At Holme Issue 13 - April 2023

ATHolme

FROM THE PRINCIPAL’S PEN Shifting the Narrative

“What went wrong, today?”

When our child is struggling with ‘becoming’ –becoming an adolescent, becoming independent, becoming their own person – and we feel their pain, their indecision, and their doubt, we sometimes enter into that world too wholeheartedly or “too full of the milk of [good intent]”. Here, in this space, we are wont to frame their life in the negative. We are wont to pre-empt the negative. We are wont to describe their life in the negative. We say, inadvertently, implicitly, and not in so many words, when we touch base at the end of day in person or on the phone - “What went wrong, today?”

Anticipating their struggle, we reinforce it when we step with both feet, into their world and seek to smooth it out, eliminate the bumps and wrinkles of ‘becoming’.

Of course, they are ‘becoming’ in a world that is, in some ways, foreign to us. There are many elements of commonality, yes, but there are departures that

appear like inaccessible chasms. We hark back to our own childhoods which loom in the full rose-hued light of nostalgia as perfect, sun-filled, lazy times. These are the childhoods where our parents said to us, “When I was your age …” – and their parents said to them much the same – always infused with memories of financial struggle. Adolescence, young adulthood, teenagers … call our emerging adults what you will, but be aware that straining to understand this phase of development is not new to the 21st century. Let us not fall victim to the belief that raising healthy, resilient, and courageous young women is an impossibility in the age of ubiquitous technology. To do so robs them of their potential, it paints them as victims of a world where they can and do thrive, a world where they are more socially conscious and more actively seek justice for all, than any generation before – if we allow them.

Socrates, great Greek philosopher foreshadowed this in the wisdom of his words, penned before the

birth of Christ (469–399 B.C):

“The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.”

In Ancient Greece, young Athenians aged 18 –19 were referred to as ‘ephebe’ and the German word, backfisch (baked fish) was coined in the 20th century to describe ‘a giddy, spontaneous, adventurous girl who had an adult’s independence’ (Fisher, 2022). Yes, every generation of teens, including backfish and ephebes, is shaped by their environment. Our young people’s lives are constructed – both positively and negatively ‘by a saturation of mobile technology and social media’ (Divecha, 2016), technology that is bigger and more expansive than us. Mobile phones and social media give great strength to the age-old lament of parents who are shocked when their compliant child begins to withdraw or retaliate or seek out other’s company in preference to their own family’s. We are hurt, confused, bewildered when this occurs and seek out reasons why. Inevitably, there is some degree of shame involved when we confront the realisation that our daughter (or son) seeks distance from us – we forget that this is our job: raising strong, independent children. We forget to take a moment of self-congratulations for providing a platform for such independence. Nathanson (1992) represents the shame we sometimes experience when we no longer see

ourselves as the central or only reference point for our children’s decision-making. His modelThe Compass of Shame Scale was developed to assess use of four shame-coping styles: Attack Self, Withdrawal, Attack Other, and Avoidance (cited in Elison, 2006).

Invariably, in our humanness and hurt we second guess our worth as parents, blame others for our children’s behaviour, retract into ourselves or deny the changes. Possibly, we vacillate between all four modes. Of course, if we place ourselves too fervently in one of these shame-reducing modes, we begin to model behaviours for our adolescents to absorb, behaviours that become their default mechanism. Somehow, we must step back from our roles as fixers, controllers, directors. It is possible to be close to our children and still allow them space for independence. It is possible to

“Perhaps a powerful beginning point for the term

ahead is to reshape the questions we ask our children:

What went well today?

What did you do today of which you are proud?

For what are you most grateful?”

allow technology but to emphasise the value of face-to-face interactions. It is possible to teach the human skills of kindness, patience, empathy – but we must demonstrate these first and do so, with consistency. It is possible.

Yet, when our expectation, as we watch them struggle in their becoming, is to assume that things are wrong, others are wrong, then we default to the narrative of ‘What went wrong today?’ instead of ‘What went right today?’ As always, language matters, the delivery of that

language matters too. Shifting our expectations as adults and parents allows our children to shift their expectations too, it permits a more positive viewpoint from which to imagine themselves and their world. And always, always, as parents there remains a pivotal place for us – as adults, encouragers, role models – sometimes though, on the sideline, rather than in their centre of their world. Perhaps a powerful beginning point for the term ahead is to reshape the questions we ask our children:

What went well today?

What did you do today of which you are proud?

For what are you most grateful?

We need to deliver those questions with good intent, with expectation that the answer will be more considered than: ‘Nothing went well.’ ‘I can’t think of anything I’m proud of.’ ‘I’m not grateful for anything.’ We cannot accept and settle for the negative, but perhaps, like all things in parenting, we need to begin by modelling our own answers to the same questions. The words will be different for you – for your family, your home, your values – but the intent remains the same … that even in the whirl of becoming, the tussle of finding self-worth there are always things for which we can be grateful, things of which we can be proud and good things that happen. On some days, at some stages, we need to work to find these answers, but they do exist, they are discoverable – if we practice enough.

So, what went well today?

REFERENCES

Divecha, D. (2016). ‘How Teens Today Are Different from Past Generations.’ Greater Good Magazine. https://greatergood.berkeley. edu/article/item/how_teens_today_are_different_from_past_ generations (accessed 26 March 2023)

Elison, J. (2006). ‘Investigating the Compass of Shame: the development of the compass of shame.’ Social Behavior and Personality, 2006, 34(3), 221-238.

Fisher, R. (2022). Why teenagers aren’t what they used to be. FAMILY TREE|Children.

2 February 2022. https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220124why-teens-arent-what-they-used-to-be (accessed 26 March 2023)

Dr Linda Evans | Principal

Staff changes

I am conscious that we sometimes look at staff change with trepidation, yet changes of staff are typically, in the Fairholme context, signals of stability, rather than instability. As a workplace, we are pleased to be able to support long-serving staff as they take leave or positions of responsibility be they acting or permanent. Further, where staff leave Fairholme to start new roles, there is cause for sadness and also an opportunity for new members with new skills and expertise. This term we...

> Welcome back our Head of Boarding, Ms Margie Dunne after a relaxing term’s long service leave. Grateful thanks to Mrs Wallis and Ms Masters for their great work leading the Boarding House during Ms Dunne’s absence. We thank Ms Jenni Kruger who enthusiastically headed up the Learning Enhancement Centre whilst Mrs Wallis was working in boarding.

> Mr Ken Whittle has hung up his white dust coat and goggles, after an impressive 35 years at Fairholme – working in Science and Information Technology Departments during this time. We are grateful to Mr Whittle for an outstanding season and the positive impact he has had upon so many students –particularly in the field of Physics. Staff have enjoyed his wise words, thoughtful conversations, and generous collegial support. No doubt, he will keep busy as he explores projects and building upon his expansive knowledge of all things scientific.

> We farewelled Ms Arlie Hollindale at the end of term after 18 years, initially as a teacher of Business and Accounting, but for most of this time, a lead driver in the area of learning pathways and particularly - the impressive and unique Year 10 Specialist Elective program. We are so grateful for Arlie’s multi-faceted contributions over time. Her energy, enthusiasm, and courage to take the road less travelled, always with

her eye firmly on student opportunity, are both her trademark and her legacy. We wish her well in her new ventures in the Education/Business world.

> At the end of term, we farewelled the very efficient and skilled Mrs Fleur Koch who has been our Compliance, Rehabilitation and Return to Work and Workplace Health and Safety Officer for the past seven years. Fleur takes up a new role in this field, and, in her place we warmly welcome Mrs Rai Beardmore to this role.

> At the end of Week 2 we will farewell Ms Hannah Phillips who has been a stalwart member of the Learning Enhancement team and our Indigenous Liaison Co-ordinator. We thank her for her excellent work and wish her well in her travels to Canada. In her place we welcome Ms Bianke Middleton.

> We welcome Mrs Jacinta Kliese as Mr McCormick’s new assistant and a pivotal member of the Senior School. Jacinta has a wealth of experience in school administrative work.

> We welcome Tim Duce to the maintenance and grounds staff and thank Col Coonen for filling in so efficiently in Term 1.

> We wish Sharna Jones well as she moves on from our cleaning staff - after nearly seven years keeping things neat and tidy for us all.

> Miss Sarah Van der Ros will join the Junior Administration team for Term 2 whilst Mrs Bialy enjoys some well-deserved long service leave.

> Mr Michael Murtagh joins us as a Junior and Middle School Teacher of French whilst Mrs Elaine Harris takes a term’s long service leave. Mrs Vanessa Keller extends her role to include the position of Head of Greta Junior.

> We thank Ms Jodette Robinson who worked in the Learning Enhancement Centre during Term 1.

> We

Opting in at Fairholme...

In last month’s newsletter, I wrote about why attendance at school is important now more than ever.

There is evidence of a slow leaching of attendance across schools across the globe over the past three years; Fairholme is not immune.

The view that staying at home to study allows for greater learning has become a truism for some.

Data tells us otherwise. Studies show that students who refuse school or those who attend sporadically, are more likely to ‘experience poor life outcomes, including lower employment prospects, issues maintaining social relationships and mental health challenges’. (Henebery, 2021).

Yes, opting in is an important cultural precept at Fairholme.

You see it at any March Past and you feel it in classrooms where wanting to learn is the norm. But this culture is precious. It relies on our whole community valuing attendance over time out or opting out. Here are some insights into attendance at Fairholme during Term 1 which shows a pleasing rise. I’m still dreaming of a 95% attendance for 2023! Thanks for opting in.

> 97 students (11%) of all Fairholme students maintained 100% attendance in Term 1

> Average attendance was 93.4%

> Best attendance was our Kindy 5 dayers at 97%

> Best attendance in Years 1-12 was Year 2 at 95.7%

> Junior School Attendance 94%

> Middle School Attendance 93.8%

> Senior School Attendance 93.1%

> Year 10 had the most students with perfect attendance at 19 students (K-12)

> Stephens had the most students with perfect attendance at 25 students (K-12)

> Best attendance by House across K-12 is very tight but is won by Black house at 93.8%

> Best attendance by House in Junior School is Cameron at 94.8%

> Best attendance by House in Senior School is Black again at 93.9%

Let us collectively invest in Fairholme as a resilient school for resilient students to grow and flourish. Belonging and connectedness are far more likely to occur when we opt in, rather than out.

Restorative Practices Update

What do we do when our relationships are not running smoothly? Do we seek punishment, retribution, or restoration? Do we blame others, or do we look within?

A staff team continues to engage with and research the way in which restorative practices works at Fairholme College. Underpinning our school is the value of strong relationships. Thus, when relationships don’t run smoothly – as is wont to happen in schools (and homes and workplaces), we seek to make sense of the motivations behind behaviour, the impact of behaviour on others and, ideally, fostering the development of empathy.

This occurs in conjunction with those who sit within the problem. Part of a restorative approach when relationships need attention, involves acknowledging that when we are involved in any conflict, we inevitably own some part of it.

Carucci, 2023 puts it this way - "probably the hardest aspect of forgiveness is the requirement

Term 2 Uniforms

All students will return to school in summer uniform. As always, we will monitor the temperature and weather conditions and determine a suitable date when we will transition to full winter uniform.

Winter uniform will then be in place during Term 3, until the weather warms, and it is appropriate to make a change.

Thank you for checking that you have all items of winter uniform, in readiness for a change – typically in the first week or two in May (although weather forecasting is not always a precise sport).

For noting, we are in discussion with uniform

to look within at our potential contribution to the problem. Without question, there are some chronically irritating behaviours that are unprovoked. [It is] rare that we are completely innocent.”

As we seek to embed restorative approaches within our own homes and workplaces, herewith are some great questions and statements that may be helpful in addressing a tricky conversation –

> I am hoping we can work together.

> We are not looking at blame here, we are looking at how to move in a better direction.

> How can we make that better?

> I’m here to listen to you and I want to understand your perspective.

> On a 1 – 10 scale how open are you to making things better?

(‘Restorative Sound Bites/Conversation Starters’ adapted from Michelle Stowe www.connectrp.ie 2022)

specialists about future additions to the Fairholme uniform suite – including trousers, a remodelled blazer etc.

We will be discussing styles with students and communicating information around additional items, as they become available. As we know, changes are dependent upon a number of factors, including existing stock levels.

We are very aware that uniform is an investment for families and change cannot happen without a good lead-in of time.

We are hopeful, however, that some items may be made available without long lead-ins, but these will be ‘additional’ not mandatory. In essence, don’t panic, if you’ve just bought that full winter uniform …

Artists in conversation

This year’s Artists in Conversation Breakfast is shaping up to be the best one yet. The Fairholme Open Art Prize committee has secured five incredible creatives to share their artistic story at the breakfast on Saturday May 20

Henri van Noordenburg

Henri is an incredible creative talent who is not only a practicing artist, but is the Project Officer for Regional Services at the Queensland Art Gallery of Modern Art... so he knows his stuff! Henri was born in the the Netherlands and moved to Australia in 1991 where he completed a Visual Arts and a Creative Writing degree at Griffith University from 1994 until 1999, followed by his Master’s in Photography and Theatre at Queensland University of Technology. Henri had his first international show in 1997 followed by his first solo exhibition in 2005.

Kim Ah Sam

Our panellist Kim Ah Sam is a Kuku Yulanji and Kalkadoon artist based in Brisbane. Her work expresses her deep connection to country and her cultural identity through a unique and prolific approach to weaving. She has completed a Bachelor of Contemporary Australian Indigenous Art (CAIA)

at Griffith University and was recently artist-in-residence 20202021 at Museum of Brisbane as part of The Storytellers exhibition. Her work is held in Museum of Brisbane collection. Kim works across drypoint, etching, weaving, printmaking and paper making.

Ben Tupas

A Filipino Australian artist based in Toowoomba, Ben’s art practice explores ideas of identity, storytelling and place using a mix of video, photography and sound. His current work explores the migrant experience within the lens of the Filipino diaspora, and the relationship between the moving and painted image. Ben was the Artistic Director of LIT Festival: Stories in Light (2018-2020), a biennial night festival that shares local stories through site-specific light projection and light sculptures.

Georgia Hayward

A Meanjin-based artist, Georgia has a Bachelor of Fine Arts (Visual Arts) and a Bachelor of

Business (Management) from the Queensland University of Technology. Georgia is currently the General Manager of Outer Space, Brisbane. Her practice explores the influence of public space on contemporary social dynamics and community development through social, spatial and digital practices to engage with polyphonic and polycentric readings of public space.

Peta Berghofer

Peta is an Australian artist based on Giabal and Jarowair lands/ Toowoomba. Working with clay as her medium and the vessel as her form, Peta creates both ceramic sculptures and functional wares for daily use. Her work references historically familiar form and function, but she disrupts these expectations of traditional art practices. Peta has exhibited her ceramic work both nationally and internationally. Peta completed a Bachelor of Creative Arts (Visual Art) through the University of Southern Queensland in 2016, receiving First Class Honours.

F ACETS

KEY DATES

21 April Submissions Close 19 May Op ening Night

19-21 May Exhibition & Sale of Work

Fairholme Open Art Prize $7500

The Emerging Artist Prize $2500

First Nations Artist Prize $2500

Formal 2023

Schools can be fortunate. The Fairholme Formal typified good fortune. Weeks of weather forecasts predicting rain and thunderstorms on the evening of Wednesday 29 March made

planning for a school-hosted event fraught with nerves. Somehow, after heavy downpours in the morning, a strong wind blew in during the afternoon and the clouds parted. We enjoyed the best of March weather with a rainfree walk in and parent soiree, for which we are so grateful.

Year 9 Breakfast

The Year 9 Mother Daughter Breakfast was a beautiful way for the girls to finish off Term 1

Pablo Picasso, one of the most influential artists of the 20th century, once said that his mother told him, “If you are a soldier you will become a General. If you are a monk you will become the Pope.” However, he defied her expectations by becoming a painter and achieving global recognition for his work.

This anecdote highlights the importance of following one’s own passions and interests, rather than conforming to the expectations of others.

At a recent Mother-Daughter breakfast, four mothers shared their own stories and advice with the Year 9 girls. The event served as a reminder that everyone’s journey is unique, and that we can learn valuable lessons from those who have come before us.

Year 7 Gabfest

Gabfest was a wonderful opportunity for our Year 7 students to showcase their hard work and creativity to their loved ones. The English and Humanities classes had been busy for the past term, working on a variety of projects that culminated in the impressive display.

Some of the standout projects included a series of personal stories written by the students, highlighting their experiences and challenges. There were also several impressive dioramas depicting historical events, showcasing the girls’ creativity and attention to detail.

As the families arrived, they were greeted by the excited chatter of the girls, eager to share their work and stories.

Following the showcase, everyone gathered for morning tea, where parents and teachers congratulated the girls on their hard work.

Holiday Snaps

Photo by Annabelle Rogan

> Bella Brassington recently completed her first riding marathon (pictured bottom right), covering a staggering 255km over three gruelling days on some of the toughest tracks the sport has seen. Despite the challenging conditions, Bella preserved and demonstrated the true spirit of endurance horse racing. The marathon began each day at 4am, which meant Bella had to be up at 3am to prepare herself and her horse Reba for the long day ahead. Over the course of the three days, Bella rode for a total of 29 hours and 16 minutes, battling through rain, cold, heat and humidity.

> Meanwhile, Mackenzie Grimes (pictured far right) has finished the school holidays a National Champion! The Year 9 student won gold in the 14 Years Girls 200m backstroke at the Australian Age Swimming Championships on the Gold Coast. We also wish Fairholme swimmers Mikayla Pellow and Ava Macey (pictured bottom left) all the best as they compete over the next two days.

> In the Arts, Ebbeny Williams-Cherry (below centre) had a successful run at the Queensland Eisteddfod where she won the Young Adult Vocal Solo and the Traditional Ballad Solo sections, came second in the Music Theatre Solo and a third place in the Australian Composer Solo. She then headed off to Melbourne where she took part in another season of Gondwana Voices.

> Year 8 Students, Eliza Kinniburgh, Alicia Yap and Adeline Hamilton, have been selected in this year’s Junior Impact Ensemble. As part of the Empire Youth Arts Program, the Junior Impact Ensemble will stage their production of ‘Shack’ by George Kemp in July. Good luck, girls!

Mikayla Pellow and Ava Macey

Mackenzie Grimes

Gemma Sullivan

Ebbeny Williams-Cherry Bella Brassington

Grace Kronk

Eliza Kinniburgh, Alicia Yap and Adeline Hamilton

Parenting in the age of screens

eSafety sessions with Leonie Smith

As we know, as parents, we are in a constant state of role modelling to and for our children – advertently or inadvertently; this includes our own screen behaviours.

So, what do we need to do in this contentious space, and how can we best assist our children to navigate the content that they watch and the way in which they interact with the online world? These are big questions.

Having spent the past two weeks with your children, you may, or may not have been confronted by their technology use.

Irrespective, living in a wired world, it is instructive to have some frontfoot knowledge about how best to work with your children around safe choices online. Leonie Smith is a trained counsellor who works full time in the field of digital parenting.

Fairholme is offering two Leonie

Smith webinars in May – one for our Junior parents, the other for Middle/ Senior parents.

That is a 60 minute presentation with up to 30 minutes for questions. Whilst scheduled respectively for May 3 (Junior) and May 4 (Middle/ Senior) – the webinars will be open for your access for a full week (no question time included if you view outside of May 3 and 4).

Parents will learn practical strategies and gain valuabe insights to help their children navigate the online world safely and responsibly.

> Parents will have the opportunity to ask questions and get personalized answers from our experts.

> They will learn about the latest technologies and trends that impact their children’s online experiences.

> They will discover practical ways to promote healthy digital habits and set boundaries that work for their

family.

> They will receive practical tips on managing social media, gaming, cyberbullying, and online safety issues.

> They will connect with other parents and share their experiences in a supportive and non-judgmental environment.

If eSafety is important for you and your family, then this webinar provides an excellent point of reference around safe, balanced digital use.

I am hopeful of a big uptake across our College community – it’s a small time investment and one that will render broader rewards, if we are all on board. We would ask for you to complete an expression of interest through the link following.

This means that we can contact you with the log-in process and password, prior to May 3 or May 4.