Infusion #179: 17 Jun - 1 July '12

MUSIC • PEOPLE • LIFE June 17th - July 1st 2012 l Issue #179 l www.infusion.ae l EST 2005

Cool as

duck ...

Get wet at the Nasimi Pool

The Beirut DJ invasion, Ferry Corsten, Pitbull, Steve Lawler, The Pan-Arabia Enquirer, Gig listings and more…

You’re used to restraining your dark side. A

Come and unleash your alter ego at Dubai’s newes meshed with unmatched musical integrity, drawin Mansion resident, Jean B. For the super-elite, fou VIP’s the chance not just to see the party, but be t

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From the Editor’s Desk

Editor-in-chief: Talal Budebs Managing Director: Charl Chaka Editor: Andy Buchan

The good times are back. That may be a strange thing to say when it’s hotter than the surface of the sun outside, and a 10m dash has you sweating like Grooverider on a Dubai stop-over, but Dubai is booming once again.

Clubs and bars are busy, blood-pressure raising financial advisers are going through their contact lists like wildfire, and Sheikh Zayed Road has once again turned into the world’s biggest parking lot.

And with the increase in people, comes the increase in nightlife prices. Having put on live music in Dubai before, I’m well aware of the pitfalls and financial perils of it. But since when did Dhs295 become the standard ticket price for any old Tom, Dick or Justin Beiber (he’d be double that, actually)? Value for money has never been Dubai’s biggest selling point, but now that it’s booming once more, perhaps it will start to become a consideration for clubs, promoters and event organisers, and clubbers and music fans will start voting with their feet…

Andy

Contributors: Buff Wise GarethIsOnIt Lisa Sant Maddy Butcher Miriam Sweeney Olly Wood Pan-Arabia Enquirer Roxanne Myburgh Design: Allan (Jmaxlolo) Tinsay Grown-up stuff: Infusion is published by Milehigh Media, llc. www.milehighmedia.ae PO Box 73310 Dubai, UAE Contact us: Tel/Fax: 04 368 8098 Advertising: vip@infusion.ae 050 169 8712 Editorial: andy@infusion.ae 055 882 5675

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MAGAZINE

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Looking

BACK Retrospective on what’s been happening in our world.

> What we did > Say What? > Photo Gallery

Looking Back

What we did

Peppermint 8th Birthday feat. Paul Van Dyk @ Trade Centre

While other promoters might rely on the tried and tested combination of good music, good people and good venue, Peppermint like to go that one step further, by providing out-of-this-world production. Think that’s hyperbole? Then you obviously didn’t see their Tronesque dancers, their reach-for-the-lasers display nor their staggering visuals. Of course, all of that means little if the music isn’t up to scratch, and they had long-term resident MaDJam holding down the fort on warm up before PvD went on shortly after 12 for a live, free-flowing set heavy on trance influences. The only downsides were that it was so busy a few bars ran out of beer before midnight, while they’d overdone it on the VIP space, cramping the dancefloor regulars. Minor grumbles, however, when the still-packed dancefloor erupted in a sea of hands at the end of PvD’s set.

Madonna @ du Arena

Madonna, the Queen of controversy, was never going to make things straight forward when she made her UAE debut.

Firstly she came on stage nearly 2 hours late at 10.45 both nights running (with organisers Flash failing to inform the crowd of the delay), while her show included overpowering religious imagery which upset some. But those who hadn’t wilted in the June heat or stormed off in a huff got to watch one of the biggest and best shows the region has ever seen. The stage production was spectacular, the sound and lighting taken to staggering levels, and while she might have lip synched a few songs, Madonna bounced around the stage like someone half her age, devouring the attention and forcing it right back onto the crowd.

Some might have complained that there weren’t enough classic Madonna hits, but when ‘Like A Prayer’ got the capacity 25,000 crowd singing as one, we didn’t see too many people complaining.

Globalfunk feat. S.P.Y. @ The Music room

While there’s no denying that the local DJ scene is as strong as it’s ever been, there’s still a buzz surrounding international DJs. They come armed with a huge back catalogue of fist-pumping tunes, and the week-in, week-out knowledge of how to make them work. And it’s fair to say there was a big buzz around Brazilian DnB expert S.P.Y who specialises in widescreen, spectral beats, ably abetted

by Fabric star Lowqui on mic duties. Following an expert warm up from audiOasis resident Mr Gremlin, it was S.P.Y’s turn to turn The Music Room into a seething dancefloor, the imported Funktion 1 soundsystem singing as liquid bassline after liquid bassline was dropped. It might not have matched Globalfunk’s previous night out for ferocity (but then again, few nights could compete with DJ Marky’s skills), but S.P.Y proved that when it comes to international DJs, Brazilians are among the best.

Looking Back

Say What Dancefloor dictionary DJ Shadow: Not the Entroducing one, or even the Dubai one. The one that lurks at the back of the booth that is the mate of the club owner’s next door neighbour (ie no one knows who he is) and who continually peers over the DJ’s shoulder while he’s working.

Short and tweet @ Hayley Hilton Shame, I feel bad for Radio1 and Virgin Radio Dubai it seems they both have to share one 5-track CD #thankgodforinternetradio.

Football fever Who would win in a fight between John Terry and Joey Barton?

We all would, we all would.

Old Jokes Home Q: What are the first three letters of the new Greek alphabet?

A: I O U In Numbers Dhs20,000. The fine XL club got recently after their DJ was caught talking to the hotel’s owner, and was fined under the ‘entertainers can’t mingle with the public’ rule.

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Looking FORWARD Where we filter out the best things that are coming your way...

> Local News > Cover Story > The Beirut Beat > Top Dog > Trance Nation > The long Arm of Steve Lawler

Looking Forward

Local News Republique turns 1

We might not have believed them at the start - a high end bottle service club with good music? - but over a year of packedout parties and a dedication to doing things differently, Republique have earnt their high-end reputation. They're celebrating their first birthday in style, throwing 2 birthday parties with DJ Bliss and Shef Codes playing an anything goes party on Friday June 22, before MaDJam does the honours on Friday June 29. Check out facebook.com/ClubRepublique or call 056 718 1188 for more information.

Nasimi pool party returns

They've been the talk of the town the past few summers, as thousands congregated around the giant Atlantis pool for an all-day and night party. And while the weekly events aren't returning, they are throwing a one-off Get Wet Foam party on Friday June 22. Featuring audio tonic main man Mr Mr, alongside Charl Chaka and Nasimi residents David Craig and Smokingroove, the 12 hour party opens at 1pm, with free entry for ladies 1-4pm.

MUSIC THAT MATTERS

Send tracks/edits/ remixes to andy@ infusion.ae

Fidgit - The Fall High energy, Skrillexesque dubstep from the previous Melodies of the Mind producer.

Rob Love - Into The Rabbit Hole Chunky, mid-set deep house number from the Dubai producer.

Philip Jo - Beatitude Straight ahead techhouse with a deep house twist from the Rekkord man.

Amine Edge & Dance - Going To Heaven With The Goodie Goodies Huge deep house number, with a killer bassline and an earworm sample courtesy of Biggie.

Rayner & Wisqo Smoke The Pancake Big, pulsating house number released on Greg Stainer's Stained label.

DJ Moody - Khalili Fun and funky carnival house with a jackin' edge. audio tonic - Sonar Sampler Downtown Party Network, Raxon and more deliver the trademark audio tonic house grooves.

Loaded 1st birthday

Some might complain that Dubai lacks an underground scene, dig a little deeper and you'll find it alive and kicking with nights like audiOasis, Dust and Deep Crates flying the leftfield flag. And award-winning indie/alternative night Loaded celebrates its first birthday on Friday June 29 with a 5 DJ line up taking in a Decades theme, starting with the 60s and ending with the 2000s. Not only that, but it wouldn't be a birthday without some pressies: there's free beer and vodka from 9-11 (email seeyounextfriday@gmail.com to get on the guestlist), and free Sambuca and birthday cake through the night. It all takes place at Casa Latina, with free entry all night from 9pm.

Dust Vs Prism

The Music Room, once noted for its ambitious live music programming, is increasingly becoming a beacon for Dubai's underground scene, with DUST and DnB night Globalfunk calling it home.

And DUST is back in action on Friday June 29, and have invited down bass night DJs Prism to help out on DJ duties alongside their headliner, Ten Thousand Yen's Doc Daneeka. He was nominated as DJ Mag's Breakthrough DJ in 2010, while his tracks have had support from bass luminaries including Gilles Peterson, Skream and Sinden. Doors open at 9pm and entry is Dhs60.

Psy trance in Dubai

While psy-trance might conjure up images of sandal-wearing hippies cutting loose on a Goan beach, there's actually a thriving psy-trance scene in Dubai, thanks in part to Hypnotique, a monthly night run by Shine and Danny Saigal. After a big night at Trilogy earlier in the year, they've now set up home at Catwalk and will be bringing their signature sound and decor down on Thursday June 21. Access Gremlin, Acidance Records head honcho will be headlining on the night alongside Braindrop of Omveda Records. It's free entry from 10pm, and Dhs50 after 1am.

Looking Forward Strongbow battle of the bands

With all the out-dated rules and regulations concerning Dubai's music scene making it harder than ever to put on local live music, it's refreshing to see a Battle of the Bands competition where some of the city's best residents duke it out for Dhs10,000 prize money and a day in a recording studio. Held at The Music Room on Tuesday July 3, 10 local bands including The Rock Spiders and The Boxtones will battle it out infront of a panel of judges. Search 'Strongbow — Battle of the Bands' on Facebook for more info.

Barasti have installed a Twitter bar for the European Championships, meaning you can Tweet in your order before the match to collect with no queues.

Whingers, whiners and moaners: please at least try to look on the bright side of life every now and again, life really isn't that bad.

Congratulations to SickAsSwans duo Dion Mavath and Clarita: their debut album has sold out across Virgin after it hit the No.1 spot for 2 weeks in a row.

Spelling mistakes in promotional SMSs. People judge you on that, it's the difference between knowing you're sh*t and knowing your sh*t.

Looking to pick up some second hand DJ gear (or sell some)? Then head to deejay. ae/classifieds, which has hundreds of items up for sale.

Door staff attitudes. You might well be wearing a bow-tie/tiara/dinner jacket, but that doesn't make you a nicer person, does it.

THE AWARD-WINNING SEE YOU NEXT FRIDAY TEAM PRESENTS

- 1ST BIRTHDAY -

FRIDAY 29TH JUNE

THROUGH THE DECADES 9-10pm: 60s • 10-11pm: 70s • 11-12am: 80s 12-1am: 90s • 1-3am: 2000s FEAT. ANDY BUCHAN, ZAHRA, JUST LANCE (MAHIKI) TRISTAN BAIN (360) DAN P

+

CASA LATINA, IBIS HOTEL AL BARSHA, SHEIKH ZAYED RD 2 FREE DRINKS (BEER + VODKA) BETWEEN 9-11 EMAIL SEEYOUNEXTFRIDAY@GMAIL.COM TO REGISTER - FREE SAMBUCA EVERY HOUR

MAGAZINE

Splash down For one night only, the Nasimi Pool Party returns, with added bubbles courtesy of the dual Foam machines. We spoke to some of the DJs on the night — including audio tonic's Mr Mr, Sun Splash's Jack Woodcock and Nasimi residents David Craig and Smokingroove — to find out how it was going to go down…

What have you got planned for your set?

Smokingroove: Our trade mark Nasimi sound of Afro, Tech, Jackin beats, draped with funk and Swing grooves.

Mr Mr: Chunky upfront goodness. As I’m playing last, I plan to smash the proverbial out of it, of course not losing my audio tonic sound.

David Craig: It’s my birthday

weekend so I’ll be ready to start the party (foam pies on me).

Wet Wet Wet or Crystal Waters?

Mr Mr: Wet Waters. Everyone is bootlegging these days why not give it a try!

DC: Wet Wet Wet. Best song to release the foam to?

JW: Shaolin Master’ ft. Siobhan ‘Friends’, it’s a real party tune.

SG: Fake Blood, ‘Fix your Accent.’

Mr Mr: I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles (Crystal Wet Waters re-edit).

DC: ‘I Predict a Riot’ by The Kaiser Chiefs.

San Antonio (wrong). The foam smelt of poo, I almost choked in it. Strangely it put me off going in foam ever again — best place for me is behind the DJ booth!

DC: My back's never fully recovered from trying to throw Infusion’s Monique Belle in the foam.

What would happen if you were in charge of the foam button?

JW: It would probably run out of foam after 5 minutes.

SG: I’d get sacked.

DC: All out mayhem…

If you had to give yourself a water/foam based DJ name, what would it be?

JW: Jumping Jack Splash.

SG: No idea, but it wouldn’t be Bubbles…

Mr Mr: Mr ‘Crystal Bubble Water’ Mr! DC: I am Aquaman.

Previous foam party experiences?

JW: None, never been to a foam party so it’s about time!

SM: All the foam parties to date from Nasimi to Abu Dhabi have been pure carnage, great fun and it really takes the elements away from the posers, leaving you with a wealth of people having good times and enjoying good music... fun is the word of the day!

Mr Mr: Ibiza when I was 16.

Think it was Eden club in,

The line-up: 1pm – 7.30pm: Pool access & Sunset Sounds 7.30pm – 8.30pm: David Craig 8.30pm – 9.30pm: Jack Woodcock 9.30pm – Close: FOAM Madness 9.30pm – 10.30pm: Smokingroove 10.30pm – 11.45pm: Charl Chaka 11.45pm – 1am: Mr Mr Get Wet Pool Party, Atlantis, 1pm-1am. Free for ladies and Face card holders and 50AED for guys from 1pm – 4pm. 100AED for all from 4pm onwards 4pm onwards.

Bookings: 055 200 4321

Beirut

The

Beat

It's blessed with some of the biggest DJs in the region, some of the best clubs in the world and throws some of the biggest parties known to man.

And two of their best exports — The Basement's Jade and Ronan & Nesta from Beirut In The Mix — are plying their deep-tech house trade in Dubai this month. we sat down with them all to find out what makes the Beirut scene tick and to find out which city they think is the region's clubbing capital…

& You’ve come a long way in the Ronin

Nesta

last few years — what’s the biggest lesson you’ve learnt?

Stick to your roots, be true to yourself, spread your own taste of music and, most importantly, do it with love.

You jumped on the deep house and nu-disco sound quite early on, are you still on that musical tip?

House music is at the core of our sound. It’s hard to describe our own music. If we would have to do so we’d say it’s a mix of house and tech, always

sauced with that warm, raw flavor. We have helped push this deep house and nu disco sound in Beirut for the past few years now, through our parties, podcast, radio show and promo CDs here and then. The crowd is getting familiar with it: they want something different you know, they are responding well and asking for more.

And how realistic an impression do you think people have of the Beirut clubbing scene?

Beirut has been a top destination for big DJs for quite a while now. We’ve shared

the booth with big artists in the last couple of years, like Marco Carola, Lee Burridge or Josh Wink, and they just all feel the same about how great Beirut scene is.

We do have a big electronic music crowd, with small and big parties thrown here every weekend. Few of them are well educated musically, but they do enjoy the parties and the vibe. But there’s a long way to go we think. Thanks to Mix FM and their cutting edge club nights, they’ve set the bar high by introducing new names to the scene, and we’re up for this challenge together!

Is music and DJing a full time career for you both now?

Arghh! We still juggle between work, travel, classes and DJing. It’s not always easy to find the right harmonious balance between all this: gigging in the weekend, studio time 2 to 3 days a week, recording the radio show and managing our events and podcast. It’s a matter of organization (and thankfully Ronin is quite good at that!)

You’ve played in Dubai a few times before, including closing Sandance. What can we expect from a more intimate club gig this time around?

We don’t really plan our sets, otherwise it would be boring...

the size of the club, the people, the vibe would definitely orient our playlist! It is quite different compared to our first two dates at Sandance, with well over 10,000 people at each edition (good memories!). N’dulge could just be the perfect capacity venue to have an intimate party and spread the right vibe…

Have you made the move into production and do you think you need to to further your career?

We’re still very young in production so as a consequence we’re doing music with our hearts, just the way it comes. We’ve sent out tracks to some cool labels and we’re also working with family and friends at the studio, Phil, Gunther & Stamina, Kid Bliss and Housecoat. The good news is we’re polishing our first EP for Turin based Diagonal Music. We’re pretty excited about this one; it will feature three tracks, ‘Gotta Get You Groovin’ a raw housed-up tune and 2 others that are deeper and more emotional, ‘Children’s Playground’ and ''La Nymphe Calypso.'

AAA feat. Ronin & Nesta, N’Dulge, Thursday June 22, 10pm-3am. soundcloud.com/roninandnesta, facebook.com/roninandnesta

And how does the Middle East success translate into bookings elsewhere in the world?

I am on an international booking agency that’s quite connected, and part of a roster that’s filled with great names in the industry. And I always try to do my best, whenever, and wherever I play. I guess until now it’s working well.

cultural centers organizing workshops to make things more interesting, producing, making music for TVCs, promoting parties outside Lebanon, touring on a weekly basis, traveling non-stop. But my least favourite part of all of this was handling the business issues, getting into the details of the business, which wasn’t always positive. After 6 years of doing this, I thought it’s time to focus more on what I like to do best, the music part. Since the Basement closed, I have been booked two to three times a week, and throwing my own parties with the Basement crew. I’m not the kind of person that looks backward, I guess a sanctuary is great to have, but there’s a time when we all need to leave home.

You were behind The Basement, which shut down a year or so ago — how have you coped without having that sanctuary every weekend?

The Basement opened in 2005, and since then, I have been DJing there, promoting weekly events, working with

What highlights do you have from The Basement, which were your favorite nights and guests?

I have always enjoyed meeting artists, getting to know how they live, how they think and how they perceive music, that was my favourite part of this experi-

Jade

You’re one of the most consistent DJs in the Middle East, and regularly get booked in Dubai — why do you think you’re this successful?

I am not sure this is how I measure success, I think I still have a loooooot to do… so I won’t be able to answer that.

Can I use a joker?!

ence. Probably my most memorable night was Jose Gonzalez in concert, getting to know him and his girlfriend at that time (Yukimi from Little Dragon) and the whole band, was very inspiring, the night was pure magic.

You’ve started a new party called C U Next Saturday, what’s the concept and music behind it?

The music is always fresh and happy, and the idea is to invite live bands every other week and to have DJs playing every Saturday. The atmosphere is more chilled, it’s not a club, but more of an Art Space, so the people react differently (than in a club atmosphere like the Basement’s). We opened to a different crowd too, and the party was more about the “music” than anything else.

A lot of people rave about the Beirut club scene — how do you view it as an insider, how could it be improved or refined?

The Beirut club scene is very biased. 99% of the venues and clubs are doing the same thing, and the 1% that is trying to do things differently

is struggling or compromising.

We need a lot more openness, a lot more variety, and this should start from the people, which, unfortunately are not very open in Lebanon.

Compare it to the Dubai scene — which in my opinion is very rich — which has big events every week with different styles and it’s always booming: I don’t think we will ever reach that. Of course we don’t have a curfew in Lebanon, but maybe in our case we need it!

You’ve played at most of Dubai’s clubs in your time, what’s been your favorite spot so far?

My most memorable experience was a very spontaneous gig with friends at an Island in between Dubai and Abu Dhabi, a private thing with about 30 people, amazing scenery, great vibe... I felt like it was a chapter in Alex Garlands’ The Beach. iLL Communications feat. Jade, Trilogy, Friday June 29, 10pm3am, Dhs130. ihatejade.me

Top

He might not be to everyone's tastes, but there's no denying that Pitbull is one of the biggest pop stars in the world right now. Don't believe us?

Then have a look at his career in numbers…

302 million - The number

of views his collaboration with Marc Anthony on ‘Rain Over Me’ has had. That’s the equivalent of everyone in Dubai watching it 15 times.

151 million - The paltry number of views that his co-penned Chris Brown hit ‘International Love’ has had.

10 - Number of years that Pitbull has been in the industry, having started his career by performing on Lil Jon’s Kings of Crunk album back in 2002.

2004 - Date of his first

album release, titled M.I.A.M.I, or Money Is A Major Issue to give it its oh-so-cunning acronym.

1 - His ‘I Know You Wante Me (Calle Ocho)’ hit the number 1 spot across the world, including bagging bragging rights in France.

2012 - The date for his latest album, entitled Global Warming, featuring lead single ‘Get It Started,’ which is a collaboration with Shakira.

3 - Number of high-visibility products he endorses, including Kodak, Dr Pepper and Voli Vodka.

7.5 million - The number of copies he sold of his oh-socunningly titled 4th album, Rebelution.

16 - The age at which Pitbull was thrown out of his family home in Miami, having become an adolescent drug dealer.

2 - Number of support acts on the night, including UAE/ Canadian RnB star Karl Wolf and big-hitting house DJ Sensation White’s Erick E. Erick is no stranger to big crowds, having won the Dutch DMC Championship in 1989, before faling in love with house music, and becoming a major player in the scene.

Pitbull, World Trade Centre, Friday June 29, 8pm. Dhs295, 21+. Tickets available from itptickets.com, virginmegastore. me, platinumlist.ae and Virgin Megastores, Enoc, Eppco and Zoom. VIP: 056 625 7173.

dog

Trance nation Flash have been pulling out some impressive names in recent months, and their final hurrah before Ramadan is a double header featuring Dutch DJ Ferry Corsten, and fast-rising Egyptian duo Aly & Fila. We caught up with the 'Rising Sun' prodcers to find out more…

You’ve had an impressive career to date — what’s been the highlight?

There have been many great highlights: becoming the 2nd highest New entry in DJ Mag's Top 100 in 2009 was a great highlight, making our artist album 'Rising Sun', being the only DJ besides Armin van Buuren and Markus Schulz to play all 6 years of the annual A State of Trance Events. And also having 'We Control The Light' feat.

Jwaydan voted Tune of 2011 on Armin Van Buuren's ASOT Radio Show.

And how easy is it breaking out of Egypt’s club scene and make it internationally?

It was extremely hard work, but we had a lot of good people around us and we believed we could break out internationally.

A few trance DJs have broadened their sounds in recent times, how would you describe what you play?

We always try to stick to our roots. We have differed slightly over the years, but not to any extremes - we are still portrayed for playing an uplifting trance sound.

Trance is one of the biggest world wide dance music genres, what attracted you to the sound in the first place?

Paul Van Dyk was our inspiration in the 1990s.

Obviously Egypt has been through a huge change recently, are you optimistic for the future?

There is always cause for optimism, anywhere in the world.

Artists like PvD try to make a change with their music, and are quite political is that something you agree with, or get involved with?

We just concentrate on our music, we are very happy that we can bring joy to many people worldwide. And with social media booming, our music can reach people that we never thought possible, it’s an amazing feeling.

What can we expect on the night?

We play often with Ferry Corsten, we are part of same management and also we are involved with Full on Ferry worldwide on a regular basis, so expect pure uplifting trance from the start.

Ferry Corsten and Aly & Fila, Thursday June 28, du Forum, 9pm-late, Dhs150, 18+.

We have 2 pairs of tickets to win — to enter, head to facebook.com/infusionmagazine and answer this question.

Which country is Ferry Corsten from? a) Holland b) Russia c) Belgium

The long arm of

Lawler From being crowned the King of Space, to epic, dark and brooding tech house journeys, not to mention his impressive VIVA imprint, Steve Lawler is a man at the top of the house music market.

And on June 22 he returns to Trilogy

What are the 5 essential ingredients that make up a good club?

Sound, people, a good size dancefloor, great lights with a great lighting jockey and friendly staff.

VIVA Music seems to be going from strength to strength — what’s the key to keeping it current in the over-crowded market?

We just follow what we love, having a label is really about having a passion that you're prepared to put time and effort into. Also, we have a team of people at the label that love it, so it’s the love and passion that keep it where it is.

There’s been music overload for a number of years now — how many hours a week do you spend listening to new music, and do you have a team to help you?

Listening to new music is the only job within the whole team of people that I currently have to do on my own as there is no one else, or any way that I could let someone take control of this.

I know there are other DJs out there who have people assist them with this or select music for them, but it’s not something that I could ever do. I don’t have a particular genre that I play, I simply pick out music that I love. The volume of new music I try and listen to can vary from

200 to 700 a week, a mixture of promos and demos.

And what’s in the pipeline for you this year regarding residencies, mixes, tours?

We have a very special touring concept called LIFE. It’s a project that’s been a long, long time in the making and taken a heck of a lot of work from the whole team to make happen. I’m going to be taking things back to their original organic roots. I’ll be performing in everything from disused buildings and strange outdoor venues — we carefully and painstakingly selected venues from 12 cities around the world. The idea of playing in a disused mansion, a forest or a naval boat for example really takes me back to when I first started my career as a DJ when I used to throw illegal parties underneath motorways, or in a disused monastery which I did back in the early 90s. These parties were about nothing but having a good time jacking under the beautiful groove of house music, somewhere away from the glitz and glamour of night clubs and disco balls. Somewhere to get down and dirty without a care in the world.

Taboo feat. Steve Lawler, Trilogy, Dhs150, 10pm-3am, djstevelawler.com, vivamusicltd.com.

We’ve tweaked the listings, and give one-off events preference.

For a full list of what’s on, please head to infusion.ae. Please submit your listings to andy@infusion.ae for possible inclusion.

ARTY GUIDE

THE ULTIMATE PARTY GUIDE

ON THE THE RADAR ON RADAR Strongbow Battle of the Bands,

Music Room, July 3

audiOasis, Catwalk, July 6 Sneaky Sound System,

N’Dulge, July 12

Inner City Live, Trilogy, July 12

Monday 18 RnB Mondays, Velvet Underground

No.1 Events presents Shero and Brooklyn on urban duties.

10pm-3am. Weekly.

Shero/Dubai Vocal Ensemble, The Fridge

More excellent live music as the popular Filipino≠ choir is joined by guitar/beatbox champion Shero. 8pm, Dhs50.

Persian Red Carpet, Trilogy

Persian and house music from Genario and Jet K. 10pm-3am.

Weekly.

Tuesday 19 Bull Funk Zoo, Jambase Excellent live music fronted by Hamdan Al Abri. 8pm-late, every Tuesday/Thursday/Friday.

Ping Me, Catwalk

New ladies night an RnB and old skool classics playlist and free sparkly for ladies all night.

10pm-3am, ladies free all night.

Weekly.

Uber Tuesdays, Sho Cho

Free cocktails from 10pm-

Loaded Ramadan Closing Party,

Casa Latina, July 13

Satoshi Tomiie, Mansion,

July 20

J-Lo, November 22

midnight, and tunes courtesy of Stephane Karl. Weekly.

Wednesday 20 Diamond Wednesdays, Boudoir

Radio 1’s Brooklyn and DJ Shero on the urban soundtrack, with free Diamond cocktails for ladies until 1am. 9pm-late.

Weekly.

Mingle, Left Bank (Souq Al Bahar & Madinat Jumeirah)

Dhs5 cocktails for ladies (no, really) from 8pm-late.

The Ultimate Ladies Night, Zinc

Funky house, electro and party tunes with a free bottle of Russia’s finest for 5 or more ladies booking a table, plus free bubbly until 1am. 9pm-late.

Weekly.

Thursday 21 AAA feat. Ronin & Nesta, N’Dulge

Deep tech and house from the back-to-back Beirut DJ duo.

10pm-3am, women free before midnight, Dhs100.

Aks, Velvet Underground

Commercial, Desi, house and Bollywood from DJ/Producer Aks. 10pm-3am. Weekly.

Apertivo, M-Dek

The after-work destination continues as M-Dek gets a covered, AC-controlled tent for the summer, meaning more Dhs25 after work Peronis. 5pm-10pm, Free.

Weekly.

Boudoir

Free shots for ladies until 1am, and commercial RnB and house. 10pm-3am. Weekly.

Bollywood Party, Sensation

Desi and Bollywood hits all night long. 10pm-3am, ladies and couples free entry until midnight.

Club Anthems, Zinc

Deep Crates, Casa Latina

Funk, hip hop and B Boy breaks. 10pm-3am, free.

Weekly.

DJ TWINS, Eurasia The Club

Maxim models and twin DJ sisters from Ukraine grace the evening with some funky house tunes. Ladies night offers till midnight. Carlton Tower Hotel, Diera.

Jamrock, Sublime

Reggae and Caribbean vibes from a revolving roster of Dubai’s best urban DJs. 9pm3am, ladies free before 12am.

Weekly.

Hypnotique, Catwalk Psy-trance from the

THE ULTIMATE PARTY GUIDE

Hypnotiq, Melia Hotel DJ Jean B takes control at the brand new night at the brand new Bur Dubai club.

10pm-3am, free. Weekly.

Soulful Sessions, M-Dek

Schoolys urban sessions continue under M-Dek’s summer cover. 10pm-3am, free. Weekly.

Taboo feat. Steve Lawler, Trilogy

Big room tech house from the Viva Records head honcho.

10pm-3am, Dhs150.

XPerience, Chi

House music in Chi Club, with Flowmaster J dropping RnB and urban tunes in Chi Red. 10pm-3am, Free for ladies and couples. Weekly.

Friday 22 Brunch Beat Session, Bahri Bar Ambient and chilled out grooves from Jeli Maniago.

4-8pm. Weekly.

Connoisseur, Velvet Underground Sophisticated urban soundtrack. 10pm-3am.

Weekly.

Crew Nights, Eurasia The Club

DJ Majestic along with Jmaxlolo provide commercial and house tunes with Ladies drink deals till midnight.

Carlton Tower Hotel, Diera.

Weekly.

PARTY GUIDE

Greg Stainer and the rest of the Zinc crew drop chart bombs. 10pm-3am. Weekly.

long-running night, which brings in a colourful crowd.

10pm-3am, free before 1am, Dhs50 after.

INFUSION PICK!

ARTY GUIDE

THE ULTIMATE PARTY GUIDE

Evanescence, Trade Centre

The huge-selling American goth-rock band play live, with support from local band EYE. 6pm-late, Dhs295.

Get Wet, Nasimi

It’s the sole Atlantis pool party of the season, and this version comes with extra foam machines and audio tonic’s Mr Mr and Smokingroove among those on deck duty. 1pm – 1am. Dhs100 from 4pm.

No. 1 Fridays, N’Dulge

Hip hop and RnB bangers.

10pm-3am, Ladies free before 11.30, Dhs100. Weekly.

Republique 1st Birthday PT 2

DJ Bliss and Shef Codes are on back-to-back action as the downtown club celebrates its 1st birthday. 9pm-3am.

Stranded, Lebanon Island (The World)

Day time grooves into house music at the newly opened Lebanon Island on the World.

12 midday-late, Dhs200 entry and speedboat. stranded@ themusthavegroup.com.

Weekly.

Step On, Catwalk

The indie and rock and roll night returns with drink deals for ladies before midnight. 9pm3am, Dhs50 after 1am.

Under The Radar feat.

Alexkid, Trilogy

Tech house from the Rekids producer in the studio, with Dany Neville on old skool urban duties in the main room. 10pm3am, Dhs130.

Saturday 23

INFUSION PICK! 411, People by Crystal

The popular hip hop and RnB night helmed by DJ Bliss, takes over at its new location. 10pm3am. Weekly.

Hennessy Artistry Unplugged, Zinc

Some of the city’s best live talent on stage, while the stage is also open to willing entrants.

7pm-midnight, couples and ladies free. famedxb.com.

Weekly.

Industry, Zinc

A right royal mashup with everything from hip hop to dubstep on the cards from the big roster of DJs. 10pm-3am.

Weekly.

Parry, Rare The Place Afro hip hop and RnB music at what’s billed as the city’s first ever Nigerian club night.

9pm-late.

Tuesday 26 Jon Olivia’s Pain, Sensation

Live metal and rock from the ex-Savatage star. 6pm, Dhs225

Thursday 28 Bad Medicine, Catwalk Big bad basslines spanning house and garage with Marky B on deck duty. 10pm-3am, Dhs50.

Bob Sinclar, Cavalli The 2nd biggest French DJ,

sizes from the Ten Thousand Yen head honcho. 9pm-3am, Dhs60.

and the man behind ‘Love Generation’ makes his Cavalli Club debut. 10pm-3am.

Loaded 1st Birthday, Casa Latina

Ferry Corsten, Yas Island

Flash bow out before Ramadan by inviting down trance-electro ‘Punk’ star Ferry Corsten.

10pm-late, Dhs150.

iLL Communications feat. Jade, Trilogy

INFUSION PICK!

One of Beirut’s best DJs and the man behind The Basement is on house duties in the studio, with hip hop and urban in the main room.

10pm-3am, Dhs130.

Hacienda Tour ft.

Graeme Park & Peter Hook, Trilogy The legendary Manchester club take over Trilogy for a night, with original resident Park joined by New Order/Joy Division legend Peter Hook.

10pm-3am, Dhs100.

Pitbull, World Trade Centre

Pop-dance star Pitbull brings his Pit World tour to Dubai.

7pm-late, Dhs295.

INFUSION PICK!

Friday 29

Republique 1st Birthday PT 3

Bassic, Catwalk

One of Beirut’s finest DJs, and Republique’s international resident MaDJam does the honours as the club celebrates its 1st birthday.

9pm-3am.

DUST feat. Doc Daneeka, Music Room

Bass music of all shapes and

European Championships Mon

TUE

JUNE 17

JUNE 18

JUNE 19

10.45pm Italy vs Rep. Ireland

10.45pm England vs Ukraine

8pm Portugal vs Netherlands 10.45pm Denmark vs Germany

WED

8pm 8pm Croatia SwEden vs Spain vs France

JUNE 24

Quarter Final 4

FINAL: SUNDAY July 1

THU

JUNE 21

Quarter Final 1

JUNE 27 Semi Final 1

JUNE 28 Semi FinalV 2

FRI

JUNE 22

Quarter Final 2

SAT

JUNE 23

Quarter Final 3

PARTY GUIDE

Party-starting bass (covering DnB, dubstep and glitch hop) from the monthly night. 9pm3am, Dhs50 after 1am.

Sun

THE ULTIMATE PARTY GUIDE

The award-winning indie and alternative night turns 1, with free cake, free drinks and a 5 DJ line up. 9pm-3am, free.

Short Courses

SAE INSTITUTE DUBAI Knowledge Village Building 16, Floor 2 Dubai, UAE T: +971 (0) 4 361 6173 E: hello@saedubai.com W: saedubai.com

Certification & Software Training SHORT COURSES Graphic Design Electronic Music Production Photography Digital DJ Motion Graphic Compositing iPhone Apps Development Digital 3D Animation Digital Painting CERTIFICATION & SOFTWARE TRAINING FCP 101: Introduction to Final Cut Pro X FCP 200: Comprehensive Study of Final Cut Pro X Logic 101: Introduction to Logic Apple Certification Exams Introduction to Adobe Photoshop Advanced Adobe Photoshop Introduction to Adobe Illustrator Advanced Adobe Illustrator Introduction to Adobe InDesign Advanced Adobe InDesign Introduction to Adobe After Effects Advanced After Effects Introduction to Adobe Lightroom

Look AND

LISTEN Music be the food of love, so read on...

> Music News > Crossing the Pain Threshold > DJ Booth > Album Reviews > DJ Top 10

Look and Listen

Music News...

Jamie Jones Exceeds Expectations

Uber-hip Welsh producer Jamie Jones looks certain to consolidate his status as the world’s top ‘underground’ house producer with the release of his second album ‘Tracks From The Crypt’ which comes out on Crosstown Rebels in June.

Avoiding the mistake made by so many DJs of filling records with experimental styles at odds with their reputation, he’s instead selected ‘secret weapon’ style tracks plus several new ones, all of which work superbly on the dancefloor.

“This is a collection of my favourite unreleased secret weapons from the last 5 years, plus some brand new tunes that I´m hammering on the dance-floor right now,” MUSIC he said this week, explaining his approach.

BITES “Looking back in the vaults, I found some They pulled the killers that people have been trying to get their plug on me hands on for ages and decided to make my second album a combination of these.” Tracks Mushroom From The Crypt’ is out on Crosstown Rebels Jazz’s Mark on June 25.

Farina was told not to play just 15 minutes before his set in Las Vegas as high rollers in the bottle service area wanted to hear hip hop.

One instance of people power we’re not a fan of…

EDM – ‘The New rock ‘N’ Roll’ Major label EDM executive David Rene from Interscope told Billboard dance music has finally crossed over in the US ‘because the guitar is dead’ this week, as MTV’s Rawley Bornstein labeled EDM ‘the new rock ‘n’ roll’.

“Just as parents might be going to see Bruce Springsteen as a working man’s hero who sings about factories, a new generation of fans are going to EDM shows where a similar sentiment is expressed in a different way,” the music and talent programmer told the New Jersey Star Ledger.

“The music embraces this spirit of energy and inclusiveness,” he added.

Superstar DJs & Ageing Disgracefully

Fatboy Slim was quizzed this week about what impact he expects turning 50 will have on his DJ career and said that having quit drinking and started ‘looking after his health’ he sees no reason to quit in the forseeable future.

“There will be a cut-off point – when I stop enjoying it and when the crowd stops enjoying it,” he told TNT magazine.

“No one knows – with the era of the superstar DJ: Carl Cox, Oakenfold, Pete Tong – none of us knows what the retirement age is, because there’s never been this generation before.”

Pioneer DJM-850

It’s been a busy few years for Pioneer, with the up-dated CDJ2000s, the home-series CDJ950 and the DJM800. And they’ve already upgraded their top-of-the-range mixer and introduced the DJM850. Its main attraction - apart from the standard build quality — is the Beat Colour Effects, which uses sidechaining to add another level of effect to the DJ’s repertoire, while you can connect directly to a laptop thanks to its in-built four stereo channel sound card. In total, there are 13 effects on the unit, including the Reverb and the Spiral Effect which have been taken from the DJM-900, and the brand new Up Echo effect. It’s not cheap at Dhs6,999, but combining the best Pioneer features, it might be the best high-end option on the market.

Available at www.djcorner.ae.

Metal is back in Dubai, as the ex Savatage front man Brings selftitled new band Jon Olivia’s Pain to Dubai. And opening up for them is Hourglass, a Syrian heavy metal band, named after one of their songs. It’s a match made in metal heaven.

We sat down with guitarist Rawad Abdel Massih to find out more about the band and the gig…

Tell us about your band...

Our style is traditional heavy metal with some thrash metal.

I started writing music in 1999 and decided to form a band in 2002. The band was started with me, Bassem Deaibess (from Lebanon, founder of Blaakyum), and my relative Bahij who played on drums.

Later in 2007 Aram Kalsoudian (ex Syrian progressive metal band Nu.Clear.Dawn) joined and we became the three fixed members of the band. I write the music and lyrics, and I produce the albums, and each of the members puts his own talent and arrangements in their part of the song. Bassem and Aram have a lot of experience in writing and recording music and playing live. In total, we have three independent releases (2004, 2007, and 2010).

How do you feel opening for Jon Oliva’s Pain?

I can’t explain that, not even in three paragraphs. This is something I could have never imagined! Really, it is a huge dream come true. I’ve been a fan for Savatage for 18 years.

Jon Oliva is a living legend and this is a great opportunity for The Hourglass (which is named after one of Savatage’s songs).

And we heard you’re collaborating with Jon Oliva on your new single…

Jon Oliva will appear as a very special guest vocal on our new single, I still can’t believe how amazing and important this project is for me personally and the rest of the guys and especially for the Syrian and Middle East Metal music scene.

We recorded the song, ‘Play the Pawn’, and sent a first draft to Jon’s management so he could put down his own vocal lines. When we get that we will do the final mix and master for the song. It will be released online only. I really can’t thank Jon enough for that, he’s showing huge support for the band, especially for a band that is not signed to a record label and coming from a country that is not known in metal at all. And today, unfortunately it’s known for more disastrous stuff [the on-going conflict].

Tuesday June 26, Sensation, Crowne Plaza Dubai, doors 6pm, show starts 7.30pm, Dhs225.

DJ Booth: Stu Laurie

It might have a giant lizard as its centrepiece, but Chameleon also has one of the best resident DJs around in Scotland-born Stu Laurie‌

One thing you might not know about me is... I started my DJ career bashing out hard house, hardcore, hardstyle and industrial techno at 16 years old!

My worst ever job was... Panel beating. I can still hear the beating of hammers in my head...

My favourite ever record is... Celeda/Dany Tenaglia, ‘Music Is The Answer.’

DJing is much like... Being a magician. Work the crowd with your tricks and unexpectedly pull something insane out of the hat and wait for the crowd to respond!

Dubai’s clubbing scene is... In all honesty, the 8 months I have lived here I would say it’s a little sheepish, the majority of people are only interested in hearing commercial music. I have experienced some great day and night parties and listened to some really good DJs, but as I’m working weekends it’s been hard for me to track these nights down on my nights off unfortunately.

I’m really proud of... Reaching number 1 in the progressive house charts with my first release..

If I could change one thing about anything I would... Bring back the days of vinyl, let’s see who can actually mix…

My biggest DJ achievement to date is.... Playing at Tiesto’s Kaleidoscope tour in my home city. Also being awarded Majorca’s Best House DJ in 2010.

If you could DJ in any decade which would it be...

Definitely the 90s.

If I could go back-to-back with any other DJ...

It would have to be Carl Cox, although I would let him do most of the work, I’d be happy to watch!

soundcloud.com/stulaurie

Look and Listen

Album Reviews...

Sigur Ros - Valtari



Describing chart music is easy: yet another hi-pitched, major key, trance-meets-pop-meets-RnB bastardization. Describing Icelandic band Sigur Ros is a lot harder, and involves the endless use of similes and metaphors: perhaps glacial, gliding, operatic music that sounds like a choir of angels communicating from beyond the Milky Way. Either way, they make journalists sound like Thesaurus-eating try-hards as their music is that other-worldly, that unique and distinct we have few reference points. What we can say is this is their 6th album in 13 years, and while their post-rock formula is intact, they’ve discarded the rounded, poppier edge which made previous efforts so loved (and popular). Instead, they strip everything back to a sparse, glacial bed of music. Where Takk was focussed and concise, Valtari is widescreen and imbued with a summer’s haze, each track blooming softly like a volcanic explosion in slow motion, with Jonsi’s part English, part Icelandic, part madeup vocals still the driving dynamic. It might not hit the same heights as previous albums, but on Valtari, Sigur Ros still resonate like no other band on the planet.

Beach Boys - That’s Why God Made The Radio



The music industry loves a good rollercoaster, and rides don’t get much more insane than The Beach Boys’ 50 years in business. After 20 years of inter-band lawsuits, everdecreasing rumours of Brian Wilson’s mental and physical health and an increasingly skeptical fan base, the original members of The Beach Boys are back together, and in relative harmony (on the record, if not fully in real life) And the results are as you might expect - fitfully brilliant but largely forgettable. If you’re a die-hard fan, then the album will provide a fitting close for one of our generation’s biggest and best bands. But if you’re a casual fan, download the album’s closing three tracks, ‘From There To Back Again,’ ‘Pacific Coast Highway’ and ‘Summer’s Gone’ which are a return to classic Beach Boy harmonies, and thankfully, have none of the incongruous lyrics that blight the first half of the record (‘Spring Vacation’ for example has the band “living the dream, cruisin’ the town, diggin’ the scene - quite what scene 5 septuagenarians are diggin’ is beyond us). Instead, they pontificate on their age and their legacy, fitting subjects and fitting songs to bookend a rollercoaster career.

Andy Buchan

Look and Listen

DJ TOP 1234 56 78910

To submit your Top 10, send in the below format to andy@infusion.ae

Tim Kay Summer Vocal Chart

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Nick Hannam - Love you Girl (Hot Creations) Lana Del Rey - Video Games (Joris Voorn Edit) Victoria Aitken - Fashion Boy (Dr Kucho) Kings of tomorrow - Show Me Blond-sh - Lonely Days (Hunter Game) Aaliyah - If your girl only knew (Finnebassen remix) Jamie Woon - Lady Luck (Funkybootleg Remix) Crazy P - Changes (Hot Toddy Remix) Umek - How’s Your Body Audiowhores - Don't Let Them In (Club Mix)

Soulfisher audio tonic

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Frankey & Sandrino - Comeback (Giom Remix) [audio tonic] Huxley - Reality Check (Original Mix) [Leftroom Limited] Mario Basanov - We Are Child Of Love (Mario's ReDub) [Needwant] Shades Of Gray - Crazee (Original Mix) [Beef Records] Chriss Ronson Feat. Adri - Don’t Look Down [Ready Mix Records] Enrique Vela - Space Monkey (Original Mix) [Space Monkey] Detroit Swindle - The Wrap Around (Original Mix) Patrick Di Stefano and Luca Doobie - Get Through (Classic Mix) Nick Curly - Underground (Raxon Remix) [Unreleased] Christophe, Lukas - Reel Love (Original Mix)

Genario

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Perseus - Seychelles (Original Mix) Mark Knight - Alright (Original Mix) Vincenzo - Yeah Yeah Yeah (Original Mix) Maya Jane Coles - Nobody Else (T. Williams Remix) Karol XVII & MB Valence - Maruda (Gorge's Summer Vibes Remix) Blue Boy - Remember Me (Hoxton Whores Remix) Audiowhores - Sometimes (Original Mix) Loverbirds, Novika, Sebastian Doring - This Time (Gorge Remix) Delicious - Bamboleo (Block, Crown Pacha Vocal Mix) Genario - To The Sky (Original Mix)

Stu Laurie Chameleon

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Georgio Star - Ibiza (Original Mix)(Siprec) NTFO - Policrom (Audiojack Mix)(Alive) Blond:ish - Lonely days (Hunter Game Remix)(NM2) Hardsoul/ Ron Carrol - My Life (Knee Deep Dub) Doctor Dru - The Voice of Dru (original mix) (Exploited) Adam Port - Someone To Love (Original mix) (Keinmusik) Tony Kairom - Sweet Fusion (Original mix) (Fruit Records) Swallen - Mexico (Original Mix) (FHD Records) Chris Lawyer - Right On Time (Louie Cut remix) ) Nari + Milani - Atom (Original Mix) (Size Records)

DJM-850

CREATIVITY UNLEASHED Four-channel mixer: 24-bit/96 kHz integrated four-stereo-channel sound card / Traktor certified / Beat Colour Effect / Enhanced Beat Effects with ‘FX Boost’ / EQ isolator / P-Lock Fader Caps / Fully MIDI assignable With the DJM-850, it’s just you, your audience and your masterful mixes. Get instant access to studio-quality effects that rival any software package, or branch out into music recording and production.

With the industry’s first Beat Colour Effect and an exclusive ‘FX Boost’ function, jaw-dropping performances are guaranteed.

The DJM-850 – for mixes limited only by your wildest imagination. videos on

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ALSO AVAILABLE IN SILVER

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we have every night covered Sunday

DJ Elie plays all the 80’s & 90’s classics from 10pm

monday

Night Feast 125 or 165 with sake DJ Stéphane Karl plays commercial house from 10pm

tuesday

Ladies night with DJ Stéphane Karl from 10pm Complimentary martinis for the ladies from 10pm to midnight

wednesday thursday friday saturday

Live music with Yakuza on the terrace from 9pm DJ Elie plays commercial house from 10pm DJ Elie plays all the 80’s & 90’s classics from 10pm Lounge music from 7pm

Dubai Marine Beach Resort & Spa, Jumeirah, Dubai +971 4 3461111 Souk Qaryat Al Beri (Shangri La Hotel) Abu Dhabi +971 2 5581117 Characters reproduced with the kind permission of huckgee.com

Looking

GOOD Stuff to brighten up our world.

> The Goss > Movies

Looking Good

The Goss

Grace Jones on I’m a Celebrity?

We’re not ones for reality TV at Infusion Towers (the office provides ample point-and-laugh opportunities), but we couldn’t help but be intrigued when ITV bosses in the UK revealed they’re waving a Dhs1.2 million pay cheque under Grace Jones’ nose to entice the 64 year old onto the show. A source said, “We’ve wanted Grace for years as she is perfect for I’m A Celebrity. She’d power through Bushtucker trials like nobody’s busiGOSS BITE those ness — or just throw a diva strop. The prospect of Ant and Dec getting to grips with F*** that, Tom her antics every night would be TV gold.”

Simon Pegg’s response to Tom Cruise after the Mission Impossible star invited Pegg to work out with him. Pegg was initially game until he discovered it meant wearing an ice-pack jacket to cool the muscles afterwards.

Mirror mirror on the walll…

They say beauty is only skin deep which means Donald Trump (and his marsupial hair) is in for trouble as he’s suing an exMiss USA contestant. Trump, who owns the rights to Miss USA and Miss Universe, was angered after Sheena Monnin revealed that the contest was fixed and that there was a Top 5 list long before the voting process.

Madagascar

3

More fish (and lions and hippos and giraffe) out of water capers as the band of lost zoo animals join a traveling circus in an effort to get back home to New York.

Family fun.

Classification: PG Director: Eric Darnell Starring: Ben Stiller, Chris Rock

 Rock of Ages

Cruise stars as one half of an aspiring rock star couple in the late 80s, who’s burgeoning relationship is put to the test as they chase their dreams. Big, cheesy fun.

Classification: 15 Director: Adam Shankman Starring: Tome Cruise, Russell Brand, Catherine Zeta-Jones



The Lady

Powerful story of Aung San Suu Kyi as she becomes the core of Burma’s democracy movement, and her extraordinary relationship with husband, writer Michael Aris.

Classification: 12 Director: Luc Besson Starring: Michelle Yeoh, David Thewlis

 Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Enough with the vampire stories already, as America’s feted 16th president is reimagined as a vampire killer. Who’s next, Bill Clinton: Zombie Destroyer?

Classification: 12 Director: Timur Bekmambetov Starring: Dominic Cooper, Rufus Sewell



JUNE 7

JUNE 7

JUNE 14

Looking

CLOSER Opinions, thoughts and jiberish...

> Weird News > Pan-Arabian Enquirer > Cool Test > Big Q > Angry Monkey

Looking

Weird News...

Cry me a river

Nothing goes better with some fish and chips than some salt and vinegar. But fancy some salt collected from human tears on those fries? A London manufacturer has done exactly that, creating a range of salts taken from crying humans experiencing a range of emotions. Costing Dhs45, you can get salt harvested from tears of sorrow, tears shed while sneezing, tears of laughter and tears of anger.

A spokesman for the company said that each salt had a distinctly different flavour. “Salt Made WEIRD BITES From Tears combines centuries-old craft with the freshest human tears The president-to-be which are gently boiled, released into was also an eager shallow crystallisation tanks, then pot smoker. He was harvested by hand and finally rinsed known for elbowing in brine,” he said. Yums. his way in out of turn when a joint was being passed, shouting Tipping point “Intercepted!” and A US man has taking an extra hit been charged with littering after Civil liberties activists he tossed a couple discuss just one of the many favourite of dollar bills to a pot-smoking antics beggar from his car. John Davis was revealed in a new leaving a motorway in Cleveland, biography of President Ohio, when he saw the beggar in a ‘Barry’ Obama in his wheelchair, reports Fox News. The youth. beggar dropped one of the dollars, and moments later, a passing policeman wrote him a ticket for littering. Mr Davis rubbished the reports he could have to pay $500 court costs after he refused to accept the charge.

panarabiaenquirer.com

Abu Dhabi development project honours Madonna

ABU DHABI: In honour of Madonna’s debut concert in the UAE, one property developer has unveiled plans to build what it is billing as “the ultimate architectural tribute to the Queen of Pop”.

When complete, the twin Cone Towers will “offer 30,000 square metres of luxury space”, according to developer Nakatomi Industries. Cone A will be purely residential, while Cone B is designated for office and commercial use.

Both towers will be topped with a special ‘Ray of Light’ glowing pinnacle, and set within an Immaculate Collection of parkland and retail outlets. Construction is expected to start later this year, with the first keys due to be handed over in 2015.

“For Material Girls, what better way to Express Yourself – and your appreciation of the top-selling female recording artist of all time – than a luxury apartment in Cone A?,” said Nakatomi President, Joseph Yoshinobu Takagi.

“And with the vibrant gulf city of Abu Dhabi more in ‘Vogue’ than ever, we’re hopeful that Madonna herself will consider the luxury penthouse suite,” he added. “Or at the very least, that she’ll enjoy a short Holiday here. It would be, it would be so nice.”

The Pan-Arabia Enquirer is the Middle East’s premier source of satirical news.

This means that it’s entirely made up and not intended, in any way whatsoever, to be taken as factual.

Cool vs Tristan Bain

Sean

Rutherford

The coolest football player of all time is?

Diego ‘I like to Disco’ Maradonna.

Without a doubt, that guy knew the score.

It’s not big and clever but…

Pat Jennings. That hairdo was and still is pure undiluted stylin’!

I reckon if I was around at the time, I would’ve sussed out Pythagoras’ theorem at least 6 weeks before he did. Flipping obvious!

Have you noticed that you don’t see white dog poo anymore?

My best claim to fame is...

I have ridden on Morrissey from The Smiths back. Rode him like Red Rum during a water balloon fight at Bennicassim Festival in Spain.

Holding the world record for skimming Jaffa cakes across the Suez canal.

Describe your best track in 5 words…

Foot shuffling boogie badness innit! It’s all about the groove.

The best football song of all time is...

Gotta be’Vindaloo’ by Fat Les. I read recently that the whole song was ‘Feeling Groovy’ by Paul Simon written in a well-known debauched and Art Garfunkel. If you play it bar in London in a matter of minutes backwards it explains the offside as a joke, and when it was released, rule in Swahili. their performing fee was a live goat and a hundred quid cash.

How would you celebrate a final-winning goal?

I was always a big fan of the ‘pile on’ Most likely with a banana and peanut butter smoothie and game at school. I think we should see more of this on the field. As long as I am of Backgammon by one of the not on the bottom of course! corner flags.

What’s the best insult you could give each other?

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Prefer not to. I don’t care what everyone else says, he seems like a nice bloke.

The verdict: Like all good football results, this is a tense 2-2 draw, with Tristan winning on penalties. Goaaaaaaaallll!

??

?

The Big Question

If you could be in any band, who would it be?

Adil El-aouad: Spinal Tap, no other band comes close!

Buff Wise: The Who (when Moon and Entwhistle were still alive though).

Ahmed Somalie Garoon: Queen, Pink Floyd or U2. I don’t plan to play in the band, I’m very content being the roadie.

Tayla Russell: I would say Radiohead, but they’re all herbal tea nowadays, so it would have to be The Runaways.

ANGRY MONKEY Dubai: where dreams do come true, where monkeys can rule from the top of the tree and capitalism rules, OK. Oh, and take a whiff on any given day, and you’ll always, without fail get a distinct scent, a perfume-strong hit of freshly brewed bullsh*t.

For Dubai, more than any city in the world, is home to the fabricated, to the made up, to the entirely fictious.

And nowhere is that truer than in club land, where DJs and promoters can create their back story, blow by made up blow.

‘Oh yeah, I’ve played at Fabric, it was ace.’ Translation: my mate once played at Fabric, on a Monday night to 4 people, and I stood in the DJ booth with him for 30 seconds.

‘I used to put on raves back in Lebanon.’ Translation: we had an after-party back at my parent’s place, but had to shut it down after 30 minutes as my train-wreck mixing woke up the neighborhood.

Bullsh*tters beware: the Monkey is onto you.

Monkey Out...

LIGHTWEIGHT.

HEAVY SOUND. MIDDLE EAST Tel: +971.4.883.04.05 Email: support@monsterme.com

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