clemens Mohr, Secrets of Success by Sandra Anne Taylor, All You Ever Wanted to Know From His Holiness the Dalai Lama by Dalai Lama, 28 Days to a More Magnetic Life by Sandra Anne Taylor and 21 Distinctions of Wealth by Peggy McColl.
Submit ‘YOUR SAY’ through the website at www.empoweronline.com.au or email admin@empoweronline.com.au 5
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to our expert contributors
August/September 2009
Rachel Anastasi is the founder of Free to be Me Life Coaching and www.secretsofasupercoach. com. Her expertise are as a personal coach, facilitator and speaker, and her passion is to empower others. Having worked effectively with people of all walks of life Rachel has an understanding of human behaviour that assists her clients to create transformational results. Rachel also develops resources just for coaches, including a professional and personal development retreat designed to take your coaching and coaching business to the next level.
Kathy McKenzie, FIRE UP Coaching director, is a specialist Communications and Leadership Facilitator, Coach Trainer, and Executive Coach. Her qualifications include a Graduate Nurse Program, Masters in Professional Vocational Education and Training, ICF accredited coach and coach trainer, NLP and HBDI trainer. Featured on TV regularly she brings fun and enthusiasm to training sessions. Clients include Queensland Health, Australia Post, Dept of Sustainability and Environment, Shell and ANZ.
Savleen Bajaj is an international success coach, psychologist, speaker, author, facilitator and consultant. She has spent almost two decades using cutting-edge technologies to accelerate human growth and enabling individuals to unleash their true potential. With a deep insight into the principles for personal breakthroughs and holistic success, Savleen is passionate about supporting people to live their greatest life by transforming their visions and intentions into results.
Dana Mrkich is a spiritual intuitive, author of A New Chapter (Zeus Publications), host of internet talk radio show Visioning the Dream Awake and an inspirational writer, speaker and teacher. She offers in-person, phone and email soul sessions to clients all around the world and holds a BA in Communications (Social Inquiry/Media) with qualifications in several healing modalities.
Wealth Within chief analyst Dale Gillham is a bestselling author, keynote speaker and one of Australia’s leading investment advisors. He wrote the bestselling book How to Beat the Managed Funds by 20%. He also launched Australia’s first and only nationally recognised, government accredited Diploma of Share Trading and Investment course, providing students with a government-recognised accreditation at Diploma level.
Noel Posus is a highly recognised leader of the international coaching industry, a master coach with 20 years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. Noel serves on a number of coaching industry boards, lectures at universities and coaching schools, manages a number of coaching businesses and loves to help individuals and organisations develop their own wisdom. He has recently been awarded the prestigious ‘Coach of the Year’ award for 2008.
Executive coach Mandy Holloway found Holloway Consulting in 2002 after working as a partner at KPMG. This experience allows her to bring realism to her leadership training development, consulting and speaking initiatives delivered to clients. Her passion is to unleash authentic and courageous leaders, generating sustainable personal and business performance.
Step up to the plate with Joanne Prior – Spiritual Mentor. Joanne has a unique and profound gift to capture the core essence of each of her clients to effortlessly transform their mind-sets and therefore their lives into an authentic experience of ‘Absolute Magnificence’. Joanne specialises in working with individuals who want to move powerfully forward in their lives and business. Joanne’s background in science and psychology further supports success for her clients.
Catherine Lezer is a small business owner, property investor and inspirational speaker on the topic of women and money. Catherine has empowered thousands of women on investing and wealth creation through her Rich Chicks seminars and says “Empowered women create miracles”.
Armed with a degree in Human Movement Studies and trained in neuro-linguistic programming, James Short has been assisting people with their health and fitness for the past 15 years. As a leader in the industry, he is a board member of Fitness NSW and was recently announced the Fitness Australia Fitness Professional of the Year for the second consecutive year.
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FREE
We can change the world, one act at a time – a little kindness is all it takes.
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t’s quite possible you have changed someone’s day without even knowing it. Perhaps you gave a welcoming smile when they were feeling left out, delivered a compliment, opened a door, offered up your seat on the bus or were generally helpful and pleasant when it was most needed. You can probably also think of moments when someone changed your day in a similar way. What happened in each of those moments is called an Act of Kindness – a small action that can make a big difference. Here’s how some of our readers are getting in on the act. Why not share yours with us – you could even win a luxurious gift pack from Scent.net.au valued at $133.
After arriving home from our various commitments one Friday evening my family had a vote decided that we would have takeaway tonight. Many places were suggested but the winning suggestion was to travel to the gyros shop. We all happily ordered our meals and were enjoying our gyros when I spotted a homeless man across the road going through the bin and eating various things out of the bin. At that moment I felt a true connection to this man and needed to do something immediately. I ordered a gyros and promptly crossed the road to give it to him. When I walked up to him he looked confused and surprised. I said to him “We have accidentally over ordered and have an extra gyros. Would he like it?” He then had the most amazing smile on his face that truly made me understand that it is much better to give than to receive. As I walked back to my family I could not help but shed a tear for this man’s wonderful smile. – Maria, via email what I could do One Friday afternoon I was sitting at home wondering of mine friend a to entertain my two little boys and I thought of Lisa, wondered I ago. s who had given birth to her third little girl a few month how she was coping with three girls under four! she was I phoned her up and arranged to visit. When I got there flustered. bit a g more than a little swamped with housework and lookin ht thoug I er Once the kids were all sorted and happy playing togeth a folded then I’d lend a hand and brought in the washing off the line I but it do to have MOUNTAIN of laundry for her. She insisted I didn’t insisted that I did! her out and it It made me feel really good to do a little bit to help use the time on saved her having to do it herself when she could have oon feeling like I having a cup of tea instead. I went home that aftern – Tracy, via email spent the afternoon in the best way I could have.
It was 1968, and I was travelling under escort in a remote and dangerous area of the Philippines where the Moslem population lived in dire poverty. I was taken into the hut of the village ‘chief ’ and his family, and given a drink of water. I looked around, taken aback to see the total lack of furniture or any ornament except – one conch shell on an otherwise bare shelf. I remarked clumsily in the local dialect, “What a beautiful shell!” To my horror the chief insisted on wrapping up the shell in newspaper and giving it to me, a wealthy Westerner. To this day that shell takes pride of place on my mantelpiece, as a reminder to me of supreme kindness and hospitality. – Stephanie, via email
Just recently I attended a personal development weekend workshop. Whilst at the workshop we were placed into teams with people we did not know. This was a great way to get us out of our comfort zone and provide the opportunity to learn from our team members. We were given a team activity to complete in 1.5 hours on the Sunday of the course – go as a team and complete an act of kindness. The mind ponders at first trying to create a workable creative suggestion to complete within the timeframe. Our team of 6 people ended up driving to a nearby church where we asked if we could help in anyway. The volunteer at the church was more than pleased to have six free, willing workers to assist and for our time, we helped with the unpacking and stacking food items. We, as a team, achieved a lot of work within that time and the organisation was grateful and impressed. – Tracy Attard, via email
Get in on the Act
&Win
The reader to send in our favourite and most inspiring act of kindness will win a gorgeous gift pack from Scent.net.au valued at almost $140! The gift pack, proudly supplied by Scent.net.au, includes an orange flower scented candle made from organic vegetable wax ($55.00) and a 100ml Eau de Parfum ($78.00), both from Australia designer Lee Mathews. They smell amazing! For more information on these products and more, visit www.scent.net.au. Submit your Act of Kindness at empoweronline.com.au or email admin@empoweronline.com.au
From Olympic Gold Medallist to TV Presenter, the emPOWER team catches up with Giaan Rooney to discover the girl behind the million-dollar smile.
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Q. Tell us a bit about yourself – where
did you grow up and how did you get into swimming? A. My whole family was born and raised in Brisbane but when I was 8 we moved to the Gold Coast. It was a great place to grow up, I was always outside and doing various sports and we knew it was time to be inside for dinner when the streetlights came on! I had learnt to swim as a baby and had always loved the water so when I was eleven and a friend of mine asked me at my school swimming carnival if I wanted to join a swimming club with her, I instantly said yes. It started off being just twice a week but I loved it so much that I begged my parents to go three times, then four, then...
the pool? A. I find it really hard to answer this question as I have a few moments that are really special to me for different reasons. The first one is making my first Australian Swim Team in 1998; I was 15 and up until then had never even dreamed of making swimming my career. Training and traveling with people like Sam Riley and Susie O’Neill confirmed for me that I was on the right path. The second highlight was winning
August/September 2009
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Photos courtesy Channel Nine
Q. What was your biggest highlight in
& my first World Championship in 2001. It is hard to describe the feeling of knowing that on that day, in that particular moment I was the best in the world. The third moment is one I will never forget and that is being apart of the 4x100m medley relay team that won Gold in the 2004 Athens Olympics. With my three other teammates, Petria Thomas, Leisel Jones and Jodie Henry, the pride and camaraderie I felt singing the National Anthem with gold medals around our necks, would have to be the greatest feeling in the world.
exact opposite of my days as an athlete, where I could tell you where I was going to be every second of every day! I also work for some wonderful companies like Nestle, Lexus of Blackburn, and MAB Corporation as well as some amazing charities including The Lort Smith Animal Hospital and The Alannah and Madeline Foundation.
Q. What do you love about life after A.
with that came the realisation that I was ready for the next challenge. After being in a very selfish occupation for half of my life, I hated the thought that if I died tomorrow, the only thing that anyone could say about me was that I could swim fast.
Q. Can you describe how it felt to A.
Q. You’ve had an amazing career in
A.
competitive swimming, what was it that finally made you decide to leave the sport? It is never an easy decision to walk away from something that has virtually been your life for 12 years, but 6 months before I retired I had this ‘light-bulb’ moment where I suddenly realised I was proud of myself and what I had achieved. I know that sounds strange but as an athlete you rarely take stock of your list of achievements, you are always looking forward to the next goal or the next competition. It was liberating to feel that I didn’t need to prove myself, either to myself or to anyone else, and
hang up your towel and make such a huge career shift? It would take a few pages to say it all! I went through the whole range of emotions, from relief of not having to get up and go to training anymore and excitement of what lay ahead, to nervousness, trepidation and fear of stepping into the unknown. I had only ever known life as an athlete. I had earned a bit of money in that time, had a secure support base and always knew what the future held and then suddenly I had to learn a whole new way of thinking. What did I know about functioning in the real world? Nothing!
Q. What are you mostly working on A.
now? I think I am officially the ‘fill in’ girl at Channel Nine! I work on Wide World of Sports, The Today Show, Getaway and Postcards. Everyday is different and I never have a chance to get bored, the
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swimming? Where do I start?! I am so grateful for my time as a swimmer, and I wouldn’t change anything about that part of my life, but if someone offered me a million dollars to make a comeback I wouldn’t even hesitate to turn it down. Strangely enough, I feel happier, healthier, have more energy and am a more positive person now than when I was in peak physical condition. I think for me it comes down to not being constantly exhausted. I also love the fact that I don’t have a strict routine anymore, most of the time I don’t know what I am doing tomorrow let alone next week and that really suits me after coming from the monotony of swimming training. The only downside is that I had no idea how hard it is to fit exercise into your life when it is not your job! Thank goodness I have a dog that needs walking!
Q. How did the opportunity come A.
about to present on TV? I was very fortunate to be in the right place at the right time. Channel Nine had sponsored me for a few years when I swam so I had been able to meet a few people in the industry and get a taste for media. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, I thought the right path for me would have been more producing or script writing, as I had wanted to be a journalist before I knew I wanted to swim, but the feeling of being in front of a camera was the same buzz I had experienced before a big race. I owe a lot to Channel Nine and particularly Paul Waldren who took me on as a presenter, not knowing if I could actually do it.
Q. Was it natural for you step in front
A.
of the camera after swimming, or did it take some training and confidence-building? I still don’t know if I feel completely comfortable in front of a camera!
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on a daily basis and try to take what I can from those experiences. My parents inspire me to be a great parent one day and to replicate the childhood I had, and my friends inspire me to be a better person. As silly as it sounds, even my dog inspires me. To see how much enjoyment he gets from simply being out and about makes me grateful for the everyday moments.
to travel, work with creative people and participate in an industry that is designed to allow people to escape from their daily lives for a while, all while meeting people from all walks of life and hearing their stories. It doesn’t get much better!
Q. What advice would you give
Q. What is the biggest challenge
As I am a person who thrives best under pressure, the adrenaline rush, particularly with live TV is a feeling I have learnt to welcome from a young age, and continues to help me as I try to become a better presenter. I think the hardest part for me has been more physical. Coming from an industry where it was all about what your body could do, to move into an industry where it is all about what your body looks like was very confronting. All of a sudden I didn’t fit in, I was 5 feet 10 and had shoulders and muscles! That scariness of feeling different that most women go through in their teens, I experienced at 24. It is still something I am coming to terms with.
Q. What do you enjoy most about TV presenting? A. It is so wonderful to be able to say you love your job, and I really do. I get
August/September 2009
you’ve had to overcome in your life and how did you do it? A. Everyone has challenges, some more than most and some on a daily basis. For me, my biggest challenge was getting through a period in my life when I was 18. I had just figured out that my swimming career wasn’t as black and white as I thought. Before, I was of the belief that hard work equals success; I never gave a second thought to it being any different. I very quickly realised that sometimes things won’t always work out as planned and that I wasn’t the only one who was affected if I didn’t succeed; I had a coach, a family, friends, sponsors, a team and a country who had all put their faith in me. I felt overwhelmed by the fear of letting them down. After seeking the advice of a sports psychologist I learnt to concentrate on the journey rather than the outcome. I had to learn that this wasn’t just a sport’s lesson but a life lesson. We always want people to be proud of us, but the person we can only ever work towards pleasing is ourselves.
Q. Who is your biggest inspiration / why? A. A. I don’t have just one person who inspires me; I see inspirational things
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Q. What motivates you? A. Life. There is so much to see, do and
experience in this world, I would love nothing better than to pack ten lifetimes into this one and try and do it all!
Q. What is a little-known fact about A.
you? I have a useless talent for remembering song lyrics, even after hearing a song only once, pity I can’t sing to save my life!
Q. Where do you see yourself in the A.
next five years? I would love to have found my soul mate and a way to live overseas for 6 months of the year while still challenging myself creatively and intellectually.
Q. Do you tend to work towards goals? A. A. In swimming I always did but now
I have had to relinquish control a little bit and that is not something I am very good at. I have more personal goals now rather than work orientated ones and put more of my faith in the power of the universe. Everything happens for a reason.
Q. What advice might you have to A.
help other women realise they can reach their full potential? A. I don’t think I am qualified to give advice, I am still figuring out how to get the best out of myself, and I don’t think that ever stops until the day you die. I just try to be a positive, caring, honest person who can look in the mirror at the end of the day and be proud to be me, not that that always happens but you can only learn from every experience that life throws you. My favourite quote has always been, ‘Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice’ and I try to live by that.
Photos courtesy Channel Nine
another woman who wanted to enter the field of TV presenting? A. Make sure you have a strong sense of self and a mentor who can guide you and give you advice, as it can be a notoriously fickle industry. Ask a lot of questions, don’t take rejection personally and learn to trust the team around you. If a sound recordist suggests you do the take again because you mumbled a word or the camera man didn’t like your hand gestures, listen to them, they know what they’re doing!
All around us are the people we commit to everyday - our families, our friends, our employers, colleagues, staff. But, as Noel Posus discovered, there is one person more important than any who needs our commitment.
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am about to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the day everything in my life changed; the day I decided that the most important person in my life for me to love, was me. By way of background, I had just been through yet another disastrous personal relationship. I was feeling more than a bit deflated after having so many jerks in my life in rapid succession. When I wasn’t blaming them, I was blaming me for having poor taste in choosing them or for not being strong enough to put a stop to the bad behaviour, or for just not being a good enough partner myself. Whichever way I was choosing to look at my situation, from day to day, it wasn’t very helpful. I had a pretty large group of friends during all this time who would also hear all of my woes, complaints and lend me a shoulder to cry on, and of course at all the appropriate times would say things like, “that bastard…you’re too good for him!” Then, all those well-meaning friends who I had gone to for emotional support so many times before were suddenly less there. I had played the card too many times with stories that all sounded just like the previous one. A lightning-bolt moment for me was when one of my friends said, “What, again?” when I tried to tell the next
instalment of a broken-relationship-saga. It was my wake-up call, and I’m so grateful for that moment. When I thought about it, what I realised and hold true today is that I will not be able to properly love someone else or receive their love in return, if I don’t also have a deeply personal relationship, and even love, for myself. That love has to translate into attending to my own needs, to honouring the commitments I make to myself, to standing up for what I believe in, for saying what I’m feeling when I’m feeling it, and to feel whole and complete entirely on my own without needing another person to somehow make me feel worthy. After such an enormous realisation, I wanted to ‘anchor’ my new commitment to myself. I found a jeweller to help me design and make a gorgeous marquisecut diamond anniversary band as my ‘commitment ring’. Once completed, I placed it on my wedding finger and I’ve never taken it off. Every day it reminds me of the commitment I made to myself. It helps guide my decisions and keeps me focused, positive and happy with who I am.
Making your own commitment One of the most often referred to elements of a successful relationship is commitment,
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but generally, this commitment is referring to being committed to the relationship and the other person. Apply those same principles of committing to another to make the commitment to you, using these suggestions: • Be Clear Be clear about how important you are in the grand scheme of your life. We often put other peoples’ needs above our own, but if we don’t look after our own needs we have less ability to provide for or even care for others. Going after what we want doesn’t mean other people can’t also have what they need and it’s important to put ourselves first sometimes. It is your life and there’s no reason why you don’t deserve to put yourself at the centre of it from time to time. • Accept what makes you special List your strengths, qualities and talents. Learn to celebrate and use them more effectively, more often. You might also want to consider asking others who know you well, to help you create the list. What they see in you is also true, even if you don’t immediately see it in yourself. Be respectful of their opinions, as you have asked for their thoughts. Discounting their belief in you won’t help you accept all you really are.
commitment as important as possible. Personally, I chose not to have a ceremony. When I put the ring on my own finger, that was enough to “mark the moment” for me. But, I know of others who actually held a ceremony, where guests were invited and the person declared their vows to love and honour themselves to those who came to witness and celebrate. One even wore a wedding dress and had bridesmaids and groomsmen in a lavish event with the proceeds going to charity.
Maintaining Your Commitment
• Create a list of your values This list represents the rules by which you want to live your life. It’s important to have clarity about what you’ll accept (or not) in terms of your own behaviour and that of others. Just like when wedding vows are spoken in a ceremony, your values, or rules, need to truly represent the intent and nature of your commitment. It is about celebrating who you are, your strengths and qualities, to continuously work on developing yourself to be the best you that you can be. So, being committed to yourself includes respect, love, honour and even obey. You may want to consider framing them or sharing them with others. Do something other than to just have them in your head. These are the important tenants of how you commit to honour and respect yourself, as well as others. • Choose your symbol. A symbol will constantly remind you of your commitment to yourself and how you want to think, feel and act. For me it is my treasured ring, for you, it might be having your portrait painted or a photograph where you see yourself in your best image. Or, it could be as simple as choosing a particular colour that you wear and surround yourself with. Whatever it is, it will be more
effective if it is something that truly reminds you of your commitment (because if it doesn’t it might actually make you feel worse) and it needs to be something you’ll see on a regular basis, either daily or potentially numerous times a day (like a ring on a finger!). • Develop a personal development plan Based on everything you have now determined about yourself and they way you want to live your life (in respect to yourself and others), develop your personal development plan. Think about those things you wish to think, feel and act as well as experience. Consider timeframes. Take action on your plan to further commit to it. • Create one simple statement The statement, such as an affirmation, summarises your commitment. It needs to be one that resonates with you and one that you really believe. Write it down and keep it in your wallet, purse or pocket. Keep it on you at all times. Refer back to it whenever doubts creep in and it might just give you the strength you need in that moment. • What about a ceremony? Finally, you might want to consider a ceremony. It may sound over the top, but the point is to make your 15
We celebrate anniversaries in relationships, so why not do the same for the relationship you have with yourself? One of my coaching colleagues marks the anniversary of his commitment by taking himself out to a lovely dinner on his birthday where he reflects on his commitment to being a whole and complete person, his personal achievements over the year and thinks ahead about how to apply his strengths and qualities to new goals. Other ideas include keeping a journal about your relationship with self, adding entries on a regular basis, or you could dedicate a day a month to being “Me Day” where the day’s activities are entirely focused on you being good to you. What could you do to help you remember your commitment to yourself and treating yourself as good as you deserve? In case you’re wondering what’s happening in my own story, I am now in a wonderful relationship, one that may not have happened if I hadn’t committed myself to me. When he offered to buy me a ring, I explained that the one I was already wearing meant he had a stronger commitment from me because it was based on the one I keep with myself.
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W
hen you work in the field of human potential you see fads come and go, so when you discover something that is based on solid science, and it is simple enough for anyone to use to create powerful transformations, you feel obliged to share it with as many people as possible. This is how I felt when I came across the work of Martin Seligman (www.authentichappiness.org) when I was working on a project in 2004. I was contracted to work in a large fuel distribution company with a team that included a psychologist, actors, a risk management expert and myself as a specialist in NLP. Our brief was to raise the awareness of heavy goods vehicle drivers around the impact of negativity (ie pessimism) fatigue and stress on driver safety. The goal was to reduce the number of accidents and incidents directly related to negativity, fatigue and stress. I wasn’t sure initially how responsive our audience would be to the concept of “being optimistic” or the basic principles of NLP however we spent a lot of time
making the program highly entertaining so that the learning involved a lot of laughing as well as serious discussions about the impact of negative attitudes and pessimism on the number of accidents and incidents in their work environment. The results from that program were astonishing - a 30% reduction in accidents and incidents simply through the drivers having a much greater awareness of the power of optimism and some simple tools and techniques related to positive thinking to apply when they were feeling stressed or negative. These are tools and techniques you too can apply easily with profound results in all areas of your life so let me share some of those learning’s with you now. First start to think about any areas of your life where things are not going the way you would like. Start to think about the way you analyse those events in your life. Let’s take for example one of my clients Marnie, who had just had a relationship break up after 5 years. She was feeling overwhelmed with sadness and beating herself up about what she could have done differently to keep them together. We started to talk about her self-talk - to recognise patterns in her internal dialogue that may be stopping her from “bouncing back”. With Marnie we were able to identify two of the patterns Martin Seligman talks about. The first is ‘permanence’, which is when a bad event happens and your inner talk starts making that bad event permanent. In Marnie’s case, she was repeating the thoughts “I’ll never meet anyone else like him” and “there’s just no good men left”. Definitely not giving her a positive glow! Marnie had to learn to change her self talk to make it a temporary event and think things like “plenty
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of fish in the sea” and “you never know who I will meet in any moment”. The second pattern is ‘personalisation’ and this is where most of us tend to fare badly. We are just not good at accepting compliments. We are, however, fantastic at beating ourselves up when things go wrong and blaming ourselves. We could all work on this pattern. Marnie had to stop blaming herself and start saying things like “he just didn’t know a good thing when he had it” and “it just wasn’t the time and place for us”. This makes it easier to stay positive and builds our resilience. The third pattern is around what Seligman calls ‘pervasiveness’. When a bad event happens, a pessimist spreads those bad feelings out to impact all areas of life, whilst an optimist can keep things in perspective. Think about that next time you let a bad day at work make you grumpy when you get home. Learn some techniques to leave the negativity where it belongs. I had one client who would hang an imaginary coat on the tree outside his house with all the bad events of the day left outside so that they didn’t impact on his time with his kids. Learning to be more optimistic takes time and conscious effort. A good start is simply acknowledging three things you have to be grateful for at the end of each day. Research shows you can actually increase the amount of positive chemicals released in the brain after a month of just doing that daily. Start to think about areas you want to have better results and get optimistic. Remember what you pay attention to you get more of so pay attention to positive self-talk and being optimistic and just enjoy that joy amplifying in your life.
Spirituality
Your mind is a seat of magnificent power. If used correctly, it can bring you to the pinnacle of success. Savleen Bajaj explains the three parts of the mind and how to tap into your higher conscious power.
Y
ou can think of your human mind as being built of three parts: the conscious mind, the subconscious mind and the higher conscious mind. The conscious mind, is that part of the mind that accepts or rejects ideas. Also known as your ego-mind, the conscious mind has some amazing qualities like deduction, reasoning and logic. It is often referred to as the ‘thinker’. Your goals and dreams start in your conscious mind when you think about what you want. The purpose of the subconscious mind is to produce results consistent with whatever has been ‘accepted’ by the conscious mind. When the subconscious mind believes something to be true it goes about drawing the conditions needed to bring that truth to fruition. As the famous author, Earl Nightingale said, “The mind moves in the direction of our currently dominant thoughts.” As such, the subconscious mind is often referred to as the ‘goal seeker’. The subconscious mind has no reasoning power, and cannot reject anything that it is told. For example, if you or someone close to you, continuously tells you that you are ‘not good enough’, your conscious mind plays this message over and over again, accepts the idea and sends the command to your subconscious mind that you are indeed ‘not good enough’. In the subconscious mind this belief is then manifested into reality. The third mind, which is the higher conscious mind, is the mind of our Spirit Self. It is believed that the higher conscious is the part that links us to all other creatures and to our Creator or The One Source. It is also widely documented in spiritual teachings that it is in this mind that our soul or spirit resides. Carl Jung noted the higher conscious mind in his works. He felt that the collective wisdom and knowledge of all the
the higher conscious mind is empowered and helps you to become a fully functioning human being. You become productive, creative and healthy in your endeavors. However, when the harmony is unbalanced within the minds, the higher conscious it becomes dysfunctional and does not serve you. To develop great levels of harmony between your minds, practice the following:
Think life-enhancing thoughts If your thoughts manifest themselves into your reality, it becomes important to think life-enhancing thoughts.
Reframe
Changing your negative thoughts by replacing them with positive thoughts gives you the power to tap into the power of your subconscious mind. Remember like attracts like so once you have taken charge of your subconscious thoughts and beliefs, you are able to draw to you the things you seek. ages was contained in this superconscious mind and was available to everyone. Napoleon Hill referred to it as Infinite Intelligence and concluded that, without exception successful people developed an ability to tap into this higher form of infinite intelligence. Ralph Waldo Emerson called it the ‘oversoul’ and said; “We live in the lap of an immense intelligence that, when we are in its presence, we realise that it is far beyond our human mind.” They all agreed that it is an infinite store of knowledge and power that can be accessed by anybody who is willing to learn to use it to achieve greatness in all areas of their life. When the conscious and subconscious minds are in harmony, that is, when you are positive, optimistic and vision-oriented,
Reach a meditative state
In a meditative state you by-pass logical barriers and limitations of your conscious mind to delve into your sub-conscious to transport you into your higher conscious mind without resistance. In actual fact, you experience light meditative states everyday. This includes when you are reading, listening to music, driving, watching TV or daydreaming and you notice that you have drifted off, oblivious to everything around you. When you are working determinedly toward a purposeful goal, your higher conscious mind will generate a continuous flow of ideas and energy to help you move onward. Tap into it, utilize its power and achieve great results in your life!
Savleen Bajaj is an internationally awarded human behavioural expert, life coach, professional speaker, psychologist, author, facilitator, healer and intuitive. She has received the ‘Medal of Honor for excellence’ and Award of Distinction in her expert field. She, is the founder of the Lotus World Centre for Mind, Body &Spirit. For more info, email info@savleenbajaj.com or visit www.savleenbajaj.com
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Spirituality
More and more people believe in the idea of having angels and guides, yet perhaps aren’t sure who they are exactly, how to work with them or what to do to develop the connection with them. Dana Mrkich explains how.
A
ngels and guides are two of our major support teams in life and each of these teams has a different job description. Our angels act as protectors and helpers, keeping us safe from harm, providing us with financial assistance that seems to come out of nowhere when we most need it, and even stepping in when we need healing or are going through a tough time. We all have a primary guardian angel, and many other helper angels. Our guardian angel protects us physically, while our helper angels respond to our prayers for a parking space, enough money to pay the bills this month, and also help to watch out for us and our loved ones. Our guides act as teachers, advisors and wise elders. They know who we really are, why we are here, and the best way to get where we want to go, depending on what we most desire to learn and experience during our time here. They will never interfere with our choices and decisions, however are always available to guide us when asked. Guides also don’t intervene in our daily life – with the exception being life-threatening situations – and prefer you to ask them when you need help, always responding to your heart felt prayers. Our primary guide is our higher self, that part of us that exists in the higher realms, the same level of reality where our guides and angels reside. A lot of people wonder why we can’t see their angels and guides. The best way to explain this is to imagine that physical reality is like one channel on your television, while the higher realms (and everyone living there, like your guides, angels and loved ones passed on) exist on other channels. If you only have access to public television,
then you aren’t going to be able to watch the fashion shows on Foxtel right? Angels and guides make our journey through life smoother and easier, if we let them. We can communicate to them anytime just by talking to them out loud or in our minds, or praying our requests for help and guidance. The more difficult part is hearing the way in which they communicate to us!
Angel Miracles
A near collision while driving, recovery from a serious illness, escaping an accident without a scratch. Everyone has had a moment when they knew someone up above was looking out for them down below. Some things are just unexplainable. This book is a collection of stories that shine with hope and true inspiration. Compiled by Brad Steiger and Sherry Hansen Steiger, it celebrates the beauty of mysterious miracles that can only be attributed to those divine helpers. Angels communicate to us with direct actions. That is, you get the parking spot right outside the store just as you asked. An unexpected sum of money comes to you just in time to pay your bill, when you had been praying for finances. To some this is simply the Law of attraction at work, but consider that angels play a strong role in this Law. Guides communicate to us more subtly, and part of the journey of life is gaining the wisdom to recognise their prompts. Our feelings are the best indicators of what we are being guided to do. Trust your urge to
take a certain trip, or enrol in a particular course. That rush of excitement, passion and joy you feel when you think about doing something is your guidance system saying yes yes yes!! The ability to connect with our guides and angels is a natural part of us, our ‘sixth sense’ and can be activated and strengthened with time and practice. To increase your connection with your guides I highly recommend journaling. Spend a minute with your eyes closed, taking deep breaths in and out to relax. Ask to connect with your guides, asking that any guidance you receive come from the highest source of truth, love and light. When you feel relaxed, open your eyes and write in your journal, asking about whatever issues you most need guidance on right now. Start writing, and trust what comes. Daily meditation, even 15 min a day, is also excellent for increasing your connection. As you simply focus on your breath as it goes in and out of your nose, you still the mind and guidance can come to you more easily. Your angels and guides are always with you, just waiting for you to ask them for their help and guidance.
Dana Mrkich is the author of A New Chapter, host of radio show Visioning the Dream Awake and teacher of Your New Chapter, a 7-week online course helping you to discover why you have the reality you have, and how to create the reality you want. With over 14 years experience, she offers Soul Sessions, empowering people to step further into their true self and best possible reality. Visit www.danamrkich.com
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Feature
When eating and exercise alone are not causing us to lose weight, Joanne Prior suggests we need to go deeper and look at our emotional, psychological and spiritual ‘selves’.
F
or most of us losing weight seems like a continual struggle. We are not sure if what we are doing is really working. Day one we are focused, day two we may be more flexible and by day three we have given up. Even Oprah has been quoted to say she cannot believe that she is still struggling with the ‘weight thing’! How many of us feel like Oprah? Many! If weight-loss is just about food and exercise it would be simple. You would change your eating, do some exercise and lose the weight. But for some it’s not that simple or easy. How is it that something so simple and easy can become an area of life that seems impossible to conquer? I believe that it’s because as humans we have become somewhat out of balance. We forget that we are emotional, psychological and spiritual beings. It is these parts of ourselves that get out of alignment with our physical bodies and cause havoc in our eating and weight. When working on ourselves to lose unwanted weight, it’s important to determine how can we get all of our ‘selves’ aligned to make eating and weight loss simple, easy and sustainable. Simply by using these three steps at the start of the process you may achieve amazing results. You need to be willing to trust yourself in the process.
Consciously ask ‘what is best for me?’ Be willing to stop and connect consciously to yourself by asking yourself ‘what is ‘right’ and best for me here?’ This simple action of pausing allows your mind to be opened to the answer that is literally ‘right and best’ for you. The answer flows to you from the very expert
within you, which is you. The power of making this simple decision brings your mind, emotions and spirit into alignment therefore allowing your physical being to be directed in a way that offers the ‘best’ choice for you.
Notice the ‘Nudges’
Be willing to notice the internal or external ‘nudges’ as to what direction, choices and decisions you are to make. The internal ‘nudges’ can reveal themselves in many ways. An internal ‘nudge’ arrives as a powerful intuitive ‘knowing’ as to ‘what to do’. For example, when out to dinner ‘right’ and best options seem to ‘jump out’ at you from the menu. Making it simple and easy to eat safely. External ‘nudges’ can be as simple as not being able to get a car park in front of your favourite café! ‘Nudges’ need not be limited to just food choices for we are talking about life here not just eating so allow the ‘nudges’ to direct you overall.
Trust your ‘Nudges’
Trust and follow every ‘nudge’, as each ‘nudge’ is your own Self, showing you what is ‘right’ and ‘best’ for you. When you follow them one-by-one it adds up to a bigger and ever expanding picture of ‘right’ and ‘best’ for you. Your new weight-loss path is based on moment-tomoment honesty and integrity with your actions aligned to what is ‘right’ and ‘best’ for you. As a result your eating, exercise, body and life will incrementally reflect back to you the internal changes being made. Then weight-loss can become the simple and easy process it is meant to be. It is possible to be free from the weight-loss struggle for life. By moment-to-moment taking that second to ask ‘what is ‘right’ and ‘best’ for me?’, listening to that ‘truth’ delivered through the ‘nudges’ and being willing to follow the nudges, trusting that your inner truth will only lead you to living the ‘best’ for you. Joanne Prior is Director of Core Essence Healing and works with individuals on a profound level to bring them back to living a life based on authentic and sustainable health, happiness, love and wealth with absolute magnificence. For more information visit her website at www.coreessencehealing.com.au
Spotlight On...
Metabolism or metabolic rate are concepts that have been thrown around the weight loss and fitness industry for decades. James Short sheds some light on what it all means and how you can work out yours.
H
aving a slow metabolism may the reason, why it’s a challenge to shift those extra pounds whilst your friend can eat all they want and still have no weight gain. Scientifically, metabolism refers to all physical & chemical processes in the body that create and use energy, such as digesting food & nutrients, going to the bathroom, breathing, circulating blood, controlling body temperature, contracting muscles, and the functioning of the brain and nerves. In simplest terms, metabolism is the rate at which your body burns calories. Very few people have a fast metabolism, and overweight individuals generally have slow metabolisms because their fat cells are consuming energy. Here are some determining factors of your metabolism. You may want to close your eyes when you read some of them, as unfortunately you cant do anything about them: • Age – metabolism decreases five percent per decade after age 40 • Sex – men generally burn calories more quickly than women because they have more muscle tissue • Heredity – you can inherit your metabolic rate from previous generations • Thyroid disorder – hypothyroidism (under active thyroid gland) and hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid gland) can slow down or speed up metabolism Now for some good news though, you can work out your resting metabolism rate (RMR), determine where it should be and set your calorie intake
accordingly. To do this, I use the MifflinSt Jeor equation: RMR = 9.99W + 6.25S – 4.92A + 166G – 161 Where: W = weight in kilograms S = height in centimetres A = age in years G = gender; 1 for males, 0 for females Working out your RMR will indicate to you how many calories your body requires at rest. Your daily consumption to maintain weight is then worked out as: RMR X 1.15 e.g. RMR = 2000, so the maintenance intake is 2000 x 1.15 = 2300
Please take this warning though. Do not restrict your calorie intake to lower than your RMR. Instead, get used to counting calories through various different websites, like www.calorieking.com.au and then modify if necessary. There are no “fat-burning” foods. You might’ve heard that certain foods (e.g. celery and grapefruit) increase metabolism, but it’s just a myth. While some foods and drinks such as red peppers and green tea have been studied for their potential metabolismincreasing properties, there is no conclusive evidence that whatever influence they have on metabolism is significant enough to result in weight loss. However, some believe that certain extremely low-calorie foods, such as celery, cause the body to burn more
calories in the act of consumption than are absorbed by the body. Still, half an hour of walking will burn many more calories than half an hour of chewing celery. However, if you eat small meals more frequently this will help the body to stay clear of decreasing your metabolism. Eating regularly, like 5 small meals per day will assist with your metabolism and keep the furnace burning bright. Exercise always has been ad always will be one of the best methods of maintaining a healthy metabolism. Exercise requires energy so exercising 4 times per week, with a combination of aerobic and strength training, will keep that metabolism furnace burning. Strength training is paramount for your metabolism. Get those bulky muscle images out of your head and think long and lean. That’s right! Muscle burns more calories than fat does (73 more calories per kilogram per day, to be exact), so the more lean muscle you develop, the higher your resting metabolic rate (RMR) will be. And, it gets even better, even while you sleep, every muscle cell that you gain burns calories, so your body turns into a “calorie burning machine” even at night. With that knowledge in place, work out your resting RMR, then start counting the actual calories that you consume to see how you compare. Implement a regular exercise routine with aerobic and strength training components, and sure enough you will be looking even more wonderful by those warmer months. Enjoy!! James Short is a fitness expert, presenter, trainer and coach. He has just been named the Fitness Australia Fitness Professional of the Year for the second consecutive year. For more information visit www.jamesshort.com.au
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www.empoweronline.com.au
In Focus
Say
no
to
Negativity
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Negativity is an increasing problem in the workplace and can lead to loss of confidence, control and community. Rachel Anastasi explains some simple ways to combat workplace negativity to ensure we all have a pleasant day.
e’ve all experienced the situation where negativity in one individual has brought the whole team down. When something is brewing in the workplace it is important to identify who in particular is experiencing feelings of negativity and what are the issues that sparked their unhappiness. In a team environment you get many different personality types. Some people naturally exude positivity and others look at things with a glass half empty attitude. As a colleague of a person who is naturally negative it is best that you avoid any conversation with them that buys into their negativity. Open communication can go a long way in resolving negativity as sometimes it may be a mere misunderstanding that has caused the negativity in the first place. Whatever the cause of the workplace negativity, you must address the issues. Or like a seemingly dormant volcano, they will boil beneath the surface, and periodically bubble up and overflow to cause fresh damage. If a colleague is being negative, rather than gossiping (which is definitely a no go in any workplace), communicate with them about how they are feeling. Maybe they need to get reconnected with why they are in this role, their goals or a reminder of how integral they are to the team and how important their contribution is to the bigger picture. Being 100% responsible for the results that you are and are not getting is very effective in terms of not allowing other peoples negativity to get you down. We are each are responsible for choosing our own
feelings, opinions, emotions and the sorts of conversations we are willing to partake in. The best way to combat workplace negativity is to keep it from occurring in the first place. Here are some tips:
1
When you have a sense of certainty and control it goes a long way in providing warm and fuzzy feelings. Create opportunities for people to influence their own job. When decisions are made that exclude the input of the person who is doing the work, this can cause a perceived lack of control and can breed negativity toward management and resentment relating to current circumstances. If you are feeling negative, it may be because you feel as though you are powerless. Give it a shot to put your ideas forward in the workplace.
4 5
2
3
Express your opinion and listen to others thoughts about workplace policies and procedures. Changes to these can cause negative responses. A person’s own personal values will not always be aligned with the company values nor reflected in company policy. A person who is living and working incongruently with their values may become unsettled and may not even realise why. Maintain open communication and avenues for people to give feedback so that they feel acknowledged, even if the outcome is not exactly what they desired. Growth and contribution are the source of happiness. How can you increase your level of contribution for each
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other or your clients? Set personal or common targets and get behind each other to achieve them. Create team events, for example raise money for different charities. This can bring a strong sense of community. Afford people the opportunity to grow and develop. If everyone feels as though they are an integral part of the mission or vision of the company, it can be the source of much inspiration. Set common goals in a professional capacity or have your impact at work assist you to achieve your personal goals. Most human beings want to feel as if they are part of something bigger than themselves. People love freedom and fun. Talk about ideas and how you can make even more of a difference, rather than people and events.
Remember problems are an inbuilt part of being a human being, so create problems that are worthy of your life, such as, ‘How can I make a positive impact on every person that I encounter at work, every day.’
Rachel Anastasi is an empowerment coach, speaker, mentor and founder of Free to be Me Life Coaching and www.secretsofasupercoach.com. For more information visit www.freetobemecoaching.com.au
Feature
Whether you run your own business or work for someone else, a large part of your success or failure is dependent upon the quality of the relationships you build. Mandy Holloway explains how to build those relationships through becoming the trusted advisor.
D
ay to day we have numerous interactions and dealings with various stakeholders in our professional lives. These stakeholders may include our colleagues, staff, clients, customers or suppliers. Although we may not consider it at the time, each interaction is determining our overall success or failure. Hence it becomes important to ensure that we have positive interactions each and every time we are dealing with a stakeholder. The quality of our relationships with these stakeholders, influences the quality of every interaction. If we have a poor relationship, our interactions will most likely be poor leading to poor results overtime. If we have strong relationships, our interactions, even when dealing with difficult or uncomfortable issues, will be positive. At the centre of any successful relationship is trust. One of the foremost authorities on trust is David Maister who is well known for his book “The Trusted Advisor”. Through his work, Maister explains how to create a framework for the content of conversations that result in trust between people who work together. Before looking at Maister’s work, I believe there are two essential capabilities we all need to demonstrate in every interaction and conversation. These are: • The ability to ‘listen’ and ‘expose’ • The desire to take responsibility for actions and perceptions created.
Listen and expose
Successful conversations require the inverse skills of listening and exposing. By listening I mean listening with the intent to really understand what the person is telling you. Nothing can substitute sitting in unhurried and uninterrupted space and really listening to each other. In my experience most people who claim they are ‘really’ listening, are actually just taking time out while the other person is talking to prepare what they will say next. Generally, this would include such things as: • Defending their actions or those of others • Justifying why they took the actions or chose the specific behaviour • Blaming someone or something else for the actions that were taken • Solving the problem being shared with them • Diverting the conversation to a different issue they feel is much more important Having the ability to ‘expose’ refers to having the courage to express your honest ideas, thoughts and feelings to the other person at the right time during the conversation. By sharing your thoughts, ideas and feelings you make yourself vulnerable, thereby exposing yourself to potential conflict or disagreement. By using both of these skills you create an ‘open window’ for your relationship, often know as The Johari Window. In this open window of a relationship trust is deep,
you engage at a real level with others and you can rely upon each other to be totally honest when interacting and sharing.
Take responsibility for actions and perceptions
It can be incredibly challenging to take full responsibility for what you create during your conversations with others. To do this takes great courage and skill. I was once told that in many Asian countries it is rude to point your finger at someone and instead you need to point your thumb. Try this – when you do you’ll notice that your four fingers are pointing directly back at you! The message here is that before you go to point the finger of blame at someone else, identify four things you did to also create the situation. This anecdote has lived with me ever since I heard it and I work very hard to employ it in all realms of my life. With those two fundamental capabilities in tact you are ready to explore how to use the work of David Maister to become a “trusted advisor”. The underlying premise with his concept is that it is not your technical capability that maintains relationships, but rather it is the way you treat others and the level of trust you build with them that is critical to your sustainable business (and career) success.
Why become a Trusted Advisor?
As a trusted advisor your relationships are honest, transparent, productive and
inspiring with everyone knowing exactly where they stand. Time is never wasted “playing games’, instead it is devoted to win-win outcomes for everyone involved. Professional lives prosper through trusted advisor relationships. At the centre of Maister’s work is the concept of ‘trust. One of the simplest definitions of trust have learnt is from Vanessa Hall in her book called The Truth About Trust in Business. In her study, Hall asked people to identify words that came to mind when they thought about the person in their life they trusted the most? In this instance, the top 5 responses were: • Honest • Genuine • Has integrity • Displays selflessness • Does what they say they will do Then she asked them to think about the person in their life they trusted the least and to identify the words that came to mind. In this instance, the top 5 responses were: • Dishonest • Selfish • Scheming • Incongruent • Backstabbing Through her research she concluded that “…in business you had better be pretty careful not to completely lose the trust of your staff, management, customers, partners, shareholders, Board or regulator, because if you do, the chances of getting it back again is miniscule...We may choose to forgive, we may still never trust a person or company again...”
Building trust – it’s all about the equation
iStockphoto
In his book, The Trusted Advisor, Maister puts forward an easy to use ‘trust equation’ as a measure of trust in any key business relationship. The equation is based on four basic components of trust:
TRUST =
C+R+I S
C = Credibility
R = Reliability
“You are good at what you do…”
“You do what you promise...”
• • • •
• • • • •
Content expertise Credible presence/gravitas Experience and expertise References
Dependable & consistent Promises = Actions Clear goals Use other’s terminology Relate to others behaviour norms
You know your content
You demonstrate that you can be trusted to perform!
I = Intimacy
S = Self orientation
“I can talk about how I really feel…”
“You are focused on my success...”
• Difficult agendas covered • Emotional components of other’s decision making taken into account • Ask the difficult questions • Completely truthful – how you feel and what you think • Get into other’s shoes and walk with them • Acknowledge their feelings
• Total focus on others and their issues • Focus on really defining the heart of the issue or problem • Summarising what you’ve heard • Take responsibility for your behaviour and others reactions • Ask open and challenging questions • Put the other’s interests ahead of your fees, productivity and needs
You take risks to expose & explore information and feelings
You put their success and sustainability ahead of your profit!
I present the table above with credibility and reliability at the top as I believe these are the ones most of us readily focus. The two bottom factors of intimacy and self-orientation are often put in the “too hard basket” and yet they are the most critical to the level of trust!
Applying the equation
Each of the four factors is assigned a score out of ten to determine the overall trust factor for each relationship. Try it out by selecting a few of your professional relationships and assign the score out of ten you feel they would give you. Gaining trust really requires that you do well in all four areas. What you will notice is that even if your scores for credibility, reliability and intimacy are high, a high score for self-orientation will give rise to an over low level of trust. By using the trust equation you can begin to measure your level of trust in your relationships with stakeholders. Use this learning to identify specific things you can do build trust and strengthen the quality of your relationships.
Mandy Holloway is an executive coach and founder of Holloway Consulting. Her passion is to develope courageous leaders. For more information visit www.hollowayconsulting.com.au
Enjoy some time out for yourself with these new motivational books. Excuses Begone By Dr Wayne Dyer, Hay House, $26.95
When you eliminate excuses that explain your shortcomings or failures, you’ll awaken to your infinite possibilities. In Excuses Begone! Dr. Wayne W. Dyer reveals how to change lifelong, self-defeating thinking patterns that prevent you from living at the highest levels of success, happiness, and health. You may know what to think but find it terribly difficult to change thinking habits that have been with you since childhood. If your self-defeating thoughts are persistently present, this book is for you. Learn how to discard those old thinking habits for good.
Commit to Sit By Joan Duncan Oliver, Hay House, $26.95
For centuries meditation has been used as a vehicle for finding inner happiness and a more compassionate approach to life. Commit to Sit introduces new meditators to a wide range of meditative techniques to help them establish a daily practice. In this book, you’ll discover the crucial role the body plays in meditation, receive guidance on managing issues that arise, find a comfortable sitting position and learn to sustain motivation. This is a guide to meditative practice for any seeker wishing to deepen their understanding of themselves and their world.
From Stress to Success…in just 31 days By Dr John De Martini, Hay House, $18.95 Forty of the world’s most influential women talk about what drives and inspires them. Stress has acquired a bad reputation over the years. We’ve all heard how it can hijack the mind and body, sapping out our energy and health. We even have countless terms for this condition: we’re ‘snowed under’, ‘stressed out’, ‘got too much on our plate’ or ‘at our wits’ end’. But, knowing that you are stressed and how it hinders rather than fulfils you, can actually be a good thing – it can be the signal for you to make small changes in your life that make a great impact on your overall success and wellbeing! When you’re ready to truly turn your stress around, Stress to Success by Dr. John F. Demartini shows you the secrets of how to it can become the energy and inspiration required to make your life a living dream.
The Power of Forgiveness By Janise Beaumont, Allen & Unwin, $19.99 Why it’s good to forgive your friend, your boss, your family and everyone else who hurts and betrays. This funky, yet inspiring book on forgiveness handles the whole mixed bag of betrayal and hurts we all face. Weaving incredible stories of forgiveness with her own ups and downs, Janise Beaumont shows that life isn’t always cupcakes—and that as hard as it is, forgiveness is worth it in the end, because it’s courageous and heroic. Honest and irreverent, it will make readers laugh and cry.
Attack of the Fifty-Foot Hormones
By Emma Tom, Harper Collins, $35.00 For many women, the emotional aspects of pregnancy are far more taxing than the physical ones. There’s no shortage of studies into the health of the foetus and the physical state of its incubator. But how women FEEL during pregnancy is largely ignored. It’s just pregnancy, right? They’ll cope. Unfortunately, not everyone does. This wise and very funny book is the result of hundreds of interviews with sympathetic professionals and pregnant chicks generous enough to reveal how they stayed sunny-side up despite spending nine months in tracky daks the size of North Korea. It is the essential survival guide to staying sane during pregnancy – a time when complete strangers think it’s OK to grope your groin, when it’s tempting to eat not just for two but for three or four, and when even the most enormous underpants fit better back-to-front.
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Property
Renovations tend to be one of the most feared areas of wealth creation and yet, done properly can allow you to be mortgage free within 5-10 years. Catherine Lezer explains the strategy.
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e all generally know that there are 3 main ways to make money in real estate: 1. Buy and hold a property until its value goes up(buy/hold) 2. Buy a bargain; and 3. Buy property, add value and sell at a profit (buy/renovate/sell). Most of us understand buying low and selling high: that’s what almost everyone does. And, most of us understand buying a bargain creates instant equity/wealth – if you buy a $300,000 property for $250,000 then you are instantly $50,000 richer. It is the third option that is often overlooked as a viable way to create wealth. The basic strategy I have personally implemented is to buy a property, move in, renovate and then sell. I use the profits to pay down the mortgage and then buy another property, move in, renovate and sell. The aim is to get the mortgage lower each time. Using this strategy eventually means you will own a mortgage-free property
Start with the End in Mind The most important thing to know before you purchase a property to renovate is the expected sale price of the property once you have renovated. You will be able to estimate this figure once you have gone out and looked at several similar renovated properties in your area. Work out the lowest and highest price of the type of property you are after, for example, a three bedroom, two bathroom apartment, in a certain area. Go and look at many of them, old and new, to see the difference. Your aim is to buy for the lowest price and then sell close to the highest price, while spending the minimum $ on the renovation and therefore making maximum profit. For every $1 you spend you want to get back $2 or more as the increase in value. Property investor, Dolf De Roos espouses the 100:10:3:1 rule. That is, you need to look at 100 properties to find 10 where
the figures work, to make offers on three to eventually buy one. Also think about who would buy it, for example, are your buyers those people who would be looking to down-size, professional couples or first home buyers. Understand your target. People looking to down-size like big kitchens with lots of cupboards, professionals most likely need a home office, first home owners like to entertain and want a balcony.
Number 1 Mistake DO NOT renovate to your taste. If not sure what is current or what will sell, get two real estate agents (and maybe a valuer) in to discuss what should be done to maximize sale profit, who will buy it (plus how much will rent for once renovated).
Hints • When negotiating the purchase, try to get a long settlement with access before settlement, so you can finalise your renovation plans and get quotes etc. • Mirrors, walls of mirrors, splash backs, lighting and storage make a HUGE difference to the look of the property (and therefore profit) • Keep the walls light in colour. We often use warm white for the walls and ceilings • Bathrooms are the most expensive room to renovate, followed by the kitchen. Try to avoid these unless absolutely necessary • Try not to replace toilet bowls, or floor tiles unless absolutely necessary • Keep the kitchen carcasses and replace doors only. Change handles, and taps to modern shapes. Clean and re-grout the tiles. Replace as little as possible. It’s ok to spend where there will be a BIG effect, such as an amazing feature light but moving plumbing is an expensive pain
• If you need to get permission from the body corporate or council for your renovations, apply early • Always keep neighbours on side. Work out parking access and advise neighbors of your plans • Creating a study/office or third bedroom can add an extra $50,000 in value • Balconies can be transformed by adding freefloating wood deck • landscaping and outside presentation of a house is critical • renovating the lobby/landing/hallway outside your apartment may add value. Ask the body corporate for contribution.
How to Work Out if the Figures Look Good Basically, you need know your buying price and selling price and the total amount of all buying/selling/renovation costs. For example: Buying Price Buying Costs
$ 250,000 $ 10,000
(use 4% of buying price)
Estimated Renovation Costs Estimated Sales Price Selling Costs Profit
$ 15,000 $ 350,000 $ 15,000 $ 60,000
(sale price less buying price less ALL costs) Note: You will also need to review the CGT implications (if any) of your sale
If it’s so easy then why doesn’t everyone do it? Primarily because moving house is a dreaded task. Additionally, dealing with the disruption to your living space (or rental income if you are renovating an investment) can be painful. There is a moment in every renovation when you ask, “what have I got myself in for?” Just know this question will be a distant memory when you are banking your $81,000 profit cheque!
Catherine Lezer is a small business owner, property investor and inspirational speaker on the topic of women and money through her Rich Chicks seminars. For more information visit www.richchicks.com.au
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Wealth Creation
Educate Yourself to Win In this issue, Dale Gillham explains why your personal education is the key to success or failure in share trading. no knowledge because, as the saying goes, ‘wealth is the transfer of money from the uneducated to the educated’. Given this, it is wise to gain a solid education when it comes to trading the share market so that the investor is prepared to manage their psychology and the investment in any market condition. While seeking professional advice may seem like a wise choice, many people are lulled into a false sense of security when it comes to dealing with brokers and advisors. They believe they are dealing with someone who has more wisdom and knowledge than they possess on their own. In the majority of cases, however, these
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I always recommend they question the advice and under no circumstances should they rely on only one person for this advice. While many investors are willing to spend valuable time listening to their adviser to determine the next best investment, when it comes to educating themselves they never to seem to find the time or the money. We prefer to do what seems urgent rather than what is important, and in doing so divorce our responsibility to some other person and then blame them if it does not go right for us. If your desire is to take control of your investments, however, the best option is to get a solid education from a reputable
“people with the right education are more successful and achieve better returns in the share market than those with little or no knowledge”
professionals are paid a fee or commission to sell product, and the education they receive usually is provided or paid for by the institutions with which you might invest. This often means the educational value provided by your advisor is limited to towing the company product line, rather than giving the investor independent advice. Advisors do have a role to play so I am not suggesting that an investor shouldn’t seek professional advice, but if they do
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T
he sub-prime mortgage meltdown and the subsequent bear market has dramatically highlighted that the overriding emotions governing how individuals make decisions in regards to their investments is fear and greed. Many investors have seen their investments fall 40% to 70% over the past two years, causing them to re-think their investment strategy. It is for this reason that everyday investors should educate themselves on how to properly invest rather than solely rely on the advice of brokers and advisors. All too often I have seen investors and advisors fail to make decisions, and then use the old clichés like ‘it is time in the market that counts’, or ‘I have not lost because I have not sold yet’, or ‘it’s a good share and it will come back to where it was before’. To me clichés like these are an excuse for lack of knowledge, but it need not be so. Decisions based on fear stem from the concern of not wanting to lose money, while decisions based on greed result from a desire to make money now. In a volatile market like we have experienced the past two years, these emotions can be amplified, particularly when the investor lacks the knowledge and understanding required to manage the investment. Historically it has been proven that people with the right education are more successful and achieve better returns in the share market than those with little or
company that specialises in what you want, for example share trading education. This way you are equipped with the knowledge and understanding to make educated decisions about your future. In the financial services industry people with little or no experience give their money to advisors who also have little or no experience other than to recommend product. All too often this results in the advisor getting paid handsomely while the client has to suffice
Wealth Creation
stay informed
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Here are some education providers: • Wealth Within – www.wealthwithin.com.au • New 2 Shares – www.new2shares.com.au • Home Trader – www.learnshares.com.au • Australian College QED – www.acq.edu.au • Platinum Pursuits – www.platinumpursuits.com.au
with average returns. This doesn’t sound like a recipe for success. The question you have to ask is this: Would you give your money to someone who may not be any more educated at investing than you? While there are a number of good advisors who recognise that financial advice is more than just recommending product, on the whole they are governed by an approved product list which is approved by a dealer group, further to this most dealer groups are controlled by those who provide the products, which means there is a lack of flexibility and impartiality when it comes to supporting you and your investments. Given this, if you do decide to invest your hard earned money with an advisor, make sure they have a track record of delivering solid returns over a period of least four to five years. It is a well-known fact that the Australian share market has lows every four to five years that are generally in the order of 20%, and approximately every 20 years we have a crash in the order of 50%. Investors and traders that understand this know how to avoid these market downturns and/or profit from them. They also understand that all investing is about
risk, and that it is only an investor’s ability to manage risk that ensures they profit. But this also brings up another challenge. The amount an investor has to invest tends to change their perception of the risk they are taking and the research and education required to manage that risk. Usually this is because it is much easier to swallow a $1,000 mistake than a $500,000 mistake. Let’s face it, people spend far more time determining which property to buy than which share. But the process taken to invest $500,000 or $1,000 should be exactly the same, as they both represent the same amount of risk. Given this, irrespective of the amount of money you have to invest, you should always take the same amount of time researching your options to ensure you are protecting your capital on each and every occasion. Remember, the process taken to select and manage a portfolio of shares is the same regardless of the size of the investment. You also need to remember that no one is infallible. When investing in
the share market you need to expect that you will lose at some time, and in these cases you need to exit and protect capital. Over a ten-year period your investments, no matter what they are, will not perform from time to time and you need to accept this as a part of the process. Whilst at others times they will do well, and you will think the good times will last forever. It is at these times, more than any other that you need to control the emotions of fear and greed, as they lead you to make mistakes. Given this, education is extremely important for any type of investor, as a good education will ensure you make the right decision for you. I would suggest it is even more important for the smaller investor, as they cannot afford to lose. Often people want to wait until they have money before they educate themselves, whilst the wise educate themselves first so that they have the knowledge to get the money. Then they can invest more. Remember, big investors were once small investors, so the earlier you educate yourself the better.
Dale Gillham is the Chief Analyst and co-founder of Wealth Within, the author of the best selling ‘How to Beat the Managed Funds by 20%’ and founded Australia’s first and only nationally accredited Diploma of Share Trading and Investment. www.wealthwithin.com.au
Think about the joy you will bring someone else who perhaps cannot afford the nice pieces you never wear
There are so many good charities that need your help to help others. A great example is not-for-profit organization Dress for Success (www.dresssforsuccess. org) who’s goal is to promote the economic independence of disadvantaged women by providing professional attire. By donating your no-longer-needed suits to this organizations you will be helping to solve the catch-22 that confronts disadvantaged women trying to enter the workforce: without a job, how can you afford a suit? But without a suit, how can you get a job?
Just because it cost a lot is no reason to keep it
I
don’t know about you but every time I give my closet a good overhaul, I am left with an immense feeling of satisfaction and lightness. For me, I feel it is rather symbolic - a cluttered wardrobe full of clothes I never wear, symbolizes a cluttered mind – and I can always associate the two. My husband has a similar feeling in relation to our garden. He says that when there are weeds in the garden it’s like having weeds in his mind and by cleaning up the yard, he feels renewed and successful. If this sounds at all strange, try it out. For a successful closet overhaul, image consultant, Marlena Davis suggests to use three big garbage bags. The first garbage bag is for those clothes you will toss out. These are ones in bad condition and not suitable for anyone else to wear. The second garbage bag is for the clothes you can give away. These clothes are in good condition, but just not for you anymore. The final bag is for alterations of good quality items that you love but don’t quite fit right.
Go through your closet and be ruthless. Your end goal is to be left with a workable wardrobe of pieces that can be worn together in many different combinations. Use the following rules when deciding what to keep and what to toss:
If you haven’t worn it in the last 12 months, chances are you’re never going to again I hear my mother saying this during every closet overhaul. The fact that I don’t remember the many items that I have given away, suggests she was right.
Stop holding onto the clothes you hope will fit ‘one day’
I once held onto a pair of size 12 jeans for over five years. They were never worn and the label was still intact. I loved them and always dreamt that one day I would fit into them. Sending those jeans to a second hand shop was an empowering moment that symbolised me accepting myself the way I was.
Don’t be afraid to spend money on alterations
Remember that designers base clothes on models that may not have the same body size or shape that we do. It is better to spend a bit of money adjusting a great item then to leave the item unworn in your closet for another year. Once you’ve finished your closet overhaul, take a step back and look at what you have achieved. Now, with a clean mind, you can plan your new outfits and make a list (a short one) of the additional pieces you need to make the most of your closet.
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Giving your closet an overhaul can provide you with a clear mind and an overall sense of lightness, says Helen Rosing
I hear the pain, but perhaps use this as a lesson to think twice before spending too much money on an item that will be out of fashion in a month. If you haven’t worn it you probably won’t so give it away and make space for the new things you will buy and love for years.
I have been sabotaging my efforts to get into shape and lose weight. I joined a gym but when I’m there I’m not as effective as other people. I constantly read diet books but don’t stick to any plan. I am 20 kgs over my ideal weight. I try to visualise myself as slim and healthy but it feels like a trick when I look in the mirror. My weight is a barrier in my life. Have you got any suggestions on how to stop this self-sabotage? – Justine
I am struggling with my marriage. After the three years of struggle, I now feel like my heart is not fully into my marriage. I feel that because my husband has not been there emotionally for me this has changed the way I feel about him. I married and fell in love with him because he was unselfish and always showed respect towards me but this feeling has completely gone. I would appreciate some advice on how I or we could get this connection back (if possible). – Anon
Recognising that you’re self-sabotaging is an important milestone toward your ultimate achievement. It may not feel that way at present, but it is a positive step as the alternative is not paying attention to this key characteristic that’s getting in the way. Your comments make me wonder how much of your focus is about comparing you, your skills and abilities, and of course your results, with other people instead of focusing entirely on your own goals and plan? This is a common situation for many people who are working on physical health goals such as weight loss. The urge to compare who is skinnier or heavier, runs faster or slower, trainers harder or with less effort, is always going to be there at some level, particularly when working out at a fitness centre where there are so many reminders around you to try to grab some of your total focus. I’m acknowledging that this can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to mean that you stay stuck in selfsabotage mode. One suggestion that has worked for others is to develop your own personal health and wellness team, of which you are the leader. You may want to include your doctor, a dietician or nutritionist, a personal trainer, counsellor, religious advisor and even an image consultant. The point of the exercise is to develop a team of people who are focused on helping you achieve your total health and wellness goals. As the leader of the team, you then have the responsibility of keeping the focus on you as compared to others. This may seem like a really big task to embark on, but potentially the change of focus could be the very thing you need and the team will hold you accountable for your goals.
Here are 5 ways to heal your marriage and effectively restore your connection. • Be Specific – Begin by asking yourself what specific problems you and your husband are encountering. You should be able to identify what difficulties need to be resolved and what you wish to accomplish. Share your thoughts and feelings, and request your husband to share his. This will help not only in making progress toward finding solutions, but it will also open up the lines of communication. • Seek – make a list of the wonderful things that were there at the beginning of your marriage, or even prior to your marriage. Placing some focus on these things is a positive step to heal your marriage. What qualities did you find the most appealing in your husband? What kind of goals, plans and dreams did you both share? • Desire – ask yourself if you truly desire the marriage to work. Are you truly interested in healing the relationship? What are your intentions? How committed are you? Align your heart to your intention. This will not only increase focus, it will also increase motivation and strength. • Accept differences – learn to recognize that no two people can agree on everything. The differences come about from an individual’s belief system, upbringing, external conditions, expectations and needs. Perhaps you and your husband did not fully acknowledge your differences in the early stage of your relationship; or perhaps you felt that time and love would solve that problem. If this has become a problem in your marriage, it can be resolved by compromise or by ‘agreeing to disagree’ and understanding each other’s emotional needs. • Set Boundaries – establish clear boundaries and consistently respect them. There are a numbers of boundaries that are essential for a healthy and happy marriage. You must learn and respect that there is a difference between ‘yours’, ‘mine’ and ‘ours’.
Source: Noel Posus is a master coach with 20 years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. He is the founder of coaching business www. askacoach.com and Incredible Awareness (www. incredibleawareness.com) and has just been named ‘Coach of the Year’ for 2008.
Source: Savleen Bajaj is an international success coach, psychologist, author, speaker, facilitator and consultant. For more information visit www.savleenbajaj.com
I have a loving husband and 2 children. I am happy with my life but not with myself. I get really angry and yell when my children do not do as I ask. When my husband tells me how I am being I get really upset and feel he doesn’t understand. I know I need to take responsibility for my actions but I am in such a bad place I just can’t release this anger from my body to handle it in a better manner. – Lou
Due to the economic recession I am stuck in a work situation that is causing a constant state of anxiety. I have to psyche myself up before going to the workplace. The work I do is under scrutiny even though I do my best to fulfill all the various duties expected of me. My confidence is at an all time low, how can I become unstuck? – Susan
It’s a very brave thing to admit you’re struggling with something like this, and to ask for help. Perhaps my biggest suggestion is for you to speak with your husband and set up some permissions and rules for how to provide AND receive feedback (as compared to straight criticism). Here are a couple of examples: • When your husband sees you angry he could say, “I can see that you’re really upset and frustrated. Would you like to talk about it? How can I be the most help to you right now?” • Or you could say to him, “I’m really angry right now and I need to vent without any comments from you. When I’m done, I might also ask you for your opinion and suggestions, but I might not. Is this OK with you?” • When feedback is provided it needs to be more about asking questions than making statements. For example, he could say, “Could you tell me more about the situation, what you’ve done, what worked and what didn’t and how you’re feeling?” Then after your response, he could say, “I have some ideas that might be worth talking about. Would you be OK with that?” • Your husband might also appreciate you asking him directly for his ideas from time to time, such as, “I’ve had a really tough day and I’m angry. I would really appreciate it if I could tell you what’s happened and you help me brainstorm some other ways I could have dealt with the situation. Would you like to help?”
Feeling the way you do every morning is definitely not healthy, so the first thing to figure out is what the anxiety actually relates to. Then you can start to decide what action you need to take to remove it. Is the anxiety about potentially losing the job? Is it financial? Is it your working conditions or colleagues? The next step is to try to give yourself some perspective about what you really desire? Do you love what you do? If you weren’t in your current role, what role would you like to be in? When you are feeling so stuck and anxious where you are, the discomfort could be your body’s way of telling you that you need to change the situation you are in. Economic recession or not, there are still opportunities out there, you may just need to get certain about what it is you are after and put yourself out there to get it. Have some faith. It will naturally also be important to work on your self-confidence. I suspect that your self-talk is not as positive as it could be. Start to reframe your language, particularly in relation to what you are saying to yourself. You need to start affirming for yourself all of those good qualities you posses that make you valuable. My definition of confidence is “expecting a positive result all the time”. In any situation or circumstance, if you project and expect a positive result, you will feel more confident. Whether you decide to change your job or change the way you look at it, know that you are doing your best. See any scrutiny as a good thing, because you are doing your best and this is your opportunity to show it. Hold your head up high and feel confident to move in the direction of your desires.
I would also suggest that perhaps you would benefit from some sessions with a counselor who specialises in this subject. The counsellor is likely to ask you questions about how you manage situations now, how you would like things to be and the type of parent you aspire to be, what your other stressors are that are effecting the choices you make in the moment, how you take “time out” to care for yourself, etc. There’s quite possibly a lot of factors to consider and a useful holistic strategy for you could be to work through as many of them as possible, as the “solution” is probably going to involve addressing more than one contributing factor at once. * for the full response visit www.empoweronline.com.au Source: Noel Posus (For Noel’s details, refer to first the question on p.8)
Ask a Coach
WIN
Source: Malti Bhojwani is an international life coach and NLP practitioner. For more information visit www.multi-coaching.com
Send your coaching questions to emPOWER and if we publish your question and answer in the next issue, you’ll win a pack from Avon worth almost $150. The winner’s goodie pack will include Avon’s Anew Clinical Thermafirm Face Lifting Cream ($59.99), Anew Clinical Eye Lift ($49.99) and the Anew Clinical Micro-Exfoliant ($39.99). Total Prize Value: $149.97. For more information, or to contact an Avon representative call 1800 646 000. Submitting your questions through the website at empoweronline.com.au will ensure a response, regardless of whether it’s printed in the magazine. Alternatively, email your questions to admin@empoweronline.com.au or post your questions to emPOWER Magazine, PO Box 1397, Baulkham Hills, NSW 1755.
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