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A search for meaning: more than a haircut Elle Vail ’23 Arts Editor
P
ressed against one of my kitchen’s wooden chairs on my patio, I attempted to relax as I experienced my first haircut. With the feeling of my mom’s assessing eye and the sun’s heat sticking to me, each snip of the scissors only made me more anxious. As I watched each brown lock of hair fall to the floor, I couldn’t help but tighten my shoulders and grip my toes to my shoes. Then, I slowly walked towards the window to stare at my reflection. I wasn’t one to change my appearance, so when I became serious about getting a pixie cut, I think a certain level of alarm was raised, at least in my family. I was 14 and had just spent quarantine in an only-child household processing how many unknowns there were in my life, so cutting my hair meant more to me than a change in appearance. Despite how many hours I had spent on Pinterest, how many conversations I had had with loved ones to validate my decision and how many YouTube tutorials I had watched on how to Photoshop new hairstyles onto photographs, no amount of preparation could have readied me for my eight inch haircut last Aug. 14. But despite the initial shock,
I learned through the process that by letting go of my long hair, I was also letting go of the expectation of prioritizing school above my family, friends, and other activities. When I was a freshman, I rarely saw friends and family, as there was constant movement in my life between school and soccer. I was so focused on school that I put my own creative expression second in my life. Then quarantine hit and that was the first time in years I made the space in my
schedule for my own creative expression in my writing, fashion and drawing. At first, getting into the habit of creating art felt foreign because I was so out-of-practice. I struggled to fully embrace it. But this was just the first step in embracing my identity. I was finally doing what felt right to me and that included cutting my hair short. Now, I focus on the things I love, prioritizing my relationships, creativity and self-expression. This came with quitting soccer and working on journalism full time. I decided to provide myself with more free time and take the classes that made me happiest. These things used to be a second priority in my life, but they are now what bring me joy. It is harder to uphold personal values as an adult if you don’t spend time while you are young to cultivate them. These are passions I want to hold on to for my lifetime, so I encourage others to push back against the ingrained values and expectations of our society, and to trust in doing what feels right to you. It is scary, yes; but the freedom you gain is worth it ten fold. Photo dramatization by Cami Vynerib ’23
I was finally doing what felt right to me and that included cutting my hair short.
NEW DO Elle Vail ’23, pictured before and after her haircut, has found the experience profoundly liberating.
Photos contributed by Elle Vail ’23
