In Uncertain Times, Tend to the Children First

In Uncertain Times, Tend to the Children First – Others’ and Your Inner Child by Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE

In times of change and uncertainty, it’s natural for adults and children to feel anxious. We hear clichés that are supposed to make us feel better, like “We’re in this together” and “Be positive!” When faced with many competing challenges and a lack of control and options, it’s hard to flip on a positivity switch.

We can, however, choose to use this experience to learn helpful thoughts and behaviors that will not just get us through this crisis, but build resilience, so we can thrive through these times instead of merely surviving them.

Here are some tips for some internal mindsets and external skills to develop that will empower you to get through whatever may happen, with less anxiety, more hope, and a greater sense of balance.

First, Embrace Change

It’s pointless to resist change; it is inevitable. Instead, embrace change as an opportunity to learn and grow. It’s a challenge to do that when you are experiencing many sudden and unexpected changes and transitions at once, like working from home, having children or spouses home all day, being a full-time parent, being responsible for being your child’s teacher, losing a job or income, and more.

Any one of these is a challenging transition and many of us are experiencing several or many

of these changes simultaneously. This can be overwhelming.

Your Rule of Thumb: when feeling overwhelmed, break down the tasks, feelings, or issues into smaller pieces, prioritize them, and address each one, constantly moving forward, if only by baby steps.

Watch What You Think and Say to Yourself and Others

There’s a lot of focus on what we need to do to protect ourselves and others. Our responsibility goes beyond that, because it’s not just our actions that affect others.

We are interconnected and interdependent, so we need to be responsible to each other, even if we aren’t responsible for each other, because what each of us thinks, says, and does affects others.

Our thoughts trigger biochemical changes that cause us to feel what we are thinking. What we feel affects our heart, the greatest electromagnetic organ in our body. It helps create our life vibration, which attracts to us whatever we are thinking and feeling.

Without saying or doing anything, others pick up on our vibrations. (Have you ever gotten a “bad vibe” from someone?) Negative, toxic thoughts create negative, toxic emotions that harm the body and create negative vibrations that can negatively affect others.

When we speak, we magnify and amplify our vibrations, then broadcasting them, like radio waves, into the universe, where they exist forever. So, we must be responsible to ourselves first, in thought, word and deed. The more we align our thoughts, feelings, words, vibrations and actions in a positive direction, the more it can affect and infect others, like a positive virus!

Be Still and Take Action

It’s confusing and stressful to be asked to do conflicting things. It seems impossible to do both at the same time and not knowing which to do first or more can be immobilizing.

When you feel stuck, ask yourself solution-based “how” questions. Your sub-conscious mind will start answering. Ask questions like “How can I protect myself through social distancing, which keeps me physically healthy, and still connecting with others, which keeps me mentally and emotionally healthy?”

Focus on What you Can Control

It can be frustrating not to have control over our basic needs, like income, food and healthcare. You will feel better if you act on what you can control, like social distancing and good hygiene. Then put your faith in the helpers of this world (on earth and above, seen and the unseen), who are working hard to solve the many challenges there already are and preventing more from starting.

If you feel worried or anxious, channel that energy into being part of the solution. Help others, directly or indirectly. Do activities that help you feel purposeful and productive. Keep a gratitude jar or journal and add entries and review it whenever you start feeling down or find yourself complaining.

Honor Feelings

Help your children and inner child cope with the many losses you each may be experiencing, like losing a job, missing friends at school or

work, canceled family celebrations for milestones like graduations, recitals, and weddings. Don’t minimize someone’s feelings, not even your own. Acknowledge the feelings, which are valid, and be there for yourself or the other person. You don’t need to fix anything; if there are possible solutions, brainstorm ideas to try.

Maintain Balance

What you do externally can benefit you internally. Stay busy enough to not be bored while not being constantly busy. For example, use this time at home to do projects that will make you feel better, whether cleaning out a closet, painting a room, or planting a small garden. Then take a relaxation break.

Like being social? Think creatively, outside the box, for solutions and reach out to involve others. For example, organize or participate in an online performance with others who share your talent, like a concert or play. Play board games with others using video calls. Travel on a vacation online, visiting museum virtual tours, watching videos of your imaginary destination, imagining you are really there. Exercise with others online, whether dance, yoga, or other practices.

We are hugely blessed to have the internet and video calls during this time, to help us stay connected with people we can’t physically contact. At the same time, that same technology can produce unnecessary anxiety if we stay on it too long, seeing and hearing the constant barrage of negative news or being couch potatoes eating laying around eating and watching TV. There’s a balance.

As the weather improves, make time every day to unplug and connect with the spirit of Mother Nature, which can both revitalize and calm us, helping us reconnect with our inner peace, joy, and harmony.

The Promise of Spring

Just as Spring is the season that promises new life in nature, this season can remind us that the challenges we are now facing shall also pass. It might not be as fast as we prefer, but in the context of our entire lives it is just a short time. It’s a good opportunity to create new habits that will be set by the time life gets back to “normal.” It might never be the normal we had before, but if we work on ourselves during this time, we will be better, stronger, and more resilient in the end.

Stay calm. Stay strong. Stay connected. Stay healthy. Namaste.

• Jody is offering free live support for parents, grandparents, foster-adoptive parents, and other caregivers during this stressful time. You can get more information at https://www.facebook.com/ parentstoolshop/

About the Author: Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE is the award-winning author of The Parent’s Toolshop ® and CEO of Relationship Toolshop ® International Training Institute, LLC. She has 30 years’ experience training over 50,000 parents and family professionals worldwide.

She’s a top-rated speaker and parenting expert to the media worldwide, including serving as the Co-Producer and Parenting Expert for the Emmy-nominated Ident-a-Kid television series.

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