emPOWER Magazine - Oct/Nov 2009 by Indigo Productions Pty Limited

SET YOUR GOALS & COACH YOURSELF TO SUCCESS

OCT / NOV 2009 $7.95 (incl GST)

Parents of 4 discover the powerful secrets of successful entrepreneurs Sue and Jerry Smart, after 20 years of being business owners have finally found The Secret of what to look for in a perfect home-based business.

“I love the fact that I can conduct business by the pool in the summer and in winter work from home in my trackies and slippers. We now get to spend quality time with each other and our four beautiful children. No more dreading Monday’s...every day is Saturday!” Today, many more people are looking for a home-based business. Traditional business owners are sick of the overheads, rent, stock, staff and being tax collectors for the government. High Corporate income earners are getting tired of Sue & Jerry Smart having fun in the stress, commute, long hours and lack of job Acapulco, Mexico security. Who wouldn’t want to work from their own house or from any destination of their choice?

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10 There’s Something about Kate The charismatic Kate Ceberano chats with emPOWER on the eve of launching her latest album. You’ll fall in love with this gregarious and unpretentious award winning singer and songwriter still going strong after 25 years.

28 A Journey through Anorexia Melinda Hutchings shares her very personal battle with anorexia before and during pregnancy and how, through taking control of her thoughts and feelings, she conquered the disorder.

14 Tap Your Way to Emotional Freedom Release your negative feelings and beliefs for a happier and more positive ‘self ’

17 Anchor Yourself

10 14

Build your confidence and strength through creating a powerful ‘anchor’

18 Positive Grieving Special guest columnist, Charmaine Wilson provides some guidance through grief

20 Leave Your Bags at the Door Let go of your emotional baggage to experience the relationship you desire

22 The Big ‘M’ Investigate the taboo subject of female masturbation

24 Are You a Coeliac?

Check the symptoms and deal with gluten intolerance

27 Burn More Fat Burn calories while you sleep through building muscle

30 Ask to Receive Learn to ask for feedback and take control of your career

31 The Art of Listening Develop the art of listening to create rich and connected relationships

32 Invest Directly for Better Returns Achieve a higher return by investing directly in high quality shares

33 Uncover Your Limiting Beliefs Identify and change your limiting beliefs around money

Editor’s Note

5 Your Say 6 8

Meet the Experts Acts of Kindness

26 Great Reads 34 Change Your Life in15 Minutes 36 Ask a Coach 38 Coach Yourself Goal-Setting Tool

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Time flies when you are having fun. My husband and I are now seven months pregnant and have just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. It is starting to feel like an amazing time in my life – I’m old enough to know myself and be comfortable in my own skin, I have a husband who is my best friend, a great social circle and a professional life that challenges and excites me everyday. When I look back though, it feels like a long journey. From a relationship perspective, before meeting my husband, I had many destructive and disappointing short-term relationships and in hindsight carried a lot of emotional baggage from one relationship to another. In this respect, Gaynor Parke’s article ‘Leave your bags at the door’ on page 20 resonated with me and how in the past I would bring my past disappointing experiences into each new relationship, sabotaging it before it even began. Only after I worked on myself, was I in a position to build a lasting and meaningful relationship. In terms of working on yourself, this issue we’d like to introduce you to the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) on page 14. EFT is a simple and easy-to-use technique to release negative thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Try it out, it may feel a little whacky, but I can tell you from personal experience, it works. We’re also honoured to have award winning singer and songwriter, Kate Ceberano on the cover of emPOWER this issue. After 25 years in the music industry and on the eve of launching her latest album, Kate shares the highs and lows of her journey and her advice to anyone wanting to achieve a worthy goal. We also welcome special guest columnist, Charmiane Wilson, spirit medium and winner of Channel Seven’s The One, to the emPOWER Team. Charmaine’s first article – Positive Grieving – on page 18 provides some powerful guidance on dealing with grief, be in through the loss of a loved one or relationship. For those of you who missed the inspirational profile, I’m happy to say we’ve brought it back in this issue (page 28). We are inspired by Melinda Hutchings who shares her personal battle with anorexia before and during pregnancy and how by controlling her thoughts she conquered the disease. And, we’ve gone out on a limb this issue to discuss the taboo topic of female masturbation in ‘The Big ‘M’’ on page 22. While society views men and self-stimulation as natural and normal, the act for women often has negative connotations. We felt that it’s time for a change. On a career note, in this issue, we’ve dealt with a topic that is close to my heart – asking for feedback. For most people, feedback is rarely given and usually not given well, in a way that can really create positive change. We suggest that you put yourself in the driver’s seat to ask for feedback and take responsibility for building the career that you want. We hope that you enjoy these and the many other articles we’re proud to bring you through emPOWER. See you in December.

Helen Rosing

Published online by Realview Technologies

Contributors Rachel Anastasi, Savleen Bajaj, Dale Gillham, Catherine Lezer, Andrew McCombe, Kathy McKenzie, Zoe Nicholson, Gaynor Parke, Noel Posus, James Short, Lenore Watts, Charmaine Wilson Publisher / Editor Helen Rosing helen@empoweronline.com.au Graphic Designer Jeanne Wu Cover Photography October/November 2009 Courtesy of Ralph Carr Management

Published by Indigo Productions ABN: 90 135 381 118 PO Box 1397 Baulkham Hills, NSW 1755 P: (02) 9686 4398 F: (02) 9686 4394 E: admin@empoweronline.com.au

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Advertisers and contributors to emPOWER Magazine acknowledge they are aware of the provisions of the Anti-Discrimination Act 1977 and the Trade Practices Act 1974 in relation to false and misleading advertising or statements under other unfair practices and the penalties for breach of provisions of those Acts. The publisher accepts no responsibility for such breaches. Opinions expressed by contributors are their own and not necessarily endorsed by emPOWER Magazine or the publishers. All material in emPOWER magazine is copyright and may not be produced in whole or in part without express permission of the publishers. ISSN 1835-8705

Thank you for all the wonderful feedback on the magazine. Keep your comments and ideas coming. Email us at admin@empoweronline.com.au

winning letter

I wanted to let you know that emPOWER has changed my life. Two articles in particular in the Aug/Sept issue of emPOWER have really made me change the way I do things. Firstly, the ‘3 P’s to Optimism’ has been like a shot in the arm for me. I have realised just how much of a pessimist I have been in my life. The discussion about permanence really resonated with me and I feel that I can now start to let go of some things in my past that have held me back. Leading on from this, ‘Say ‘No’ to Negativity’ was also a good wakeup call. I’m guilty of being the negative influence in my work and since reading this article have totally changed the way I approach tasks and people I work with. I’m really finding that I am enjoying my work a lot more as well. – Bella, via email

WER! I love love love emPO such an ing sh Thank you for publi gazine. ma me inspiring and aweso mat; for e lin on I also love the new to ve ha r ge it means that I no lon my t ge to d en wait until the week y routine now hit of motivation. M , and read rly is to get to work ea st. What ea emPOWER over br kfa y! da my a great way to start – Jess, via email

Bring back the inspirati onal profile! I have always been a big fan of emPOWER but noticed in the Aug/Sept issue of em POWER there was no inspirati onal profile. Please bring these back . Your inspirational articles ha ve made me smile, laugh and cry, but most of all, they’ve always given me hope. – Rachael, via email

I have really enjoyed reading emPOWER. It has inspired and encouraged me during some really dark periods over the last 12 months. I really wish you well in making emPOWER a reality again in print. You definitely haven’t failed - more women need magazines like emPOWER rather than the ‘dumbing’ down Women’s Weekly’s and New Idea’s of this world. Good luck! – Kristianna, via email

Thank you for your article, ‘I Promise to Love you’ in the Aug/Sept issue and thank you Noel for sharing his story. As a wife and mother of three, I have to say that I am one of those people who always put everyone else first. I sat down and did Noel’s suggested exercises and found a side to myself that I had lost. I also now have a beautiful new emerald ring which reminds me everyday that I am special and deserve my attention as well. – Susan, via email

Submit ‘YOUR SAY’ through the website at www.empoweronline.com.au or email admin@empoweronline.com.au 5

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to our expert contributors

October/November 2009

Rachel Anastasi is the founder of Free to be Me Life Coaching and www.secretsofasupercoach. com. Her expertise are as a personal coach, facilitator and speaker, and her passion is to empower others. Rachel has an understanding of human behaviour that assists her clients to create transformational results. Rachel also develops resources just for coaches, including a professional and personal development retreat designed to take your coaching and coaching business to the next level.

Kathy McKenzie, FIRE UP Coaching director, is a specialist Communications and Leadership Facilitator, Coach Trainer, and Executive Coach. Her qualifications include a Graduate Nurse Program, Masters in Professional Vocational Education and Training, ICF accredited coach and coach trainer, NLP and HBDI trainer. Featured on TV regularly she brings fun and enthusiasm to training sessions. Clients include Queensland Health, Australia Post, Dept of Sustainability and Environment, Shell and ANZ.

Savleen Bajaj is an international success coach, psychologist, speaker, author, facilitator and consultant. She has spent almost two decades using cutting-edge technologies to accelerate human growth and enabling individuals to unleash their true potential. With a deep insight into the principles for personal breakthroughs and holistic success, Savleen is passionate about supporting people to live their greatest life by transforming their visions and intentions into results.

As an Accredited Practising Dietitian specialising in weight management, behaviour change counselling and gastrointestinal problems, Zoe Nicolson has a Bachelor of Nutrition and Dietetics and a Bachelor of Applied Science (Health Science), along with a certificates in Advanced Counselling Skills and Health Coaching. Zoe provides real food advice and the support people need to stop dieting for good.

Wealth Within chief analyst Dale Gillham is a bestselling author, keynote speaker and one of Australia’s leading investment advisors. He wrote the bestselling book How to Beat the Managed Funds by 20%. He also launched Australia’s first and only nationally recognised, government accredited Diploma of Share Trading and Investment course, providing students with a government-recognised accreditation at Diploma level.

Noel Posus is a highly recognised leader of the international coaching industry, a master coach with 20 years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. Noel serves on a number of coaching industry boards, lectures at universities and coaching schools, manages a number of coaching businesses and loves to help individuals and organisations develop their own wisdom. He has recently been awarded the prestigious ‘Coach of the Year’ award for 2008.

Catherine Lezer is a small business owner, property investor and inspirational speaker on the topic of women and money. Catherine has empowered thousands of women on investing and wealth creation through her Rich Chicks seminars and says “Empowered women create miracles”.

Gaynor Parke is an author, sales trainer and CEO of Advanced Success Life Coaching who believes “You Are The Key To Your Success”. With over 25 years of personal development, business knowledge and a unique intuitive ability Gaynor has a vast array of skills and experience to draw upon to help people tap into their own brilliance. Gaynor’s focus is on empowering people to become all they choose to be.

Andrew McCombe has a Bachelor of Physical Education and is the owner of Activate Lifestyle Management. He is a Life, Business and High Performance Coach, Author and Speaker that he combines with his expertise as an Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Practitioner.

Armed with a degree in Human Movement Studies and trained in neuro-linguistic programming, James Short has been assisting people with their health and fitness for the past 15 years. As a leader in the industry, he is a board member of Fitness NSW and was recently announced the Fitness Australia Fitness Professional of the Year for the second consecutive year.

Charmaine Wilson has a gift to reunite those who have crossed over to those still alive. She has been awarded the Australia Psychic of the Year from the Australian Psychics Association and most notably was the winner of The One in 2008, a nationwide search for Australia’s most gifted psychic. She is a writer, speaker and facilitator and regularly holds retreats to help others understand the life/death process to get on the road to recovery faster.

Lenore Watts is a psychotherapist, coach, lecturer, EFT and PET Advanced certified practitioner who, after 20 years in the corporate arena, became the co-director of Mind Advantage, a Centre for Positive Change in Sydney. There she uses her personal experience, knowledge and passion to help people and organisations create successful lasting change by helping them understand what is blocking change, and then sharing tools and strategies to successfully enable the change.

We can change the world, one act at a time – a little kindness is all it takes.

t’s quite possible you have changed someone’s day without even knowing it. Perhaps you gave a welcoming smile when they were feeling left out, delivered a compliment, opened a door, offered up your seat on the bus or were generally helpful and pleasant when it was most needed. You can probably also think of moments when someone changed your day in a similar way. What happened in each of those moments is called an Act of Kindness – a small action that can make a big difference. Here’s how some of our readers are getting in on the act.

I was travelling on a packed bus last week in Brisbane sitting towards the back of the bus. As we were about to depart a stop, I saw an elderly lady get on the bus. Although it was disappointing not to see a number of people jump out of their seats to make room for her, to my surprise, a very pregnant woman stood up and offered her a seat. Having been pregnant three times myself I know how uncomfortable it would have been for the pregnant lady to stand the whole way and what a sacrifice she was willing to make. The woman gratefully declined the offer and was eventually provided with a seat by a young man. That pregnant lady stayed with me for the rest of the day. What a thoughtful act of kindness from a person who deserved an act of kindness herself. I hope that she reads my note and knows that someone noticed her kindness. – Barbara, via email

Get in on the Act

&Win

t office. As I was local supermarket and pos The other day I went to my g a scarf around the I noticed an older lady tyin driving out of the car park, e way for her to cut a was it the time I thought toe-bar of a nearby car. At prise, I realised that ked the car, until, to my sur remember where she had par ught that by tying actually mine. She had tho the scarf she was tying was t past. I’m pleased wen ner may notice it as they the scarf to the car the ow a laugh and I red sha we we both felt good as she was right. I know that – Lisa, via email rf. reclaimed my favourite sca

My older father liv es in an apartmen t block in Inner Sy angel in his build dney and has an ing. This amazing lady does acts of neighbours everyd kindness for her ay, from collecting their mail to takin or just sharing a co g out the garbage ffee and a chat. I think it is often ea act of kindness he sy to notice a one re and there but I off wanted to remem acts of kindness sh ber this lady for th e does all the tim e e. I have no doub angels who we ha t that we all live wi rdly notice and th th ey deserve our th anks as well. – Rebecca, via email we discussed the My young son arrived home from school yesterday and as g that kindness provin ss kindne of act ul beautif a of me days events he told his lunch-box lost starts at any age. One of his little friends, most upset, had no money and day the for food on the way to school and as a result had no proceeded then boys little four friend, their ng to buy anything. After consoli all. them n betwee food their divide and boxes lunch own to unpack their email via Janey, – No one went hungry that day.

The reader to send in our favourite and most inspiring act of kindness for tehnext issue will win a fantastic book pack from Exisle Publishing (www.exislepublishing.com.au). The book pack, valued at $120! The gift packcontains Dreams Speak, But What Are They Really Saying? by Therese Duckett, Find Love by Carolin Dahlman, You Sexy Mother by Jodie Hedley-Ward and Stand Up Strummer by Russ Harris. Submit your Act of Kindness at empoweronline.com.au or email admin@empoweronline.com.au.

Studying at ACAP has made me feel so fantastic about my choice of career – I can’t wait to get out there! Madalene Hughes, Bachelor of Applied Social Science

Make a difference for life. Start the New Year with a new direction. Study our: • Diploma of Community Services (Case Management) (CHC52008) • Diploma of Human Resources Management (BSB50607) • Diploma of Counselling (CHC51708)

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Contact the Australian College of Applied Psychology today to start in the new year: acap.edu.au info@acap.edu.au 1800 061 199 CRICOS provider numbers: NSW 01328A, QLD 02565B, VIC 02829E

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There’s something spectacular about Kate Ceberano. Helen Rosing caught up with Kate to find out more about this gregarious, unpretentious, award winning singer and songwriter.

about the highs and lows of your journey? aised in a free-spirited bohemian family in A. I’ve had many highs: awards and accolades; singing for Princes and Melbourne, Victoria that Princesses and the high of high she describes as a ‘world society. But there were some stellar of colour’, Kate Ceberano was a musical lows: developing serious acne at the star at just 16. Now, 25 years later, having height of my teen success; getting sold more than 1 million records and on dropped from labels; being ridiculed the verge of releasing a new Christmas in the press; and losing boyfriends album, she’s a legendary Australia icon. because it was emasculating to be She’s also a wife – Kate is married dating someone who garnered so to film-maker Lee Rogers – and mother much attention (very un-Australian). to five year old Gypsy; she’s an active My big highs: performing the role member of Scientology; she’s heavily of Mary Magdalene in Jesus Christ involved in charity work and is the ‘real Superstar; getting married; writing and woman’ face of Palytex/Berlei. There Q. You have had an amazing music recording PASH – my favourite song. career over the last 25 years. Tell us really is something about Kate…

October/November 2009

did you grow up and how would you describe your childhood? A. I grew up in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne in North Balwyn. We lived in a simple weatherboard house that used to be surrounded by orchards hence the name of all the streets. Lime Ave, Citron etc. It was a great place to incubate...and I did. I was a simple dopey happy-go-lucky kinda gal, until puberty hit! Then it was all about, places to be, people to pash, rock and roll, jazz and soul and the stage!

Photos courtesy Ralph Carr Management; photographer: Bronwyn Kidd

Q. Tell us a bit about yourself – where

Q. You have a new album coming A.

about. How has this album has come together? Where did it start? I have a Xmas album coming out which is quintessentially Kate Ceberano. I even get to sing Ronan Keating, which is romantic and appropriate considering we share the same fan base – women my age!

Q. Tell us about the album. What does A.

it mean to you personally? It was recorded with Chong Lim, the MD genius maestro that he is. We basically had the whole kit of Xmas classics and we put them through the Fellini mix master and La Ceberano... out she popped. The album is full of love, warmth and good humour, with just a dash of sex appeal.

Q. Tell us about your current

chance to do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Q. What do you think the secret is to A.

My big lows: recording an album in New York for a label that was taken over by a hip-hop group and having my album canned. This was devastation; going to live in Los Angeles on a creative sabbatical of studying, acting, Scientology and music but becoming forgotten at home for several years. I joined the ranks of “where are they now?” for a short while. My major high: returning to OZ to have Gypsy; and then coming back in vogue with something as wacky as winning Dancing with the Stars... I swear “Almadovar” couldn’t have written it better. When I think back over the 25 years, it’s surreal and splendid and given the

being successful in the same career for so long? I have sometimes been criticised for being too eclectic. I have been considered capricious and disloyal to cliques and at times I have felt frustrated by that. Wouldn’t it be ironic if that were the reason why I have managed to stay around for so long! I have felt that my journey through music has had many harmonics. I have tried different styles of music like women buy shoes. I love the stage, I love performance and I love the idea that people can be transported through music to states outside of their everyday existence (at least that’s how I feel about music) and I hope that I have been able to do that for people. I have a very loyal fan base and I think people trust me and expect me to change. Money can’t buy that kind of relationship – we have a conversation that continues every gig.

involvement with Playtex/Berlei. What do you feel it means to be a Real Woman? I can relate to Beyonce and her recent announcements that she is promoting good health and a full booty of power to all the ladies. I feel like a great ambassador for the label on many levels. I love the fact that the history of Playtex goes all the way back to the beginning of Hollywood because that’s where I got most of my inspiration as a young singer/performer. Howard Hughes developed the cross your heart aerodynamic miracle that is the Platex signature – uplifting and separating – because not everyone wants to look like Pammy you know. I have been invited to present new fabrics, italian lace and colour to ranges in sizes unheard of before. And, I wear them with no shame – brazen hussy! Gone with nudes and nanny knickers and in with pin-ups! Oh it’s too easy this gig. And a perfect fit!

Q. What does it feel like seeing

yourself in advertising just in lingerie? Was this easy to do initially? Now that part is not too easy...but getting easier. My brothers were initially a bit shocked, but the ladies that come up and conspiratorially whisper in my ear, “I’ve got your bra on”, give me a bit of a giggle –

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I do know is that without each other life just wouldn’t be as much fun. I love making Lee laugh and he loves making me relax and fall out of character. Both things are a therapy to us so we are good for each other, but nothing like each other AT ALL. I’m constantly challenged and constantly evolving...or at least trying to.

December 20th

Carols By Candlelight, Perth

December 24th

Q. It sounds as though you had

especially politicians and human rights activists, you go girls!

Q. A.

You are also involved in some charity work. Tell us about this? How do you feel you benefit in return? I do a lot for Charity. In fact I’m pretty certain that at least 50% of all my gigs in a year are for charity. I raise a lot of money and awareness for the National Breast Cancer Foundation and for Variety and my friends from the Sacred Heart in Melbourne. But, its the work that I do that isn’t so broadly known about that involves one-on-one mentorship and programs to assist Human Rights locally and abroad, that I’m most proud of. For me, it’s about knowing that at the end of my life, should anyone ask, “did you help?” I can answer, “you bet!” That’s the stuff of life. That’s the thing that is the pay for living. How do you manage to balance your career and your family life? It is the right amount of necessity I guess to inspire creativity. I have to work because I have to contribute, but I also have to be there for my child and instil in her the security and knowledge that I received from my parents. I have to continue to love and care for my husband and make sure that he knows how much he is a part of my life even though we are often apart, and I have

October/November 2009

to keep up with my industry and its many foibles. It’s a juggling act but with the help of my mum and her husband and the partnership I have with my husband we are doing it. And it’s definitely unique – kinda like Dr Suess meets Eloise.

Q. Tell us about your family? What do you love most about being a mum to Gypsy? What do you think is the secret to a happy marriage? A. She was asked recently what she loves most about me and she answered, “I love my mum cause she forgives me”. Yo, what a girl! That is exactly what I would say about her. She seems to innately understand what kind of life and personality her mother has and she makes little allowances for that. She makes me look good as a mother, because God knows, I aint as good as I should be! The secret to a happy marriage is letting each other change and create along with the changes. If you get too stuck in your ways you get left behind. I’m constantly challenged by the circumstances that we throw at each other: long distances apart; creative differences; differences in opinions about almost everything. But, one thing

a very interesting childhood growing up in a bohemian family. Do you apply the same beliefs and practices in your family? I guess so. I’m too in it to see it. I assume so. Although I think I’m much more conservative than my mum who I live with. She and her husband are really left of center. I admire their lack of conformity and their comfort in themselves. I think they are really evolved and they keep things bohemian around the house that’s for sure.

Q. As a practicing Scientologist, what A.

do you love about the religion? I love that I can find out more about who I am and what I am capable of as a spiritual being. And, I can discover how best I can contribute to life around me.

Q. What do you think is the secret to A.

success? Being interested in the world around me. Not getting too stuck on being “interesting”. That’s a killer.

Q. What is the biggest challenge A.

you’ve had to overcome and how did you do it? To learn how to organise myself and others so that I couldn’t be taken advantage of or inadvertently take advantage of others. Its amazing how blind sighted one can become in the quest to fulfil a creative goal.

Q. What is a little-known fact about A.

you? That I might know something about organisation... Tee hee!

Q. What is the best piece of advice you

have that might help other women realise they can reach their full potential? Get organised!

Photos courtesy Ralph Carr Management; photographer: Pierre Baroni, Bronwyn Kidd

Carols By Candlelight at Sidney Myer Music Bowl, Melbourne

Living Savvy

Where you fine-tune the ordinary to live

extraordinary

Connect with other people who want to live extraordinary lives Share stories and information Learn about yourself and others Be entertained

The Living Savvy online community is a place where you can interact, ask questions of our expert coaches, get involved in a discussion or just compare notes with others just like you. It provides a place to connect, share, grow, learn and enjoy yourself.

are you living savvy? www.livingsavvy.com.au

Are negative thoughts, feelings or beliefs holding you back? Andrew McCombe explains how the emotional freedom technique can help release these for a more happy and positive ‘self’.

motional freedom technique (or EFT) is a revolutionary new healing aid being used globally by healing professionals and, because of its simple, complementary nature, has become an excellent addition to the coaching toolbox. EFT is a psychological form of acupuncture, without the needles. Instead, you stimulate well-established energy meridian points on the body by tapping them with your fingertips while repeating specific statements.

October/November 2009

• It doesn’t matter

which hand you use when tapping. You can use your right, left or both hands. • You can tap on

either side of the body as the meridian points are symmetrical on each side of the body. • When tapping on

each meridian point, aim for 7-10 taps or just tap for as long as it takes you to say the statement.

The underlying principle of EFT is that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. Our unresolved negative emotions can also be major contributors to our physical pains and diseases as well. EFT was discovered by Gary Craig in the 1980s. It has been known to provide relief from life-long fears and phobias, serious physical ailments, illness and injuries, body image issues, cravings and addictions, and issues to do with money and wealth, relationships, career and business. This common-sense approach to EFT draws its strength from timehonoured Eastern discoveries that have been around for more than 5,000 years, and Albert Einstein who told us back in the 1920s that everything (including our body) is composed of energy. The idea is that if you have a negative thought, feeling or belief vibrating at a sub-conscious level in your body then you will actually be attracting this vibration in your external world.

iStockphoto

In Focus

The correct use of EFT can allow you to clear this energetic vibration (e.g. the negative thought, feeling or belief) and then replace it with a more positive and powerful vibration, so that you begin to attract the reality by performing the behaviours that are aligned with this new vibration.

HOW DOES EFT WORK? EFT works by massaging the meridians (by tapping on them with your fingertips) to free up any trapped energy associated with the negative past or projected future trauma or event. The following is an example of how it can be performed.

STEP

Identify an issue to work on

For the sake of this article I will use the issue of, ‘I feel like a failure’, but remember that EFT has been known to work on almost anything, so if you have any issue feel free to use that instead.

STEP

Identify how badly you feel about the issue

On a scale of 0-10, how badly do you feel about this issue – 10 being the worst you could possibly feel. If you can’t feel it right now then close your eyes and imagine yourself in the stressful situation or issue in your mind.

STEP Create the set-up statement

For example, “Even though I feel like a failure, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway”. The purpose of the set-up statement is to bring the issue to your conscious awareness and to say that even though I have this issue I still love myself anyway. i.e. ‘I am not my issue’.

STEP Tapping

Repeat the set-up statement three times while tapping repeatedly on the karate chop (KC) point. The karate chop point is on the small finger side of either hand. Form a karate chop action with your hand and then tap something with it (e.g. a table). The point that hit the table is the karate chop point.

STEP Tapping

Perform one to two rounds of the negative statement (eg, “I feel like a failure”) while tapping on each of the meridian points, starting from the eyebrow point and going down the body. Finish on the top of your head (see Tapping Points chart below). When finished take a deep breath out.

STEP Reassess

On a scale of 0-10, reassess how badly you feel about the original issue. Ideally you will have reduced your number as the emotional charge will have either dissipated, disappeared or you will have triggered a secondary issue. If you still have some emotional charge around the original issue or you have unearthed another secondary issue (which normally presents itself in the form of another emotion, a belief, a memory of a past event or even a physical symptom) then repeat the above six steps until you feel completely clear of any mental, emotional or physical discomfort.

STEP Address Other Issues

Repeat the six-step EFT process above on anything else that may be causing you some dis-ease.

Andrew McCombe is the owner of Activate Lifestyle Management. He is a life, business and high performance coach that he combines with his expertise in EFT. For a free copy of the 10 EASY Steps to Your Perfect Body visit www.activateyourweightloss.com.au and for a free copy of 10 Steps to a life of EASE visit www.activateyourlife.com.au.

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Feature

Do you ever have moments when you wish you had more confidence, strength or enthusiasm? As Noel Posus shows, creating an ‘anchor’ is a powerful tool to manage and change your ‘state’ in any moment.

ust as the definition suggests, an anchor is something dependable, a device for keeping an object in place. Ships use anchors to keep them drifting away from where they want to be. The news program on your favourite TV channel has an anchor who is responsible for announcing the program. Commercial shopping areas use anchor stores to attract people. An anchor can be anything that reminds you of the powerful memory you want to draw upon in order to feel more resourceful in the moment. For example, when we are feeling nervous, applying an anchor that was created to help us feel strong and confident can assist in coping with that nervousness. Anchors work through the use of a ‘reminder strategy’ that immediately brings that memory and the associated feelings to the present for you. Examples of a reminder strategy include wearing a particular colour or piece of jewellery, touching your ear lobe, flicking a rubber band on your wrist, clicking your fingers, rubbing your hands together or saying a key word or phrase. One of my own favourite anchors links me back to when I was a professional dancer and performer. When I need to remember (and experience) the strength, confidence and/or grace I experienced back in that time, I simply rise on the balls of my feet and hold the pose for ten seconds. This allows me to feel those same qualities again in present time and to draw upon that strength and confidence to get me through the current task (such as public speaking). I’m instantly transported back to the stage of one of my favourite performances, and I use everything I’m feeling from that memory to create a new favourite performance in the present. To create your own anchor follow these steps:

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STEP

– Select

Select a reminder strategy that you wish to use – something that is easy, practical and relevant. You may also want to pick something that is not too obvious to others. For example, choosing to touch your right earlobe is something you can do without drawing too much attention to yourself, and yet the meaning can be incredibly strong for you. It could be a piece of jewellery, like a ring

or even a piece of string that you tie on your wrist that you can simply look at and connect with the memory.

STEP

– Remember

Now, remember a time in your life when you demonstrated the qualities you want to be able to draw upon at any time. Invest time in truly exploring that experience and use all of your senses to remember everything about it. What were you seeing? What sounds were you hearing? What was your internal dialogue? What were you smelling and tasting? What were you physically feeling from the top of your head to your fingertips and toes? What were others doing in the scene? How did you emotionally feel in response to the scene? Also concentrate on what you learned about yourself in that moment? What did you realise about your strengths? What qualities and characteristics did you demonstrate that achieved the feelings you experienced?

STEP

– Sit

Sit with the memory for say, ten minutes or so. Intensive the great feelings associated with the memory.

STEP

– Affirm

Once you have your reminder strategy or anchor identified, dedicate a few more minutes repeating to yourself the message you want to think of when you access your anchor. For example, when I rise up on my toes I say to myself, “I am strong, flexible, tall, confident, graceful and have a positive impact through my performance.”

STEP

– Anchor it

While you are experiencing and intensifying the feelings of your memory and repeating your affirmation above, apply your anchor. Repeat this step at least ten times. Choose your memory and your anchor carefully. If it doesn’t seem to be working for you, revisit your memory and reconnect and strengthen your meaning to the anchor. If you feel you have picked an experience that actually wasn’t as positive as you need it to be, find another that was. It’s also important to reaffirm your anchor from time-to-time to maintain the power in its action. Over time, you may choose to add more anchors, connected to more positive memories. Every anchor will help you to be more resourceful in the present.

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Feature In Focus

The loss of a loved-one or relationship can be overwhelming. Special guest columnist, Charmaine Wilson explains the process of grief and provides some guidance to make your journey through grief much easier.

he first time I experienced grief was when I was five and my parents separated. I recall many hours of tears alone in my bedroom wondering why everything went so wrong. Unfortunately this was perhaps the lightest grief I was to personally face and since then have faced the grief of losing a brother and daughter to tragic accidents, a mother and father to illness and an ex boyfriend /best friend to suicide. I have also suffered painful separations from relationships and though I did not recognise it as grief at the time, in hindsight I can look back and see just how familiar the pattern was.

to accept your new life and will reflect on the relationship that has ended and from this point you will begin to heal and move forward. There is no time limit on this process and there really is no standard pattern. Everyone takes an individual approach to death and loss and some never recover, however when you are ready there are some very effective approaches you can employ to make the journey through grief much easier. The first step is to realise there is no way to avoid grief, you cannot go under it, around it or over it; you must travel through it. This rule applies for all types of grief, the grief of losing a loved one or the devastation over the loss of a relationship. It also applies to the loss of a much loved family pet or even a job. The second step is to understand that everyone experiences grief differently

Understand that everyone experiences grief differently and that we are each responsible for our own healing There seems to be a pattern to all forms of grief which usually begins with denial and shock then travels through a cycle of stages. Once the shock wears off then you begin to experience guilt and deep pain which is almost physical in its intensity. This is eventually followed by anger and then there may be a period of deep depression. Eventually you will begin

October/November 2009

and that we are each responsible for our own healing. Expecting others to react how we react and grieve for as long as we grieve will only give rise to resentment and conflict. Children and teenagers may seem to bounce back quicker than adults because young people tend to live more in the moment and will be happy to escape the depression they may be feeling

at home. Men tend to (but not always), retreat within their shells and keep their grief hidden, preferring to just â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;get on with itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, which can also become a point of frustration. The next and most important step is to be kind to yourself in this time of turmoil. Think about what you need during this time and consider whether you may benefit from seeking advice from a trained counselor or even a hypnotherapist. In the past, I have also recommended people see a registered hypnotherapist to assist in unblocking emotions. Death or relationship issues quite often have far more issues hidden beneath the surface. Always remember it is ok to ask for help. Once you find yourself ready to heal there are many things which can make this process easier. Remember first and foremost that you are a spiritual being first and human being second. It is my theory we are on a journey not only of life but also of soul evolvement so everything that happens to us usually has a lesson attached to it that will make us stronger and also more spiritually aware if we strive to understand it from a universal viewpoint. When we lose a loved one to death more often than not we become a more compassionate human being and start to shed our feeling of being all alone and realise we are part of a large group of people who have suffered the loss of

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Feature

a much loved family member or friend. This creates a feeling of ‘oneness’ with the people around us and in our community. With relationship losses there is always a lesson to be learned from the person you have separated from. Look closely for these lessons as they will aid you in the future. You or they may have been too jealous or clingy, perhaps you were too aloof or simply the chemistry created in this relationship was too volatile. Realise that there is usually blame on both sides. It takes two to tango and to lay full blame on the other partner is not fair to them or to you. In this case, you will overlook the lessons you need to learn and may go on to repeat the same mistakes in future relationships. Forgiveness of self is especially important in all losses. Quite often there is nothing to forgive but as humans we tend to want to blame someone for our loss or our perceived shortcomings in the relationship will tend to make us over think our role. In the case of death it important to remember not to put the deceased loved one on too high of a pedestal and remember any conflicts may well have been two sided. Forgiveness of anyone we feel may have been responsible for our loss may take time but is essential for healing. Just because you forgive someone it does not mean you have to have them in your life. They may have already played their part in your soul evolution and forgiveness can be a way of closing the door to a painful part of your life. In my own grief I have found that looking after my physical being is one of the first steps of self healing. We are a spiritual being contained within a physical body, therefore to aid our emotional and spiritual healing it is important to first work on the clearly accessible. Exercise will assist in clearing away blocked emotional baggage caused by loss. Grief can cause many blockages in our ethereal body but the simple act of going for a walk will cause the blood to circulate throughout the body more effectively and will clear the cobwebs from your mind. I also endorse energy work such as Chi Gung, Tai Chi or Yoga. These activities encourage positive breathing and this action alone will also start to clear the mind and work on the ethereal body as well as the physical body. Meditation too is a wonderful tool to clear the mind and clear unnecessary

emotional baggage. It may take a little while to get used the idea and learn to stop the mind chatter but if it is performed on a regular basis even ten minutes a day can be very beneficial. Find a quiet place you won’t be disturbed and position yourself in a comfortable pose either sitting or laying. Focus on the breath flowing in and out of your nose. Your thoughts will naturally start to flow into your mind. Don’t fight them but rather, allow them in, acknowledge they are there and then take your mind back to the breath. If you find this challenging perhaps try a guided meditation. Last but not least is diet. Remember your body is a temple and what goes in will affect the way you think and feel. If you insist on filling your temple with foods high in fat and sugar you will feel sluggish and unmotivated, so strive for a good eating pattern in this fragile time. It is a wise person who realises that alcohol and drug use at this time will do

of human existence to experience grief and learn from it. I sympathize with any loss you may have but urge you to look for the lessons that have arisen from this. Try not to focus too much on the pain of the loss but instead steer your thoughts to the fun times and the positive lessons your loved one has taught you. It is far more beneficial to stay in the present moment and enjoy the wonderful gift of life you have been given.

There is no way to avoid grief, you cannot go under it, around it or over it; you must travel through it nothing but create a false sense of happiness and will eventually become a major contributing factor to even more grief. It is easy to be lured by the numbness offered with intoxicants however it is a one way street to addiction and in the fragile state of loss you are more vulnerable than ever. The most important thing to remember with all grief is that it takes time to adjust to any new situation and to remember it is part

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Feature In Focus

Starting a new relationship and bringing all of your emotional baggage from the past can mean disaster before the relationship even begins. Gaynor Parke explains and provides some simple techniques to leave your bags at the door...

e are the sum of our past experiences. This is most obvious when it comes to relationships, particularly romantic relationships. After a series of unhappy and destructive relationships or having experienced parents who had an unhappy, destructive relationship, it is not unusual to bring ‘unhappy and destructive’ into every new relationship in our lives. In doing so we make assumptions about our new partner based on past relationships – a sure fire way to sabotage anything good. The good news is you have the ability to change things and ensure your next relationship is happy, healthy and based on mutual respect and acceptance. Essentially, you have to check your emotional baggage at the door and move into the new relationship with an open heart. The most important step in doing this is to recognise when you are carrying emotional baggage from the past. Notice your patterns of behaviour and consider your thoughts, actions and reactions to your new partner. If they are the same as in the past, you may be living in the past. Consciously work to change your thoughts, actions and reactions to give your new partner a clean slate. All relationships are just a reflection of your thoughts and beliefs. There is no blame to be assigned, there is no right and wrong, there are only interactions that reflect your current thoughts and beliefs. If you have low self-esteem and poor beliefs about yourself, you will attract partners who will give you experiences that reflect and reinforce those thoughts and beliefs. When you have high self-esteem and think better of yourself, you

October/November 2009

will attract partners who reflect your high self-esteem and level of self-acceptance. This means, that by changing your thoughts and beliefs you can change your experiences in relationships. Develop your level of selfesteem through such activities as positive self-talk and affirmations, journaling and writing gratitude lists for everything about yourself you are grateful for. The next process is to start focusing on the type of relationship you want rather than the type of relationship you had. James Arthur Ray states “energy flows where attention goes”. Applied to relationships this means that when you focus more on the type of relationship you want, you increase your experience of that type of relationship. We are like magnets that draw to us the types of people and experiences that we most think about. Spend time making a list of all the wonderful things you want to experience in your new relationship. Describe the qualities you wish to develop, for example, mutual respect and acceptance. In a separate exercise, list the wonderful attributes about your new or potential partner that you admire. Draw pictures in your mind and on paper of wonderful things you and your new partner will do together. The more you look to the future the less you will carry your old bags from the past. Moving forward is very hard to do if you are always looking over your shoulder and comparing then to now. Try it. Stand up look behind yourself and try to move in the opposite direction to which you are looking. Challenging isn’t it? It is much easier to appreciate where you are now, focus on the direction you want to go in and

move one step at a time toward your desired destination. The more you look for positive aspects to appreciate about your present or potential partner the more you are moving forward step by step. Your point of focus is all important. Look for small things to appreciate about your partner and relationship and record them in your journal. You can even send a ‘thank you’ message to your partner through the emPOWER website. Use any excuse to look for the good you want to create and the good you see in your present relationship. Sometimes we can stumble and find ourselves rummaging around in our old baggage when a situation triggers memories from the past. Don’t worry; be easy on yourself just as you are on a child learning a new skill. Realizing you are the creator of your life and using those skills consciously takes practice so be patient and persistent. You will see the benefits. Gaynor Parke is an author, sales trainer and CEO of Advanced Success Life Coaching who believes “You Are The Key To Your Success”. Gaynor’s focus is on empowering people to become all they choose to be. For more information visit www.advancedsuccesslifecoaching.com.au.

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Men give personal pleasure all sorts of names but us women, well, we don’t call it anything at all. Psychologist Lenore Watts demystifies the very common practice of… you know…

October/November 2009

When referring to masturbation, ‘normal’ ranges from doing it several times per day, week or month to never masturbating at all. There is no correct or right way to masturbate, it should always be fun and enjoyable no matter how you do it. If you are curious about masturbation and have not tried it before, you can always start now. Set aside some time when you are going to be undisturbed and are relaxed, such as after a warm bath. Either lie on the bed or sit in a comfortable chair and then start to gently explore your body. This is not a test or race and you are not trying to

• The Big Book of Masturbation by

Martha Cornog (Down There Press) • Sex for One: The Joy of Self Loving by Betty Dodson (Three Rivers Press) • Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots By Dr Yvonne Kristen Fulbright (Hunter House) reach orgasmic heights in the beginning. Just have fun by exploring your body – caress your face, arms, breasts, thighs, stomach and genitals and notice how if feels. Massage lotion into your body, listen to music, use a mirror, close your eyes and fantasise or buy a sex tool such as a vibrator and experiment. There are books and websites on the topic, or you can see a sex therapist or take a sex class. Do anything that is helpful for you personally and remember, there is only one rule: it should always feel good and be fun! There are of course many other wonderful benefits to masturbation. By exploring your body and learning how to

pleasure yourself you become empowered to feel better about your body, genitals and sexual response. It also provides you with the opportunity to experience orgasm, alone or with a partner. For many women, masturbation is their primary or only means of experiencing orgasm. Being familiar with your own sexual responses allows you to meet your own needs and be better able to communicate them to your partner. Or else you can share it with them for an intimate, enjoyable and erotic experience. The brain is the largest and most important sexual organ and as a result, physical stimulation alone is frequently not sufficient to trigger orgasm. So use your imagination… Close your eyes and fantasise, watch erotic movies or even engage your partner by getting them to masturbate in front of you or talk to you – sensually, sexually or even ‘naughtily’. Health benefits of masturbation include the easing of premenstrual syndrome and cramping, better sleep, stress reduction, the release of mood-enhancing endorphins and an improved immune system. For women everywhere, masturbation allows you to take responsibility for your own sexual pleasure, and while you may not always have a sexual partner, you always have yourself – so what are you waiting for? Lenore Watts is a psychotherapist, coach, lecturer, EFT and PET advanced certified practitioner, and is co-director of Mind Advantage, a centre for positive change in Sydney. For more info call (02) 9810 1478, email enquiries@mindadvantage.com.au, or visit www.mindadvantage.com.au

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t a restaurant recently, my friend announced, “I almost had a disaster this week when my vibrator broke. Luckily I got a new one straight away, so I didn’t miss out on my lovely orgasms”. Sadly, but not surprisingly, this comment was met by a brief and awkward silence from the surrounding tables… She had publicly mentioned the taboo topic of female masturbation! Thank goodness women like my friend are starting to tell the truth. Society would have us believe women don’t masturbate as much as men – or at all. However, studies reveal that 89 percent of women have masturbated at some stage in their lives, making it a very common activity. So why are woman – who talk about everything else – not talking about this? Society views men and masturbation as natural and normal, however, despite the sexual revolution, women who are openly sexual or talk about masturbation are often negatively labelled. This creates feelings of shame and embarrassment for women who are enjoying masturbating or would like to try it. Masturbation refers to the sexual stimulation, especially of the genitals by yourself or another, to achieve sexual pleasure and/or orgasm. This can be performed manually, by other types of bodily contact (except sexual intercourse), by the use of objects or tools, or by a combination of these methods. It is a normal, healthy expression of sexuality. Sexual desire or drive, however, should not be the primary motivation for masturbation. The best and most common reason is that it feels good.

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Feature

The terms ‘gluten intolerance’ is used frequently these days and yet many people who believe they are gluten intolerant, actually are not. Dietician Zoe Nicholson gives some insight into the disease and explains why it is important to be medically diagnosed.

f a medical practitioner has diagnosed you with gluten intolerance, you have been diagnosed with coeliac disease. According to the Coeliac Society of Australia (CSA), coeliac disease affects approximately 1 in 100 Australians and it has been suggested that as few as 1 in 5 people with coeliac disease have been properly diagnosed.

exist, it is very important that you are properly tested to rule out coeliac disease before you investigate to see if you have non-coeliac gluten intolerance or other food sensitivity. This is important because undiagnosed and untreated coeliac disease can have serious health consequences.

What is Coeliac Disease? Coeliac disease is a serious medical

FOOD NATURALLY FREE FROM GLUTEN • • • • • • • • • •

Fresh fruits and vegetables Meats, poultry, fish (unprocessed and unseasoned) Eggs, plain tofu, raw unseasoned nuts & seeds Dairy milk, natural yoghurt and cheese Dried legumes and lentils Rice, rice noodles, maize (corn), millet, buckwheat, polenta, sago, tapioca, quinoa, amaranth, psyllium husks Single ingredient herbs and spices, salt and pepper Wine, spirits and liqueurs Many tinned versions of the above foods are also gluten free especially if not in a sauce or seasoning There are gluten free varieties of most sauces, stocks, seasonings which often contain gluten

More recently, the term ‘non-coeliac gluten intolerance’ has appeared as people who have tested negative to coeliac disease have found they feel much better on a gluten free diet. Non-coeliac gluten intolerance is an area not well researched and currently undergoing much study. While non-coeliac gluten intolerance may

October/November 2009

condition. People with coeliac disease have a permanent intestinal intolerance to the protein gluten. Studies undertaken by the CSA show that the ingestion of gluten damages the lining of the small intestine that affects the absorption of nutrients from food and can lead to nutritional deficiencies and long-term health risks.

Currently, the only treatment for coeliac disease is a strict lifelong gluten free diet. The symptoms of other conditions can be very similar to coeliac disease and you should not self diagnose yourself with gluten intolerance through trial of a gluten free diet. While you may feel better not eating gluten, it may something else other than gluten in the foods you are eliminating that is making you feel better. If you do in fact have coeliac disease, you will also likely feel much better not eating gluten. However, it is likely that while you have cut out most gluten, there will still be trace amounts in your diet that do not trigger obvious symptoms but which can lead to gut damage and health consequences.

Proper Diagnosis

Coeliac disease often runs in families and as such, all first degree relatives of a person with known coeliac disease should be tested even if a person has no symptoms. It is important not trial yourself on a glutenfree diet before you seek a professional diagnosis because you must be eating gluten at the time of testing. Having a gluten-free diet at the time of testing may render negative results in the test, even if you do have coeliac disease. If you suspect you have coeliac disease, or if you have a close relative who has coeliac disease, see your doctor for the necessary testing. If your coeliac tests come back negative and your doctor does not feel further investigation is necessary, then you should talk to an Accredited Practising Dietitian (APD) who can help you identify other food sensitivities or intolerances. For example, it may be recommended that you eliminate foods such as wheat and rye. An APD can also help you with investigation of non-coeliac gluten intolerance.

SAMPLE GLUTEN FREE MEAL PLAN

Symptoms of Coeliac Disease

The type of symptoms and severity can vary greatly from person-to-person. The CSA points out that it is also possible to have coeliac disease and have no recognisable symptoms at all. However, milder or no symptoms does not necessarily mean less damage to the gut lining or less risk of long-term health consequences. Some common symptoms of coeliac disease are: • Fatigue, lethargy and weakness • Anaemia (low iron), folate and vitamin B12 deficiencies • Abdominal bloating and/or cramping • Flatulence • Diarrhoea or constipation or both • Nausea and vomiting • Weight loss (although many people do not experience weight loss and some can gain weight)

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Long Term Health Risks

Left undiagnosed and untreated, coeliac disease can lead to health problems arising from the malabsorption of vitamins, minerals and other nutrients. Listed by the CSA, these include: • Osteoporosis • Infertility • Miscarriage • Depression • Dental problems • Some bowel cancers • In children, undiagnosed coeliac can result in stunted growth and behavioural problems

Breakfast

Fresh fruit salad with natural yoghurt and honey, 1 slice gluten free toast with jam

Snack

2 plain rice cakes with peanut butter, 1 cup tea

Lunch

Tuna and rice salad with sweet corn, 4 bean mix, baby spinach, cherry tomatoes

Snack

1 Banana, 10 almonds, Cafe latte (cow’s milk)

Dinner

Salmon with baked potato, broccoli, carrots and peas

Treatment

The only treatment currently for coeliac disease is a strict lifelong gluten-free diet. Gluten is found in wheat, rye, barley and oats and many other food products that contain large to tiny amounts of these grains. It is advisable that you become a member of the Coeliac Society of Australia and see an Accredited Practising Dietitian (APD) to ensure you are properly educated on how to follow a strict gluten free diet. You can talk to your doctor about seeing a dietitian through an Enhanced Primary Care (EPC) plan, which will also provide your with access to Medicare rebates.

How Strict is Strict?

A strict gluten-free diet is not just avoiding the grains that contain gluten. Many other foods such as soy milk, soy sauce, chocolate and potato chips can contain gluten (often referred to as hidden gluten) and even this tiny amount can make you feel sick and cause long term health damage. Contamination is also an issue where the crumbs from a knife used on wheat bread can be left behind in spreads and then be transferred on to your food. Eating out also exposes you to lots of hidden gluten and contamination issues. The fact that avoiding gluten can be tricky

at times is another reason why it is so important to be properly diagnosed and seek professional help. People who self diagnose with gluten intolerance are less likely to be 100% strict in avoiding gluten and while they may feel better, the tiny amount of gluten ingested is enough to cause long-term health problems if they do have coeliac disease.

Gluten-Free Food

Fortunately most unprocessed non-grain foods are naturally gluten-free. If you base your diet around these foods, avoiding the highly processed and refined foods, it is not difficult to follow a strict gluten-free diet (see the sample meal plan included). You will still need to be aware of contamination and hidden gluten, especially when eating out. Most importantly, if you suspect you have coeliac disease, remember: • Do not self diagnose or trial a gluten free diet before seeking professional help • See you doctor to ensure proper diagnosis • See an Accredited Practising Dietitian (APD) if you test negative to coeliac disease and you suspect you have a wheat or gluten or other food intolerance • Join the Coeliac Society Australia and see an APD to be educated on following a strict gluten free diet if you are diagnosed with coeliac disease

Zoe Nicholson is an Accredited Practising Dietitian specialising in weight management, behaviour change counselling and gastrointestinal problems. She provides real food advice and the support people need to stop dieting for good. For more information visit www.figureate.com.au or email zoe@figureate.com.au

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Enjoy some time out for yourself with these new motivational books. Why Can’t I Look the Way I Want? Overcoming Eating Issues By Melinda Hutchings Allen & Unwin, $27.99

When you have an eating issue it can feel like the loneliest, hardest place in the world to be, but it doesn’t have to be this way. No one knows this better than author Melinda Hutchings, who battled anorexia for three years. Drawing on her own experience, as well as other people’s, Melinda openly discusses what this feels like on the inside, how to cope with the complexity of emotions, what to do about where you are at with your eating issue, and what you can look forward to when you get to the other side.

Buddhism for Mothers of Schoolchildren

Dreams Speak But what are they really saying? By Therese Duckett Exisle Publishing, $29.99 “Your dreams are speaking to you – all you need to do is to listen to them and to learn their language.” After years of research, Australian Psychologist Therese Duckett shares the secret language of dreams. Therese explains that dreams connect us to our personal and collective unconscious minds and provide clues, and sometimes blunt reminders, about what matters most and what needs to be done. For those in the know, the dream is a little hidden door to the innermost and most-secret recesses of the psyche.

By Sarah Napthali Allen & Unwin, $27.99 With clarity, warmth and a refreshingly honest voice, Sarah Napthali shows that Buddhist teachings can bring enormous benefit to the lives of mothers. With her children at school, a mother is on to a new stage of her life, playing a new role. The daily challenges she confronts have changed, yet for each one Buddhist teachings of mindfulness, compassion and calm are invaluable. Within this book, mothers will find the inspiration to be more patient, loving and attentive towards their children, other family members, other parents, but most of all, themselves.

Take Control of Your Life

Sheconomics

By Dr Gail Ratcliffe Exisle Publishing $34.95 It’s time to take control! Take Control of Your Life is based on the Five-Step Life Plan – a method of life planning and stress management that has been developed and refined in clinical practice for over thirteen years. The Five-Step Life Plan is a blueprint for taking control of your life. Not only does it deal with managing the unpleasant events in your world, but it also includes information about how to identify what kind of life you want, and how to achieve it.

By Karen Pine and Simone Gnessen Hachette, $24.95 Do you need to get back in control of your cash? Do you want to understand your money emotions? Are you happy to talk about sex, make-up and shoes, but shy about your financial feelings? With more and more women stepping up to take charge of their financial destiny, Sheconomics will help you master your money and understand the complex feelings that can stand in your way. Karen and Simonne have devised seven simple yet effective laws of ‘sheconomics’ to help you change your attitude to personal finance, get your money madness under control and secure a financial future that doesn’t depend on Prince Charming or a lottery ticket.

The Five Step Plan to health and Happiness

October/November 2009

Feature

Are you ready to burn away those muffin tops, or get rid of those thighs forever? Fitness expert, James Short, shows how, through building muscle you can burn fat while you sleep.

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’m going to let you in on a little secret, as long as you don’t tell anyone... So, here it is - you can become a fat burning machine whilst watching TV. Yep, that’s right. Your muffin tops can be eaten away and those thighs can shrink, all while you’re sleeping. Yeah right, you may be saying – what’s the catch? Well, there is a little catch, and it is called weight training – you know – strength training, resistance training, or weights. There is a myth out in the fitness world that to burn fat all you need to do is cardio exercise, like walking, running, swimming, bike riding etc. While this is true, if you want to really speed things up and watch that fat burn away, you need to add some weight training to your program. This is because when we add resistance to our muscle we create micro tears, and when our muscles slightly tear they grow back thicker and stronger. This is not a painful tear you might see watching sport, but little tears, which are a good thing. When this happens and we continually develop our muscles, those muscles require more energy to function and work efficiently. Therefore, these muscles burn more calories to actually just be there. This increase in burning rate is also known as an increase in your metabolic rate. Your metabolic rate is the energy your body requires to function efficiently. After a strength training session, your metabolic rate can be elevated up to eight hours after your session... Now, that’s some serious burn factor! So, where when and how do you start burning that extra custard? Here is a

quick set of tips and exercises to get you underway: • If you haven’t exercised in a while or have any existing medical conditions, check in with your local GP to get the go ahead first; • If you have a gym membership and want to spice things up a bit, consider training with a personal trainer. The trainer can specify the right training program for your needs; • If the gym thing is not your ideal, then try exercises to get you started. To begin with only concentrate on the larger muscle groups of the body, i.e. your legs, chest, back, and core muscle groups. It is no use doing countless arms exercises, as this won’t burn as many calories as doing the bigger muscle groups. Perform each exercise with 15 repetitions and start with three rounds of the following circuit. At the end of each round have a oneminute rest, then go again. Perform each exercise at a smooth constant pace, not too fast – it is not a race.

Exercise

Body weight squats Imagine you are about to sit down on the toilet, with your arms out in front. Just before you sit down, hold for one second and then rise. Keeping your weight on your heels, bending from your knees, and back at approximately a 45-degree angle.

Exercise

Push-ups Start with doing push-ups against a wall,

then move to a chair, then onto your knees on the ground, then full push ups. By starting on the wall, you will develop better technique and motivation to keep going. Have your hands placed just outside your shoulders, as you descend keep your tummy tucked in, nice and tight. Take your chest all the way down and have your body nice and straight, then rise.

Exercise

Back extensions Lie on your stomach with your arms out in front of you, as if you are flying like superman. Raise your arms and legs at the same time, keeping them both straight as you lift them. Crunches/Sit-ups Lie on your back, with knees bent and place your hands on the side of your head. Curl up one vertebra at a time to perform a crunch movement. Here, you will work your stomach muscles. At the top hold for one second and then slowly release. For more variety, change your exercises around, increase your repetitions, or add some weight. So there you go, get into some strength training today and blast that fat away.

James Short is a fitness expert, presenter, trainer and coach. He has just been named the Fitness Australia Fitness Professional of the Year for the second consecutive year. For more information visit www.jamesshort.com.au

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t 14 years old, I felt confused and lonely. I suffered feelings of worthlessness that stemmed from an incident of childhood sexual abuse. It didn’t matter that my grades were excellent, or that I excelled at athletics, gym and debating. Regardless of my achievements, I felt I wasn’t good enough. I was at an all-girls private school and the environment was fiercely competitive. To be noticed, you had to stand out, and I found the pressure overwhelming. I internalised my anxiety and my self-esteem eroded. Self-loathing replaced my once happy disposition. As I spiralled into a pattern of dangerous dieting my thoughts became destructive – ‘you’re fat’, ‘you’re a failure’, ‘you’ll never amount to anything’. Anorexia consumed me and I struggled through this lonely, miserable existence for the next three years. I had to leave school in year 11 because I was too sick to continue. My university aspirations evaporated and my future stretched before me, empty. Life became a black hole of fear and uncertainty. As my illness progressed, I sank deeper into depression, driven further backwards by an unspeakable force. Every day a battle raged inside my head: ‘I don’t want to eat, ‘I hate everything’, and ‘everybody would be better off without me around’. No matter how scared I felt, or how much I wanted it all to stop, I couldn’t let myself. This is the danger of anorexia. The

October/November 2009

Melinda Hutchings shares her very personal battle with anorexia before and during pregnancy and how, through taking control of her thoughts and feelings, she conquered the disorder. stronger part of me pushed my body to the extreme with hateful thoughts, the weaker part begged me to eat. But that would have felt like failing. And so the anorexia won. Watching my friends planning for university, going to parties and dating, hurt deeply. Their lives were moving forward and mine had stagnated. I started to hate my anorexia for everything it had taken from me. It ruined my relationships, snatched my future and was intent on destroying me from the inside out. I had a sudden urge to beat it that propelled me into recovery. This was my turning point.

I had learned to love myself, nurture myself, and I truly believed I deserved to live with happiness and inner peace The process of recovering from my eating disorder was all consuming. It was a constant, conscious effort where I had to monitor my thoughts. If there was a negative one, I needed to catch it in the moment and turn it into a positive. I continually repeated affirmations, trying to drown out the negative, destructive voice in my head. I had lapses and relapses, but my unfailing determination to beat my anorexia prevailed.

With the help of a therapist, I worked through my internal pain and slowly began to turn things around. It was a difficult process because I had to let go of what felt safe and familiar – the eating disorder – and deal with the fear of not knowing who I would be without it. Recovery is a long-term process and it wasn’t until my early twenties that I could eat without feeling guilty, wake up without mentally calculating calories and stop placing my self worth on my weight. I had learned to love myself, nurture myself, and I truly believed I deserved to live with happiness and inner peace, and create a wonderful life. Post recovery, I enjoyed many years of blissful happiness, making up for the years I’d lost to anorexia. I worked hard in my chosen field, travelled the world, enjoyed wonderful experiences with friends, fell in love and married. When I fell pregnant, it should have been another celebration of life’s gifts. After all, I was lucky – many people who suffer anorexia have difficulty conceiving and some are unable to. But instead, I felt terrified. My body was going to change and there was nothing I could do about it. Since recovering from anorexia, my weight had been the same for years. I enjoyed a healthy lifestyle and felt genuinely happy with my body and within myself. But suddenly all of that was about to change. I had no idea what to expect; all I knew was my body would never be the same again.

Photo curtesy Melinda Hutchings

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I started to experience a myriad of fears: what if I can’t lose the pregnancy weight? What about stretch marks and cellulite? Is the skin around my stomach going to permanently sag? The day I couldn’t fit into my favourite pair of jeans was one of the most confronting. I felt paralysed by panic and couldn’t stop crying. I tried to focus on the life growing inside me and how amazing that was. After hours of soul searching, I decided to be pragmatic about the situation and visit a maternity shop. I felt excited about my new pregnancy clothes… until someone said to me ‘look how fat you are’. I wanted to say ‘I’m not fat, I’m pregnant’ but that confidence evaded me. The second I was alone, I cried hysterically. ‘You’re fat’ is the worst thing anyone can say to someone who once suffered anorexia and that one comment was enough to trigger a barrage of negative thoughts and emotions. Although outwardly I appeared happy and together, inside I felt terrified about gaining weight and what my body would look like after the baby was born. I had trouble looking at myself in the mirror. When I ran my hands over my swollen belly to try to connect with the growing being inside, I felt sick with fear. I soon started to fantasise about my past anorexic behaviours. Suddenly, going back there seemed like the easiest solution. The thought of regaining control over my body excited me. I started to eat less, using the excuse that I felt sick. But it didn’t bring me any peace. Instead I was plagued with guilt and shame. I decided to revisit the reasons I ditched anorexia all those years ago. I thought about how happy I’d been when I recovered, how much joy I’d derived from life. And again, I had a choice – to embrace my pregnancy and trust that my body would do what it had to do to produce a healthy baby. Or fight it and risk the health and wellbeing of my unborn child and myself. So I made the decision to look deeply, turn my fear and uncertainty around, and trust the process. One of the things that helped me was a magnet that came with an item of maternity wear. It simply said: “Yes you look beautiful”. I looked at this often, reminding myself that my body was beautiful, and that I too was beautiful on the inside. I developed affirmations associated with loving and nurturing myself so that my baby would be healthy. I reminded myself

of the importance of listening to the voice that speaks from my heart. I made sure I exercised in moderation to foster a positive body image. I chose to focus on the wonder of my body growing a human being, instead of incessantly worrying about the way I looked. I shifted my focus to the things that brought me joy, planning for the baby, decorating the nursery, reading pregnancy books and combing through baby names on the internet. Years of therapy during recovery from anorexia taught me that only I had the power to change the way I thought, and it was up to me to create the experience I wanted. I had to trust myself, trust my body and draw on my inner strength. I became vigilant about monitoring my thoughts and feelings that were connected with my body and weight gain. I gave myself permission to just ‘be’ during the first six weeks after the baby was born, and promised myself that after the six week check up, I’d develop a routine that included time for exercise.

Allowing myself this six-week sabbatical took so much pressure away. I planned to lose the weight in moderation and without a self-imposed deadline. I simply decided to try on my favourite pair of jeans the same time every week, knowing that one day I would fit into them again. That day happened five months after my son was born. I felt proud of myself for not succumbing to the pressure to lose my pregnancy weight as quickly as possible. Being honest with myself and identifying my triggers throughout pregnancy and beyond, and turning them around, enriched the experience so that it became profound and positive. I encourage any woman suffering anxieties about pregnancy weight gain to revisit the amazing process of creating a life, and listen to the voice that speaks from their heart. Remember that pregnancy is a profound experience and you are playing a leading role in the miracle of life. That is to be celebrated.

Melinda Hutchings is an author and public speaker on the topic of body image and eating disorders. Her third book Why Can’t I Look the Way I Want; Overcoming Eating Issues was recently published by Allen & Unwin. Her websites are www. melindahutchings.com and www.bodycage.com. She also writes a blog about body image: www.melindahutchings.blogspot.com

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n the workplace, feedback is often negative and only given during a review period. As an employee, by the time you get this feedback it is often too late to make a difference. Asking a supervisor or another team member for feedback progressively, provides you with the opportunity to learn, grow, expand and of course provide pleasing performance that meets the expectations of your superiors and fulfils your job requirements. The word ‘feedback’ does not have to be negative and can have fabulous connotations if you allow it to. Your powers of self-perception only go so far. People around you will notice things about you, both resourceful and unresourceful, which you won’t and you may learn from their input. What is often obvious to others can be hidden in your blind spot. Receiving feedback from others can assist you to change your strategy and therefore change your results. Asking for feedback puts you in control, demonstrates your commitment to constant and never ending improvement. It shows a willingness to adapt, experiment and be behaviourally flexible to improve your performance. While it may seem scary at first, not only is it necessary, as your supervisor will be writing your review in most cases, but superiors will appreciate

that you are seeking ways to improve your performance and will be even more willing to assist you to further your career. It is most effective to ask for feedback in person, maybe even by initiating a private meeting so that it becomes a fluid question and answer session. The purpose of feedback is not merely to provide an opinion but timely, honest, useful comments and suggestions that contribute to a positive outcome, a better process or improved behaviours. It’s your responsibility to guide people to provide you with the type of information you seek by asking specific questions. Don’t limit yourself to only gaining feedback from your supervisors either, consider what you would specifically like feedback on and let that lead you to the person who is best suited to respond. Avoid asking someone who lacks the expertise in that area. Before your feedback session, put yourself in a productive headspace ready to hear whatever is said. Value yourself and know that you have done the best that you could with the resources that you had at that time. Realise that knowing the feedback gives you the powerful opportunity to do something about it. This is a learning exercise only. When asking for feedback, remember also that the person you have asked may

feel a little uncomfortable having to provide you with constructive criticism or pointing out your negatives – there is a natural tendency not to want to offend you. Take responsibility for this and help them to feel comfortable. Consider opening the discussion with something like “I would really like to learn from you and improve my performance. Please be really honest and tell me how I am going, I am open the hearing what you feel I could do better. I would rather know so that I can change my behaviour/actions”. As an alternative, you could also start the discussion with your own appraisal of your performance and ask for the person’s feedback on your comments. For example, you could open the feedback session with “I feel that I did ‘X’ really well, but in the area of ‘Y’ I think I could improve. What do you think?” Once the discussion is flowing remember that you need to be open to hearing whatever feedback is given. If you defend your actions, or blame someone else, the person giving you the feedback will most likely shutdown and provide no further information. Your feedback session has then become a waste of time. Remember that this is constructive feedback and that taking what is said personally will not only stop you from improving in the suggested areas, but probably drop your performance in other areas as well. Finally, with feedback given, the most important factor is to ensure that you have created an action plan. Asking for feedback is pointless if nothing is done with the information provided. It is ultimately your choice how to act, or not, upon feedback received. I suggest taking action. Finally, remember there is no failure only feedback, so take the learning and run with it! Rachel Anastasi is an empowerment coach, speaker, mentor and founder of Free to be Me Life Coaching and www.secretsofasupercoach.com. For more information visit www.freetobemecoaching.com.au.

October/November 2009

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Asking for feedback is a powerful way to earn respect and take responsibility for your career. Rachel Anastasi explains why and how…

Feature

The ability to listen to another person fully and be engaged without needing to interrupt and overtake is essential if we want rich and connected relationships. Kathy McKenzie explains…

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ave you ever been in the situation where you were in the middle of sharing something that you have experienced, or a story about a recent event, and the person you were talking to interjected with their own version of a similar event or a strong opinion about the topic you were discussing that completely railroaded the conversation into another direction. Sadly, this is an all too frequent occurrence whether it be with family, friends or in the workplace. Think about a relationship that you would like to enhance. When you are communicating with this person how actively are you listening to what their experience of the world is? Are you able to pay attention to how they process information as well as listen to the content of what they are saying? If that sentence doesn’t make a lot of sense if probably means you are like most of us and are getting caught in the content of a communication without being able to recognise the underlying thinking and patterns that are causing a person to perceive the world in the way they do. Let me give you an example to illustrate I – have recently attended a conference on how coaching can be a tool for creating sustainability personally, professionally and globally. When I started relating a story over dinner about Colin Pitman, a leader in water recycling in South Australia whom I found very inspiring, I did not even get past two sentences of what he is achieving before another person at the table starting loudly articulating that ‘he will have a political agenda there – they all do you know’ and proceeded to take the conversation in a totally different direction. The resulting outburst ensured that the topic was changed

very quickly and reverted back to very surface level, ‘safe’ topics. The opportunity to have a meaningful conversation was missed. To develop rich and connected relationships we all need to have the skills in communication to listen and understand another person’s point of view even when it differs greatly from our own. Our own ‘maps of reality’ are always influencing how we take in information and are make sense of it. Since Alford Korzybski coined the phrase “the map is not the territory” in 1933 in his book Science and Sanity there has been much research done into how we learn to expand our own maps and perceptions to be able to listen more fully and engage in a more holistic way in a communication with another person. Unless you learn to develop selfawareness you will get caught in the trap of having mental ‘blinkers’ on where you are limited by your own reality in terms of how much you can really understand about another person. The basis for most misunderstanding in communication is when we try to impose our map upon another person. A simple reflection exercise we conduct when we are assisting people in gaining self-awareness is to get them to reflect on the following key points: • Do you allow others to complete their sentences before you speak? • Are you able to listen to what a person is

saying without judging (especially if you don’t like the person talking)? • When someone pauses in a conversation do you jump in and fill the gap? • If someone is hesitating and processing their thoughts do you offer suggestions as to what they may be thinking or what they might want to do? • When someone is communicating with you do you stop what you are doing and give them your full attention or at least let them know if you can’t give them your full attention? • Do you ask questions to clarify if you don’t understand something? One participant in a program after doing this exercise commented that “this made me realise I haven’t listened to anyone properly for 40 years!” By simply learning to stay silent when others were talking, he was astounded at the difference it made not just in his work relationships but particularly with his children who he admitted usually only received a one way stream of communication from him. Learning to change the way we listen requires us to have awareness that our way of thinking about the world is quite unique and to truly understand another we have to take the time to really listen for how they perceive the world and interpret the events they experience. The world will be a much happier place when we all learn to appreciate diversity not be challenged by it.

Kathy McKenzie, FIRE UP Coaching director, is a specialist Communications and Leadership Facilitator, Coach Trainer, and Executive Coach. Her qualifications include Masters in Professional Vocational Education and Training, ICF accredited coach and coach trainer, NLP and HBDI trainer. Featured regularly on TV she brings fun and enthusiasm to training sessions. For more information visit www.fireupcoaching.com.au

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Sharemarket

As Dale Gillham reports, directly investing into good quality shares can offer a much higher return than through a managed fund.

October/November 2009

surpassed the average managed fund return by a significant margin. This is because the Australian share market returns around 12 per cent per annum over any 10-year period, which is around 60 per cent better than the average managed fund. Supposedly, a major selling point of managed funds is the ability to diversify across other asset classes such as cash and bonds. But while an investment in cash and/or bonds is ‘safe’, it usually implies a non-growth investment after taking into account taxation and inflation. As we know, interest rates have remained relatively low over the past decade and with the subprime mortgage meltdown in recent years, rates are at the lowest they have been in 30 years. In many cases, however, the dividend income from owning good shares far out strips the return of having money invested in cash. The major banks are currently paying around four percent to place your money in a fixed term deposit, which means after tax, your investment is simply treading water. But if you owned shares directly in one of the big four banks, you would receive a dividend of around 6 per cent fully franked (tax paid), which is equivalent to around 8 per cent gross. The view that investing directly in the share market is complex and mysterious, and best left to those profoundly wise and experienced mortals who know what they are doing is a fallacy. Most investors just want to achieve a good safe return on their

Further Reading Check out Dale’s book ‘How to Beat the Managed Funds by 20%’ to learn how to construct a portfolio and how to implement simple strategies to achieve safe, profitable returns. By introducing you to some simple yet effective low risk strategies you will discover that you can invest directly in the share market and achieve very rewarding returns. investment and a no-holds-barred approach to doing so, which is why many are taking a more active role in their own wealth creation strategies, and investing directly. Indeed, the choices and benefits of investing directly that are available to the smaller investor far outweigh the lower returns offered by managed funds. Particularly given that the small investor has more flexibility to move smaller amounts of equity between stocks and to only be in the share market when it is rising, which has been a distinct advantage over the past two years. In fact it is the flexibility to move funds around swiftly that provides the small investor with a distinct advantage over the managed funds simply because an investor can exit a volatile market very quickly and therefore reduce the risk on a portfolio. In turn the small investor has a greater opportunity to increase their returns after tax in comparison to a managed fund. Most investors who choose to go down this path actually find it is much easier than they think. Worth a thought…

Dale Gillham is the Co-founder and Chief Analyst of Wealth Within, a specialist share market educator and boutique investments company supporting individuals to maximise their investments in the share market. For more information visit www.wealthwithin.com.au

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ince the introduction of compulsory superannuation in Australia in 1992 there has been a significant surge in managed fund investments. However, with the downturn in the market in recent years many Australians are now questioning the value of this traditional form of investing given that investors continue to pay up to 2 per cent in annual fees to invest in funds that return less than 8 per cent per annum over any 10-year period. Regardless of the investment, an investor needs to achieve a return greater than inflation after accounting for costs and taxation to maintain a profitable investment. For example, if inflation is running at 2 per cent, an investor in the 30 per cent tax bracket needs to achieve a return of 2.86 per cent just to break even. If we then consider the effect of an average annual management fee on the investment of around 2 per cent, it needs to rise a further 2.1 per cent to break even. Therefore, anyone in the 30 per cent tax bracket needs to achieve a return of around 5 per cent after inflation, taxation and costs to achieve a profitable return on their investment. Obviously the higher the tax bracket the higher the return. Despite the strong bull-market following the low in March 2003 through to 2007, managed funds were reporting average annual returns of around 8 per cent over the preceding 10 year period. And with inflation running at around 3 per cent during that time, anyone who invested in managed funds would have achieved minimal growth. Had you invested directly in the top ten stocks on the Australian share market, however, your returns would have

Feature

Catherine Lezer shows how to uncover and change your limiting beliefs around money to achieve more financially.

enerally, we walk around in a world of self-imposed beliefs, which affect how we relate, how we see the world and how we react. Some of our beliefs are easy to see. Other limiting beliefs are totally in the background and we don’t even realise that they are holding us back from achieving everything we want. This is particularly the case in the area of finance. As an exercise, write a sentence answering the following questions. Don’t think too much, just write down the first thing that comes into your head: • My first memory of money is….. • My mother thought money was… • My father thought money was… • I think money is….

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This exercise may be an eye-opener in itself as each element indicates your beliefs about money. Do your answers to the above questions assist you to understand the way you feel, think and act around money? Are there some limiting beliefs here that you could change? Next, have a look at each of the limiting money beliefs below. Which of these beliefs could apply to you and how are they holding you back from achieving what you want financially? Spend some time journaling about the ones that are true for you. Then, for each belief consider the reasons to lose the belief. What can you learn from this? Come up with some of your own reasons. Catherine Lezer is a small business owner, property investor and inspirational speaker on the topic of women and money through her Rich Chicks seminars. For more information visit www.richchicks.com.au

BELIEF

REASONS TO LOSE THE BELIEF

I’m not intelligent enough to make great money.

Read up on Bill Gates, Whoopi Goldberg, Julie Andrews and John Travolta who never finished high school

I need money to make money.

Anyone who has ever started a successful business will tell you this isn’t true – just ask the lady who started Spanx.

Its easier not to start anything than to risk failure.

A life of regret is not a life lived.

Dealing with money makes me uncomfortable.

Yes, it can be uncomfortable dealing with money, but the more you do it the easier it gets.

Money is the root of all evil.

You have to give to get. Most wealthy people are also big philanthropists. Consider Richard Branson.

My family member/ friend told me I wouldn’t succeed. No one believes in me.

You can believe in yourself. Make sure you are getting opinions from wealthy, successful and experienced people. If the only people you turn to for advice are worse off than you, then you need to hang with a different crowd.

I crumble at the first sign of problems, disappointment or criticism.

Everyone hits problems in regards to money. Realise is that it’s just a problem to be dealt with not an excuse to stop doing anything. Deal with it and move on.

I have too many other commitments/ not enough time.

Most women I know have a list of things to do a mile long, and yes looking at finances is indeed on the list. The problem is that once the other 27 things for the day are tackled, money is so far down the list it will be put off until tomorrow. And then tomorrow, and then you are 55 and you are looking at some pretty bad retirement numbers!

It’s easier to let someone else control my finances.

Your results are your responsibility. The only person who knows best in relation to your money is you.

One day I’ll win lotto.

Do I really have to point out the odds of this happening? Please don’t use this as your ONLY strategy to wealth.

I’m waiting for Mr. Right to look after me.

Sometimes they are late; sometimes they don’t show up at all. Sometimes they leave. At some point you will need to deal with your finances yourself, why not now.

To steps above are the first steps to uncover and change your limiting beliefs and you can also assist the change process by monitoring your thoughts. Identify any other negative thoughts that you have around money and when you notice one immediately change that negative thought into a positive thought. It’s also a good idea to journal often. In life you get what you focus on, so if you want to be financially stable or even financially free then you need to focus on it. Journal regularly on how life will be when you have achieved your financial goals. You will soon start to notice more positive beliefs around money than negative. With a little time and focus, beliefs can be uncovered and changed quite easily.

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e are now part of a modern culture where physical beauty, appearance and image are rated as the number one ‘must accomplish’ on a woman’s list of achievements. Heavily influenced by the media, most women unconsciously shape their beliefs through messages that promote physical perfection. While it’s pleasing to see that women take such a keen interest in their external image, it is must be balanced with a harmonized internal image. To feel fulfilled with yourself and life you need to nurture your inner spiritual self with care, love and attention. A relentless pursuit for physical perfection, can inevitably lead to disempowering behaviours such as self-absorption, superficiality, comparisons, judgments and criticisms. We often judge ourselves and others by our physical appearance without realising that there is much more to us as human beings. The spirit within is perfect in its nature. Once tapped into and empowered by your consciousness, you become liberated from any erroneous beliefs and attachment to the physical self. You are then enabled to rise and go beyond the limits of the logical mind, and into the all-pervading consciousness of your Higher Self. It is in this state where you experience a

detachment from the physical aspects and view yourself as a spiritual being. When you accept yourself to be a spiritual being, you automatically begin to prioritize your needs, goals, desires and vision to align and serve your Higher or Spiritual Self. Mystics, sages, spiritual teachers, masters and sages throughout the centuries have advocated the importance of living life as ‘a spiritual being having a human experience’ rather than the reverse. I believe this understanding is a vital first step in changing the thinking paradigm that leads to self-acceptance, unconditional love and greatness. Accepting and appreciating yourself is an act of self-love. Unconditional self-love means loving yourself no matter what you look like, how you’re shaped, or what others think of you. It is the act of loving without limitations, conditions, or reservations. This form of self-acceptance has very little to do with the physical world and more to do with an abundance of love for yourself. Stepping out of yourself every so often gives you the freedom to roam freely within and connect with your true essence. Your level of inner connection and authenticity is fundamentally shaped by the relationship you have with your spiritual self. When you accept yourself lovingly, you begin to see yourself more positively, appreciate your unique outlook on life, and treat yourself

in a more nurturing way. Therefore, allow this self-love to illuminate your path with discovery, adventure and liberation. Try this guided meditation that will allow you to experience detaching yourself from your physical aspects and becoming united with your spiritual self. Sit comfortably in a quiet space. Close your eyes. Breathe in and out slowly until your body relaxes. Be very conscious of your physical body. Place your attention on your toes and feet for several seconds and imagine them disappearing. Next, direct your attention to your major body parts and organs such as your legs, torso, chest, hands, arms and mind. Continue breathing, and imagine them disappearing too. Silently say to yourself, “I am not my body, I am not my emotions, I am not my mind, I am not my thoughts, I am not my beliefs; I am a perfect Divine Spirit in a physical body.” Repeat this a few times until you feel a warm sensation within your heart. Visualise your physical body out of you. Silently say, “my body and all its parts are instruments for my progress. I am a Divine essence and this is my true identity. I am perfectly alright just the way I am. I accept myself.” Be still and present for a few minutes. Breathe in love from the Universe. Allow your breath to circulate within. Slowly open your eyes, take several breaths and stretch. As you perform this exercise, you will experience inner calmness, peace and mental clarity and realise that you are not your body. Practice this meditation daily. It will infuse your entire being with divine love, light and power!

Savleen Bajaj is an internationally awarded human behavioural expert, life coach, professional speaker, psychologist, author, facilitator, healer and intuitive. She has received the ‘Medal of Honor for excellence’ and Award of Distinction in her expert field. She, is the founder of the Lotus World Centre for Mind, Body &Spirit. For more info, email info@savleenbajaj.com or visit www.savleenbajaj.com

October/November 2009

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Let go of your physical appearance and nurture your inner spiritual self to lead a more fulfilling life. Savleen Bajaj guides you to a place of love and self-acceptance.

O C T O B E R / N Owww.empoweronline.com.au VEMBER 2009

I consider myself to be fun, happy, and inquisitive of what world is made up of. However, I am also a private person who doesn’t like to talk about myself. This is due partly to not wanting to have a mindless chatter with others on mundane things and partly feeling vulnerable. I feel I make a positive first impression but find it difficult to build on that, whether it be at work or socially. How do you build rapport and expand networks when you meet people? Not having a support group at this age makes me feel exhausted as I think about what have I not done to date to get to this stage? As my days and nights have been literally filled with demanding work, study and dealing with life. – Fun-loving person

I really cannot get along with my mother-in-law. I have been married for three years now and it doesn’t matter what I do, my mother-in-law just does not like me. I have tried to talk to her about this but she avoids the issue and pretends as though everything is ok. My husband is quite close to his mother so it is becoming an issue for us. I get quite upset at family events when I don’t seem to be able to do anything right. What can I do? – Monica

Nurturing the relationship with your mother in law is just part of loving all of the man!

Networking is an essential skill to learn and ultimately master if you desire to build strong social and professional networks. The key to networking is taking the ‘initiative’ to share, ask, listen, learn, and understand to build a common ground on shared interests towards something of significance. It requires a well-refined set of conversational skills as the networking process is essentially all about the reciprocal exchange of information. In order to successfully network, you must be willing to step out of your comfort zone and be open about conversing on all levels from the mundane to the meaningful. The basic levels of communication (mundane) help to build rapport and trust. Follow these steps to learn how to effectively network. • Leverage on your strengths – Leverage on the fun, happy, stable and inquisitive side of your nature. Allow these aspects to shine in your verbal and non-verbal communication; • Personal disclosure – Determine how much personal disclosure is comfortable for you. When you reveal generic information about yourself, you are allowing others to also be comfortable in your presence and disclose something that might interest you. Show a genuine interest in knowing people. Ask relevant questions, make focused small talk. This will help you to build and expand on personal relationships whether it is at work or social. Smile and ask questions with sincerity and interest. Become an active listener; • Get comfortable in your own skin – Uneasiness usually stems from limiting beliefs. Be comfortable and accept yourself for who you are. Others can sense your discomfort and may keep away from you; • Network – There are many areas where you can go to build your networks with like minded people. Breakfast or lunch meetings, networking clubs or associations in your field, hobby or development groups and exercise or sporting avenues. Professional and social online networking sites are also a great place to meet people who might interest you; • Practice conversation skills – Talk to people you don’t know everywhere you go. Practice communicating on generic topics such as recipes, economic issues, weather, holiday spots, restaurants, movies, books, shows, hobbies, etc. This will help you build instant rapport and increase internal confidence.

Source: Malti Bhojwani is an international life coach and NLP practitioner. For more information visit www.multi-coaching.com

Source: Savleen Bajaj is an international success coach, psychologist, author, speaker, facilitator and consultant. For more information visit www.savleenbajaj.com

The important relationship here is the one with your husband. Since you have tried to talk to her to no relief, perhaps it would be a good idea to discuss it with your husband from a loving and understanding place. He may be able to speak to his mum to see if she really as an issue with you and what you can do about it. As women, we are often competitive for the love of our men. Her son was all hers until you came along and she could be feeling like she has lost her son. That can be hard to deal with and her feelings of loss around him may be coming out as resentment towards you. The following may help: • Try to put yourself in her shoes. It is not easy for a mother to step away and she may just need to feel “included” in your lives. When she offers to help, try not to dismiss it. Reassure her that she is welcome in your world; • Stop trying to please her or anyone too much. Sometimes we can try too hard and just make the situation worse. Just be yourself and accept that perhaps it make take some time before you will get along. Don’t let her upset you; • See what you could do to spend some quality time together. Do something you know she will enjoy and have fun. Laughter is a great way to knock down walls; • Take a look at your own relationship with your mother. How well we get along with our mothers may affect how we get on with our mothers-in-law. Deal with unresolved issues, if any, with your own mum; • Most importantly, don’t make him choose.If he feels like he has to take sides, he will be torn and conflicted. I am sure he is not indifferent to the situation and he must be under a fair bit of stain.

October/November 2009

Next year my husband and I will be having our first baby which is fantastic but I find myself really worrying that something awful is going to happen to my husband. I am so scared of losing him - not that he will leave or anything - but that something bad will happen and he will die. This is my first thought every morning. I feel so blessed to have an amazing relationship but I don’t know what to do about this. I am also scared of attracting this to us because I focus on it so much. Please help. – Louise

I am in business for myself and am really struggling to make it work. I love working for myself and feel as though I am working really hard but I just don’t seem to be getting anywhere. I don’t seem to be increasing my business and really don’t know what to try next. What would you suggest? – Georgia You love working by yourself, but I wonder whether this is motivated by the desire NOT to work with others? If it is then, this is not sufficient motivation to create a successful business. Too many people are sick of being controlled by the employer relationship – they desire control back in their lives, but are they truly driven to be successful in business. My experience shows that if you want success in business ensure there is a compelling positive driver for success and that you are aware of your own negative drivers (they aren’t bad, but if they are the core drivers, then as and of themselves they will not create the resilience and persistence for a successful business. Implied in my answer is that you have a sharp, clear and current vision and plan for your business. If not create one, seeded form your positive and compelling driver to want to be in business. Secondly, you are working hard but are you working smart. Consider, what is the one area (or more) that is holding the business back – is it marketing and sales. Is it cash flow management? What is it? Chances are, that if you are deeply honest with yourself, this is your Achilles heal and you need to get support, skills, resources in this area. My experience is generally it is sales and marketing. Be brave and acknowledge your weakness and do something positive about it. Lastly, and most importantly (in my experience), do you have a mindset that supports you being successful in business, or are you sabotaging your own success with fears and self-limitations that block the growth of you and the baby you call a business. I raise the question, but this is not the place for the answer, only that, if you are deeply truthful to yourself here, maybe you have taken the first and hardest step to moving toward your success – you deserve it!

What scares you about being alone? I think that if you can come to terms with the notion of being alone you will let go of the attachment to having to be with someone. Of course having your husband around is of utmost importance to you, however if you want to let go of your constant fear around losing him then you must accept and nurture the idea of being alone. The most effective way of achieving this is to increase your levels of certainty within yourself. What do you love about being you? Control is another big thing. What scares you about releasing control and embracing the uncertainty of the future? Think about what needing to control the outcome is costing you? What would it be like if you could relax and experience joy and love in every moment rather than fear and anxiety? What you focus on is what you get, so every time your thoughts turn to what it is you do not want let go of those thoughts and replace them with a picture of things turning out the way that you want them to turn out. Positive visualisation is a great technique to use. You may also like to start keeping a gratitude journal so that for five minutes each day you focus in on what you are most grateful for. The only moment that you have power in is the moment of now. Any depression you may experience in the moment of now is because you are bringing the past into now and any anxiety you may experience is because you are bringing the future into now. Aim to stay very present to each and every moment and enjoy that moment alone. I think it would be a good idea for you to seek some coaching as there may be some feelings of loss from the past that have not been dealt with that are at the source of your fear around losing your husband.

Source: Peter Barr-Thomson is a coach, trainer, speaker and NLP practitioner with more than 20 years experience in business. For more information visit www.mybravelife.com

Source: Rachel Anastasi is an empowerment coach, speaker, mentor and founder of Free To Be Me Life Coaching. For more information visit www.freetobemecoaching.com.au

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LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE w

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week 1

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Set Your Goals

AREAS OF YOUR LIFE Date:

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Use this goal-setting tool over the next two months to achieve your goals and improve your life. Set the dates for your coaching sessions and let’s get started.

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Welcome to your first coaching session and congratulations for taking the first step to improving your life. In this first session you will be setting two 5inspiring goals for different areas of your life. Using the coaching models provided, complete the following exercises.

SELF This is your relationship with yourself. Consider how much love, appreciation, acceptance and respect you have for yourself.

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finance Where are you now?

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On the chart, rate yourself on a scale of 0 - 10 in relation to where you feel you are at in spirituality each area of your life right now. Then, draw a line around the chart, joining the dots where 5 you have marked your rating in each area. partner social

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A ‘10’ means you consider that area is perfect and a ‘0’ means major improvement is neededfinances . business/career

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Where do you want to be?

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Next, give yourself a rating in relation business/career to where you want to be in each area of your life in the next wellbeing 1 - 2 months. Again, use a scale of 0 - 10 and draw a line around the chart, joining the dots where you have marked your rating in each area. Don’t be afraid to dream a little but consider what you spirituality can realistically achieve in that time. There’s no need to aim for a perfect 10 in any or every area.

PARTNER Think about this area in the context of whether you’re single or in a relationship. If you’re in a relationship, it refers to how you feel about your life with your partner. Is your relationship what you want it to be? If you’re single, think about your level of satisfaction with being single. Some people would love a committed relationship and others are content as they are. How do you feel? FAMILY This area refers to how you feel about your relationships with family members. The rating you give this area should be an average for all family relationships. While some will be strong, others may not be so good. SOCIAL Similarly, this area refers to how you feel about your relationships with friends and your satisfaction with your level of social/fun activity. Again, provide an average rating of your relationships and social activity. WELLBEING This is your overall sense of wellbeing and how you feel about your health & fitness.

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SPIRITUALITY If you’re a spiritual or religious person, this area refers to your level of connectedness with your beliefs. If you’re not spiritual or religious, think about your level of contentment with life in general.

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Imagine your life with these results

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spirituality October/November 2009

BUSINESS/CAREER This area considers the level of success and/or fulfilment you feel in relation to your business, career or current employment. FINANCES This final area refers to how you feel about your level of financial freedom and/or your progression towards your desired level of financial freedom.

Creating your goal Now it’s time to create your goals. To begin with, choose one area of your life that you would like to improve. Say it’s ‘Partner’ and you want to go from a rating of 4 to 8. Using the goal template over the page, create a written goal outlining what that new rating means to you – perhaps it’s about finding a soulmate or re-connecting with your husband.

Every goal that you write should be an emPOWER goal. Think about the emPOWER principles as you go through the process

Wellbein

It is th e 20th o f Novem 2009 an ber d I feel s o happy proud o and f what I have a I have r c h ieved. eached m y goal w of 60kg eight s and I look fan I am fit tastic. , healthy and have much m so ore ener gy. Now fit into I can that sex y black and I fe dress el fabulo us.

Write your goal in the present tense, as if you’ve already achieved it. Make it meaningful, including some strong emotions, and make sure your goal is inspiring to you. Use only positive words and be specific – focus on what you do want instead of what you don’t want. Be a little realistic (but not too much) about what you can achieve in the timeframe chosen. Remember, too, your goal needs to be your own, not a goal to change someone else. You can only take responsibility for improving yourself and your life.

Goal 1

Write your goal

Fill in the spaces below to create your first goal. Remember, you’re writing in the present tense and be positive – with the right attitude you’ll get where you want to be much faster.

What you want to achieve

[Date] and I feel so ................................................... [Emotion1] and ....................................................... [Emotion 2] It is ..............................

I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... Now I/We........................................................................................................................................................................... and I feel............................................................................................................................................................................. [Emotion3] Why you want to achieve it

Goal 2

Write your goal

Fill in the spaces below to create your first goal. Remember, you’re writing in the present tense and be positive – with the right attitude you’ll get where you want to be much faster. It is .............................. and I feel so ............................................................. and .............................................................. I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... I/We................................................................................................................................................................................... Now I/We........................................................................................................................................................................... and I feel.............................................................................................................................................................................

Required action: Your only action for the next week is to read your goals every day. Read them out loud and, as you read each one, experience how you will feel when you have achieved what you want. This is called visualisation and is an important step in the goalsetting process – visualise your goals as if you have already achieved them.

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week 2

Making it Happen

Date:

Now that you’ve been reading your goals for a week, consider whether you need to change or add anything to your goals to make them even more meaningful and inspiring. In this session, it’s time to start setting (and doing) the actions necessary to achieve each goal.

Required action: 1. If necessary, add to or change your goals. 2. On the action sheet provided, make a list of the actions you need to take in the next two weeks to get closer to your goals. Remember, these are your goals and you’re responsible for the actions, so be as detailed as you can. 3. Choose a motivational book to read or course to attend to expand your learning. 4. Continue to read and visualise your goals everyday.

Goal 1 Action

Completed

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Goal 2 Action

Completed

October/November 2009

week 4

Date:

Reflect on your goals and actions. Are you achieving what you’d planned to by this time? If you feel that you’ve lost some motivation for achieving your goals, or that you aren’t getting any closer to achieving them, it’s quite normal for people to experience this at some stage during the coaching process. To give you a reminder, and a shot of motivation, do the first action suggested below. Consider your results from the last two weeks. Have you completed all of your actions? If not, what got in your way? What can you do differently to prevent the same outcome in the next two weeks? If you’ve completed all of your actions, perhaps you can now push yourself a little harder.

Required action: 1. Meet with a friend or partner and share your goals with them. Explain to them all the reasons why you want to achieve each goal and how it inspires you. Ask them to hold you accountable. 2. On a new piece of paper, set some new specific actions for each goal over the next two weeks. Remember to challenge yourself. Anything worth achieving may be a little uncomfortable. 3. Continue to read and visualise your goals every day.

week 6

Date:

Hopefully you are well on your way to achieving your goals. If not, you may need to consider adjusting your goal date a little. This is normal and can happen for numerous reasons. You may have underestimated the time it would take, you may have gotten off track, or perhaps you may need to be more strict with yourself in taking actions. Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes. It is up to you to achieve your goals.

Required action: 1. Adjust your date if necessary. 2. For each goal, make a list of 20 reasons why you want to achieve the goal. Remind yourself of how good you will feel and how life will be different. 3. On a new piece of paper, make a list of the actions you need to take in the next two weeks to get you closer to your goal. Remember to challenge yourself. 4. Decide on one nice thing you are going to buy or do to celebrate achieving your goal. 5. Continue to read and visualise your goal every day.

week 8

Date:

Well done for making it to Week 8 and congratulations if you have achieved any of your goals. If not, don’t lose hope, things sometimes just take longer than initially expected. Either way, it’s important to celebrate how far you have come.

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Required action: 1. Celebrate your success to date. Do something nice or buy yourself your chosen gift. 2. If you have adjusted your goal date, continue to set actions every two weeks and read your goal every day. 3. If you’ve achieved your goal, get ready to set some more goals and start again at Week 1.