MUSIC & NIGHTLIFE GUIDE Oct 13 2013 - Oct 27 2013 l Issue #209 l www.infusion.ae l EST 2005
Jay Class
R&B star Jay Sean hits Dubai! Are franchise clubs ruining our nightlife scene, Pioneer DJ Championships winners, Goldie, Mi Casa, Creamfields, Jamie Cullum, Deep Crates and more!
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A Note From The Editor
Editor-in-chief: Talal Budebs Managing Partner: Charl Chaka charlchaka@infusion.ae Editor: Andy Buchan andy@infusion.ae Sales Director: Vip Patel Vip@infusion.ae 050 169 8712 Contributors: Nthayi Tshehle, Richard Perez, Miriam Sweeney, David Newsum, Pan-Arabia Enquirer Design: Allan (Jmaxlolo) Tinsay
Growing up ain’t easy, and Dubai’s club scene has done its fair share in recent years, with a dramatic influx of new venues all hustling for your clubbing dirham. But in doing so, many hotels have opted to import their talent, with clubs and bars like Pacha, Mahiki, Movida and more all bringing their expertise from foreign lands. We open up the question whether this is a good thing for the city’s clubbers in a heated discussion, please let us know what you think online at www.infusion.ae.
Grown-up stuff: Infusion is published by Milehigh Media, LLC PO Box 53443 – Dubai, UAE Contact us: Tel/Fax: 04 368 8098
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Looking
BACK Retrospective on what’s been happening in our world.
> What We Did > Say What? > Photo Gallery
Looking Back
What we did
Toploader and Lightning Seeds @ Irish Village
Arthur Guinness day, now an annual event, kicked off at the Irish Village with Radio Two favourites, Toploader. The English band had to work hard to win over the crowd, putting in an impressively energetic performance for a famously middle of the road band. Closing with their two hits ‘Achilles Heel’ and ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’, the crowd loosened up, anticipating something special from the headline act. Lightening Seeds were clearly the draw for the crowd, and didn’t disappoint, calmly working through their catalogue of Britpop anthems. Opening with ‘Marvellous’, Broudie played a modest, stripped down set, with just two others on stage for support. The hits continued for a solid hour, including ‘Lucky You’, ‘Change’ and ‘Life of Riley’. His optimistic lyrics and mellow voice were perfectly pitched for this balmy Thursday evening, and the crowd instinctively joined in. Despite closing with a divisive rendition of ‘Three Lions’, Broudie had the crowd for the night, and ensured a glorious 90s sing-along for Dubai’s Britpop faithful. Miriam Sweeney
Looking Back Audio tonic feat. Bicep & Stanton Warriors @ 360
You know it’s a good night when, despite it being 9pm and the air is so humid you could eat it with a spoon, the dancefloor at 360 is bustling. Then again with Bicep in charge, the disco tech-house duo, it was never going to be anything but. After a stellar warm up set from Julian Jinx that neatly brought up the pace from sunset funk to groovy nu-disco, the stage was set for Andy and Matt (who used to live in Dubai) to lift the tempo, which they neatly did, opening with glitchy disco and finishing on fist-pumping house. Downstairs was just as hot and sweaty, but that was largely thanks to the bassline antics of The Stanton Warriors, who, to a packed out Funktion 1 dancefloor, delivered their trademark session of big basslines and even bigger break beats. More of the same in a month’s time, as Hot Since 82 is joined by The Freestylers, for another double header, and guaranteed good weather. Bring. It. On.
Reverend and the Makers @ Music Room The Music Room crowd was fairly rowdy by the time Reverend and the Makers made it on stage at 12:30. They were not disappointed though, as the Sheffield five piece began a two hour set of energetic indie rock, with the Reverend front and centre as the charismatic puppeteer. Bouncing about
23 Kuwait Street, Port Rashid Dubai T: +971 4 3868111 melia.dubai@melia.com
Looking Back in his distinctive Ska style, McClure was clearly out for a good time, constantly reminding the crowd ‘this is a party, let’s dance!’ Known for his lad-rock sensibilities, McClure definitely created a terraces vibe in the Bur Dubai favourite, as he bellowed his poppy, Anglo-centric lyrics to a packed room. Songs about life back home in Blighty were gratefully received by the largely ex-pat crowd, including heavy-hitters ‘Shine A Light’ and ‘Miss Brown’. The urban grit of ‘Heavyweight Champion of the World’ allowed McClure to pose and strut with typical confidence, as his simple lyrics of everyday struggles in modern Britain channeled the hey-day of those other terrace favourites, Oasis and The Verve. As the end drew near, the northern souls built to a crescendo of loud, fast rock and roll, with the Revered standing aloft, soaking in the applause of the room. Miriam Sweeney
Sunny Vibe Up feat. DJ Wrongtom @ Dusk Terrace
Once again the multicultural mishmash of misfits were out in full force for the latest installment of the Sunny Vibe Up pool side party. And the numbers were a testament to how popular this monthly event has become considering Kenny Dope was playing on the same day at a similar rooftop bash in the same hotel. DJ Wrongtom and the residents threw down a back-to-back mix of reggae, dub and hip hop beats that had the crowd one foot skankin’ around the dance floor. Shouts go out to both MC Hamokane and Maddy for their stints on the mic keeping the crowd entertained, and also to Sya and Steffi “Bow” who showcased a live graffiti station with their unique tags.
Looking kinda down to me…
Think DJing is the best job in the world? Not according to these photos… depresseddjs.tumblr.com
Robot Rock
Even Star Wars heroes like R2D2 can fall on hard times…
Old jokes home Money talk Britney’s just signed a new weekly residency in Las Vegas at the princely sum of $310,000 a show. Seems having a nervous breakdown, shaving your head and driving with your baby in your lap will get you your dream job.
What did the shoes say to the trousers? Sup Britches.
Love is…
Hefting your woman onto your shoulders at a concert so she can see better.
MONSTER MIDDLE EAST Tel: +971.4.883.04.05 Email: support@monsterme.com www.beatsbydre.com
audio tonic @ 360
James Zabiela @ Nasimi
Plain and Simple feat. Kidology @ The Deck
Reverend and the Makers @ The Music Room
Rick Ross @ Festival City
Looking FORWARD Where we filter out the best things that are coming your way...
> Local News > Cover Story > Join the Club? > The Decks Factor > Mi Casa, Su Casa
Looking Forward
Local News Globalfunk gets Goldie
Firmly back in its stride after a summer break, Globalfunk continues to bring in the big-hitters to the Music Room as Goldie, the man behind ‘Inner City Life,’ returns to Dubai after his impressive show at Trilogy last year. One of the scene’s biggest stars, and thanks to his gold teeth, one of the most visible, Goldie will be joined on the decks by Globalfunk newcomer Sya One and GF founder Mach 4, while Hollaphonic’s Olly Wood is joined on the mic by MC Prit and the UK’s MC Lowqui. It all takes place on Thursday October 19 at the Music Room from 9pm, tickets are Dhs100 including a free Tiger beer.
Back to the future with Mixtape Rewind
It was one of the retro hits of last season, so it’s no surprise to see the Mixtape Rewind one-day festival return at its Emirates Golf Club home next January. Mining the same retro vein as the last time, this installment sees Boney M (the disco team behind Duck Sauce’s huge ‘Barbara Streisand’), Dr Alban (pictured), N-Trance and The Vengaboys, while SNAP! return after their previous stand out show. Tickets for the 5,000 capacity event are Dhs295 and go on sale soon. facebook.com/SundanceLIVE
PRESENTS
FT MC LOWQUI
www.goldie.co.uk
Thursday 17th October Support from MACH4, Sya One, Charl Chaka, MC Ollywood & MC Prit. Free entrance for privilege card holders from 9-10pm. AED 100 for everyone else from 9pm onwards. +21.
@InfusionMag I @globalfunkdxb facebook.com/infusionmagazine facebook.com/globalfunkDXB facebook.com/themusicroom
For reservations call 056 799 6335
Looking Forward Musical love is in the air at RedFest
Stuck for ideas for next Valentine’s Day? How about a pair of tickets to Dubai’s latest festival, RedFest, featuring Ke$ha, Conor Maynard (who’s billed as the UK’s equivalent of Justin Beiber), UK folk band The Lumineers, rising hip hop star Naughty Boy, Rudimental collaborator John Newman and a DJ collaboration between Zane Lowe and Mark Ronson (pictured). Spread over February 13 and 14 at the Dubai Media City Amphitheatre, more names are set to be announced, while tickets cost Dhs299 from redfestdxb.com.
Disclosure and Above & Beyond added to Creamfields line up
The full line up for this year’s Creamfields Abu Dhabi has been revealed, with Disclosure and Above & Beyond DJ sets added to Calvin Harris and the Prodigy. And in a nod to local talent, EMI duo Hollaphonic are joined by audio tonic’s Mr Mr and Raxon, Smokingroove and Mark Pickup from Dubai, while Gunther and Stamina, Ronin and Nesta jet in from Beirut for the one day festival on Friday December 13 at the du Arena, Yas Island.
Jamie Cullums signs up to the Jazz Fest
And sticking with our 2014 theme, the Dubai Jazz Fest have announced the second of their 8 headliners for their annual event, with pop jazz fiend Jamie Cullum playing on Thursday February 20th. He’s joined by UK pop star Olly Murs, with more acts to be announced, with the 12th installment of the festival operating under a ‘Much More Than Jazz’ banner this year. It all takes place at Festival City from February 13-21, ticketmaster.ae.
ROLL MASTER
Rolled by sho cho’s renowned Roll Master with your own combination of super fresh ingredients. Simply design, order and pay online. Then our speedy delivery Ninja’s will suddenly appear at your door. Let’s Roll!
Call 800 SUSHI (78744) or visit chezshushi.com Eat or collect at our restaurant. Find us at Shop 18, Wasl Square, (opposite Safa Park) Al Wasl Road, Dubai.
Looking Bike Week gets in gear
The city’s annual celebration of handlebar moustaches and tassled leather jackets returns, as Dubai Bike Week returns to the Media City Amphitheatre from October 24-26. Alongside a host of bike related activities, the music this year is solely focused on local bands with Juliana Down, Sandwash, Maplejacks (pictured), The Boxtones, Salha and more all confirmed to play. The open air festival costs Dhs60 per day, gulfbikeweek.com.
Congratulations to DJ AKS, who’s been chosen by Enrique Iglesias to give his latest track a Bollywood remix, with ‘Turn The Night Up’ out now on Universal Records. We’re looking forward to checking out the brand new Hoegaarden Beer garden at the Horizon Lounge, Habtoor Grand hotel. Ace beer, ace views and old school wooden tables, what’s not to love!
The real estate madness is back in Dubai, in a big way. As Gordon Gecko found out to his cost, greed isn't always good. We're not saying that wearing sunglasses indoors is on the same level as war crime, but if we see one more pair of Guccis (or even worse, Gucies), then we will get medieval on your collective ass.
Next level Thursdays. On level 8. To finish your weekend with a bang, you’ve got to start with one. Media One, to be more specific. Make your way to SOCIO – the new party night at THE DEK on 8, every Thursday! A collaboration of some of Dubai’s best DJ talents playing house beats, featuring Dan Chadwick, Da Sendri, Jon Thornhill, Smokingroove and Eric Francis. Whether it’s right after work, fashionably late, minutes to midnight or in the wee hours of morning … … you’ll know you’ve arrived.
Media One Hotel, Dubai Media City, United Arab Emirates T +971 4 427 1000 E thedekon8@mediaonehotel.com W www.mediaonehotel.com
*Terms and conditions apply.
A hugely talented singersongwriter, rapper, beatboxer and record producer, UK star Jay Sean is one of the world’s biggest Bhangra and R&B acts. He’s sold millions of records (American debut single ‘Down’ in 2009 made him the best selling British/European male in history), has sold out concerts in countries as diverse as Japan, the UK, Romania and across Asia and, with more than a decade in the industry, is one of the most long-lasting. Ahead of his return to Dubai at Chi’s Domeland, we caught up with him to find out what’s in store…
Welcome back to Dubai – how have your previous events here been? I always love coming to Dubai. It’s one of my favorite places to perform in and visit. The shows are always fun because there are old school fans and newer ones and the vibe is always a lot of fun! You’ve been in the music business for 10 years now, what’s been the biggest lesson you’ve learnt? That you have to adapt to the times, but still not lose who you are at the core of your being.
You’ve had a lot of success around the world, in Asia, Romania, India, Japan and in the UK – why do you think your sound has travelled so well? I think I’ve always written songs that come from the heart. Also regardless of language, melody always wins. My biggest songs have always had big melodies that work everywhere regardless of the language and culture.
You’ve been called the Asian Justin Timberlake before, what do you make of the praise? And has the fame ever gone to your head? Well that’s a nice compliment. I think Justin is a class act and a tremendous artist. I don’t ever let fame get to my head. I stay grounded with good people and friends around me. That’s one of the reasons I’ve been in the game for so long.
What have your family made of your success, were they supportive from the start? My family has always been supportive. My dad wanted my brother and I to follow our dreams. There was always nothing but understanding and support from them.
You’ve also been described as a ‘one man boy band,’ how do you keep up that energy and presence on stage, how does your live show work? I always try and bring maximum energy to the show. I don’t dance, so I make up for that by interacting with all sides of the stage and the crowd. My live show has various forms that it takes. It goes from a big full band with dancers to just me and a DJ. Sometimes the best shows are the small ones and sometimes they are with the full band. I always feel the energy of the crowd so my shows are always different every night with different songs added and subtracted. Jay Sean @ Chi Domeland, Wednesday October 16, 9pm3am, Dhs150.
JOIN THE
Dubai’s awash with big name franchised clubs, with Pacha the latest to sign a big bucks deal in the UAE. But is the foreign influx a good or bad thing for the UAE’s club scene? Ex 92 presenter and one-time trance don David Newsum says no, while Infusion’s Andy Buchan fights for the yes corner.
No
David Newsum
“OMG I can’t believe it, Pacha Dubai is about to open, I’m so excited I think a little bit of pee has come out. It’s going to be the most brilliant night out ever, I’m going to be the coolest person in the world ever for going, in fact it’s giving me massive groinal wet patches of excitement, it will be the bestest ever ever ever and just like Pacha Ibiza!” But that’s just it, it won’t be. It will be absolutely nothing like Pacha Ibiza apart from a couple of cherries hanging above the door. To top it off the price you’ll pay for those cherries as a customer (I suspect) is going to leave many needing a mortgage. I’ve heard a rumour HSBC and Barclays are fighting it out to put in an instant loan booth on the dance floor. Another Dubai first! You get a free Pacha cherry badge with every application. How exciting… a bit more pee just came out!
The same goes for Café del Mar Dubai. If you went to Café del Mar Ibiza and then Café del Mar Dubai I think you’ll see they are nothing alike, even the logo is slightly different. So what’s the point of it? What was wrong with just opening Meydan Beach Club? It’s a nice venue, there was no need to franchise in a brand. If anything it’s alienated me that it doesn’t feel like Café del Mar Ibiza. I feel cheated! It’s like ordering a burger and being served a marinated shoe, it’s confusing and wrong. So why do we have so many franchises in Dubai? Well, it all comes down to the fact that the only places to have alcohol licenses (apart from a few exceptions) are within high-end hotels. The
sign off as to who gets the hotel space always comes from men in suits who were last in a nightclub when orange nylon trousers were cool. They have no idea about what makes a good or bad club so they get re-assurance signing off on a franchise that they can see working somewhere else. Show them an original concept and it has the instant reaction of filling the hotel suit man’s pants with something that resembles chocolate mousse. Alcohol licenses need to be available in Dubai outside of hotels for original and interesting nightclubs to be built more often.
Think of all the great night clubs there have been in the world: Pacha (the original in Ibiza), Space, Twilo, Studio 54, Paradise Garage, Fabric, Turnmills, Sankeys, Tresor, Zouk... I could go on. Not one of these clubs is a franchise; they were built from the ground up, made by people who have a passion for nightclubs, who add original touches to the clubs to make them better and better as they grow organically. That passion shows in the clubs they build and creates that “je ne sais quoi” that a franchise nightclub will never have. A nightclub also gets its identity from the location and the crowd that goes; you can’t just copy and move those things.
Okku, 360, Barasti and Nasimi are all massively popular and original to Dubai, proving that franchising is simply not needed. I’m not against franchising as a concept. I love the fact that I can get my man boob enhancing, artery filling, gut growing, cholesterol increasing two million calorie burger in Dubai from the same fast food chains as anywhere else in the world. I love the fact the experience is the same wherever I am; right down to being served by the same spotty teenager who’s so thick it’s a miracle he hasn’t tried to wash his hands in the deep fat fryer and use the Mr Whippy ice cream as soap. This is when franchising works but franchising a nightclub brand in… No thank you sir!
Yes
Andy Buchan
An expert is generally defined as someone who has accrued more than 10,000 hours devoted to his specialist subject. So it’s fair to then assume that big club franchises like Pacha and Café Del Mar smash that barrier with years and decades of partying under their snakeskin belt. Not to mention a large global partying presence. So when these experts are involved in the clubs franchise, then it follows that we’re benefitting from their received wisdom, while the region benefits from an influx of capital, resulting in more jobs for our regions’ DJs, bouncers, bar tenders and more. Who wouldn’t like to have this as their DJ billing: Andy Buchan (Pacha Dubai). Competition for jobs will be intense, which should in turn raise levels.
Not only that, but Pacha and the rest bring with them a set of international standards that need to be adhered to – their brand should be respectfully managed and maintained, meaning other clubs will have to raise their bar in order to compete. You can already see that in the supper club market, where The Music Hall, The Act , Zuma and the original Supperclub have all fought for the same dining dirham, elevating standards alongside home-grown talents like Okku. And just check out the pictures of Pacha’s new look to get a sense of their investment – it’s like Trilogy, with its dark carpets and cigarette-stained furniture never existed. And yes, that was part of its charm, but if you want rough and ready, check out Casa Latina,
the Q Underground, The Music Room and more. Personally, I think that Dubai should be looking closer to home when it comes to creating clubs – there’s no disputing that DIY clubs like iBO, Alpha, Nasimi, Trilogy and 360, have all flourished and become our night time sanctuaries. But, with the noble exception of a few, hotels and their cannibalistic management levels very rarely look at integrity or quality when they’re building and planning our dens of iniquity – they’re looking at the bottom line. So in a city that seeks to pirate instead of originate (let’s build the Taj Mahal, but bigger!), then shouldn’t we embrace these foreign experts who bring a welldeserved reputation? After all, that’s how the emirate grew from a sleepy port into a cosmopolitan city in the first place…
The
decks
factor
After weeks of intense competition, two DJs emerged victorious from the Pioneer DJ Championships. After several years of taking part, Subandrio (below left) took the long mix honours, while Abu Dhabi DJ Kaboo (below right) took home the short mix accolade‌
SUBANDRIO
What did you play in your set, and why do you think it got noticed? I played some tracks that I produced myself, I think that stuck out to the judges. I’m looking forward to some of them being officially out later this year. What was the competition like this year? Past competitions were different. We came to the competition, spun our tunes and then went back home some winning some loosing. This year things were different. Prior to the semi-finals everyone including the judges were invited to dinner by the organizers. We got to know each other well so the
competition atmosphere was very warm and friendly. Made friends for life! How long did it take you to perfect your set? With a hectic day job of an art director my set had to be done and mastered in 2 days.
KABOO
Congratulations on winning, what does it mean to you? It’s a great step in the right direction for my career; at the same time I have to constantly improve my skills as the expectations of bookers, promoters and fans have been raised. What would be your ideal residency in Dubai? 360 for sure! Would give me the freedom to play music that makes a difference. And do you think winning this competition will open doors for you? Most definitely yes! Established labels in the industry have approached me to get my music released. I am thrilled that the ball has started rolling. If you could go back to back with another Dubai DJ who would it be and why? With all the amazing talent in the Dubai DJ industry you guys put me on a tough spot here… If I had to pick one it would have to be Patrik Carrera, we play like-minded groovy emotional EDM.
What did you play and why do you think it won? As a Short Mix contestant,I was mainly playing
HipHop, R&B and Trap music, swinging between old to new school. The stand out tunes in my set were Axel F by Harold Faltermeyer and my juggling skills on 'No Diggity' by Blackstreet. I think it won because of showing a variety of techniques like scratching, juggling, mixing, looping, and effects during those 6 minutes. Where do you play at the moment, and what do you make of the Djing scene in the UAE? At the moment you can catch me at Club Rush, Iris Club and Club Eight at the ShangriLa Hotel in Abu Dhabi. I think the Djing scene in the UAE is very competitive, there are a lot of big names and brands around here that constantly make you want to improve your skills to stay recognized in the market.
Why should Djs next year get involved in the competition if they haven’t before? The competition is a perfect way to improve your skills and challenge your self to show your best in 6 min. I really encourage up-coming DJs to go for it as there is a lot to learn from taking part in competition like this one. Hip hop, RnB and Urban music is one of the biggest styles of music in Dubai – does that make it easier or harder as a DJ to get noticed? It’s never easy anywhere unless you are talented and have passion for that kind of music, but if you are getting into the industry for the sake of being famous then good luck. And what’s next in your Djing career? Practice is the key to my future success, I will take everything one day at the time. facebook.com/PioneerDJMEA
Mi Casa Su Casa While bands like Rudimental and Disclosure have been bringing the funk with their dance music in the last year, South Africa’s equivalent are Mi Casa, a live trio of house, funk and soul. Already one of the hottest properties in SA, they’re on their way to becoming a global commodity thanks to surefire singles like ‘La Vida.’ Ahead of their Middle East debut for House of Afrika, we caught up with one third of the band, live singer JSomething to find out what’s in store…
How has coming from South Africa defined your sound? I think the message has been defined the most because of where we come from. But also, I think SA being a capital of house music has defined our sound in a big way. I also think the humility of our country has defined the humility of this band. And how proud are you that there’s a specific African house night in the Middle East? So damn proud! House music is growing and it gets us excited. And what’s even more exciting is that we are going to be apart of it all!
How would you describe the sound you make? It’s soulful house music. It’s a blend of jazz, soul, gospel, and house is the foundation. It’s a sound that’s bound to make you move. And how does it work when you play club gigs, who plays what? I do the singing, Mo T plays the trumpet and Dr Duda is the DJ and plays keys but we have a full band also. South Africa has had a very political history, do you address that in your music, is there a message? Not directly but indirectly definitely. We don’t focus too much on what happened but rather on what needs to happen.
You’ve gained an impressive following – what’s your plan for world domination? Keep on pushing! Bigger better and stronger, stay on our knees and make sure our heads remain humble. And then most importantly make good music! What’s in the pipeline for the rest of the year? An Africa tour. We’re promoting our brand new album Su Casa which is available on iTunes worldwide. So Africa, we hope you’re ready for us! House of Afrika Full Moon feat. Mi Casa & Ralf Gum, Friday October 18, Dek on 8, Media One Hotel, 4pm-3am, Dhs100.
ARTY GUIDE
ONTHE THE RADAR ON RADAR
November 1 audio tonic feat. Hot Since 82, 360
November 1 Drop Dread feat. Tippa Irie & Mungos Hi-Fi
November 3 Depeche Mode, F1 After party, Yas Island
November 1 Superheroes feat. Mike Skinner, Tamanya Terrace
November 6 Mike Tyson, World Trade Centre
November 15 Sandance feat. Jamiroquai/ Chic, Atlantis
December 13 Creamfields, Abu Dhabi
For a full list of what’s on, please head to infusion.ae. Please submit your listings to andy@infusion.ae for possible inclusion.
PARTY GUIDE
November 15 Alicia Keys, Media City Ampitheatre
November 22 Sunny Vibe Up feat. Craig Charles, Dusk Terrace
ARTY GUIDE
Monday 14
INFUSION PICK!
The Fridge Concert Series, Jeremiah and the Lucky Strikes
Funk rock from the newly formed local band, who recently opened for Macy Gray. 8pm, Dhs50.
Tuesday 15 B:Lush, Media One
4 free drinks for ladies, with Da Sendri dropping funk, soul, disco and house. 7-10pm, free.
Barasti
Hugely popular ladies night, with a Dhs50 entrance fee getting you free flowing bubbly all night. 6pm-late, Dhs50.
En Vogue, Armani Prive
Darko De Jan takes control of this high class ladies night, with complimentary mojitos until 1am for ladies. 10pm-3am.
Pretty Little Singers, VIP Room A themed karaoke night, with complimentary cocktails and canapĂŠs for ladies from 9-12.
INFUSION PICK!
Hip hop Mondays, Cirque Du Soir
Bustling early-week party with excellent hip hop vibes from start to finish courtesy of DJ Bliss. 10pm-3am.
Cirque Loves Funky House, Cirque Le Soir
Funky house ladies night with UK duo Full Intention dropping the funk-laden house. 10pm-3am.
Industry Night, XL Beach Club
50% discount for industry people, with free entry for couples and ladies all night. 7pm-3am.
Manic Mondays, Zinc
Greg Stainer and Andy Swift play old and new skull anthems, with a 10pm-midnight happy hour. 10pm-3am, ladies and couples free. Weekly.
Wednesday 16 Diamond Wednesdays, XL Beach Club
Radio 1’s Brooklyn and DJ Shero on the urban soundtrack, with free Diamond cocktails for ladies until 1am. 9pm-late. Weekly.
INFUSION PICK!
Jay Sean, Domeland Chi
The ‘Asian Justin Timberlake’ brings his bhangra-R&B crossover sound back to Dubai for his Neon tour. 9pm-3am, Dhs150.
Analog Room, Q Underground
All things electronic, at this cult weekly Thursday night spot. 9pm-3am, Dhs75. Weekly.
Boudoir
Free shots for ladies until 1am, and commercial RnB and house. 10pm-3am. Weekly.
Conan Manchester, Loca
Foot-tapping funk, soul and rock and roll from Conan at one of our favourite bars in town. Weekly Thursday and Friday.
Deep Crates, Casa Latina The Ultimate Ladies Night, Zinc
Industry Night, Movida
DJ Mitchell and DJ Nick Waters play back to back at this free entry Industry night. 11pm-3am. Weekly.
Thursday 17 2Liv, Palm Sofitel
The 10,000 square foot, 3 level club with an impressive LED light set up plays pop, house and Top 40. 10pm-3am. Weekly, Thursday and Friday.
INFUSION PICK!
Globalfunk feat. Goldie, Music Room
The ‘Inner City Life’ star and one of DnB’s biggest stars headlines, with MCs Lowqui, Olly Wood and Prit on support. 9pm-3am, Dhs100 including free Tiger beer.
PARTY GUIDE
One of the most popular ladies nights in town, with free bubbly for ladies before 1am, and house, electro and hip hop. 10pm-late. Weekly. Ladies free, men Dhs75 after midnight. Weekly.
Popular vinyl-friendly hip hop, funk and soul night led by DJ Lobito. 10pm-3am, free, free wine for ladies 10-12. Weekly.
ARTY GUIDE
In Da House, Movida
INFUSION PICK!
Jamrock, Sublime
More hip hop goodness from the highly rated Boombox night, with Public Enemy’s DJ Lord joined on stage by Lobito and Somalie. 9pm-3am, Dhs100.
ESCHEL boutique are giving away 100 free handbags, with funky house on the decks. 11pm-3am. Weekly. Calypso, dub, reggae and urban from a rotating roster of DJs at this popular weekly night. 10pm-3am, ladies free before midnight.
Boombox feat. DJ Lord (Public Enemy), Music Room
Socio, Dek on 8
A brand new night featuring Dan Chadwick, Jonny Thornhill and more on rotation, dropping funk, disco and house. 5pm-2am.
Step On, Dek on 8
More indie shenanigans at this long running night out on the Media One hotel’s pool terrace. 5pm-2am, free.
Friday 18 audio tonic feat. Teenage Mutants, Plus Minus, 360
The usual mix of upfront house and deep disco upstairs, while Plus Minus return downstairs with Haidz and Sam Farsio. 4pm-3am, free.
Blue Marlin feat. Nina Kraviz
Sultry house and techno from the Rekids DJ and producer. 11am-11pm, reservation@ bluemarlinibiza-uae.com
Brunch Beat Session, Bahri Bar Ambient and chilled out grooves from Jeli Maniago. 4-8pm. Weekly.
Freaks and Beats, Cirque Du Soir
Nick Tohme heads up this weekly night, where entertainment is at the fore. 10pm-3am. Weekly.
#FFriday, Movida
Residents Nick Waters and Mitchell are joined by guests at this high end Sheikh Zayed Road club. 11pm-3am. Weekly.
Follow Friday, Vanity (Al Murooj Rotana) Urban tunes courtesy of the Real Flava DJs. 10pm-3am.
House of Afrika Full Moon feat. Mi Casa & Ralf Gum, Dek on 8
A heavyweight night of music as live house trio Mi Casa drop a headline set, with support from GoGo Music main man Ralf Gum. 4pm-3am, Dhs100.
Massive Urban Fridays, Sensation
Shef Codes and friends hold it down with urban tunes all night. 10.30p-3am, strict dress code no trainers or flip flops. Weekly.
No.1 Fridays, N’Dulge
Urban, hip hop, dubstep and EDM from this popular long-running night. 10pm3am, ladies free before 11pm, Dhs100 after. Weekly.
INFUSION PICK! Sunny Vibe Up, Dusk Terrace
The eclectic Sunny Vibe Up crew return for their monthly party, with DJ Smoove (of Smoove & Turrell fame) dropping a funk-fuelled hip hop and breaks set with support from the Deep Crates Cartel. 2pm-midnight, Dhs80 advance, Dhs90 on the door.
The fast-rising Tomorrowland and Sensation White DJ makes his Middle East debut, dropping party-starting EDM and house. 9pm-3am.
Party vibes and an EDM soundtrack at this all day/night pool party, with DJ Mercer headlining. 3pm-3am, Dhs100. Weekly.
Saturday 19 411, People By Crystal DJ Bliss and friends are back closing the weekend in style with their urban, hip hop mashup, this time with a Caps’n’Kicks theme. 10pm3am. Weekly.
INFUSION PICK!
Abri and the Funk Radius, Sublime One of the funkiest bands in town play originals and covers at the WTC venue. 9pm-late. Weekly.
Blue Marlin Saturday Brunch Wind down your weekend with live cooking stations and free flowing Spanish sangria. 1pm-5.30pm, Dhs240-285, reservation@bluemarlinibizauae.com
PARTY GUIDE
Thank God I’m a Vip featURING. Yves V, VIP Room
Ultimate Fridays feat. DJ Mercer, XL Beach Club
ARTY GUIDE
Destination, Zinc
UK Garage, Funky house and urban with Richie D and Mister Ash. 10pm-3am. Weekly.
INFUSION PICK!
Goodlife, Shimmers lounge (Mina A Salam)
The perfect end to the weekend, with Buff Wise dropping a Balearic mix of chill out, electronica, funk, soul, disco and more. 4pm-late, free. Weekly.
Homegrown, 360
Funk and soul through to house vibes with Conan Liquid and Tristan Bain, with a 6-8pm happy hour. 6pm-3am, free.
La Vida, Rare
A new Saturday night venture showcasing the deeper side of house and tech house. 9pmlate, 2-for-1 drink deals. Weekly.
Rihanna, Du Arena Yas Island
The capital gets its pop hits as arguably the biggest female pop star in the world runs through her arsenal. 6pm, Dhs250.
city’s best bands, and all the usual bike exhibitions, stands and more. 4pm-11pm, Dhs60.
Infusion Magazine Experience feat. MoFunk, 360
Australian house DJ MoFunk, and ex Mambo Ibiza resident, headlines with support from Charl Chaka. 6pm-3am.
Sunstroke presents Random Soul, Dek on 8 Upfront vocal house with Random Soul performing live, with South Africa’s Shane D on support. 5pm-2am.
Friday 25
INFUSION PICK!
audio tonic feat. Tube & Berger and Eats Retro Classics, 360
Deep house and disco upstairs from the Kitball duo, while it’s classic house downstairs from 11pm with Mark Pickup. 4pm3am, free.
Monday 21 The Fridge Concert Series, Paul Bester & Friends
The new tenor in town, Paul Bester presents wide repertoire of songs ranging from classical to musical theatre. 8pm, Dhs50.
Thursday 24 Gulf Bike Week, Media City Amphitheatre Live music from some of the
Dream 3, Music Room
Bangalore band Thermal and a Quarter headline, with local Desi support from Roohn and Anupam Nair. 8pm, Dhs70.
Blue Marlin feat. Mark Fanciulli
Brother to fellow house DJ Nic, Mark Fanciulli keeps the same techy, funk-driven vibe as his brother, and has a string of hits on Saved Records to his name. 11am-11pm, reservation@ bluemarlinibiza-uae.com
INFUSION PICK!
Puma and Fishtail Rides presents House of Afrika feat. Liquideep, Dek on 8
More South African goodness as the vocal/DJ team of Liquideep headline this poolside party. 4pm-3am, free.
UAE Ultimate Guitar competition, Holiday Inn Hotel Bur Dubai
10 of the UAE’s finest axemen battle it out infront of 3 judges for a Dhs10,000 prize. 6pmmidnight, Dhs50.
INFUSION PICK!
Ultimate Fridays feat. Ian Carey, XL Beach Club
House music all night long as American DJ Carey brings his two decades of DJing experience to this weekly pool party. 3pm-3am, Dhs100 in advance, Dhs150 on the door.
Saturday 26 411, People By Crystal DJ Bliss and Masterstepz are on tune duties, at this popular Saturday night urban party.10pm-3am. Weekly.
Live music from some of the city’s best bands, and all the usual bike exhibitions, stands and more. 2.30pm-9pm, Dhs60.
Gulf Bike Week, Media City Amphitheatre
Saturday Showcase, 360
No.1 Fridays, N’Dulge
Suga, Movida
Live music from some of the city’s best bands, and all the usual bike exhibitions, stands and more. 2.30pm-11pm, Dhs60.
All things urban at this longrunning and popular night. 10pm-3am, ladies free before 11pm, Dhs100 after. Weekly.
Deep house business from this audio tonic hosted night, with James Field, Tristan Bain and Rod Lee Winters playing. 6pmlate, free. French hip hop star Cutkiller headlines with a scratch and mix set to close the weekend. 10pm-late.
PARTY GUIDE
Gulf Bike Week, Media City Amphitheatre
A night of house classics, the way it used to be
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FREE ENTRANCE
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Look AND
LISTEN Music be the food of love, so read on...
> Music News > Album Reviews > Know Your Promoter > DJ Booth > DJ Top 10
Look and Listen
Music News...
Syrian Clubbers Rave Under Fire
Diehard revellers in Damascus are ‘drowning out the thunder of artillery fire with the boom of dance music’, the Daily Mail reported this week, claiming the under siege city’s club scene is thriving despite Syria’s brutal civil war. “Everyone’s going to die some day, but the Syrian people love life and the most important thing is to be happy,” local rapper Mudi al-Arabi told the Mail, “‘If the United States attacks us, I’m sure our army will defend us,” he added. The clubber’s defiant attitudes came as a fresh poll of 1000 Americans revealed that one in three regard the war as a clear sign of Armageddon, with 32% agreeing with the statement ‘I believe the battles in Syria are all part of the prophecies of the Book of Revelation’.
MUSIC BITES “I still think Nic Fanciulli was the last DJ to make it as a DJ. Now it’s just a bunch of producers like me who pretend to be DJs.” Deadmau5 takes aim at producers turned DJs for diluting the scene…
MONSTER MIDDLE EAST Tel: +971.4.883.04.05 Email: support@monsterme.com www.beatsbydre.com
Look and Listen Baby beats
Hipster babies in Brooklyn are being offered 8 week classes on how to DJ using MIDI controllers after a canny music teacher noticed increasing numbers of infants playing professional DJ standard sets on their parents’ laptops. ‘Baby DJ School’ founder Natalie Elizabeth Weiss told ABC News her target market of under-three infants are less judgemental. “It’s going to be easier for me to teach a 3-month-old how to DJ than it is to teach an adult how to DJ,” she suggested, “because they have especially plastic minds at that age,” she pointed out. Chatting to the New York Post she was equally optimistic the babies’ ability to learn the key prerequisites for Vegas-style EDM DJ success. “The difference between listening to Mozart and listening to electronic music is that you can’t pick up a cello when you’re 3 months old but you can push play,” she said.
M.I.A in hot water It seems that when the ‘Paper Planes’ singer casually flicked the bird while performing during the 2012 Super Bowl performance, she got herself into more trouble than she bargained with as she’s reportedly being sued by the NFL for $1.5million. M.I.A has now taken the case public to try and counter their charges of ‘offensive behaviour’ and her ‘flagrant disregard for the values of the NFL brand.’ Which is all a bit hypocritical considering their recent track history regarding homophobic and racist comments from players.
Look and Listen
Album Reviews... Andy Buchan – Drive EP (Infusion Records) Nu-Disco, Balearic I soundcloud.com/i-am-andy-buchan
For more Album Reviews go to www.infusion.ae
Fate can be a mysterious mistress. If Andy Buchan hadn’t taken off 4 months from work earlier this year due to glandular fever, it’s possible that this EP wouldn’t have been produced, and the countless days of fine tuning tracks on Ableton wouldn’t have happened. Which would have been a shame, as this Balearic, Nu-Disco EP hits all the right notes. Opener ‘BeBop’ dives straight into 80s synth territory, while scat lyrics bounce playfully over the top: it’s the sort of track you could see Aeroplane dropping at a sunset pool party. The main attraction is ‘Drive,’ a muscly, acid-fried workout with stabbing Rhodes chords and a dramatic bongo breakdown. With both tracks weighing in at well below 120BPM, this isn’t peak time dance music, but with nods to the past and the future, this two track EP is a sign of intent from Andy Buchan and local champions Infusion Records.
RECORDS 008
Lorde – Pure Heroine Indie, electronica
I soundcloud.com/lordemusic
In this consumer and marketing driven day and age, we should be grateful that not every 17 year old wants to seductively lick a lollipop and pretend to be Ke$ha. Which makes the arrival of only just 17 year old Kiwi singer songwriter Ella Yelich-O’Connor AKA Lorde all the more praiseworthy. Listing her inspirations as SBTRKT and Burial, that minimal, un-fussy approach is to the fore on her debut album on Universal. Lead single ‘Tennis Courts’ is a slickly produced slice of pop, with dark bass hints dovetailing neatly with the coming of age lyrics. And while the main deviation from that template is to upgrade the skittish hip hop beat to a muted house one, it’s a strong enough format to hold your interest, and hopefully inspire the next generation of forward thinking music makers.
Look and Listen ALBUM BITES Heikah – Out Pours The Universe
Send tracks/edits/remixes to andy@infusion.ae
Smokingroove – That Beautiful Dark Place Between gigs, residencies and photo shoots, it’s amazing the ‘Groove brothers get any music Dubai doesn’t do different. We do making time. Thankfully they bold, we do brash and we definitely do, as this 3 track EP channels do things bigger. But the city, and Simian Mobile Disco’s tech largely speaking, its music scene, weirdness with jackin’ style. doesn’t scream different. Heikah beatport.com/release/thatdoes though. Abu Dhabi producer Heinz Kahler beautiful-dark-place-ep/1156682 Kiss – Leveg (Moodyboy and is the man responsible for this very different 8 track explosion of stutters, Ronzi remix) A driving, tribal tinged tech house mumbled lyrics and discordant rhythms. With minimal electro as the remix from Jambase resident template, each track – or to be more DJ Ronzi and Mumbai based DJ accurate, sonic art piece – explores Moodyboy. the parameters of sound. It’s not soundcloud.com/ron-zi/kissparticularly comfortable listening leveg-moodyboyronzi-rmx (‘Sampled Laughter’ is the actual Curtis is Back – Remind EP sound of sampled laughter with a Chilly Gonzales piano line underneath Techno and tech house from Dubai producer Costas Papa, and is as creepy as that sounds), but when he stumbles upon a melody with the heavily jazz influenced title track the stand out. or a rhythm that works, like on the beatport.com/release/ electro punk of the title track, or the stuttering electroclash of ‘The Great remind/1096848 Fall,’ there’s enough to make you pay audio tonic – ADE sampler attention. With some careful editing More electronic goodness from and production, Heikah could just be the 360 crew, with Vas Floyd’s different enough to strike a chord. gentle bass-friendly reworking of The Temptations ‘Papa Was a Rolling Stone’ and the bouncy, jackin’ house of Cucumbers’ ‘Kiss All Night’ the highlights. soundcloud.com/audiotonic Electronic heikah.bandcamp.com/album/outpours-the-universe
For more Album Reviews go to www.infusion.ae
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MEET YOUR PROMOTER
Next up in our new series is Break DJ Lobito, the funk soul brother behind Deep Crates, Drop Dread and Sunny Vibe Up.
Who are you and what do you do?
I am Jack’s Medulla Oblongata... No, really I am Break DJ Lobito, founder of the Deep Crates Cartel, although we are a collective and therefore don’t have a pyramid structure or empire building mentality. We have been leading the promotion of vinyl culture, aerosol art & street art, hip hop culture as well as pushing quality music across multiple genres through our events.
What events do you currently run?
We run regular nights as well as one-off events under the Deep Crates Cartel banner such as the monthly Drop Dread, Sunny Vibe & of course the original weekly institution Deep Crates night. We also organise
– Deep Crates Cartel Need to know Running since: 2011 Run by: James De Valera AKA Break DJ Lobito Artists played: Horace Andy, Andy Smith, Deadly Hunta, Mo City, Aloe Blacc... Local residents include Frezidante, Chris Rayner, The Mighty Rouge, ahmeDUBijad, Hamokane and more Venues worked at Casa Latina and Dusk Terrace. large scale bboy (breakdance) competitions, co-organise and curate Art Nights in DIFC.
What’s the key ingredient to building a good brand and promoting?
As you will see from reading about other promoters, there are various approaches to this. For us building a brand is not really what we’re after, it paints cultural activities with a commercial brush. For me personally it’s about honestly expressing musical styles, artforms and subcultures that we’re all into rather than just chasing paper. We all know how business works and how to make it work for us but if we did it just for the money then it’s pointless and the end result will always be a watered down version of the real thing. So the key ingredient would be to stand by what you represent and reach the maximum number of like-minded people and build a community around
what you do so you have a support network.
What’s been the biggest mistake you’ve made?
In the past I worked with people who were either egotistical douchebags, in it for all the wrong reasons, too pretentious or would just play music that was totally different from what was advertised and expected from the night. This is what happened to Freshly Laced so once that night split I resolved to work only with people who had a broader and more compatible cultural vision and so Deep Crates Cartel was formed.
And the biggest success?
For me, without question, having the best people in our collective is the biggest success as we can’t really go wrong with the amount of talent and passion we have in the crew. From an event perspective just seeing and hearing people who are totally blown away and grateful to find
the music they were lacking in Dubai and just generally leaving our event happier people. You can’t please everyone but I know what we do has reached a lot of people and affected them positively so that’s got to be a good thing! We also did take the 2012/2013 Best Alternative Night for Deep Crates at the last TimeOut Nightlife Awards!
Do promoters in Dubai take enough risks?
It’s always difficult to speak in generalities. I see many venues taking a totally superficial and commercial approach, in fact all you see is business and little culture. I think if people generally and promoters understood that by pushing radio music they are pushing a mass produced product no different from a Big Mac and that there is little art in how a lot of this music is put together, it would help. People just don’t get exposed to other forms of music a lot of the time due to commercial interests, so how can they or commercial promoters be expected to know better? Most promoters and people generally are locked in a consumer cycle and don’t understand that. That’s why I always encourage people to have a go and try and do it themselves, become producers of culture instead of consumers. The new Punk & Indie night Bad House Party would be a good example of that.
What’s been the most outlandish/odd thing you’ve seen on an artist rider?
I’ve seen quite a few, I think the most bizarre was from a well-known b-boy (breakdancer) called Machine who I was considering as a judge for the Mighty 4 b-boy battle I organised on Yas Island a few years ago. His rider asked that he should have two bottles of Hennesy with him on-stage at all times as well as a translator and a bodyguard... I was thinking “Ok, so this guy is going to get wasted on stage in front of a bunch of muslim b-boys and Emirati crowd, probably start a fight which his bodyguard will hopefully break up and need a translator for his slurred drunken excuses to the police as to why it happened”. He didn’t get invited.
And any nightmare acts you’ve had to deal with?
We’ve been lucky so far, most of the people we worked with have been fantastic. Horace Andy missing his flight due to getting lost on his way to Gatwick was a bit of a nightmare scenario but he then totally made up for it by prank calling Ahmed in our crew telling him that “Horace Andy had been arrested by police and wouldn’t make it to Dubai,” Hahaha! That man is a legend on many levels!
What’s the best venue you’ve worked at?
When I found Casa Latina listed in a magazine’s bar list and decided to go and have a look and speak to the manager, I could not have foreseen that several years later it would have not only hosted loads of amazing nights, and not only ours, but it would also lead to other venues close by in the area all starting their own alternative nights as well!
How do you balance what you want to see and what the crowd wants, and when have you got that wrong and right? I think “the crowd” or as advertising agencies refer to it, “mass”, is a flawed concept, ultimately it’s people and you can aim to please the masses based on demographic generalisations, age range, trends, popularity, etc but whoever you bring will always generate interest as long as they have some kind of following. When promoting an event it’s more about working out whether it’s possible to break even on cost alone. Deciding who to bring is more about what kind of culture or genre you want to promote here.
Pro mo ters I ad mire: Admire is a bit strong but I respect the work of all the promoters in the UAE pushing quality music and avoiding the cheap shots, haha. One promoter I do admire is Christie Z Pabon in New York, she is a seriously hard working and dedicated woman supporting hip hop culture! deepcratescartel.com facebook.com/ DeepCratesCartel
DJ Booth: DJ Maga
The Supperclub at Jumeirah Zabeel Saray has quickly started turning heads since it opened, and that’s partly thanks to their resident nu-disco and deep house DJ, Maga‌
One thing you might not know about me is… I play my set like I am telling a story. My worst ever job was… As a Commis Chef in a French restaurant that looked like a 3rd World Prison. My favorite ever record is... String of life (Supernova Remix). DJing is much like... Being inside a big bubble with happy people in it and letting your soul play to make everyone happy. Dubai’s clubbing scene is... Getting bigger and better, so many new places for everyone to explore and listen to their favourite genres of music. I’m really proud of... Being where I am right now, Dubai. Plus I’m very happy and contented with my residency at Supperclub Dubai. What track could you drop in every set? Benn Finn - Sterm Von Berlin. If I could change one thing about anything it would be... Having my family closer to be able to see my mom everyday. I can’t live without... My family. My biggest DJ achievement to date is… Having traveled and played from Miami, Monaco, and Dubai plus played sets for international DJs. What is your guiltiest pleasure? Eating macaron until I get sick. If you could DJ in any decade which would it be... The 90s when house music was just growing up. If I could go back-to-back with any other DJ it would be... Luciano at his Vagabundos party. I’m not a politician but... I want peace in the Middle East. soundcloud.com/maga15 www.facebook.com/clubbeats
Brooklyn No.1 Events 1. Jaz Z and Justin Timberlake Tom Ford 2. French Montana ft. Rick Ross marble floors 3. Ace Hood - don’t get me started 4. meek Millz - Maybach curtains 5. 2 chains - Birthday song 6. Rick Ross ft. Drake and Wale diced pineapples 7. Kendrick Lemar ft. Drake poetic justice 8. Ace Hood - BLAB 9. ETC!ETC ft. Spenda C - in the bank 10. Omarion – MIA
Haidz soundcloud.com/haidz 1. Sabb ft Rafa Barrios - Illusiones 2. Climbers - Its all I Need (Original Mix) 3. Karmon - Bluesky ( Original Mix) 4. Finnebassen - Jaeger ( Original Mix) 5. Inxec , Droog - Second to None (Original Mix) [Get Physical] 6. Francesca Lombardo - What to Do (Original Mix) 7. Ninetoes - Finder ( Original Mix) 8. Mano Le Tough - Everything You’ve Done Before ( Dixon Remix) 9. Vanilla Ace - Grandeur Boogie (Original Mix) 10. Sonny Fodera , Wally Callerio, Mikey V - Tell Me (Original Mix) Jixo and Danz Blue Marlin
Jonny Thornhill soundcloud.com/jonnythornhill 1. Francis Inferno orchestra Amber Express 2. Soul 223 - fear of stopping 3. Pipes - Crooked love 4. Conan Liquid - ItZoVeR 5. D Pulse - Keep on running (Andy Hart & Max Graef mix) 6. Kez YM - Sweetly Confused (Alex Agore beatdown version) 7. Everything but the girl - Lullaby of Clubland ( Ponty Mython Edit) 8. Sascha wallus - Singing for my beautiful girl (beatamines remix) 9. CY - Humans and hedgehogs 10. S3a Sampling as an art – Homage
1. Ninetoes - Finder (Martin Eyerer Remix) 2. Juliche Hernandez - Dog Donkey (M.A.M. Remix) 3. Los Suruba - Can Pilot (Juliche Hernandez Remix) 4. Marquez Ill - LMLY (Tigerskin Remix) 5. Matthew Dekay & Lee Burridge - Lost In A Moment (Dixon Rework) 6. Monkey Safari - Hi Life (Cheeky Bold Cover) 7. Sabb ft Rafa Barrios - Illusiones 8. John Tejada - Somewhere 9. Gulivert – Seven wonders 10. La Fleur - Nightflow (Kenny Larkin Drama Mix)
To submit your Top 10, send in the above format to andy@infusion.ae
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Looking
CLOSER Opinions, thoughts and jiberish...
> Weird News > Pan Arabia Enquirer > Beat the Bulge > Movies > Big Q > Angry Monkey
Looking Closer
Weird News... Molly better than coke
Canny US entrepreneur Ken Unaeze has launched an EDM-friendly bottled water drink called Mollywatr which he said this week aims to tackle the ‘stigmatization of water consumption.’ Chatting to the LA Times, Mr. Unaeze enthused evangelically about his new product, which he’s marketing to ravers with soft porn style twerking videos and T shirts delivering the message ‘Molly is better than Coke’. “I wanted to come up with a name (Mollywatr) that really struck a chord,” he told the Times, “and spoke to this scene in a way that would make water as important to these people as it actually is.”
WEIRD BITES “This may seem exaggerated and far-fetched, but sugar is the most dangerous drug of the times and can still be easily acquired everywhere.” Amsterdam health chief Paul Van der Velpen labels sugar ‘a form of addiction’.
Weird pic
The Chinese clearly nose best, as local surgeons have grown a 2nd nose on this man’s forehead after his was damaged in a traffic accident.
Bringing home the bacon
OJ Simpson, currently in the middle of a 33 year stretch, has reportedly been caught stealing cookies from his prison’s cafeteria, having stashed over a dozen oatmeal cookies down his top. “OJ just stood there with a goofy grin on his face as the guard kept digging inside his shirt and throwing the cookies on the floor,” a source told The National Enquirer. “When the guard started pulling cookies out of OJ’s shirt, the other inmates started laughing so hard they nearly fell over.”
panarabiaenquirer.com
Middle East metalheads, country fans and ravers looking forward to hearing line-up for Dubai Jazz Festival 2014 DUBAI: Heavy metal, country and rave fans from across the region have said they are eagerly anticipating the announcement of the 2014 Dubai Jazz Festival. British pop singer Olly Murs and Jamie Cullum are already confirmed as headline acts for the event, a week-long celebration of jazz due to take place next February, but with the other slots yet to be revealed, the Middle East’s hip hop, trance and dubstep enthusiasts are looking forward to hearing who else might be coming. “I hope it’s Megadeth, or maybe even Tiesto,” said Qatari jazz fan Mustapha Watson. panarabiaenquirer.com The Pan-Arabia Enquirer is the Middle East’s premier source of satirical news. This means that it’s entirely made up and not intended, in any way whatsoever, to be taken as factual.
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Brunches, booze and bulging bellies: three things you can’t escape once you move to Dubai. But when the Dubai stone starts to have fat babies, it’s time to take your love handles to task, especially if you want to strut your stuff at any of the beach venues in town. So, we decided to get to grips with our Moobs/Bingo wings (delete as applicable). The concept’s simple, deceptively simple: burn more calories than you eat and you’ll lose weight. Putting it into practice is the hard part. But after a month of following these steps, I’ve lost nearly 5kg and 2 inches from my waist, meaning I’m ready to get amongst it and pout with the impossibly good looking posers at Blue Marlin. by Vip Patel
Beat th
Step 1: Diet
If you’re anything like us at Infusion Towers, between work, parties and after-parties, you don’t have time to be chained in the kitchen. Luckily for us, we’re spoilt for choice when it comes to healthy home delivery services, with Kcal, Live’ly, Right Bite and Health Factory all offering simple meal plans direct to your door. We chose Health Factory and one quick consultation with their nutritionist later they put together the perfect meal plan based on our dietary requirements and weight loss goals, with a large menu and multiple diet plans to choose from. Plus eating a balanced diet rather than constantly gorging on fast food really does make you feel great.
Step 2: Exercise
With food intake sorted, you can minimise your gym time, and with a huge number of fitness centres now open in new Dubai, you’re spoilt for choice. Pick a class that sounds fun – anything from Boxercise to Zumba – and stick with it for 2-3 sessions a week. The MMA Fitness Center in Tecom was our base, and close enough to work that I actually looked forward to working off some stress at the Thai Boxing classes. If that’s not for you and you fancy yourself as a don/diva on the dance floor then why not try Salsa or Hip Hop Dance classes in Media City or if work is stressing you out and you want to feel more Zen, Yoga classes in Dubai Marina. Plus, if you need high tempo work out music, head to infusion.ae for our Mix of the week.
e bulge
Step 3: Minimize Cheating
We understand that sticking to steps 1 and 2 is easier said than done. And with temptation every weekend in the shape of a birthday brunch, or postnight out burger/kebab, it’s hard to say no. But ditch the beer and cider for low-calorie vodka sodas, and leave the profiterole eating competition to the gluttons. And if you did miss a work out session, head to the dancefloor and make up for it. And just because McDonalds deliver doesn’t mean you have to say yes, we can all get David Guetta downloads on our computer, but doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do…
Links:
www.healthfactory.com www.mmafitcenter.com www.jamesandalex.com www.yoga.ae
MOVIE Gravity Tense, 3D spectacular that follows two space-walking astronauts as they get set free from their space station. Already tipped for Oscar honours, this is taut, dramatic film-making at its finest. Classification: PG-13 Director: Alfonso Curaon Starring: George Clooney, Sandra Bullock
Only God Forgives
From the same director/acting team that brought you Drive comes this beautifully shot, but rather aimless gore-fest set in Bangkok. With critics divided over this dialogue unfriendly film, it’s not an easy watch but it’s worth making your own mind up on. Classification: PG 18 Director: Nicolas Winding Refn Starring: Ryan Gosling
PREVIEWS The Counsellor
Ridley Scott returns with a strong cast, as a greedy lawyer – played with convincing menace by Fassbender – turns to drug trafficking after getting in over his head. Classification: PG 18 Director: Ridley Scott Starring: Bradd Pitt, Michael Fassbender, Javier Bardem
Don Jon A sideways look at consumer culture as Don Jon – played by JosephLevitt, who wrote and directed – develops unrealistic expectations due to his porn habits, and tries to change his ways and find love and happiness. Darkly comic. Classification: PG 18 Director: Joseph Gordon-Levitt Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Scarlett Johansson, Julianne Moore, Tony Danza
Disclaimer: Film release schedules are subject to change, please check reelcinemas.ae, grandcinemas.com and voxcinemas.com for full schedules.
OCTOBER 10
OCTOBER 10
Looking Closer
THE BIG
QUESTION Are franchise clubs a good thing for Dubai’s club scene?
Victoria Rushton: Any growth of development of franchised clubs in a start up city like Dubai is healthy sign of economy. It will increase the competition lowering prices (no entry fees), (introduction of more week day ladies nights). We’re very blessed to have such a variety when most of the Middle East has little or non.
Frak Fu: More of the same.... fancy clubs with fancy names and décor, same s*** music with overpriced drinks.
Sean Rutherford: Giant club franchises, like any other type of franchise, water down the local businesses: limiting creativity and original concepts. The less the better.
Sasha Mekho: It’s good for the city, but bad for the franchise itself. They don’t all seem to be doing well, and the reputation of a few have already been damaged.
Dalia Daniel: It’s a terrible thing! There are enough places for the pretentious to go, we need more places like Analog Room, somewhere we can go in shorts and flip flops.
Da Sendri: If they stay true to their roots then it’s a good thing, if it’s just a name and then another Dubai VIP club, then it’s pointless.
Sparky Mark: It does not matter one bit. A good night out is who you’re with and the frame of mind you’re in.
You may not have been a knowing part in it, but there’s been a very real – but very quiet – revolution happening. Whereas before we communicated with anguished monkey howls, we can now shout from the metaphorical tree tops about literally anything via Fakebook and Twittuh, and show the world what you ate for breakfast thanks to Instagram (a bug pancake, since you ask). But with that power comes great responsibility. And that means not abusing this ability to communicate with the masses, by blindly getting on FB chat and blithely asking ‘Hey bro, hw ru?’ to kick start a new conversation about your new track/remix/dump you just had. Stop prevaricating and get to the f*cking point you keyboard bashing buffoon. Nor should you repeatedly post inane updates about which sh*tty VIP club you’re playing gash house at tonight, nor which yacht party you’re on that is entirely populated by Russian blow up dolls. Because, NO ONE GIVES A SH*T. Get out there and live your life instead of trying to self validate your worthless life through meaningless online interaction. Monkey Out...
The Angry Monkeys’ views are his own, and don’t necessarily reflect the views of Infusion Magazine.
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