PARENTING IN THE KIDWEST
WORDS BY RIANE KONC
The Science of Sleep As someone who deals with occasional bouts of insomnia, I’ve read a lot of the literature (by literature, of course, I mean “message boards on Google”) about how to promote a good night’s sleep. When adults are giving tips to other adults on how to achieve a good night’s sleep, they typically sound something like this: ∙ Limit caffeine intake ∙ Stop using screens two hours before going to bed ∙ Try to sleep and wake at consistent times They’re all good tips, definitely the sort that adults give to other adults.
But one of the issues these lists fail to address is that there is another cause for my difficulty sleeping. She’s about 39” tall, has bright red hair, and declares to anyone who will listen that she’s “not really into sleeping.”
A Four-Year-Old’s Advice for Getting a Good Night’s Sleep 1. Bathtime screaming. Scream about having to take a before-bed bath for 20 minutes longer than the bath actually takes. All the screaming will wear you out and prepare you for slumber. 2. Diet. Pre-bedtime snacking is crucial. And remember: The ideal time for snacking is immediately after brushing your teeth. 3. Relax. Drink a nice herbal tea meant to support sleep. By “herbal tea,” we mean “juicebox full of sugar.” 4. Talk. Save all of your deep, existential questions for right as your parents are trying to deposit you in bed. If they don’t take the bait, try asking them one last simple question, like, “Who made the world?” or “Do you truly love me?” 5. Exercise. Has your mom seen your latest silly dance? Mid-pajamas is the ideal time to show her your moves. Nighty-night!
My daughter has struggled to sleep since she was born. I can’t help but think that if she were a sleep doctor, her sleep recommendations would read a little differently.
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