What Have You Planted in Your Relationship Garden?

What Have You Planted in Your ‘Relationship Garden? by Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE

Are you a gardener? If so, you are probably waiting with anticipation to see what blooms this Spring.

Our relationships are like the different types of flowers we can plant, along with occasional “volunteer” plants we don’t expect.

Did you plant some Spring bulbs in Autumn or seeds in a greenhouse? You know that under the surface roots are growing and before long new growth will pop up above the surface where you can see it. This is similar to how your inner self grows and matures before you see a “new you” on the surface or in your relationships.

12 new relationships with people who are already blooming. Usually, what you see is what you get. You just need to nurture these relationships and prevent weeds.

For many of us, though, we have a lot of flower beds full of perennials that need weeded or pruned now and then. These perennial relationships might have started as bulbs or seeds, like when we or our children were newborns, knowing somewhat might grow, but each season being surprised as each plant and relationship reveals a new stage of growth, and with it, new challenges.

Each year our perennials come back, mostly like what they were before, but sometime bringing new blessings, blossoms or challenges that

naturally develop over time. Relationships are meant to grow. They may be similar, the people familiar, but not stagnant (hopefully). Not every stage is rosy, but each brings a deeper maturity to the relationship and the people in them.

Sometimes in our perennial relationships, we get stuck in ruts, or unhealthy patterns that grow dead wood that needs pruned or weeds that need pulled or the plant may get choked out or die. These can be challenging relationships. If they are friends or colleagues, we might just distance ourselves. But if they are a parent, child or spouse, we often don’t want to lose the relationship and are faced with a decision to continue in an unhealthy relationship or to make room for new growth by pruning dead wood or pulling weeds.

While weeding takes a lot of energy, it’s more obvious it’s needed. Pruning is much harder. You might be hesitant to make the first cut; you feel guilty or afraid you are cutting back or cutting out too much. When you’ve done all you can to change and grow yourself and a relationship is unhealthy, you need to set boundaries, maybe even take a break, so you aren’t choked out by the unhealthy undergrowth. of the sunlight. Talk to them, ask them what they need, and try to give it if you can. If you have been experiencing inner growth, you are going to bloom any day. You want to bloom in healthy soil, free of weeds and dead wood. So set some boundaries out of love for yourself and your relationship and see what soon blooms.

About the Author: Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE is the award-winning author of The Parent’s Toolshop ® and CEO of Relationship Toolshop ® International Training Institute, LLC. She has 30 years’ experience training over 50,000 parents and family professionals worldwide.

She’s a top-rated speaker and parenting expert to the media worldwide, including serving as the Co-Producer and Parenting Expert for the Emmy-nominated Ident-a-Kid television series.

Divinity Spiritual Church

“A Place of Love, Light, Truth, & Freedom”

If you’ve been in a relationship that’s gotten out of control, it may be time to train that unruly vine up a trellis. After making space, you don’t control the vine, you simply point it in a direction where it has more room to grow.

One way to do this is to get therapy, yourself or together. If all you do is take a break and nothing changes, then nothing will improve. Self-therapy can be helpful, too. Take a course together, journal and talk about your relationship goals and needs. Find solutions that can move you both forward.

So, as Spring approaches, take inventory of your relationships and do what you can to nurture them, water them, expose them to the brightness

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